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Nervous-Alfalfa8416 Archive

View 0 posts and 62 comments by Nervous-Alfalfa8416 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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4

Its all about their new 'journey' and 'finding themselves' at that point. Fucking bollocks is what it is.
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/26 02:21 PM
7

If she wants separation, she needs to face up to the reality of what that means. My ex thought she could destroy our family and then I was going to be Mr nice guy and indulge in small talk and petty shit to make her feel better. No chance, you made your bed. You are dead to me now. The best thing you can do for your own mental health is go completely no contact apart from kid stuff only. Give her a taste of what separation actually means. The one thing I regret is chasing her for the first year,…
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/26 01:18 PM
2

Appreciate the encouragement man, it really does help. Reddit has been an amazing resource to talk to men going through this shitshow. I'm hopefully on your timescale, I've been thinking the 2 year mark is when I'll be ready to get back out there with dating. That'll be July. Think you're right about lover rather than making new friends, I have a pool of very old friends who've helped me through this, not interested in making more.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/26 12:26 PM
3

No I feel like this too, been separated 19 months now after a 26 year marriage 13 married. I'm a lot older than you, but I feel broken too, I'm lonely as hell but the idea of starting again seems unreal. To be honest, I have nothing to offer in a new relationship at the moment. I'm short tempered, bitter and resentful at the way my ex destroyed our family. My view on relationships and women in general is pretty negative, and I hate feeling this way. I'm hoping with more time this will change.
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/26 12:45 PM
9

Very similar situation. I'm 55, together for 26 years, married 13. One daughter . I ask myself the same question. I definitely miss female company(to an extent). Really don't know If I can cohabit again, and all the associated ball ache that goes with it. Also the idea of getting into another LTR and the same thing happening again down the line? No chance, I protect myself this time.
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/26 12:19 PM
4

I know, its a weird reality. With my wife 26 years, and now I'm alone a lot, lonely as hell. The thought of another serious relationship that ends again fills me with dread.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/26 12:32 PM
3

I know how it feels. I've always got it in my head that I'm going to say my piece about her role in the end of the marriage, but never do. Obviously it was 100% my fault which is total bullshit. Separated well over a year now.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/26 12:14 PM
2

Yeah, I'm hoping so. Its amazing what it does to your self-esteem. I was always a pretty confident guy around women. Now not so much, but better than it was initially. Onwards and upwards....
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/26 03:45 PM
2

I've actually forgotten what its like to have intimacy with a woman. Its seems such an unreal thing at the moment
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/26 01:58 PM
3

We all have regrets. I certainly have mine. My ex wife needled me endlessly to get married. We had been together 13 years, but I always had doubts about her commitment if things got tough. But we married because I loved her and wanted to give her what she wanted.. Well things got tough and she burnt everything to the ground. Nothing that we couldn't have at least tried to fix, and a lot less than many successful marriages. I still beat myself up about it, but less now. 18 months separated. I'm l…
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/26 01:27 PM
1

Yep, as i found out. Its like Jekyll and Hyde.
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/26 01:10 PM
1

?
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/26 12:13 PM
3

Exactly. The idea of going through this hell again would break me completely. This is the real tragedy of a marriage break up.
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/26 12:24 PM
2

Yeah its a tough one, I've been separated 18 months now, and I really do miss intimacy and female company. Not interested in paying in the least. Lonely as hell basically, but the idea of another relationship fills me with dread. Last year or so has altered my view on women in a pretty negative way. Hate feeling like this.
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/26 05:55 PM
1

Not just the US marriage paradigm. Seems like its a thing all over the West nowadays. Marriage means nothing to so many now.
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/26 01:44 PM
1

Yeah I was being 'tested' the last year or so before she left. We went on holiday abroad, and she said it was a test for me to see if we could still have fun together. We ended up having an amazing time and she still left. I played along like some sad faithful dog. It was pathetic in retrospect. Never again will I let a woman do this to me.
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/26 01:21 PM
5

I'm kinda in the same boat. Not divorced but separated for 18 months ago. My main emotion now is anger at her for blowing up our family, and making both of our lives really fucking hard. No abuse, cheating addiction. Just life pressures, family deaths, work stress etc. I completely ghost her now when she tries to communicate with non kid stuff. I think l if I saw her on the street I'd cross the road. I hate feeling like this. It's exhausting.
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/26 01:00 PM
1

