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May26th Archive

View 0 posts and 253 comments by May26th on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
3

He's going to completely ignore this and she'll think it's hers fault for not explaining enough how important it is to her.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/06/20 11:18 PM
3

I find it hard to believe that this person has ever spoken to a real life woman that he wasn't related to.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/06/20 05:28 AM
3

Just to be clear - he was absolutely, 100% judging you. Dump him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/06/20 05:51 PM
27

A scientist who can't understand how to heat up food. Sure he's "lovely". This is learned incompetence and it greatly benefits him. Imagine him trying this shit at work -"sorry boss I can't complete simple tasks because I'm such a silly billy tee hee".
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/06/20 05:10 PM
5

I know we all dislike her but hpv is awful. I applaud her for going public with something so stigmatized and hope she makes a good recovery.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/06/20 04:31 PM
12

Isn't there already a common understanding around this? If I allow him to pay, I'm interested in him. If I insist on paying (and I find that they will usually argue) it's because I'm not romantically interested. Similarly, if he doesn't offer to pay, I would assume he isn't interested in me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/06/20 02:58 PM
19

I really hope she doesn't get flashbacks when she's older.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/05/20 12:35 PM
3

So because it happened in the past, she can't go back and change it, therefore it is now totally acceptable? That is some serious mental gymnastics.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/05/20 11:36 PM
4

discussed marriage in depth several times. Translation - she repeatedly brings it up, he placates her or guilts her until she stops talking about it. Rinse and repeat.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/05/20 11:30 PM
9

And then we have just the PATHOLOGY of being man. The prisons are 98% males. Violent crimes=crimes that men commit. Autism, psychopathy, sociopathy, agressiveness.....all male ailments. Peodophilia=Male. Paraphilia=Male. Addictions=Male. Porn consumption=male. Domestic abuse=male. I understand that you are highlighting that men are disproportionately more likely to have autism (even when accounting for differing symptoms and under-diagnosing of women). But I really don't think sandwiching autism…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/05/20 07:26 PM
3

It's definitely fake but it's still super creepy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/05/20 03:25 AM
3

Wow, that's a whole lot of guilt and manipulation to pack into a couple of sentences.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/05/20 02:43 AM
58

This is so sad. There's enormous societal pressure on women to "make it work", many folks will automatically assume that it's the wife's fault if he cheats. I stayed with a cheater in the past. The hatred I felt for him was nothing compared to the self-loathing that grew due to my lack of self respect. Edit: I'd highly recommend the book "leave a cheater gain a life" and chumpladys website. It changed my life for the better.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/05/20 10:44 PM
24

Love the future faking thrown in there "one just married there (sic) friend with benefits". This is designed for some poor girl to read it and think that she can fuck him into marriage.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/05/20 11:45 AM
2

Word.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/05/20 05:48 PM
372

Why would you advertise that you are terrible in bed?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/05/20 04:54 PM
17

Such a toxic little circle. How could anyone justify this behavior to themselves?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/05/20 04:52 PM
52

Oh my God. I think this might actually be the worst example I've ever seen of betrayal. What monster's they all were. That poor lady must be shaken to the core
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/05/20 04:51 PM
1

No.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/05/20 12:19 PM
27

Alright, alright, alright!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/05/20 12:08 PM
19

Was this written by Yoda?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/20 08:33 AM
3

Yes.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/05/20 03:04 PM
22

Yep. The second I involved his parents all feelings of suicide instantly disappeared. I later found out that he was on a date while messaging me about how distraught he was...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/05/20 11:06 AM
2

Oh God I'm so sorry, that's terrible. PSA to anyone on the fence about gardasil, the CDC upped their age limit to get the shot. I'm 40 and just got it. I know it's not foolproof but I feel better decreasing my chances of getting cervical cancer. No weird side effects or anything.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/05/20 10:55 AM
7

Lol at "Twu Wuv"!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/05/20 01:31 PM
1

SaFE from "the daily war" no less! This is equal parts tragic and hilarious.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/04/20 02:18 PM
13

You're right not to trust them. More than half of them are beating their own wives. When I was a teenager, a group of women I used to work with would always say "policemen beat, firemen cheat". At the time I thought they were crazy, now I know better.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/04/20 03:10 AM
2

A lot of Western Europe has this same dynamic. While we may not use the words "jock" or "nerd" and we don't have cheerleaders, we certainly do have attractive, sporty kids and shy, bookish ones. A lot of what she mentioned resonates with me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/04/20 03:00 AM
10

The risk to a child in having even one non-biologically related male living with them is enormous, let alone FOUR men. That poor, poor baby. I hope she gives it up for adoption and gives it a chance at a happy life
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/04/20 06:24 PM
5

I'm pretty content with where I'm at right now. Having filed for divorce after a 2 decades long relationship, I'm dedicating this time to myself, to selfgrowth and to working through a long list of things I've always wanted to do. I worked really hard to get to this place of peace and I want to protect it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/04/20 12:20 PM
35

