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NoBlacksmith8137 Archive

View 2 posts and 1,371 comments by NoBlacksmith8137 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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2

You’re right. Absolutely, it is. And that’s wrong. I do hope the world is getting near a moment of clarity. So don’t stop talking about it.
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates14/06/26 09:53 AM
44

Very understandable. I get frustrated with other feminists online too because of these things. The hypocrisy is not right.
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates14/06/26 09:50 AM
–

These are internal narratives that you believe, sure. But I really don’t think they are true. I also couldn’t care if others thought I was low or high value in dating market terms. I don’t even want to be with people who view people that way.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/04/26 07:21 AM
0

The core of feminism is about patriarchy as a system that upholds rigid gender roles. “Men as providers” is part of that patriarchal role. Expecting men to pay for dates just because of their gender if a woman would be working and having an income is just a bit weird from the angle of trying to get rid of patriarchal roles. And sure you’re right that individuals who identify as feminists can have different preferences. But if you want to date a woman who pays for dates and wants a 50/50 egalitar…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/04/26 01:28 AM
10

What can we do about women choosing to identify as feminists when they’re actually not really? Nothing. You made an analogy with Christians. What can be done about Christians who don’t live accordingly? Nothing right? Nobody is telling them they aren’t truly Christians? But them not practicing doesn’t mean the fault lies with Christianity. Neither does the fault lie with feminism. What do you expect to happen? Nothing can happen. Except for you all to recognise actual feminism from people just u…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/04/26 12:42 AM
5

I get your post and the stuff about narrow definitions of masculinity and the stigma around bisexuality and how there are women still upholding that male gender role, but I just don’t understand what feminism has to do with this? Out of all people it seems to me feminists are the least likely ones to get an ick from bi man or to see men as providers. Feminism is literally about getting rid of the rigid gender roles? As well as paying for the dates? Like the dude in the video said, feminism striv…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/04/26 12:30 AM
3

Who’s crying about it? All I see is happy cat ladies who claim they need no man. One time the frame is that there is a “male loneliness epidemic”. And the questionable stats show that women are in relationships and men are more often single. Next time “women approaching their 30s are crying about being alone”. Which is it? Are men the lonely gender? Or both?
/r/PurplePillDebate06/04/26 09:36 PM
4

So unfair that other people’s consent exists! If wanting something really badly doesn’t make you entitled to it, what even is society anymore? Guess the solution is to rebrand rejection as injustice and deception as strategy. /s
/r/PurplePillDebate06/04/26 09:31 PM
–

The word manosphere emerged first on blogspot and was then used by MRA circles long before it reached feminism. It was popularised by an MRA (Ian Ironwood) who wrote a book about it in 2013. In this 2013 book he analysed several branches of MRA, MGTOW, PUA… He also wrote several books about red pill, like red pill guides. So idk why you think the name stems from feminism or it is feminists using it mostly? It was popularised by someone identifying with most of the branches you named (MRA, red pi…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/04/26 08:07 PM
2

Thanks to feminism women don’t have to settle. We don’t settle. If we don’t find someone we like, we just stay single. Settling isn’t happening as often anymore.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/04/26 07:59 PM
6

Well yeah because sex is an activity between two consenting humans. You can’t just want a woman the way you want take out food, you can’t buy her in a store like a tool. She has to want it and consent to it. There is no right to sex. There is only right to decline sex.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/04/26 07:56 PM
2

So what makes you say red(ish) instead of purple?
/r/PurplePillDebate06/04/26 06:21 PM
4

This isn't always true? Some women genuinely like to have male platonic friends, without it escalating. So they do lead on men, but keep a distance at the same time to prevent escalation. And some men like female platonic friends as well. That’s why it’s called “friendship”. If you’re friends, why do you expect it to necessarily be anything more? They get companionship and friendship from this arrangement, so they absolutely do get something. The men also get the companionship and friendship fro…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/04/26 06:11 PM
8

You can masturbate any time you want at your own home
/r/PurplePillDebate06/04/26 06:05 PM
3

Lmao any time men with fragile egos call men who are just real and actually confident in their realness “cucks”. When women say they want confidence, they don’t want an overinflated ego. They want a man who knows who he is. Ironically you would call such men, men we actually are attracted to, cucks. There are two options here. You want your partner to find you more attractive than others and to have chosen you rather than settling for you. This is insecure. I get it, it’s human, but it’s also in…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/04/26 05:55 PM
2

I would say a “big ego” in the colloquial sense does refer to a “fragile ego” and thus does refer to an ego built on shame/defense. But in the original Freudian sense it meant something else (the connection between the id and the superego) and it isn’t inherently fragile. Like you say it’s a part of self, everyone has an ego. But in the colloquial sense a “big ego” refers to a fragile ego. Like Trump has a big ego. He often tells self-aggrandizing narratives (inflating), while simultaneously he …
/r/PurplePillDebate06/04/26 05:32 PM
–

Well yes of course feminists all call themselves feminists so they of course agree with some core values to feminism, like being against sexism or wanting equal rights between men and women. Rarely men will identify themselves as manosphere. It’s also not a word that feminism came up with so idk why you say that “they” push it under the same umbrella?
/r/PurplePillDebate06/04/26 05:26 PM
1

I never said it was. It isn’t. Like I said I was using it in the colloquial sense of the word. “I stepped on your ego” is used this way. “Having a big ego”.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/04/26 05:19 PM
2

I guess that’s the difference between externalising shame (blowing up, discharging the threat outward) versus internalising it (seeing yourself as a victim; discharging the threat inward). The internalising is often combined with an overcompensation (moral rigidity, perfectionism…) for the shame narrative (“I’m bad, I’m the problem”). The mind always wants to restore a coherent identity, so if you continually hear the internalising message that you’re wrong as a person over and over and over aga…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/04/26 05:18 PM
4

Well it’s friendship + sexual attraction but also more emotional intimacy and vulnerability than in most friendships I would say, also you care more for compatibility and alignment of the future (whether it near future or more far away). But I would say friendship is the most solid basis for romantic relationships. For me personally a relationship wouldn’t work if there weren’t a component of friendship in it.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/04/26 05:08 PM
1

I mean “ego” in the pop culture (colloquial) sense, which is basically a ‘fragile ego’ in the Freudian sense leaning on defense mechanisms to keep shame out of awareness. That’s also how Lemon_gecko used it.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/04/26 04:55 PM
1

Maybe. I’m sapiosexual and demisexual so I wouldn’t know 🤷🏻‍♀️ I don’t fall for men’s looks. Any BMI or height is fuckable for me if he can outsmart me and act humble simultaneously. I’m into men who have passions, who have broad interests and who are kind and open minded. To me the sexy ‘bold and confident’ is having a secure sense of who you are and what you believe in. I have already had sex with less conventional looking guys (the term ugly is so derogatory and moralising) when they had an a…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/04/26 04:50 PM
–

Or you use the label wrong and use it for all the online “pop feminism” and tik tokkers who use feminism to promote misandry because it’s just easier to sell ideas when you use a movement that’s been accepted already 🤷🏻‍♀️
/r/PurplePillDebate06/04/26 04:38 PM
–

Yes, you are not feminist. You literally just described 90% of their M.O. if you do not support it, you would be canceled by them first time you open your mouth. I agreed with them and I’m also a feminist. I share their view.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/04/26 02:56 PM
3

I don’t understand who would wear something revealing when meeting someone’s parents… unless your definition of revealing is like in my old high school where skirts above the knee were already seen as too sexy/revealing.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/04/26 02:51 PM
0

The bigger the ego the bigger the shame. If you are in touch with your own vulnerabilities there’s no need to defend anything because others don’t threaten your sense of self that easily. The ego inflates to keep underlying vulnerability out of awareness.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/04/26 02:48 PM
1

Wanting to be seen as people first = having agency and not being reduced to an object against your will Having hook ups on vacation = exercising agency over your own body They are the opposite. Women don’t say “we never ever want casual sex”… They’re saying “don’t reduce us to sex without regard for who we are as human beings” Or is having sex and being objectified always the same in your mind? Because objectification is about how someone is treated, not whether sex happens.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/04/26 02:41 PM
–

