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MenuDiscombobulated5 Archive

View 0 posts and 49 comments by MenuDiscombobulated5 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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2

This. Some ppl want to delete everything. But it was my life for 25+ years! Deleting anything that could be problematic like sexy pics is the right thing to do. But why completely delete a chunk of your life? I wouldn't delete photos from an otherwise good vacation bc I was in a car accident on the trip that I'd like to forget. Definitely not gonna delete pics of me & the kids just cuz she's in it. I don't get them out every week to look at them... I've never gone back to them just to see her pi…
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/26 06:02 PM
1

Indeed.
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/26 06:17 AM
2

Sorry brother. It's not normal. Does it happen? Sure. But you're asking the wrong question. Ask yourself not is it normal, but *why* you can't get past her. That will help you to get over her. Because your life is not moving forward until you do. Worrying about it is holding you back. Talk to a therapist if you can.
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/26 08:04 PM
0

Cuz you're responsible for a bunch of men joining this Reddit group?
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/26 08:52 PM
2

Curious why you did in the first place? Not to be judgemental or condescending... I'm honestly curious? Also, why were the ex and your new love interest connected on social media? Did they know each other before you met the new girl?
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/26 08:22 AM
3

Good advice. Sorry bro, that's so fucked up that happened to you. To OP I'd add, as part of your exit plan, start taking good care of yourself mentally & emotionally now. Make a little more time for your male friends and/or family, pick up a new or resume an old hobby or two, make sure you're physically active, talk to a therapist, and hopefully you can soften your landing as you exit.
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/26 04:20 PM
3

Has anyone else had normal, everyday things, things you did for your family twisted into something sinister after separation? For sure. It's crazy how they twist shit. We had 4 preteen/teen kids. She wanted an SUV. Or a sports car. For appearances. I wanted a minivan for roominess on road trips. You know, practical shit. Cuz we're parents. We already had an SUV with a 3rd row which was fine when the oldest was 7. But kids grow. While we were discussing it one time, she got pissed and said "do wh…
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/26 11:02 PM
1

Trying to make it work is the appropriate response. Just don't try for as long as I did (more years than I care to admit). Your time spent trying to make it work should be counted in months, not years. And absolutely do not buy her a house. She needs to show she's invested in your marriage again for a very long time (years), before you even consider that. Things need to be better then they were in your early marriage before you consider it. And the house should be one that you'll both live in, t…
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/26 08:34 PM
4

Background? Are you separated? Still living together but in separate rooms? Still trying to make things work? Contemplating divorce but haven't talked about it yet? In the divorce process? I'm sincerely confused bc you refer to her as your wife, not ex or stbx, but this is r/Divorce_men, not r/marriage. Your current status is pretty relevant to how you should respond.
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/26 04:53 PM
1

Could be manipulation, ig. What is she getting out of it though? This remains a question for me. It's hard to really manipulate someone when you're living in different countries & you don't have kids together to triangulate. Do you feel like she's manipulating you currently? Pros: - You're getting sex out of the deal with someone who apparently wants sex with you. - Staying together feels like less work than divorcing (it isn't, but it can feel like it is) Cons: - The sex is limited to 1 person …
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/26 07:07 PM
3

Need a little bit more context. Have you discussed divorce together, and this is an attempt to avoid divorce? Is she financially dependent on you? Are you fighting frequently? have you stopped talking to each other? Or do you generally get along and this came out of the blue? I'm guessing this was her idea and you don't approve (just making sure)? Regardless, separation rarely works to improve the relationship. Only agree to it if you're ok with separation for the rest of your life and if anythi…
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/26 02:34 PM
1

I know your original question wasn't about money, but make good financial decisions & you'll get back on top of things eventually. Even if it seems hopeless now. We went from $20k in the bank to $20k in credit card debt from legal fees bc she made compromise nearly impossible and the process took 3 years. I took on the debt because her income without alimony is minimal. Hard to get caught up on credit card debt when sending her money every month too. But within a year I was out of debt (other th…
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/26 03:17 PM
2

Lol 🤣
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/26 02:59 PM
2

My thoughts on this though, is why even take any photos at all then?
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/26 02:59 PM
6

This. It was a part of my life, for better or for worse. I want to be reminded of the hard times too so I can be reminded of what I learned. Even if painful. At this point though, it's not really painful. Seeing photos of her from the hard times is more neutral now. It doesn't make me upset or sad. It's just life. And there were good memories too from earlier. I don't really have any explicit pics anyway. It's only been 2 years and I'm glad I didn't delete them. Ofc I don't go look back at them …
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/26 02:58 PM
2

