~ archived since 2018 ~
~ archived since 2018 ~
| Upvotes | Title | Category | Author | Subreddit | Date (UTC) |
|---|
| Upvotes | Comment on | Subreddit | Date (UTC) |
|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | I still care for my wife, but after everything that happened, I told her I won’t consider reconciliation unless she becomes independent. Am I wrong?Oh definitely. | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/08/26 10:27 PM |
| 1 | I still care for my wife, but after everything that happened, I told her I won’t consider reconciliation unless she becomes independent. Am I wrong?I have nothing to say, no wise words or anything. I get where you're at. | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/08/26 05:34 PM |
| 5 | Men with dissatisfied wives… is it fixable?You have no respect for him or his contributions it seems. He picks up on that lack of respect, even if only subconsciously. That was my ex, I, for instance, never got any credit for anything I did around the house, if anything it annoyed her because I didn't load the dishwasher the way she would have done. I'd game too to unwind and she'd resent I wasn't doing chores. She kept a whole ledger in her head and in her accounting system I was always deeply in the red. I'd slowly retreat and withdraw… | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/08/26 01:14 PM |
| 5 | Need suggestion. Going through separation. No kids.Sorry brother, the more you chase her and try to win her back the more she will pull away. Don't believe me? Just try it then, I sure did, nope, not happening. | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/08/26 12:42 PM |
| 2 | Is divorced worth it?You are a better husband if you are healthy, in good shape, have strong family ties and friendships. I am 47 but when I hit 31 I felt very meh, was suddenly out of shape (it can creep up) and just overall dissatisfied with my life. Had picked up drinking a little too much as well. So, I kicked myself into gear, stopped drinking except on social occasions, started lifting weights and going to Crossfit, gaining a social circle there. It worked beautifully. I dunno if Crossfit is still a thing but … | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/08/26 06:13 PM |
| 3 | Is divorced worth it?Brother, sounds like you have 99 problems but your wife ain't one. At least not as you describe her. I'm getting divorced from an abusive cheater and I still feel gutshot every day. Of course your wife is never going to compete with some Candyland fantasy ex that you have constructed in your head. No real flesh and blood woman could. You mentioned substance abuse. You seem low on self esteem and lack your own independent social life and ability to just feel good in your own skin. Good news is th… | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/08/26 03:05 AM |
| 1 | Do I have to be friends with ex wife and the man she cheated on me with?You're doing great brother. The dark days are just that, days. I'm still not technically divorced and I am only beginning to get OK days once in a while. | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/08/26 06:39 PM |
| 2 | Do I have to be friends with ex wife and the man she cheated on me with?No absolutely don't be her "friend". Mine gets a weekly automated email about child pickup and drop off times if and as needed. Just 2 very short sentences, written in a grey rock style. Been doing this for almost 4 months now, it's great. And on the plus side, cheaters really hate silence. They get to betray and discard you but when you go just radio silent in response, it fucks them up. My boys are teens though so they just walk to my car, I don't even see her, much less interact with her in p… | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/08/26 05:20 PM |
| 4 | Getting Concerned about kids and alienationI'm in the same boat regarding my STBXW's behavior. This sudden, extremely manipulative Super Mom act (she cheated). | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/08/26 04:39 PM |
| 8 | Just sharing my 2cents on my separation experience after 10 yrs.Same. Last years of the marriage was me walking on eggshells around her. Her mood was my mood, I had been slowly boiled like a frog in a pot. It's only moving out and living on my own that I am beginning to gain the necessary perspective to even spot this dynamic in hindsight. I'm not really missing her, I am detoxing from the toxic intermittent reinforcement loop when living with her. Slowly getting there. When the divorce finalizes in a couple of months and the family home goes on sale it will… | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/08/26 04:37 PM |
| 4 | Ok guys. It happened. I finally got the full reconciliation request and it’s messed my head up more than I thought.They really do. Sixth sense for it... | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/08/26 02:59 PM |
| 8 | Ok guys. It happened. I finally got the full reconciliation request and it’s messed my head up more than I thought.Jesus what a mindfuck. This is a very common cheater pattern. Classic hoover attempt. My divorce finalizes in a couple of months, I hope mine never tries this shit on me. I'm finally beginning to have OK days semi-regularly. | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/08/26 06:22 AM |
| 3 | A Brief, Humorous Tale of "Mental Load".Spot on yeah. | /r/Divorce_Men | 01/08/26 09:44 PM |
| 12 | Struggling with anger todaySame here brother, my STBXW betrayed me, humiliated me and our 3 boys, desecrated every good memory of our shared 26-year history and then turned around without blinking and completely blamed me for her betrayal and disgusting behavior. In response I went no contact (except for child logistics via email) and grey rock. Now I focus on my own wellbeing and the relationship with my sons. That's the healthy way to take back your agency and start rebuilding a new life. Take your time to feel your emo… | /r/Divorce_Men | 29/07/26 05:10 PM |
