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Mymindisgone217 Archive

View 1 posts and 101 comments by Mymindisgone217 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
4

Mymindisgone217/r/Divorce_Men10/04/20 01:48 AM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
2

I've been dealing with it for the past 8 years. Her cheating and leaving when she did (I had been through a medical issue after a surgery, that caused me memory issues and physical instability), has made me lose all hope of having someone to share life with.
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/26 01:48 PM
1

Say that she was unfaithful, without going into details.
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/26 02:40 AM
7

When I learned that the real reason for her wanting a divorce was because she was cheating.
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/26 02:20 AM
1

I think that the living near your parents may be something that sounds good to you for the reasons you listed, but think about yourself as a child in the same situation. You stay with mom in the home you were in, and dad moves an hour away from you. Do you think you are going to see Dad all that much? Is he going to be able to make it to things that you are participating in, and be able to see more of it than the last 5 minutes? I understand that it sounds good financially to make the move there…
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/25 10:22 AM
9

I have to say that I see you as lucky! It sounds like your divorce was finalized before she started to date, but maybe I am wrong. Two months after my now ex, had left she told me that she was in a committed relationship and then I started to see posts of her and the new guy. Up until then I still had hope that we wouldn't actually be getting divorced, so I had no problem that she hadn't actually filed for it. I had even visited with her the weekend before she told me. I couldn't believe it. She…
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/25 10:10 PM
4

The way someone looks is always going to change. If you allow yourself to get stuck on only being able to love someone because of the way they look, then you are going to keep finding yourself in this situation. You have to be able to love the person on the inside, and be turned on simply by being with them. If you can't do that, then the relationship is wrong, no matter how they look on the outside. So ask yourself, are you allowing yourself to be too hung up on how she looks. Or, had how she l…
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/25 06:32 PM
9

The secrecy is probably because she has something to hide and is hoping that you don't find out before your day in court. My ex told me that she wanted a divorce but would never say why. I eventually learned that it was because she was already with someone new.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/25 11:55 AM
2

I met someone about 2 years after my divorce, but I still had a lot to work on first before could really feel like I was ready to date. Thankfully she did as well. We were able to become friends, and that continued for about 3 years. So 5 years after my divorce, I started to date her. Sadly it only lasted a year and then we ended up splitting due to some life issues. I still have hope that once things calm down, we can give things a try again, but I am probably telling myself a lie.
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/25 04:53 AM
1

I think she was probably hoping to hear you say that she was wrong and would find that she will get replies, and then having you ask her not to do so, so that you aren't 10 times more worried about losing her than you already are! Saying something like this could be a boost that she is needing, instead of getting the feeling of just being tied down.
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/25 08:04 AM
1

The very first thing I would do if you are worried about your soon to be ex moving out of the state, is to get orders for your daughter to stay in the state that she sees as being her home. If she is in school, then you may be able to go as far as orders to keep her in the same school district. You will have to most likely speak with a lawyer about this.
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/25 04:34 AM
6

Just do what you can to include all of your children when you can. Make sure to speak with them about plans for something like a family camping trip that you may be and see if they are wanting to come along. Giving them options will help to have them feel included but not forced.
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/25 11:42 AM
4

Be careful with believing over generalized statements about something being one way for everyone. Take your time to read through other articles to find other opinions on things. While what the article you read my be true in for some people, that doesn't mean that it is for everyone. Different people have different ways that they experience and show love. You could set up a viewing of one romance film with an audience of women and ask them all to write down how they saw love being expressed in th…
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/25 11:08 PM
3

Don't sign anything about who you can and can't be with because of what your soon to be ex wants. If it was something that she thought was truly a danger to the kids, she would need to bring that up in court and try to have a no contact order in place, should the woman you cheated with ever return.
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/25 10:28 AM
3

I would suggest that you see them a few times and work to reconnect with them. Then maybe after seeing them and them getting to know you again, then you see if they want to continue to see you. This way everyone is getting to know each other from firsthand experience and not possibly from what others have said. When you are with them, don't focus on being fun. Focus on being a parent.
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/25 04:30 PM
5

I never thought my ex would do so or that was why she wanted a divorce when she first told me, but when she was telling me that she was in a committed relationship only 2 months later, right after I had spent a weekend with her that gave me a lot of hope, told me that she had probably been seeing this guy for a lot longer than she was saying. Hell, she wanted the divorce and hadn't even waited until filing for it! I ended up filing for it soon after.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/25 03:40 AM
2

