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Maximus_Valerius Archive

View 1 posts and 241 comments by Maximus_Valerius on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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0

Maximus_Valerius/r/askMRP13/03/19 07:35 PM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
1

If you assume that no one cares about you, you also might realize that you need to prioritize yourself and your needs above everyone else’s. Then it doesn’t matter if other people don’t care about you (it’s great if they do), because you care about you.
/r/MarriedRedPill24/06/20 09:47 PM
1

How might that help you?
/r/MarriedRedPill24/06/20 06:16 PM
1

In other words, a preference for safety? The logistics, home location and finances all are status quo that provide stability and safety. If you keep going down this road, you know how the story will play out. If you change things up, there is uncertainty and risk. It all comes back to your fears, facing them, overcoming them.
/r/MarriedRedPill02/06/20 02:55 PM
1

Venkatesh Rao has material about powertalk on the Ribbonfarm website, look for The Gervais Principle.
/r/MarriedRedPill26/05/20 03:29 PM
2

Are you sure you want to know? A pressure flip with subtext and congruence. Puts the onus on her to decide whether to retreat back into comfortable denial or confront an uncomfortable reality. Assuming you are having an affair, the subtextual message is that you are while giving her the opportunity to plausibly deny that you are.
/r/MarriedRedPill21/05/20 04:05 PM
1

I borrowed that from Stoney—it is funny and gets the point across.
/r/MarriedRedPill20/05/20 08:01 PM
1

If anything I get irritated with commentary that's not helpful. Assume it is all well-intentioned and take what works, leave what doesn’t. Your irritation is a feeling and your feelings are wrong and you should feel bad about having them.
/r/MarriedRedPill20/05/20 05:47 PM
1

JCX’s comment emotionally triggered you. You might want to consider why that happened. (Hint: You got triggered because there is truth in his comment that your ego does not want to acknowledge.) Drop your fucking ego.
/r/MarriedRedPill20/05/20 04:12 PM
2

I presume that telling her about my progress and the dream are clearly related. As to whether it's "authentic desire" or "quasi-hysterical bonding" or something else entirely was not clear to me. Get out of her head. The mental model I use is: “Don’t care, got laid.”
/r/MarriedRedPill19/05/20 10:36 PM
1

I can work on finding a 'safe' person to work on NMMNG activities; but have no idea how to go about that. There are on line Nice Guy groups and Nice Guy therapists. Google them and find one that works for you. It’s pay to play but that helps to weed out the guys who are not willing to put in effort. Keep working through the activities in the meantime. Identifying your “revelations” is good. Now what are you going to do about them? Part of owning your shit is explaining what you have done to addr…
/r/MarriedRedPill19/05/20 02:58 PM
1

Everything old is new again. But most importantly, a fedora gives you a tangible symbol of your journey you can literally put on and take off. When you're wearing the hat you are reminding yourself that you took the Red Pill, and any special treatment to women in your life is due entirely to either filial duty or your personal grace, not blanket obligation to their gender. It reminds you that you are descended from a hundred generations of Bad Asses, and have the potential to be a Bad Ass, and t…
/r/MarriedRedPill15/05/20 01:20 AM
1

It’s not about the bike. You’re evading even talking about your fears and what you are doing to overcome them. What is your strategy to overcome your fears and stop being a pussy?
/r/MarriedRedPill14/05/20 05:55 PM
1

You are not ready. Here are a few reasons why you are not ready. gives more time for me to continue to unfuck myself This is an admission that you have more work to do. Get yourself unfucked first. give her time to come on board with my plan. You are still trying to change and control her. You need to realize you can only change and control yourself. but I need to see significant changes. Change is glacial. Again, you are focused on her changes. You still have that Nice Guy reflected sense of se…
/r/MarriedRedPill14/05/20 02:20 PM
1

Good. What is your gut telling you re timing?
/r/MarriedRedPill13/05/20 09:36 PM
1

I want to do after covid. What if Covid is here forever? What other things can you do now? Why aren’t you doing them? The point is not doing something you want to do. The point is doing something that you fear. By doing what you fear, you will push yourself outside your comfort zone. What things do you fear?
/r/MarriedRedPill12/05/20 07:42 PM
1

Do you have a MAP?
/r/MarriedRedPill12/05/20 07:18 PM
2

If we all do our part, we can eradicate divorce and save the West.
/r/MarriedRedPill06/05/20 01:40 PM
0

It has to be a real crisis. This current common cold situation does not qualify unless you believe everything the politicians and media tell you.
/r/MarriedRedPill02/05/20 07:30 PM
1

It really seems like the majority of my progress has happened in the past 6 months. I had a similar experience after stalling out for a long time. What was the catalyst for you? Like I mentioned earlier, that long fucking rope has tightened. At the beginning we had a shitty relationship. I resented her for being cold and withholding, she hated me for being some emotional faggot. 3 years ago we would have sex once ever 4-8 weeks. Half the time she made it clear it was duty and didn't like it. Eve…
/r/MarriedRedPill28/04/20 10:30 PM
1

Punishment was given for her bad thoughts. I don’t like doing punishments. Only second time I’ve ever had to. Your word choice of “had to” indicates that you are distancing yourself from your decision. I get that you don’t like it (and that may be all there is to it), but there may be something there for you to think about.
/r/MarriedRedPill28/04/20 08:11 PM
2

Another approach is to lean into the scoreboard by recognizing the “wins” with your wife and kids. I started doing that and they followed. I found there were a lot of positive things that happened that weren’t being recognized. We all were focused on the “losses.” If your wife has a good suggestion, let her and kids know and celebrate a “win”. You may find—like I did—that they start doing the same with each other and you.
/r/MarriedRedPill28/04/20 03:12 PM
2

I tend to get pissed off when the wife thinks of stuff before me... Do you think you may be keeping score?
/r/MarriedRedPill28/04/20 02:50 PM
1

I just want to make sure that I am making progress towards the ability to make those decisions and not kicking the can down the road to no end. You probably get that there are no guarantees. I can tell you that if you keep at it, there’s a good chance that one day you will recognize the last missing puzzle piece has clicked into place and you won’t worry about kicking cans.
/r/MarriedRedPill22/04/20 08:03 PM
1

“I decide”: Hands down the best mental model. I’d give you a more pithy response (not the dreck that I did), but I’m in the middle of reading Stoney’s new book and it’s getting really good. With this book, he’s confirmed what I’ve always believed—that he’s really the First “R” of the sphere. Spoiler Alert: It appears Stoney left out his spreadsheets, graphs and figures (so far).
/r/MarriedRedPill22/04/20 07:53 PM
3

How does this help me get laid?
/r/MarriedRedPill22/04/20 05:28 PM
1

I have concluded at this point my stay plan, and my go plan is not the same. I am not sure how I get my mind to the end of those two plans to be the same without it being a lie to myself. They should be the same plan. Try this. Think of the “stay plan is the go plan” mental model as shorthand for telling yourself that you are not ready to make any major life decisions. Instead, you are making a commitment to work your MAP for the time it takes to get yourself ready to make those decisions. Essen…
/r/MarriedRedPill22/04/20 12:32 AM
7

I think I failed at MRP because I never really wanted to stay with her in the first place. Failed according to who? Who here decides whether you pass or fail? If what you wanted all along was to get out, and MRP helped you find what you really wanted, how is that a failure? I never really bought into the plan 100%. “The plan” was your MAP. You developed it and did or did not work YOUR PLAN. “The plan”: Why are you using distancing language here? If you developed a MAP that was aimed at the wrong…
/r/MarriedRedPill21/04/20 02:56 PM
2

the mystical ‘she’. Let me guess . . . the Dr. is either PhD in Womens Studies or MD in Gynecology? Srsly, congrats on the prefix/suffix.
/r/MarriedRedPill21/04/20 03:24 AM
1

I feel driven Driven like when you couldn’t stop touching her and went on a moratorium? Or is it something different?
/r/MarriedRedPill18/04/20 02:28 AM
2

There’s no game in going along to get along. I say no sometimes just because there is entertainment value in watching the response. And emotional tension is a great byproduct. Going along kills tension and erodes boundaries. It’s the Nice Guy thinking that he would rather get along so he can live a problem-free life. Plus it’s easier for the Nice Guy to let the controlling wife take the lead and make all the decisions.
/r/MarriedRedPill17/04/20 03:05 PM
1

