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NoBlacksmith8137 Archive

View 3 posts and 2,000 comments by NoBlacksmith8137 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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2

You’re right. Absolutely, it is. And that’s wrong. I do hope the world is getting near a moment of clarity. So don’t stop talking about it.
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates14/06/26 09:53 AM
38

Very understandable. I get frustrated with other feminists online too because of these things. The hypocrisy is not right.
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates14/06/26 09:50 AM
–

These are internal narratives that you believe, sure. But I really don’t think they are true. I also couldn’t care if others thought I was low or high value in dating market terms. I don’t even want to be with people who view people that way.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/04/26 07:21 AM
0

Why is it questionable to prefer a bigger dude?
/r/PurplePillDebate07/04/26 03:36 AM
0

*It’s men who can’t accurately read women that red pill themselves in their attempt to understand women through binaries and oversimplifications
/r/PurplePillDebate07/04/26 03:25 AM
1

I have a feeling this isn’t about bi people
/r/PurplePillDebate07/04/26 03:18 AM
0

The core of feminism is about patriarchy as a system that upholds rigid gender roles. “Men as providers” is part of that patriarchal role. Expecting men to pay for dates just because of their gender if a woman would be working and having an income is just a bit weird from the angle of trying to get rid of patriarchal roles. And sure you’re right that individuals who identify as feminists can have different preferences. But if you want to date a woman who pays for dates and wants a 50/50 egalitar…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/04/26 01:28 AM
10

What can we do about women choosing to identify as feminists when they’re actually not really? Nothing. You made an analogy with Christians. What can be done about Christians who don’t live accordingly? Nothing right? Nobody is telling them they aren’t truly Christians? But them not practicing doesn’t mean the fault lies with Christianity. Neither does the fault lie with feminism. What do you expect to happen? Nothing can happen. Except for you all to recognise actual feminism from people just u…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/04/26 12:42 AM
1

Ironically enough women also think a man value is ruin for sleeping with other men too. 🤣. Not in the same extent no. Maybe some women say they don’t wish for partners with an extreme high body count. But surely I have yet to encounter a woman who says she wants to only date virgins or inexperienced men? Men (on average) care far more about sexual past of their partners.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/04/26 12:38 AM
5

I get your post and the stuff about narrow definitions of masculinity and the stigma around bisexuality and how there are women still upholding that male gender role, but I just don’t understand what feminism has to do with this? Out of all people it seems to me feminists are the least likely ones to get an ick from bi man or to see men as providers. Feminism is literally about getting rid of the rigid gender roles? As well as paying for the dates? Like the dude in the video said, feminism striv…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/04/26 12:30 AM
3

Both, for sure. But guys become more desirable as they get older, wealthier, more developed as individuals, more successful, experienced, etc. Women become less desirable. Oh well then what is all the crying over male loneliness about? In fact why don’t we all tell men to just wait till they get older if that’s the case? If what you say it’s true, it seems more urgent to talk about female loneliness, but we don’t?
/r/PurplePillDebate07/04/26 12:08 AM
3

Who’s crying about it? All I see is happy cat ladies who claim they need no man. One time the frame is that there is a “male loneliness epidemic”. And the questionable stats show that women are in relationships and men are more often single. Next time “women approaching their 30s are crying about being alone”. Which is it? Are men the lonely gender? Or both?
/r/PurplePillDebate06/04/26 09:36 PM
4

So unfair that other people’s consent exists! If wanting something really badly doesn’t make you entitled to it, what even is society anymore? Guess the solution is to rebrand rejection as injustice and deception as strategy. /s
/r/PurplePillDebate06/04/26 09:31 PM
1

The word manosphere emerged first on blogspot and was then used by MRA circles long before it reached feminism. It was popularised by an MRA (Ian Ironwood) who wrote a book about it in 2013. In this 2013 book he analysed several branches of MRA, MGTOW, PUA… He also wrote several books about red pill, like red pill guides. So idk why you think the name stems from feminism or it is feminists using it mostly? It was popularised by someone identifying with most of the branches you named (MRA, red pi…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/04/26 08:07 PM
2

Thanks to feminism women don’t have to settle. We don’t settle. If we don’t find someone we like, we just stay single. Settling isn’t happening as often anymore.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/04/26 07:59 PM
6

Well yeah because sex is an activity between two consenting humans. You can’t just want a woman the way you want take out food, you can’t buy her in a store like a tool. She has to want it and consent to it. There is no right to sex. There is only right to decline sex.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/04/26 07:56 PM
2

So what makes you say red(ish) instead of purple?
/r/PurplePillDebate06/04/26 06:21 PM
4

This isn't always true? Some women genuinely like to have male platonic friends, without it escalating. So they do lead on men, but keep a distance at the same time to prevent escalation. And some men like female platonic friends as well. That’s why it’s called “friendship”. If you’re friends, why do you expect it to necessarily be anything more? They get companionship and friendship from this arrangement, so they absolutely do get something. The men also get the companionship and friendship fro…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/04/26 06:11 PM
8

You can masturbate any time you want at your own home
/r/PurplePillDebate06/04/26 06:05 PM
3

Lmao any time men with fragile egos call men who are just real and actually confident in their realness “cucks”. When women say they want confidence, they don’t want an overinflated ego. They want a man who knows who he is. Ironically you would call such men, men we actually are attracted to, cucks. There are two options here. You want your partner to find you more attractive than others and to have chosen you rather than settling for you. This is insecure. I get it, it’s human, but it’s also in…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/04/26 05:55 PM
2

I would say a “big ego” in the colloquial sense does refer to a “fragile ego” and thus does refer to an ego built on shame/defense. But in the original Freudian sense it meant something else (the connection between the id and the superego) and it isn’t inherently fragile. Like you say it’s a part of self, everyone has an ego. But in the colloquial sense a “big ego” refers to a fragile ego. Like Trump has a big ego. He often tells self-aggrandizing narratives (inflating), while simultaneously he …
/r/PurplePillDebate06/04/26 05:32 PM
1

Well yes of course feminists all call themselves feminists so they of course agree with some core values to feminism, like being against sexism or wanting equal rights between men and women. Rarely men will identify themselves as manosphere. It’s also not a word that feminism came up with so idk why you say that “they” push it under the same umbrella?
/r/PurplePillDebate06/04/26 05:26 PM
1

I never said it was. It isn’t. Like I said I was using it in the colloquial sense of the word. “I stepped on your ego” is used this way. “Having a big ego”.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/04/26 05:19 PM
2

I guess that’s the difference between externalising shame (blowing up, discharging the threat outward) versus internalising it (seeing yourself as a victim; discharging the threat inward). The internalising is often combined with an overcompensation (moral rigidity, perfectionism…) for the shame narrative (“I’m bad, I’m the problem”). The mind always wants to restore a coherent identity, so if you continually hear the internalising message that you’re wrong as a person over and over and over aga…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/04/26 05:18 PM
4

Well it’s friendship + sexual attraction but also more emotional intimacy and vulnerability than in most friendships I would say, also you care more for compatibility and alignment of the future (whether it near future or more far away). But I would say friendship is the most solid basis for romantic relationships. For me personally a relationship wouldn’t work if there weren’t a component of friendship in it.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/04/26 05:08 PM
1

I mean “ego” in the pop culture (colloquial) sense, which is basically a ‘fragile ego’ in the Freudian sense leaning on defense mechanisms to keep shame out of awareness. That’s also how Lemon_gecko used it.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/04/26 04:55 PM
1

Maybe. I’m sapiosexual and demisexual so I wouldn’t know 🤷🏻‍♀️ I don’t fall for men’s looks. Any BMI or height is fuckable for me if he can outsmart me and act humble simultaneously. I’m into men who have passions, who have broad interests and who are kind and open minded. To me the sexy ‘bold and confident’ is having a secure sense of who you are and what you believe in. I have already had sex with less conventional looking guys (the term ugly is so derogatory and moralising) when they had an a…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/04/26 04:50 PM
2

Or you use the label wrong and use it for all the online “pop feminism” and tik tokkers who use feminism to promote misandry because it’s just easier to sell ideas when you use a movement that’s been accepted already 🤷🏻‍♀️
/r/PurplePillDebate06/04/26 04:38 PM
3

Yes, you are not feminist. You literally just described 90% of their M.O. if you do not support it, you would be canceled by them first time you open your mouth. I agreed with them and I’m also a feminist. I share their view.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/04/26 02:56 PM
3

I don’t understand who would wear something revealing when meeting someone’s parents… unless your definition of revealing is like in my old high school where skirts above the knee were already seen as too sexy/revealing.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/04/26 02:51 PM
0

The bigger the ego the bigger the shame. If you are in touch with your own vulnerabilities there’s no need to defend anything because others don’t threaten your sense of self that easily. The ego inflates to keep underlying vulnerability out of awareness.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/04/26 02:48 PM
1

Wanting to be seen as people first = having agency and not being reduced to an object against your will Having hook ups on vacation = exercising agency over your own body They are the opposite. Women don’t say “we never ever want casual sex”… They’re saying “don’t reduce us to sex without regard for who we are as human beings” Or is having sex and being objectified always the same in your mind? Because objectification is about how someone is treated, not whether sex happens.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/04/26 02:41 PM
–

I think we should condemn actions, not people.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/04/26 07:27 PM
1

I’m aware they have specific legal definitions. I still don’t see why legal credentials would be necessary to discuss the philosophical claim you made. I’m not denying they share the same origin, like I said (for the third time) they’re all normative, normative constructs. But same origin doesn’t mean same role. Human rights are typically framed as constraints on what systems can do, while other rights are granted within those systems. That’s a functional distinction, not a metaphysical one. And…
/r/PurplePillDebate05/04/26 05:35 PM
-1

I already agreed they’re normative constructs… The difference isn’t metaphysical but normative: human rights are treated as constraints on the system itself, not just rights within the system (like other rights). The distinction isn’t ontological, but functional. So you post here on PPD, where discussion is open, but think only people with legal credentials should engage? By that logic anyone could dismiss arguments by asking for a relevant degree instead of addressing the point. I don’t underst…
/r/PurplePillDebate05/04/26 12:33 PM
-1

Does it matter? I thought we were discussing the metaphysical status of rights, not legal doctrine.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/04/26 11:24 AM
0

So one gender is allowed double standards and the other is not?
/r/PurplePillDebate05/04/26 11:21 AM
3

Well double standards. Both imply “I allow it for myself, but not for you”.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/04/26 10:41 PM
-1

Yes they’re normative constructs. But they’re still real in a social sense. Also when you say “personal opinions” I would say that a lot of human rights are rooted in the “intersubjective” because they’re often shared across societies. I would say they exist in the level between pure objectivity and personal opinion. They’re the things societies ought necessary for protecting human dignity.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/04/26 10:22 PM
-1

Against you personally or not agreeing with dickpill?
/r/PurplePillDebate04/04/26 10:05 PM
0

Come on the starting points of a debate are mutual respect and good faith and OP was clearly engaging with you in good faith. You can disagree and still engage with the points someone is making. No need to be so condescending.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/04/26 09:55 PM
–

Well let’s be careful to not induce stigma around these disorders. I know your experience was really horrible though. 🫂 I had a not so great one too. But not every person with BPD is the same.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/04/26 03:47 PM
0

Bizarre
/r/PurplePillDebate03/04/26 01:39 PM
2

I personally don’t mind porn usage but my guess is that 1) they think porn alters expectations of what sex you desire, 2) they get insecure around their own body because the porn actress might be slimmer / have bigger boobs… The fact that they’re curious because he has a higher body count is that it signals social approval from other women maybe? If other women slept with him that means they already vetted him, thought he was safe enough to sleep with, the fact that he was found attractive by ot…
/r/PurplePillDebate03/04/26 01:27 PM
0

I think a moderate sea climate? Influenced by the North Sea.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/04/26 09:55 PM
0

Yeah I gotta be upfront that I need to improve my care taking skills for my plants. The motivation and love for plants is there… but… the plants need a little more than that from me to thrive lol.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/04/26 08:41 PM
2

Yes this is a moment I need that girl math lol. It’s working already
/r/PurplePillDebate01/04/26 08:39 PM
4

Wanted to decorate my terrace for the spring 🌸Kinda ignored the fact that I was gonna watch my budget 😬 but hey mental health investment. It was less money than a session with a therapist. Flowers make people happy. <image>
/r/PurplePillDebate01/04/26 06:50 PM
8

If she said that they start sharing their views… where does intuition come into the picture?
/r/PurplePillDebate29/03/26 09:54 PM
1

So? What’s the reasoning?
/r/PurplePillDebate29/03/26 09:25 PM
0

I think it’s hypocritical to treat these two differently. Both participate in the act.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/03/26 08:48 PM
–

I think he prefers to keep it a secret still lol. Such a mysterious guy.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/03/26 08:39 PM
2

Because it is the action that is either “undignified” or not. It takes a dick and a mouth. You can’t have a blow job without a mouth, but you can’t have one without a dick either. Dick & mouth are both parts of the action “blow job”.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/03/26 08:11 PM
–

Well it’s not what is most important. It’s a requirement to me. And yeah ofc when you like someone you eventually want to meet them physically? I have one LDR so that works for me too but not gonna lie I’m really happy to see him physically. And my other partner lives much closer, that’s the one I went to the UK with. He’s actually pretty active on this subreddit too 🤭
/r/PurplePillDebate29/03/26 07:36 PM
3

I've made a habit of resting if I get feedback that makes me emotional. It always seems to pass after a rest and makes the feedback much more digestible Yeah that’s what I did. I read your comment immediately yesterday but waited till today to respond because I wanted to in fact let it sink in in order to integrate it better. I do wonder, and you don't have to answer this, if you are on the autistic spectrum. I'm noticing a good amount of rigidity and misunderstanding that, semantically, reads a…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates29/03/26 07:18 PM
–

Well we had talked a lot on the phone before so I felt like I already knew him on a deeper level. Depth of conversation hinges more on the specific person you’re talking with than the setting of dates.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/03/26 06:55 PM
2

Yet we as men are not allowed to even attempt to describe or comment on the "female lived experience" often with phrases like "No uterus? No Opinion!" I disagree with that. I enjoy fiction and some of the most accurate female experiences that I could personally resonate to were written by male authors. So I totally disagree with the entire framing that opposite genders can’t describe or comment on lived experience. But sure you’re right that a lot of feminists don’t share my view. So I understan…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates29/03/26 05:08 PM
2

Well I think we have found something in common then, because nothing frustrates me more than the misinterpretation & misapplication of frameworks. It makes my blood boil. You say I’m an atypical feminist but I think I never saw myself this way. Because I intuitively grasp so much of the feminist literature really well… and then am so baffled to see others misinterpreting it. I guess from my perspective I’m the more “real feminist” and the others are just dogmatic radicals. I guess what makes me …
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates29/03/26 04:57 PM
2

But your disagreeing could be a result of not complete understanding. For example, in blockaded Leningrad people were eating each others. You can't say that you understand what they went through just because you were hungry for 10 hours one day. Using extreme cases like Leningrad is more about fully experiencing something, not about understanding the internal reasoning behind it. Of course I haven’t lived someone else’s exact circumstances, but that’s true in any form of perspective-taking. When…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/03/26 04:35 PM
2

Are you sure your understanding is accurate then? I don’t think anyone can be 100% certain their understanding is perfectly accurate, so no, not in an absolute sense. But I don’t think feeling frustration invalidates understanding. If anything it often comes from understanding the internal logic but disagreeing with parts of it. For example I feel like I understand incel rhetoric relatively well because I recognize parts of that internal narrative. Not the conclusions, but the underlying emotion…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/03/26 03:23 PM
1

This is getting repetitive, so I’ll keep it concise instead of going back and forth over the same points again. “Just feelings in their head” isn’t an argument. What’s your actual criterion for something being real? Because identity and lived experience are real phenomena whether you validate them or not. You say “list all points on the spectrum” Okay, well list all possible levels of pain or consciousness for me? You can’t. We still treat them as real and structured despite not having neat, dis…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/03/26 02:57 PM
2

So I assume you also don’t like to receive blowjobs? Pretty hypocritical to only refer to the giver as “undignified”.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/03/26 02:31 PM
–

In all honestly I have difficulty reading him like when he’s being serious and when he’s being sarcastic. Like did he mean that when he said the manliest thing about him was his lack of uncertainty or was he joking? That kinda changes my perception entirely.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/03/26 02:23 PM
–

My first date with one of my male partners was a 4-day trip to the UK in which we train hopped and hiked. I’m not saying this is common lol. We had been talking for a while online already before that.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/03/26 02:17 PM
–

My brother is pansexual and he also seems more frustrated with men than women in dating. He had a bad experience recently with a man but he won’t talk to me about it. All I heard him say is that suddenly “men are creeps” but he doesn’t want to talk about what happened. I’m a little worried about him now 😔
/r/PurplePillDebate29/03/26 02:14 PM
4

I believe that you need to believe these things about women to make your worldview less complicated and more predictable. Whatever works for you! I just don’t think this is the route to experiencing real genuine love from a woman. In order to experience that, it requires that a woman feels valued and respected as an equal first and foremost and that is impossible with your worldview. I’m sure it feels like it works well as a protective armour against perceived threat.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/03/26 02:03 PM
1

What would you reply to OPs question if you felt like there weren’t taboos to talk about?
/r/PurplePillDebate29/03/26 01:58 PM
5

Yes that’s very true. As well as absolute gendered framings chasing empathetic people away. If I hear men say “women can’t be lonely”, “women don’t struggle in dating” or “dating is so easy for women”, that closes off my empathy towards these men because what they say doesn’t match my own lived experience. I was lonely for several years, I have been rejected, I have struggled. When my own struggles are constantly getting minimised or dismissed, it’s hard to take the person on the other side seri…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/03/26 01:56 PM
4

I think OP’s question is slightly different… it’s less about whether you want to empathize, and more about whether you actually understand the perspective itself. For me those don’t always line up. I can understand where someone is coming from, even if I feel frustrated by it or don’t think that understanding is reciprocated. For example I’d say I do understand and empathize with incels to a certain extent. The loneliness, rejection, feeling invisible… that’s not hard to grasp and for a lot of p…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/03/26 01:46 PM
1

Well I actually think a lot of this comes down to how the concepts are being used, not what they were originally trying to describe. I’m not particularly attached to feminist terminology either, but I’m attached more to the underlying concepts and they have no other names currently. And I agree that a lot of people use it in ways that feel reductive or even hostile toward men. That criticism is very fair. But I don’t think the underlying frameworks are as inherently incompatible with male advoca…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates29/03/26 12:47 PM
0

The thing is… most people aren’t hostile on those forums. The majority of people aren’t hostile here too. But as humans we have this bias to mostly remember the negative reactions. If 5 people give you a compliment on your new haircut and 1 person insults you… what’s going to be on your mind? That 1 person right?
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates29/03/26 10:55 AM
2

I totally understand your experiences. I don’t think they’re rare at all, so yes very understandable. I still use terms like “patriarchy” but more because that’s simply the word that’s been used to describe this system. I don’t personally frame it as “all men oppress all women”. Do I understand the skepticism toward those kinds of proxies? Absolutely. But if people use those proxies as a filter, and stop listening to feminists using those words because they use those words, then those words also…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates29/03/26 10:48 AM
3

Some men deserve better from some women. And some women deserve better from some men.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/03/26 01:10 AM
3

I guess that’s more black pill no? I feel like red pill is more “go to the gym and make a lot of money, if you don’t do these things it’s your own fault that you feel lonely”
/r/PurplePillDebate29/03/26 12:52 AM
0

Yes the radicalisation pipeline is real and honestly it’s one of the things I’m most wary of. I see how easily a framework that starts from “equal rights” can shift into something much more rigid, moralised and group-based over time. That’s exactly what I want to stay away from. But that’s also why I’m careful not to treat feminism as a fixed package myself. The value I still see in it is at the level of certain principles and analytical tools, not in adopting whatever the movement currently pro…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates29/03/26 12:34 AM
1

I understand your confusion, but I also think it comes from us using labels in fundamentally different ways. When I use “feminism” or “patriarchy” I’m not using them as a sort of coalition signal (“I align with this movement as it exists socially”). I’m using them as shorthand for a cluster of values and a conceptual framework I personally find useful (things like anti-sexism, structural awareness, anti-essentialism…). Feminism is has had many great conceptual thinkers. So for me it’s not: “I ag…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates29/03/26 12:27 AM
1

I appreciate you taking the time to write this out. To be clear on one thing, because I think this is where some of the friction comes from: when I say “I disagree” I’m not disagreeing with someone’s lived experience? How could I? I’m disagreeing with how that experience is being interpreted or generalized, especially when it’s used to make claims about a whole group or about a theory. That’s an important distinction for me, but I can see that it doesn’t always come across that way in short repl…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates28/03/26 11:57 PM
1

Yeah possibly. I would be open for that if there was a promising alternative. I think the thing is that probably if this “new egalitarian movement” would come into existence, I just see it happening that then groups would argue that there is a need to specific female-centered care and specific male-centered care within that new movement, considering some issues are still more gender-specific (for example military draft and inhumane conditions in prison and such I would say is more of a male cent…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates28/03/26 05:02 PM
-1

I think you and me want the same things, truly. I’m not from the US so I sometimes don’t know well if there are local differences or not. For example when I see what dominant feminists in the UK are doing that deeply upsets me. That’s not “the feminism I subscribe to”. You already talked in your post about “feminists can’t define feminism” and it’s true. At this point you could kind of view feminism like Islam where Sunni and Shia also have different interpretations of the Quran. When people her…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates28/03/26 03:35 PM
-1

I get you. I hope that male advocates find a way to express their concerns without demonising feminism as a whole and that the entire left will just be responsive. I really do see value in centering male issues more. It’s why some other feminists don’t like me. Egalitarianism is a core principle to feminism, but I want feminism to start practicing what it preaches more. There certainly is bias and hypocrisy and a tendency to oversimplify and overgeneralise. IDL
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates28/03/26 03:24 PM
2

I acknowledge I see this happening on the AskFeminists subreddit too. A man asks a good faith question to be met with belittling and dismissive comments, often by the top 1% commenters. I hate it. I hate polarisation. I hate the “gender war sentiment”. Why don’t we all just sit and talk and genuinely be open for the questions and concerns of the other side? Anyway thanks for your supportive comment!
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates28/03/26 03:05 PM
-4

“We” “Us” How many personalities are behind your Reddit account? I’ve decided you’re one of the people I’m not gonna engage with anymore. So don’t bother commenting on me. I tried many times to have good faith discussions, but you can’t have them without turning hostile. I’m not here for hostile debates. I’m not here to defended other feminists who I disagree with. I’ve made my position clear. This isn’t a debate sub. Go to purple pill debate if you’re hungry for a fight. This is a place for con…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates28/03/26 02:50 PM
3

I knew a microbiology professor who believed in treating infections with homeopathic "medication" and a plant biology PhD who believed microwave ovens can kill you through turning your cooked carrots into cancer bombs. Oh and in autism-causing vaccines. They were undeniable experts in their respective fields, widely published, patent -holding, shit-named-after-them individuals. And held massively whacky antiscientific beliefs outside of it. That’s awful, they obviously don’t apply the principles…
/r/PurplePillDebate28/03/26 02:42 PM
2

We don't call feminists who post here "Misandrists" we also don't outright silence them because they say things we don't like.. Well try changing your user flair to “feminist guest” and make a neutral comment and just wait and see how quickly people call you misandrist or send you angry DMs. My partner is a lwma here and my other partner is a critic of feminism (without defining himself explicitly as lwma) and I often discuss gender issues with them and I don’t think these two men would love me …
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates28/03/26 01:23 PM
3

What do you think? If people are offered this choice: would you rather live A) In a relationship but it’s a “happy lie” B) Single but at least nobody is lying to you What do you think most people would choose? I think people who choose the “happy lie” are mostly inexperienced people who romanticise relationships. I was cheated on in my first 2 serious relationships. I would never ever choose scenario A anymore, ignorance isn’t bliss to me. Especially now because I’m very much aware that even whe…
/r/PurplePillDebate28/03/26 12:54 PM
2

I don’t think I slept through biology class because I graduated medicine in 2022 and work as a doctor. And your sickle cell example is actually perfect, just not in the way you think. 😁 You’re framing it as a ‘biological mistake,’ but it’s a well-known evolutionary trade-off: heterozygote advantage with protection against malaria. Evolution didn’t ‘fail’ there, it selected for variation under certain conditions. That’s exactly the point you’re missing. Biology isn’t a clean blueprint with occasi…
/r/PurplePillDebate28/03/26 10:26 AM
1

You’re building a strawman out of extremes and then calling it incoherent. No one serious is saying “cutting your hair makes you a man” or “breast removal makes you a man”… That’s YOUR caricature, not the argument. Transition isn’t about a single trait, it’s about alignment across multiple layers (body, social role, identity). Medicine works with clusters all the time, not single checkboxes. Your “butch woman vs trans man” example misses the point entirely. They can look similar externally and s…
/r/PurplePillDebate28/03/26 10:13 AM
2

Eh. We can't even argue really when we disagree on such simple things like "patriarchy isn't gendered," which to me is completely ridiculous. One of the most important feminists ever to describe the mechanisms of patriarchy was bell hooks. This is how she describes it: https://preview.redd.it/k5mgfvcc9rrg1.jpeg?width=850&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=234f93ae2ecefcf3b82e5c712450f1ab8e03f9e4 For bell hooks patriarchy is a system of institutionalized norms and expectations that shape behavior. It’s not …
/r/PurplePillDebate28/03/26 09:53 AM
3

I have to ask, did you read this part and do you understand it because it’s kinda central to why I feel like you misrepresent my views: Agency means that you get to act, independent from others. “Valued by others” means dependence on others. Your value is dependent on others valuation. You’re not independent, you’re dependent. So that’s not agency. That’s passive. Eh. Agree to disagree then. Emotional suppression only gets you power if people respect it. If they don't, it doesn't get you power, …
/r/PurplePillDebate28/03/26 12:47 AM
1

So you’re not interacting with anything I said. That’s fine. What is your point then? Further than “my position is not X”, I’m struggling to understand what your position is? Because I already clearly explained why the existence of intersex people is very relevant to the trans debate.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/03/26 11:58 PM
2

I would argue that "valued by others" is the largest form of agency in the real world. Agency means that you get to act, independent from others. “Valued by others” means dependence on others. Your value is dependent on others valuation. You’re not independent, you’re dependent. So that’s not agency. That’s passive. Many people would call today's male looksmaxxers a prime example of toxic masculinity, where they rank men based on their attractiveness and put the most attractive ones on top, whic…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/03/26 11:44 PM
2

You’re completely missing the function of those examples. Intersex conditions like Swyer syndrome or Androgen Insensitivity Syndrome aren’t being used to say “trans people are intersex”? They’re used to show something much more basic: that the underlying model of sex isn’t a clean binary at the biological level. Because if sex were strictly binary, all markers would always align: chromosomes, gonads, hormones, internal anatomy, external genitalia… BUT: they don’t. They don’t! And I’m saying this…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/03/26 10:47 PM
2

Well we’re treating high vs low status differently here. You’re treating it as “valued by others”, but I’m using it in a more structural sense (like most feminist literature does). So it’s not about whether a trait can be spun as high or low status in isolation because of course in that sense you can reframe stoicism as submissive or beauty as powerful. The question is: what actually gives you power, agency and social leverage in the real world? Emotional suppression in men is harmful, but it’s …
/r/PurplePillDebate27/03/26 10:33 PM
2

Well I thinn “toxic masculinity” is about what kind of traits are being enforced and how they are valued. When people talk about toxic masculinity, they’re not saying “men are toxic” or even “only men enforce it”, they’re describing a set of norms associated with masculinity that are socially rewarded (stoicism, dominance, suppression of vulnerability), even when they’re harmful. Anyone (men or women) can reinforce those norms. Your example (the real men don’t cry) actually fits that, it’s a wom…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/03/26 09:38 PM
1

What about XY women? They have Y chromosomes (some have a uterus like those with Swyer syndrome and some don’t like those with AIS), but they look exactly like women (have a vagina, clitoris, labia, boobs…). Sometimes a woman only finds out she’s an XY woman when she can’t get children and is undergoing fertility examination. Sex or gender really isn’t a complete binary like people believe. Because if it’s genitalia, these people are women. It it’s chromosomes, these people are men.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/03/26 09:06 PM
2

I just wanted to chime and add that a significant portion of the beauty industry is owned, led and controlled by men still. I think that also matters when we talk about calling the beauty industry “toxic femininity”, because where the $$$ flows is kinda important too. While many iconic brands were founded by women, most are now part of large male-led conglomerates, with roughly 65% of executive committee seats held by men. Only a fraction is left by female CEOs and women represent a minority of …
/r/PurplePillDebate27/03/26 08:49 PM
1

Guys who obsess over e.g. red pill concepts of “holding frame” or “being an asshole to attract women” are, unfortunately, blatantly not truly desired by women. I believe this is true. RP is about how to attract as many women as possible (quantity > quality). And to do it, you need to be “less yourself” and work on the superficial stuff. But none of that guarantees “love”, guarantees someone actually likes you for who you are, guarantees someone will stay… I’m polyamorous so I have 2 LTR and I li…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/03/26 08:31 PM
3

Woah that looks great
/r/PurplePillDebate27/03/26 08:15 PM
1

Are you living abroad?
/r/PurplePillDebate27/03/26 08:07 PM
1

People have mixed responses to stress, I always get hungry when I’m stressed. Some don’t eat at all.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/03/26 05:55 PM
1

I don’t think anything magic is existing. The whole point of ozempic is that you make lifestyle changes too because once you stop taking it there is the risk that you gain back some weight. Are you doing okay though? You sound so sad these past days 🫂
/r/PurplePillDebate27/03/26 05:30 PM
1

Well… there is a difference between not criticising people who take ozempic and then suggesting people should take it… Why don’t we just respect individual choices?
/r/PurplePillDebate27/03/26 05:28 PM
0

Yeah I have migraine and with treatment I have about 4-6 days of migraine a month and without it was > 10 days. But I’ve never ever missed a day of work because of migraine. I take my meds, I push it through. Is that healthy? I suppose not, but in my job I’m needed and can’t be replaced so I just push through it. Every day I get home feeling so burned out, and then people in my environment are surprised that “such a young person experiences this level of stress already”.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/03/26 05:25 PM
0

I’ve had so much stress in my life from: 1) masking ND 2) not realising I was ND 3) not realising I was masking ND It fucked up my appetite and circadian rhythm in ways that I’m still recovering from. If anything I don’t have a lack of willpower but maybe a little too much for my own good. Sometimes I keep going so hard despite feeling completely burned out because that’s what I’ve been doing since childhood and nobody taught me how to pause, relax and actually nurture myself in a gentle way.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/03/26 05:13 PM
2

It’s an idea sold by the elites to keep the bottom of the pyramid functioning in the scheme. And then people in the bottom of the pyramid echo it and thus reinforce it. I feel like I see it also reflected in Catholicism where the “normal plebs” are being moralised into working hard and living a virtuous life, whereas the more powerful priests sexually abused children and lived in luxury. (Btw I’m baptised and was raised Catholic so I’m speaking from within)
/r/PurplePillDebate27/03/26 05:08 PM
1

Ew yes that does sound fake. How about whispering a name while you moan?
/r/PurplePillDebate27/03/26 05:03 PM
2

Please let this weather come to me
/r/PurplePillDebate27/03/26 05:01 PM
1

I believe hunger is always a signal. Sometimes it just reflects real hunger. Sometimes it reflects something else. Maybe you’re stressed and have low energy and your body is trying to compensate for it? Maybe there are things you’re not allowing yourself to feel?
/r/PurplePillDebate27/03/26 04:59 PM
2

I’m just wanting to avoid harm. If you assume any disparity in outcome needs to be corrected, it’s almost certain you will cause harm somewhere. Besides, clearly people only care about correcting such disparities when they favour men, women outnumber men in universities as a whole, but that’s not really considered a serious issue in need of correction. As long as it’s not symmetrical, there’s no reason to trust these initiatives as a man. This is a complete separate issue from the causal questio…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/03/26 04:55 PM
6

It’s certainly interesting how people say they shame overweight women out of “health concern” but the very same people then also shame women for using Ozempic or Mounjaro. If it were really about health, effective treatments would be supported. But instead it suddenly becomes about “doing it the right way” or not “cheating”… But obesity (especially with insulin resistance), isn’t just solved by willpower, restrictive dieting or telling people to exercise more (which can even be harmful at higher…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/03/26 04:35 PM
2

What if you consider it as a possibility, not a hard proven fact? Is it still sexist then? Sure but you have to remember this is not just an innocent possibility. This has been the default mindset for centuries. Just like “real men don’t cry” was a default mindset. I personally don’t see WHY we should even keep the possibility at the top of the possibility list (which is what you seem to be doing honestly) when there is no evidence for it. Just seems biased to me. Also do you think this socialis…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/03/26 04:09 PM
1

I find it sexist personally to believe certain interests are gendered NOT for socialisation, because there is NO solid biological explanation that men are inherently more interested in let’s say computers than women. What exists is a mix of small, average group differences in some traits, combined with strong social and cultural shaping that amplifies those differences. There is no clear or sufficient evidence that brain anatomy or genes deterministically explain differences in such interests.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/03/26 03:15 PM
2

It’s not that strange to mix up those terms honestly. Not everyone is familiar with variance.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/03/26 02:45 PM
1

It’s not THAT difficult to get a degree in a STEM field… I mean sure people having university degrees are already outliers within the general population but almost half of university degrees are STEM field degrees? There are women graduating successfully in STEM fields all the time. I feel like you’re treating it as needing exceptionally skills… Not everyone graduating is going to do a PhD and have a further academic career. Some countries have entrance exams to get into medicine or engineering …
/r/PurplePillDebate27/03/26 02:41 PM
1

Anti-essentialism is a philosophical stance. It’s about not reducing individuals to fixed traits based on their sex. Acknowledging population-level patterns or biological mechanisms isn’t the same thing as essentialism. In fact my whole point is the opposite: taking statistical variation and turning it into fixed roles or expectations IS essentialism, the essentialism that I’m critiquing.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/03/26 01:21 PM
1

