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NevermindTheCrows Archive

View 0 posts and 33 comments by NevermindTheCrows on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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2

Looking through these comments, it seems like lots of people go through this and come out the other side. One thing that helped me was remembering that I am not responsible for my husband. I love him and I am there for him, of course. But it isn't my fault if he sounds rant-y on a regular basis, or if he wants to oversimplify what the Green New Deal is, or whatever. It sounds so simple, right? But realizing that was a real relief for me.
/r/RedPillWomen23/08/22 06:26 PM
29

My husband went through a phase like this. Not specifically anti-feminist, but anti-woke. Like you, I basically agreed with the views he had, but I was very irritated by his tendency to rant about them. There was really nothing NEW in what he was saying - it was the logical extension of things we already agreed on. So I quickly got tired of having him bring up the same talking points again and again. In my husband's case, he was having some troubles at work and he was a little lonely - he had so…
/r/RedPillWomen22/08/22 07:23 PM
5

I agree with girlwitha sidecar - I'd go with a lighthearted approach while staying firm in my position. It sounds like you are handling things beautifully. For what it's worth, I know it took me a while to adjust to my little brother being a grown man. Heck, I still want to pester him sometimes, in a way I'd never pester other men. Maybe your SIL and MIL are just having trouble seeing their brother / son in this new role. Is it also possible that they want to have a co-ed shower so that they get…
/r/RedPillWomen22/08/22 06:39 PM
9

Can't your fiance just tell them that he isn't coming, if he is opposed to co-ed showers? Maybe I'm missing something but I don't see why you'd need to cancel the whole shower. That would seem rude after you already agreed to it. I'd have been a little hurt if my SIL did that to me.
/r/RedPillWomen22/08/22 05:15 PM
8

Try to develop a support system! Work on deepening your existing friendships and/or creating new friendships. Be patient, though, and don't rush things. It can take a long time for some people to open up. I know that's how I am, at least. But over time, shared experiences and activities can really create a sense of community.
/r/RedPillWomen29/07/22 07:28 PM
10

So true. This is also why it's important for every woman to find time to replenish her own energy. It's good to cultivate relationships with other women and older family members - after all, women need a soft place to land too. Our men are wonderful, but I know there is something particularly wonderful (for me) in going to my own mother's house and getting fed / generally taken care of.
/r/RedPillWomen29/07/22 04:55 PM
16

I haven't read her books but I did read her blog a lot, back when my kids were littler and I wanted more help from my husband. I found her kind of soothing, and it was nice to be reassured that things would be okay. But I didn't find her advice helped my marriage. I remember that most of it seemed geared at type A controlling women. She talked a lot about letting go and trusting and letting your husband step up. For me - a pretty submissive type already - letting go further actually made me anxi…
/r/RedPillWomen28/07/22 09:31 PM
9

I think it really depends on what, exactly, your expectations are. It would probably help to sit down and consider whether you're asking for something reasonable. So, when you talk about acts of service - what kind of service do you want? Are you asking for, say, help washing the dishes (reasonable)? or do you expect him to take over all your chores (unreasonable)? When you talk about gifts - do you want a bar of chocolate (reasonable) or are you asking for jewelry (unreasonable)? Honestly, I do…
/r/RedPillWomen27/07/22 01:51 PM
2

Great point. My husband also has (I believe) undiagnosed ADHD, and a lot of RPW approaches don't work on him. Like you, I've also tried bending over backwards and doing it all, but it didn't help things. I am MUCH better off just saying things like "can you please wash the dishes while I vacuum" -- then he is generally very happy to help out, and we both feel more connected. Maybe the Ben Franklin effect is working on him and he feels closer to me after helping me out,
/r/RedPillWomen23/07/22 08:09 PM
3

I think sometimes thoughts become "obsessive" because we are trying to quash them. It sounds like you're doing this with your relationship anxiety: you have a concern, and instead of really examining it, you shove it out of your mind. But inevitably, it comes back. It's like that whack-a-mole game. It's a better idea to really look at your fears. So, you say your boyfriend doesn't earn enough money. How low is his income? What kind of lifestyle do you want, and will he be able to provide it? He …
/r/RedPillWomen19/07/22 04:49 PM
11