Telling yourself it is a waste of time is itself a waste of time and not a very effective strategy. I also have a tendency to over think and be self critical. Here’s what worked for me: Recognize that your mind believes everything it tells itself is true. Also, recognize that your mind lies to you all the time. You actually can recognize when your brain is ruminating on these thoughts and employ strategies to stop or slow them. First, accept that you will have these thoughts and ruminate on them…
/r/MarriedRedPill10/04/20 06:47 PM
1

I had similar struggles and remember the frustration. Do you ruminate on your resentment toward your wife and your victim mindset?
/r/MarriedRedPill10/04/20 04:40 PM
1

My 18 year-old son had a nasty flu-like illness with COVID-like symptoms in December and January, which culminated with pneumonia. My wife’s a physician and she thinks he may have had COVID-19. Hopefully we’ll find out when more antibody testing is available.
/r/MarriedRedPill10/04/20 03:44 PM
1

We’re all going to get it. Yep. We are all going to get exposed to it. My wife’s patients expose her to a lot of viruses and bacterial infections, but she does not contract every single one. Herd immunity is likely at play as people get exposed and develop immunity. The Norwegians successfully developed herd immunity in response to H1N1.
/r/MarriedRedPill10/04/20 03:20 AM
2

Interesting and informative post. I hope you re-post it elsewhere. To me, the government response is irrelevant, except to the extent it creates opportunities (which it has) to profit off the overreaction. Time will tell, but I think Sweden’s approach is far better than the rest of the first world.
/r/MarriedRedPill10/04/20 02:51 AM
2

That’s what I thought you meant.
/r/MarriedRedPill10/04/20 12:48 AM
3

I was wrong. For shits and giggles, I scrolled back to an April 2018 OYS thread (when I started posting in OYS), and at least half the OYS posters got their shit together and are switched on. The other user names were deleted or I didn’t recognize. At least for the guys who post OYS regularly, your estimate might be low.
/r/MarriedRedPill09/04/20 11:11 PM
3

10% of the faggots actually “made it” You are being generous.
/r/MarriedRedPill09/04/20 03:50 PM
2

arm_candy makes a good point. Another aspect of this is you second guessing and criticizing yourself over mundane bullshit. Negative self-talk. That shit is insidious. The key is to recognize when it’s happening and stop it.
/r/MarriedRedPill03/04/20 04:41 PM
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cant do much about it in this lovely pandemic That’s an excuse. Start downloading the sidebar books and get the fuck to work.
/r/askMRP02/04/20 11:03 PM
1

This is not the place to make you feel better (now). You sound suicidal. Contact a suicide hotline or chat service. Get help and come back when you’re in a better place.
/r/askMRP02/04/20 06:58 PM
2

Seriously, though, what do you want? That’s your vision.
/r/MarriedRedPill31/03/20 10:02 PM
1

RELATIONSHIP VISION What do you want? Sex? Sandwiches? Support your side gig?
/r/MarriedRedPill31/03/20 08:12 PM
1

I like how you are not affected by your wife’s or justpickanyusername’s responses. Might be subtle, but I’d say that’s progress. I’m pretty happy and upbeat. That’s all that matters.
/r/MarriedRedPill26/03/20 02:13 AM
1

Oops! Stay safe DBHdog.
/r/MarriedRedPill20/03/20 03:22 AM
2

Didn’t Pink Floyd write a song about that? Impressed you were able to write complete sentences after smoking that much weed.
/r/MarriedRedPill20/03/20 02:50 AM
3

Several local governments are preparing orders similar to SF. Lobbyists are busy persuading officials to buy off on what their clients want the orders to state is an “essential business function.” My guess is state and local leaders are holding off until Friday hoping that the feds do it for them. There is no question that your associate will be proven right (at least in some areas).
/r/MarriedRedPill19/03/20 09:25 PM
2

Lucca was going to have an affair regardless. How do you know this? And so what if she was? OP was in the right place at the right time, and he seems happy with the result. Why try to tear him down? exert that energy on improving your marriage. Since when was this sub about marriages? OP seems to be in a much better place than he was before. And he had a lesson to share. Isn’t that enough? You might want to look at why you feel the need to judge OP and stake out your high moral ground. Mental po…
/r/MarriedRedPill18/03/20 04:16 PM
1

What is your plan to solve this problem?
/r/MarriedRedPill18/03/20 02:01 AM
1

Try this a bit. Why not pick a fear, face it, and come back next week and talk about it? Stop telling us how you’re going to “try” in “easier areas.” Work is identifying what you fear and taking steps to face and overcome it.
/r/MarriedRedPill17/03/20 10:26 PM
1

You can survive 3 days without water. You can survive 3 weeks without food. (Maybe more if you’re a fatass, maybe less if you’re below 10% body fat.) Have alternate sources of those two and everything else is about how comfortable you want to be. Water filters and purification tablets are a must. Same with freeze dried food (as a last resort). Saw news conference today about the virus with acting director of US DHS. His name is Chad Wolf. Wtf?
/r/askMRP14/03/20 05:13 PM
1

This is an interesting observation. I do this. Maybe a subtle form of validation seeking? You automatically up your game when hotties are around, hoping they will choose you. With me, seemed like this impulse was stronger when I was younger. Especially in high school sports. Learning to ski is a blast. After several years of alpine skiing, I got bored and switched to telemark. Would definitely recommend giving it a try. The steep part of the learning curve is where the fun is.
/r/MarriedRedPill14/03/20 03:43 PM
3

Don’t care got laid.
/r/MarriedRedPill13/03/20 01:29 PM
0

Looks like I’m late to the testicular cancer meeting. Two years ago my (then) 15 year-old daughter told me, “Mom loves you but she’s not in love with you.” What the fuck does that mean? Had sex Sunday. Don’t care got laid.
/r/MarriedRedPill13/03/20 04:29 AM
1

I learned this from you last year and use it all the time. It doesn’t matter if I’m creating a positive emotional spike or negative spike, so long as there is emotional tension, it’s all good. In fact, I enjoy the hell out of it. Mini-field report: Two weeks ago, wife got cranky and I told her to fuck off. She got mad and walked away. Moved to the guest room. Even took her dresser with her. Silent treatment all week. I mocked her and had fun with it. Thursday she said, “I bet you think you won b…
/r/MarriedRedPill10/03/20 08:26 PM
2

You can’t out alpha her nicotine addiction. You should set a boundary, but realize she will just get better at hiding it from you. Enforcement will be difficult, if not impossible. Do the research about which stop smoking aids are safe during pregnancy. If there are any, buy them for her. Involve her doctor in the discussion and ask him or her to explain the risks. Do what you can to set her up for success. Then turn your attention toward unfucking yourself so you learn to handle these types of …
/r/askMRP05/03/20 04:45 PM
2

Maybe he triggered the wrong Berniebro?
/r/MarriedRedPill04/03/20 08:41 PM
1

The hack3ge doth protest too much, methinks.
/r/askMRP04/03/20 03:26 PM
0

Take it as a sober second opinion. I could be wrong and you have a rock solid frame. If that’s the case, good on you.
/r/askMRP04/03/20 01:15 AM
0

Perhaps you should read it - I live my life in my own frame I don’t need someone to explain frame to me. u/hack3ge, you know what this means, don’t you? It means you are insecure. Men that have frame don’t need to say it. Just like the bodybuilder at the gym doesn’t need to tell you he’s yoked. When a guy has to tell you about a thing, he’s insecure about that thing. I’ve already read WNS’s post about men with no frame. It describes how you acted in this thread. You followed his script line by l…
/r/askMRP03/03/20 11:55 PM
1

No problem. Although I’m glad to have validated you by proving your point, you might want to consider working on self-validation. You know, not looking to others to validate your points, views, self-worth, etc. There’s a book on the sidebar called No More Mr. Nice Guy by Dr. Robert Glover. You may want to read it. And when you find out what “self awareness” means, please come back and give us a field report.
/r/askMRP03/03/20 03:48 AM
2

I don't think it means what you think it means. I think it’s Latin for “ego protection caused by insecurity about one’s own frame.” What do you think it means? BTW, what is “self awareness”? Asking for a friend.
/r/askMRP02/03/20 08:17 PM
0

I might be. I’m not spinning multiple plates, so he’s got that on me. Men with no frame and the things they do. There’s a great post about that on the main sub. Have you read it?
/r/askMRP02/03/20 08:05 PM
1

my guess is the fact that you don’t recognize this means you are too. That’s an ad hominem argument. Why not add value and describe how he’s done no “real work”? He’s done some real work, but he has a few blind spots: —faulty captain save-an-ex mental model —blames feminism for problems with his ex and work relationships —posts on askMRP and askTRP instead of OYS —insecure about his frame —ignores advice about his underlying issues, and instead focuses on getting an answer to his explicit questi…
/r/askMRP02/03/20 03:35 PM
6

