~ archived since 2018 ~
~ archived since 2018 ~
| Upvotes | Title | Category | Author | Subreddit | Date (UTC) |
|---|
| Upvotes | Comment on | Subreddit | Date (UTC) |
|---|---|---|---|
| 22 | New Relationship RuinedWhy does your ex even know who you are dating? It's called your private life for a reason. Keep it private. Quit posting on social media. You don't need validation from likes on your FB posts. This sounds like trashy and small town behavior. | /r/Divorce_Men | 20/05/26 09:28 PM |
| 1 | Things just keep somehow getting worse manI just want to know how you have a $7,000+ mortgage but can't afford an attorney. Just how housepoor are you? Serious question. I did mine through mediation through a lawyer/mediator that helped us negotiate. Neither of us hired our own lawyer. Saved a ton of money to essentially split things down the middle (which is what we would have done with separate lawyers, I'm sure.) But you are going about this the wrong way. If you speak to YOUR friend the part time realtor, she's not going to trust an… | /r/Divorce_Men | 20/05/26 04:42 PM |
| 11 | I don’t even know what to do, as a 50M this is just crazy.1) You need a lawyer, immediately. Your animals don't have to starve because of the protective order, but there's a right way to do it. The lawyer will advise you. 2) Buddy, you knew. So you only dated for a year before getting married? Yeah, that's short for marriage but plenty long enough to know she had a drug and drinking problem. 3) Let's imagine you didn't have a clue. You should have been planning your escape as soon as you realized you married a druggie with a drinking problem. 4) You ne… | /r/Divorce_Men | 18/03/26 12:25 AM |
| 1 | Further Confirmation Dating Apps = Humiliation Ritual & Total Time WasteSomeone pretends to be a hot girl on Hinge, gets a ton of likes from thirsty men, and you come to the Divorce Men subreddit to say that the apps are trash? I think the conclusion would be men trying to pull 'hot girls' that are out of your league is likely a waste of time. I was at a restaurant the other day watching a guy at the bar swipe on Tinder/Hinge, while he was talking to a buddy. He spent maybe a half second on each woman before swiping right or left (usually right.) He didn't read a si… | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/02/26 05:07 PM |
| 2 | Custody and Work ScheduleI don’t see how 50/50 would be possible for us. I mean, you can pay for a nanny to arrive at 4:00. Or an au pair. Both will more expensive than the increase in child support of a 60/40 or 70/30 split. ---- I don't know anything about your marriage, but you aren't going to get a lot of sympathy from men here for walking out on your wife with a toddler because she didn't validate you or give you emotional support. (And you come here to try to figure out how to keep your child support payments from… | /r/Divorce_Men | 20/10/25 12:48 PM |
| 13 | How can I convince my SO she has a better marriage that her friends are jealous of?My marriage went downhill when my then-wife's married best friend first started having affairs with married guys and my ex rationalized it. "But Suzy is practically separated - they weren't - and that guy she met at a conference is planning on divorcing his wife and he sleeps in the basement in the family home (he didn't divorce his wife and likely wasn't sleeping in the basement. lol). Best friend did end up divorcing her faithful husband and losing 50 pounds - and then have a string of relatio… | /r/Divorce_Men | 19/10/25 10:10 PM |
| 7 | Ex is now homeless. Can I get full custody?You need to speak to a lawyer. I see a lot of posters speculating, but this is not the typical scenario that we see and so far no one that has commented has direct experience in a similar situation. Lawyer consultations can be free to relatively inexpensive. Do that before you even think about hiring a PI. | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/10/25 09:24 PM |
| 1 | Am I a Narcissist, according to Divorce Coaches I am ?Do you anticipate having less than 50% custody? Like you, I initially tried to stay in the home as long as possible. If I could go back, I would speed up the divorce, not drag it out. We tried a "separation" while I was in the house, but she made it unworkable. The kids, though younge, were suffering from the fighting. I'm much happier now divorced and living apart. I have 50% and it's good. I'm more fully engaged with the kids than I was during the bad years of the marriage when I was doing muc… | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/10/25 10:49 PM |
| 13 | Ex wife pregnant with new boyfriendLet it go. It's not up to you to "hold her accountable" for her "horrible choices." Your only interest should be how this impacts the children she shares with you. (I presume you two have children and yes, I would worry how they will fare. Expect to do more with your kids to make up for her being focused on her new baby. ) | /r/Divorce_Men | 29/09/25 06:36 PM |
| 3 | How are you meeting new women now?I'm about the same age. I used an app (Bumble, but I imagine Hinge is about the same.) About the ratio of men to women. For women, the odds are good but the goods are odd. The women I have dated (all professional and attractive and in my opinion age appropriate for me) told me it's pretty grim for women. If you are in decent shape and financially secure and stick to age appropriate women (say 43 y/o and up for you), you will have no problem once you figure out the art of the dating apps. Have gr… | /r/Divorce_Men | 29/09/25 12:14 AM |
| 4 | Cunning Cunners.Yeah, usually it's hurry up and divorce before you trigger alimony for life. | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/09/25 06:56 PM |
| 0 | Cunning Cunners.Similar advice has been given here to men. | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/09/25 06:17 PM |
| 1 | Im finally doneI hear ya, man. Do the best you can. The first weeks are very hard so its likely going to get easier. Is this your first child? | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/08/25 04:24 PM |
| 2 | Im finally doneRegardless, you and her have a 2 week old baby. There's time later to deal with your horseshit marriage. Take a breath and focus on the baby for now. | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/08/25 04:18 PM |
