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NilsFlair Archive

View 13 posts and 78 comments by NilsFlair on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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2

We might be speaking about the same thing. But it appears to me that you are misunderstanding the fact that self love only comes from self acceptance. You cannot fake self love and build confidence, if you pretend to love yourself but secretly don't accept yourself, you will suffer in the long run, because there was no foundation to your self love. Now, the process of self acceptance is less glorious and often very uncomfortable, where you have to look at everything you about yourself, and truly…
/r/seduction11/10/19 06:08 PM
1

Well not necessarily. You would see the problem in a much more objective way, without all of the self bias. Something more actionable could be to define as clear as you possible can your dream scenario with women, how do you truly want your dating life to look like? Not for anybody else, but for you and only you? No exaggeration or compromise, just exactly the way you would like it. Then pinpoint what beliefs and emotions that gets triggered and hold you back from achieving that. Work on letting…
/r/seduction11/10/19 06:04 PM
1

I could be wrong, but a pattern I'm noticing in your writing is that it seems to be hyper focused on the problem instead of the solution, in a way that you make yourself a victim. This mentality of yours, and the previous experiences that you had "backing this up", is only a partial view. It's not the full picture. Just like your mind will find whatever it can in the environment to reinforce it's existing beliefs. Something worth trying is to look at these situations again and try to find things…
/r/seduction11/10/19 02:16 PM
1

No, this is the process to "master confidence". ​ Confidence is a by product of deep self acceptance. ​ If you try to fake it till you make it, it will all be built on a house of cards. Even if you seem confident, you are not, and the ones who notice that can make you crumble effortlessly..
/r/seduction11/10/19 02:13 PM
1

Why is that? It might be true to some extent, but you might also be biased and sort of expect that all hot girls don’t want to be with you, because that reinforces your belief?
/r/seduction10/10/19 10:03 PM
1

Look deeper. If you could find around the first times that you had that belief in your life, and maybe even find the event that created this belief, you will be able to become free of it.
/r/seduction10/10/19 08:47 PM
1

You don’t necessarily have to go around it, you can also go through it. For instance, ask yourself the question “when am I going to be the best I can be?” Or “Is there even a limit to how good I can be? And if not am I going to chase that ideal and never feel good enough for the women I want?
/r/seduction10/10/19 07:59 PM
1

You’re welcome!
/r/seduction10/10/19 07:44 PM
1

What do you think is the underlying reason why girls are not attracted by you?
/r/seduction10/10/19 07:43 PM
1

Yes! I definitely agree with this!
/r/seduction10/10/19 03:36 PM
2

Then you might have only go through part of the blockage. For example: Let’s say you have approach anxiety and a deeper fear of rejection that you aren’t aware of yet. You go out and deal with the approach anxiety. Now you don’t have approach anxiety anymore, but you are still struggling to approach, it still doesn’t feel easy. That’s because you only took care of the top layer, the deeper layer of fear of rejection is still there running. Now you have to address that layer as well. And when you…
/r/seduction10/10/19 03:35 PM
2

Go for coffee. I wouldn’t hide my intentions, I would be more straight forward. Now if you have some fear or insecurity about the fact that you like her, there are two main ways you can deal with that. The first one is to find out why you feel that way, and deal with that feeling in a way that it doesn’t affect you as much. The second one (which is a bit more ballsy), is to express that feeling to her.
/r/seduction09/10/19 10:01 PM
3

Define the self image that you are identified to in this case, and find out how it serves you to be identified with that self image (from that particular perspective).
/r/seduction09/10/19 09:59 PM
2

Ok, the way I interpret your situation is that there is some hidden form of social conditioning in your subconscious. Look into the motivation behind those feelings, what do you get from feeling like that? This will open up the solution for you :)
/r/seduction09/10/19 07:35 PM
1

Ok, what parts do you feel confused by? :)
/r/seduction11/03/19 04:10 PM
1

Thanks man, more is coming!
/r/seduction11/03/19 04:09 PM
1

Yup, it's your own choice really..
/r/seduction10/03/19 10:42 PM
2

Good for you!
/r/seduction10/03/19 10:41 PM
2

You’re welcome!
/r/seduction07/03/19 12:04 AM
2

I meant that all your skills might be built upon the defense mechanisms, so whenever you would feel insecure you would suppress it with numbness, and then hustle and learn another behavior on top of that. This can work for getting girls, like in the cases of technical game, but is not sustainable in the long run if you have insecurities.
/r/seduction07/03/19 12:03 AM
1

