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NewDay0110 Archive

View 8 posts and 555 comments by NewDay0110 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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2

You got this!
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/25 04:08 AM
3

This is what I've been able to find on AZ: Under A.R.S. § 25-319(B), as revised effective September 24, 2022, the spousal maintenance award is only for a time period and in an amount necessary to enable the receiving spouse to become self-sufficient. In that regard, the duration of the award is directly linked to how long it will take for the receiving spouse to achieve financial self sufficiency. See Rainwater v. Rainwater, 177 Ariz. 500, 503 (1993); Schroeder v. Schroeder, 161 Ariz. 316, 321 (…
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/25 08:55 PM
6

You got the right mindset to survive this. I don't think these women understand the big picture of what they've done - they just think in terms of entitlement. Unfortunately, it often works in their favor with the system we have. I hope you don't get hit with alimony - in some states like Illinois 20 years is enough to quality for lifetime alimony.
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/25 05:11 AM
3

That behavior is narcissistic. Entitled, views you as utility and not a human, devalues you despite all the good things you do. Sounds like you are a good person she is taking advantage of. You need out of that relationship. Good thing you dont have any kids or she could make your life hell. Look up Doctor Ramani on YouTube to learn more about this personality type.
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/25 08:40 AM
3

It might also help with genetic diversity of our species. Destroying the emotional bond with an old partner makes it easier to reproduce with a new partner and reestablish that same family structure for the new babies. The concept of love and marital institutions are an invention of societal programming.
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/25 06:42 PM
12

I'm convinced biology may play some role in this - which is why the story plays out so consistently so often. The way our brains are wired and develop over time. Our bodies and the urge to reproduce, which at times causes attraction, and other times, well... I think once you look at it through that lens it's much easier to take this less personally. Humans are complex, but maybe our behavior is governed by the same script much more than we want to believe.
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/25 07:28 AM
1

The lawyer who defends a heinous criminal is a good comparison. I always thought that a lawyer can approach such a case by working to get the obviously guilty criminal a a softer sentence so they have a chance at redemption for their wrongdoings. But I suppose some of them probably go all the stay with the mindset that they are going to get that person completely off the hook if they could, regardless of guilt, because that is just how the game is played.
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/25 02:08 AM
2

I think you are overweighting how much I am ruminating about the other lawyer's psychology. Thats not my primary emphasis. I am not here to whine or present myself as a victim, I just curiously want to know what it is like from that other person's perspective. The first custody battle was probably the most stressful life event I've been through so far. Watching my mom die of cancer was less dreadful than the anxiety I had leading up to that court proceeding. The stakes were high, the accusations…
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/25 01:48 AM
1

No at a law firm. Not sure how big... not the biggest in town. Medium sized, maybe?
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/25 01:41 AM
2

She graduated from law school in 2018.
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/25 01:13 AM
3

You had two marriages? I'm done with relationships after this one. I don't even have a sex drive anymore because every time I get anywhere close to something like that, the trauma of my marriage comes back and I push away. You are in the most dreadful part of a divorce. I don't fear the GAL because I don't think I've done anything questionable. I just hope the GAL is trained well enough to realize children at that age exaggerate and speak in absolutes when they may not mean to do so. I hope my d…
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/25 11:55 PM
2

Interesting. This is my ex's attorney number #4. She keeps burning through them! 😂
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/25 11:47 PM
0

Understanding the psychology of the attorney helps me prepare for what I might be up against. If the other attorney has a moral compass, that increases the possibility that this could be negotiated, maybe even avoiding court. Reasoned arguments should be effective. If the attorney is driven purely by greed, that shifts strategy. We can't expect to reason with them. Their weakness will be going all in on the outlandish claims, in which case the focus will be showing to the court how they are bein…
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/25 11:46 PM
3

That's an interesting take. So some of them probably aren't even thinking about what the meaning of the case means for the lives of the people involved. The desensitized attorney just looks at it as a task to do and enacts the procedures that they do for every case, asking the standard set of questions and preparing similar arguments.
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/25 10:14 PM
1

Yes. That's what I'm wondering. Maybe the attorney is just going off of what they've been told, and they feel like they are doing the right thing.
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/25 10:10 PM
1

Just because you have the freedom to do something doesn't mean you should. I'm not talking about ethics from a legal standpoint, I am just asking if they have a conscience to stop them from doing harm to someone else. But you answer my question by proving there are a multitude of ways of rationalizing in your mind to stay in denial about being a scumbag.
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/25 09:27 PM
6

The red flag is that you think marriage is a good idea to consider. You must not be educated about the risks and how family court typically works.
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/25 08:56 PM
5

As you say, I anticipate this case will take a huge length of next year. 2026 is going to suck. It's not a guarantee that my daughter will not throw me under the bus to the GAL. Her feelings about me change like the wind lately, and her mother is good at getting her riled up about perceived microaggressions. I think she may have a loyalty conflict. I used to be one of those guys who couldn't fathom a world where someone would make up such horrible accusations to destroy a good father for persona…
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/25 08:52 PM
2

That's exactly what I'm saying. This is a flimsy case that is unlikely to win unless I screw something up royally. Maybe that's what they are hoping for. I would think a good lawyer advises her to a more achievable outcome - maybe a modification of child support to get an incremental increase. But my ex wants to take everything from me.
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/25 08:45 PM
1

I understand she has a job to do, but knowing that she's doing harm to another person, especially a child, she could turn down the case. I'm sure there are plenty of other high paying cases she could take on.
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/25 08:41 PM
1

So I take this as a vote for scumbaggery. Does a lawyer like that not care about winning? I guess she still gets paid if she loses, even if her client gets hit with sanctions. Is there no disadvantage to the lawyer when that happens?
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/25 07:24 PM
2

Amazon Blink camera is a great tool for this. It records when motion is detected.
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/25 03:19 AM
7

GET OUT. During the divorce my ex-wife slandered me with false accusations that I was doing inappropriate things to my daughter. Enduring a character assassination trial where awful, untrue things about me were said I had to prove my innocence was the most difficult thing I've had to endure in my whole life. I could only think of a few things more stressful than that. The preparation for this trial took months and over $10,000. I prevailed in the end, winning 50/50 parenting time but I still hav…
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/25 12:35 AM
2

OP is in a shitty situation. I'm not sure how to help him claw his way out of it, but I don't think pharmaceuticals will cure it.
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/25 05:05 PM
6

You need to find a new mission in life. One powerful way of doing this is service to other people. Volunteer with an organization that helps people who have less than you. Build something, do a nice favor for someone in need. That will help you feel more purpose in life and fill the void of depression.
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/25 08:42 AM
2

Unfortunately, my parents had very conservative values and kept me from seeing this truth until it was too late.
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/25 03:47 AM
9

No. Marriage is not worth anything at any age. You do not need marriage to have a relationship or family.
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/25 02:40 AM
1

Nothing wrong with that
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/25 08:24 PM
1

She dont want your rizz anymore 😂
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/25 06:02 PM
1

Dogs?? Omg 😦
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/25 06:47 AM
4

Exactly. You dont feel like starting a new one if its just going to end like that. Its worthless. I'm not even desperate enough for sex to go through the trouble it brings.
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/25 04:25 AM
13

I've been feeling the same thing after divorce. No longer interested in women. I just see them differently and it's hard to feel excited about a relationship, or even a situationship. My ex-wife caused me so much hardship that I distrust anyone being too close to me. For a long time I thought something was wrong with me, but I'm starting to think this might just be a very normal way that some people react to the drama. I've learned to live with it and I realize that I'm happy without pursuing wo…
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/25 01:53 AM
1

At 17? Seems like the time for building a close relationship with her has kind of passed.
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/25 06:37 AM
1

I got pressured into being a dad too in a much similar way. Kids will close off opportunities in your life - unless you are a billionaire who can hire someone else to solve every life problem there is no avoiding the impact on your lifestyle. You made a choice and now have to live with the limitations in brings. Maybe that means finding your life long partner that loves you the way you want is going to be a lot harder to achieve. You say you "deserve" that, but life entitles you to nothing - you…
/r/Divorce_Men11/11/25 08:23 PM
1

I think what you are going through is relatable to a lot of marriages. People change over time - new life goals, new priorities, perspectives, physical changes, even personality evolves. It's not uncommon for people to grow apart. Unfortunately, kids are such a long running project that their presence far outlasts the honeymoon phase of most marriages. I think kids also sometimes introduce a level of lifestyle pressure that brings about those changes in a person. They fundamentally change the re…
/r/Divorce_Men11/11/25 06:29 PM
2

If it took you that much by surprise, there were problems for a while - you just didnt notice them. It only seemed good.
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/25 08:20 AM
11

I had great sex with my ex too, but I just view it as a time in my life where I got to experience that wonderful thing. I miss it in about the same way I would a visit from Santa Claus. Just like I can't be an 8 year old kid again, I can't be married to her again. I just have fond memories of that time. Ultimately, the trouble she caused me in other ways outweighed the benefits I received from the good sex. Don't feel so down. You have an opportunity to find something better now. You did it once…
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/25 09:40 PM
2

How is she surviving? If she did something like that to me, I'd financially ruin her by maximizing the child support. You've got 4 kids. Someone is paying her bills. Find out who she is living with, use discovery to get their income, and impute. I saw that my ex was setting me up for this, which is why I pushed full throttle for her to get her nursing degree while we were still married. Then the income can be imputed. She can't quit working now. These deadbeat "trad" moms are lazy bums and it ma…
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/25 03:37 PM
1

Thats hell. Its like being grounded 24/7. Thats ridiculous. If my ex tried that stunt I would fight like hell in court to not let her off the hook, even though many people probably would be urging me to do the virtuous thing and be the full time parent. F that. Life is short. I want to enjoy it too. I wish I could tell you something more optimistic, but the best I could do is validate how much that arrangement sucks. If my single parenting experience taught me anything, its that there is nothing…
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/25 02:54 PM
2

I'm so sorry for you man. I have 50/50 parenting time with my one child. My single weeks are valuable to me. Maybe when your oldest gets to a certain age, you can have that one be the babysitter to get a little bit of freedom. Even simple enjoyments like getting a meal alone can mean a lot. Parenting alone is limiting and I'm so sorry. Hang in there.
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/25 05:49 AM
1

What's boring? Life without a woman? Theres plenty to keep me entertained. I travel when I want. I go to concerts. I leave the house whenever I feel like any hour of the day. Pick up some new skills. I agree it can be a little lonely without someone to share the adventures with, but like you i will only have that kind of relationship on my terms, even if that means judy situationships or fwb, or being alone for a while.
/r/Divorce_Men30/10/25 08:43 PM
3

I think men really do want to talk about their feelings, especially when they have a lot of complex mental baggage.Oddly enough, women will virtue signal by telling us to open up about our feelings, acting like they care about our mental health. However when we do open up we are told to shut up, dump it on a therapist, or worse they will view us as weak and use the things we said to hurt us. By the way, I meant to comment on the wall of text as merely an observation and do not mean to be critica…
/r/Divorce_Men30/10/25 08:37 PM
7

I've noticed that men in the thick of divorce tend to write walls of text explaining their complex feelings. I probably wrote like that back when the divorce was upon me. I think it's because women are so good at gaslighting and scrambling your brain. It's not healthy what they do to you. IDGAF about women anymore. Learn to live without them. You don't need the P to survive.
/r/Divorce_Men30/10/25 02:02 PM
2

She doesnt care about you just what you do for her and the things you buy.
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/25 04:28 PM
3

I tried to tell a therapist this and the impact it had on me. His response was "blood is thicker than water". It got me angry because my whole life growing up adults have told me shit like the lies told to you that the family you create is important. That behind a successful man is a good woman. Now I'm told by other people it was all bullshit? I was a fool for believing in my own family? Everyone was in on the joke that marriage is worthless this whole time? It got me so angry that I never saw …
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/25 04:26 PM
2

Wow I guess its not just me then
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/25 04:22 PM
19

She never considered me to be a part of her family. Whenever she said "my family" she was talking about her parents and siblings, never me and our daughter. She would complain that I don't spend enough time with her, but whenever I did and it wasn't some fancy occasion all about her entertainment, she seemed annoyed.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/25 06:49 PM
1

How timely you responded. I noticed some decreased interest this week. Its probably related to stressful things going on in my life.
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/25 10:39 PM
5

To be the other man you need to have your life in complete disorder. Be a little nuts and spontaneous. She likes the other man because he doesn't know where his life is going or what he's going to do 10 minutes from now. He's just a delinquent who is good looking, maybe he got a big dick, but most important he gives your wife the attention she's seeking (which plays to her own insecurities) because he's got nothing better going on in his life.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/25 04:46 AM
16

Whatever the officially reported divorce rate is doesnt reflect the number of people trapped in unhappy marriages and are already mentally divorced.
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/25 06:33 PM
1

They treat you much worse than any stranger. I feel dehumanized by what they did. Marriage is worthless.
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/25 07:44 PM
3

"blood is thicker than water". That's what my therapist said when I wanted to talk about the distress this was causing me. I fired that asshole. What got me so mad is that if that were so obvious and always so true, then what was the whole point of being married? I thought you get married to add people to your life who become your family and you can count on. So now I'm told I was a dummy for thinking that? It was always a sham and nobody told me? I felt so lied to by everyone in my life who eve…
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/25 02:50 PM
15

That is one of the strangest things to me about divorce. These people I spent so many holidays and good times with were my "family". My parents both died, so they became my only family. I feel dehumanized by what they did to me during the divorce. I haven't spoken a word to my MIL or FIL since. Last communication with them was when my wife broke that she was cheating, I texted them a few angry messages about "what the hell is going on?" since everyone seemed to know about this already. They neve…
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/25 01:24 PM
4

See I thought a therapist session would be like $150. I haven't used my insurance for therapy though. Apparently that saves a lot. Anyways, I've had really bad advice from therapists before and I blame the LMFT who was our marital counselor for making our marriage situation much worse. The stripper was much more enjoyable to chat with. Now if only I can find a fwb who is like that!
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/25 02:58 PM
29

Whoa where is the fwb store? I've been looking to get a fwb myself but no luck!
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/25 02:44 AM
12

For a while after my divorce there was this stripper I would pay, always turning down her offers for lap dances but I just wanted to ramble about whatever stressful things were on my mind. We would have drinks. She was more fun to talk to than a therapist and probably cost me less overall. I just wanted someone to talk to.
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/25 02:43 AM
1

Yes divorce.with a kid is much much worse.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/25 02:42 PM
1

My wife did the same. Whenever she would say "my family" it was never to refer to me and her and our daughter. She always meant her and her parents.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/25 05:31 AM
7

Don't feel bad. She used the porn as an excuse to do what she was wanting to do anyway. It's just a way of pinning the blame on you for her bad behavior. I'm sorry for your diagnosis. Don't let the baggage of what that awful woman did weigh on you. Live for you while you can!
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/25 07:15 PM
3

If that works for you, I guess it is what it is. I find it healthier to not be defined by what another person is doing. I write my own script. I don't work out and strive for money because I'm trying to impress someone who wronged me - it's not going to change her mind anyway and I don't care. I do it because I want it for myself.
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/25 08:58 PM
22

I saw it coming from miles away. By the time we got to that point I had so much resentment built up from how she treated me that I didn't even want to spend time with her anymore and the sex dried up. She was an attractive person, but hiding a mean personality. If we didn't have a child together I would have dumped her years sooner and moved on. I stayed for our daughter, knowing that if divorce were initiated in the very early years there was a higher chance that she could win full custody as t…
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/25 05:52 AM
12

lol my wife's boyfriend was also "just a friend from high school" for many years too.
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/25 05:47 AM
5

This is a common request. Just give it to them. Tip: In my divorce they had a similar request. We sent them over 2,000 pages of financial documents. Nothing happened. I assume she was too lazy to go through them to find some needle in the haystack to make a fuss about. Save yourself the billable hours and just download that stuff from your bank and your employer yourself and give it to them in paper copies.
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/25 01:26 AM
1

This isn't a simple negotiation like throwing out numbers for the price of a car. You're gambling with people's lives here, possibly wrecking a child's future. It's costly for both parties to do it this way because it often ends up with a smear campaign and high stakes court trial. That family would be better off not paying people like you, keeping the money for themselves and their children, and saving taxpayer dollars on court proceedings, the time of which could be used on more productive end…
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/25 05:40 AM
2

I'm glad u/wescowell came to leave this note about it being SOP. He may have drank the Koolaid, but it gives a good insight into how twisted and scummy the legal profession is. He is telling us why nobody should EVER get married because this is where is ultimately goes.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/25 08:53 PM
0

AI ain't going to be any better.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/25 08:51 PM
4

The SOP is immoral. It causes unnecessary escalation so that lawyers could rack up the hours, only to arrive at a reasonable outcome that they could have agreed to at the beginning in a mediation, without the conflict. Only now there's bitter feelings between both parties. This is why marriage as an institution needs to be burned to the ground.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/25 08:50 PM
13

This is standard divorce shenanigans. Her lawyer probably advised her to do this. They get paid more money for generating more conflict. It's one of the reasons family court is so screwed up. Don't take it personally, just hire a competent attorney and do what you have to do to fight it and get 50/50. You got quite a battle up ahead.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/25 05:26 PM
2

Birthday? What birthday? I stopped counting the years after that one when Santa stopped showing up.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/25 03:20 PM
2

YES!!! That is what happened to me. The look on my STBX's face was priceless when she badgered me about child support, we went to the state calculator website, and because of her shiny new income it was next to nothing. lol
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/25 05:54 PM
6