Let’s see, if we take his post at face value, in the past three years, he’s gone from being zeroed out to becoming a playa with game, money and muscle. Plus he’s been killing it in the courtroom. Sounds like he’s done some real work to set himself up for success. Yeah, he’s got a flawed “captain save-an-ex” mental model, but that’s something he can fix with a little introspection and work.
/r/askMRP29/02/20 10:27 PM
1

It really annoys me seeing the bs some men put up with. Why? Those men are getting exactly what they deserve and it’s on them if they are too lazy to do anything about it.
/r/MarriedRedPill28/02/20 02:41 AM
2

”Yes, it’s true. There is a woman at the gym who is interested in me. And I’ll be honest, it makes me feel good knowing someone has a true interest in me. But understand I haven’t done anything and have no plans to do anything. For that matter, I’ve never strayed on you in our marriage. I prefer you and always have.” Sounds like you sensed she was anxious and (like a Nice Guy) you tried to fix her feelings by reassuring her. You also sound butthurt—“it makes me feel good knowing someone has true…
/r/MarriedRedPill26/02/20 03:15 PM
1

Doxxing is a legitimate concern. I change the facts slightly. For example, if my daughter plays basketball, I say she plays soccer. Your son’s phone consequence is within your control (you can keep phone), but the staying the night consequence is less so (wife can undermine you). Is your wife on board that what he’s doing needs to be addressed?
/r/MarriedRedPill22/02/20 06:46 AM
1

It’s easy to fall into your wife’s scoreboard frame because it’s obvious to you that if she accurately keeps score, she will understand how much you actually do. It’s a trap. You want to use the scoreboard to keep score, but she wants to use it as a proxy for general grievances. Try the list approach and let me know if it works. If it doesn’t, I have another approach you may want to try.
/r/MarriedRedPill19/02/20 07:53 PM
1

Maybe it’s time to stop using the “it’s all my fault” mental model and find one that serves you better.
/r/MarriedRedPill19/02/20 03:47 PM
3

I discovered my wife was going behind my back with him and making “deals” while I was holding him responsible for his choices. I told her flat out, “Don’t go behind my back and make deals with him. We need to hold him accountable and must discipline him for his actions.” She didn’t say much after, nor did I. Last week, you mentioned that you left the parenting to your wife. She’s been doing it for 20+ years, and probably been doing a pretty good job. You read a few RP books, make some progress, …
/r/MarriedRedPill19/02/20 03:08 PM
1

It may be that the “it’s all my fault” mental model is not serving you. What if you only focused on those things that are within your control (“me” problems) and let go of those things outside your control. What would that look like?
/r/MarriedRedPill19/02/20 02:27 PM
1

Yeah I get it's my fault, This is a good mental model to start with. I would have been better off adopting it earlier. For over a year I avoided responsibility and had a victim mindset. Once I got past being a victim (and a few other things) and took responsibility for those things under my control, the need for this mental model disappeared. I realized there are “me” problems and “you” problems. “You” problems are not my fault. You don’t seem prone to viewing yourself as a victim. In fact, I ca…
/r/MarriedRedPill19/02/20 05:21 AM
4

How is your post different from every other victim puke?
/r/askMRP18/02/20 02:44 AM
1

Why don’t you post on OYS and not read the other OYS posts for a while?
/r/MarriedRedPill18/02/20 02:28 AM
1

Yeah, she’s not going to get your logic. She feels overwhelmed and you can’t fix her feeling by logically explaining how you work more than her. The kids should be the easy part—set them up for success and enforce your boundaries. so I refuse to do the “same” or “equal”. At some point, you will want to ditch your scoreboard (hard to do). Do what needs to be done without caring about the score. Now if you’re dealing with lazy freeloaders, that’s another matter....
/r/MarriedRedPill14/02/20 05:27 PM
1

Namely, I don’t clean enough, I don’t cook enough, she has to do everything. Tries to imply I don’t do anything which is insulting at best. Claims we’d get along much better if I carried more of the load. Really not sure how to deal with this. Here’s how I dealt with it. I created a list of all household tasks. Assigned each task to a member of the family. Taped it to the refrigerator. Wife asked, “What is this?” I told her. She crumpled the list and threw it away. I taped another copy to the fr…
/r/MarriedRedPill13/02/20 09:11 PM
3

Rather than DEER to the latest client issues, I’ve confidently responded, without any arrogance or disparaging their source, placing myself as the expert above what ever they’ve read or heard. Mapping MRP relationship strategies to other areas of your life is great. Good on you. Therefore, I sat down with him again and asked if there is anything missing or that he needs or wants from me as a father. Don’t put this on your son. It is your responsibility to determine what you will give him as a fa…
/r/MarriedRedPill11/02/20 03:56 PM
5

I’m posting this as a record of commitment to myself. Great. But what’s the point? Consider posting weekly and including detailed descriptions of your problems and actions you’ve taken to solve them. E.g., describe an interaction with your wife and tell us how you tried something you learned from the sidebar. Don’t tell us what you want to do (talk). Tell us what you did (actions). Acta non verba.
/r/MarriedRedPill04/02/20 03:49 PM
2

That was a heavy story. I can see why you never talk about it. I also can see why he is in the situation he’s in. You share a traumatic experience to help him and all he can do is DEER. He’s not interested in help, just someone to tell him what he wants to hear. His OP (can’t really call it an OYS) and responses are full of justifications. He feels the need to justify his divorce. Justify his after action report he’s writing before he’s taken the action. Or gone through the meat grinder of divor…
/r/MarriedRedPill30/01/20 01:34 AM
1

I truly know I’ll be fine. This is my primary mental model. I phrase it differently: “No matter what happens, I will handle it.” Took me a long time to get here, but it is a great place to be. Less hedging language than previous weeks. Good progress, but you’re still hedging in some areas: although I suppose travel counts. You bet it does. and will start to do what I want... Why not just do what you want and stop bullshitting yourself about “starting”? The areas where you hedge are where you wan…
/r/MarriedRedPill28/01/20 09:10 PM
0

I have owned that repeatedly in the past. If that’s true, why are you still thinking about what could have been if you were different at the three year mark?
/r/MarriedRedPill28/01/20 05:15 PM
7

It goes back to my lack of vetting 7 years ago. Blaming lack of proper vetting can serve as a cop out, absolving your current self by blaming your 7-years-ago self. Or worse yet, blaming your wife for her red flags. Be careful not to bullshit yourself that if you had just been able to vet better, things would have been different. Your behavior over the past 7 years has put you where you are today, not some magical list of qualities that you should have used to filter out your wife. Don’t let on …
/r/MarriedRedPill28/01/20 12:57 PM
1

Sounds like you have yourself a theme for a narrative.
/r/MarriedRedPill24/01/20 06:34 PM
1

No. I’m saying that you are making decisions based on how you perceive other people may judge you rather than what you want. You may not know what you want, and that’s fine. But you should be working toward finding out what you want, irrespective of what others may think. If you didn’t care about what other people thought about your decisions, what would you do?
/r/MarriedRedPill24/01/20 03:45 PM
2

What you are doing is the same as validation seeking. But instead of seeking validation (or approval) you are seeking to avoid invalidation (or disapproval). They are two sides of the same coin, which is that you are still looking to others to define who you are. You’ve addressed validation-seeking behaviors in other areas of your life, how could you apply those same mental models here?
/r/MarriedRedPill24/01/20 03:19 PM
1

I would be ok with my wife walking out and divorcing me. Good. I would be fine. That’s the right mental model. I wouldn’t be okay leaving her Whether she leaves or you leave, the result is the same. Why should the mental model be any different? I would worry what others perceptions of me leaving my sick wife. So you’re worried about what you think other people may think about you. Even assuming they care what you do (they don’t), why does their opinion matter?
/r/MarriedRedPill24/01/20 04:31 AM
1

what I don’t have with my wife. Revenge fantasies keep you in the victim mindset. we might not ever get back to where we were. Two things. First, you’re telegraphing a covert contract: “I do this MRP thing, the relationship will improve.” Second, you can’t go back. The goal is to get to a place where you can handle life, no matter what happens. And enjoy it. If you make your wife—or some memory of how things were with your wife—your goal, your wife’s reaction is your measure of success. What wou…
/r/MarriedRedPill20/01/20 02:25 AM
1

