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MaineMan1234 Archive

View 0 posts and 127 comments by MaineMan1234 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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7

Take exactly what the law allows. Doesn’t matter that she bought it or thought of it as hers. Her income was a marital asset so all those upgrades were made with marital assets. You are owed 50% of the appreciation from the day you were married. Women don’t like it when the rules aren’t tilted in their favor. This is what equality means
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/26 07:33 PM
3

My ex-wife was difficult and our relationship needed a lot of work that she wasn't willing or able to put in (extremely avoidant personality type). My current wife focuses on the good and the positive and let's the small stuff slide. I do the same. Our life together is easy and full of joy. We both feel emotionally safe, connected and happy. So it's possible to find. Although I had it easy, she and I dated 35 years ago for three years and ended things on good terms, so I knew exactly who and wha…
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/26 03:56 PM
3

My guess would be that since you most likely paid for property taxes and other upkeep with your earnings, and those earnings would be considered marital funds. So you have commingled your trust funds and marital assets in the purchase and maintenance of the house. No wonder these lawyers are confused Like others have said, your most likely outcome is that you’ll have to pay her half of the equity accrued since purchase
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/26 11:31 PM
7

Yeah don’t put up with her crap. Just take what you want unless it is explicitly prohibited in the divorce degree. Her feelings no longer matter. Unless it explicitly says that she has right of first refusal in general, or the decree explicitly names specific items to go to her, you have every right to it.
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/26 09:02 PM
2

If the divorce decree says you get the home, then a lawyer should be able to help you get her name removed from the deed. My wife had no problem doing that in NH after her divorce from her ex.
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/26 05:36 PM
5

I am shocked that she was actually arrested and jailed. Maybe there is some fairness in the world after all. My ex wife assaulted me while I was half asleep in bed - broke my nose and gave me a concussion. I should have called the cops on her looking back. It would have made my divorce so much easier
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/26 05:20 PM
3

Also two can play at that game. You just take out a loan to pay the lawyers, and since you’re still married, it is a marital debt so 50% her responsibility and gets paid before any remaining assets get divided among the two of you.
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/26 06:34 PM
4

That sounds like bullshit. If you have a lease agreement, marital funds were used to pay the rent. Your parents took the rent payments and paid those things out of their available funds Either she didn’t explain it properly to them, or they are incompetent or they are all lying to try to scare you into submission. Don’t fall for it!!!
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/26 06:29 PM
17

If you signed a lease with your parents to rent the house that they purchased via a trust, then there is NO equity in your or your wife’s name. You weren’t paying a mortgage, you were paying rent. Why does she think she deserves your parents equity? Does she not understand how things are set up? Is she just deranged?
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/26 11:24 AM
2

She is an idiot, no judge is going to find stopping contributing to the mortgage as appropriate. Talk to your lawyer
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/26 03:55 PM
2

I cohabited every other week for 3 years. Thank god our house was 5000 square feet. I had a bedroom and bathroom in the attic. The first two were hell. The constant verbal and emotional violence was hell. The last one was ok, where she had calmed down, was lonely and would talk to me.
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/26 11:32 PM
5

I am grateful that my ex physically assaulted me early in the process, breaking my nose and giving me a concussion (I was lying down in bed and half asleep at 7am). and I had proof to show a court. Plus my kids were old enough to tell the court how their mother would slap them across the face when too mouthy. So she knew she couldn’t go that path.
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/26 11:09 PM
1

Damn, permanent alimony! I pay my ex stupid money, $8500 a month for ten years until I turn 65, plus $4k/month in “child support” while they’re in college until June 2028. I’m grateful that it ends. I can then work a few years past 65 to top up my savings if I need to I feel for you, ugh
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/26 02:38 PM
5

What state is this? Sounds insane. Is there rule of law where you live?
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/26 12:38 AM
8

Take what your state entitles you to. Most likely that means alimony for you. Don't let this fantasy about remaining friends stop you from demanding what your state allows the lower earner to receive. My guess is she is playing nice right now acting sweet so she can avoid alimony, in other words she is emotionally manipulating you to avoid strict alimony and child support. YOU NEED TO GET A LAWYER AND PROTECT YOURSELF so you have sufficient resources to support yourself and your children. Don't …
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/26 02:17 AM
3

If you want to avoid the worst outcomes, then get your wife to agree to only use lawyers who specialize in collaborative divorce. Avoid regular “adversarial” lawyers at all costs. They will push your wife, and you, to shoot for the maximum in your favor, drag out the process for fees and in the end a judge will decide anyways. Collaborative lawyers will try to find middle ground while respecting your state’s divorce statutes. Also you can get a mediator to help the two of you craft an agreement,…
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/26 05:13 PM
15