This poor lady. I felt that desperation in my soul. That's just the kitchen. Imagine the rest of that house. She just knows that her 2 days off work are going to be way more exhausting than being there and she's going to get zero break or recharge time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/04/20 04:39 AM
42

It's learned incompetence. It's strategic and deliberate. Imagine them telling their boss at work that they couldn't manage such basic tasks?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/04/20 04:36 AM
18

This is why you never, ever reveal past incidents of rape, molestation, sexual assault etc. They either view you as damaged, think you'll be easier for them to abuse or fethisize your trauma Edit: looking back to say that I love your username!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/04/20 10:05 PM
20

So true.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/04/20 10:01 PM
13

That internal monologue telling yourself that you're never good enough? I'm willing to bet that's probably your parents voices. You can be good and high achieving without having to use those around you as a measuring post for your success. Set your own measuring post - that will lead to true happiness. Comparison really is the third of joy. Particularly as there will always be someone thinner, smarter, richer etc. That's not a personal failing on your part - that's just life. Using negative moti…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/04/20 09:56 PM
44

Good call out. I wish more girls understood that there is something amiss with a guy this age dating so much younger than him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/04/20 09:46 PM
90

I had this exact age gap in my first serious relationship. Guess what? It was awful. But at the time I thought I was so mature.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/04/20 09:11 PM
2

I don't think it's necessarily a flag at all? Maybe he's not super smooth but I don't see anything wrong with a fairly benign pickup line. Especially when he's acknowledging that it's cheesy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/04/20 09:09 PM
4

This is truly vomit inducing. What is wrong with them?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/04/20 09:04 PM
1

This thread is gold! My suggestion - "hit the road jack" Ray Charles.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/04/20 09:01 PM
1

Yaasss
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/04/20 09:00 PM
3

So true.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/04/20 08:59 PM
2

Underrated comment.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/04/20 08:58 PM
5

An apology without change is just more manipulation.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/04/20 08:58 PM
5

Most feel differently, but my experience over the last few years, has led me to believe that closure is total bullshit. There was something super freeing in this attitude for me and I'd whole heartedly recommend it. Do not spend a single other minute of your one precious life on that guy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/04/20 08:57 PM
8

YES! I mentioned that on a separate subreddit and got dragged across the coals for it. Work spouse is just so cringey a concept. No good ever comes of it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/04/20 08:53 PM
1

Some countries don't test unless you "flag" on their system as high risk. As a married woman she likely wouldn't be considered a risk (which is obviously ridiculous given the carry on of so many married men). I feel so sorry for this poor lady and her baby.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/04/20 12:10 PM
11

Well done on making it, surviving that monster and getting him to pay you back!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/04/20 06:08 AM
6

Could you please share some of the signs you mentioned? Also, well done on not lowering standards and finding that happy relationship.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/04/20 05:28 AM
20

I dont think they love their wives, they just love that she makes his life easy and gives him status. Back when I was still trying to save my marriage, I proposed that we do a modified "21 days of happiness". So every day we would take 5 mins to say what we loved about each other. What did he like/love about me? That I was a good mother, that I had a great job and was good at managing finances, that I worked hard to build us a nice home, that I organized lots of social things for us, that his fr…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/04/20 01:35 PM
7

And true.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/04/20 01:25 PM
14

It took my therapist really digging in for me to realize it. The moment where I realized that my bar was "doesn't beat me/rape me, has a job, isn't a drug addict, doesn't scream at me in front of my friends, "allows" me to work" was both horrifying and illuminating. I don't think I had ever consciously acknowledged it before but wow, was that a game changer. Huge turning point.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/04/20 10:27 AM
8

I found one of these groups once that my ex had with the men in "our" friend group. The things they shared about their PARTNERS was horrific. I dumped most of them along with him. Could never look at them the same after seeing it
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/04/20 10:13 AM
8

This happened with an older couple who lived near me. The lady was so, so wonderful. She was an artist who had lived this incredible life, such a wonderful free spirit, and a really striking beauty. Sadly she died. And about 8 weeks later (not much more) he announced that he has to get on with his life and introduced us all to this morning kind of bland woman. She seemed nice enough but I couldn't see anything they really had in common, she wasn't very pretty or interesting (I know I'm being har…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/04/20 12:32 AM
3

So I'm a lot older than you, but I have absolutely noticed this difference. The last time I was actively dating, very few men had access to online porn. I mean videos were a thing but they were much tamer and you'd really have to put some effort in to get them. The things they fantasized about then were just way more normal, felt more natural etc. Now it seems that the extreme has become normalized but also that they've lost touch with what actually interests and arouses them. Now they are progr…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/04/20 12:18 AM
2

This is great advice.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/04/20 12:11 AM
12

I legit got that exact comment from my ex. Got diagnosed with a manageable but lifelong condition. Told him and got "that sucks" and then he just changed the topic. When I think back on the hours I spent arguing with insurance companies, advocating with doctors, researching new treatments, sitting in hospital waiting rooms! Don't do it ladies. Never be a caregiver.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/04/20 10:57 AM
2