If there are no children that are involved in your divorce with her, block her if you want to. She has your address I assume, so should she really need to get ahold of you for some reason, she can write to you. Plus writing is always nice. Especially when hand written. That can be verified with hers to know for sure that she sent it, but always save envelopes anything she may send, has come in. This way you have proof should she do anything underhanded.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/25 03:22 AM
1

I won't move until there is a court ruling telling you that you have to move out due to her decision to end things and move on. My guess would be that if she keeps pushing you to move out, when you have done nothing to make the house feel unliveable to her and the kids, you will be able to get the courts to have her removed. Try to have your interactions recorded so that she can't claim that it never happened. If you talk to her through text, screen shot those messages, preferably with her phone…
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/25 07:25 AM
2

With her new focus seeming to be her job and hobbies, not her family, then she should be the one to move out. You can continue to focus on your kids and work and the home that the kids already live in, while she goes off and builds this new life that she is wanting to start. For me, when it comes to divorce, as long as the person who is being divorced hasn't done something major to cause the divorce, then it is the person who is saying that they are done, who should be moving on. They are the on…
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/25 01:38 AM
2

I would suggest that you speak with someone locally that may be able to help you get your kids out of the environment they are in. You have just as many rights to them as she does at this point, so don't let her push you around. Unless you have given her the house or rental and already signed off on it, you have equal rights to the home and she cannot kick you out. Stepping away most likely is only going to be helping her build her story of you having left them all. You need to get yourself back…
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/25 01:08 PM
7

She has abandoned doing things amicably with taking off with your child and not giving you a way to get ahold of her. I would suggest that you not sit around and wait hoping that things will eventually turn out. Contact police and let them know that she has taken your daughter away for 2 months and no way to contact her. You may need to contact a lawyer as well. Your STBX will have to end up realizing that her actions are going to end up costing her any part of that money she was hoping to get, …
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/25 12:02 PM
1

I went into my second divorce hoping that this would happen. Made a couple of trips to see herThat was until I learned about the other guy she was with, while still not having filed. I didn't want to hold onto that hope anymore and ended up filing for the divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/25 08:23 AM
6

It's definitely not easy to keep grounded during. I went through 5 years of major depression, trying to deal with the divorce. Hope you are able to get through and deal with yours, much more easily than I was able to.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/25 12:56 PM
13

From my point of view, you definitely got a lot more info than me, but still see that it can leave someone feeling lost. My ex simply came home from a visit with her mom and informed me that she wanted a divorce. She wouldn't really give any reason why she wanted it. And the few things that she did say, never seemed to make sense and would change the next time she was asked why. So none of what she said seemed real. Well, shortly after moving out, she has a boyfriend, so I am now pretty sure she…
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/25 11:41 AM
7

Document everything. Set up cameras to see when she arrives and leaves. Have cameras in any room she may be in. This way anything that she does or may say, can be captured. If she steps away and starts to talk to a bF on the phone while in another room, then you will have proof of her being with someone else. My ex was off dating another guy pretty quickly, though she was the one who informed me. I did see photos online shortly afterwards. She hadn't even waited until she filed for the divorce s…
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/25 04:46 AM
3

Good evening. I am sorry you are having to deal with her acting this way. Have you thought about looking for another job, at least something that could be temporary until September when you may be able to return to your previous job? Has this type of cycle been one that repeats yearly for you?
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/25 05:42 AM
6

Well I have to say that from what you have written here, I see you as being lucky. I say this because my ex didn't give me any reason as to why she wanted a divorce. She just came home from a visit with her mother and informed me that she wanted a divorce. No reason why was given. I felt completely lost. You may have only been told that she didn't have feelings for you anymore, but when you got no reasoning at all, even that seems huge. I understand being okay with her not having filed yet, but …
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/25 04:34 AM
9

I wish that I had something encouraging to tell you. I have been through my second divorce, 5 years of depression, and then started to date someone who I had been talking with for a couple of years, thinking it was a really good match, but she ended things shortly after we had been dating for a year. She said that there still may be a chance for us, but that was 6 months ago. We still talk a little but I don't get the feeling that she really wants to even do that. I am to the point where I am no…
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/25 03:17 AM
5