| 1 | Im finally doneMaybe, maybe not. But 2 week old baby and she flips out when you say you are tired? I'd put money on PPD having at least a part in it. (Never tell a new mother that you are tired. A lot of them will flip out. I guarantee she's more tired. I don't doubt she's being abusive - but have some grace for a bit.) Everyone (that means you too) needs to slow their roll. She needs to tell her OB/GYN how she's feeling. They see PPD all the time. | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/08/25 02:44 PM |
| 20 | Wife Crash and burn stories*180 | /r/Divorce_Men | 11/08/25 07:06 PM |
| 2 | 50/50 splitAnd he needs some common sense. (No offense) If she had chosen a 401K, he would rightly want half of that. He's entitled to a percentage of her eventual retirement pension. (Often one will accept a lump sum now in lieu of monthly payments years from now.) | /r/Divorce_Men | 11/08/25 01:17 PM |
| 7 | Got action my first night aloneThe craziest part may have been reaching out to her through your Linkedin. I would keep crazy one night stand chicks far away from my professional side. | /r/Divorce_Men | 11/08/25 01:08 AM |
| 1 | Think this is a bit of overreaching???I can't follow everything that you are saying about who uses the tablet when and why it's justified. I don't care, either. The science is clear. Screen time for youngsters is bad. Don't try to justify it. | /r/Divorce_Men | 01/08/25 06:05 PM |
| 1 | Think this is a bit of overreaching???Sounds like you don't communicate well with your ex. You should be discussing bed wetting just as you discuss any medical conditions and have a unified plan. Sporadic use of diapers is generally not recommended as it sends mixed signals about whether it is or isn't ok to pee, so that's something to look into. And it should go without saying that children should never be yelled at or made to feel bad about bed wetting. I would 100% talk to her about that. I wish my kids had never seen a tablet. S… | /r/Divorce_Men | 01/08/25 12:02 PM |
| 5 | Id like to run a marital asset strategy by everyoneWhat are you talking about? There's nothing to indicate he had any significant money when they got married. | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/07/25 12:07 PM |
| 3 | Id like to run a marital asset strategy by everyoneInheritance could have come post marriage and will be off limits if never commingled. Given OP doesn't have a lot of info about the inheritance, she may not have commingled it. But if she used it for living expenses, it might be. | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/07/25 12:03 PM |
| 2 | Where to focus my attention for improving attractivenessNot enough info. 2. * HCOL, MCOL, or LCOL? You are a baller if making $100k in, say, Oklahoma but will be pretty average in the big metropolitan areas. *Dressing well is a game changer. Most guys dress like slobs - even on dates. Lots of good resources on YouTube. Find a fashion guy that has a style you like and follow his advice. *Round is a shape. Can you improve? Losing weight is what most guys need, and luckily is a lot easier than adding muscle (though that can be done.) *Read Models by Mar… | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/07/25 10:52 PM |
| 5 | Really tired of the single-dad-bashingThe manosphere/red pill community says the same thing about single women. FDS is 10x more toxic than the average 'red pill' guy (who's pretty toxic himself.) I have kids. I wouldn't want to be a divorced dad looking for that unicorn that doesn't have kids of her own and wants to get into a relationship where the kids come first, so I prefer dating women with kids. If I say it's my week with the kids, she knows I'm not available. If I say my kids have baseball games Saturday, she's not going to c… | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/07/25 10:41 PM |
| 8 | Petty gift idea for partners ex wifeI have an idea. Let it go and move on with your life. | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/07/25 02:45 PM |
| 1 | 443,000 is gone what should I do?I know, right? All of his figures are questionable since he doesn't have a clue about taxes. It may have been tacked on to the bottom of the post as an edit. He now says 'they' grossed $257k. (Really 'she' but ok.) If she grossed $257k a year, she should pay about $60k in taxes. So netting just under $200k. (Never mind that it's not clear if the $17k bonus is in addition to the $257k? Bonus's get taxed too, but not clear if OP knows. I question all of his figures if he thinks she earned $257k an… | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/07/25 12:03 AM |
| 2 | 443,000 is gone what should I do?Your math is all over the place. So all your figures are questionable. If she grossed $257k a year, she should pay about $60k in taxes. So netting just under $200k. (Never mind that the bonus seems to be added in. Is that outside of the $257k? Bonus's get taxed too, but not clear if you know. ) I question all your figures if you think she earned $257k and only brought in $136k. | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/07/25 12:00 AM |
| 2 | Sports cards were my downfallBuddy.... Grow up. What you are doing is nothing more than buying scratcher lottery tickets. It's not a hobby. Your wife has every reason to be upset. Sell them, show her the money is back in the account (or what's left of it. I doubt you make money), don't buy any more ever again and be a responsible adult. | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/06/25 06:27 PM |
| 3 | New to divorce, am I being screwed?Real quick - The credit card debt is likely community debt. You are both likely on the hook to split that. (I'm sure there are exceptions but if it's general overspending by one partner, tough luck.) You don't mention any savings, but you could pay off the credit cards from savings, and then split the remainder of savings. We can't say if the child support is fair as we don't know how much you make. Depends on your income and the custody arrangement (which still isn't clear.) You moved 10 hours … | /r/Divorce_Men | 23/06/25 06:10 PM |
| 2 | Stupid stupid stupidhttps://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/grey-rock "Gray rocking, or the grey rock method, is a tactic some people use to deal with abusive or manipulative behavior. It involves becoming as uninteresting and unengaged as possible so that the other person loses interest. The idea behind the technique is that abusive people, especially those with narcissistic tendencies, enjoy getting a reaction from their victims. Refusing to give them this reaction makes interactions less rewarding." Basically,… | /r/Divorce_Men | 19/06/25 01:11 AM |
