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MicrospathodonChrys Archive

View 0 posts and 319 comments by MicrospathodonChrys on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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9

I think it depends what female spaces you look at. I’m not a mom, but my understanding is that moms on the internet put a shitload of pressure on one another to be perfect. Women’s fitness communities tend to be self-improvement oriented, sometimes to the point of toxicity (sharing tips for how to make every single kind of food into a low cal high protein version, for example). And as someone else mentioned, spaces online exist where women encourage each other to maximize their appearances and f…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/11/22 12:33 PM
8

I was a virgin until 22 because i was pathologically terrified of getting pregnant before i finished undergrad. I had boyfriends before that age though.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/11/22 03:44 AM
1

Currently, no. I am 32, married, and don’t frequently interact with people i don’t already know. But if I’m being totally honest, for most of my life i did receive frequent positive attention by men who were appealing to me. Definitely not daily, but frequently enough that i never felt starved of options. (Of course i got and still get unwanted attention at times as well.). I’ve never used a dating app and i never post my picture on social media. And if all male friends are “orbiters,” then yes …
/r/PurplePillDebate21/11/22 01:32 PM
8

What happens when you’re rejected because a man is unimpressed with deeper aspects of your personality? Pretty sure this has happened to me. I think of it as incompatibility, and move on. Or he breaks up with you because he likes another woman’s personality and accomplishments better? This has been a fear of mine at times, sure. But just like there’s always someone hotter, there’s also always someone more accomplished or more interesting. You hope that your bond and shared experiences with your …
/r/PurplePillDebate21/11/22 05:04 AM
13

Yeah! I spent my teens and early 20s legitimately believing that guys would be (romantically) impressed by my swimming times and wins, my academic standing, my bass-playing skill (that one actually worked, certain guys thought it was pretty cool). I invested wayyyy more effort into developing my skills than my looks and i have no regrets, but it is funny looking back to realize that i believed this was a viable strategy for seeking male attention. I will say that i am pretty sure most men I’ve b…
/r/PurplePillDebate21/11/22 03:30 AM
3

Glad someone pointed out that different decisions require different levels of compromise/negotiation/submission. Like, I have trouble believing that anyone would want a relationship where they have to unilaterally make every decision. Big decisions like home purchases, etc would lead to resentment without total buy-in from both partners, and making all small decisions would amount to exhausting micro-managing. Most people have some non-negotiables, like you pointed out. I tend to view agreement …
/r/PurplePillDebate20/11/22 07:33 PM
1

As someone who left a somewhat-similar situation, my #1 advice to you is to cut all contact, completely. The self-harm as a manipulation tool is brutal. I genuinely believed my ex would kill himself when i left (because he threatened to over and over). It’s hard when you care about someone to accept that risk if it’s perceived to be there. But it’s your life, and you only get one. It’s too short to spend it catering to someone’s mental illness when they refuse to take steps to get better (ideall…
/r/PurplePillDebate20/11/22 02:40 PM
1

The best is the women on Instagram selling their “glute guides” which heavily feature 1000s of banded abductions and stair master kickbacks (“you can totally build glutes like mine with just a band and body weight!”), when really they’ve had BBLs, implants, or injections. Or wear butt pads in all their videos. That said, outside of influencers who put themselves out there to an extreme, i agree with OP that people go way too far picking apart other peoples bodies. Personally I’ve learned to try …
/r/PurplePillDebate19/11/22 01:33 PM
1

Men shit on other men who are jacked like they’re on laxatives. The jealousy is impossible to miss. It sometimes manifests itself differently than in women but it’s still very much there. Yeah men accuse jacked men of being on PEDS all the time. Same as women accuse thin women of having eating disorders. Sometimes it’s true, sometimes it’s not, it’s never anyone else’s business.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/11/22 01:22 PM
1

I don’t think most women want to look like celebrities or influencers (at least not the highly sexualized ones). Women with “hypersexualized” personas happen to be the women that are highly visible to most men online (thanks to the algorithm) and IRL (thanks to eye-catching attire). Probably 75% (this is a guesstimate) of women in any age bracket would never put themselves out there like that. I’ve known a lot of women (being a woman) and I’ve only known 3-5 who are comfortable posting their but…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/11/22 12:26 PM
16

That's what anyone has to offer a potential life partner. The chance to become a foundational and irreplaceable part of their life through sheer persistence. An "average" person who've you've grown with and shared a life with over the course of a decade is not longer fungible with any other average person. They've become special. Well said; what a lovely response. This was my first thought as well, but you worded it perfectly.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/11/22 07:45 PM
3

I’ve met everyone I’ve dated through common interests. My high school boyfriend played guitar and i played bass. My college boyfriend and i loved to cook fancy food and loved the same books. Next guy i dated, we literally met while we were both out for a run separately, and then we trained for a marathon together. My husband and i met in grad school (for the same field of study) and were friends for years before we got together. We had hobbies in common initially (volleyball, scuba diving) in ad…
/r/PurplePillDebate17/11/22 01:20 PM
1

Depends on the person, depends on the type of risk. I travel to remote places and scuba dive as part of my job. I’ve met people for whom that’s an unacceptable risk, but for me it doesn’t usually feel like a risk at all. On the other hand, i think riding motorcycles is an unacceptable risk. Everyone has different thresholds for physical and financial risk. For every crazy risky thing you want to do, there will be others out there who are comfortable with it. Heck, even Alex Honnold is married.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/11/22 12:19 PM
2

This is a great concise response.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/11/22 12:26 PM
12

Do women really get as much satisfaction by being rich as a man does? Yep. Women also enjoy collaborating towards a goal. Something like 60% of high school girls play sports in the US (not quite as much as boys but there still aren’t as many positions on teams available for girls as boys). And many women get satisfaction from making intellectual and physical contributions to the world, whether that’s through publishing scientific research, crafting something beautiful, treating patients as a doc…
/r/PurplePillDebate10/11/22 12:22 PM
6

I’m just going to ignore the fact that OP seems to think many gorgeous actresses are average…there’s also the glaring issue of plot. For rom-coms to work, there has to be a tension between the two romantic leads. A common way to generate tension is through some sort of disparity in the characters’ “value.” (Examples: one is hot, the other homely. One is popular, the other nerdy. One is wealthy, the other poor. One is successful, the other in a slump). It would seem that OP would like to see a mo…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/11/22 12:17 AM
9

I think it's partially has to do with girls not being exposed to men (fathers) opening up. They probably were exposed to women (mothers) opening up. And when men could no longer hold it in, they tend to explode in rage and anger, so it is distressing. Hmm, the parent thing is kinda funny. I’ve seen my dad cry literally hundreds of times. He absolutely and shamelessly wears his heart on his sleeve. Maybe that’s why it has never weirded me out at all when my now-husband cries, not when we were fri…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/11/22 11:58 AM
2

This is tricky because it assumes the woman actually tells the guy she’s pregnant. I would imagine many women would try to hide the pregnancy till the deadline is past if the father is someone who they believe would terminate responsibility. So it would make more sense for the deadline to be the same amount of time women get to decide (6-20ish weeks depending on locality, none where abortion is banned) but after the father is notified. But then, of course, fathers could lie about the date they w…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/11/22 03:30 AM
1

I love the men in my life. There are very very few men i know personally whom i actively dislike (one uncle jumps to mind but that’s about it). Men are so much fun. I love to play games (like, literal games: cornhole, horseshoes, pool, throwing a football around, etc) and most men are always up for that. They’re also great at taking a situation and inventing a new game out of it. As others have mentioned, male enthusiasm is just so fun. Men are often willing to get up early, drive long distances…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/11/22 12:50 PM
4

My now-husband was sort of seeing a woman much more conventionally attractive than I am, who was really interested in him. He and I had been good friends for a few years. When I suddenly and unexpectedly found myself single for the first time since we’d known each other, he told the hot girl it wasn’t going to work out with her. He chose me over her (even though we started out long distance) mostly because of a personal connection we had, built upon through years of friendship…we knew we could t…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/11/22 12:29 PM
1

135, 32, 3 or 5 depending on what counts
/r/PurplePillDebate07/11/22 03:00 AM
3

Thanks! And that is a really good point. There is a lot of “conventional” systematic advice targeting women wanting relationships. Hadn’t thought of that!
/r/PurplePillDebate05/11/22 11:58 PM
4

Sure thing: it’s important for researchers to be genuinely curious about the truth and open to having their minds changed. Every person has biases, but it’s best to get involved in work where you want to know answers but don’t have a vested interest in finding specific answers (because it’s very often that you won’t get the answer you were hoping for). You need to be patient, because research takes a long time, and open to criticism. You need to accept that you WILL have to acquiesce to reviewer…
/r/PurplePillDebate05/11/22 10:30 PM
15

To say they are attempting to do so as a way of coping with a lack of empathizing ability is inaccurate. That is not what i meant. I simply meant that women have the luxury of not NEEDING to systemize in their personal lives, because women tend to have an easier time in the dating market (being the choosers) and also tend to have more robust social networks (again, i acknowledge the male loneliness epidemic is a problem). Obviously most men are quite capable of empathy, just like most women are …
/r/PurplePillDebate05/11/22 01:28 PM
4

You’re really fixating on one aspect of my argument. I never said you need to “throw away” old research and there is a time and place to cite it. That being said, scientists in MOST fields continue to reevaluate tread-upon topics because environments are changing. Further, standards and expectations for statistical analysis have changed a lot in the past 10-20 years. We now have better and more accessible tools to control for potentially confounding variables, which is really important in the so…
/r/PurplePillDebate05/11/22 12:47 PM
20

That's a ridiculous standard. Are research papers supposed to go into the dustbin and deemed inapplicable to the present day after three years now? Say that in a scientific conference and you'd get laughed out. No, i said it’s fine (and sometimes important) to cite older research but for certain types of claims (notably, attempting to convince others that some potentially fluid aspect of human behavior is currently true) you’d need to cite something recent in addition. That is absolutely not a l…
/r/PurplePillDebate05/11/22 05:34 AM
32

While i accept that there are general trends in make vs female cognition, as with most traits there’s surely substantial overlap between the male and female distributions. That being said, i don’t think that women’s inability or disinterest in systemizing is the primary factor in the types of responses to posts you’re describing. For context, i am a researcher by trade (biology/ecology, not human behavior), i write peer reviewed research, and in most things probably tend towards “systemizing” th…
/r/PurplePillDebate05/11/22 05:10 AM
1

Oh for sure, that’s why i used lawyers as an example!
/r/PurplePillDebate04/11/22 06:01 PM
10

I think your second paragraph raises a good point. However, I’d argue that it’s not necessarily that women despise trade jobs (although some surely do), but that those types of jobs are rarely presented to girls as options for them to consider. Further, working in a male-dominated blue collar profession can be intimidating for women because of the way (some of) those men (might) treat them. As an example, i am a marine biologist and briefly considered looking for work as a fisheries observer aft…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/11/22 03:26 PM
10

I mean…that’s why education is only part of the equation. Of course women exist who choose unmarketable majors, but over 1/3 of US medical doctors are women and about 40% of lawyers. Biology tends to be a female-dominated major and can result in a high-paying career as well. Many many women study subjects besides the humanities.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/11/22 03:07 PM
2

Nice! The OP linked the study elsewhere in the thread and it’s from 1994. Makes sense that the gap would have been in the process of closing over the past 50-70 years or so.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/11/22 12:23 PM
10

Ah, yes. Both very high up in the hierarchy of evidence.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/11/22 03:20 PM
14

It’s also impossible to interpret OPs claims without a link to the study. We only know the difference between the means, we don’t know the absolute means recorded or the variance, which is key (was the difference even significant)? Related, we don’t know the study methods, particularly sample size.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/11/22 03:17 PM
2

I’m wracking my brain and i think I’d estimate that maybe 10-15% of all the women I’ve ever known have had more than 5 partners. A lot of my close friends and relatives married their first serious LTR. Like others have said, even a lot of the extroverted party girl types i knew in college were in relationships.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/11/22 02:21 PM
15

This is essentially what my husband and i do now. He makes about 20% more than me, but he saves a much higher amount towards retirement and has more student debt than me, so we take home close to the same amount (and share it as “ours”). We have decided that it doesn’t make much sense for me to up my retirement contribution right now because we need my income now to save for a down payment. So in a sense he’s “pocketing” his excess income in a retirement account. Of course, the intent is for tha…
/r/PurplePillDebate03/11/22 02:03 PM
8

I think most people count those chores as domestic work? I certainly think they count. My husband does most of them more often, and while we don’t nickel-and-dime who does what around the house, when i say we split chores equally, those kinds of chores are counting towards his share.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/11/22 02:10 AM
37

Yeah I’m confused about this too…why do people keep referring to one or the other partner “pocketing” more money, rather than saving towards mutual goals (or safety nets)? My partner and i do keep a small proportion of each of our earnings aside as “our own” for student loan payments and “fun” expenses, but why would we ever try to hoard a substantial amount of money that doesn’t benefit us as a household/team? Most of our money goes right into a shared account and all expenses come from that.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/11/22 01:58 AM
13

What if the lower earning partner is currently doing something to get somewhere better (grad school, their own medical residency, etc.—not an uncommon scenario in age gap relationships)? Should they be expected to spend more of their free time doing housework than their partner just because the partner is further along career-wise?
/r/PurplePillDebate03/11/22 01:41 AM
1

I travel extensively for work, often to appealing tropical places. I’d bring my husband every time if i could—he doesn’t get to go to nearly as many places as i do but we LOVE traveling together when we can. We mostly go backpacking through US backcountry areas because it’s cheap for us (and I don’t spend money on my work travel). I am not someone who makes travel my whole personality, even though i leave the country ~6 times per year; i don’t post about it on social media and I’ve realized that…
/r/PurplePillDebate02/11/22 01:03 AM
14

I’m from the US also and the only time I’ve ever wished i had protection was protection from my ex-husband’s temper.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/11/22 12:50 AM
8

Right? My partner and i each want the other to feel happy and content. We don’t want the other to feel like they are carrying an unfair household burden. This works really well if both people feel that way! We are often telling each other, “no, you just chill, I’ve got dinner covered,” or “nah it’s my turn to clean the bathroom.” I like surprising him with folded laundry, he likes to impress me by doing any and all household repairs in record time. I was with someone in the past who felt i shoul…
/r/PurplePillDebate01/11/22 03:56 PM
21