It was my ex who wanted it, moved out, and never said why she wanted it. 2 months later she is with another guy, yet hadn't even filed for the divorce yet. I ended up having to file for the divorce that she had wanted, and I was now guessing that she had started talking to this guy before leaving me. I feel that after finding this out, I should have been very happy once the divorce was finalized, but I fell into a deep depression that I dealt with for about 5 years. I should have been happy beca…
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/25 10:51 AM
8

Love is something that we have to build for our partner. That intense feeling that we first get with someone, isn't love. It's lust. Sadly many of us only see lust as love, and keep chasing after that feeling. Lust is always a temporary feeling. It gives us a chance to build love with someone. You are at a point where the feeling of lust is now gone, but what you have written about your wife here, tells me that you are in love with her. You just have to allow yourself to see it and work to accep…
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/25 03:39 AM
1

My ex said that she wanted the divorce, moved out and back to her home state. I still got the impression that she loved me and she never said why she wanted the divorce, so I went into hoping that she just needed some time and would want to come back home. I made two trips to see her over the next two months. Then about a week after the second trip, she informs me that she is now seeing someone else. This was heart crushing to me. I went and filed for the divorce the next week. I couldn't let my…
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/25 03:04 AM
4

I have guessed that my ex had started an affair before she told me that she wanted a divorce. Just waited to say anything about being with anyone else until she had gotten my dumbass to bring her more of her things, while I was still hoping that she would come back. Last I saw on Facebook, it seemed like she was still with him, but that was a year or two ago that I checked. It's been 7 years now since the divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/25 04:06 AM
2

I would say that if your offer is too low, then she is welcome to take some of those items that you aren't wanting either. She could possibly sell them to get what she feels is a better value for them. Or she could possibly be stuck with furniture that no one wants and didn't have the value she thought it did. Don't pay more for something that you aren't wanting in the first place. She doesn't want to have to deal with it, and wants you to pay her more, not to have to deal with it. You could als…
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/24 01:16 AM
1

I have been married and sadly divorced twice, but in both cases there was no prenup, and no alimony. From my point of view, If I had some wanting to write in alimony in a prenup, that would be telling me that this was going to be a mistake and they didn't have plans for this to really last. I would talk with who I was planning to marry and try to get to the route of this but if it can't be worked out, I would have to break off the engagement. For me a prenup would only be for protecting what eac…
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/24 02:54 AM
1

That may just be a fact of the area you are looking in. Things could be set at a rate to get several interested people at once, so the landlord can get them to overbid on the monthly rental. Check your local laws and see if it is legal for landlords to take a higher rental amount from one prospective renter and then present it to another to see if the other will offer more.
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/24 06:35 AM
5

Do you have any family or friends in your area that you might be able to stay with for a while? It may not be the most comfortable thing to do, but hopefully it would give you a chance not to be spending so much on motel rooms. Or I know you said you had a chance at a couple of places that were small. It may not be the best thing, but it could be a start for the first year. You can always spend time with your son outside of the apartment. Just trying to see how you can make things work with your…
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/24 05:35 AM
2

Well, think back to when you had been dating her. Would your mind have let you see what you know now, even with someone trying to tell you? Or would you have just seen it as the ex trying to mess things up between you and her? I know that you want to be able to say that you would be able to think about it logically and allow yourself to see similarities with your situation and what the ex was put through, but most likely you wouldn't have been willing to accept that then. We all tend to allow ou…
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/24 12:10 PM
10

With my first now ex, I had just ignored the manipulation and put downs, because before her I had it set in my mind that I would be lucky to have anyone. I always thought very little about myself and didn't see anyone being willing to be with me. I guess my first red flag should have been her even showing interest in me.
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/24 03:58 AM
1

Sorry for the delay in reply. With counseling/therapy, I found that it was important for me to keep in mind that if I want it to help me, that I have to do more than simply go once a week or once a month. I had to make sure that I was taking the time to think about what my counselor was talking about, throughout the following weeks and work to make changes in how I am approaching things in my life. It's not easy, and it took time to work through things, but it was worth it in the end. There were…
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/24 02:48 AM
1

Honestly how long you feel this way is going to be based on how you decide to process the marriage and divorce. If you need help with this, then seek some counseling or groups in your area to be able to talk with. My second marriage was for only 2 years and it took me that long even to start talking to someone else after she left. 3 more years to start to date. My ex had left without giving me any reason and I was stuck on the why questions as well as depression. It took getting some counseling …
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/24 06:04 AM
3