I think we should condemn actions, not people.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/04/26 07:27 PM
1

I’m aware they have specific legal definitions. I still don’t see why legal credentials would be necessary to discuss the philosophical claim you made. I’m not denying they share the same origin, like I said (for the third time) they’re all normative, normative constructs. But same origin doesn’t mean same role. Human rights are typically framed as constraints on what systems can do, while other rights are granted within those systems. That’s a functional distinction, not a metaphysical one. And…
/r/PurplePillDebate05/04/26 05:35 PM
-1

I already agreed they’re normative constructs… The difference isn’t metaphysical but normative: human rights are treated as constraints on the system itself, not just rights within the system (like other rights). The distinction isn’t ontological, but functional. So you post here on PPD, where discussion is open, but think only people with legal credentials should engage? By that logic anyone could dismiss arguments by asking for a relevant degree instead of addressing the point. I don’t underst…
/r/PurplePillDebate05/04/26 12:33 PM
-1

Does it matter? I thought we were discussing the metaphysical status of rights, not legal doctrine.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/04/26 11:24 AM
0

So one gender is allowed double standards and the other is not?
/r/PurplePillDebate05/04/26 11:21 AM
3

Well double standards. Both imply “I allow it for myself, but not for you”.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/04/26 10:41 PM
-1

Yes they’re normative constructs. But they’re still real in a social sense. Also when you say “personal opinions” I would say that a lot of human rights are rooted in the “intersubjective” because they’re often shared across societies. I would say they exist in the level between pure objectivity and personal opinion. They’re the things societies ought necessary for protecting human dignity.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/04/26 10:22 PM
-1

Against you personally or not agreeing with dickpill?
/r/PurplePillDebate04/04/26 10:05 PM
–

Well let’s be careful to not induce stigma around these disorders. I know your experience was really horrible though. 🫂 I had a not so great one too. But not every person with BPD is the same.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/04/26 03:47 PM
0

Bizarre
/r/PurplePillDebate03/04/26 01:39 PM
2

I personally don’t mind porn usage but my guess is that 1) they think porn alters expectations of what sex you desire, 2) they get insecure around their own body because the porn actress might be slimmer / have bigger boobs… The fact that they’re curious because he has a higher body count is that it signals social approval from other women maybe? If other women slept with him that means they already vetted him, thought he was safe enough to sleep with, the fact that he was found attractive by ot…
/r/PurplePillDebate03/04/26 01:27 PM
0

I think a moderate sea climate? Influenced by the North Sea.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/04/26 09:55 PM
0

Yeah I gotta be upfront that I need to improve my care taking skills for my plants. The motivation and love for plants is there… but… the plants need a little more than that from me to thrive lol.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/04/26 08:41 PM
2

Yes this is a moment I need that girl math lol. It’s working already
/r/PurplePillDebate01/04/26 08:39 PM
4

Wanted to decorate my terrace for the spring 🌸Kinda ignored the fact that I was gonna watch my budget 😬 but hey mental health investment. It was less money than a session with a therapist. Flowers make people happy. <image>
/r/PurplePillDebate01/04/26 06:50 PM
8

If she said that they start sharing their views… where does intuition come into the picture?
/r/PurplePillDebate29/03/26 09:54 PM
0

I think it’s hypocritical to treat these two differently. Both participate in the act.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/03/26 08:48 PM
–

I think he prefers to keep it a secret still lol. Such a mysterious guy.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/03/26 08:39 PM
2

Because it is the action that is either “undignified” or not. It takes a dick and a mouth. You can’t have a blow job without a mouth, but you can’t have one without a dick either. Dick & mouth are both parts of the action “blow job”.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/03/26 08:11 PM
–

Well it’s not what is most important. It’s a requirement to me. And yeah ofc when you like someone you eventually want to meet them physically? I have one LDR so that works for me too but not gonna lie I’m really happy to see him physically. And my other partner lives much closer, that’s the one I went to the UK with. He’s actually pretty active on this subreddit too 🤭
/r/PurplePillDebate29/03/26 07:36 PM
3

I've made a habit of resting if I get feedback that makes me emotional. It always seems to pass after a rest and makes the feedback much more digestible Yeah that’s what I did. I read your comment immediately yesterday but waited till today to respond because I wanted to in fact let it sink in in order to integrate it better. I do wonder, and you don't have to answer this, if you are on the autistic spectrum. I'm noticing a good amount of rigidity and misunderstanding that, semantically, reads a…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates29/03/26 07:18 PM
–

Well we had talked a lot on the phone before so I felt like I already knew him on a deeper level. Depth of conversation hinges more on the specific person you’re talking with than the setting of dates.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/03/26 06:55 PM
2

Yet we as men are not allowed to even attempt to describe or comment on the "female lived experience" often with phrases like "No uterus? No Opinion!" I disagree with that. I enjoy fiction and some of the most accurate female experiences that I could personally resonate to were written by male authors. So I totally disagree with the entire framing that opposite genders can’t describe or comment on lived experience. But sure you’re right that a lot of feminists don’t share my view. So I understan…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates29/03/26 05:08 PM
2

Well I think we have found something in common then, because nothing frustrates me more than the misinterpretation & misapplication of frameworks. It makes my blood boil. You say I’m an atypical feminist but I think I never saw myself this way. Because I intuitively grasp so much of the feminist literature really well… and then am so baffled to see others misinterpreting it. I guess from my perspective I’m the more “real feminist” and the others are just dogmatic radicals. I guess what makes me …
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates29/03/26 04:57 PM
2

But your disagreeing could be a result of not complete understanding. For example, in blockaded Leningrad people were eating each others. You can't say that you understand what they went through just because you were hungry for 10 hours one day. Using extreme cases like Leningrad is more about fully experiencing something, not about understanding the internal reasoning behind it. Of course I haven’t lived someone else’s exact circumstances, but that’s true in any form of perspective-taking. When…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/03/26 04:35 PM
2

Are you sure your understanding is accurate then? I don’t think anyone can be 100% certain their understanding is perfectly accurate, so no, not in an absolute sense. But I don’t think feeling frustration invalidates understanding. If anything it often comes from understanding the internal logic but disagreeing with parts of it. For example I feel like I understand incel rhetoric relatively well because I recognize parts of that internal narrative. Not the conclusions, but the underlying emotion…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/03/26 03:23 PM
2

So I assume you also don’t like to receive blowjobs? Pretty hypocritical to only refer to the giver as “undignified”.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/03/26 02:31 PM
–

In all honestly I have difficulty reading him like when he’s being serious and when he’s being sarcastic. Like did he mean that when he said the manliest thing about him was his lack of uncertainty or was he joking? That kinda changes my perception entirely.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/03/26 02:23 PM
–

My first date with one of my male partners was a 4-day trip to the UK in which we train hopped and hiked. I’m not saying this is common lol. We had been talking for a while online already before that.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/03/26 02:17 PM
–

My brother is pansexual and he also seems more frustrated with men than women in dating. He had a bad experience recently with a man but he won’t talk to me about it. All I heard him say is that suddenly “men are creeps” but he doesn’t want to talk about what happened. I’m a little worried about him now 😔
/r/PurplePillDebate29/03/26 02:14 PM
4

I believe that you need to believe these things about women to make your worldview less complicated and more predictable. Whatever works for you! I just don’t think this is the route to experiencing real genuine love from a woman. In order to experience that, it requires that a woman feels valued and respected as an equal first and foremost and that is impossible with your worldview. I’m sure it feels like it works well as a protective armour against perceived threat.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/03/26 02:03 PM
1

What would you reply to OPs question if you felt like there weren’t taboos to talk about?
/r/PurplePillDebate29/03/26 01:58 PM
5

Yes that’s very true. As well as absolute gendered framings chasing empathetic people away. If I hear men say “women can’t be lonely”, “women don’t struggle in dating” or “dating is so easy for women”, that closes off my empathy towards these men because what they say doesn’t match my own lived experience. I was lonely for several years, I have been rejected, I have struggled. When my own struggles are constantly getting minimised or dismissed, it’s hard to take the person on the other side seri…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/03/26 01:56 PM
4