You too man, this is rough af, no two ways about it.. Those who haven't gone through it are clueless.
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/26 06:29 PM
6

It's amazing eh? We spent decades together, then just gone. Men are wired differently, its something I could never do, at least not without a proper attempt at resolution When I got married it meant something. Never again.
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/26 03:11 PM
4

There's also peri-menopause when they hit their 40's. My ex turned into a different person. Bitter cold and resentful. She even admitted it was probably a factor
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/26 03:00 PM
1

I'm better, slept really well last summer, but gone back a bit lately. But night and day compared to when we separated first. The first few months were surreal, I was in a pretty bad place, so was prescribed Mirtazapine which is an anti-depressant/sleep aid ,with very strong anti-histamine properties. I'd never taken any anti-depressants in my life before this.. It gave me horrific dreams, I had a recurring one where my doorbell was ringing every night and when I looked through the peephole , al…
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/26 01:16 PM
3

I was the same for months after we separated, never more than a couple of hours sleep and when I did sleep it was never deep and full of vivid dreams. It was brutal, I looked and felt horrific. I've no idea how i continued to work tbh. Last thing you need when you're going through such big changes. The key for me was moving out of the old family home and into a rental. No sure if that's an option for you?
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/26 12:31 PM
4

Dreams about my ex mess me up for the rest of the day. They're usually us working things out or just being like we were. I can feel the absolute relief in the dream. Then I wake up. Luckily they are not anywhere near as frequent as they were. Good luck, I know how you feel going through this.
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/26 06:30 PM
3

It's impossible to understand how harrowing and traumatic a marital break up is unless you have gone through it yourself. Hell, when I heard someone got divorced or separated it was like 'what a shame, oh well'. I had no idea how multi layered the fallout is, especially with kids. It's a catastrophe. Family and friends have the best intentions, but I also found there is a limit on how much they want to hear. For me, a few months in, they were getting impatient and saying I should be over it and …
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/26 01:06 PM
5

Resentment means the end.
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/26 12:34 PM
5

Why would you want to be really close to someone that really screwed you over? That's unusual behaviour to say the least.
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/25 02:54 PM
4

Same thing on the co-workers. Amazing really. Co-parenting with someone you just want to forget is a nightmare.
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/25 02:07 PM
15

It really begs the question: why get married? My ex barely blinked when my mum was dying during Covid and we weren't allowed to see her because of travel restrictions. Then when she died I got no support whatsoever because I was 'negative' and 'bad tempered' WTAF? My mum just fucking died. I knew in my gut she wasn't committed enough to deal with tough times when I married her. I used to ask myself would this woman be with me if I got Alzheimer's/dementia like my mum was there for my dad, and th…
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/25 12:56 PM
1

I think men are the true romantics in a relationship and value the family unit much more than women. We're willing to let many things slide, we don't hold onto grudges as long as women, and in general are happier to make sacrifices to keep the family together. We are also not so prone to peer pressure from friend groups. If a women has a group that includes a divorcee then they are influenced by that much more than men.
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/25 04:33 PM
2

'Sooo many other decent women I could have proposed to who values their vows and word but me the dum dum chose that one.' You are me and I am you.
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/25 01:37 PM
3

It gets better, but slowly and absolutely non-linear. Separated 16 months, together 26 years, married 13. First 9 months, I literally did not sleep more than a couple of hours a night. It was hellish. I was a complete wreck, desperately hanging onto hope. I wasn't delusional, she was giving clear signs of reconciliation. Eventually gave up and went no contact apart from kids stuff. This helped a lot. Felt good throughout summer '25, really sleeping well and optimistic for the future. Last month …
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/25 01:02 PM
2

No cheating. We had tough times since Covid, lots of family deaths, including my mum and her dad. She started blaming me for everything, bitter and resentful, until she walked out. Even she says peri-menopause was probably a factor. After she turned 40 (she is 45 in Feb) her personality started to change, was like Jekyll and Hyde. I was no angel, and we definitely had issues that most long term relationships face., but nothing extraordinary. I developed Tinnitus which made me short tempered. Aft…
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/25 12:22 PM
3

Exactly my thoughts, 26 years together and she decides to just burn everything to the ground. No cheating, abuse, addiction. My opinion of women and relationships is in the gutter. I really hope this changes because I'm bloody lonely and miserable.
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/25 02:58 PM
2

