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MikeArrow Archive

View 0 posts and 3,258 comments by MikeArrow on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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–

I've been on both sides of this issue - I didn't get into my first relationship until I was 23, so there were 5-6 years there where I desperately wanted a girlfriend and didn't have one. Then I got in a relationship, from 23 to 29 things were good. Then we broke up, and I've been alone from 29 to now, where I'm about to turn 36 - so another 7 years. The time periods before and after being in a relationship both sucked. Each long dry spell was marked by feelings of inadequacy, shame and guilt for…
/r/PurplePillDebate26/03/25 07:18 PM
5

than spend it with a boring nice guy Well, that's enough internet for one day. I'm extremely unsettled by this.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/03/25 08:42 AM
2

I've only ever spoken to one person on a dating app and yeah, trying to make conversation via text with someone you've never met is an exercise in frustration. Better to just organise a date quickly and not try to force it.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/03/25 04:42 AM
4

I didn't have to do any of that, my first girlfriend approached me, we got to talking, and we agreed to be boyfriend and girlfriend at the end of our first date. That's how easy it should be.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/03/25 03:01 AM
15

You're damn right I pretend to be outgoing in order to get women's attention. There's no shame in admitting that. If you don't, nothing happens.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/03/25 09:56 PM
2

It would have to grow, yes. I don't want kids so thankfully that second part wouldn't be an issue.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/03/25 07:22 PM
4

Are you okay being the man she settled for? Sure. I think love and attraction can grow over time. Even if I wasn't the first choice, I don't mind being the last choice. Does is matter if you disgust her? This is a step too far. You can settle for someone without finding them disgusting.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/03/25 07:14 PM
7

I guess my main point is that most people are aware of what's holding them back. The idea that they're thinking that they're average isn't accurate.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/03/25 07:49 AM
9

I'm well aware that I'm very below average, by dint of my weight. Without that I'd be exactly average in height, socioeconomic status, education, etc and would do just fine in dating.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/03/25 12:42 AM
5

Would be even better if I had someone in the bed with me.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/03/25 04:10 AM
7

My problem was feeling alone and unwanted. Getting a relationship solved that problem. It's not rocket science.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/03/25 10:54 PM
8

I've definitely met plenty of nerdy weird girls through D&D that I'd love to have dated, but I've also met plenty that were just not an option at all. I think the former would be ones you'd say were a million miles out of my league. They absolutely gave a damn about looks as well.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/03/25 09:28 PM
26

Lol this happens every week for me. My boss asks the team what they did on the weekend and it's like: "took the husband and kids to the beach", "my partner and I went to the market", and then I go "I literally laid in bed from Saturday morning to Sunday evening".
/r/PurplePillDebate20/03/25 09:23 PM
1

I only attmpted using dating apps briefly, when I was 34. I also set it to +/- 5 years of my age range. That seems to be the common answer in this thread.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/03/25 07:37 AM
2

Uh... yeah. That's right. You see, that's why I said at the start of the sentence, "I can't speak for other men". That's why I said that. Do you understand?
/r/PurplePillDebate14/03/25 04:51 AM
8

It was incredibly easy when I got my first girlfriend. When the person is actually into you, you don't need to do anything. When they're not that interested, then it's difficult. The actual hard part is finding someone that's interested in you in the first place.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/03/25 04:43 AM
1

It's a randomly generated name, it's just an example.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/03/25 12:31 PM
5

I mean... I want to change, it's just very difficult. I have so many things wrong with me. I've gotten past the extreme despair and loneliness phase and now I'm pretty ok with it. It took a long time, but eventually I realized... if I was to fall ass backwards into a relationship tomorrow, I'd immediately fuck it up. Again, there's just too many things wrong with me.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/03/25 06:55 AM
1

Absolutely I'd want to know. Of course.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/03/25 07:02 AM
1

Well that's what I mean, if they have, I don't know about it.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/03/25 06:55 AM
1

In hindsight I realize I literally just described the girl I had a massive crush on all throughout university. Like to a T. I guess she really had an effect on me.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/03/25 01:32 AM
1

Sure I would. I said a similar comment the other day - pizza's my favorite food, that doesn't mean I only eat pizza and can't enjoy any other food. I'm talking about like my ideal type, the one that haunts me at night.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/03/25 01:28 AM
1

This is what we settled on: Name: Emily Ackerson Appearance: A mix of effortlessly cool and casual. Dark hair, maybe a little messy and usually tucked behind one ear, with a nose ring and a couple of piercings in each ear. She’s got a style that’s comfy but still got a bit of an edge—flannel shirts, band tees, maybe a leather jacket thrown on over the top. Think casual but with a slight rebellious streak. Personality: Laid-back, with a sharp wit and an undercurrent of mischief. She’s into altern…
/r/PurplePillDebate10/03/25 01:21 AM
4

They do, yes. I'll give you four examples that happened to me. 1) Girl at work sits at the desk across from me and makes small talk with me for weeks. Eventually, she wears a low cut dress and leans over the desk to borrow a pen, waiting until I saw her. That was when I realized she was interested in me and I asked her out. 2) Girl at university comes up to me and initiates a conversation. She knows me through friends of friends and found out from them about my interests. That leads me to add he…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/03/25 11:52 PM
6

Why would she approach a stranger either To give them the green light that it's ok to show interest in her. Nothing happens without getting that first.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/03/25 11:43 PM
1

I think you're justifying. Most people are funny when they're around their close friends.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/03/25 05:23 PM
0

Only around my closest friends, but I think that goes for most people so I don't think it would count. Leveling up my social skills allowed me to be that way in group settings, not just the two guys I went to high school with who I already had a shorthand of shared experiences with.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/03/25 05:15 PM
1

I definitely became more funny. With confidence comes the ability to not give a fuck if a joke lands or not. You also get a better sense of how to keep your audience engaged and adjust your tone accordingly. I'm not saying I'm up there doing comedy sets, but I can definitely get a humorous reaction out of a table.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/03/25 04:58 PM
1

You absolutely can change your personality. I was an extremely shy, socially anxious teenager. As a defense mechanism, I also became very closed off and negative. I just hadn't lived enough life yet. I hadn't interacted with enough people. What changed for me was just... growing up a bit. I realized I had no social hobbies and my negativity was pushing away everyone around me. I started playing D&D at my local game store, and just grinded those social skills for a few years. Bit by bit, every we…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/03/25 04:46 PM
3

My favorite food is pizza, it doesn't mean I only ever eat pizza. You can still be attracted to someone even if they don't perfectly fit your type.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/03/25 11:29 PM
2

Not all of us have the luxury to pick and choose. Of the four women I've dated, only one of them was my 'type'. It was amazing but she lost interest.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/03/25 11:22 PM
2

Q4M: How often do you shoot IRL shots? Never. I think it's the height of arrogance to bother strangers who are just trying to go about their day. There's very few circumstances where I'd feel comfortable initiating or being flirtatious, unless it was a social event where we were all friends of friends and I got some kind of expression of interest first.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/03/25 07:08 PM
0

but most men claim to not know one I don't know anyone that's done that. That being said, I don't know many people and it's not like they advertise.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/03/25 07:04 PM
29

and thinks she can bring him around Seems like this is the key error here, no? She could just move on to someone who didn't clearly express that they only wanted a casual arrangement. Her belief that she could change him was wishful thinking.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/03/25 07:01 PM
1

Yep, that tracks. My type is the female version of that exact same thing.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/03/25 06:59 PM
4

I spent most of last night talking to ChatGPT to come up with my ideal woman, looks wise. It made kind of realize that no matter what questions I asked it, I always came back to the same general body type and facial features. Essentially, I have a type. Q4all: What's your 'type'? And bonus question, have you ever dated someone of that type?
/r/PurplePillDebate08/03/25 06:31 PM
2

You don't know what you don't know. You can't become experienced without getting experience. A lot of the stuff you mentioned is far easier said than done. Part of growing up is making mistakes and learning from them.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/03/25 01:31 AM
1

Why?
/r/PurplePillDebate07/03/25 11:06 PM
6

I can't speak for other men, but I never have. I've been approached four times and I've gone on four dates. That a 100% response rate.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/03/25 11:05 PM
4

Sex is not something that a man "gets" from a woman, or that a woman "gives" to a man. Well more often than not it's something he wants that she may or may not want. Since his answer is almost always going to be 'yes', then she's the ultimate arbiter of whether it happens or not. In that dynamic, she's definitely the one 'giving' it to him.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/03/25 08:50 PM
3

Thank you. This is the kind of answer I was expecting, not "I have never ever ever ever wanted a man to cook for me." That seems so... backwards to me.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/03/25 08:42 PM
3

That was my assumption, yes. I can't really justify it any other way.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/03/25 12:56 PM
5

I think my opinion of the man is quite evident by how I described him in the story.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/03/25 12:45 PM
1

Not sure how that's relevant. I always tried to do the 'right' thing. To be polite, respectful. To never cross boundaries or to give offense. To live within the boundaries of society's rules. To be civilized. But none of that mattered. Not really.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/03/25 12:35 PM
1

Here's another one. I had a similar experience in high school. I was waiting at the bus stop. There was a group of girls from the all girls school across the street, waiting for their bus. A bunch of guys from my school were hanging out with the girls, chatting them up, telling jokes, making them giggle. The guys eventually crossed the street to where I was standing. I hated these guys, they were loudmouth bullies, low wits, poorly spoken, always disrupting class. The ringleader walked right up …
/r/PurplePillDebate07/03/25 11:37 AM
5

I'll give an example. A few years ago my mother decided to knock down her old house and build two units on the land. After the demolition, the block was empty for several months. I went there to check on it one day and found a semi truck was parked on the land. While I stood there, trying to figure out how to contact the owner, a young woman exited the house across the street. She was in her sleep clothes, short shorts and a tank top. Beautiful young blonde. Tall, long legs. But the expression o…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/03/25 11:24 AM
-2

You know why? Because I was mad that something I think is part of my value as a partner was being dismissed so casually. I don't have a lot of positives, but being an equal partner and doing my bit in cooking is one of them. Also, I was already sensitive to this particular issue because of my interaction with my co-worker. I can't help but feel envious. Why should these lazy bums get the best of everything, a wife that dutifully cooks for them, and me, who is happy to cook, gets nothing? How is …
/r/PurplePillDebate07/03/25 03:39 AM
2

That's fine. I appreciate the advice. But yes, ultimately I do believe that my lack of romantic success is because of my weight. And it's not just women that have shallow preferences, everyone does. I get that. It is what it is.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/03/25 02:07 AM
2

I often say on here "I just need to get thin enough to be attractive". I'm 110% sure I'll do just fine as soon as I look like a normal human being. The last two dates I went on came exactly six months after I started a weight loss kick, one in September 2020 and the other in March 2023. Like clockwork. It's a certainty. With regards to medical intervention. I haven't seriously considered it, no. I don't have a regular doctor. The ones I have been to were both very dismissive and curt with me. On…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/03/25 01:58 AM
3

Hmm... Guess I was just raised better. I'd never be sitting and gaming while my girlfriend slaved away over a hot stove. What a bum.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/03/25 01:31 AM
4

he had all sorts of women interested in him That's the kicker. If he was very picky but had no one interested in him, then that's just delusion, not discipline.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/03/25 01:25 AM
9

Reminds me of that Steinbeck quote about how "Socialism never took root in America because the poor see themselves not as an exploited proletariat, but as temporarily embarrassed millionaires." Like getting with someone who doesn't meet a certain arbitrary standard of attractiveness brings you down to their level by association.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/03/25 01:23 AM
0

We didnt live together, so cooking was the one 'task' that realistically could be done together. I don't get it, what do you do while the other one is cooking, just sit there on your phone like a goober?
/r/PurplePillDebate07/03/25 01:18 AM
17

Plenty of women on this very forum say stuff that's very much in line with that thinking. That "you're not competing with other men, you're competing with her peace." And yes it absolutely sounds douchey.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/03/25 01:16 AM
2

Meanwhile in my relationship we generally cooked together, as equals. She only cooked for me without my input once, for my birthday. I'd feel like such a useless mooch if I didn't at least help out.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/03/25 01:12 AM
5

You're being disingenuous. Of course obtaining sex is easy for women, obtaining good sex is the hard part.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/03/25 12:57 AM
6

When you see a million complaints about how lazy and selfish men are in bed, you can see why so many go out of their way to highlight that they're not like that.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/03/25 11:56 PM
8

In b4 "cooking is the bare minimum to be a functional adult". There's a lady at my work, she has a husband, two kids, works full time, and apparently does all the cooking at home. How the fuck does that husband get away with it? I'm sure he does a lot of other stuff around the house, but man, I was upset for her when she mentioned it. But she seems totally cool with it.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/03/25 11:55 PM
2

Well my original plan was to take time off to focus solely on improving my health when my current contract ends in June, but I was offered an ongoing role earlier this week so it looks like that won't be happening. So I'll have to find a way to work on my health while still working full time. I've tried to be more judicious about eating better, I haven't gone to McDonald's in almost a month, and I've been eating more salads and cooking from home a lot more than I used to.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/03/25 11:46 PM
3

Not very much, to be honest. I'm pretty mediocre in terms of being boyfriend material. I don't get out much or do any social activities, I have mobility issues due to my bad back, and my body is pretty disgusting to look at. A woman that shows up to an event with me on her arm is going to get some sympathetic looks. That said, I think I'm a pretty good conversationalist when the occasion arises. I'm well read, well educated. I'm very polite and well spoken. I like to listen and hear stories and …
/r/PurplePillDebate06/03/25 10:12 PM
2

As a 35 year old man, I know exactly why I've been alone for the past seven years. It's obvious to anyone with eyes.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/03/25 07:55 PM
0

The second one, he's just too stupid to understand how lucky he is.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/03/25 08:47 AM
6

We know that dating is just as difficult for women as it is for men. This is a hilarious statement in and of itself, but ok. There was all this stuff back in the day. Finishing school. Elocution lessons. Going to university to get your 'Husband degree'. Then the power dynamics shifted to where men were the ones that needed to prove they were a good catch, not the other way around.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/03/25 07:26 AM
1

As someone that's never been handsome enough to even consider the idea of casual relationships, this whole thread seems a bit strange to me. If you're handsome enough to have casual sex then you don't need to lie about it. If you're not handsome enough to have casual sex then you pursue relationships by default. I suppose there could be a grey area in between but that seems like a tiny fraction of the overall population.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/03/25 11:52 PM
5

No I believe the exact opposite. But when I said that in another thread, she told me that I was virtue signalling. So I'm just giving that exact comment back to her. If I was virtue signalling, so is she.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/03/25 11:51 PM
4

As someone that's never been handsome enough to even consider the idea of casual relationships, this whole thread seems a bit strange to me. If you're handsome enough to have casual sex then you don't need to lie about it. If you're not handsome enough to have casual sex then you pursue relationships by default. I suppose there could be a grey area in between but that seems like a tiny fraction of the overall population.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/03/25 11:50 PM
18

If you don't have good looks you can't be a partner at all, so it's a moot point.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/03/25 08:55 PM
25

Even if they end up getting divorced, if they maintained their looks, they're going to be able to date immediately. Again, taking them back off the market after a short window of opportunity.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/03/25 08:25 PM
4

You're virtue signaling.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/03/25 07:52 AM
8

Which it is technically true, but if you're really unattractive it's probably going to be 1 in 500,000. I can agree on this point. I've had two women show interest in me in the last seven years. So I know it's possible, it's just very, very, very unlikely.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/03/25 05:07 AM
–

That's a rather pessimistic view. From my perspective, modern women are generally much more athletic, healthier overall, and aren't constrained by strict societal standards to starve themselves thin.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/03/25 04:22 AM
15

I disagree. I think there's generally pretty absolute criteria for both men and women when it comes to attraction. A guy should generally be lean (with some muscle definition). A girl should generally be slender (with some fat in the 'right' places). Anyone outside of that is going to have a bad time.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/03/25 04:02 AM
3

No, they approached me first. Once they showed they were interested that gave me the green light to reciprocate. That's what I mean by enthusiasm. They initiated.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/03/25 01:48 AM
4

I've been on two dates in the past seven years. So yeah, finding a woman that's interested is like winning the lottery for me.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/03/25 01:45 AM
5

Exactly. Enthusiasm is incredibly rare and thus highly valued.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/03/25 01:07 AM
-11

If you don’t find a woman attractive, you’re not going to change your mind because she’s just trying really hard Absolutely wrong. Hilariously wrong. 1) Guys don't have that hard and fast attractiveness threshold the way women do. We're a lot more flexible. 2) The effort makes her more attractive. It can spur the guy to see her in a new light and think "well, actually... yeah let's give this a try."
/r/PurplePillDebate04/03/25 11:37 PM
2

What do you mean? Consistently, every time the question is asked - men say that enthusiasm is what they want more of. No games, no playing hard to get, just a direct "yes, please".
/r/PurplePillDebate04/03/25 11:32 PM
0

My theory is because a guy being attracted to a woman is just a given, whereas a woman being attracted to a guy is front page news. The comparative rarity skews the amount of 'effort' required accordingly.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/03/25 11:18 PM
1

1) Wanting a trad/arranged marriage in 2025 is weird. 2) Talking to three men in two years isn't a lot at all.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/03/25 10:57 PM
1

I know, hence my doomerism that I'll never reach that high physical standard.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/03/25 09:35 PM
2

Those two things would definitely be high on a list of positive traits in a partner. It doesn't mean the other stuff isn't also valuable.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/03/25 09:29 PM
–

You're being disingenuous.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/03/25 07:06 PM
4

I'm told my grandfather was an abusive husband. That's one example.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/03/25 09:02 AM
6

I got zero matches for months and months, so maybe not. I've only ever matched with one person on a dating app. I totally understand the impulse to just blind swipe until you get something.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/03/25 03:14 AM
3

I don't really get what's scatter shot about it though. When I see a profile I like, I swipe right. I take the time to read it first to get a general sense of it, but there's only so much information to get across in a 2 or 3 sentence bio. Most women have barely filled out profiles anyway.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/03/25 02:30 AM
4

I guess the only people dating apps actually work for are attractive men. They get to select from the cream of the crop and can leverage their attractiveness to get maximum result for minimum effort.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/03/25 01:54 AM
15

Let me rephrase. It's like spam email. If you're getting tons of crap in your inbox, it makes finding the actual emails you want to read nearly impossible.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/03/25 12:35 AM
12

I can see the logic of "I'd rather have to filter through a ton of options than have zero options at all". Like I get the grass is greener and all that but when we come down to brass tacks, if you have a ton of options, at the very least you can pick and choose, if you don't have any options nothing can happen. Edit: both are bad, is what I'm saying
/r/PurplePillDebate04/03/25 12:32 AM
3

Just a hunch.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/03/25 11:06 PM
3

Well, agree to disagree. You're all over this thread insisting on your viewpoint and I think you've got an agenda you're trying to push.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/03/25 09:42 PM
5

Putting it bluntly - I don't want to be with someone who was raised Christian who has to be wheedled and cajoled into lying down for me because it's her 'wifely duty'.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/03/25 09:38 PM
7

That doesn't really address my point at all.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/03/25 09:30 PM
1

Worrying about body counts in 2025 seems oddly backwards. It's very surprising to me that modern times have become so puritanical. We should be encouraging the exact opposite, if anything.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/03/25 09:10 PM
7

That doesn't seem to track for me. RP despises witholding prudes who make them jump through a million hoops and insist on commitment first even more.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/03/25 07:41 PM
11

Modern woman, obviously. I don't plan on having kids and I want an equal partner who is comfortable with being sexual. My mental image of someone from the 50's is someone with a ton of religious/societal hangups about sex and a lot of expectations about how a traditional relationship should be.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/03/25 07:39 PM
1

I know firsthand how difficult it is to date whilst being overweight. I don't envy anyone with that handicap, male or female.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/03/25 11:18 AM
9

The odds are good, but the goods are odd.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/03/25 08:47 AM
5

Ok but you didn't say 99%, you said "entirely fabricated by men" and "no woman is actually asking this".
/r/PurplePillDebate03/03/25 07:28 AM
2

I saw a post to that effect literally two days ago.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/03/25 07:18 AM
4

I wish they would understand that we're not actually going for women like that at all, we're just going for normal, average women. But they seem to assume that we're the ones with impossible to meet standards. As if that makes any sense.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/03/25 05:53 AM
6

I'm Australian so I don't know if there would be differences in the dating app culture compared to the US. I'm in one of the major cities.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/03/25 04:05 AM
4

The average guy doesn't get swipes on dating apps though. At least I don't. Maybe I'm so far below average that my experience doesn't count.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/03/25 03:56 AM
4

Exactly. Man you're killing it in this thread, 2/2.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/03/25 03:53 AM
0

That would be the ideal, wouldn't it?
/r/PurplePillDebate03/03/25 03:52 AM
0

Therefore, dating apps are a total waste of time unless you're physically perfect.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/03/25 03:42 AM
2

You can't negotiate attraction, sorry. (Phew, I love getting to use this line back)
/r/PurplePillDebate03/03/25 03:26 AM
–

Learning salsa is great, if you have a six pack. If you don't then it's a waste of time.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/03/25 02:40 AM
–

Not at all. I do have a healthy fear of the eternal black void that comes after death, so I can see how belief in an afterlife would be comforting, but I don't subscribe to such beliefs.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/03/25 02:34 AM
3

I guess there's really no good options for a guy who isn't interested in a long term relationship. To be physically attractive enough to be considered for a hook up is basically impossible.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/03/25 01:13 AM
3

Many guys aren't upfront about just wanting something casual That seems like a good way to go from few matches to zero matches.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/03/25 12:35 AM
3

Let's be real, a lot of guys do just want to get laid and aren't interested in anything more My response to this is, then the guys who are actually looking for relationships should do well on dating apps, right?
/r/PurplePillDebate02/03/25 11:53 PM
6

I only meet 1/3 of those criteria, damn.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/03/25 10:44 PM
7

Yeah and that's the thing, after months of swiping and getting zero matches - you'd better believe I was motivated to try and make the one match I did get pan out, and even then I fumbled because talking to a stranger over text is like the worst possible way to get to know someone. Now I know, get the pleasantries out of the way and then grab a coffee or something in person, so you can actually see if there's chemistry there.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/03/25 10:13 PM
9

I also started attending D&D in my area to try and be more social and (perhaps) find a nerdy girlfriend. Didn't actually end up finding one, but I did manage to go on two dates with girls I met at D&D. So it's not the worst idea, I think a woman would have much better luck since it's a 'target rich environment'.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/03/25 10:09 PM
7

It felt like a lot of guys just wanted to get laid without actually having to engage with the other person as, you know, a person. Not necessarily. I've only talked to one person, but for me the whole "getting to know you" stuff was like pulling teeth. I didn't know what questions to ask, I knew I had to ask them but I was struggling from the get go. She led most of the initial conversation and then cooled off when I couldn't hold up my end. I don't know how it could have gone differently or how…
/r/PurplePillDebate02/03/25 09:33 PM
3

I can't say I've done any of that stuff. When I say someone like me I mean a quiet, reserved, normal person who wouldn't hurt a fly.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/03/25 03:18 PM
2

I don't watch Family Guy but damn, isn't this supposed to be a funny show? That was awful.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/03/25 03:16 PM
7

I think it's a pretty natural reaction. You read a complaint about someone's behavior and think "well, I would never do that. So if they had just picked someone like me, they could have avoided that situation."
/r/PurplePillDebate01/03/25 03:02 PM
–

People keep asking me this, it's so weird to me. Only on PPD did I find out there was such an obsession with height. I'm 5'10.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/03/25 02:57 PM
–