...I have fantasies about leaving my wife. I won’t deny those thoughts.... These fantasyland thoughts are in response to something. What are the triggers?
/r/MarriedRedPill15/01/20 02:12 AM
1

She was plotting my murder. That’s rough. Added another level of stress, I’m sure.
/r/MarriedRedPill12/01/20 03:10 AM
1

Lemme guess: RP for two years? Ok, then you know watch what she does, not what she says.
/r/askMRP12/01/20 02:11 AM
1

MRP strategies work just fine on older ladies. You are still focused on her reaction. The tools discussed here are for YOU. You should be your focus, not your wife’s reaction to you. Your language shows you have a reflected sense of self, as a Nice Guy you look to others for validation. kept their original wives and arrived at a good end point. Again, “she”-focused language. The fact that the men you speak of are still married is irrelevant. arrived at a good end point. Another misconception. Th…
/r/askMRP10/01/20 07:30 PM
1

Try gaming an older lady. It works. They are all little girls at heart and eat that shit up when you treat them like they are. Case in point. Last week, I was second in line at the department store checkout. The woman at the register had her little boy with her and he was acting out. I turned to the 70+ lady behind me, pointed at the boy with a smile, and said, “He’s not mine.” She smiled back and said, “Yeah, right.” Then we bantered for a few minutes. She smiled and laughed during the interact…
/r/askMRP10/01/20 04:33 PM
1

Writing down your MAP is a good start. You may consider getting one-on-one consulting from Rian or a NMMNG certified therapist.
/r/MarriedRedPill09/01/20 07:22 PM
1

So what’s new? Or different from 95% of other divorces out there? I went back and looked at your OYS from a year ago. I compared it to this OYS. Setting aside your lifting, you seem to have the same problems that you had a year ago and are no closer to implementing solutions. Am I wrong? What has changed in the last year?
/r/MarriedRedPill09/01/20 06:52 PM
1

Yes UK divorce laws suck Okay, but one purpose in talking with a lawyer is to get a realistic look at how your divorce might turn out. So you are not living your life in fear of the unknown and can assess the advantages and disadvantages of divorce. Have you done that? If you have, what specific negative outcomes are holding you back?
/r/MarriedRedPill09/01/20 04:04 PM
1

Begin to lead at home. So, you’re going to start but there’s not a defined goal, other than starting. Start to identify positive social groups There it is again. Why are you hedging? I had thoughts of wanting to leave/withdraw my time and attention. Hedging here, too. This sounds like you see yourself as a victim of your wife’s rejection and engaging in a passive-aggressive “leave my wife” fantasy.
/r/MarriedRedPill09/01/20 04:21 AM
1

You might want to read (or re-read) Sex God Method.
/r/MarriedRedPill08/01/20 09:53 PM
1

Exactly. Why post here unless you are motivated to make changes, experiment, make mistakes, etc.
/r/MarriedRedPill08/01/20 07:39 PM
1

Yep!
/r/askMRP08/01/20 06:13 PM
1

There was value in it for me. The more I spend time reading others’ analyses (and doing my own), the more I start seeing this all over the place. I read a technical journal article this morning where the author engaged in blame shifting, shaming and other manipulation tactics to persuade the reader. He had zero introspection and his article did nothing to advance the ball toward solving the problem he described. Mapping the concepts, skills and lessons I learn here to other areas of my life has …
/r/askMRP08/01/20 05:33 PM
1

how we’re practically joined at the hip. You know this is a problem, right? What are you going to do about it?
/r/MarriedRedPill08/01/20 01:29 AM
2

she has sex with me whenever I want. I love it when a MAP comes together. Literally Yep. have good frame. Better yet, “I have rock solid frame.” I wrote it so it must be true?
/r/askMRP07/01/20 02:41 PM
2

My wife is 50 and menopausal/peri menopausal. I’ve been running my MAP just fine. Why are you concerned about your wife’s response?
/r/askMRP06/01/20 06:04 PM
3

Who said there has to be a main event? It is possible that you may never have one. Your wife might slowly come to the realization that you are her best option and get onboard with little or no fanfare. Beware the covert contract: “I did all this MRP stuff, escalated through the dread levels, so that you would finally blow snot bubbles and submit to me.” I went through at least a year of power struggles and constant bullshitting myself before it finally sunk in that my battle is with myself. The …
/r/MarriedRedPill02/01/20 08:44 PM
2

Your edit to your OP cleared things up. I agree with Cloudy Pirate that progress is progress, no matter what label you give it.
/r/MarriedRedPill02/01/20 07:45 PM
2

Are you sure this is was a main event? You haven’t given us much detail (yet), but it sounded more like a negotiation, with her topping from the bottom to get another kid in exchange for her promise to do what you expect.
/r/MarriedRedPill02/01/20 01:41 AM
2

She is very happy and contented, and approves enthusiastically Why is her approval important? My wife is not yet the submissive kitten And I trust that she will follow Are part of a covert contract. A lot of your OYS focuses on what you think your wife thinks about you based on her words and actions. It is as if you are telling your story from her perspective. That's not introspection. That's your wife as your mental point of origin. How would you tell this same story from your perspective--with…
/r/MarriedRedPill27/12/19 05:10 PM
4

In other words, that’s your assumption based on hundreds of interactions you have had. It’s the narrative that you tell yourself in these situations. Your narrative is that your wife inserting herself is her way of communicating that you can’t handle the situation yourself. Put more simply: You are not good enough. Your narrative also assumes that your wife has the right to judge you. There’s a Nice Guy issue there below the surface. You might want give that some thought. At some point, you may …
/r/askMRP21/12/19 06:49 PM
1

How do you know that she started helping because she wanted to be controlling and could do it better than you?
/r/askMRP21/12/19 03:50 PM
1

My point exactly.
/r/MarriedRedPill16/10/19 11:12 PM
1

Does Chester know that he’s half repping? If you posted a guide to proper form at the gym, would Chester think it applied to him?
/r/MarriedRedPill16/10/19 08:31 PM
3

Very well written with almost no jargon, which shows a depth of understanding.
/r/askMRP11/10/19 09:56 PM
1

Good. You can map that approach to all the other shit you need to own. One of the benefits of writing your shit out and reframing it.
/r/MarriedRedPill10/10/19 07:10 PM
1

All those statements struck me as excuses or examples of how you are a victim of your circumstances, because you made no attempt to describe how you intend to address them. What concrete actions are you going to take to address those things you can control? For example, can you work with your sons on their homework? Or can you have them work with a tutor (free or paid)? Have you talked with their teachers about their issues and potential resources to help them? Your wife may not be the best pers…
/r/MarriedRedPill09/10/19 06:57 PM
1

But our life is so full... There has been a lot of stress... Homework time is tough... It’s hard to game and flirt and... We do not have family or friends... What do all of these statements have in common?
/r/MarriedRedPill09/10/19 04:45 PM
1

I withdrew comfort completely Good work. Keep it up and break that need for validation. It feels good when you get that urge to seek validation, recognize it, and can control it. It feels great when you realize you’ve gone several weeks without even thinking about seeking it.
/r/MarriedRedPill08/10/19 08:00 PM
1

Yeah. Good for him. Here’s hoping he comes back to post again after his ban.
/r/MarriedRedPill07/10/19 07:56 PM
1

Now you’ve got two more things to work on: Your fragile ego and passive-aggressive behavior.
/r/MarriedRedPill07/10/19 04:06 PM
2

Excuse the wall of text. Didn’t need to read any further. Why did you start your OYS asking the internet to forgive you? Work on that.
/r/MarriedRedPill07/10/19 12:26 AM
1

It is like an addiction. Not easy to stop. I stopped. But it took a lot of self control. I wasn’t a dick about it, I just stopped giving back rubs, shoulder rubs, etc. After a while, I started up again but only when it was absolutely clear that she was asking for it. Like if she would sit next to me on the couch. I like the cat analogy. When the cat comes up to you and sits in your lap, you pet it. But you don’t go chasing the cat around the house so that you can pet it. Gotta break the validati…
/r/MarriedRedPill02/10/19 02:58 PM
1

What does being anxious about it tell you?
/r/MarriedRedPill02/10/19 12:55 PM
1

Look back at u/persaeus’s comments to your June 25 OYS. He nailed it on the issue of you seeking comfort from your sex-denying wife. Have you tried going on a comfort moratorium? Just to see what might happen if you stop seeking validation?
/r/MarriedRedPill01/10/19 11:25 PM
2