My second ex surprised me with wanting a divorce. We had only been married for 2 years. 6 months before, I had been through a major medical issue that could have killed me but did end up causing me to lose some physical stability and having some memory issues, mostly with new new things, but it isn't a complete loss. I just had to work at being able to hold onto things. A couple of weeks after I had gotten well enough to return to work, she informed me that she wanted a divorce. She was never re…
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/24 11:11 PM
3

I had a very hard time after my divorce and felt like there was really no point in continuing, many times. My mind was just so stuck on wanting an explanation of the whys in my head, when I thought and felt that things were good between us. It took me about 2 years to think about wanting someone else in my life, but it wasn't until about 5 years after the divorce that I actually started to see someone. A lot of that time was because I couldn't let go of those whys, very easy, and so couldn't mov…
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/24 03:05 PM
8

I have learned that letting myself hope for something from an ex, is just a waste of my time and keeping me from being able to move past the divorce. My ex never really gave me a reason for her decision for wanting a divorce, and I stayed focused on the why. This was a huge problem for me because I couldn't move forward. I spent about 4 years dealing with deep depression over not having answers to know what the reason really was. She had listed some things, but none of them seemed real, but more…
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/24 04:30 PM
3

You can always talk with her about the steps that you have taken and the continued work that you are working on, to better the situation and hopefully make you all happy together. Just don't push for her to drop the divorce. That is going to have to be something that she decides (this is assuming that she is the one who was asking for it). You can let her know that it is not something that you want and you are trying to show that by working on things. Talk about the changes being something that …
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/24 04:16 PM
12

Lol, had to chuckle at this question a bit because on the radio today, they were talking about a wedding where a guy came into the church and said that he objects to the wedding because he had slept with the bride to be after her bachelorette party a night or two before the wedding.
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/24 05:28 AM
2

The Christian faith likes to push the idea of no sex before marriage, but with how willing people are to end a marriage, I think that doing everything that you can before getting married to see if it is something that you really want, is a smart idea to me.
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/23 05:41 AM
1

My first ex wife and I had tried to have kids during our marriage of 10 years . We had problem after problem and never had any. About 6 months after she filed for a divorce, I learned that she was pregnant and she claimed it was her new bf's. It was extremely hard to accept this, and it wasn't until I learned of the child's birth date, that I was able to start to do so. It has been 10 years since the divorce and have had a couple girlfriends that have tried to push for me to push for DNA testing…
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/23 01:36 AM
5

I would definitely suggest that you work to send the message that you are not making any more adjustments to the divorce agreement unless ordered by the courts, and remind her that she decided that she wanted a divorce and so now has one and has to live with her decision. It seems like she may be the type to ask for an inch but will take a mile if allow to get away with doing so. If she can keep getting more from you without a fight, then she is most likely to keep trying to go after you for mor…
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/23 07:27 AM
6

She can make an attempt to try and get more, but will have to go through the courts to do it and get a lawyer to fight for it, most likely costing her much of the money that she already has. Suggest to her that she look for honest opinions from different people in the courts to have an idea if it is even going to be worth it for her to try or if she is just going to end up losing much of what she already had asked for and agreed to.
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/23 06:22 AM
1

I think you have to really work to see why you want to say something. If you are wanting to say something in order to hurt him as much as you have been hurt, there is a good chance that telling his spouse isn't going to hurt him much. If he was that invested in that relationship, then he never would have been with your stbx. If you want to tell his spouse simply to inform her, then do so, but be careful with how you do it. If this is someone that you know, then think about how to best present th…
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/23 04:05 AM
1

Most likely unless you stay nearby, it is going be pretty much impossible for them to see things any other way when it sounds like the reason for the move was to be with this woman. And guessing that your ex won't be doing anything to help them see it any other way either. How sure are you about things in this new relationship? As things are now, is it really worth the risk of the happiness of your kids? Try to put yourself in their shoes and think about how you would have felt to learn that you…
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/23 05:26 AM
1

I have a different meal each day of the week and then just repeat that every week. One week I cook on Monday and Friday, then the next I do Tuesday and Saturday, Wednesday on it's own, and the 4th week is Thursday and Sunday. this week all I have to cook is a meatloaf with sides for one night and then Sausage roll for the other. If I get tired of something, then the next time I am to make it, I switch it with something else. I loved cooking when it was for someone, but don't really like cooking …
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/23 03:15 AM
2