Don't worry about her, that ship has sailed. It's hard to let go of someone you've been with for 10 years, but you're going to be a doctor! There are plenty of opportunities for new relationships ahead. It doesn't matter whether your ex-wife is happy or not. She's an adult and made her own decision. Time to focus on your own happiness, the awesome adventures you still have ahead. She'll probably call you out of the blue at some point, wanting to come back. Don't take her.
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/25 03:25 AM
3

Once she gets that nursing degree finished she's going to initiate the divorce because she can be independent now! Won't have a husband "holding her back". (It happened to me exactly the same way, timing was about the same too!)
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/25 06:31 AM
7

I find that whenever I get lonely now, I try to arrange some time with an old friend for dinner or something like that. If I'm lucky for the week, maybe a Bumble date! There are also singles meetup groups in my city. After spending a few hours with another person, I feel my energy drained. I go back home. It's so good to be alone again.
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/25 05:16 AM
8

She is a lazy bum just like my ex wife. Women these days are raised to think that doing any sort of chore around the house is forced domestic duty oppression from the patriarchy. So they become entitled, contributing nothing to the home. It's unfortunate you had a child with this woman. Expect a nasty custody battle when the inevitable divorce happens. She is in it for the easy money, so she will use full custody as a weapon to maximize child support and alimony. Start preparing - lawyer up and …
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/25 01:00 PM
10

Don't worry bro, it doesn't really count unless you were sitting in that bedside chair at the hotel.
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/25 01:11 AM
4

As a dad whose wife ran off with her boyfriend, I can have sympathy for single mom in a similar situation. I might be adventurous enough to go on a date if only for us and just for fun. Probably won't be able to do it often because of parenting schedules and the work life of a 30-something. Three young kids are a lot of baggage. It's a lot to ask for a man to take care of that many kids who aren't his. I certainly wouldn't be up for taking on that level responsibility. It also opens up a whole l…
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/25 04:10 AM
15

I have trouble feeling attraction now because I know any relationship is going to end the same. "Hooking up" is not worth it - doesn't feel rewarding, for me at least.
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/25 07:30 PM
8

I had a prenup. Got divorced in the state of Indiana (important, since enforceability varies widely by state). The STBX accused me of being financially controlling and filed a financial restraining order early in the divorce. The restraining order made it to that I couldn't access or do anything with accounts that were under my name until review by the court. Meanwhile, my ex filed a nasty child custody battle with false accusations of abuse. This dragged on for months, but she was unsuccessful.…
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/25 02:18 AM
3

Well at least you know I'm not a bot now
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/25 12:04 AM
11

It's hard to blame TikTok when for the the last 50 years has been a culture and political movement that undermines the family and "male patriarchy". TikTok is just a participant in what was already happening. In my case, my ex's single girl friends and simp parents were the biggest outside influences in my divorce. No TikTok needed.
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/25 08:12 PM
1

That is a nightmarish scenario. The judge can make you pay for your own prosecution. I dont even see how that is constitutional but it happens. I was lucky that didnt happen to me - but she had a rich dad who paid for a nutcase attorney who kept filing frivolous motions in court. The bigger a victim your ex can make herself to be - such as unilaterally choosing to be a SAHM - the worse the divorce will be.
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/25 03:47 PM
12

During my divorce I had a similar period. They went silent for about 3 months, refusing to answer any inquires or attempts to schedule a mediation. So we sent them the letter saying that we will take our final offer to court and close it out. Then a few days later they hit me with false accusations of me doing harmful things to my daughter. They requested I get a psychiatric evaluation and lose all parental rights. I think they were just waiting for me to make a mistake they can exploit, and pre…
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/25 05:27 AM
4

Once she threw out the first divorce threat because she was angry about the attention I was able to give her at one point, I knew it was over. I spent the next 5 years preparing for the storm.
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/25 09:00 PM
10

Radical acceptance allowed me to see where my marriage was headed long before she sprung the affair and divorce. It allowed me to protect myself early and secretly lawyer up do I was ready to go. I hung on as long as I could for our kid, but didnt let her trick me into any more kids.
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/25 08:00 PM
2

You probably won't have to dissolve the business, but may end up paying a portion of your income in child support. The work truck could be a problem. Might have to take out a loan on it to pay her off. However, she will also be on the hook fort he debt on your personal vehicle which could offset some of that. The final ruling on asset division could vary by the state you're in and possibly a mediation agreement. Get yourself an ethical, responsible lawyer who you think will be good at civil nego…
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/25 09:32 PM
1

Yes, they can impute her potential earnings which should help this guy out with child support.
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/25 09:19 PM
0

I think this is the wrong choice IMHO. You don't know how miserable this guy is. His wife is clearly baggage. Suffering through it is an option, but ending this so he can move on might be a better option.
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/25 09:19 PM
1

Just hang in there. It will eventually end!
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/25 01:40 AM
3

Then quit flogging yourself! She needs to learn how to be accountable for her actions.
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/25 01:38 AM
8

Who initiated the divorce? If she did it, no reason for any guilt it was her own choice.
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/25 03:41 AM
8

I'm sorry to inform you that the woman you were in love with is gone, and probably never existed. All this time she was the woman you wanted her to be, not necessarily the person she is. Women also tend to be much better at turning the table on you in mental games, making you feel like the problem or the one who failed the relationship whether or not it's true - basically they're experts at infusing guilt and shame. The problem with the hotwife thing is that those relationships often don't last.…
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/25 05:02 AM
1

He chose... poorly. https://media2.giphy.com/media/v1.Y2lkPTc5MGI3NjExeDM4N3Y4ejZjMHVmMmowOGdpOXQ3NjhkbHJlYjBlN3hrZmVuYmRwNiZlcD12MV9pbnRlcm5hbF9naWZfYnlfaWQmY3Q9Zw/aEb4C7a63EB56/giphy.gif
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/25 05:30 AM
4

One thing divorce taught me was the importance of controlling your temper. Very important to learn how to control your emotions. Stay cool, stoic. Only show anger strategically, not because you've lost control. I hope OP learns something from this.
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/25 04:14 PM
3

I was in a similar situation as you. In my early 30s I came to thr realization how limiting marriage was on my financial success because she can, by proxy of divorce threat, effectively sabotage any entrepreneurial venture I start. I got her to sign a postnup and she didnt even know it. I wrote up a little contract myself. It stated that she planned on taking on student loans, that we planned on buying a jointly owned house but I want my downpayment money in a divorce, and it reaffirmed our pren…
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/25 01:38 PM
2

THE SOLUTION - don't get married
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/25 02:57 AM
8

There's no way to screen for success based on a checklist like that. Over time, life circumstances change - employment status, money, health, kids. People's attitudes change. You can't predict what she or you will be like 10 years from now. People who seem to be in stable marriages are just lucky that their life is stable for now. They haven't had the misfortune of a major crisis yet that changes their relationship. Looking at your list" 1, My ex wife was was a great student, but ended up stayin…
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/25 03:08 PM
2

Depends on the state. My recommendation is to get out now.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/25 06:41 AM
12

The reason child support can feel bad, especially if set at a high amount, is that you don't really know if she is spending it on the child or not. But you're right - if it really is for the kid you can view that as money you would have spent anyway if you weren't divorced. However, you also lose the marital status tax deduction which can be a meaningful amount so your taxes go up, making the divorce feel more costly.
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/25 12:25 AM
5

"Heartbroken" - I probably would have described myself that way at one time. I've since learned that if you CAN be heartbroken, you are setting yourself up to fail because someone will be able to take advantage of you. In this case, your wife is a bandit. Your wife didn't just spontaneously make this decision, get her parents to accomplice, run off without a plan, and get your kids to hate you overnight. No, this kind of thing takes years to build. You were blissfully unaware. What did you miss?
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/25 08:35 PM
21

The religious values of my upbringing got me into a terrible marriage to begin with. I was raised with this idea that marriage is some way of staying with a person you like and its such a horrible sin to have a kid without that government contract. If only I knew that institution was nothing but a big money scam and that I could have had my whole relationship and family without it...
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/25 06:27 PM
4

The No Fap movement is terrible. There's so much shame they put on men for having a sex drive that I think they are probably doing more harm than good.
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/25 06:25 PM
3

If its been finalized and the house is exclusively in your name, you're fine. She can probably try to file a frivolous lawsuit, but it likely won't be successful.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/25 04:05 PM
22

The revulsion to women and dating after going through a divorce is completely normal. I completely lost sex drive for a while. Find yourself a new purpose. Travel, learn a new skill, indulge by yourself. Do things that you couldn't before while you are married. You probably have a lot of good wisdom to share by writing about it and sharing online.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/25 02:37 AM
4

Mediation is a waste of money. My county mandated us to do mediation before going to trial. It was just a throwaway of $900. Mediation only works when both parties are reasonable and on good terms, which isn't the case if you are getting divorced. If you two were able to mediate you wouldn't have to be getting divorced. Don't take it personally, it's just another fascist American scam.
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/25 07:03 PM
4

Getting divorced was one of the best things that happened to me. It was rough going through the process, and I got lucky in that she didn't figure out she can use false accusations against me until after she moved out of the house so I got to keep the house. My relationship with my daughter is better and even though I took some big financial hits, my life is less stressful now than living with a wife.
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/25 05:37 PM
2

The sooner you can fortify yourself against false accusations the better. Get her out of the house first if you can.
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/25 05:36 PM
9

This advice is not helpful to OP. The guy is in an unjust modern day slavery system that is politically broken. No amount of mental reframing is going to change how shitty this situation is. Also, this reeks of AI slop.
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/25 05:32 PM
2

Everyone dies alone, even when you are surrounded by people you still die alone. Your concern indicates neediness. That mindset is not going to get you a healthy relationship.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/25 05:48 PM
10

So many guys get out of a terrible marriage, only to touch the hot stove again. Until you can your own head straight - emotions in control and making better decisions - you're going to land yourself right back into the situation that got you divorced to begin with.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/25 06:42 AM
19

We were fed lies on what marriage is supposed to be, ideally. Maybe previous generations of married couples supported each other through thickness and thin, richer and poorer - but that doesn't work today and nobody informed us. Like many of our societal institutions, it's been corrupted and is a big money scam for the divorce industry. Corporations profit from the wedding, the purchase of goods of a young married couple, child care. Then the industries and the government profit from the legal b…
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/25 09:11 PM
6

Therapy is just talk. It doesn't solve anything. Most therapists can't actually relate to what you are experienced, will not offer a solution, and will burn a hole in your pocket.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/25 05:46 PM
4

No kids? Do it! You will be fixing the mistake you made 2 years ago by binding yourself to that legal contract with the government. This early, there will be minimal consequences to you. If you have kids, or are married for longer you have really messy issues like alimony and custody issues, more assets to split and it just gets more expensive and more damaging. Get out now while its easy!!!
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/25 07:11 PM
8

That list of grievances is pretty standard. They do that so that they could justify the drastic thing they are about to do without any guilt in their head. Don't fall for that stupid game. When women date assholes those mind games dont work on them. It works on you because you are sensitive and have feelings affected by it. DON'T. She gave you that list because she doesnt respect you.
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/25 03:45 PM
5

I felt the same after my divorce. Part of what I felt was anger. Angry that I invested so much of my life into trying to be the best husband and dad I can be, only for my wife to raise the bar so much that I couldn't meet her unrealistic expectations while she contributed nothing back. I sacrificed a once vibrant social life, move away from my home town, threw away a vast amount of inherited family wealth all because of her. At 40 I'm picking up the pieces and rebuilding. First thing that helped…
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/25 04:48 AM
–

Having a SAHM in your marriage is dangerous. Regardless of the reason or who files, the person making the income has a lot to lose in the divorce because the court will view her as a victim and expect you to continue to support her through child support and alimony, even if it leaves you homeless. She can find herself a new provider or get family support and that won't matter - you are still gonna pay for many years to come. At risk of losing the kids too because the court will see you as too bu…
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/25 03:22 AM
3

I think other replies here clearly establish this guy is a scumbag for having kids with this woman and then abandoning his family for selfish reasons. I just offered a response that's a little more sympathetic to getting his urges satisfied if he really has a libido problem driving his toxic behavior. I think he's a weak person who can't control himself.
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/25 08:14 PM
6

This is sad. OP doesn't have a wife who is manipulating him, playing stupid mind games to drive him crazy, using divorce threats as leverage to financially ruin him... his problem is that his sexual urges control him. And then he complains about the type of women out there in the dating market? The grass is always greener elsewhere bro. This one issue is solvable. There is porn. Some people have open relationships. Ethical non monogamy. People find ways of dealing with sexual issues that allow t…
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/25 03:39 PM
1

Maybe evolutionary - so they can pair bond with the next guy to continue nesting with. Or if that explanation sounds too sexist - its because she is a narcissist and is ready for a new supply.
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/25 02:36 AM
3

She is still taking up your head space and in control. She probably is happier without you. Now you need to learn to be happy without her. I've accepted that women are different. These things dont affect them as much. Its cold, I don't like it, but thats just how it is.
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/25 01:44 AM
2

I just accepted they are that way. Made getting over it easy and I have no appetite for another one.
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/25 01:43 AM
1

You will run into a lot of armchair quarterbacks telling you how to live your life. Everyone with no skin in the game and doesn't live in your shoes has their own opinion on what you should be doing differently. Whenever listening to someone's advice, you need to ask whether that person is living the life you wish you emulate. Do they have the lifestyle you want? Do they have the success you want? It's easy to oversimplify someone else's problems and tell them what to do. I learned to stop carin…
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/25 03:25 PM
11

I've been through similar. Lost similar amounts of money. It's sad. Angering. Not going to do any good to dwell on it. I don't think much about her anymore. Just rebuilding the life I want now one day at a time.
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/25 01:09 AM
18

A lot of guys here who are devastated still have those goggles on and may never take them off. Congratulations on waking up from the Matrix!
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/25 12:41 AM
3

That's exactly what she did. She told the judge that she didn't understand what she was signing. She tried to make it sound rushed because it was inked several days before the wedding. I was able to prove that she signed a waiver passing up the chance to have her own attorney review it. I had the attorney who wrote the prenup testify that she was not coerced. I printed off emails between me and her showing an exchange of documents and earlier drafts, proving that the terms were being cooperative…
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/25 08:49 PM
1

Yes it protected all the assets titled in my name. My 401k, IRA, stock accounts, inheritance. A non-trivial sum. However she tried to argue that it should be thrown out because its not "fair". Cost me about $8,000+ in lawyer fees for that part of the trial and they slapped me with a financial restraining order so I couldn't touch my own money or make investment allocation changes for a whole year. One of my stocks went to $0 during that time and I could not stop out like I normally would.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/25 03:42 PM
5

Time sure flies. If I did not have a kid, I would probably be working on a plan to make some but in a non-traditional, no marriage arrangement. Maybe that's finding a girlfriend who also wants kids and we work it out, or more of a financial arrangement with a surrogate. Divorce shattered the idea of the happy trad family in my head. Maintaining your personal autonomy is important. I think marriage as an institution is cooked in today's complex world.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/25 05:23 AM
2

Similar situation here. Most "adults" whom I trusted made me feel very positive about marriage. Was fed the lie that as long as you do x,y,z and be a good person marriage will be wonderful. Maybe it was different for older generations. I worked with an attorney to make a prenup. I thought it was a great insurance plan with fair terms in case it didn't work out. Nobody prepared me for the nasty games of costly false accusations and frivolous motions that grind you away in family court. Nobody pre…
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/25 03:55 AM
10

This. You are divorced for a reason. Now keep your distance. Things are different now.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/25 01:35 AM
1

It angers me that she still has no shortage of simps to bail her out, which is how she became so irresponsible. Her idiot rich daddy funded her divorce war chest - hired a completely nuts attorney who kept filing motions costing us both tens of thousands of dollars. Now my daughter tells me how she is sucking the life out of some new guy, making him pay for her rent and everything else. He hasn't figured out what hit him yet. 😆
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/25 01:49 PM
5

I frequently have similar thoughts. If only she would just have cooperated, made xyz decision, etc, we could be living our best lives right now! Things could be so good and the money would be abundant. But no, she had to choose the most self-destructive path at every turn. Fight me just for the sake of fighting. My life is so much less now than what it could have been if I didn't marry that woman that I carry the burden of this bitter resentment. I'm in my 40s now and so far behind in life thank…
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/25 08:12 PM
2

Good that you got your professionals lined up. No time for other women now - you are about to engage the most difficult event of your life. There's a near certainty that your FIL will hire some nut lawyer who is going to smear you in court. Get ready for a fight because your whole future is on the line. This will test you to the max. You got between this rock and a hard place because you prioritized other people in your life too much.
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/25 12:19 AM
2

Yes! Live for YOU!!!! Don't spend your energy making everyone's mental health problems by making it your problem. Focus on getting your business back! That's most important right now. You are in a war with your ex wife and she fired the first shot. Let's get through this crisis so you can enjoy your life. And dont waste any more money on that therapist. She won't give you the kick in the butt you need right now. Instead, put that money into a trustworthy attorney. Start making calls now.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/25 11:36 PM
5

After my divorce I began to realize that many men end up in situations like this because of what they are willing to tolerate. Your wife physically beats you. Your mom berates you. Your kids see you getting pushed around by these women and don't respect you. Calling the police on your wife was the right thing to do. The documentation of her violent behavior will be helpful in divorce court. The princess's "PTSD" was her reaction to a taste of consequences for her actions, something she never exp…
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/25 09:54 PM
1

Sounds like you figured out how to navigate the system! Keep a cool head and calculate every word you say until it's finalized.
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/25 03:35 AM
10

RP tells you a lot to avoid this kind of situation. One you're in a divorce, there's no more "frame" - it's whatever the judge and her attorneys decide your frame has to be. You just have to be reactive to it accordingly and play the long game with court.
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/25 08:54 PM
10