She’s crazy like a fox. After he got over the backlash from her article, I’m sure hubby was reluctant to do anything that might be perceived as MRP. Lesson in this story: If you subscribe to “don’t talk about fight club”, get your OPSEC on lock—or else. Especially if your wife is a blogger on Medium.
/r/MarriedRedPill26/09/19 08:25 PM
5

I saw this last year and assumed it was a creative way for the author to nuclear shit test and publicly shame her husband, while soaking in that sweet, sweet validation of internet views and likes. Win-win as they say.
/r/MarriedRedPill26/09/19 06:55 PM
2

Mine came after over six months of posting in OYS. WNS told me that I wanted to be “a whiny little shit who wants to be a victim instead of taking ownership.” It didn’t hurt. Instead it felt great because it revealed a fucked up mental model that I needed to change.
/r/MarriedRedPill25/09/19 09:36 PM
7

Are you making excuses (practice game, improve looks) to avoid having to put yourself out there and take risks?
/r/MarriedRedPill19/09/19 03:13 PM
2

He did the same to me. He wanted to argue about everything and blame his wife and society for all his problems. Serious case of chronic victim mentality.
/r/MarriedRedPill12/09/19 11:34 PM
2

How do you live rent free in other heads? Always be polarizing.
/r/MarriedRedPill07/09/19 03:31 PM
1

Trump, Trump, Trump... So many people are in that guy’s frame. Hell, I was in Canada last week and someone had a “Resist Trump, Dump Trump” sign in their window. Living rent free inside so many heads.
/r/MarriedRedPill07/09/19 03:10 PM
2

I’m 50 and my wife is 49 and I’ve had different results. Once I started owning my shit, stopped thinking like a victim, stopped blaming my wife, and stopped acting like a passive aggressive bitch, my life magically improved. I didn’t need to change my wife or have her “come along”. I found I was the old dog that needed to learn new tricks.
/r/MarriedRedPill16/08/19 10:53 PM
2

How would your life be if you weren’t a victim?
/r/MarriedRedPill09/08/19 01:53 AM
1

You are a plow horse, living for your kid to be “stellar.” If you continue with this mental model, your kid will think this is how life should be. Is this the example you want to be (for your kids)?
/r/MarriedRedPill09/08/19 01:44 AM
1

Then you need to do some introspection. Think about the comments on your OYS posts over the past two months. There are several glaring issues that you ignored. The name calling (faggot, pussy, etc.) is a shit test. Specifically, it is a test to see if can you set aside your ego and work to understand the real message. Or do you get butthurt and ignore the gold nuggets mixed in with the insults? So far, you are in the latter category. You are failing the shit tests. Ask yourself why you are in th…
/r/MarriedRedPill02/08/19 12:40 AM
1

Do you want to change the way you are thinking (mental models)? Or are you looking for a gut check on your wife’s response to your attempts to communicate?
/r/MarriedRedPill01/08/19 07:22 PM
1

Bear with me here. Why do you want a different perspective?
/r/MarriedRedPill01/08/19 04:25 PM
2

Alright. The only part of your reply that was responsive to my question was “I’m here to share the process I’m going through . . . .” The rest was answering questions I did not ask. Stay with me here. Why do you want to share the process you are going through?
/r/MarriedRedPill01/08/19 04:08 PM
1

A serious question: Why are you posting here?
/r/MarriedRedPill01/08/19 03:26 PM
1

I took two of his classes and agree in large part with your assessment.
/r/askMRP31/07/19 06:46 PM
2

Yessir. For those doing the so-called vetting, it’s an attempt to soothe themselves. For those who supposedly “vetted poorly”, it provides an easy answer. Either way, it’s an excuse to avoid doing the hard work.
/r/MarriedRedPill23/07/19 02:46 AM
13

I want to be ready to lay out a vision for our relationship Here's what I did. I explained it in a narrative story. I first set the context: We are in our 90s and our great-grandchildren ask us how we met and what was our secret to such a successful marriage. I started at the beginning, telling how we first met and the feelings I had. Then I moved forward through time, telling the stories of several positive but emotionally-charged events in our 20-year past. Explained how they made me feel. By …
/r/MarriedRedPill12/07/19 08:11 PM
1

Soap? I thought Bob endorsed Craftsman tools...
/r/MarriedRedPill06/07/19 02:39 PM
1

You. You are “this”. You are the one thing stopping you from having the life you want.
/r/MarriedRedPill04/07/19 02:44 AM
1

As a recovering "victim," I understand that some guys struggle with seeing it in themselves. Hell, I was in denial for nearly 40 years. What I can't relate to is their stubborn refusal to listen. Here's what you told me last December: If you had intrinsic value, and valued yourself at some level, you wouldn't even dream of tolerating that type of self indulgent b.s. Unfortunately, you're you and not me, so you aren't there yet. You're still just a passive aggressive whiny little shit who wants t…
/r/MarriedRedPill28/06/19 02:20 AM
1

He’s calling me a loser, not SBIII. Name calling to justify himself and avoid asking the hard questions.
/r/MarriedRedPill27/06/19 05:00 AM
2

I learned I was not accepting responsibility for everything in my life. Externally, for about 40 years I wore a mask of never complaining. Internally, I complained and blamed others. My ego was so tied up with projecting that false image to the world that it created a huge blind spot. I cringe when I read my old OYS posts, because it was so obvious. It has taken me almost eight months to come to grips with it and start seeing results. And I still have a long way to go.
/r/MarriedRedPill26/06/19 12:04 AM
2

Drop the ego. No one gives a fuck about your businesses, leadership or how popular you are. If that was all it took, there’d only be a handful of guys here. You think your wife owes you sex because you think you’re so damn good at everything? How’s that working for you?
/r/MarriedRedPill25/06/19 08:45 PM
2

Read “Extreme Ownership” by Jocko Willink. Analogize the lessons in it to your mindset.
/r/MarriedRedPill25/06/19 08:19 PM
2

You replied to the main thread. You’re in complete denial about being a victim. You have a shitload of covert contracts and when your wife won’t fuck you because of them, it’s her fault. No. Just fucking no.
/r/MarriedRedPill25/06/19 08:02 PM
1

You are stuck in a victim mindset. Like really fucking deep. Getting mad because other MRPers are getting laid and you’re not. WTF??? They’re working on themselves and making progress. You’re whining about your situation to avoid having to do the real work and wondering why it’s not working. Get off your ass, stop playing the victim, and recognize THAT YOUR FUCKED UP MENTAL MODELS ARE THE PROBLEM. Notice that I did not say YOU ARE THE PROBLEM, your mental models are. If I can make progress towar…
/r/MarriedRedPill25/06/19 07:26 PM
10

If you’re not creating emotional tension (gaming her and creating feelz), she will start creating her own by pushing your buttons over stupid shit. Get out ahead of her by creating tension. Here’s an approach that helped me: If she’s getting mad over trivial stupid shit, imagine that she’s a four-year-old and she just called you a poopy face. Do you get surly when a four-year-old does this? Or, like LongRoad said, do you have fun with that little girl?
/r/MarriedRedPill26/05/19 01:36 AM
1

Like I said, take what works, leave what doesn’t.
/r/MarriedRedPill22/05/19 12:58 PM
1

Focus on fixing yourself. The saying around here is MRP fixes the man not the marriage. I have not cheated, but as I said in my initial comment, my wife is (unknowingly) helping me uncover my fucked up mental models and behaviors. Getting my needs met elsewhere would risk that and potentially slow or stop my progress.
/r/MarriedRedPill22/05/19 04:02 AM
1

Relationship: Haven’t thought about that in a long time. I’m happier and that’s my focus. Books: They all are helpful, but I find myself going back to NMMNG more than any other book. Rollo’s books triggered me at the beginning, but I think that was his intent—piss a guy off so he swallows the pill.
/r/MarriedRedPill21/05/19 12:26 AM
1

About 10 months for me. Recognizing that I had a victim mentality and addressing that helped me overcome the anger phase.
/r/MarriedRedPill20/05/19 10:07 PM
1

Ahhh...I get it now. You gave me the “meow” advice about a year ago. And I thought you were just giving me a hard time...for being a pussy.
/r/askMRP20/05/19 07:50 PM
1

I was angry and it took a while to get over it. Use your pain as a resource—go to the gym and take out your anger on the iron.
/r/MarriedRedPill20/05/19 03:58 PM
1

