MistakeIndependent12 Archive

Upvotes	Title	Category	Author	Subreddit	Date (UTC)

Upvotes	Comment on	Subreddit	Date (UTC)
1	Wife is an alcoholic. I want out. Glad to hear it. Good luck to you.	/r/Divorce_Men	13/04/26 10:06 PM
3	Struggling today to let go. Could use some words of advice. I was in a similar place: gutted, confused, angry, and honestly just exhausted by the emotional rollercoaster. What helped me was finally deciding to go to therapy. Not just for the divorce, but for the stuff I carried long before her. I realized the breakup wasn’t just painful because of her. it was also poking at old wounds, patterns, and baggage I’d never dealt with. The pain didn’t vanish overnight. But committing to that work, plus hitting the gym like a madman, gave me back a sense of powe…	/r/Divorce_Men	02/08/25 03:25 PM
1	It’s the stonewalling, the injustice, and the games. Many of us were raised with broken religious scripts and impossible expectations. But reducing an entire spiritual tradition to “bullshit” just because it didn’t work for someone is deflection. Some say religion is the problem, but the real problem is distorted masculinity. The kind that never learned to be honest about fear. The kind that learned silence, resentment, and performance instead of intimacy. The kind that only knows how to lead by control or withdraw entirely. It is easy to point fi…	/r/Divorce_Men	13/07/25 08:31 PM
4	Does Filing for Divorce “To Teach Them a Lesson” Ever Actually Work? Do People Really Come Back? FIling for divorce as a power move or “lesson” is emotional blackmail, not a strategy. It’s a form of manipulation dressed up as consequence and manipulation rarely builds anything lasting. If anything, it erodes trust, fast. If you file, be ready to follow through. Don’t threaten a fire you’re not ready to sit in. Imagine if you’re the one being “taught a lesson,” ask yourself what kind of love is conditional like that? If someone is using fear to get you to change, that’s not love, it’s contro…	/r/Divorce_Men	12/07/25 04:44 AM
3	SAD RANT: Just went through pointless mediation As a mediator, I’m truly sorry to hear how out of control the process became for you. Mediation should never feel like a one-sided battle or leave someone feeling defeated. When it does, it means the process wasn’t protected properly, and that’s a failure of structure, not just circumstance. I wish you strength as you move forward.	/r/Divorce_Men	09/07/25 04:56 AM
1	Divorce generate $50 billion annually in the U.S. it's a business fuck you kids I’m not saying everyone is equally to blame. Many of these disasters begin long before anyone steps into a courtroom. People get married for the wrong reasons. Most never do the internal work to understand who they are or what kind of partner they are choosing. No pre-marriage counseling, no serious conversations about expectations, trauma, or values. Just momentum. I’ve worked with couples before they got married. In some cases, one person was clearly lying or had completely unrealistic expecta…	/r/Divorce_Men	07/07/25 02:31 AM
-2	Divorce generate $50 billion annually in the U.S. it's a business fuck you kids As a mediator and pre-marrieds mentor, divorced and remarried and dealt with my wife's very difficult custody (I adopted her three kids), I'm reading a lot of grief and pain in this post and responses. The only reason the industry is so big is because both parties operate out of fear and refuse to look in the mirror. The court structure rewards conflict over cooperation. Two people who once trusted each other are now too scared, angry, or hurt to talk. And that fear gets monetized. When we refus…	/r/Divorce_Men	04/07/25 05:03 AM
1	Advice for my friend with autistic daughter I adopted my wife's son after his biological dad bailed. He was nonverbal when very young and getting him help was a full-time job. We fought tooth and nail for every single service. It took years. Denials, dead-ends, dismissals. We saw it all. We educated ourselves, took CBT courses, and finally found a doctor who got it. He sent us home with a one-inch-thick report that knocked down every wall insurance, courts, school district. That’s what it took. Today, our son’s about to graduate college. …	/r/Divorce_Men	29/06/25 06:10 AM
1	How do you get your confidence back? What I found was that fully committing myself to my mental and physical health was the way out. My ex said some incredibly hurtful things about my manhood, my performance, my identity. Even though I knew they weren’t true, they still took root. That stuff gets in your head. I went from being slightly pudgy to getting back to my high school weight, looking good in a form-fitting shirt, and putting real time into therapy. But the biggest breakthrough was this: even though I started therapy because…	/r/Divorce_Men	22/06/25 10:23 PM
3	If you got Divorced today, what would you tell yourself? I may be sad about this situation, but I know I’m about to learn some hard truths about myself. Things I may not like, but things I can change. Not for anyone else, but for me. And that's a good thing.	/r/Divorce_Men	03/06/25 01:02 PM