I didn't, she approached me. I was standing in the quad one day at uni and she walked up to me and asked me about the Game of Thrones books. We got to talking and I added her on Facebook. So, I literally did nothing, she picked me and I just had to be receptive to it.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/03/25 02:53 PM
–

Do what?
/r/PurplePillDebate01/03/25 02:49 PM
17

Not sure. I've never been attractive enough to even consider the idea that hookups were a thing that were available to me. I've always defaulted to long term relationships as the only option. All the girls I've dated have therefore been girlfriend material.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/02/25 11:54 AM
1

I get this question so often. It's so weird because I've never really thought about height as a limiting factor in dating. I'm 5'10.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/02/25 11:20 AM
1

Just Mike, please. Thank you for the encouragement.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/02/25 10:22 AM
–

Absolutely not. Not to put myself down but I'd feel so bad for my theoretical distaff counterpart. She would be so depressed to be like me.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/02/25 02:49 AM
1

Ok I have to ask - what horrific experience? Unless I've said something misleading I'm not quite sure what that would refer to.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/02/25 02:35 AM
2

Fair enough. Happy to be the exception then I guess.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/02/25 02:17 AM
2

Even as a kid, and I mean 10, 11, 12 years old, when I would blow out the candles on my birthday cake, my wish would always be "I wish to have a beautiful wife". Isn't that fucked up? It was ingrained into me even at that age that that's the ultimate goal to strive for in life.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/02/25 01:46 AM
2

men appear to feel they have a natural right I wouldn't say it's a natural right, but a learned one. At least for me growing up, sexualisation was a huge part of the culture. I came of age in a time where shows like Girls Gone Wild were massive hits and even regular tv shows and movies included sex scenes just as a matter of course. I could say I wish I was born a few years later, in a more egalitarian time, but that just isn't the case. I had to unlearn a lot of those attitudes as I matured.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/02/25 12:17 AM
2

I'm 400 and very depressed about it. I just can't seem to deny myself meals.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/02/25 09:11 PM
2

I was about 150kg (330lb) at the time I took the photos I used for my profile.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/02/25 09:03 PM
7

Same, I would read the profile and try to find some kind of commonality. Mostly women with the 'creative' or 'writer' tags on their profiles, more intellectual types. Profiles with 'sci-fi' or 'fantasy' listed as interests were rare but those were definitely the most preferred. I knew I wouldn't have a chance with someone that had 'travel' and 'hiking' on their profile. So I tried to be a little judicious. Still nothing.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/02/25 05:29 PM
16

Same reasoning as guys who say they don't like makeup. They obviously do when it's a more natural style, but if it wasn't there at all they'd be like "ew".
/r/PurplePillDebate27/02/25 05:26 PM
6

I'm very overweight, so that's pretty much an immediate disqualifier. I worked on my profile as best I could, writing and re-writing my bio and prompts. But yeah the core product simply isn't visually appealing.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/02/25 05:24 PM
–

I was reading The Hunt for Red October at the time. I went up to her and said something like "hey, do you mind if I sit here?" She said ok but she was very reserved and guarded. I tried to make small talk but she didn't seem interested so I let it be. In hindsight she was probably like "please, go away I don't want to talk to this creep".
/r/PurplePillDebate27/02/25 05:19 PM
–

Outside of celebrities, the first girl I thought about that way in real life was in 11th grade. She was like an extra out of a Tim Burton movie. Pale skin, freckles, blue eyes. She would sit in the corner of the library and read every lunch time.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/02/25 05:15 PM
21

What experience? Lol. I had a Bumble account for a while, no subscription just wanted to see if I even had a chance. Swiped on and off for months, zero matches. Eventually got one (1) single match. Talked to her for about a month but nothing eventuated and it fizzled out. Closed the app and chalked the whole thing down as a waste of time unless you've got a six pack.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/02/25 04:52 PM
–

I was 12 years old, watching Tomb Raider with Angelina Jolie. That was the first time I can remember thinking "wow, she's pretty."
/r/PurplePillDebate27/02/25 04:47 PM
–

Speaking only for myself, I could have invested time and effort to improve when I did get a girlfriend, instead I was lazy and selfish. Don't be like me. Get a hold of your anxiety and git gud.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/02/25 05:05 AM
5

Seems pretty obvious to me. If the only thing stopping you is having extremely picky standards, then it's not a real problem. Actual foreveralone people don't get any offers at all.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/02/25 06:41 AM
5

Well if it's your choice then you're not one of the foreveralone people I was referring to, are you?
/r/PurplePillDebate26/02/25 05:09 AM
5

And on top of that, imagine you're living in a rent controlled apartment while house hunting - so there's absolutely zero pressure to buy quickly since you can pick and choose at your leisure. You'll never be 'homeless'.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/02/25 09:01 PM
–

I only encountered one and stuck to her like glue for six years.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/02/25 05:23 PM
–

Basically this. I was never a looker, but my ex girlfriend still wanted me just the same. Bless her.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/02/25 03:57 PM
2

Threads like this make me re-examine every time I ever talked to anyone, ever. Feels like basically everything is on the list on things not to do.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/02/25 02:43 AM
7

Sure they do, I'm a classic beta. Very stable, zero sex appeal.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/02/25 12:37 AM
0

Here's what I don't get. You seem to be implying there's a contradiction in those statements. Back when I was a virgin man, I leapt at the opportunity to have sex when it was presented to me (and spent the next six years eagerly having sex with that person in a relationship context). So from my perspective, there was no contradiction.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/02/25 10:17 PM
2

I had no self control when it came to food. I was an emotional eater and whenever I felt distressed in any way, food was how I soothed myself. And at that time I had a lot to be distressed about since I was failing out of university and my mother was constantly breathing down my neck. I felt like a failure two times over since I wasn't doing well in my degree and also because I was gaining weight.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/02/25 09:07 PM
4

5'10. I've never really considered height as an issue. I guess if I was short then I might have developed that as my insurmountable bugbear. But for me, my particular hangup is weight. All of the normal insecurity about height that short people have, is the exact same insecurity that I have about weight.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/02/25 08:29 PM
44

In my case, as a teenager I knew that to be attractive I needed to get in the gym, lose weight, build muscle, all that stuff. When I tried to actually do it, however, I failed miserably and it just made me feel even more disillusioned and unworthy. I felt like I was already far behind where I needed to be, and this was at age 16 and 17. So I pretty much gave up before I even began. It wasn't that I wasn't aware that good looking people are favored, it's that I was hyperaware how far away I was f…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/02/25 11:07 AM
2

When I did have a girlfriend we saw each other on weekends. I'd pick her up from the restaurant where she worked on Saturday night. We'd go back to my place, catch up on the tv shows we missed during the week. In the morning we'd laze in bed until we got hungry enough to go out to eat. Then we'd do an activity like bowling or mini golf, or see a movie. Then back home to cook dinner. She'd either stay over again and go home on Monday or I'd take her home Sunday night. It was perfect. I was never …
/r/PurplePillDebate24/02/25 08:43 AM
3

That's the other factor yeah. If they were just some schmo then they wouldn't have the benefit of being internationally recognized for their work. That adds prestige and status to the mix.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/02/25 07:41 AM
3

This circular logic is never going to be resolved. If I'm around someone who seems to enjoy my company and who I find attractive, I'm going to develop feelings for them. 99% chance. There's absolutely zero reason why I wouldn't try to escalate the relationship further.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/02/25 05:49 AM
4

Then I could have rejected them without already building a bond They're trying to build a bond so you don't reject them, duh.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/02/25 05:39 AM
4

I'm not unsympathetic, I get it. It's very scary, given the risks involved (both physical and emotional) and especially if you didn't have those fundamental experiences as a teenager.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/02/25 02:39 AM
19

Their main preoccupation seems to be avoiding being 'used for sex'. Which is an interesting thing to worry about compared to, y'know, having sex at all.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/02/25 02:23 AM
23

Reading through the ForeverAloneWomen sub, I really had to stop myself from wondering what they look like. Looks aside, they all seemed to have extreme issues with neurosis, bitterness and were generally incredibly guarded and closed off.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/02/25 02:10 AM
1

I hate getting comments like this, it's so asinine. Is it normal for people to be alone for 7 years at a time? No.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/02/25 12:03 AM
11

It's a moot point since they can just move on to the next in line, and the next, and the next.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/02/25 11:40 PM
9

As always, these allegedly 'unattractive' guys are still in good shape, they just have slightly large noses or some other unconventional feature that makes them interesting looking, not actually unattractive.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/02/25 08:27 AM
4

Yeah it's pretty dumb. Like I get the sentiment that it's not fair to your partner to rely solely on them for validation, but at least in my case it was the first relationship for both of us. We both needed that connection just as badly.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/02/25 06:45 AM
1

Wow, that's so weird. That's like the first thing most people do.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/02/25 04:03 AM
1

two to one rate would select having a steady girlfriend with no sex over getting to have sex but no girlfriend. This is a bit of a bizarre question. Having a steady girlfriend with no sex is just... a friendship. It's not really how relationships work.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/02/25 02:05 AM
2

Yeah just having a normal high school girlfriend like it is depicted in every coming of age story ever would be fine. Not having those formative experiences seriously cripples you in dating later on.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/02/25 02:04 AM
2

There has to be some sign of interest first, though. The first girl that gave me a greenlight to proceed I ended up in a relationship with for six years.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/02/25 12:07 AM
6

I had the exact same experience yeah. I'd wake up during the night and feel the warmth in the bed and just feel happy and content.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/02/25 11:55 PM
4

It was an itch I didn't get to scratch until I was 23, so that's seven years of longing and despair.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/02/25 11:33 PM
7

Being a teenager, I absolutely did feel like I was going mental. I would have crushes on girls in class and it drove me insane. It's all I could think about. It didn't help that I was at a boys school from 7th to 10th grade. So basically my whole puberty I didn't interact with girls at all, and then at age 16, just got plopped into a school full of insanely attractive young women.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/02/25 11:02 PM
5

I was at my loneliest while still hanging out regularly with friends at university. That doesn't fix it.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/02/25 10:27 PM
2

The only thing I'm sad about is that I wasn't able to convert one of those dates into a relationship. I tried so, so hard. For me, it was life and death, but for them it was just a first date. Barely anything significant. The extreme difference in emotional investment and stakes really made it lopsided. If I could go on dates more than once every few years, at least I wouldn't be so anxious and neurotic when I'm on them and that might give me a better result.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/02/25 10:23 PM
2

got in the gym, changed my diet This is the solution every time. Every single time.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/02/25 10:20 PM
6

I've been on two dates in the last seven years, if it wasn't for them giving the 'nice guy' a chance, I wouldn't have even had that.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/02/25 09:54 PM
7

It's such a cop out answer. "Hurr durr you just want to get your dick wet." No, that's not it at all. It's so dismissive and condescending when they frame it that way.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/02/25 09:41 PM
-1

“nice” means “spineless and mindlessly agreeable”. Well yeah. If you read how women hate being hit on constantly then obviously any person with a shred of empathy is going to go "oh ok, well I won't do that, then".
/r/PurplePillDebate22/02/25 09:40 PM
1

Do you not understand how people work? Like if you get conflicting information but have no experience to really dispute it, you're going to trust the people who do have experience. Until it's clear that there's more to the story than what you've been told.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/02/25 09:36 PM
1

Only when I'm standing or walking. I went to the doctor last week and all he said really was "lose 20 kilos, 50 would be better".
/r/PurplePillDebate22/02/25 09:33 PM
0

People aren't purely logical androids, despite what you seem to be insisting. Especially teenagers who are just trying to figure things out.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/02/25 09:30 PM
-3

Recognizing their struggles doesn’t mean women are obligated to give lonely guys a chance out of pity I don't think they should be obligated to, but... it would be nice to at least be given a chance. You never know if a connection will grow.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/02/25 09:29 PM
8

What are you even talking about? I just finished explaining how it's not just about the physical act of sex, it's about intimacy and closeness.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/02/25 09:26 PM
2

You do understand that I was totally depressed and despondent about my looks in high school. I was very aware that I wasn't 'up to snuff'. But what I was being told and what I 'knew' about myself didn't line up. It was very confusing. A teenager with no knowledge or experience of the dating world doesn't have the maturity to understand that yet.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/02/25 09:23 PM
4

I have this photo of myself from my high school prom. I thought I was the ugliest person alive back then. I was so down about my looks. I didn't even ask anyone to go with me, because I assumed the answer would be no. ...In hindsight, I looked totally normal. Handsome even. I was tanned and relatively fit from playing tennis. Maybe a little awkward because I wasn't confident, but physically - pretty much fine.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/02/25 09:21 PM
1

I hate this argument. Yes it's plainly obvious to see which guys got drooled over in school and which didn't. But when you're told, over and over, that your personality is what counts and that eventually someone will come along, you believe them. You keep believing it until you get to your early 20's and it still hasn't happened, and then you get disillusioned and bitter.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/02/25 09:15 PM
1

Yes, I re-aggravated my back lifting boxes in my garage back in September 2022 and that totally fucked me. The last date I went on was in March 2023 and even then I was struggling, we went for a walk along the Yarra and my back was clenching up the whole time.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/02/25 09:12 PM
4

I agree that there are men out there who lie to get sex, that's undeniable. But I sincerely doubt that there's a large contingent of men who secretly fantasize about 'using women' the way you're saying. That's utterly nonsensical to me.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/02/25 09:09 PM
3

I know, despite my weight, I've been on two dates in the last seven years. So I know it's possible. But extremely rare and tenuous at best. Also both of those dates only happened while I was in the middle of a diet and exercise kick - so it was still only after I had lost a bunch of weight first.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/02/25 09:07 PM
5

They always, always hit back with "oh but I see plenty of fat guys in relationships, it's probably your personality".
/r/PurplePillDebate22/02/25 09:04 PM
8

No, it's not different at all. When I got my first girlfriend, she perfectly filled in that missing piece of the puzzle. I had close friends at the time and we hung out regularly, but I still craved that close, intimate connection. That's what she provided.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/02/25 09:02 PM
9

That's such a silly argument. Just go to a sex worker, like that's a thing normal people do? Come on now. Also, you're being reductionist - sex isn't just the physical act, it's intimacy and closeness.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/02/25 08:59 PM
6

Hell no. Why do you ask?
/r/PurplePillDebate22/02/25 08:54 PM
8

Imagine if they'd told me something different with a lot of sugar and frosting on it. I might have been one of those guys who posts here about how Disney lied to him when he was a kid Hey, I'm right here. I was always told, "you're such a handsome, kind young man. Any girl would be lucky to have you!"
/r/PurplePillDebate22/02/25 08:53 PM
8

Those that are ND and struggle making friends and holding any connections in their lives. Then there are people screaming about being lonely because they’re not getting laid. How are these not the same thing? Or at least, massively overlapped. Also, I'm generally ok with being alone, most of the time. If I had a girlfriend that I saw, say twice a week, that would be more than enough to satisfy me. So in my case, getting a girlfriend would fix both my 'romantic' and my 'friendship' loneliness at …
/r/PurplePillDebate22/02/25 08:50 PM
-1

Be more honest about the dating world. Don't give platitudes. Just say straight up that you expect a guy with abs and that if you don't have them, you're completely and utterly disqualified from dating. Secondarily, acknowledge that standards are insanely, impossibly high - and be sympathetic to that fact. Don't penalise someone for not having much experience, because it's very, very, difficult to get experience.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/02/25 08:48 PM
4

Lack of intimacy is not just a lack of sex, there's so much more to it than that. There's more than one form of loneliness.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/02/25 08:45 PM
1

I saw this comment and it really made me think: https://np.reddit.com/r/GlowUps/comments/1iv943i/3540_blood_sweat_many_tearsand_more_sweat/me3zdd2/ "This sub is convincing me that there are no ugly people. Only overweight and fit. Gives me hope for myself. Fantastic job! Super happy for you =D" It's what I've been saying for ages, that I just need to get thin enough to be attractive, but no one seems to believe me.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/02/25 08:27 PM
19

In my experience, once I got a girlfriend I calmed down almost immediately. This massive weight was lifted from my shoulders. I was energized and confident for the first time in years. I threw myself into my Masters degree and focused on my career. So the answer to your question is basically that I started finally living life instead of being emotionally crippled by this all consuming hunger for intimacy and connection.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/02/25 08:15 PM
0

No one actually wants to do that, though.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/02/25 07:51 PM
3

Let's be clear. Wanting to have casual sex =/= wanting to 'use' people.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/02/25 07:49 PM
7

Exactly. My fantasy is having a shared computer room with side by side gaming PC's. Wouldn't that be nice? Split down the middle, my side decorated with my movie posters and her side decorated however she wants. And maybe a library with bookshelves packed with sci-fi and fantasy novels, while we're fantasizing about it.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/02/25 12:44 PM
-3

No just losing weight is enough. Everything else is pretty negotiable, except that.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/02/25 12:41 PM
12

No, fantasy and reality are two different things. I think if I ever actually experienced what casual sex was like, maybe I'd understand better. I knew it was never an option for me from day one, so I've never desired it outside of abstract fantasy. Since I've only ever been with one person in the context of a long term relationship, my actions show that I've never used anyone.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/02/25 12:33 PM
3

No, socializing is with other people outside the couple.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/02/25 12:05 PM
5

I just count myself lucky that I had a cool girlfriend who just liked doing solo activities with me, like going to the movies, mini golf, bowling, road trips, picnics, etc.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/02/25 12:00 PM
5

If it's never been an option for them and they'll never actually experience it in reality (unless they put in the work to improve their looks enough to be considered conventionally attractive - in which case it's once again handsome people doing the using) then that is a totally irrelevant point.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/02/25 11:58 AM
5

from time to time Yeah, not every single week, or even worse, multiple times a week. It's just a totally diametrically opposed viewpoint. takes a lot of energy for introverts Exactly why they don't want to do them, it's exhausting and painful.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/02/25 11:51 AM
6

Probably because of all the complaints about being used for sex, which only handsome people can do since they're the ones that have the options to pursue it. Less attractive people don't even have the option to do that and it makes no sense for them since their goal is to lock down a relationship any which way they can.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/02/25 11:37 AM
9

Hilariously wrong. The ideal is to have another shy homebody to do indoor activities with. No introverted guy is going to enjoy trying to keep up with an extrovert's social schedule, nor would they enjoy those activities even if they did attempt to. If they did, they'd be an extrovert themselves already.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/02/25 11:27 AM
1

Taking her out to dinner worked out great for my first relationship, it was really cute actually. We agreed to be boyfriend and girlfriend on the drive home.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/02/25 09:45 AM
0

Sure, that's stuff's easy once you're already in good shape and physically attractive.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/02/25 02:39 AM
1

Safety and security. My ex was generally anxious and indecisive and she felt most comfortable when I was making the decisions. Obviously I wasn't being an autocrat, I'd ask her what she wanted to do and find out a way to make it happen in the least stressful way for her.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/02/25 02:14 AM
0

At least give actually useful advice like, diet and exercise, get physically fit, etc.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/02/25 02:12 AM
2

This is a very interesting question. I guess by default it would have to be my dad, just because he has a somewhat old world, traditional mindset. My parents divorced when I was very young and so I've never seen them together in a loving relationship. From my memories of childhood they were constantly at odds, my dad was very browbeaten and defeated. Classic henpecked husband.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/02/25 11:13 PM
–

Yeah they're taking it to the extreme, but I've been on dates where she was clearly uninterested, I've been talking to a woman who was extremely guarded and cautious and it's a fucking hassle and a half. So the point I think they're ultimately making is "be enthusiastic, don't be a cold fish".
/r/PurplePillDebate21/02/25 06:20 PM
–

30 minutes is a good timeline. I guess the point is that you didn't make him jump through hoops. That's all it is.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/02/25 05:53 PM
1

There's a massive middle ground between hooking up and marriage. What about people who are in mid-long term relationships? Like 2-3 years at a time?
/r/PurplePillDebate21/02/25 03:06 AM
–

All the couples I know are relatively matched in attractiveness. All the guys I know that are overweight or weird looking are single. All the guys I know that are physically fit are in relationships. Ergo, the difference is their looks.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/02/25 10:49 PM
–

Everything else only comes into play if and when you meet the looks threshold. Which almost never happens since the bar is set impossibly high. Looks are so, so heavily weighted that the other stuff is small potatoes by comparison.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/02/25 10:26 PM
–

No one's ever really been able to explain it to me. My understanding is that it's not polite to mention that looks are important for some reason.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/02/25 10:14 PM
–

If I routinely put it in a certain place, I expect it to stay there.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/02/25 10:02 PM
2

I guess it's less that I have nothing to offer, it's that what I do have to offer isn't particularly appealing. Even though I'm a homebody, I don't go out much, I like the quiet, simple life... I know for a fact that there's plenty of women out there that would probably enjoy the same lifestyle. It's just looks. That's the barrier. They want to be introverted homebodies with a guy who is slim, not fat. That's it.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/02/25 12:01 AM
–

Jessica Alba from Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer?
/r/PurplePillDebate17/02/25 08:07 PM
–

Then you get hit with "oh it's only because most guys have terrible profiles" but even if you work hard to fill out the prompts and bio and take nice pictures it doesn't make any one bit of difference.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/02/25 10:35 AM
3

Exactly. It doesn't need to be easy, but it shouldn't be impossible.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/02/25 10:00 AM
3

I find the work analogy to be a flawed one. When I left my last job I sent two applications, got one interview, aced it, and have been working there ever since. My 10+ years work experience spoke for itself and it was a super easy transition. When my last relationship broke up, my six years 'relationship experience' meant absolutely nothing in terms of finding a new partner. Zero interest. Zero matches on dating apps. Zilch. In effect, I've been 'relationship unemployed' for seven years now, a m…
/r/PurplePillDebate16/02/25 06:54 AM
5

The last two dates I went on were with girls I met at D&D. When I'm at the D&D table I'm cool, calm, and confident. So I can see how that made me seem like a good prospect. Outside of that context though, in a dating context? The total opposite.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/02/25 02:35 AM
21

I've 'been myself' for the last seven years. Myself is simply not appealing to women. I have to change to make myself appealing as my current form isn't getting the job done.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/02/25 12:04 AM
2

I'm saying that that's where the perception comes from. The question was "Where did the whole “women love bad boys” thing even come from?"
/r/PurplePillDebate15/02/25 12:57 AM
6

Well I didn't really do a deep dive into it, but it sounded like she would stop using dating apps for long periods of time due to having universally poor experiences with them because guys were so forward and pushy.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/02/25 11:30 PM
8

I don't see how that conclusion is logical, no. A guy trying to have sex with her doesn't mean she appreciated or reciprocated that attempt - and from her reaction she seemed to find it very disappointing and made her jaded and bitter.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/02/25 11:22 PM
2

It's a safe assumption unless she's very guarded or standoffish. If she's open and friendly then yeah chances are near 100%. Edit: Assuming they meet the base level of attraction, yes. Though that base level is very, very, very, very, very easy to meet or surpass.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/02/25 11:19 PM
2

I think it stems from resentment from Nice Guys(tm). They think, "I'm polite, respectful, would never cross boundaries or get pushy about sex, and I get nothing, whereas that guy is an aggressive, entitled bully and has a new girl on his arm every other week", how is that fair?
/r/PurplePillDebate14/02/25 10:20 PM
9