Not sure what’s it called, but I think I understand what type of meditation it is. Probably one of the simplest forms of dynamic meditation (active meditation when the goal is to meditate through movements), this works well because it aims to create an increase in kinesthetic awareness.
/r/seduction03/03/19 11:00 PM
1

What we do is that we are working on exposing the Ego through Cold Approach, that's the whole point. You go into the environment to expose and transcend your Ego through the emotional triggers that the environment is giving you.
/r/seduction03/03/19 08:17 PM
1

Duuuuuuude!!!
/r/seduction08/11/18 04:25 AM
1

When your feeling nervous with the girl. Express it shamelessly! i.e "Im feeling nervous right now" Trying to hide your nervous makes it weird, and girls are super receptive at sensing it. Someone who truly does not give a shit expresses how they are feeling and by doing this shows they are not seeking approval. Where as trying to hide your nervous is massively approval seeking. You will find when you express it, the feeling will also decrease and lose its power over you.
/r/seduction31/08/18 01:42 AM
2

Hey man, In situations like this when you want to do something but something is holding you back is to simply express to the girl that something is holding you back. So, in your situation you can say “I want to kiss you right now but it doesn’t feel appropriate to do it”. Express this as honestly and shamelessly as you can. Which will be likely be easy because it’s honestly what you're already thinking and feeling in that moment. I.e Your not having to be fake and come up with a technique. Girls…
/r/seduction27/08/18 06:09 PM
2

I know exactly what you’re going through now, and I’m going to tell you why it’s an absolutely amazing realization. Let me explain. You describe your journey with girls here as going from nothing to getting crazy results and the eventually losing it all. You tell us that you’re still feeling like a piece of shit, exactly like you felt before getting into game. All those results only gave you temporary happiness/excitement and not any permanent happiness, you never actually changed. This touches …
/r/seduction05/02/18 09:58 PM
1

Yes, generally game is effective communication. Being as honest as possible. Being aware of her perspective and taking it into consideration Being clear in your communication (that also means to be clear with what you subcommunicate). Being empathetic to her. Being assertive and taking the lead when you have to. Taking responsibility and creating the opportunity for her to have great experiences with you. I can write more examples of how I define game, but I think you get the point.
/r/seduction25/01/18 12:23 PM
1

Of course game is effective! Why? Because women are way more picky when it comes to behavioral ques then men. Working on those behaviors will improve your skills with women a lot. Even if you have really good looks, you can still fuck it up if you display unattractive behavior.
/r/seduction24/01/18 10:07 PM
1

Boring = Predictable. You say that you might not have so many interests, but that does really matter. Because you have your own beliefs about the world, your own opinions etc. To not be boring you simply have to express these beliefs as honest as possible without being unapologetic. Why girls don’t like “boring” guys is because these guys are afraid of being themselves, and hide their true feelings and thoughts, so all they’re expressing is what they think the girls want to hear, and that become…
/r/seduction24/01/18 09:59 PM
1

Yes, as long as you keep your core identity intact in the process. Game is to expand yourself and grow as a person, not to try to become someone your not.
/r/seduction24/01/18 06:28 PM
6

Easiest way to start a conversation with this girl is to just ask her how she feels about the bus ride you guys are sharing everyday. And then divert it to another subject you guys share, like her class, the school or something else you have in common. Don’t overthink it thought, I get that you’ve thought about talking to her a lot, but you will see that it’s not even nearly as big of a deal as your mind is telling you. Good luck!
/r/seduction24/01/18 06:25 PM
1

When I say, tell her what’s going on inside, I mean that you should express what you are thinking and feeling, at all times. So no, it’s not about being direct. If you are nervous, then you say it, if you are frustrated, you say that. It’s about being real.
/r/seduction28/12/17 11:46 AM
4

Try it. When you do that, you’re brain will usually find new words out of nothing and it builds on itself, because theres almost always something going on in your mind. Ex: I just ran out of things to say - and the fact that I just said that makes me feel nervous - but expressing it makes me feel better - anyway what’s going on your life.. etc
/r/seduction28/12/17 01:46 AM
2

Bring her to a coffee place close to your house, have a coffe/tea and start getting to know each other. When you feel you’ve been there long enough, try to get her to your place to chill or cook or anything else that you can come up with.
/r/seduction28/12/17 01:25 AM
1

From reading this I see two BIG things that you should start to implement. Work on your persistence, you should cultivate the habit of sticking in longer then you feel comfortable with and persist through her “bitchshield/front”, this is usually between 2-10 min when the girl is giving you nothing. If you get shut down from the open you can always re-approach and it might go much better the second time, or even third or fourth. Never make a judgement on the first approach, do not assume she does…
/r/seduction28/12/17 01:19 AM
5