| 1 | How long did you wait after your divorce to start dating again? And how long is too soon?If you're thinking to yourself that you're doing something too soon, you probably are. But you do you of course brother. | /r/Divorce_Men | 27/07/26 10:33 PM |
| 7 | When we were married, she had nothing to say to me. Now that we're divorced and co-parenting, she won't shut up and leave me alone. Make it make sense!If she's being a pest, move kid logistics to email and grey rock your responses. I email mine at most once a week concerning pickup and drop off times. Literally just 2 very short sentences. But in my case the boys are 12 and 17 so we coordinate among ourselves directly, bypassing her as a gatekeeper. With younger children this may not be as doable. Only respond to direct kid stuff. And yes, mine has been trying everything to get me to break this routine and get me to be in constant back-and-for… | /r/Divorce_Men | 27/07/26 02:15 PM |
| 3 | Was I in an abusive relationship?Yes that qualifies and then some brother. And sorry to say, these kind of women don't get better. But they have a very limited playbook and you can set and enforce boundaries around their predictable patterns. But first you must get out of physical proximity to her. | /r/Divorce_Men | 24/07/26 01:11 AM |
| 4 | How long after divorce you felt like you are yourself again?I'm 47, been separated since last October, divorce finalizes in about 2 months and change. We were together since I was 19. This was an unwanted divorce (mixed with horrible betrayal 4 months into the separation) for me and like you I feel with a little hindsight that I am not actually missing my ex, my brain is "missing" the constant low-level anxiety and the silent treatment/emotional abuse from my ex, with the occasional breadcrumb tossed my way every once in a while. Intermittent reinforceme… | /r/Divorce_Men | 22/07/26 06:14 PM |
| 3 | Not doing ok anymoreYeah I'm not really missing her in hindsight. More like my neural pathways are missing the endless intermittent-reinforcement loop that was me walking on eggshells around her, trying to read into her mood and accommodating a person that refuses to be happy just on her own. In the end the marriage was shitty 95% of the time but seems I was always looking for the next random hit of that 5%. Only possible with time and distance to realize this. | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/07/26 09:14 PM |
| 6 | Not doing ok anymoreThe only way out is through. I recognize these exact same thoughts from 6 months ago. You just have to feel these emotions and sit with them, don't try to numb or buffer them. I lift 3 times a week with my 17 year old, go for long forest walks in the afternoon and stay in contact with friends and family. Seeing a therapist once a week for a while also helped me quite a bit. It's ok to have mostly shitty days. I'm now finally beginning to have Ok days in-between, although it's taken a while. We w… | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/07/26 08:40 PM |
| 13 | Wife told me she wasn’t in love with me and wanted a divorce end of march. I moved out 3 weeks ago. Tonight she cried and asked me to move back inShe started this shitshow. You will have to end it. This is quite common behavior unfortunatly. If you took her back the relationship would limp on for a few months, a couple years at most before she'd do this exact thing again. Focus on your own peace and wellbeing brother. | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/06/26 02:46 AM |
| 2 | To everyone going through it right now, there IS light at the end of the tunnel. I promiseGoing through it right now. Thank you OP. | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/06/26 05:35 PM |
| 1 | Anyone else having nightmares about having sex with her?I'm getting nightmares too lately. I think it's just my brain beginning to flush her out of my system. When I was at my worst at the start of the process I didn't have them, my body was in a constant state of fight-or-flight. | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/05/26 12:12 AM |
| 3 | Going on dates where ex wife blows up my phone.Easiest way to deal with this and one that will save you so much emotional energy is to use email to coordinate pickups and drop offs of your kid and nothing else. Grey rock your ex. It can take time to train her properly at first but you should establish some firm boundaries to protect your peace of mind, otherwise she's going to try to remote control your life. I can't describe how relieved I was when I implemented email only comms and grey rocked my stbxw. | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/05/26 12:05 AM |
| 13 | It’s been about a month since I found out my wife is a cheater and the shock still feels fresh at timesGo no contact. These freaks get a kick out of any emotional engagement, almost no matter how minimal, from their victims. Let your silence speak for you, that fucks cheaters up the most. | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/05/26 05:20 PM |
| 1 | I am terrified of having sex going forwardTotally normal. Don't worry and give yourself time. Your nervous system is just starting to process the loss of your 6 year marriage. Give it time and be kind to yourself like you would if a friend was going through the same situation. | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/05/26 04:10 PM |
| 3 | Anyone ever experience this?This. Don't respond OP. Not your circus, not your monkeys. | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/05/26 01:37 PM |
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