They aren’t as confident to go out and meet a guy they don’t know and be romantic quickly Despite my tiny sample size of one (1) match on a dating app, this sentiment still holds true in my experience. The woman I matched with seemed extremely reserved and reticent. She mentioned early on being frustrated with dating apps since the people she would match with would try to have sex with her almost immediately, but none seemed interested in a relationship beyond that. So I decided I wouldn't be li…
/r/PurplePillDebate14/02/25 10:00 PM
3

By literally just working out my body and growing my muscles Easier said than done. If it was that easy everyone would do it.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/02/25 08:55 AM
10

I've been on two dates in the last seven years. You do the math.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/02/25 05:02 AM
22

It's like telling someone in a desert, hey don't eat those survival rations, there's a steak dinner just over that sand dune.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/02/25 04:55 AM
50

But ask yourself: if you were her celebrity crush, how would she behave? I'm not nearly as attractive as a celebrity, so I don't expect people I date to treat me as such. If you go years and years without any sort of interest, then you're highly motivated to try and make the best of what little interest you do get.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/02/25 04:47 AM
1

That's fine, it's stupidly easy for someone who's already physically fit to fix that stuff so eventually they'll get the message (assuming it matters at all since they'll still get plenty of matches anyway).
/r/PurplePillDebate12/02/25 04:41 AM
3

It's wild to me that you use "repeat a bunch of blackpill bullshit" as a negative example when your first piece of advice is a giant paragraph about going to the gym and improving your looks. Is that not a contradiction?
/r/PurplePillDebate10/02/25 11:47 PM
2

Yeah but which is it? Are you thirsty? Do you just need a chocolate bar? A piece of fruit? Why won't you be specific? /s
/r/PurplePillDebate10/02/25 11:17 PM
7

Back when I had close friends (two guys from high school who I lost touch with after we moved into adulthood and went our own ways), I was still incredibly lonely. I was starving for intimacy. Not sex, but closeness. Yes, seeing them was fun. We'd go to the movies, play video games, all the usual stuff. But it didn't really address the root cause of the problem. Outside of seeing them once every couple of weeks, there were hours and hours where I was truly, totally alone. That all changed when I…
/r/PurplePillDebate10/02/25 08:45 PM
1

Maybe I'm just naive, but what's unlikely about it? Unless you have extremely weird kinks or something like that.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/02/25 10:20 PM
2

Yeah, maybe not for this specific person but on the whole they're getting massively more options.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/02/25 08:29 PM
–

Yeah I'm familiar with the baiting questions, I just answer them honestly and ignore anybody who wants to try and 'gotcha' me because of it.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/02/25 10:07 AM
–

Woman B would be ideal since I'm a sheltered homebody myself. My fantasy is to have side by side computers in the living room so that we can game together.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/02/25 09:18 AM
-1

Having friends eases loneliness the way eating some cheese and crackers staves off hunger. Having a girlfriend is like eating a three course meal. It satiates all of the hunger at once. You can only live on cheese and crackers for so long.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/02/25 09:08 AM
–

Not american but I like watching all the superbowl big game trailers for this year's summer blockbusters.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/02/25 05:23 AM
–

Ok for dinner I'll have fish and a side salad.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/02/25 05:18 AM
–

I just had steak and mash potato. Very boring.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/02/25 05:16 AM
–

That's when you just give up and attempt to house the whole thing as rice and sauce splatter ungracefully down onto the plate.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/02/25 05:14 AM
7

3/4 of the women I've dated were varying degrees of overweight, yes.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/02/25 02:31 AM
1

Barely has a belly, wtf you on.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/02/25 02:28 AM
2

I don't believe you.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/02/25 01:54 AM
11

Counterpoint, it's a lot easier to have good vibes and personality when people are already predisposed to like you because of your looks.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/02/25 12:51 AM
3

It's so weird when I say 'gym body' people assume I mean someone that looks like Chris Hemsworth in Thor. I don't. I'm a fat guy, so "flat stomach with some muscle definition" already is an unattainable gym body to me.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/02/25 11:57 PM
1

Exactly. I keep telling people I just need to get thin enough to be attractive but no one believes me.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/02/25 11:48 PM
2

Here's a self portrait I drew in paint. You're never covering up this stomach. It's just not possible.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/02/25 11:01 PM
1

Depends how flabby. I certainly can't hide my shape under baggy clothes.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/02/25 10:12 PM
4

It's odd to me to read that gym selfies are a 'pass' since if a guy has a gym body good enough to show off then he's already far more desirable than most men who aren't in shape.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/02/25 10:11 PM
3

Hard, hard disagree. A handsome face on a flabby body isn't getting very far.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/02/25 10:06 PM
16

Everything else only comes into play if the looks are good enough first, which they almost never are.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/02/25 10:03 PM
14

Is he cute?" Yes/no I think most men's profiles fall down at this hurdle.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/02/25 10:03 PM
9

depends on personal preference and definition Within a fairly standardized template, though. Let's be honest.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/02/25 10:02 PM
11

I was talking to a co-worker last week about my previous relationship and how it ended almost 7 years ago. She asked me, "are you planning on getting back out there?" and I honestly said no. Who would want me? I haven't taken care of my body, I let my looks deteriorate, I don't have any hobbies. What do I have to offer? Absolutely nothing. I'm an NPC, just repeating the same day over and over again. The fix for me isn't dating. Yes, dating someone would ease my loneliness, but it wouldn't do any…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/02/25 11:59 AM
2

Same, and I don't think that's a bad thing, necessarily.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/02/25 07:47 AM
2

And sure, as you interact with someone those dings can turn into bzz'es and vice versa, but in my experience it's usually pretty set in stone.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/02/25 07:05 PM
3

Only speaking for myself, I didn't really need to demonstrate that I was taking her seriously. After I met my first girlfriend, we were talking every day, being excited about seeing each other, actively planning dates and activities. It was plainly apparent I wasn't treating her as just a hookup. It was just a given.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/02/25 06:58 PM
2

That's wild to me. It's pretty much an automatic process in my mind at this point. When I meet someone it's either, "ding, yes" or "bzz, no".
/r/PurplePillDebate05/02/25 06:53 PM
1

Morality, I guess. Idk.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/02/25 06:21 PM
2

They're going to figure it out pretty quickly when you're fumbling your way around their body, unsure what to do or how to do it. Better to be honest up front, no?
/r/PurplePillDebate04/02/25 06:18 PM
7

that give you some choosing signals first So... none. Got it.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/02/25 09:15 AM
2

Why would anyone need help attracting men? Seriously, come on now.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/02/25 08:17 AM
2

I agree that "go to the gym" is terrible advice if you want to meet people. When you're young, playing sports is more likely to result in a more well rounded, sociable person. That said, I do wish I had gone to the gym as a teenager, I think that would have really helped me learn discipline and given me a head start on taking ownership of my body and my looks.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/02/25 08:15 AM
1

(That's why they call it emotional abuse)
/r/PurplePillDebate04/02/25 07:45 AM
3

You'd better believe my mum resented my first girlfriend for taking her precious son away from her.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/02/25 07:41 AM
5

Yeah they're generally going to give the absolute worst advice possible. It would be easier to ask to them for advice to find out what not to do.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/02/25 07:37 AM
21

My dad hasn't dated since my parents got divorced 30 years ago. If I had to take dating advice from him I'd be even worse off than I am now.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/02/25 06:48 AM
1

Yeah I guess I was just annoyed at OP's reductive viewpoint - have they never seen a sexy nerd? It's just silly.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/02/25 12:27 AM
–

I've never had any expectation that anyone would want to be with me just for casual sex. Since it's never been an option for me I've always just assumed I'd be trying to get a relationship by default.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/02/25 12:12 AM
–

From my perspective, "getting laid" and "getting a girlfriend" are one in the same goal. I suppose it's because if I'm willing to sleep with someone then more than likely I'd be interested in a relationship as well.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/02/25 09:22 PM
1

Yeah I figured I'd get the bus home in the morning. When I got home my mother smirked at me and said "you'll be glad I got you to come home when I did." I know she meant well but I was a 21 year old adult, it was so insulting.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/02/25 08:52 AM
1

What's worse, the girl had to drive me home since I got public transport to her house.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/02/25 08:24 AM
4

I agree with this premise. Thing is, I got along with my girlfriend just fine. All it took was for her to initiate with me, and I was more than happy to take the ball and run with it. But nothing would have happened if she didn't give me the green light. That's all it takes. It's getting past that initial hurdle that seems nearly impossible.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/02/25 07:46 AM
4

Seems like a bizarre comparison, she doesn't need to match their numbers to have enough to be significant. Anyway, this whole post is weak ragebait, imo.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/02/25 05:38 AM
4

The girls who wear turtle necks and long skirts, the girls who exercise modesty, are effectively invisible to the male sexual eye. I'm going to push back on this point. That description perfectly describes this YouTuber who I guarantee has a massive simp following.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/02/25 05:27 AM
1

Wow, I had no idea.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/02/25 04:36 AM
11

Judging by the advice my older sister gave me, not really.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/02/25 03:34 AM
–

I never really cared for it, tbh. The angles never quite lined up and it would hurt my back almost immediately.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/02/25 10:00 PM
7

I had one ask for a picture of my hands. I was a bit perturbed but I sent it.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/02/25 09:35 PM
–

Being desired is definitely my main fantasy. The mechanical act of having sex is fine but that pales in comparison to the look in her eyes when she wants you and wants to be with you.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/02/25 08:33 PM
0

To my mind, it would be 'real' only if you were physically present and actively participating in it. When you're passively viewing an image on a screen, it's just pixels. There's very little difference between that and reading a description of it.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/02/25 10:55 AM
5

At this point my main disappointment would be that he turned to porn instead of just fucking me. In my experience, having sex and watching porn fulfill completely different desires. Watching porn is completely and solely pleasurable, you don't have to worry about another person or dilute your attention at all. Sometimes you just want to grab a quick meal from McDonald's instead of cooking a full three course dinner from scratch.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/02/25 10:51 AM
13

they would probably have an almost 50% probability of success Exactly why they don't approach. If they know the guy is going to say yes to basically any halfway attractive girl that introduces herself, it takes any sense of achievement out of the interaction. It makes her feel less special to be a "sure why not?" instead of a "she's the only one for me".
/r/PurplePillDebate01/02/25 10:39 AM
3

I've always wanted to travel through the south, for the BBQ if nothing else.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/02/25 07:25 AM
11

No, never. Not once. Not a thing. I don't speak to strangers and strangers don't speak to me. That's totally out of the realm of my experience.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/02/25 07:18 AM
–

That's the right sport at least. Well done.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/02/25 12:48 AM
–

I genuinely think they're almost asking permission to quit trying to date This tracks with my experience. I've had long periods in my life where I had 'given up' on the idea of dating. From, say, 17 to 23 (when I fell ass backward into my first relationship). And then from 29 (after my first relationship ended) to now. I'm turning 36 in a couple of months. And the main thread during those times was knowing, not worrying, knowing that I wasn't attractive to women. It was an absolute certainty. As…
/r/PurplePillDebate01/02/25 12:38 AM
–

I take it to mean "if someone has these qualities, I would most likely begin to feel attracted to them", not "I'm already attracted to this person and if they have these qualities I would feel more attraction towards them". That's a bit silly to me, if attraction is already there then the list is pointless.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/02/25 12:11 AM
5

The first erotic story I ever read was a Star Wars fanfic I found when I was a teenager, funnily enough. But no, I never really got into that side of it. It felt too weird to imagine the actors for those characters in sexual situations. It crossed the line for me in terms of what I was comfortable with. Over time I've built up a collection of stories from Literotica and other sites. I've been reading those same stories over and over for the last decade or so and following the same handful of aut…
/r/PurplePillDebate31/01/25 11:44 PM
1

There's still plot, but I prefer that the story doesn't get in the way of the main reason I'm here. I don't need to read the opening chapter of the protagonist making coffee and going to work, where they meet the new girl and hit it off, and then three chapters later they're on a date, and then maybe in the second story they might hold hands.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/01/25 11:37 PM
7

Not the kind where it's a slow, smoldering build up between two people that are falling in love. Too much preamble and character stuff is a massive turn off. I prefer the equivalent of porn scenes that are written out, with emphasis on the overwhelming lust and desire between the participants and visual descriptions of the women in the scene and the sexual acts taking place. Basically, the kind of erotica I read is a substitute for making me feel wanted and desired by women. It goes to show how …
/r/PurplePillDebate31/01/25 11:29 PM
–

Similar story here, I'm 5'10. Which isn't tall but isn't short, it's right in that average line. But if I could snap my fingers and be short with a flat stomach and no double chin? I'd do it in a heartbeat.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/01/25 10:53 PM
–

Still not the right football.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/01/25 10:25 PM
–

The kind of lists I'm referring to say stuff like: "I want someone who is well educated, who loves to read, who is creative..." And I look at myself and think "well I tick all those boxes, and yet... nothing". So clearly there's something else I don't have that isn't stated in that list.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/01/25 10:17 PM
–

You need to be sexually attracted to someone for them to be an option as your partner, so the two questions are effectively one in the same.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/01/25 10:13 PM
–

Well if we're being that pedantic, I said football, not NFL. I'm not American.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/01/25 10:02 PM
5

I'd say I enjoy a 50/50 split between reading erotica and watching porn. They scratch the itch in slightly different ways, but they're both effective.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/01/25 09:42 PM
0

Which is very much unlike the visuals of porn which very few average women are able to recreate for a man ...I don't quite get this, do these average women not have breasts? (Or butts, whatever the case may be).
/r/PurplePillDebate31/01/25 09:40 PM
3

You don't know what you don't know. Part of the whole reason this pill stuff gains so much traction is when young men come to the harsh realization that you can't just live your life normally and meet someone, you have to make drastic changes to get even close to being 'desirable'.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/01/25 09:33 PM
11

My use of that phrasing was to evoke the image of a conventionally tall, muscular former athlete. Let's not get lost in the weeds here.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/01/25 09:28 PM
35

If I read "the bar is in hell" one more time I'm gonna lose it.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/01/25 09:22 PM
12

I'll sometimes read lists of "things I want in a partner" where I go "yep, I meet all of those criteria... so what's the problem?" Well the problem is that it doesn't matter if you meet those criteria if you don't pass the physical attractiveness threshold first. Those criteria are only relevant for people they're already attracted to.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/01/25 08:53 PM
7

Yeah, the height thing hasn't really been something I've worried over, weight is more of a hot button issue for me. But it's the same principle. If I get told "oh you know weight doesn't matter" but then the husband is a svelte Timothee Chalamet doppelganger, you know what's up.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/01/25 08:16 PM
23

It's more when I read stuff like "oh I don't go for looks" but then the husband is a 6'5 ex-football player.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/01/25 07:53 PM
–

You're being overly concerned with specific hypotheticals as a gotcha. I am speaking in generalities.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/01/25 05:05 AM
–

It's not a guarantee, but it sure improves the odds. If you have a butterface then losing weight will still improve your overall jawline and facial profile.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/01/25 05:02 AM
–

Pretty much a picture perfect example. Lean, low body fat with abs, not overly muscular but right in the zone that is most attractive to women.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/01/25 04:57 AM
–

Yes, it still does since there's infinitely more that aren't in nearly as good shape. This is a looks thread and it's going to get deleted probably, but I'm going to dig my heels in on this particular point regardless.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/01/25 04:56 AM
–

The main complaint that I see is that most men are out of shape couch potatoes who don't put in any effort to stay in shape. By that metric, being a body obsessed gym rat is a good thing since it shows discipline and sets you apart from the common rabble.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/01/25 04:47 AM
7

On the contrary, I'm all too aware of just how much work it would take for me to get thin enough to be attractive, so that just discourages me to even start.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/01/25 02:25 AM
3

Of course I don't like those things, I hate loud music, dim lighting, large crowds and being unable to hear anyone. It's so uncomfortable.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/01/25 02:25 AM
10

I can't tell you how many times I've read comments like "it was easy for me, I just talked to people I met at concerts/festivals/bars/clubs etc". Those are all places where you need to have a friend group with you, you need to be very proactively social and outgoing, and you have to already be immersed in the culture. Imagine a quiet introvert who doesn't drink alcohol and has no friends, how are they getting an 'in' to these types of places and not looking completely out of place when they get …
/r/PurplePillDebate30/01/25 10:22 PM
20

1) None of that effort is likely to pay off unless you're already physically attractive. 2) I didn't have to put in any effort to get my first girlfriend. I was literally just standing in the quad at university and she walked up to me.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/01/25 07:00 PM
1

Average looking means flat stomach and no double chin.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/01/25 08:47 AM
0

Sure, that comes into play only if you pass the looks threshold first.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/01/25 08:41 AM
-4

The cheat sheet would just read "have abs and be well groomed". It's not rocket science. Having the will and discipline to achieve a body like that is in and of itself the pre-requisite.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/01/25 08:16 AM
5

I came of age in the late 00's, so when social media was just taking off. We didn't even really have smartphones then, so apps weren't particularly prevalent. But the helicopter parenting definitely stunted my growth. The first date I ever went on was with a girl I met at work when I was 21. I was at her house watching a movie and my mother called and made me come home.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/01/25 02:42 AM
5

The last time I saw them was in July 2023. I was in crisis and reached out to them and they were nice enough to take me out to dinner. Since then, I've sent a couple of messages in our group chat, to see if they'd bite. Other than polite responses, nothing. I'm a charity case. They've got their own lives and their own stuff going on. I'm not going to push where I'm clearly not wanted or barely tolerated.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/01/25 06:18 PM
3

I lost touch with my two very closest friends from high school as we moved into adult life. One is married with a kid the other has a whole new friend group. I started playing D&D as a substitute form of social interaction. The D&D people are nice enough but again, they're acquaintances at best. So right now? I have no friends. Sure I miss having close friends but that's the way the cards fell for me. I can't do anything about it right now.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/01/25 05:52 PM
4

No, not really. We weren't that kind of friends. We played Smash Bros and Mario Kart and saw Marvel movies together, that's it.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/01/25 05:40 PM
14

If there are average, lonely single women out there - I don't know any. Almost all the women I know are married with kids or single by choice. I care about the experiences of those women in the abstract, but have no personal experience with them.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/01/25 05:28 PM
6

That's utterly unlike my university experience. I did have a small group of university friends and we would go to the movies and stuff but it was fairly surface level.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/01/25 05:26 PM
–

That's fine. There's users here I never want to hear from in any way shape or form. But I just ignore them and try not to let their comments get to me so I can enjoy the rest of the sub.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/01/25 08:06 AM
3

Sure it can. It did for me.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/01/25 01:59 AM
5

This is very true in my experience. My loneliness problem was immediately solved when I got a girlfriend. It was like night and day. And before the replies come in stating that I was a drain on her and took more than I gave, it didn't take very much interaction for me to feel satisfied. We only saw each other on weekends and that was more than enough.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/01/25 09:32 PM
7

I was honest and put my actual height, 5'10. To be honest I've never seen height as a barrier for me, only weight. I also was specific in that I put that I'm an atheist, don't want kids, don't drink and don't smoke. I'm Australian so the politics thing didn't really apply to me.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/01/25 11:46 PM
20

I spent a lot of time writing and re-writing my bio. I think it was a fair representation of my personality, creativity, style of humor, etc. I changed my prompts fairly often, trying to find something that was witty and funny without coming across as trying too hard. Nothing worked. Zero matches. Conclusion? It's because I didn't have abs.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/01/25 10:43 PM
–

I don't quite see the difference between me and the kind of guys you're calling out here, I assume most people don't have ill intentions and are just trying to 'play the game' as best they can.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/01/25 10:31 PM
–

I'm not trying to defend outright lying here - but being totally honest about who I am means spending years alone. "Who I am" simply isn't attractive. There's a certain degree of performance required just to not be dismissed out of hand.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/01/25 09:56 PM
7

I never understood the logic of spending money on porn when there's nearly infinite free stuff out there.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/01/25 11:36 PM
12

Being lazy/selfish lovers. Speaking only about myself, I was pretty bad at it and never put the effort in to learn.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/01/25 10:40 PM
2

What happens if they get really busy with school or work and can't spend as much time with you? Absolutely nothing, I'm very used to being alone so those instances were a welcome break where I could recharge my batteries. Overall, she wanted to spend more time with me than I did with her, to be honest. I get your point about being needy but it's always been the opposite for me. I'd pick her up on Saturday night after work, take her back to my place, we'd catch up on our tv shows, sleep in Sunday…
/r/PurplePillDebate26/01/25 08:31 PM
4

Because one person won't resolve your loneliness problem. Sure they will. My first girlfriend did. I don't need a lot of social interaction, just seeing her every weekend was more than enough for me.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/01/25 07:18 PM
3

You're quite right, of course. Back before I got into my first relationship in 2012 it was still rather taboo to be on dating sites. Like it was cheating or wasn't 'real'. You were supposed to meet people in your day to day life. I skipped all of that since I was in a relationship between 2012 and 2018. By the time I got out of it, dating apps had already fallen out of favor and I was totally unprepared for that reality.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/01/25 10:27 AM
1

I think you're generally correct on this point. I've often said I just need to get thin enough to be attractive. What that means is, if I had a flat stomach and could eliminate my double chin, I'd be able to 'pass' for handsome. Not top tier, but I wouldn't trip any of the major deal breakers when it comes to looks. Then I wouldn't be dismissed out of hand the way I am now.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/01/25 11:06 PM
9

Even with suggestions like "Go to a tabletop gaming group" it's not that simple, what if there are none close by, or what if they aren't willing to play with beginners? On this point - I've been playing D&D for seven years now, and while they're nice enough people, none of them are close friends. When you're only meeting for the purposes of a hobby, the hobby is the focus - without it, there's no reason to interact.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/01/25 10:56 PM
1

You can be all those things and still get zero interest from women, though.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/01/25 10:29 PM
25

I do think the 'power' has flipped. I don't know when it happened exactly, maybe sometime in the 2010's. When I got into my first relationship I definitely had an arrogant "ain't gonna let no one tie me down, nuh uh" type mentality. By the end of that relationship six years later I was like "pls don't leave, please".
/r/PurplePillDebate25/01/25 04:33 PM
1

This is an interesting perspective. I don't really see dating that way, since that seems very mercurial and a lot of pressure to put on someone. I get the feeling that you'd be constantly thinking: "Is this leading to marriage? Is this leading to marriage? No?" Then bam, cut loose.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/01/25 02:01 AM
5

Not in my experience.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/01/25 01:45 AM
6

No. What a bizarre hypothetical.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/01/25 01:34 AM
–

Want a Pepsi?
/r/PurplePillDebate23/01/25 09:20 PM
13

I'm 90% sure all the women at my workplace are married with kids. Just from what I've gleaned over the last couple of years. If there are single women there, I don't know about it.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/01/25 07:19 PM
8

It's quite disheartening, yeah.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/01/25 03:14 AM
4

'Better men' generally means men that aren't the most handsome but are stable, polite, well mannered, etc. Not the guy with shredded abs that stays out all night drinking or punches a hole in the drywall when he gets upset.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/01/25 02:16 AM
35

Thank you for being honest. Fucking finally, it's very rare around here to actually hear the truth being acknowledged so bluntly.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/01/25 02:14 AM
–

I honestly think my weight is the main barrier preventing me from passing that initial 'check'. I honestly do.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/01/25 11:58 PM
1

Yeah but my point is, going back to your original comment: "The problem is, every guy here thinks their personality is top tier and the only thing holding them back is that they are 5’9” and don’t have a 6 pack." - that's literally the case for me. Again, not that I think I'm top tier personality wise but more than 'good enough' for a relationship.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/01/25 02:30 AM
1