My stepson, age 18 now, basically has done the same thing. We went away last September (when he was 17) and said he could have a few friends over, but they were not allowed to drink alcohol in the house. What did we see on the cameras that weekend but one of his friends carrying in a 40 pack of Coors. We had to go away the next weekend and she told him that he had to find another place to stay, either with his dad or with friends. He lost his shit and moved out and now lives with his dad full ti…
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/26 01:58 AM
2

I have been there! Hours and hours of arguing. Pure hell. What worked with my ex, to shut her up when she made wildly inaccurate statements, was asking her "Ok, name three concrete things you did in the last ten years to try to improve our romantic relationship" And so on. She could never list one thing. And then I would hammer her with all that I had done.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/26 06:39 PM
7

When I insisted that my wife and I get a divorce, she was blindsided from her perspective. So I can give a different view. We had a dead bedroom, maybe sex once a year after the last kid was born. No sex for the last five years before I insisted on a divorce. She was/is very avoidant. She didn't like to have difficult conversations. She would always flip them back on me, never taking accountability, always desperately trying to make me the bad guy instead of her. All along I tried to talk to her…
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/26 05:39 PM
3

The ADHD partners sub is one of the most toxic subs I have ever seen. The lack of misunderstanding about ADHD and lack of empathy for neurodivergence is astounding
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/26 04:24 AM
1

The sexlessmarriage sub is better than the two deadbedroom subs.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/26 12:16 AM
5

Because you’re trying to actively undermine the use of statistics and propagating false information. You show zero awareness that you might not actually understand things but instead double down on invalidating a key tool for science just in case someone’s feelings might get hurt
/r/MensRights26/05/26 03:05 PM
4

That statement is utterly ridiculous. You need a better education in statistics and how to interpret distributions. There is no such implication to discussing averages, and talking about the characteristics most representative of a group (i.e. the average) does not invalidate outliers. It depends on how the person interpreting the statistics decides to phrase it and how other people decide to interpret what is being said. if one truly understand statistics, which most people don’t, then the pers…
/r/MensRights26/05/26 02:25 PM
3

One can talk about the average of a population of individuals and not invalidate those who are significantly different from the average. There is nothing wrong with statistics in this context. The problem is people not understanding statistics and how to talk about populations with diversity. So we need more statistics education not less as you imply. And the context of this entire post is about the average of the population of women not individual women. So it is entirely appropriate in this po…
/r/MensRights26/05/26 12:44 PM
9

If your point were true, and if applied broadly, it would entirely de-legitimize the field of statistics. Because the core of your argument is that since there are examples of people who are different from the average, then talking about the average has no meaning or utility. Which frankly, if one does know statistics, is just a stupid argument.
/r/MensRights26/05/26 11:28 AM
2

The technical definition to menopause is referring to a single point in time. A woman hits menopause when it was been 12 straight months without a period. The period leading up menopause when the woman’s body is changing is correctly referred to a peri-menopause.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/26 06:58 PM
7

When I heard that my ex-girlfriend from 1988-1991 was getting divorced, I called her as she was a wonderful person and we ended things as friends. She talked about her marriage and how it was a dead bedroom due to her ex's ED and how her needs weren't being met, as well as that she had gone through menopause early, and had been done with periods for over five years. I was already VERY interested but that solidified things in my mind, since there was no way in hell I was going to deal with a peri…
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/26 03:23 PM
9

You need to divorce ASAP to ensure that her prior income is fully imputed in the divorce decree. And your lawyer needs to make it clear in your filings that the reason for you wanting divorce was her unilateral decision to stop working over your objections. This may get you some sympathy with the judge and tilt things to be more favorable for you. Since no one likes to hear about people being lazy sponges. I am better off without my ex wife since (1) I no longer live in an expensive area with hi…
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/26 03:07 PM
1

If you’re not paying child support and that’s the only wording about the children’s health insurance, then it reads to me that you’re on the hook for the health insurance coverage costs. But reads ambiguously so this is a failure on the part of the lawyers involved. My current wife’s divorce agreement with her ex is a mess of ambiguity on a few key item. In my agreement with my ex, I made sure every thing was spelled out and clear. I was ridiculously long but protects both of us from having to g…
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/26 01:13 PM
-17

I’m assuming that you don’t have kids of your own?
/r/MensRights15/05/26 09:45 PM
1

Did you get married in Canada or The US?
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/26 11:06 PM
4

No. It would be unwanted
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/26 07:20 PM
1