I have gotten into the habit of cooking enough for 4 meals and then freezing 3. this then has me only cooking dinner twice a week, and with the way I rotate things, I am able to have something different each weeknight.
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/23 02:55 AM
1

Easier said than done when you are a big fat guy.
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/22 06:21 PM
6

I have been married twice, so wish I could vote twice. Of course, the second divorce is a lot harder to answer as it was she who first said that she wanted a divorce, moved out, and then seemed to be dating someone new pretty quickly. I was then the one who ended up filing the divorce papers. It hurt like hell to know that she moved on so quickly, but somehow I still find myself wishing I could hug her again from time to time. The first divorce needed to have happened before we even got married.
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/22 04:46 AM
3

Most likely there isn't any explanation that she or anyone else could give you to make you be able to just accept that she is wanting to end things, unless you were starting to see signs of issues beforehand. My ex hit me out of nowhere with it and it has been extremely hard to accept and get myself to work to get past it. She was off dating someone else within a month after leaving, and it has been 4 years since and I still have yet to go on a real date. If you can, I would highly suggest seeki…
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/22 11:27 PM
5

Soon To Be eX Mediators can work if both of you are able to come to an agreement on things within the divorce. However, when it comes to the kids and custody, it is best to use a lawyer to make sure all the "i"s are dotted and the "t"s crossed in the custody paperwork. If you are both able to work with each other, you may be able to work with one lawyer to build the agreement, but if at any time one of you starts to disagree on anything and you don't see yourselves being able to come to an agree…
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/21 04:01 AM
4

Before you move out, take time to do some research for your area to see if there are any laws that would affect you down the road if you were to move out right away. Even after that is done, do EVERYTHING you can to protect your rights to your kids after you have moved out. Writer up an agreement between your and your STBX of how custody of the kids and the money to support them will be handled until an agreement is reached and finalized in court. Include within the agreement an intent page that…
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/21 03:37 AM
1

You can always try to negotiate it if you really want to, but most likely you won't get anywhere with it. It's her name and just because she may still hold on to your last name as part of hers, doesn't mean that she is still with you in any way. And most likely if she ever gets married again down the line, she will drop that name.
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/21 03:19 AM
5

She up and moved away from you and isn't willing to talk about things. She up and moved away from you and after a year, still isn't willing to talk about things. It is time to call it. Don't let yourself think about it as screwing her over if you were the one to file. She is the one who left and still isn't willing to talk. She has screwed herself over. As for child custody, with her mother not easily available in the city/town as you, and her already having left your child with you, then you sh…
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/21 02:05 AM
2

If he lets himself pull away from her because he is worried about how she will think about him, he will be giving her reason to think poorly of him. Suggest to him that he needs to do everything that he can to keep himself in her life as much as possible even if things between he and her mother are ended. He can still be part of her life if he allows himself to be so. As long as he and her mother are willing to work together on things, he can still be a full part of her life.
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/21 02:37 AM
9

This is something that you should have let her know long ago. If she has started to push for it, she entered this relationship in the hopes that it may lead to that. But from what you are saying, you know that there was little to no chance of that happening. If you truly care for this person, you will let her know that this isn't something that you are wanting. It may end your relationship, but it will give her a chance to find what she is looking for.
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/21 10:55 PM
2

I went into my first marriage pretty much knowing that I shouldn't but still did. I did love her but felt that mostly she was more interested in having someone care for her and help with expenses. Sadly though, at that point in my life, I was ok with accepting this. I hoped that things were going to be better down the road, but they never did. After 7 years of marriage, I couldn't take it anymore and told her that I wanted a divorce. But when she got a new job and made plans to move to another c…
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/21 06:39 PM
1

Your kids also need to know that it is ok to need to take time to heal from such a loss in their lives. Pushing ourselves through things may sound noble, but it can often do much more harm than good. It will set them up to not deal with their pain throughout their lives, but just try to bury it. That pain though pretty much always has a way of coming back into their (and your) lives. It is ok to let kids know that we are in pain and that we need to take time to deal with that pain. Both of you c…
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/21 04:06 PM
4