Having an exceptionally high IQ is a bigger benefit in STEM subjects If you want to win a Nobel prize maybe. To just study STEM in university it makes no difference, like I said under the intersection of the two Gaussian curves is an equal amount of people… And if you move toward the left of the intersection there are even more and more women compared to men… So your conclusion doesn’t follow from what statistical variance means? Unless you don’t understand it? Your point only applies to extreme…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/03/26 12:12 PM
1

There hasn’t been evidence for “natural talents” for men in STEM fields so far… variance doesn’t explain this? https://preview.redd.it/bp9jbli29krg1.jpeg?width=598&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=53f658b5d69227e850fe1f1ac51129402c919aea At some point the two graphs intersect and there are an equal amount of people under the intersection. Obviously the graphs in this image are a huge exaggeration to the differences in variance that we see between men and women.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/03/26 09:58 AM
1

Most commonly I observe people who do the following… Some people do talk about patriarchy in a very surface-level way sure. But that’s not the same as saying the framework itself is 100% constructionist or denies biology? The point I’m making is simpler: even if there are underlying biological differences, that still doesn’t explain how you get from differences in distribution to rigid social roles and institutions? That step is cultural… The variability hypothesis is about populations: spread a…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/03/26 09:18 AM
4

I read her point as being about selective attention and what gets called out (white men getting called out more publicly), not about misogyny being tied to a specific group. Those are different claims, but they get conflated. I think some of that selective attention comes from a desire to avoid reinforcing racial stereotypes, but it can backfire if it turns into uneven scrutiny. Women in those communities can then end up feeling unprotected or less heard.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/03/26 09:10 AM
3

I mean on Reddit you don’t really know who you’re talking to right? It’s all anonymous
/r/PurplePillDebate27/03/26 08:58 AM
11

Stuff like "babies with criminals" thing is rare as a whole when talking about all women, but the very fact that it exists is useful for men as a talking point Also people often ignore psychological factors. A substantial portion of the population has insecure attachment and for some that comes with a history of unstable or harmful relationships. That can shape what feels familiar or even attractive, including more chaotic dynamics. At the same time zooming out matters. Most offenders are men an…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/03/26 08:53 AM
1

I’ve yet to meet a feminist who thinks patriarchy happened purely “random”… I don’t really understand how you think feminists see the “construction of patriarchy”? Patriarchy IS a construct in the sense that it’s amplifying biological differences x100 needlessly and that it’s rigidly categorising people based on gender, whereas the male variance hypothesis applies to the population overall and is about deviation from a mean… so not about sorting individuals into 2 categories…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/03/26 08:32 AM
1

It breaks my heart Why? Does it break your heart too when men are overweight? Does it break your heart when people smoke or drink alcohol? Does it break your heart what strangers you don’t know do or how they look like? Why?
/r/PurplePillDebate27/03/26 08:00 AM
2

I I haven’t really heard anyone make a 100% pure constructionist argument anyway. I think what feminists usually mean is that biological differences get amplified through patriarchy. Women can do physical work, men can do nurturing roles… The variability hypothesis is about distribution at the population level; how far individuals deviate from the mean. It doesn’t say which traits “belong” to which sex. Patriarchy on the other hand does assign traits to roles. It takes tendencies (if they exist …
/r/PurplePillDebate27/03/26 07:58 AM
7

What’s wrong with overweight women existing?You don’t need to date them if that’s not your preference.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/03/26 10:06 PM
3

Well patriarchy didn’t just appear out of nowhere. It had to build on something… If you take the variability idea seriously, it kind of explains that double-sided pattern: more men at the top, but also more men at the bottom. Men end up both as kings and as cannon fodder. Positions of power, but also the disposable ones (war, dangerous labour, all that…). That’s not random. So being male comes with that wider spread: you could end up with extreme power or be completely expendable. Women were mor…
/r/PurplePillDebate26/03/26 09:57 PM
2

Yeah I got ya! I do believe though OP has a point technically when he says “men are the dice of humanity” because of the greater variance. From a pure genetics perspective it does make sense. Women are more “protected” by the lower variance in traits.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/03/26 09:23 PM
5

In that logic is a wife then just a mommy soft parenting a grown man and slowly burning out?
/r/PurplePillDebate26/03/26 08:45 PM
2

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/r/PurplePillDebate26/03/26 08:24 PM
1

Well, some studies do show that men have a minor advantage in that area, so I’m not saying it is major, but it is believed to be true, especially in certain areas. They show that the variance is higher, not the average
/r/PurplePillDebate26/03/26 08:18 PM
2

Yeah I agree with your analysis, especially that last part seems to be reflect what I observe a lot
/r/PurplePillDebate26/03/26 08:17 PM
2

I wasn’t talking about variety, I was talking about variance
/r/PurplePillDebate26/03/26 08:15 PM
1

You’re not understanding what “statistical variance” means and you’re mixing it up with variety. “Variety” just means different types are present. Your marble example fits that: more colors = more variety. But variance is about how spread out values are around an average. It has nothing to do with having “many different types” but with how far observations deviate from the mean. So in a normal distribution higher variance doesn’t mean “people are evenly spread everywhere” or “most people are at …
/r/PurplePillDebate26/03/26 08:14 PM
0

We all want a stable career, a love life, etc. It is like wanting a trophy for a car race without wanting to learn how to drive first. Lol can’t help but notice you kinda also show the performance-minded mindset in men that I mentioned: In performance domains men tend to do the same: if someone isn’t achieving (career-wise, physically…) the explanation often defaults to a lack of discipline or willpower. Same pattern, but different context. People struggle and instead of asking why, we default t…
/r/PurplePillDebate26/03/26 03:35 PM
1

Yes. I understand that part. But the most intelligent people in the world aren't necessarily men as its a non gendered or sex oriented trait. And this is true for men being the dumbest as well. Having more variety for intelligence traits doesn't mean the bell curve is at both extremes. But rather evenly spread out I think you’re still mixing up two different points. No one is saying intelligence is a sex-specific trait, of course both men and women can inherit and pass it on. That part is obviou…
/r/PurplePillDebate26/03/26 03:32 PM
1

He’s talking about variance across the population, not individuals. So he means the normal distribution (gauss distribution). It’s true that on average men show greater variability on certain traits. One biological factor is that men only have one X chromosome, whereas women have two. That means recessive mutations on the X chromosome are more likely to be expressed in men, while women can often carry them without being affected to the same extent. That also means men are more exposed to both th…
/r/PurplePillDebate26/03/26 12:43 PM
9

Not because of patriarchy, but because of greater variability in male genetics. I agree with the whole body of your post. The biological explanations for variations make sense. But even if you grant the variability argument, it doesn’t explain the whole picture. Patriarchy is what happens when cultural systems take those differences and exaggerate them (rewarding certain male traits, suppressing others, narrowing the roles available to women...). So you don’t just get “natural variation”, you ge…
/r/PurplePillDebate26/03/26 12:36 PM
1

since men are not only stronger on average but are more intelligent Men are not more intelligent on average. Like OP said the normal distribution has a wider variation so you have more on both ends; more low IQ and more high IQ. The average is the sum of the total and that’s the same. So “men are more intelligent” is simply not correct. It would be more correct if you had said “men are more often intelligent AND more often stupid”. but many jobs, especially physical ones, women are unable to do …
/r/PurplePillDebate26/03/26 12:30 PM
1

Not surprised, that’s indeed a field where you can make the 6. Well congrats!
/r/PurplePillDebate26/03/26 12:07 PM
5

Women don’t deny it because there’s some truth to it. You can also see how much value women place on social skills in how ableism tends to show up differently between men and women (at least from what I’ve noticed). In social domains women are often more likely to individualise problems: a socially awkward man is quickly seen as personally responsible with advice on how he should improve. In performance domains men tend to do the same: if someone isn’t achieving (career-wise, physically…) the ex…
/r/PurplePillDebate26/03/26 12:02 PM
0

Then they aren’t egalitarian women
/r/PurplePillDebate26/03/26 11:47 AM
1

Oh wow congrats! What branch are you in?
/r/PurplePillDebate26/03/26 11:47 AM
2

Oh congratulations! Yeah it sucks that they don’t let you go! Well I guess you can just take it chill then?
/r/PurplePillDebate25/03/26 09:32 PM
2

Do you have a new plan?
/r/PurplePillDebate25/03/26 09:21 PM
1

Did you for real? How did that go?
/r/PurplePillDebate25/03/26 09:09 PM
0

I would give you a virtual hug, but I have a bad cold and I don’t want to give you a virtual cold 🥶 my day at work sucked
/r/PurplePillDebate25/03/26 07:43 PM
1

Yes oftentimes it’s not the looks but the sort of pics.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/03/26 07:42 PM
0

Egalitarian women don’t like it no.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/03/26 07:37 PM
–

I get what you mean but requiring “discussion” posts to be completely neutral isn’t realistic is it? Most actual discussions start from a position. The difference isn’t whether someone has an opinion, it’s whether they’re open to engaging with opposing views. In a debate people aren’t; there defending a position. In a discussion people start off from a position but are open to getting challenged and having their minds changed. That’s how discussions would work in reality. Otherwise you end up wi…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/03/26 07:36 PM
–

I definitely relate more to the first type 💔 I started telling myself that believing this “the one” narrative is stupid and naive. Nobody is gonna “make me whole”. A couple of heartbreaks and negative experiences certainly helped me with that. I’m still not a window shopper though. Polyamory is healing. Somehow believing in the existence of “multiple the ones” is working out for me.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/03/26 03:34 PM
–

Hey mods 👋 I’m trying to understand the intent behind the flairs, but in practice they seem to create a dilemma: – “Discussion” posts get removed if your comments are even mildly argumentative – “Debate” posts invite defensive often hostile replies So either you tone yourself down so much that “discussion” becomes opinion-less or you pick “debate” and get pulled into adversarial exchanges. That’s not really conducive to actual conversation and it leaves very little space for genuine, good-faith …
/r/PurplePillDebate25/03/26 03:32 PM
1

The hierarchy is called patriarchy
/r/PurplePillDebate25/03/26 03:09 PM
3

The fact that hypergamy exists doesn’t mean it’s biological. People have been encouraged to marry for financial motives for millennia. The culture doesn’t change overnight. If people attempted to break the gender norms, this tendency would decline. I’m not saying people are attracted to poverty or low status. I’m saying that once a threshold of financial safety has been reached it probably won’t matter much how much above the threshold you are. Nobody wants to struggle financially and that is un…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/03/26 11:48 AM
–

The whole point of about sexual fantasies is to explore things you don’t know if you would want to do them in reality. When I’m in the shower I imagine I’m a singer on a stage singing for a crowd of thousands of people, or I’m a guest in a talk show… doesn’t mean my introverted self would want those things in reality. Fantasy is exactly to explore what you might or might not want in real life… to have a richness of experiences…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/03/26 11:35 AM
–

Idk I find men attractive not necessarily based on their looks but on how they act so what they do in the video and how they do it is more important than how they look
/r/PurplePillDebate25/03/26 08:12 AM
–

If I watch I prefer it if the woman has a body type similar to mine, that way I can pretend it’s me. So I don’t like the videos with the very skinny small boob women, it’s hard to identify. I usually don’t care much how the man looks like indeed, I don’t desire the people on screen. It’s more about envisioning the scenario. Is that entirely different for men?
/r/PurplePillDebate25/03/26 07:45 AM
0

Yeah so pie-mart experience where she said: Maybe. I was once told by a guy that as a woman, I shouldn't have a job and that i should be dependent on a man. So, those men do exist. But I suspect in small numbers. I have also been told that men expect me to quit my job the minute I become exclusive with them... so, I do get annoyed sometimes … Makes sense through the lens. She was met with disbelief when she said this.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/03/26 07:35 AM
1

Also the woman "should" stay home from their pov which isn't completely incorrect because naturally she would be a better caretaker on average than the man. You see as a feminist I disagree with this part
/r/PurplePillDebate25/03/26 07:32 AM
1

I am fairly sure that women could state their preferences much of the time You base this off on what…? I’m saying economic survival dominated partner selection for everyone, men and women. The idea that women could “state their preferences most of the time” is hard to defend when they often lacked legal, financial and social autonomy to act on those preferences. Arranged marriage wasn’t just a “royalty thing”, it existed across classes in different forms (family pressure, economic dependency, li…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/03/26 07:29 AM
1

She said: So, those men do exist. But I suspect in small numbers.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/03/26 09:35 PM
2

No but it means these men believe it’s better for a woman to not work. And that’s how women like the one we are responding to in this thread end up having the experience they had.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/03/26 09:18 PM
3

Ah edited the spelling thanks. And I don’t think I’ve encountered that.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/03/26 09:17 PM
3

Yeah, because hypergamy still exists. So long as men with nice cars, high status careers, and ample resources continue to get the most women, men will continue to be incentived to get more of those things to get more women. Yeah but this is a specific demograph of women. It’s women who are sensitive to social norms. I always wonder if these women actually like and love those men… Like if the man lost his status, had an accident and would end up in a wheelchair would she still be by his side? I w…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/03/26 09:16 PM
2

As I mentioned before, it is only historically very recently that men have had to view women as equals and to therefore care about things like deeper personality and life goals. Women have always needed to assess men’s personalities, though. What do you mean? Neither men nor women historically married for reasons such as personality (if we go back in time a lot…). It was mostly financial reasons. Oftentimes marriages were arranged by extended families. Both partners were stuck with each other?
/r/PurplePillDebate24/03/26 09:10 PM
2

Red pill continually talks about how women are not understanding their own biology, therefore don’t believe women when they tell you what they want in a partner, women will lie etc etc… This is pretty common here
/r/PurplePillDebate24/03/26 09:02 PM
0

Men valued for status and women for beauty? That’s ancient old… TRP is just reinforcing medieval gender roles that modern people attempt to get rid off. What TRP describes has got nothing to do with real attraction or brain chemistry, it’s just norm enforcing. It will only attract people who are sensitive to following social norms. You’ll never know if someone is with you because they want you as a person or because what you achieved is the sort of norm stereotype they like.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/03/26 08:59 PM
3

I don’t think you’ll find a woman who believes that Chad will end up alone as a cat lad…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/03/26 08:51 PM
1

Saying that something is better than an alternative is a normative claim. ~ You shouldn’t have to take painkillers every day, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be able to take painkillers every day
/r/PurplePillDebate24/03/26 08:43 PM
2

So you are going to ignore the normative claim?
/r/PurplePillDebate24/03/26 08:33 PM
2

I follow what you say. These conspiracy “matrices” definitely exist on both extreme ends. Algorithms are designed to feed you what will anger you or validate you in your feelings or unjustice. There’s a lot of content that is branded as “feminism” too but it’s just plain misandry appealing to a broad public under the name of feminism because that’s how it widely gets sold.
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates24/03/26 08:32 PM
1

I agree with your analysis. I see what you mean.
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates24/03/26 08:27 PM
3

Manosphere influencers, the red pill gurus, consistently say on their social media that their girlfriends shouldn’t have to work and that that is a virtue, the red pill dream.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/03/26 08:26 PM
1

Where are they sending the Germans if they are replaced? To Africa? To Asia?
/r/PurplePillDebate24/03/26 08:24 PM
6

There is still a contradiction… If men are told to build status/resources because that’s what women reward, then “men as providers” hasn’t disappeared, it’s just being framed as a tactic instead of a role. Reinforcing the roles all over again.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/03/26 08:23 PM
2

The person I was responding to is flaired as red leaning so they believe reality is that…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/03/26 08:20 PM
1

Who’s being replaced? I haven’t heard of Germany sending Germans away out of their country?
/r/PurplePillDebate24/03/26 03:33 PM
3

Isn’t “men are providers” a core pillar of red pill ideology? Men are expected to generate resources, status and stability? That overlaps with traditional gender roles. And women are valued for youth, beauty, fertility, being socially incentivized to “marry up” (hypergamy)… so basically women are trophy wives? I thought red pill said that ideally women wouldn’t need to work…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/03/26 03:32 PM
1

I’m satisfied with my dating life so I don’t really understand why you think your opinions would matter here.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/03/26 03:21 PM
1

There is no “people in general”, everyone is coming from a country? So to people from which country are you referring?
/r/PurplePillDebate24/03/26 03:20 PM
1

I don’t think we are better than other animals. We just protect our own group, like other mammals do too. And sure some human constructs are worth it more to defend than others. I don’t see the value in nations with “pure native population”, that sounds like something mostly Nazis value.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/03/26 03:19 PM
0

I think most feminists hate the idea of men being protectors and providers…? Feminism wants to abolish gender roles and strive towards non-binary roles. Ofc there are exceptions, but most feminist works encourage men to be more in touch with their nurturing nature and sides that male gender roles suppress
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates24/03/26 03:17 PM
0

Then why not just split bills? Seems the most simple.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/03/26 03:15 PM
0

Why would I care? People are so US-centric
/r/PurplePillDebate24/03/26 11:54 AM
1

The thing is I don’t. You don’t sound like nice company anyway.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/03/26 11:53 AM
1

Why would I care?
/r/PurplePillDebate24/03/26 11:51 AM
0

I live in an area where we literally speak Dutch. My grandparents even split the bills when they went on dates in the 60s. Splitting bills is not something new here, it’s the mainstream thing for us.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/03/26 11:50 AM
1

I broke up after I found out he cheated on me.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/03/26 11:49 AM
1

I think most people doing this are single.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/03/26 11:48 AM
1

Idk, where I’m from the norm is to go Dutch. Giving flowers is seen as cringe and old school.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/03/26 11:47 AM
1

Because he had great humor, he was kind to me, he made me laugh a lot. I loved spending time with him.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/03/26 11:46 AM
1

We are all animals on the earth, the earth has no owner. Ownership of land is a human invention, in that sense it’s nothing more than something imaginary we all happen to agree with. Just like money, we all agree that a piece of paper has value. While it’s just paper.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/03/26 08:46 AM
-1

Do you ever pay for men’s meals?
/r/PurplePillDebate24/03/26 08:44 AM
1

But I am judging myself for it regardless. Then you are moralising it at some level in your mind.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/03/26 08:43 AM
0

Yes, gender roles are culturally-based. Did you think something different? We were speaking about WHY gender roles look the way they do and HOW they get reinforced. I understand that through a systems lens. But you appeared to say it had to do with survival so it appeared you meant gender roles have biological origins mostly. Which is not what I believe. Biological differences between men and women are way smaller than most people claim them to be. Also if you look at apes or monkeys females in …
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates24/03/26 12:11 AM
1

Sounds like you made up your mind? Nobody cares if you eat ice cream or drink beer or swipe on the apps right now. These short term indulgences sadly just tend to come with nasty hangovers of regret. But how about this: let the weakness set you free. You’re only feeling weak because you’re labelling your desires as weak. But what is really killing you? The calories and alcohol and perceived rejection? Or the mental battle inside where your desire gets moralised?
/r/PurplePillDebate23/03/26 11:29 PM
1

The froyo at least is nice. Alcohol free beer? We don’t do that where I’m from. Dating simulator game? Isn’t all online dating simulations anyway? Isn’t living finding continuous tricks to our minds? If not how am I gonna be convinced I have to go to work tomorrow.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/03/26 11:12 PM
6

Most people on PPD are dug in lol https://youtu.be/ndsME9Vd4es?si=Ro_1ULhvA1lkgMDn
/r/PurplePillDebate23/03/26 11:09 PM
2

I’m against dehumanisation. Dehumanisation starts the moment you stop treating someone as an individual and start treating them as a stand-in for a group. That shift from person to proxy is where respect collapses and issues arise. And: I have no issue with AI—it’s a useful tool: occasionally verbose, mildly robotic, but remarkably good at pretending it isn’t.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/03/26 11:05 PM
1

If you want to keep it healthier you could always make your own frozen yoghurt. Like freeze a small yoghurt and put one of those wooden sticks in the middle to turn it into a magnum shape, like kids do.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/03/26 11:00 PM
1

For the same reason men are portrayed as lustful beasts. To discourage sex when birth control doesn't exist. For the same reason animals hide their pain. Crying is a sign of pain, and men are expected to be strong to protect the family, tribe, town, etc. None of that is biologically gendered. It only is culturally gendered. Then why are you spending so much time lying? Lying is intentionally twisting the truth. I haven’t done that. I speak what I think is truth. Do you think that there aren't an…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates23/03/26 10:58 PM
1

I’m sorry you feel that way. I think you misunderstood me. I don’t mean to minimise the harmful effects of some feminist rhetoric or policies. I just meant to say that’s not feminism as a whole, feminism is not a monolith and I still think a lot of feminists do not support sexism against men.
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates23/03/26 10:39 PM
2

Just stay up 45min afterwards to brush your teeth… and work out in the morning to burn the calories… You’re not diabetic right?
/r/PurplePillDebate23/03/26 10:37 PM
2

I speak Dutch, good sirs… where I’m from, you may guess if you can.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/03/26 10:35 PM
2

Why do you care about Europe?
/r/PurplePillDebate23/03/26 10:28 PM
2

Ah thou hast glimpsed confusion and straightway crowned thyself king of clarity, most noble indeed. Yet beware: mistaking brief self-awareness for lasting wisdom is but the gentlest form of folly, dressed in fine words and strutting proudly.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/03/26 10:23 PM
2

I definitely think you’re the one who is right.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/03/26 10:20 PM
4

The ice cream seems the most innocent
/r/PurplePillDebate23/03/26 10:17 PM
2

What do you mean with cheap?
/r/PurplePillDebate23/03/26 10:16 PM
0

No, gender roles are the consequence of human survival in a brutal world. I don’t believe this to be true. There’s no reason why women are portrayed as temptress for having sexual feelings or why men are portrayed as weak for crying. There is no link to biology, as men and women both cry and both have libidos. Men are culturally repressed to cry and women are culturally repressed to experience sexuality. That’s not linked to human survival. A weak argument with no substance. It’s not an argument…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates23/03/26 10:04 PM
-1

You may be here as an individual but you are associating yourself with feminists via defending them and their actions. By associating yourself with feminism and minimizing their actions, you are condoning them. So you are judging me based on my user flair? Muslims don’t post “Kill all non muslims” and get hundreds of thousands of likes. Very few feminists would approve of this messaging. Most feminists are against violence, so against killing. When muslims … The analogy was that you don’t judge …
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates23/03/26 09:41 PM
1

And that female ones should be believed even in the absence of anything like actual evidence, yes. I read the post. To me there’s no difference between male and female victims. Gender of the victim doesn’t matter. The previous post was made on the PPD subreddit because a lot of red pill men claimed that women made up false accusations. They gendered their claims and my post was a counter-claim. I don’t see any difference between male/female victims and male/female perpetrators. Like I said so ma…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates23/03/26 09:14 PM
0

Honestly I am completely stumped. I don’t understand why you are so fixated on “I don’t do those things”. Are you the spokesperson of feminism or something? Are you Jane Feminism, the founder and owner of feminism? Because I’m not here as a representative of feminism, I’m here as an individual, yet people treat me as such because of my user flair. No offense but why would I care what you think? I and many other people here have been telling and giving you real proof of how feminist have used the…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates23/03/26 08:56 PM
0

Despite yourself declaring that this is impossible to conclusively prove, or even reliably source, yes. That's sorta the whole complaint. Yes I used the word “believe”. Got it? I think male victims of rape should be believed when they go to the police instead of ridiculed. Don’t you think? To kill time by throwing scorn at someone who I think deserves it, mostly. That, and to let anyone else reading this thread for some reason know that you ain't half the ally you claim to be. What am I doing wr…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates23/03/26 08:45 PM
0

Gender roles. That's what I use. It blames the roles and not a gender specifically. That's why feminists push back when I say that term and why I use it. Gender roles is the consequence of the system. The system produces gender roles. I’m more interested to examine WHY gender roles exist and HOW they get reinforced in feedback loops. That system is what is called “patriarchy”. But I wouldn’t mind another name. Every feminist whose words you quoted has done that. I disagree. Belgium convicts firs…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates23/03/26 08:43 PM
3

Why would we care about “native pop”? Humans are humans. I don’t care about one’s ethnicity or background.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/03/26 07:50 PM
1

You stated outright that false accusations were less common than true ones with no punishment for the accused And I still believe that to be true. And this is ungendered. This applies to both male and female victims and male and female perpetrators. Also very telling that this is the only part of my comment you felt mentally capable of responding to. What do you want? To debate on every phrase? I’m not on this subreddit for debating. I’m here for discussing and open conversations. So if I don’t …
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates23/03/26 07:48 PM
1

You are completely minimizing, ignoring and whitewashing feminism. That certainly was not my intention. A lot of these anti male laws and culture did not existed before feminism gained wide spread power and influence, you are trying to minimize it which is the same as supporting anti-male action. No but institutional sexism against men existed before feminism? The fact that military draft only applied to men? The fact that men were used as cheap labour forces throughout history? The fact that me…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates23/03/26 07:45 PM
-1

Seems to me like it would be better to not call that kind of thing a gendered name, but trust feminists to be sexist about sexism. Yeah I prefer a different name as well but so far there isn’t another name. And yet only men are blamed. Men are given fewer rights and more responsibilities. Yes there are several branches or individual feminists that do this. But not me, not the frameworks and authors that I support. Men have been prosecuted in Belgium for saying "misogynistic" things to women. Can…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates23/03/26 07:39 PM
–

Whereas my mind today was like…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/03/26 07:07 PM
1

It’s cope. I used to downplay it so I could accept loneliness myself. And then you tell others to accept loneliness too. That’s how it works I guess.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/03/26 07:04 PM
2

Well thank you for providing me these sources. It’s certainly very interesting and I appreciate it a lot. 😊 Indeed humankind is old and the current political systems are new. If we zoom out a few centuries we might find ourselves in new systems (hopefully better ones). I find it hard personally to zoom out that much, as the future isn’t written yet so it feels a little like science fiction to me to do this mental exercise.
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates23/03/26 07:00 PM
0

I don’t think feminism is a main reason. But I’m not incapable of talking bad about feminism because I think many feminists and feminist frameworks we see today are failing men. Both can be true at once? I can think there are other factors that contribute to male suffering that were already existing long before feminism even existed. And I can also still critique actors and frameworks within feminism when I disagree with it. This subreddit was invented not to say that “feminism is evil overall” …
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates23/03/26 06:57 PM
1

Those things absolutely happen. How can you justify protesting against support for male victims to get even a crumb of support? I don’t justify it, I judge it How can you justify protesting against making rape laws gender neutral? I don’t justify it, judge it Most of your time and effort here is spent defending the indefensible and trying to convince people that feminism is good for men and patriarchy is a real thing. Patriarchy is a real thing. Maybe you don’t like the name, but that was chosen…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates23/03/26 06:12 PM
0

So you're conceding that there are elements of feminism that really are conspiring to hurt men? That's the whole argument right there. I don’t think it’s intentional. That being said most harms in the world aren’t intentional. Nobody ever said “let’s intentionally harm black people” or “let’s intentionally harm women”. Harm happens when people have blind spots. When they fail to see others in their humanity. And yes I do think there are feminist branches and feminist individuals who fail to see …
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates23/03/26 04:46 PM
0

I don’t disagree that there are movements, thinkers and smaller-scale experiments exploring alternatives. My point was more about the difference between theoretical or local experiments and large-scale stable systems. I asked you “where are real anti-capitalist systems?” and you gave me “here are ideas, movements and emerging experiments”. When we look at countries that have actually tried to move away from capitalism at scale, the number of examples is still quite limited and they tend to conve…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates23/03/26 04:32 PM
1

Feminists organize to protest against things like equal custody, resources for male victims of sexual and domestic violence, resources for homeless men, and even awareness of these issues. Feminists organize to protest against laws that would recognize men as victims of rape by women. I’m not saying it’s not happening in some places. I believe there are extreme branches out there in some specific places who do that. But I’ve never heard of that and it’s definitely not happening in my own country…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates23/03/26 04:22 PM
0

So you see things as a binary? “Either with us or against us”? Sounds an awful lot like those extreme feminists you’re criticising, they also claim everyone who isn’t with them is a misogynist.
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates23/03/26 04:19 PM
0

I’m not at all disputing that harm can exist or that people are affected and that’s not the point of disagreement. The question is whether that justifies attributing those outcomes to “feminism globally” as one single cause. The number of people affected doesn’t establish that kind of causal claim. You can have serious problems in specific countries or policies without that being a defining feature of an entire global movement. That’s why I keep coming back to scope and causality rather than num…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates23/03/26 11:39 AM
0

that tries to pretend as though there are no real problems men face Not once in the documentary did he imply this and that there aren't real massive organizations actively working to keep men down? Because there most certainly are. That’s conspiracy level thinking indeed. Men are being kept down. It’s just not an “active conscious scheme”, it’s the design of a very unfair system that keeps on reproducing itself. That's where the distrust comes from, because feminists are not at all trustworthy p…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates23/03/26 10:52 AM
0

Find me western leftists who are “serious” anti-capitalists. Not just capitalism-criticals like me. But anti-capitalism means wanting to abolish capitalism. Then we only have few examples to look at in the world: North-Korea, Cuba, China, Vietnam, Laos…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates23/03/26 10:49 AM
1

I appreciate your comment a lot. Of course I understand what you are trying to say. I understand this is a space where men criticise feminism. I criticise feminism myself: but for me I choose to criticise specific branches and specific policies instead of feminism as a whole, that is the only difference. I’m probably aligned with many of you on several subjects, I just don’t see it as an issue of “feminism overall” but individual feminist subgroups. And for me it’s more meaningful to criticise t…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates23/03/26 10:38 AM
0

I’m also very much against what’s happening in the UK so I don’t really understand what you’re saying here.
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates23/03/26 10:06 AM
0

I’m not refusing to engage with evidence, I’m questioning the scope of the claim. Providing examples from a few countries or organisations shows that something exists, but it doesn’t establish that it’s something feminism “globally” does.
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates23/03/26 10:05 AM
-1

I’m not denying that there are contexts where DV and rape are framed in ways that can make male victims less visible that’s a real issue. But the claim was that this is something feminism globally does and that feminists don’t support gender-neutral approaches and that’s where I disagree. There are feminist-influenced frameworks (especially in parts of Europe) that explicitly support gender-neutral legal definitions while still acknowledging gendered patterns in prevalence. That alone shows it’s…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates23/03/26 12:47 AM
-2

I explicitly acknowledged that there are contexts where male victims are insufficiently recognised and that this is a serious problem. The point I’m making is about scope and causality. If the claim is that this is a feature of feminism globally, that’s a very strong generalisation. If the claim is that in some countries with certain policy frameworks there are outcomes that disadvantage men, that’s a more specific claim and one that can be examined with evidence. But even in those countries att…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates23/03/26 12:33 AM
1

Nope I’m not a liberal feminist. My thinking is mostly aligned with intersectional feminism. I vote for the socialists here lol. I wouldn’t say I’m pro-capitalist, like I said before… I complain about capitalism every day. Living without any form of capitalism is just a utopia, unless you really want to live like people in Russia or China? I don’t. It’s not like they respect men’s and women’s rights… And I don’t see how the woman faced harassment if she signed a contract? She chose to be there w…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates23/03/26 12:29 AM
0

The claim was that the gendering of victim hood is global. The counter claim isn’t the feminists fight for male victims; it’s simply that the gendering is not global.
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates23/03/26 12:20 AM
0

You’re twisting my words. I said in most countries they aren’t excluding male victims. And I acknowledged (first thing I did) there is an issue with resources and attention. So you twist this into “fighting for” which isn’t something I claimed.
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates22/03/26 11:15 PM
3

You're a feminist. Are you happy with how Theroux exploits women like Angie, who begged Theroux "thousands of times" to be let out of the documentary, citing harassment? She signed a contract, she said so herself. It’s easy to afterwards paint the narrative that you didn’t want to be in the documentary when there is talk. So whether she really didn’t want to be in it or she did: we will never know that. All we know is that she signed a contract to be in it. Also, are you a leftist? Are you again…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates22/03/26 11:12 PM
-4

I’m not arguing there isn’t a real issue with recognition and support for male victims, there clearly is and it’s a serious one. Even in places where they are acknowledged, the resources and attention often still fall short. I don’t mean to downplay that. But I do think there’s a difference between that and saying this is something feminism “globally” does. Referencing a handful of countries like the US/UK/Canada/Australia/Spain doesn’t really establish a global pattern across 195 countries and …
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates22/03/26 08:47 PM
0

I don’t think that’s what Theroux meant. My reading was less about dismissing their experiences and more about what happens downstream. Some of these influencers start from narratives about exploitation or neglect, but then build platforms where they profit from their audience through things like gambling ads, crypto or subscription content that can be questionable in terms of value. So the point wasn’t “their situation isn’t real” but that there can be a shift from feeling exploited to particip…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates22/03/26 07:54 PM
5

Yeah I think this is a really good extension of the point, especially the part about perception being path-dependent and shaped by prior narratives. That is indeed what makes these dynamics so hard to intervene in and what I meant when I said: The nature of sexism (toward both genders) is that it operates on self-reinforcing systems, yet it always seems to get treated as a static trait. The feedback loops get underestimated. Once those loops are established, everything tends to get interpreted t…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates22/03/26 07:49 PM
-6

DV and rape being gendered things that happen to women, and gendering it so everyone else is invisible? Yes that's something feminism globally does. When you say this happens “globally”, do you mean it’s characteristic of feminism across most countries and strands, or something that shows up in specific contexts like the UK/US and certain policy approaches?
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates22/03/26 07:27 PM
1

I’m fine with all, I choose to trust my partners. It’s ridiculous imo to not allow opposite gender friends? Those friendships are so valuable. I find men who have a lot of female friends to be more respectful and empathetic towards women, so I would actively encourage such friendships. It’s a green flag. I’m glad myself that I have male friends, they broaden my perspective. And sure exes can be friends. Unless the ex is behaving in a way that’s blatantly disrespectful towards me or shows no boun…
/r/PurplePillDebate22/03/26 07:10 PM
-3

Yeah I think you’re pointing to something real in terms of how certain policies or narratives are perceived, especially if they feel one-sided. But that’s kind of my point whether it’s framed as “institutional feminism” or something else, if people experience institutions as biased or dismissive, that becomes part of what drives the distrust in the first place. My argument isn’t really about defending specific feminist positions. It’s that if you reduce everything to “misogyny” or on the other s…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates22/03/26 03:29 PM
10