One thing you can try is to be 100% honest with your expression. By that I mean express to her exactly what you are thinking and feeling. This is a simple thing that gets overlooked a lot in the pick up community, but it’s very powerful and ones you get used to it you are way more free in your expression because you don’t have to search for anything to say, because if you run out of words, you express that!
/r/seduction28/12/17 12:54 AM
2

A good reframe for you to adopt, is that the next time your in a situation where you have this problem, remove all expectations and focus on one thing only: to make the right decision. This will help you view these experiences as a chance to practice the skill of making the right decision. And regardless of the outcome you will still feel like you won, because you acted through your own intention.
/r/seduction24/12/17 09:12 PM
1

Don’t get bought into the mindset that attraction works the same way for her as it does for you.
/r/seduction24/12/17 09:04 PM
3

Enjoy it for what it is, don’t try to control her into being your gf. Focus on being yourself when your with her and have fun. Something more serious between you might happen later, but thats for later, do not try to predict the relationship.
/r/seduction24/12/17 08:54 PM
2

Getting her on FB might is an option that is easier for your emotions, but in reality it’s harder to pull of. Because you run the risk of her denying your request, and then you have to run text game on her (which is not nearly as effective as a real conversation). I understand how you feel about approaching her irl. But doing that and asking her out, or even just asking for her fb or number is a much better idea. Even if you don’t get a date then and there, and even if you don’t get her number, …
/r/seduction24/12/17 08:49 PM
1

The thing I’m sensing while reading this is your confusion about you and her. Clear that out, because when you overthink, you will create new problems and negative beliefs that wasn’t there originally. You guys have a well established relationship, and to transition that to the next step, from friends to something more, you have to show intent (express your sexual intent towards her/make her conscious of the fact that you see her more then just a friend). This message is not necessarily somethin…
/r/seduction24/12/17 08:25 PM
2

How comfortable are you with silence in the conversation? It sounds too me that as soon as you don’t have anything to say, you walk off? If this is the case, next time you’re in a conversation with a girl and you have nothing to say, just be quiet and stay there, stay with the intensity. Then, if something comes to mind, say that. Maybe you thought “haha this was awkward, why didn’t you fill me in”, verbalize it, don’t be afraid of saying whats on your mind, honest expression is powerful.
/r/seduction24/12/17 07:54 PM
7

A way to instantly start having a better time in those same environments, without changing anything external, is to completely reframe all those negatives that you see there, from problems to challenges. This might sound abstract, but it’s highly actionable, and very effective. Next time you’re in the same environment, instead of telling yourself how a pain in the ass it is to have to deal with all the bullshit getting thrown at you, you flip the coin and see the other side. Dudes testing you = …
/r/seduction24/12/17 07:45 PM
3

Yes, that’s a good example of those blindspots. Most of them are created through the environment that you where brought up in.
/r/seduction24/12/17 07:23 PM
39

I agree that the most effective way to gain a healthy level of self-esteem with women is to talk to them, on a regular basis. The people that avoid it to go and better other areas of their life, and thinking that this will give them an edge, because they’re raising their self-esteem, do not understand the way self-esteem works. The problem is that it doesn’t always matter how high overall self-esteem you have, because you may have developed self-esteem blindspots or even emotional traumas relati…
/r/seduction24/12/17 07:13 PM
3

Over anything else, trust your intuition about this situation. Your trust in yourself is the most important thing, so make a judgment based on what you truly believe 100%. And by that, I mean do you trust her or not? Are you worried because your brain is making subconscious correlations to similar events that has happened before? If yes, are you creating a self fulfilling prophecy here? I would say, do some contemplation here, and really feel the core of the issue. Is it you being worried and de…
/r/seduction23/12/17 09:42 PM
9

Recognize the difference you’re experiencing here, between the girls you’re not attracted to and the girls you are attracted too. This is internal because the only difference between these two girls are the meaning you are applying to them in your mind (subconsciously). You’re sticking point is the fact that you have a problem showing intent with the girls you are attracted to, or to go deeper, you have a problem being yourself (expressing who you are in all aspects). This is a pretty common pro…
/r/seduction23/12/17 09:27 PM
1