Get a lawyer to help guide you. But searching online can answer these basic questions. Looks like in Florida the length of alimony increases in the length of the marriage and 10 years might be an important cutoff, after which the duration of alimony goes up. So go confirm that with a lawyer and if so file before your ten year anniversary. And it looks like alimony would be 35% of the difference in your incomes.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/26 12:01 PM
6

My ex wife is/was avoidant attachment but for her it was burying her head in the sand and avoiding dealing with the issues in our relationship - which ultimately led to me initiating divorce. But unlike your wife and many of the wives in the stories here, I did not celebrate when it was over. I did mourn the death of my marriage while still married, but later felt a loss when it was all over. I even miss her a little bit as we were together for 25 years. But we ultimately were not compatible. Sh…
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/26 11:31 AM
6

Yes I initiated my divorce from my ex wife. We had effectively a dead marriage, zero emotional or physical intimacy for years. I asked myself one day “what does she bring to my life?” and “how does she make my life better”? My answers respectively were “nothing positive” and “she makes it harder not better”. So I decided I wanted a divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/26 06:25 PM
5

Don’t let the anti-cheating puritans get to you, the world is a lot more complex than they give it credit
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/26 10:02 PM
3

Dude, don’t let her guilt and shame you over the escorts. You did it to survive. Should you have just left her before paying for sex, yeah probably, but you’re human and humans make mistakes when they’re lonely and miserable. But do not give up on 50-50! Do not let her abuse you and screw you over. You have every right to 50% time with your kids. Plus many judges in no fault states don’t want to hear about cheating, they don’t care. It’s all about division of assets and what’s best for the kids.…
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/26 09:30 PM
8

I had grieved the death of my marriage well before divorce was in motion (since my ex wife refused to talk about anything, refused marriage counseling/therapy, etc,). I had to accept that it was dead to be able to start divorce. So with your wife, it's either that she already grieved, or has framed you 100% as the bad guy in her head and has been ready to move on for a while. It's not an invalidation of you per se, it's just about the coping mechanism. She is far ahead of you in the mental/emoti…
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/26 02:39 PM
2

But the boyfriend is regulating what the son does with his phone at OPs house. That is totally inappropriate
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/26 09:41 PM
1

Don’t allow this to happen. That is a terrible investment. Your wife is also being ridiculous.
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/26 11:16 PM
4

It’s not her decision, that is absurd. Unless she’s going to fund her own education, the people paying for it get to have a say in what they are willing to pay for. $400k for a musical theater degree in absolutely ridiculous. She should go to their in-state state school or a lower-tier private where she would rank as a top student so they offer her substantial scholarships
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/26 11:14 PM
2

I had very little when we married, I was on the path but in a junior role, and this was 1997, so prenups for 27 year olds were not a thing, I did not contest 50-50 because in NY it would have been pointless. Plus one risks one’s relationship with one’s children if fighting tooth and nail. We mediated and I went with state law. The most important thing to me was putting in a requirement that alimony would end if both of her wealthy parents died during the period of alimony payment. Plus I added r…
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/26 11:36 AM
2

Does it make sense? No Is it fair? No. For a super high earner, one could have paid for childcare from third parties etc, outsourcing the role of a SAHW, and still have not used up half of one’s assets. The rationale under law is ultimately about not clogging up the court system with divorces that take a very long time. And without a 50-50 split, your STBX wife would have every incentive to drag out things in court to break you down and give her more money. So the state legislates the default 50…
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/26 02:46 PM
1

No, you need a lawyer and you need to get familiarized with your state’s divorce laws, regardless of how you feel about divorce. Any judge, irrespective of the state in which you reside, will want to know if the spouse with no assets, no job and two kids understood her rights under state law and that judge would be inclined to reject any agreement written without that jobless spouse having legal representation if that agreement differed significantly from legal statute. Neither of you can just m…
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/26 11:02 AM
2

You sound very naive about the divorce process and you are likely to get screwed because of it. If you refuse to participate, someone else will decide for you what she gets and doesn’t get She could even argue that since you financially supported her daughters, you should continue to do so by paying her child support. This is not unheard of. She could get alimony since she has no job and no assets, and divorce law is not about fairness, it’s about the state avoiding having to financially support…
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/26 12:01 AM
2

If one is a high earner and no kids, New York isn’t that bad since alimony % is by statute applied to only the first $225k of income. Judges can adjust higher based on their list of 14 factors but some judges don’t. On the other hand, child support goes to age 21 by statute and to the end of 4 years of college in practice. High earners get screwed in NH and MA. NH is 23% of the difference in pretax incomes, with no cap. So if one makes $700k pretax, and one’s longtime (say 20 years) spouse stays…
/r/MensRights12/04/26 10:39 PM
1