That's what really gets me. If you can't weather the bad times as well as the good, literally what is the point in taking vows and getting married.? Mine left after things got rough: family bereavements, work, Covid. No abuse, addiction or infidelity. Just destroyed our family after 25+years. We were in a great place financially. All gone. My trust in human nature, women and relationships is seriously damaged now. I don't want to be alone, but how on earth can I commit again?
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/25 01:15 PM
6

Wish I could give you some advice, but i feel for you bro. Just to say, our situations aren't the same, but I'm separated from my wife of 26 years (no infidelity) and the idea of going into another long term relationship with the risk of this happening again scares me quite frankly. So yeah I have major trust issues with women and relationships too now. Never realised the fallout from the end of a marriage would affect so many aspects of life.
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/25 06:24 PM
1

Yeah that's a regret for me too. Though I know if I'd even mentioned seeing the doctor about HRT, I would have got roasted immediately. Hey ho...
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/25 06:10 PM
5

It's not just you! 26 years together and she decided to destroy our family. No infidelity, abuse or addiction. Just tough times that happen to everybody. I will never lose myself in a long term relationship again. Totally changed my opinion of women.
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/25 03:07 PM
7

Sounds similar to me before we separated. Literally everything was my fault. To the point where I'd try and joke about it: 'Oh look it's raining, sorry honey' She was resentful, bitter and angry at me all the time. How old is your wife? Mine was 44 and by her own admission she thinks perimenopause was a factor in our split. The change in her personality when she got into her 40's was night and day. I don't recognise her now. It caused me to withdraw and just keep out of her way. I was no angel m…
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/25 01:40 PM
1

I don't know how people like that sleep at night. What's wrong with them?
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/25 02:42 PM
1

Yes I was fully committed to the marriage and took my vows seriously. The thing is I always had doubts about her commitment. I used to ask the question: would she be there for me if I got dementia etc? The way my mum was there for my dad right to the end, when he got dementia. The answer was never a definite yes. But she was desperate to get married, and I loved her so agreed. I should have trusted my gut. We were together 13 years before we were married and always happy. I've no idea if she is …
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/25 02:36 PM
3

Yes it is. And i never had a clue about it until I found myself living with Jekyll and Hyde
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/25 01:46 PM
1

Family issues, Covid meant we were both WFH which took some getting used to, deaths of parents & grandparents on both sides. Perimenopause (by her own admission this was a big factor). We definitely had issues, I was no saint neither was she, but no infidelity abuse or addiction. Just things that affect any couple that have been together 25+ years. Trivial might have been the wrong word, but what happened between us was at least worth an attempt to fix. She just burnt everything to the ground. A…
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/25 12:20 PM
22

My daughter goes away tomorrow, and I won't see her for a week. Never stops hurting. The other feeling I have is disgust for my ex for burning our family to the ground for pretty trivial reasons. Not even an attempt to fix what was clearly fixable. I used to miss her, then I was angry, now I just have no respect for her and never want to set eyes on her again. Completely destroyed my faith in women and relationships in general.
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/25 01:34 PM
3

Well done. I would do anything to have my daughter with me full time. Its the week I don't have that pulls me back down.
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/25 12:46 PM
7

Harsh but more than likely true. I chased my ex for the first six months, though I was getting talk of reconciliation. Pointless. You just demean yourself. The person that left has to reach out, simple as that. Get out of the house and go no contact apart from children's stuff, its the only way to heal. Breaking off comms with your ex also gives her a taste of what its like with you truly gone. Mine hates that I ignore her texts and now sends me pointless messages that I ghost.
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/25 12:22 PM
1

Yep, when you have kids and have no choice but to interact with the person who literally ruined your life it makes things 100 times worse.
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/25 01:36 PM
2

That's a great summary. There's also the huge financial aspect for many of us. Moving from a beautiful home to a shitty apartment. Half the time with your kids. It's such a multi layered loss and it is totally disorienting. I remember hearing about family/friends divorcing/separating and thinking 'oh that's a shame'. I had no idea how catastrophic this is. Family and friends who haven't been through it have a limited amount of patience hearing about it too.
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/25 01:34 PM
3