This lawyer does not sound like she is helping OP.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/25 06:23 PM
1

Yeah but they will have to have another hearing to modify child support. He's best off if he keeps his income low until at least the first time child support is set.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/25 03:23 PM
8

That time period of the divorce when you are still living under the same roof is one of the worst stages of the divorce. You still have this person in your life with some hope you can go back to the way things were, but you can't and this person just being there is keeping you from moving on. Right now she's not the same woman you married. She is less than a roommate. Just count down the days for her to move out. Also, my ex tried manipulating me with small favors like Starbucks too. She was try…
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/25 05:25 PM
13

She is testing to see how much she is in your head and can manipulate you. Don't put up with these silly games. Your kids deserve your attention more than her, especially when it's dedicated time for them. Be respectful of your children. Say "Sorry, I don't have time to chat right now I'm doing activities with my kids." If she throws a fit, dump her. Nothing good will come of this for you.
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/25 09:09 PM
1

You came here asking how you can "screw over your fellow man". Are you any better than him? Every villain has a reasonable sounding victim story to justify their means. Your mom can handle herself. White knights like you are part of the problem.
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/25 04:26 AM
2

Not sure I speak for others here, but I certainly don't support abusing the law to "screw over" anyone. Our legal system is here to protect the innocent, but unfortunately scumbags like yourself weaponize the burdens of the litigation process as a tool to harm the innocent. You should be ashamed of yourself for asking how to do such a thing.
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/25 03:04 AM
6

I think I got most of the assets in my divorce, but I had a prenup, and made her sign an antenuptial agreement 8 years later. The antenuptial had language reaffirming that the prenup is still valid. That didn't stop her from trying to invalidate the agreements. I spent $25,000 defending attacks, including a hearing where she claimed that she didn't know what she was getting into when she signed those agreements so they shouldn't be enforced.
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/25 02:08 PM
1

Sounds are lot like my ex wife. I had a similar experience when I tried say trading after being laid off from my job 10 years ago. Go through with the divorce. That's not love she demonstrated, that's toxicity. Men we are gaslighted by society to tolerate that kind of behavior from our partners, but she acted wildly inappropriately and does not deserve a second chance. She will try to get your million whether she stays with you or during the divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/25 03:31 AM
2

Sounds like some sort of PTSD. Divorce is emotionally disruptive and you will have all sorts of negative feelings around the time of the divorce. It gets better and eventually she will no longer occupy space in your mind.
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/25 08:32 PM
1

She's intentionally doing this to you. Abuse of the legal system is a common thing. I'd find ways of making her stay uncomfortable. Get your attorney to force the case to close. My ex tried stalling for a while. We made a settlement offer and got no reply. So we told them we were going to petition directly with the judge to rule and close it. Immediately after receiving that notice they sprung into action and I spent the next 8 months defending everything from my parental rights to petty propert…
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/25 08:10 PM
3

This game of stalling is one of the things that makes divorce so stressful. With court dates months out, and then at the last moment when things are ready to roll they find some excuse to postpone the next hearing another few months. It's financially draining too, hard to focus on rebuilding yourself when you're in limbo like that.
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/25 12:28 AM
22

Women are untouchable. It's societally unacceptable to criticize them in any way. That's why things have gotten so bad.
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/25 07:17 AM
6

Its up to the judge. Anything could happen, which is why divorce causes so much anxiety. Outcomes are not necessarily what you ideally want. Everyone loses a little. Present the best case you can, and don't lose your cool.
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/25 07:15 AM
14

Restraining order.
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/25 02:48 AM
1

This is a test. Divorce is one of the hardest life events to endure. Once this is over, and it will be, you will be much stronger.
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/25 03:34 AM
5

This is so common that I wonder if women feel so dead inside that they are compelled to impulsively do reckless things just to "feel alive". Must be awful to have that kind of mindset. Maybe not all of them, but must be many.
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/25 01:01 AM
8

No, I understand his situation. I used to be in love with my wife too. Even after she coldly told me that she's not getting the kind of relationship she wants from me and moved out to be with a more fun guy. My feelings changed after she filed completely false accusations in court to portray me as an abusive parent. After losing that hearing, she fought tooth and nail to invalidate our prenup. Lost again, but I had a 5 figure bill from defending myself. After experiencing the family court, I no …
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/25 09:28 PM
15

Women can move on and forget about you. The whole love business is baloney we've been indoctrinated to believe by Disney tales. You need to radically accept what is happening, and get over it.
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/25 07:06 PM
8

I think a lot of us, maybe even most, have been through this same story. It's very typical. The wife gets "bored" because the marriage is no longer exciting. It's not your fault. By "fucked hard" she doesn't mean like physically, she means she wants the thrill of an unpredictable situation. Married life, especially with kids, is full of responsibility and routine. That's not heart pounding fun! That's not spontaneous! There's nothing you can do because she wants to live in a different reality th…
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/25 02:02 AM
1

Only $20 with tip?
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/25 03:42 PM
9

My ex does the same thing. As far as the reason why, I could give a rat's ass.
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/25 04:27 AM
2

I bet he would
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/25 03:03 AM
7

What were you thinking? You chose this mess.
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/25 06:35 AM
3

OP is cooked
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/25 02:57 AM
9

Thats a difficult mental thing I still deal with years after my divorce. I lost the person I used to depend on, who I felt was there and we help each other out. If I get sick or injured or need a ride or anything nowadays I'm completely on my own. No help is coming. The world is a cold, lonely place. But I've gotten used to it.
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/25 06:16 AM
6

That's what she said
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/25 06:06 AM
7

This is a test of your resolve. You feel like you need her, but you can be happy alone. The loss of the relationship is difficult for all of us, but many divorcees find that there's life after divorce and it can be great!
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/25 06:46 PM
7

Online dating is broken.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/25 06:22 PM
20

It doesn't matter how many chores you do, it won't make her happy. Her requests of you are what she thinks will cure a different problem of fulfillment she has.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/25 05:59 AM
2

I don't have a complete gap in my memories, more like I question "what did she do that was good?" I know there were times we had fun together. I remember a few good experiences, but many of the memories that stand out in my mind were red flag moments. For example, I remember our family vacation being a great day, but tainted because she threw a tantrum that I was slow getting ready in the morning and we got to the restaurant later than planned. Maybe my memories are biased, or maybe she actually…
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/25 05:45 AM
1

I'm sorry to sound so cold. For a while, I was in a similar mental state of devastation where you are. I had no support. My wife's extended family was the only family in my life, and they all turned on me. Long time friends didn't want to hear it and abandoned me in my darkest moment. I was lucky to meet my divorce attorney, who became a friend through this. He told me what I had to do - to be strong in divorce court so that I don't get shoved out of my daughter's life. Another new friend I met …
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/25 03:58 AM
2

Whoa, I didn't realize the brain can do that. I know that I had many great moments with my ex, some of the best. It's hard for me to remember them vividly. If I didn't have the pictures, many of those moments I think might be forgotten or put away in my mind. The parts I so remember well are the difficult memories that sting toward the end, when I could do no right in her eyes.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/25 03:49 AM
1

You are idealizing her. Get that L word out of your head. Most guys here on this forum get destroyed in divorce court. That year my trial lasted was the most stressful of my whole life. I still occasionally deal with anxiety it caused me, worrying about ending up in something like that again. You are lucky thats not you. Be grateful. Maybe you missed out on something good, or maybe the inevitable just came sooner. Own that it happened and move on with life.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/25 02:46 AM
2

If she initially said she can forgive you, what happened? Seems like she had a change of opinion after some time with her mom. Is that right?
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/25 07:48 AM
1

He’s a lineman and they aren’t known for keeping their dicks in their pants. Sounds like you are making excuses for the simp who bested you.
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/25 04:56 AM
2

Don't hire a firm. Hire a divorce attorney who runs his own practice.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/25 04:25 AM
1

If you can't trust your attorney you need to fire him now. His job is to protect you from legal risk.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/25 02:02 AM
3

If the divorce is not yet finalized, don't tell her, but tell your attorney. You need to keep that safe. If she comes crawling back, that's just a huge threat to your financial security because she can ensnare you in a legal battle to get access to it. Even if she is not successful, she can prolong the divorce by months, or years, and have the court put a financial restraining order on that money until the outcome is decided. You need to get your attorney pushing to have the divorce finalized an…
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/25 06:05 PM
3

That guy's a loser who can't stand up for himself if he's bossed around by his family like that. That explains a lot.
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/25 11:57 PM
3

I think when you're young and don't have bills and other responsibilities or a career, and have the sex drive, it's fun to be dating and seeking adventures with women. I don't see how any adult with a job can have time for it nowadays. There's so many emotional ups and downs, time spent, money wasted. After getting divorced it doesn't seem worth it because there seems to be no happy end goal to it. It just leads to expectations from someone else that I don't need. Maybe you got to the point wher…
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/25 08:06 PM
10

Why do you need a woman so badly? You just escaped one nightmare, why so eager for the next? I went through a similar path as you where I wanted to have a new girlfriend right away after divorce but ran into the same issues. What's the end goal? Am I going to marry her? Have more kids? It's a lot of effort for a questionable benefit. I came to the realization that I'm at a different place in life now with new goals and a serious relationship isn't compatible with that lifestyle right now.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/25 03:54 PM
8

It's called projection. Toxic people love to call other people narcissists. Unfortunately, the word "narcissist" is kind of a red flag now when you hear because it's so often misused this way.
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/25 05:20 AM
14

During the first few weeks of the divorce, my ex suddenly turned really nice and charming, bringing me coffee from Starbucks at child exchanges. At one exchange she told me she wanted a hug, but I politely declined. All this culminated in her making repeated invitations to "talk about things" without an attorney outside of court. I knew this was manipulation and didn't fall for it. I had all of those interactions recorded, which became useful evidence when she later attacked me with false accusa…
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/25 09:59 PM
2

Yeah don't live in a common law marriage state. But, I hear anecdotally that is getting harder for courts to enforce these days.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/25 09:33 PM
16

When my divorce was over, I asked my lawyer "What if I didn't get legally married and we just lived together and had a kid but no official marriage? Would I have had to go through this whole monkey trial about my character and have to defend all my assets like this?" No. Another lawyer friend told me that the only action you might want to take is to file a petition to claim paternity when your child is born so that you get the full parental rights. Really though, marriage gets you nothing but a …
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/25 03:29 PM
13

You don't have to do anything. Her opinion on what you should do regarding her boyfriend is no longer relevant.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/25 01:59 PM
19

Bro... if you keep the simpy mindset you're going to end up in a bad situation again. You're free now. Time to work on yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/25 02:32 AM
2

You go girl
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/25 08:49 PM
11

My ex was really petty during the divorce process, but I worked hardball boundaries into the divorce decree. I know what I owe and don't give her a penny more. If I pay for something and she owes me, I send her a Venmo bill for the owed amount. There is no unnecessary generosity. I got used to dealing with this, as has she. Working with her on parenting is just cold calculation now, like managing a computer program. 🚫drama.
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/25 11:57 PM
26

Lol same happened to me. Only difference is that my wife totally turned me off about wanting sex with her by yelling at me all the time. I can't get turned on by someone who is always mean to me, and then she was angry about the lack of sex. I think what really gets under their skin is that they can't use sex to manipulate you if you have porn as an alternative. Now that I'm divorced I am no longer interested in sex in general - it's just feels like such an obligation in a relationship that its …
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/25 05:07 PM
10

Kids are wonderful, but also the reason many stay in an unbearable marriage. It's an adult dilemma.
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/25 03:27 AM
7

TL;DR It's cuz she delulu
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/25 07:18 PM
4

Therapy is a waste of money. You can't change someone's engrained habits like that. If you end up in therapy you are already screwed. OP should save the hardship and bite the bullet so he can start building his post marriage now while the costs are lower. He just got one hell of a custody fight ahead. Other option is to try working around her and just dealing with it for a miserable few years until the kids are a little older and it would be easier to win 50 50 custody.
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/25 07:12 AM
4

I've found it a hassle moving my things around so the cleaning lady can work freely. She doesn't know where to put clutter. Plus I worry about valuables being stolen, which happened once.
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/25 07:09 AM
20

Dude... where did you meet my ex wife and why would you marry her???
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/25 07:08 AM
1

Actually... if his ex goes after something as frivolous as a picture of him at a completely legal club doing legal things within his right to do... let her do that. She will waste her money and time in court about nonsense that won't go anywhere.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/25 06:53 PM
5

Yes. I do what I want!!
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/25 06:41 AM
9

Divorce sooner!
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/24 06:43 PM
4

There are days when I feel like this. And then I step back and realize that the last 3 years of being divorced have been some of the best years of my life. I got to raise my wonderful daughter. I had freedom like never before - to travel, to explore new places, to try new things, to run my own schedule, to control my own finances. Without obligations to a nagging wife, I've had more time than ever before for my own personal growth and development. I'm in the best physical health of my life. No p…
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/24 04:54 AM
6

She kept threatening divorce whenever she would get mad. I never could ever understand what she was mad at me for because the explanation was word salad, but she was always angry at me about something. I'd tell her if she wants a divorce she should go do it, then she could find a guy with a trust fund who doesn't have to work and has no ambitions so he can just spend all his time and money entertaining her. And that's exactly what she did!
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/24 04:40 PM
3

I tried therapy but I don't think it does anything. It just felt like venting about situations that just suck and no solutions. Accepting that divorce is awful and focusing on building my new life has been a lot more beneficial for me than dwelling on it with a therapist. I have several friends I talk with who understand what I went through. We help each other out during the difficult times. It's much better to have some close friends you can talk things over with than a paid therapist, which in…
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/24 06:29 PM
4

Imagine where you would be in 10-15 years from now, both scenarios. Ask yourself which path you'd rather choose. If you split now, what would be the impact on your kids? If you divorce later, what would be the financial impacts vs divorce now? (answer: the state penalties increase over time and you lose the value of time you could have been investing in yourself or otherwise)
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/24 09:40 PM
3

Dating is a wasteland of time in 2024.
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/24 01:55 PM
5

Depends on how nasty the divorce was. During her move out, I caught a video of my ex bragging to her mom that I'm a fool who doesn't know how expensive those tupperware containers are she was taking. After seeing that I had no remorse throwing out anything she forgot. Maybe your relationship was different.
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/24 03:55 AM
1

My doc said not to be concerned about being above 500. As long as its over 300 its in range. Maybe younger me had a higher T. Other than the low interest in sex I notice no other health issues.
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/24 10:14 PM
14

One thing that surprised me about this aspect of divorce is that it never bothers her. She's the one who really couldn't wait to have kids, now that she got her wish she could care less about what kind of life her kid has to endure. The next iteration of her entertainment is the number one priority.
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/24 10:12 PM
1

Wow ok. I was 425 last time tested. Not as interested in sex as much as I used to be and have been wondering if its T or whether the divorce trauma just made me not care about women anymore. Actually, I kind of like not worrying about women and relationships anymore.
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/24 07:10 PM
1

What T reading do you consider low?
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/24 06:59 PM
2

So many of these marriages breakdown at the 13 year mark. It's uncanny!
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/24 06:43 PM
11

I went through this exact same shit in my divorce trial. She would go from nasty accusations to being sweet and even bringing me gifts when she wants to talk outside of court. Your ex just thinks she can work her magic and manipulate you better in person. If you meet with her she will probably put on a smile and talk in a mousy voice. She will make herself out to be a victim and guilt you into giving her more. If that doesn't work, she will use anything you say against you in court and probably …
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/24 03:34 AM
8

Yes, it's for attention.
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/24 04:08 AM
2

🙅‍♂️
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/24 08:31 PM
2

Oh common now. I'm running a legitimate legal business. The world is competitive, and it's hard to build something extraordinary that yields plentiful returns. I don't need a woman - a relationship takes more than it gives back.
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/24 05:49 PM
3

I have nothing left to give. There was a while after my divorce I tried to be more social, going out to bars and things, but I just don't connect well with people. They come and go. I'm concerned about money and survival so put all my effort into rebuilding my finances after what I went through in the divorce. I just hustle all day and all night.
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/24 08:07 AM
9

I was traumatized by the false accusations I was dealt during my divorce. What she accused me of was serious, and I almost lost parental rights because of it. It cost tens of thousands of dollars defend. Preparing for court, going through discovery, rehearsing my testimony - all of that was an incredibly stressful life event on par with watching my parents die of cancer. My work performance suffered. After all of that the accuser just went on with no consequence. It makes sense to try - she had …
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/24 03:59 AM
6

I got divorced for the same reason. The saddest part was the lengths she went in court to try destroying whatever financial assets I would have left and moving forward. I'm not the same after going through that level of betrayal.
/r/Divorce_Men23/11/24 02:57 AM
1

I did try dating for a while. Meeting women is very difficult. I've met a few out at bars, but many of them have their own situationships already. Online dating sucks, especially since I am below average height and get filtered out of most - very low match rate. The ones I've connected with no compatibiIty. Even ones I've reconnected with who I've known for many years are too busy with their own things to date - people are just so busy with their lives at this age. I've concluded that to get a g…
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/24 07:05 AM
–

The best you can do is educate your son about situational awareness. Give him a phone or watch he can use to call for help.
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/24 02:38 AM
19

I'm in a similar place to where you are post-divorce. I have fewer financial assets than I did when I got married. I've lost friends and family along the way. I'm alone and isolated. My life now as I approach 40 is all about recovery. My ambitions are less grand than when I was 20, but that's ok. I just focus on making progress one day at a time, small wins. I don't even think about my ex much anymore. From what my daughter tells me, it sounds like life is a lot harder than what my ex thought it…
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/24 02:36 AM
3