Exactly. Easy to say get rid of your covert contracts, but hard to do.
/r/MarriedRedPill20/05/19 02:32 PM
1

You seem to know what you want. Now, what are you going to do about it? I.e., how are you going to get it? Those are the questions you should be asking yourself as you prepare your MAP.
/r/MarriedRedPill20/05/19 02:30 PM
2

and I am like "what is happening here". Start posting here each week with your stats, what sidebar books you've read, how many times you've read them, and other information. After you post consistently and show that you're putting in the work, you'll start getting feedback. Try new strategies, take what works and leave what doesn't. However I know this is about more than sex... That's right. There are many layers and it can take a long time to uncover your fucked up mental models. I do not feel …
/r/MarriedRedPill20/05/19 01:50 AM
1

Reconsider u/rocknrollchuck’s comment about enervating. You DEERed in response, which tells me something struck a nerve. Your posts are full of complaints about her, like you are the victim. Work on changing your victim mindset.
/r/MarriedRedPill20/05/19 12:44 AM
9

Sidebar much? Rule Zero is the first rule of MRP. You have to shave your ass and scrotum, and post before and after pics as proof. Pro tip: scrub the metadata from your photos before posting. Getting doxxed from your shave pics will earn you a ban.
/r/MarriedRedPill19/05/19 02:33 AM
1

I am angry at myself because I can't even express my emotions without getting ripped to shreds. By your own admission, you have never stood up for yourself. You tried, failed and learned something. Did you expect to be perfectly calibrated on your first try? That you would grow a strong backbone overnight? You will fail again. Accept that and be willing to make mistakes. These failures are part of the calibration process and growing a backbone. Don't use this failure as an excuse to retreat back…
/r/MarriedRedPill18/05/19 07:01 PM
1

I'm 50 and my wife is 49. Been posting here a little over a year. I second u/Whatev22's comment that you have a covert contract. where do you draw the line when it comes to plates and me satisfying my own needs. You have to decide this for yourself. I have concluded that I will know when the time comes. I have set artificial deadlines, several of which have passed. I stopped setting deadlines and now look at the overall value proposition based on what I want. What I want right now is to address …
/r/MarriedRedPill18/05/19 05:32 PM
1

I agree you need to stop trying to pull her into your frame. That’s dancing monkey. You need to GIVE MORE FUCKS about your self respect. I’m not saying you should respond to every perceived slight. I’m saying that when your wife is clearly acting like an ungrateful cunt, shut that shit down and establish a hard boundary.
/r/MarriedRedPill10/05/19 04:43 AM
1

“... being bitchy because she was bored.” Are you sure you’re not making excuses here? You did something nice for her (lunch) and she responded by being ungrateful and treating you like a bitch.
/r/MarriedRedPill09/05/19 06:15 PM
1

That was my take, too. I would not fog in your situation, though. If you STFU, it should be combined with an action that sets a boundary. When I’m in that quadrant, I’ve been using u/persaeus’s approach: walk out. Or tell her “fuck off” and then walk out. Sets the boundary that I will not accept being treated like a bitch. So far, it’s working.
/r/MarriedRedPill09/05/19 03:52 PM
1

Wife:"This place is shit" me: "(grinning) my date venues are carefully selected to match the quality of the woman" Your response was not calibrated to her attitude. This article by Stoney helped me better calibrate my responses: https://www.rianstone.com/blog/2018/11/24/power-games-a-field-guide. The chart is really helpful.
/r/MarriedRedPill09/05/19 02:54 PM
1

“It fell on deaf ears.” How do you know this?
/r/MarriedRedPill07/05/19 02:15 PM
1

“take things really, really slow” + hand on boob = girl game push/pull. Seems like she’s putting in some effort to generate emotional tension/feelz between the two of you.
/r/MarriedRedPill02/05/19 03:18 PM
1

That just means Bill G.’s been spending too much time with his Excel spreadsheet, and not enough time owning his shit. Occupational hazard I guess.
/r/askMRP24/04/19 08:06 PM
3

Yes, it happened, sex came back. That just made my day. One small step for u/FoxShitNasty83, one giant leap for mankind. Now, tell me about your macros.
/r/MarriedRedPill10/04/19 12:41 AM
2

You might pay a little more, but uberselect is a better quality ride.
/r/askMRP09/04/19 12:40 AM
2

do you ever purposely make her bitchy? Occasionally. She usually does it on her own then I run with it. So long as I keep my own emotions in check, it really doesn't matter whether it is positive feelz or negative feelz. If it creates tension, it drives attraction and keeps things from getting boring.
/r/askMRP08/04/19 09:36 PM
1

Nah, you’re good.
/r/MarriedRedPill24/03/19 10:37 AM
2

Assumes boss and employee understand roles and responsibilities. Not always the case. P.S. Nice flair.
/r/MarriedRedPill21/03/19 10:46 PM
9

Your 12-step comment inspired me (and I needed a break): We admitted we were powerless over our excessive body fat, that our lives had become unmanageable. Came to believe an Olympic bar with weights greater than our own weight could restore us to a health. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the Iron Temple as we understand the Iron. Made a searching and fearless body fat inventory of ourselves. Admitted to the Iron, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of…
/r/askMRP21/03/19 07:32 PM
1

You're right. See edit above.
/r/askMRP15/03/19 05:41 PM
1

Hi _______!
/r/askMRP14/03/19 04:56 PM
0

Lol. I’m not plugging Glover, though I see how you might conclude that. EDIT: I would add that if he inadvertently makes a buck off my post, more power to him.
/r/askMRP13/03/19 08:24 PM
2

One risk associated with tracking outcomes that you have limited control over is that you may start to develop attachments to those outcomes. You also may start developing new covert contracts. These attachments and covert contracts can result in suffering if the goal (over which you had little or no control over in the first place) is not achieved. This is the opposite of outcome independence (OI).
/r/askMRP12/03/19 12:54 AM
13

I track all those same metrics. However, because I'm now the Captain, I've delegated the tracking and reporting functions to my wife (aka The Home Officer of Technology or "THOT"). As a female, RP teaches that she's better at predictive analytics and data modeling than I am. As a male, I'm better a data visualization and collating unstructured data. I created an smart phone app that gives me real-time remote user access to the cloud, so I can verify her progress while at work. We review her peri…
/r/askMRP11/03/19 08:53 PM
1

Do you and your boss know how much time will be involved in this on-call assignment? If not, consider offering to do the job for a trial period (one month?) so you both can get a sense for the time commitment and amount of additional compensation that would be fair. Or whether additional resources would be needed to provide the appropriate level of services.
/r/askMRP01/03/19 04:00 PM
1

I find myself dwelling on “what can i do to fix this” but fix me first. I've recently reached this same conclusion. I am realizing that I need to focus on leading my own hamster out of the maze (unfuck myself), before I can lead anyone else. That's job #1 right now. BTW, how are your macros? /s
/r/MarriedRedPill27/02/19 04:14 AM
2

Strange...my wife started sleeping in the guest room a few days ago. Shit test for sure.
/r/askMRP27/02/19 12:48 AM
2

Resist the urge to tell your wife about what you are going to do, what you’re doing, and what you’ve done to change yourself. 99% of what you do will not be noticed. 100% of it should be for you.
/r/MarriedRedPill22/02/19 07:50 PM
3

Clicks. And the sweet validation that she gets from those clicks.
/r/MarriedRedPill21/02/19 09:55 PM
21

“I'm bad, and that's good! I will never be good, and that's not bad!” -Wreck-It-Ralph
/r/MarriedRedPill16/02/19 05:39 PM
1

I get that. I’m interested in R316’s take on the connection between narcissism and female sex drive.
/r/MarriedRedPill15/02/19 04:37 PM
2

So the more narcissistic a woman is, the greater her sex drive?
/r/MarriedRedPill15/02/19 04:00 PM
5

Wheymen, brother.
/r/askMRP14/02/19 01:17 AM
1

Can you tell me more about what steps you took to elimenate these thoughts? I have not eliminated them entirely--yet. Here's what I do. First, as soon as I recognize that they are happening, I have a conversation with myself where I say: "You are engaging in a victim narrative and need to stop. You are not a victim." Then I use cognitive behavioral therapy strategies to stop the thoughts, like forcing myself to think of something else, distracting myself, etc. I also try to think about what is g…
/r/MarriedRedPill13/02/19 04:21 PM
4