The friends thing is a strange one. Back when we first separated I was just desperate for my family back together, and friends seemed like a viable option. Now that I've had time to reflect on what happened and how she just blew everything up, I'm struggling not to not hate this person. Friends is pie in the sky
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/25 12:23 PM
2

Good luck to you too brother. Yeah, it may well come to parallel parenting for me. I totally get where you're coming from re eliminating her from your thoughts. I still struggle with this. For some reason, she's been on my mind too much lately, probably the time of year. Was together 26 years married 13. And she also left me in the shit mentally and financially. It's amazing how many of us here have similar stories
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/25 12:15 PM
5

I'm dealing with something similar though not divorced yet. We were in contact constantly after we separated about 16 months ago. Usually initiated by me as I was getting clear signs of reconciliation. Eventually after about 10 months, I had to give up for my mental health, and have gone no contact as much as you can be with children involved. If she tries to engage in non kids stuff I completely ignore. Now she is messaging me way too much, stuff that isn't related to kids at all. Or pretending…
/r/Divorce_Men25/11/25 03:08 PM
3

She not that good a woman if she decided to destroy everything you had together. Remember that. It'll take a good year to get better, possibly longer.
/r/Divorce_Men25/11/25 02:34 PM
4

I've been there. Forget the friend part. Sorry for being cynical, but thats the reality for nearly everyone.
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/25 04:59 PM
8

Yep, perimenopause did this to my ex at about 41. I have no idea who this person is anymore and nor do I want to. It makes Jekyll and Hyde look rational
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/25 04:00 PM
17

Yep, nothing seems to mean anything to women like this. And I sat there slack jawed as my partner of 26 years turned into one of them. I will never trust someone again and the idea of another long term relationship seems like absolute fantasy now. You build something together, create precious security , intertwine you lives and suddenly they treat you like something they stood in. It's unhinged.
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/25 01:32 PM
2

Exactly the same. I was in our old family home for 1st 6 months after separation . It was half empty as she took stuff for her new place, It almost broke me being there alone, my 11 yr old daughter hated it too when she stayed. I'm in a shitty rental flat now, but rather that any day. I can't even bring myself to go back and get the rest of my shit. Our old family home lies empty. She wants to destroy everything, so I ain't lifting a finger to help her sell it. Give me my half once its sold. You…
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/25 06:38 PM
1

Honestly I think you're mental for marrying again, but good luck
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/25 04:06 PM
1

I did it last Christmas, we had been separated for about 5 months. Her mother in law was there, who I strongly suspect played a big part in our break up. It was horrific, I was there for my 11yr old daughter only. I was in a very bad place mentally and looked and felt terrible. Don't do it unless things are genuinely amicable between you and the ex. An experience I never want to repeat.
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/25 03:21 PM
1

Yes its a life changing experience. I certainly wasn't perfect, but neither was she. No marriage is without its tough periods. That's life. Ours was nothing compared to what many couples go through. If you had worked less I imagine that would have been her reason. My favourite was when I asked her about getting some days back with our daughter I was due, and my ex blew up and said 'this is why you don't have a wife anymore' Just complete nonsense, I completely ghosted her after that apart from s…
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/25 12:58 PM
3

No doubt there are good women out there. And I do know what I want in a partner. The issue is how the passage of time affects them that makes me ultra wary now. My ex was a great partner for 20 years, until she wasn't. I don't even recognise her now. Its very unsettling. The idea of going through the same abject misery as my separation has made me a very risk averse person. It's completely changed me personally and my view of woman and relationships in general.
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/25 05:53 PM
2

I was tired of her bullshit too, I wouldn't have destroyed our family over it though. I bet literally everyone is tired of each others bullshit after decades together. It seems just leaving is the fashion now. Move onto the next person, rinse and repeat. Insane if you ask me. People like this will almost certainly end up alone
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/25 02:33 PM
4

Yes together 25 years married 13. Just up and left. Mid 40's. No affairs, abuse addictions. Just normal external challenges everyone goes through. The more I read the more I think it might have been perimenopause. Not divorced but separated 15 months. Our lovely home lies empty. She wants to destroy our family, she can sort out selling our home. Just give me my half of the sale price. I'm not lifting a finger. I have no idea who she is now. My 11 year old daughter is distraught. I wish I could h…
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/25 02:19 PM
2

'f the ppl who promised a lifetime and left on inconvenience.' This . A million times this.
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/25 05:53 PM
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