I keep seeing this doctor vs barista comparison, and…idk. I used to wait tables at a bar/restaurant, and now i make twice that amount as a research biologist with a grad degree. My current job is far more “complex,” but it is nowhere near as stressful, and i am nowhere near as exhausted as when i was serving. I mean i think being a doctor is often one of the most stressful jobs you can have, but probably not always! Lots of specialties work reasonable hours and rarely deal with life/death emerge…
/r/PurplePillDebate01/11/22 01:53 PM
2

I didn’t know it could be this easy but in my current relationship I’ve learned it really can be.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/11/22 11:42 AM
2

One reason that ensuring virtually all women getting to reproduce would not be dysgenic is that on the population level, it maximizes the number of offspring and size of the gene pool (and more variety for introgression is nearly always better — more chance for beneficial mutations). This is because in the vast majority of animal life, eggs are the limiting resource for reproduction (as in there are wayyyy more sperm in the population than eggs). So for every man to be able reproduce, just about…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/10/22 12:29 PM
7

I was so scared of getting pregnant that i didn’t have sex until i was 22 and just about done undergrad. I always used two forms of protection until i got my first IUD at 27. I used to have neurotic breakdowns thinking i was pregnant. It was like hypochondria but with pregnancy. I didn’t stop worrying about it until i got out of a shit relationship and into a really good one (as well as into a career track job). Now if my IUD fails it will be an inconvenience of timing, but not a crisis. I would…
/r/PurplePillDebate28/10/22 05:34 PM
2

There’s some weird propaganda that men should spend like two months salary on an engagement ring; by that logic, middle income couples are “supposed” to spend like $8000 or more on the ring. Unsurprisingly, this seems to be info perpetuated by the jewelry industry. I’m not a jewelry person but i think it’s insane to spend that much on a ring and i think it would be both mortifying and stressful to walk around with that much value on my finger. I don’t like diamonds, so my husband proposed with a…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/10/22 11:35 AM
1

My cousin’s husband proposed with our grandmother’s ring. I don’t think passing a ring through either family is particularly weird, but i know that ring means a LOT to her.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/10/22 11:21 AM
2

My sample is not at all representative. I’m a scientist, my husband is a scientist, most of our friends and coworkers are scientists. So obviously just about everyone we socialize with talks science. If I’ve noticed any gender disparity at all, it’s that the women i know are slightly more inclined to “talk shop” during happy hours or other social times (sometimes my husband has to remind me to shut it down after work lol). I don’t think there’s a gendered reason for that, i think it’s just that …
/r/PurplePillDebate25/10/22 11:31 PM
2

But even making it more clear how much and what parts of our behaviour are influenced by DNA, how much is learned would go a long way. This is the crux of the problem, imo. Sure we’ve mapped the human genome, but we don’t have the foggiest idea what most of those genes actually do. It doesn’t help that even physical phenotypes can be plastic (let alone psychology phenotypes), and that our genes interact with our environment to determine phenotype. You could pick apart someone’s genome as an embr…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/10/22 04:54 PM
2

You're missing the point. I was saying that you were incorrect in insisting that making comparisons between different taxa is the be all end all. That's not necessary for us to make conclusions. I never said it was the end-all be-all. I said it was a useful approach that is often used in evolutionary biology and which can’t really be used in evolutionary psychology. There are other approaches, of course.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/10/22 03:57 PM
4

There are good reasons why psychologists don’t call themselves biologists and why biologists don’t call themselves psychologists. In some cases, people with psychology backgrounds do go into work on animal behavior, particularly in animals with complex behaviors like apes and dolphins. Biology encompasses all of life. Most evolutionary biologists are not working on apes or dolphins or lions or humans. Most evolutionary biologists don’t touch behavior at all. Most are using very concrete evidence…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/10/22 03:48 PM
2

No, I’ve already said that sexual selection is well-accepted. I think it’s well-accepted that sexual selection has occurred in human evolution as well. But not all of evolutionary psychology’s hypotheses are explained by clear observable mechanisms of sexual selection.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/10/22 03:37 PM
3

Out of curiosity, what’s your commitment to evolutionary psychology? I’m not here trying to bash it as complete nonsense. I’d been hoping to keep my argument narrow, with a thesis that (most) evolutionary biologists work with different, more concrete, and higher quality evidence than (most) evolutionary psychologists. Thus, just because one considers most evolutionary biology research to be reliable does not directly imply that they should automatically accept all evolutionary psychology lines o…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/10/22 03:26 PM
2

We don’t rely on the Linnaean system anymore. Not remotely. Taxa are shifting all the time with new molecular evidence. I didn’t look it up, but i feel very confident that the genomic evidence for big cat taxonomy had been thoroughly evaluated, considering their status as a global conservation priority. The scientific community is busy reclassifying, like, marine snails, so I’m pretty sure lions and tigers have been covered. Unlike in your hypothetical experiment, we weren't able to observe thei…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/10/22 03:06 PM
5

Please look up the modern definition of "hominid". My bad, i meant none of those are within the genus Homo, so hominins; that is, too removed from Homo sapiens to make a comparative approach realistic. Some groups of humans, specifically hunter-gatherers, have far less sophisticated and complex cultures. Comparisons can also be made between different racial groups that grew up in a similar culture, such as the various racial groups of the United States for instance. There are very few true hunte…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/10/22 03:04 PM
3

Just to lay it all out there, i am a biologist as my actual job. Not really an evolutionary biologist, but i work closely on projects with evolutionary biologists. I think you are vastly underestimating the rigor required to publish research in evolutionary biology. As for tigers and vultures, the comparative approach that i outlined can apply to those animals. Tigers are in the same genus as lions, so you can collect data on their behaviors, collect data on their environments, statistically eva…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/10/22 02:33 PM
5

Chimpanzees, gorillas, and orangutans are all extant. None of those are hominids. Our congeners are all extinct. Sharing a distant common ancestor does not make the comparative approach workable, unfortunately. Human geographic origin(what most people would call "race") is taxonomically significant. People from different parts of the world have different physical traits and they cluster together. So what this is arguing for is the study of why different races of humans behave differently. Good l…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/10/22 02:20 PM
3

But .eg growing a bunch of kids on a deserted island is out of the question. Lol good point! But I’d also argue that throwing kids on a desert island (short term) still isn’t evolutionary psychology. To demonstrate that traits they develop there are evolved, the traits need to be passed between generations—we’d need multiple generations of desert island kids who never interacted with other Homo sapiens. And then, if you throw those, idk…9th or 10th generation island kids back into regular societ…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/10/22 01:12 PM
3

That’s how all of science works. But if you reach too far with your logic and reasoning, reviewers will eat you alive.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/10/22 12:59 PM
4

“Evolutionary psychology is a biological science. Behavior and cognition are traits of organisms just as size, shape, and color are.” They are distinct fields of study. The methods most commonly used by evolutionary biologists are not available to evolutionary psychologists. “I think we can do this with humans as well. We can make comparisons between humans in general and other extant hominids. We can make comparisons between humans of different geographic origins. We can make comparisons betwee…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/10/22 12:51 PM
6

Evolutionary biologists use experiments and genomics (as well as sometimes other ‘omics) to support their claims. (I commented elsewhere explaining the comparative approach that biologists can take to draw conclusions about the evolution of behaviors.) You can’t publish research in evolutionary biology without hard data.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/10/22 12:09 PM
7

I had a guy just last week tell me that it is impossible for a woman to be more intelligent than most men because the curve for male IQ is flatter while the curve for female IQ is (slightly) more clustered toward the mean. He obviously did not understand how statistical distributions work, but was an extreme example of someone abusing “data” to make a “claim.”
/r/PurplePillDebate24/10/22 12:04 PM
8

A major difference between evolutionary psychology and evolutionary biology is that evolutionary biologists are usually able to take a comparative approach. We can look at closely related taxa within a clade (such as species within a genus), identify behaviors that differ between closely related taxa, and inspect the different pressures these taxa are subject to that could have selected for the disparate traits. A simple example would be an imaginary island bird genus in which two species diverg…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/10/22 11:58 AM
6

I am very curious about the life experiences that led you to this worldview. I’ve spent thousands of hours working with other women, often in all-woman teams, occasionally in adverse conditions, and i can’t recall ever witnessing a peer having an irrational, hormonal thought-malfunction. I don’t know what part of society you’re living in where women don’t have to conduct themselves like adults, but i promise you that i and my peers would not be rewarded for crying or throwing tantrums at work. A…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/10/22 11:08 PM
5

I’m guessing you work in a male-dominated environment? As a woman working as a research scientist in a female-dominated branch of biology, i can tell you that my field is absolutely loaded with women who are indeed able to interpret information in objective ways. (Otherwise, our papers would never make it through peer review.) I do think that we, as women, tend to be more self-deprecating than men when it comes to our abilities (i think we are socialized to be self-deprecating), which is where s…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/10/22 09:28 PM
1

That’s kind of surprising to me. But i do think there are potentially differences between lawyers and scientists that could explain it. For one, scientists mostly do what we do for the love of it—it isn’t the most lucrative profession. So people tend to live and breathe it and want someone around to bounce thoughts off of. Law seems a little more like the kind of profession people want a reprieve from when they get home. Most of the (few) lawyers i know are women, but yeah come to think of it th…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/10/22 08:30 PM
73

I think it’s probably true that less intelligent men aren’t interested in more intelligent women. But intelligent women do REALLY well with intelligent men. Highly educated men often seem to want someone who can understand them when they talk about their work and who hold interesting discussions in general, and someone who can keep up with the conversation in a group of coworkers. They seem happy to be able “show off” an accomplished woman to their families and coworkers. The vast majority of wo…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/10/22 02:50 PM
5

Yeah…I’ve always interpreted the “raise your standards” advice to be an implicit “raise your standards for how you are treated.” It’s older women telling younger women not to waste time on a guy who makes her uncomfortable, who exhibits red flags of abusive behavior, who isn’t making her feel secure and happy. You are so young, there are so many other options out there and you still have so much time. This is the advice 32-year-old me would give 22-year-old me, anyway.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/10/22 01:05 PM
5

Yeah if anything, when i see a gray hair emerge, my anxiety isn’t over losing sex appeal—it’s about the brevity of life, realizing that i only get one life to live and I’ve already lived 32 years of it. Remembering that my parents are going to get old, remembering that everything is finite.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/10/22 12:48 PM
3

Lol exactly. I’m 32 and no amount of money would make me want to revert back to 22. I don’t care in the absolute slightest if random men think i was hotter then—I’m smarter and far more skilled now, I’ve achieved things I’m deeply proud of, I’ve experienced much more of the world. I’m also fitter and thinner now, with better hair and better clothes. I have a MUCH a better partner now and a much better sex life. I don’t care if it was my prime from someone else’s perspective; there is nothing i m…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/10/22 12:43 PM
5

I love your last paragraph here. I feel like maybe if more people realized that, it would improve the state of discourse on a whole range of topics. E.g., I am viscerally repulsed by the death penalty, but instead of trying to pretend I’m an expert on the statistics and arguments against it, I just tell people that it’s a visceral reaction and i can’t explain it, and ta-da, i am able to avoid diving into a rabbit hole of a debate on a topic i admittedly don’t know that much about.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/10/22 11:14 PM
1

Sounds like you are over 5’9”? I am 5’8” which is definitely not tall enough to be a problem. But I have friends a bit taller than me who have no difficulty either (quite the opposite of difficulty tbh). I do have a close friend who is 6’1” who struggled for a long time, but there were other factors at play, including mild social awkwardness and a refusal to consider any guy shorter than her. She didn’t really start dating until she came around to the idea of dating slightly shorter guys, but sh…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/10/22 10:58 PM
2

It’s “American Dirt” and I highly recommend it. Extremely fast-paced, tight storytelling.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/10/22 07:31 PM
19

Yeah — by that logic, since men are attracted to our static bodies…all women are is meat sacks?
/r/PurplePillDebate18/10/22 03:55 PM
127

There’s a line in a book i just read, where after a young woman’s husband passed away “she realizes it wasn’t his body that thrilled her, but the way he animated it.”
/r/PurplePillDebate18/10/22 11:37 AM
2

We actually joke about that sometimes (there’s quite a bit more to the story, so our relationship origin story in full is extra dramatic…we just tell people we met in grad school lol)
/r/PurplePillDebate18/10/22 11:05 AM
3

I had a close guy friend who opened up to me about his relationship struggles throughout a string of breakups, which led to him ultimately processing some major childhood trauma. He was really struggling for a while, he used to come over to my house for dinner at least once a week. He cried in front of me more than once. But he also took responsibility for his behavior when it was warranted, and was open to me kindly telling him when he needed to reconsider his beliefs/behaviors. We are married …
/r/PurplePillDebate18/10/22 02:02 AM
3

I mean that much is clear. It just isn’t an effective argument. It’s suggesting that attraction is malleable, which a lot of us can get behind. Plenty of situations where that might be true (though the argument would be stronger had the OP cited evidence about women rather than men). But why would any woman want to force herself into feeling attracted to different men by intentionally restricting her own options? That’s never going to happen. (And yea, i get that it’s a hypothetical, but still i…
/r/PurplePillDebate17/10/22 06:41 PM
3

I was actually thinking about his insane spatial reasoning, his drive and resilience, and his adorable sense of humor. But then i realized that while some of those are stereotypically masculine traits, if i actually look at the people in my life, those traits aren’t really gendered. But my husband embodies them to a tee. Obviously i think he’s good-looking, i married him, but that’s not what the prompt was asking. Hmmm…one other thing i can generalize is that almost all men i know are very groun…
/r/PurplePillDebate17/10/22 04:33 PM
10

If that’s true, seems like the logical actionable advice stemming from this is that men should seek workplace or social situations where they are in the minority.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/10/22 04:00 PM
19

People on here are often quick to assert than men and women are different and their sexuality is different. So why would an effect that’s been observed in men be guaranteed to apply to women? This argument would make more sense if you could find a source showing a “prison effect” in women…
/r/PurplePillDebate17/10/22 03:18 PM
6

Men are a lot of fun. I love competitive activities, and the men in my life are almost always game. I can think of a ton of other things, but am realizing that most of them are fairly specific to my husband and can’t be generalized to all men.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/10/22 02:47 AM
7