Yes I totally agree with you that you can be very successful with girls without solid self-esteem. But it’s way harder to gain proper traction. When he hasn’t had any live experience in 6 years this can be a complete hell to push through in order to change his situation. A good way to start is to work on his inner belief so he can start gaining back some self-trust and make his journey way easier. I’m all for socializing too, but not as the main focus when it comes to his problem. A deeper thing…
/r/seduction23/12/17 09:10 PM
0

Honestly, what you’re describing here is at the root of the problem a Self-esteem issue. I would start by reading the book Six Pillars of Self-esteem by Nathaniel Branden, to get an overall understanding of what you’re dealing with, before you focus on girls.
/r/seduction23/12/17 04:57 PM
1

Then there is no difference in us, because I’m not saying that..
/r/seduction23/12/17 03:55 AM
1

And further just to make it clear. I’m not faking anything, I’m communicating my thoughts through the vibe/subcommunications. Not faking the vibe to cover what I’m thinking.
/r/seduction22/12/17 10:22 PM
1

Let me explain. Communication is not a blank as only verbals. It’s a vide spectrum of subcommunications. So if I say “hi my name is Nils” to the girl, I’m not only conveying the fact of my name, I’m also conveying my mood, my thoughts and many more things. If I take more conscious control over my subcommunications I can communicate more effectively.
/r/seduction22/12/17 10:14 PM
3

Don’t mix up being congruent to how you feel, with allowing yourself to laugh and be happy. Being congruent mean accepting what you currently feel, regardless of what it is, and not resisting it. When you accept those “negative feelings” you stop being attached to them, so you’re not staying in that state, you’re are just giving space for it to be there and eventually pass. So be ok with whatever you’re feeling, and be aware if you’re staying attached to those negative emotions because you think…
/r/seduction22/12/17 10:07 PM
1

There are a lot of reference material out there talking about how to amp up value whenever you get a shittest (this has been taught into the standard way to pass a shittest in the pick up community). There are very few sources mentioning the other side of the coin, which is to show the girl that you see here as someone special (at least in terms of passing a shittest, people talk about building comfort in the interaction, but not how to do it when you get a shittest). How to screen this accurate…
/r/seduction22/12/17 09:54 PM
1

I’m not projecting that I’m honest.. I’m honestly projecting my intention. Which means that if I like her I’m communicating that. This is not about faking, this is about having the courage the be honest. Effective male to female communication is built upon this.
/r/seduction22/12/17 09:52 PM
1

This low in your feeling might be most visible when it comes to pick up, but if you dig deeper, you might find out that there is more to it. I mean, for some people gaming super intensely for a medium to short period of time (1-2 years) will boost their whole life and improve everything, and that works out great for them. Others will feel too blocked doing it that way, and they have to raise their life in a more balanced approach, just like the other guys talked about.
/r/seduction22/12/17 09:27 PM
10

To learn how to flirt, you have to start becoming comfortable with showing intent. Actively expressing the fact that you like he girl on a sexual level. It doesn’t need to be in what you say, but can also be expressed in the subcommunications (body language, eye contact, voice tonality, proximity etc).
/r/seduction22/12/17 09:07 PM
24

Ok, first of all you need to recognize the fact that she’s giving you a shittest here. Second you have to be aware if she’s looking for you to comfort here or to amp up the value. Easy example: Q “Do you do this to every girl” A if comfort “Yes, but I actually find you more interesting then the other girls” (show her she’s special). A if value “Yes, you’re number 1000 tonight” (make fun and exaggerate). In your case what you did wrong is: “I’m trying it out today” (trying to show her she’s speci…
/r/seduction22/12/17 08:52 PM
1

My intention (what I think and project with my vibe, subcommunications etc) is different from my verbals. Very few women will come with me if my first words that come out of the mouth is “Hi, I want to get to know you and fuck you”. However, a lot of women will come with me when I project an honest sincere intention and vibe that communicates to them that I am interested in them sexually.
/r/seduction22/12/17 08:41 PM
1

My intentions are to get to know her and bang her as quickly as possible. I used to think that clear signs existed back in the day, until I got enough references of approaches going extremely well without any clear signs. But I get what you mean, I you perceive the approach as unwelcome in your own mind, before you even approach, changes are they wont turn out that good.
/r/seduction22/12/17 08:36 PM
1

Part of the person doing the approach. Everybody is a stranger/random before you get to know them.
/r/seduction22/12/17 08:31 PM
2

It becomes part of their nature by doing it over and over again.
/r/seduction22/12/17 08:22 PM
1