This guy has a really poor grasp of statistics.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/03/20 11:14 PM
6

Excellent catch. This is textbook sociopath behavior and a good real life example 🥇
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/03/20 04:33 AM
2

This is solid advice IME. Thanks sister!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/03/20 11:27 PM
9

Nailed it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/03/20 11:25 PM
15

The key words in this comment are "resentful" and "threatened". And it's 100% accurate IMO. I wouldn't describe myself as highly intelligent, I would say I'm bright and hard-working. I've met incredibly intelligent people, I'm not in the same ballpark as them. But I did score in the top percentiles nationally in my exams. This has led to a lot of academic and professional success. There's a wellworn dating trope that people tell unattractive women that men are "just intimidated by them". But the…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/03/20 11:21 PM
2

No.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/03/20 11:05 PM
61

This is just tragic on so many levels.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/03/20 07:52 PM
3

get into your pantries and not even thank you for it. Amazing!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/03/20 10:32 PM
9

Cos you know he doesn't have any books lying around (crusty old Playboy's don't count).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/03/20 01:34 AM
8

You're wrong on every single point (unsurprisingly) and your leaping assumptions are pretty telling. My father was financially a very generous man. He was also what you would probably call traditional and I would call misogynistic and abusive. Based on your posts, he's exactly the type of man you'll probably end up with. You're a redpill booster and I won't be engaging with you further. Here's your first FDS lesson: the power of blocking.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/03/20 11:43 PM
11

Don't worry I get where you're coming from. I've seen my dad cook twice. Ever. It was when my mom was in labor with one of my younger siblings. He made 2 meals of beans on toast and then promptly phoned my grandmother to come feed us. This is probably why I'm so militant about demanding equality in household chores. My poor mother was a servant in her own home.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/03/20 10:11 PM
3

Bingo!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/03/20 09:15 PM
38

Ask him which nights he wants to cook. It's a given he should contribute, she's not asking him a favor. He needs to buy groceries and cook 50% of the time, she does the rest. No more of this learned helplessness nonsense.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/03/20 09:12 PM
5

This is some self-hating bullshit.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/03/20 09:00 PM
4

I think it's intrinsically abusive and exploitive, so I'm a hard no.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/03/20 08:57 PM
14

EXACTLY THE SAME on this side of the world girl! I saw the news when it hit Asia and started to get worried. 6 weeks ago I started adding on extra to each weekly shop (essentially tacking on an extra half weeks groceries to each trip). Nothing crazy but an extra packets of diapers, the multipack of baby wipes, the large tin of formula, 2 bags of rice, some UHT milk etc. Doing this consistently I got enough to shelter in place for 5 weeks. My ex mocked me mercilessly. "I'm not paying extra becaus…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/03/20 08:50 PM
1

Yep. Women are much more likely to file.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/03/20 11:54 AM
1

1/5 of guys who grew up on a farm lost their virginity to a livestock animal. WHAT?!?!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/03/20 11:43 AM
6

Ankles?!?! These are LaDIeS, not harlots!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/03/20 10:40 AM
2

"Cool girl tradwife"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/03/20 10:40 AM
4

They use their women as bait to bring in new male members.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/03/20 10:28 AM
2

I'll file this one away under disappointing but unsurprising. Racism and a return to "traditional values" (only for women mind you) are always a core component of the fascist agenda.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/03/20 10:27 AM
2

Good advice
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/03/20 10:22 AM
1

Same.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/03/20 10:21 AM
2

Yeah see my past posts about how cheap European men are...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/03/20 10:21 AM
2

Italian Americans usually pay. Italians proper usually split.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/03/20 10:20 AM
3

That's because she couldn't consent and they raped her.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/03/20 07:58 AM
6

My ex and I had this exact scenario play out! He then doubled down by complaining how much I stocked up.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/03/20 05:17 AM
2

100% correct.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/03/20 05:14 AM
10

Back in my day they used to call it "pull the pig". Interestingly all the guys who signed up to it contained to be wretched to women through their entire lives. At the time they were teenagers, now they are in their 40s. Core beliefs like this don't change. Please avoid these guys like the plague.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/03/20 10:48 PM
23

It hits men harder because they don't wash their fucking hands.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/03/20 10:37 PM
1

Yup. Totally seemed normal to me at the time. Hindsight has me wincing in horror. Please don't make the same mistake.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/03/20 10:36 PM
3

SAME. Get the hell out of there now. I thought my husband was the loveliest man for years. Now that I look back I cringe when I think of how easily he manipulated and abused me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/03/20 10:34 PM
24

She needs to divorce this guy asap. If only for the financial ramifications of half the state coming after him for child support.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/03/20 12:53 AM
1

What's looksmatch?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/03/20 12:41 PM
3

Absolutely horrifying. Well that's confirmed my decision not to live with a man again. Baby comes first.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/03/20 09:07 PM
6