I think OP’s question is slightly different… it’s less about whether you want to empathize, and more about whether you actually understand the perspective itself. For me those don’t always line up. I can understand where someone is coming from, even if I feel frustrated by it or don’t think that understanding is reciprocated. For example I’d say I do understand and empathize with incels to a certain extent. The loneliness, rejection, feeling invisible… that’s not hard to grasp and for a lot of p…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/03/26 01:46 PM
1

Well I actually think a lot of this comes down to how the concepts are being used, not what they were originally trying to describe. I’m not particularly attached to feminist terminology either, but I’m attached more to the underlying concepts and they have no other names currently. And I agree that a lot of people use it in ways that feel reductive or even hostile toward men. That criticism is very fair. But I don’t think the underlying frameworks are as inherently incompatible with male advoca…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates29/03/26 12:47 PM
0

The thing is… most people aren’t hostile on those forums. The majority of people aren’t hostile here too. But as humans we have this bias to mostly remember the negative reactions. If 5 people give you a compliment on your new haircut and 1 person insults you… what’s going to be on your mind? That 1 person right?
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates29/03/26 10:55 AM
2

I totally understand your experiences. I don’t think they’re rare at all, so yes very understandable. I still use terms like “patriarchy” but more because that’s simply the word that’s been used to describe this system. I don’t personally frame it as “all men oppress all women”. Do I understand the skepticism toward those kinds of proxies? Absolutely. But if people use those proxies as a filter, and stop listening to feminists using those words because they use those words, then those words also…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates29/03/26 10:48 AM
3

Some men deserve better from some women. And some women deserve better from some men.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/03/26 01:10 AM
3

I guess that’s more black pill no? I feel like red pill is more “go to the gym and make a lot of money, if you don’t do these things it’s your own fault that you feel lonely”
/r/PurplePillDebate29/03/26 12:52 AM
0

Yes the radicalisation pipeline is real and honestly it’s one of the things I’m most wary of. I see how easily a framework that starts from “equal rights” can shift into something much more rigid, moralised and group-based over time. That’s exactly what I want to stay away from. But that’s also why I’m careful not to treat feminism as a fixed package myself. The value I still see in it is at the level of certain principles and analytical tools, not in adopting whatever the movement currently pro…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates29/03/26 12:34 AM
1

I understand your confusion, but I also think it comes from us using labels in fundamentally different ways. When I use “feminism” or “patriarchy” I’m not using them as a sort of coalition signal (“I align with this movement as it exists socially”). I’m using them as shorthand for a cluster of values and a conceptual framework I personally find useful (things like anti-sexism, structural awareness, anti-essentialism…). Feminism is has had many great conceptual thinkers. So for me it’s not: “I ag…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates29/03/26 12:27 AM
1

I appreciate you taking the time to write this out. To be clear on one thing, because I think this is where some of the friction comes from: when I say “I disagree” I’m not disagreeing with someone’s lived experience? How could I? I’m disagreeing with how that experience is being interpreted or generalized, especially when it’s used to make claims about a whole group or about a theory. That’s an important distinction for me, but I can see that it doesn’t always come across that way in short repl…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates28/03/26 11:57 PM
1

Yeah possibly. I would be open for that if there was a promising alternative. I think the thing is that probably if this “new egalitarian movement” would come into existence, I just see it happening that then groups would argue that there is a need to specific female-centered care and specific male-centered care within that new movement, considering some issues are still more gender-specific (for example military draft and inhumane conditions in prison and such I would say is more of a male cent…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates28/03/26 05:02 PM
-1

I think you and me want the same things, truly. I’m not from the US so I sometimes don’t know well if there are local differences or not. For example when I see what dominant feminists in the UK are doing that deeply upsets me. That’s not “the feminism I subscribe to”. You already talked in your post about “feminists can’t define feminism” and it’s true. At this point you could kind of view feminism like Islam where Sunni and Shia also have different interpretations of the Quran. When people her…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates28/03/26 03:35 PM
-1

I get you. I hope that male advocates find a way to express their concerns without demonising feminism as a whole and that the entire left will just be responsive. I really do see value in centering male issues more. It’s why some other feminists don’t like me. Egalitarianism is a core principle to feminism, but I want feminism to start practicing what it preaches more. There certainly is bias and hypocrisy and a tendency to oversimplify and overgeneralise. IDL
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates28/03/26 03:24 PM
2

I acknowledge I see this happening on the AskFeminists subreddit too. A man asks a good faith question to be met with belittling and dismissive comments, often by the top 1% commenters. I hate it. I hate polarisation. I hate the “gender war sentiment”. Why don’t we all just sit and talk and genuinely be open for the questions and concerns of the other side? Anyway thanks for your supportive comment!
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates28/03/26 03:05 PM
-4

“We” “Us” How many personalities are behind your Reddit account? I’ve decided you’re one of the people I’m not gonna engage with anymore. So don’t bother commenting on me. I tried many times to have good faith discussions, but you can’t have them without turning hostile. I’m not here for hostile debates. I’m not here to defended other feminists who I disagree with. I’ve made my position clear. This isn’t a debate sub. Go to purple pill debate if you’re hungry for a fight. This is a place for con…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates28/03/26 02:50 PM
2

We don't call feminists who post here "Misandrists" we also don't outright silence them because they say things we don't like.. Well try changing your user flair to “feminist guest” and make a neutral comment and just wait and see how quickly people call you misandrist or send you angry DMs. My partner is a lwma here and my other partner is a critic of feminism (without defining himself explicitly as lwma) and I often discuss gender issues with them and I don’t think these two men would love me …
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates28/03/26 01:23 PM
3

What do you think? If people are offered this choice: would you rather live A) In a relationship but it’s a “happy lie” B) Single but at least nobody is lying to you What do you think most people would choose? I think people who choose the “happy lie” are mostly inexperienced people who romanticise relationships. I was cheated on in my first 2 serious relationships. I would never ever choose scenario A anymore, ignorance isn’t bliss to me. Especially now because I’m very much aware that even whe…
/r/PurplePillDebate28/03/26 12:54 PM
1

What about XY women? They have Y chromosomes (some have a uterus like those with Swyer syndrome and some don’t like those with AIS), but they look exactly like women (have a vagina, clitoris, labia, boobs…). Sometimes a woman only finds out she’s an XY woman when she can’t get children and is undergoing fertility examination. Sex or gender really isn’t a complete binary like people believe. Because if it’s genitalia, these people are women. It it’s chromosomes, these people are men.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/03/26 09:06 PM
1

Guys who obsess over e.g. red pill concepts of “holding frame” or “being an asshole to attract women” are, unfortunately, blatantly not truly desired by women. I believe this is true. RP is about how to attract as many women as possible (quantity > quality). And to do it, you need to be “less yourself” and work on the superficial stuff. But none of that guarantees “love”, guarantees someone actually likes you for who you are, guarantees someone will stay… I’m polyamorous so I have 2 LTR and I li…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/03/26 08:31 PM
3

Woah that looks great
/r/PurplePillDebate27/03/26 08:15 PM
1

Are you living abroad?
/r/PurplePillDebate27/03/26 08:07 PM
1

People have mixed responses to stress, I always get hungry when I’m stressed. Some don’t eat at all.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/03/26 05:55 PM
1

I don’t think anything magic is existing. The whole point of ozempic is that you make lifestyle changes too because once you stop taking it there is the risk that you gain back some weight. Are you doing okay though? You sound so sad these past days 🫂
/r/PurplePillDebate27/03/26 05:30 PM
1

Well… there is a difference between not criticising people who take ozempic and then suggesting people should take it… Why don’t we just respect individual choices?
/r/PurplePillDebate27/03/26 05:28 PM
0

Yeah I have migraine and with treatment I have about 4-6 days of migraine a month and without it was > 10 days. But I’ve never ever missed a day of work because of migraine. I take my meds, I push it through. Is that healthy? I suppose not, but in my job I’m needed and can’t be replaced so I just push through it. Every day I get home feeling so burned out, and then people in my environment are surprised that “such a young person experiences this level of stress already”.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/03/26 05:25 PM
0