Yup…personally if i were looking, I’d be wary of getting into a relationship with someone who made, say, more than 2x my salary. I wouldn’t want to be in a position where i couldn’t afford my share of things but then “owed him” for covering me. It’s a little different if you’re established as a couple, and trust each other, and one partner gets a huge pay increase. There’s no amount of pay raise for my husband that would make me give up my own income though.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/10/22 09:11 PM
14

Being in a relationship with a man ideally shouldn’t feel like having a job.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/10/22 12:20 PM
6

It takes no effort to be peaceful and “submissive” (though i despise that word so much) if your partner makes good and reasonable decisions that you already agree with, and is objectively correct most of the time. Of course it helps if you have agency to weigh in on decisions, also. It is REALLY REALLY HARD to be “peaceful and submissive” (e.g., keep your mouth shut) when your partner is making bad decisions, saying stuff that is incorrect, and/or being rude.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/10/22 12:19 PM
4

Safe haven laws are rarely gender specific; that is, typically either parent can relinquish an infant (only in four US states are the laws limited to mothers, and you’d have to ask the lawmakers why). They have a time threshold that’s quite short, like 14-30 days after birth. Neither parent can just decide to drop off a 4-month-old—whether man or woman, they’ll be prosecuted for child neglect. A man abandoned with a newborn could also utilize safe haven laws in most places. It’s just very uncomm…
/r/PurplePillDebate12/10/22 10:58 PM
2

I agree.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/10/22 03:15 PM
0

How do you think it would be received if a woman who is an expert in the field did a seminar explaining men’s psychology TO men? Like others have said, an expert sharing their expertise isn’t necessarily “mansplaining,” and i would consider this an example of mansplaining, really. I do think there’s a growing number of women who are suspicious of men who become an expert in a “women’s” domain in order to profit off of women. Think “glute guru” male strength trainers, men who try to teach women a…
/r/PurplePillDebate12/10/22 01:50 PM
1

Evolutionary biologists typically are able to take a comparative approach, where they look at descendants from a common ancestor, identify traits shared by some but not all of the descendants, and then determine which pressures present in the environment may have caused the taxa to diverge by selecting for a new adaptation. We can’t really do that with human brains, because our nearest relatives are long extinct and of course brains aren’t preserved in the fossil record like teeth are. (And even…
/r/PurplePillDebate10/10/22 07:30 PM
3

Yeah training dogs is a good example, though I’d argue we have a substantially greater capacity for learning behavior than dogs do (doesn’t mean personality can’t be partially heritable). To your last point, i think people can be manipulated even without directly interacting with the manipulator. The ability to “sell” a persona that isn’t “real” can exist without direct interaction. I’d be interested to actually watch the videos tbh. Curious to see how I’d rate these people (blind to the psychop…
/r/PurplePillDebate10/10/22 02:41 PM
3

Thanks! I read your link, and the researchers certainly have interesting ideas. Sounds like the field in general needs to progress in its ability to separate social intelligence (e.g. manipulation ability) from psychopathy at large (because it’s a multifaceted trait), and to determine which facets are learned vs inherited (the authors do a good job of addressing that issue—they explain that boys can “invest” in these behaviors growing up, but that there are tradeoffs). In general, it’s really ha…
/r/PurplePillDebate10/10/22 02:25 PM
11

For sexual selection to be occurring, a couple of things need to be true. 1.) The trait needs to be heritable. A quick google scholar search suggests that dark triad traits are partially heritable, so…partial check. (Just keep in mind that other factors shape personality besides genetics) 2.) The trait needs to be selected for in mates. Again, literature suggests this is true, but with emphasis on short-term mating. 3.) Males with this trait (when females are selectors-often the case in sexual s…
/r/PurplePillDebate10/10/22 12:19 PM
5

Here is an excerpt from the article you linked: “And so to the main reason women have sex. The idol of "women do it for love, and men for joy" lies broken on the rug like a mutilated sex toy: it's orgasm, orgasm, orgasm. "A lot of women in our studies said they just wanted sex for the pure physical pleasure," Meston says. Meston and Buss garnish this revelation with so much amazing detail that I am distracted. I can't concentrate. Did you know that the World Health Organisation has a Women's Org…
/r/PurplePillDebate10/10/22 11:49 AM
3

My lasting feeling is revulsion. I do think it made it harder to leave what was ultimately a horrible relationship, because I’d waited a long time to lose it and had hoped to only be with one man ever (for religious/moral reasons that i no longer align with). It didn’t change how i feel about men. He sucked, but he’s abnormal. I love my current partner more than i ever thought possible.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/10/22 02:39 AM
8

Umm…just so you know: the article you linked to about reasons women have sex quite literally states that a common reason women in their studies cited for having sex was “physical pleasure.”
/r/PurplePillDebate09/10/22 10:26 PM
1

I’m familiar with some. Certainly not all. I’m an biologist/ecologist who sometimes deals with evolutionary questions concerning the behavioral and physiological adaptations of other (much simpler) animals. I have a pretty good grasp on the type of available information and the possibilities for analyzing it (omics, hormonal assays, cross-cultural analyses, etc). To be clear, I also don’t think that all EP is inherently dubious. I just think it’s a field where there can be an especially blurry l…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/10/22 07:58 PM
2

I never said it was a fact. I’m just explaining why it’s sometimes called “pop EP.”
/r/PurplePillDebate09/10/22 07:25 PM
2

Sure thing. Of course some of these EP paradigms are totally reasonable. Especially ones that extend to most animals (e.g. eggs $$$, sperm $). However, I am a scientist (biologist/ecologist) as my job, and it frustrates the hell out me when people make unfalsifiable claims and ascribe them to “biology,” and I’ve come to see EP as a slippery slope to doing just that. A lot of my research has to do with animal behavior. And these are extant wild animals that i can interact with and observe. I look…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/10/22 07:12 PM
2

If you read the article that i linked, it explains that the “pop” was added to the term in 1985 by a philosopher critical of the field, who believed that the dominant sociobiology research program was making claims that exceeded its “evidential grasp,” doing research “designed to command popular attention.” It’s a term applied to the field by other scientists and has nothing to do with cosmopolitan.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/10/22 06:59 PM
3

I should have said, “normally in the hard sciences.” Of course there are ways to inspect questions indirectly. In many cases (particle physics, or astronomy, for example), people used math to investigate hypotheses before technology caught up to the point where things could be actually observed. But math is not speculation, especially where assumptions underlying calculations can eventually be examined and confirmed or rejected.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/10/22 06:25 PM
3

Right. We also have an entire shitpile of genomic evidence now (this is why taxonomists have been constantly reclassifying species and genera over the past few decades—we have better data on relatedness than what was imaginable 20 years ago!)
/r/PurplePillDebate09/10/22 05:06 PM
8

Normally in science, you can ask a question, formulate a hypothesis, and test for whether or not your hypothesis is supported using statistical modeling. Problem with EP is there is no way to collect data on early human brains. We can’t even collect data on early human behavior. We can only make assumptions. Nearly anything could be true, nearly anything could be false. That’s not how science is supposed to work. I’m an ecologist, and I’ve been warned not to bother dabbling in paleo ecology beca…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/10/22 04:59 PM
2

Yep, i posted without reading this first—this is exactly what i meant by saying that EP rests on hypotheses that are unfalsifiable. Great examples!
/r/PurplePillDebate09/10/22 04:52 PM
8

In the “hard” sciences, hypotheses should be testable and falsifiable. While it’s rare in most fields of science to prove anything beyond a shadow of a doubt, you should be able to collect evidence and analyze data in a statistically rigorous and unbiased way. Unfortunately, we just don’t have enough data about the conditions under which the human brain evolved (likely a very diverse array of conditions, as evolution is slow) to formulate falsifiable hypotheses about these environmental drivers,…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/10/22 04:50 PM
12

Many of the women you see with top notch figures also spend years in the gym and carefully maintain their body fat percentages. 4-6 hours of dedicated lifting in the gym looks different on women than it does on men, because it’s harder for us to build muscle, but that doesn’t mean a lot of women aren’t putting in serious time to look like what guys perceive as “fit and toned.”
/r/PurplePillDebate06/10/22 03:07 PM
2

Thank you. That’s how my now-husband feels about it also.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/10/22 06:32 PM
1

Exactly. I knew for certain i would not be caught. Still a sketchy decision, and a big reason i decided to leave right away.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/10/22 06:32 PM
1

It was a situation where i was 100% sure he’d never find out. It was also very impulsive, and not a smart thing to do.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/10/22 06:31 PM
1

I’m a different responder, but sounds like a similar story. I cheated on my first husband after a string of episodes of unambiguous physical abuse (he’d been abusive for a long time but it had escalated severely). Yes, i should have just left him (i was afraid). No, i didn’t set out to cheat. I felt absolutely horrible at first. I knew my husband could never find out because he’d kill me (literally), but i also knew that i couldn’t live with that secret. So suddenly i finally had the motivation …
/r/PurplePillDebate04/10/22 05:25 AM
3

Ah yes, but you said having a partner to do those things WITH you. Totally onboard with that! Being appreciated is wonderful. Helping each other out is wonderful. Having a potential boyfriend seem to view you as a checklist of chores you’ll do -before you ever even hook up - is…weird and undesirable.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/09/22 01:59 AM
3

Wait, so now you’re saying that women are actually financially disincentivized to divorce? I think that’s probably more accurate. Or are you saying that men no longer want to marry women? Idk if that’s true. Hard to say whether it’s men or women driving marriage trends. But there are still a lot of men getting married.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/09/22 10:13 PM
14

I had a really “traditional gender roles” type guy into me at one point in part because of my cooking and my willingness to cook for others. Then he told me that if it turned out i also enjoyed doing laundry, I’d be “the perfect woman” 🤮 I’m happy to cook for people I care about. I even usually do my husband’s laundry these days. I just don’t want it to be a gendered expectation, and a main motivator for seeking a relationship with me.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/09/22 08:49 PM
5

I definitely think women are better off since the rise of the divorce industry, but i also think it’s impossible to parse that from the rise of career opportunities for women. Obviously i think the latter is a much more significant contributor. I’ll admit my own bias that shades these conversations for me: i divorced because of DV and am so grateful to have had the ability to do so quickly and easily. As stated above, i got nothing monetary out of it other than release of financial responsibilit…
/r/PurplePillDebate28/09/22 05:21 PM
4

I dunno, I wonder if those are actually underestimates. My marriage ended because my ex husband punched me on a semi-regular basis, but we cited “irreconcilable differences” in our no-fault divorce paperwork, because i wanted to get out of there expediently and with as little drama as possible. Also, fear of retaliation. Perhaps false accusations cancel out cases like mine though.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/09/22 05:02 PM
7

All women are financially incentivized to divorce? The best financial reward i got out of my divorce was getting my dependent ex off my health insurance. Things are different for millennials…many women earn as much or more than their husbands now. Many couples aren’t buying homes on the man’s income alone. The only person i know who received a substantial settlement after divorce is a generation older, had been married over 20 years, and literally gave up her job as a doctor to move to different…
/r/PurplePillDebate28/09/22 04:53 PM
1

I think location is a major variable that can’t be generalized across. I have a friend who uses online dating in a major city that has a very high woman/man ratio among young adult age brackets. It’s also a geographic hub for intellectual career prospects. He is about 5’5”, very average looking, and only makes about 50k (low for the area), and he gets matches with women he’s attracted to and goes on dates all the time. He’s super outgoing, charismatic, and smart, and a very kind person…but i thi…
/r/PurplePillDebate28/09/22 02:23 PM
7

I have friends who were “picked” to do that for a few weeks on vacation. They aren’t “professional” models (they are actually both biologists) but restaurants and clubs comped allllll their food and alcohol in exchange for them being “atmosphere models.” Which means they hang out in the VIP area of the club to improve the vibe by lending their hot girl presence and dancing and looking fun. These two women are actually in a committed relationship with each other…any guys that they talked to durin…
/r/PurplePillDebate28/09/22 01:29 PM
7

In addition to the obvious super important reasons many people already pointed out: I love my job. It adds purpose, fulfillment, and even joy to my life. I also feel that i have worthwhile intellectual contributions to make to my field. Why would i ever give that up? What would be the point? I want my husband and i to both be able to depend on ourselves and on each other. If shit hits the fan, I have his back and vice versa. I’m not a child he needs to take care of.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/09/22 11:43 PM
1

Yeah. I absolutely respect what these women had to do and had to deal with to get to the top, and some have them have had truly amazing careers, but also some of the behavior I’ve dealt with from them has left me speechless.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/09/22 03:11 AM
2

I work in a science field that was male dominated 20 years ago and is now female dominated. I’ve found that the senior women who had to claw their way up back in the 80s and 90s are frequently the ones who are mean to other women. And to most people. I think it’s the behavior they learned to get by. And of course not all are like that. The younger women I work with are mostly lovely. I’ve worked on many all-female field teams without any issues. Obviously not everyone likes everyone, but same go…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/09/22 02:12 AM
2

I have 3 going back to junior high school and 1 going back to high school. So these friendships go back ~18 years. Of those 4, i went to college with 2 of them. Two (or three? Honestly i forget now) of them tried to turn the friendship into more at various times in high school, but when it didn’t happen we were able to resume the friendship, honestly pretty easily. I did have male friends in college that made moves, and one i dated for a while, but those friendships faded away. I also have male …
/r/PurplePillDebate22/09/22 03:02 AM
7

I plan to hopefully have a family, but i have an essential job function (that also happens to be the most enjoyable part of my job), that i will not be allowed to perform at all for the entire nine months of pregnancy. I have a supportive husband and we both have supportive workplaces (I’ll get maternity leave and then he can take paternity leave after i go back!), but there is no workaround short of adoption or surrogacy for the whole pregnancy issue. I’ll try to get pregnant, and it will surel…
/r/PurplePillDebate21/09/22 03:16 AM
3

Glad you were able to get out! After seven years with that guy i didn’t think it was possible to have a relationship as peaceful as the one I’m in now, but my current husband never directs anger at me and has never raised his voice at me. He also (and this is a big thing that was missing with the other guy) makes me feel totally comfortable with outlining my boundaries, and respects my boundaries no questions asked. And contrary to what has been posted about at length on this thread, my kind and…
/r/PurplePillDebate20/09/22 02:26 PM
16