Sounds like this is just an intimidation tactic. It shouldn't have any bearing on the divorce whether or not you gave her an STD. Test yourself to make sure you are OK. Just tell her you don't care and it doesn't matter anymore.
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/24 05:50 AM
1

Try to negotiate to pay her that amount over time. If not, it might be worth financing that part with a second mortgage. I know, financial recovery after divorce sucks. I was in a similar situation.
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/24 05:37 AM
11

NTA. Divorce is goodbye. You can't leave and keep the benefits of the marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/24 07:22 AM
-1

It's nobody's business, who cares. This is such a petty concern.
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/24 10:47 PM
7

Why are guys so dumb to keep making the same mistakes over and over again? The little head overpowers the big head for most. I guess that's how there ended up being 8 billion of us. 🤷‍♂️
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/24 06:32 PM
2

I was interested in dating for a while after my divorce, now I just don't care. I am already a dad, and life is full of things more interesting than sex.
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/24 06:44 AM
2

It sounds like you have a low income that doesn't give you enough to invest. You are going to have to think out of the box and take some risks to grow your top line. Hustle hard. Get a new job if your current one doesn't pay enough. Get a second job for your savings. Do some Uber or Doordash. No time for video games, time to get to work.
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/24 05:35 PM
2

My financial situation was just like how you describe it for your marriage, and the post divorce result is the same, but without the 527. I don't do a 527 because you are limited to using that money on a university and idk if that is always the best place for education. I think we are lucky to have a high enough income to have savings, but many people like OP probably have an average or below average wage that doesn't leave much after thr cost of living. Sounds like his wife's income helped a lo…
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/24 05:32 PM
2

Exactly the same for me! Except I'm in the Midwest instead of Cali. I love the work balance and parenting time with my kid. I'm most afraid of something changing with my job (being forced into RTO) or coming down with a major health problem. As long as my health stays well I think I will be okay, but it's scary to think if I am ever incapacitated there is no help coming.
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/24 05:21 PM
3

Where did he get his lawyer? From 7-Eleven? Dude just gave away half his house when he put her on the deed and let her start paying the mortgage out of the joint account lol. The affair means nothing. Mistake #1 was getting married again after the first one failed.
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/24 11:06 PM
3

This is why after divorce I'm no longer interested in dating or sex. I'm a little younger than you but not by much. I have a wonderful daughter to whom I give most of my attention. I miss the company of an adult partner, but introducing a new woman into my life would introduce complications. Sure, it would bring back some of the fun times I miss, but if I'm not fully ready to have a kid with her then what's the point? We're going to be older with less time on the biological clock. Right now I'm …
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/24 01:26 AM
1

Yes
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/24 10:02 PM
2

My ex wife grew up in a similar home. Her dad got lucky and was hired into a CTO role in his 30s. Money was always abundant for her family. Her mom never worked and lives an easy life. This generation of dads also have to deal with a shitty economy with fewer opportunities for high income jobs. My ex lives with a new boyfriend now who my kid told me pays for everything, including their rent. I'm glad it's not my problem anymore.
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/24 09:54 PM
5

Our culture depicts men as lazy, bumbling underachievers who don't contribute to their families. I grew up watching Homer Simpson and the Malcom in the Middle dad and told myself I'm not going to be like that! I worked so hard for my family but that wasn't good enough for her she wanted more. I think most of the wives we hear about here (I'm trying not to generalize) want to be married to a rich athlete, actor, or rapper because he can provide the abundance and fun lifestyle she wants. But even …
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/24 09:14 PM
11

My marriage was on the same path, but with a different order of events. After we got married, I learned that my wife was an incredibly unmotivated, lazy person. I did not expect this based on her stated life goals, but we were both young and she didn't have much of a past work history to judge by. Her laziness got really bad after we had a child, to the point that I felt like she used our child and our marriage as hostage leverage to get me to working to death. And then would complain that I wor…
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/24 08:44 PM
2

That was a fun part of your life, but now it's done. There's going to be more good days ahead, just not with her. It's just one of those parts of life - high school, college, your marriage. Time for the next milestone. You can still reflect on it fondly.
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/24 01:43 AM
14

Translation: "I want you around for 6 months so I could use you for money and childcare and could use this time to strategize the divorce and find a new guy to take care of me." This is how most divorces start. She just made the mistake of showing you her cards early by asking for the 6 months. Get out now! Lawyer up and serve her first.
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/24 07:39 PM
2

Does that include when her bull comes to visit?
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/24 04:30 PM
2

Prenup helps, but there is still risk. Divorce will be a nasty process no matter what. Expect to spend money defending your prenup, and the anxiety that comes with it. If you have kids they will be used as leverage. False accusations about your character as a parent are common attacks in divorce court.
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/24 03:32 PM
1

No he's right. It varies a lot by state and county. He could get unlucky and end up in a jurisdiction where the judge won't honor assets gained after the marriage and declare them to be joint property.
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/24 03:15 PM
5

I wouldn't recommend it. I am mad at all of the people who told me similar things about don't think about divorce when you are getting married. Those people aren't looking out for your best interest and have no skin in the game. I had a prenup in my case. It helped tremendously. My prenup stated that everything titled under my name stays with me in a divorce and it was upheld. However it cost me $10k to defend in court and I had a financial restraining order placed on me where I was not allowed …
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/24 03:11 PM
1

One thing you can do is buy some property in the state of your choice, switch your drivers license and wait long enough to establish residency there.
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/24 06:43 AM
1

Do some research, with a focus on alimony and child support calculation. I haven't exhaustively researched states to figure out which are the best, but I was lucky to be living in Indiana which only awards alimony in very specific circumstances like disability and limits it to 3 years. It's rarely awarded here. My ex didn't meet the criteria. I can tell you that California, Texas, and Illinois are among the worst from what I've read. Florida was pretty bad too but they just repealed the lifetime…
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/24 06:41 AM
3

I also want to add that people change over time. We live longer lives too. No amount of screening to do a better job of picking will save your marriage - only luck. In my case, my wife was perfect for the time I met her in my life. After becoming parents, going through life stresses with career, our lifestyle changed. She evolved to want something else that I could not offer, and I was tired of being a servant to her too. We just wanted different things after many years. Nothing personal or bad …
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/24 06:32 AM
3

I was married for 13 years and consider it the biggest mistake of my life. All it takes to get legally married is to sign a document with the state. There's no fine print or disclosure documents like you would get if you were buying a house. I really wish there were because I wasn't aware of the risks. After having a kid my wife started throwing around divorce threats as a coercive way to get me to do or buy things for her. I didn't want to get divorced and break up our family. This went on for …
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/24 06:23 AM
3

Get a job in a state with no alimony, tell your family you have to move there for this opportunity. Take a pay cut for it without telling them. Once you are there pull the trigger.
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/24 10:31 PM
-2

I was just about to suggest this to him. Forget the sports. Kids don't need that. Structured activities for kids might even be harmful because kids need time to learn how to cure their own boredom and develop their own interests. When adults helicopter them so much, they don't learn how to think independently. Plus, its incredibly stressful on OP - he needs to prioritize his own needs to some extent so he has the energy to be a better dad.
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/24 03:48 PM
6

There's probably more to the story on that than what we're told.
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/24 03:45 PM
3

So many mean comments on this thread. Parenting is overwhelming, especially when you are doing it all alone. Give the guy a break. He just needs to adjust to his new life. Don't kick him when he's down by calling him a bad parent.
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/24 05:02 AM
2

I also have 50/50 and in the same situation. I just got used to my limitations on parenting time. I savor every moment of my weeks off. I go out and enjoy myself, try to spend whatever time I can get with friends and meeting new people. Just relax and enjoy your dad time. They grow up so fast. Before you know it you will be missing these days. Just plan quality time with your kids and enjoy it!
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/24 05:00 AM
4

I'm in a similar situation to you. Feels like there's nothing left to do in life but grind away. Stack cash, investments with what I can. But, the kind of fun times I used to enjoy are so costly to my current financial state that they are unreachable. It's also difficult to build a new network of friends at this age. I don't trust people as much as I used to, especially women, which makes dating even more difficult than it already is. I see red flags like Neo sees code in the Matrix. My top sugg…
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/24 05:42 PM
3

Don't give into the pressure. What's her agenda? Is she didn't have an agenda that would be derailed by the prenup, then she should have nothing to worry about right? A marriage is serious business. It is a legal agreement with severe consequences if it doesn't work. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise, especially if it's the person who could ruin you by removing your protections.
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/24 07:48 AM
7

lol I think ex-wives have this "oh shit" moment when they realize they are no longer in control of you. It could cause them to freak out. It's so liberating when that moment comes!
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/24 06:37 AM
4

You don't deal with her. Go minimal contact and have all communications happen through your attorney. If you have to communicate with her, do it through a medium which is documented like text message and record all in person interactions. It's like the Miranda Rights - anything you say and do at this point can and will be used against you in a court of law.
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/24 06:34 AM
6

I'm sorry for what you are going through. It is devastating. Losing your home, money, and child is one of the worst outcomes that could come of a divorce, and I think many of the "happier" men here didn't lose as much as you did. Don't feel like you are unlucky however because many, maybe most, divorce situations end up like you for the male provider. This system is broken and needs to change. Divorce is awful, but I think most of the men posting about how they are happier are looking at the gla…
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/24 11:46 PM
2

This. I thought my wife was going to be reasonable about it at first, and then she spoke to an unscrupulous lawyer who got her excited about how much money she could take away...
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/24 04:05 AM
-3

IMHO, spying on your spouse to this degree is toxic. You either trust her or you don't. If you don't trust her, then divorce her.
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/24 04:53 PM
4

🎉holidays are a lot of stress as an adult. My house, which I now own by myself, is plain for most of the year, except for a plastic Christmas tree. For Halloween I put out a bucket of candy and leave to go do something fun. You can now enjoy holidays by going out to businesses that decorated and not have to worry about impressing others in your neighborhood.
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/24 06:17 PM
1

They did this in my case. We offered negotiations that would settle the divorce and they did not respond. So we put a deadline on it and said that if we don't hear back we will file it in court and ask the judge to sign off. And then a day later they filed this crazy petition full of false accusations about me requesting that I be psychologically evaluated and lose all parenting rights. It's probably a tactic of waiting to see if you make a mistake that they could exploit. If they are going to d…
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/24 01:22 AM
1

Sadly, a lot of narcissist content out there is being weaponized by narcissists. So twisted!
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/24 05:01 AM
2

Just curious, what is your ex's living situation after she moved out? Does she have someone else paying for a roof over her head?
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/24 03:12 PM
1

This is exactly what I would do if I lost my home.
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/24 03:11 PM
3

This person did you dirty. You don't miss her, you miss the fantasy in your head of what you wanted her to be. You idealized her, and she didn't live up to that expectation. Move on.
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/24 03:23 PM
2

I'm feeling the same thing. (39m) With parental obligations on top of the destruction caused by the divorce, life just feels so limiting nowadays. Before, I remember how possibilities felt abundant and I had a lot to look forward to. Now I'm fearful of new relationships and there doesn't feel like anything fun about life anymore. Just endless work and obligation.
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/24 06:34 PM
9

You can't reason with them because some simp is always their to spare them the consequences of their bad decisions. If someone is always giving you money and a place to live, then why would you ever think you're wrong? She's just switching providers because you're not putting out anymore. Marriage is worthless.
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/24 06:26 PM
5

There were early signs in dating. An insensitive remark every once in a while. Hmm.. she seemed a little lazy about this one thing. But there were plenty of good qualities too which I chose to focus on. My thinking was that if I am too judgmental, I won't be compatible with anyone because everyone has times when they are not their best. I hoped we would both mature together. You can't set limits when you are coerced. Things went off the rails after having a kid. Prior to that I would just brush …
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/24 10:29 PM
7

I don't regret getting divorced, but I regret getting married.
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/24 06:13 PM
9

Unrelenting verbal abuse. What started off as a sweet girlfriend turned into this nag monster. I could do no right, and anything positive I do is quickly forgotten. Complaining that the house is cluttered (with her stuff), the kitchen counters are dirty (after I cook dinner for the family), I didn't serve her dinner the way she wanted, I didn't take her on a date within the past week, our house is too small, our house is too big let's live in an RV, we don't have sex often enough, yada yada. She…
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/24 06:10 PM
10

I'm so financially wrecked from living with my ex and the divorce that I can't afford a girlfriend.
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/24 01:25 AM
9

This same thing happened to me. Apparently, it is common in divorce. You need a really good lawyer to help you through this. Avoid the GAL if you can - that person is not your friend. GAL doesn't carry the same standards but their opinion matters. You could get one biased against you. You need a sharp lawyer because depending on the state and county you live in, her charges could get her in trouble if it counts as a criminal court accusation and she lied about it. In my case they worded everythi…
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/24 03:03 AM
2

I feel that too. 10 years ago I enjoyed traveling places but after 2020 I feel like there isn't as much to see that's safe and beautiful. I wouldn't set foot in what used to be my favorite cities.
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/24 12:49 PM
2

I miss the life I used to have when I thought I had many friends and would go out for fun. I enjoy being a dad, but it's the only thing I'm allowed to do because I don't have the bandwidth for any other kind of relationships. Life is just work and parenting and I don't see that ever changing, even after my kid grows up because what am I gonna do, start making new friends when I'm old?
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/24 07:02 AM
1

That's how I feel about it too. I'm afraid of the consequences of sex and don't feel attracted to women like I used to be.
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/24 10:01 PM
13

After being dragged through defamatory false accusations in a nasty custody battle, I have fears of something like that happening to me again which causes me a great deal of anxiety at times. People who I thought were friends turned on me, making me distrustful of interpersonal relationships. Post divorce I live a secluded life compared to what it used to be.
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/24 09:59 PM
18

A lot of guys (and some women too) talk about this observation on YouTube and other platforms and their content often gets demonetized or censored for being misogynistic.
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/24 09:47 PM
1

Yes. It's sad that we have to make decisions like this, keeping ourselves from exploration and happiness because of the awful financial consequences. Thanks government.
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/24 02:35 AM
2

The accusations were completely nonsensical and had no way of being proven. I just had to be honest and transparent in answering courtroom questions, and in a nutshell said that what I was being accused of was untrue. For her testimony she started sobbing and went on a unhinged rant about her feelings. I had several exhibits of evidence (emails, video, scheduling) to demonstrate that what she was saying in court didn't match her actions interacting with me beforehand.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/24 10:52 PM
2

Don't rush him into a new relationship. Dating market is rough thanks to the apps and he could end up with the same outcome. If a new girlfriend happens, let it be organic. It might not happen which is fine. It's possible to flourish alone.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/24 07:31 AM
6

Some people think abandoning their kids is a good idea. To each their own. I fought the good fight and won against false accusations, now have 50/50 parenting time. It was worth it.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/24 07:27 AM
12

Masturbation and a good book before bed for the rest of my life? I'm honestly thinking that may be my best bet. Sounds like a good plan. Most women on the dating market have issues. If they don't they are probably taken by someone and in a stable relationship.
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/24 06:04 AM
19

I think the biggest red flag is if she's willing to bind you into a contract that she can break at any time which will initiate legal proceedings where she will take half of your assets, you may have to move out of any home you purchased, your character will be put on trial, and you will only get to see your kids on the schedule the court decided is appropriate (50% at best), and you will owe the person you marry large sums of your income for many years to come. And the court may also decide tha…
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/24 01:20 AM
10

I guess it's not so uncommon that the guy getting divorced is the last person to find out.
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/24 02:32 AM
3

My blanket statement may be an exaggeration. Of course there are cases that are different. But many marriages do end this way so much that it's cliche. There are dozens of threads that sound just like this here every year.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/24 03:21 PM
23

This is how every single one of these story plays out. Every detail.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/24 01:16 AM
3

No they don't stay they same which is why marriage is a horrible deal. That might be why we have it actually - the ancients knew they change over time so the deal is you get to have her in her youth but have to take care of her when she older. But the awful thing about alimony is that it unbalances the equation so she's taking a lot more from you in your old age than you ever received in marital benefit. And it's unfair because she is free to find a new provider. I don't recognize my ex wife whe…
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/24 06:44 PM
5

Should have read the fine print, bud. Oh wait, they don't give you and legal disclaimers when you get married. There's more warning of the terms and conditions for opening a Facebook account than there is signing a marriage contract. I bet if you knew the real cost you would have never done it.
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/24 06:21 PM
12

So sorry. You're set up for the worse possible long term financial outcome. You did your job to be a dutiful provider for your wife and child, and the government will reward you by making you your former spouse's life-long pension through alimony. You lose all of the benefits of your family, and most if not all of your future disposable income will go to her. This is why I think marriage as an institution is evil, antiquated, and should be abolished in its current form. If I knew such an outcome…
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/24 05:21 PM
7

Finding out about narcissist helped me piece together what I was dealing with. It gave me a framework and words to describe her behavior that was predictive of what she would do next. Narcissism is a spectrum. It is part of all of us to some degree, so it may be inappropriate to use as a label, but understanding it helps you identify very common toxic behavior early and nip it in the bid.
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/24 04:05 PM
8

I felt the same after going on a date. I don't think I can connect with anyone anymore because I have such a high level of distrust.
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/24 06:03 AM
5

What you're going through will test your mental strength, but you will feel much stronger once you survive it.
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/24 04:51 AM
3

I've been where you are and I know how scary it is. Stay strong. 50/50 parenting time is much more the norm today than ever. Just be the best dad you can be right now. Find yourself a good attorney who understands your concern, and just roll with the punches. They will try to destroy your character in court, but don't let it affect you. Stay honest, do the right things, and you will make it through this with your kids.
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/24 04:51 AM
3