| 14 | Stupid stupid stupidI've done things with the ex-wife for the sake of the kids (both beint there when they open presents on Christmas so we can both be there to see the joy and excitement) and it has gone well, but I otherwise limit my interaction. However, I do see her quite often as our kids are into sports so we are both at games and some practices. She has a perpetual scowl on her face. She was angry during our marriage (when anyone would have thought she had a good thing)- so I'm not surprised she's angry now.… | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/06/25 12:23 AM |
| 3 | Trying to Co-Parent, but Somehow I’m Still the VillainWhat do you mean she "lawyered up?" She's filed to change the custody agreement with an attorney? Or she mentioned she has a lawyer - and if so, to what end? I'm with the others that thinks you need to quit worrying about mutual respect. Let's be honest here, you want her to respect you and recognize your efforts. ------ Who cares how she paints you, as long as it's not alienating you from your daughter? I guess a heads up about her boyfriend moving in would have been the neighborly thing to do,… | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/05/25 01:17 AM |
| 3 | How is dating after getting the divorce? When do you drop the info on your dates and how does that generally go?Conventional wisdom says to not date anyone that is separated and not fully divorced. Too likely you haven't recovered from the divorce, are just needing a rebound, or you will go back to your STBXW. I don't know how old you are. If you are 40s and up and dating, it's assumed you are divorced and there's no stigma. She's probably divorced, too. In fact, to not have married is seen a red flag and not a flex. I'm sure it's different in your 20s and 30s, though. | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/05/25 02:24 AM |
| 0 | 48 Laws of Power - Law 15 Crush your Enemy TotallyWhat does the book say if you don't have the ability to crush your enemy? Fight until your death? No. Greene - who didn't write that book as a life manual - would argue to be patient and accumulate power before attacking. Or make peace. | /r/Divorce_Men | 19/04/25 01:15 AM |
| 6 | Two Years Later.My ex still drags me down, uses me, bc she knows I’ll give in. Why do you think you give in? I still deal with my ex, throwing away so much money, easily $60-70k in the last years. She loses apartments, has no $ for shit, just a total nightmare. This doesn't sound like your problem. Can your son live with you full time if she loses an apartment? | /r/Divorce_Men | 31/03/25 11:47 PM |
| 19 | New partner not liking my kidHow to deal with this drastic change? I can't and won't see my son less than I do now but also don't want her to have this feeling and if my son is not around we do have great chemistry and sex and everything. Wake the F up and run! Why do you even have to ask us what you should do? Who cares about chemistry and sex if she doesn't appreciate that you have a son you only see 4 days out of the month? Why are you even considering giving in to this selfish person who is only going to be horrible to … | /r/Divorce_Men | 27/03/25 09:52 PM |
| 3 | Medical recordsAccurate. She can't touch your VA disability, but that doesn't mean she (and her lawyer) won't ask for it. Even if they know it's off the table, they may think they can use it as a bargaining chip. | /r/Divorce_Men | 27/03/25 01:23 PM |
| 3 | After Divorce"You can clean around the wound but if you want it to heal, it just takes time." Opening line of the song "Balance" by Future Islands. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g0LJNEQz-E4 It just takes time. | /r/Divorce_Men | 22/03/25 02:32 PM |
| 4 | I became too rich to divorce and I feel trapped.I feel like this is a troll/bot post. How is he sitting on 3 million in inherited wealth and contemplating divorce and hasn't even googled it to learn inheritance isn't community property and isn't subject to division in a divorce? He even tells us he hasn't "mingled" the funds...but doesn't know that means he's in the clear? | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/01/25 11:53 AM |
| 4 | Erotically ConditionedApps are very 2 dimensional. I've matched and gone on first dates with some women that didn't look as good in person as they did in their pictures , and I've been on dates with some that looked better in person than their pictures. Some that weren't "lust at first sight" still had the X factor and I found them very desirable. I doubt your ex is better looking than all the women on the dating apps - so something else is going on. I'm not sure chasing "lust" is your best course of action - but eve… | /r/Divorce_Men | 12/01/25 12:28 AM |
| 1 | So many grief cyclesKids, I understand. Rental business - I know it gets complicated but at some point someone has to buy out the other. I don't see being in business with the ex as a positive long term. You know this, so I assume neither is in a position to buy out the other for the time being. None of that means you have to discuss each other's love life. My ex and I coparent relatively well and end up texting daily about the kids, but we don't talk about each others personal lives. | /r/Divorce_Men | 11/01/25 01:23 PM |
| 2 | Who's Trash is That in Your Truck?Yes! Hate to say it, but our fellow men have set the bar is so low that any guy that has their shit together financially and emotionally will do fine dating. I'd include "not talking about the ex/being over the ex" part of having your emotional shit together. | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/01/25 12:34 AM |
| -2 | Leaving my pregnant wifeI'm judgmental but I'm right. | /r/Divorce_Men | 17/12/24 12:09 AM |
| 5 | Leaving my pregnant wifeThere's a way out you can come out of this. You can be selfish, stay in your current role/location, and be a shitty, nonexistent dad , setting your child up for a poor childhood. If you aren't 100% a piece of shit, you might regret this years down the line. But you sound like a piece of shit, so you might not even care about what happens to your child. | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/12/24 12:27 PM |
| 1 | Wife wants M-F, I want 50/50. How to get her to agree?Says who? (I'm not from Texas, so not doubting you. Just wondering how those numbers were predetermined without going to court.) | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/12/24 12:02 AM |