I’ve had so much stress in my life from: 1) masking ND 2) not realising I was ND 3) not realising I was masking ND It fucked up my appetite and circadian rhythm in ways that I’m still recovering from. If anything I don’t have a lack of willpower but maybe a little too much for my own good. Sometimes I keep going so hard despite feeling completely burned out because that’s what I’ve been doing since childhood and nobody taught me how to pause, relax and actually nurture myself in a gentle way.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/03/26 05:13 PM
2

It’s an idea sold by the elites to keep the bottom of the pyramid functioning in the scheme. And then people in the bottom of the pyramid echo it and thus reinforce it. I feel like I see it also reflected in Catholicism where the “normal plebs” are being moralised into working hard and living a virtuous life, whereas the more powerful priests sexually abused children and lived in luxury. (Btw I’m baptised and was raised Catholic so I’m speaking from within)
/r/PurplePillDebate27/03/26 05:08 PM
1

Ew yes that does sound fake. How about whispering a name while you moan?
/r/PurplePillDebate27/03/26 05:03 PM
2

Please let this weather come to me
/r/PurplePillDebate27/03/26 05:01 PM
1

I believe hunger is always a signal. Sometimes it just reflects real hunger. Sometimes it reflects something else. Maybe you’re stressed and have low energy and your body is trying to compensate for it? Maybe there are things you’re not allowing yourself to feel?
/r/PurplePillDebate27/03/26 04:59 PM
6

It’s certainly interesting how people say they shame overweight women out of “health concern” but the very same people then also shame women for using Ozempic or Mounjaro. If it were really about health, effective treatments would be supported. But instead it suddenly becomes about “doing it the right way” or not “cheating”… But obesity (especially with insulin resistance), isn’t just solved by willpower, restrictive dieting or telling people to exercise more (which can even be harmful at higher…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/03/26 04:35 PM
1

Anti-essentialism is a philosophical stance. It’s about not reducing individuals to fixed traits based on their sex. Acknowledging population-level patterns or biological mechanisms isn’t the same thing as essentialism. In fact my whole point is the opposite: taking statistical variation and turning it into fixed roles or expectations IS essentialism, the essentialism that I’m critiquing.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/03/26 01:21 PM
1

Most commonly I observe people who do the following… Some people do talk about patriarchy in a very surface-level way sure. But that’s not the same as saying the framework itself is 100% constructionist or denies biology? The point I’m making is simpler: even if there are underlying biological differences, that still doesn’t explain how you get from differences in distribution to rigid social roles and institutions? That step is cultural… The variability hypothesis is about populations: spread a…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/03/26 09:18 AM
3

I mean on Reddit you don’t really know who you’re talking to right? It’s all anonymous
/r/PurplePillDebate27/03/26 08:58 AM
11

Stuff like "babies with criminals" thing is rare as a whole when talking about all women, but the very fact that it exists is useful for men as a talking point Also people often ignore psychological factors. A substantial portion of the population has insecure attachment and for some that comes with a history of unstable or harmful relationships. That can shape what feels familiar or even attractive, including more chaotic dynamics. At the same time zooming out matters. Most offenders are men an…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/03/26 08:53 AM
1

I’ve yet to meet a feminist who thinks patriarchy happened purely “random”… I don’t really understand how you think feminists see the “construction of patriarchy”? Patriarchy IS a construct in the sense that it’s amplifying biological differences x100 needlessly and that it’s rigidly categorising people based on gender, whereas the male variance hypothesis applies to the population overall and is about deviation from a mean… so not about sorting individuals into 2 categories…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/03/26 08:32 AM
1

It breaks my heart Why? Does it break your heart too when men are overweight? Does it break your heart when people smoke or drink alcohol? Does it break your heart what strangers you don’t know do or how they look like? Why?
/r/PurplePillDebate27/03/26 08:00 AM
2

I I haven’t really heard anyone make a 100% pure constructionist argument anyway. I think what feminists usually mean is that biological differences get amplified through patriarchy. Women can do physical work, men can do nurturing roles… The variability hypothesis is about distribution at the population level; how far individuals deviate from the mean. It doesn’t say which traits “belong” to which sex. Patriarchy on the other hand does assign traits to roles. It takes tendencies (if they exist …
/r/PurplePillDebate27/03/26 07:58 AM
7

What’s wrong with overweight women existing?You don’t need to date them if that’s not your preference.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/03/26 10:06 PM
3

Well patriarchy didn’t just appear out of nowhere. It had to build on something… If you take the variability idea seriously, it kind of explains that double-sided pattern: more men at the top, but also more men at the bottom. Men end up both as kings and as cannon fodder. Positions of power, but also the disposable ones (war, dangerous labour, all that…). That’s not random. So being male comes with that wider spread: you could end up with extreme power or be completely expendable. Women were mor…
/r/PurplePillDebate26/03/26 09:57 PM
5

In that logic is a wife then just a mommy soft parenting a grown man and slowly burning out?
/r/PurplePillDebate26/03/26 08:45 PM
2

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/r/PurplePillDebate26/03/26 08:24 PM
1

Well, some studies do show that men have a minor advantage in that area, so I’m not saying it is major, but it is believed to be true, especially in certain areas. They show that the variance is higher, not the average
/r/PurplePillDebate26/03/26 08:18 PM
2

Yeah I agree with your analysis, especially that last part seems to be reflect what I observe a lot
/r/PurplePillDebate26/03/26 08:17 PM
2

I wasn’t talking about variety, I was talking about variance
/r/PurplePillDebate26/03/26 08:15 PM
0

We all want a stable career, a love life, etc. It is like wanting a trophy for a car race without wanting to learn how to drive first. Lol can’t help but notice you kinda also show the performance-minded mindset in men that I mentioned: In performance domains men tend to do the same: if someone isn’t achieving (career-wise, physically…) the explanation often defaults to a lack of discipline or willpower. Same pattern, but different context. People struggle and instead of asking why, we default t…
/r/PurplePillDebate26/03/26 03:35 PM
1

Yes. I understand that part. But the most intelligent people in the world aren't necessarily men as its a non gendered or sex oriented trait. And this is true for men being the dumbest as well. Having more variety for intelligence traits doesn't mean the bell curve is at both extremes. But rather evenly spread out I think you’re still mixing up two different points. No one is saying intelligence is a sex-specific trait, of course both men and women can inherit and pass it on. That part is obviou…
/r/PurplePillDebate26/03/26 03:32 PM
1

He’s talking about variance across the population, not individuals. So he means the normal distribution (gauss distribution). It’s true that on average men show greater variability on certain traits. One biological factor is that men only have one X chromosome, whereas women have two. That means recessive mutations on the X chromosome are more likely to be expressed in men, while women can often carry them without being affected to the same extent. That also means men are more exposed to both th…
/r/PurplePillDebate26/03/26 12:43 PM
9

Not because of patriarchy, but because of greater variability in male genetics. I agree with the whole body of your post. The biological explanations for variations make sense. But even if you grant the variability argument, it doesn’t explain the whole picture. Patriarchy is what happens when cultural systems take those differences and exaggerate them (rewarding certain male traits, suppressing others, narrowing the roles available to women...). So you don’t just get “natural variation”, you ge…
/r/PurplePillDebate26/03/26 12:36 PM
1

since men are not only stronger on average but are more intelligent Men are not more intelligent on average. Like OP said the normal distribution has a wider variation so you have more on both ends; more low IQ and more high IQ. The average is the sum of the total and that’s the same. So “men are more intelligent” is simply not correct. It would be more correct if you had said “men are more often intelligent AND more often stupid”. but many jobs, especially physical ones, women are unable to do …
/r/PurplePillDebate26/03/26 12:30 PM
5

Women don’t deny it because there’s some truth to it. You can also see how much value women place on social skills in how ableism tends to show up differently between men and women (at least from what I’ve noticed). In social domains women are often more likely to individualise problems: a socially awkward man is quickly seen as personally responsible with advice on how he should improve. In performance domains men tend to do the same: if someone isn’t achieving (career-wise, physically…) the ex…
/r/PurplePillDebate26/03/26 12:02 PM
0

Egalitarian women don’t like it no.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/03/26 07:37 PM
–