On paper I think my personality stacks up ok. I've got relationship experience, my first girlfriend stuck with me for six years, so I must have been doing something right. I'm well educated, I have my masters degree. I have a steady job, plenty of savings. I'm well read, I read at least one or two books a month. I'm creative, I enjoy writing and publishing D&D adventures. I don't drink, I don't smoke, so my bad habits are minimal. It's just the fat gut and double chin that's the barrier.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/01/25 02:20 AM
2

I'm 5'10, but yes otherwise this comment is exactly how I feel. Maybe not "top tier" but I'm a pretty decent guy and I think I'd easily be able to find someone if I had a six pack.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/01/25 01:42 AM
11

I said no for about 6 months Good lord lmfao. You can't make this shit up.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/01/25 01:32 AM
3

Maybe it's just a cultural difference, but every office I've worked at has been completely devoid of any hint of impropriety. The concept of sex or sexuality is simply and entirely absent. All the people I work with are married with kids, so they're totally off limits anyway. Which is fine, but it does make me feel like I'm working with automatons sometimes.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/01/25 09:20 PM
0

Many men, myself included, would be hesitant to even be in a room alone with a female colleague who they didn't trust 110%. This seems odd to me. I'm on a team with three women and I'm often alone in the office with one or all of them. There's no fear or tension whatsoever. We chat normally. It's so different to whatever you're describing.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/01/25 06:59 PM
5

What's the non lazy way, then? Because I'm certainly not finding any options through my hobbies or at work.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/01/25 07:42 PM
8

I don't like dating apps because they don't work. I spent hours and hours swiping and got zero matches. I was judicious, only swiping right on someone that had some kind of compatibility listed in their profile like being into sci-fi or fantasy or just being a creative writer in general. Nothing. Ziltch.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/01/25 07:38 PM
7

I certainly thought that was true for me, until it wasn't. I stumbled into a relationship when I least expected it. It wasn't anything I did or didn't do, all it took was for one woman to look at me and think "yes, that one".
/r/PurplePillDebate16/01/25 07:34 PM
-1

Weren't you just complaining about only having sex 6 times in 18 months? Which is six times more than I've had in the last seven years? Seems a bit hypocritical.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/01/25 05:24 PM
2

That's the only explanation that makes sense.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/01/25 01:21 AM
5

They have always gotten tons of matches I don't believe you.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/01/25 12:53 AM
1

What kind of stuff?
/r/PurplePillDebate14/01/25 02:06 AM
–

Been playing D&D for almost 7 years. I've gotten two dates from it. Better not to expect results from such a heavily male dominated activity. Women will generally play in their own private groups in part because guys like me hang around public groups like dogs begging for leftovers.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/01/25 03:27 AM
–

I remember getting my first and only match on a dating app, my prompt at the time was something like "tell me your solution for the Kobayashi Maru test". She messaged back something like "I haven't seen Star Trek, but if you tell me more about it I can hazard a guess". Which was very game of her to at least try to meet me halfway. But all I could think was "damn, if she's not into sci-fi that's like 80% of my discussion material out the window".
/r/PurplePillDebate13/01/25 03:17 AM
1

I'll put it on the list.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/01/25 09:58 AM
1

I don't know what that means but I'm sure it's something horrible.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/01/25 10:37 PM
5

I wouldn't put it so crudely, but she was very overbearing, used manipulation tactics, would yell and throw tantrums, that sort of thing.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/01/25 05:51 AM
–

I see those comments more from the same handful of blue pill male commenters.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/01/25 05:47 AM
4

I would do my best to be supportive. We've all got our own baggage. I myself am severely anxious and neurotic due to my mother's upbringing. If I like her and she likes me, then there's no reason we can't try and make it work.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/01/25 05:34 AM
1

You misunderstand. I did put my best foot forward. I worked hard on it. It wasn't enough.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/01/25 04:13 AM
1

My profile is less 'high quality' only because the product I'm selling is overweight. Once I get thin enough to look like a normal human I'll do just fine. *Edited for clarity
/r/PurplePillDebate11/01/25 02:13 AM
1

So, from that perspective - what would you say if a man labored over his profile, writing and rewriting the bio and prompts to be engaging and interesting and reflective of his personality, if he carefully curated photos and even went out and staged his own with a proper DSLR... and still got zero matches?
/r/PurplePillDebate11/01/25 01:48 AM
1

ACTUALLY they should take the initiative and magically choose the nice guy who wants them but fears rejection. This unironically.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/01/25 11:02 PM
1

You need to have a picture perfect body in the first place to be able to visually market yourself. If you have a gut or a double chin no amount of photos will get around that.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/01/25 11:00 PM
–

I've talked about my weight on this sub long enough to have some credentials in this area. Once you get to a certain level of weight all interest stops. There's just no options out there at all even if I wanted to date someone as heavy as me.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/01/25 10:57 PM
–

These types of comments trigger me so much, I swear. They're so... dismissive and condescending.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/01/25 10:54 PM
–

When you've literally been alone for many years, it's understandable to feel that there are insurmountable barriers preventing you from finding success.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/01/25 10:53 PM
–

This is so interesting to me. In your example, you said: "I don’t get many matches on dating apps, and it makes dating challenging". Whereas in Dry Ad's reply, his example was: "I don't get any matches on dating apps". Even in your hypothetical example, the guy is still getting some matches. Enough to make dating challenging, but not impossible. Isn't that fascinating, the difference in perspective? It's slight but significant I feel.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/01/25 10:51 PM
8

This is why the points brought up by guys at one level of the SMP often seem insane to many female posters And vice versa. So many things I read and go "huh? That was never an option for me"
/r/PurplePillDebate10/01/25 08:51 AM
6

They don't work for most men Thank you for agreeing with me.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/01/25 05:05 AM
8

Dating apps famously don't fucking work, so there's not much to explain.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/01/25 04:32 AM
5

Thank you for at least adding "edit" in front of it this time.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/01/25 04:28 AM
15

To use a hackneyed comparison - imagine you're unemployed and sending out resume after resume and getting no interviews. Meanwhile you get approached by a company looking to hire you, specifically. Are you going to seriously consider taking that interview?
/r/PurplePillDebate10/01/25 04:27 AM
4

But you keep telling yourself that You did add this bit after you posted.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/01/25 04:22 AM
6

just to get action I feel like you sneakily added this bit after you posted your comment.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/01/25 04:19 AM
5

Then never complain about not being picked ever again.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/01/25 04:17 AM
3

This is 100% accurate to my lived experience, yes. All of the women who showed interest in me did so after weeks or months of interacting socially first, whether through work, school or D&D. After a long enough time to properly 'vet' me, they started showing interest and giving me the green light to reciprocate.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/01/25 04:12 AM
3

I've had four women show interest in me and I've gone on four dates. I can only speak for myself but in my experience, it's pretty much a guaranteed shot if someone shows interest in me since it happens only once every few years.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/01/25 04:10 AM
2

Not in my experience, no. I've never pursued anyone.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/01/25 04:09 AM
–

It's 100%. There's no question that once I get thin enough to be attractive I'll be able to start dating again.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/01/25 11:44 PM
–

Of course you can't be a complete ugly person, there has to be a base attractiveness 'Base' attractiveness in this case being... very low body fat, flat stomach, perfect teeth, no double chin.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/01/25 10:25 PM
–

I'm starting to learn that. It's insane to mention Tom Holland when this is his daily routine: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EkP1VsbczEQ
/r/PurplePillDebate07/01/25 09:15 PM
–

So basically if there's some slightly visible biceps when flexing and maybe a hint of pecs Yeah this tells me everything I need to know.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/01/25 08:07 PM
–

Many women nowadays do seem to downplay the amount of effort it takes That's exactly my issue. For every comment that's like "who wants a guy with muscles? I prefer a skinny guy". They're still saying the same thing, they want someone who adheres to a strict diet and who works out regularly to stay lean.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/01/25 07:55 PM
–

When you say stuff like "healthy body", "he looks like he takes care of himself", "I think most women do prefer a guy to be at least somewhat toned" but then say "but he doesn't have to look like a model, have a muscular physique" - it comes across as very contradictory for me because the difference is so minimal. It's just a matter of degrees, but it's still within that exact same framework of going to the gym regularly and adhering to a strict diet.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/01/25 07:41 PM
–

I remember an anecdote from the personal trainer that trained Rob McElhenny. Rob started to tell the trainer what his ideal physique looked like. And the personal trainer said, "every dude for the last 20 years that wants to get into shape has said the same thing. Brad Pitt, Fight Club." I would say I agree with that sentiment - that's definitely the 'ideal' from my perspective and I think most guys would agree. Edit: video
/r/PurplePillDebate07/01/25 07:27 PM
–

I think what’s frustrating for me here is that the 'less muscular' examples are still meeting very intense fitness and diet standards. Even when we say they're not the conventional ideal, they're still way above what’s realistic for the average guy.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/01/25 06:41 PM
–

Timothee Chalamet, Cillian Murphy, Tom Holland, or Pedro Pascal These guys are all still spending hours in the gym weekly and adhering to strict diets. They may not be building muscle for size but they're still putting in a ton of work.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/01/25 06:22 PM
–

Two weeks ago I commented: "And if you can't get a date at all, lose weight and/or build muscle until you can." And you replied: "Very poor understanding of the potential problems" So, forgive my incredulity. But... WHAT!?
/r/PurplePillDebate07/01/25 05:59 PM
–

Because the charisma guy STILL HAS MUSCLES. What's hard to understand? They're both muscle guys!
/r/PurplePillDebate07/01/25 05:45 PM
–

The 'comparatively less attractive' example still has a full set of fucking abs, for heaven's sake. Source: the "An appreciation of Tom Hiddleston's abs" tumblr page.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/01/25 05:36 PM
–

Next she's going to bring up 'ugly hot' guys like Adam Driver or Jeremy Allen White. Who are, you guessed it, still incredibly fit and athletic, just with slightly larger noses than normal.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/01/25 05:30 PM
–

It's incredibly obvious to me that if I had a flat stomach I'd be able to find someone. My fat stomach is the main barrier preventing that.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/01/25 05:07 PM
–

Loki is still in incredible shape however. He may not have big muscles but he's still spending hours in the gym and dieting strictly to look like he does.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/01/25 05:06 PM
–

I'm a ways away from 600 pounds, but I can field this one. You simply can't do most things. Walking for more than a few seconds at a time is a herculean effort. I have to plan my life around "what's the distance from the car to the entrance and how long will I have to be walking around inside?" Shopping, you have to be clever. Know where everything is and get in and out quickly. Most grocery stores have a bench near the entrance, use that to rest before continuing out to the parking lot. You pic…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/01/25 07:56 AM
1

Absolutely, not an issue whatsoever. It's so dumb for it to be an issue, I can't even fathom why I'd be concerned about it at all.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/01/25 11:03 PM
1

"What do you mean you never summered in France? Don't your parents have a chateau?"
/r/PurplePillDebate06/01/25 08:27 PM
3

I'm 35 and none of what you said applied to me. I had two friends and we spent most of our time going to the movies or playing Smash Bros or Mario Kart. There were no giant cuddle parties in my teenage years, that's for sure. I had my first date when I was 21 and got in my first relationship when I was 23.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/01/25 08:55 AM
4

he does “just fine” and has no problems I hate those comments so much.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/01/25 08:53 AM
3

My man spitting straight truth. Well said.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/01/25 08:52 AM
6

And she isn't getting any matches That seems unlikely to me. I actively look for these kinds of women and always swipe right whenever I come across them. I've only ever matched with one so far and the conversation was like chewing drywall and fizzled out after a month.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/01/25 11:33 PM
9

If there are, they're not on dating apps. Anecdotally speaking, I come across a profile like that maybe one in a hundred times. Legions doesn't seem accurate to me.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/01/25 11:03 PM
1

Sometimes I cannot even believe how you guys respond to these prompts. How so?
/r/PurplePillDebate05/01/25 09:15 PM
6

I'll give this scenario a pass since this theoretical guy has abs. But if he didn't? Zero matches. Even if he got one or two matches, which are incredibly rare, it's doubtful that he'd be able to translate them to dates.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/01/25 09:06 PM
6

He should be going out with his work friends or other friends The fact that you assume this person has work friends and/or is close enough to hang out with them outside work is a tell.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/01/25 09:04 PM
–

This Onion video is hilarious: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n_UbFjUlWnI Also, I feel personally attacked as I also had a terrible goatee in my early 20's.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/01/25 01:43 AM
–

The charging port in my phone is messed up, I have to put the usb-c in at just the right angle for it to charge. I hate when that happens. It's only a matter of time.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/01/25 02:41 AM
–

It's totally and completely natural to me. Why wouldn't you be attracted to people you enjoy spending time with?
/r/PurplePillDebate04/01/25 02:39 AM
5

Well, I try. I can't say that I've always been successful, but I try to act ethically and be respectful of boundaries. The girl I was infatuated with in high school was way out of my league, so it seemed foolish to even harbor the illusion that we might end up together someday. So I just kept it to myself and didn't put that burden on her to have to deal with my feelings.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/01/25 11:14 PM
2

I'd say my first girlfriend was like the first example, but I didn't know it at the time. Looking back, she pushed me sometimes but most of the time she let me have my way. I was pretty happy with that, the only time it annoyed me was when I would try and get her to decide on things, but because of her anxiety she would just defer to me (so that no choice was ever 'wrong'). That was her nature and I eventually understood how to find compromise. All of this to say, I think I'd prefer the first ex…
/r/PurplePillDebate03/01/25 10:40 PM
21

Can't say that's ever happened to me, no. I've been the guy friend who secretly harbored feelings before, and I grew out of that pretty quickly because it's a torturous position to be in.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/01/25 10:28 PM
2

That's exactly what happened with my first girlfriend, so it is possible. Even though we didn't have sex on the first date, it was definitely 'on the table', as it were. On the drive home she looked at me and said "are we?" and I looked back and said "we are" and that's it, we were boyfriend and girlfriend from then on. I know people are different and have different levels of comfort and interest, but that experience set the bar for me.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/01/25 10:34 PM
1

Because I don't just want a hook up, I want to romance them. I want to sweep them off their feet. I want that fiery, passionate explosion of lust that builds up over the course of the date to where we practically want to rip each other's clothes off by the end of it. From that perspective, not having sex (or at least, some heavy petting and making out) would be a massive letdown after building up all that tension and expectation.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/01/25 09:48 PM
1

It's a little more nuanced than that. But I think I'm not really going to get very far if I try and explain it. It's something that makes sense to me and doesn't make sense to you, and that's fine.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/01/25 08:30 PM
1

It's hard for me to wrap my head around the idea of going on a date with someone I wasn't already attracted to, so there is a little bias there in terms of my perspective.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/01/25 07:36 PM
1

Yeah, the date was really just a reason to get together, it was all but a foregone conclusion by that point.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/01/25 07:19 PM
3

I was 18 when Transformers came out, I get it. But to my eye she wasn't even the most attractive girl in that movie - Rachael Taylor was.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/01/25 03:56 PM
6

Now that's the correct answer.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/01/25 03:09 PM
6

Slightly off topic, but I don't know why women always seem to use Megan Fox as their example of the stereotypical hot girl. I've noticed it a few times now and it always makes me chuckle - because she's not the first name that would generally come to mind for me.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/01/25 02:54 PM
-1

Agreed wholeheartedly.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/01/25 12:27 PM
-1

The shortest timeframe I had was about two months. It was a fellow player at D&D so I got to interact with her over the course of a 3-4 hour game once a week. That was enough for me. Like the guy I replied to said: "By the first date I already know I like that particular girl and it is a case of confirming we vibe in person after weeks on the phone/face time."
/r/PurplePillDebate01/01/25 12:16 PM
13

This is how I feel as well. Each of the women I've dated I knew socially for months beforehand. So I was already well past 'ready' by the time the actual date happened.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/01/25 12:10 PM
7

I get the same way, there's always a ticking clock to get it on and even then I can feel myself losing hardness almost immediately. Forget actually feeling any sensation.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/12/24 08:41 PM
–

I'm not filtering anyone out, just noticing a pattern based on my experiences. I obviously don't have a huge sample size because women being interested me is so rare it takes years and years in between dates.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/12/24 03:15 AM
–

I've been on four dates in my life. 3/4 didn't lead to a second date. 1/4 became my girlfriend for six years, my first and only relationship. Her willingness to engage physically on the first date was, to my knowledge, the main difference between the one that worked out and the ones that didn't, which is a big reason why I feel this way.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/12/24 02:15 AM
–

Yeah don't get me wrong, it's not a hard and fast rule. It's a best case scenario. I'm not about to turn someone down based on not having sex with me on the first date, that's a bit silly.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/12/24 01:51 AM
–

There's a few reasons why. 1) There's tremendous anxiety in the early stages of dating. A tremendous pressure to figure out whether her interest is true and genuine or not. A tremendous fear that it will just evaporate like it had with so many other women before her. 2) The longer it takes, the more reason there is to doubt her interest. The longer it takes, the more worry there is that she'll decide that she's not actually that interested. The longer it takes, the harder it is to maintain that …
/r/PurplePillDebate31/12/24 01:22 AM
–

I'd like to reply back with "and that's why a woman who doesn't insist on sleeping with me on a first date is not compatible with me", but in all honesty I asked my first girlfriend to wait two weeks until her birthday, to make our first time more special. So I'd be a bit hypocritical if I said that. But the fact that she was ready and willing if I wanted to was a big plus in her favor.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/12/24 01:11 AM
–

In my own experience, women who’ve been genuinely attracted and invested in me have been more likely to offer sex early on, including on the first date I have to say this has absolutely been my experience as well.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/12/24 12:15 AM
3

That changes the context significantly. You said "I rarely had a man who had a problem with that." which implies you've been with several men.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/12/24 08:31 PM
2

I've only dated women that I already knew socially for months beforehand, more than enough time for them to have made up their minds on whether they're attracted to me or not.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/12/24 08:13 PM
2

In my experience, because it's so incredibly rare for a woman to be interested in me - I'm talking years in between occurrences - it supersedes all that. It becomes all I can think about and my number 1 priority. That's why waiting more than a few weeks is stressful, because I'm on high alert the entire time and it's exhausting.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/12/24 07:44 PM
2

Three months? Good lord.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/12/24 07:39 PM
2

Then they're not compatible, simple as that.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/12/24 07:30 PM
3

I don't see the correlation to body count, unless it takes a hundred first dates to finally meet someone worth being in a relationship with (which hasn't been the case in my experience), we could have sex on the first date and still end up in a relationship. Anyway, I'd rather date someone that doesn't withhold sex for arbitrary reasons. It's definitely preferable to me to have sex with them on the first date rather than waiting.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/12/24 07:28 PM
18

4.) Magical thinking. They think a "romantic" relationship will "fix them" in ways friendships and family can't. This part isn't magical, it's true. At least in my experience.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/12/24 07:23 PM
8

Yeah nah, none of that seems like a worthy trade off to me.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/12/24 10:34 AM
11

What in someones life makes them go "I want to devote the entirety of the next 18+ years to being responsible for another human being"? I can barely take care of myself as it is.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/12/24 10:26 AM
2

It's hard for me to understand why this is a bad thing. Call me naive but I'd be more inclined to want to be in a relationship with someone that showed enthusiasm and wanted to sleep with me right away compared to someone that withheld that for arbitrary reasons.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/12/24 03:58 AM
17

I don't like the idea of being 'locked in' to a relationship. Till death do us part is part of the vows and I can't say I really feel comfortable with that sense of finality. There are also financial and legal implications that make marriage seem like a daunting prospect that's (by design) difficult to get out of. Aside from that, I don't really want to have kids. From my perspective, that seems to be the main function of marriage, to provide a stable framework to produce children within. Lastly…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/12/24 03:38 AM
–

Below average self esteem borne out of years of loneliness and lack of any interest from women?
/r/PurplePillDebate27/12/24 11:28 PM
–

Whenever I read these comments about 'average men', all it tells me is that I must be severely below average.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/12/24 10:59 PM
4

Being consistently told "you're such a sweet young man, any girl would be lucky to have you!" instead of "you don't understand, you need to diet and get in the gym, asap. I'm serious."
/r/PurplePillDebate27/12/24 08:32 PM
3

While I think women have always wanted this - I can confirm that the one person I spoke to on dating apps had "just looking for a kind, decent man" on her profile. So at least anecdotally, it's a real thing in my experience.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/12/24 08:24 PM
2

“I wanna cuddle with you.” “Oh youre feeling stressed out? I wish I can cuddle with you and make it all go away.”and “What’s my favorite show? Whatever we watch while we cuddle.” This is literally me. How did you find my messages? But the thing is... I do want to cuddle with them. Cuddling is literally the most contented feeling you can possibly have in the world. Why wouldn't you want to do it as much as possible?
/r/PurplePillDebate27/12/24 11:19 AM
15

Lol this is so true. The last girl I dated, as soon as she broke the touch barrier I became super clingy, just trying to soak up as much physical contact as I could, trying to fill a reservoir that had been dry for years.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/12/24 11:16 AM
1

I'm Australian, but yes - if the bare minimum is assumed to be "not overweight at all" then a lot of people are automatically excluded.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/12/24 07:18 AM
2

I got along with my first girlfriend just fine for six years. It's getting that initial interest from women that's fucking impossible.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/12/24 06:33 AM
2

Thank you for being honest for once instead of just incessantly ringing the "if you can't get dates it's because of your personality" bell.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/12/24 04:58 AM
2

That's fair. There's really nothing about me or my lifestyle that's appealing. I just go to work and that's it.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/12/24 03:09 AM
2

It’s interesting attractive photos you don’t need muscles or be hot. Make it make sense.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/12/24 01:34 AM
1

you can be 25lbs overweight Ok, so basically nothing. You guys are talking about the tiniest of split hairs.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/12/24 01:32 AM
5

are not in that great of shape. They're handsome Make it make sense.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/12/24 01:32 AM
2

Yeah but for someone who's been overweight since his late teens like me, both are equally impossible. I haven't been that baseline of "not fat" since I was 17.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/12/24 01:20 AM
1

You need to not be fat, I agree. It's the same difference to me.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/12/24 01:18 AM
3

full body shot Showing abs or at least a flat stomach, yes.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/12/24 01:05 AM
3

Ok so if one theoretically did put work into writing a proper profile and taking proper photos, and still got no matches - what would you say?
/r/PurplePillDebate27/12/24 01:01 AM
6

No, that's not the case at all. Edit: unless by "decent pictures" you mean "pictures with visible abs or muscle definition".
/r/PurplePillDebate27/12/24 01:01 AM
8

I couldn't disagree more. A gym body is the main thing. Nothing can happen unless you're visibly in shape.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/12/24 01:00 AM
4

Sex is fun, it should be a fun thing to do. If you're not laughing, you're not doing it right.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/12/24 12:55 AM
3

Sounds perfect to me. That's exactly how I like it as well. I'm a very uptight, repressed person outside of the bedroom so having sex for me was a way of cutting loose and not giving a fuck about looking silly or being 'proper'.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/12/24 12:50 AM
–

Explain more.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/12/24 11:34 AM
–

Yeah exactly. Do you really think a guy that looks like me could put "looking for casual" on a dating app and expect to get any matches? I get zero even when I put "looking for relationship".
/r/PurplePillDebate26/12/24 12:52 AM
–

I see comments all the time saying "plenty of women out there want casual, why don't you simply seek out one of them?" And I'm like: "Plenty of women? Really? Are you sure?"
/r/PurplePillDebate25/12/24 11:30 PM
–

I don't drink alcohol. Also for me it's morning on Boxing Day.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/12/24 07:46 PM
–