| 45 | Went overseas to date women... kind of stunned really.Imagine, if you will, a place were you earn 20x to 30x the average person's salary. Avg salary is $4,000 in the Philippines. (I don't know where OP went specifically. That's an example.) Yes, there's a different culture and the women are more "traditional" that U.S. women. But his swipe to likes ratio didn't go from 1 like in every 100 swipes to 1 in 5 because the women there are more "traditional" and less "princess". These women see him as an chance to improve their economic status (and perhap… | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/12/24 02:15 PM |
| 2 | Why Are So Many Men Withdrawing from Society?He's not so gloom and doom to say we are headed to a bunch of shut in like in Japan, but Scott Galloway (NYU marketing professor, tech investor, etc) is one of the few mainstream voices I hear talking about the plight of young men in the U.S. He's left leaning, but he recognizes how young men are being left behind in current U.S. society. Seven out of ten valedictorians are girls. 60 percent of college students are women, etc. He's all over the internet, but here's a quick 7 minute introduction … | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/11/24 02:17 PM |
| 9 | Divorce and splitting up assets - this sucks.If this is a DIY divorce and it's getting hostile, I would strongly recommend a certified divorce mediator. You will pay a flat fee for X amount of sessions/hours, and then the mediator (often a lawyer) will file the paperwork. The mediator is trained to keep the discussions on track and keep anger and tension from getting too high. After all the sessions and a draft agreement has been drawn up, you are free to take it to your own lawyer to make sure you aren't getting hosed or something isn't f… | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/11/24 06:11 PM |
| 1 | Men can also get justiceJust to separate some things since you are talking about 50/50 custody, infidelity and equity in the same paragraph- Whether you or she cheated shouldn't make a difference in custody. Kids need healthy and significant relationships with both parents. To deny the child a significant relationship with one parent because he or she was unfaithful could be argued as cruel. The kid didn't cheat on anyone. Whether infidelity should come with other penalties is a separate discussion. | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/11/24 03:54 PM |
| 2 | Men can also get justiceBut are the laws partial? Show a state that still favors the mother on paper. Most (if not all) have adopted a gender-neutral stance. When it comes to custody, the issue is often that the mother can argue that she is the primary caregiver and has been since the children were young (possibly because Dad was working 50 hours a week and commuting to put a roof over their heads and food on the table.). And you have judges that have a bias to the woman as they are traditionally the primary caregiver.… | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/11/24 03:45 PM |
| 1 | Need Advice. Separated Feb 2024. Discovered AP July 2024. Working on finding the right lawyer and getting rolling on divorce. Open Enrollment ends today and STBX is on my insurance at work. I won't have time to consult with lawyer before window closes. Do I keep her on insurance?You can't just drop her. Once you get a divorce, that's a qualifying life event (QLE) and you can adjust your insurance out of season. | /r/Divorce_Men | 11/11/24 08:13 PM |
| 1 | Does everyone agree this should be a dealbreaker?So don't answer for her, and then tell someone to ask her. We are, you dunce. That's what. | /r/Divorce_Men | 11/11/24 02:25 PM |
| -1 | Does everyone agree this should be a dealbreaker?We are asking him. You are just butting in with conjecture. | /r/Divorce_Men | 11/11/24 01:58 PM |
| 2 | My ex is still a psycho and it's validatingWhy do you even know this? (So you have her logins and are secretly reading her messages. We know.) By why should you? Why do you care? Quit worrying about her. Live your life. | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/11/24 10:23 PM |
| 1 | Daily phone callsThis. No one way is affair partner dude that interested in talking on the phone to a 3 and 5 y/o that probably barely know who he is. They are doing it to get under your skin. Give the kids the phone and leave the room. (And a 3 y/o and probably the 5 y/o don't have the attention spans for 15 minute calls. They will probably get bored and wander off. I don't think it's your problem to keep them on the phone for 15 minutes.) And when she has them, be prepared for her to be petty with the calls. | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/11/24 04:13 PM |
| 3 | I made a mistakeThen disregard my comments. (I stand by them in general and will leave it up as general advice to men, but maybe they don't apply to you.) I would still keep the random complaints to a bare minimum with the next person, regardless of what she says. The fact that she brought it up in the rant does show that they don't want to hear the complaints despite what they may have said. The first couple of dates I went on I found myself commiserating jointly with the other person over my divorce or her di… | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/11/24 03:50 PM |
| 4 | I made a mistakeI'm going to be the dissenting voice and I'm going to be a bit harsh. Nothing personal. She said you can share with her, but she didn't mean every date was going to be a therapy session for you. If it turned into that (and you know some men do do that because we often have no one else to talk to), then I can understand her comment. All the more reason to not date until you have your shit together. I might voice to the woman I'm dating that my ex was being a pain today about some inconsequential … | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/11/24 03:23 PM |
| 1 | AloneRegarding family not talking to you --- my sisters went through divorces before I did, and I never reached out to talk about what they were dealing with. We weren't really tight in that way, and I wouldn't have known what to say, they had other people to lean on, etc. Those were my excuses. I regret it now. I should have reached out. I think it's a bit like a death in the family - others don't know what to say and how to handle it. Perhaps because they went through it first, they were really sup… | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/11/24 02:12 PM |
| 3 | Anybody else try to protect their ex-wife’s reputation by not telling your side of the story? I feel like I can’t just throw her under the bus.50/50 custody, but The kids will be with her, What does this mean? Here's the deal. No one is thinking about you. Or about her. We worry about what people think of us but the truth is no one is thinking about us. All of the anxiety and worry about what others think is 100% misplaced. Tell you mom the truth. Tell your sisters. As for everyone else - they don't cares. And no one wants to be around someone that complains about their ex all the time. | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/11/24 01:41 AM |