You are angry because you're still viewing yourself as a victim. You're blaming your wife for not validating you. The following are all victim narratives: "It saddens me, but on the other hand I think I have given enough effort to let go." "She always closes her eyes and says this is to be less distracted. When I discussed this a long time ago, she had a slip of the tongue and almost said she did this to block herself off." "I'm done with that. You either find me attractive or not, and I don't w…
/r/MarriedRedPill13/02/19 01:51 AM
1

I agree. They should factor into the value proposition but be two of several factors.
/r/askMRP12/02/19 06:48 PM
4

By “cost” and “benefit” I am referring to tangibles and intangibles, not just money. The monetary costs/benefit analysis is way down my list.
/r/askMRP12/02/19 05:40 PM
6

Currently, the costs outweigh the benefits.
/r/askMRP12/02/19 04:22 PM
1

I took one for the team and bought AK’s book. It’s not all bad, but is written for both men and women, so some of the advice is wrong. Here’s an example quote pandering to women and drunk captains: “For most co-ed couples, the guy leading seems to work the best, but I really don’t understand the fuss if a woman is leading and the couple are happy.” If you’ve already read NMMNG and BPP’s prisoner’s dilemma post, this book is largely redundant.
/r/askMRP12/02/19 01:27 AM
1

Or shop for groceries. I thought the same thing. These are two basic life skills that he should have.
/r/askMRP11/02/19 03:09 AM
2

Why do you want the shit tests to end?
/r/askMRP08/02/19 07:29 PM
2

I can vouch for u/SteelSharpensSteel's comment. I went through it twenty years ago. Got married just as my wife started her residency and she was pregnant (planned) six months later. She worked her rotations up until the day our son was born. I can remember her coming home from a 48-hour shift one afternoon. She worked the entire shift (no sleep) while six months pregnant. She sat down on the bed and fell asleep with her eyes open. That was some crazy shit. I almost called 911. Before my son was…
/r/askMRP08/02/19 05:28 AM
1

Yep, I was overthinking. I like your responses.
/r/MarriedRedPill07/02/19 08:52 PM
2

How do you not know where your migraine meds are?... My daughter had a migraine a few days before, so my wife asked if she could give her my medication. Of course I agreed. Instead of putting them back where she found them (my travel kit), she put them in my briefcase. Not a big deal, I just needed to find them. "My life at 2AM sucked. You made it better by helping me find the medications. Thank you." This would have been a better response. I will try it next time. My controlled anger was an exp…
/r/MarriedRedPill06/02/19 08:57 PM
2

I am 49 | 5'-8"|169 lbs.| 15% BF (hydrostatic method in mid-December at 168 lbs)| BP 170, SQ 237, DL 226, BR 115, OHP 106 |married 20 years to 49 year-old wife | two teenage children. Fitness/Body – Went running five days out of the seven while I was on vacation last week. Started back with weights today. While we were at the pool last week, my daughter commented to my wife that “It looks like dad got rid of his dad bod.” Well…not quite, but I’m getting there. Diet – I’m still on zero carb/carni…
/r/MarriedRedPill06/02/19 06:18 AM
11

recently my LTR told me The good news: She cared enough to tell you. The bad news: It reached the point where she had to overtly tell you these things, which means you probably didn't pick up on the subtle hints she's been dropping along the way. If I woman overtly communicates in this way, she's run out of womanese options and is pulling out the nukes. she wanted me to improve The good news: She must see potential in you. The bad news: You are operating far below your potential. After this, I t…
/r/askMRP03/02/19 11:55 PM
2

seems i led you into a trap, and now you're getting gang banged Yes but the gang bang made me realize that I was operating with a covert contract. So, it was a good thing. Thanks. if on the other hand, she was being an entitled demanding cunt She was, and I felt slighted because I had just spent 30 minutes preparing dinner [COVERT CONTRACT]. the bigger the woman, the bigger the man needs to be to satisfy her hypergamy Agreed. She's 49 though, and the pool of available men who could satisfy her h…
/r/MarriedRedPill24/01/19 04:30 PM
1

You still give too many fucks. Agreed. And I gave a fuck because I had set up a covert contract. When I felt slighted because she breached it, I responded later with a passive-aggressive comment. If I had not given a fuck and ignored her as you mention, it would not have mattered. Thanks.
/r/MarriedRedPill24/01/19 04:06 PM
1

If I gave zero fucks I would have ignored her, because I don't care. Your comment made me realize I had a covert contract: If I prepare dinner, she will treat me with respect and not complain about some minor detail that I could not have possibly anticipated. My belief that she breached my contract resulted in me making the passive-aggressive comment. Very insightful. Thank you.
/r/MarriedRedPill24/01/19 04:03 PM
1

I think u/Persaeus was being serious with his question about my wife's condiment compliance test. My wife's comments about my diet were serious. She's a physician and on one level seriously concerned about my health because my cholesterol is danger-high. She's also a master at double-bind questions that are intended to put me on the defense. Whenever she asks one of these types of questions, I go into funny/sarcastic mode. So, yes, my part of the conversation was funny/sarcastic.
/r/MarriedRedPill24/01/19 05:01 AM
1

you sound boring as fuck Yeah, that's something I'm working on. Wife has made similar comments throughout our marriage. I've been taking improv and storytelling classes, attending more social events, chatting up people in the elevator, doing shit that is out of character for me, etc. how could you have handled this in a way that would have produced feelz without losing frame? Condiment Crisis Situation Option 1: [In a funny voice] "Ma'am, I'm just the busboy. The waiter must have made a mistake.…
/r/MarriedRedPill23/01/19 08:41 PM
6

I am 49 | 5'-8"|16 lbs.| 15% BF (hydrostatic method in mid-December at 168 lbs)| BP 170, SQ 237, DL 226, BR 115, OHP 106 |married 20 years to 49 year-old wife | two teenage children. Fitness/Body – Finally got off my ass and put in more cardio this week (running and cycling). I did not prioritize my SL 3x5 workouts (I did auxilarly lifts at my office gym, which doesn’t have Olympic bar free weights/racks), so I took the SL app’s recommended 10% deload. I had plateaued and was starting to develop…
/r/MarriedRedPill23/01/19 01:30 AM
5

I wanted to delete this post because I was ashamed of how it made me look. But I knew I had to keep it up because I was afraid. That was your inner Nice Guy talking . . . good on you for not backing down.
/r/askMRP21/01/19 09:45 PM
23

Last week I told her This was a mistake. You verba'd when you should have acta'd. I won’t ever be able to take myself seriously You made a mistake by issuing an ultimatum and she called your bluff. So what? Learn from it. But I’m emotional You know you are emotional, so give yourself a time out (go to the gym) and get back to logical thinking. If you still want her out after you've calmed down, then develop a sound plan (including consulting a lawyer) and execute it on your terms.
/r/askMRP21/01/19 02:12 AM
1

go for a two button comfort fit I'm on the shorter side, so I wear three-button jackets. Creates the illusion that I am taller than I really am. A tailored shirt is key to a good overall look I completely agree. Blousey shirts look sloppy. You want to emphasize the V-shape, not hide it under a poncho-like off the rack shirt that you have to keep stuffing into your pants. DO NOT WEAR SHORT SLEEVED SHIRTS Who does this? Never seen it and would not try it. Then pick some things that give it a bit o…
/r/MarriedRedPill18/01/19 11:57 PM
1

Thanks for the tip. I found one in my area and will give it a try.
/r/MarriedRedPill18/01/19 01:32 AM
1

i can see she is clearly more interested with the cat then me Like you told me last week: i focus on the pussy; not what's inside her head. Seriously though, that comment right there helped put things in the right perspective--to the point where when I'm tempted to start speculating about what's going on inside her head, I think of your comment and refocus on the goal.
/r/MarriedRedPill17/01/19 01:52 AM
4

49 years old | 5'-8"|167 lbs.| 15% BF (hydrostatic method in mid-December at 168 lbs)| BP 190, SQ 262.5, DL 255, BR 130 , OHP 119 |married 20 years to 49 year-old wife | two teenage children. Diet/Health – My LDL cholesterol is very high, so I’ve been cleaning up my diet. I’m still on zerocarb, but eating leaner cuts of meat and more fish. I’m also taking red yeast rice extract, which is an OTC supplement with a mild statin, and fish oil. I will take another blood test in a few weeks. Fitness/Bo…
/r/MarriedRedPill15/01/19 03:53 PM
3