Stop pushing and focus on building up your life such that when she comes back saying she wants a divorce that you are prepared. Exercise, hobbies, friendships. Work on that if you don’t already have / participate in them
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/26 11:52 PM
2

She’s clearly in peri-menopause when developing contempt for husbands is fairly common. Check out this sub r/menopauseshedformen
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/26 11:51 PM
5

Don’t be shy to push for alimony. Doesn’t matter if you’re a man, if you have a right to it, take it.
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/26 11:22 PM
5

Don't go into a contentious divorce with the mindset that you don't want to drag it on too long. Then you have already lost. Your desire for peace will be used against you. You will end up compromising away your rights just to get it over with. Instead, be ready to do whatever it takes to get your desired custody and any other favorable conditions. You need to fight for your rights. But as others have said, you need to pull your emotions back in, keep your mouth shut and work with your lawyer. D…
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/26 11:30 AM
1

She used her work Teams account to sext a co-worker??? How dumb is she? That's a surefire way to get fired. All of that gets archived on the corporate systems even if she deletes the messages in her view. Wow
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/26 02:55 PM
4

I would argue that you’re making the argument unnecessarily complicated. The alternative line of argument is that for any married couple, each one has 50% responsibility for chores, 50% responsibility for the financial needs of the household, and 50% responsibility for any childcare. A stay at home spouse with no kids should be trading their 50% financial responsibility for their partners 50% chore responsibility. So the working spouse makes the money and the stay at home spouse takes care of th…
/r/MensRights20/03/26 01:27 AM
3

Depending on your state, a judge might not accept your divorce agreement if it hasn’t been at least reviewed by a lawyer solely representing her, especially if there are any differences from what is typical in that state in how you two decide to allocate your assets. But your best bet is to find a divorce mediator specializing in collaborative law to write the agreement and then you each find a lawyer who also specializes in collaborative law to review that agreement. Whatever you do, don’t get …
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/26 11:50 AM
7

The court is there to ensure that the children and the other spouse do not consume state taxpayer resources - hence alimony and child support - plus ensure that the court system is not overwhelmed with lengthy divorce cases. Fairness definitely has nothing to do with it.
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/26 02:45 PM
1

Bruh, statistics demonstrate very clearly that the average man is SIGNIFICANTLY stronger than the average woman. This is inconvertible. Are the some men weaker than some women? Yes, this is consistent with my previous statement. Maybe spend more time understanding statistics and you’ll feel better about yourself
/r/MensRights01/03/26 03:17 AM
5

I drove my divorce not her, so I was overjoyed to be free of her and find my own way. I am now remarried to a woman I dated 30-35 years ago. It has been amazing. It also helps that she has zero sense of entitlement and is one of the most warm and giving people on the planet
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/26 03:14 AM
3

No, but standards for character and lack of entitlement and lack of selfishness (plus having a healthy libido) went through the roof
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/26 12:30 AM
10

Hell no, that’s not something you should be paying for. You have done enough by giving up your week with them. It’s her decision to send them to her family, the cost is not your problem.
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/26 02:10 PM
2

Make sure that you have records of what your savings and investments were from BEFORE you married her, so you can use that to precisely define what was saved during the exact period that you were married. She only has a claim to what was earned during the time you were married
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/26 07:30 PM
2

That was my ex wife too. She would have had to done some very hard work on herself and I did not see that ever happening. So once I realized how unhappy I was and that my goal was to die with a smile on my face with no regrets, I left her
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/26 01:35 PM
1

Investment related
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/26 09:12 PM
0

$650-750k depending on year
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/26 08:46 PM
3

Divorced in July 2025 after three years since starting mediation. $8250/month in alimony for 10 years, ending in August 2035. We were married over 20 years. $4500/month in child support until June 2028 when the last kid graduates college. I pay $70k per year for college costs for three kids. One will graduate soon. She contributes zero. Her parents contribute on her behalf from the 529 they had set up. My kids are over 18 but in NY state, standard practice is to equalize households with child su…
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/26 05:53 PM
5

The longer you wait, the higher the alimony payments will be since they are often tied to the length of the marriage. So don’t dawdle, take decisive action. I agree with others, have a frank conversation about your resentment and give her a timeline to get her shit together or you will be divorcing. Document everything you do to help her. If you do divorce, make sure your lawyer knows that she had a much higher paying job at one point, and that that income level should be used when computing sup…
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/26 02:36 PM
2

You should absolutely take him back to court and him to pay the standard level in your state. You shouldn’t be working three jobs and scraping by when he has the means to make your home better for your children I pay $6000/month in child support and I do it happily since they are my children and I love them and want them to be well cared for when they are with their mother.
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/26 12:07 AM
9