| 3 | Can’t sleepYou have to break the cycle of taking benadryl. It may make you fall asleep, but it won't be quality sleep (and that's the most important thing) and it stays in your system and makes you groggy the next day. (Pilots aren't allowed to fly for 60 hours after taking benadryl. Abundance of caution, for sure, but that shows you how long it stays in your system and effects you.) This will pass. Medicating will hurt in the long run. The most I would take is 3mg of melatonin. You don't need more. | /r/Divorce_Men | 29/10/24 01:25 PM |
| 1 | No fault divorce and 50/50the woman (in most cases) has to pay rent/energy/etc already for her. You lost me right there by being unwilling to acknowledge that a child results in additional housing or energy costs to a single mother. The difference between a 1 and 2 bedroom apartment or even a 1 bedroom and a 3 or 4 bedroom apartment in the case of multiple children is significant. And that's just a start. You are just ranting. | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/10/24 06:32 PM |
| 0 | No fault divorce and 50/50Also in my state 50/50 you still have to pay child support I personally think that's crazy. We have enough deadbeat dad's in the world and the reward for the ones that stick around is to pay? I get it, I would never in my life if I had a child, assume there is a "reward" for doing what you're supposed to (being present) but why kick a man while he's down already? 1) That there are deadbeat dads has nothing to do with whether a higher earning spouse should pay child support even with 50/50. 2) I … | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/10/24 04:36 PM |
| 4 | How did you manage relationships and assets after divorce?At my age (50+) I think I'll only consider "Living Apart Together". Living apart together refers to committed, romantic relationships in which the spouses or partners live in separate homes. Why More Couples Are Living Apart Together (verywellmind.com) After a controlling (ex)spouse, I'm enjoying having a house to myself and my freedom (plus I have kids and am not in a hurry to introduce them to a potential step-mom.) I do my thing with my kids on the week (50/50) I have them and my new girlfrie… | /r/Divorce_Men | 18/10/24 12:51 PM |
| 1 | Dating during separation? My online dating experiencean important bit - your ex is dating and is glowing For all we know, she may be having meaningless sex and struggling to find a meaningful connection and getting ghosted after a one-night stand. Peruse the dating subs and there are a lot of unhappy women (that can have or are having sex.) The sooner you (the OP) can stop comparing yourself to the ex the better you'll be. It may take time, but you can get there. At one point the thought of my ex with another guy would have bothered me. I can tell… | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/10/24 11:35 PM |
| 3 | Spiteful things your wife does?Through a marriage counselor - that we stopped going to because my ex had a blowup at me during a session. She showed what she was really like to that counselor and could no longer play the "neglected wife that only wanted her husband to do more around the house," so we stopped going and she found a new counselor. (Didn't work.) But when read the Gottman literature, it all clicked and resonated with me. No doubt the Gottmans would have seen our divorce coming from a mile away. I doubt my ex read… | /r/Divorce_Men | 11/10/24 02:56 PM |
| 6 | Spiteful things your wife does?Thanks. Contempt was the worst for me. Criticism came first and was constant but the contempt she had for me and everything I did caused the most damage, I think. | /r/Divorce_Men | 11/10/24 02:28 PM |
| 6 | Spiteful things your wife does?Same. I disagree with the usual "She forgot to put the cap back on the toothpaste? She's cheating on you, bro. Time to delate the lawyer, Gym up, hit the facebook." Not this time. I would say it's past no respect and is outright contempt, which is the worst of Gottman's Four Horseman of impending divorce. Refusing to talk about it sounds like even more contempt. In the wife's eyes, OP isn't even worthy of a response to his valid emotions. | /r/Divorce_Men | 11/10/24 01:24 PM |
| 1 | She just can't seem to grow up.My experience is that when you really clamp down like limit access to money, people say it's abuse. So she says being put on a budget is abuse and then what? Files for divorce? You are headed there anyway. Sorry, I don't have any good answers. Just FYI, you will not get 100% custody. It will take real neglect on her part for you to get 100% custody. Just you doing most of the housework won't do it. | /r/Divorce_Men | 11/10/24 01:00 AM |
| 1 | How do you handle dividing belongings during a divorce without involving lawyers?You mean the household goods? Beds and couches and dining room tables? I didn't bother arguing. I pretty much let her have everything inside the house. I took two pictures of my kids off the wall and that's about it. I did take all the 'dude stuff' I had in the garage, which was worth a bit. She didn't try to argue over my (technically our) impact wrenches and the ski equipment and my gym equipment (technically half hers.) I'm sure there's some negotiation strategy in which you argue over (relat… | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/10/24 12:56 PM |
| 6 | I can’t wrap my head around how she is doing so wellYour wife has known for years she was going to divorce you. Like years. This is the probable answer. She has mentally prepared and already grieved the end of the marriage. OP is just starting the grief cycle. (Guys here always assume there's an affair partner and she's in an affair fog. That's not always or even usually the case. The answer is she has already come to terms with the divorce and the OP is just hearing about it.) | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/10/24 03:38 AM |
| 2 | Dating after divorceMost women are going to be turned off that you aren't divorced. I guess they won't know if you don't tell them. I'm for honesty but won't tell you what to do. (Of course, if you meet the perfect one, it's going to be awkward breaking it to her that you aren't divorced after all.) But more importantly, rushing back into a relationship may delay your healing and set you up for a bigger fall. Divorce is traumatic. Your headspace may not be in the right place for making decisions. The woman you pick… | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/10/24 07:52 PM |