God, she's a mess.
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/26 11:33 PM
2

Wait, was this her? https://youtu.be/Q5auvXb30Kk?si=pDCF0cPNFi3D-gm1 Sorry you had to go through that shit bro. That sucks. One of the only things that would have made what my wife got in the divorce worse was if she lost it all soon after. It really doesn't make much difference for me personally, but the thought of that makes me cringe.
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/26 11:22 PM
2

OMG. All that you worked for during the marriage she blew it in 6 years. That's so messed up.
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/26 09:59 PM
9

Bro. Move on. Seriously. Get some therapy for your neediness. Best thing you can do for yourself. You're not over your neediness yet. I can tell from your question & the way you wrote it. You said you took accountability, but you still have some work to do. You've worked hard & finished law school. You're not just kicking off a law career. You're kicking ASS! Such an accomplishment. I don't know you, but I'm proud of you for that. Focus on that and forget about her! You asked if she'll ever come…
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/26 09:39 PM
2

This. Exactly. But no decent therapist is going to side with OP's wife unless there's something he's not telling us. OP, if she's a mental health worker, I very strongly suggest you find a different therapist, one that she didn't choose. Set an appt with that person & have her cancel the other one. It would be very easy for her to find someone who she knows, creating a conflict of interest. You need to reduce the chance that your therapist might already be biased (in theory they should be unbias…
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/26 03:23 PM
1

God, this is horrible for the kids (and for you, too, ofc, but so much worse for them). If you haven't left anything out, I don't see any way a therapist or a court sides with Mom. But that would be in the US. Idk how it is in other countries. The journal of events you've been keeping is going to be extremely valuable on a custody battle. Courts love that - especially if you have hard evidence or other witnesses to corroborate some of the journal entries. Keep that shit up. Take good notes from …
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/26 02:57 PM
1

It can take a long time. Complex things need to be sorted. But you can be free and clear of your marriage and have done the work. For sure. Mine took 3 years from the time we first started on the paperwork until it was finalized bc she kept ignoring the advice of attorneys through mediation & multiple proposal/counterproposal. It wasn't until we approached a trial date that she was finally motivated enough that we could reasonably negotiate. But not a small number of people will consider dating …
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/26 11:41 AM
0

Huge red flag to me. 100k is WAY too much debt & if she's struggling to stay afloat that's 2 red flags. Don't even think about marriage until she's paid it off, if at all.
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/26 07:46 AM
1

date comes after the child is 18 Nah. It's important for your child to see you being an adult doing adult stuff responsibly so they can learn from you. If you're going to bring someone who's irresponsible into the child's life then yeah, you're absolutely right.
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/26 07:41 AM
-1

Dating before the divorce is final is red flag behavior. And you rightfully call or that a lot of people have some self-work to do. But it is projection to assume everyone does. I had the 2.5 decades during the marriage of reflecting & self-improvement. Especially the last 10 years, including 3 years of legal negotiation, while she was checked out & I tried to make things work without any effort on her part. Admittedly, my situation is not common, but dating immediately after divorce is not auto…
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/26 07:34 AM
2

Yeah. Other commenters here are jumping the gun. This is extremely sus & of grave concern, but it's not a smoking gun. Be vigilant, but don't end things here. Keep an eye out for other evidence.
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/26 02:25 PM
1

This. And if you're paying spousal support, and she moves in with someone... That could be the end of you posting support. So that's good.
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/26 02:07 PM
1

You're amicable now, but were you amicable at the time of divorce?
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/26 07:21 AM
1

K. Again, I'll reiterate. I did not say to apologize for getting the kids the appropriate care. Apologize for your own miss. That you forgot to inform her first per what you agreed to in the divorce. Keep your peace. Starting an unnecessary war with their mother is definitely NOT the best thing for your kids. Show the kids you are the bigger person & can admit when you made a mistake. Deescalate where possible. Dealing with divorce is hard enough. On you. On the kids. https://www.reddit.com/r/Di…
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/26 06:05 AM
2

Work on your marriage. Get therapy. Read a relationship book together. As long as you both want to work on it this should always be the answer.
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/26 01:03 AM
2

You're right. He doesn't need to apologize for looking after the kids' health care. I said Try simply saying you're sorry for not texting her beforehand & tell her you will next time If this is indeed a violation of the MSA, swallow the ego, apologize for not consulting her, and save yourself having to deal with her shit. No need to apologize for having them get the doctor recommended care. She might still try to prevent them from vax next time, but good luck getting that past the court. It will…
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/26 10:40 PM
-2