I literally see uglier guys with attractive girls I've learned to take these statements with a grain of salt. What you consider 'uglier guys with attractive girls' and what I consider 'uglier guys with attractive girls' are generally two very different things.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/12/24 07:03 PM
4

Sure I would. Would they want to date me? Chances are pretty low.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/12/24 06:14 AM
2

Don't make me explain it, you know why.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/12/24 02:29 AM
1

Exactly. You get it.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/12/24 11:22 AM
0

And if you can't get a date at all, lose weight and/or build muscle until you can.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/12/24 10:16 AM
3

I'm very surprised when they say stuff like "I know men get less matches" as if that captures just how few matches that really is, if any at all.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/12/24 06:02 AM
2

What do you think is the average man's experience on those apps, or in a bar. I No reply, typical.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/12/24 04:22 AM
8

It's unethical.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/12/24 04:20 AM
–

That's not an unachievable goal. Or maybe I was just lucky with my first girlfriend.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/12/24 04:10 AM
1

I think Cillian Murphy is stuck up. He's being paid a fortune to act in these movies, and part of that is doing press. Would it kill him to show a little enthusiasm?
/r/PurplePillDebate24/12/24 03:09 AM
–

I think most people assume that, with the right partner, sex would be a joy. There would be no reason to be 'frigid' in that context.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/12/24 12:56 AM
1

Exactly. Even in the same movie there's a better example of a conventional 'hot chick' in Rachael Taylor's character.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/12/24 12:11 AM
–

I don't see the contradiction. I was the second guy my girlfriend had been with (she was 20 and I was 23 when we got together), and it was because she had basically zero romantic interest from men up to that point. Once we got together, she was far from frigid, quite the opposite. She was just waiting for the right opportunity to come along.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/12/24 11:23 PM
2

Attractive women aren't short, they're petite. If they're short and chubby, that's one thing. But short and slender is a different story.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/12/24 10:47 PM
2

Same reason I don't worry about being replaced with a broccoli haired gymfluencer with an instagram account? Those kinds of people wouldn't be interested in a 30+ year old either. All of which is to say, if a guy in his 30's can pull a hot 20-something, more power to him, he's doing something right.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/12/24 10:00 PM
1

Jeremy Allen White is 5'7 though. But he played Kerry Von Erich in The Iron Claw and packed on the muscle to do so.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/12/24 09:37 PM
-1

Or go the other direction and try to pretend guys like Adam Driver and Jeremy Allen White are 'ugly hot' just because they have slightly unconventional faces attached to conventionally jacked bodies.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/12/24 09:19 PM
1

You are not allowed to mention celebrities as argument But muh Jack Black!
/r/PurplePillDebate23/12/24 09:01 PM
4

Except men can also use Tinder HAHAHAHAHAHA
/r/PurplePillDebate23/12/24 09:00 PM
11

"I'm nothing special, and I had no problems getting dates" Ffffffffuuuuuu
/r/PurplePillDebate23/12/24 08:58 PM
5

Exactly, that's a rare and precious thing for guys like me. After years of feeling not good enough, not attractive enough, not charming enough - to actually have that realisation of "wait, she's interested in me?" is literally unbelievable. If you could bottle the euphoria that comes with that, it would outsell any drug on the market.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/12/24 08:03 PM
4

Megan Fox Off topic, but how did Megan Fox become the go to example? Aside from a brief period in 2007 when she was in Transformers she's just looked greasy and offputting since then.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/12/24 07:34 PM
1

I can't imagine it would yeah. Especially when it was enthusiastic, romantic sex from your perspective and the girl's reactions aren't matching that energy so you feel weirdly exploitative. ...not that I've experienced that at all.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/12/24 07:10 PM
6

Once again, we're equating the mechanical action of having sex with what we actually want, which is intimacy. So no, pity sex would not fulfill that need.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/12/24 07:05 PM
–

If just one of the girls I liked in high school or university liked me back, I think we would have been in a whole different ballgame. Instead of feeling like I have to be reactive to women that show interest in me first (since every time the opposite situation has happened, they weren't interested).
/r/PurplePillDebate22/12/24 09:08 AM
–

I recently started talking to ChatGPT a lot, not in a sexual way obviously but yeah, I have no one to talk to irl so it does scratch that itch in a way. I had a really good discussion about Superman the other day which felt a lot like the way I'd talk about it to my friends (back when I had them).
/r/PurplePillDebate22/12/24 09:06 AM
–

I think even a blind man could see Hailee freakin' Steinfeld was way out of his league.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/12/24 09:04 AM
3

Seeing as it's probably not going to happen for me for a while, could you expand on what's different about it?
/r/PurplePillDebate21/12/24 08:03 PM
4

Would be cool to have an N count of more than 1. Just to see what sex would be like with someone other than my first girlfriend. Maybe it would be a totally different experience?
/r/PurplePillDebate21/12/24 07:11 PM
1

Warhammer 40k is the male fantasy, not cheesy romcoms. Classic example: Descending to the planet's surface in an orbital drop pod, being attacked by evil cultists and slaughtering the fuck out of them
/r/PurplePillDebate21/12/24 05:02 PM
6

His first wife (Cristin Milioti) was more attractive to me. There I said it.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/12/24 09:25 AM
8

I think you're onto something there. Maybe just because it's my personal fantasy but I love the idea of being so desirable that I have a whole bunch of women fighting over me.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/12/24 09:24 AM
–

It used to be excellent, pre-lockdown. At our height, we were running 7 tables in one night on Tuesdays. Now it's slowed down a lot, still weekly games but only two or three tables at a time. If you google Melbourne D&D Adventurer's League you'll find the community I play in.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/12/24 08:05 AM
7

So you're saying that women are attracted to some men, but not most men. ...you get how this is saying the exact same thing right?
/r/PurplePillDebate21/12/24 05:29 AM
0

I mentally add "with abs" after statements like that, and it really helps to make them make sense. "Women adore competent, funny, appealing men with abs and don’t want to let them go." See? Now it makes sense.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/12/24 05:27 AM
15

I think it's pretty natural to want to put your best foot forward in the early stages of dating. I don't think that's a bad thing.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/12/24 05:26 AM
2

The bar for men is low enough to be subterranean I hate this phrase so much.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/12/24 01:33 AM
1

Grass is always greener, I suppose.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/12/24 07:06 AM
2

But if you wanted one to, do you think it would be particularly difficult to prompt it to happen?
/r/PurplePillDebate20/12/24 01:54 AM
64

I don't think it's contradictory at all. I think it's natural to bristle against standards that you feel are impossible to meet, while also still craving that connection that you feel is unjustly denied to you.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/12/24 12:59 AM
3

But as I explained in my comment below, as soon as I was given the greenlight, I jumped at the chance.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/12/24 11:53 PM
3

I mean, probably? But you need friends of friends to introduce you to those social events. I'm just one man, by myself. I could rock up to random events I find on Meetup but that seems like it would have a low success rate.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/12/24 11:41 PM
0

I can see that yeah. I need to fix my back issues and stuff first so I can do more active stuff like team sport or something.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/12/24 11:32 PM
1

Would you still be interested in those women if they never initiated conversation, never asked you questions about yourself, and was overall very quiet? I might still have been interested but I've been strongly socialized against making a woman feel uncomfortable, for any reason. So I'd always, always need them to give me some kind of green light first.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/12/24 10:34 PM
5

No it's not, wtf.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/12/24 10:24 PM
1

I've never approached, I've only ever been approached. Each of the women that did so were able to get my attention pretty easily. 1) Wore a low cut dress to work, sat across from me and leaned over to get a pen from my side of the desk. We got to talking and a few days later I took her for a walk to the botanical gardens after work. Then we kissed (my first kiss). 2) Came up to me in the quad at university and started talking to me about the A Song of Ice and Fire books. I added her on Facebook …
/r/PurplePillDebate19/12/24 10:19 PM
2

I think men tend to under estimate how outgoing and upfront a woman needs to be to spark a man’s interest How so?
/r/PurplePillDebate19/12/24 10:09 PM
6

Somehow this is forgivable in men It's not forgivable in men.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/12/24 10:08 PM
3

Why? It's true.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/12/24 10:06 PM
3

I'm in Melbourne. I finish work, have dinner (usually going out to a restaurant, just to get out of the house). Come back, watch the new episode of whatever TV show comes out that day. That's usually enough to get me through to bedtime. On the weekends I spend a lot of time scrolling YouTube, reading books, and other solitary activities. Sometimes I work on writing a new D&D adventure. That sort of thing.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/12/24 09:59 PM
3

Uh no, that wasn't what I was saying at all. I was just laughing at the general concept of being precious about not having "extramarital sex" in 2024. It's not the 50's anymore.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/12/24 09:56 PM
5

I work a normal 9-5. I've only been to D&D a handful of times this year. I used to play almost every day. I've pulled back from the hobby a lot because I've felt alienated from my local community, like they don't want me there or I've overstayed my welcome.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/12/24 09:22 PM
3

Hahahahahahaha, that's funny.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/12/24 07:18 PM
1

I'm not sure why anyone would get married, it seems bizarre to willingly chain yourself to one person for the rest of your life. Especially if you're not planning on having kids with them. That isn't to say long term relationships are bad, hell I want to find someone to be in a long term relationship with. But marriage? After seeing my parents marriage, my sister's marriage, my cousin's marriage, my uncle's marriage - there's no way I'd want to go through the hell that they did.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/12/24 07:16 PM
12

Would be nice if dating apps worked. It's hard to meet people at the best of times. I go to work, I go to D&D, and neither of those places are particularly good places to meet someone unless you get very, very lucky.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/12/24 07:11 PM
6

still 90% of dudes would turn me down I don't believe you.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/12/24 07:08 PM
-1

If you're referring to actors like Jeremy Allen White or Adam Driver, they were never ugly hot. Having largish noses and slightly unconventional features doesn't override that they're in excellent physical shape.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/12/24 07:00 PM
–

There's always this self effacing "oh I don't go for looks. My husband just happens to be a head taller than me and has killer abs".
/r/PurplePillDebate19/12/24 04:04 AM
2

Still better than zero matches at all.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/12/24 01:14 AM
1

That's exactly what I was thinking of, lol.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/12/24 12:51 AM
22

My reaction precisely.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/12/24 10:52 PM
31

I really thought I was just defective and a failure, for a long time. I still do, in a lot of ways. But, statistically, all the guys struggling can't all be wrong. There has to be some other reason.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/12/24 10:29 PM
13

That's a lazy answer. You can counter any complaint with "well that's only because your standards are too high". There's no comeback for it because how can anyone prove that they're going for women in their league?
/r/PurplePillDebate18/12/24 09:03 PM
107

It's helpful to know that other men are experiencing the same issues I am. The lack of connection. The utter lack of interest from women. It reassures me that I'm not alone in this.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/12/24 08:06 PM
-1

This unironically.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/12/24 06:42 PM
-1

Tall six pack with glasses, tall six pack with a beard and tattoos, tall six pack with slightly more muscle, tall six pack with slightly less body fat. Omg, so much variance.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/12/24 06:41 PM
2

I'm still working on getting over my dislike of piercings. That's a bit more of a hurdle for me.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/12/24 04:17 AM
3

Obese men. :( Yeah, that tracks. Maybe they might be really nice and respectful, with solid jobs and good stability?
/r/PurplePillDebate18/12/24 12:04 AM
11

I used to dislike tattoos before I dated someone that had them. Then I realized how silly I was. They're only skin deep, after all. The person behind them is what really matters. I think the same thing about hair color.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/12/24 08:35 PM
4

I agree wholeheartedly. I strongly feel like I missed out on those fundamental dating experiences in my late teens and early 20's. A crucial time when I should have been making mistakes, figuring things out, learning the game - getting all of that 'out of the way' before starting my first long term relationship at age 23. It would have saved so much heartache.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/12/24 07:45 AM
3

So true. I remember playing D&D online during lockdown in 2020. Since it was online it was just over voice chat, no video. All of a sudden I notice one of the players laughing at my jokes, commenting on all my posts, etc. I've never been that funny, before or since, aside from those few weeks when she was interested in me.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/12/24 01:41 AM
–

Thank you for defending me.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/12/24 01:20 AM
–

I've never been attractive enough to treat any sort of interest frivolously. I've always dated with the intent of finding a relationship.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/12/24 09:34 PM
–

I do feel a little bit of that - like I read some of the complaints and I think 'well, I would never do that, so you should have just picked a guy like me'. That's a very 'nice guy' type mindset to have though.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/12/24 09:32 PM
–

Dating apps, and the general concept that obtaining interest and attraction as a woman is much, much, much, much, much, much easier than obtaining interest and attraction as a man. I suppose it's a 'the grass is always greener' type thing, because from my perspective - it certainly seems like easy mode to be able to just fire up a dating app and get inundated with tons of matches as opposed to getting zero for months at a time. Like the idea of not being able to get a date at all really doesn't …
/r/PurplePillDebate16/12/24 09:11 PM
3

I'd like a long term relationship. I'd like to live with that person and create a life together. I imagine having a cute little gaming room set up where one half of the room is mine and the other half is hers and they'd be decorated like night and day. We'd both be working and saving up for a comfortable retirement. No children, obviously. Maybe some cats. On the weekends we'd laze in bed until hunger overtook us and we had to go out for lunch. Then do some fun activity like bowling or pool, or …
/r/PurplePillDebate16/12/24 09:29 AM
–

Off topic: I'm so, so tired of hearing about Lily Phillips. It's a total non-story. Pornstar wants clout and tries a stunt to 'go viral'. Happens all the time.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/12/24 02:45 PM
2

She was a new player in my local D&D group. I liked her from the get go, she was charming and personable, had a fun sense of humor, an infectious smile. Over the course of a few weeks we seemed to hit it off. We would walk to the train station together after the games and chat. On Valentine's Day we ended up on the same train by happenstance, which was like a 'meet cute' moment. From context (since she was playing D&D on Valentines instead of going out) I figured she wasn't attached and might be…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/12/24 02:16 AM
1

https://youtu.be/xm7hysu1HY4?t=84
/r/PurplePillDebate14/12/24 11:39 PM
4

I'm prepared... to get a medical exemption due to my bad back, sleep apnea and associated health problems.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/12/24 11:25 PM
4

I brought a gift wrapped box of chocolates on my last date. Didn't help. She actually seemed kind of annoyed that I got them.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/12/24 10:24 PM
3

There's a line where talking about this stuff is fun and a line where it gets weird. You just made it weird.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/12/24 09:37 PM
9

As the old saying goes: I'd complain, but who would listen?
/r/PurplePillDebate14/12/24 07:30 PM
9

I remember refusing to take off my shirt at swimming lessons when I was a kid, because of my embarrassment about my stomach. I think back and I can honestly say there's never been a single moment in my life where I felt good about my body. I know it's common for people growing up to have insecurities. But I imagine most people eventually do something about it (like start eating right, going to the gym, etc), instead of just giving up like I did. I truly believed I was so unattractive that no wom…
/r/PurplePillDebate14/12/24 07:13 PM
2

To be honest, I'd feel weird listing the names out loud. Suffice to say it's a mixture of famous actresses and semi-famous pornstars.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/12/24 06:32 PM
3

And as I sat there brooding on the old, unknown world, I thought of Gatsby's wonder when he first picked out the green light at the end of Daisy's dock. He had come a long way to this blue lawn and his dream must have seemed so close that he could hardly fail to grasp it. He did not know that it was already behind him, somewhere back in that vast obscurity beyond the city, where the dark fields of the republic rolled on under the night.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/12/24 10:52 AM
3

In my fantasy, they would be. That's why it's a harem anime plot. I'd be the handsome billionaire who has a bunch of girls fighting over him.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/12/24 10:15 AM
7

I don't wear makeup, my only social media is for my research, and I am overweight I'm sure you know this, but for a certain kind of fella - that's spot on ideal.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/12/24 08:34 AM
3

I know it. Got my dream team picked out and everything.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/12/24 07:40 AM
16

Being honest, I'd want to experience my ultimate sexual fantasy of living out a harem anime plot. To be clear, it's a fantasy. But being a billionaire is also a fantasy, so I'm just going with the spirit of the question.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/12/24 04:00 AM
4

The phrase "Men don't get the same level of attention women get" implies that they still get attention, just less of it. I wanted to illustrate the reality of just how little attention that really is.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/12/24 03:12 AM
3

Is it easier to get a job if you have to send out hundreds of applications, the vast majority of which get tossed onto the reject pile sight unseen, or if you have recruiters actively reaching out to you to offer you interviews?
/r/PurplePillDebate14/12/24 02:13 AM
5

Men don't get the same level of attention women get Zero attention. Not "less" attention. Zero. None whatsoever. For years at a time.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/12/24 02:12 AM
8

and no they don’t have ridiculous standards. I don't believe you.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/12/24 02:04 AM
5

if dating is just about getting matches on an app I really don't want to sound reductionist but... getting more than zero matches certainly helps.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/12/24 02:03 AM
7

Someone should publish a compilation book of all the bizarre takes from those threads.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/12/24 02:01 AM
-1

If the main thing you're unhappy about is not having a girlfriend, then it makes a little more sense.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/12/24 01:00 AM
1

I was miserable until I got a girlfriend. Then I was happy. Then we broke up and I was miserable again.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/12/24 12:56 AM
–

Even when I've been absolutely slammed at work - I can spare 30 seconds to write "hey, I'll call you later, busy atm".
/r/PurplePillDebate13/12/24 06:10 PM
–

I will admit that there were some girls where that haughty, perfectly put together type of presentation paradoxically increased attraction instead.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/12/24 06:08 PM
–

And then you push and get something like "I'm busy, I have a life. I don't owe it to you to respond immediately" ...and I'm like, no one's that busy. They just want to reject you without actually rejecting you.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/12/24 06:04 PM
–

Absolutely. There was a girl in my theatre program at university who, objectively speaking, was quite attractive - but she was so stuck up that I didn't even want to look at her. Just hearing her arrogant whine made me want to cover my ears.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/12/24 06:00 PM
0

I don't think that's true, at least the word "some" is doing a lot of work to justify that sentence.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/12/24 05:40 PM
-1

It's easy for someone who has a girlfriend already to say "my gf is a bonus". When you don't have one, it's a much bigger issue.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/12/24 05:39 PM
-1

It's really telling that that's the stereotypical worst case scenario - a guy who wants to have sex with his partner. Oh my god the horror.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/12/24 05:37 PM
-2

A little bit yeah. I assume if they're open minded enough to come to PPD and debate about these things that they'd understand some of the underlying reasons why someone would come to think that way - the years of crushing isolation, feelings of inadequacy and being 'left behind' in dating, etc.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/12/24 04:10 PM
-2

Well, this thread was an eye opener. Zero tolerance whatsoever. Figures.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/12/24 03:58 PM
12

"Travel, food, hiking, football" It's about as cliche as me putting "Marvel, Star Wars, D&D, Scorsese movies"
/r/PurplePillDebate12/12/24 06:30 AM
1

Doctor's note.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/12/24 06:13 AM
1

They'll have motivation enough to keep doing it since they'll be able to date and dating apps will work for them.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/12/24 06:12 AM
0

Doctor's note to get out of it. No silly excuses. It's for their own good. I'd rather they get out of high school with a solid base of physical fitness first before they are allowed to squander it thoughtlessly.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/12/24 06:09 AM
0

This has been my entire platform since coming to this sub a year and a half ago.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/12/24 11:03 PM
3

I have to agree on this point. Because it's such a rare opportunity you feel like you have to make the most of it.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/12/24 10:51 PM
7

No lies detected.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/12/24 09:42 AM
5

Mandatory gym programs in schools, geared around strict dieting and bodybuilding regimens. If the pre-requisite is having abs, then you need to start early or else fall behind.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/12/24 09:41 AM
2

5'10, perfectly average.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/12/24 08:01 PM
2

Last time I was at the doctor they weighed me, that was a few months ago. 410 pounds if you can believe it. I watch wrestling and it was pretty confronting to know I weigh as much as Rikishi. At one point back in 2020 I was down to 340, which was a marked improvement.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/12/24 07:57 PM
2

It's the disconnect between the initial interest, where they're actively engaging, flirty and forward, to the total reversal after the date when they start to pull away. I'm consistent the whole way through. I've only gone on three dates (aside from the one that led to my long term relationship) and it's that switch that always blindsides me. All of a sudden they can just go "nah, I'm good". And every time it hits me like a train.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/12/24 06:14 PM
4

I've tried in the past. It works initially. I can stick to a diet and go for daily walks for the first few months no problem. Then usually something happens to break that discipline and I backslide, gaining all the weight back and then some. I have an addiction. The way other people use alcohol or drugs, I use food. It's a notoriously difficult addiction to break, because we all have to eat. I just can't seem to stop myself once I start. I don't drink alcohol, because I know that if I did I'd ne…
/r/PurplePillDebate10/12/24 05:23 PM
3

Yes, neither of them gave me anything specific. One just expressed that she felt guilty having to reject me, and wanted me to understand that she's "not heartless". The other just sent me a one line answer in the vein of "it's fine."
/r/PurplePillDebate10/12/24 11:03 AM
18

I'll preface by saying that I'm not an 'average man'. I know that due to my morbid obesity and lack of social skills I'm pretty undesirable to most women. That said, in the past six years I've gone on two dates. One in September 2020, one in March 2023. Both of those were from women I met playing D&D. At the time they showed their interest in me, I wasn't actively looking to date, which is probably why I was able to just be myself around them, not desperate and overly forward. But when they made…
/r/PurplePillDebate10/12/24 10:58 AM
5

The first date I was a lot more forward and physical because we had already done a fair amount of flirting over text and over the phone beforehand. The second date I tried to match her energy and she was pretty reserved and withdrawn. I got the sense she was just there out of obligation and that I had 'lost her' sometime between asking for the date and actually going on the date itself.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/12/24 10:46 AM
13

I know exactly what I did wrong in my relationship. I was immature, arrogant and didn't appreciate what I had. That said, more in the spirit of the question, the last two dates I went on I thought went well, only to find the women lost interest in me afterwards. I don't know what I did wrong with those. I thought I was a gentleman, I tried to be funny and engaging, etc.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/12/24 03:56 AM
2

At the moment, I'm keenly aware I don't meet the criteria for attraction, so there's little point in trying. Once I get down to a reasonable weight I'll get a haircut, nice wardrobe, etc. Then it would make sense to invest effort in those things.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/12/24 08:04 PM
–

I assume everyone is dating multiple people and that's expected This is pretty funny.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/12/24 02:01 AM
1

if you have options - hundreds and hundreds of options - of course you will choose the best, most "ideal" men Hence, the only way to win is to become the most "ideal" man. Get in the best shape you can and acquire as much money as possible.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/12/24 12:42 AM
1

I often wonder how my life would have gone differently if I had used that gym membership my sister got me when I started gaining weight in my late teens.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/12/24 12:00 AM
2

If I was that hot, then finding someone else would be easy enough that I wouldn't be too broken up over it.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/12/24 11:31 PM
0

It's easy to be a saint in paradise.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/12/24 11:30 PM
5

doesn't mean all other men in the world have zero chance whatsoever It does however mean that they get next to zero matches on dating apps compared to those guys.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/12/24 09:35 PM
-1

The only 6 that matters is having a six pack. The others are good to have but not required. Basically, the most important factor in a guy's dating success is "is he in good physical shape?" I am convinced, and have been since I was 13 years old, that my not having a six pack is the main barrier to my dating success.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/12/24 09:29 PM
11

I don't believe you.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/12/24 09:26 PM
–