Really good call out. I don't think this is acknowledged often enough as the darker side of pickme.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/03/20 05:16 AM
7

Please don't call out that subreddit publicly (as a longtime lurker you should be very aware of that - it's like the #1 rule). It's a huge source of support for moms who are struggling and doesn't need to be infiltrated.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/03/20 05:03 AM
5

Excellent insight. Thanks for sharing
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/03/20 10:41 PM
26

It's (yet another) crappy PUA tactic. Apparently it will make us release oxytocin, remind us of our Dad's and make us want to fuck them 🤮 https://www.davidwygant.com/blog/the-seductive-power-of-cuddles/
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/03/20 02:00 PM
2

EMDR works! Completely life changing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/02/20 11:53 AM
31

This. If a man really likes you, it will be aboundly clear. Anything less than this means he's probably not that into you
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/02/20 10:51 AM
4

Not the person you asked but I'm a fan of coffee for first dates. I know this isn't line with the groups philosophy but hear me out. I'm super busy. I don't want to book at a full evening, get dressed up etc. for what could be a terrible date. I don't ask them out. If they haven't asked me out in a few days, I move on (no interest in long drawn out conversations). I do coffee at a place next to my work in the afternoon. This way everyone is sober, it's a minimal time investment and I can quickly…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/02/20 10:46 AM
5

There's actually a really interesting link between men who take extended parental leave and the decision not to have more children. Essentially when they were less responsible for any of the actual work involved, then they were Keen to have oodles of children. As soon as they had to roll up their sleeves and parent, they wanted less children.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/02/20 04:23 AM
4

Great quote!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/02/20 04:14 AM
16

How's the weather there in Gilead?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/02/20 11:32 PM
1

DO IT (and please report back!) 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/02/20 03:13 PM
5

Right, that’s a NOAH GET THE BOAT moment Omg, amazing! Stealing this one 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/02/20 03:10 PM
11

This lady is a doctor. Her husband is wealthy. If she's determined to stay in this shitty marriage (which is seems like she is), then she needs to throw some money (his hopefully) at the problem and get a live in nanny or au-pair. Side note, it's weird how these generational expectation gaps only work in his favor. Surely if he's so "old school" and wealthy, he will believe in paying for in house childcare.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/02/20 07:42 AM
14

100% agree with this. If you're unsure about the future together by the year mark at the very latest, WALK.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/02/20 07:35 AM
3

All good: Beer festivals, scotch tasting, diving classes, rock-climbing, martial arts, cycling, triathlons, woodworking classes, golf, anything car related etc. Avoid: yoga, cooking classes, language classes, boardgame meetups, art classes.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/20 07:31 PM
9

You know,that's actually a really good point on the benefits of rotational dating. I was a bit on the fence but yeah if you don't have that chemistry, it's time to move on.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/20 05:53 PM
1

It won't make a difference if you do. He's already run a smear campaign and branded you as crazy and jealous.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/20 05:40 PM
4

This interview is the best acting that dirtbag has done in years
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/20 05:39 PM
27

Why do they think single moms are desperate? This seems so odd to me. I have a large number of men pursuing me and would say I'm probably pickier now in terms of who I'd consider a relationship with.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/20 05:25 PM
2

That's a really good suggestion.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/20 10:23 AM
3

Yes!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/20 10:22 AM
7

Yep. It sends the same message here too and honestly, I kind of like that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/20 10:21 AM
2

Do you actually know you were awake and coherent or are you taking his word for it?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/20 06:14 AM
1

THIS
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/20 06:13 AM
3

Lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/20 04:20 AM
2

They move like sharks. So true
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/20 04:12 AM
3

Depends, a lot of companies have cafes that offer 3 healthy meals, lots of fruit etc. for snacks. Does he work someplace like that?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/02/20 10:08 PM
25

Yeah I feel the same. My time is too precious to book out an entire evening for someone I don't really know yet. I like first dates to be coffee in the afternoon in a place next to my work. 30 mins tops. This is to see if we are both initially interested. If that goes well, I'd expect him to then ask me out (and pay for) a proper date. This is the screen to see how interested he actually is in me. Is he willing to put in effort, plan something, dress nicely, book out a full evening and spend mon…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/02/20 10:06 PM
18

They don't deserve it but they certainly seek out empathetic people. They seem to have a sixth sense for us.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/02/20 09:51 PM
8

Wow. You just succinctly explained something that I'd been trying to put my finger on for YEARS.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/02/20 09:48 PM
5

I bought myself an expensive piece of art with the centre piece being a packed suitcase. Reminds me that I don't have to put up with anyone's crap and sometimes leaving is the best option.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/02/20 09:44 PM
7

Yep, reading his examples about how deliberate the whole thing is was completely eye-opening. His example around the abusers helping coach an actor for a video we're super chilling "no, lean closer to her", "tower over her a bit" " get louder" "clench your fists". All the things that I once upon a time thought he just couldn't control, we're completed deliberate. Lundy for the win! ✊
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/20 02:24 PM
6