This and the above are basically the only good advice I’ve seen on this thread. So many people seem to be assuming that average-looking men with average careers can’t be (or are rarely) abusive. Or that other men (fathers, guy friends) will consistently recognize an abuser. My physically and verbally abusive ex was an average looking, average height, skinny guy who never went to the gym. I waited several months to sleep with him, and lost my virginity to him. When i finally left him after 7 year…
/r/PurplePillDebate20/09/22 01:01 PM
6

As a woman who married the man I lost my virginity to, I 100% DO NOT RECOMMEND. Saving my virginity most certainly did not earn me a better husband. He was an absolutely terrible partner. Obsessed with porn, obsessed with other women, verbally and eventually physically abusive. Some part of me felt i needed to stick with him because i had waited so long to have sex (till i was 22) and had always wanted to only be with one person (mostly for religious reasons that i eventually grew out of, but by…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/09/22 12:49 PM
1

I once was a field trip instructor on a snorkel trip with a grade school class. One of the teacher-chaperones with the class, a gym teacher, randomly started doing pull-ups on a beam on the snorkel boat. Based on the available possibilities around (much older teachers, literal children, and me), i suspect he was trying to impress me. Little did he know, i can do 15 pull-ups at a time, and found the display incredibly awkward and lame.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/09/22 08:32 PM
2

My husband is this way as well—conventionally masculine but with progressive values (also struggles with the pronouns). He didn’t think he was a feminist until we were watching Chapelle’s most recent (controversial) special and Chapelle defined it as believing men and women should have equal rights. My husband was like, “huh, guess I’m a feminist then.” I’m a feminist in that sense as well, and fine to identify as one, though there are parts of the movement that are too extreme for me to care ab…
/r/PurplePillDebate05/09/22 08:26 PM
4

Not much at all for hair and makeup…it took me about 15-20min to do my makeup for my own wedding the other weekend. For a normal day, i am comfortable wearing no makeup at all and am aware that my hair usually is not the best…i have 2-3 options for ways i style it (messy bun, French braid, or air dried…braid takes the longest at 2-3min) I spend a borderline absurd amount of time in my basement gym though. But i get many other benefits from that besides just the aesthetics.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/08/22 03:35 AM
3

I mean, there’s a very small body of evidence suggesting that women are more likely to admit mistakes at work than men are: https://www.huffpost.com/entry/women-men-and-handling-mi_b_830231/amp But that’s an old study, i can’t find the primary source open access, and i don’t trust HuffPo’s spin. So I’ll stick with the null hypothesis (men and women are equally likely to own mistakes) until someone shows me compelling evidence to refute it.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/08/22 06:30 PM
3

Yeah…I’m in academia (ecologist), and I’ve often worked on all-female teams and have very rarely experienced issues, interpersonal or otherwise. Lazy women are hard to come by in my field, because they usually don’t get far. Anyway, I’ve spent more days than i can count on boats as part of all-female dive teams. I recently spent a week on a remote island with an all-female field crew working our absolute asses off (there was one day i was in a wetsuit from 8am to 10pm). I have never once had a s…
/r/PurplePillDebate26/08/22 01:17 PM
2

I love him very very much for who he is, and always make a point to compliment traits that are inherent to him (rather than just things he does for me). But I love seeing him work on the things he loves. I don’t think it’s uncommon for women to be more turned on by muscles in motion.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/08/22 12:55 PM
13

I don’t think owning mistakes is a gendered trait.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/08/22 07:47 PM
5

Men make choices they regret all the time.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/08/22 06:59 PM
2

B is the obvious answer, though I’ve considered setting up friends in other circumstances. Notably, I had a close guy friend and coworker who was hopelessly in love with our other coworker (who had a boyfriend). We all spent a ton of time together and i became desperate to find anyone (anyone!) to redirect his attention because their dynamic was so incredibly irritating (she led him on, but wouldn’t break up with the other guy, and my friend was undeterred). Anyway the girl i had hoped to set up…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/08/22 06:57 PM
8

This is a solid answer. My husband standing around with his shirt off is nice. My husband woodworking or gardening or fixing shit with his shirt off is smokin.’
/r/PurplePillDebate24/08/22 11:18 PM
2

Depends on personality. I generally have an easier time bottling up emotions than clamming up when i have an opinion. So based on the qualities you describe i think it’s easier (for me) to fit the male role. However, i don’t really feel any pressure in real life to stifle my emotions or my opinions. My personal relationships foster both my “masculine” and “feminine” traits and i don’t feel like I’m going against the grain. I know it’s not like that for everyone, but i feel lucky in that regard.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/08/22 04:19 PM
2

Lol yeah. That’s why it’s embarrassing for me.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/08/22 04:10 PM
3

Unfortunately he didn’t reveal himself to be a raging lunatic until several months in, when I’d already lost my virginity to him and was emotionally invested in making the relationship work (my goal had always been to be with only one man forever). I was relatively young and inexperienced. Most of the guys who had been in my life previously as friends or boyfriends had been wonderful people and i was not guarded. Probably missed some red flags, but they were more subtle than you’d think.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/08/22 04:05 PM
3

I don’t think this is a reasonable benchmark…my number is 3 and I would still just about die of embarrassment if they were all in a room together. Not because the number is high, but because one of them (the first one) is a total raging lunatic.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/08/22 03:32 PM
1

Neither my partner nor i are ever going to stay at home…honestly idk how we would ever make enough money to live where we live, and assuming we have a kid (likely), our goal is to help him/her pay for college. So we will both always work. That said, he told me that in a hypothetical scenario where i could make enough to “buy out” his job (never gonna happen), he’d be the one to stay home. But would find time for side hustles that he loves like his wood shop rather than not work at all. He said i…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/08/22 12:01 PM
1

I see what you’re saying. I tend to visualize this differently because of course, not all men are denser than all women. So in my mind, BMI disadvantages more muscular people, who are more likely to be (but not always) men. I was confused because this is just a side-affect of BMI and not an intentional design of the calculation. BMI definitely was not designed with the intention to make allowances for women’s bf; it was designed to study obesity at a population level. I hesitate to say that it’s…
/r/PurplePillDebate14/08/22 09:46 PM
1

I don’t understand how BMI calculations take extra bf into account. BMI isn’t adjusted for bf or for sex. If you’re saying that it’s easier for men to have an “overweight” BMI while having a healthy bf%, then yeah we are on the same page, that is true. BMI disadvantages muscular people in general.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/08/22 08:52 PM
1

Sure, not arguing that women tend to have higher bf%. But BMI does not account for this. “Healthy BMI” according to generally accepted standards is something like 18.5-24.9 for both men and women. Not saying this is right or wrong, just that there aren’t different standards, and bf% and sex are not accounted for in the calculation.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/08/22 06:53 PM
9

Gender is not adjusted for in BMI calculations. The standard chart is the same for men and women. I’d guess some doctors do provide different thresholds for male and female patients, but this isn’t a standard you’ll see when searching for a standard BMI chart or calculator online. (I searched and couldn’t find a single source that differentiated between healthy BMI for men and women—and again gender is not adjusted for in the calculation).
/r/PurplePillDebate14/08/22 12:04 PM
2

Yeah i came up empty in the first few pages of a Google scholar search as well. Lots of vole studies, some songbird studies, nothing about any animal discussing oxytocin desensitization.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/08/22 11:38 AM
1

I’m not saying that you are obligated to wait for sex with any of these hypothetical women. Only you can decide whether it’s worth waiting. I’m just saying that women are not under any obligation to treat all relationships identically forever and ever. And neither are men. People change, I was just giving examples of reasons why.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/08/22 02:29 PM
1

But someone’s thresholds and standards can change over time. It does not necessarily mean she finds you less attractive if she makes you wait for sex, even if she had sex with some other guy or guys right away. Possible other things it could mean: she feels more secure in herself and her life and doesn’t need the validation that comes with casual sex anymore -she feels less secure and confident in her body and looks than she used to and isn’t comfortable getting naked with a near-stranger -she h…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/08/22 01:33 PM
1

Why would it have to be a single night of casual sex? My hypothetical certainly allows for women who have casual sex multiple times before deciding it’s not for them. Presumably you wouldn’t want her to get the same feeling from you as she did from casual sex—in this scenario, she stopped having casual sex because it made her feel shitty. I’m going to be perfectly honest—I’ve never had casual sex and my closest girlfriends haven’t really either. So I’m not an expert. But as I understand it, wome…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/08/22 12:18 PM
4

You can’t expect a human being to behave the same in every relationship over the course of a decade or more. I knew my fiancé quite well for years before we ever got together. I also knew a handful of women he dated in the past. I know that in one of his previous relationships, he brought her a rose to work every single Tuesday. Am i pissed off that he’s never given me a rose? Does it mean he loves and values me less? Of course not. I’m a different woman, at a different time in his life. Our rel…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/08/22 11:00 PM
1

I started when I was 21. I had amenorrhea (no periods) before that for a couple of years…i was a collegiate athlete with very low body fat %, lost my period when i dropped below 130lb. When i quit my sport, i gained some weight back and with it came my periods and adult acne. Went on the pill for the acne. I didn’t start having sex at all till I’d been on the pill for about a year. I didn’t have any side effects, but i also didn’t trust it as bc (it was easy to forget to take at the same time ev…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/08/22 01:50 PM
2

I love this question. I think about this a lot, because i think all people are prone to seeking partners and even friends who “do something” for us or make us feel good in some way. Nothing wrong with it, but it’s also important to see and love your person as an individual separate from you.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/08/22 11:43 PM
1

Hmm…I’m definitely someone with a relentless drive to travel, but I intentionally chose a career path that involves a lot of travel (and “adventurous” travel at that) so that i wouldn’t need to finance all my trips myself or rely on a partner as a travel buddy. Now, my partner does love to travel. He doesn’t have the vacation accrued and we don’t have the funds (yet) for him to join me on all my trips, but we do a lot of outdoor micro-adventures together, like one-night weekend backpacking loops…
/r/PurplePillDebate02/08/22 05:24 PM
1

When my fiancé and I started dating, he was a PhD student and I had a decent job. We already knew each other really well (we met early in grad school), so we didn’t go on many formal “dates.” The occasional dinners out were kept under $50 total and we split the bill unless it was one of our birthdays. We were long distance at first and I traveled to see him more since I had the cash. Our big vacations have always been camping/backpacking, so pretty cheap. I paid a bigger chunk of our joint expen…
/r/PurplePillDebate02/08/22 03:53 PM
3

I am not a parent, but my ex-husband worked shorter hours than me and made about half as much money. I left for work before him and got home after him. I’d get up an hour early to work out (because he didn’t like when i took time to exercise in the evenings), then cooked his breakfast, and packed his lunch before i left for work. Then when i got home i cooked dinner and cleaned up afterwards. I did all the laundry, scheduled all the appointments, took care of all the bills. He contributed little…
/r/PurplePillDebate01/08/22 05:15 PM
3

I suspect that there’s a lot of overlap between the men who think OF is easy money and the men who seem to believe that all young reasonably attractive women have 10K Instagram followers. Probably indicative of either being in an extremely male-dominated bubble and/or a life lived online. Growing a social media following as a “hot girl” takes a certain level of shameless (photos and videos in public, potentially requiring skimpy outfits) that the vast majority of attractive women IRL do not poss…
/r/PurplePillDebate31/07/22 01:23 PM
2

I’m getting married in a couple of weeks! My fiancé considers me a catch because: I can talk with him about anything, especially science (we are both biologists, met in grad school). I am very fit, we love to hike and backpack and are able to hike fast and far together. (I also am visibly fit, tall thin and toned.) I’m a good cook and I cook mostly healthy stuff for us most nights of the week. Half our expenses come out of my paycheck. I’m calm, rational, and patient. I’m a good listener. We deb…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/07/22 12:32 PM
2

Yeah for sure. My partner definitely doesn’t consider me stupid lol. I would 100% hate that. We both have graduate degrees and work as biologists, albeit in slightly different fields. There are plenty of areas within “biology” where i know more and/or have more skill than he does, but his general scientific knowledge is just truly amazing. (But I know more about history, politics, and literature.) We definitely see one another other as balanced. I think what my dad was saying is that I’d be happ…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/07/22 10:08 AM
7

Yes! This all makes sense. I actually didn’t really believe that hypergamy was real or prevalent, but when put this way i think it is. After a spectacularly failed relationship, my dad told me: “I think you need to be with someone smarter than you.” And not gonna lie, he was definitely right. I do think it’s a component of attraction for women to look up to a guy in one way or another. And it’s probably important to the relationship dynamic. I also agree that it’s important to admire traits in o…
/r/PurplePillDebate26/07/22 11:51 PM
3

Thank you! I’m great now. About to marry my best friend, who is the most wonderful person. And for the record, i saw him cry long before we were dating and still fell for him lol
/r/PurplePillDebate26/07/22 11:08 PM
34

I grew up with a father who cries at hallmark commercials and when he hears a particularly beautiful song. He also expresses joy in a big way. It’s important to me that men (anyone i love, really) can share their emotions in a healthy way. Anger is fine, but that’s where it’s really important to keep it in check. My ex threw tantrums that led to physical abuse and scapegoated me for any and all problems in his life. That’s the kind of emotional display that will cause me to leave. I am not the t…
/r/PurplePillDebate26/07/22 10:29 PM
6

Pressure to initiate is a big one I sympathize with. I really believe that women should initiate more, to me this is a no-brainer. But I’m a firm believer that if you want something you should take steps to get it, whether in your career, relationships, whatever. When i was single i started conversations with guys pretty often. Asking a guy for a game of pool or fooseball at a bar is an easy opener i used. Also pressure to pay and not just to pay for dates. Guys can end up spending a ton of mone…
/r/PurplePillDebate26/07/22 12:12 PM
5

Yeah, this is a big one. I was good friends with my now-fiancé for years before we got together, and he had such a miserable time with dating sites, rarely got matches. And he is very clearly above average: 6’, nice face, brilliant conversationalist, cool job (at the time he wasn’t making much -grad student- but had obvious future earning potential), wanted a relationship. But yeah, no luck. He was successful with girls in real life but never online. I do believe that’s a game that’s just inhere…
/r/PurplePillDebate26/07/22 11:54 AM
1

I had to look up who that was, and if that’s “not much in the chest area,” to you, it strongly suggests that you haven’t seen very many slim women in real life. She looks like at least a D cup, maybe DD?
/r/PurplePillDebate25/07/22 12:54 PM
3