Why can't you keep the house? Are you unable to buy her equity out?
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/24 03:02 AM
2

If you are a parent it is very hard, especially at this age. Everyone is busy with their own families or work. One of the few friends I found and started to get close with after divorce got sick with some kind of respiratory illness and died in a freak accident. 🤷‍♂️
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/24 05:05 AM
8

I was like you, The heartbreak was bad. But the divorce court was worse. My early retirement was destroyed and she made me a wage slave. The constant baby mama drama with the threat of going back to court never ends. Social media blocked. She can now go to hell for all I care, I never want to see her again.
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/24 02:45 AM
11

If you don't want someone to have power over you then don't get married. Yes, the will imprison you and can garnish your wages. They will make sure your life sucks and that you are miserable living in poverty.
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/24 02:38 AM
2

It's always amicable until they find out how much money they could make and believe the promises of their greedy attorney. Sounds like you gor a good therapist at least. Hang in there it will be a rough year ahead but you got this!
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/24 08:06 AM
6

I used to be there where you are at now. You are going through the most difficult phase of the divorce, but it gets better from here. Expect a rough outcome because it's California and you've been married a long time. I just hope she has a well paying job so you can avoid alimony. My advice to you is to find an attorney you trust who can lead you through the legal process. I'm so blessed with the attorney I had, who I now also consider a friend. Feel free to come here to vent your stress and anx…
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/24 05:06 AM
7

News flash - the resale value on a wedding ring is a small fraction of what you paid for it. It's just another layer of the marriage scam.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/24 08:07 AM
18

I used to feel that way about love until I came to a realization that all love is conditional. Women are loved because of their physical appearance. If they looked like us, or had our downstairs equipment, we wouldn't find them so lovable either. After coming to that realization that love for women is conditional as well, I don't take that idea that "men are loved only conditionally" so personally because no one is loved unconditionally.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/24 01:00 AM
7

My ex changed her name to something ridiculous that more accurately reflects her self-image insecurities. Imagine your ex taking on a name like "Jenny Powerful" or something like that. 🤣
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/24 12:57 AM
1

Don't blame yourself for the lack of affection. There would have been one excuse or another. The reality is that human sexual attraction doesn't work in the idealized way society tells us.
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/24 07:36 PM
1

It was something that crept in slowly for me. I was very independent early in the relationship, but she started to get more overbearing with time. It went into overdrive after becoming parents. Anytime I want to leave the house or make a decision plans for the kid have to be factored. She got lazy and passive aggressive, dumping routine chores like laundry and dishes and cooking onto me. She started throwing more hissy fits and nagging about wanting me to do xyz for her. If I just wanted to slee…
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/24 05:23 PM
8

The best way to keep your assets is to just not get married.
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/24 07:24 AM
2

I didn't get any rizz until well after high school so I guess I missed my chance to be a "first love" to anyone [that I'm attracted to back].
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/24 05:53 AM
8

Yes, but only because of a prenup, which was costly to defend in court. During the marriage assets were carefully separated and labeled as to what is a joint asset and an individual asset. Once you comingle assets they are forever joint.
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/24 05:47 AM
2

I think that's why all relationships fail. People are disposable. "someone" vs "the one". Sadly for me the guy my ex wife is with now, her affair partner, is "the one" who got away in high school. He was her ex, but she said he treated her like crap which is why they broke up. She used the term "psychopath" to describe him. But, I guess he's different now according to her.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/24 10:50 PM
9

The more I try dating the less interested I am in women. I was on the way to getting a relationship going for a bit but then stepped back after expectations of me started to creep in. I just don't see myself integrating someone else so deeply into my life anymore after that divorce. I'm have such peace now. It's terrific not having a "boss" deciding how I spend my free time or things I'm not allowed to do. Enjoy your freedom OP!
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/24 08:10 PM
5

I've had a similar experience witha female counselor. It started off okay but then they started both ganging up on me to tell me I'm a terrible neglectful husband and that my ex wife's cheating was okay because she made up her mind she wants to get divorced. I had an individual session with the counselor with specific examples of very toxic things my ex did to me and was told that's impossible because my ex is such a compassionate person. I feel like our marital counselor just wanted me to jump …
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/24 04:19 PM
3

Anyone who listens to that woman's advice is just going to get stuck and not be able to move on, continuing to get hurt by an ex with bad intentions.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/24 03:56 PM
1

If she's leaning she's already decided. It's a matter of timing. Whether you let her go is not your decision, it's hers. You can only accelerate it and move on yourself by filing first. Just think about the kids and what age you think they would best be able to handle it.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/24 03:20 AM
9

I tried to watch some of her content and it's a whole lot of men "need to get in touch with their feelings" and realize that divorce is hard on her too. A bunch of nonsense.
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/24 09:19 PM
13

Why do men keep going to women for advice on men's problems?
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/24 07:59 PM
7

I was having similar thoughts today and was thinking about making a post about it. Divorce with kids wrecks your life and leaves you in this sort of purgatory because you can't really move on from your ex because of your dad responsibilities. Having a court order dictate where you can live and work can crush your dreams and aspirations, and make you feel a lack of motivation. It kills the fantasy of a new relationship because the last one left you in a bad place and you don't want it to get any …
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/24 05:15 PM
0

Redhead? Well there's your problem. You obviously didn't take the advice of the Crazy-Hot Matrix.
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/24 02:15 PM
3

I'm not sure about the God's plan part of your writing, but the divorce aftermath you describe is very common. I've heard from other men and experienced in my own case that the man usually uses the divorce as an opportunity to better himself. The woman, free from household responsibilities, focuses on her enjoyment and succumbs to vices, living recklessly. Maybe it's not God you are seeing play out but human nature.
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/24 01:02 AM
6

It happens. I think that you pedestalized her so much to begin with makes her even more dislikeable once you figure out she is not the person you thought she was. Then a few malicious deeds is all it takes to tip your love to extreme anger. That's because you feel swindled. You would never do those things. You never thought she was capable. Who is this? A stranger.
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/24 07:49 AM
3

I feel what you are going through. The custody battle part of my divorce was the most stressful several months of my whole life. Her attack to challenge the prenup was the second most stressful period of my life. It was worse than dealing unemployment or the cancer ordeal of my parents. Once I got through it things immediately started to get better. I've got mental scars from the trauma of going through court. It's affected my personal relationships in that I can't feel close to anyone anymore. …
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/24 07:10 PM
3

No, those are things I would do anyway. I don't factor my ex's opinion in on any activity I do anymore.
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/24 07:03 PM
2

One of my neighbors approach me yesterday and started rambling to me about how he is on the edge of a divorce and started dumping this verbal diarrhea about "she did x and y and z". He sounded so stressed out. This is what they do - drive you so insane you start dumping emotional baggage on strangers. I told him it sounds like he could use that divorce to have some peace.
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/24 07:02 PM
3

Lol. Those ratings are just suggestions. Lots of kids play Mario and turn out just fine. It's mild cartoon violence. This is what I mean that kids are so overprotected now that they have mental breakdowns when they grow up and see the real world.
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/24 11:43 PM
4

That's why I made this post. Just to share how great it can be once you make it through the divorce process.
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/24 07:16 PM
5

😂
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/24 07:15 PM
7

It was awful having to seek permission to do anything, even for your own personal things. I was walking on eggshells when I was married!
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/24 07:15 PM
3

Yes pay attention to that signal. Trust your intuition about the situation.
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/24 08:27 AM
3

Since the 90s there has been increasingly restrictive standards of what's considered "safe" for kids. They grow up in a bubble nothing like the real world, so much that it is a culture shock when their schooling ends at 18 or 22 and they have to face real responsibilities and life problems. When you look at the declining mental health statistics for Gen Z, this parenting school of thought revolving around overprotection doesn't seem to be working too well.
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/24 08:25 AM
11

ok yeah I know the title was cheesy. I just see so many posts here from men who are struggling through the early stages, I wanted to share something positive.
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/24 04:15 AM
3

Every kid has a different level of maturity. She knows it's just a movie. I had no interest in that film prior but she kept asking me to get it so I did. If something in it was so bad I would have shut it off but I don't think it was so bad. She got really into the film and kept wanting to tell me what plot twist she thought was going to happen next.
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/24 01:06 AM
4

The folks who don't approve are the ones who lose their minds when someone disagrees with them.
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/24 10:39 PM
8

Society made it acceptable to disrespect husbands and fathers. It started with Homer Simpson and got progressively worse in media. You never see a husband in mainstream media being competent or having authority in the household.
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/24 10:38 PM
6

Well I guess we know who's a stick in the mud
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/24 10:22 PM
3

That week off is great too. I love every minute of it.
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/24 10:18 PM
5

You're gonna be free from the tyranny of STBXW soon! Hang in there!
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/24 10:18 PM
9

I've been there too. Employed in tech with a well paying job. It was never enough. She was always unhappy that we didn't have a bigger house, a newer car, another vacation. She sat around at home all day watching Netflix, letting her bored mind come up with reasons she was angry. I felt scammed in a way because before we got married she presented herself as an intellectual person with many hobbies and interests. She turned out to be the laziest, most uninspiring person I've ever had the misfortu…
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/24 10:17 PM
5

Sounds like you got to that point in the relationship where you took a step back and wondered why are things so bad now, they started off so good! It's amazing how being divorced a while can get you to see with clarity about how bad it got and you didn't even realize it.
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/24 10:12 PM
7

The week off is great too because I get to relax. I did a little bit of dating but stopped that because I decided that I don't need that kind of drama and stress on my recharge week.
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/24 10:10 PM
11

Exactly. The point of this post is that I get to parent how I see fit and can avoid nasty confrontations with my ex. I knew this post would be controversial because someone was going to have a negative opinion of the activities we do together. To each their own. I don't have to care, and that's what makes being divorced great!
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/24 10:06 PM
6

My daughter's reading level is 3 grades above her classmates and the school has her placed in the advanced group of students. Perhaps you need to re-read my original post because I explicitly said it was my daughter who wanted to see The Purge. This was not about me.
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/24 10:03 PM
2

She won't improve in maturity and her life will get worse from here. I don't know if my ex wife changed or I never really knew her to begin with, but it doesn't matter. I've read enough posts now to know how these typically play out, and it's always the same. Just move on and don't look back, don't have any expectations of her. It's someone else's turn.
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/24 03:30 AM
3

Record all interactions. During my divorce I had multiple recording devices. The voice recorder on my phone worked well. At my house I had multiple Blink cameras both inside and outside. I have a dash cam on my car. All of it turned out to be valuable evidence later as there were many false accusations about my conduct which were easily disproven. Texas is a one party consent state from what I've checked so you should be good.
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/24 11:43 PM
3

No, keep it up it's a good post! It's good that you share this to expose what happens in a divorce. I just thought it was important to include a word of caution since I've been there myself, venting in similar ways. Now that the divorce is behind me that anger is fading and I don't feel the need to talk about my ex's toxic behaviors so much. I am intimately familiar with how these darn toxic people do so many small things that add up and they really know how to push your buttons! I'll never let …
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/24 11:32 PM
8

Wow, big rant you're unpacking here. I understand that when you are constantly gaslighted and invalidated it feels good to vent it all out with a wall of text. Just be aware that to an outsider, all these microaggressions don't have the same impact that you feel being in the pressure cooker. I'm letting you know because I've known people who vented in court and it didn't help their case. You are correct that one of the things narcissists do is accuse the people they are abusing of being a narcis…
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/24 09:20 PM
2

I get it how life can get boring sometimes. I can be happy as long as its not bad.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/24 02:58 PM
14

If you got burned by a hot stove why would you do it again? I wasn't fully aware of the risks of divorce when I got married. Nobody warned me how easily it could happen and the devastating financial consequences, or how the outcome you get widely varies by state and county. If I knew those things then, I would not have married at all. I know better now.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/24 02:23 AM
2

That was more of a statistical likelihood. Dating sucks at this age. Everyone is busy with their careers. Fewer women are attractive at this age. Many of the ones who are attractive either have kids or mental baggage. Online dating has made relationships disposable, so people are less connected and you get things like ghosting. You also don't get that tingly chemical bonding feels you do when you're 20 and are full of hormones.
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/24 05:49 PM
2

Interesting. The illness thing adds some new perspective on her psychology. If you don't have the pressure of sex, I don't see what's wrong with having a semi independent life from each other. Divorce is a big deal from which there is no turning back. You may be losing someone nice to have in your life all because you think something better is out there. It's not. You are just going to be totally alone. Maybe that's what you want but I think as long as she doesn't weigh you down with expectation…
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/24 02:17 PM
6

🤣 funds left in the retainer because it's speedy. That was a good one. Lol
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/24 02:09 PM
2

Appreciate what you have. You two already sound disconnected mentally so find a way to coexist. Life doesn't have to be sexy and exciting all the time, but it sure can be nice to have someone close to you who you can talk with and will be there if you ever find yourself in poor health.
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/24 11:48 PM
8

This sounds just like the women who leave good marriages because they get bored. They think there's some better, grander life out there for them full of excitement and warm tingles. True love is awaiting! Well, I got news for you - you will always feel like you are missing out. This happens to people when they define their life meaning by external stimulation, and those folks are never happy. They have to constantly travel the world, seeking out new novelty and it never ends. The answer to restl…
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/24 04:06 PM
6

Just ignore them, but export the screenshots and save them. They made excellent exhibits in my case when my ex falsely accused me of things in divorce court. I changed the ringtone on my phone for her messages so I know to ignore them.
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/24 03:07 PM
10

Love never existed for you. It's just your hormones building up your sexual energy so you are incentivized to make the kids you now have. When I think about the times I was in love in my life and how it turned out I can't believe how silly younger me was. If you get away from your wife for a while, find yourself a new girl, you will probably think the same thing. Maybe some couples find "love" by building something beyond the sexual attraction, but for most people love is just another scam perpe…
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/24 07:38 PM
4

A lot of men are okay accepting that they can't see their kids anymore and walking away. I couldn't do that and made big personal sacrifices in my divorce. It was worth it.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/24 02:59 PM
2

Good story. Probably would have been used different if you have kids, which usually end up being turned into a weapon.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/24 02:58 PM
6

I was in your boat before, walking on eggshells. What she's doing is a common psychological trick of toxic people called baiting. She thrives on your emotional reaction. Don't give it to her. Disengage. Use a methodology called grey rock. Be a bit like Spock from Star Trek. It will probably anger her and she will try more extreme things to provoke you. It's important that you stay thr course especially since you have kids because what these people do is they push your buttons and when you react …
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/24 03:03 PM
1

You have to look out for yourself first. You are dependent on them, so the fallout of the divorce will hurt you very badly. Do you know what you are getting into? Your presence could be weaponized and you could be deprived of seeing one of your parents. You will need their help to provide stability for your life when you start making it out into the world on your own. I know you want to do good for them, but it's their battle and not yours to fight. Your parents are responsible for their own wro…
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/24 04:08 PM
3

I've been through the same kind of accusations. I'm so sorry for what you are going through. Worst part is that there is no punishment for her lies. I fought the good fight and won. Judge saw through her lies and I have 50/50 custody and time. Just be a great dad. Show up to all thr Zoom calls. Get as much time as you can. If you can show you are a good dad it will help you through this. That's how I did it - I had quality parenting time that contradicted her story that I was abusive.
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/24 02:21 PM
3

Yes, its years later and I still get that icky feeling sometimes because of the fear that my ex will find a way to take me back into court.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/24 05:47 PM
9

You're teaching your kids the negative trait of not having boundaries.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/24 03:32 PM
10

You have a similar situation as me, and most other men posting here. I swear it sounds like we all married the same woman. You miss your family and want it back, but the reality is that she doesn't care about your family so there's no going back. There's no way to win her over by changing yourself. That's just a red herring to shift the blame onto you. The real driver of the divorce is that internally she wants a different thrill now and she's done with you. You're no longer exciting. Maybe she …
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/24 03:30 PM
1

I do so and it's a helpful way to sort out emotionally charged thoughts. Just keep it hidden and tell no one so it can't be summoned in discovery and used against you.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/24 06:21 PM
12

Men of any age shouldn't get married. There's no upside and all downside. Marriage as an institution is fundamentally flawed because of the laws around it. You won't get your friend to see this because most men who have had good experiences with women can't comprehend how bad things could get until it happens to them.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/24 06:18 PM
7

"I just don’t know how to gray rock her without being perceived as a dick about it or somehow slighting the kids in someway." This is your problem. You keep enabling, so the behavior continues. Be a dick, or be used.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/24 01:40 AM
9

I understand, it's infuriating. I am dealing with a low quality mom myself. The way you win this is my keeping cool, and having an attorney who can advocate for you in the courtroom. The sad reality is that she gets forgiveness much more easily than you do, but that's just the system we have right now. Stay strong, you will win.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/24 10:50 PM
10

Don't you wish there was fine print to read in the marriage contract that informs you of these risks?
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/24 06:38 AM
2

Encourage her to do things to increase her income, down throttle your income for at least until the next tax return filing.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/24 02:30 AM
5

After the vacation you paid for she gonna be like "I love you but I'm not in love with you. We can still be friends!"
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/24 02:28 AM
9

You are, because you're a REAL man right?
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/24 12:10 AM
4

Leave it. She chose to exit the relationship and sever ties with you, and with that she loses all benefits you offer too. She deserves nothing.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/24 11:53 PM
23

Travel to luxury destinations is their personality 😂
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/24 11:16 PM
1