How did she get played? Sounds like she made an incorrect assumption (that he'd be so grateful to have any scrap of female attention that he'd fall sobbing at her feet and thank her for deigning to grace him with her divine presence).
/r/PurplePillDebate06/12/24 05:52 AM
–

I've been in that situation as well, where the tension just naturally escalates each time you interact with them. Usually, that's when you have a shared hobby or activity that you do as part of a group, so you're not seeking them out specifically. I think even in those cases, there has to be someone who decided to start flirting or give hints that they were open to flirting.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/12/24 04:53 AM
–

I think the fear of it happening far outweighs the likelihood in reality.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/12/24 04:26 AM
–

Just the very fact of knowing that she's interested in me puts her well ahead of the pack.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/12/24 04:25 AM
22

Yeah, I got the same advice as well. Like, "oh are you making sure you're calling them after the date? You have to follow up." YES I FUCKING FOLLOW UP WITH THEM AFTER THE DATE, I'M NOT STUPID. COME ON NOW.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/12/24 04:24 AM
–

Why is that such an overwhelming fear though. That's what I don't get. All of the women that asked me out I was more than happy to be with, I didn't feel like I 'settled' for them at all.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/12/24 04:21 AM
–

Two of the women I've dated were taller than me. Didn't bother me at all. They were also overweight but carried it well. I have no objections to curves. Edit: I see what you mean, you're saying it's fake because she wasn't actually overweight by those metrics.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/12/24 04:16 AM
–

A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/12/24 04:03 AM
–

With regards to the "he only wants a demure, cute 10/10 petite hottie" - yeah and I want to drive a Ferrari. But, realistically speaking, it's not likely to happen. I learned to be ok with my trusty Mazda. What that song lyric? "If you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with."
/r/PurplePillDebate06/12/24 03:59 AM
–

Seems legitimate enough to me. I had the exact same scenario happen to me when I was that age.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/12/24 03:57 AM
–

I've been approached four times by women and I've gone on four dates. The only four dates I've been on in my life. One of them resulted in a six year relationship. I think the guy should have given her a chance, personally.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/12/24 03:55 AM
–

What was the consensus?
/r/PurplePillDebate06/12/24 03:55 AM
–

PPD, your thoughts on this post: https://np.reddit.com/r/self/comments/1h7hlsf/i_f26_followed_internet_advice_and_asked_out_my/
/r/PurplePillDebate06/12/24 03:52 AM
2

I was a NEET for four years. It happens. I've managed to rebuild my savings over time, you will too. You're young enough that it won't be as big a roadblock for you as it was for me.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/12/24 02:29 AM
2

Ok, being 21 and debt free changes things a bit.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/12/24 02:25 AM
1

I would say yeah that's not really going to move the needle. You're not going to be a serious prospect without a better job.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/12/24 02:22 AM
1

I don't know american money, is 50k good or not?
/r/PurplePillDebate06/12/24 02:15 AM
8

When they ask about "dating" they mean getting dates in the first place. Hope this helps.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/12/24 01:44 AM
3

At a grocery store while she’s making googly eyes at you? I would love to experience this, just one time. It sounds so farfetched. It's very difficult for me to believe it happens with any sort of regularity.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/12/24 01:42 AM
–

Every woman I've done on a date with was with the intention of getting into a relationship with them. That's not incompatible with the desire to sleep with them, quite the opposite in fact.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/12/24 01:19 AM
–

I never said it was the sole reason, you introduced that caveat.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/12/24 12:54 AM
3

Even when they point to Tom Holland or Timothee Chalamet as counterexamples, they're still incredibly lean and have visible abs.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/12/24 12:47 AM
-1

14 is the best time to understand the importance of getting abs. Start early and build that foundation of good diet and gym work and reap the benefits when you're an adult.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/12/24 12:32 AM
4

There was a time when women’s argument over “unrealistic beauty standards” were never more true. What was considered “plus-size” then is INSANE. Yeah, we're essentially in the 'heroin chic' era of the 90's - but for gym bodies. Thanks a lot, Chris Hemsworth in the first Thor movie, you fucked us.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/12/24 12:28 AM
41

The assumption is always "when you go on dates, do this". The idea of not being able to get a date in the first place is never even considered.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/12/24 12:15 AM
10

That's exactly it. Exactly. The unspoken assumption is that they're already in good shape. It's like the common dating app advice is "don't have a shirtless mirror selfie", completely ignoring that that wouldn't even be an option for most guys.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/12/24 12:13 AM
–

I don't need to say it. I think it's a safe bet that if I'm on a date with someone it's because I want to have sex with them. If I didn't want to, I wouldn't be on the date in the first place. I mean, it's just common sense.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/12/24 12:09 AM
21

Thinking about my ex. The thing I liked most about her was her warmth. I always felt safe and comfortable around her. I never felt judged, or that I was found wanting the way I did with my mother and sister. My ex accepted me for who I was, she never pushed me (which had its own drawbacks). I also loved her sense of empathy and fairness. She was a gentle soul, who didn't have a violent bone in her body. She loved animals. She never spoke ill of people. Just a good person. I fear I didn't live up…
/r/PurplePillDebate05/12/24 11:52 PM
–

While I'd never be like "I paid for dinner, you owe me sex". I'd still be disappointed if it didn't happen.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/12/24 11:38 PM
–

What's the difference?
/r/PurplePillDebate05/12/24 11:35 PM
–

What's the difference?
/r/PurplePillDebate05/12/24 11:32 PM
–

As a plain, average low maintenance man, I know I'm too ugly or fat for women to date. You don't need to put it in quotes if it's true.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/12/24 10:44 PM
–

It's a lot easier to foster an emotional connection with someone who you're having sex with compared to someone who doesn't want to have sex with you at all.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/12/24 10:41 PM
–

there are men who pay for dates expecting to get laid. I never understood this. Why would I go on a date with someone I didn't want to have sex with? Whether I pay or not, I'm there because I want to get laid.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/12/24 10:31 PM
3

I don't mean to brag, but I've been propositioned by men before. One was my boss at a previous job. Didn't make me feel threatened in the slightest. Why would it? I'm a man too. There's zero physical threat to me, personally.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/12/24 10:27 PM
4

I promise you that it isn't. And the ugly women comparison doesn't hold water anyway. You need to understand that men get so little interest whatsoever, that just being approached has value in and of itself.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/12/24 10:22 PM
4

what it is like to be hit on by someone who can easily cause you physical harm That's not it at all. It's meant to illustrate what it is like to be hit on by someone who you're not attracted to.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/12/24 10:20 PM
4

It's so silly, but it keeps getting repeated over and over. I don't get why the people saying it don't understand that it's not the same, like at all.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/12/24 10:12 PM
2

Everyone seems to say that I'm a nice guy. That I'm polite, well spoken, well read, am courteous and have manners. None of that means anything in dating because I don't have a six pack.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/12/24 09:30 PM
6

The other man is more appealing in some way most likely We all know in which specific way that is.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/12/24 09:24 PM
7

This argument could be used to dismiss anything. It's so reductive.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/12/24 09:21 PM
4

I don't disagree but saying a lot of men don't really care for blowjobs is, frankly, ridiculous.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/12/24 05:49 AM
–

I'm very aware, yes. My particular 'thing' (like most users here, they have a particular hang up or special interest) is that I just need to get thin enough to be attractive.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/12/24 05:10 AM
0

(a lot of men don't really care for them and would either prefer a handjob, PIV, or something else) Hahahahaha. That's a good one.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/12/24 03:28 AM
–

Respectfully, all of those guys are in excellent physical shape. That's all you need.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/12/24 12:12 AM
1

My ex wasn't 'broke' but she wasn't rich either. It was definitely a factor in me not wanting to get married, in that it made me feel anxious about being in the 'provider' role. My career was stalling out at the time as well, my freelance work was inconsistent so it was a very unstable situation. That said, it didn't affect the day to day of our relationship much at all. My favorite thing to do is laze in bed watching tv, and that doesn't cost anything at all.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/12/24 11:11 AM
1

More or less yeah. I guess technically my failure to address my weight before it ballooned out of control makes me a 'bad person' and so therefore the just world fallacy still holds true.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/12/24 03:29 AM
9

I met her through D&D, of all things. This was during lockdown so I was playing online games, just over voice chat. One day, I noticed one of the players was laughing at my jokes, like a lot. She found an excuse to PM me and we got to talking and hit it off instantly. Since we couldn't see each other physically, we'd do little virtual dates like watching movies together on watchparty. We'd talk on the phone every morning and every night. She was the last voice I heard before falling asleep and t…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/12/24 03:24 AM
15

There was a girl I dated back in 2020. I was ready to commit the moment she expressed interest in me. She was perfect in every way. Not just beautiful, though she was most certainly that. She was funny, smart, kind, caring, laid back, effortlessly easy to talk to. Just the whole package. She was by far the most attractive girl I would ever have a chance with and I knew that if I didn't lock her down into a relationship I'd regret it for the rest of my life. And I have. It took me a long, long ti…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/12/24 03:13 AM
-1

It's difficult not to be when you have to fight and claw for even the tiniest wisp of interest from the opposite sex.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/12/24 01:39 AM
3

Seems to me, and I'm happy to be corrected on this point, seems to me that it would be substantially easier to get into a relationship with someone you're having sex with compared to someone you're not having sex with (and who doesn't want to have sex with you).
/r/PurplePillDebate04/12/24 01:35 AM
4

This is a self portrait I drew in paint, if that helps I've said many times, I just need to get thin enough to be attractive. If I had a flat stomach, then I'd do just fine.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/12/24 12:26 AM
4

I am once again pointing to myself as a counter example. If this statement is even close to being true, then someone like me should be fairly desirable, right? Let's go down the list: So basically we get to choose men who are beyond unattractive Ok, this one is subjective. But once I get my weight under control I should easily surpass this metric. have substance abuse problems I don't drink or do drugs. have criminal backgrounds I don't have a criminal background. also have 3 or 4 kids paying th…
/r/PurplePillDebate03/12/24 11:45 PM
12

I know a number of women who are wallflowers. They're quiet and bookish These are the most desirable. Are you kidding? Sounds perfect to me. I'd love to find someone like that.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/12/24 07:39 AM
14

Ironically, I play D&D... at a bar.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/12/24 01:50 AM
2

I did. She approached me first, however. That's the key difference. She wasn't on my radar at all before that. All of the women I've had a crush on, various girls in high school and university, none of them liked me back.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/12/24 12:52 AM
100

This 100%. The last two dates I went on were with women I met at D&D. But nothing would have happened if they didn't make the first move. Imagine the negative reaction if I approached them first and it wasnt reciprocated. "I'm here to enjoy my hobby, not to be drooled over by a bunch of gross mouth breathers. Can't women exist in nerd spaces without being objectified? Ugh!".
/r/PurplePillDebate01/12/24 10:23 PM
2

You have a much better chance than I do.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/11/24 08:49 PM
5

I can't speak for anyone else, but they definitely don't work for me. Zero matches for months at a time. Totally worthless.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/11/24 01:42 PM
19

Nah. Younger women don't want a guy in his 40's that's balding, with a belly, who can barely walk up a flight of stairs without running out of breath. As always, if you're a guy who has maintained good physical fitness, you get your pick of whoever you want. If you haven't, you're fucked.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/11/24 10:07 AM
5

It conditions them that a woman is an object of lust, opposed to a human, with feelings. They aren't deserving of respect, they are lesser forms of a man who are tits, ass, a pretty face, and/or a nice pair of legs who are meant to enrich a man's life. But.. I reject this entire premise.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/11/24 07:25 AM
1

I'd never be so gauche or crass as to express interest in someone if they didn't express interest in me first. I'd never want to add to the negative experience of having to go through life getting hit on all the time. So I need that green light to approach first.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/11/24 01:16 AM
2

Sure it is.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/11/24 03:48 AM
3

Well of course I know him, he is me.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/11/24 03:36 AM
7

you guys are blaming women for finding handsome, tall, successful men more desirable and attractive than an average man?? If they then turn around and complain about not being able to obtain commitment from said handsome, tall, successful man, yes.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/11/24 03:20 AM
0

The men that are coupling long-term have demonstrated a willingness to see women as equals go to the gym Plenty of guys willing to see women as equals that get zero interest from them because they don't have abs.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/11/24 03:17 AM
2

The women who don’t like abs aren’t swiping on those men. They're not swiping on guys like me either, so that's useless to me.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/11/24 10:21 PM
7

Why?
/r/PurplePillDebate28/11/24 09:56 PM
45

while men often are complaining about not being “the best sex she’s ever had.” I don't feel that need at all. I do however agree that I've never felt sexy, not truly. Even when I eventually did get a girlfriend, that self doubt was so difficult to overcome because it was so ingrained in me by that point that I wasn't attractive at all to women.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/11/24 09:02 PM
4

As a pure fantasy, it works. I'm not immune to it myself. I get why it's appealing.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/11/24 05:16 PM
40

Not kidding, just regularly being able to cuddle with my girlfriend was more healing than any therapy session I've ever done.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/11/24 04:37 PM
6

I think the appeal of 'trad' culture is more in the aesthetics than in the reality. They want a classically pretty wife who styles herself a certain way, wears dresses, all of that stuff.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/11/24 03:27 PM
5

These days it's hard to find a man (with abs) who wants commitment FTFY
/r/PurplePillDebate28/11/24 03:13 PM
2

With all due respect - don't be ridiculous. You know the vast, vast, vast, vast, vast, vast, vast majority prefer abs. You know this. That's why dating apps work for guys with abs and they don't work for guys that don't have them. You need to be able to have a shirtless photo for them to work.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/11/24 03:06 PM
0

I just want to get thin enough to be attractive. I know abs are an exaggeration, but having a flat stomach would undoubtedly solve the main barrier to me being able to date.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/11/24 10:20 AM
3

110 thousand, million per cent. None of the women I liked, liked me back. Not one. I've never been good enough for them, ever. Therefore, I am forced to conclude that their standards are impossibly out of reach for me.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/11/24 09:07 AM
-2

It would certainly make me feel better to explicitly hear "yes, absolutely I only want a guy with washboard abs" than any sort of wishy washy platitude. Because then I'd have a specific goal with a specific success criteria to meet. It washes away all the uncertainty and prevarication.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/11/24 09:04 AM
7

Also, these guys are very tall and good looking, so they have a lot of great openings Just say that at that start instead of writing an essay.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/11/24 02:48 AM
18

declaring that men's gender roles relating dating are easy or "almost nothing" I hate, hate, hate, hate hearing that "The bar is on the floor" or "The bar is in hell".
/r/PurplePillDebate28/11/24 02:01 AM
2

unless there's a monumental clear deal-breaker that is communicated to you in certified writing. That would be nice...
/r/PurplePillDebate27/11/24 11:53 PM
18

(Note, I haven't been diagnosed with anything) For me, having to force myself to make eye contact, smile, etc. It's exhausting.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/11/24 10:39 AM
25

Because emotional intelligence, body language and nonverbal social cues are a huge part of how most people communicate. Someone who is flat affect, awkward, unable to make conversation, is trying too hard, unable to relax because they're constantly masking, all of those factors give off strong 'unsafe' and 'unpredictable' flags. It would be very difficult to relax and feel comfortable around someone who you couldn't read or have a clear idea of what they're thinking or how they will react.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/11/24 04:56 AM
–

I don't want to be insulting, but that's utterly ridiculous to me.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/11/24 02:25 AM
–

No, they don't. That's total rubbish.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/11/24 02:17 AM
–

Are you fucking serious? No, lol.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/11/24 02:14 AM
–

Only thing I knew about Edmonton is that that's where Chris Benoit is from.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/11/24 02:13 AM
–

When I had a girlfriend, yes she was very easygoing. We would go on picnics, mini golf, bowling, all the usual stuff. Sometimes we'd go to a nice restaurant but even then they weren't super expensive.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/11/24 02:12 AM
1

I don't think guys only want that one thing, no. Some want that one thing and also want a relationship as well.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/11/24 11:53 PM
1

I watch a lot of food shorts on YouTube and every so often 'trad' content finds its way in there. I get the appeal. It hearkens back to a simpler time. It has a very warm, positive vibe. Stuff like this I don't think is harmful.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/11/24 05:58 AM
11

It's just totally foreign to me, I've only ever been on four dates in my life and they were all years apart. It's very, very, very, very, very, very, very rare to find someone interested in giving me a chance.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/11/24 02:18 AM
18

I just figure it out the hard way, by dating This made me laugh. The idea of not being able to get a date in the first place isn't even a factor in this scenario. You just... date and then if it doesn't work out, go on another date. Smh.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/11/24 02:07 AM
2

I appreciate the empathy. It helps a lot.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/11/24 08:18 PM
3

A number of reasons. When the relationship began in 2012, I was 23 and she was 20. When we broke up, I was 29 and she was 26. It was the first relationship for both of us. I was very inexperienced and made a lot of rookie mistakes as a result. But, I tried my best to be a good boyfriend. To do all the things I was supposed to do like establish my career, become a stable provider, all of that. I finished university and went out into the world to start my filmmaking career, which was very difficul…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/11/24 01:17 PM
8

Agreed. I had a similar experience. Only one woman looked at me and thought, "yes, I want this one to be my boyfriend". One woman across the dozens that I've had crushes on in my life. Just one. I held onto that relationship as long as I could because I knew that once we broke up, I'd be alone again for a very long time. And I have been, it's been six years since the break up and in that time I've gone on two dates. Just two.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/11/24 09:23 AM
2

Isn't that what marriage is, though?
/r/PurplePillDebate19/11/24 03:16 AM
9

Using this same metaphor - if it's the only meal you'll ever eat, every day for the rest of your life, you'll damn sure want it to be the best meal you've ever had.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/11/24 01:17 AM
11

It's funny that even in your pessimistic scenario, the dude still has a wife and kids.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/11/24 09:49 PM
13

It's not the same. It's quite different.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/11/24 09:04 PM
18

Ok but it's totally different, you know it's different. I wish people would stop pretending like it's the same. It's not. My guy friends being like "hey, we seeing Avengers this weekend?" "Yup" "Cool" is not the same.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/11/24 09:02 PM
22

Well, when I got a girlfriend we would text all the time, we'd talk on the phone at night, we'd cuddle. We were much, much closer and more intimate than friends. That closeness and intimacy is what lonely men want more than anything in the world.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/11/24 08:56 PM
14

Nah, plenty of guys out there that want relationships. They just don't have abs, so they're totally overlooked. I can see it being an issue if you only select for guys that have a ton of options and don't have to settle down.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/11/24 08:45 PM
12

The comment you replied to said (most) men. Are most men fuckboys and chads?
/r/PurplePillDebate18/11/24 08:33 PM
16

Well said. Platonic friendship only goes so far. I was at my most lonely and despondent while I was regularly hanging out with my friends at university.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/11/24 08:33 PM
12

That sounds wilfully obtuse, why would you bring up fuckboys and chads in this context?
/r/PurplePillDebate18/11/24 08:32 PM
11

For guys like me it does. Anyone who was interested enough in me to let me date them is someone I'd probably try and lock down into a relationship.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/11/24 08:31 PM
–

Growing my savings and occasionally writing D&D adventures.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/11/24 07:17 PM
7

Damn, you didn't have to roast me like that.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/11/24 04:21 PM
6

It gives normal, well meaning guys who are unsuccessful or unlucky a bad rap.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/11/24 02:03 AM
2

When I'm out in public it's head down, headphones in. I have no reason to talk to anyone.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/11/24 11:28 PM
1

It's funny you mention Aunt Lydia because even in the show she goes on a date with a perfectly nice man who seems to like her for her and she still can't handle it.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/11/24 10:57 PM
6

Never. Not once.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/11/24 10:46 PM
4

This post makes me think of all the scenes in Wonder Woman 1984 where guys come up to crudely hit on Diana and Barbara. Nicely collated into a montage at 3:42 in the Honest Trailer: https://youtu.be/pSryeC-g0Jc?t=222
/r/PurplePillDebate17/11/24 09:41 PM
–

Star Wars (1977). I know, I know. It's terribly basic, but I have to be honest. It's my favorite because every time I watch it I'm transported to a galaxy far, far away. Isn't that the purest form of cinema? To create a fully realized, living, breathing cinematic world that the audience can invest themselves in?
/r/PurplePillDebate16/11/24 06:29 PM
2

As someone who resembles this comment, I don't think I would be happy in a situation like that. Part of my motivation to lose weight is to get thin enough to attract a partner that is also thin.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/11/24 07:35 AM
7

I avoided using dating apps for years because I knew I wouldn't get any results from them. When I finally got desperate enough, I lost as much weight as I could, took some nice pictures, and gave it the old college try. ...and immediately confirmed that yes, dating apps don't work.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/11/24 08:40 AM
7

The eternal catch-22. If a guy is handsome enough to attract one, then he can probably attract a hell of a lot more than one.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/11/24 04:59 AM
4

Once again, with the exception of the physical attributes, I meet all of these criteria. I don't have kids, I do want a longterm relationship, I don't smoke or drink, and I'm at least semi-intelligent.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/11/24 03:15 AM
4

Taking physical attributes out of the equation, I'm not conservative, I'm not looking for casual, I have a detailed bio, my age is accurate, my profile is very literate, I don't have children, I don't want to have children, I'm not in a band, I'm not a huge sports fan, I don't have a flashy sports car, I don't have any pictures of dead animals or show girls, I don't have a motorcycle, I am actually single, I do like dogs, I don't have sexual content, I'm smiling in all my pictures, I don't have …
/r/PurplePillDebate14/11/24 01:05 AM
5

What's funny is I'm pretty sure I avoid literally every one of those undesirable criteria, and yet I still get no matches.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/11/24 12:55 AM
1

I'm not American. But I do believe that the world would be a much better place if more people chose to opt out of drinking and drug culture. Imagine a world without any drunk drivers? What a place that would be.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/11/24 12:48 AM
8

And her new boyfriend I love that even in this negative scenario she still got a new boyfriend.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/11/24 12:38 AM
6

Ok but why are so many guys unattractive? This has always bothered me. You said it yourself: "just look at all of the absolutely uggo men that are looking for “short term fun”" Like if you find such an infinitesimally tiny proportion of the population attractive, that sounds like a you problem.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/11/24 12:36 AM
14

Yeah, that's pretty self evident. Dating apps simply don't work for most guys.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/11/24 12:22 AM
–

If they are attractive to the women they are pursuing https://i.imgur.com/VNAbqTJ.gif
/r/PurplePillDebate14/11/24 12:21 AM
13

So it stands to reason that someone who states that they are looking for a long term relationship, writes a detailed bio, and so on, should get plenty of matches right? ...right?
/r/PurplePillDebate13/11/24 11:55 PM
20

We all know what the answer is. Plenty of guys like me out there that would be happy to find someone to be in a long term relationship with but get zero interest. So, simple solution - pick guys like me. But they won't. It'll never happen.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/11/24 11:17 PM
1

Fair enough. Well I still stand by what I said.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/11/24 09:49 PM
3

It's exactly this concept that leads me to believe I'd easily be able to find a girlfriend if I changed nothing about myself except my weight. I am the well read, well spoken, polite, educated man that would be the exact type of a lot of nerdy women if only I was slender and not overweight.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/11/24 07:52 PM
1

I'm comfortable being judgemental about people that break the law.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/11/24 05:35 PM
5

I know you're being sarcastic, but the kind of woman I'd want to be with would. I'm sure there's plenty of shy homebodies out there that just want to curl up on the couch and watch Star Trek.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/11/24 10:07 AM
3

If they did, I didn't know about it. The only party I went to was incredibly tame, someone did get thrown into the pool though, that was about it.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/11/24 05:24 AM
0