Yes and after watching the Louis Theroux documentary, what stood out to me is how often manosphere spaces are tied to broader conspiracy-style thinking. Especially the idea that there’s some coordinated elite force working against men. In that context singling out boys and placing them into targeted “anti-misogyny” programs seems likely to reinforce that exact suspicion rather than reduce it? It risks confirming the narrative that institutions are indeed trying to control or single them out? So …
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates22/03/26 02:28 PM
38

I like the article. For me the main take away is “treat boys as complex humans, not risks”. Misogyny should be treated as a signal of deeper distress, not just something to correct directly and surface level. Underlying factors matter. Address problems because they matter for boys themselves, not only to protect others. These boys are also kids.
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates22/03/26 11:25 AM
0

I never said every conviction is assumed to be true and fair. You twist my position into that. I’m saying it’s necessary for victims (male and female) to be believed because in most cases the experience to them was real, even when it doesn’t meet the legal criteria for rape.
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates21/03/26 09:01 PM
3

is it common for men who are wealthy, tall, and/or have a lot of clout to also have the most women, sometimes multiple at a time? Is it equally common for wealthy beautiful women to have a lot of pursuers?
/r/PurplePillDebate21/03/26 11:28 AM
–

They’re are very little women like that it the western world. Most women have jobs.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/03/26 11:25 AM
–

Marriage isn’t for sex only that’s true. But we also don’t want infidelity right? So isn’t it best that a couple is satisfied with the amount of sex they have, so the risk of infidelity is lower? So doesn’t that mean that sexual compatibility matters and it’s valid to screen for it?
/r/PurplePillDebate21/03/26 11:24 AM
2

I think it’s more like a societal repression. For me I used to escape reality reading a lot of fiction as a kid. I dreamed of romance a lot. I grew up with stories of Disney princesses being saved by a Prince Charming. Or read teen novels with female protagonists who were shy and awkward like myself but they were seen and valued for who they truly are by this mysterious guy, the love of their life. I was heavily invested in the idea of an eternal monogamy that would save me. My first romantic ex…
/r/PurplePillDebate21/03/26 11:18 AM
1

I’m more horny than my partners. I used to believe I was more on the asexual spectrum before but I was just feeling sexually repressed and not liberated as a woman because I had shame over my sexuality. Now I feel sexually liberated and I notice I’m more often horny and initiating than my male partners. The society shaming women for sexuality and praising virginity as a moral good doesn’t really help women connect with their sexual desires.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/03/26 10:39 AM
1

The pattern is consistent: Observe a difference → declare it “natural” → use that to justify it. Religion did it. Now bad evo-psych does it.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/03/26 07:32 AM
1

Thank you I appreciate that you mention that. People will always have some disagreements… I assume lwma aren’t all perfectly aligned either. I see great value in discussing things with people who hold different opinions, that’s how you learn more. You don’t learn much by staying in an echo chamber.
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates21/03/26 06:56 AM
1

I guess sorry
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates21/03/26 06:53 AM
0

I wasn’t downplaying any impact. I was just not mentioning it, and bringing it up from a different angle. Hoping that would open up the conversation. I care about strategy. I guess you don’t? Because you don’t even care to discuss things in a non-hostile tone with a feminist who is very pro what lwma are trying to achieve? How many other female feminists do you see here like me? You want me to leave and not care as well? Or what is your strategy here?
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates20/03/26 09:53 PM
3

Ah chest hair is so undervalued by the society. I love it.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/03/26 04:28 PM
3

Your example sounds more like playful teasing. That’s not verbal abuse? It’s not meant hurt or shame someone, it’s meant to tease?
/r/PurplePillDebate20/03/26 04:26 PM
1

Master piece of a post. Well done. Well done!
/r/PurplePillDebate20/03/26 04:11 PM
–

How does one solve a problem when it’s not yet clearly identified?
/r/PurplePillDebate20/03/26 03:29 PM
0

And the closest you got to actual criticism was spending 5 and a half paragraphs talking about how that language isn't actually wrong, just bad for PR since men interpret it differently. I read the post. I think it’s wrong. But do you think other feminists will listen to me when I say it like that? I will get banned. I had to frame it as if it were in their own interest in order to be taken seriously. And it worked, I got a lot of upvotes. I can’t change the feminist movement from within if I do…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates20/03/26 03:27 PM
–

Why is weight pronounced like wait, and height pronounced like flight. Why are they not both pronounced like eight? This is the Kansas vs Arkansas thing all over again. So I am confusion. Explain America explaaaaain.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/03/26 03:15 PM
–

This comment makes sense to me
/r/PurplePillDebate19/03/26 10:38 PM
–

Interesting comment. What do you suggest as an alternative?
/r/PurplePillDebate19/03/26 10:34 PM
–

Which forms of discrimination do you have in mind?
/r/PurplePillDebate19/03/26 10:31 PM
–

Fake and authentic empathy aren’t that hard to separate. You can easily separate fake and authentic empathy in men for female issues too, no?
/r/PurplePillDebate19/03/26 10:28 PM
–

Doesn’t loneliness deserve empathy? Feeling lonely is psychologically a hard place to be in?
/r/PurplePillDebate19/03/26 10:26 PM
1

I guess I did not come for the debate after all. Well I hope you do have a good debate here with others. Enjoy your further evening!
/r/PurplePillDebate19/03/26 10:12 PM
1

Then why did I not debate yet about the subject of attractiveness? Just asked you the reason for posting. But you want to keep that private, that’s fine I respect that.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/03/26 10:03 PM
1

I came here because someone I’m DM’ing with found your “who hurt you” comments funny and I wanted to see for myself
/r/PurplePillDebate19/03/26 09:55 PM
1

I’m not debating the topic. I’m just reading and asking you this question.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/03/26 09:52 PM
–

You still didn’t adress why someone who sits on a throne and is satisfied feels the need to address women who believe most men are unattractive.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/03/26 09:33 PM
–

The women who believe most men are unattractive
/r/PurplePillDebate19/03/26 09:29 PM
–

He just pointed out it’s strange that someone who claims to be satisfied having access to a lot of women goes on Reddit to address the women he doesn’t have access to. I see no offence. I’m kinda curious as well… why did you make this post?
/r/PurplePillDebate19/03/26 09:25 PM
2

Thanks! Well… I’m also finding passion in my job so it’s like both draining and energising me at the same time?
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates19/03/26 12:14 PM
3

Lots of kids (especially neurodivergent ones) are told continually to adapt themselves and not rely on their intuition. Our ableist society inhibits learning skills without being consciously aware of it. When I found out I was ND I suddenly realised why a lot of conventional dating or weight loss advice wasn’t working for me. There is value indeed in teaching kids skills that they need to teach themselves. Kids are naturally curious and want to know about the world, and adults kill this curiosit…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates19/03/26 11:55 AM
1

if nurses are your equal co-workers, do they receive equal compensation and workplace power? To clarify I work in public health care and get paid by the government. For compensation: the system where I work is different because the doctors here are self-employed and the nurses are employees. It means that overall doctors receive more money but pay higher taxes. I don’t think I’m earning more money at the end of the ride. I have less retirement money and get no money when I’m sick or no paid holi…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates19/03/26 07:15 AM
-1

as everyone (more than 90%) was excluded from education Yes exactly that’s a patriarchy, a class system, where most people were excluded and at the bottom. And university, leadership roles, priests, banking, science and philosophy etc etc etc were only accessible for men at the top at the pyramid system. Most men being excluded doesn’t change the fact that women were discriminated against overall because of their sex. If you were high class having a dick or a vagina was the deciding factor wheth…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates19/03/26 07:03 AM
0

Bell hooks isn’t the leader of feminism, not at all. She’s more like a scientist, describing reality. So she’s not concerned with the impact and what the followers do.
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates19/03/26 12:02 AM
1

I don’t understand why that sarcasm is necessary honestly.
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates18/03/26 11:54 PM
1

Content wise it doesn’t change that much. I also don’t feel positive vibes when someone slut shames me, but I tend to feel more empowered if in my mind I embrace the words they use to insult me. So I’m a slut, so what? I guess that’s just my attitude that works for me. Anyway I liked your post.
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates18/03/26 08:10 PM
1

I agree
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates18/03/26 12:09 PM
0

As women were largely excluded from education of course I wasn’t referring to high educated women (those barely existed in history). They were often unmarried and had extensive knowledge of herbal medicine.
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates18/03/26 12:09 PM
0

while using a word that means many different things to many different people. Yes several words have different meanings. Love, hate, men, women… When someone defends “men’s rights” to some that includes trans men and to some it doesn’t. Words always have multiple meanings. Some TERFs claim women are humans who menstruate. Most feminists disagree with such narrow definition of the word “woman”. People continually disagree on what words mean. You do this while your definition is obviously the leas…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates18/03/26 12:06 PM
2

We are manosphere - because no ideology should be beyond criticism. We are manosphere - because men's rights are human rights.
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates18/03/26 11:45 AM
2

I can guarantee you don't go on the feminist subreddits and tell them this when they criticize misogynists. Watch my post and comment history. I made an entire post one the AskFeminist sub criticising the language feminists use when they speak about men and violence. And in the comments there I did call out people. I do think “hate” and “sexism” stems from a lack of access to the inner experience of the opposite sex. Love is necessary because men who don’t love women don’t see women’s pain. And …
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates18/03/26 06:55 AM
2

Could it be that you have nothing against the concept of patriarchy? Just the name? Like if I gave it a random name like “the … system” that you would accept? Bell hooks defined it as an ungendered socio-political system that harms both men and women. She wrote in “Feminism is for everybody”: “Feminism is a movement to end sexism, sexist exploitation, and oppression.” I love this definition, which I first offered more than 10 years ago in my book Feminist Theory: From Margin to Center. I love it…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates18/03/26 01:47 AM
1

I’m not an active member of the feminist movement. I’m a feminist because I engage with feminist theory. I actually am a male advocate as well (if women can be male advocates). It’s just more fun to flair myself feminist because it exposes who is prejudiced better.
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates18/03/26 01:24 AM
1

You take that out of context entirely and I corrected you 3 times already. Not “not being loved enough”. Both not being loved enough AND not actively loving enough. For both genders. How is it good faith if you cut my phrase in half? And use the part you emotionally respond most to? It loses the meaning I gave it entirely that way. You straw man me.
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates18/03/26 01:20 AM
2

Say something stupid, and I will do so if I see it, no worries. Good. I count on you now.
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates18/03/26 01:16 AM
0

Until society takes men's issues seriously, it will only keep growing. Unfortunately, this includes the misogynistic self-help grift part - and now a small part of that is on you. I believe this to be true. I think it’s good that you’re embracing the label manosphere the way you did in your post. I realise I might be a rarity of a feminist to say such thing. I believe in the empowerment of embracing labels that are often used derogatory. The N-word or “slut” is a good example of it. I actually d…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates18/03/26 01:14 AM
1

Testing Like this: > text
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates18/03/26 12:53 AM
2

I am a person. A real person behind a phone screen who you are insulting. And I’m still here. I get insulted here quite often, because I flair myself feminist. I’m here on this subreddit, engaging hours into the night because I care enough about men’s issues to dedicate my private time to it. I worked today from 8am till 10pm. I could spend my time other ways, but I deliberately choose to engage here on this subreddit because I find this a very important space. A space that is meaningful to me. …
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates18/03/26 12:45 AM
3

Mind you her stuff on men was written 20yrs ago and people still use her as their main example of feminists "understanding men." Isn’t that proving her strong descriptive power? Feminist authors write books every day, with their own versions and interpretations of patriarchy. They come and go. hooks stays. I'm not really here to hear more about how people of all genders perpetrate toxic masculinity on a personal level. I want to hear more on what's going on outside. I see too many feminists stat…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates18/03/26 12:38 AM
2

Why do you call a feminist who engages with men’s issues an idiot or a numbnut? Why are you insulting the feminist guests on your platform? The ones who are actually taking you all seriously?
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates17/03/26 11:53 PM
0

How? Can you explain that causality? I really don’t. If I were I wouldn’t be on this sub surrounding myself with men constantly to talk about men’s issues. Both men and women can be sexist within patriarchy, as patriarchy is an ungendered system.
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates17/03/26 11:51 PM
1

How do you guys quote things w indentation like that? Can I do it on mobile? Copy paste and add > in front I think the type of ideological possession it seems you’re expressing … is a dangerous way of thinking that leads to backwards post hoc rationalising contradictions in your belief system I totally agree that being certain is potentially dangerous. I get attached to frameworks once I have become more convinced of them, I’m human… but I do have a pretty flexible mind. The idea that I might be…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates17/03/26 11:43 PM
0

I didn’t say “they were never loved by men” I said “they were never loved by men AND they never loved men themselves”
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates17/03/26 10:57 PM
2

This post is about bell hooks and she uses it that way. She says patriarchy is “ungendered” and a socio-political system. numbnuts I’m not a native English speaker, I tried to find this word in the dictionary but I don’t know what it means.
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates17/03/26 10:55 PM
0

So how do you put your principles into action in your workplace? How do you analyze your workplace's power structures? I’m not sure what you mean? In modern medicine we strive to get away from what is called the “paternalistic model” where a doctor is an authoritarian figure who orders around. The patient-doctor dynamic is to be seen as a dynamic where both contribute equally (a bit like a relationship). I’m always respecting my patients autonomy, they are the ones with ownership over their live…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates17/03/26 10:49 PM
1

How is it men’s fault they never loved men? I said “never loved by men and never loved men”. Which is a mutual statement. How does that translates to “men’s fault”?
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates17/03/26 10:31 PM
0

Try again. Why the combative tone against me? I’m not here in “debate modus”, I thought this was a space for genuine good faith discussion. My point was a rebuttal to the argument that it was responding to… Yes I know that. I DID see what you were doing with the analogy and I understand the logical point you were making (that something can predate an ideology and still be amplified by it), but I just don’t agree that the analogy actually maps. Nazism is structurally built around hierarchy and ex…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates17/03/26 10:30 PM
–

Yeah so? I was attracted to his mind? Can only ugly people be intellectual? I hate sports btw. I fall for all body types, idc about BMI or height. My first lover was 1 head size shorter than me. Once I had a one night stand with a guy who was obese. So what? And just because I’m sapio that doesn’t mean that I’m blind. I can still see who’s conventionally attractive and who’s not. That’s why I added the guy looked fine. Not because it matters to me, but because people here don’t believe you when …
/r/PurplePillDebate17/03/26 10:21 PM
0

That opens up a whole separate can of worms abt the nature of belief and to what degree someone like you even ought to align with a label on a meta level before even engaging with the content of your beliefs, bc (in online discourse) ppl will talk past each other all the time by attempting to engage with the collective they assume you represent- rather than engaging with you directly bc to be fair, would they be wrong to project those assumptions onto you when you use the label? I could reject t…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates17/03/26 09:55 PM
-2

Agreed. But none of this really contradicts feminism, it mainly contradicts a caricature of it. Most serious feminist theory doesn’t claim men are never harmed. The point is that patriarchy distributes power unevenly between genders, while also creating hierarchies among men. So you get both men as a group holding more formal authority than women and many men (especially lower-class men) being highly expendable within that same system. That’s not a contradiction, it’s how hierarchical systems te…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates17/03/26 01:58 AM
-1

I’m not sure you saw the actual quote from the book. It doesn’t seem to show it anymore. Sorry you’re right I thought you were referring to something different. That example highlights a blind spot. Her central park five reading shows the risk of overfitting theory to reality = applying a framework even when the actual facts (wrongful conviction, coercion) don’t support it. I think the problem is that I grew up in the church and left a few years ago so this whole “love” talk feels like some half…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates17/03/26 01:23 AM
1

That’s not how the famous German sociologist Max Weber used the concept. He didn’t define patriarchy as “men oppressing women” but as a form of traditional authority. Reducing it to a single oppression axis is already a simplification so arguing it’s now “too diluted” kind of misses that it was never that narrow to begin with.
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates17/03/26 12:53 AM
0

Theorists should do praxis: solving real-world problems. I don’t agree entirely. The people who are best at abstract thinking, pattern recognition and building frameworks aren’t always the best at practical execution. And the reverse is also true: people who are highly effective in practice aren’t always the best at nuanced theorizing. I’m a doctor and in medicine we accept this without question. Researchers, clinicians, radiologists, surgeons… they all have different skill sets. A radiologist h…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates17/03/26 12:49 AM
-1

Nazism produces inequality by design: it classifies people as superior and inferior. Feminism responds to inequality by trying to level it. Even when rhetoric about men becomes generalized, that’s not what feminism is structurally doing.
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates17/03/26 12:16 AM
-3

How is your own rhetoric different from the feminists you critique? You dislike when they overgeneralise, demonise, make sweeping judgements, stereotype. Millions of men are abused and raped by women every year. Feminists are very active in preventing them from being helped. Let's not pretend they care. I care a lot. But look at your rhetoric. It mirrors feminists rhetoric. “Millions of women are abused and raped by men every year. Men are very active in preventing them from being helped. Let's …
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates16/03/26 04:13 AM
-1

while telling me my love is not love You are the only one with full access to and ownership over your own experiences. Your lived experience is valid. women who sexually abused me and their attempts to downplay their actions and frame my retreat into fictional worlds where women didn't abuse men as a desire to dominate women. I’m sorry for what you have been through. 🫂 My support goes to all victims. It's quite amusing to me that you would make this particular comparison, as I have a similar dis…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates16/03/26 04:09 AM
-2

I don’t think I have misandry in my mindset. I use my time online to debate other feminists and I often call others out on misandry when I see it. I use bell hooks to understand how patriarchy harms men and how men are victims to the same system. Her work has taught me empathy and understanding of male harms. I don’t understand if her work is so “inherently misandrist” how it could do that. Did you know she made picture books for boys? hooks wrote children’s books celebrating black boyhood (like…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates16/03/26 03:51 AM
0

I get the impression that all her stuff is stuff that probably should've been promoted as children's books and not something that adults use as their feminist bible. She did write books for children, a lot for boys and black boys specifically. She wrote it partly because she felt black boys were often portrayed negatively or stereotypically and she wanted to create images of black boys as thoughtful, joyful, and intellectually curious. So the boys in her books were reading and self-expressing. H…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates16/03/26 03:44 AM
-1

Agree to disagree? We interpret this differently. I don’t dismiss your interpretation as impossible. But as someone who recognises herself a lot in the style and writings and system thinking of bell hooks (a very clearly neurodivergent INFP), I just really disagree. I think it really is about love. A little bit like Jesus.
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates16/03/26 03:26 AM
0

“Playing dumb” is assuming my intentions. As if I would not be dead serious about this. I’m dead serious about this. Also this sub is explicitly welcoming feminists to discuss here. Rule 3 states the subreddit has no issues with egalitarian principles of feminism. And while you could dispute the interpretation of feminist authors, I’m interpreting bell hooks in an egalitarian way, because I consider her one of the feminists most sensitive to male harms. She even devoted a book to it. And rule 4 …
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates16/03/26 03:23 AM
0

Read your own quote. “Patriarchy is a political-social system…” Not men. System. And the name of the system is adopted from sociologist frameworks that predated feminism, like the work of Max Weber.
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates16/03/26 03:02 AM
0

I think it’s the opposite. I think oppositely from what many feminists do which is adopting the male gender role (being loud, bossy, dominant, verbally aggressive) bell hooks is actually one of the very few actually celebrating the female gender role, aiming to achieve change differently. Her call for love is to be interpret like hippies whose motto is “make love not war”. She’s identifying with those who she referred to when she spoke of the “weak, the hopeless, the romantic”… All the negative …
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates16/03/26 03:00 AM
-4

Yes that claim is historically questionable. In her book * Ain’t I a Woman: Black Women and Feminism* (her first book she wrote when she was in her 20s) she was making arguments about broader patterns of exploitation, not specifically arguing that no enslaved men were ever assaulted. And her broader point that enslaved women were systematically targeted for sexual exploitation is widely accepted by historians. The disputed part is the implication that sexist ideology “protected” enslaved men fro…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates16/03/26 02:52 AM
0

I edited my comment to clarify but maybe you didn’t see it, I’ll copy it down here. you said “men work to keep women down”? Do you know how grammar works? Like how to grammatically dismantle a sentence? Usually the core structure looks like “subject + verb + object” bell hooks says: patriarchy (subject) insists (verb) men (object) you turn it into: men (subject) work (verb) women (object) You interpret it as if she’s blaming men (a group of individuals), whereas she’s blaming patriarchy (a syste…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates16/03/26 02:36 AM
-4

Yes. How does that say what you claim it says? You think it says men consciously dominate women? Or like you said “men work to keep women down”?
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates16/03/26 02:26 AM
1

Can you quote me where she made those claims as absolute statements (men are raped by other men, male slaves weren’t raped…)?
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates16/03/26 02:24 AM
1

Can you give me the direct quote from her work? Does it involve that men “consciously coordinate to keep women down”?
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates16/03/26 02:01 AM
-4

I think a lot of people misread bell hooks because she writes at a highly abstract level. She’s describing cultural systems and conceptual patterns, not making literal claims about individual men. If you read that kind of language too literally, it will sound like sweeping accusations. It’s the same issue you see with a lot of theoretical work: it requires a certain level of abstraction to follow the argument. So very often critique ends up targeting something the author wasn’t actually claiming…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates16/03/26 01:59 AM
1

Patriarchy theory isn’t that men consciously coordinate to keep women down. It’s an attempt to describe historical patterns in institutions, incentives and gender roles. Systems can persist without anyone consciously designing or maintaining them.
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates16/03/26 01:50 AM
-2

I get why the word creates that impression. “Patriarchy” in the most original anthropological sense referred to father-centered authority, but in sociology (like Max Weber) it’s used more broadly to describe a system of gender roles and institutional patterns. That includes expectations placed on men (protection, sacrifice, provision) as well as restrictions placed on women. The model isn’t really that all men dominate all women, it’s about how those complementary roles were historically structu…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates16/03/26 01:48 AM
1

True, but despite the historical baggage many scholars today still find Marx’s analysis useful as a descriptive framework for understanding class relations, even if they don’t adopt the normative conclusions or political programs that followed from it.
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates16/03/26 01:43 AM
3

I rarely support anything that is mainstream. I don’t think the mainstream kind is interested in this subreddit tbh.
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates16/03/26 01:40 AM
4

Well diversity is healthy right? And so is internal disagreement within movements. I rather keep fighting an uphill battle than contribute to the polarisation dynamic where groups of people over time grow into monoliths. I rather be this person: https://share.google/images/5vBglUpc78SlmUEMT
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates16/03/26 01:37 AM
0

I think the confusion comes from mixing anthropology, sociology and activist rhetoric. Anthropologists and sociologists use patriarchy more abstractly to describe institutional patterns. Activist discourse then simplifies those models for mobilization. Those aren’t identical uses of the term, which is why when we all talk about “patriarchy” we’re responding to different concepts. I think the oppressor-oppressed framework was designed to analyse power dynamics. But activists discourse uses it not…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates16/03/26 01:32 AM
-1

I see your confusion about patriarchy. What do you think about this comment I made somewhere here: https://www.reddit.com/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates/s/275nhLsBDf
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates16/03/26 01:25 AM
-1

Anthropologists used patriarchy not only for the rule of fathers? Both anthropologists and sociologists (predating feminism) used patriarchy as a structural pattern in institutions and kinship systems, not a claim that individual men consciously rule or conspire. Look up Claude Levi-Strauss and Max Weber. Then feminist historians like Gerda Lerner and sociologists like Sylvia Walby expanded and formalized the concept within feminist theory. Radical feminism later on adopted it and used it with i…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates16/03/26 01:23 AM
2

That tension you describe (between analytical frameworks and social movements) is definitely real. Analysis tolerates ambiguity and complexity, while movements require clearer narratives in order to mobilize people. So simplification is almost inevitable once an idea enters public discourse. That’s a bump for me personally, I don’t know if it’s my own cognitive wiring but I’m just more fond of the analytical side (keeping analysis complex but more accurate) and I tend to dislike these attempts t…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates16/03/26 01:17 AM
-1

So do I.
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates16/03/26 12:58 AM
0

Feminists didn’t make up patriarchy models. The model with the name “patriarchy” was already used in anthropology before feminism existed. There were several feminists who believed Amber Heard was the abuser, including me. Feminism isn’t a monolith, please remember that.
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates16/03/26 12:57 AM
-1

I think that's probably a big part of the problem here. Feminism, by and large doesn't see itself as a part of the socialization process, and as such, I don't think there's any discussion about how that impacts people. Yes it’s a blind spot for the movement. But I think a lot of feminists also see the impact you describe as “collateral damage they’ll take”. I personally am not as confident as most feminists that this “collateral damage” should be caused without examination. Hence why I’m here lu…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates16/03/26 12:53 AM
-3

I think we interpret her differently.
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates16/03/26 12:30 AM
-5

Yes this is a two-sided coin for me as well. Feminism is the only intellectual tradition that analyses the workings of patriarchy and these gender roles on a deeper level. Yet most feminists misinterpret patriarch analysis and indeed focus a lot on the “men are violent” gender role reinforcement, especially post-MeToo I find the online discourse has hardened.
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates16/03/26 12:27 AM
2

I get the complaint, but theory is supposed to be a tool. People tend to forget that. The same happens like with religious values: what is meant to be a guideline for good life (tool) becomes dogma (rigid morality). In the end the purpose of theory is to build conceptual tools that help us understand patterns we wouldn’t otherwise see. And the problem is when those tools get detached from the level they were meant for. Structural models describe patterns in systems, not moral verdicts on individ…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates16/03/26 12:23 AM
13

Societies sent men to war because male sacrifice was treated as an obligation. Despite their disposability, men were still valorized since the expectation was sacrifice, not blame. I think there is a difference between symbolic valorization and actual valuing of life. Men were praised as “heroes”, but that praise functioned largely as a mechanism to normalize their sacrifice. If those lives were truly valued, societies would have structured institutions around minimizing the loss of male life ra…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates16/03/26 12:11 AM
8

Exactly. Patriarchal systems often rely on portraying men either as expendable protectors (sent to war) or as dangerous figures women must be “protected” from (physically dangerous, violent, predatory, uncivilised). Both narratives predate feminism and are part of the same gender-role structure. Patriarchal gender-roles function as two-sided coins. There’s a similar two-sided narrative for women: either infantilized (fragile, delicate, naïve, needing male protection) or demonized (seductive, man…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates16/03/26 12:00 AM
0

So the question is...how do we change the communications? By keeping on addressing the issues with it! How do we make it clear that these ideas are rough generalizations that do not apply to individuals? Because I still don't see any guardrails against that, right? It's a sort of "wink wink nod nod" thing. Well I believe you once looked at the post I made on AskFeminists regarding communication right? I guess I do. But I do find myself being a bit of a lone wolf sometimes online. Truth is, I thi…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates15/03/26 11:45 PM
1

“Norm enforcing” is just neutral descriptive terminology for the behavior I’m observing. Shaming/seething/bullying assumes the intention of the person doing it. But you don’t always know. Maybe someone just got rejected or dumped and is heartbroken? I’m also trying to not be arbitrary when it comes to women and men, hence why I made analogies between both genders.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/03/26 10:04 PM
-9

When structural models get internalized as personal moral guilt, they stop being analysis and start becoming self-hatred. Those frameworks were originally meant to describe patterns at the group level, not to tell individual men “your job, your relationships, your life… your lived experience… are illegitimate”. If someone walks away with that conclusion something in how the model was interpreted clearly went wrong. So it’s a communication issue. When hooks talks about love I really don’t think s…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates15/03/26 09:51 PM
1

What’s generous about admitting people brag and enforce norms? I personally hate that shit?
/r/PurplePillDebate15/03/26 09:31 PM
3

Well “good” jew… I would say anti-semitism means acknowledging Jewish people’s inherent worth as humans. So anti-misandry means acknowledging men’s inherent worth as humans. The disaster of the holocaust happened because of dehumanisation: the inability to see others as equally human.
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates15/03/26 09:27 PM
-9

I agree with what you say. But I think misandry predates feminism. I think there has been a lot of systemic misandry throughout history when feminism didn’t even exist? Millions of male lives were lost as cannon fodder because male lives were seen as disposable…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates15/03/26 09:24 PM
2

Eh? Just look at some common pink and blue pill responses. Even some red pill women say these things. A lot of women like to brag with the fact that they have options and men don’t.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/03/26 08:43 PM
3

How do women react when men say they prefer women who aren't fat, don't have tattoos or septum piercings, debt, blue hair, or children by other men? They say something like “No problem, I have a whole line of other dudes wanting to date me”
/r/PurplePillDebate15/03/26 08:35 PM
-35

That’s because I guess she’s not the type of feminist that is involved in pragmatical feminism as much (how do we solve current political issues in a concrete way), she’s more of a conceptual thinker. That’s exactly why I like her so much, because I’m also not really fond of politics, but I do like descriptive analysis. Out of all feminists I think I like her analysis the best. I’m not the protest/rally type of feminist. I’m the type of feminist that likes to make observations about society. Isn…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates15/03/26 07:54 PM
1

You know that they were not talking about “overall in life”. The scope was dangers inherent to dating. That’s obvious.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/03/26 05:16 PM
1

Saying many would if they could is based on my observations of what men say, but that doesn't even mean that most would. I don't have that data. Obviously personal observations aren't necessarily reliable as to broad trends, but it's unfortunately often one of the main data sets we have. I’m just pointing to the danger that lies in making assumptions about a group based on observations. “I observe some men say they would pump and dump => therefore lonely men would pump and dump” Is similar to: “…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/03/26 05:14 PM
-1

Interesting. Sounds like a patriarchy model? Top of the pyramid exploiting the bottom?
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates15/03/26 05:01 PM
1

What is the contribution of your statement?
/r/PurplePillDebate15/03/26 04:59 PM
1

because they face more danger in almost every setting But then men who don’t date have equal risk to those who do date? Because the time they don’t date, they spend on doing something else in another setting and they’re still at risk.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/03/26 04:43 PM
2

Huh honey? If you initiate the date then it's your job to do most of that stuff. You sounded very formal here that it’s the role of the initiator.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/03/26 04:41 PM
1

I'm saying there are men who struggle with dating who would pump and dump if they could because of men who struggle with dating who have admitted they would pump and dump if they could. What is wrong with listening to these men to then conclude that the group of men who would pump and dump and the group of men who are lonely overlap? How is this assuming shit? If you say “some men have explicitly said they would pump and dump if they could”, then that’s fine? Listening to what people actually sa…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/03/26 04:38 PM
0

Yes it does. I’m a doctor working in youth care specialised in infants and toddlers. I actually know the workings of the nervous system very well. Ever heard about epigenetics? Neuroplasticity? Attachment? Parentification? Window of tolerance? Polyvagal system? How we are raised changes our nervous system drastically. If a child is raised in a forest by wolves, it doesn’t know how to speak language and teaching language will be difficult because the brain areas for language and the necessary pat…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates15/03/26 04:07 PM
1

That’s like saying “black men are overall more violent” and refusing to talk about socio-economic factors and racism. So you’re just gonna repeat over and over without engaging with the content? Cool.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/03/26 03:59 PM
-1

But that’s not seen as “physically defending”, feminists ask more often to be verbally defended in debates and discourse. Feminist women don’t ask to be physically defended? I would even find it a bit insulting and “macho” if a man would.
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates15/03/26 03:57 PM
2

the irony of this conversation is that you're consistently making assumptions about my internal thoughts and motivations when making this argument while trying to strawman my position into saying that's what I'm doing. Where did I do that? I’m not assuming anything about your internal thoughts. I pointed out a methodological difference. When you say “men who can’t pump and dump but would if they could” that requires assuming something about their internal intentions (like what they would do if t…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/03/26 03:55 PM
2

some of the men I'm talking about are men who can't pump and dump but clearly would if they could You assume knowledge of their internal motives without evidence. You can’t read someone’s mind. It’s attribution bias. When you say they would exploit women if they could you basically pre-assigns immoral motives to an entire group. Would you do that to any other group??? (Black people, Jewish people, lgbtq people, women…). No right? Interpreting behaviour through a negative stereotype rather than c…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/03/26 02:35 PM
1

I was taking issue with you saying they are two completely separate groups (men who would pump and dump and men who are lonely) because it's horseshit. There is overlap. This is so illogical. So the men who go on apps pretending they want a LDR, but ending up pumping and dumping women… are the men who complain they are lonely and can’t get matches or dates? If they were the ones complaining about loneliness, they could just not pump and dump but stay with those women they pumped and dumped consi…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/03/26 01:47 PM
1

Then you clearly misunderstood the subject of the conversation you were in and the point others were making. When someone told you: women are expected to interact with scenarios which put them at the greatest danger You could have acknowledged that the risks you are talking about are there regardless of a dating context, and that the risks they talked about indeed are inherent to dating itself. The point was: a woman who doesn’t date is safer than a woman who dates. Therefore dating is a risk fo…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/03/26 01:43 PM
3

Some of us like it weird I gotta say I totally love your bluntness & embracing of neurodivergence, sexuality and kinks. I can see how you became a total chad for ND women. Confidence works and for ND people that means not conforming to NT norms but challenging them playfully. I always enjoy reading your comments. You radiate positive vibes.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/03/26 01:38 PM
1

Imagine if a man said that about women. I mean… that is what a lot of men here are exhibiting too right? Claiming women can’t be lonely, claiming women have it easy, claiming women are dating with ulterior motives (money)… if dating males makes you lose empathy for them, then shouldn't that make you lose empathy for yourself, since you are still a male? People do often lose empathy for the gender they are dating. Because of experiences of hurt and rejection, and also often because of perceived r…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/03/26 01:21 PM
3

I rarely wear something slutty but I sure am an inner slut. Does that count?
/r/PurplePillDebate15/03/26 01:09 PM
2

If they go for NT women sure… is it fulfilling to though to mask and not be yourself? I’m mostly attracted to ND men since I embraced my own neurodivergence. Ableist NT norms are boring.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/03/26 01:04 PM
2

Sameee. I don’t remember gossip or details of peoples dating lives. I do remember very well stuff like who ordered what when we were in a restaurant lol. I guess I make an exception when it comes to food.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/03/26 01:01 PM
1