Ehhhh 12,000 zlotys? Otherwise that's crazy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/20 02:20 PM
27

Bait and switch
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/20 10:53 AM
7

The mental gymnastics on this one are Olympic level.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/20 06:16 AM
12

Could have been a way to comfort herself if she was stressed/miserable.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/20 11:06 AM
3

Same
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/20 09:54 AM
1

Please share my story with your friend. My stbxh waited until I was 8.5 months pregnant to "confess" to sleeping with male and female prostitutes as well as a friend of mine. He shortly followed this by shoving me into the oven, bruising my side and pouring the baby bottle sterilizer over my head. I had known that man for 20 years. He was always emotionally abusive but never physical. He waited until I was at my absolute most vunerable to try that. Why? Because he thought I'd be too afraid to le…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/20 06:35 PM
5

They can smell it. As someone going through a divorce from an abusive ex, the (also abusive) vultures started circling.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/20 06:18 PM
10

I like how he tries to guilt/manipulate you into not ignoring him. It's okay if you don't want to respond to poor sad me or if the evil FDS harpies make you not respond to me 🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/20 06:16 PM
2

Narrator - " it wasn't just that one time"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/02/20 11:26 AM
8

Even if they are very generous it doesn't necessarily mean they value you. My stbxh used to shower me with roses, heart boxes of candy, jewelry etc. He was still a monster and I'm glad to be rid of him. I'd a thousand times prefer origami roses from someone who actually loved me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/02/20 11:24 AM
1

I wish I had gold to give you!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/02/20 01:26 PM
47

Yep. He and his friends used to call themselves the "pussy possee". He's always been a creeper.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/02/20 03:21 PM
8

Oh dear God. Please tell me this isn't right. Not looking forward to getting back on the dating scene now.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/02/20 12:24 PM
8

Same. 45 mins was the norm for us. I've discovered, much to my surprise, that sociopaths are great in bed (no inhibitions, novelty/excitement driven, know exactly what to say). Shame about the other 23 hours of the day...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/02/20 12:21 PM
2

Same. I don't accept drinks from people I don't know. It's forcing an interaction.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/02/20 10:03 PM
3

Ugh, where was this quote when I was 19?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/02/20 09:48 PM
1

Lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/02/20 09:44 PM
10

Withholding affection like this is how my abusive ex started out. Be careful.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/02/20 09:34 PM
15

I honestly don't think they give it a first or second thought. My ex wouldn't even buy me a small piece of jewelry to remember the day. Nothing expensive, I wanted one of those cute necklaces with your babies initial. He had the money in spades. But he wouldn't do it because he knew I wanted it. He "didn't want to feel like it was too materialistic". The funny thing is he liked to give gifts but only in front of others and only things that made him look good.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/02/20 09:21 PM
12

Oh God, I'm so sorry. What a jacka$$. You deserve better x
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/02/20 09:16 PM
2

Living this right now.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/02/20 09:14 PM
21

I know! I hope she at least froze her eggs to buy some time? Still not a guarantee by any means though.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/02/20 08:03 AM
31

So cruel.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/02/20 07:57 AM
3

You know, it's funny because when you first start dating them they pride themselves on not spending a penny on you. But once they find out you significantly out-earn them, they get super pissy when you actually try to pay for things for you both. I complained about this the other day and someone told me I should discreetly give the guy my card so it looks like he's paying for both of us. What. The. Fuck?!?!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/02/20 07:51 AM
2

Fun fact, Starbucks hired an ergonomic design specialist to design chairs that are only.comfortable for 20mins or so. Clearly it didn't work!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/02/20 07:41 AM
5

So here's the thing, if it was actually about someone paying for dinner, I really couldn't care less. I can afford to pay for both of us. It's a FILTERING MECHANISM. If you're looking for a serious relationship you only want men that are genuine about their interest and intentions. Other filters include: copypasta messages, not reading my profile, asking for nudes, negging me, cancelling at the last minute, late night booty calls etc. Women on dating apps are INUNDATED with men. I want to screen…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/02/20 07:37 AM
18

That's a really good response.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/02/20 06:17 AM
1

"females" 🤮
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/20 11:00 PM
1

😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/01/20 07:23 PM
3

Do it!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/01/20 05:11 PM
20

🤮
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/01/20 03:38 PM
1

YES!!!! I see this repeatedly.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/01/20 03:14 PM
9

This is controversial but hear me out. Don't ask him. Find them yourself and delete them. Expect that they are backed up somewhere too. My stbxh had nudes of a girl he used to be in a relationship with. I accidentally found them. He claimed that he told her he'd deleted them but "forgot" and not to mention it to her (I vaguely knew her). Honestly, at that point in the relationship I already knew that he was cheating with men and had lost all attraction and interest in him. I didn't feel jealous,…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/01/20 05:31 AM
6

Same. Neither parent gave me any life advice of any sort (never anything about how to get a job, find a place to live, nothing regarding friends or relationships,or money). I asked for advice once about my first boyfriend (who didn't treat me very well). She had nothing to say - not even a vaguely supportive "you're too good for him". NOTHING. It hurts.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/01/20 04:47 AM
2