Ok let me brake it down a little bit. Yes I agree that spam approaching random girls being massively uncalibrated can get you into trouble. However, just like learning any skill, you need to start somewhere, and you have to keep going in order to improve. It’s lazy to stay at the same plateau/skill level for years and it’s destructive since you start building your comfort zone around that plateau. Men are afraid of many different things in relation to women, not only the fear of accidentally har…
/r/seduction22/12/17 08:20 PM
1

Ok perfect! Pulling to hers is very possible, make sure to screen first for girls with good to ok logistics and then follow her home.
/r/seduction29/11/17 06:13 PM
1

Ok now you’re confusing me. Do you want to learn how to pull or are you content with doing day2s?
/r/seduction29/11/17 05:54 PM
1

Ok good, but I am talking about these girls to. You should force yourself to go for the pull, without the option of seeing them again if it fails.
/r/seduction29/11/17 02:39 AM
1

You’re bringing this onto yourself, but this isn’t your fault necessarily. What you’re describing is how I and the guys in Social Prime describe as a typical pattern of person with flawed self-esteem due to a negative pattern in your upbringing. This is the big thing, your “inner game” and the most effective way is to address this problem at the root. Go into your child hood and find the moment when you started to adopt these negative beliefs about yourself. Here is also a video from my colleagu…
/r/seduction28/11/17 11:21 PM
1

I don’t think it’s a bad idea to bring her to the concert, if you’re going to have a good time anyway it’s actually a great opportunity to bring her into your life. Just make sure to spend a lot of time with her in focus to create even more of a connection, even though your buddies are around.
/r/seduction28/11/17 10:54 PM
10

To take your game to the next level then yes, you have to start going for the pull. I propose you take a limited time period (like 1-2 months) where you’re not allowed to take a single number while out, either go for the close that night or lose her. This will force you to learn how to pull.
/r/seduction28/11/17 10:45 PM
3

I totally agree with this in the beginning of your journey. What is important to add is that after you’ve reached the point that being social is not a problem anymore, you have to be able to “break out of it” at times when you’re brain is giving you the excuse to talk to people and be social all night instead of talking to the girls you like to talk to. And even if you’re able to be social with them and bring a lot of value in that sense, you also have to communicate in one way or another (verba…
/r/seduction28/11/17 10:39 PM
1

High if she responded well. You just have to calibrate and see how she responds after you pass her test.
/r/seduction14/10/17 07:09 PM
1

Ok good, that was a typic "value" respons, if she responded well that means she's more value prone. If she responded negatively that means she's more comfort prone.
/r/seduction14/10/17 06:49 PM
4

Generally it's a shittest, she's testing your reaction to her comment. Going deeper, depending on what the girl values more and/or what life situations she's in she is seeking for one of two signs from you: You showing that you're unapologetic about the fact that other girls are checking you out, therefore raising your "value". You showing that you don't really care about that and that she's the one you. Are about, therefore raising the "comfort".
/r/seduction13/10/17 05:30 PM
2

Yes, you answered your own question, it was too much, too fast. It's not about hiding or not saying what you've done in your past, it's about knowing how much to share with a new person you just met.
/r/seduction12/10/17 01:27 AM
1

You seem like a guy on the right track in life, what to do next? Easy, use this discipline of yours to get some experience with girls. I suggest you make a small plan for yourself, something like talking to new 2 girls per day for 30 days. See how you feel after that and then create a bigger challenge.
/r/seduction12/10/17 12:12 AM
2

Translate the sexual desire you feel for the girl into words. So yes, you like her boobs, but there's more I'm sure. What exactly do you like, her hair? Her posture? Her eyes? Her smile? Her energy? The way she acts? The way she walks? I could go on forever.. Start getting conscious of everything you like specifically about every girl and say it to her, that's how you show intent.
/r/seduction12/10/17 12:02 AM
1

From reading the article I get the feeling that you haven't moved on, and the girl most probably felt that. However, in my opinion that doesn't really matter, what matters is if you're appologetic about it (are you trying to hide it). Being vulnerable is about showing the girl you're human, you like certain things and dislike others, you don't have to live up to a specific image in your mind of how you think the girl want's you to be, scrap that. My point is, talk about the past if you want to b…
/r/seduction11/10/17 11:52 PM
2

The biggest thing to be aware of to put her off the pedestal of a perfect "10" is the fact that you're gaming her mind and not her looks, just that fact alone humanizes her. Second thing to be aware of is the social proof that she's been getting about her looks for years has created this "fake confidence" or front that she's wearing to screen out guys. To break through it you have to display honest behaviour and show her that the two of you are on the same level.
/r/seduction11/10/17 11:39 PM
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