Can you explain to me how the risk you were talking about is inherent to dating (meaning if a man doesn’t date this risk significantly disappears)?
/r/PurplePillDebate15/03/26 12:42 PM
-1

it works in the same way that women's endless seething at men for their preferences and perceived inadequacies Does this seething exist? I don’t think women seethe at men for having preferences, having preferences is allowed. I think it’s more the “norm enforcing behaviour”. Like when men say “I don’t want to date women with a BMI above …”. Let me tell you I have always had a high BMI because even when I was most slim, my big cup size and booty also weighs on the scale ya know. So when men say “…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/03/26 11:33 AM
2

I get you. I understand the need to want acknowledgment for your lived experiences. But I just never directly encounter that. My American boyfriend sometimes talks to me about these notions and that makes me wonder whether feminism looks different around the globe. Because here where I live striving for egalitarianism is still a core principle and I’ve never seen feminists who want to “keep the gender roles as they are”. I am concerned about some feminist views I encounter from the UK, where TER…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates15/03/26 11:23 AM
1

But if the man wouldn’t be inside the home for the plumbing, he would be inside his own home and be equally much at risk. So a woman inviting him or him dating isn’t increasing his risk. Besides the moments that he decides to go for a walk he’s always gonna be inside a building or home. He might even be more at risk on the street vs off the street. If there’s a woman next to him or not: he’s always gonna be inside homes or on the street. So the presence of the woman doesn’t change his risk. Wher…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/03/26 11:15 AM
2

No, it's not. Many men here admit this. #notallmen but certainly many of them. Some of them, not the majority here. There’s very few black and red pill here compared to blue and purple. And not even all red pill think this way because many of them are fixated on marriage. It's prejudicial to not meet up with men who would pump and dump you if they had the chance? THAT is not, but that’s not what you were defending. What you were defending isn’t about vetting. You were defending blaming all men f…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/03/26 11:13 AM
4

I mean, given many of them would pump and dump if they could That’s an assumption. why is it an injustice for those men that they reap what they would sow? Because it’s based on prejudice Not to mention, rhetoric from these men that women are only worth pumping and dumping, These men? Only a fraction about men speaking out about loneliness is displaying this rhetoric.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/03/26 03:20 AM
1

Why should I (we) go over the trouble to mentally inconvenience myself, if I am already satisfied with a smart beautiful lady (which most young women are) Could it be that this is your issue? Women like to feel special and unique. They don’t like to be with someone who is easily satisfied.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/03/26 01:39 AM
0

Women as a diaspora developed internal compliance mechanisms over generations of shared experience and collective identity. At some point those mechanisms stopped being conscious and became cultural defaults. The group's interests and moral truth merged so completely that contradictions stopped registering as contradictions. So I’m an exception who is not under the influence of this diaspora or what? I would go to your married friends who have this dynamic and ask them if their husband should st…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/03/26 01:23 AM
12

Why does there need to be an initiator? Isn’t a date something you mutually decide to do? Isn’t it nice when someone checks in and doesn’t just plan something but asks for your input?
/r/PurplePillDebate15/03/26 01:12 AM
3

Like I said before. If in a couple both partners have a job, both should contribute to domestic chores. If one of them is stay-at-home-partner (doesn’t matter which gender) it’s pretty evident this stay-at-home-partner does the domestic chores when their partner is doing paid labour. In the end it also just comes down to the individual wishes of the couple right? Point is that the baseline should be freedom of choice.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/03/26 01:08 AM
2

It's what happens to any group that holds a collective identity long enough under shared pressure. Is this a women’s exclusive mechanism in your view or do both genders have these collective identities? A man providing financially doesn't excuse him from maintaining the home. A woman maintaining the home doesn't obligate her to provide financially. Who says that? If both work, both contribute to maintaining the home. If one is a stay-at-home partner it makes sense they care for the home when the…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/03/26 12:57 AM
5

People who don’t have inherent self worth will experience loneliness, regardless of gender. In upbringing men are taught to be valued for what they provide and activity (good boys do good deeds), women are taught to be valued for their beauty and passivity (good girls don’t bother anyone). Both are primed to seek external validation. Men are taught they actively need to get on a white horse to bravely save a princess, if that doesn’t happen they fail as a man. Women are taught they passively nee…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/03/26 12:24 AM
1

in part because of our physical differences, not just the other sociopolitical reasons feminism claims to want to break down If you don’t mind maybe you could elaborate on what you mean here? Frankly, the term gender roles is misleading overall because they are based on sex, not gender Yes so true. I guess it’s called “gender role” because in the heteronormative mindset the traits of the role belong with the genders. And if you transition, your traits related to the gender role would suddenly sw…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates15/03/26 12:09 AM
3

But men would be in homes as well if they didn’t date right? So how is this a risk of dating?
/r/PurplePillDebate14/03/26 11:35 PM
5

Exactly it’s not a zero-sum
/r/PurplePillDebate14/03/26 11:31 PM
1

Why does no one phrase it like that? I feel like that would make women agree more. If I hear “women can’t be lonely” and I have had several periods in my life where I felt extremely lonely, I’m not gonna relate?
/r/PurplePillDebate14/03/26 11:22 PM
0

The shit refers to creeps nearly double our size and strength blend in among the public and leer at us with predatory eyes for most of our lives. Women have the problem that men will pretend to love them in order to get sex So if you’re someone looking for a genuine relationship, this isn’t about you. I had dating apps for 3 months in 2020. I deleted them and never installed again. Because all of the men pretended to want relationships, and it turned out they wanted sex. Love bombing you and bei…
/r/PurplePillDebate14/03/26 11:17 PM
0

So they see gender roles as inherently fixed? Like tied to the sex you’re born with? Or tied to the gender you identify with? Like how would that work for you as a trans man. You were brought up as a girl and experienced a female gender role early on I suppose (please correct me if my assumptions are incorrect), but at some point you realised you were a man. Did you then adopt a male gender role? Or is the female gender role you were brought up with in childhood still that part they called “inhe…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates14/03/26 11:07 PM
13

That’s true I agree. But your language in your post doesn’t reflect this mindset? It appears you’re pushing all men in the same category. That probably alienates them from what you’re trying to get across. I feel like if you want someone to understand something, it usually works better when you don’t overgeneralise, so people don’t feel accused. What’s the goal of this post?
/r/PurplePillDebate14/03/26 10:58 PM
1

I’m still confused about what the original commenter meant when they said “This is one reason why it is a mistake to think men and women are inherently equal; a premise that is imposed as evident yet has little basis.“ None of this has been clarified to me yet. Perhaps you can enlighten me as you seem to understand what they meant?
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates14/03/26 10:50 PM
33

men who say they want a relationship but disappear the second things get serious, or were never looking for one to begin with So now men are frustrated that women won’t meet them for a $5 coffee date These are not the same men. The men who pump and dump are not the same men who are complaining about loneliness. It’s not the fault of the latter that the former does what they do, is it? And to top it all off, the man offering a coffee is already sending the signal (purposeful or not) that he isn’t…
/r/PurplePillDebate14/03/26 10:44 PM
1

Well he told me he would make up for it by trying sushi with me so it’s all good. 😊 As long as I get my raw stuff.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/03/26 10:18 PM
1

I don't think you're in the movement you think you're in. I’m not a “movement” person. I don’t protest, I don’t go to rallies, I don’t get together. I call myself a feminist because my values and ideas align with some very important feminist authors. Especially in their analysis of patriarchy. Their system level thinking and structural analysis aligns with me. if I criticize the male gender role, I can expect to get as much hate from feminists as I do from tradcons. Nowadays the label “feminist”…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates14/03/26 10:12 PM
1

Poor me seeing a good steak ruined. Add mushroom sauce and it can’t get worse.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/03/26 09:53 PM
-1

Consider the fact that many feminists still expect men to pay for all dates with women, often citing "The Pay Gap" as a reason for enforcing the "Patriarchal role" of being a provider I don’t know a single feminist who does that. Might be an “Anglosphere” sort of thing? It’s not inherently to feminism, where I’m from going 50/50 on dates is key. Or how men are still expected to risk their health, safety and lives to protect women, and any man who refuses to be held to this "Patriarchal role" is …
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates14/03/26 09:51 PM
1

I recently had a steak tartare on a date. 😋 He had a steak that was “well done” can you imagine 😖 such a shame
/r/PurplePillDebate14/03/26 09:45 PM
1

I appreciate your response. i mean there where women in university's in the 1700th but fair enough i think that this also comes because of gender rolls and not because of malicious intendeds Yes. I wasn’t talking about malicious intentions before was I? I was explaining how I think gender roles are being reinforced. because i want to talk recent things that are happening or that is actively forming the way we live right now I think it’s impossible to understand the present if you don’t understan…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates14/03/26 07:57 PM
-2

Women are valued as people and humans in a way men are not. How? I think both genders experience being valued as a human and dehumanisation in different contexts. Feminists love to point out how they're the more important gender because they "create life" Never heard this before? Sounds very Christian or conservative. It takes a sperm cell and an egg cell to create life. the same life they are going to mock for not being successful I’m sorry that’s your experience. I feel it’s mostly conservativ…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates14/03/26 07:47 PM
1

⁠You asked why do i think gender norms exist i answered i didnt say that it has to stay the way so stop putting words in my mouth I didn’t say that? I’m confused. I asked if you thought that followed from a biology claim? ⁠yes it was created by feminist i mean the men oppressor women oppressed i thought that was clear in this context but apparently not It was created by Paulo Freire in Pedagogy of the Oppressed, that analyzes social dynamics through a binary of power. Paulo Freire is not a femin…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates14/03/26 02:21 PM
0

Different factors from different country's I mean that women can get pregnant and that they are weaker during this time has something to do with it also that men are a bit stronger then women thats also why men where the ones who usually went to war and had to work also in the industry age and that transacted into modern times So you make a biological claim. We can’t really change biology. So what do you propose? Does it follow then that these gendered expectations will forever exist since we ca…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates14/03/26 01:44 PM
3

I can't speak for most people, but as a stay at home partner myself (granted, with lesser roles as we don't have kids), I can at least say that many people would like to not directly participate in the stresses of being in the workforce. i very much doubt my opinion would change if I had more at home responsibilities. I agree that having a stay-at-home partner can be appealing for either gender, especially if the economic system actually makes that viable. And ideally people should be free to ch…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates14/03/26 01:30 PM
2

The problem is there is no difference in behavior and person can just retroactively claim about intent to save face. Especially since a person is not willing to commit later on without immediate sex. That’s true. But so what? That’s the risk of dating? Romance always involves risk. Trusts requires vulnerability. You can’t “ever” know someone’s intentions fully. I was once in a relationship with a serial cheater / compulsive liar years ago. I didn’t find out 8 months into dating him, he was extre…
/r/PurplePillDebate14/03/26 01:15 PM
1

Okay then what’s your explanation these gender expectations exist today? If you disagree with my historical framing?
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates14/03/26 12:55 PM
1

I agree that people can value different things in life. Some might prioritize economic security within a stable household, others might value independence more, from an individual PoV. My point wasn’t that one role automatically produced a better life in every single case. What I was pointing to is that many people generally prefer having direct control over their own economic position, rather than having it mediated through a relationship. Even if both paths involve constraints, access through …
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates14/03/26 12:49 PM
1

Yes survival pressures shaped a lot of those roles. In pre-industrial societies everyone worked and both men and women faced serious risks. Men often through dangerous physical labor and women through things like childbirth. I’m not claiming one side “profited” more in some simple sense was I? The point I was making is about how roles were structured. Even when women worked (farms, markets, households), their economic and legal position was often tied to the household and mediated through the hu…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates14/03/26 12:33 PM
3

this seems like needless redundancy to make a case for a double dependency that is captured perfectly well by a single dependency. What I meant isn’t that there are literally 2 separate dependencies. The difference is about how directly someone is positioned in the economic system. A working man might still be dependent on an employer and class constraints, but he is at least directly participating in the labor market and receiving wages himself. A woman whose economic position is mediated throu…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates14/03/26 12:27 PM
1

I’m sorry we were talking about history right? Divorce wasn’t really an option for most part of history? Right now gladly a lot of western women don’t depend on their husbands in the same way as before. But I suggest you scroll back where I was historically explaining why today women are valued for being non-assertive and men are valued for being assertive. I’m not sure what divorce today has to do with it? I’m merely explaining the phenomena we see today through a historical lens. Culture and g…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates14/03/26 11:54 AM
4

men had access through the workforce and we're dependent on their employer and had to build skills. they had (and have) less access to depending on their partner. what's the extra layer? Women were also dependent on the employer, through their husbands. So they’re dependent on the husband & the employer. That’s the extra layer. When a husband gets fired by the employer, it affects both husband and wife. When a husband gets a mental disorder or gets ill and can’t work or he steals and involves hi…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates14/03/26 11:48 AM
1

I was more making a historical point to show more how I think we got to those tables. I’m not denying them am I? I specifically acknowledged that non-assertive men nowadays face social black-lash. I’m sorry you’re going through such a rough time. I’m sure you don’t deserve that. It sounds not fair.
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates14/03/26 11:37 AM
-2

Women are also dependent on these things through their husbands?
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates14/03/26 11:32 AM
1

I agree. But his wife is also dependent on these things considering she’s dependent on him? You know what I’m saying?
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates14/03/26 11:30 AM
-1

So you think the previous commenter was stating men and women are inherently different because most men have a penis and most women have a vagina and things like that? I mean what does that contribute?
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates14/03/26 11:29 AM
2

I was single for a while and I noticed a decline in men interested. But it was also good. I was anxious attached and often found myself in anxious-avoidant dynamics before. The people I fell for were in no way “bad boys”, but they weren’t emotionally compatible to me? So I experienced a lot of hurt. This period of time when I was single was actually good for me to reflect upon myself: what are my needs in a relationship? And why was I falling for men who made me feel awful in the end? Why was I …
/r/PurplePillDebate14/03/26 11:23 AM
3

It can be an opportunity yes. But it also means your financial security depends on the man you marry rather than on your own position. Many people would still prefer a system where their stability doesn’t hinge on another person’s decisions. It also tends to reinforce the traditional provider dynamic where men are valued primarily for what they can provide and women for securing stability through marriage. If someone supports a more egalitarian model (like most lwma do), it would make sense to p…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates14/03/26 01:49 AM
7

I am sorry but unfortunately I completely reject your feminist view. Fair enough agree to disagree Men simply are better at achieving these things than women which is why the nuclear family was created so that women use their gifts to nurture children and men prepare them for the real world. Domestic labout doesn't need to be paid, and women don't need high status. When they are married to a high status man they will get this automatically which is why women should be picky but they also need to…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates14/03/26 01:36 AM
–

How? Saying that alienation can come from not fitting societal norms doesn’t imply those people can’t also be treated worse than average? Both things can exist at the same time?
/r/PurplePillDebate14/03/26 01:28 AM
3

I agree class and luck limit men too. The difference I’m pointing to is that men were mostly constrained by class, while women were often constrained by class plus dependence on a husband/father. That’s an additional layer of dependence.
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates14/03/26 01:25 AM
–

I experience it more like a normal distribution. If being unattractive makes you mostly bitter sure… but it can also make empathetic people more empathetic? Like towards unattractive people of the opposite sex? Whereas good looking people might be ignorant of unattractive people’s experiences? I used to be much more conventionally good looking myself and I was much more ignorant back then. I would have totally called out incels or pointed men towards their fragile ego’s. But by looking less like…
/r/PurplePillDebate14/03/26 01:20 AM
–

Only in the second phrase. “Flat chested women are always mean.” “ Same with fat women, or really any woman that's generally unattractive.” [end phrase: they are also always mean] “They usually have a chip on their shoulder.” [causal relationship: a lot of them hold a grudge] So to me it sounded like fat women are always mean and they usually hold a grudge. Maybe it’s just miscommunication then. But this conversation is over since you're just going to lie when you realize you made a garbage resp…
/r/PurplePillDebate14/03/26 01:09 AM
–

Still anecdotal is it not?
/r/PurplePillDebate14/03/26 01:02 AM
-2

Marriage could sometimes function as a route to upward mobility for women, that’s true. This still paints a woman’s life path as access to resources through a man, rather than through her own work or status? That’s not necessarily a privilege so much as a form of dependence?
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates14/03/26 12:59 AM
-2

I meant social and economic authority attached to roles. Work associated with masculinity tended to come with wages, institutional recognition and decision-making power in organizations (guilds, trade unions, labor organizations, churches…). Domestic and caregiving work was often unpaid and structurally dependent on the income and status of the male role. So even if individual male jobs varied widely in prestige, the sphere of paid public work generally carried more institutional power than the …
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates14/03/26 12:45 AM
–

I already said "most women." Yes, there can be women who aren't ugly and bitter. But I never said there wasn't. You replied to someone saying “flat chested women are ALWAYS mean” by saying “SAME with fat women” Where is “most women”? Someone said “always” and you followed along their line of reasoning without clarifying you disagree with their “always”. weak anecdotal statements How is yours not anecdotal?
/r/PurplePillDebate14/03/26 12:28 AM
1

What does inherently mean? To me that word refers to “biological”.
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates14/03/26 12:24 AM
12

I’m not sure the history supports the idea that femininity was always “celebrated”. For most of history traditional femininity was expected rather than praised because it was simply the social role assigned to women. Interestingly public appreciation for traits associated with femininity (care, nurturing, domestic care) became more visible only after women started entering traditionally male roles like the workforce and leadership. Once gender roles became less fixed, people started explicitly d…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates14/03/26 12:21 AM
–

It stems from shame and shame is taught to us as little kids. The moment you’re told “you’re bad” for misbehaving. Sometimes boys are told they’re “bad” in different situations as girls, because adults have bias towards genders. Being a “bad boy” and a “bad girl” is thus often happening in different situations, creating different experiences of shame. When parents moralise their children, instead of the behavior they find problematic, children grow shame. So parents should label the behavior, in…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/03/26 11:50 PM
–

Seems like you implied fat women are mean. On a public forum. I’m replying to the statement you made on a public forum. Explaining why the experience of being unattractive can make one more empathetic too. Was I not allowed to reply?
/r/PurplePillDebate13/03/26 11:46 PM
–

Yup. The consequence of only being able to experience things from your own perspective I suppose? We can exercise empathy as a cognitive skill. Or take bias actively and purposefully into account. But in the end, most people will still rely on their intuition (based on their own experiences). I think it’s part of the human condition.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/03/26 11:44 PM
–

I think people who hate mostly hate themselves. Self love would cure a lot.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/03/26 11:41 PM
2

should we be afraid of cars? Yes that’s why we have safety rules and continuous campaigns about not texting while driving or not drinking while driving. Every season it feels like there’s another campaign. We should be concerned about deaths in traffic that could have been prevented. It’s very important to reduce harm that is preventable.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/03/26 11:38 PM
–

I assumed he was saying that on purpose (considering his flair) to catch people who feel triggered by that
/r/PurplePillDebate13/03/26 11:33 PM
–

I guess I didn’t mean on ppd but more “here on earth” lol. But still whose purpose is it to hate? Isn’t hate just a side effect of a lack of love? Doesn’t that still make love the purpose?
/r/PurplePillDebate13/03/26 11:31 PM
–

I’m overweight and I think I’m pretty kind 😊 not looking like the beauty standards makes me more empathetic towards men who feel unattractive. I think I was more mean when I was slimmer tbh.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/03/26 11:29 PM
–

What do you mean?
/r/PurplePillDebate13/03/26 11:25 PM
–

Yup or NDs taking out frustration with NTs. People tend to believe a bunch of alienating experiences they had are somehow gendered, whereas it’s mostly people not fitting in societal ideals just being frustrated.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/03/26 10:53 PM
–

So men who use satisfiers?
/r/PurplePillDebate13/03/26 10:48 PM
–

Yessss ♥️ we are here to love not to hate 🌼
/r/PurplePillDebate13/03/26 10:47 PM
0

Yeah I know about that already, but the point remains, for a man, it’s more difficult to accept a sexless life Why? and unlike women, men’s status is more intimately tied to their ability to attract women. Shouldn’t that change? When sexually lesser desirable women are held in lesser regard it’s considered to be wrong. Not by men, only by women. It’s because women have empathy for less desirable women because we know the pressure of beauty through the gender role. And we fear one day getting old…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/03/26 09:14 AM
0

They’re both human. If an epigenetic change makes it impossible to transcribe a specific gene on the Y chromosome, then XY humans develop embryologically as women, often unaware that they do not have a uterus.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/03/26 08:59 AM
0

Well I have a lot of female friends from Belgium, the Netherlands, Germany… they’re all too proud to let men pay, or they just think it’s inherently unprogressive or unfeminist. It’s also just not a thing? I remember my first date ever when I was 14y old, we went to the movies and we got a milkshake and split the bill for sharing that milkshake lol.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/03/26 01:11 AM
1

or at least they don't appear conservative You do realise we find democrats already pretty conservative over here? Like they’re not truly left or progressive. They’re right leaning if they were to exist here. Strange that all of your friends repeated these Anglosphere views. Come to Belgium and the Netherlands I would say, where we actually speak Dutch and where splitting bills on dates was already normal back when my grandparents were dating.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/03/26 12:01 AM
3

Vive la Belgique 🇧🇪 I hope he treats you with fries when you visit him🍟
/r/PurplePillDebate12/03/26 11:56 PM
1

Omg yessss. Love steak tartare, carpaccio, tataki, sushi, gravlax…
/r/PurplePillDebate12/03/26 11:53 PM
1

Which country are they from? Maybe some weird conservative demographic?
/r/PurplePillDebate12/03/26 11:49 PM
1

All my friends from Belgium, Germany, France, the Netherlands and Scandinavia split bills.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/03/26 10:10 PM
0

Women who command more than they can get are usually fine staying single. Men should too.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/03/26 10:01 PM
1

Is the American way accepted in all countries? Where women claim to be progressive and ask men to pay for dates simultaneously? Outside of the Anglosphere I don’t really see that. In Western Europe we split bills.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/03/26 10:00 PM
1

Well I’m not from the US and our average women are taller. Also we speak Dutch and “going Dutch” or paying 50/50 is the norm. Not every Reddit user is from the US. At least half of this sub is European.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/03/26 08:55 PM
1

So quantity over quality? There’s only so much time and attention
/r/PurplePillDebate12/03/26 08:53 PM
1

I don’t think the people who voted for him value people based on “consistency”. A lot of them just think he’s the new Jesus. Maybe they’re not representing everyone, but if you hear magats in street interviews or Jubilee talking about him… they’re worshipping him. I guess some people just want things to change so badly, they don’t care about it in a rational way, they just want a radical breaking apart of everything, chaos. Because it feels “liberating” to them from the “evil leftist intellectua…
/r/PurplePillDebate12/03/26 11:05 AM
1

Then why did he want a second term?
/r/PurplePillDebate12/03/26 10:50 AM
0

I think there are more neurodivergent people on Reddit compared to the average population out there. So also more neurodivergent women, who tend to be underdiagnosed and better at social masking in real life compared to men. I’m like a total nerd, but my friends in real life don’t know. My cousin was totally weirded out when I told him I have a Reddit account even, implying only nerds have Reddit (and I don’t appear like one). I’m going out to clubs to party with my friends, although the older I…
/r/PurplePillDebate12/03/26 10:49 AM
1

Seems like they weren’t progressive women
/r/PurplePillDebate12/03/26 10:41 AM
1

Yeah West-European dance music from around 2000 gives me après ski vibes
/r/PurplePillDebate12/03/26 10:39 AM
1

Going against your people pleasing libra nature again 😂
/r/PurplePillDebate12/03/26 10:31 AM
1

Mostly myself. To me relationships are like friendships with intimacy. And my personal happiness is also not derived from actions of my friends, so it’s not different in a relationship. Although after a moment of deep connection, I obviously feel good. Just like I would after a great talk with a friend.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/03/26 10:17 AM
1

There are people tattooing his face on their bodies. Some worship him like a god. He’s a clown in the eyes of people who wouldn’t vote for him.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/03/26 10:12 AM
2

Ableism is indeed socially accepted, since most social norms are based on ableism. This is the reason I diverge from blue pill, because I disagree with most red pill views (especially those about money and looks). Because blue pill dating advice often consists of a lot of ableism. And red pill won’t agree with me either because they’re too hung on “it’s looks & money”. But I think men overall struggle because they’re expected to initiate and read cues well… their entire role in early dating requ…
/r/PurplePillDebate12/03/26 10:09 AM
1

The fact that life is always changing, but you only notice it in hindsight. If it sucks now, it doesn’t mean it sucks in a few weeks/months/years. For me happiness has happened when I woke up and realised “hey it’s actually been a long time since I had that negative thought/feeling and I didn’t realise time was passing”.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/03/26 09:56 AM
1

It is irrelevant because his point was stop caring about “averages” and “probabilities” and engage with the individual in front of you. RP mindset might chase away a woman who does not care about height / status / looks as much. His point is about compatibility. The fact that even if let’s say you would be a 5/10 overall, to some women you might be a 2/10 but for others you might be an 8/10 or a 9/10. There is no “overall woman” who sees you as a 5/10. There are only women viewing you as a 2 and…
/r/PurplePillDebate12/03/26 09:50 AM
1

Where did I say that? That’s not at all my opinion.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/03/26 08:49 AM
0

Someone can attempt to find healthier relationships, without needing blame. Blame is unnecessary and probably even counter-productive, because blame leads to shame and shame leads to worse mental health and the negative spiral begins…
/r/PurplePillDebate11/03/26 10:47 PM
-2

Oh, you do not so sure if I’ve seen that, lol My uncle and boyfriend have experienced abuse by their ex-wive/ex-girlfriend. I am very sensitive to blaming abuse victims in general.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/03/26 10:18 PM
1

men barely get any or none at all, even if they mess up once. They get mine. Abuse victims are abuse victims, ungendered. Values shouldn’t depend on who expects sympathy or who deals with what more.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/03/26 10:11 PM
1

Lwma definitely isn’t considered as manosphere as they don’t define themselves as anti-feminist. I’m not familiar with all the men’s rights subreddits, but manosphere is defined by being anti-feminist and misogynistic in its foundation.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/03/26 10:09 PM
2

You have a much more free spirited approach to sex than many women. Which is honestly appreciated, but many vulgar women size men up like peices of meat and if they're not sexually satisfied (or if they are) they will share this information with their friends. In my experience, these are mostly inexperienced women themselves (so similar to young inexperienced men complaining about body counts). More experienced women have seen more men in intimate and vulnerable moments. Dehumanisation mostly ha…
/r/PurplePillDebate11/03/26 10:07 PM
1

Some parts of the manosphere do the same thing but they are "dangerous"? Not once in my life have I seen this. Like not 1 single time. But I would be really really excited if you could link me examples of where the manosphere acknowledges female harms, since the sort of core foundation of manosphere is misogyny.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/03/26 09:59 PM
1

The definition of "worse outcome overall" is subjective when there's so many competing factors. When there's hundreds of ways that women have it worse and hundreds of ways men have it worse it becomes impossible to say which gender has it worse overall. Imperfect aggregation does not mean comparative analysis is meaningless. Researched still base themselves on indicators such as violence exposure, mortality, political representation, economic autonomy, legal rights… Say what you want but most wo…
/r/PurplePillDebate11/03/26 09:52 PM
1

I’m not defending lying. I also think lying is immoral. I’m just descriptively analysing why it happens and how we can prevent it from happening.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/03/26 09:38 PM
1

Im not saying they hide it toward the world necessarily. Im saying its hidden for the victim as they don’t always recognise the red flags. Its probably because abusers give off this mixture of green and red flags that an abuse victim is more likely to both “recognise old ways of affection” and “think they genuinly found someone better”.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/03/26 09:35 PM
2

Women like men that other women like. I agree. It is noticeable. But I think it has more to do with competition. “If she can get him, can I get him too? Am I as pretty as her?” If a man has been with multiple other women in the past, it just shows that he's attractive. Yes… but it’s more an inter-women dynamic than it has to do with the man himself. I fall for nerds, dorky guys, shy guys… Guys that aren’t always the typically guy that’s wanted. One of my previous childhood friend always used to …
/r/PurplePillDebate11/03/26 09:32 PM
0

But there is shame. Shame doesn’t require someone actively shaming, if the culture or society shames an idea, someone experiences shame. That was my point. You can lose a running competition and feel shame for finishing last, even when nobody actively shames you, even when nobody cares or nobody even knows. Because in our society “losers” are seen as negative.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/03/26 09:26 PM
1

So you’re playing a “who introduced the zero-sums-game first” game instead of reflecting on if the zero sums framing is helpful and correct? A comparative claim and a zero-sum framework are not the same thing. Saying one group faces worse outcomes overall is a descriptive claim about patterns in data. It only becomes zero-sum if the proposed solutions require taking resources from the other group. That’s the level you’re operating on. When I said “Feminists experience damage too”, you said: Yeah…
/r/PurplePillDebate11/03/26 09:22 PM
1

And if they REPEATEDLY end up in those kinds of relationships, it speaks to their inability to learn. Hence the disagreement. Part of the brain hasn’t developed well. Someone with a hemiplegia due to cerebral palsy also can’t move their limbs because a part of the brain wasn’t formed, they never will no matter how much physiotherapy. Someone who is deaf because of a congenital CMV infection also will have hearing problems for the rest of their lives. The brain develops in early childhood. If you…
/r/PurplePillDebate11/03/26 09:05 PM
1

Yes because your personality type is also like that. Most feminists have my personality type (Fi) Equal in value, not in cognitive capacity or as "agent". Viewing women as cognitively inferior is an extremely sexist view. I know it’s linked to infantilisation, but everyone should fight these sort of -isms inside (sexism, racism, ableism). They are jealous because too many people still claim "women have it worse generally" even though the evidence shows a far more complicated picture. People stil…
/r/PurplePillDebate11/03/26 08:58 PM
0

It is. But fine. You don’t care about content, more about rhetorics. I’ll rephrase. How does shame come into existence?
/r/PurplePillDebate11/03/26 08:54 PM
2

No I don’t care about framing. I just disagree with his views on abuse and tried to make him see he was wrong by talking about male victims (assuming more empathy). That’s a strategic move on my behalf.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/03/26 08:52 PM
1

And still it doesn't mean that the person in question can do fuck all and lie in their own shit stew. They are not children. They are adults. We have the internet, we have doctors/psychs/community groups that are available to help them navigate through their issues and at the very least RECOGNIZE the potential flags. It’s your assumption they wouldn’t be doing this? Someone can do all these things and still end up in an abusive relationship. I’m not denying personal agency. I’m saying you don’t …
/r/PurplePillDebate11/03/26 08:51 PM
2

I’m an individualistic person so I do see things for most cases this way. I’m also a doctor and if my profession taught me anything, it’s that most mistakes are made when we assume a one-size-fits-all approach or use proxy’s to apply to individuals. In medicine that would lead to many misdiagnosis, unnecessary treatments, unnecessary pain, stigma and just bad practice. So I’m using proxy’s for what they’re meant to be used: analysing broad patterns. Never to apply on a human in front of me.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/03/26 08:46 PM
1

This is also because a significant portion of men are more forgiving on that front. Men on average are able to tolerate disagreement more easily, are less conforming, less ableist and care less about social desirability. Being a feminist does less damage to being liked than being a man that isn't benevolently sexist. Even if that’s true it doesn’t matter. It’s a choice. It’s being led by principle. I told you a while ago I was shamed in high school because I was being intellectual and they used …
/r/PurplePillDebate11/03/26 08:42 PM
1

At least OP’s view on abuse is more correct and humane. And because she chose a frame doesn’t mean she doesn’t acknowledge male victims, which I think she does.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/03/26 08:31 PM
0

And how does shame exist to be?
/r/PurplePillDebate11/03/26 08:24 PM
1

If you fall for it numerous times, and complain about it, it's on you. I disagree It's a "failure" when they keep repeatedly entering relationship with such women. I disagree Is it the failure of a blind person that they cannot see? Is it the failure of a deaf person they cannot hear? You don’t understand brain development. If the areas in your brain needed to form healthy relationships were fucked up in early childhood, no amount of therapy can suddenly completely make one capable of seeing all…
/r/PurplePillDebate11/03/26 08:21 PM
1

Well if he feels the same way about male abuse victims, his views might be consistent, but still horribly victim blaming.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/03/26 08:13 PM
1

A man doesn't want to have sex with a woman who has had a high number of partners previously. Why?
/r/PurplePillDebate11/03/26 08:11 PM
1

A constrained choice, where I argue those constraints should not exist and are created by sexism. Still your agency, your choice. No I admit I can be wrong and mislead. I still think it refers to a real, observable pattern. You’re seeing the world only through your own eyes. The patterns we see are influenced by our own perceptions. I choose to fulfill the expectation because the consequences are not worth going against it sometimes. Okay your agency, your choice. You can always choose to behave…
/r/PurplePillDebate11/03/26 08:11 PM
4

I would wanna hear the reason. If he was an abuse victim, I would see the cheating in a different light vs if it’s a serial cheater, if it’s in a drunken mood or if it was a heavily invested emotional affair… I would wanna hear their story about the past before I make my judgement. And sure they can lie, but value inconsistencies you’ll spot anyway at some point if you pay attention.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/03/26 07:28 PM
1

A mix of both. When you don't do it's more likely that your peace will be disturbed than if you don't do it for men. So it’s your choice. I only really do that online for the most part. Really…? Not always but yes. Because I don't want to fight for hours or be seen as a prideful or arrogant dude. Really…? In my experience yes. So you admit it’s subjective When more is expected of you than you're allowed to expect of women by society But you just admitted you did these things by your own choice, …
/r/PurplePillDebate11/03/26 07:25 PM
1

You’re nog engaging with what I said. Because they want something they suspect they can't get while being honest Why would they suspect this? If slutshaming isn’t a factor?
/r/PurplePillDebate11/03/26 07:06 PM
1

Being extra diplomatic to not hurt their feelings. Sometimes just keeping a thought to myself and staying silent. Validating them before giving advice. Do women really ask this or do you just do this by default on your own? Not pushing back when they see their own gender as the main victim of life and are ignorant to what being a man is like. I see you consistently push back on these things. Being the first to say "I was wrong in this way" when there is conflict. Do you? What if you don’t agree …
/r/PurplePillDebate11/03/26 07:05 PM
1

I didn’t really read her OP as implying “men can’t be victims”, did you? How?
/r/PurplePillDebate11/03/26 07:00 PM
4