I see you've met my former BIL 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/01/20 10:54 PM
2

The problem with these awful guys is that they've already labelled you as crazy and probably run a smear campaign against you before you had any idea what was up. Don't bother warning the new girl, she's already been convinced that you're a vengeful, jealous, lunatic.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/01/20 10:53 PM
8

I was honestly terrified that my dirtbag stbxh may have done this. Very odd sense of relief when I discovered that the majority of the strippers were men!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/01/20 08:52 PM
7

"trunk of your car" - I get the feeling that guy is only partly joking
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/01/20 04:02 AM
8

This behavior is someone who is a victim of narcissist abuse, not a pickme.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/01/20 03:26 AM
16

Omg, they look like twins!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/01/20 08:17 PM
8

I don't know. I feel like this is another way of passing off his terrible behavior as being caused by a woman.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/01/20 07:13 PM
6

I'm willing to bet that she's still with him in forever GF mode.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/20 12:30 PM
17

Intermittent reinforcement.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/20 12:11 PM
3

Second red flag that I missed. I used to think he was "such a good listener" lol.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/20 12:04 PM
4

Man Jose is calling! 😂 https://www.kqed.org/news/11231284/does-san-jose-deserve-the-nickname-man-jose
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/20 12:01 PM
25

This happened with my friend's ex. He suddenly came back grovelling he'd "made the biggest mistake of his life". Sobbed and begged her to take him back. She said no and later found out that, of course, he'd been dumped.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/20 11:54 AM
16

Omg! The "cool girl" rant! 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/20 09:07 PM
29

Doesn't surprise me. My stbxh asked me what month our baby was born in recently. Baby isn't even one yet. Appalling.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/20 07:26 PM
6

Any folks in Europe have a different experience? Ordering a soda with dinner at a high end restaurant here is viewed as pretty trashy. Yes, there are other options, Pellegrino etc., very rarely would restaurants serve juice (except perhaps if they had a children's menu). The wine pairing is usually viewed as an integral part of the meal. I would feel really odd opting out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/01/20 08:58 PM
31

"now I don't have her to fall back on" 🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/01/20 08:34 PM
19

On this topic, have we considered making this subreddit private? We're basically broadcasting knowledge that can now be used against us, particularly as the subreddit increases in popularity.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/01/20 01:49 PM
1

Yes!!! 14 years ago this was a totally different community. Definitely hasn't changed for the better....
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/01/20 10:58 AM
1

I sat in on a talk he gave years ago. Absolutely fascinating research and very engaging presenter.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/01/20 10:56 AM
10

Seriously this needs to be its own subreddit
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/20 04:36 PM
2

Eh, we'll be divorced soon thankfully! :)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/20 11:20 AM
7

This is projection 101. Someone in this relationship is fat and smells bad, but it's not OP.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/20 07:16 PM
12

It's called "blameshifting" it's a disgusting manipulation technique that cheaters use to rewrite history. My stbxh told people that I was "cold, controlling, and sexless" and that I drove him to cheat. In the background he was begging me to stay with him and threatening to kill himself if I didn't. They will either blame you directly or try to save face with friends and family by running a smear campaign behind your back.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/20 07:14 PM
1

Didn't stop my husband.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/20 07:05 PM
8

"surprised by how much she fought back", what the fuck did he think would happen when he tried to murder her and her 8 month old baby?!?!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/20 07:02 PM
3

FAKE! Fanfic for all the weirdos into the current "trend" of incest porn
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/20 06:58 PM
4

"date"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/20 06:54 PM
20

Heck I had cat callers at 11 years old riding bikes with my friends looking like 11 year olds... That's the same age I started getting attention from men. So many pedos out there.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/20 06:52 PM
2

Poor dog with cropped ears!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/20 06:44 PM
4

😂 yeah it's grim. Lot's of girls here proudly showing off $10 necklaces from the drugstore while their man is blowing $200 a week on booze etc.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/01/20 09:47 PM
9

Same experience.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/01/20 06:12 PM
51

Oh look it's the first red flag I missed that could have saved me spending two decades with an abusive asshole.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/01/20 05:42 PM
6

First thing I thought as well!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/01/20 05:36 PM
75

They like what they are told to like. That goes for porn trends from anal, to BDSM, to current incest focus 🤮 It's the same as them only bringing around women that they think adhere to what society has told them is attractive (even if they are secretly attracted to a different type). They all suddenly mysteriously went from liking a tiny ass to some junk in the trunk, once they were told that's what's now attractive. Just like they will all suddenly discover that they are (amazingly!) into whate…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/01/20 05:24 PM
22

very rarely get a bouquet of flowers, maybe once a year, they are often gas station flowers they get taken out to a restaurant only on special occasions, typically a birthday or anniversary costume jewelry as gifts more than one of them contributed to the cost of their own engagement ring any weekend breaks are split 50/50 This also shows in non-monetary ways: they don't usually invite women on dates at all! First "dates" are super low effort hanging out with a group of mutual friends. Overall t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/01/20 05:06 PM
16