I've been to public school and I've been to private school. In public school I was beaten up, bullied, harassed, insulted. I developed a severe dislike for anyone that speaks roughly or is uncouth. At private school? Everyone was kind, polite, gentle. I had a much, much happier time at private school.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/11/24 05:21 AM
8

Being rich doesn't mean you can't be a bad or amoral person.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/11/24 05:18 AM
3

In all seriousness, and this isn't a comment on you personally, but I truly, deeply, despise people that flout the rules. I had an alcoholic parent and it makes me sick to think that drinking and drug culture is so widespread in modern society. It's disgusting to me.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/11/24 04:09 AM
9

Well, I offend no one. I'll never get picked up for drunk driving, or hitting a spouse. I work hard. I live a good, moral life. And I'm not religious. I do it because I care about and respect other people.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/11/24 04:08 AM
2

Yes, I am straitlaced, high inhibition, and risk averse. I don't drink, I don't smoke, I don't do anything that would be frowned upon by the mores of polite society.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/11/24 03:55 AM
4

I know it must sound ridiculous to you, but goddammit, we're doing the right thing. We're decent, law abiding, clean cut, civilized people. Not breaking the rules and doing drugs.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/11/24 03:38 AM
–

Your question was "How does a guy who struggle to get a girl in the first place already have kids?"
/r/PurplePillDebate12/11/24 09:49 PM
–

Not in my case. My first relationship ended when I was 29 and I've been totally alone for six years since then. When the relationship started I was overweight, but still passable. After it ended I really let myself go due to depression and apathy.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/11/24 09:44 PM
–

Because at the time they entered the relationship they were in their early 20's and their body hadn't had a chance to deteriorate yet. After several years, the relationship ends and they're in their late 20's and their looks have declined.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/11/24 09:18 PM
1

There's a lot of things I can't do because it would be weird for a guy to show up by himself. Or at the very least, you need an 'in'. On top of that, at the moment I can barely walk due to severe back problems.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/11/24 08:27 AM
10

The same exact thing happened with the last girl I talked to. She asked me to go for a walk, she bought me ice cream, she eagerly said yes to the date... We parted ways and I thought it was all systems go, but then actually organising the date was like pulling teeth. It's nonsensical.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/11/24 11:46 PM
19

If she wanted to, she would.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/11/24 11:35 PM
–

Ahh the Fucker. And you just thought he was a story to make naughty MPs eat all their truffles and swan.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/11/24 09:18 PM
6

Yeah, this is the first time I can remember being downvoted so strongly. Usually I'm pretty inoffensive.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/11/24 09:48 PM
1

Bizarre. Anyone who's followed my comment history knows I've been pretty consistent on this point. If I'm going on a date with someone, it's because I want to sleep with them. Why would I voluntarily wait any longer than I have to?
/r/PurplePillDebate04/11/24 08:25 PM
-11

There's no such thing as putting out too early. That's a good thing.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/11/24 07:36 PM
2

What's sad about it? No one wants a partner that is averse to sex, sees it as transactional, has to be coaxed into doing basic stuff, feels resentful at having an 'obligation' to deal with their partner's physical needs, etc etc.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/11/24 07:06 PM
–

I have a similar dream. My current contract at my job finishes in June next year. I'd love to take a year off and try and lose enough weight to get thin enough to be attractive.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/11/24 05:35 AM
–

I see myself as Majin Buu in the scene where he eats all the pudding. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N78RNkyLtdo
/r/PurplePillDebate04/11/24 05:33 AM
–

"Ugh, it always comes back to guys wanting sex :/" - Idiots
/r/PurplePillDebate04/11/24 05:28 AM
–

I did not, it just flew under my radar. I'll put it on the list.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/11/24 05:26 AM
–

The Pacific and Masters of the Air don't quite scratch the same itch, they're very good as well but they're not Band of Brothers level.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/11/24 04:18 AM
–

Here I go watching Chernobyl again. Those grim, depressing HBO mini series like Generation Kill, Band of Brothers, etc, they're like comfort food to me.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/11/24 03:41 AM
6

Why do you think it took you so long to figure that out, though? Seems super obvious that people in relationships want to have sex, at least from my perspective.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/11/24 02:20 AM
10

So am I. We just have different perceptions on what's 'normal'.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/11/24 02:18 AM
3

if you put effort into your carrier diet and gym routine FTFY.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/11/24 02:17 AM
7

I kept getting stuck in a relationship where I'm getting pressured for sex This sounds so backwards to me. Quite obviously, if I'm in a relationship with someone I'm going to want to have sex with them.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/11/24 02:15 AM
13

Age 16-20: Sex when you start off is pretty easy. My reaction
/r/PurplePillDebate04/11/24 02:14 AM
1

For me, the idea of a dating a shy, homebody woman who just likes reading, crocheting, drinking tea and looking out at the rain sighing sounds really boring. Sounds perfect to me. Sigh.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/11/24 12:51 AM
3

Most dudes struggle online because their profiles fucking suck they don't have abs FTFY.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/11/24 12:18 AM
6

You realize this sounds insane, right?
/r/PurplePillDebate04/11/24 12:18 AM
–

I don't know much about the various pills, so maybe. My particular thing that I'm hung up on is that most guys have let themselves go and are too fat to be attractive.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/11/24 11:26 PM
–

I've posted this before, but a lot more time being spent on physical fitness at school would be good. Look at this fitness program from the 1960's: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NGa6BPj3Mcw Basically, everyone should finish high school at peak physical fitness, so they have the best chance at not being excluded from the dating pool.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/11/24 11:17 PM
–

I was about 6 months younger than most of my class thanks to my mother sending me to kindergarten early, that was already bad enough - I felt like a little kid.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/11/24 11:12 PM
–

I have no idea why anyone would think that's a good idea. Separating kids by gender during their most essential formative years when they learn fundamental social skills is just about the dumbest thing I can think of.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/11/24 11:04 PM
–

I had friends, but they were fellow nerds, none of us were going out to bars or clubs or anything like that, we would stay in and play Smash Bros. If we did go out, it was to the movies. So opportunities to meet and socialize with women were basically zero.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/11/24 10:45 PM
–

I'm very glad I didn't get 'sucked in' to the manosphere when I was a teenager, because I was perfectly primed for it (I still am, but I was even more back then). I was at an all boys school from grade 7 to grade 10. Arriving in 11th grade and suddenly being surrounded by beautiful, unattainable young women was very difficult for me. That constant yearning, and not having. It drove me insane. It really did.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/11/24 09:36 PM
1

I can't say I have a specific type, I find many, many different types attractive so picking just one would be compromising. Last time I answered a question like this I said Cathy Kelley from WWE was my type, and I think that's the closest answer even though it's not quite 100%.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/11/24 02:37 AM
–

she often openly ogles at random attractive men and is obsessed with other hot celebrities Fantasy is not reality. Her mind and her thoughts are her own, and so are mine.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/11/24 11:57 PM
7

4 times a month is once a week.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/11/24 09:26 PM
–

Since there's plenty of 30 year olds out there that aren't broke students, I don't know if you'll have much of a choice in the matter.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/11/24 03:32 PM
1

Back in 2020 when I very briefly dated a girl way out of my league, we were on video chat and I saw a guy in the background. I knew intellectually it was probably her room mate's boyfriend or something, but inside I was still freaking out that she had replaced me with a better guy. So I guess the main thing is, is she out of my league or not? How secure is the relationship?
/r/PurplePillDebate02/11/24 12:53 AM
3

Agreed. Put it this way, I'd rather have someone who is inexperienced but enthusiastic than someone who is experienced but unenthusiastic.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/11/24 11:44 PM
1

I'd likely become extremely insecure, jealous and possessive. I'd try not to be, but I'm only human.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/11/24 11:08 PM
1

I've only been with one person, but yeah sex with her was pretty much fantastic from day one. Like I can't really think in terms of 'skill level', I always had a good time. I never once thought "I wish she was better at XYZ".
/r/PurplePillDebate01/11/24 07:42 PM
1

I can't "self respect" my way into having abs.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/11/24 11:11 AM
1

Man eventually finds someone who likes him back The eventually is longer than you think, though (if it happens at all). And in the meantime, all those women who all have to respectfully decline all those men are all getting so fed up and bitter about the whole thing that they don't want anyone to approach them, ever.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/10/24 07:14 PM
0

So just say that upfront, all of this other stuff is so minor compared to: "do you have abs? If not, get abs".
/r/PurplePillDebate31/10/24 07:09 PM
1

That's the thing, all this advice, every single thing boils down to "well duh, you need to be handsome first for this advice to work".
/r/PurplePillDebate31/10/24 06:58 PM
2

I knew that already, which is why I didn't use dating apps for years after my breakup. I knew it was futile. But eventually I got desperate enough to try it. Ironically I probably would have had better luck trying dating apps immediately post breakup, before my weight really got out of control. But I wanted to be respectful to my ex and give myself time to properly process the relationship before I moved on.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/10/24 06:41 PM
1

Who are you to want your match to make up for your terrible communication TIL saying "hello" is terrible conversation.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/10/24 06:36 PM
3

So, theoretically, if one did put effort into trying to curate the best photos possible, made sure that they were clean, clear, well framed, well lit, showed a range of different activities and settings, worked and reworked their bio and prompts to be expressive, funny etc, and still got zero matches, then what would you say?
/r/PurplePillDebate31/10/24 06:34 PM
1

I'm sure it seems that way from their perspective, but you really have to add (with abs) to those descriptors. Then it makes sense.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/10/24 06:13 PM
2

So a guy like me who has a car, steady job, doesn't drink, doesn't smoke, who can hold a conversation, isn't a flake... should be pretty desirable, right? ...right?
/r/PurplePillDebate31/10/24 06:12 PM
2

I had two close friends in high school and university, I was still lonely as fuck because I didn't have a girlfriend. That feeling only went away once I had a girlfriend.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/10/24 07:26 AM
1

https://i.imgur.com/ea0mXKi.gif
/r/PurplePillDebate31/10/24 05:08 AM
10

My social battery is limited, it drains very quickly. Back when I did have a girlfriend, she was my best friend and my life partner, I talked to her more than everyone else combined. So that's the ideal for me, someone who can do both. And that's not saying I was a leech, she was similarly introverted like me and we complemented each other in that way. For me, there is a real and tangible cost that comes with social interaction, so it needs to be worth expending that effort.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/10/24 02:51 AM
10

What having a friend gets me: "Hey, how was your weekend?" "Yeah, good." What having a girlfriend gets me: Physical touch, emotional intimacy. Neither of which I've had in over six years. You do the math.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/10/24 01:53 AM
17

I'll preface by saying that I don't have any close friends, male or female. That being said, yes I evaluate pretty much all the women I interact with regularly for their potential as a partner. How could I not? That's the most pressing need that I want fulfilled.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/10/24 01:18 AM
4

I'm 35 and while I can't say I'm looking for marriage, a long term relationship definitely sounds good to me. I don't want kids, and I would like a partner who works so I wouldn't be the sole provider.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/10/24 12:04 AM
0

When all's said and done, I think my life is riskier. I have no one. I've built nothing. Sure that technically means less attachments and more freedom, but in reality it just means I'll work until I can't anymore, and when I can't anymore, I'll have nothing left to do but die.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/10/24 06:02 PM
-4

There's a girl at my work that seems to have everything figured out. She's in her early 20's and already has a kid, is married, and they bought a house together. Bing, bang, boom. All the ducks in a row, all squared away and sorted. When I was that age as a man I hadn't even gotten my first relationship yet. So that's the template I'd want to emulate, leverage youth and good looks to get the best partner possible and kickstart building a stable life asap.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/10/24 03:30 PM
4

In the hypothetical scenario where I was financially stable, had my own house paid off, etc - then yeah I'd spoil her rotten.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/10/24 01:01 AM
9

"Sometimes you just want to have someone to be nice to" I very much agree with this statement. It makes me feel good to make her feel good. But it's less about money and more about showing that I care, expressing how much she means to me, doing little things to demonstrate that I'm being attentive and thoughtful, etc etc. Money? Nah, she has her own job, she doesn't need mine. So let's say, I'm about a 5.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/10/24 12:37 AM
1

At present, my day is neither good nor bad, just fine I guess. I am looking forward to lunch because I have steaks in the fridge to cook.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/10/24 12:01 AM
2

Nah, at my weight it's not funny anymore. Like I hate going into the office and inflicting my presence on other people. Watching me shamble around, barely able to walk, getting winded just going from my desk to the kitchen and back. It's no way to live in polite society.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/10/24 08:17 PM
2

Sure, but I have to be realistic as well. I'm not trying to pretend like I'm something I'm not.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/10/24 09:32 PM
5

On the flip side, I feel an appropriate amount of shame and guilt for my poor looks.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/10/24 12:22 PM
1

Extremely positive. The world would be a better place if this happened more often. Yes, the world.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/10/24 06:29 PM
2

When I brought this up at the time I just got a confused look from my mother and sister, as if to say, "what are you talking about?"
/r/PurplePillDebate26/10/24 09:43 AM
6

(raises hand) Hi, right here. 1) Respects boundaries. Would never presume to impose his will on someone else. Even tempered. Would never raise his voice or yell. Law abiding. Obeys the rules, both in terms of the law and of society in general. Drinks in moderation, if at all. Thinks before he acts. Doesn't rush into anything headlong. 2) I couldn't say, I can only speak for myself. Let's say, conservatively, 60%. 3) He's looking for the 'good enough' girl. Doesn't have to be a saint, but not a s…
/r/PurplePillDebate26/10/24 04:10 AM
42

"You're such a catch! Anyone would be lucky to have you!"
/r/PurplePillDebate26/10/24 04:04 AM
15

I'm the exact same way. Every single dating sub I've ever read has been full of complaints that 'men only want one thing', over and over and over. So why would I ever contribute to that?
/r/PurplePillDebate26/10/24 04:02 AM
6

Definitely feel like I fit into this category. I had very limited socialisation as a teenager outside of my close circle of friends, and absolutely none with girls my own age (I went to an all boys school). Turns out being isolated from girls during your most crucial formative years can really set you back in terms of social skills, who knew?
/r/PurplePillDebate26/10/24 01:37 AM
26

Not when you're the one being approached.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/10/24 01:34 AM
1

I have an example for this. Earlier this year I matched with someone on dating apps who was basically my exact equal and opposite counterpart. Same age, same cultural background, from the same city, similar dating history. On paper, a perfect fit, right? Not so much. It just didn't work. She was polite enough but there was just no spark, no impetus for me to go, "wow, I really can't wait to meet this person". I imagine that's how I came across to previous women I dated. Just 'fine'. Nothing more…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/10/24 07:42 PM
–

What should she say? "If you keep gaining weight, no one will want you. You need to start dieting, immediately. You need to start playing a sport, immediately."
/r/PurplePillDebate25/10/24 05:54 PM
14

That's a lot of negative assumptions. Most of these types of crushes are on someone from work or school where you develop attraction to them over time.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/10/24 06:23 AM
9

I hate the whole "well it was easy for me, so what's your excuse, loser?" type mentality.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/10/24 01:07 AM
2

Jeremy Meeks.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/10/24 01:06 AM
1

I've been attracted to all the women I've dated. But all of the women I've dated approached me first. So it was very much a reactive, "wait, she's interested in me? Awesome!" I leaped at the chance to be with them.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/10/24 12:25 AM
2

In my early 20's, I came to a realisation when none of the girls I had crushes on felt the same way about me that I had to be a little more realistic about what was actually in my league.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/10/24 12:09 AM
15

She'll hook up with guys every now and again, though. tinyviolin.gif
/r/PurplePillDebate23/10/24 10:48 PM
2

Succinctly put.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/10/24 09:51 PM
21

She keeps getting messages from guys she just isn't into Oh my god. That's horrible.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/10/24 09:49 PM
1

Combination of Option 2 and 3 sounds good. I'm happy to put in the work if there's some chance of success. I'm not going to invest a ton of time and effort just to find the bar is still set impossibly high out of reach. So reasonable, normal standards would be the best compromise. I'll improve myself a bit, and you stop holding out for guys with abs.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/10/24 08:13 PM
15

If they're good looking and financially stable, then they're doing better than most guys out there. So they're well justified in wanting to hold out for the best possible option.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/10/24 03:13 AM
30

I'll point one of these friends of mine in the direction of someone who is genuinely interested in them These options don't exist for guys like me, so being too picky isn't a relevant factor.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/10/24 03:09 AM
2

My first girlfriend and I agreed to be in a relationship while I was driving her home from our first date. We were together for six years.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/10/24 02:23 AM
6

Literally all three had visible abs when we dated Of course they did. Fuck. It's so over.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/10/24 08:26 PM
9

Finally getting one date after years and years of waiting, only for it to fizzle out immediately. It's not good. Doesn't feel good. Feels quite bad, actually.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/10/24 10:40 AM
5

I think they're dumb. It doesn't matter how many partners someone has.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/10/24 07:31 AM
1

Wrong isn't the most appropriate term to use, but it's the one you used so I agreed with it. I'll put it this way. I feel as strongly about having sex before commitment as most women do about obtaining commitment before sex. I think this ridiculous prudishness and avoidance towards sex is a huge problem in modern dating.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/10/24 07:16 AM
0

Yes, absolutely.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/10/24 05:58 AM
16

The attraction has to actually eventually happen for your premise to be correct. If it never does, then this advice is not very helpful to most guys, is it?
/r/PurplePillDebate22/10/24 04:11 AM
34

Lots of guys want to fuck her and hang out with her Oh my god. That's horrible.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/10/24 03:08 AM
1

This is a really good point.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/10/24 12:57 AM
4

For me, physical attraction comes first, after which the emotional connection can grow. When you don't really know anything about someone except that they're attractive and you're attracted to them, then yeah - naturally you're only going to want to really engage with them on that basis first. Once that part is out of the way, then you can really sit and assess if you want more than sex with that person or not.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 11:29 PM
-1

Hear hear, well said. I'd be happy to find someone willing to be in a relationship with me.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 11:24 PM
5

This is the eternal push/pull at the heart of it. As a guy, I want to make sure the person I commit to is going to be not just a good fit, but a great fit for me long term. So I'm absolutely not going to want to wait to have sex, I want that up front. From the other perspective, sex is the bargaining chip, so they're going to delay it as much as possible to ensure they get that commitment first.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 11:22 PM
3

More than zero would be great. Hmm, yeah, that would really be my preference.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 11:18 PM
1

I'm starting from a place of being over 400 pounds, so the extreme dieting is to get down to a reasonable weight first.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 08:56 PM
2

How was it a redpill moment?
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 06:15 PM
0

I do know. I know it in my heart that I'll be able to find someone once I remove the barrier of my weight. It's a certainty. I don't need to appeal to all women, I just need to find one.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 05:50 PM
6

I must have worked and reworked my profile a dozen times. Didn't make any difference. My fat stomach and double chin automatically disqualifies me before they even read my bio.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 06:53 AM
3

I agree those things are a factor, assuming you're already physically fit. If you don't pass the looks threshold first, none of those things matter.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 05:04 AM
1

It was the only time it happened, so I can't say it's a common occurrence. Definitely left a lasting impression on me, that's for sure.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 04:35 AM
6

I'm trying to remember, I think it was at Universal Studios. I could be wrong. Maybe I'm reading too much into it, but there was definitely a sense of artifice to American servers that I never felt at home. Like this cloying, performative niceness that really made me feel on edge.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 04:10 AM
3

Must be some handsome guys, that's all I can say. It's so far outside my experience to even conceive of it.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 03:42 AM
3

I got into a six year relationship at age 23 with the second girl I ever went on a date with.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 03:33 AM
27

My girlfriend once recreated my favorite dish from my favorite restaurant. I was really moved, it was such a kind and thoughtful gesture. She was so stressed out about getting it just right, too. My definition of romance is the feeling when she burrows her head into my chest as we lie in bed watching TV together. That casual intimacy, the feeling of warmth and safety and completeness, it's unlike any other feeling in the world.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 03:22 AM
5

Everything about my dating history suggests, no I wouldn't. I've only ever dated with the intention of being in a relationship with that girl. That being said, my main sexual fantasy is having a harem so, maybe. Who can say these things for sure.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 03:17 AM
5

Ok, but you could apply that logic to anything. There's plenty of things I could do, but I don't.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 03:10 AM
7

men who fuck around with bad girls until they get bored or whatever It's not an option for me. It's really quite difficult for me to imagine being an option for most men.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 02:57 AM
17

men will experience the "flirting" that comes from waitresses and bartenders and other service sector workers. This is so funny, not being American I had no idea that was a thing until I went to the US on vacation for the first time. I was sitting in a restaurant and my server came up to clean the table, and she was really vigorously cleaning, like fully letting me see her breasts sway back and forth inside her top. I knew vaguely that tipping was a thing, so I figured she was just angling to ge…
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 02:49 AM
4

In fact, you guys have it easier because dating apps have people wanting connection Tell me you've never used dating apps without telling me you've never used dating apps.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 01:53 AM
4

If men want higher value today, they need to do what women did and give themselves value. I'm considering taking a year off after my current contract finishes next year to dedicate myself to extreme dieting and fitness. At least if I get thin enough to be attractive and then still can't find a girlfriend, I'll know for sure that it's my personality, not my looks.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 12:32 AM
6

This has the exact same energy as your earlier comment where you said: "Well men can easily take advantage of this by just being a top man or just be okay with sharing a small % of women." Again, if it was that easy, everyone would do it.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 12:21 AM
2

Being consistent is the hard part.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/10/24 10:48 PM
1

For some people, yes it is.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/10/24 10:44 PM
-1

Being in shape is pretty easy https://i.imgur.com/B3WjNJn.gif
/r/PurplePillDebate20/10/24 10:01 PM
1

I didn't address that second point because it just seems inherently nonsensical. How would an arrangement like that even happen? Who are these women that would be ok with being shared amongst a large number of men? It's totally backwards.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/10/24 09:45 PM
4

Well men can easily take advantage of this by just being a top man I'm struggling not to be insulting or reductive in my response here. Put simply, if it was really that easy, then everyone would do it.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/10/24 09:35 PM
1

Plenty of times. There was a girl back in high school that looked like a young Angelina Jolie. She sat next to me for a year and half of that class was me just daydreaming about her, admiring her perfection.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/10/24 06:54 AM
2

So fucking glad I'm not American and there's no bizarre hangups about who pays on dates. So glad.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/10/24 10:34 PM
0

Are those assumptions unfounded?
/r/PurplePillDebate18/10/24 08:13 PM
-3

And the thought of dating someone that's so inhibited is really not appealing, like who wants to jump through a million hoops and wait for months (if not years) until they finally let you do something? It's 2024, come on now. Gotta get with the program a little bit.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/10/24 07:07 PM
1

It would be a red flag to me yeah. It changes the connotation from "innocent and pliable" to "probably a massive prude and a pain in the ass to get to do anything". Now I've used intentionally inflammatory descriptions to get my point across here, but that's what the perception would be, imo.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/10/24 06:48 PM
7

Life as a hot, young athlete with spending money.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/10/24 12:59 AM
1

Well if I watch porn instead, it causes people like you to lose interest in dating. Can't win either way.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/10/24 11:21 PM
8

I'm bookish, well read, have my masters degree, impeccably polite and well mannered. Doesn't mean anything. Doesn't add anything. It still comes down to looks first.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/10/24 09:26 PM
12