It can be Oh so hard to let go. Even if we know that there is no chance of us getting back with them, letting go of that hope can feel so crushing and make it all feel final. I know that you don't want to feel that way but holding onto it is only going to keep you hurting. I understand the desire to build a friendship with her, but don't do so right now. You need to really give yourself the chance to see this come to an end and work to deal with that before trying to build any other type of rela…
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/21 02:59 AM
2

Keep following the agreement that you have currently. You said that you have a court date coming up and I would suggest submitting a request at that time to have a set schedule of days for them to be with you. If she then breaks that schedule, then that will look poorly on her and may make it so that she loses time with them. Push for your rights to have a set time with them. If you believe that she is acting the way that she does in order to show that she has control of you seeing them, you may…
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/21 06:29 PM
19

If you want to stop paying, take her back to court to have the payments no longer required. You could also ask that with the sale of the home, that you get paid enough to cover the rest of the marital debt off. If you just stop paying, then it won't matter where you live, she can still go after you for it. Take the time to go through the courts to try and stop the payments.
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/20 12:18 AM
1

Give her some time, but hopefully you can still have a friendship down the line. (Don't look for this right now, as you will both need some time to really separate things in your heads before you can build a friendship)
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/20 02:12 AM
3

I know that this hurts and totally understand that. I just want to say though that as I sit here reading your post, I couldn't stop thinking of how lucky you were in this situation. With your marriage coming to an end, you at least know that it is for a reason that it has just taken her this long to fully realize how she was feeling about others. You get to know that it's not something that you did and left with questions rolling around in your head about why she is wanting to end things with yo…
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/20 01:12 AM
1

Well if you really believe that the courts in your area aren't going to grant 50/50, it would be better to take this than to try to push for the 50/50 through the courts. Over time, slowly work to get it set up to more of a 50/50 setup. Make sure to document any changes of the agreement as those changes are made, and have her sign on them before it's put into action. Work to remind her that anything that has to do with your child, should solely be done because it is the best course for your chil…
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/20 03:26 AM
2

Both of you need to work to do what is going to be best for your child, and not for you or your wife. If you can get a 42/58 deal set in writing and filed with the courts so that it will be binding, go for it for right now, and hopefully over time she will losen up and make it more 50/50. Later on down the road, you may be able to file new papers to make it officially 50/50. Document your time with your child and the expensess that you cover. Make sure to keep recipts for everything so that if e…
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/20 03:05 AM
0

Are you looking to stay in the same city? If you are basically looking to stay in the same area, you should be able to move pretty much anywhere in that area and enroll him in school with his mother not really being able to say anything. There is a big difference in her disagreeing about you moving to another city, vs moving to another part of town. You could try to put it on her that if she wishes for him to keep going to the same schools, that she moves to that part of town so that he can be e…
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/20 08:22 PM
1

I understand that it's not something that you really want to talk about, but it is usually best to put out that you have kids at the start of any relationship. I know that I wouldn't want to be dating someone, and then months into it, find out that they have kids. Having something such as this hidden from me will just make me wonder what else is this person hiding from me, and can I actually trust them? You don't need to give the full details of the issues around this, but at least know that any…
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/20 12:58 AM
1

Do you have a copy of the title? If not, you may be able to go and apply to get a copy of it but you will need the VIN most likely but maybe be able to get that through the BMV if you name was on the plate registration for the car. When you go, let them know that it will most likely be a past title for the car as you believe that it has been sold or traded in.
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/20 01:27 AM
2

It is easy at this point to say that you will never get married again. You are currently in a lot of pain and can't imagine ever feeling good enough about yourself, let alone another person, to think that you could ever get married again, but there are good chances that you will want that again someday. As for her car, was your name on the title for it? If so, this would mean that she sold it without you having signed over your ownership in the car. I am guessing that you probably don't care too…
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/20 12:40 AM
1

I highly suggest that you speak to a lawyer about all of this before you replay to her. You don't want to go into this sending all this info, just to find out that she is really doing this to try and get more support out of you. Her and her attorney can try to do pretty much anything they want to and if they somehow get you to sign off on it, they will. That 90 page documents may seem like a lot and that may be just why they sent that much. Make sure you read through and fully understand everyth…
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/20 01:56 AM
5