Does he feel like he is wasting his life? Or is that mainly your perception? I also have a husband who works long hours, but in his case it's because he absolutely loves working. His father is the same way, which means that I really can't expect a lot of change from him. It's been helpful for me, coming to terms with that fact. Our culture puts a high value on leisure and tends to stigmatize working long hours. But I've come to believe that some people are just wired in a way that makes them nee…
/r/RedPillWomen19/07/22 04:31 PM
1

I dont know what field you're in, but can you turn it into freelance and do it on a part time basis? If that's possible, I would suggest working at your current high-paying job for a little longer, staying on through pregnancy, and banking as much of your salary as possible. Ideally, enough to get you through another year. Then when your baby is a year old, start freelancing 10 hours a week. By then your husband may be earning a little more - if not, you should still be able to make ends meet. M…
/r/RedPillWomen14/07/22 06:59 AM
1

Interesting! What if you don't both agree that something is a problem? Or, what if you frame the problem differently?
/r/RedPillWomen24/06/22 10:16 PM
8

Out of curiosity, what do you mean by zero conflicts? Surely you must have little arguments - maybe over how to split up the housework, or how much money to save, or even whose parents to spend the holidays with?
/r/RedPillWomen24/06/22 05:21 PM
3

So, this is the advice I'll probably give my daughter when she gets old enough to think about these things. I think that ideally, women should have SOMETHING they can do to support themselves if the need arises. But I also think that many, many women are going to want the option to stay home with their kids. So I suggest finding work that you can do from home, or on a part-time / freelance basis. You may find a husband who can support you as a SAHM. But you may not, or your circumstances may cha…
/r/RedPillWomen22/06/22 07:51 PM
3

Get to know men as friends first. Spend a few months getting to know each other before you go on a date. Get to know their friends too. The more community you have in common, the less likely a guy will date you only to dump you after a few dates. Some people frown on socializing with coworkers, but if you're new to the city, it can be a good way to build up a community.
/r/RedPillWomen22/06/22 02:39 PM
9

I trust my husband implicitly. But our relationship is very much a two way street. He sometimes goes very far in one direction or another, with the full expectation that I'll pull him back. So, I trust him, and I follow him, but not passively, if that makes sense.
/r/RedPillWomen22/06/22 01:32 AM
8

I think one reason SAHMs complain about their hard lives is that they are experiencing a steep learning curve. Many of us don't have a lot of experience looking after babies until we have our own. We also don't have a lot of experience juggling a child's needs with housework. You keep talking about cooking, cleaning, and ironing, as if that's a SAHM's only job. But actually, most SAHMs are focused on caring for their kids - playing with them, reading to them, socializing them, feeding them, etc …
/r/RedPillWomen18/06/22 11:12 PM
0

I am sorry if I was rude. Obviously I know nothing about your family. But I know that relationships are complex and that most of the time, you can't just boil it down to one person being abusive. Especially if the "abuser" is a woman and is much younger. And especially if your father insists that your mother is actually a wonderful woman.
/r/RedPillWomen16/06/22 08:48 PM
0

Don't meddle. There is probably a lot that you don't understand. The fact that you are assigning all the blame to your mother also suggests immaturity, in my opinion, and makes me question your observations.
/r/RedPillWomen16/06/22 06:26 PM
2

I think it's kind of a weird idea. My husband was not "wet cement" when we first started going out - he was himself. I couldn't have shaped him or molded him. I had to decide if I liked him enough to keep on dating him. Of course, he had to do the same thing. I was not "wet cement" for those first 10-15 dates either. We have definitely both changed over the course of our relationship. I think that's normal - people evolve over the years. We aren't rigid blocks of concrete!
/r/RedPillWomen15/06/22 09:41 PM
1

You might like this, about St Therese: https://catholichousehold.com/censoring-st-therese-5-things-didnt-know-little-flower/ Also I love the story of St Catherine of Siena, who was beset with temptation constantly. There are loads of others but I can't think of them right now :)
/r/RedPillWomen13/06/22 07:54 PM
4

Every woman struggles. It can be hugely helpful reading about other devout women who have dealt with doubts / depression/ temptation. I find the lives of the saints inspiring but from your post I am guessing that you might not be catholic. Maybe your teachers can make some suggestions of female role models? Exercise might help you to feel better in your body and reduce temptation. It might also help to make a list of comforts for those times when you need to indulge yourself a little but you don…
/r/RedPillWomen13/06/22 05:24 PM
3