That’s not been true in experience. My wife loves me for inside and out. She would do anything for me. She held me when I cried and sobbed over my father’s death, and loved me for it. We were together for a few years about 35 years ago. Broke up on good terms. We remained friendly. She always appreciated my intellect and unique point of view. I divorced my entitled ex wife to be with her after she herself divorced her narc ex husband. I know everything about her. I trust her 1000%. She will alwa…
/r/MensRights26/01/26 09:03 PM
0

If she has a shark, then she’s not taking mediation seriously. She should have gotten a lawyer specializing in collaborative divorce. This could be a problem for you
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/26 06:36 PM
0

I personally wrote first drafts of large sections of my mediated agreement in order to save some money. It helped. So if you take a first stab at it, this should speed things up for your lawyer and cost less. But definitely have a lawyer review and edit it, too much risk otherwise.
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/26 04:22 PM
3

That’s a Machievellian take! But there is logic to it.
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/26 03:46 PM
7

Chores are labor. However, in a committed relationship, the default should be each person has 50% responsibility for the chores and 50% for the financial needs of the household. If one partner stays home and has zero income and has no kids, then they should be not only be doing their 50% of the chores but should be doing their partners 50% of the chores to compensate the partner for the financial support. That is equality and fairness. When there are young children involved who are not yet in sc…
/r/MensRights20/01/26 02:57 PM
12

Don’t talk to the ex, talk to a lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/26 06:13 PM
3

There are women who feel the same way; there are many on the deadbedroom and sexless marriage subs. They seem to be the high libido women who have spontaneous desire (and not responsive desire) from what I can tell.
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/26 01:52 PM
1

Because divorce law is very different across US states and other countries. Some places have no fault divorce, some places don’t. Some are biased against giving alimony except for the longest marriages. Some have child support end at 18, a few have it end at 21 or 22. And so on. Talk to a divorce attorney in your jurisdiction so you get the full set of facts about how divorce works in your area.
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/26 06:04 PM
1

That’s fantastic! Too bad you live in a place with common law marriage. To avoid any legal entanglements, does that mean you can’t live with anyone for more than 2 years, otherwise they get marital benefits? Or is there something else required for a common law marriage in your jurisdiction?
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/26 05:39 PM
7

My first question is, since you’re 56 but didn’t give her age, has she gone through menopause yet? My marriage died when my ex hit menopause. It had been already slowly dying, but menopause put the last nail in the coffin Over on r/MenopauseShedForMen you can read stories of men in loving relationships where they wake up one day and a cold rage monster has taken over their wives and instead of love they get hate. Or if not the rage and hate, zero libido and the perma death of their sex life if t…
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/26 01:48 PM
14

If you’ve been a stay at home dad, start with going for primary custody and max child support. That’s what women would recommend to a stay at home mom who’s been financially and emotionally abused by a cheating spouse. If it’s good enough for them, it’s good enough for you. Also your attorney should be able to get you her pay stubs for the last 3-5 years if not longer depending on the disclosure laws in your state. Then you would know exactly how much she’s been making and exactly which accounts…
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/26 05:50 AM
2

Depends on the state. For incomes above $250k, New York has ambiguous rules that take 14 factors into account. In New Hampshire, it is a straight 23% of total income for a 20 year marriage. And CS legally ends at 21 in New York which is where we negotiated the agreement, even though we ultimately filed in NH
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/26 04:23 PM
3

In New York state, CS by law ends at age 21 not 18. And, in practice, it ends at the end of 4 years of college. This is extremely common in NY state. And yes I am a high earner who works on "Wall Street". I actually am paying less via my New York mediated agreement than if we had originally filed in New Hampshire. In NH, for a 20 year marriage, I would have paid 23% of total income as pure alimony for 13 years, which is around $150-175k. Now I pay $150k for 4 years until kids graduate college an…
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/26 04:20 PM
9

Not all states allow that. For alimony, the two states, NY and NH (only one divorce, changed jurisdictions) where I’ve dealt with divorce law, that wasn’t allowed. Child support though is treated differently in order to equalize households. In my divorce agreement via mediation, she has no recourse to ask for increases. The only thing that can change is that if my income falls, she gets proportionately less money as alimony. But she’s already getting a shit-ton of money as it is. $8000 a month i…
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/26 02:50 PM
0

I remind my three 20+ year old sons to wish their mother happy birthday, happy Mother’s Day, etc. I offer them money to buy her gifts for holidays. Why do I do this? First, I want to show them how to treat the intimate people in their lives. How they treat their mother will likely feed into how their treat their future partners. Second, is that she is alone, not dating to my knowledge, and doesn’t make friends easily, and I want her to be happy in her new life. The kids acknowledging her special…
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/26 05:40 PM
1