Yes, in my experience and what I've heard from friends, European men are way cheaper.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/01/20 04:51 PM
16

Those pairings sound absolutely vile.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/01/20 03:28 PM
4

Huh! TIL
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/01/20 12:14 AM
32

Sidenote but that man has had alot of Botox and fillers.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/01/20 09:25 PM
10

Ouch. Yet so accurate.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/01/20 09:13 PM
2

I thought it was a euphemism? 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/01/20 09:12 PM
1

Yikes. I thought it was funny and would totally have swiped right on him. This is why I'm on FDS, got to get better at spotting the red flags. Although, I think I was distracted by the sushi comment..
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/01/20 09:11 PM
3

SFbay area or Brooklyn?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/01/20 09:05 PM
2

People here (at least in my part of Europe), also earn a lot less than men in the US. I'd like to be in a relationship with someone who at least earns the same amount as me. Basically I don't want to be taken advantage of again. This dramatically shrinks the dating pool. Other trends I noticed since moving here: They don't tend to value nice restaurants. But, they'll spend $$$ getting incredibly drunk with their friends every weekend. Similarly, they don't seem to send flowers. Some of the girls…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/01/20 09:03 PM
3

They think it makes them look clever. Also they tend to equate positivity with low intelligence.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/01/20 08:50 PM
8

Girl - same thing over here. See him all the time (co-parenting) he's also acting uncharacteristically nice. I made myself a spreadsheet detailing every mean thing he ever did to me. The second I start doubting myself or feeling sorry for him, I read it. It's been a fantastic way to break through the cognitive dissonance.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/01/20 07:16 PM
3

Doesn't sound stupid at all. Emotional abuse and manipulation are so insidious because of the ever so gradual ramp up. It's a vicious thing to do to someone. Been there. Glad we both got out :)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/01/20 07:46 AM
9

He wanted to break up in person and I was like ok, where do you want to meet? “I dunno.” 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/01/20 06:55 AM
3

It used to be a kids show in Britain I think. Super catchy theme tune.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/01/20 06:46 AM
5

Yes! Great idea. A lot of folks here are newer to dating or just getting back in the game (like myself) some things wouldn't have been obvious to me at all (don't give out your last name, Google voice number etc.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/01/20 06:42 AM
1

Best advice in this thread. Just get out. Keep it as easy for yourself as possible.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/01/20 09:35 PM
2

Don't ask to see the phone. He'll know you don't have any proof. If you're hell-bent on getting a confession from him (and it's highly unlikely that you will), insist that you know he's cheated but don't tell him how.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/01/20 09:25 PM
3

I don't have advice for you on the break up. But I can speak authoritatively on the subject of cheaters. Usually when you think someone is cheating on you, they are. Cheaters follow a very predictable path of behavior when confronted. The type of character flaws that allow a person to cheat, also enable them to never admit it. He will never give you closure or even admit the truth, he probably won't feel any remorse. Here's some of what you can expect: Deny, deny, deny and then deny some more. D…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/01/20 09:15 PM
34

The number of "walk in the park" and "let's go hiking" offers astound me. I'm not going hiking in a remote area with a guy I've never met before!!! I watch too much ID Discovery for that to ever happen.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/01/20 06:40 PM
22

Nothing kills a sexlife faster than having to parent your partner.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/01/20 06:32 PM
11

It took a long time. After my last experiences, I was determined to find the right person. I did brief calls with 7 people, outlined what I needed to deal with and heard what they thought. I'd really recommend approach to anyone else looking for a good therapist. I've made more progress in 2 months with her than years of previous therapy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/01/20 06:25 PM
3

Yeah the correlation between schizophrenia and advanced paternal age alone would be enough to stop me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/01/20 05:17 PM
185

Lol. My therapist called me "Bob the builder" last week. "Can we fix him? Yes we can!" I needed to read this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/01/20 09:54 AM
2

Same! I quit using his book 15 years ago.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/01/20 10:39 PM
9

100% agree with this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/01/20 07:36 PM
3

Ah okay, thanks!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/01/20 07:33 PM
5

Omg, sometimes I forget the therapists can be insane. We had an old marriage counselor. On hearing that I suspected my husband of cheating, he advised me to quit my job and "fully devote" myself to the marriage. Thankfully I ignored him. Wherever you are Dan, you're an idiot.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/01/20 06:33 PM
3

What's a snakebite?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/01/20 06:03 PM
18

Together 20 years. He was actively dating and trying to line up his next victim in under a month. All the while he was (without any prompt) swearing that he has no interest in dating or pursuing anyone.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/01/20 05:44 PM
3

Yep. Kickhimout2020!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/01/20 10:55 PM
58

Yep, not only is he gaming and trawling tinder, with an infant in his profile photo, he chooses one where the baby NEEDS A DIAPER CHANGE and is being ignored in favor of gaming.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/01/20 12:55 AM
3