I get what you mean but requiring “discussion” posts to be completely neutral isn’t realistic is it? Most actual discussions start from a position. The difference isn’t whether someone has an opinion, it’s whether they’re open to engaging with opposing views. In a debate people aren’t; there defending a position. In a discussion people start off from a position but are open to getting challenged and having their minds changed. That’s how discussions would work in reality. Otherwise you end up wi…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/03/26 07:36 PM
–

I definitely relate more to the first type 💔 I started telling myself that believing this “the one” narrative is stupid and naive. Nobody is gonna “make me whole”. A couple of heartbreaks and negative experiences certainly helped me with that. I’m still not a window shopper though. Polyamory is healing. Somehow believing in the existence of “multiple the ones” is working out for me.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/03/26 03:34 PM
–

Hey mods 👋 I’m trying to understand the intent behind the flairs, but in practice they seem to create a dilemma: – “Discussion” posts get removed if your comments are even mildly argumentative – “Debate” posts invite defensive often hostile replies So either you tone yourself down so much that “discussion” becomes opinion-less or you pick “debate” and get pulled into adversarial exchanges. That’s not really conducive to actual conversation and it leaves very little space for genuine, good-faith …
/r/PurplePillDebate25/03/26 03:32 PM
1

The hierarchy is called patriarchy
/r/PurplePillDebate25/03/26 03:09 PM
3

The fact that hypergamy exists doesn’t mean it’s biological. People have been encouraged to marry for financial motives for millennia. The culture doesn’t change overnight. If people attempted to break the gender norms, this tendency would decline. I’m not saying people are attracted to poverty or low status. I’m saying that once a threshold of financial safety has been reached it probably won’t matter much how much above the threshold you are. Nobody wants to struggle financially and that is un…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/03/26 11:48 AM
–

The whole point of about sexual fantasies is to explore things you don’t know if you would want to do them in reality. When I’m in the shower I imagine I’m a singer on a stage singing for a crowd of thousands of people, or I’m a guest in a talk show… doesn’t mean my introverted self would want those things in reality. Fantasy is exactly to explore what you might or might not want in real life… to have a richness of experiences…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/03/26 11:35 AM
–

Idk I find men attractive not necessarily based on their looks but on how they act so what they do in the video and how they do it is more important than how they look
/r/PurplePillDebate25/03/26 08:12 AM
–

If I watch I prefer it if the woman has a body type similar to mine, that way I can pretend it’s me. So I don’t like the videos with the very skinny small boob women, it’s hard to identify. I usually don’t care much how the man looks like indeed, I don’t desire the people on screen. It’s more about envisioning the scenario. Is that entirely different for men?
/r/PurplePillDebate25/03/26 07:45 AM
0

Yeah so pie-mart experience where she said: Maybe. I was once told by a guy that as a woman, I shouldn't have a job and that i should be dependent on a man. So, those men do exist. But I suspect in small numbers. I have also been told that men expect me to quit my job the minute I become exclusive with them... so, I do get annoyed sometimes … Makes sense through the lens. She was met with disbelief when she said this.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/03/26 07:35 AM
1

I am fairly sure that women could state their preferences much of the time You base this off on what…? I’m saying economic survival dominated partner selection for everyone, men and women. The idea that women could “state their preferences most of the time” is hard to defend when they often lacked legal, financial and social autonomy to act on those preferences. Arranged marriage wasn’t just a “royalty thing”, it existed across classes in different forms (family pressure, economic dependency, li…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/03/26 07:29 AM
3

Ah edited the spelling thanks. And I don’t think I’ve encountered that.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/03/26 09:17 PM
3

Yeah, because hypergamy still exists. So long as men with nice cars, high status careers, and ample resources continue to get the most women, men will continue to be incentived to get more of those things to get more women. Yeah but this is a specific demograph of women. It’s women who are sensitive to social norms. I always wonder if these women actually like and love those men… Like if the man lost his status, had an accident and would end up in a wheelchair would she still be by his side? I w…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/03/26 09:16 PM
2

As I mentioned before, it is only historically very recently that men have had to view women as equals and to therefore care about things like deeper personality and life goals. Women have always needed to assess men’s personalities, though. What do you mean? Neither men nor women historically married for reasons such as personality (if we go back in time a lot…). It was mostly financial reasons. Oftentimes marriages were arranged by extended families. Both partners were stuck with each other?
/r/PurplePillDebate24/03/26 09:10 PM
2

Red pill continually talks about how women are not understanding their own biology, therefore don’t believe women when they tell you what they want in a partner, women will lie etc etc… This is pretty common here
/r/PurplePillDebate24/03/26 09:02 PM
0

Men valued for status and women for beauty? That’s ancient old… TRP is just reinforcing medieval gender roles that modern people attempt to get rid off. What TRP describes has got nothing to do with real attraction or brain chemistry, it’s just norm enforcing. It will only attract people who are sensitive to following social norms. You’ll never know if someone is with you because they want you as a person or because what you achieved is the sort of norm stereotype they like.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/03/26 08:59 PM
3

I don’t think you’ll find a woman who believes that Chad will end up alone as a cat lad…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/03/26 08:51 PM
1

Saying that something is better than an alternative is a normative claim. ~ You shouldn’t have to take painkillers every day, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be able to take painkillers every day
/r/PurplePillDebate24/03/26 08:43 PM
2

So you are going to ignore the normative claim?
/r/PurplePillDebate24/03/26 08:33 PM
2

I follow what you say. These conspiracy “matrices” definitely exist on both extreme ends. Algorithms are designed to feed you what will anger you or validate you in your feelings or unjustice. There’s a lot of content that is branded as “feminism” too but it’s just plain misandry appealing to a broad public under the name of feminism because that’s how it widely gets sold.
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates24/03/26 08:32 PM
1

I agree with your analysis. I see what you mean.
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates24/03/26 08:27 PM
3

Manosphere influencers, the red pill gurus, consistently say on their social media that their girlfriends shouldn’t have to work and that that is a virtue, the red pill dream.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/03/26 08:26 PM
1

Where are they sending the Germans if they are replaced? To Africa? To Asia?
/r/PurplePillDebate24/03/26 08:24 PM
6

There is still a contradiction… If men are told to build status/resources because that’s what women reward, then “men as providers” hasn’t disappeared, it’s just being framed as a tactic instead of a role. Reinforcing the roles all over again.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/03/26 08:23 PM
2

The person I was responding to is flaired as red leaning so they believe reality is that…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/03/26 08:20 PM
1

Who’s being replaced? I haven’t heard of Germany sending Germans away out of their country?
/r/PurplePillDebate24/03/26 03:33 PM
3

Isn’t “men are providers” a core pillar of red pill ideology? Men are expected to generate resources, status and stability? That overlaps with traditional gender roles. And women are valued for youth, beauty, fertility, being socially incentivized to “marry up” (hypergamy)… so basically women are trophy wives? I thought red pill said that ideally women wouldn’t need to work…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/03/26 03:32 PM
1

I don’t think we are better than other animals. We just protect our own group, like other mammals do too. And sure some human constructs are worth it more to defend than others. I don’t see the value in nations with “pure native population”, that sounds like something mostly Nazis value.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/03/26 03:19 PM
0

Then why not just split bills? Seems the most simple.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/03/26 03:15 PM
0

I live in an area where we literally speak Dutch. My grandparents even split the bills when they went on dates in the 60s. Splitting bills is not something new here, it’s the mainstream thing for us.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/03/26 11:50 AM
1

I broke up after I found out he cheated on me.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/03/26 11:49 AM
1

I think most people doing this are single.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/03/26 11:48 AM
1

Idk, where I’m from the norm is to go Dutch. Giving flowers is seen as cringe and old school.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/03/26 11:47 AM
1

Because he had great humor, he was kind to me, he made me laugh a lot. I loved spending time with him.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/03/26 11:46 AM
1

We are all animals on the earth, the earth has no owner. Ownership of land is a human invention, in that sense it’s nothing more than something imaginary we all happen to agree with. Just like money, we all agree that a piece of paper has value. While it’s just paper.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/03/26 08:46 AM
-1