Idk your ex, but sometimes just apologizing for where you made a mistake is great for de escalation. Try simply saying you're sorry for not texting her beforehand & tell her you will next time. Maybe that will be enough. If she still wants to be a bitch after that, you can cross that bridge when you come to it. Update: if she does try to pursue legal action, it is almost certain nothing will come of it since you followed the doctor's recommendations. But you'll look even better having admitted y…
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/26 07:35 PM
4

Congrats. 👍
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/26 09:04 PM
1

BPD? hang in there. Rebuilding after a similar divorce 18mos ago. Just finished paying off the credit cards from where we racked up legal fees as she dragged the divorce process out 3 years. It does get better over time .
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/26 05:20 AM
2

Space rarely works either unless you're both working fiercely to become better people during that time (therapy, behavior & attitude change, etc) Speaking from experience. I don't recommend it.
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/26 02:40 AM
4

Don't. Just don't. Get out now. I spent several years thinking that if I could make changes in my life she would change. The issue was hers, not mine. She had emotional regulation & anger issues, and was not trustworthy. I was already a good dad, involved with the family, supportive of her, helped around the house, was kind to her, a good provider. If you're already doing that stuff & that's not good enough for her, get out now. I learned some valuable things, but it was not at all worth the tim…
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/26 02:34 AM
3

An inspiration indeed. How is she getting away without working? What state allows that? Also, great username. My son's name is Sasuke. My ex was Japanese.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/26 06:15 AM
2

She didn't even care. She wouldn't use them they were just clutter for her. Is yours the same?
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/26 05:52 AM
5

I would consult an attorney. They will often do an initial consultation at no charge, and you can run your situation by them & find out if they think it's worth pursuing. It will be well worth it. Full custody is hard to pull off, esp for a husband, but it sounds like you've got some pretty valid reason to seek it. Still very difficult.
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/26 06:43 AM
2

Well said
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/26 08:49 PM
1

Good stuff. Very well said.
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/26 08:35 PM
2

Sorry you're going through this. The irony is that if you were doing something wrong then there might be something you could do to prevent divorce (by correcting what you're doing wrong). But if she isn't willing to live up to the vows she made even when she's not "feeling" it, I doubt there's much you can do. Better not to drag it out. I did. For 10 years... All the while believing there was something I could do to fix it. Huge waste of a big chunk of my life. Where neither of you are doing any…
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/26 09:45 PM
3

I think this is the key. "Unstable". If you are unlucky enough to get in the crosshairs of someone like that, you're screwed. I know a few women for whom these groups have been helpful though, so I don't think they're completely without merit. Maybe start our own FB group to warn other men of unstable, Amber Heard-type women?
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/26 07:51 PM
2

I'd be interested to hear her beef. How can you legit post BEFORE the first date?
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/26 07:42 PM
9

Props for being level headed in the face of this gut-wrenching news. As someone who decided to try to work it out after being cheated on, I cannot in good faith advise you to try to work it out. In my case, for a year or so, it felt like she was remorseful, although it felt a little insincere, I was so desperate to make it work I ignored the misgivings. After a year, she was gradually back to being cold and uncaring. She then dragged the divorce negotiation out for another 3 years. Bc alimony is…
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/26 01:15 AM
6

That's messed up brotha. Hang in there. As part of our divorce agreement I agreed to pay all the attorney fees... We went from $20k in the bank to $40k in credit card debt bc she pushed the divorce process to take 3 years. I just got it paid off & then got laid off. Living off cards for a few months & having to pay her $2400/mo, I quickly racked up another $17k. I have been working now for 11 months though and will finally have that debt paid off in January. A lot of times it seemed not worth go…
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/25 11:06 PM
1

You know your ex better than some random dude on reddit posting based on their own experience. You said you were amicable. Given that, do you really think it's a trap?
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/25 05:42 PM
1

Very sound advice 👍
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/25 05:38 PM
2

You can be amicable but not a fan or a friend. OP said they were amicable. That's where I'm at. I refer to it as "not friends, but friendly". If it's not likely to be contentious, I say go. Just keep it short & polite, but be with your kids. I've been to a few events with the kids since divorce where the ex was also there, both at her place & mine. Slightly awkward, but no issues & I get that time with the kids.
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/25 05:23 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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