I think you just need to ask yourself, when you're considering to help her or not, whether it's truly for the kids or out of some sense of guilt / nostalgia / need to serve. That can be hard to disentangle, but you really need to be able to answer that question. Given that you say she's done some heinous things, I personally would be less inclined to help her in your shoes. And, if giving her money, I would want transparent access to her financials - all bank & brokerage account statements, pays…
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/26 04:10 PM
1

I tend to view these things through the lens of that my kids will be better off, more well adjusted, etc. if they have a positive relationship with both of their parents. So I will do things to help the ex at times based on that view. But of course if she were trying to manipulate me then I would cut that off. Or at least be very careful in what I did and how I did it. My ex isn’t that way thankfully. And we have a positive co-parenting relationship even if we’re not friends. But I think unlike …
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/26 02:20 PM
1

Thank you!
/r/MensRights31/12/25 04:23 PM
6

I have one. We just got married two weeks ago in fact. We’re both in our mid 50s. She runs her own business, insists on paying half the bills to run our household, even though I make 4 times what she does. When we have a disagreement, her natural response is to ask herself if she’s being unreasonable, instead of instantly assuming I’m the problem (like my ex wife did). She is extremely loyal, loving and fun. She’s actually a double unicorn because her high libido survived menopause, which for yo…
/r/MensRights31/12/25 01:56 PM
3

I don’t agree that “grieving the loss of the marriage without her” is unfair. Sometimes one can try and try for bids of connection and get ignored, shot down, diminished whatever. I told my now ex wife once, “tell me what you need from me to be happy in our marriage”. I got no reply. She later said she didn’t understand the question. WTF. It became clear she didn’t think it was important to make an effort. What mattered to her was her comfort, that she got to do whatever she wanted as a SAHM of …
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/25 01:49 PM
7

OP, listen to this guy
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/25 01:27 PM
4

Run buddy run. She wants to control your every move, what you think and what you do
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/25 11:39 PM
4

Do nothing off the books! That is insane. All needs to be spelled out in detail in the divorce decree, including the disposition of your home. If she needs time to raise the funds, that can be formally written into the agreement. Or as others have said, the cleaner route is to have her refinance (assuming you have significant equity in the home) and use the proceeds to pay you off. Can't you use a mediator in your jurisdiction to craft the divorce agreement?
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/25 06:24 PM
9

You should calmly share the numbers with them sometime, just so they understand how YOU are contributing. Don't say anything negative about her, just so they understand what you are doing for them.
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/25 04:59 PM
3

Also, expanding on #2, she needs to save at the same rate as you for retirement, so if you both have equal 401k balances then no need for one to give money to the other in a divorce
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/25 05:11 PM
11

She cheated so you owe her nothing. Your focus should be on strategy, on how to get this divorce completed as quickly and simply as possible. If she’s an abrasive, obnoxious and selfish person, nothing you tell her will have any impact, she will blame you for everything So shut your mouth, say as little as possible and listen to your lawyer
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/25 01:14 PM
10

Young men these days absolutely do get shamed for sluttiness. My stepson is extremely good looking and charming and, in high school, girls were very actively pursuing him so he slept around a lot, until the girls realized that he was being a fuckboy, shamed him over it and avoided him at all costs. He, like all men learn to do, listened and adapted and worked towards getting a girlfriend instead of sleeping around, but his bad reputation lingered He’s home from college and was telling me about g…
/r/MensRights18/12/25 01:16 PM
1

If it’s your poop, then any bacteria in the water is from your body, so what problem is solved by closing the lid? It’s not like you’re going to infect yourself with anything that you don’t already have
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/25 03:59 PM
6

She’s in her mid 40s? Likely explanation is (peri)menopause. Some women get cold and hard and start to hate their husbands due to the massive shift in their hormones. Go check out stories at r/MenopauseShedForMen Or this horrifying post on the menopause sub. At least some of the women actually like their husbands https://www.reddit.com/r/Menopause/s/ZCm1A53IuL
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/25 12:56 AM
4

She may be in peri or full menopause and is one of those women whose hormonal changes results in outright hate for their husbands. Here’s an example from the menopause sub of these women expressing their new attitudes toward men: https://www.reddit.com/r/Menopause/s/B1BOULn6EA The comments are VERY enlightening. I read it and felt lucky that my 56 year old fiancée is NOT one of these women
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/25 11:02 PM
4

WTF. She’s a piece of work. I’m sorry she put you and your daughter through that. Can’t even imagine doing that to my child
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/25 07:29 PM
3