Why would it define my value as a partner? Past doesn’t indicate future. I for instance would never cheat on someone. I’m very transparant and have been cheated on myself, in my 2 first relationships. That was traumatic to me. They were men who did care about body counts and monogamy, and they cheated, so they’re hypocritical. One of my exes shamed me over my sexual past because I was more experienced than him, but I found out he cheated on me with at least 3 women? (I found out at once, I would…
/r/PurplePillDebate11/03/26 03:56 PM
1

So I’m saying its ok for people to blame the woman over time if the same mistakes are made in circles. So you admit you victim blame. Quit acting like men owe women understanding with this. Women don’t care about men’s issues, especially when it comes to dating. I’m certain silly posts like this wouldn’t be made crapping on women for not doing so. Abuse is not a gendered issue. Don’t make it one. Victims are victims.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/03/26 03:43 PM
-2

still no reason for women to keep falling for the same type and then expect men to not question why she keeps picking wrong. Dude I just explained the reason. Maybe she needs to get out of dating, until she can figure it out if she continues to run into bad men. Victim blaming Men definitely have to do it or reevaluate their entire approach if they keep running into failure. What’s failure? If a man gets abused by a woman OPs argument is still valid. Abuse victims are abuse victims (ungendered).…
/r/PurplePillDebate11/03/26 03:28 PM
1

You’re right in principle, people need to be truthful for you in order to be able to trust them. I’m merely describing why many women aren’t, compared to men. Men don’t get shamed the same way when they have higher body counts. I’m not sure if men would be very forthcoming if they had an incel period or an online bashing-on-women period when they felt lonely and if they would feel the need to disclose it. Also I personally talk a lot about my past sexual experiences with my partners, which ones …
/r/PurplePillDebate11/03/26 03:21 PM
4

But we should recognize that women typically care more about a man's future rather tham his past and also that high 'body count' is more of a social proof rather than a turn off. and accept this difference between the genders in regards to dating. These 3 phrases I don’t understand. What do you mean? Edit: wow someone downvotes me because I asked for clarification
/r/PurplePillDebate11/03/26 11:02 AM
0

Personally I don’t. I also don’t lie about it, never have. My partners didn’t ask, they don’t care. I’m more trying to make a cultural point here. If the culture shames something, it’s more likely people will attempt to hide it. So for all the people who do care: shaming is not in your own interest.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/03/26 10:58 AM
0

Especially if she keeps falling for the same type of men that do this. Tell me you don’t understand OPs point without telling me you don’t understand. Alot of abuse victims are also victims of child abuse, so they were already taught that abusive behavior is normal. It’s wired into their nervous system to have blind spots for what you would call “obvious red flags” because their first experiences with caregivers were often not good examples for healthy love with boundaries that are being respect…
/r/PurplePillDebate11/03/26 10:49 AM
-3

Maybe it could be interesting to ask yourself why women lie about body counts? If there is no slut shaming culture there is no reason to lie.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/03/26 10:15 AM
1

I know. But I do refuse to believe that romance is a solution to anything. I’ve believed that my entire life, Disney and fairy tales told me. That life is passive waiting and only starts when Prince Charming shows up. It’s just not true. Once you start to see romantic connections basically just as friendships with extra intimacy, you look for other qualities in partners, you soften in your resentment toward the other gender and it becomes far less about “achieving”. You don’t obsess this much ab…
/r/PurplePillDebate10/03/26 10:59 PM
-1

In which ways are you coddling women that makes you feel above them? Why don’t you see them as “human” instead of “woman” in that instance?
/r/PurplePillDebate10/03/26 10:51 PM
2

Look I’m sorry. I didn’t intent to make you feel personally addressed with my initial comments. I sometimes just like to propose different ways of looking at things, because to me that helps. And after I guess I tried to help you in a way the younger version of me (when lonely and unhappy) would have found to be helpful. But people are different. I did not intent to make you feel this triggered and I apologise for coming off as dismissive to your lived experience.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/03/26 10:44 PM
0

That was before I met my partners. I tried dating apps for 3 months back in 2020. Never again. It felt dehumanising, the swiping. Saying yes or no based on performative bio’s and pictures. Na-ah, I rather be alone than engage in such nonsense.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/03/26 10:31 PM
0

I have felt this way. Only reason I care so much you thin you are unlovable is because I spent my entire life thinking I was unlovable. Now imagine they did not like you. Why wasn't you satisied with masturbation? Give me a break, really. That would have been fine. I fell in love with a good friend and 1,5 years ago I took the initiative and confessed my feelings and he rejected me. So he did not like me. I was sad, but I was fine and moved on. We’re still friends. I’m glad my current partners l…
/r/PurplePillDebate10/03/26 10:26 PM
1

Yes duh. Not the point I’m making. That only explains why the bias exists, not whether the advice is useful or appropriate for the people asking for help or struggling in dating.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/03/26 10:21 PM
1

Not really. As I said, my life is good othervise. If I could go on a date every two weeks with some of them end up with sex I really won't have anything to complain enough to engage with debates on reddit. I’m suspicious towards any framing that centers romance as a fix towards depression or feelings of sadness or loneliness. You fix these things internally. Humans can go without sex and dates. There’s masturbation and there’s activities with friends. You say this because it is easy for you to g…
/r/PurplePillDebate10/03/26 10:08 PM
1

It's not a mental illness to think that something is wrong with me. Of course it’s not mental illness. Attachment trauma is no mental illness, 40% of the population is unsafe attached. The things I mention aren’t “illness”. But they’re emotional emotional wounds, they don’t come out of thin air. Thinking you are unlovable or that something is wrong with you is not “normal”. That’s not me pathologising you. That’s me pointing out there might be some underlying patterns at play that go unexamined.…
/r/PurplePillDebate10/03/26 09:51 PM
2

I have intimate hour long talks with my friends, about how we feel and where we are in our lives. I would be surprised if they were lying to my face when they explain their emotions in detail to me. They just don’t analyse dating dynamics this way. There are men out there like me who’ll never ever be ok with never having a dating and sex life. We are not wrong or weird for having these feelings either. Not accepting is what is hurting. I’m sorry but nobody here can promise you love or sex. Nobod…
/r/PurplePillDebate10/03/26 08:23 PM
1

I don't have traumas, I am not depressed, I am just a normal dude with generally good life who is either unattractive or unlucky or both. I am here looking for confirmation … that I am unlovable These two are contradictory. If you believe you are unlovable you do have attachment trauma or other stuff from your upbringing that you’re taking with you. Nobody is unlovable. I’m a doctor working in public health care, specifically with babies and toddlers. I do about 24 consultations a day with the k…
/r/PurplePillDebate10/03/26 08:22 PM
1

I mean… I have male friends my age with not much experience and I talk with them about how they feel. They’re sad but not this obsessed. They just continue to socialise, have fun with friends and live their lives.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/03/26 03:49 PM
2

I don’t think most NT men talk about these things on Reddit on a daily basis. And I think most lonely single men are also the ND men because women’s standards are mostly NT standards. “Be sociable, don’t be a creep, don’t be awkward, don’t be icky”.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/03/26 03:48 PM
1

I f*cking hate them too. Tried for 3 months back in 2020, never again.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/03/26 03:44 PM
3

Yes and it’s hard for us to put ourselves in the shoes of these toxic NT people because our minds are wired differently. Both ND men and women crave for deeper connection often, need to understand dynamics and emotional experience on an analytical level, whereas NT people “just live”. They’ll be interested for 5 minutes in the subject and be like “okay that’s a lot of talk about these dating dynamics, let’s talk about some local gossip / let’s do an activity / let’s turn on the music and dance /…
/r/PurplePillDebate10/03/26 03:43 PM
0

I just visited an exhibition of a female artist of the 20th century. Her husband became significantly more famous than her, earned more money, while his art was much more mediocre than hers and he kind of used her ideas. Her art was made private. It’s only famous now, a century after her death. Because she was so talented. But back then she was just expected to do the domestic labour and her art was only seen as a hobby. While his was his profession.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/03/26 03:37 PM
0

Online venting is an unhealthy way to cope anyway, if you feel the need to vent you better go to a therapist with a professional background to help you. It’s shown that it’s only counterproductive and linked to poorer mental heath outcomes when compared to other coping strategies such as accepting, making jokes or positively reframing a situation. Venting just creates a cycle of negativity. And I’m not sure debating is healthy either when it’s done to cope with emotions. It only creates polarisa…
/r/PurplePillDebate10/03/26 03:35 PM
-1

But to have trauma from not dating in itself is weird. Like I have friends, both men and women, who are my age, and never had relationships and are virgins and who aren’t traumatised from it or feel the need to make analysis about the opposite sex. They’re sad that dating is difficult, sure. But it ends there. It doesn’t turn into on online obsession. I don’t think most become obsessed with analysing dating dynamics on a daily basis. It’s a sign of heavily cognitive processing and difficulty men…
/r/PurplePillDebate10/03/26 03:24 PM
2

You’re misreading me. I didn’t mean to say they don’t mind at all, I’m say they don’t mind to the extend that you go online and comment and post about it every day. I don’t even know many NT people with Reddit accounts to begin with. Most people who care about something are just sad, and stay in touch with that feeling. They don’t analyse it to this extend, that requires a more cognitive split from your feelings. What’s wrong with admitting that the fact that we’re all posting here daily is weir…
/r/PurplePillDebate10/03/26 12:48 PM
4

I think most active users (men and women) on this sub are neurodivergent, whether they’re diagnosed and aware of it or not. And we’re all discussing dating dynamics mostly set by NTs, all drawing from our own experiences with NT men and women. That’s why we’re continually talking past each other. NT people don’t mind these dating dynamics as much as we do, and definitely wouldn’t post on Reddit daily to discuss them. It’s special interest.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/03/26 11:56 AM
1

I buy myself flowers, very often. I never received flowers. If men bought me flowers, they probably picked the ones I don’t particularly like. Same issue with gifts. The most romantic thing a man can do for me is to just be present. Watch a show with me, walk with me, cook with me, shower together, talk hours in bed with a scented candle, help me clean up, let me trim his facial hair lol. They just gotta be there and talk to me. Nothing more.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/03/26 10:59 AM
4

Well I’m not a teen, I’m 28, and my partners are romantic this way to me. I’m happy. I find it romantic when they watch my favourite show with me, or take me to a beautiful spot in nature to do some photography or cook together.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/03/26 10:55 AM
0

Because modern women don’t want these expensive gifts. They don’t want “love through money” or transactional love. This is women’s idea of romance and it doesn’t cost money: These big financial things (diamond ring, expensive 5 star dinner, gifts o’ clock) are mostly valued by the type of woman doesn’t like men for who they are but what they provide; exactly the type of woman red pillers attract wit their advice around looks and status and money. Most women don’t care about these things and care…
/r/PurplePillDebate10/03/26 08:35 AM
0

But investing financially isn’t romantic
/r/PurplePillDebate10/03/26 08:12 AM
11

Women pay one time for a man Oh yes I also paid his rent, medical bills and groceries for 8 months when he lost his job. But hey 🤷🏻‍♀️ and keep mentioning it And no I’m not talking about it often because the first thing men tell me is that I picked the wrong man or should have vetted better or whatever, trying to shame me. I genuinely loved him.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/03/26 08:11 AM
4

Men do the same things ( cutting grass, lifting heavy things, fixing things , playing with the kids ... ) These are things that are only required once in a while. You don’t have to cut grass weekly, or fix things weekly. Laundry, cleaning, lots of the chores women do are there to be done all the time, every day, every week, and they’re boring AF compared to fixing things. Would you rather clean a floor or fix something? taking the financial burden of relationships Where I live it’s more or less …
/r/PurplePillDebate10/03/26 08:09 AM
6

Most great romantic art has been made by men. Most art has been made by men. Women in history were largely excluded from art/science/philosophy/academics…
/r/PurplePillDebate10/03/26 07:58 AM
-1

women going around being useless in relationships Doesn’t sound very romantic to view the person you deeply love as “useless” because you see love as some contest of who pays more or who does more
/r/PurplePillDebate10/03/26 07:56 AM
-1

What is “romantic” about dating when you see it mostly as investments?
/r/PurplePillDebate10/03/26 07:50 AM
21

I’ve never let a man pay for a first date. Not once in my life. With one of my exes I remember I fully paid the first date even, because he was coming from a significantly more poor background than me.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/03/26 07:48 AM
3

You want me to explain why I didn’t like his voice? Like give the voice characteristics that made me not like it? It’s kinda hard for a non English speaker to describe a voice but sure I can try if you really want to know what made his voice a pain to the ears.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/03/26 07:41 AM
2

You can all do it as well. I was single for 6 years in a row, and I’m overweight (boohoo). I just made the decision that being single was better than being with someone out of desperation. I had decided that if I were to stay single forever, that was better than an unfulfilling relationship. I had rejected the idea of having to get married etc in order to be happy. I lived by myself, travelled alone, took myself to dinner alone. So yeah this privilege exists for everyone who stops believing you …
/r/PurplePillDebate10/03/26 07:39 AM
–

Come on. At which point are you able to say “Oh hey that’s hopeful, it’s not as bad as I expected”. What was the purpose of this post? At what point are these conversations here on ppd no longer a cat-vs-dogs fight but just honest conversation?
/r/PurplePillDebate09/03/26 11:58 PM
–

The vast majority clearly states they disagree, period
/r/PurplePillDebate09/03/26 11:37 PM
–

I guess you found one indeed. Now do you still think this is the “average PPD woman” as you previously stated considering all the comments you got from various pilled women?
/r/PurplePillDebate09/03/26 11:32 PM
–

It’s me. I said it would be hard to find women here who agreed with the woman in the video, but I guess I forgot about the existence of pink pillers.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/03/26 11:25 PM
1

I agree with everything you wrote. But again it sounds like you’re just inherently blue pilled (content wise, opposed to red pill), but rejecting the idea of pills as a label. I bet you’re a Ti user.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/03/26 11:23 PM
1

People who are happy with their dating lives generally aren’t spending hours debating dating theory on Reddit. So the conversation pool ends up being heavily skewed toward people who are frustrated with dating or very invested in an ideology. I’m happy with my dating life, I have two amazing partners and I’m very active here. So is one of my partners. We both discuss PPD threads together. What you end up with is three very visible camps. What about the purple pills? There are a lot. Blue pill me…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/03/26 11:12 PM
1

I dare you to do it. Find me just 1 who agrees with the take on this subreddit.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/03/26 10:14 PM
1

Obviously that’s all true. It would be ridiculous to deny. But I was specifically framing the two options A and B as only options to choose from to counter-claim the OPs claim “women need men to survive” (more than vice versa)
/r/PurplePillDebate09/03/26 10:13 PM
0

You seemed to imply before women play a big role in gang related violence. You talked about male homicide rates but those are caused by other males. Because of drug criminality amongst others I suppose. Why can’t women have an international women day because male gangs kill each other off?
/r/PurplePillDebate09/03/26 09:45 PM
–

You say PPD woman so a woman active on PPD. What does that have to do with the original video? Just find me a woman active here on PPD (a PPD woman) who agrees with her.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/03/26 09:14 PM
4

Lmao
/r/PurplePillDebate09/03/26 09:00 PM
–

Find me one woman here who agrees with her takes
/r/PurplePillDebate09/03/26 08:53 PM
2

Is this a Shakespeare story? 🫣
/r/PurplePillDebate09/03/26 08:47 PM
1

Fulfill all 3 for me please and enlighten the structure to me so I follow your line of thinking.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/03/26 07:56 PM
1

I gave you the definition of an ideology (it has 3 criteria, please have a look again if it’s not clear). Herd mentality is unstructured, ideology is structured.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/03/26 07:47 PM
0

I don’t see you as my enemy, you’re my ND friend. I like you. It’s not because I disagree with 95% of your views that I dislike you lol. You’re an unconventional thinker and I appreciate that, you’re not led by herd mentality. I’m sorry I’m sickening you with my appreciation for you 😅
/r/PurplePillDebate09/03/26 07:45 PM
1

Sure… I used to say the stuff you said. Like that entire list. But I also repressed my neurodivergence my entire life, forced myself to be sociable, go out, made a bunch of friendships that weren’t deeply fulfilling to the core… My entire life revolved around fitting in. And I was deeply unhappy but didn’t understand why. Until my late diagnosis. For me becoming a healthier person is actually letting go of these rigid ideas that I need to go out, that I need to work out… I need to find my own pa…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/03/26 07:42 PM
1

Hahaha what 😅 what’s up? Why would I want to report you to the mods? I’m confused
/r/PurplePillDebate09/03/26 07:37 PM
2

How about empathy? You can say you don’t want it but that doesn’t really matter, I have empathy despite anything you say.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/03/26 07:32 PM
2

But you called it a luxury. Then why wouldn’t you want it?
/r/PurplePillDebate09/03/26 07:16 PM
0

Your resentment towards women runs so deep you actually believe gang related violence is a female problem?
/r/PurplePillDebate09/03/26 07:15 PM
0

Activity leader for children at age 16 (sort of holiday childcare for primary school children whose parents are working during school vacations)
/r/PurplePillDebate09/03/26 07:11 PM
3

I would sympathise with you, whatever struggle you faced
/r/PurplePillDebate09/03/26 07:02 PM
-1

It’s not my view, it’s a biological fact. 1 man produces millions of sperm cells whereas 1 woman has limited egg cells and limited capacity for pregnancy. If a woman tried hard, maybe she could get 20 children maximum? If a man tries hard (or just donates sperm) he could potentially be the father of thousands of children. It’s just a biological undeniable fact. Of course it’s not what I want for the world. But biologically you can’t argue with it.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/03/26 07:01 PM
2

Can a reaction to an ideology not be an ideology in its own right? Definition of an ideology: 1. Makes normative claims about how society should be 2. Provides a causal explanation for social problems 3. Prescribes a program or direction for change Red pill scores a YES on all 3 points, whereas blue pill doesn’t offer a coherent normative framework, it mainly reflects mainstream cultural assumptions about relationships. That’s not the same as a structured theory of society. But if you look at pe…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/03/26 06:57 PM
1

Well point 2 and 5 are sometimes hard when you’re neurodivergent. Therefore I don’t judge others on those, like I don’t mind it if a potential partner is a couch potato or not working out. I understand it’s important for others.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/03/26 06:46 PM
1

I’m sorry you’re having these conflicting feelings. That’s really tough. Props to you for being very self aware and realising where your boundaries are. You seem like a very kind person.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/03/26 06:43 PM
0

For me it was the good girl conditioning. I suppressed my neurodivergence and was high functioning for so long, and now that I’m finally coming to terms with who I truly am, my environment is struggling to believe me because my social masking was too successful. I hid my struggle too well. I’ve heard too many times “You? No you achieved too much / are too sociable / too organised / got too high degrees / too …” followed by “well anyone needs a label these days” or just complete disbelief. My bro…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/03/26 06:40 PM
1

Kinda weird she didn’t mention him… makes me think she liked you too. Women usually want to make it clear they are unavailable… unless they don’t want to make it clear for some reason…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/03/26 06:28 PM
1

I’m not religious, you would probably call me a slut, yet I choose A. Every time. I only make love to men who are respectful, sensitive and in touch with their emotions and inner world.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/03/26 06:23 PM
2

Only it isn’t calling out. It’s just stating a fact. She wasn’t morally judging him was she? At no point did she make a comment in favour of one gender. Her view is internally coherent and to be applied to both genders.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/03/26 06:20 PM
6

Why should women be glad men want to fuck them despite not liking them apparently?
/r/PurplePillDebate09/03/26 06:16 PM
5

I got dozens of male friends. What use are the looks and money of my male platonic friends to me who I am not romantically attracted to? I just like to hang out with them, same as with my female friends. Friends are friends, they’re humans.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/03/26 06:15 PM
1

Agree it works for most, but with the side note it’s a bit of a neurotypical view.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/03/26 06:06 PM
2

Through friends I only like the stronger Belgian beers, especially the ones brewed by monks. I’m not into pilsner, tastes too boring lol.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/03/26 06:02 PM
2

Injustice is institutional. If men weren’t drafted they flee as well, as they did initially. The men had to be drafted, they had no choice. Zero loyalty to their country. Zero loyalty to their sons, brothers, fathers and husbands. You say it yourself: men don’t stay out of loyalty, they stay because they are forced and aren’t allowed to cross the border. We can only test if the men are loyal if they aren’t drafted. When they weren’t drafted, like in the beginning of the war, men and women fled t…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/03/26 05:51 PM
1

Don’t know what this is supposed to say? I’m demisexual and sapiosexual. He was very funny, I liked his humor. We decided to have a Belgian beer tasting as a first date at his house. This is not a weird date in Belgium lol. We’re stingy, Dutch culture.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/03/26 05:47 PM
4

Not true. Most Ukrainian people I meet here are couples (man and woman), they fled when men were still allowed to. And the women that came after alone are taking care of the babies and kids by themselves. I meet these people every week in my job. This narrative that Ukrainian women are having the time of their lives, enjoying dating is disgusting and not reflecting reality. They are worried sick about their husbands/fathers/brothers. The fact that you take your frustrations about gendered dating…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/03/26 05:45 PM
0

Yes so the sons fucked Eve, their mother, and all humans descended from their incest.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/03/26 05:38 PM
1

Americans have voting rights, that doesn’t mean they all wanted a president who’s engaging in an expensive war in Iran. This isn’t the point.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/03/26 05:37 PM
1

Doesn’t change the fact that the good sperm of a rather small amount of men could keep the entire world running.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/03/26 05:36 PM
1

The men are mandated from their government to say, the women aren’t. That’s the governments decision, not the women’s. The asymmetry is structural.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/03/26 05:35 PM
3

You’re not trying. I wasn’t saying depression is the same as fighting. I was saying it wasn’t those women’s choice that men are the ones fighting, that was the decision of male leadership. Are you gonna engage with that or deflect?
/r/PurplePillDebate09/03/26 04:33 PM
-1

I’m not a misandrist, I love men, which is why I’m polyamorous and have 2 boyfriends. I was just challenging the OPs line of thinking that women need men to survive by proposing an alternative line of thinking. I love men, I would never want to live on an island without men. Factually there just is more sperm than eggs.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/03/26 04:30 PM
-2

Yet Christians believe we all descend from Adam and Eve 🤷🏻‍♀️
/r/PurplePillDebate09/03/26 04:28 PM
2

Like that was Ukrainian women’s choice, and not Ukrainian leadership (mostly men in power) who decided men had to fight? I work in youth health care in Europe, I meet Ukrainian women with babies from time to time. Last week I met a mother who has PTSD and who was suffering from extreme postnatal depression because she missed her husband so much and was worrying so much about him, having to raise his baby on her own. Like this is THEIR choice, how they wanted to raise the baby? If you’re upset ab…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/03/26 04:27 PM
6

Scenario A: Put 100 women and 1 man on an island. Scenario B: Put 100 men and 1 woman on an island. Let’s talk about survival and the future of this island. Only 1 sperm donor would be sufficient (given his sperm is good quality) to make island A flourish. Women can do all the labour men traditionally do themselves. Island B? What’s that? Fighting each other over who gets to fuck the pussy tonight? Survival of human race depends on the quantity of eggs present. If 100 women all get 3 kids from t…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/03/26 01:38 PM
0

You’re talking to the wrong woman about this because I’m demisexual and sapiosexual so I’m attracted to someone once I have an intellectual and/or emotional connection with them. Vibes are important. I included the good looking part more to show that the issue weren’t the looks. I’m also not blind for looks. I can still distinguish objectively good looking from less objectively good looking people. I just can be enormously attracted to less objectively good looking men if they have charisma and …
/r/PurplePillDebate09/03/26 01:08 PM
9

What makes someone attractive? That’s what OP is talking about. It could be that a good looking guy is exhibiting traits you all are unaware of. I once rejected a guy after he told me he only likes 5 vegetables. That made him suddenly incredibly unattractive to me, whereas I found him pretty attractive up until that point. Another time on a date I thought a guy was good looking but I just couldn’t stand the tone color of his voice. I was imagining having to listen to that voice day after day and…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/03/26 12:07 PM
4

Do you think they are oblivious about these things or rather not want to believe it and their minds chooses to believe an alternative?
/r/PurplePillDebate09/03/26 12:02 PM
4

Great post 🔥 agree on all levels
/r/PurplePillDebate09/03/26 12:01 PM
3

Asking people has its own flaws. People have limited insight into themselves, people lie, people politely soften things. I’m glad you said people. That mean it applies to men equally. Some men here claim that women exclusively lie about what they want. That’s why OP made this post.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/03/26 12:00 PM
9

asking a lot of women & observing their actions This is key. The fact that you didn’t forget the first part.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/03/26 11:58 AM
7

Apparently men have more introspection than pigeons but women a bit less? So you see women in between pigeons and men? Because men are superior beings who can overcome bias and women are the inferior beings whose mind is clouded by all sorts of biases? The moment you all will start having actually good connections with women is the moment you start seeing them as humans on the same level as men, not some sort of rewards to be obtained in a video game.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/03/26 11:57 AM
1

I’m not really following in all the distinctions you’re making here, but sure feel free to DM me. I appreciate your genuine engagement.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/03/26 09:04 PM
–

I think the old rich dudes are having midlife crises (having too much money can make one miserable and bored) and mostly pick the young women because THEY want to feel young themselves, revive their youth when they still had to work for things and didn’t get anything handed on a silver platter. The thing is I’m wondering why the most popular porn stars are women in their 30s and 40s when many men claim women peak in their early 20s. Then why don’t we see more searches for younger porn stars?
/r/PurplePillDebate08/03/26 07:49 PM
–

You’re ignoring what I said. Comment after comment. Answer me this: If men COULD search for a hot fit porn star who is 20y old, then WHY is the MOST searched for porn star a hot fit 41y old? I’m well aware most 41y olds don’t look like Angela White. Still there are thousands of younger porn stars, who are also hot and fit, yet men are mostly searching for her and women similar to her in age. Why?
/r/PurplePillDebate08/03/26 07:44 PM
–

I’m aware. Why do you think women get socially shamed for aging?
/r/PurplePillDebate08/03/26 07:41 PM
–

You say that, but how do we know it’s true? Sometimes it happens people do sleep with people they’re not attracted to. Uhhh? So that means that I have better psychological insight in men and you as a man have worse psychological insight in men?
/r/PurplePillDebate08/03/26 07:40 PM
–

Yes with the bad boys analogy you made, again women don’t actually want bad boys. They’re attracted to confidence, one of the traits I highlighted in my post. It’s the same reason older and mature people can be seen as attractive. The common denominator is confidence. Confidence is both attractive and threatening at the same time to people who feel insecure.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/03/26 07:35 PM
–

Men COULD search for women in their early 20s when they want to nut, but porn websites show they don’t do that mostly. They show instead they intentionally (in the search bar) search for MILFs or names of older porn actresses like Angela White. This shows an overall preference for slightly mature women. Yet some men claim “women expire after 25”. If that is true, then why aren’t women younger than 25 more popular on porn websites?
/r/PurplePillDebate08/03/26 07:29 PM
–

Your presentation of evolution is bypassing real human experience of sexuality. What’s the evolutionary purpose of people being gay, trans, non-binary, polyamorous, asexual? Your view on sexuality is way too narrow to describe human experience in reality.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/03/26 07:26 PM
–

There are men online saying they’re so desperate they would fuck “fat women” or “ugly women” they’re not attracted to. So they themselves make the distinction between women they would have sex with and women who are attractive to them. I think as a woman I still have better psychological insight in woman’s sexuality than you. I was very repressed myself for many years.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/03/26 07:23 PM
–

Yes but that doesn’t really matter. The claim is often that “women expire after 25” or that “only young women are desirable”. To both younger and older men. Who watches is unimportant. This shows that when men want to nut, they mostly search for women in their 30s and 40s while videos with women in their early 20s are available to everyone, however those porn stars are less popular, less searched for. A grandpa who is 70y old could easily watch a porn video of a woman who is 20. However Angela W…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/03/26 07:17 PM
–

I actually do believe that. Everyone has contradicting desires inside them. You only have those in denial and those internally honest and investigative.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/03/26 07:11 PM
–

But “young MILF” wasn’t pornhubs second most popular search entry in 2025 after “hentai”, it was “MILF”. And the most searched for porn actresses that are considered MILFs are in their 30s or 40s, Angela White being the most searched for in 2025 and her age is 41.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/03/26 07:09 PM
–

I don’t think that. It’s a thing a lot of men themselves claim online by saying “women expire after 25”. I’m questioning it.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/03/26 07:07 PM
–

I didn’t say “doesn’t want to fuck”, I was speaking about attraction. Red pillers and manoshere dudes on a daily basis say on Reddit they’re not attracted anymore to a woman if she’s past 25y old and loses her eggs. This very morning I saw a comment from a man who’s 35y old dating a 21y old and when a woman criticised it, he send her a meme with “jealous, lost your eggs?” and he continued to call her an old cat lady. Strange then why do I like variety? I watch all sorts of porn. More than my boy…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/03/26 07:06 PM
–

That’s mostly a post-MeToo phenomenon. The thing is women love to crush on older Hollywood actors until that actor actually gets a younger girlfriend: then he becomes a creep. Women have splits themselves (similar to the slut-vs-wife split).
/r/PurplePillDebate08/03/26 07:02 PM
–

You’re contradicting yourself because now you’re referring to the men in their 30s who have not taken care of themselves, but the ones preferred that are younger and their age are the “attractive” ones? What about the ones their age that haven’t taken care of themselves? What about the ones in their 30s that do take care of themselves? I usually find that men in their 30s are more experienced with grooming themselves because they also have more relationship experience and got taught some things …
/r/PurplePillDebate08/03/26 06:59 PM
–

Repressing sexual desires is also a form of mental illness
/r/PurplePillDebate08/03/26 06:54 PM
–

Which younger MILFs are you referring to? Can you give me some names? Because most are 30+ or even 40+
/r/PurplePillDebate08/03/26 06:53 PM
–

Ah well, you’re husband material
/r/PurplePillDebate08/03/26 06:52 PM
–

Lots of men claim “women expire after 25” and are no longer attractive. So yes many do claim this one. Women like the smorgasbord as well, they’re just socially shamed for it so they’re repressing it more. Hearing every day how virtuous virgins are for centuries and centuries won’t help women open up to the smorgasbord.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/03/26 06:52 PM
–

So searching for MILF pornography is mental illness?
/r/PurplePillDebate08/03/26 06:49 PM
–

I have two male partners. I love men. I think they’re hot.🤷🏻‍♀️ I think a lot of women just don’t feel listened to by men. I was fortunate to find amazing men who challenge me intellectually and who like to be challenged by me.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/03/26 06:47 PM
–

What’s your reasoning for women being starfish? Why are they? Why don’t take the women initiative in their current relationships?
/r/PurplePillDebate08/03/26 06:46 PM
–

What do you mean? Who is the weirdo in this case?
/r/PurplePillDebate08/03/26 06:45 PM
–

I was taking about attraction. You need to feel attracted for porn, you need to feel attracted for a hook up and you need to feel attracted for a relationship. I already addressed the fact that men will make this distinction in my post. And I know the usual counterargument here is: “Sure men fantasize about sluts or MILFs, but that doesn’t mean they want to date them. Those women are for sex, not relationships.” But that distinction kind of proves the paradox rather than resolving it. If the tra…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/03/26 06:44 PM
–

Freud already said a 100 years ago people have mommy and daddy issues. We can ask ourselves WHY step mom/daddy/sibling pornography is so popular. It can point to subconsciously wanting to be with a mature partner or an emotionally safe partner (not necessarily a true blood relative; let’s hope not).
/r/PurplePillDebate08/03/26 06:42 PM
–

Why would you think very few women are attracted to men in their 30s? When I was in high school me and my friends were giggling about Hollywood stars who are born in the 80s and I’m from ‘98.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/03/26 06:38 PM
–

Yes I’ve looked at MILF porn and usually it is women ranging from mid 30s to mid 40s. I’m 28 and I hardly look like a MILF, a few months ago someone asked me if I had exams in high school. When I was 25y old and travelling abroad men asked me all the time if I had turned 18 yet. Men always think women are younger than they actually are. If you look up the actual ages of those porn actresses you would be baffled. This is pornhubs data from 2025, the most searched for porn stars: Alex Addams (age …
/r/PurplePillDebate08/03/26 06:36 PM
2

Why not, instead of being stressed about your partners inability to understand what you understand by default, you insist they actually learn that exact skills you have? Because it requires being an Fi dom and most people aren’t so using Fi dom language isn’t gonna help with broad societal issues. You can’t expect people who lack Fi to just “evolve their Fi”, this isn’t how cognitive functions work. Because before we can evolve our communication skills, we need to master the ones we have. This i…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/03/26 05:25 PM
5

I just saw the emotional pain my own male partners went through from not understanding these generalisations and being expected to mind read. “You should be able to know it’s not about you, it’s clear” is a common response, it was even my own default response, as it was baffling to me they took those statements literally and didn’t see them as emotional entry points. But at some point I saw they were simply not capable of that level of mind reading intuitively, maybe because of cognitive functio…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/03/26 12:05 PM
-3

I don’t usually encounter that. You always have people of any flair who just bullshit under the name of that flair. There’s also blatant misogynists using red pill flair, while it’s more intended to look at dating dynamics differently.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/03/26 11:51 AM
–

I’m polyamorous, I have 2 male straight partners. Currently I am heterosexual but I would never say anyone is a 100% with any of those labels. I’ve never been in love with a woman.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/03/26 10:43 AM
1

If you're not getting any interest it's because you're a bad person or you're lazy or you suffer from wrong think. I think that’s a misread. When BP says personality is a factor, they don’t necessarily means your personality sucks, they mean it’s about compatibility. Think about puzzle pieces 🧩. You’re not just matching with anyone and you need to find someone whose quirks match yours. RP seems to think that you can become attractive to a big amount of people all at once, but it leads to nothing…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/03/26 10:34 AM
–

90% of men to me meet those minimum criteria for looks so they’re a “maybe”, usually the way they act and who they are just doesn’t match.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/03/26 10:26 AM
3

I guess I understand but I’ve also heard from many men with cognitive thinking functions as their dominant functions that they feel adressed by broad statements such as “men are trash” and they don’t read it as emotional entry points, they read it as a forma proposition. So when women tend to make these sort of overgeneralisations meant as entry points (even the man vs bear is one), men don’t ask for context, instead they debate the accuracy. I understand you suggest inviting elaborating with th…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/03/26 09:31 AM
2