Keep in mind that just because she can't afford the payments on her own, doesn't mean that she isn't able to stay there right now. If the deed of the home has both of your names on it, then she is entitled to part of that home. If you don't want to live with her anymore and want to keep the home, you will have to buy her out of her portion of it if she is willing to sell it at this time. If you can't do that, then you are left with the option of selling the home so that you both can get somethin…
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/20 05:02 PM
1

Your coworker could have had the same issue happen even with a lawyer. Lawyer's can suggest things for us to do, but they can't make us do anything. If the thing with the house is the way that he wished to handle things, then that was the way he could have handled it even if it wasn't going to be a smart move. There are going to be times where the help of a lawyer will be needed. We just have to be smart enough about what we are doing to make that call when it needs to be done. But that doesn't …
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/20 03:09 AM
2

Also, keep in mind that your lawyer is wanting to make money, not sit around waiting for you to make up your mind. They will advise you to do whatever it is that will make them the most money they can get out of you or whoever is paying for them. I highly suggest that if you can, do your divorce without one. (If you think your spouse/stbex, is going to fight and take you for everything they can, then get one, but if the two of you can agree on everything, then don't waste your money.)
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/20 01:17 AM
3

Separation is for when you aren't sure of what you want and need a chance to step out on your own for a while. It can give both sites a bit of a break and a chance to (as you said) get some perspective. You can then work to figure out if this is something that you want to try and rebuild and if so, then work to come up with a plan between the two of you. Whatever you do, don't go into it with the through that all the issues are things that the other half needs to change and that you don't have t…
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/20 12:57 AM
1

If you don't want your ex on your property, how about setting up a drop-off point in a nearby park where you can meet up and simply have your child go from one car to another. This way, both of you still aren't on each other's properties and you still don't have to have the face to face contact with your ex.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/20 02:45 AM
1

If that is what you like, that is what you like. But just because that is what you like now or then, doesn't mean that it has to be what you are only attracted to in the future. Something that you may want to do is find some "then and now" photos of regular everyday people and see how well they age over time. Often those who are a 10 when younger, then start to show the wear and tear that they have put themselves through in order to be a 10, by their 40's if not sooner. Do you want a lifetime re…
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/20 08:29 PM
2

If there is enough distrust in your marriage that you feel that you need to hire someone to follow her around and see what she is up to, then you might as well save yourself the time and money, and just end things. If she isn't and finds out that you have set something like this up, she will most likely want a divorce from you because she isn't going to feel that she can trust you. No matter who we are with at any one time, there is always going to be a chance that they will do something that wi…
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/20 07:10 PM
3

You can seprate your money. You just have to make sure that you are getting all of your bills taken care of. If she has bills of her own, then she needs to be the one to take care of them. If you are going to be moving your money, then you will want to make sure that your name is no longer on the joint account so that you won't be liable for anything that she may do with the account or charges that she may make with it. As for lawyer's you may want to take the time to explain that if she is want…
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/20 09:58 PM
1

If both of you can agree to not needing one, then there is no real need for one. But if one side has one, get one yourself. Also, if you or anyone reading this are the type of person to usually just give in on things and tend hurt yourself doing so, then it would be good to invest in a lawyer so that you have someone watching out for you. So as long as you and your soon to be ex can agree on things in the division of assets, then there is no real need for a lawyer. If you have any questions abou…
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/20 01:03 PM
2

Wow, that really sucks. Definitly go with the lawyer in that case. Hope you are able to get it so that you don't have to spend the next 5/10 years supporting her. If she is able to work now, then she should be able to support herself.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/20 05:15 PM
3

With there being no kids and no assets, I am kind of surprised that you are going with a lawyer unless your STBX is making it necessary to have one. If both sides can work together to come to an agreement on things in the house/apartment, and any debt that you may have, you can do without the extra cost of having a lawyer. When you file, you can write down everything that you and she have agreed on (if you aren't agreeing, then you may want to look into a mediator to help the two of you to come …
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/20 04:44 PM
7

More and more, I think most judges are looking more to do 50/50 unless there is some kind of situation that would prevent that. So unless you have a job where you are away from home for weeks at a time, or she can prove that you are some kind of a threat to the kids, you will most likely get the 50/50. Same thing for your stbx. Unless you can show that she isn't going to be available to care for the kids on a 50/50 bases, or that she is of any danger to them, then the courts will most likely go …
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/20 02:23 AM
2

I think you may be in the wrong sub. This isn't for dating.
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/20 04:09 PM
2