I resisted all of those things with my ex wife, and by me carving out my own path in some areas and not submitting to her demands, resentments accumulated over time and no matter how I tried to get her to address things because I was unhappy, it was irrelevant because she was unhappy so nothing was ever addressed or fixed
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/25 11:50 PM
1

If she’s abusing you, why do you care? Plus the courts don’t care, all they care about are following the rules in your state about no-fault divorce. No-fault Divorce laws are designed to keep the divorce process from overwhelming the state court system and driving up costs to the state, plus minimize the chances of either party ever needing state financial support (welfare). Fairness is not the primary concern. But in your case with such a short marriage, you’ll be fine
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/25 02:20 PM
2

One can get married again without putting assets at risk. It just takes a good trust & estates attorney to help put together the trusts, the will and a solid prenup. All of my assets will go into a trust when I die, and my (2nd) wife will have access to some of it, but the wealth will primarily transfer to my kids. And she and I keep finances separate and have agreed if things end, we keep our own assets. I make 4 times what she does. But I have known her since I was 17, we dated for a few years…
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/25 01:55 PM
1

Didn't you know all feelings are valid? Well except for men
/r/MensRights16/11/25 01:39 PM
1

And those same wives are probably also complaining about "mankeeping" while isolating their husbands from having any outside emotional support
/r/MensRights16/11/25 01:38 PM
3

A few years ago, before I got divorced, I was folding laundry. My ex walked in as I was folding the towels. She scoffed and said with a condescending tone "Why are you doing it that way!?!" I replied, "that's the way you said you wanted it done". She mockingly laughed and said "I don't do it that way anymore" and acted like I was a complete idiot for still doing so. With some women, there is no pleasing them. Which is one of many reasons she is my ex wife.
/r/MensRights16/11/25 01:36 PM
2

You need to talk to your kids NOW. at ages 10 and 12, they can understand a fair amount. You just tell them calmly and without pointing fingers that you and your wife have decided to divorce, that it was a mutual agreement, and that although you are going to file the paperwork, it doesn't mean that you are the only one that wants this. Just tell them that you and your wife aren't compatible as a married couple and are going to go your separate ways, but will still be a family, just in a differen…
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/25 05:44 PM
1

If your kids are teens, then sit them down and talk to them about it in neutral terms. You don’t have to say bad things about your wife, but you can give them insight into why you are divorcing her and plant some counter-arguments that head off any of her attempts to turn them against you. I did this and while she would have loved to have turned the kids against me, the kids didn’t fall for it and we have a great relationship I also “weaponized” kindness to my ex. I remind the kids about her bir…
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/25 08:33 PM
9

I have a close female friend who was the high earner in her marriage with her “stay-at-home” husband where his Mom did most of the work, and they divorced after he blew his $150k 401k on in-game purchases for some video game, and now she has to pay him alimony. She felt it was very unfair. I said now you know how many men feel.
/r/MensRights09/11/25 04:29 AM
6

You’re only going to end up getting financially screwed if that’s what you do. No matter what you might want, you can’t control what your spouse does and feels, and if she decides to divorce you, then you will have a financial dependent for a long time
/r/MensRights08/11/25 09:15 PM
32

And then you’re forced to pay alimony. I am going to teach my three sons to only marry someone who will carry half of the financial load. So when the marriage most likely fails, they’re not saddled with a financial dependent I wanted a working spouse, my ex quit the first moment it was an option. Refused to go back to work when the kids were old enough. We had a dead bedroom marriage and I divorced her. And now I am her wage slave until age 65. When she has wealthy parents from whom she will inh…
/r/MensRights08/11/25 09:12 PM
4

My ex wife found my alt Reddit account early during the divorce process. Thankfully she confronted me about it before taking any screen shots so I immediately walked in the bathroom, locked the door and deleted every relevant post. Which she saw 30 mins later and was PISSED but couldn’t do anything about it
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/25 05:58 PM
5

Good. She made her bed, now she can sleep in it. She's the one taking the house away from the kids, not you. As others have said, just tell her that you will only talk to her as a co-parent and you will not speak to her about the divorce without either a mediator or lawyer present
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/25 12:41 AM
8

Im not sure why this person wrote that here, but those are lines from the movie Airplane, if you’ve never had the pleasure of watching it
/r/MensRights02/11/25 06:43 PM
5

First, If you’re not already familiar, go read about oxytocin, the love hormone. It will increase your empathy towards her and this is the last thing you need. It is generated through touch - hugging, cuddling and sex. You need to stop all forms of physical contact with her in order to be level headed and objective as you move towards divorce. Second, keep reminding yourself that a partner outright lying during couples therapy is NOT NORMAL behavior. That she does this now means that she will li…
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/25 12:47 PM
1