Feels like it sucks even more for brits since the working class accent is a dead giveaway. Like it's been literally baked in to such a degree that you have to go to a voice coach just to 'pass' as someone from the upper crust - like Michael Caine did. I'm Australian, and there is a similar divide between the posh and bogan accents, which is a bit of an indicator as well.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/10/24 09:21 PM
0

I know it's become a TikTok cliche recently, but I've always been attracted to demure/graceful women. There was one at my high school, she had grey eyes and blonde hair, very refined and sleek in her presentation. She just glided through the hallways. Like she was untouchable. Edit: I know you said 'besides looks', but it was really more of a projection of her personality than what she actually looked like.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/10/24 05:43 PM
3

I would try my best to be unselfish
/r/PurplePillDebate17/10/24 02:46 PM
0

Nah it's pretty easy to differentiate fantasy and reality. I never pushed my girlfriend to do anything extreme or anything like that. We had a perfectly normal, vanilla sex life.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/10/24 09:29 AM
0

I'd be ok with it, yes. Her thoughts are her own.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/10/24 08:52 AM
4

As long as she doesn't act on it in real life, I don't see the problem. I don't own her thoughts.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/10/24 08:48 AM
4

Sure you can.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/10/24 03:22 AM
2

This is exactly how I feel. Exactly. It's spot on. That overwhelming hunger is truly palpable. If I was to somehow stumble into a hook up, I would try my best to be unselfish but I don't think I'd be able to. I'd be like a vampire, leeching as much sexual energy from her as I could get, to try and fill a void that has been empty for years now.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/10/24 03:20 AM
1

These all make sense if you put (abs) in brackets after each one.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/10/24 08:11 PM
1

It's 100% because I'm unattractive. Hope this helps.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/10/24 06:58 PM
1

I can see how free love evolved back in the 60s 100%. The whole idea waiting months or even years to have sex is anathema to me. It's the exact opposite of what should be happening.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/10/24 12:34 PM
2

Good days and bad. Mostly bad. I desperately miss having close connections with people and I was a lot happier back when I had a girlfriend. But, it's of my own doing. If I could fix my weight problems and get in better shape I could start doing more activities instead of being low energy all the time.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/10/24 01:37 AM
7

After finishing university we started seeing each other less and less often. He went off to his career and I went off to mine. But we'd still catch up for dinner every now and then, or go to the movies. But over time it just dwindled to barely anything. I also started playing D&D and so I was spending a lot of time doing that. The last straw was lockdown during covid. I was ashamed that my career had stalled out and fell into severe depression, I basically became a recluse during that time and l…
/r/PurplePillDebate16/10/24 12:26 AM
1

How come?
/r/PurplePillDebate15/10/24 11:55 PM
3

Yeah, and there's nothing wrong with that. You're not setting expectations that you'll be settling down, you're just there to have a good time and give them a good time in return. There's plenty of women that would be happy to do that, if you're handsome enough.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/10/24 11:39 PM
2

I hate this backwards ass logic.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/10/24 08:57 PM
6

This is what gets me. "But muh Jack Black!" Ok, but for all of us that aren't famous rockstars with movie star level charisma, you still need to be in shape.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/10/24 08:13 PM
4

Lol, 50%. That's still... amazing numbers. That's way more than most guys would ever get.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/10/24 07:00 PM
4

All the women that have approached me have had a 100% success rate. So from my perspective, it's pretty much a slam dunk.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/10/24 06:54 PM
10

They could always choose to buck the trend and do the approachi-- and I couldn't even finish the sentence, we know that's never going to happen.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/10/24 06:50 PM
12

Because they're in the passive role, they just need to be receptive. It doesn't take any particular skill to be approached, but it does take a lot of skill to initiate.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/10/24 06:26 PM
2

You can make up for it by being very conventionally attractive, such that you can still generate interest without having the proper 'fundamentals' that you should have developed as a teenager. Fundamentals like, how to approach and initiate conversation, what to do on a date, how to safely escalate, etc etc. If a guy is handsome and awkward, he's cute and endearing. If he's ugly and awkward, he's just offputting.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/10/24 06:24 PM
22

My former best friend had a glow up in his mid-20's. He started going to the gym and really took it seriously. He would bike everywhere, like 2-3 hour bike rides at a time. The transformation was pretty staggering. And every time I saw him, he would mention, "oh I have a date this weekend". Every time. And it was almost always a different girl. He had the kind of gentle way about him where women are drawn to him, he's extremely sensitive and empathetic and can have a conversation with anyone. Ba…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/10/24 05:57 PM
4

I was agreeing with your point, we don't want someone who is going to make us wait. Like the guy before you said, "Guys just want someone who actually desires sex. All that extra shit is a turn off."
/r/PurplePillDebate15/10/24 09:51 AM
2

Everyone else who was waiting for commitment or marriage had a lot rougher of a time Well yeah, why the fuck would I want to marry a repressed, religious prude? That's so dumb. It's 2024, come on now. Gotta get with the program a little bit.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/10/24 09:36 AM
15

rather than accepting a good girl that wants them Big, if true.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/10/24 02:23 AM
2

Why would it bother me?
/r/PurplePillDebate14/10/24 11:55 PM
7

I'm 35, on dating apps I set my age range from 29 to 39. That seems to be the best compromise.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/10/24 06:18 AM
2

Sounds rather bizarre, yeah.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/10/24 01:17 AM
7

The interest is there, it's just a gossamer thin thread that disintegrates into nothingness if you so much as breathe on it too hard. It's like pushing a car with a metal rod, too much pressure and the rod will bend, too little and nothing will happen.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/10/24 09:03 PM
18

Zero empathy, wow.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/10/24 08:37 PM
12

In my experience, it's less 'stringing along' and more "my interest in this guy is so lukewarm, I'll entertain the possibility for just long enough to see if it develops further or not." So from my perspective, women showing interest in me is so rare that when it happens I immediately go from 0-100 and way overinvest myself, since it's quite literally one of the only chances I'll ever have to be with someone. Whereas for them, it's just Tuesday.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/10/24 08:12 PM
12

When you only go on dates once every few years, that's a little difficult.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/10/24 08:08 PM
3

I think also you have to take into consideration that I was a 23 year old virgin at the time who had only ever had one other girl interested in me. I was not in a position to be turning anyone away. Every other girl I'd ever actually had a crush on up to that point wasn't interested. I didn't get to be with them, so I had to be realistic about my options.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/10/24 04:04 PM
3

In the very same story, you can clearly see that I was the second option to my friend. Didn't bother me at all.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/10/24 03:35 PM
8

Two weeks before my first girlfriend and I got together, we were chatting at a party and she indicated she was attracted to one of my friends. I encouraged her to go talk to him. That's what "didn't really think about it" means, as in, I didn't initially consider her as an option, she wasn't on my radar at all. Later, when she approached me, that put me in a position to see her differently.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/10/24 09:43 AM
5

As long as she gives me a chance to improve and eventually become better (or at least, equal to), then I'd stay. If there was nothing I could do, no I wouldn't be able to live with it, it would destroy my confidence.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/10/24 09:25 AM
2

Seems like a combination of extreme neuroticism and bitterness. She was an overweight religious girl and got zero attention from men growing up, and that led to some real hangups. Now, at 34, she's trying to find the proverbial 'good man' to settle down and have kids with, but it's just not happening for her. None of this is meant as a dig, that's just my interpretation, I could be way off.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/10/24 08:56 PM
1

Rich and handsome, obviously. How is that even a question?
/r/PurplePillDebate10/10/24 08:48 PM
2

I like nerdy twink looking men. Me when I lose 200 pounds.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/10/24 04:31 AM
7

I find literally a small percentage of men attractive That's so foreign to my perspective. Even just on my way to work on the train I'm like "that one, that one, definitely that one, that one, those two..." like it's very easy for me to spot a number of women that I find attractive.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/10/24 03:46 AM
1

More political questions than I expected. Not being American, I just put "3" for all of them hope that's ok.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/10/24 11:54 PM
–

Cold approaching someone at work is a huge no no in my view, this guy has zero idea regarding acceptable boundaries and is crossing lines that should never be crossed. Do not respond, throw the number away and flag it with security that if he comes back he may be a problem.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/10/24 05:46 PM
–

It's kind of funny how a lot of the cis guys here are probably going to answer this question with the most literally autogynophilic responses lol. Could you explain what this means?
/r/PurplePillDebate07/10/24 06:58 AM
–

Honest answer, I'd do it just to be in a svelte, flexible body. I am hugely overweight and have limited mobility so I'd enjoy just being able to do basic physical things like run, swim, jump on a trampoline, etc etc. So put me in the body of someone like Elle Fanning or Gabi Chappel from Epicurious.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/10/24 04:48 AM
–

Ah, Species. 15 year old Mike practically wore out that VHS.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/10/24 04:02 AM
–

I've been approached four times. So it is possible, just very rare.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/10/24 03:19 AM
–

And that's all we need, just a green light.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/10/24 03:18 AM
–

😂
/r/PurplePillDebate07/10/24 02:39 AM
–

I really don't think I should need to explain the reasoning here, lol.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/10/24 02:37 AM
–

I've never approached anyone, I've only ever been approached. So, in that respect - I'm already in that position, just without the, y'know, being desired part. I guess what you're asking is, would you trade places with an attractive woman in the dating game. And on that part... no, probably not. I don't like the idea of being commodified, of being prey, something to be fought over and won. Being an attractive man is still the best possible set of circumstances, all the power with much less of th…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/10/24 02:11 AM
4

Yeah, the only two dates I've gone on in the last six years were after a solid, concerted effort to lose weight. It's like there's a threshold where I go from invisible to "hey, maybe I guess, sure, we'll see." And that threshold gets lower and lower the thinner I get. And if I had a completely flat stomach? Oh boy, I'd be doing so well...
/r/PurplePillDebate05/10/24 10:03 PM
0

I've gone on two dates in that time, one in 2020 and one in 2023 and both only happened after months of significant effort in weight loss. But after the dates didn't go well, I sunk back into depression and gained it all back.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/10/24 09:32 PM
5

The very next girl I dated after my relationship ended I was like "yup, I'm all in, I want to marry her". She was perfect. I'm still pining over her four years later.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/10/24 09:12 PM
–

I think you just illustrated my point quite well.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/10/24 09:11 PM
3

I'm pretty quiet, mostly just expressing my pleasure using touch and expressions. I know a major, recurring thing is that guys should vocalize more, but I guess I haven't worked up to that level of confidence yet.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/10/24 08:56 PM
–

It's like when I'm trying to show my elderly parents how to send an email. For me I'm just like, "send the email! You know, just... open the email app, click the button, type in your message, and send it! What's the problem?" And it's like I'm talking jibberish. They don't have the framework to intuitively follow the steps without being shown exactly what to do at each step. And if something goes wrong, like they close the app accidentally, they get fed up immediately and go "this is too hard, y…
/r/PurplePillDebate05/10/24 08:36 PM
2

Women I'm dating. I've only slept with one person in the context of a long term relationship.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/10/24 08:25 PM
2

There was this girl I had a massive crush on all throughout university. Artistic type, looked like Uma Thurman in Pulp Fiction, with the bob haircut. After I left university we end up getting lunch. And she's telling me her problems, how she's tried tinder and she's tried dating guys in their 30's and 40's and how nothing seems to work. And the whole time I was screaming in my head, "me! I was right there next to you for two and a half years, and you didn't want me!"
/r/PurplePillDebate05/10/24 07:32 PM
3

There has to be some middle ground between "a firehose of attention" and "literally zero matches". There has to be.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/10/24 06:01 PM
26

"The car chases you see in Michael Bay movies sets unrealistic expectations for commuting to work." I mean, yeah, maybe that's true if you're a total doofus who can't distinguish fiction and reality.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/10/24 05:21 PM
3

It's a hard job, scrupulously denying that there's any problem whatsoever and that if you have trouble dating it's your own fault, loser.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/10/24 04:43 PM
4

I'm just as glad not to have to hear about their friend who isn't conventionally attractive but "has no trouble with the ladies". Like great, good for them, if they exist, that's got nothing to do with me. That doesn't help me at all. Whatever they're doing is unique to them and them alone.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/10/24 04:40 PM
2

Ah, just in time for the weekly concentrated dose of despair and hopelessness. Cheers 🥂
/r/PurplePillDebate05/10/24 04:35 PM
1

https://i.imgur.com/oBEVfV9.gif
/r/PurplePillDebate05/10/24 03:32 PM
1

I met her at university. She approached me. I was 23 when we got together and much more in shape compared to when we broke up six years later.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/10/24 03:30 PM
3

I look like this: https://i.imgur.com/YcZeQch.png
/r/PurplePillDebate05/10/24 03:27 PM
2

https://i.imgur.com/FHRNDXT.png
/r/PurplePillDebate05/10/24 03:26 PM
14

Well said. Especially the "A girl makes eye contact with me and I'm already planning out the proposal" part, this is so true.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/10/24 03:20 PM
8

Premise 1 is totally unrelatable from my perspective. I've always been far more desperate to get into a relationship than the women I've dated, because I've always been very aware of how undesirable I am. So for me, I tend to push way too fast to try and 'lock them down' out of insecurity that they'll lose interest. Only guys that are attractive enough to have more than one woman be interested at a time can afford to wait and see, since there's little consequence if the relationship ends, they c…
/r/PurplePillDebate05/10/24 03:01 PM
6

Succinctly put. I certainly was daunted by the prospect of being alone for an extended period of time in the event that my relationship ended. ...and I was 100% right, it's been six and a half years and I'm still alone. I never managed to get another girlfriend. So my reluctance to leave the relationship was damn well justified.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/10/24 02:56 PM
2

Those large age gap relationships always frustrated me to no end. They turn up their nose at guys their own age, because they're immature and 'just want sex'. So they go for the older, more established guy instead and get burned. I have so little sympathy for that when you can just go down to your local game store and pick and choose from a bevy of young men who are just a little undersocialized but would leap at the chance to be good boyfriends.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/10/24 02:29 PM
6

Whether this is true or not, it certainly feels that way. Whenever I read complaints, my instinct is to think: "well I wouldn't do something like that, so if you had just picked someone like me instead you wouldn't be in this situation."
/r/PurplePillDebate05/10/24 01:23 PM
–

I mean if the first girl hadn't lost interest in me and let me be her boyfriend, wouldn't have been any issues. We could have been the happy D&D power couple.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/10/24 02:24 AM
–

I've gone on dates with two fellow D&D players and both times it was so awkward between us afterwards that they left the group. I guess it really lives up to the idea of "don't shit where you eat".
/r/PurplePillDebate05/10/24 02:05 AM
3

It's certainly not a frequent occurrence. It's happened to me four times in my life and those are the only four dates I've ever been on.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/10/24 12:21 AM
4

She approached me.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/10/24 12:20 AM
5

A lot of guys aren't really lost, they're just treading water waiting for a lucky break That's a good way of putting it. I don't have the foggiest idea how to get a girlfriend, I just know that when I did have one, I was overall much happier and more fulfilled. In part because of being able to satisfy that craving for physical touch, but also because of all the emotional and mental aspects that came with it.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/10/24 10:23 PM
–

Platonic touch not the same thing, that's correct. It doesn't satisfy that need for closeness at all.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/10/24 07:59 PM
–

If you're having sex with someone you're getting that physical intimacy you crave anyway. But it's easier to just say "I haven't had sex in six years" than it is to say "I haven't had any sort of meaningful intimate connection in six years".
/r/PurplePillDebate04/10/24 07:58 PM
–

If you have lack of will to live because you can't get your rocks off twice a week then you have deeper issues that need to be addressed. This part really made me sick. Is that how they see us? To have years of struggle and pain reduced and dismissed so thoughtlessly.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/10/24 07:50 PM
–

It's not sex, it's love. It's the feeling of being wanted, of having someone to be close to and intimate with. Physical touch is an essential part of the human experience and when it's missing, you feel incomplete. When you're totally disconnected from it, it wears on you. It's a truly bereft, hollow existence without it.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/10/24 07:44 PM
-1

What was absurd about it? Aside from the absurdly low chances of it working - I don't understand why he wouldn't want the company of at least one decently attractive chick that weekend. Is it just because of the random, impersonal nature of it?
/r/PurplePillDebate04/10/24 07:35 PM
2

A person laughs at all the wrong jokes, tells the same anecdote over and over and smugly thinks they're about 30 IQ points smarter than they really are? You can probably still be friends with such a person if they've got some other qualities that are fairly good. He's a smug twat but he's not actually dangerous or badly intentioned, isn't mean, accepts boundaries and is always willing to GM tabletop rpgs and he doesn't do a bad game at all...it's always a very similar game but he'll make it a go…
/r/PurplePillDebate03/10/24 04:19 AM
1

It's always been a six pack in my view. That's all that matters.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/10/24 09:09 PM
2

I went to a film premiere last year and I was desperate to get at least one good picture of me in a social setting, since I knew it was my only chance. I looked like... a fat guy at a film premiere. It didn't matter. Nothing matters unless you have a flat stomach.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/10/24 03:38 AM
2

I can't say I've ever known much about anyone's dating habits. And I was part of a student theatre group. It was just totally off my radar. So, to be honest - I can't really see how someone would 'develop a reputation' in the modern world, or how I'd find out about it if they were sleeping around with all and sundry. And even then, even if I did - I wouldn't assume that largesse would apply to me.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/10/24 11:50 PM
5

I would have gladly traded lower test scores for being able to socialize with girls during those incredibly important formative years.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/10/24 11:00 PM
3

I went to an all boys school from 7th grade to 10th grade, so the first time I was around girls my age was when I went to a mixed school in 11th grade. By that point I was already an introverted loner who had been almost totally isolated from girls for the past four years. Not a great set of circumstances there. As a result, I didn't feel comfortable approaching anyone even though I had these massive, almost debilitating crushes on girls around me. They were this untouchable, unknowable 'other'.…
/r/PurplePillDebate01/10/24 10:12 PM
12

Warmth. Both emotionally and physically. It's a cold, hard world out there, and having a partner to share those burdens with and reinforce one another should be most people's main goal.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/10/24 09:38 PM
3

This should be pinned to every dating app thread in existence. That's all it is.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/10/24 09:33 PM
7

I kind of feel like I fit into this category. All the older women at my work say how I'm such a sweetheart, so polite and well mannered, such a 'catch' as it were. But that doesn't translate at all to attractiveness. But if I had a flat stomach I think I'd do very well. Because I am very well read, well spoken, always calm and measured in how I talk and act, etc.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/10/24 08:42 PM
–

To be honest, yeah I feel the same way. Especially during my teen years. I was so, so afraid to ever show interest in someone for fear of it being unwelcome or making them uncomfortable.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/10/24 05:45 AM
19

It doesn't matter, only a tiny fraction of people will ever get past step one.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/09/24 09:22 AM
2

You know what I mean. Lean and fit, with some muscle definition.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/09/24 02:36 AM
3

Nah I think it would raise the overall bar enough that they could find someone. Right now men are like icebergs, only the tiny portion that are above the water have the option to date. If that was flipped and most of the iceberg was out of the water then it would open up a ton more options.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/09/24 11:21 PM
2

Something more like this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NGa6BPj3Mcw
/r/PurplePillDebate29/09/24 11:12 PM
2

It feels like... warmth and sunshine. Like when they're around, your spirits can't help but be lifted. You feel an electricity, almost like your body is suffused with energy. A smile can't help but appear when you think about them.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/09/24 10:38 PM
-3

Easy, mandatory nutritional education and fitness programs in schools. No one gets to slack off. I want every young man (who doesn't have a medical exemption) to be in tip top physical shape, with abs. That way they can't be excluded from dating for reasons of being too unfit.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/09/24 10:24 PM
3

Yeah, she was the first girl that ever showed interest in me and my first kiss.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/09/24 08:48 AM
8

Uniformly, whenever I've felt uncomfortable or intimidated in my life, it's when I've been around older men who have no filter or boundaries. They are so, so entitled and have no care for other people's feelings. They just bulldoze through and assume they're the main character in any situation. I hate, hate, hate it.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/09/24 02:36 AM
8

The first time this happened to me I was oblivious to it for months. There was this girl that always sat across from me at work. I didn't notice but apparently she had been chatting me up for ages, making small talk, sending expressions of interest, and I just wasn't picking up on them. Eventually she wore this low cut dress and leaned over my desk to get a pen, and that's when it finally clicked. So, in my experience it feels like nothing, really, until it doesn't.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/09/24 09:33 PM
3

Sure you can. If you get approached and then they lose interest afterwards.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/09/24 05:06 AM
2

you are the most measured and objective voice here Thank you for the compliment.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/09/24 01:01 AM
5

For me personally it would be something like "your mother was right".
/r/PurplePillDebate26/09/24 09:17 PM
14

Still not going to do it, sorry.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/09/24 06:11 AM
1

I believe you, but you'd have an even harder time if you were my weight.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/09/24 07:56 AM
5

Agreed. I used to be very open with the fact that I've only been with one person, but I'd hate for them to think I was just trying to find a girlfriend instead of wanting to be with her specifically.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/09/24 02:38 AM
3

with a handful of friends I see this type of comment over and over. Which friends? Who? Y'all are really misunderstanding the type of person you're giving advice to here.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/09/24 08:09 PM
1

Going to any of these events with a friend, ideally at least a crew of 3, will make most people feel more comfortable than going alone. That's never been an option for me. Even when I had friends, I only had two. And they weren't the most sociable either. I. Can't. Do. Nothin.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/09/24 01:20 PM
1

Then call me narrow minded because I don't see any outcome other than what OP described.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/09/24 01:16 PM
–

In all honesty I can't say I've considered that, no.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/09/24 12:19 PM
1

Well said OP. Hear hear.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/09/24 12:17 PM
–

Objectively, my life is pretty sweet. Work a decently paid, non-stressful job, only two days a week in the office and three days WFH. Outside of that, I live alone, no kids or headaches. I can eat out every night if I want and still save money at the end of the fortnight. But, I'm fucking miserable, lonely, existentially depressed...
/r/PurplePillDebate24/09/24 11:45 AM
5

It's been over six years for me.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/09/24 11:09 AM
–

Like that scene in The Blues Brothers. "We got both kinds, Country and Western" For male attractiveness it's: "We got both kinds, skinny musician and amateur bodybuilder"
/r/PurplePillDebate24/09/24 10:52 AM
8

Almost every man I have ever met is convinced that he is really good at sex, and that women never have faked orgasms with him I'll openly admit I'm not very good at it. I was lazy and selfish with my ex and she let me get away with being mediocre for six years.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/09/24 04:57 AM
3

The best deal would be ending up in a loving, committed relationship, but maybe I'm looking at things a bit differently.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/09/24 04:55 AM
0

That's a very cynical view.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/09/24 04:52 AM
2

The prevailing sentiment, as I understand it, is that women generally prefer to seek commitment and relationships. I can't say I've ever dated one that just wanted to have sex with me and nothing more (which may be an unintentional self own, come to think of it)
/r/PurplePillDebate24/09/24 04:51 AM
3

Not that I've had, well, any one night stands. I would 110% assume that it was because I was bad at sex and that's why she lost interest.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/09/24 04:48 AM
15

Whenever I expressed this concern I was met with some variation of "you're such a handsome young man, any girl would be lucky to have you!"
/r/PurplePillDebate23/09/24 12:47 PM
13

Easy as that, huh?
/r/PurplePillDebate23/09/24 09:10 AM
1

which is just don't look like a fat goblin ...Well I don't look like a goblin.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/09/24 08:23 AM
–

So by your logic you would never be able to talk to Most of the population ever. Correct. Most people meet their partners while at work or in college. I met my first and only girlfriend at university. Since then, nothing.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/09/24 06:46 AM
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