Cut. The rule of thumb I've heard around here is that things start changing around 15% BF, and that's when I noticed increased interest from my wife and other women.
/r/askMRP13/01/19 11:36 PM
1

you have no idea what's going on and no business in other peoples heads I have given this some thought and think I'm on the verge of gaining a deeper understanding. I have been using what I've learned in an attempt to engage in a complicated manipulation strategy, largely based on assumptions about what is going on in my wife's head because she is a woman. I also have been focusing on controlling unattractive behaviors (like passive aggressive behaviors) without addressing the underlying issues …
/r/MarriedRedPill11/01/19 09:25 PM
2

In the interest of sharing notes, here are mine. If he's so inclined, I'd like to see what u/Persaeus has to say about this. My wife used to tell me that I was a "doorknob," because I rarely expressed an opinion or emotion. I was a Nice Guy and wanted to avoid conflict so that my life would be smooth. I was boring. I had no game. I view game as attention that results in generating those feelz (emotions) that result in polarization. Examples include conflict (push), comfort (pull), tension (push/…
/r/MarriedRedPill10/01/19 09:11 PM
1

I appreciate your comments. Many mistakes this week, many lessons learned.
/r/MarriedRedPill09/01/19 01:51 AM
1

They are all my goals and have nothing to do with any woman. I appreciate the advice about calling her bluff and ignoring her response. Meanwhile, I’ll focus on continuing to put more chips on my pile.
/r/MarriedRedPill09/01/19 01:45 AM
1

Ouch. You got me right between the eyes. I never really had my victim puke; guess I’ve just been belching up bits of vomit here and there. That’s the last of it.
/r/MarriedRedPill08/01/19 11:19 PM
1

Good question. For me, not yet. However, I have reached the point where I’m willing to do it to achieve my goals. The reason I’m not prepared to do it now is that I haven’t addressed enough of my own bullshit. The current state of the relationship (and the comments I’m getting from you and others) is helping me understand my flaws and dysfunctional thinking. If I pull the pin before unfucking myself, these issues will remain below the surface and continue to keep me from reaching my full potenti…
/r/MarriedRedPill08/01/19 08:55 PM
1

Yep. I was engaging in typical Nice Guy behavior of trying to fix and caretake when I perceived her feelings of obligation. I was trying to solve my idea of her problem. Not good. Thanks.
/r/MarriedRedPill08/01/19 08:09 PM
1

Got it now. That was very helpful.
/r/MarriedRedPill08/01/19 07:57 PM
1

You’ve told me that before and I see the merit in your approach. Under our current situation (joint accounts), there’s an incentive for both of us to save, which supports my goal of setting up my kids for success. I’ve got the legal side more than covered and know how it’s likely to turn out. I have no fear of consequences and will rebuild. The only thing holding me back is time, waiting to see if my 1,000 foot rope is connected to her dinghy. If it turns out it’s come loose, then it’ll be full …
/r/MarriedRedPill08/01/19 07:17 PM
1

My vision for the divorce was that we should minimize legal expenses, primarily for the benefit of our children. She disagreed. In response, I told her that if she took scorched earth approach, I would do the same. (I left that last bit out of my original comment.) I acknowledge the “She” count and implications of same. This was where I was at when I wrote this Saturday night. I did not want to edit them out for the sake of faking progress or sugarcoating my thoughts.
/r/MarriedRedPill08/01/19 06:56 PM
1

Yes. Fish oil and red rice yeast extract. I’ll look into whey.
/r/MarriedRedPill08/01/19 06:30 PM
1

Thanks. I’m definitely missing something here. I could tell she was feeling obligated to show affection and wanted her to know that that was not what I wanted. How is that displaying insecurity in the context of this discussion? In the past, I have told her that she’s not affectionate and that we’re like roommates. I can see how those comments exhibit attraction validation insecurity. It may be that she was recalling those discussions.
/r/MarriedRedPill08/01/19 06:28 PM
3

I am 49 | 5'-8"|167 lbs.| 15% BF (hydrostatic method in mid-December at 168 lbs)| BP 190, SQ 260, DL 255, BR 130 , OHP 119 |married 20 years to 49 year-old wife | two teenage children. Diet/Health – I received my blood test results. My LDL cholesterol is very high (196 mg/dL), so I’ve got some work to do cleaning up my diet. I’m still on the zerocarb diet, but eating leaner cuts of meat and more fish. I also started taking red rice yeast extract, which is an OTC supplement with a mild statin. I …
/r/MarriedRedPill08/01/19 01:51 PM
1

So she at least has first refusal. My thoughts exactly. If I reach this point, I will give my wife the right of first refusal. I've already started laying the groundwork for this discussion, so she shouldn't be surprised when it happens.
/r/askMRP06/01/19 04:18 PM
2

I can attest to this because I am one of those examples. But for me OYS is where I learn about my blind spots and the parts of the 101 books that I read but, because of my ego, didn't think applied to me.
/r/MarriedRedPill06/01/19 04:07 PM
2

I found this post by u/weakandsensitive to be very helpful. In it, he describes what I would classify as a minor slight, one that I would have let go assuming I even recognized it. The key takeaway for me was that even minor disrespect must be immediately addressed in a calibrated way with congruent words and actions. His statement (in the comments) that "an avalanche doesn't start out as an avalanche" sums it up. My relationship has been a 20-year series of avalanches because I've tolerated and…
/r/MarriedRedPill05/01/19 05:08 PM
2

Fair enough. I make a distinction between asking internet strangers about a major life decision (like OP) and asking about an MRP concept or issue. The former is a mistake.
/r/askMRP05/01/19 04:07 PM
3

What the fuck do you do? I don't know. What the fuck do you want to do? If I was you, I would decide which one of you will buy the other's interest in the business and part ways. Here are your major mistakes: Spending every waking hour together. Owning a business together. Shacking up with a woman at age 24. Losing your self-respect by agreeing to stay with her (and sleep in separate beds) after she gives you the "have sex with others" talk. Your failure to have sex with others (she gave you per…
/r/askMRP05/01/19 02:05 AM
1

On the first key, I was looking for ice cold calculated anger but what I got was white hot rage. Instead of asserting myself at the first sign of disrespect, I kept tamping down my anger until I couldn't take it any more. Typical Nice Guy move of repressing my feelings and avoiding conflict, hoping things would smooth out. Aggressive-aggressive is a notch above passive-aggressive, but not where I want to be. Lesson learned: Trust my gut and assert myself at the first sign of any disrespect. On t…
/r/MarriedRedPill04/01/19 01:38 AM
2

A little more context. Before she asked me for help, she had spent a few hours doing housework. She needed help because the tasks involved lifting heavy shit and moving it around. When she asked for help, she did so in a pleasant tone. She was respectful while I was helping her. The way I look at at it, I was rewarding good behavior by helping her and I did so without any covert contract. How should I have handled this differently?
/r/MarriedRedPill03/01/19 02:52 PM
1

Thanks, man. Her stonewalling ended this afternoon when she asked me to help with a few home improvement projects around the house.
/r/MarriedRedPill02/01/19 01:48 AM
4

I am 49 | 5'-8"|168 lbs.| 15% BF (hydrostatic method in mid-December)| BP 187.5, SQ 260, DL 255, BR 127.5 , OHP 119 |married 20 years to 49 year-old wife | two teenage children. New year, new username. Previous username was u/robertwservice_1974. Social - I went hunting and had a great time with my buddies. We haven't all been together for nearly 30 years. We picked up right where we left off, with the same jokes, same giving each other shit, and same arguments about politics. Good times. Huntin…
/r/MarriedRedPill01/01/19 05:22 PM
4

I know in my head and heart sex isnt everything in life, but I cant seem to turn it off. This is cognitive dissonance. You believe that you should have a satisfying sex life with your amazing loyal wife and best friend, but your head and heart tell you that sex shouldn't be everything. This internal conflict of contradictory beliefs create discomfort, which leads to thoughts of "wanting divorce and just saying screw it . . ." so that you can escape the discomfort. Lift and read the sidebar to le…
/r/askMRP21/12/18 02:07 AM
2

Don't Kill the Ego. Control the Ego and make it work for you. A controlled ego can be strengthened and used to your advantage. Rudyard Kipling wrote: If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you, But make allowance for their doubting too; Men with fragile egos don't trust themselves or make allowance for others' doubts. They seek to preserve the image they perceive they project onto the world. Men with strong, controlled egos bend the world to their will.
/r/MarriedRedPill14/12/18 04:12 AM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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