I'm so glad you said this. Right now I'm 50/50 but there is a chance that I could end up full time after my ex did some negligent parenting which might require intervention. I really don't want that outcome and hope she can be a better parent so that I can still have my 50% time to myself and building my own life. It was something I was about to post about separately since it has me feeling a bit down.
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/24 10:45 PM
3

First of all, how do you know she was cyberstalking some other dude? Second, if you think if your gut feeling about this is correct (which it probably is), forget about reconciling. This is a gift! She will be his problem and not yours.
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/24 04:36 AM
3

If you are asking that question, then it's time. The longer you stay in it now, the more of you will get invested into joint assets and the more you will lose when the day comes. The time spent in a miserable marriage you can't get back either.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/24 02:46 PM
6

I'm baffled at how some guys can still have love goggles after going through the divorce grinder.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/24 02:44 PM
6

That's awesome for you, but I've come to the conclusion that being a single parent more than half the time makes it impossible to form any sort of close relationship with someone new. Takes so much effort to and time to find a new partner.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/24 02:43 PM
5

I made a similar thread about not having a sex drive anymore. I miss having a family. I miss the thrill of meeting someone new and seeing where things go. However, I also feel like there's no point to dating anymore if all relationships just end the same - full of bitterness and a feeling of lost time. What is the goal? Reproduction? Having a family? I don't have time to start over on that given that I am already a very busy parent. If you don't desire it, don't worry about it. You're free! No r…
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/24 04:35 PM
1

It's hard to find time nowadays being a parent and focused on surviving tough economic times.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/24 04:27 PM
1

I did find the right girl and had feelings for her. She got bored and started boinking her ex boyfriend. Then made up lies about me in court in an attempt to maximize her profits from the marriage. I don't trust feelings anymore. Glad you got lucky.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/24 02:20 PM
1

It's shocking to me how common low T seems to be now. I live an extremely healthy lifestyle and do all of the things that should boost it, but I'm still on the low end of the range. Could the stress from my divorce have been that bad? Or are there things in the environment causing this?
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/24 06:30 PM
1

Ah ok. I have no other symptoms like that. I've got a lot of energy otherwise. I run and weightlift several days a week. I can lift heavier and do more reps today than I ever have before. 12% body fat reading. The only adjustment I've had trouble making is that the school schedule for my kid cuts into my sleep a bit, but that will be better with the summer here. I wish you the best of luck with your treatment.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/24 03:46 PM
2

Who said it needs to be 900? Was it a place that sells trt?
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/24 03:24 PM
1

I don't know if this is a problem that I want to fix using hormone intervention. My life is so peaceful and in order now without women in it. I feel great in all other aspects. I just contemplate why I'm not interested in women anymore and have a very small concern it's an aging related health issue.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/24 03:23 PM
4

Did you have other symptoms besides low t?
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/24 03:00 PM
3

Is 300s low?
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/24 02:57 PM
2

Bloodwork is great, except that testosterone consistently tests in the 300s. Doctor said that's in the normal range and is not concerned. I don't know what it used to be when I was younger because I didn't get it tested until I started having low libido. They never have an agenda aligned with mine. That's the problem.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/24 02:56 PM
3

There are similarities in my situation to what you described. I think it's made me an extreme avoidant attachment kind of person.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/24 05:01 AM
1

Let me know if you have success trying to find a frugal date. At this age it seems like money, energy, attention, time is what they want. I'm unwilling to give any of those things. When I see a woman I feel attracted to I get anxiety that she's going to try to take those things from me and I'm unwilling to give at this point, thus it kills any erection that might be starting.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/24 04:59 AM
2

Yeah I know that's why I can't get a boner anymore lol
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/24 02:33 AM
2

I been listening to Sandman and Bar Bar since 2015. That's when I started seeing the lies of relationships, but was already in a marriage. Part of me wants to be Cipher and relive the enjoyment I had in the Matrix, but there's no going back.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/24 02:24 AM
5

I'm not sure if I even want HRT since I feel more in control of my decisions. I'm just sad that I can no longer get into the fantasy of finding "the one" - it's just a lie sold by my parents and Disney that shaped the way I view women. But, even primal sort of sex feels risky after seeing the family court, me too, and STDs out there.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/24 10:41 PM
5

Thats the state of mind I am in now
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/24 10:39 PM
3

Yes the stress is tremendous. I've done some traveling but it's difficult to coordinate around work and my parenting schedule. I'm also feeling economically stressed by inflation, as every is these days. That's why it hits me a special way when I think a woman wants money because we live in a time of scarcity and I am in survival mode.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/24 08:30 PM
1

Good to know that it doesn't always have to be this way going forward.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/24 07:39 PM
3

I feel what you are saying!
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/24 07:39 PM
4

I'm not so worried about it. I feel like this lack of sex drive is keeping me safe and focused on more important things right now. I miss the fantasy of finding someone special out there to share my life with, and after the divorce I just don't believe in that anymore. The only thing that concerns me is whether I have a physical problem or not, but I'm fit in all other aspects and still get night time boners. I just don't get aroused, and get turned off the more a woman talks to me because I can…
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/24 06:48 PM
3

Record everything. Keep a record of every single text message. Only using the OFW app for communication will help you. Carry a tape recorder or better yet a small camera for in person interactions. Use security cameras like the Blink around your house. Do not take phone calls you cannot record.
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/24 05:05 AM
3

*Important to note that if you don't want to make the marriage official, make sure you don't live in a common law state. I've heard that Canada is ridiculous in that they will allow divorce proceedings to happen if who unwed people are just living together and having a married lifestyle and then break up.
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/24 06:43 PM
6

Yes. I would highly recommend a prenup. It saved me from a big six-figure loss in my divorce that would have been devastating to my quality of life. After the marriage it's important to maintain it. Keep all of your assets titled in YOUR NAME ONLY. If you have a joint bank account, keep it separate. Money goes it but not out so they can't claim you comingled your assets with the marital stuff. The best option is to just not get married. Have a ceremony but do not sign any papers making it offici…
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/24 06:42 PM
4

I know how hard that is to see. I went through it too. She is going to put on a positive appearance so that she seems happy, but dating is actually miserable. Her next relationship will fail for the same reasons it failed with you. She might even come crawling back after a few years. When she does, reject her.
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/24 04:18 PM
4

I disagree. It's best to be amicable during the divorce process because when things get hostile, she will listen to her lawyer and the bills will go 2 da moon. Keep her complacent until that darn divorce decree is signed and then ghost her.
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/24 04:17 PM
3

Don't let the Mother's Day societal programming get to you. Society is women-centric. Every mother is a hero on Mother's Day, even the ones who are terrible and undeserving of praise. For Father's Day, if you're lucky enough to get any recognition, they'll make you barbecue for everyone else and maybe give you some clothes for work. Or worse, you have to hear the lecturing from other people complaining that dad's don't step up enough and need to do more. It's all designed to grind you down to be…
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/24 05:49 PM
1

u/captainchippsixx is right. To an outsider, this all seems very petty and draining. Your ex knows this and feels comfortable stepping on your boundaries because you are polite and take it. She knows exactly what flies under the radar of bad behavior. You just need to not be so agreeable if she won't be agreeable with her and have the guts to say "No, I'm not going to take him to this activity on my time, we're going to do this instead". My ex played similar games and having iron boundaries stop…
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/24 05:25 PM
8

This week I've noticed a higher number of posts from men who are grieving the loss of their relationship. I understand because the day after I learned of my wife's affair I couldn't stop randomly crying. But nothing prepared me for what I went through in court. To have the government examine every detail of your life under a microscope to try to paint you as an unfit parent and take your assets that you spent your life working to build as the primary income for the family. Court was mentally and…
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/24 07:41 PM
5

Breakups happen all the time. This is nothing unique. Just be glad she didn't completely destroy you in court with a campaign of smears to get your assets and enslaving you with child support and alimony. I'm mentally scarred for life from what I defended myself against in court.
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/24 07:32 PM
10

Some guys with kids and assets here get completely obliterated in divorce court. Consider yourself lucky if the heartbreak of the relationship is the worst part of it because it's much better than living in squalor and endlessly toiling in a miserable job, only to give away all your earnings in alimony.
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/24 09:07 PM
9

This is why marriage is worthless in 2024. You can go all in and when she breaks her vows, society (not just her) will paint you as a villain. All of those people participating in the celebration are accomplices to the destruction of a family. This would not have been celebrated 80 years ago. Society has changed. Don't take it personally. It's a cope to make her feel better about her poor choices.
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/24 01:43 PM
2

After going through a divorce, I now have the view the marriage as an institution is immoral. It invalidates individual property rights, a core foundation of our society and human rights. It just creates a situation where one party has much more to gain than the other, but nothing of value is exchanged so it is an unconscionable contract. Ultimately it gives the government power to intrude in your personal life.
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/24 09:46 PM
7

Mine went on for a little more than a year. They didn't tell me that could happen in the fine print when I got the marriage cert.
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/24 04:28 AM
1

There was a "woman" who started a DM conversation with me based on a previous post here. Similar story - she was also divorced, wr talked a bit about divorce life. She sent me pics to prove that she's real. And then started telling me how I can get rich by investing my ethereum in her staking operation.
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/24 08:46 AM
3

I agree with you about society, and I don't think any advice could make things any better. The world's value system just sucks right now. There's no closure. It is what it is. Maybe all those biblical stories are written with such harsh, conservative rules because this happens every few generations. We're just in the Fourth Turning.
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/24 11:13 PM
2

It wasn't just the waffle. The waffle ended the vacation, but not the marriage. Most of the word vomit gaslighting diatribe sessions I endured from her were about other things that were just as trivial. It was those things happening over and over again that ended the marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/24 05:18 PM
5

Day 2 of our family vacation she got angry at me that I stopped in the hotel breakfast area for a free waffle and yelled at me in the car for a straight 45 minutes, telling me how I ruin all her fun all the time. That was the last straw. I turned around the car and we went home, vacation cancelled and I started lawyering up the next Monday.
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/24 03:49 PM
5

A divorce could drag on for years. A bitter spouse can relentlessly file motions that prolong it, and then you have to wait a month, and then another month and another for each court action to play out. Go out and have fun dating. Just don't tell your ex about it.
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/24 04:59 AM
3

Very interesting. I've heard a few times from people who work in the law field anecdotally tell me similar. I've been told that old male judges are sometimes more sympathetic to the perceived suffering of women. In my case I had a female judge and had similar worries to the OP going into the case, but she ruled fairly. I have no complaints.
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/24 03:36 AM
11

15% - there were a few joint assets, and about half of that was to attorney fees. We had a prenup which really saved me from financial destruction. She unsuccessfully tried to have it tossed out by the judge.
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/24 02:50 AM
3

I get the pick packs of meat from Costco and cook enough so that I have a day or two of leftovers after the initial meal that can easily be warmed up for lunch. Chuck pot roast is a good one for that. Salmon cuts. Chicken can be thrown in the oven with a little seasoning and is mostly hands off to prepare. I make a vegetable with it too.
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/24 02:31 AM
5

Filed false accusations about me in court, claiming that I had such poor mental health that I shouldn't see my child anymore after the divorce. All of her claims were outlandish and easily disproven in court, but going through that process scarred me for life. And then she prolonged the divorce by challenging the prenup, claiming that she didn't fully understand its implications when she signed it. Also disproven as I had a trail of emails from months earlier showing that we put a lot of work in…
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/24 04:18 PM
1

Sorry you went through that. I'm walking on eggshells and its not going to end until my daughter is an adult. Sometimes I feel angry that society enables this - I try to quarantine her influence from my life but she uses the coparenting relationship to find ways. I wish there were court penalties for false accusations because this is her strategy now. But as stressful as this is, at least its better than still being married to her.
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/24 08:16 PM
1

This is what got me so angry about the other responses on this post. You just don't get what I am going through but are going to lecture me on it. I have been trying to minimize my contact with her. If I could hit an eject button and never see my ex wife again ever I would be happy. But she keeps coming up with drama that affects our coparenting and could end up with me defending myself in a costly court hearing again. Have you ever been to court defending yourself for untrue absurd accusations …
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/24 07:27 PM
3

Certainly not in this modern age of material abundance, especially when women have their own economic opportunities. They don't need you the way past generations did.
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/24 11:39 PM
4

You are just noticing the male side of the Disney fairy tale fantasy they have sold for generations. All lies, feel good marketing. (I wish someone told me that when I was younger!)
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/24 11:38 PM
7

Now. What you did was sociopathic.
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/24 10:18 PM
1

Seriously considering this route. I see multiple paths now that we end up in court. Even if I agree to her demand, next will come the child support request and we will end up in court anyway. I hope you are right that another loss in court for her will curb the coercive attacks.
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/24 06:40 PM
2

The problem you have is what many are dealing with right now. Social media has made narcissism ubiquitous, and also raised women's lifestyle expectations. Relationships just aren't the same. The low quality experience of dating in 2024 is why Gen Z men have the least amount of sex ever recorded, according to survey data. Your concerns are valid. There are whole shows talking about this in the YouTube manosphere now. It's bad.
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/24 06:35 PM
1

Interesting. Good to know they prefer parenting time over day care. Thanks for sharing that. Having it court ordered adds some pressure because then it becomes a bigger deal if I have a day or two when I am unavailable for it. This person I have to work with can't be chill about anything. There is never fair negotiation where we meet in the middle - Its always her way or the highway and that's why there is always a threat of court involvement.
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/24 06:09 PM
1

Lol yes a mile difference. Her excuse is the road she is traveling has more traffic. But a mile? No what I think this really is about is petitioning the court for more child support money to cover her additional day care expense. I also think she despises seeing me during pick up. 😅
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/24 05:45 PM
1

We have week-on-week-off coparenting. On her week, our after school routine has been that the bus drops our daughter off at my house and her mom comes to pick her up. We've been doing that the last 3 years. I really enjoy that hour or two. My ex is now moving to a new apartment and says this routine is inconvenient because she will have to drive an extra mile to get to my house. She plans on putting our 9-year-old daughter in after-school day care. She sent me a terse email telling me how it's g…
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/24 05:00 PM
2

I took down my post because the responses were unhelpful, providing oversimplified solutions that don't respect the greater context. I've taken on a lot of parenting responsibility which I want to do, yet I deal with constant nasty letters and threats of going to court again to re-litigate the custody arrangement. All the constant belittling me as a father got to me and I vented how I was feeling in my post. A woman can make up a story about her hurt feelings and her friends, family, and strange…
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/24 04:36 PM
0

.
/r/Divorce_Men29/02/24 09:20 AM
0

She gets off work at erratic times. I could set a specific time I can bring my daughter over to her place but in her communications with me she speaks to me as if me taking care of my daughter after school is a problem in general. She claims that I am depriving her of her being able to have time with our daughter (so waiting in day care is better so that she gets like what, an extra 15 minutes of mom time?) Anyway her claims are always exaggerated. She's attacking the after school routine and tr…
/r/Divorce_Men29/02/24 08:53 AM
2

This is exactly how my marriage unwound. If she's threatening divorce, then it's on her mind and will eventually happen. She already has the idea and is planning how great her divorce will be. Time for you to cut losses, start preparing. Get familiar with your state's laws, try to close the gap between your incomes, and have a private consultation with an attorney. You have a lot at stake and the more resources you put in right now, the more she can take.
/r/Divorce_Men29/02/24 05:35 AM
7

When my wife started threatening divorce for petty reasons and I looked up the laws in my state, I started to realize that SAHM is one of the most dangerous things you can have in your home if you are married with kids. I highly encouraged her to get a nursing degree. 👍
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/24 04:34 AM
2

Contact your attorney and fight this now. Courts are very tough on parents who want to move away from their coparent in any way that can disrupt the child-parent relationship. I have a friend who got divorced in Chicago, and his wife couldn't move to Atlanta where her parents are because of a court order that she had to stay a certain number of miles near Chicago. Moving to a different city or out of state is a big no no without a very good reason.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/24 05:13 PM
9

Don't do it. You're not alone. Nearly everyone here on this subreddit has been on this journey. Divorce is awful, and one the the worst elements of it is finding out that your wife was not who you think she is. Maybe she was - but she changed. It happens to all of us and that's what makes divorce so outrageous. Nobody ever told us this could happen, and that could lead to a lot of anger. We go into it totally unprepared for what's about to come. As someone who's been right were you are now, trus…
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/24 02:13 AM
10

My love for my wife was done when she filed false accusations in court suggestive that I was abusing our child. The nature of the accusations were serious. When I watched her cry in court, presenting no evidence but her concerns and feelings, my worst suspicions about here were confirmed. I am dealing with a sociopath, and once that thought settled in I could no longer view her the same.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/24 05:34 PM
5

So right. This sub and r/survivinginfidelity have different people telling the same story over and over again! There must be a reason marriage plays out this way, and its not that we just got unlucky and picked the wrong person or messed up somehow.
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/24 06:25 AM
5

I am my ex-wife's villain too!
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/24 06:00 AM
3

Everything you said is what happened to me. The passed opportunities to cheat, the commitment to the vows, to the family, her so easily destroying everything without consequence, and the aftermath of isolation and obsession with rebuilding finances because... what else is there left to do?
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/24 05:59 AM
7

I was in that denial stage too early in my divorce. And then I was served the court filings with the false accusations, which if believed by the judge could have banished me from parenting my child for good and financially cripple me for my remaining life. This was nothing to take lightly. Suddenly all those little times when i gave her behavior the benefit of the doubt made sense. The whole time I had no idea who was I really sleeping with. Acceptance was easy after that.
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/24 03:13 AM
1