Different women find different ways of running their lives. Red pill is just a way of understanding gender dynamics; it doesn't mandate that you need to be barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen : ) I think a lot of women do see submission as a bit of a trade-off, like, if the man provides, the woman is willing to submit. That's not how my marriage works, but I can understand it. You sound like you do a lot. Why do you think it's reasonable for you to work full time AND do most of the cleaning and…
/r/RedPillWomen10/06/22 12:05 PM
4

Is it possible that you're getting pushback because of the way you're describing your plans? I think if you said "I plan to graduate from college and work as a freelance writer. When I have kids I'll stay home with them," you might face less criticism. But instead, you're setting it up as a you-vs-the-world conflict. "Society looks down on my hopes and dreams!" And I think that makes people wonder whether you've really thought things through, or are just looking for drama. Either way, I wish you…
/r/RedPillWomen09/06/22 10:03 PM
11

I find the concept of HVM problematic. I see red pill theory as a valuable tool when it comes to solving issues between men and women. It's a helpful way of understanding some basic differences between the genders. I appreciate the honesty and lack of sugarcoating in red pill ideas. I find that a lot of HVM talk turns quickly to bragging, though. Even this thread - most of the posts are people talking about their wonderful husbands. And there's a place for that, sure. But there's also an implica…
/r/RedPillWomen08/06/22 03:32 PM
9

.You are dealing with mental health issues, a special needs child, a move, and it sounds like also some financial insecurity. It probably makes sense to adjust your expectations. I know that sounds gloomy but what I mean is, try not to worry that you're fighting so much. It is natural to squabble during tough times. It is also natural to feel overstretched. Maybe try to set some simple goals for yourself. Break down the big goals into small pieces. Divide your goals into daily, weekly, and month…
/r/RedPillWomen28/05/22 07:02 PM
2

My husband is 13 years older than me. We've been happily married for 15 years and we have two kids. Most of the time, age isn't an issue. He is young for his age and has always had an absurd amount of energy. A few times over the years, though, I've suddenly noticed that he's aged - he looks grayer, or he can't do quite as much as he used to, and that gives me a pang. We are both unconventional people and that's probably partly why we were drawn to each other in spite of our age difference. Neit…
/r/RedPillWomen24/05/22 07:07 PM
1

I love u/ThymeForEverything's post and I wish I'd read it when I first had babies! Things looked a little different for me because we live in an apartment, with no outdoor space. That meant I took the babies (and later kids) outside for fresh air and exercise at least once a day. Usually I timed it so that we'd go out to the park after breakfast and lunch; I'd run into my mom friends in the park, which gave me some social time. Then we'd come home and baby would nap. I think it's really, really …
/r/RedPillWomen20/05/22 04:29 PM
1

That is fantastic. Congratulations on taking charge of your health and improving your life!! I know how it feels to make big changes (I used to smoke). A lot of people on this thread are saying it's no big deal if a guy is overweight and OP is being picky. I think it can be a signal that the guy isn't quite taking responsibility for his life. She shouldn't have to push him to change. Imagine how people would react if he was a smoker, or a heavy drinker. I don't think it's that different from bei…
/r/RedPillWomen17/05/22 12:18 PM
2

Weight loss isn't just a physical issue. It's also a mental issue. Losing weight requires fortitude, steadiness, willpower. Those are the qualities we look for in a man. From some of OP's comments, it sounds like he knows very well that he needs to lose weight. He is even apologizing to her about it. But he isn't doing anything. He's not going to the gym, or running, or hiring a trainer. Anyway, I agree with you that being overweight is a fixable issue. But he has to want to fix it and he has to…
/r/RedPillWomen17/05/22 02:55 AM
2

I disagree. It doesn't take much effort for a young man to maintain a healthy weight. If he is already overweight in his 20s, what's going to happen as he gets older, his metabolism slows down, and he has more stressors in his life? I know this sounds cruel but to me, a young man who is overweight must have some kind of hidden issues. And I'd be wondering how those issues are going to show up later on.
/r/RedPillWomen17/05/22 01:05 AM
7

I feel like you must be leaving something out, no? If your boyfriend is really upset over things like you fumbling for your keys, then why are you guys together? Why would you accept someone constantly criticizing you over such small things? Is it possible that there's more you are leaving out? Frankly, the people I know with ADHD have much bigger problems than what you're describing. If you're not leaving anything out, then I don't understand...
/r/RedPillWomen13/05/22 07:54 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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