Sadly, you can give some people the whole world that you can possibly give them and it's still not enough. There are definitely better women out there and you can find one. First, take your time to let yourself fully get past your ex. Once you can start going for a week or two without really thinking about her, then start letting yourself think about moving on with someone else. Give yourself time to date them for an extended amount of time before thinking about taking any steps to make it more …
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/20 12:55 AM
1

I understand that it most likely seems like a waste of your time to keep staying around, but I think it will do you a lot more damage to you than you think, to leave her now. Would you want to date someone who left their dying partner? Why are you wanting the divorce to begin with? has she done something to make you want to take this route? Cheated? Lie, stolen? Or has things between the two of you just kind of fizzled out some? If it's the last one, I would suggest trying to respark that fire. …
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/19 11:20 PM
4

You never know what may actually be going on during this. If you can't be there in person, call the court (or wherever the hearing is to be) on Monday morning and see if there is a chance to do things through a video/phone call. If you don't have any joint property or children, then you have to wonder why she is doing this. Most likely because she or the lawyer believes that you won't come out there and will be able to get pretty much anything she wants through it. Guard yourself. If you don't h…
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/19 07:38 PM
1

Once you have an agreed-upon dissolution of marriage that states that your 401k is yours (or that your investments are yours), she wouldn't have much chance at winning a case for them, but that doesn't mean that she can't try. My question is though, if you believe that she would want a piece of that, do you think she will really sign without that being part of it?
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/19 01:28 AM
2

From what you have described here, it sounds like the majority of the issues in the relationship are more on her side of things. We have to keep in mind that we don't control our spouse. They are going to do as they see fit. If working on the issues isn't something important to her, then it is she who had failed the marriage. Don't let yourself feel like a loser because the other half isn't doing their part. That's all on her and her choices. When the other half doesn't want to put in the effort…
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/19 08:00 PM
2

That's what this sub is for. Honestly, how happy would you be if someone came on to your app group and left an ad for people to come here?
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/19 11:03 PM
1

Not really sure if I want to. I would like to have someone in my life again, but just not sure if I want to get married. I have been married twice and felt like I gave both of them everything I could and then got kicked to the curb. A big part of my wanting to be married was my wanting to have a family. Sadly, never had kids with either of them and now at 41, I kinda feel that it's too late to be thinking about starting a family. By the time I actually meet someone that I may be interested in ha…
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/19 09:22 PM
1

You should be able to go to your local courthouse and get the paperwork that you need to file for the divorce. With that paperwork, you will include an address for her and they will send the paperwork to her after you have filled it out and filed it.
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/19 02:34 AM
5

I know it's hard to do, but the longer you choose not to accept it, the harder you are making it on yourself to do it later on. End things, heal, and let yourself move on. Holding on right now when you know it's over, will just make it that much harder to let go later on. Unless both of you are interested in working on things, end it for each other. If both of you feel that you no longer love each other, give each other the chance to have happiness again in their life.
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/19 06:28 PM
1

Unless someone is cheating, or being abusive in any way, having a clear decision that divorce is really the right thing is hard to come by. Staying together for the kids isn't going to do them any good. Yes, they may still have mom and dad still living in the same home, but that's the only benefit and honesty that benefit comes as the cost of having happy parents. Yes, your divorce will be hard on them, but in the long run, it will be a lot easier on them than sitting there watching both of you …
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/19 06:19 PM
5

Trust me, I understand your pain fully and your wish to want her back with you. But the odds of that being the case is very very small and trying to spend all your time and effort on this to just have her say, "no, not going to happen" is just going to be completely draining on you. I made this mistake too until she informed me that she was talking to someone else, shortly later, I start to see all kinds of post online with this new guy and I eventually had to be the one to file for the divorce …
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/19 03:07 AM
1

I know it's hard, but try to not let her having kids block you from being willing to talk to someone new. Just as you don't want the fact that you have kids to block them from talking to you. Kids will understand as long as you keep talking to them about what is going on.
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/19 10:07 PM
1

Having kids isn't going to count you out of dating. It's how you take on the responsibility of the kids that may hurt or help you. If someone you are dating sees that you are putting your kids to the side all the time, then they are most likely going to worry that you will do the same with her or any kids she may already have or possible future kids. (If you really believe that you don't want any more kids, you can take that into your own hands and have yourself clipped. Many possible future par…
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/19 09:56 PM
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