Well at least you’re being honest about your worldview and mindset and I respect honesty. You’re right, you choose whatever you choose and I choose whatever I choose. But encountering this sort of defeatism just weighs heavy on me. I don’t understand how one can live like that and be happy in a meaningful way. But maybe there’s something I’m missing.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/03/26 06:05 PM
6

And if a man say "I experience pain because women don't find me attractive" do you think he will be heard and not ridiculed? Yes, I have empathy for those statements. I can even relate to it. But it’s far harder to have empathy for a “women dehumanise men” sort of statement, as someone who cares. I actually agree, but this is an ideal world scenario. Unfortunately people are not perfect, and many tried to be more diplomatic but did not get reaction they expected, however being more extreme and d…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/03/26 02:44 PM
5

Yes but they shouldn’t say “men are trash”. They should say “I experience pain because…”.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/03/26 02:29 PM
6

Okay I’m a feminist, but I’m sensitive to male issues. But let me go along with the online extreme feminists who say “men are trash” and claim next “nobody said women aren’t trash either” when men feel alienated by those statements. Because that’s the line of reasoning you’re using right now. This is ridiculous. We need to avoid such overgeneralised gendered statements.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/03/26 02:16 PM
5

Are you gonna address standards we use to establish causality?
/r/PurplePillDebate07/03/26 02:08 PM
5

I'm at the point where I'm wondering if this is a rhetorical trap or a gotcha. I started of with What actually is being said is "women aren't treating men as human beings", so challenging that IS addressing what is being said. You said it means: Basically that there is a huge difference in how women interract with people they find attractive and not attractive. So the premise is "women not treating men like human beings ..." = "women interacting differently with men they find attractive / unattr…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/03/26 02:03 PM
5

Are you gonna adress standards for evidence?
/r/PurplePillDebate07/03/26 01:40 PM
5

Basically that there is a huge difference in how women interract with people they find attractive and not attractive. You said women, not “both men and women”. Stop expecting me to read your mind.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/03/26 01:39 PM
7

How is that a contradiction? If the meaning is clear, its not hidden and therefore does not need to be searched for. The meaning is not clear if you don't say literally what you mean. If you don't mean "women don't treat men as human beings" literally, then don't say it, but say what you actually mean. It's the same way some feminists say "men are trash" and then say "oh we actually didn't mean all men"... if you don't mean what you say, then don't say it? Or accept people either take it literal…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/03/26 01:37 PM
13

This isn't gendered. People in general treat people they find attractive different in interaction from people they find unattractive generally speaking. It's a human tendency. So actually by claiming women do this uniquely, how is that seeing women as human beings? As a woman who used to be slim and has become overweight, I can testify a lot of men do treat you different as well depending on how you look. Boy I've had to grow thick skin. Another human non-gendered tendency is confirmation bias. …
/r/PurplePillDebate07/03/26 01:23 PM
4

Red Pill (RP): Belief in the “true” dynamics of attraction and relationships. Subjective Over Objective... BP often rejects research or studies as flawed, yet personal anecdotal observations are treated as universal truths... In BP logic, subjective experience outweighs scientific evidence, and personal opinions are never questioned. How do you know what "true" dynamics are? Is it not based on your personal anecdotal observations and subjective experience? Subjective experience = dating is hard …
/r/PurplePillDebate07/03/26 01:13 PM
4

I don't quiet agree. I don't think it's about needing Depp to be completely innocent. I think it's about acknowledging men can be victims of domestic abuse as well. When someone is victim to domestic abuse, they're rarely a 'perfect victim'. When someone terrorizes you continually, you get involved in a cycle of abuse in which you behave out of character and in survival mode. Having followed the case, as a woman, as a feminist, I do think Heard was the one who perpetually initiated the abuse. In…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/03/26 11:09 AM
5

You're confusing two things. In a criminal court indeed you're innocent untill proven guilty. That is fundamental, I don't think many people would want this to change. "Believe victims" (ungendered) is about the fact that it's not because there hasn't been found proof and and someone isn't convicted that it means the victim lied about what happened to them.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/03/26 10:53 AM
18

In her example of "women aren't treating men as human beings" when in fact they would mean they experience not being found sexually attractive (which is their own subjective experience). What would be engaging with the content of the argument here? What is a woman supposed to say? instead of addressing what is actually being said What IS actually being said? What actually is being said is "women aren't treating men as human beings", so challenging that IS addressing what is being said. Unless yo…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/03/26 10:40 AM
0

Why? Only if your goal is a lifelong monogamy. It’s not everyone’s goal. Some people prefer health and maturity of the relationship in real time over the duration. They can recognise when they might not be the best partners for each other and peacefully part. To believe that you’re the best partner for someone in all stages of their life is naive and arrogant even. You might not investigate your partners needs fully if you think your own constant presence in someone’s life is always what’s best …
/r/PurplePillDebate06/03/26 03:16 PM
-1

So you’re operating on hidden assumptions without questioning? Our friends also change throughout our lives and our life stages, we’re not always closest buddies with the same people on the same consistent level, sometimes we’re closer with a friend, then there’s a period of less contact and more contact with someone else… Friendship is the basis of good happy and healthy relationships as well. What if they’re just peacefully parting when their lives aren’t exactly in tune, when they’re longing …
/r/PurplePillDebate06/03/26 02:17 PM
1

So you call Lenin an academic now? He’s precisely the example of someone operating in the political camp, using and adapting theoretical ideas from Marx for a revolutionary project. That is already a shift from theory to political implementation. More importantly why assume radical feminism is the one ideology that cannot or has not been misused??? I don’t think any political or theoretical framework is immune to misuse. History suggests the opposite… Liberalism produced ideas about individual r…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates06/03/26 02:07 PM
0

No one disagrees that social dynamics can overlap and produce unique issues. I was merely giving the definition of intersectionality, an analytical tool invented by feminists. But what intersectionality is used for is to further legitimize the suffering faced by certain groups and to further erase the suffering faced by other groups. I’m not talking about what it’s used for. It’s the exact distinction I was making. Please read OPs posts which is about the distinction between academic frameworks …
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates06/03/26 01:50 PM
1

I guess we kind of lost track here, we started with whether feminism can help protect men from violence and make them grow to their full potential. I think this is where the confusion happened because I was responding to OP and you responded to me. And OP wasn’t talking about this? OP was talking about the distinction between academic feminism and the political movement and how he thinks the opinion of academic feminists isn’t really worth something anymore when politically motivated feminists a…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates06/03/26 08:17 AM
2

🫶
/r/PurplePillDebate05/03/26 11:00 PM
1

Just long and loose. And often in a ponytail for work because in my job it’s sometimes easier for hygienic purposes.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/03/26 10:07 PM
1

All that variety sounds so awesome. I guess I’m boring and lazy on this matter, I usually keep my hair the same way.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/03/26 09:59 PM
1

Love that. You did make me curious about the style now.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/03/26 09:53 PM
1

I think the cold turkey method might feel harder than it is, although of course I’m speculating, especially as a woman I don’t want to claim experience here. I have just felt in other areas that it can in a paradoxical way feel liberating to radically let go some of these worries. The pressure gets relieved entirely and you start feeling more free.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/03/26 09:48 PM
1

Well I’m overweight and I don’t like Oreo’s at all 😂 in fact I don’t really like sweet food generally, I’m more into savoury things
/r/PurplePillDebate05/03/26 09:44 PM
1

What if those gave you erectile dysfunctions?
/r/PurplePillDebate05/03/26 09:30 PM
1

That’s totally valid. I get it. What if though you were having a very receding hairline. I have nothing against those btw, I’m just asking out of curiosity if it would change your view on baldness.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/03/26 09:26 PM
4

I’m not sure you’re the observer of all lesbian relationship dynamics… it’s kinda hard to make generalised statements this way about queer dynamics based on some things you’ve witnessed. It requires some caution. I don’t really understand the first point?
/r/PurplePillDebate05/03/26 09:07 PM
1

Maybe others operate on that same thought and they think you would be very hot bald.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/03/26 09:03 PM
11

I feel like you operate on the hidden assumption that a life long monogamy is a better relationship than serial monogamy’s. What if lesbians have several happy monogamous relationships in a row? What makes the long one better besides its duration?
/r/PurplePillDebate05/03/26 08:57 PM
1

Why? What’s wrong with being bald?
/r/PurplePillDebate05/03/26 08:53 PM
1

Got ya. I might have misunderstood your first comment and the way it was replied to me and what I said.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/03/26 08:48 PM
-3

Oh I’m sorry, I really didn’t mean to come off as lecturing or anything. I just thought we were discussing the concept. I’ll clarify, personally I’m mostly interested in intersectionality as an analytical framework, not in how it’s sometimes used politically. From that perspective it’s just a way of examining how different social dynamics interact. Universal individual rights can still remain the normative foundation. I’m not a feminist who is very interested in politics or whatever you call “in…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates05/03/26 08:47 PM
2

Conceptually intersectionality was originally proposed as an analytical framework, not primarily as a political program. It’s a term to explain how overlapping structures of disadvantage can produce experiences that are not captured when each category is analyzed separately. Like Black women whose discrimination cases failed because courts looked at race discrimination and gender discrimination separately, rather than their intersection. It’s not inherently about critiquing “white feminism” nor …
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates05/03/26 07:09 PM
-8

Intersectional feminism is still useful. Universal principles tell us what rights should exist, but intersectional analysis helps show where supposedly universal systems produce uneven outcomes in practice. So it doesn’t necessarily replace liberal universalism, it can complement it by identifying blind spots.
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates05/03/26 05:37 PM
-9

If feminism were a movement by women only I don’t think we ever got voting rights and bank accounts… we got where we are because feminist men existed too.
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates05/03/26 04:52 PM
1

If it’s impossible to know how strong urges feel across people, then that uncertainty cuts both ways. It also undermines the claim that men’s urges are stronger in the first place.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/03/26 04:45 PM
4

I can follow your line of reasoning completely, on all 3 points. I guess I am the one who does think of Marx and Engels when I hear socialism or communism. I personally do judge frameworks by the theory and values, not necessarily by them being badly interpret by actors. Otherwise I would also have big issues with Christianity and Islam I suppose, but also there a lot of things I find problematic rely on misinterpretations of the holy texts. I can see however other people do judge movements by t…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates05/03/26 03:51 PM
2

No one said this. You’re right. Not literally. It’s continually implied. My point was, behavioral wise, there’s not a difference, especially when sex is compared to going to the movies. That’s very casual in view. “Casual” doesn’t refer to behaviour, it refers to someone’s intention. “Casual sex” is sex people have with people they do not INTENT to have a relationship with. Sleeping with someone you’re falling for and you want something serious and long term with them, is not casual. It’s a join…
/r/PurplePillDebate05/03/26 03:24 PM
1

Asexual men have normal testosterone levels. This means libido and arousal involves other explanations… It’s at least multifactorial. Also there’s a distinction between internal motivation (sex drive, as influenced by hormones) and sexual behaviour (what you actually do).
/r/PurplePillDebate05/03/26 03:13 PM
3

Nobody here seems to deny it’s a prevalent notion, neither did people deny women indeed aren’t angelic beings when it comes to communication and that both genders can communicate badly. It seems that for once most ppd commenters are on the same line. Why the need to debate still if we all agree?
/r/PurplePillDebate05/03/26 03:11 PM
0

Aggregate outcomes improving for women doesn’t mean gendered issues disappeared. Many social changes happened precisely because feminist movements pushed for them. The fact that progress occurred isn’t evidence the underlying dynamics never existed.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/03/26 03:08 PM
0

I can understand why it’s sad where you’re at. Sounds incredibly depressing to have that world view. I guess people prefer certainty and predictability, even when certainty is more depressing and uncertainty brings a lot of silver linings. Ambiguity is hard to hold.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/03/26 09:42 AM
3

If you are a jerk you attract women who are jerks or who are having unexamined attachment trauma or codependency mostly. If you only care about how many you attract and not who you attract, go ahead. If you want to be genuinly liked and loved and desired, maybe it’s not the best way to go.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/03/26 09:35 AM
1

Everyone can be misunderstood or misinterpreted now and then.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/03/26 07:08 AM
3

You’re right I don’t think her intention is to be prescriptive either. But I disagree with her narrative of “women being virtuous virgins who don’t like sex” as she always seems to imply it. For example she claimed that to want sex early on means that you’re not serious in your intention. But early and later matters of timing, not intention. Casual and serious are matters of intention. You can want a serious relationship but have early sex to see if you’re sexually compatible. That doesn’t make …
/r/PurplePillDebate05/03/26 07:05 AM
1

Interesting
/r/PurplePillDebate05/03/26 06:50 AM
5

Sure but your post being about communication in a subreddit that discusses gendered experiences should allow for these type of responses? Especially when you flair it “debate”? I’m not sure if a lot of women in the comment section here claimed women are such great communicators at all times. I don’t think they are, a lot of other women don’t seem to think they are. We merely want to point out nobody is.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/03/26 06:49 AM
6

I think you misread her. She’s not talking about men who are “truly” logical. She’s talking about those who frame their emotional rants as logic. For example “rationalisation of emotions” is a coping style. It’s not actually being rational, it’s a way of being emotional while not overtly appearing emotional. And sometimes people aren’t aware when they are doing it. I tend to get very analytical when I’m emotional. It makes me think fast, talk fast, become more direct and upfront. But my partners…
/r/PurplePillDebate05/03/26 01:16 AM
1

Oh I’ve been postponing it since the Sunday so… but intended to do it every day but somehow something more urgent always popped up
/r/PurplePillDebate05/03/26 12:53 AM
1

In this specific case I simply didn’t see the use of the task and found it boring, but I had to do it. I guess that’s where the ball started rolling?
/r/PurplePillDebate05/03/26 12:46 AM
2

Do we procrastinate because the task feels too difficult/uninteresting, or does the task feel difficult/uninteresting because we’ve been procrastinating? 🐓🥚
/r/PurplePillDebate05/03/26 12:31 AM
3

Which criteria are you suggesting to claim they are different?
/r/PurplePillDebate05/03/26 12:27 AM
6

What if my urges are stronger than those of the average guy? How can any of us know that? What criteria are you using? I know I get too late for work very often because I’m horny in the morning and masturbating lol. I have an urge to have a gang bang and have 5 dicks around me every day, but I resist. But hey, maybe this is just half of the urge of the average guy... 🤷🏻‍♀️Must be tough to have an even higher sex drive. I should be grateful mine is so low, thanks for reminding me my urges are so …
/r/PurplePillDebate05/03/26 12:22 AM
1

Wow those sound like incredibly tough choices. Caring about someone enough that you can’t abandon them, while also knowing it complicates your own life and relationships must be emotionally exhausting… While I’m very inclined to say “But you matter too! Don’t neglect your own dreams and connections and life as it passes by” I realise life is more complicated than some good sounding advice isn’t it. Ultimately, you’re the only one who can know what is right for you. What is liveable for you. I pr…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/03/26 10:05 PM
1

I see. Sounds indeed like a difficult situation. How is this for you? I know you say you care like he is family. I can tell you have that “old couples vibe” (I hope you don’t mind me saying as an analogy, I have no clue what your age is lol) going on where you’re bickering and complaining a little about one another, but you can just hear that ultimately you care on a very deep level. In any case I admire your commitment to him, which goes beyond ideas of romance or ideal marriage. Friendship is …
/r/PurplePillDebate04/03/26 09:28 PM
2

This is a pretty unique situation. May I ask what made you choose to care for him? Was there still platonic love between you?
/r/PurplePillDebate04/03/26 09:12 PM
3

Yeah I did ask feedback and it turned out my partner was even happy I shared so I was relieved that I did estimate it right. Intention also matters. We can’t always know perfectly what someone wouldn’t want to be shared if it’s not made explicit. But I really attempt to take people’s sensitivities that I’m aware of into account. Personally I don’t have secrets. Anyone is allowed to share anything about me, unless I explicitly asked them to not share. Otherwise I don’t really mind if my partners …
/r/PurplePillDebate04/03/26 09:08 PM
4

I think it’s also the female version of “I want a dumb blonde with big boobs”. It’s like “locker room talk” but it’s more loud than it is seriously meant.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/03/26 08:56 PM
7

Well were you sure they shouldn’t have shared? I’m polyamorous. It’s all a recent and new thing, for both me and my 2 male partners. I was sharing something about my earliest partner to my most recent partner. At 3 times my most recent partner said “I think you’re oversharing and your other partner might mind that you share these things”. I was pretty confident he wouldn’t mind, but it still caused internal doubt and I felt upset. I talked with my earliest partner and he told me I estimated it e…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/03/26 08:41 PM
14

As a woman (and feminist) I agree with most of the patterns you named. They’re rooted in reality. Only thing I would say is: * I don’t share information with friends I was explicitly asked not to share. * I don’t share information that could put my partners in a negative light. * I don’t share things I simply KNOW they would not want me to share. This doesn’t automatically turn men into great communicators. There are gendered communication patterns and they both have flaws. We need effort from b…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/03/26 08:22 PM
1

Oh I’ve had many urges in my life. It’s good I didn’t act on all of them. And when I did I often did experience regret. Sometimes the urge is better off staying in the realm of longing/fantasy/desire/daydream and the reality is just less good. I have many sexual fantasies I know for sure I do NOT ever want to actually do for real. Not everything needs to be played out in reality.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/03/26 08:10 PM
0

Given the theme of your recent posts I think it’s evident you don’t want to have sex soon. That’s fine Lillth. You attempt to defend it by spreading the narrative most women don’t want this. You even quote statistics when challenged. But the thing is: you’re allowed to not want to have early sex, even when the majority of women would. The truth is statistics don’t matter here. It doesn’t matter whether the majority of women wants early sex or not. The point is you’re perfectly allowed your own p…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/03/26 08:06 PM
1

In Spain that’s not applied to all women, only for those diagnosed by a doctor with severe menstrual pain and the absence is on a doctors note. This is kinda normal, because if you had another injury or medical reason causing you pain you would also go to the GP to get a doctors note. So I’m not sure how gendered the measure is, the only thing gendered is that men don’t experience this specific pain because they have no uterus, but they are also allowed to go to the GP when they can’t work due t…
/r/PurplePillDebate03/03/26 10:47 PM
1

Where do women as we speak get extra sick days for having periods?
/r/PurplePillDebate03/03/26 10:34 PM
2

Love this mindset 🫶 as a fellow feminist I agree
/r/PurplePillDebate03/03/26 10:32 PM
1

Do women get extra sick days? Where? I have premenstrual dysphoria and migraines around my menstruation. I don’t get sick day. I endure it. I never missed a day of work in my life because of my periods. I never skipped on gym in high school, even though it hurt as hell. Gym teachers don’t care? I never skipped on an exam, even though I remember having a big migraine during my period on an oral exam. We do endure it.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/03/26 10:26 PM
1

I don’t know do you even have evidence here? The biological proof is very scientifically sound. Even in a utopian egalitarian society women would still outlive men with their longer telomeres and protective estrogen. Everyone sees periods and pregnancy as something women must just endure: as we just endure it? The gap in life expectancy can’t be fixed. You can’t magically make male telomeres longer? You all can become trans and take estrogen hormonal therapy, maybe that would elongate your lives…
/r/PurplePillDebate03/03/26 09:42 PM
–

even though men mainly pay for it In most Western countries tax systems are based on income, not sex. Higher earners pay more tax… Historically men earned more on average so historically male tax contribution was higher. That is not the same as “men funding women”… money disproportionately goes towards women Public spending often follows need or risk distribution, not sex... Prostate cancer funding goes to men. Maternal health funding goes to women. Occupational injury spending often benefits ma…
/r/PurplePillDebate03/03/26 08:03 PM
1

Men’s lower life expectancy is not primarily explained by “society caring less”. Biologically, several factors contribute: men have only one X chromosome (men are more vulnerable to X-linked recessive disorders because they have only one X chromosome, so harmful mutations are not buffered by a second copy), they develop cardiovascular disease earlier on average since testosterone is associated with higher cardiovascular risk and women may benefit from some protective effects of estrogen on the v…
/r/PurplePillDebate03/03/26 07:56 PM
1

I’m not missing out, I have 2 great partners already, who do feel valued within my worldview, who do feel strongly connected and loved by me. Calling research about dating “scientific” shows me you’re not so knowledgeable about science, since none of that research is very scientific. It’s all questionnaires with sampling bias and low response rates. That’s a very bad scientific method. And what does it matter what statistics would even say? Even if hypothetically you would be correct (which you …
/r/PurplePillDebate03/03/26 07:45 PM
1

I fall for male nerds so I don’t see the issue, they’re my type. I’m also sapiosexual and demisexual so I don’t really look at looks. Sad that you’re missing out on women like me who could be attracted to you only if you dropped that bullshit. And no it’s not a language sensitivity, I don’t care about language. It’s a worldview mismatch. I don’t view dating like it’s a monopoly game, when real humans are involved and when eventually it’s about connection and compatibility and love.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/03/26 03:22 PM
–

I don’t really think about humans in percentages, that’s pretty hard for me to do as a thinking exercise. I think I could potentially be attracted to almost any man as long as we have interesting deep conversations, we ideologically match, we emotionally care for one another… I just need to feel deeper existential alignment and intellectual stimulation. Edit: to answer more specifically I think I could be attracted to far more than 15% of men but I don’t think I’m compatible with as much as 15% …
/r/PurplePillDebate03/03/26 11:20 AM
–

I’m not sure. I think some smart men are choosing ideologies I don’t ethically support, so they cancel themselves out for me. Do you mean purely looks wise or do you mean to their minds?
/r/PurplePillDebate03/03/26 11:12 AM
–

I could potentially be attracted to a lot of men, since I’m demisexual and sapiosexual, so I fall mostly after having formed an intellectual and emotional connection. I don’t care about height or BMI or looks that much. But if an increasing amount of men is voting extreme right, anti-abortion, turning to manosphere spaces, or talking about dating like it’s a transactional market game instead of intimacy building less and less men become attractive to me indeed. The more I see men approaching dat…
/r/PurplePillDebate03/03/26 11:04 AM
4

I get that modern dating feels more competitive to some people. I’m empathetic to the feelings it causes. But your language just makes me want to disengage entirely as a woman. The “market” framing turns intimacy and relationships into cold transactions. It makes me want to have nothing to do with it as a woman, it pushes me away when men talk like this and think like this. It feels dehumanising in a way, like we’re all just products and not humans with internal lives and experiences and emotion…
/r/PurplePillDebate03/03/26 10:16 AM
5

I like the idea of niche maxxing, although I’m not sure if I’m compatible with some other neurodivergent people lmao. My need for full flexibility and spontaneity tends to clash with people needing routine and structure. And someone with the exact same quirks as me would also not work out well logistically considering I can’t plan well… But yes could be a good suggestion to expand a network. Most of my friends are NTs, but they don’t always get me.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/03/26 09:22 PM
2

"Here's why making fun of men is actually fine: they are ugly and they feel bad I call them ugly" That’s not what she said. She was talking about men’s need for external validation. She said: … even when its something people arent caring about. Ironically, making them even less attractive because of their bad attitudes and obsession with themselves. That’s not women finding men ugly. That’s men caring about stuff women don’t care about and men needing women to validate them. Leading to them beco…
/r/PurplePillDebate02/03/26 09:15 PM
2

In that case I agree with you.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/03/26 08:52 PM
10

I mean how do you see “professional help” here in the context of neurodivergence? What is professional help going to do in this scenario? Give you some tricks how to hide your neurodivergence better? I thought the point of dating was getting to know the “real version” of someone and that you want to be in a relationship with someone when they’re being real and not pretending they’re someone they’re not… Should neurodivergent people always adapt completely to neurotypical norms? Or is it maybe ti…
/r/PurplePillDebate02/03/26 08:42 PM
2

You’re just too cool for them
/r/PurplePillDebate02/03/26 08:13 PM
3

You’re moving the goalposts. I’m not saying they don’t face that type of discrimination, I’m queer myself… It’s just not what we were talking about. You’re being intellectually dishonest. We weren’t talking about trauma caused by being queer. You just bring this up out of nowhere. I never wrote it’s not a thing because it clearly is, it just wasn’t the subject of our thread back then and it isn’t now. You’re just dodging the fact that you imply queer people are damaged people who trauma dump and…
/r/PurplePillDebate02/03/26 05:48 PM
1

Good to know the LGBT community never considered discrimination to be traumatic. It’s not what you implied, we were speaking about attachment trauma and trauma influencing relationship formation. You basically called queer people damaged and said they trauma dump and use sex to cope with trauma. You said this: Well...considering the amount of trauma that community has, I can completely see how people will immediately trauma dump and quickly build that emotional connection. Thing is, that's not t…
/r/PurplePillDebate02/03/26 05:11 PM
3

Casual = lack of serious intent (so specifically looking for short term hook ups). He said he’s looking for long term relationships.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/03/26 04:24 PM
2

That brings me back to what I said a long time ago: people choose not to be that close to friends, not that they can’t. Oh I have very close friends, most of them just live on a distance as most of my best friends I made while I was abroad. I also have a lot of childhood friends and local friends who I regularly go out with but they just aren’t always interested in talking about politics, philosophy or stuff that I like to talk about. It’s hard to find people you intellectually connect with. It’…
/r/PurplePillDebate02/03/26 04:22 PM
2

If immediate sex with someone you barely know is a requirement then you require casual sex to proceed to a possible long term arrangement. What is barely know? With my most recent partner our first date was a 4 day trip abroad. That was the first time we met. Prior we had been talking hours every day on the phone for a month. I’m not claiming I knew him fully but I would say before I slept with him I knew him more deeply than I know some of my friends. We talked about our attachement styles, pas…
/r/PurplePillDebate02/03/26 12:30 PM
–

I’m not actively dating though. I just had one LDR relationship, we always said it was open for polyamory because we didn’t want to take opportunities away from each other (with the distance and all), but we loved each other too much to break up and move on. Then I coincidentally met someone else and fell for them. Now I have 2 partners and they are both comfortable with that. I’m not actively dating and I never was. I had kinda given up on it before I had my LDR. Dating apps and dating totally …
/r/PurplePillDebate02/03/26 07:02 AM
1

It does happen quite frequently when you’re a woman. I’ve seen it and I’ve also had the experience when I was on dating apps myself a few years ago that some men indicate they’re looking for a LTR while they’re not or they are being vague or misleading about it on purpose. However, I disagree to conclude therefore most men are like this. I most of all disagree that early sex always indicates the connection isn’t meant to be serious. She said in other posts it’s always causal. But I’m someone onl…
/r/PurplePillDebate02/03/26 06:59 AM
–

Proving my point …
/r/PurplePillDebate01/03/26 10:41 PM
–

I was not trying to present evidence. I was merely agreeing that it’s a common pattern indeed, one I can’t explain well, and I was trying to explain what I think could in some instances be at play by looking inward and seeing what drives me. Women are indeed vocal about what they like, but they aren’t usually believed right? Very often they’re portrayed as liars. That’s what I was talking about. The fact that if you say you care about someone’s personality the most, there’s always gonna be a bun…
/r/PurplePillDebate01/03/26 10:28 PM
6

I wouldn’t say the latter category is morally inferior but they sure are playing games and it’s valid men don’t want to put up with that
/r/PurplePillDebate01/03/26 09:41 PM
–

Why that assumption though? I like talking about dating dynamics and I have 2 partners
/r/PurplePillDebate01/03/26 09:38 PM
–

Yeah it’s a real pattern. I think I even tend to do it. It’s kind of hard to explain why… I guess for me personally I see men being lonely and in pain and complaining about it, but then drawing the wrong conclusions… about women and about attraction and I guess the talk about “my partner is the ONE” is kind of a way to counter what we perceive as unhelpful narratives? Because it’s the only evidence we have against narratives that we only fall for 6 feet, 6 figures or 6 packs… That we do fall for…
/r/PurplePillDebate01/03/26 08:52 PM
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Is that an Italian recipe? Looks delicious. Could eat pasta any day.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/03/26 08:45 PM
2

Most of us don’t hate men and don’t see men as enemies. We just criticise patriarchal gender roles and analyse the harm they bring.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/03/26 08:40 PM
2

A good blow job has lots of transitions as well? I notice how my partners respond when I transition a lot and it’s clearly more enjoyable for men as well… so this argument doesn’t make sense… nobody likes to feel like they’re being stimulated by a robot. Passion and surprise and pacing is what makes it so good.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/03/26 07:47 PM
4

I think it’s more the frustration that sucking dick is default but eating out is not. I’ve only received oral by 1 romantic partner in my life but I’ve sucked every dick I had sex with. It’s also not a requirement to receive oral. If someone isn’t into it, it’s kinda hard to enjoy mentally, which is why I wouldn’t necessarily ask or pressure it. I also don’t think it would make me orgasm but I do think it’s nice. But overall maybe some women feel a bit off being expected to give oral but never r…
/r/PurplePillDebate01/03/26 07:45 PM
2

Yes lmao I wonder if anyone read all of it
/r/PurplePillDebate01/03/26 07:36 PM
42

If early sex is important to you, own it. People do own it all the time. And the past few weeks any time anyone said that sexual compatibility is important for a relationship, you said that means that we only want something CASUAL and aren’t looking for anything serious. You insisted on that several times. So if you say this phrase I’m gonna reply; let us own it, without telling us what our intentions are. Early sex can be important to someone wanting something serious.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/03/26 07:21 PM
3

For me it does. I’m demisexual and sapiosexual so without an emotional and intellectual connection I won’t experience any attraction 🤷🏻‍♀️ none
/r/PurplePillDebate01/03/26 07:16 PM
2

I would say option 2 but that’s only because this scenario is unlikely for me as a demisexual and a sapiosexual. If I genuinely like someone as a person, and I have that emotional and intellectual connection, I WILL feel the spark, I will feel attraction. For me C leads to B… So I guess it’s a scenario that just wouldn’t happen for me. And otherwise I obviously pick option 3. Without C there’s just no relationship, period.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/03/26 07:14 PM
4

I haven’t seen this as a broad pattern. The reverse is more common in my own experience. Moms freaking out and dads being chill about things. Although my mom was letting me be very independent when it came to backpacking alone as a young woman, which I’m grateful for. When I went to Africa alone for 8 months when I was 25y old my dad had difficulty sleeping at first I was told. I definitely saw my mom being very easily worried when it came to my brother. I find it a common pattern that fathers a…
/r/PurplePillDebate01/03/26 07:09 PM
1

Not sure how much I would trust these sources. Pew research doesn’t always produce the most solid stuff. It relies a lot on self report and I looked into some other of those type of “studies” and what they often do is call people on the phone for a quastionnaire. Most people obviously don’t want to answer or don’t have time so they have extremely low response rates leading to all sorts of bias. As someone reading a lot of scientific literature in my profession I’m not really impressed by that. A…
/r/PurplePillDebate01/03/26 03:28 PM
0

You all marry first or what? When do you have sex? After meeting his grandparents?
/r/PurplePillDebate01/03/26 02:57 PM
2

I guess then food sharing can be nice. You can have a taste of several pies. And if you pick the right ones maybe you encounter those sort of flavour explosions that are sweet and salty at the same time.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/02/26 03:04 PM
1

No. I’m attracted to complexity. If you hear “ugly and disgusting” that’s your framing, not mine. You’re reducing a symbolic pattern to a literal trait list. That’s not what I said. I was talking about contrast… light/dark, refinement/roughness... I mentioned I like to explore sexuality conceptually. Beauty and the beast is an archetype. Like I said before I’m really into the cute hobbits like Sam as well. Aragorn and Legolas are very obviously attractive. Attraction is not a binary. Intellectua…
/r/PurplePillDebate28/02/26 03:01 PM
1

Are you into the sweet pies? Or more savoury ones?
/r/PurplePillDebate28/02/26 02:55 PM
1

Yeah I guess I was more into the conceptual idea of the hobbits and the orcs presenting the good and the bad. I don’t actually think I would want to fuck with a slimy orc that stinks and has a bad breath. As with most kinks it usually lingers at the conceptual level in my mind. Once you start talking about practical stuff I’m often inclined to say “well maybe I rather not”. I guess it was more of a “beauty and the beast” type of concept. It’s why many young women are attracted to older men as we…
/r/PurplePillDebate28/02/26 02:27 PM
6

So all the pies lack intelligence as a species or what are you saying?
/r/PurplePillDebate28/02/26 02:14 PM
2

It’s not because you perceive it that way that it is that way. At no point did I ever talk about anything being non-consensual or violent. I was just playing with some concepts in my mind. I didn’t judge you for desiring femboy Sauron, even though that’s not my thing. I’m a pretty open and sex positive person.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/02/26 02:13 PM
2

You sound like you’ve been through a lot. And it doesn’t sound easy. Not at all. You’re not alone though. Many other men and women have significant hurdles in their lives. Carry scars from past relationships. Have body insecurities. Deal with family related struggles or career difficulties. It’s not all equal. Some struggle significantly harder than others. But life is unfair. Anyone who watches a documentary features animals can clearly see it. Humans like to pretend they’re not mammals too. We…
/r/PurplePillDebate28/02/26 02:10 PM
2

Is it violated if it’s consensual?
/r/PurplePillDebate28/02/26 01:26 PM
2

Come on man how bad are you at interpreting? Are you misreading me on purpose? That was sarcasm. No I was not looking out for it. But yes of course being in a romantic far away environment helped. But I didn’t intent for it to happen. Like said before I fell for his fashion sense, dance moves, politeness and most of all his attractive vibe. The point was his BMI didn’t matter. I didn’t chose him because he was fat and I wanted to fuck someone fat. Neither did I not choose him because he was fat.…
/r/PurplePillDebate28/02/26 01:19 PM
7

True the pies aren’t all innocent
/r/PurplePillDebate28/02/26 01:16 PM
2

Right… and the fact that they were Ecuadorean and looked different already didn’t make them exotic enough? You believe what you want to believe.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/02/26 12:41 PM
14

I’m not sure if it’s true misandry, I see it more as a hierarchical and competitive scarcity mindset. Someone else having a piece of pie causing anxiety one doesn’t have pie themselves and trying to convince the pies the pie-eaters are bad hoping the pie will come to them instead. If you have an abundance mindset and believe there’s enough pie for everyone, even if some people eat more pie, you won’t talk bad about pie-eaters to pie. You just wait for your own piece of pie. I guess food sharing …
/r/PurplePillDebate28/02/26 12:37 PM
2