Do you ever pay for men’s meals?
/r/PurplePillDebate24/03/26 08:44 AM
1

Sounds like you made up your mind? Nobody cares if you eat ice cream or drink beer or swipe on the apps right now. These short term indulgences sadly just tend to come with nasty hangovers of regret. But how about this: let the weakness set you free. You’re only feeling weak because you’re labelling your desires as weak. But what is really killing you? The calories and alcohol and perceived rejection? Or the mental battle inside where your desire gets moralised?
/r/PurplePillDebate23/03/26 11:29 PM
1

The froyo at least is nice. Alcohol free beer? We don’t do that where I’m from. Dating simulator game? Isn’t all online dating simulations anyway? Isn’t living finding continuous tricks to our minds? If not how am I gonna be convinced I have to go to work tomorrow.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/03/26 11:12 PM
6

Most people on PPD are dug in lol https://youtu.be/ndsME9Vd4es?si=Ro_1ULhvA1lkgMDn
/r/PurplePillDebate23/03/26 11:09 PM
2

I’m against dehumanisation. Dehumanisation starts the moment you stop treating someone as an individual and start treating them as a stand-in for a group. That shift from person to proxy is where respect collapses and issues arise. And: I have no issue with AI—it’s a useful tool: occasionally verbose, mildly robotic, but remarkably good at pretending it isn’t.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/03/26 11:05 PM
1

If you want to keep it healthier you could always make your own frozen yoghurt. Like freeze a small yoghurt and put one of those wooden sticks in the middle to turn it into a magnum shape, like kids do.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/03/26 11:00 PM
2

Just stay up 45min afterwards to brush your teeth… and work out in the morning to burn the calories… You’re not diabetic right?
/r/PurplePillDebate23/03/26 10:37 PM
2

I speak Dutch, good sirs… where I’m from, you may guess if you can.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/03/26 10:35 PM
2

Ah thou hast glimpsed confusion and straightway crowned thyself king of clarity, most noble indeed. Yet beware: mistaking brief self-awareness for lasting wisdom is but the gentlest form of folly, dressed in fine words and strutting proudly.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/03/26 10:23 PM
2

I definitely think you’re the one who is right.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/03/26 10:20 PM
4

The ice cream seems the most innocent
/r/PurplePillDebate23/03/26 10:17 PM
2

What do you mean with cheap?
/r/PurplePillDebate23/03/26 10:16 PM
1

And that female ones should be believed even in the absence of anything like actual evidence, yes. I read the post. To me there’s no difference between male and female victims. Gender of the victim doesn’t matter. The previous post was made on the PPD subreddit because a lot of red pill men claimed that women made up false accusations. They gendered their claims and my post was a counter-claim. I don’t see any difference between male/female victims and male/female perpetrators. Like I said so ma…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates23/03/26 09:14 PM
0

Despite yourself declaring that this is impossible to conclusively prove, or even reliably source, yes. That's sorta the whole complaint. Yes I used the word “believe”. Got it? I think male victims of rape should be believed when they go to the police instead of ridiculed. Don’t you think? To kill time by throwing scorn at someone who I think deserves it, mostly. That, and to let anyone else reading this thread for some reason know that you ain't half the ally you claim to be. What am I doing wr…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates23/03/26 08:45 PM
3

Why would we care about “native pop”? Humans are humans. I don’t care about one’s ethnicity or background.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/03/26 07:50 PM
1

You stated outright that false accusations were less common than true ones with no punishment for the accused And I still believe that to be true. And this is ungendered. This applies to both male and female victims and male and female perpetrators. Also very telling that this is the only part of my comment you felt mentally capable of responding to. What do you want? To debate on every phrase? I’m not on this subreddit for debating. I’m here for discussing and open conversations. So if I don’t …
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates23/03/26 07:48 PM
–

Whereas my mind today was like…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/03/26 07:07 PM
1

It’s cope. I used to downplay it so I could accept loneliness myself. And then you tell others to accept loneliness too. That’s how it works I guess.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/03/26 07:04 PM
0

So you're conceding that there are elements of feminism that really are conspiring to hurt men? That's the whole argument right there. I don’t think it’s intentional. That being said most harms in the world aren’t intentional. Nobody ever said “let’s intentionally harm black people” or “let’s intentionally harm women”. Harm happens when people have blind spots. When they fail to see others in their humanity. And yes I do think there are feminist branches and feminist individuals who fail to see …
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates23/03/26 04:46 PM
1

Feminists organize to protest against things like equal custody, resources for male victims of sexual and domestic violence, resources for homeless men, and even awareness of these issues. Feminists organize to protest against laws that would recognize men as victims of rape by women. I’m not saying it’s not happening in some places. I believe there are extreme branches out there in some specific places who do that. But I’ve never heard of that and it’s definitely not happening in my own country…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates23/03/26 04:22 PM
0

that tries to pretend as though there are no real problems men face Not once in the documentary did he imply this and that there aren't real massive organizations actively working to keep men down? Because there most certainly are. That’s conspiracy level thinking indeed. Men are being kept down. It’s just not an “active conscious scheme”, it’s the design of a very unfair system that keeps on reproducing itself. That's where the distrust comes from, because feminists are not at all trustworthy p…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates23/03/26 10:52 AM
1

Nope I’m not a liberal feminist. My thinking is mostly aligned with intersectional feminism. I vote for the socialists here lol. I wouldn’t say I’m pro-capitalist, like I said before… I complain about capitalism every day. Living without any form of capitalism is just a utopia, unless you really want to live like people in Russia or China? I don’t. It’s not like they respect men’s and women’s rights… And I don’t see how the woman faced harassment if she signed a contract? She chose to be there w…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates23/03/26 12:29 AM
3

You're a feminist. Are you happy with how Theroux exploits women like Angie, who begged Theroux "thousands of times" to be let out of the documentary, citing harassment? She signed a contract, she said so herself. It’s easy to afterwards paint the narrative that you didn’t want to be in the documentary when there is talk. So whether she really didn’t want to be in it or she did: we will never know that. All we know is that she signed a contract to be in it. Also, are you a leftist? Are you again…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates22/03/26 11:12 PM
-4

I’m not arguing there isn’t a real issue with recognition and support for male victims, there clearly is and it’s a serious one. Even in places where they are acknowledged, the resources and attention often still fall short. I don’t mean to downplay that. But I do think there’s a difference between that and saying this is something feminism “globally” does. Referencing a handful of countries like the US/UK/Canada/Australia/Spain doesn’t really establish a global pattern across 195 countries and …
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates22/03/26 08:47 PM
0

I don’t think that’s what Theroux meant. My reading was less about dismissing their experiences and more about what happens downstream. Some of these influencers start from narratives about exploitation or neglect, but then build platforms where they profit from their audience through things like gambling ads, crypto or subscription content that can be questionable in terms of value. So the point wasn’t “their situation isn’t real” but that there can be a shift from feeling exploited to particip…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates22/03/26 07:54 PM
5

Yeah I think this is a really good extension of the point, especially the part about perception being path-dependent and shaped by prior narratives. That is indeed what makes these dynamics so hard to intervene in and what I meant when I said: The nature of sexism (toward both genders) is that it operates on self-reinforcing systems, yet it always seems to get treated as a static trait. The feedback loops get underestimated. Once those loops are established, everything tends to get interpreted t…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates22/03/26 07:49 PM
-6

DV and rape being gendered things that happen to women, and gendering it so everyone else is invisible? Yes that's something feminism globally does. When you say this happens “globally”, do you mean it’s characteristic of feminism across most countries and strands, or something that shows up in specific contexts like the UK/US and certain policy approaches?
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates22/03/26 07:27 PM
1

I’m fine with all, I choose to trust my partners. It’s ridiculous imo to not allow opposite gender friends? Those friendships are so valuable. I find men who have a lot of female friends to be more respectful and empathetic towards women, so I would actively encourage such friendships. It’s a green flag. I’m glad myself that I have male friends, they broaden my perspective. And sure exes can be friends. Unless the ex is behaving in a way that’s blatantly disrespectful towards me or shows no boun…
/r/PurplePillDebate22/03/26 07:10 PM
-3