Depends on the judge you get. Some will stick to the cap, some with adjust upward.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/25 08:37 PM
-1

Historically, I don’t think this is a misandrist statement. It stems from the historical belief that women are physically and mentally inferior to men and need to be protected. But women are not mentally inferior and while weaker on average, are certainly able to take care of themselves. So it is a dated way of thinking that should be discarded. Men do not exist to protect women in a world where we are all equal. Women should be protecting themselves in every way, including forced military servi…
/r/MensRights24/10/25 12:38 PM
5

Here’s an out of the box suggestion. Italy. The marriage and birth rates in Italy have dropped dramatically as Italian women want more than offered by many Italian men, who were likely raised by indulgent mothers who spoiled them and waited on them hand and foot. So they choose to be alone than to marry a non-functional adult. I have a few male relatives in Italy like this and their poor wives are miserable or these guys are living at home single in their 30s not working and sponging off their p…
/r/MensRights02/10/25 03:21 PM
51

My ex wife said to me when our marriage disintegrated in 2022 and we were fighting “and I didn’t orgasm the first time we had sex and you didn’t care”. Which was in September 1994. This was the first time I had heard this complaint in 28 years. And my response was “I am not responsible for your orgasms, you are. You said nothing, communicated nothing, I didn’t know your body and it was not my problem you didn’t.” I of course learned over time. But fuck, such an entitled pillow princess attitude.…
/r/MensRights28/09/25 10:43 PM
17

The term is over-used and out of its original context. It comes from an article by Rebecca Solnit about how men explain things to her. Her prime example was a man explaining her own book to her and refusing to accept that she in fact had written it and dismissed her attempts to correct his perception. She is a boomer and her story involves her interactions with arrogant boomer or possibly Silent Gen men. I doubt GenX and Millennial men are actively doing things like this, such that the term appr…
/r/MensRights14/09/25 02:41 PM
6

I think you have reading comprehension problems as I never used the work “complain”
/r/MensRights24/08/25 12:25 AM
6

🤣🤣🤣🤣
/r/MensRights24/08/25 12:24 AM
11

My ex wife totally did weaponised incompetence with anything that she felt a man should do. Hanging blinds, fixing small things around the house, anything she considered “gross”. But I didn’t go on the internet and making it into a systemic issue. Even though many men have the same lived experience And this is when all our kids were teenagers and totally independent and she was a stay at home mom doing whatever she wanted when she wanted
/r/MensRights23/08/25 06:55 PM
8

My ex wife was the queen of doing this. She would spread grocery shopping across 5 different stores over the course of the week, sometimes with multiple visits to some of them, rather than just meal plan up front and go to one store for what was needed. And then she would complain about how busy she was and how hard she worked as a SAHM. She had zero clue about how unproductive she was, while being extraordinarily privileged with a house cleaner once a week. If she had focused on getting things …
/r/MensRights21/07/25 12:11 PM
3

That wasn't my personal experience when my kids were young (they're all 19+ now). I was a very involved dad, took great joy in my kids, took my three crazy boys out to playgrounds or on errands weekly, and I always got comments from older women either being impressed or, more annoyingly, giving me advice. But the women in my life - my sisters, cousins, friends - all talked about what a great dad I was, since for most, their husbands weren't as involved. But this was 12 to 24 years ago in the USA
/r/MensRights21/07/25 12:01 PM
8

My ex wife hates me, for a number of reasons, and if it were up to her, my three 19-23 year old sons would never spend time with me and my new partner. I know it, my kids know it. I weaponize kindness against her. By never saying a bad word about her, by reminding them to get her something, and offering $$, for Mother’s Day, her birthday and Christmas, by encouraging them to call her or visit her, they have slowly seen the difference in how we behave and how we talk about each other. Because she…
/r/MensRights02/06/25 08:11 PM
10

I have a close female friend where her ex husband stopped working and stayed home to oversee the 3 kids. His mom actually did most of the work while he played video games. He blew $100k on in game purchases so she divorced him. But she has to pay him alimony and child support. When she said how unfair that was, I said “so said every man in history”
/r/MensRights30/05/25 12:31 PM
1

Yup
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates03/04/25 09:00 PM
10

Als gay men are immune to women's typical manipulation of straight men through flirtation and other aspects of their sexuality; so they cannot control gay men like they can do to straight men. So they only like the ones who fall in line via the "gay friend" who acts like a girlfriend
/r/MensRights30/03/25 06:20 PM
2

WTF are you talking about?
/r/MensRights04/03/25 02:21 AM
6

It’s because gay men don’t need straight women and some of those women are threatened by the lack of control
/r/MensRights04/03/25 02:20 AM
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