I don’t think there is a lack of good people, or good men, at all. But then, i don’t exist in a social environment where i see women enumerating their requirements for men, especially not things like height, income, etc. Most of my girlfriends are happily partnered with good, normal dudes that they met in school (whether that be high school, college, or grad school). I’m not saying some women don’t have these reqs! That’s one of the reasons I’m so fascinated with this sub….i keep reading things …
/r/PurplePillDebate25/07/22 12:28 PM
1

How so?
/r/PurplePillDebate25/07/22 12:21 PM
5

I could be way off base, but usually when i see the phrase “the bar is in hell,” it tends to be referencing how men treat women rather than specific qualities men may or may not have. And i think what women want in terms of how we are treated —“the bar” so to speak— would be things like: -respect our goals/careers/interests/opinions -be reliable (call when you say you will, etc) -don’t cheat -be friendly to our friends and family Etc
/r/PurplePillDebate25/07/22 02:13 AM
1

Yeah for sure. My college boyfriend was not at all conventionally attractive. I got to be friends with him over time and he grew on me until I was very attracted and made a point to pursue a relationship. My current partner is absolutely conventionally attractive, but i knew him for years before i personally felt attracted to him. But now i think he’s the sexiest man on the planet. We were also friends for a long time before dating. Both of these examples, the guys are brilliant, confident, and …
/r/PurplePillDebate24/07/22 10:10 PM
6

Yeah this is a good point! Sexual selection doesn’t even have to ultimately confer a fitness advantage to selected-for males. Male peacocks’ tails evolved to be excessively dramatic and burdensome strictly because lady peacocks were into it.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/07/22 09:01 PM
1

Agreed, glad people are pointing this out. These attitudes seem to be contributing to some bigger problems, including the devaluation of STEM fields with more women in them. https://theconversation.com/amp/more-women-in-a-stem-field-leads-people-to-label-it-as-a-soft-science-according-to-new-research-173724 Which is very worrying as a woman and scientist, as it could affect (may already be affecting) our funding opportunities and salaries.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/07/22 08:07 PM
2

A substantial percentage of biologists (i think about 50% are women). Which suggests that women are not any less likely to be interested in biology than men are. That’s probably true of some of those other topics as well—i just chose to focus on biology because i personally am a biologist. I know so many women who are working biologists, and just like every other person who’s deeply into something, we’ve also had to learn to read the room and tone down the level of detail or just avoid niche top…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/07/22 07:46 PM
2

Yeah he was pretty much the worst.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/07/22 11:09 PM
1

I think it depends on your social circle how much height matters to women…i don’t doubt it’s a big deal to certain groups even though i haven’t personally witnessed it. But one thing that never seems to come up is: Don’t most men…prefer shorter women? I won’t deny that women exist who are picky about height (some insanely so, apparently) but there are also guys who aren’t into tall girls. Even my 6’ fiancé, who is a very confident man, doesn’t love it when i wear heels (I’m 5’8”). It’s not like …
/r/PurplePillDebate23/07/22 03:49 PM
20

It doesn’t generally bother me, though i had an ex who was probably more addicted to it than i even realized, and it did start to get to me. There was the porn, which—fine—but he was absolutely relentless about pointing out hot women in real life, talking about hot women he saw or met, and talking about types of women he found hot (that often looked nothing like me). At various stages he told me that he wished i was thinner but also that he wished my butt was bigger. He had many many issues (som…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/07/22 03:33 AM
8

Fair point. Although incidentally, a lot of my guy friends do indeed tell me their shit (maybe not all of it, though a few are totally open books). One of my short-ish guy friends was likely getting cheated on at one point…but his gf was an actual influencer who had sponsorships to post bikini pics for 200k followers (literally). Not at all saying that she was better than him (i think she’s a jerk), and not saying that getting cheated on somehow hurts less when it’s a model-tier partner, but jus…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/07/22 01:59 AM
33

It’s been a long time since I’ve personally dated a guy shorter than me, but last time i did, our heights never came up in conversation. I’m a tallish woman (5’8”) so i naturally have plenty of guy friends who are around my height or a bit shorter. Probably the top 3 most successful (at getting hookups) single guys i know aren’t any taller than me. They hook up with girls of varying heights, some plenty tall, and never seem insecure about it. Some of my shorter guy friends will shamelessly offer…
/r/PurplePillDebate22/07/22 08:54 PM
2

I…highly doubt that’s true, based on the nutrition research that I’m familiar with. And anyway most human ancestors were hunter gatherers who ate meat but not exclusively, and often not even daily. Also eating meat doesn’t magically make you build muscle, still need mechanical stress (e.g. strength training of some sort).
/r/PurplePillDebate22/07/22 04:25 PM
2

I could be wrong, but it seems to me like when most men say they are attracted to skinny or thin women, what they really mean is that they are attracted to thin women who look fit, healthy, and feminine. Crash dieting is not the way to achieve this look. Especially once we are out of our teens. Plus I’m pretty sure most men want women who aren’t neurotic, are able to enjoy food, and who are energetic. All I’m saying is that a lot of women who look slim, fit and healthy (even though they may not …
/r/PurplePillDebate22/07/22 04:21 PM
5

You’ve suggested that women can crash diet their way to reaching beauty standards, but that only might be true once or twice in a woman’s life. The inherent nature of crash diets results in unsustainable weight loss, and doing it repeatedly can really discombobulate your metabolism. Plus, without good genetics, women who crash diet will be skinny-fat, they won’t look anything like the actresses/models/influencers that are the beauty standard. To actually be lean (as in low bf%), toned, and look …
/r/PurplePillDebate22/07/22 12:34 PM
1

You can have kids as well as an epic career as a woman (plenty of women around the world proving that). Ruth Bader Ginsberg (who was a mother of 2!) said: “If you have a caring life partner, you help the other person when that person needs it. I had a life partner who thought my work was as important as his, and I think that made all the difference for me.”
/r/PurplePillDebate21/07/22 07:13 PM
3

Women don’t get the kind of respect that men get because everyone assumes they’ve been coddled their whole lives. Lots of women have had to prove themselves. Lots of women have been tested.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/07/22 12:33 PM
3

It is not a big deal to me. My partner’s count is I think 10 times greater than mine. We have never discussed it during our relationship, but we were friends for a long time before getting together, and his count came up at some point in conversation back then and i vaguely remember it. He knows mine because it is distinctly low. We both had lives before we met and before we were together. I was a little insecure in the beginning because i knew a few of his exes (and hookups) and was worried abo…
/r/PurplePillDebate21/07/22 02:59 AM
1

Yeah I’m starting to see this, and not at all surprised. One friend (woman) who is a biologist is engaged to a dishwasher repairman. A family friend (man) who is a welder is engaged to a woman in med school. Another friend (male) is a commercial diver and while he’s successfully living the bachelor life, he regularly hooks up with highly educated women and won’t have trouble finding a relationship when he decides he wants one. (And because people here always make assumptions about guys who are s…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/07/22 01:33 PM
2

Yeah…I “only” have a Masters degree (not a PhD). While the job is complex and skilled (i can identify most fish and inverts in my primary study system on sight, plus am a highly experienced diver, and am skilled at data wrangling and statistical computing in R, and have manuscript writing and leadership responsibilities) the “cool” factor is what keeps the pay down. Turns out it’s not hard to find someone with a graduate degree who wants to travel the world scuba diving as a career. About 200 ot…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/07/22 09:46 PM
3

Thank you so much! That’s so nice to hear. I’m doing exactly what I dreamed of when I was a kid, and I’m proud of myself too ☺️
/r/PurplePillDebate18/07/22 06:39 PM
5

That’s fair. Even 5-6 years ago it would have seemed high income to me! But i have a graduate degree and now could easily make more working elsewhere. And i live in a very high cost of living area. But i wouldn’t trade it for more money—i have a lot of freedom to pursue my own research interests plus the travel and adventure on top of that.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/07/22 06:27 PM
4

That’s how i feel! And that’s what i remind my parents every time they lament that i didn’t go into industry.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/07/22 06:23 PM
1

By “lead” i mean that person does the bulk of the work while the other hangs around offering help as needed (e.g. he opens jars or sometimes does chopping while i cook, i pass dishes to the sink while he washes dishes and then dry and put away). He’s happy with his choice. We deeply enjoy each other’s company and everything is easier as a team (including paying our bills—we live in a costly area). Neither he nor i particularly mind doing household chores. I don’t know any men of my generation (e…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/07/22 06:22 PM
2

Why would a career woman complain and nag about not wanting to cook? I feel like that’s a stereotype with little basis in reality. There are plenty of women who don’t have careers who hate to cook, and plenty of women with careers who use cooking as a creative outlet/hobby. I understand that I live in a bubble of a certain type of people, but basically every woman I know has a career she cares about and still does her fair share or more of the cooking in her relationship, generally without compl…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/07/22 04:49 PM
6

Thank you for putting this so clearly! In addition, plenty of women are naturally good at the things we choose to pursue for careers. Why should a whole class of people just refrain from making contributions to their desired fields? For example, at this point many leading researchers in biology, ecology, and genetics are women. Excluding women causes brain drain from fields where innovation is needed.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/07/22 04:24 PM
15

Yes. I was gonna say this. I’m a marine biologist at a very high-profile academic institution, and I travel the world to scuba dive and lead field teams doing all kinds of interesting projects that I really care about. I only make like 60k right now. But people usually think my job is so cool. I’m a woman, but i imagine if i was a man doing this job, certain women would find it really appealing.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/07/22 03:27 PM
4

I mean, sure. I got with my fiancé when he was a broke PhD student and cheered him on as he moved up to a postdoc and then a solid-paying long term job. But i’ve also pushed forward my own career during that time, knowing that i could pay my own bills and was progressing towards my own goals too. Everyone is entitled to their preferences though and sounds like you’ve found what works for you.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/07/22 03:18 PM
6

Wait, you wanted a woman without a career to throw all her chips in on you before you made it in your career? Would have had to find someone very naive for that.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/07/22 12:28 PM
–

I think it’s a small subset of men on this sub who fully believe this, but it still surprises me how often men seem to assume that most women would prefer not to work, and that if we do work the primary driver is financial independence. Obviously a lot of humans work to make money, and a lot of humans would love to retire early. But I’m pretty sure there are just as many women as there are men who are deeply invested in our careers because we are doing something we care about, are interested in,…
/r/PurplePillDebate14/07/22 07:08 PM
2

There are some practical things that my partner does that seem to affirm his masculinity internally, rather than relying on external affirmation: 1.) Backpacking. We both do this together and i think it’s great for anyone’s mental health (self-sufficiency, solitude, challenge, etc etc). But he really seems to get a boost from the whole process. He’s in charge of the fire when we are able to have one and i think there might be some primal instincts that make a person feel in control when they bui…
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/22 12:38 PM
0

I go out of cell range fairly often for chunks of time, both for my job and for recreation. I also spend a lot of time underwater (i scuba dive as part of my job) and so will miss texts during long diving days and respond later. My partner had understood this from the beginning though. Likewise, i know if he’s slow to respond it means he’s wrapped up doing a hobby (lately, woodworking). He doesn’t keep his phone on him for stuff like that. I can’t imagine dating someone who didn’t believe you co…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/22 10:06 PM
9

Idk, I’m sure some women do dress for attention at the gym, but personally I lift at home in my basement and find myself wearing even skimpier clothing than i was comfortable wearing in a public gym. Even when literally no one is going to see me. It really is comfier, and it makes me feel good and athletic.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/22 02:19 PM
5

It’s my preference too, and I maintain quite a lean physique myself (and lift regularly). My preferences for my own body (and my body’s natural predispositions to be lean) don’t have any bearing on my preference for a guy’s build. I’d guess that some women prefer this built fat physique because we’ve actually encountered and/or known guys like this IRL. This one looks the closest to my partner, who is extremely sexy to me, thus this picture is the one that resonates.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/07/22 12:11 PM
1

Seconded! My partner had the exact same experience with OLD before we together (we were friends for years before we dated and i was his main confidant for love-life dilemmas). OLD didn’t make him a misogynist, but it did make him feel like crap. He’s brilliant, funny, extroverted, and charming. He’s attractive and 6’0 (which is evidently important). He had hooked up with and dated attractive-to-hot women IRL. But he literally got nowhere with OLD. Messages here and there followed by a ghosting. …
/r/PurplePillDebate01/07/22 12:17 PM
1

My motivation in my career is genuine curiosity and enthusiasm for my field of work, with a dose of competitive spirit and desire for prestige mixed in. If i won the lottery, i would keep doing the same thing (likely funding my dream projects with a portion of the winnings). I was never told to get a job to be independent of men. My mom stayed at home for most of my childhood and my parents are still happily married. But they told me to do what i wanted to do, and to try to excel at it. That’s t…
/r/PurplePillDebate30/06/22 12:29 PM
5

I’m not forgetting that Elvis was controversial. Just pointing out the long history of men leveraging their sexuality for entertainment purposes. E.g. Elvis is to 1955 what Cardi B is to 2020
/r/PurplePillDebate28/06/22 04:52 PM
10

Yeah! Didn’t men start this trend? Then women co-opted it? Back when Elvis was gyrating, a woman would NEVER.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/06/22 10:39 AM
3

Heck no. I’d call security. I don’t want anyone making a scene over my stuff. My fiancé is an assertive person and would probably confront a thief but I’d be asking even him to leave it alone, let alone a platonic friend.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/06/22 03:49 PM
13

I guess what I’m saying is if you get along well, care about each other, and have similar values, you won’t feel like you’re needing to compromise all the time. I’ve been in a conflict-riddled LTR and a nearly conflict-free LTR and the difference isn’t that i became more submissive or have a more submissive partner. We just…agree on stuff.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/06/22 02:05 PM
24

I just…don’t understand what huge decisions these men who want submission are making (or wish they were making) semi-unilaterally? If you’re butting heads over basic day-to-day decisions, it probably just means you and your partner are poorly matched and don’t get along with each other. Having a “submissive” partner isn’t going to fix that. And if it’s big stuff, like buying a house or moving, you’d have to be crazy to want to do that without full buy-in from your partner. If she’s just followin…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/06/22 01:25 PM
2