Sure. But tell my why I picked him and not his taller normal BMI friends? You’re circling around that.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/02/26 12:16 PM
2

Well I would wanna be Arwen of course. And orcs are the bad guys, hobbits the good ones. All a matter of balance.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/02/26 12:15 PM
2

But all the other normal BMI dudes were in the same country and romantic environment? He was the heaviest and he wasn’t the tallest but he was the most attractive to me… The difference maybe is I sense you have a very negative mindset and he didn’t have that. Like I said he was a happy vibing person. He approached me, didn’t think he wasn’t enough for me, didn’t assume I would go for the other guys… he asked me to dance with him… his confidence was sexy.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/02/26 11:41 AM
1

Oh I’m not really into one night stands or casual sex so it was kind of an exception indeed.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/02/26 11:26 AM
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Why not? I always had a thing for Sam. The orcs are there to make it more taboo.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/02/26 11:24 AM
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I do. I’m polyamorous and it’s new and last night I had a very long and deep conversation with the guy with who I have the relationship that was the longest established. He encouraged me to explore polyamory from the beginning, I was more closed minded to it at first because I feared hurting him. But then recently I met someone else and fell in love again. And now I’m experiencing so much love for these two men. And as I was sitting on my couch last night I was thinking gosh I love men. And I fe…
/r/PurplePillDebate28/02/26 10:54 AM
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Interesting choice. I guess I’ll have an orgy with some orcs and hobbits pretending I look like Arwen.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/02/26 10:51 AM
13

I kinda do feel like a lot of fiction written for women screwed me up when I was younger. I’m not sure Romantasy already existed back then but a lot of the young adult books for women had story lines similar to twilight: young idealistic shy virgin woman gets approached by hot emotionally damaged not so shy man. Fairy tales and Disney and romcoms teach women from a young age on they are “passive participants” in love. They’re waiting for the knight on the white horse and their job is to be prett…
/r/PurplePillDebate28/02/26 09:45 AM
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No 😭💔 okay everyone their own opinion
/r/PurplePillDebate28/02/26 09:23 AM
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Who’s the hottest?
/r/PurplePillDebate28/02/26 09:23 AM
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So what should I have written instead if I wanted to make men feel appreciated? Not “men appreciation comment”? How should I have formulated and chosen my words according to you so it wouldn’t come across as a rage bait or flex attempt?
/r/PurplePillDebate28/02/26 09:18 AM
5

I had a one night stand once with someone who was obese when I was 23 🤷🏻‍♀️ I was on an internship abroad in Ecuador and we were invited for a predrink by some local guys we met at the hospital where we did our internship. All his friends weren’t obese, but I immediately told my girl friends I liked HIM out of all of them because he just had a sense of fashion that stood out and it made me curious about him. He asked me to dance with him and boy he had the moves in his hips. I had no eyes for hi…
/r/PurplePillDebate28/02/26 09:05 AM
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Thanks 😊
/r/PurplePillDebate28/02/26 08:57 AM
1

Lately I’m not listening very often to music 🥲 I feel like I’m constantly busy (but as you can see it’s an illusion). In my car I’m listening to the classical music and jazz they play at the classical music radio station (several genres) because it makes me calmer in the morning before work. Before and after work I’m sensitive to sound.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/02/26 02:09 AM
1

Yeah I’m going to a therapist and a neurodiversity coach
/r/PurplePillDebate28/02/26 02:05 AM
1

Good idea. I guess I could also do it with the men I date (I’m poly and I’m currently having 2 relationships). I think they also have body insecurities. Men don’t get compliments about their looks often and I noticed when you do compliment them it’s hard for them to believe sometimes.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/02/26 01:35 AM
2

Oh thanks ♥️ maybe I will (if I don’t eventually forget like with my alarms, calendar, apps, notes and magnet board 😁)
/r/PurplePillDebate28/02/26 01:32 AM
1

Sam steals my heart every time. Such a cutie, taking care of mr Frodo
/r/PurplePillDebate28/02/26 01:30 AM
2

It’s hard to believe but it seems like it yes
/r/PurplePillDebate28/02/26 01:26 AM
1

Can I adopt you? Sometimes I feel like I’m a child that still needs a teacher telling them which tasks to do next lol. Thanks 😘
/r/PurplePillDebate28/02/26 01:26 AM
2

Yeah lol. Why do people assume only men are into LOTR? I watched the extended edition 20 times or something.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/02/26 01:23 AM
1

Ah yeah I get that. But for me that has to do with body insecurities mostly. I’m confident about my boobs so I like wearing sexy bra’s but I’m not confident about the rest of my body. I don’t think I’m there yet where I’ll immediately wear something I don’t feel comfortable in shape wise. But there’s always a middle road. He could say what style he likes and I could find a specific piece that I feel suits my shape.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/02/26 01:21 AM
0

Someone’s coming over tomorrow to cook for me… I kinda want to tidy up lol. It’s the first time he sees my place. I’m sure he doesn’t give a shit about how neat things are. I just do. It just feels better when it’s all organised. Also I have to make a boring task before he comes for some course I’m taking besides my job.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/02/26 01:18 AM
1

Hmm… I find myself growing into it after a while… I guess I do like to pleasure someone and hear and see their reactions and feel proud that I did that… and after a while I tend to like the same things
/r/PurplePillDebate28/02/26 01:14 AM
2

His kinks become mine too because him being all horny is my kink Edit: didn’t mean your husband lol 😂
/r/PurplePillDebate28/02/26 01:11 AM
1

Awake at night 2am in ADHD freeze mode. I was gonna do some stuff. But I’m too lazy to do it this late. It’s too late. But I don’t want to go to bed before it’s done either. I get stressed thinking about having to do more tomorrow if I don’t do it now. But I really don’t want to do it now, mostly because I don’t know where to start and how to begin… 5 more minutes on Reddit and then I’ll do something… This has been on repeat the past 2,5h hours and I’ve just been sitting on my couch scrolling on…
/r/PurplePillDebate28/02/26 01:09 AM
1

That’s awesome. Don’t change that.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/02/26 12:55 AM
8

I mean… people here downvote for saying this but your internal state matters as well… You can go to the gym every day but if you come off depressed and desperate you’re indeed not gonna attract anybody no matter how much you work on your looks. I used to be depressed. It wasn’t good. Lately I’ve been feeling so much better in my skin. Thing is, I’m at a weight a lot of men would probably say they wouldn’t want on paper. Yet when I go out now, I notice I have much more male attention than before …
/r/PurplePillDebate28/02/26 12:44 AM
3

I feel like this was inspired by my comment lol. My boyfriends are also allowed other relationships. I’m okay with them having multiple women, as long as they treat me right.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/02/26 12:32 AM
2

I guess I do that when gas is expensive that day and it’s an expensive gas station and I’ll fill up completely when I see it’s rather cheap.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/02/26 12:29 AM
1

People don’t cheat to escape their partner. They cheat to escape the person they’ve become themselves. Being involved with someone new gives them the fleeting feeling that they are someone new too… The novelty makes them feel desired, chosen and alive. Until reality kicks in like a hangover. Cheaters are fed up with themselves most of all.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/02/26 12:25 AM
8

Do others look down on you? Or do you look down on yourself? Who says you’re undesirable besides the voice in your head?
/r/PurplePillDebate28/02/26 12:14 AM
3

Thanks 😊
/r/PurplePillDebate28/02/26 12:01 AM
6

Whereas it is obviously and undeniably true that good looking people have a much easier time getting dates that doesn’t always mean 1) those dates are succesful and result in compatibility, and 2) other people are doomed to be alone forever. I don’t think it’s such an unrealistic thing to want; to be loved and desired and to love and desire someone else. It’s tougher than it used to be to find potential dates but tough and hard and waiting longer… doesn’t mean it’s impossible or an unrealistic f…
/r/PurplePillDebate28/02/26 12:00 AM
9

I guess that’s a normal desire
/r/PurplePillDebate27/02/26 11:36 PM
3

My 2 relationships are really good. We’re all very happy and in love and don’t hurt anyone.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/02/26 11:25 PM
3

How is this rage bait? 💔😭
/r/PurplePillDebate27/02/26 11:22 PM
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As long as you’re both honouring your own needs and respecting each others, any door is open I guess? And if those aren’t compatible that sucks a lot! But it sounds like you’re experienced in knowing when something is for you and when it isn’t… so time will tell… Sending you hugs! 🫂🫂🫂
/r/PurplePillDebate27/02/26 11:21 PM
4

I’m new to polyamory and I’m so in love with my 2 boyfriends! 😍 Intellectual men are the sexiest. Men appreciation comment ♥️ you’re a delicious gender and I’m happy you exist
/r/PurplePillDebate27/02/26 11:15 PM
2

I like it when my man tells me I’m a good girl when I’m acting like a hoe for him. That’s the reward.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/02/26 10:56 PM
1

Good day to you as well 😊 and no you didn’t come across hostile at all
/r/PurplePillDebate27/02/26 10:53 PM
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Sorry to hear that! Sounds like you both communicated your needs well and recognised each others needs so you both handled it maturely.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/02/26 10:48 PM
1

Well I respect your perspective. I do still see it as a valuable model, despite the broad misunderstandings and misuse. I’m aware many men are feeling unwelcome and like their worries aren’t being addressed by many feminists, although I tend to also gently place this in the broader context of social media, algorithms, polarisation… Social media doesn’t reward nuanced takes unfortunately and it amplifies black and white views. I don’t think it always represents the population correctly. I think b…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/02/26 10:24 PM
1

I question how well a term that still ultimately links men and masculinity to the bad things I’m not sure you know what patriarchy is? The way you talk about it? It was first used and defined by socialists and anthropologists who noticed a certain pattern in civilisations all across the globe. Then feminists adopted the already existing framework because they aimed to offer a corrective lens for what they saw as injustices. I don't really understand how something like the duluth model can someho…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/02/26 09:13 PM
1

Well if you take patriarchy analysis seriously and you read the serious feminist works, this is what it comes down to. Those works get misinterpreted a lot, also by people identifying themselves as feminists. However both men and women do uphold patriarchy. bell hooks wrote about “patriarchy”: In popular culture the word itself was hardly used during the heyday of contemporary feminism. Antimale activists were no more eager than their sexist male counterparts to emphasize the system of patriarch…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/02/26 08:21 PM
2

Your thinking aligns with how many feminists see this as well. It’s indeed a double sided coin. Men are seen as more competent but also more malicious easily. Women on the other hand experience the women are wonderful effect but they also experience infantilisation. Both effects are perpetuated by both men and women, at least that’s how feminists see it, considering both men and women perpetuate patriarchy.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/02/26 04:22 PM
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Sounds like a minor concussion so I guess I don’t understand what’s icky? He didn’t lose consciousness. He didn’t vomit. He didn’t experience a significant worsening of the headaches. I’m assuming he’s not on anticoagulants. There’s no sign of confusion, amnesia, seizure, slurred speech, unequal pupils, drowsiness, numbness… He seems neurologically intact. So… Sounds like a minor concussion. Symptoms often peak in the first 24–48 hours and gradually improve over days. The treatment is conservati…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/02/26 04:16 PM
3

Maybe it was unrelated to you? I tend to had vivid daydreams and sometimes smile or chuckle and realise too late other people are in front of me…
/r/PurplePillDebate26/02/26 09:25 PM
2

I’m a poly newbie. I definitely still experience jealousy. Like you say it’s actually a great moment for personal growth, you get to examine why the feeling arose and what it’s telling you. It’s a signal and signals aren’t to be repressed, they’re not to be panicked over either. Just observed I guess. Really cool that there are other poly people on this sub. I recognise your flair, I’ve seen you around before.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/02/26 08:56 PM
3

It has an LGBTQ flag, it is considered a queer practice… it challenges heteronormative relationship structures. That’s exactly why you don’t like it lol. I wouldn’t necessarily really fully “desire” someone I casually sleep with. Women casually sleep with men for all sorts of reasons. Sometimes it’s just a self esteem boost, sometimes it’s because of being horny, sometimes its triggers of past trauma or attachment triggers. I only truly desire the men I form relationships with. That’s just logic…
/r/PurplePillDebate26/02/26 08:42 PM
3

I just think the poly lifestyle is disgusting and a degeneration of society. You know a couple decades people used to say this about gay people right? Being gay was also consider gross and abnormal because it wasn’t the default. It takes a while for queer ways of loving to get accepted… In a few decades you might find yourself embarrassed you ever said this. Also; explain why having casual sex is somehow okay but loving more than 1 person makes you morally inferior? What’s wrong with having a lo…
/r/PurplePillDebate26/02/26 08:17 PM
–

I’m not sure… I think not. I did have guys offended for not reading “romantic cues” apparently, when I’m the one focusing on 1 subject.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/02/26 10:17 PM
–

You do like her a lot. I can just hear it. Well good luck! 😊
/r/PurplePillDebate25/02/26 10:15 PM
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I imagine she must be lol. She must also be able to put up with a lot of rhetorical arguments and hard to defy internal logic 😂 you’re good at presenting a case, she must have a tough job if she wants to change your mind about things 😁 do you ever debate with her about ppd subjects?
/r/PurplePillDebate25/02/26 09:58 PM
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I think I have that “issue” myself when I love a guy… Sometimes I only hear about 80% of what they say and I’m just gazing a bit while they are passionately talking about some smart subject I don’t know much about… gosh I love smart men
/r/PurplePillDebate25/02/26 09:49 PM
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That’s really good to hear! I hope it works out for you. You come off like an empathetic dude. Hope the new person treats you kindly.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/02/26 09:45 PM
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Women are taken seriously by good husbands
/r/PurplePillDebate25/02/26 09:41 PM
1

Having an emotional connection doesn’t make them meaningful on a deep existential level. I’ve had feelings for dozens and dozens of guys in my life. I can count on one hand the ones that I actually truly loved and that meant the world to me. You can have feelings for someone without it meaning that person means a lot to you (especially not if you catch feelings easily anyway). Sometimes you have feelings for someone because they just trigger something in your attachment system, it doesn’t mean m…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/02/26 09:29 PM
0

No I wasn’t making the point that feeling empowered automatically makes a relationship egalitarian. In your example indeed there is a structural asymmetry if the woman doesn’t make decisions at all and especially if there isn’t room for making exceptions or changing the dynamic when she needs it to. In my opinion neither of you were being clear whether you meant sexual submissiveness or total submissiveness. I would say it’s true that many women want to be more sexually submissive to a man they …
/r/PurplePillDebate25/02/26 09:15 PM
1

You do you, but that doesn't make it egalitarian. Yes it does. You’re narrowing down what egalitarian means. You could narrow it down endlessly and count on the dollar who spends what, or keep a spreadsheet on who did laundry more often… Dividing shores based on interests is also still egalitarian. If one partner prefers to cook and the other one prefers to do administrative tasks more, there’s also an asymmetry but a chosen one based on preferences. That doesn’t make the relationship less egali…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/02/26 08:59 PM
1

It’s just a kink. I felt sexually repressed my entire life, but examining and exploring kinks feels liberating. I never felt stronger and more confident as a woman before.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/02/26 08:39 PM
1

I disagree. I want an egalitarian relationship but I want to be submissive in the bedroom. There’s a difference between sexual attraction and the rest of the relationship. I want a partnership where there is equal contribution in the financial and domestic domain. But in the bedroom I prefer to be submissive.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/02/26 08:28 PM
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Why? I would say the same principle applies
/r/PurplePillDebate24/02/26 08:17 PM
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Exactly. There’s a difference between having intuition and keeping those as separate “side notes” in your mind and relying on them so they become assumptions. One must avoid assumptions.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/02/26 03:10 PM
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You can’t really measure care or morals in outward expression of emotions. Some people have never learned to self regulate and blurt out everything emotion they feel as they feel it, or lean onto others for validation. That’s not “caring more or having stronger morals”, that’s just little internal anchoring and preferring co-regulation over healthy self-regulation. So “holding frame is overrated” is a little simplistic, although I know what you meant (that a composed reaction could point to indi…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/02/26 11:12 AM
2

So I didnt say ALL MEN. YOU just wanted me to Your comment really confuses me. I never said you literally say “all men”, I said your language implies it. And then I showed you why. I don’t really understand how you draw the conclusion that I want you to talk shit about all men, when I’m asking you to just clarify better if your speaking about all men, some men (minority/majority)… Like can you just be more specific in your language please? That is a general belief held by men. So you do overgene…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/02/26 02:56 PM
3

Horny men pretend to care about romance so they can justify being selfish. You didn’t say “some horny men” It’s very interesting that guys here really don’t see how manipulative it is when it clearly is. You didn’t say “some guys here really don’t see” even though guys have constantly shown and even said fucking a woman doesnt mean he desires anything more than pussy You didn’t say “some guys have constantly shown” So yeah, I’ve come to realize that most men’s definition of love here is “do what…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/02/26 12:46 PM
3

Your language does imply that, you tend to speak in generalisations. At no point are you making clear you’re only referring to a minority of men.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/02/26 08:31 AM
6

Explain that please? Also why would I want that?
/r/PurplePillDebate23/02/26 08:30 AM
3

But would you agree with OP that all men are like this or that some men are like this?
/r/PurplePillDebate22/02/26 06:07 PM
12

Congratulations. You described how SOME guys are. Now the mistake is that you imply all guys are like this.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/02/26 06:06 PM
3

It’s also not that amazing sex is always amazing because of some technical aspects, it can just be amazing because of who you are doing it with. Some men can be quit skilful technically speaking but lack the mental skill it takes to give a woman please. Whereas it’s definitely possible for less experienced men to be better lovers in the bedroom if they have the right mindset and mental skills. Being attentive and attuned is underrated. I’m quite lucky to have had experiences with men who are att…
/r/PurplePillDebate22/02/26 02:19 PM
3

Exactly. Having been through that phase myself I recognise it in others.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/02/26 02:15 PM
2

Guys here see sex as part of a transaction. All guys or some guys?
/r/PurplePillDebate22/02/26 02:14 PM
1

How about demisexual people? Do you think for them it’s always that separated? Would you say it’s not ever an indicator for love or but a poor indicator? Because I would just say in general it’s a poor indicator considering there are many connections through sex that don’t involve love… but for some people love and sex is connected though.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/02/26 01:31 PM
2

I don’t mind being compared to a wild animal. The counter question of man vs bear is woman vs tree. Women are also fine with that. Is that dehumanisation?
/r/PurplePillDebate21/02/26 11:34 PM
2

That’s not the definition of misandry though. Misandry is defined as the hatred, contempt, prejudice or ingrained bias against men. Not seeing something as offensive is not necessarily coming from a place of hate or contempt or prejudice.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/02/26 09:47 PM
2

According to which definition of misandry?
/r/PurplePillDebate21/02/26 02:50 PM
0

I’m not treated this way myself and I do understand it too. But yes I think it’s generally hard to put yourself in other people’s shoes that way.
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates20/02/26 01:56 PM
2

No why? I guess it was also not precisely what I meant but it is similar to rage baiting in the sense that the point is not in the content but in the what the response evokes and how the responder reacts. I’ve not been so precise that I was more drawing the parallel to that mechanism more, than meaning to say the goal is to make men feel rage, because it’s not. But I don’t think that’s rage bait’s goal either; it’s to see who responds to the bait and who doesn’t. It’s an information gathering to…
/r/PurplePillDebate20/02/26 04:41 AM
1

Except that I’m against treating men in a negative manner. A symbolic analogy meant to invoke reflective thinking isn’t “treating men badly”.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/02/26 03:40 AM
1

They never meant to put that much logic into it. You are all digging too deep. It’s just a symbolic statement. Nobody literally believes an average man is more dangerous than an average bear. The fact that you all are missing the symbolic point being made IS the point.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/02/26 01:18 AM
2

Yeah that’s why I like subs where there are some people actually interested in opinions other than their own. We should all just talk more. With people who don’t share our opinions. And try to not be defensive and actually hear what’s being said by the other side.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/02/26 08:38 PM
3

Jesus also picked something different than he would actually pick lol. The scenario wasn’t between choosing A) get slapped by the dude and B) slap the other dude. You invented that scenario, that’s not the story in the Bible. Jesus voluntarily offers his cheeks. While he’s against violence as a core belief. This is symbolism.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/02/26 08:09 PM
3

I did talk to them right 😅 in my post? I’m frequenting that sub. And yeah of course bias exists there too. Let’s not pretend bias isn’t human. It exists in any group or subreddit.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/02/26 08:09 PM
3

If it were meant literal yes. But it’s symbolic. Do I need to explain what symbolism is to you? When Jesus says to turn the other cheek, do you think this is about slapping? Is Jesus disingenuous because actually he wouldn’t want to be slapped again as being a 100% against physical violence is one of his core values, yet he says he wants to get slapped again?
/r/PurplePillDebate19/02/26 07:52 PM
3

Well I got a high upvote ratio so and I got a lot of supportive DMs and some interesting mixed engagement. Most of the responses were in good faith, even the ones disagreeing with me. Some said I have internalised misogyny, Stockholm syndrome or coddle to men. But what do you want it got many comments? Of course there’s gonna be some of that in there… it was still a minority in my experience.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/02/26 07:28 PM
4

Well I agree. Watch my post history if you don’t believe me (on AskFeminists).
/r/PurplePillDebate19/02/26 07:11 PM
2

But you say it to signal a message that you feel doesn’t get heard with literal language. How is that disingenuous?
/r/PurplePillDebate19/02/26 07:10 PM
4

Oh don’t give me the “you’re different” response. That’s no different from “you’re one of the good ones” being told to men.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/02/26 07:08 PM
1

It’s used as both. Why is rage bait bigotry? It’s the opposite. Bigotry is about a position you internally hold, a prejudice. In this example the internal belief is not that all men are dangerous, but that the few exceptions who are are enough for women to fear men. Internally believing not all men are bad but fearing men anyway isn’t bigotry. Bigotry is believing all men are bad.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/02/26 07:07 PM
2

Sure. There are women existing with poor romantic attachment and STDs 🤷🏻‍♀️ it’s not zero. And men wanting to be cautious aren’t misogynistic. I say this as a sexually experienced feminist woman who did grow up anxiously attached. What is misogynistic is ingrained prejudice.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/02/26 07:01 PM
7

I agree with your line of thinking. Your conclusion at the end is very interesting.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/02/26 06:55 PM
6

Is making a symbolic analogy disingenuous? Not in my opinion. People do that all the time. “I feel like shit” = do you literally feel like stool? How does it feel to be poop? It’s not literal…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/02/26 06:53 PM
3

“Their intentions”? I am a feminist. I understand the analogy through and through. It’s the way I use man vs bear.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/02/26 06:52 PM
4

It’s use of symbolism to signal a sense of unsafety and fear.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/02/26 06:49 PM
1

Category error. The man vs bear example doesn’t imply “all men are violent”. It merely implies violent men exist and they are terrible enough to not risk choosing the man, even if it could be a nice one. The fundamentalist Muslim men you mention compare “all non-virgin” women the way you described, all those sexually experienced women are of the same level in their eyes, with no single exception. So it’s not the same. Come up with a better comparison? Misandry and misogyny are hatred, dislike or…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/02/26 06:46 PM
6

Dehumanisation? Feels like you didn’t actually read what I wrote. It’s symbolic, not literal. It’s not meant as category 1 (moral accusation = men are violent animals), it’s meant as category 2 and 3 (risk perception and emotional signaling). These are the intentions. They don’t point to dehumanisation. You “perceive it as such”. But it’s not the intention of feminists using the analogy. You’re misreading the intention behind the entire symbolism. And what are my assumptions? And how do they com…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/02/26 06:41 PM
3

I don’t think any woman would actually pick the bear… that is the entire point. It’s symbolic, not literally meant.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/02/26 06:37 PM
1

You’re passing the test lol
/r/PurplePillDebate19/02/26 06:26 PM
-1

Your assumption is that it’s about misandry. You haven’t given any evidence of misandry. You mistake symbolism for literal comparison. Women don’t say men are like literal bears. They symbolically signal they feel unsafe because they had bad experiences. That’s not misandry.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/02/26 06:21 PM
2

So when someone signals to you that they think women are awful and belong in the kitchen, should have their rights taken away etc your response is to hold space for them? Not defensiveness? Not moral concern? Category error. That’s a direct moral and political claim about what women should be allowed to do (rights, obligations, explicit political view). That’s not a symbolic comparison used as emotion signaling. You appear to not really notice a difference between: 1) Saying “men are violent ani…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/02/26 06:13 PM
2

I think a defensive response to something like this is the justified response to give, and I'd say the same thing if someone said something similar to women. This sort of defensiveness is never healthy, neither morally justified. Whether from women or men. When someone signals something, you don’t center yourself in response. Period. You hold that space for them. And your strong response to what I said is kinda proving my point… Not being able to sit with these implications is in fact failing th…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/02/26 05:12 PM
1

Man vs bear is a moral intuition test, not an actual moral argument. People are taking man vs bear way too literally… That’s why women don’t respond emotionally to men picking trees over women; not responding emotionally is “passing” the moral intuition test. It’s just a rhetorical strategy. Yesterday you were talking about strategic use of words on subs like these yourself as well. You do it to inspire for rethinking. Man vs bear is that. A test to inspire rethinking. The point isn’t “men are w…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/02/26 04:23 PM
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I’m going to a neurodivergence therapist for my adhd. Not for dating advice, just for daily struggles. I’m not sure if therapists will act like personalised dating coaches. But they can help you to live your life in a more aligned way. That will make you more confident and attractive I suppose? The point isn’t to hide your neurodivergence. You need to find a partner who’ll like you for who you are in the end. So a lot of it is acceptance too.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/02/26 04:12 PM
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Seeing a psychiatrist is a medical consultation (diagnosis, follow-up, medication). Therapy is more of an active treatment meant to improve mental health and to teach you tools to deal with your own hurdles in life. At least good therapy does that.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/02/26 03:59 PM
1

What the heck are you sacrificing by giving a child some love?
/r/PurplePillDebate18/02/26 10:16 PM
1

Yes what’s so threatening about children?
/r/PurplePillDebate18/02/26 09:31 PM
1

You’re describing lineage, not ownership. A child isn’t a legacy project. Seeing children primarily as continuation of you is exactly the ego angle I’m talking about. “My ancestors” is history. Parenting is responsibility.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/02/26 09:30 PM
1

No that’s not true. Unless you’re psychologically damaged maybe. If you spend a significant amount of time with a child, both of your brains will grow attached. It’s psychology.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/02/26 09:27 PM
1

Sounds ego-centric and therefore insecure. My bloodline, my relatives, me, me, me, me… you don’t see children as persons of their own. You see them as an extension of yourself. They aren’t you. And if you don’t respect their autonomy, your own children might grow up to despise you.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/02/26 09:12 PM
2

Do you even know what “attachment” is in psychology? You can’t be attached to a child you don’t know.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/02/26 09:10 PM
2

Strategic ambiguity isn’t gaslighting. Maybe it’s ethically questionable in discourse, but it’s not gaslighting. You escalated the frame from “questionable rhetorical tactic” to “psychological abuse”, which is moral framing… which ironically proves his point about how quickly disagreement gets moralised…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/02/26 02:33 PM
1

I understand the strategic angle. I just think there’s a trade-off: if you amplify someone else’s framing to test them, you risk undermining the very epistemic clarity you say you value. It makes it even harder to separate their actual position from the version you’re reacting to. If intellectual integrity is the goal, clarity usually gives you more leverage than strategic ambiguity. Otherwise people end up responding to a position you don’t actually hold… because you started responding to a pos…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/02/26 11:52 AM
1

Maybe my ultimate aim was not to be perfectly understood in this case, but to inspire a rethink of their belief system and to reveal more information about their own beliefs system and assumptions. I’m not sure how appearing to defend denigrating women on dates is supposed to inspire rethinks in their belief systems… if anything the consequence is they think that is what you actually believe and they won’t take you serious on your ideas. I think you have some valuable ideas and it’s a shame you …
/r/PurplePillDebate18/02/26 08:34 AM
1

I disagree. You didn’t explicitly state you disagreed with the framing. You didn’t communicate your internal reasoning clearly. They aren’t mind readers. You do come off as defending “arguing and denigrating women on dates” because you quote that specific section and then respond immediately with said phrase. I understood what you meant with it because I’m familiar with your ideas from this subreddit and another one. But if I didn’t I might have misread as well. If you would have responded more …
/r/PurplePillDebate18/02/26 07:12 AM
1

Sure. Like I said I understood that was what you meant; but it wasn’t so clear from that first comment. If you do quote the area you quoted, say the phrase you did say, without explicitly stating that you’re against denigrating and arguing, and if you would instead make the things you say now explicit there (you know the in between steps in your thinking), you wouldn’t have been misunderstood and mistaken for a “debate bro attitude”. They replied to you this way because you didn’t make your line…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/02/26 06:54 AM
1

I understood what you meant but think because you specifically quoted the phrase about “arguing and denigrating women” and then were talking about something different, debating, your point was misunderstood by others.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/02/26 06:40 AM
6

I see which mechanism you are describing although I’m not sure it’s always at play in these cases. I think sometimes it’s also just limited empathy; inability to place yourself in the shoes of someone else who has a different context. And I think empathy tends to get limited when people perceive they are under thread. I do think a lot of feminists genuinely perceive they are under threat; the rise of extreme right, the nostalgia towards traditionalism, the manosphere… When your system perceives …
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates18/02/26 12:13 AM
1

You’re right I get your point. He was misreading the point of GravelRoads as well.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/02/26 10:46 PM
2

So a normal man changes his opinion based on how much pussy that gets him? How is that having any integrity? You criticised this comment. But now you say: Uh huh and I'm not arguing that men should just say whatever they think will get them laid. If you agree with him then why what was your point?
/r/PurplePillDebate17/02/26 10:36 PM
2

Well me too. You just seemed to react a bit strongly and not really reading the content of what he wrote. He wasn’t defending arguing on dates. Rather oppositely he was distinguishing between arguing and debating. Between arguing and formulating your own authentic opinion. They are not the same. I don’t think it’s a healthy message to send men that they should just suppress all their opinions and answer socially desirable in order to get women. They should be allowed to self express. And it’s no…
/r/PurplePillDebate17/02/26 10:25 PM
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And the other Reddit user who talked about “discussing a topic” and “integrity” has a debate bro attitude according to you? Because it seems to me he was just making the distinction between the very attitude you dislike and having genuinly interesting conversations where you can authentically exchange ideas and don’t need to lie about your opinions in order to sound more socially desirable.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/02/26 10:13 PM
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I don’t really like men who don’t speak their mind and who only have the “socially desirable answer” to everything. How to you get to know someone’s personality and opinions? What’s the point of dating? Exchanging ideas is hot.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/02/26 10:07 PM
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Debating is nice though. Arguing is not.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/02/26 10:04 PM
5

Let me just say I don’t think feminism is particularly good at dealing with internal criticism. That’s because it’s often perceived as a threat. Internal criticism might threaten group harmony, might be used by the other side as backlash arguments… so it scares feminists. But there’s value in internal criticism. It keeps dialogue alive. So yeah whichever “group” I’m in, I’m gonna be the one raising discomfortable questions. Just because I find it valuable.
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates17/02/26 07:31 PM
1

I wasn’t making a case against wanting children of your own at all. I was talking about men not wanting to date women who already have other kids while wanting kids, so not wanting a biological child with someone who already has kids.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/02/26 06:31 PM
1

I think there are a lot. Some of my own friends. Feminists will always have different ideas about different subjects. I see that with my own feminist friends as well. The thing is, I really think more nuanced people just aren’t so loud and visible. This doesn’t apply to just feminists but just overall. And online culture, under the influence of algorithms, rewards loud voices that speak with conviction. The more certain, the more simplified, the more black&white… the more likes.
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates17/02/26 04:42 PM
29

I don’t like that type of simplistic language. “Don’t do creepy things and you’ll be fine” is kind of a lie. There is bias against men in the sense that what a man does will be more closely examined and thus called “creepy” much sooner. The same behaviour from women we wouldn’t call creepy because we don’t have the same level of suspicion. Normal behaviour from men can be interpreted as creepy very easily. So I agree these type of messages aren’t really helpful since they are not true.
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates17/02/26 04:17 PM
2

Mixed. But I did have a very high upvote ratio actually. When you read the comments you would think I would have gotten more downvotes. And I got a lot of supportive DMs too. The loudest commenters aren’t always the majority’s opinion.
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates17/02/26 04:05 PM
2

I absolutely agree with your entire post. Resembles a little bit my own post I made on AskFeminists a while ago… but I actually think you did a better job than me articulating how I feel about these things. Thank you! People like you are very much needed! We need nuanced views like this.
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates17/02/26 08:38 AM
0

The thread isn’t about wanting biological kids. It’s about people who don’t want to have a biological kid with a woman who has kids already.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/02/26 10:46 PM
1

No I don’t see them as parasites. The conversation was about foetuses, not babies. And I was only saying why the comparison is made to a parasite in the sense that they can’t survive independently.
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates16/02/26 01:06 PM
0

They just deleted your comments because you insulted me and now you do it again. Those aren’t the rules of the sub. Can’t you make your point without insulting me?
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates16/02/26 12:52 PM
0

Why are you insulting me? You can give your reasoning without needing to insult me. I’m here to talk, open for conversation. I’m not here as some enemy.
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates16/02/26 12:35 PM
0

How would you define non-pseudoscience so science patriarchy?
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates16/02/26 10:47 AM
1

Okay but are things accepted by the majority always good or better? Norms change throughout time… It’s not because the majority has a subjective notion about something that it’s rooted in truth. Our perspective is influenced by narratives we are told growing up, by socialisation…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/02/26 10:57 PM
1

The subject here wasn’t not being allowed to want kids of your own. It’s not having kids with a person who already has kids.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/02/26 08:32 PM
1

You use the word “normal” but what do you mean with normal?
/r/PurplePillDebate15/02/26 08:09 PM
-2

I would see that as a beautiful challenge. You seem to have a weird understanding of the psychology of kids. However their behaviour may be, however difficult, they all crave for loving emotionally attuned caregivers.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/02/26 07:47 PM
1

But I’m not attached to children I don’t know. I would be attached to children I see and care for regularly and that are children to a man I love. What are you not understanding?
/r/PurplePillDebate15/02/26 05:48 PM
3

What is “mine”? I’m willing to die for the children I would be a stepmother of. They would be attached to me and I would be attached to them. I see no difference if they share my genetics or not. They are children that you love and care for.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/02/26 05:24 PM
1