| 1 | Wife having affair with her therapistSue him on what grounds? | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/10/24 01:37 PM |
| 5 | Did anyone end up being Happy their Wife Divorced them?I'm much happier. However, it's not like I was blindsided by the divorce. We did multiple rounds of marriage counseling. I hung on longer to the idea that we might be happy again longer than she did. But I knew the marriage was crap and she was making me miserable. She was insufferable. I was happier the day I moved out even though she thinks I 'didn't want the divorce." | /r/Divorce_Men | 12/09/24 01:01 AM |
| 4 | Divorced DatingSame here. I posted about my experiences, which have been positive. | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/09/24 09:52 PM |
| 14 | Divorced DatingI think your "picker" is not working. I've not had the problems you describe. Never been asked to meet the kids - much less watch them. I pay for the first date, and after that we usually split or one pays this time and the other pays that time. Never been on anyone's social media and would decline if asked. I set boundaries, so I haven't been gaslit for not being at their beck and call. They know I won't see them every other week when I have my kids, and I'm not hanging out with them every nigh… | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/09/24 09:49 PM |
| 8 | ResentmentIt doesn't surprise me most women don't regret or admit to regretting their divorces. (I imagine it's the same for men that initiated as well.) My impression is that outside of leaving in a huff due to infidelity (on either partner), most divorces have been a long time coming and the initiating party did the grieving long before the separation. However, I do think women find that being divorced isn't as easy as they thought it would be. For what it's worth, there is a constant stream of posts on… | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/09/24 11:09 AM |
| 1 | Advice: What would the best course of action be?Go ahead and apply for CBP now. It's better to have both applications going at the same time. Start with whoever hires you first. If you start with CBP, you can leave the academy for BP if and when you get the call. The biggest slowdown will be getting the clearance. | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/02/24 08:53 PM |
| 2 | Pros and cons of life after divorce?I made a few edits while you were responding. Nothing significant. Not Mississippi. But not Ohio either. | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/02/24 03:52 PM |
| 2 | Pros and cons of life after divorce?I did the 1 mediator (who was also an attorney and filed all the paperwork) flat fee solution. No other lawyers involved. The mediator was a mediator first and the fact she was an attorney was secondary. It worked, and just barely. However, we were almost exact equals in earning and savings. Split marital assets down the middle. She kept her 401k and I kept mine (they were very similar). Custody is 50/50. No child support. No alimony. I bought her out of the house. We could probably have done it… | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/02/24 03:42 PM |
| 3 | Pros and cons of life after divorce?The rise of online dating has changed things, for sure. Someone called Tinder the Uber Eats for women. Any halfway attractive woman can swipe through the 'menu' and order up an attractive guy to sleep with her (without the indignity of throwing themselves at the single guys at work or hanging out in a singles bar.) Then they are unhappy when hot guy ghosts them after sex because his inbox is full of other middling women and some hot women. Then they get in a longer relationship but it ends after… | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/02/24 03:25 PM |
| 3 | Life is good, men in your 40sWhy would you think it's a joke? If you are still in the painful and grieving stages, I know it may seem impossible to come out the other side a better man and with a richer life. It can and does happen. It can happen for you, too. It may take time. And it will take work. | /r/Divorce_Men | 12/02/24 03:32 PM |
| 5 | Dating post divorceI don't know. Women may get hundreds (HUNDREDS!) of likes a day. Are you so sure she's going to see you? Is the app even going to show her your profile? You don't know. The apps are a for-profit venture. The free version doesn't work as well as the paid version - if it did it no one would pay for the subscriptions and Tinder/Bumble/Hinge would have to change their business model or go broke. Aren't most upgrades about a dollar a day? I'd try them before I dismissed them. | /r/Divorce_Men | 23/01/24 07:32 PM |
| 2 | Dating post divorceGood advice here. I"m afraid our OP's self confidence is shot and he's got self-limiting beliefs, partly because he's way too emotionally involved in what his ex is doing. | /r/Divorce_Men | 23/01/24 07:22 PM |
| 15 | Dating post divorce1) Why are you discussing your love life and hers with the ex-wife? Do you want to be miserable? (Also, hypocrisy may not mean what you think it means. I don't see how she's being hypocritical, but I digress.) 2) Dating sites may require trial and error. Your photos may suck. Just because you didn't have success for a week doesn't mean you can't in the future. Your photos probably suck. Tweak your bio to see if you get better results. Your photo almost certainly suck. Get a professional to take … | /r/Divorce_Men | 23/01/24 07:17 PM |
| 1 | Severe doubtsWhen I was younger and before dating apps existed, height was not as important as it is now. I think because women have a lot of matches they can and have to screen based on appearances, and height is an easy one. Not to say that tall dark and handsome wasn't considered attractive before, but I didn't know of any guys that were in despair over their stature 20 years ago. I think the key is to get off the apps and meet women in real life so they don't just judge you on a picture, a height stat, a… | /r/Divorce_Men | 20/01/24 04:06 AM |
| 3 | I’m free!Brother, by your own admission you were psychotic one day and the next day something happened in the garage you don't want to tell us about and the police and CPS paid you a visit. (Warranted or not, fair or not - Doesn't completely matter. The paperwork and allegations are on file.) I'm glad you didn't lose it today but frankly you are on thin ice. I don't trust that whatever clicked in your head today will stay clicked. For you own sake you have to control your emotions and can't rely on this … | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/01/24 02:18 AM |