Yeah I think you’re pointing to something real in terms of how certain policies or narratives are perceived, especially if they feel one-sided. But that’s kind of my point whether it’s framed as “institutional feminism” or something else, if people experience institutions as biased or dismissive, that becomes part of what drives the distrust in the first place. My argument isn’t really about defending specific feminist positions. It’s that if you reduce everything to “misogyny” or on the other s…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates22/03/26 03:29 PM
10

Yes and after watching the Louis Theroux documentary, what stood out to me is how often manosphere spaces are tied to broader conspiracy-style thinking. Especially the idea that there’s some coordinated elite force working against men. In that context singling out boys and placing them into targeted “anti-misogyny” programs seems likely to reinforce that exact suspicion rather than reduce it? It risks confirming the narrative that institutions are indeed trying to control or single them out? So …
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates22/03/26 02:28 PM
38

I like the article. For me the main take away is “treat boys as complex humans, not risks”. Misogyny should be treated as a signal of deeper distress, not just something to correct directly and surface level. Underlying factors matter. Address problems because they matter for boys themselves, not only to protect others. These boys are also kids.
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates22/03/26 11:25 AM
0

I never said every conviction is assumed to be true and fair. You twist my position into that. I’m saying it’s necessary for victims (male and female) to be believed because in most cases the experience to them was real, even when it doesn’t meet the legal criteria for rape.
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates21/03/26 09:01 PM
3

is it common for men who are wealthy, tall, and/or have a lot of clout to also have the most women, sometimes multiple at a time? Is it equally common for wealthy beautiful women to have a lot of pursuers?
/r/PurplePillDebate21/03/26 11:28 AM
–

They’re are very little women like that it the western world. Most women have jobs.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/03/26 11:25 AM
–

Marriage isn’t for sex only that’s true. But we also don’t want infidelity right? So isn’t it best that a couple is satisfied with the amount of sex they have, so the risk of infidelity is lower? So doesn’t that mean that sexual compatibility matters and it’s valid to screen for it?
/r/PurplePillDebate21/03/26 11:24 AM
2

I think it’s more like a societal repression. For me I used to escape reality reading a lot of fiction as a kid. I dreamed of romance a lot. I grew up with stories of Disney princesses being saved by a Prince Charming. Or read teen novels with female protagonists who were shy and awkward like myself but they were seen and valued for who they truly are by this mysterious guy, the love of their life. I was heavily invested in the idea of an eternal monogamy that would save me. My first romantic ex…
/r/PurplePillDebate21/03/26 11:18 AM
1

I’m more horny than my partners. I used to believe I was more on the asexual spectrum before but I was just feeling sexually repressed and not liberated as a woman because I had shame over my sexuality. Now I feel sexually liberated and I notice I’m more often horny and initiating than my male partners. The society shaming women for sexuality and praising virginity as a moral good doesn’t really help women connect with their sexual desires.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/03/26 10:39 AM
1

The pattern is consistent: Observe a difference → declare it “natural” → use that to justify it. Religion did it. Now bad evo-psych does it.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/03/26 07:32 AM
1

I guess sorry
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates21/03/26 06:53 AM
0

I wasn’t downplaying any impact. I was just not mentioning it, and bringing it up from a different angle. Hoping that would open up the conversation. I care about strategy. I guess you don’t? Because you don’t even care to discuss things in a non-hostile tone with a feminist who is very pro what lwma are trying to achieve? How many other female feminists do you see here like me? You want me to leave and not care as well? Or what is your strategy here?
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates20/03/26 09:53 PM
3

Ah chest hair is so undervalued by the society. I love it.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/03/26 04:28 PM
3

Your example sounds more like playful teasing. That’s not verbal abuse? It’s not meant hurt or shame someone, it’s meant to tease?
/r/PurplePillDebate20/03/26 04:26 PM
1

Master piece of a post. Well done. Well done!
/r/PurplePillDebate20/03/26 04:11 PM
–

How does one solve a problem when it’s not yet clearly identified?
/r/PurplePillDebate20/03/26 03:29 PM
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Why is weight pronounced like wait, and height pronounced like flight. Why are they not both pronounced like eight? This is the Kansas vs Arkansas thing all over again. So I am confusion. Explain America explaaaaain.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/03/26 03:15 PM
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This comment makes sense to me
/r/PurplePillDebate19/03/26 10:38 PM
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Interesting comment. What do you suggest as an alternative?
/r/PurplePillDebate19/03/26 10:34 PM
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Which forms of discrimination do you have in mind?
/r/PurplePillDebate19/03/26 10:31 PM
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Fake and authentic empathy aren’t that hard to separate. You can easily separate fake and authentic empathy in men for female issues too, no?
/r/PurplePillDebate19/03/26 10:28 PM
–

Doesn’t loneliness deserve empathy? Feeling lonely is psychologically a hard place to be in?
/r/PurplePillDebate19/03/26 10:26 PM
–

You still didn’t adress why someone who sits on a throne and is satisfied feels the need to address women who believe most men are unattractive.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/03/26 09:33 PM
–

The women who believe most men are unattractive
/r/PurplePillDebate19/03/26 09:29 PM
–

He just pointed out it’s strange that someone who claims to be satisfied having access to a lot of women goes on Reddit to address the women he doesn’t have access to. I see no offence. I’m kinda curious as well… why did you make this post?
/r/PurplePillDebate19/03/26 09:25 PM
3

Lots of kids (especially neurodivergent ones) are told continually to adapt themselves and not rely on their intuition. Our ableist society inhibits learning skills without being consciously aware of it. When I found out I was ND I suddenly realised why a lot of conventional dating or weight loss advice wasn’t working for me. There is value indeed in teaching kids skills that they need to teach themselves. Kids are naturally curious and want to know about the world, and adults kill this curiosit…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates19/03/26 11:55 AM
1

if nurses are your equal co-workers, do they receive equal compensation and workplace power? To clarify I work in public health care and get paid by the government. For compensation: the system where I work is different because the doctors here are self-employed and the nurses are employees. It means that overall doctors receive more money but pay higher taxes. I don’t think I’m earning more money at the end of the ride. I have less retirement money and get no money when I’m sick or no paid holi…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates19/03/26 07:15 AM
-1

as everyone (more than 90%) was excluded from education Yes exactly that’s a patriarchy, a class system, where most people were excluded and at the bottom. And university, leadership roles, priests, banking, science and philosophy etc etc etc were only accessible for men at the top at the pyramid system. Most men being excluded doesn’t change the fact that women were discriminated against overall because of their sex. If you were high class having a dick or a vagina was the deciding factor wheth…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates19/03/26 07:03 AM
0

Bell hooks isn’t the leader of feminism, not at all. She’s more like a scientist, describing reality. So she’s not concerned with the impact and what the followers do.
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates19/03/26 12:02 AM
1

I don’t understand why that sarcasm is necessary honestly.
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates18/03/26 11:54 PM
1

Content wise it doesn’t change that much. I also don’t feel positive vibes when someone slut shames me, but I tend to feel more empowered if in my mind I embrace the words they use to insult me. So I’m a slut, so what? I guess that’s just my attitude that works for me. Anyway I liked your post.
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates18/03/26 08:10 PM
1

I agree
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates18/03/26 12:09 PM
0

As women were largely excluded from education of course I wasn’t referring to high educated women (those barely existed in history). They were often unmarried and had extensive knowledge of herbal medicine.
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates18/03/26 12:09 PM
2

We are manosphere - because no ideology should be beyond criticism. We are manosphere - because men's rights are human rights.
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates18/03/26 11:45 AM
1

I’m not an active member of the feminist movement. I’m a feminist because I engage with feminist theory. I actually am a male advocate as well (if women can be male advocates). It’s just more fun to flair myself feminist because it exposes who is prejudiced better.
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates18/03/26 01:24 AM
0

Until society takes men's issues seriously, it will only keep growing. Unfortunately, this includes the misogynistic self-help grift part - and now a small part of that is on you. I believe this to be true. I think it’s good that you’re embracing the label manosphere the way you did in your post. I realise I might be a rarity of a feminist to say such thing. I believe in the empowerment of embracing labels that are often used derogatory. The N-word or “slut” is a good example of it. I actually d…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates18/03/26 01:14 AM
4