1	What was your last straw? My first wife left me but the truth is, she was the one abusing drugs. She told me I was “too good to her,” and at the time, that messed with my head. I was trying so hard to hold things together, thinking that love, stability, and support would be enough. But the more I gave, the more I lost myself. There wasn’t a dramatic “last straw” moment for me. it was the slow erosion of trust, of peace, of connection. I realized I was living in constant anxiety, always waiting for the next crisis, the ne…	/r/Divorce_Men	01/06/25 07:13 AM
1	Possible infidelity is living rent free in my head. I know that pit. Been there. It absolutely gets better. Good luck.	/r/Divorce_Men	21/05/25 04:12 AM
5	STBX - Access To Her ChatGPT As a mediator and dad of three who’s had to navigate some painful chapters, I’ve learned the hard way that it’s not what we find out that defines us but how we choose to respond to it. You’ve been disciplined, protected the favorable outcome in your divorce, and quiet for strategic reasons. Stay that course. Otherwise, you become the manipulator, and you're no better than she is, maybe even worse. When the time comes to speak your truth to her, speak it directly. You’ll feel better about it. Mor…	/r/Divorce_Men	17/05/25 02:57 AM
9	Dating Age Range You’ve already got the edge: your own teeth and hair? That’s basically a first-round draft pick at that age! Just don’t go full Bill Belichick and try recruiting 30 years downfield. Aim for a range where she won’t ask how many followers you have on Instagram or that she doesn't know what a rotary phone is...	/r/Divorce_Men	15/05/25 12:22 AM
1	Is my lawyer being a pussy or am I over reacting? I'm glad it was of value	/r/Divorce_Men	10/05/25 03:07 AM
11	Is my lawyer being a pussy or am I over reacting? As a father who’s gone through it and a mediator who now helps others do the same, I want to validate two things right away: Yes, you’re right to expect your lawyer to advise—not threaten. And yes, your lawyer’s job is to protect you, but not by steamrolling your questions. What you’re experiencing isn’t uncommon. Divorce brings out fear—yours and your lawyer’s. But when fear takes the wheel, it clouds judgment. Your job as a client isn’t to just “do what they say.” Your job is to understand the…	/r/Divorce_Men	10/05/25 01:06 AM
1	This one’s interesting boys Glad it was of value!	/r/Divorce_Men	07/05/25 01:40 PM
13	Possible infidelity is living rent free in my head. If you’re serious about healing, especially for your own sanity, and for the sake of being the father your toddlers need, you have to look in the mirror and start separating facts from feelings. Right now, you're trying to make sense of betrayal by chasing external proof. But the truth is, even if you had all the answers, it wouldn't give you peace. Because this isn’t about what she did or didn’t do. Rather, the focus needs to he about reclaiming who you are after a relationship that stripped yo…	/r/Divorce_Men	07/05/25 06:26 AM
1	This one’s interesting boys Thanks. Glad it was helpful.	/r/Divorce_Men	07/05/25 06:16 AM
2	This one’s interesting boys Sure. What would he some good touch points worthy of covering?	/r/Divorce_Men	07/05/25 05:41 AM
13	This one’s interesting boys You're understandably hurt, but I’d encourage you to shift the frame a bit. Right now, it sounds like you're focused on proving wrongdoing. While some of that might feel justified, it will not serve you in the long run. Courts and mediators (like me) often put a lot more weight on character, cooperation, and reasonableness than on “winning” each incident. So the deeper question becomes: What is it that you actually want so that you can walk away in peace? Is it closure? A fair settlement? The ab…	/r/Divorce_Men	07/05/25 05:18 AM
2	What helped you heal? Therapy, running, weights, and good food/cooking at home.	/r/Divorce_Men	30/04/25 01:15 AM
6	Wife is an alcoholic. I want out. I want to offer some perspective as someone who grew up with an alcoholic parent, married someone who abused drugs, and is still dealing with a family member who's stuck in addiction. You're not crazy for wanting out. You're seeing things clearly. Living around addiction warps everything. You start thinking dysfunction is normal. You walk on eggshells. You shrink yourself to survive. That isn't the life your kids deserve. I grew up in it. My mom never left my dad, even after he got sober, becaus…	/r/Divorce_Men	28/04/25 01:53 AM
1	Divorce coaching for men Lmao.	/r/Divorce_Men	23/04/25 05:14 PM
2	Wanting to get a divorce It's good that you want to approach this fairly. Before going straight to court, consider mediation as your first step. Mediation allows you to remain in control of the process, ensuring that both parties' needs are addressed without leaving the decisions entirely up to the court. Maintain your integrity and keep the lines of communication clear. Avoid making impulsive or drastic moves, like trying to hide assets or making tricky financial changes to protect yourself—these actions often create m…	/r/Divorce_Men	29/12/24 04:20 AM