I was curious so I checked: all of the most attractive women i know IRL have fewer than 1000 followers with one exception—and she was on multiple seasons of a reality TV show, so not who OP is talking about. Another is so pretty that when she went on vacation to Vegas she was asked to be an atmosphere model at a club (e.g. she got everything for free in exchange for her hot-girl presence to enhance the clubs aesthetic). She has <700 followers. I think what OP fails to realize is that having tens…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/06/22 12:03 AM
2

To be honest, i don’t think I’ve ever felt sexually attracted to someone with whom i wouldn’t have been interested in a relationship. Idk how common it is to be that way.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/06/22 09:18 PM
1

Within the relationship, it doesn’t matter much. I can still recognize when someone is conventionally attractive, and it can be fun to introduce an objectively hot guy to family and friends, but this is not a priority for me. The biggest difference between dating a hot vs “not conventionally attractive” guy is probably the way other people perceive the relationship. I’ve found that when I’be been with a guy who doesn’t clear a certain threshold looks-wise, people didn’t register him as my boyfri…
/r/PurplePillDebate26/06/22 06:59 PM
3

My current partner and i were vague acquaintances for over a year before we ever had a full conversation. Then we hung out more regularly in the same social circle for another year or so (he was dating a friend of mine for a while). Then we bonded over some stuff and became close friends, and at some point thereafter I started feeling attracted to him. We were really good friends for about two more years before we got together. For me, historically, the way I perceive a guy’s attractiveness at f…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/06/22 10:40 PM
2

I’m early 30s and have generally had a much easier time maintaining friendships with the guys from my hometown group than the girls. I think this is because guys tend to have lower expectations regarding frequency of communication in their friendships. BUT the caveats are I’ve never totally lost touch with any of them, and we were really close when we were younger. Also, i never hooked up with a single one of those guys, so it’s not weird to introduce them to my fiancé, who has met them all at t…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/06/22 08:51 PM
12

Right, very few (if any?) people are universally appealing. I was a very serious athlete up through college and have remained into fitness since then. It’s not like there’s a shortage of guys who are into the athletic look, even though men have different “lower limits” for bf% (and for some the lower limit is higher than I’d have maybe expected).
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/22 04:47 PM
15

I’ve had guys tell me I was too thin/lean to be attractive, but not so many as to have meaningfully hindered my dating prospects. I’m probably around 18% bf and look most like the girl in the 18-20% pic. I have a really small chest also, which i think gets factored into the “too skinny” calculus.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/22 04:17 PM
4

I will never understand women who fixate on height. I’ve been 5’8” since i was 12 years old and maybe i got used to being taller than all the guys as a kid and pre-teen, but i have literally never “expected” to date guys taller than me. It’s just not a big deal (to me—of course to some women it is). At 5’8”, I’d much prefer a guy in the 5’7”-5’11” range with a fit and solid/muscular build than a guy who is 6’3”-6’5” and either skinny/gangly or fat. I have a bunch of guy friends who are well over…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/22 03:16 PM
2

I’ve had two LTRs over the past decade: first one with a guy who was decidedly not successful or ambitious, then one with a man who is highly successful in his chosen field. The first one ended because the guy was abusive, not because he was unsuccessful. But I will say that his lack of drive led to relationship problems. I’m very passionate about my career, I pour a lot of energy into it, it’s something I’m deeply invested in and enjoy. I’m the type of person who would keep working the same job…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/22 02:02 PM
6

Lol. We have a router table, a jointer, the whole nine yards. I can build IKEA furniture myself (after all I am an adult with a brain), but idk how to use the jointer (yet) or how to plan a complex woodworking project, so his skills impress the hell out of me. His spatial reasoning is off the charts.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/06/22 07:52 PM
11

Yep this sums it up. As a woman who works in a fairly niche scientific research field, it’s highly attractive that my partner is successful in an overlapping field and can hold a conversation with my coworkers or boss without being awkward or lost. It’s also wonderful for our relationship that we are able to discuss each other’s work and interests without feeling like we need to talk down to one another. Annnnd he knows how to fix shit and build furniture 😍
/r/PurplePillDebate23/06/22 05:53 PM
2

I’m glad i scrolled down to look, because I was about to post exactly this. It’s one of my favorite poems, and describes qualities that i think plenty of women can/should aspire to as well.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/06/22 05:18 AM
4

I don’t see it either. Almost all my friends are happily partnered, and the ones who aren’t are mostly men (i don’t know many single women at all) who have been in ltrs in the past and don’t seem to have much trouble hooking up now. The only friend i can think of who seems to be struggling (and i can’t be sure, it’s been a long time since we’ve gone on a deep dive into his love life) is a guy who at least at one point was getting into some RP reading and attitudes. But I’ve know this guy since g…
/r/PurplePillDebate05/06/22 12:13 PM
1

When i was waiting tables, there was a young guy who used to come in and give me exorbitant tips every weekend. Eventually he told me if i dated him i wouldn’t have to work. I found this off-putting, very much the opposite of attractive. I would never want to start off a relationship so financially imbalanced. (It’s different if you build from the ground up and one partner ends up making a lot of money down the road.)
/r/PurplePillDebate04/06/22 01:35 PM
1

Agreed. I love and value the attention i get from my fiancé. I would take happily this deal if it only applied to the way strangers treated me. The kicker is, my fiancé and i would still have gotten together even if strange men ignored me from birth. He basically did ignore me when we first met. We were both in other relationships for YEARS and ended up in the same social circle because i was friends with his then-girlfriend. We developed a deep friendship over a long period of time. I don’t thi…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/06/22 12:09 PM
1

That is an awfully specific standard (no lines? no definition?) that men certainly don’t all seem to share. I’ve definitely been told by guys that rib cage lines and hip bones are sexy. Some guys like a woman with ab definition also. (Conversely, some guys prefer women who are way curvier with high bf.) But like i said before, high-level female athletes with lean bodies are not hurting for male attention, so why change?
/r/PurplePillDebate01/06/22 06:37 PM
3

Ah well, I’m not the original commenter, so was not framing my point around what men find attractive…just felt a need to chime in that 18% isn’t inherently unhealthy for women, because it’s not. Idk why you’d think female high-level college athletes aren’t as lean as female bodybuilders…many are. (Also the bf% of female bodybuilders varies by category, with big differences between bikini vs physique for example.) And people can look very different with the same bf%. I’ve always been told by medi…
/r/PurplePillDebate01/06/22 01:51 PM
3

Ehh for very athletic women, 15-20% is considered normal. Yes, women often have visible abs and bones (e.g. ribs) in this range but that doesn’t mean we are too skinny or unhealthy. My college swimming coach made every woman who got above 18% body fat do extra cardio because he thought they were “getting fat.” (We were tested by athletic trainers using skin fold calipers, so the numbers weren’t perfectly accurate. Still, i highly doubt any woman on that team ever exceeded 23%, because having an …
/r/PurplePillDebate01/06/22 01:12 PM
1

My partner called me sapiosexual recently, and i hadn’t heard the term before. But yeah, i am probably this, as are some of my female friends. Definitely not all women. It’s definitely possible for some to decide they’re interested in a guy before having a conversation. I have dated guys less intelligent than me, but the attraction eroded every time i noticed they weren’t so bright. And I’ve only ever been attracted enough to actively pursue highly intelligent men whom i had already known for a …
/r/PurplePillDebate31/05/22 11:34 PM
8

Came here to say this but you summed it all up!
/r/PurplePillDebate31/05/22 11:09 PM
5

I used to feel that way, but honestly this is one thing that would feel like a violation to me if my partner did it, so it’s a boundary i try to respect myself. Again, as i mature and learn what i want out of relationships, i now think that if you feel the need to complain about your relationship to any outside party, especially before addressing the issue with your partner, it’s probably a bad sign. I’m not talking about venting like “he leaves his socks on the floor,” which is generally harmle…
/r/PurplePillDebate30/05/22 09:30 PM
20

My boundaries are a bit different than what i usually see on here. They were learned via trial and error…mostly me violating them in a previous LTR and then realizing after the fact that I’d crossed a line, tbh. 1.) Don’t intentionally exclude your partner from hanging out with you + your opposite sex friend. If your partner is available, you should give them the option to come with you. E.g. don’t make them sit at home while you’re on your friend date. 2.) Don’t complain about your relationship…
/r/PurplePillDebate30/05/22 01:10 PM
1

I know this is an atypical extenuating circumstance, but i have phases where i travel frequently for my job to remote places with little to no wifi or cell service for 1-2 weeks at a time. I’m glad my fiancé knows not to read too deeply into my delayed responses… In fact, right after the very first weekend we hooked up i went off-grid for work for a week. When i got back, we both admitted to having irrational anxiety about it, like “why isn’t he/she texting?!?” Oh right, it was literally not pos…
/r/PurplePillDebate30/05/22 04:46 AM
2

Haha i think she looks incredible, but my body type makes it really tough to put on that kind of muscle. I’m on the tall side and very long-limbed, which tends to make it hard to achieve a conspicuously “muscular” look. I’d have to be much more committed, and also eat more. I’m not trying to change anything anyway, very happy with the way i look, but i do also think it would be badass to look and lift like a competitive power lifter!
/r/PurplePillDebate17/05/22 08:15 PM
3

Thank you! I’ve been “chasing” that 315 DL for a long time but idk if I’ll ever get it lol. I’m not willing to eat in a surplus as I’m happy with the way my body looks, so it’s slow going building strength at maintenance calories. Agreed that cardio is not the end-all of fitness. I abused cardio when i was 19-20 and i think I’m arguably fitter now that I’m stronger and also allow myself to recover. That said, i try to make sure cardio isn’t my limiting factor for backpacking and other activities…
/r/PurplePillDebate17/05/22 08:06 PM
29

I’m a former competitive swimmer, at this point (age 32) I’ve been lifting consistently for years and do a bit of running and a fair amount of backpacking. I’m 5’8” and 135lb and have maintained that comfortably for years on a what feels like a lot of calories (i don’t count), which i credit to lifting and having some muscle. I look very athletic but not “jacked”, i have a 250lb+ deadlift and can do double digit pull-ups. Like many women, i put a lot of emphasis on lower body in the gym, primari…
/r/PurplePillDebate17/05/22 10:35 AM
1

Looking at general statistics doesn’t help decide how individual couples should behave though. My job is more dangerous than my partner’s, but it’s never occurred to me that he should do more housework to make up for that…because it’s a job i enjoy and chose to do.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/05/22 09:05 PM
2

The man only has more to lose if he makes more money. If the woman makes more money, she has more to lose. It’s not like the law penalizes men for being male. It penalizes the higher earner regardless of gender. (For what it’s worth i think alimony seems antiquated outside of scenarios where one partner left the workforce entirely because both partners agreed it was in the family’s best interest. Idk how to prove that last part…i guess maybe legal stay-at-home parent contracts could become a thi…
/r/PurplePillDebate11/05/22 12:37 PM
7

Yeah but you don’t have to get married to move into your partner’s house (i certainly know people who have done this and are unmarried). I think the main reason to marry “for financial security” would be if one partner wanted to quit work and be a homemaker, and wanted formal legal protection in the event of divorce. I know that people who do this exist, but among young adults now it seems incredibly rare. Maybe it’s just my bubble, but I’ve only ever met one stay-at-home parent under the age of…
/r/PurplePillDebate11/05/22 12:17 PM
2

If we are talking about whether more men should specifically try to become competitive bodybuilders, probably not, unless it’s already their goal/interest/passion. Cutting down to single digit bf% takes a huge physical and mental toll and lots of women aren’t into that ultra-jacked look anyway. Now if we are talking about whether men should lift weights or otherwise strength train…YES. But everyone should be strength training. Women, men, teens, grandparents, everyone should be doing some form o…
/r/PurplePillDebate10/05/22 01:32 AM
14

The primary reason is that my field of work has a significant outdoors component, which people across all career levels usually engage in. So if you meet someone who is really done up, you might make the assumption that they aren’t comfortable getting dirty, or being underwater (some of us do a lot of scuba diving), which would make them seem like kind of an “outsider.” That very well may not be true, i have met women who enjoy makeup and are also super low maintenance, so it’s not fair to stere…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/05/22 12:36 PM
21

Yeah in my field of work (not public-facing), it is MUCH more unusual to see a woman show up to a routine workday with a full face of makeup on than no makeup. It’s probably more stigmatized to wear heavy makeup than to wear none, tbh. It would almost make it hard to be taken seriously in my profession (not saying that’s right either, but i think that’s probably how it is).
/r/PurplePillDebate09/05/22 12:20 PM
8

Lifting is magic. Women should be lifting too.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/05/22 08:55 PM
3

Let me clarify: i am generally fine with the idea of “financial abortion.” I understand the argument for men to have choice. But ONLY if women retain the option to have at least first trimester abortions, which seems unlikely in many states in the current reality.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/05/22 12:30 PM
6

Birth control can fail. Adoption is not the solution people think it is (still requires the health risks and sacrifices of carrying to term. Plus, i understand it can be a devastating choice to make and can be hard for the kid to come to grips with too.) And abortion may soon be illegal in parts of the US. How can you possibly think women have 100% choice? Also, child support payments are usually no where near the amount that the parent with primary custody spends on the child.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/05/22 11:31 AM
9

Yeah, I’m a woman in the US and I agree with all this. I have never expected a guy to pay for everything or to plan everything, and none of my close female friends expect that either. Making the first move is something I’ve been willing to do since i was a teenager. It applies to everything in life i think: if you don’t want something enough to ask for it…do you even want it at all?
/r/PurplePillDebate06/05/22 02:44 PM
6

All of this. Not to mention, until very recently women were actively discouraged from putting on muscle, which is very clearly the simplest way to boost metabolism. Some people are still out there perpetuating the idea that lifting heavy will make a woman look bulky, and some women still fear it. But besides all of the health benefits, having muscle is the best way to be able to maintain weight on a non-starvation amount of food. Excessively relying on cardio is a trap. And men have a significan…
/r/PurplePillDebate05/05/22 06:42 PM
3

Yeah i mean i would never be rude to a person who’s trying to help me. Your response ideas are totally appropriate. In practice i don’t really expect people to “ask for consent” before helping me out. The advice in my post was mostly for people who think it’s a good idea to generalize entire groups as “more needy” and automatically treat them as such. Most people don’t do that, there’s a natural give and take of assistance, and it’s all good.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/05/22 06:26 PM
4