Thanks for sharing your story. Yes, it's important to have those little things to look forward to each day. I could get a better job than I have right now, but my current role is low stress and pays well so that's keeping me in it. My divorce is all settled and much of it worked out in my favor. Life is pretty good. Thanks for the reminder of those important things. Your friends story is tragic. Do you know if she had the cerveza flu medicine? I had the two doses when it rolled out, and hearing …
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/24 06:09 AM
7

Because the more custody and time she can get with them, the more money she gets from you in child support. She has an image to defend as a mom, as a victim. It feels good to get the societal praise she will get about how hard life is as a single mom so she's so amazing for being one.
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/24 11:35 PM
2

I've got a very similar backstory for my divorce. I was very outgoing and exciting when she met me, but her lazy ass dumped so much responsibility on me to take care of her needs and provide her the money she wanted to spend that I just ended up working all the time trying to not have us end up in the poorhouse. When we became parents, I started spending more and more evening time with our daughter and I think my wife got jealous. There just wasn't enough me to go around. My exwife is dating a s…
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/24 07:46 PM
7

the thought of her with other men is killing me She's 10 steps ahead of you. You are in a really hard phase of this right now because it's hitting you all at once. You don't know what hit you. You need radical acceptance to realize what you're dealing with and that it cannot be salvaged. She broke up with you a long time ago and you just don't know it. The sooner you come to this realization, the better off you will be going forward.
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/24 07:41 PM
11

"loved me but wasn't in love with me" This is common. I was told those exact same words. My story is similar to yours. When you browse this forum and r/survivinginfidelity you're going to find that what happened to you is not unique. That phrase means she doesn't love you anymore. She won't ever be honest with you because she's afraid of your reaction. Just get out, be quick and firm in the divorce settlement. Take what's yours. It's over.
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/24 07:39 PM
2

I'm not into organized religion, but I see what you're saying. Your material needs are met, so it's time to find something bigger about the universe we live in. I get it.
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/24 07:14 PM
4

No thanks. I think this cuckoldry kink going mainstream is accelerating the deterioration of society. I'm not so desperate for feminine charms that I'm willing to devalue my self-respect by having a woman use me that way. But if that floats your boat, you do you.
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/24 07:11 PM
2

That's great advice here. I used to want to chase those glamorous jobs too, but like you say the cost of the stress that comes with it is not worth it. Post-divorce I'm focused on having enough money and investments to be comfortable. I play some occasional Minecraft, mostly on the realm I share with my daughter. We do Fortnite too.
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/24 05:35 PM
2

Now I set very strict and clear boundaries - for now, everything is peachy, and we have a great time. Of course, I will never ever marry or maneuver myself into a position where someone else has power over my financial or emotional fate. It was insane to believe that I could entrust another person with so much (legal) power. Divorce made me see sexual relationships as a power struggle. It really killed the fun. I don't want to get close to someone with whom I'm going to feel like I'm in some sor…
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/24 08:11 AM
2

I would be receptive to a nice woman if I meet one. But, I'm probably not gonna find her on Bumble. I guess you can say my strategy right now is to work my arse off really hard for a while as I'm raising my daughter so that by the time I'm 42 I'm financially well off enough that I can be more relaxed and let the nice women find me (if any are out there). ...but from the experience I've had so far post divorce I've lost the appetite for having a woman involved in my life. Unless I want to have an…
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/24 08:10 AM
4

Maybe it's an age thing, but I feel like hobbies make more sense when you're a kid and still exploring the world. I don't have time for "hobbies" now because my mind is dead set on survival - what are interest rates gonna do and which stocks should I be invested in? I already do some of those things you mention, but I'm really hardcore and serious about them. Cooking is something I do every evening for daughter and I. I make breakfast lunch and dinner. I have a whole system down and meals planne…
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/24 08:03 AM
2

Seems a theme is that the psychological damage from divorce kills your appetite for women in general. That's definitely where I'm at. Nowadays we can see the awfulness of dating fully exposed on YouTube shows. I'm confident now that I'm unlikely to find anyone special for me out there with the way women are today - so what's the point. Not worth the trouble for unfulfilling sex. I'd rather focus on my own finances and see what options open for me once I'm free from my day job.
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/24 06:43 AM
5

I went on a few dates right after the divorce but it wasn't enjoyable. The only thing interesting to me at the present time is growing my cash stash so that I can get off the corporate plantation.
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/24 03:27 AM
3

If she's still pushing you to go without her, what's her agenda? She might be planning mischief while you are out of the country and you wouldn't be able to do anything about it. Be careful. If the divorce is still going on she can file something while you are away and unable to respond accordingly.
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/24 12:49 AM
4

I am socially isolated too as a result of my ex forcing me to move. I left the area I grew up in and lost touch with all my childhood friends - people who probably would be there to give me support now if I were closer. I saw some of them for my 20 year high school reunion, and that was fun, but I don't get to hang out with them anymore. I've been on a nice vacation to Mexico recently. The resort was nice. The beach was nice. The food was alright. What's all this for? It felt meaningless to indu…
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/24 10:46 PM
1

I've cut off quite a few "friends" after going through this. I don't have many left. Some really disappointed me.
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/24 09:51 PM
4

I think about the grandkids a lot. Maybe I will get the enjoyment that I had raising my daughter again, by helping her with her own kids someday. It might happen sooner than I think and I will be more available for it if I am able to achieve my financial goals. So many of us are here because we had a wife who just got bored and left to chase excitement. It's an atrocity how the divorce court and society now encourage the destruction of families for this frivolous reason.
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/24 09:48 PM
3

Agreed!
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/24 09:39 PM
3

Life got really busy after becoming a parent. Maybe in our 30s we get dedicated to activities that give us purpose and don't have time for social exploration the way we did in the early 20s. This is why I'm divorced. My wife wasn't ready to be an adult. She wanted to be in Neverland forever. There's much less time for fun at this age, even though I'm trying to get myself into a position of financial security to recapture it.
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/24 09:38 PM
1

Yes! I'm in this current phase of life where I am focused on financial goals. I was unable to do this when I was very much distracted by my embattled marriage. Maybe its best to view it as a transitory period to something better in a few years. Life does get crazy sometimes and maybe periods of focus like this are needed.
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/24 09:34 PM
5

I've been trying to make the most of it. There's a constant threat of a layoff right now because the company is not doing so well. It's killed my motivation at work because there's no reward for a job well done, and myself and coworkers are just trying to not get fired. That makes it a little unpleasant. I might give golf a try when the weather gets nice and take my daughter out with me. It sucks that everything feels so expensive now. Haven't used my golf clubs in years so the grips have gone b…
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/24 08:35 PM
3

Hell no. That's why I'm cynical.
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/24 08:30 PM
1

I invest a lot into my health. I think I may be in the best shape I've ever been. Not much socializing because I have a hard time connecting with people. I don't have time for extracurricular interests because my life is my 9-to-5 job, parenting, exercise, and then my secondary business and investing. Not enough hours in the day for more than that.
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/24 08:02 PM
2

I am enjoying every moment. I get sad about each moment that passes. Once she is grown up and on her own I don't see myself experiencing something this meaningful and fulfilling ever again. Life can be wonderful, but the passing of time is a sad component of it.
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/24 07:59 PM
3

I just don't see the point to rotating through different relationships. I've experienced that a few times, I don't need more.
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/24 07:56 PM
9

I'm not interested in women or the hoops to jump through for them anymore. I'm not a rotation kind of guy - just not appealing to me.
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/24 07:54 PM
0

I already do this.
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/24 07:54 PM
3

This is very similar to my (36m) divorce story. My exwife was a SAHM who contributed very little, dumped lots of chores on me, yet still complained about how hard life is. I saw where this was going and avoided sex because she was so unhelpful that I didn't want to have another kid with her. She got angry about that, cheated with an old boyfriend and divorced me. Although she did a lot of financial damage to me, she didn't get the retirement package she was hoping for because we live in a no ali…
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/24 06:35 PM
2

I didn't file first, even though I wanted to. 7 years into the marriage it sunk in that that my wife's toxic behaviors were not going to improve, but were getting worse. I almost went through with a divorce filing, but she wanted to try reconciling first so we went to some couples counseling and I got her to sign an antenuptial agreement. After a while she stopped attending the counseling sessions and the problems reintensified, getting at their worst while we were stuck at home during the pande…
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/24 06:33 PM
11

I also want to add that its during this time you find out who your true friends are and who aren't. I've cut a few people out who I once considered close friends.
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/24 08:58 PM
15

The same happened to me during and after my divorce. The whole world supported my ex-wife's affair and destruction of my family too. She had many people coming to her aid to move her things and give her financial support. All of the friends and family we had celebrated her new life with her while I'm left isolated, forgotten, and full of responsibility as I try to recover from the damage of the divorce. I feel your pain bro.
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/24 07:03 PM
4

Yes. Disappear like a fart in the wind.
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/24 12:32 AM
4

Go for it. The divorce process can take a long time to complete. Start building your new life now. I'd suggest keeping that part of your life quarantined from your kids for at least a while though. The idea of mom and dad no longer being together is hard enough. They don't have to know about all the fun you are having.
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/24 12:31 AM
11

The apps have made dating insufferable these days. It absolutely sucks. I've given up and admitted there's no one out there for me. I go my own way now.
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/24 06:15 AM
6

It's hurtful, but it's going to happen. You guys are done. Just swipe left. It's time for you to move on.
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/24 06:14 AM
18

I am like that too, and used to be moreso. Reading the red pill content was difficult for me too. It basically tells you the dream you had was a lie. However there is an optimistic way to look at it. The problem is not women as much as it is how badly the court system is rigged against you. The red pill and MGTOW is all about protecting you so you don't get harmed by the injustice of this legal system that will punish you for being a good man providing for his family. Its about managing your ris…
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/24 10:47 PM
6

Think of it this way - she's used to having all sorts of different guys in her. Every new guy she's with is fun, it's an adventure, it brings something new, it's her thing. Then you seriously expect that she's going to settle with you and be happy with just you from here on out? She's going to forgo all the excitement that she's accustomed to because what you have to offer is so much better than what the dozens of other guys had? Not to mention, it's not so much about what the guy offers but the…
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/23 06:02 PM
4

Could be a variety of reasons. She might be trying to pull on your emotional strings to manipulate you so you go easy on her in court - so she can manipulate you into giving up more. She might be trying to lure you into a physical touching situation that she can later claim was non consensual and file DV charges against you. Maybe she is just having trouble dealing with HER OWN DECISION and wants to use you as an emotional tampon. Whatever the reason is now, nothing good can come of it at this p…
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/23 02:10 AM
1

She doesn't care about the kids education. That mommy support check will be put to use on her wardrobe and nights out with her girlfriends and other men. Her new life as a strong independent woman. 😉
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/23 09:57 PM
3

I was in the exact situation as you for the last 5 years of my marriage. My wife gave me the exact same complaint with increasing frequency ever since our child was born. It never mattered if we did anything together or had a fun time - all that would matter to her is whether we're not having fun on a lavish date right now. There's no way I could keep up with her demands because I have to go to work, parent, do chores, and I get tired sometimes. In the end, I don't think there was anything I cou…
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/23 07:01 AM
2

Lol most single moms I've met say "I've never gotten a child support check from him!" 😆 ... because all deadbeat dads know how to get paid under the table as a contractor without IRS scrutiny of course.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/23 09:23 PM
10

Shocking! I did not know about that subreddit. I just went through a few of the posts and my takeaways was that they are of two kinds: 1) women venting about their STBXH 2) men in misery about the loss of their wife with no solution Some of the guys there need a wake up call on the truth about marriage, but they won't find it there. This is how the red pill saves lives. After the outright lies my ex said about me in a court of law (and probably said to friends too based on their change in behavi…
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/23 06:28 AM
13

Has anyone here ever tried telling their spouse that they aren’t contributing enough and it might end the relationship? Yes. We are now divorced.
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/23 02:04 AM
2

Two things that astonish me about divorce: It varies greatly by the state and county you live in. I am fortunate to live in a state where alimony is difficult to get, so I got lucky. Women generally do not see this kind of financial enslavement as morally wrong.
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/22 05:27 AM
8

Yes to get a loan or buy a car or even use a software license there are mountains of paperwork. For a marriage contract you don't get any of that explaining your rights and the risk. The only "contract" I agreed to were the vows that we support each other in sickness and health until death. When she filed for divorce obviously that part of the agreement was broken so you would think there should be a penalty for that. In any other sane situation there would be. Good luck getting a state level po…
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/22 01:12 AM
5

I'm very sorry for the situation you are in man. I wish more young men considering marriage could be warned of these consequences. When I was in my early 20s, many older Boomers who didn't understand how the laws have changed over the years encouraged me to marry my girlfriend. Nobody warned me of the risks - that it could end with this grand sort of entitlement. Sure, I'd occasionally meet a grumpy divorced 40 year old - but those guys could never articulate the dangers of marriage with facts. …
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/22 09:51 PM
16

37m here - the story you just told is uncannily the same as what happened to me. I see many Reddit threads with this same plot. My thinking is that if a wife doesn't feel happy and wants to go find herself, that's fine. What's so twisted about this is that the laws and society enable her to leave a trail of destruction in doing so and suffer no consequences. In fact the alimony system incentivizes women to break up like this by offering lucrative financial rewards. I'm guessing your ex probably …
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/22 05:52 PM
0

Don't settle. You deserve the best partner you can find. You go girl! 💅
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/22 05:33 PM
1

Last year for my first no-longer-anniversary I was under a lot of stress preparing to go to court up against her to dispute completely false allegations that I am an unfit father and should no longer see my kid. Seeing the sociopathic side of her in full force made it easy to detach emotions. This year I celebrated no-longer-anniversary day by putting her wedding dress, which she left in the attic, in the garbage. I inconspicuously placed the box sticking out of the trash can so she would see it…
/r/Divorce_Men11/11/22 02:56 PM
7

When I was 3 years old, my dad had worries that my mom was going to take me to the Philippines where she was a citizen. He found out that she got me a passport and he took it and stored it in his safe deposit box. That may have saved me from a completely different life.
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/22 04:52 AM
1

It's not a deterrent, it's an incentive for the person with fewer assets and income in the marriage. In most cases, that would be the wife because the husband is often the financial provider of the family during periods that the wife is not working to take care of the kids. There are also nasty things on a personal level that are very commonly used in divorce court - such as false accusations. Again, it's much easier for a woman to just file a motion in court that she "feels scared" and the judg…
/r/Divorce_Men01/11/22 07:52 PM
1

Marriage is a wonderful idea. I proposed because I wanted to commit to a person for the rest of my life. The problem was that she changed and decided she didn't want to commit to me any more. That's fine. I could deal with that. What makes marriage a scam is the divorce laws. They tie all your finances and your future prosperity to that marriage. If that wonderful arrangement doesn't work out, you are stuck in poverty for the rest of your life because of alimony, egregious child support, losing …
/r/Divorce_Men01/11/22 08:53 AM
3

The whole women want commitment but men are jerks for not wanting to commit is a lie promoted in the mainstream media and friends and family of older generations. With the penalties for divorce so high, there is good reason to not want to commit.
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/22 08:19 AM
2

Its natural to be angry about the wasted time, but its a sunk cost. However you are wiser now and you have a wonderful daughter. Look at it as an experience you consumed. There were good experiences, there were disappointments. Its part of your past, giving you certain things that made you who you are today and its time has passed. Time for new things that will be better on their own way!
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/22 01:07 PM
1

I was in your situation a few years ago. After our child was born, my wife's behavior gradually became more toxic toward me. Unlike you, I didn't figure out she was a narcissist until after the marriage was over, so I spent a lot of fruitless time trying to make it work and reconcile whatever her issues were (which I didn't quite understand because her complaints constantly shifted topic). Knowing what you're dealing with is an advantage. If you really are married to a narcissist, she will event…
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/22 06:14 AM
2

I probably don't have a life of as much prosperity than if I didn't get married and was able to take more risks in life that paid off. However, going through that experience of coercion from a malevolent person in my life changed me in other positive ways. I have much stronger mental fortitude than I would have if success was easy. My exwife's dad had a life where everything went right and he's got a lot of money now, but he's a fool who I have no respect for. The relationship that I have with m…
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/22 04:07 PM
6

Sometimes life gets you stuck between a rock and a hard place. You want to take some huge risks, but once you have a family it changes your ability to take risks. I've been through something like this personally. I've had a goal of being a stock trader since I was a teen - that was one path to following my dreams to riches. I spent years studying how stocks trade and got a degree in finance. It all went to hell because of my wife. There was one year where I got fired from my lousy corporate job,…
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/22 03:30 PM
3

Been through all of the feelings you mentioned above. About #3, that's how I felt initially when single again, but that experience with my exwife was so bad that I can view relationships with the same.... naivety... again. Additionally, society in general has become so narcissistic that I have come to expect most of my dating experience in my 30s to be disappointing, if not unsafe. Apps have ruined dating. I will never get married again because I think the court system is rigged and is just a bi…
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/22 03:44 AM
5

Same boat here. I felt that way for a while, but then got really focused on my work, intellectual curiosities, and building secondary income. With parenting, I'm too busy for another relationship! Do things that you couldn't do with your wife. For example,, I've had a lot of fun investing in my home, painting and adding new little details with lighting. For example, I added a stock ticket board, and subtle design elements that reference Star Trek. If I do meet someone to spend time with, I'll ha…
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/22 06:26 AM
34

I was raised the same way. My parents always told me to "tell the teacher" when bullied and then they would become overly involved in my life, micromanaging me. My dad hated some of the things I got into as a teen, like weight lifting, simply because they weren't compatible with his interests. Embrace the anger you feel for your parents letting you down. Let it propel your drive, and channel that energy into something productive. Knowing what you don't want yourself to be is a good guide.
/r/TheRedPill08/10/22 05:51 PM
1