6	I need some encouragement. My wife is divorcing me and I’m sad and mad and feeling so many emotions. I also have little kids. Dont be alone with your thoughts. Build a support group of people who aren't going to say, "what a bitch. You're right" but people who will make you accountable to Exercise Eat right Stay focused on your job/business Keep growing personally. Go to therapy. Best investment you'll make for yourself. You'll get rid of tons of baggage beyond your current situation, including stuff you didn't realize you were carrying. Good luck.	/r/Divorce_Men	28/12/24 08:43 AM
5	How did you go about "reinventing" yourself after divorce? Time, consistency, and systems (not goals). Aim for three daily wins Spiritual win - Doesn’t have to be a religious thing. The Bible doesn't cover anything about that, just relationships. Focus on clarity, purpose, and alignment Physical Win - exercise each day. - something. Anything. The endorphins will help your mood and decision-making processes. Mental win - journal, read, study, create, or learn something new to challenge your intellect. Once this becomes second nature, your brain will cons…	/r/Divorce_Men	04/11/24 07:56 AM
10	What did you learn about yourself during and post divorce? I learned I deserved more. Put myself in therapy to learn how to demand it.	/r/Divorce_Men	06/10/24 01:27 AM
1	Did anyone end up being Happy their Wife Divorced them? Absolutely.	/r/Divorce_Men	11/09/24 08:49 PM
5	Did anyone end up being Happy their Wife Divorced them? I put myself in therapy after it happened, and it helped me get rid of a bunch of baggage unrelated to her/our marriage. I'm very glad it happened as it was the catalyst for something much better.	/r/Divorce_Men	11/09/24 06:39 PM
16	Resentment "Self-love is a good thing, but self-awareness is more important. You need to once in a while go ‘Uh, I’m kind of an asshole." Louis C.K.	/r/Divorce_Men	06/09/24 04:15 AM
1	Getting back to the gym. This is the Way	/r/Divorce_Men	04/09/24 01:49 PM
15	Why do you think (or from experience) that 2nd marriages have such a high divorce rate? On my 2nd marriage. 14 years. Adopted kids. Wife and I also counsel/mentor pre-married couples Typical stuff - Emotional baggage, blended family challenges, finances, and probably the biggest one: less willing to put up with the BS they put up with in their previous marriage.	/r/Divorce_Men	01/09/24 08:27 PM
2	Struggling with wife's alcohol abuse Im an adult child of an alcoholic dad who had severe depression and bipolar disorder. He went undiagnosed for most of his life even though he found his sobriety in AA. I spent most of my childhood trying to convince my mom to leave an abusive spouse who needed more help than a family could offer. They stayed together for 52 years before they both passed. Their lives? Completely miserable. She even went to Al-Anon, but because she didn't know how to set boundaries and since the mental health issu…	/r/Divorce_Men	30/08/24 12:21 AM
4	Weight loss after being blindsided Got back to my high school weight - about 55 pounds lost. I was working out 2x a day and running up to 10 miles a day because I couldn't stand being home by myself. Also, I put myself into therapy. Interviewed six different therapists and chose one I felt wasn't going to BS me and give me real tools. It was the ultimate unlock. Got rid of a lot of baggage unrelated to the divorce. I've since remarried and adopted my wife's kids.	/r/Divorce_Men	11/08/24 03:17 AM
9	What’s the best place to spend a week worth of vacation during a divorce? I own a piece of water front property in Ixtapa Mexico. It's great because it is a local vacation spot for wealthy and working class Mexicans. Not Americanized with resorts, etc. Newer building. 2018. Glass and concrete. Restaurant and gym on site. Two amazing pools. Local hiking and bike routes through the local jungle that is well managed by the government park system. We have a local driver and can stock the fridge before you get there. Lots of friendly locals. Fresh seafood everyday from the…	/r/Divorce_Men	11/08/24 02:55 AM
10	If she cared would she have cheated? As a mediator, pre-marriage and marriage coach, exit planner, and finance professional, I understand the multifaceted emotions and challenges you're facing. Trust is a cornerstone of any relationship, and its breach can be deeply painful and disorienting. For reference, I am 50, married 2nd time, and I adopted her three biological kids. First, it's important to acknowledge your feelings of betrayal and devastation. These emotions are valid and part of the healing process. Considering reconciliat…	/r/Divorce_Men	16/06/24 08:13 AM
8	Thinking of leaving Certified mediator, exit planner and pre-married and marrieds coach, finance professional. Also 50. Three adult kids. It sounds like you're at a crossroads in your marriage, feeling a desire for more excitement and variety in your life. Contemplating leaving to date a variety of women might seem like a solution, but it's important to reflect on the underlying issues. I call it the 30% rule. You see a woman who has 3 of the 10 things you married your wife for - maybe younger, fit, outgoing, etc. …	/r/Divorce_Men	16/06/24 07:57 AM