I don’t think most people think women’s beauty standards are made up by toxic men? Women typically have blamed the media for absurd beauty standards, which in 2022 extends to social media and models using filters/photoshop/whatever. I think it’s generally accepted that this is perpetuated by multi-faceted social forces that women have just as much (or more) agency and involvement in as men. I could be wrong but this is how public perception of this problem seems to me. In my experience, men are …
/r/PurplePillDebate05/05/22 06:16 PM
0

This “meta-analysis” is from 2001. Don’t we think that psych survey techniques have probably improved since then? We know for a fact that statistical techniques have improved — more scientists now have the tools to account for a wider array of factors and covariates in their statistical models, and the stands for doing so is much higher than it used to be in peer review. (That’s not even to try to guess at all of the changes in sexual attitudes and socialization that may have occurred over the p…
/r/PurplePillDebate05/05/22 01:51 PM
2

Thank you, very much. I did find someone better, and the sense of peace that comes from being in a relationship without yelling and passive aggressive hostility, let alone violence, is so amazing.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/05/22 12:03 AM
2

Nice work. I finally managed that as well. Life is way too short to spend it like that.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/05/22 12:01 AM
20

I don’t understand how this kills romance? I think it’s romantic that my fiancé sees me as a competent and capable adult. Also, when you get to know someone you start to learn what they always need help with. Then, you probably don’t have to ask every time you lend a hand. My fiancé knows i can’t reach the top of the laundry cabinet, for example. So he gets a pass and doesn’t have to ask if i need help before helping me out. He also knows i don’t really know how to use the table saw. But the key…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/05/22 11:45 PM
53

There’s no reason to hold women to a lower standard when it comes to comprehension, logic, or emotional stability. There’s also no reason to not take time to help and be polite to either gender, if they’re in need of help. Being helpful and patient will smooth your interactions with anyone, usually. I don’t get offended if a man (or woman!) assumes i know nothing about a topic and takes extra time to explain it…IF it’s true that i indeed know nothing about said topic. However, if a man (or woman…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/05/22 08:43 PM
2

I can’t speak for all women, but i like when men (specifically my partner) take the lead on things where they have superior expertise. BUT! I like for him to allow me to lead in areas where I have superior expertise. This can look like: if we are working on a woodworking project together (his hobby), he’s in charge. I follow his instructions and ask him lots of questions. But if we go scuba diving together, i have a lot more experience. Then I’m the leader, the one who takes on the more challeng…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/05/22 02:23 AM
7

Your first sentence highlights the main point i keep thinking of with this trial: being bigger or stronger or a man doesn’t make you immune to abuse, and being an abuse victim doesn’t make you a wimp (and you seem to get that, so, thanks). I’m a woman, but i was physically abused by a man who was smaller than me and weaker by at least some metrics. When i left him, a question i got often (mostly by well-meaning uncles) was why i didn’t hit him back (“you coulda taken him”). What i tried to expla…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/05/22 02:03 AM
2

I agree with you that these laws are often written poorly. But people shouldn’t have to suffer because of poorly written laws. So often, these laws are about jamming bills through legislature to score political points (this is something all political parties engage in, not just R’s) with little care paid to maternal health or child welfare. It’s not that anyone actually thinks it’s super important for mothers to carry dead pregnancies to term. It’s that many of these laws fail to capture the bre…
/r/PurplePillDebate03/05/22 02:10 PM
0

When i used to run along roads more, especially in a city, guys honked or yelled stuff to me pretty often. I don’t consider that ‘getting hit on’ though, as obviously these men don’t actually expect anything to come of it. It’s just harassment for sport i guess. When i lifted in a gym, guys talked to me all the time but didn’t overtly hit on me all that much (now i lift in my basement). When i waited tables i got hit on overtly once a week or so, and definitely gawked at/flirted with daily. I al…
/r/PurplePillDebate01/05/22 08:52 PM
4

I don’t see a correlation. However, i think a lot of women who know they are smart and interesting don’t lead with their looks, even if they are conventionally attractive. They might choose to wear little or no makeup, or have a personal style that’s more subdued, or more quirky. I have some beautiful friends who are also interesting people with interesting jobs and they spend most of their time very dressed-down, so you might not notice their looks off the bat like you would an Instagram model …
/r/PurplePillDebate29/04/22 12:09 AM
2

Was just gonna say. These are all examples of a very specific look that is not universally attractive. Some people prefer a more petite slim look, or a more athletic look. Some people prefer a more natural look.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/04/22 12:02 AM
1

I think a lot of the guys in my extended friend group who are late twenties to mid thirties, and who weren’t married/engaged before 30, probably have numbers in the 30-50 range. This is not something often talked about in my social circle, so I’m guessing based on relationships they’ve had, people i know they hooked up with, and then assuming there were some hookups within those time frames i don’t know about. And then roughly extrapolating to include years before i knew them. These are not spec…
/r/PurplePillDebate26/04/22 02:33 AM
1

Haha idk. It was ten years ago now. Maybe. Current partner looks much different though so i wouldn’t call it a “type”
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/22 08:08 PM
3

Elmer Fudd. For what it’s worth, i never saw a resemblance 🤷🏻‍♀️
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/22 07:52 PM
3

Unfortunately i think women are still often sold a myth that gaining muscle is unfeminine, when having some muscle is massively beneficial for metabolism and overall appearance as we age. I’m not taking about being a competitive bodybuilder or anything…but most women leave a lot of potential on the table by not pushing themselves in the weight room. I’m not out to tell women they need to work on their physiques to impress men, as to each her own and we should do exercise we enjoy…but i really ca…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/22 07:45 PM
7

Yep, i dated a guy in college who my friends said looked like a specific (unattractive) cartoon character. I didn’t care in the least, i was super into him. We’d started out as friends and i developed an attraction over time, to the point where i actively wanted to pursue him. He was a great guy, and while we didn’t end up working romantically, i still think of him as “attractive” when i remember him, even though he was objectively quite goofy looking.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/22 05:10 PM
2

I feel like we must live in very different bubbles. I feel very uncomfortable with the idea of “spending a man’s money” and i know most of my female friends feel similarly. Every married woman i know in my age bracket (late 20s-early 30s) works and plans to keep working. Relying on a man for money creates a power dynamic that many women aren’t comfortable with. I don’t know how most couples manage their finances, but my partner and i contribute equal amounts (most of our salaries) to our shared …
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/22 02:27 PM
6

This is going to be a hard question for women to realistically answer because women don’t just observe men in a vacuum…the baseline will always shift over time based on our experiences with specific men. I’m in a wonderful relationship right now with a guy I’m wildly attracted to. He exceeds my “true minimums” in probably every way. But since i get to be with him, it’s hard to imagine compromising. That said, my ex probably just barely cleared most of my minimums, but since he was truly the wors…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/22 01:23 PM
1

I used to understand the term “gold digger” as meaning someone who is in a relationship specifically for access to significant amounts of money, but now it sounds like people use it to mean that any woman who vets men for a modicum of financial responsibility is a gold digger. I don’t have kids to provide for and am not planning on having them any time soon. I make enough money, at a career i genuinely love and never plan to quit, to pay my bills and enjoy my life the way i like. Yet…i still pre…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/22 12:51 PM
16

Most child support payers are men because women are more likely to end up with primary custody. Don’t think for a second the cost of child support is anywhere near the cost that the person with primary custody usually pays to take care of the children.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/04/22 11:57 AM
0

I definitely don’t think there’s a universal minimum standard that women could agree on, since i know a bunch of women who prefer skinny guys and a bunch who prefer fluffy. I prefer a medium build. But my minimum would be I don’t want a guy to be skinnier than me and i also wouldn’t want him to be verging on obese by BMI. (Needs to be fit enough to enjoy hiking etc). This covers a wide range of body types as I’m quite thin. Guys bodies are not a huge factor in attraction for me. I can appreciate…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/04/22 04:31 AM
2

Yeah i mean the risks of IUDs are definitely scarier on paper than other forms of BC. According to google, mirena at least is covered by most forms of Medicaid. I suspect it’s not as commonly used as the pill because 1.) getting it fitted kind of sucks and 2.) the risks, while rare, are intimidating. I do think there would be fewer unplanned pregnancies if more young women went the IUD route over pills/condoms, but I totally respect anyone’s decision to avoid them (i almost backed out of my appo…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/04/22 12:13 AM
6

IUDs are widely accepted to be the most effective form of birth control (even more effective than having your tubes tied or a vasectomy). They can have fewer side effects than the pill, and they are totally reversible. You can have an IUD removed and get pregnant the next day, in theory (which is not necessarily true with the pill). There are many, many reasons why women may want or need to have sex without risk of pregnancy. (Keep in mind that many of these women are married, if that changes yo…
/r/PurplePillDebate22/04/22 06:29 PM
2

I’ve approached guys and exchanged info, but would never be interested in giving my contact info away without some good conversation to get from point A to point B. I can’t tell if someone is attractive without talking to them. When i was waiting tables, i occasionally got left numbers on receipts from guys (and girls) who hadn’t made any effort to chat with me while they were at my table. I always found that super weird. Like they were interested in me strictly because of my looks and…server sk…
/r/PurplePillDebate22/04/22 06:03 PM
4

Yeah, I’ve learned through trial and error that i much prefer a relationship where i find his job interesting AND he finds mine interesting. Not that i want to talk about work all the time, but i love what i do and want to be able to discuss it with my partner every now and then. Bonus if we can bounce ideas off each other. If a guy is totally uninterested in my job then we probably aren’t compatible.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/04/22 11:07 PM
7

People on here seem to throw around the word “biological” with total confidence, even when the science is clearly not yet settled. I’ve noticed that people tend to think about “biological imperatives” as traits that are “hardwired” by our genetics, but in my opinion (as a biologist) that’s a backwards way of thinking about behavior. Not to say there isn’t any truth to evolutionary psychology, but it’s a pretty new field and in general it’s a huge challenge to identify specific genes linked to ob…
/r/PurplePillDebate21/04/22 08:40 PM
13

Agree with your second paragraph. AND in cases where there is true abuse going on, it is MUCH easier to get out through no-fault divorce. Abuse victims generally don’t want to relive their stories in a courtroom. Especially when there is no possible benefit (e.g. no kids or assets to win custody of, and abuser not earning enough money for alimony to be on the table).
/r/PurplePillDebate21/04/22 04:01 PM
5

Before the equal credit opportunity act of 1974, banks absolutely denied credit cards on the basis of gender
/r/PurplePillDebate16/04/22 03:16 AM
1

Keep in mind that the population of the United States is still growing. It’s just growing slower than it once was. Same with many other developed countries (though a few, like Japan, are now in a slight decline). I think the most urgent (only?) imminent problem with falling birth rates in the US is that soon there are gonna be a bunch of people who paid into social security for decades only to find that, by the time they reach old age, there’s none available for them.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/04/22 07:57 PM
1

I think a friendship is less likely to become an emotional affair if the relationship is solid. And if the friend and the partner are friendly as well. (Even better if the friend is in their own solid relationship.) You can be emotionally open with a friend of the opposite sex, and if you’re happy in your relationship nothing negative should come of it. Talking to your friend about how lucky you are to have your partner isn’t gonna lead anywhere problematic. Not all emotional intimacy has to do …
/r/PurplePillDebate13/04/22 04:38 PM
2

Keep in mind that when people are saying that women’s experiences shape their responses to men’s approaches, it can be highly contextual. A woman who is uncomfortable in one situation may be perfectly fine with an approach by the same guy in a different situation. I used to live in a beach town and go running on a boardwalk lined with bars and live music. It was an entertaining place to run. It was also an intersection of all different walks of life from many different countries with different c…
/r/PurplePillDebate12/04/22 03:40 PM
3

I don’t think there’s anything at all wrong with a couple living together unmarried, and even having a kid, if that’s what they want. And yeah, i think it’s fair to say that a woman who is successful enough to be concerned with her publication record probably doesn’t need commitment from a man. But this view of commitment is so…transactional? And it doesn’t leave room for scenarios where the woman makes the same or more money. If the woman makes more money, and the man decides to prioritize thei…
/r/PurplePillDebate11/04/22 03:41 AM
10

Plenty of people start publishing academic papers in their early to mid-twenties. I can’t speak for everyone, but the vast majority of academics/scientists that i know, male and female (and i know a lot) were married roughly between ages 28 and 33, which is not “too old” to be getting married by most modern standards. But old enough to have started your career and to have a name change be unpalatable, at the least.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/04/22 01:16 AM
15

Assuming this post is a serious argument(?): It’s easy to say that women with professional names should change them because “the concept of marriage is understood”…but that doesn’t change the fact that it’s harder to search for and positively identify someone’s scientific publications (for example) after a name change. Name changes are easy to understand for colleagues you interact with face to face, but can be a career blow when name recognition among stranger-colleagues is key to advancement i…
/r/PurplePillDebate10/04/22 09:16 PM
1

I am so, so sorry about what you’ve dealt with/are dealing with. I do believe there are people out there who care about others for real, and not for their own interests. Maybe not therapists (i mean, it’s their job, so clearly their interest). It shouldn’t always have to be our partners though, that’s how i got into trouble—becoming someone’s sole emotional landfill. It’s very fair of you to recognize that’s not a romantic partner’s responsibility.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/04/22 06:35 PM
1

Idk why you’d assume that. Compassion is not a finite resource. I certainly still consider myself a compassionate person who wants to help the people i love. Do i wish i hadn’t spent all those years with that guy? Yeah, of course i do. But there is literally no point beating myself up over it now. I extricated myself from the situation before it got even worse, and I and everyone who matters in my life view that as a major victory. I don’t know what bullshit you think my current partner is putti…
/r/PurplePillDebate10/04/22 05:56 PM
0

I’ve read entire nonfiction books on DV cases (no visible bruises by Rachel Louise Snyder is one). The law varies by locality, but generally there needs to be probable cause to believe there was an injury (or that someone violated a restraining order, or committed some other crime). So if your partner repeatedly punches you in the torso and threatens to do worse, and you call the police, but you don’t have actual bruises (yet) and your partner puts on an act of good behavior, you can’t really be…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/04/22 07:30 PM
7

I have a bunch of male friends and my partner has female friends as well. The vast majority are in relationships so when we hang out it’s as couples, which i can’t imagine anyone would have an issue with. One-on-one is fine too but i have two boundaries that i think are reasonable: 1: Your partner should never be intentionally excluded. If they’re in the same town and it’s logistically feasible they should be invited to whatever hangout. I’d find it frustrating if my partner wanted to go somewhe…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/04/22 02:59 AM
2