Yep. First thing I thought too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/20 01:34 PM
10

Ding, ding, ding!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/20 08:27 AM
10

Who exactly does this asshole hope to attract? Women who think it's more of an accomplishment to have his approval because they have zero self respect. Basically, the perfect people to manipulate. He knew what he was doing with this profile.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/20 08:27 AM
15

It's learned helplessness. None of these guys would dare go to work and tell their boss that they couldn't figure out a basic task.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/20 08:23 AM
4

This should be the tagline for the sub.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/20 08:21 AM
11

God, I love her.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/20 08:19 AM
21

Yep. I did the caretaker thing for a while. It's all encompassing. One of the worst parts was that everyone just acted like it was a given. Obviously I would take months off work, never see my friends, stay up all night watching him breathe, argue with insurance companies, research the best treatments, go to every doctor's appointment, keep notes so all the specialists and providers were on the same page, go back to the pharmacy when the meds were wrong, beg medical secretaries to have the docto…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/20 08:15 AM
19

I mean, I keep my wallet close, don't you?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/20 07:57 AM
3

I married a perfectly healthy guy. He had a near death experience that left him requiring long-term care with permanent physical issues. I did everything to care for him. I didn't mind, I loved him. What I did mind, was whenever I got sick, he was a total a$$hole to me. Would I do it again? Not a chance.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/01/20 11:51 AM
12

Mine bad-mouthed me behind my back, said awful things about me, all of which were untrue. He was laying the groundwork to justify cheating on me (he had been cheating for years at that point but I guess he figured that one day, the truth would come out, and he didn't want to look like the bad guy). It worked
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/01/20 11:45 AM
50

God. There is literally nothing they think we shouldn't do for them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/01/20 11:32 AM
18

Really thoughtful write-up. Appreciate you taking the time to do this. I had greater assets and earned a higher salary than my stbxh. I thought we were a team. Turns out he was very resentful that I out-earned him (even though he benefited from it). This made me think that a guy who earns more than me might work better. Not so sure after reading this though!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/01/20 11:20 AM
2

I can literally give a bulletproof mount guide to wealthy sleazy men. They’re not the same as working class/middle class dusties at all. Can you please do this? I'm getting back into the dating pool and want to date someone who makes at least as much as I do. I'd like to know what to watch out for.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/01/20 04:45 AM
24

She won't though. She'll look for the right way to gently explain to him how hurt she was. He'll turn it around into her being overly sensitive or having trust issues. Tale as old as time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/01/20 03:29 AM
21

It's called "blameshifting"and it's a super common cheater form of manipulation.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/01/20 03:01 AM
5

THIS
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/01/20 02:51 AM
3

Great point on the personal info (ssn, mother's maiden name etc.). I remember listening to a podcast years ago about a woman whose identity was stolen. It dragged on for years. She met with a detective who said "it's your boyfriend, it's always the boyfriend..". She was indignant, telling him to do his job etc. Well guess what? Of course, it was her boyfriend, stole her identity for years, took out credit cards, massive loans etc. And the whole time he was ruining her financially, he was consoli…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/01/20 08:37 PM
10

Living this right now. Just found out that our mutual friend group is rife with speculation as to what I did wrong when my partner cheated. It's incredibly hurtful not only to have your heart broken but to have others pick apart and pour over imagined flaws that "caused" your partner to cheat.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/01/20 05:37 PM
5

I pray my stbxh finds a woman like that. My kid needs him to have a "bonus mom". I dread leaving him alone with the baby, he frequently forgets to feed him. Today he took the kiddo for 7 hours. I asked what he ate - a small yogurt and a handful of puffs. I get him home and he immediately eats a giant bowl of chicken casserole and drinks two bottles.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/20 10:09 PM
2

In my experience, it tends to be six of one, and a half dozen of the other.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/20 07:02 PM
3

Doctor's are notoriously bad with finances. High earners for sure but terrible at managing their money. You'd be surprised how many are in debt up to their eyeballs, behind on mortgage payments, owe past taxes etc.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/20 05:26 PM
3

My stbxh and I are separating and in the middle of the divorce process. He had the audacity to text me and ask if I got presents for (his) family OR if he should buy them something. That lazy LVM actually tried to get me to do his Christmas shopping!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/12/19 09:46 PM
2

This happened to me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/19 05:54 AM
2

Brilliant!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/19 04:24 AM
4

Did that so many times 🤦
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/19 03:48 AM
4

Yeah, this was pretty much my experience. Never again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/19 03:48 AM
7

SAME! I'm in the process of getting a divorce. I've gotten "helpful/concerned" comments that I should think twice as I might never get married again. Honestly I'm happy to be alone and only responsible for myself and my kid. I don't want to end up parenting another adult again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/19 03:42 AM
6

Yep and he's cheating on her. I mean, obviously he's a prince but he's no prize as a husband.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/19 02:50 AM
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