I never said anything biological is “bad” or “good”, I said kin bias is a tendency, not a hard rule. There’s a difference between acknowledging a bias exists and treating it like it determines how people will bond. Yes people notice resemblance. But attachment research consistently shows bonding is driven much more by caregiving and proximity than by facial similarity. If biology were that rigid, adoptive parents and interracial families would struggle to bond across the board and that’s not wha…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/02/26 05:22 PM
3

Kin bias is a probabilistic tendency, not a biological mandate... If resemblance were the core driver of attachment interracial parents and adoptive parents would consistently bond less with their children which isn’t supported by attachment research. Bonding is driven primarily by caregiving and proximity, not shared DNA. Humans are also a cooperative breeding species and have parented in communities for ages, its only a recent trend that parenting is a task solely given to biological parents. …
/r/PurplePillDebate15/02/26 04:55 PM
1

If you love the kid wholeheartedly they will love you back. That’s just basic psychology, that’s how attachement works. And what use is there for “bloodline”? I mean if this were Game of Thrones and inheritance mattered that way I would understand. What’s so different about your own genetics, are they so fantastic and superior to other people’s genetics? One argument I COULD understand is if the partner does not want to have new kids. Because it can be special to be there during the time when a …
/r/PurplePillDebate15/02/26 04:48 PM
-1

Well I guess age matters so yeah of course teens shouldn’t be dating people with kids and even in your 20s I guess a lot of people don’t feel ready. That’s fair. But they weren’t talking about timing before. They were talking about the fact that the kids aren’t biologically theirs. Edit: switched you and they, I mistook you for the other commenter since you both have yellow profiles
/r/PurplePillDebate15/02/26 02:06 PM
0

Why actually? A child is innocent? Do you see your own children then as “property” or something? And another child isn’t fully “yours”? Because a child is never fully ours, whether we’re biological parents or not. They are a person themselves, and as a parent you have the responsibility to care. Parenting is not about “they are MINE”, it’s about care and responsibility. I do understand people who don’t want children at all not wanting to date people who have children. But I struggle to understan…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/02/26 01:37 PM
5

Okay provide me with some feminist literature that’s taken serious broadly (not some ultra specific branch) that claims ALL men are holding onto patriarchy CONSCIOUSLY
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates14/02/26 04:56 PM
1

I think if I ever were misandrist in my life, it was usually temporary after experiencing hurt. When I was younger and more immature (like adolescence, teens and maybe early 20s). For example after being cheated on or ghosted or feeling like I was emotionally played with, I guess I told myself “all men are like this” as a way of coping with it and toughening up. As a protective mechanism so I wouldn’t let myself get hurt like that again. What’s also common on this sub is phrases like “she should…
/r/PurplePillDebate14/02/26 02:34 PM
-6

Yeah I agree with all that. I definitely never have read any feminist analysis that claims all men are consciously holding onto patriarchy as it doesn’t benefit them at all. It’s more that both men and women are sometimes stuck in patriarchal scripts because we grew up certain ideas of what is “normal” or “how it’s done”. The way I interpret patriarchy from what I have read about is that it operates more at the level of subconscious conditioning. And the only people who benefit are the few at th…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates14/02/26 01:31 PM
11

I think what you mean with male objectification is more specifically “disposability”. Lower class men have been treated as disposable throughout history, as cheap work forces to canon flesh. But this is also something that has been described in analysis about patriarchy.
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates14/02/26 10:31 AM
3

I’m purple pill for the same kind of reasons you listed. I think red pill is onto something when they notice certain things they perceive as hierarchies or male struggle… but I just really never ever agree with the conclusions they make, how they apply science (just cherry picking flawed studies, my heart hurts to call this science), how they turn to absolutist views that are very black and white and ignore individual lived experience and diversity… But yeah blue pill is a little too “defensive”…
/r/PurplePillDebate14/02/26 10:06 AM
1

Oh but as a teen I definitely loved reading about vampires inseminating female protagonists as well. And sure I get your point. I don’t think I’m possessive and I try not to be. But it’s easier to picture a guy I love with another dude than with another woman. That’s probably because of my own body insecurities. With another woman I imagine myself fearing maybe they would be more attracted to her then to me. Although I’m sure I could get over this thought cognitively, as I experience men to be u…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/02/26 04:56 PM
1

I’m very much into men so I understand the appeal lol. Btw lots of women love to watch Brokeback Mountain… I think most viewers or that kind of movies are women and that should tell you something too… (who doesn’t want to see Heath Ledger make out with Jake Gyllenhaal).
/r/PurplePillDebate13/02/26 02:42 PM
1

Not really, why? At least then I have something more unique to offer with my boobs
/r/PurplePillDebate13/02/26 12:30 PM
2

A person who is 33y old has a matured brain. A person who is 24y old usually doesn’t. We’re not neurologically adults the moment we turn legally adults.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/02/26 09:12 PM
1

Yeah, and it means women are expected to be mentally unstable and overly emotional. Which harms women, but also means mental stability is not expected from them to a similar degree. This is in serious contradiction with all my lived experience. Serious. I wish we could swap bodies and you got to experience the shame I have consistently felt throughout my life for exhibiting emotions, for crying, for the fear of being “too much” and for feeling that my own very valid feelings would be in fact cal…
/r/PurplePillDebate11/02/26 08:06 PM
3

Yup lmao. Always funny when people consider all democrat voters “left” or “progressive”. As a European they’re still “right” to me. I’m progressive and egalitarian and I don’t mind any of the things OP mentioned, neither do leftist women that I know IRL.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/02/26 11:11 AM
0

Some women who grew up with inconsistent fathers (like she said) were taught to tiptoe, measure temperature, adapt and be mentally stable and dependable as well. Maybe that’s not specifically a script around courtship like the OP described but women experience these things as well, depending on their attachment styles and bonds with their parents (fathers specifically). So I would be careful to turn this into a zero-sums framing… Yes there is a script where men initiate courtship and are expecte…
/r/PurplePillDebate11/02/26 09:39 AM
5

I don’t see her talking about romantic relationships all that often? She talks about “love” not romantic love. Just the way Christians talk about love. Love refers to Agape love, love you have for family, friendship love, self love, love for the world, love for animals, love for the planet, love for community…
/r/PurplePillDebate10/02/26 09:02 PM
4

There’s still self love. Edit: btw are you seriously referring to the author of heartstopper? Her stuff is full of love. And exactly the sort of full encompassing love hooks talks about. Her aromantic character Isaac is a person full of love for his friends.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/02/26 08:33 PM
5

Where the heck does she talk about the romantic partnerships? She literally isn’t centering that.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/02/26 08:19 PM
4

What do you mean with loveless aro’s? Because aromantic people don’t experience a lack of love in their life. They still have friendships, family…
/r/PurplePillDebate10/02/26 08:18 PM
6

She defines emotional health almost exclusively as the capacity for the type of intimacy required in a romantic partnership. bell hooks does not equate emotional health with romantic couplehood. She consistently uses “love” as an ethical orientation (toward self, others, community…) not as a synonym for romance. Your amatonormativity critique depends on collapsing love into romantic intimacy, but hooks explicitly treats those as distinct. If a man finds fulfillment outside of this structure, hoo…
/r/PurplePillDebate10/02/26 05:39 PM
7

Some of us do condemn sexism towards men. It’s also mostly us on your subreddit lurking.
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates10/02/26 10:42 AM
8

First of all gynocentrism means putting women’s interests over men’s in a zero-sums way. Hooks doesn’t do that, she’s an explicit anti-zero-sums thinker. She treats patriarchy as a system that harms men and women differently but simultaneously. Her core move is to argue that male emotional deprivation is structural and not moral failure. Idk how you turn that into gynocentrism, it’s just structural analysis (and you’re allowed to disagree with the analysis, but that doesn’t turn it into anything…
/r/PurplePillDebate10/02/26 10:22 AM
1

So… you sound like a horrible sex partner.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/02/26 07:36 PM
2

I never claimed men don’t experience shame around sexuality? They have their own scripts as well. Men experience the shame of having to fear their partner thinks they are dangerous, they inhibit their desires because they are taught it makes women feel unsafe and they simultaneously experience shame around vulnerability because they’ve been punished for showing it several times in their lives. These patriarchal scripts aren’t just wiped out at once like you suggest. It takes centuries. And a lot…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/02/26 07:27 PM
3

Just because feminism pretty recently in history has been fighting for the things you describe doesn’t mean ancient old scripts have disappeared from people’s minds. When I do wear something more transparent or a bolder eyeliner (because men prefer it “natural” right) I’m in constant inner self talk “you do this for yourself girl”. Time after time I experienced being approached by men only interested in something casual (but very often pretending to want more). Now, I’ve just given up on that ki…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/02/26 06:34 PM
3

Well maybe that because you yourself think it’s a bit dirty to have sex outside of relationships? To me it sounds like a pretty sound view to have, honestly Because you’re a MAN. You weren’t raised as a woman were you? I even consider myself sexually liberated compared to those around me, and even for me I have to consciously remind myself I’m not an immoral bad horrible person for having sexual desires and fight the internal shame.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/02/26 05:32 PM
2

You keep on misusing the term “casual sex”. Casual sex does not mean all sex outside of an official relationship frame, as the sex you had with your spouse before you were official wouldn’t be labeled casual by anyone? Casual sex simply refers to the sex you have with people for the sake of sex. Like you have buddies for gaming, buddies for running, you have a buddy for sex, or it could be a stranger you met… But two people falling for each other, going on the trajectory towards a relationship a…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/02/26 10:22 AM
3

I’m a Gen Z Western European woman who grew up in a pretty egalitarian environment and even I still felt slut shamed. Heck I even got bullied for having bigger boobs in high school. It made me not wear cleavage ever. Recently a guy told me I would look good in a dress with cleavage and I realised I don’t even have those dresses because in my mind I’m easily seen as “trashy” or “cheap” merely because of my natural anatomy. Most Hollywood actresses or influencers or models have much smaller boobs,…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/02/26 10:05 AM
3

It breaks the stereotype that women are only valuable when they are “pure”. It’s perfectly fine to have personal preferences in how you dress yourself and to be attracted to a certain dress code. But to moralise an entire group and assign them value based on their appearances is kinda wrong don’t you think? Freedom for all. That’s what breaking stereotypes is about. Everyone gets to choose what they want for themselves.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/02/26 10:19 PM
3

Sex is indeed not a relationship milestone for many non-religious people. That doesn’t make it less “serious” though as the terms “serious” and “casual” refer to intent. Why would it have to be a relationship milestone if not for religious reasons? Aren’t marriage or buying a house together or deciding to have children more serious relationship milestones?
/r/PurplePillDebate07/02/26 08:18 PM
2

So lets talk about the reason I say “Actions speak louder than words” or atleast VALUES speaking louder than labels. Actions speak louder than words is about consistency; it means that you do what you say you will do. You are literally describing sex as a casual thing. No I’m describing it as an activity you do together with someone you are falling in love with or are catching feelings for. Do you find doing things together with a person you’re genuinely into “casual”? Casual sex refers to havin…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/02/26 10:52 AM
2

Aw good for you. I hope you enjoy the connection.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/02/26 04:37 PM
1

Yeah right! Have you also experienced before that you can connect crazy fast with others who share your sexuality, and also that how quickly you have sex is like directly proportional to how deep the emotional and intellectual connection is?
/r/PurplePillDebate05/02/26 03:48 PM
1

I didn’t bring it up because it’s so natural to me. I always talk about vulnerabilities with the people I connect with. Just because I didn’t mention something because it didn’t even cross my mind that it’s not the default for everyone doesn’t make it untrue. You’re not a mind reader Lillth. You shouldn’t assume I don’t talk about vulnerabilities on the first dates merely because I didn’t literally mention it. That says more about your assumptions than it says about me.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/02/26 03:19 PM
1

No? Like I said I’m demisexual and sapiosexual. I get sexually attracted to someone’s brain. I want to first form an intimate bond, talk about vulnerabilities, and have intellectual debates. That gets me super horny and then I want to fuck them. This can all happen while having less serious or more serious intent, that depends on the circumstances (if I’m in the moment open to a relationship, if it’s possible, how compatible we are long term…). So whether it’s casual or serious depends on my int…
/r/PurplePillDebate05/02/26 12:58 PM
–

I always have the extreme intense vulnerable conversations at first, otherwise I lose interest in them. Otherwise it’s just boring.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/02/26 12:51 PM
1

Since you're bringing LGBT into this, I'm assuming this is mainly about being LGBT on your end. Yes, I’m demisexual, meaning that I don’t feel sexual attraction unless I have formed an emotional connection with someone. However, that doesn’t take months and months to know someone through and through? It just means I’m not sexually attracted to someone’s looks, looks aren’t te gatekeeper for me, emotional connections are. You’re openly judging people’s inner states and you don’t see how that’s qu…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/02/26 07:15 AM
3

What you’re doing here isn’t neutral or descriptive, it’s norm-setting. You’re collapsing YOUR personal preferred pathway to intimacy (slow, restraint-based and time-gated) into a universal standard for legitimacy and then you reclassify everyone outside it as “casual” or “lust-driven”. Your logic is unfeminist because feminism is about rejecting externally imposed standards that determine when women’s desires, intentions and relationships “count”. Saying “you’re free to do what you want, but it…
/r/PurplePillDebate03/02/26 08:09 PM
1

You seem to have completely forgotten in each of your replies we were talking about 2 sex positive individuals wanting a serious relationship, being genuinely interested in each other. not 2 people wanting hook ups not 2 strangers wanting to fuck for the sake of fucking Just 2 people exclusively interested in serious relationships who unlike you are not grossed out by the idea of having sex on the way of getting to know each other. What’s so bad about it? Why is it so morally bad to both be inte…
/r/PurplePillDebate03/02/26 03:18 PM
2

Why would alcohol be involved at all? You just have 1 image in your mind of sex happening. It can also happen within a romantic setting where two people consent and explore each others bodies, each others likes and dislikes, talk and cuddle during the aftermath. You say the serious relationship is only secondary… what claim do you have? Because sex can be just 1 means of many to get to know someone better. And your argument about your friends you’ve never seen naked: yeah sure of course you don’…
/r/PurplePillDebate03/02/26 09:04 AM
2

Nobody is claiming they know each other so well. It’s about your claim they don’t intent to have a serious relationship. It’s possible to have sex along the way there. Sex is just one way of being intimate with someone, it’s one way of being close and getting to know someone. And of course people are allowed to reserve this sort of experience for later on, but if two people who are into each other like to include sex as an activity they do while they get to know each other, there’s nothing wrong…
/r/PurplePillDebate02/02/26 11:10 PM
2

Casual sex is if you have sex with someone without intending it to become a relationship. Sex for the sake of sex. Being sex positive means having positive attitudes about sex, sexual identity and sexual behaviours. So two people being open to thinking and talking about sexual interest, pleasure and decision making. Can you give me something more convincing to make the statement that these two people do not intent to have a romantic relationship (even though they do) and instead they have casual…
/r/PurplePillDebate02/02/26 09:32 PM
2

I'm not making any claims. I'm saying in the case of the draft in the US they do have less rights Sounds like a claim to me. You just made your scope smaller from globally to 1 specific domain. Still a claim. The draft only shows that men have more legal obligations in this specific domain. An obligation is not automatically the mirror image of a right, unless you explicitly define and defend it that way. So please explain to us why draft registration should count as having fewer rights, rather …
/r/PurplePillDebate02/02/26 08:45 PM
4

But how about 2 people who didn’t know each other prior, they both want a long term relationship, they’re both sex positive people, they’re genuinely into each other and they both want to sleep with other after the 3rd date. What’s… wrong with that? Or why do you assume their intention is “less serious”?
/r/PurplePillDebate02/02/26 08:30 PM
2

Yet you are making claims. You’re operating under a hidden premise: if X is legally asymmetric, then Y (men have fewer rights) follows. TermAggravating8043 is challenging you on that premise. Not any raw fact. Maffioze, why don’t you defend why a dormant, unenforced, politically unstable asymmetry should count as “men having less rights” for us?
/r/PurplePillDebate02/02/26 08:19 PM
1

I like your perspective! Hard agree on everything!
/r/PurplePillDebate02/02/26 07:50 PM
3

So wait… are you saying it’s not possible to want a serious relationship with someone and both being okay with having sex after 3 dates…? Why is that not possible???
/r/PurplePillDebate02/02/26 07:39 PM
1

The women asking men not to treat women as objects, usually aren’t the same women you describe treating men like objects. What’s with that line of thinking? Men should be able to treat women like objects the same way women do? Why not “neither women nor men should be treated like objects”?
/r/PurplePillDebate02/02/26 07:28 PM
–

I think this is a reversed causal argument. You’re naming REAL issues that disproportionately affect men (conscription / being treated as the default “meatshield” and questions around genital autonomy), which are absolutely things that need to be adressed (coming from a feminist)… but those aren’t caused by women gaining rights. Women having more reproductive autonomy doesn’t create male conscription and women existing as a rights-bearing group doesn’t cause male circumcision. Those are separate…
/r/PurplePillDebate02/02/26 06:25 PM
2

Sure, but those could be diverse, not the same for each blue piller since blue pill isn’t 1 very defined belief system the way red pill is
/r/PurplePillDebate02/02/26 11:21 AM
1

He won’t say that, those aren’t TRP ideology beliefs
/r/PurplePillDebate02/02/26 11:20 AM
7

You’re doing post-hoc storytelling (red pill exists => therefore blue pill indoctrination must precede it). You’re free to argue that red pill communities interpret mainstream socialization as “blue pill indoctrination” but that’s a red pill narrative about society, not evidence that “blue pill” exists as a coherent belief system with agreed principles, historical lineage or doctrine. Here on this sub in this debate space, it’s just a relational label, not a standalone ideology. That’s what the …
/r/PurplePillDebate01/02/26 08:30 PM
1

I think they’re doing a pretty great job. And no I’ve been around for a while.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/02/26 08:20 PM
1

They’re supposed to be unbiased so what you say is not logical. Also the terminology was invented here on Reddit. But sure, keep believing in alternative facts. Here’s a Wikipedia screenshot too. <image>
/r/PurplePillDebate01/02/26 08:16 PM
–

It’s as if he thinks dick size is written on someone’s forehead or something
/r/PurplePillDebate01/02/26 05:19 PM
12

I literally took a screenshot from the subreddits own Wiki and I referenced it. That way I can’t be incorrect. I’m using the official definitions as they are used in this subs wiki page.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/02/26 04:52 PM
1

That's why "average women" and "average men" is thrown about. The idea is to present them as equal without context. You’re treating this as if men and women have a number written on their forehead and have to date someone with the same number. Lots of us like autonomy of mind and personal agency. The freedom to choose. Otherwise you grow resentful towards your partner. This idea that there’s a “utopia in which men and women picked partners who are exactly as attractive as they are themselves” is…
/r/PurplePillDebate01/02/26 03:42 PM
5

Did you read over this: There's no set philosophy or goal other than disagreeing with RPers so /r/TheRedPill and /r/TheBluePill shouldn't be seen as two contrasting ideologies so much as one strategy and set of beliefs about the world and another group that satirizes and disagrees with it
/r/PurplePillDebate01/02/26 03:18 PM
–

Gaston is not hot. He’s creepy.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/02/26 01:38 PM
1

They were trans from men to women, not the other way around… So in that analogy taking a red pill would have been awakening away from the masculine to the feminine.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/02/26 01:15 PM
51

<image> Congratulations, you found out what blue pill is. Blue pill is defined as “basically disagreeing with TRP”. It has no statements on its own, just that it disagrees with red pill ideology.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/02/26 01:12 PM
2

Still ableism. Ableism = discrimination in favour of non-disabled people. If OP said “I prefer not to date people with a depression” and stated that as a personal preference, that would have been different. But they turn it into a big overgeneralisation, call it a red flag so basically stigmatising… that’s not about partner preference anymore. That’s normalising the exclusion of a group of people.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/02/26 10:49 AM
3

They say depression is a major red flag. They don’t say “I prefer not to date people with depression but that’s a personal preference for ME”. They overgeneralise it. That’s why it’s ableism, and not about partner preference. They just add in “but I don’t think they are bad people” to further normalize what comes next.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/02/26 10:44 AM
1

Exactly
/r/PurplePillDebate01/02/26 10:42 AM
1

The analogy doesn’t hold because your post isn’t about partner preference, it’s normalization of excluding people on the basis of health-related vulnerability.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/01/26 11:26 PM
5

You can’t predict who. Lots of people go through depression at an older age. If your wife goes through depression in a decade and you want to practice the “in sickness and in health” it probably won’t help that there is a stigma around depression.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/01/26 11:20 PM
3

I gave you quotes. I explained to you like you were five. I’m seriously left wondering if you don’t understand or if you pretend to not understand.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/01/26 06:49 PM
2

What example? I’m just reiterating his entire comment? His entire comment is the example phrase after phrase? And I provided quotes on why I was certain he doesn’t mean what you think he means… You provide evidence now that your bad faith reading is the correct one… Are you his alt? Sure, when two people come to the same conclusion independently of one another, they must be alt accounts 🤦🏻‍♀️ I just saw that you that you misread what was a fairly nuanced comment. There’s enough idiotic men on th…
/r/PurplePillDebate31/01/26 06:45 PM
3

Quotes from Maffioze: You can simultaneously believe that that anyone has the legal right to leave at any time I don't think anyone is owed an explanation I already addressed this, I believe anyone has the legal right to leave at anytime And you say they tell people to stay while they want to leave? You tell me how YOU read it that way. Their entire point was just based on it not being in anyone’s interest that connections are fickle and that the norm becomes to leave people over what are consid…
/r/PurplePillDebate31/01/26 06:33 PM
1

That’s all very very obvious. Most people agree with that and find that obvious. But this does not address what maffiozes comment was about, which you replied to. He did not make a case for people needing to stay while they want to leave.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/01/26 06:02 PM
–

But that’s again saying someone is allowed to leave over something small. I already agreed with that. So did Maffioze? We’re talking about the difference between being allowed to leave vs should leave… I don’t know why THAT is so difficult to grasp. You revert back the entire time to “being allowed to leave” while that isn’t under debate.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/01/26 05:14 PM
–

When you say “people should leave” that implies to a reader you’re already in an established phase of exclusivity. So maybe the misunderstanding happens at that level. Are you saying people should not date people over small things? Then I would still ask you what “small things” are. Because in this stage I care mostly that the big things are aligned. Values, communication style, lifestyle… Small things to me are whether I don’t like someone’s sweater or whether we like different wines… And I wou…
/r/PurplePillDebate31/01/26 04:56 PM
–

What do you understand under “people should leave over small things”? Because to me as I understand it, it means I would leave my boyfriend because my mood is off and I didn’t like the way he made eggs or something. It means to me that our bond is fickle. And I don’t want that. I think I should be allowed to leave him over anything I want to leave him for. But I personally don’t think it implies that I should? Because then I would have lost a great connection over something small? What gain is t…
/r/PurplePillDebate31/01/26 04:27 PM
–

There’s a difference between people are allowed to leave over small things and people should leave over small things. I think that’s what Maffioze is pointing out.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/01/26 03:53 PM
0

Well I’m a doctor so I’m perfectly aware of what is healthy. You don’t know anything about my medical past, comorbidities, the medication I take… It’s mostly people who are not educated on the matter who reduce a multifactorial thing such as weight to a simple model.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/01/26 03:19 PM
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As an overweight woman I don’t mind. It’s perfectly fine a man doesn’t want to date me because of my weight. That’s his right. I’m however not fine with moralising of my weight, or assumptions about my lifestyle. Sometimes people confuse those two.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/01/26 02:10 PM
1

I want to pause for a meta-point, because I think we’re drifting into an asymmetric structure that makes “mutual understanding” basically impossible. You’re writing 3-4 part essays with multiple nested claims, then asking me to respond within your segmentation and under your criteria for what counts as “answering”. I’m happy to engage rigorously, but that setup gives you far more degrees of freedom than it gives me. It turns the exchange into a moving-target audit rather than a joint attempt to …
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates31/01/26 01:10 PM
1

I understand that you’re not saying patriarchy must always be explanatorily operative. What I’m pointing to is that you’re treating its permanent availability as equivalent to explanatory force and those aren’t the same thing.
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates31/01/26 12:39 PM
1

More category errors. You’re confusing “cannot be globally false” with “must always be explanatorily operative”.
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates31/01/26 12:14 PM
1

Saying “patriarchy is false” is the same as saying “class matters is false” or “institutions shape behaviour is false” or “early caregiving shapes later attachment is false” or “sex differences sometimes matter is false” or … These are mid-level structural models, not universal laws… They are not the kind of thing that flips from true to false. They are the kind that get scoped, revised, refined throughout time, but never abandoned?
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates31/01/26 11:29 AM
1

A lot of what you’re doing here is good criticism. You’re isolating assumptions and you’re taking definitions seriously. I actually agree with several of your diagnostic points, but I do think you overshoot in what you conclude from them… You’re right that if you define “power” primarily as durable, institutional, scalable and coercive you will very often end up with “men historically held more of that kind of power”. Of course you’re right. It’s a definitional choice and definitional choices ha…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates30/01/26 03:30 PM
1

I’m not following you here. First you talk about how you spend a lot of money on all your exes and now you give a hypothetical about something entirely different. What is your point? You’re not making yourself clear at all.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/01/26 02:21 PM
1

“Being treated” has got nothing to do with how money is spend. It has everything to do with behaviour: how you actually treat the other person: like a human being. Are you being kind, thoughtful… Thoughtful gestures > money. Unless you’re dealing with a gold digger who doesn’t actually like you.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/01/26 11:35 AM
1

That wouldn’t bother me. Handwritten or hand made gifts are much more romantic anyway. And I’ve always splitte bills, I insist on it.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/01/26 11:31 AM
3

But if the flags weren’t visible… then how can people be blamed for not seeing them? If the flags weren’t visible, then the person didn’t make a “bad choice” based on warning signs, they made a choice on the information they had and the other person deceived them or revealed the behavior later…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/01/26 08:14 PM
7

Compare the amount of women who absolutely hate Chris Brown to the amount of women who like him…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/01/26 08:02 PM
–

You said “wanting red flag men”. You think there are women wanting to be with cheaters, abusers or liars?
/r/PurplePillDebate27/01/26 07:56 PM
–

What are red flag men?
/r/PurplePillDebate27/01/26 07:50 PM
–

You didn’t really answer on what a history of bad decisions is… What do you mean by that?
/r/PurplePillDebate27/01/26 07:37 PM
–

What is a history of bad decisions? Is that something you only see in women or in men as well?
/r/PurplePillDebate27/01/26 07:32 PM
3

Yes that’s fair. Totally. I just think men are often framed “selfish” easily. Where women sometimes could also acknowledge they find it awkward to give instructions or guide. Men aren’t mind readers, it’s unfair to expect them to know how to pleasure a woman just by themselves… female sexuality is complicated and under-researched. Before the 90s they didn’t even know the clitoris was an organ that’s 9-11cm long… ofcourse that’s because of patriarchal standards where men were seen as the anatomic…
/r/PurplePillDebate26/01/26 12:52 PM
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Appreciate the opening. I’m not sure I fully follow… Where I’m living there’s a lot of emphasis on women being independent and earning their own part… Sure I online encounter sometimes American conservative women with that men-are-the-provider mentality, but I would say IRL that’s a minority and most western women want to have fulfilling careers be self sufficient. They see a relationship as an “add-on” to their life and if it doesn’t seem to “add much” they drop out. However it’s a mentality th…
/r/PurplePillDebate26/01/26 12:49 PM
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Yeah well… I notice some of my female friends being attracted to a man, but not pursuing anything if they see they don’t have approval from female peers. If the girlfriends find him creepy, awkward… then she’ll drop him. Despite being attracted. I think there’s a lot of ableism in our culture and I think women tend to be more ableist.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/01/26 12:42 PM
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I’m talking about the difference between correlation and causation. Just because you observe something, that doesn’t give you any more information than just that: the observation. To establish a causal relationship requires much more.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/01/26 12:39 PM
1

I’ve never had “selfish” partners. I had partners who were insecure, uneducated, unsure… It’s also up to women to communicate and guide men and be upfront about what they like. It’s not something you can learn out of a theory book, every woman is different…
/r/PurplePillDebate26/01/26 12:37 PM
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If both men and women stay with people they’re not strongly attracted to (sex, pressure, convenience…), then it’s not evidence of female “hypergamy” or “using”… It’s just… human behavior…
/r/PurplePillDebate26/01/26 12:35 PM
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Sure, I can follow that. And is this a phenomenon only occurring in women? Or do some men also stay with women they’re not attracted to?
/r/PurplePillDebate26/01/26 12:16 PM
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That says nothing about “attraction”. It can be that both genders are equally easily attracted to one another, but that women have collectively decided that relationships as they look like serve them less than men… and that men still benefit more from a relationship as it looks like today… Women have more intimate bonds with their friends so they don’t need a partner for emotional conversation as much, whereas men very often only open up to romantic partners about their deepest feelings.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/01/26 12:13 PM
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Why am I supposed to “side” with anyone?
/r/PurplePillDebate26/01/26 12:10 PM
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This halo effect applies to both genders
/r/PurplePillDebate26/01/26 11:48 AM
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Except that the richest ugly men all have wives? So which is it? Are women attracted to money OR to looks? Lets cherry-pick whatever explanation suits the example, instead of using one consistent standard…
/r/PurplePillDebate26/01/26 11:47 AM
1

As a woman I agree with Objective Ad. I’ve had casual sex and sex within a committed relationship. The latter is always automatically better, regardless of size/technique/orgasming… it’s just pure brain chemistry. When you fuck someone you actually love and are actually deeply attracted to your brain starts producing all sorts of neurotransmitters before, during and after the sex. It’s just better.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/01/26 10:34 AM
2

Do people actually break up over size? I’ve never heard anyone do that IRL
/r/PurplePillDebate26/01/26 10:31 AM
2

Yeah I agree with your reasoning, I experience it the same way
/r/PurplePillDebate26/01/26 10:29 AM
5

We don’t see ourselves the way others see us. I don’t feel desirable either, I despise my own body, but my partner thinks I’m beautiful. He also hates his own body a lot, but I absolutely love his body. He’s insecure about his height, his body hair, his early balding… But I desire him very much.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/01/26 10:08 PM
1

Seems like barely any people agreed with the statement at all that those women are “bad”
/r/PurplePillDebate25/01/26 10:03 PM
1

If you have never heard a woman in real life make that statement… then why care about it? Why not seeing it as an weird online thing?
/r/PurplePillDebate25/01/26 10:00 PM
2

Pity flows from strong to weak. Sympathy at least. Empathy only happens when you’re willing to stand next to people instead of opposing them. You’re confusing all these. Receiving pity or sympathy is a Trojan horse. It also comes with being infantilised and not being taken seriously. I personally don’t want to receive any sympathy or pity. Not now, not ever. Empathy however, is much more powerful and important. Empathy is only possible with people who truly do see each other as equals and who ar…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/01/26 09:57 PM
2

Well you can ask “women” in general I just found it curious you said “ppd women” and wondered what that meant…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/01/26 09:51 PM
2

That’s hurt talking, not fairness. Making women suffer won’t make men cared about, it just makes everyone meaner. If you want empathy, you have to practice it. If your house burns down, the solution isn’t burning down your neighbor’s house so it’s ‘equal.’ That just doubles the fire. If the water’s poisoned for you, poisoning everyone else’s well doesn’t fix yours. It just guarantees nobody has clean water. Getting bullied doesn’t make it fair to become a bully. It just keeps the same cruelty go…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/01/26 09:48 PM
3

You’re the one saying children do not have agency (as in 0%) and adults do (as in 100%). I’m simply asking if the agency is a binary (0 or 100%) meaning it goes from 0 to 100% the midnight you turn 18y old, or whether it’s a more continuous/gradual shift…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/01/26 09:38 PM
6

Then why are you this whole thread saying “ppd women” and what’s the difference between “women” and “ppd women”?
/r/PurplePillDebate25/01/26 09:36 PM
5

So the day you’re 17y old and 364 days you do not have agency and then past midnight when you turn 18 you have agency? Or how do you see that?
/r/PurplePillDebate25/01/26 09:35 PM
6

Define ppd women. Blue/red/pink/purple/black… who specifically says this?
/r/PurplePillDebate25/01/26 09:33 PM
3

So there’s two worlds possible: World A) everyone becomes kinder, also towards men, up until they are equally kind towards both genders World B) everyone becomes less kind, also towards women, up until everyone is equally unkind towards both genders. You rather live in world B than in world A? That’s where you rather go? A world with no empathy, not for women, neither for men?
/r/PurplePillDebate25/01/26 09:31 PM
8

Sounds less like you want to be “the felon” and more like you want the proof that you’re desirable. That’s a validation/status metric, not a morality metric and it’ll always make you feel robbed because it’s comparative by nature. The real question is what you actually want: being wanted as status or a healthy relationship. Those aren’t the same thing…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/01/26 09:23 PM
6

So is this about consistent standards or about retaliation?
/r/PurplePillDebate25/01/26 09:05 PM
8

No you’re not fine with being seen as a bad person. If you were you wouldn’t say “why are we being so kind to women”. That only comes from resentment and resentment comes from pain. “I don’t care” is you coping. You do care.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/01/26 09:00 PM
6

I’m a woman? I’m providing men that level of nuance… it’s possible? I choose to do that. You don’t. That’s the difference between us.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/01/26 08:55 PM
5

“These” is very broad. I don’t know “these” people. But I do know a lot about trauma and early life stress (professionally). I don’t think that someone growing up in middle class or higher in a loving emotionally stable family with a broad support network will date a felon or drug user or known abuser… Neither do I think most felons grew up in such environments…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/01/26 08:53 PM
13

I don’t think baggage is a moral failing to men. Neither do I think being a man is a moral failing. If you look at my flair you’ll see I oppose zero-sum framings which is what you’re trying to do here. Instead of “why are we being so kind to women” you could also ask “why aren’t we more kind to everyone”. Being more kind to men doesn’t require you to take from kindness towards women.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/01/26 08:48 PM
10

Who are ppd women? Because I thought this subreddit was here to divide us in red, blue, purple, pink and black pills… which means women of every pill have different ideas?
/r/PurplePillDebate25/01/26 08:45 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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