I think i support it. In general i think it would be difficult to abuse the system. In most places it’s not easy to get someone convicted of DV, so i think it would be pretty rare to manage 3 false convictions. DV victims are highly incentivized to wait until they have concrete proof of assault before involving the police, because if they call police and there’s no evidence to charge or hold the violent party…the victim gets left at home with their violent partner to deal with consequences of ha…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/04/22 07:19 PM
1

Yes! I think the important point here is it’s still illegal to rob someone whose door was unlocked. Leaving your door unlocked is dumb, but it doesn’t absolve the burglar of legal responsibility for the crime.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/04/22 04:36 PM
3

Yes! I think the important point here is it’s still illegal to rob someone whose door was unlocked. Leaving your door unlocked is dumb, but it doesn’t absolve the burglar of legal responsibility for the crime.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/04/22 04:36 PM
2

I figured because n is the abbreviation for “sample size,” which is the number of data points in a survey or experiment.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/04/22 04:05 PM
-1

First, these data are from New Zealand, which is a small country that allots a large proportion of its budget to social services, so probably not the best example to extrapolate to other countries like the US. Second, i think these measures of net fiscal impact include women who receive welfare due to single motherhood (claiming a child as a dependent), and married women who take years off of work to raise kids, in which case it’s not clear whether she’d count as a net tax expense for herself or…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/04/22 01:43 AM
2

These are valid questions: Why do you think people were reluctant? Nobody knew, or guessed, that there was a problem. After i left and shared what had been happening, people were floored. There were quite a few who said after the fact they thought he was weird, but were shocked he was violent. Do they think you would have been defensive or reacted with hostility? As you said you stuck around because you felt sorry for him and were manipulated, was it not at all plausible you felt some sense of l…
/r/PurplePillDebate05/04/22 11:37 AM
1

Of course i read the OP. And i think it’s fair to say that my original post did answer the question: i chose my abusive ex over other “options” because i felt sorry for him, felt guilty leaving him, felt obligated to help him because of the time we’d spent together, and was manipulated by his repeated threats of suicide. Why’d i get with him in the first place? I really don’t know. He seemed like a decent normal guy, we had a few hobbies in common, and i thought he was worth spending time with. …
/r/PurplePillDebate05/04/22 12:03 AM
1

I mean, sure, maybe i had a little bit of masochist in me too. That’s definitely something I’ve thought about. And of course i understand agency…I’m not with him anymore thanks to agency. I just wish people understood how hard it can be to pull the rug out from under someone with whom you share your life. And that guilt over leaving is one (of many) reasons why people stay too long.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/04/22 10:30 PM
2

I definitely agree with you that most men find abuse to be deplorable. And for what it’s worth, i personally don’t hate men at all. I don’t even hate my ex (i don’t talk to him either though lol). It is what it is. It’s just that when i scrolled this comment section initially, i noticed that so many internet-men (and women tbh) don’t seem to realize that some people (women and men) stay in bad situations because they feel obligated to try to be there for someone who they’ve shared big parts of t…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/04/22 10:22 PM
7

If i correctly understand the meaning of “Chad,” then my ex was absolutely not that lol. But I’d be curious to hear why you think I stayed with him for so long, if you’re so sure I’ve misinterpreted my own experiences and emotions?
/r/PurplePillDebate04/04/22 08:47 PM
8

I wasn’t raised in an abusive household. I have a wonderful family. And i stayed for seven years. I don’t think I’m a doormat either. Sometimes it’s complicated. I was just doing my best. I felt like I needed to be there for someone who I’d shared a lot of my life with, and i had a lot of pity and sympathy for his struggles. I don’t think I am broken for having felt that way. That said, i did leave and once i got out i was DONE. Like moved out and never saw him again. So, there is that. But the …
/r/PurplePillDebate04/04/22 07:52 PM
9

I have to take issue with the idea that mentally healthy and secure women don’t end up with abusers. I married (and divorced) an abuser, and I consider myself both healthy and secure. My therapist agreed. There are lots of reasons someone could end up in an abusive relationship. I’ve elaborated on my case in a separate comment, but it had more to do with pity and a sense of duty to my abuser than with my own personal history or issues. I have always had a wonderful family life, had not been in a…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/04/22 06:12 PM
115

So many men seem baffled by women who form bonds with men who turn out to be abusers, and who stay with them. And on the surface, it seems like it should be easy to leave at the first sign of bad behavior. But the thing that always strikes me about this attitude (“women should screen partners for red flags, it’s their responsibility”), is that these are usually the same guys who so badly want women to be compassionate, empathetic, forgiving, and loyal. Well, it’s hard to have it both ways. After…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/04/22 04:52 PM
6

0.3% is 3 out of 1000.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/03/22 02:31 PM
3

Just to be clear, evolution has absolutely been observed and produced. Not only have scientists observed natural selection in real time (a classic example is the peppered moth — during the industrial revolution, dark pigmentation was selected for because darker moths blended into sooty trees and evaded predators better than white moths of the same species), but scientists do experiments all the time where they select for traits that can overwhelmingly change the characteristics of a closed popul…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/03/22 10:34 PM
1

Right! This premise of this post is super weird (i mean, that seems to be a consensus). But the weirdest part to me is that most of OPs argument for men paying for everything is that women have to deal with pregnancy. But (at least in my corner of the world) usually by the time pregnancy is in play, finances are already pretty much intertwined. Generally you’re cohabiting. And I’d have to be crazy to insist my partner pay all of our bills when we definitely live in a nicer house than either of u…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/03/22 12:40 AM
5

Agreed. And, I have to add that i resent OP’s implication that women have to be financially dependent during pregnancy. Sure, it’s a huge physical burden, but pregnant women aren’t helpless. Barring certain compilations, many women can keep working throughout pregnancy. And many (though not nearly enough, in the US) get paid maternity leave. I’d feel so infantilized if my partner expected me to allow him to pay for everything just because I’ll likely be pregnant someday. Plus what the heck else …
/r/PurplePillDebate26/03/22 08:35 PM
1

I waited till i was 22, and not for lack of opportunity (had a few medium to long-term boyfriends that i never slept with). My reason was simple: a near-pathological fear of unplanned pregnancy getting in the way of my life’s ambitions. I wasn’t willing to do it till I’d at least secured that bachelors degree, because in my mind at the time the risk was too great.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/03/22 06:29 PM
2

Ditto! I’m sure there are exceptions but as a general rule, people in happy marriages don’t get divorced! My divorce was the best choice I’ve ever made and benefitted me financially (I was supporting deadweight as well and he did not pursue alimony). Plus it was the best decision i could have made for my mental health and physical safety. My life is SO MUCH BETTER now
/r/PurplePillDebate17/03/22 04:23 PM
6

I am a feminist. I think in the Ukraine situation, it would have been more fair to say that one person from every household needs to stay and fight. I’ve been thinking a lot about what i would do in that situation. I’m not a fighter by any means, but if my partner wanted or was required to stay, I’d stay with him and do anything i could. BUT that whole calculus changes if there were a kid involved. I don’t think I’d want to keep my kid in a war zone, and you can’t just send a kid across the bord…
/r/PurplePillDebate16/03/22 02:58 PM
1

Like most people have said, shared hobbies are a priority. I usually plan vacations around my hobbies, so i like being able to do that together: Backpacking is a big one, my partner and i go on short trips near home all the time and plan our bigger vacations around longer hikes. Scuba diving is another, it’s less of a priority as i dive for my job and don’t need to plan all my fun around it, but i love that my partner is willing and able to dive with me and is experienced enough that i don’t fee…
/r/PurplePillDebate16/03/22 02:33 PM
2

Many traits I love about my partner are things I also like about myself, I wouldn’t call them inherently masculine: drive, passion, competence, mental and physical toughness, logical thinking, rational communication, curiosity. Traits of his I appreciate that I don’t also have: -can make or build just about anything for our house(i am reasonably capable but he is a wizard) -does not mind driving long distances and is comfortable driving any vehicle -can light a campfire in the rain -able to open…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/03/22 09:56 PM
1

I have male friends that I go out alone with, yeah. Usually not to dinner, more like happy hour or lunch. And I’d never deliberately exclude my SO, these would be situations where I’m visiting my hometown without him or away on a work trip with colleagues who I’m also friends with. (I used to spend time alone with male friends more often, my ex didn’t generally mind, though there were a few specific people he distrusted. It’s a little different now as my current partner and i have moved and don’…
/r/PurplePillDebate11/03/22 06:11 PM
8

I second this thought. I’m 32 and have many male friends. Some of them I’ve been friends with since ages 13-15. Nearly all of that group professed attraction to me at one point AND I can recall feeling attracted to some of them at various stages when we were teenagers, but we were never mutually interested at a convenient time. Nobody ever let rejection color the friendship, we just kept right on being friends. Those hormonal high school years are long gone now, and most of us are married or oth…
/r/PurplePillDebate10/03/22 07:18 PM
46

I think it’s weird that “agreeableness” is assigned to people as a static trait. I think it’s more a dynamic that exists within a relationship. So one person’s “agreeableness quotient” can vary from one relationship to the next. My ex used to accuse me of “always needing to disagree with him.” Taken in the context of that relationship, maybe i was highly disagreeable. But the fact is, he was just not very smart. I was expressing sincerely held disagreements when he was verifiably incorrect, or w…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/03/22 12:58 AM
1

Of course no one wants to marry someone who will die young…but how would you know what their life expectancy is? You’ve said there are many attractive people with predispositions to heart disease or cancer. If they are conventionally attractive, chances are they aren’t obese and are exhibiting no outward warning signs of health problems. Unless he has family history, there’s no reason for a woman to be concerned about the consequences of reproducing with an attractive man with latent, invisible …
/r/PurplePillDebate06/03/22 07:07 PM
0

Most of those examples of poor genetics you point to surface long after people age out of their reproductive years. From an evolutionary perspective, it doesn’t matter if you die of heart disease at the age of 45 if you’ve already had a handful of offspring. You don’t have to live all that long to pass on your genes…just ask the male praying mantis.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/03/22 04:01 AM
1

🥰
/r/PurplePillDebate04/03/22 11:14 PM
1

Hmm…i think societal norms are highly multifaceted. What is considered attractive and what is most accepted by society is probably kind of a feedback loop (chicken and egg scenario). But things society finds attractive often don’t confer inherent fitness advantages, sometimes there are just traits that are “trendy” for one reason or another. As a totally rhetorical example, take hair: in the forties and fifties it was very uncool and unmasculine for men to grow their hair long (i think…remember …
/r/PurplePillDebate04/03/22 10:58 PM
17

It isn’t so much that evolution shapes our preferences, but that our preferences shape evolution. Sexual selection is a form of natural selection by which traits deemed attractive by the opposite sex increase the odds of successful mating, which in turn passes those attractive traits to subsequent generations. Think about brightly colored birds…the entire reason bright plumage is selected for in males is because females like it. It doesn’t confer an inherent survival advantage, just helps to att…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/03/22 02:39 AM
2

I sense that SMV isn’t meant to be a subjective ‘measurement’ and is rather supposed to be a broad measure of success across a broad pool of basically all women. That said, i can’t get past how much this varies across different social bubbles. I work in a fairly niche field of scientific research, and I’ve long been attracted to guys who have successful and interesting careers in the same or similar field. Something about shared interests and values… and then being with someone who has risen to …
/r/PurplePillDebate18/02/22 03:41 PM
2

So, scuba is generally a pretty safe activity, as long as you are diving within your limits and respect conditions. But, i still always use a pressure gauge to monitor my air supply, have a redundant air source in case of mechanical failure (or in case someone else needs help), and bring a knife in case i get caught up in fishing line or something. This is not because i am paranoid about an unlikely accident on a casual dive, but because these are best practices agreed upon by the scuba communit…
/r/PurplePillDebate16/02/22 12:39 AM
4

Yep. This realization is what empowered me to leave an abusive relationship with a mentally ill partner who refused therapy or any kind of professional help and did his best to make it my job to “fix” everything “wrong” in his life. I felt sorry for him, i believed in the validity of his mental struggles, but it finally hit me that i was not actually obligated to spend my life as his metaphorical and literal punching bag. Maybe an extreme example, but yeah…it’s fine to expect a partner to be a n…
/r/PurplePillDebate10/02/22 05:40 PM
1

Yet many of the extant agrarian societies are NOT matriarchal. So maybe, just maybe, there are other reasons (many of which I’ve mentioned) that those societies are “behind” technologically.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/01/22 01:17 AM
1

But you are using the agrarian nature of known matriarchal societies as “evidence” that “matriarchy leads to stagnation” (pretty sure you used that phrase somewhere). I’m just trying to point out why that part of the argument is faulty. A matriarchal society that developed in Europe rather than Africa might have made a crack at advancement, due to biogeographical advantages like domesticable livestock and viable overland trade routes, but since it never happened (as far as I know) we’ll never kn…
/r/PurplePillDebate26/01/22 12:49 AM
2

India wasn’t a leader in tech advancement until the past few decades, as far as I’m aware. By that time women were making plenty of contributions to advancements all around the developed world. And to reiterate my point, just because patriarchies have industrialized independently doesn’t mean it’s because men are superior. The countries/regions that have attained global dominance had MANY advantages other than just “being led by men.” So it is illogical to try to draw direct comparisons between,…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/01/22 11:47 PM
6

Since many have already pointed out that women historically contributed less to technological development (or at least received less credit for their contributions), I’d like to address another aspect of your argument: Just because matriarchal societies never emerged as world leaders in technology, economy, etc. does NOT prove that women’s inferior leadership is the cause. Nearly all of the examples cited in the webpage you linked are still located in the developing world (e.g. New Guinea, sub-S…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/01/22 08:02 PM
2

My partner and i are early 30s and planning to have a kid by mid 30s. We are both in a career field where waiting till mid to late 30s to start a family is absolutely the norm. None of our close friends have kids yet, nor do the majority of our work peers. I almost think it would be socially alienating to have a baby at this stage, although that’s not our primary reason for delaying. Also. I was married before, and NOT reproducing with my abusive ex is the LEAST regrettable thing I’ve ever done.…
/r/PurplePillDebate16/01/22 03:59 PM
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