Based on a true story 😉
/r/seduction08/10/22 01:56 PM
3

I've deal with high blood pressure too. I know its stress triggered by my ex since it drops to normal range any time I have some extended time to myself to do something fun. It goes back up around child exchange times, or if I'm dealing with a deranged wall of text from her. Haven't dealt with the level of cognitive issues that OP has, but feelings of stress certainly slow me down a bit. Taking some time off from work and doing relaxing things to clear my mind seems to be working to get back to …
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/22 07:57 PM
2

I've had disappointing results with therapists. It depends on the therapists, but most don't bring you any closer to closure, IMO. I think the best way is living your best life, making new social connections, and just rebuilding and finding your own new thing to lean into and be excited about.
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/22 07:40 PM
18

Just get divorced by one! lol. Here's a spooky Halloween story... Imagine being married to the girlfriend of your dreams. You two have a kid. Your wife refuses to work because of course she has to stay at home being a mom, so you are the sole provider of income. You work - every day - and have been doing so for months possibly years. You don't really know how long life has been this way because the boring meetings just kind of blur together from one week to the next. It's been a while since you'…
/r/seduction04/10/22 03:52 AM
1

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TIqpeQb1RQc
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/22 10:20 PM
1

Doctor Ramani doesn't like the term "disorder" to describe narcissism. She says by classifying it as a disorder, that implies that a diagnosis can be made, but because this is a personality characteristic making such a decisive conclusion as a diagnosis is impractical. Better to just be familiar with toxic behaviors and know what specific behaviors avoid.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/22 10:19 PM
21

Sounds exactly like what I went through, but my marriage was done after only 10 years. After my exwife's 5th time of switching careers or re-schooling, I've had it. Luckily she started as nurse on the last round and was getting paid better than her other entry level jobs, so the child support was not so bad. But she switched employers 3 times already since just last year. lol Marriage is a scam that enables lazy people.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/22 03:53 PM
3

You can't lose your kids in a divorce if there's no divorce! 🤣
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/22 03:09 AM
1

I keep them because during times when I'm down, it's nice to look back and know what I used to have - that I was able to achieve that kind of relationship when many men never had that experience. It was part of me, it was an important part of my life, but that chapter is closed and I'm just doing something else now.
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/22 10:54 PM
6

I agree especially with the part on coparenting a child. From what I've seen of court, whatever child arrangement you start off with is difficult to make an argument to change legally. If you don't get married, then the child can't be used as leverage to destroy you in a divorce, and your assets will be protected because nothing was ever merged with her. Just be careful not to do it in a common law marriage state.
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/22 10:53 PM
3

Now you know where she gets it from. She has simps in her life enabling and supporting her bad behavior.
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/22 02:48 PM
5

My 2 cents is that she's getting ready to monkeybranch. My ex behaved that way physically after her affair, but did the whole scorecard of chores stuff long before. Not sure what you meant by weird about money but mine thought she was entitled to all of it after declaring the divorce. lol
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/22 03:43 AM
2

She sounds just like my exwife. She does not respect you. Get out. If you get out now, you might have a chance to avoid paying child support for her 4 daughters. Consult an attorney.
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/22 04:44 PM
22

Marriage is a scam. It has nothing to do with love. It's a legal contract with the government, with very little benefit to you. When a divorce happens, you not only deal with the consequences of this contract but also the resentment and destructive court battles over petty property claims. I don't know what it is about people who lose all sense of reason in a divorce, but it happens frequently. Your gut probably knows this because you've been through it before which is why you're not excited. Tr…
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/22 07:40 PM
4

Yes. But talk to an attorney in your jurisdiction since many factors can influence such an outcome. If there's an asset, you can assume she's going at least try to go for it. This is one of the reasons that I don't think marriage is a good idea for anyone in today's era. Ownership of assets is complicated and marriage gives a covertly greedy person with bad intentions far too much leverage.
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/22 09:05 PM
2

If you're being threatened with divorce, the marriage is already over.
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/22 12:02 AM
2

After the things she did in court, I'd rather die by the emergency at hand than depend on my lying, sociopath exwife for any help.
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/22 10:38 PM
1

I agree with you. Thanks for prodding me along to get the ball rolling on this. It will take turning over many stones to find the right person/people worthy of having a part of my life.
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/22 06:17 PM
2

Ok, Tom Cruise 😉 I do appreciate the motivational speech. One thing I do very much agree with you on is that I need more FUN! Yolo right?
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/22 06:23 AM
2

Ok, boomer.
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/22 05:24 AM
2

I had my T levels checked and they are normal. I can fap without difficulty, I'm just not interested in courting most of the women I see. And even if I'm successful, there's the whole worries about pregnancy, STDs, metoo, and relationship drama. I'm enjoying my peace for now. 😎 With this clarity of mind, I can probably apply myself to accomplishing something unique with my life.
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/22 05:09 AM
2

I suspect I have another problem too when it comes to women. If you participated in orgies you know they enjoy being taken for a good ride. Well, near the end of the marriage we had a dead bedroom because I got tired of putting up with my ex's gaslighting word diarrhea tirades. At 37, I just don't get turned on like I did when I was 21. I don't think I could keep a woman satisfied because I'm just not as enthusiastic about it as before. At this point in my life, I'd rather just have a good frien…
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/22 04:52 AM
2

My mom died a grueling pancreatic cancer death just under a year before the affair and divorce. I got hit with a double whammy.
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/22 05:05 PM
1

I'm not a legal expert. But there are probably options like that to investigate because if the attorney overlooked that very important fact it was negligence of some sort. It certainly wasn't what you intended to contract.
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/22 02:12 PM
2

I have a dog. Petting her is tricky though because I need to wear gloves, or else my hands will break out with dermatitis! It sucks to have this allergy, but I guess she does help with my anxieties a bit. I think something that I'm very burned out from though is the number of people in my life who depend on me for stuff and no one I can depend on for anything. For the last 13 years I was bossed around by a lazy wife to get whatever the hell she demanded. At first everything I did for her was out…
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/22 02:10 PM
2

I'd rather wait for a good stove that won't explode like a failed SpaceX launch when using it. But even then, how do you really know? Plus, have you seen TikTok lately? Slim pickings in the dating market these days. Once you've had years of trust so callously broken, and realize that the person you were with for so long and invested in so heavily is a sociopath, its hard to rebuild that trust again with anyone. I don't even trust myself to pick the right person, and maybe the person who's right …
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/22 03:26 PM
4

Frivolous DV claims are abused frequently in divorce court. Something needs to be done about this. Whenever a woman does that, she's destroying the credibility of other women who really are victims of DV because it's crying wolf.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/22 02:50 PM
3

TL;DR - Thanks for the kind words everyone. What I'm going through is way more complex than a lack of social interaction. Divorce turns your world upside down and there's no easy fix. ​ I want to thank everyone who replied to this post. It really helped me sort out these feelings. Many people suggested activities I can do to be social, which certainly helps. I've actually been trying to do those sorts of things as much as I can in the time I have between work, parenting, and achieving my life's …
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/22 01:33 PM
10

I agree with you. My divorce cost about 6 times what it would have cost without the conflict. The family courts need to change so that its more customary to be able to get sanctions for egregious claims.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/22 05:00 AM
2

I've tried that. This summer I went on a few bike rides with coworkers. Superficial activities like that aren't quite the same. Quality relationships are very rare and difficult to find. After thinking about this, I've realized that my problem is not a problem of general social contact, but a scarcity of trust in people. I don't want a running buddy. I would like to have a small group of people or person with a very deep connection and trust. Maybe life has thrown this problem at me to make me l…
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/22 04:50 AM
1

What you got there might qualify as a "scrivener's error". If it doesn't get fixed, get a lawyer who specializes in business contract law and take out a malpractice claim against the lawyer who messed up your home equity settlement.
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/22 09:00 PM
2

My drink of choice is bourbon and vermouth, but yes been trying to do that at the small bars. Met a few people that way. After thinking about this I think what I really feel that I'm lacking is the kind of interpersonal relationships that are deep in trust and have been built over years. Marriage had the opportunity cost of making that investment in my wife and family, and it feels unfair that she seems to have moved on so easily leaving me with nothing. She completely burned all bridges with me…
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/22 08:47 PM
2

It's brutal. I'm sorry to hear what you're going through. I think you can find people here to help you in specific ways if needed. It's distant, but you've got support! Feel free to DM me.
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/22 02:38 AM
3

You're complaining about not having friends while people across the world are fighting wars. Dude I know this. I know I'm lucky. I'm also thankful for all the responses here on this post. The outpouring of support is incredible. Thank you. But just because things could be worse shouldn't preclude me from further growing for my personal well being and mutual exchange. By the way, what do you mean using Bumble for meeting friends over coffee? You mean dates that didn't turn into romantic relations…
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/22 02:30 AM
2

Excellent idea. I would consider the same for me if it wasn't a slum.
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/22 02:25 AM
2

when the time FEELS right, you just need to start dating I'm not so sure of this. I just got burned by a hot stove, why would I do this again? We are all here because of a relationship that ended in disappointment, hurt, and legal consequences. Is it human nature to endlessly bounce between failed relationship after failed relationship? Serial monogamy? I'd rather have a close network of "friends" who feel reliable and present, but that seems hard to establish, especially in middle age.
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/22 02:24 AM
2

1- see a counselor- decide if temp you need a script. ✅ I'm done with counselors! My previous counselor tried to double as our marital counselor and I believe the things she said actually incited the divorce. I tried to find a new counselor and wanted to talk about how my former father-in-law's aggressive actions against me have me rattled. His response was some trite shit like "blood is thicker than water", and "hell hath no fury like a woman scored." I felt belittled. If it's so obvious that m…
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/22 02:20 AM
2

their family and friends become yours 🤔 Not yours. It's just your turn.
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/22 02:05 AM
3

Thanks for offering. Yes, friendships are hard as an adult!
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/22 02:04 AM
2

I do focus on positivity but it's not enough to wash away the occasional feelings of anxiety induced by isolation. Being surrounded by my family and having that abruptly stripped away is jarring. I've been discarded, antagonized. It's a traumatic thing that I try not to think about, but even when my mind can logically process it and tell myself that I'm going to be okay, the physical symptoms - increased heart rate, blood pressure - do their own thing which can be an annoyance.
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/22 02:01 AM
2

I live in a suburban neighborhood of single family homes. Most people here have families and can't relate to this experience of being divorced.
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/22 01:57 AM
2

Will consider. I am currently on my neighborhood HOA board and just single handedly overthrew a tyrannical clique of Karens who previously ran it. It was a lot of work rebuilding the board, and it's got me meeting new people. The neighborhood seems thankful for my work. But, most of the people I met through this kind of volunteering are quite a bit older than me and aren't really down for dating, traveling with me, or hanging out at the pool bar. :)
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/22 11:48 PM
5

I betcha in her mind she's a hero.
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/22 11:44 PM
6

The monetary numbers of divorce are stunning. I wish someone told me about these costs when I was 24 years old and about to get married. In fact I'm angry that not one person informed me that the courts were this punitive. My divorce could have been settled for under $5k, but the unnecessary drama made it about 6X what it should have been. However, even then I would have been lucky because I read so many stories like yours where the damage was 6 or 7 figures. I'm so sorry for what you've have to…
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/22 11:43 PM
5

Dude I didn't say I was trying to buy happiness. I have a few side projects that I am very passionate about. They help other people, and some aspects I could potentially grow into income streams. What's wrong with that? The opportunity cost of working on my passions is that I'm alone - for now.
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/22 11:37 PM
2

I understand investing and the world is entering a tough environment for that right now. I'm actually going to enjoy navigating the challenges, but once again that takes up a lot of free time to do the necessary research and thinking outside of my day job and parenting. On weekends I'll have my child watch financial shows with me and joke about it being "Saturday morning cartoons". My kid is learning financial literacy as I work on my investments. Yes, I do LOTS of things with my child. But it i…
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/22 11:33 PM
1

My child is a little younger than that so is gradually becoming more independent. On my weeks off however, I also take care of my child coming off the bus after school, until my exwife gets off of work. Then in the divorce decree we added an extended evening time on Wednesday evenings, so that evening becomes parenting time and is shot. I'm really happy being a dad, it's just that the Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday I have off of work are just a few hours in the evening and while they can be spent…
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/22 11:23 PM
3

I've been doing just that. Last night I went to a small bar and tried to meet some new people. But social interactions are very shallow. I'm rebuilding my entire social network from scratch because of this marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/22 04:54 PM
2

Similar boat here. My issue is that my free time is very compressed due to work and single parenting. It takes time - years worth of time and shared struggles - to build quality friendships and connection. I guess that's what's so shocking to me about the social aspect of this divorce. People in whom I invested heavily in the last 13 years building rapport and good will with just instantly became antagonists. Learning that people can turn cold so quickly has shaken up my ability to trust other p…
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/22 04:52 PM
3

I have been doing that. The problem is that most of my old friends are from college or high school and have scattered to different cities. I myself relocated to another city so that we can live close to HER parents. That had the effect of cutting me off from the network of people who knew me around the area I grew up in, some of whom I think would be my really good friends today if I still lived in that area.
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/22 04:45 PM
8

I use to be a extroverted but the marriage turned me into a introvert for reason listed throughout these pages. That's a very toxic aspect of marriage. They isolate you from your social circles and then leave you for dead. It's hard to have hobbies for fun now because most of my free time now is spent single parenting and working on ways to rebuild from the financial losses. I don't even know what would be on my bucket list. I don't care about experiences to entertain me anymore, I want to spend…
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/22 04:42 PM
7

One of the problems with that is that so much of my life now is consumed by work and parenting. I just don't have a whole lot of time for fun and games, maybe like once every two weeks because of the parenting schedule. Plus, the best friends I think are made through collaborating on a common cause and sense of purpose. It's easy to find that early in life when you are in school growing up, but in adult world there's more of a professional facade that people put on - like a boundary between work…
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/22 03:39 PM
4

Maybe part of the problem is because nobody wants to hear a man open up. Even my close male friends have told me "you should see a therapist" every time I start a conversation about something heavy. I've talked to therapists. Most of them are useless, and some have even made me feel worse about my situation and the world.
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/22 08:10 AM
7

You have oneitis. She's not the person you idealize her to be. One thing about these divorces that is really awful is that the woman usually leaves with a ton of support from friends and family. That makes it so easy for her. The man has nobody. Nobody cares about him!
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/22 02:33 AM
3

kind of like what I do you guys only with much more of a filter – and I bumped into some of my former co-workers. I asked about a few people and they had all left – these were folks who you would want to have kept. So basically things got worse, and the people with options left. That operation is still going on, but it’s not the place it used to be. I suppose that’s fine with ownership, so long as they can load it up with debt, pay themselves fees, B/K the place and move on to the next acquisiti…
/r/TheRedPill17/09/22 02:44 AM
1

37M, divorced here. I empathize with your dilemma. Having been through a toxic marriage and divorce really changed my perspective on things. Dating takes a tremendous amount of personal energy. There are expectations of planning, paying, making the experience fun. And then when you get into a relationship there comes the expectation to keep it up. After years pass, it can feel like a treadmill with diminishing returns. I'm not dating right now because I'm not in the right mental space for it - I…
/r/seduction13/09/22 10:45 PM
17

You did everything right. The awful truth about this game is that there is no way to win. She's got society on her side. You can only endure until she decides its over.
/r/TheRedPill05/09/22 08:49 AM
91

I been here exactly where he's at long before I found out about this community or any of TRP stuff online. Very similar situations slightly different details. What happens is the resentment just builds up and before he knows it he'll be defending against false accusations in divorce court. Unlike me, at least this guy didn't indicate any kids yet so at least she doesn't have that leverage on him.
/r/TheRedPill05/09/22 08:47 AM
3

In this post, you express being "black pilled" and "flabbergasted" by her behavior. "I really thought that I knew her, and that she was a good girl". Do you have guilt over your participation in this kind of arrangement? Women are enabled and encouraged to act this way by men. She views it as okay to play two men for her needs because there is no consequence for her. This is also how you get on the hook for a baby, or an STD. How are you going to feel when the other man finds out, gets heartbrok…
/r/TheRedPill01/06/22 04:37 PM
2

She still controls you if you need the sex so badly that you can't leave her. She's playing both of you to get what she wants. Men like you enable her to behave this way without suffering a consequence. And then you are shocked and surprised that she behaves this way?
/r/TheRedPill01/06/22 06:01 AM
2

If you won't end it with her because you don't want to lose your access to commitment free sex, how are you any different from the other simp?
/r/TheRedPill01/06/22 05:58 AM
1

Everyone is disposable, and we all die in the end. Maybe you need a different mindset. Maybe you should be asking how to find people who appreciate you now, you appreciate qualities they have, and surround yourself with them, not worrying about whether it will stay that way forever. Toxic people try to make themselves irreplaceable out of their insecurity, and that's the foundation for emotionally abusive relationships. Then when you finally do make yourself irreplaceable through a codependency,…
/r/seduction08/05/22 06:24 PM
8

I'm 5'6" too. I think my options would be a lot greater if I was 5'10". This guy has no idea how much being 5'6" or below limits your options. I can get the interest occasional women, but it's a special occasion for me when it happens and she has more options and that makes it easier for her to break up.
/r/seduction08/05/22 07:39 AM
67

True about the other crabs in the bucket. My exwife, after being with her 13 years, was very much influenced by her single friends who have a lot of trouble dating because men aren't interested in relationships with them. So, my exwife had an affair with her jerk high school ex boyfriend and destroyed our family because there was so much "fun" that awaits her out there.
/r/WhereAreAllTheGoodMen23/04/22 05:10 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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