| 4 | Last LongerClassic. There's also this. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QyRT5lgsxXc | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/01/24 02:04 AM |
| 4 | Getting back put there sucksRead Models by Mark Manson for a non-icky guide to dating women. You are going to have to get comfortable with rejection. And don't get too attached to one crush (the one that shot you down). Just move on. | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/01/24 01:54 PM |
| 4 | Does wife making more than husband contribute to relationship issues?Thank you. | /r/Divorce_Men | 29/12/23 11:41 PM |
| 4 | Does wife making more than husband contribute to relationship issues?I felt the same way at one point. And she did eventually outearn me just slightly, as we moved for her career. When it would have been my turn to move for my career...well, by that time she had the bit in her teeth and was full speed ahead with her career. The extra money didn't lead to more happiness. She just spent more of it. We went from staying at the Courtyard to the Marriott, but all she could do was whine that we weren't at the JW. The goalposts (for her at least) kept moving. If you had… | /r/Divorce_Men | 29/12/23 11:40 PM |
| 6 | Does wife making more than husband contribute to relationship issues?Do you have a source? Not doubting you; I want to read more. My STVBXW got a promotion (not a huge deal), and things changed. Suddenly I was holding her back, and I should be doing all the childcare as she had the more important job. And she became more focused on getting the right assignment that will lead to the next promotion. | /r/Divorce_Men | 29/12/23 11:09 PM |
| 5 | Need advice she keeps bring up divorce. I don't want one.Well, my STBXW *claimed she had been diagnosed with Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder (PMDD), which is a severe form of PMS. If you look through the PMDD subreddit, you'll see women that quite literally want to kill themselves or their husbands and then as soon as they get their period, they seem to snap back to normal. My STBXW never really snapped back to normal when she got her period. She just got slightly less angry. I was first relieved that she had been diagnosed, as I thought it might mean… | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/12/23 02:26 AM |
| 1 | Women call preferences Standards and for Men is being ToxicThe better question is do I have issues? Certainly. | /r/Divorce_Men | 19/12/23 03:17 PM |
| 2 | Women call preferences Standards and for Men is being ToxicWait, what? You made it sound like you were the man for letting her know she 'disrepected your time." Turns out you simped for her and then got dumped when you tried to put your foot down and now you are bitter about it? How old are you, by the way? | /r/Divorce_Men | 19/12/23 03:44 AM |
| 2 | Women call preferences Standards and for Men is being ToxicWhere does the kid come into play in this? You got dumped by a woman - with a kid or without one. I didn't see anything in your original post that involved the kid. | /r/Divorce_Men | 19/12/23 03:40 AM |
| 2 | Women call preferences Standards and for Men is being ToxicI read it all. I quoted the parts I wanted to respond to. Feel free state where I'm wrong. And tell me my agenda why you are at it. Your pal. | /r/Divorce_Men | 19/12/23 03:38 AM |
| 5 | Women call preferences Standards and for Men is being ToxicHe got dumped and came here to whine about it, so ask him how whatever he is doing is working out for him. | /r/Divorce_Men | 19/12/23 03:26 AM |
| 2 | Agree on all but CS. She wants max CS + 50/50 custody. That seem right or is she asking way too much?Child support is rooted in socialism. Each according to his means, etc. Even when it's 50/50, the higher earner can afford to contribute more for the kids and therefore the laws say the higher earner will pay child support. Find the Texas child support calculator and see what you will pay if it goes to court. You might be getting a better deal now. (I don't know what 'max 20%' means. 20% of what?) | /r/Divorce_Men | 19/12/23 03:05 AM |
| 4 | Women call preferences Standards and for Men is being ToxicSingle women who are older and have a child need to realize a majority of men are not interested in them because of that factor, yet some of us accept it and are willing to step in. For something minor to cause her to decide to end it, of which I wasnt mad or upset, I messaged her telling her hope she had fun and get home safe, and this morning to have a good day. I truly am convinced that a majority women are delusional, self righteous and are playing the feminism card way to hard. We all deser… | /r/Divorce_Men | 19/12/23 02:59 AM |
| 1 | Legal downsides to being a jerk to my cheating SBTXW once the divorce is final?Good suggestions. We are mostly down to communicating via Whatsapp, and I'll often mute her for 8 hours and then have 15 messages in a row when I do check it. We just got Our Family Wizard, and I'm going to move all comms there except for more time sensitive but mundane matters involving the kids. | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/12/23 07:11 AM |
| 9 | Legal downsides to being a jerk to my cheating SBTXW once the divorce is final?But it will have an effect on your kids. She may up the badmouthing and parental alienation. Or they may pick up on it. Not to mention a woman scorned will be a terrible co-parent. You might feel better in the short term but making her an even bigger enemy will be a bigger headache in the long run. ------ I grey rock my STBX. Or at least 99% of the time I do. It's hard sometimes as she is still complaining about everything I do with the kids (or don't do with the kids.) Although I don't wish any… | /r/Divorce_Men | 04/12/23 03:45 AM |
| 3 | Online dating and revealing you’re divorced?How old are you? At a certain age, if you are on dating apps it is expected that you are likely divorced. So disclosing it early is no big deal. In fact, according to the data science, at a certain age never having been married becomes a bit of a red flag. | /r/Divorce_Men | 02/12/23 12:45 AM |
| 1 | Am I been unfair ?Makes sure she knows about the cameras. Firstly, it's the law. Secondly, you'd rather her never make the accusations. Hidden cameras would only be good if she said "he assaulted me in the living room." And after you've been drug through the mud and had a temporary restraining order filed against you (or arrested) and you show footage that the alleged incident never happened, she'll say "Did I say liviing room? I mean the hallway." Her credibility would be destroyed but it will still be a mess to… | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/11/23 03:22 PM |
| 2 | I GOT MARRIED TO PROCREATE... now I have a beautiful child but realize there's no connection (AT ALL) with my wife.I don't know you. Save the sob stories about your OCD and anxiety. I don't care. There's a more clear selective advantage to being well adjusted and emotionally intelligent. Hopefully your baby mama can pass that on to your child - but seeing as how you chose her for her looks and nothing else I am doubtful. | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/11/23 05:15 AM |
| 2 | How to stop hating?That's tough. I have no advice for EU situations. | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/11/23 04:29 PM |
| 2 | I GOT MARRIED TO PROCREATE... now I have a beautiful child but realize there's no connection (AT ALL) with my wife.I picked a wife based on looks to give my children that selective advantage. Do you see how full of shit you are when you look in the mirror? You already stated you picked a partner because you wanted others to see you with a pretty woman. To be very honest, I think subconsciously I have always wanted to show the rest of the world I have a beautiful wife. If you wanted your child to have an advantage, you would have chosen an intelligent woman (not a beautician that watches Tik Tok) that you wou… | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/11/23 04:21 PM |
| 2 | How to stop hating?She is from another country which forces me to.play nice not to push her to take the kid and go away. You need to protect yourself from an international parental child abduction (IPCA). https://travel.state.gov/content/travel/en/International-Parental-Child-Abduction.html/#:~:text=International%20parental%20child%20abduction%20is%20the%20removal%20or,breach%20of%20another%20parent%20or%20guardian%E2%80%99s%20custody%20rights. | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/11/23 04:15 PM |
| 2 | I GOT MARRIED TO PROCREATE... now I have a beautiful child but realize there's no connection (AT ALL) with my wife.If you choose to post here, you open yourself up to whatever anyone wants to say. If you don't want disapproval or have someone point out your faults, don't post. | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/11/23 03:02 PM |
| 2 | I GOT MARRIED TO PROCREATE... now I have a beautiful child but realize there's no connection (AT ALL) with my wife.I turned 40 years old and came up with a list of things that I wanted in my life before I died. You lived a hedonistic life, and at the age 40 you decided you wanted to be a father. You picked a wife based on looks and ability to birth a child (that she has kids that don't live with her also tells us a lot about her character) and a year after the birth you decided you wanted to go back to your hedonistic life. I doubt you were "born to be a father" or you would have been serious about being a f… | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/11/23 03:25 AM |
| 4 | Feeling the failure pretty heavilyCouple of things here we can probably tackle right now. Let's start with the gym. What are you doing in the gym? Please tell me you have a program designed by a professional and you don't just go there and wander around from machine to machine. Most people make no progress due to 1) lack of consistency (that one is self-explanatory) and 2) lack of intensity (most people in a commercial gym frankly aren't training hard.) Tell me what you are doing and maybe I can point you to a better way. (Spoil… | /r/Divorce_Men | 04/11/23 12:59 AM |
| 1 | Where do you startDon't worry about dealing with your dead ex-wife's relatives. You do not want to own rental property with your alive ex-wife. Is she on the loan? If you buy her out you may have to refinance at a much higher rate. If she's not on the mortgage, look into buying her out at a fair market rate. You'll both save because you don't have to pay a commission to a real estate agent and other closing costs or pay whatever it costs to get it ready to sell. | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/11/23 03:29 AM |
| 1 | Custody... All or nothing?I know it will vary by state, but 50/50 is the norm in California and more progressive states. I can't speak to the state where the OP lives, so maybe he got shafted. My question still stands. Is OP planning on giving the ex-wife more money in order to get more time? And if so, is this done with or without the court's knowledge. Genuinely curious. | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/11/23 02:59 AM |
| 1 | Custody... All or nothing?Ok - so he wants to get 50/50 and but may also 'go for the kill' and attempt to get full custody. He doesn't say what percentage he has now. I agree with you. I think I'm the better parent but my kids need significant time with their mom and I wouldn't try to take more than 50/50. I'm frankly confused, though. Why would her running out of settlement money help him get 50/50 or full custody? Is he planning on paying her a lump sum to get her to agree to 50/50 (which would reduce the child support… | /r/Divorce_Men | 02/11/23 07:01 AM |
| 1 | Advice on dating younger womenYou must have found the one 28 year old that wanted to bang someone that could be her daddy that didn't have issues. That it ended amicably doesn't mean she didn't have issues. I stand by my post. | /r/Divorce_Men | 01/11/23 03:27 AM |
| 8 | Advice on dating younger womenWhat do you expect? You think a young woman with no issues wants to date older men? If she didn't have issues, she'd be dating someone closer to her own age. https://www.youtube.com/shorts/-rJ6ZVFPFTY Relevant short clip. | /r/Divorce_Men | 31/10/23 02:54 AM |
| 4 | Figuring some stuff outTalk to a lawyer. Given neither has filed anything, I would think there's a small possibility she might be entitled to something if the business takes off. But what do I know? Which is why you need to -- Talk to a lawyer. | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/10/23 01:40 PM |
| 2 | What was the cost of your divorce?$8,000 flat fee for mediation with a mediator/lawyer, who will submit all filings. | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/10/23 01:28 AM |
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