Mind you her stuff on men was written 20yrs ago and people still use her as their main example of feminists "understanding men." Isn’t that proving her strong descriptive power? Feminist authors write books every day, with their own versions and interpretations of patriarchy. They come and go. hooks stays. I'm not really here to hear more about how people of all genders perpetrate toxic masculinity on a personal level. I want to hear more on what's going on outside. I see too many feminists stat…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates18/03/26 12:38 AM
0

How? Can you explain that causality? I really don’t. If I were I wouldn’t be on this sub surrounding myself with men constantly to talk about men’s issues. Both men and women can be sexist within patriarchy, as patriarchy is an ungendered system.
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates17/03/26 11:51 PM
0

I didn’t say “they were never loved by men” I said “they were never loved by men AND they never loved men themselves”
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates17/03/26 10:57 PM
0

So how do you put your principles into action in your workplace? How do you analyze your workplace's power structures? I’m not sure what you mean? In modern medicine we strive to get away from what is called the “paternalistic model” where a doctor is an authoritarian figure who orders around. The patient-doctor dynamic is to be seen as a dynamic where both contribute equally (a bit like a relationship). I’m always respecting my patients autonomy, they are the ones with ownership over their live…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates17/03/26 10:49 PM
1

How is it men’s fault they never loved men? I said “never loved by men and never loved men”. Which is a mutual statement. How does that translates to “men’s fault”?
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates17/03/26 10:31 PM
0

Try again. Why the combative tone against me? I’m not here in “debate modus”, I thought this was a space for genuine good faith discussion. My point was a rebuttal to the argument that it was responding to… Yes I know that. I DID see what you were doing with the analogy and I understand the logical point you were making (that something can predate an ideology and still be amplified by it), but I just don’t agree that the analogy actually maps. Nazism is structurally built around hierarchy and ex…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates17/03/26 10:30 PM
–

Yeah so? I was attracted to his mind? Can only ugly people be intellectual? I hate sports btw. I fall for all body types, idc about BMI or height. My first lover was 1 head size shorter than me. Once I had a one night stand with a guy who was obese. So what? And just because I’m sapio that doesn’t mean that I’m blind. I can still see who’s conventionally attractive and who’s not. That’s why I added the guy looked fine. Not because it matters to me, but because people here don’t believe you when …
/r/PurplePillDebate17/03/26 10:21 PM
-2

Agreed. But none of this really contradicts feminism, it mainly contradicts a caricature of it. Most serious feminist theory doesn’t claim men are never harmed. The point is that patriarchy distributes power unevenly between genders, while also creating hierarchies among men. So you get both men as a group holding more formal authority than women and many men (especially lower-class men) being highly expendable within that same system. That’s not a contradiction, it’s how hierarchical systems te…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates17/03/26 01:58 AM
-1

I’m not sure you saw the actual quote from the book. It doesn’t seem to show it anymore. Sorry you’re right I thought you were referring to something different. That example highlights a blind spot. Her central park five reading shows the risk of overfitting theory to reality = applying a framework even when the actual facts (wrongful conviction, coercion) don’t support it. I think the problem is that I grew up in the church and left a few years ago so this whole “love” talk feels like some half…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates17/03/26 01:23 AM
1

That’s not how the famous German sociologist Max Weber used the concept. He didn’t define patriarchy as “men oppressing women” but as a form of traditional authority. Reducing it to a single oppression axis is already a simplification so arguing it’s now “too diluted” kind of misses that it was never that narrow to begin with.
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates17/03/26 12:53 AM
0

Theorists should do praxis: solving real-world problems. I don’t agree entirely. The people who are best at abstract thinking, pattern recognition and building frameworks aren’t always the best at practical execution. And the reverse is also true: people who are highly effective in practice aren’t always the best at nuanced theorizing. I’m a doctor and in medicine we accept this without question. Researchers, clinicians, radiologists, surgeons… they all have different skill sets. A radiologist h…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates17/03/26 12:49 AM
-1

Nazism produces inequality by design: it classifies people as superior and inferior. Feminism responds to inequality by trying to level it. Even when rhetoric about men becomes generalized, that’s not what feminism is structurally doing.
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates17/03/26 12:16 AM
-1

while telling me my love is not love You are the only one with full access to and ownership over your own experiences. Your lived experience is valid. women who sexually abused me and their attempts to downplay their actions and frame my retreat into fictional worlds where women didn't abuse men as a desire to dominate women. I’m sorry for what you have been through. 🫂 My support goes to all victims. It's quite amusing to me that you would make this particular comparison, as I have a similar dis…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates16/03/26 04:09 AM
0

I get the impression that all her stuff is stuff that probably should've been promoted as children's books and not something that adults use as their feminist bible. She did write books for children, a lot for boys and black boys specifically. She wrote it partly because she felt black boys were often portrayed negatively or stereotypically and she wanted to create images of black boys as thoughtful, joyful, and intellectually curious. So the boys in her books were reading and self-expressing. H…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates16/03/26 03:44 AM
-1

Agree to disagree? We interpret this differently. I don’t dismiss your interpretation as impossible. But as someone who recognises herself a lot in the style and writings and system thinking of bell hooks (a very clearly neurodivergent INFP), I just really disagree. I think it really is about love. A little bit like Jesus.
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates16/03/26 03:26 AM
0

I think it’s the opposite. I think oppositely from what many feminists do which is adopting the male gender role (being loud, bossy, dominant, verbally aggressive) bell hooks is actually one of the very few actually celebrating the female gender role, aiming to achieve change differently. Her call for love is to be interpret like hippies whose motto is “make love not war”. She’s identifying with those who she referred to when she spoke of the “weak, the hopeless, the romantic”… All the negative …
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates16/03/26 03:00 AM
1

Can you quote me where she made those claims as absolute statements (men are raped by other men, male slaves weren’t raped…)?
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates16/03/26 02:24 AM
-2

I think a lot of people misread bell hooks because she writes at a highly abstract level. She’s describing cultural systems and conceptual patterns, not making literal claims about individual men. If you read that kind of language too literally, it will sound like sweeping accusations. It’s the same issue you see with a lot of theoretical work: it requires a certain level of abstraction to follow the argument. So very often critique ends up targeting something the author wasn’t actually claiming…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates16/03/26 01:59 AM
1

True, but despite the historical baggage many scholars today still find Marx’s analysis useful as a descriptive framework for understanding class relations, even if they don’t adopt the normative conclusions or political programs that followed from it.
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates16/03/26 01:43 AM
-1

I see your confusion about patriarchy. What do you think about this comment I made somewhere here: https://www.reddit.com/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates/s/275nhLsBDf
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates16/03/26 01:25 AM
2

That tension you describe (between analytical frameworks and social movements) is definitely real. Analysis tolerates ambiguity and complexity, while movements require clearer narratives in order to mobilize people. So simplification is almost inevitable once an idea enters public discourse. That’s a bump for me personally, I don’t know if it’s my own cognitive wiring but I’m just more fond of the analytical side (keeping analysis complex but more accurate) and I tend to dislike these attempts t…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates16/03/26 01:17 AM
1

So do I.
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates16/03/26 12:58 AM
0

Feminists didn’t make up patriarchy models. The model with the name “patriarchy” was already used in anthropology before feminism existed. There were several feminists who believed Amber Heard was the abuser, including me. Feminism isn’t a monolith, please remember that.
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates16/03/26 12:57 AM
-1

I think that's probably a big part of the problem here. Feminism, by and large doesn't see itself as a part of the socialization process, and as such, I don't think there's any discussion about how that impacts people. Yes it’s a blind spot for the movement. But I think a lot of feminists also see the impact you describe as “collateral damage they’ll take”. I personally am not as confident as most feminists that this “collateral damage” should be caused without examination. Hence why I’m here lu…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates16/03/26 12:53 AM
-7

I think we interpret her differently.
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates16/03/26 12:30 AM
-1

Yes this is a two-sided coin for me as well. Feminism is the only intellectual tradition that analyses the workings of patriarchy and these gender roles on a deeper level. Yet most feminists misinterpret patriarch analysis and indeed focus a lot on the “men are violent” gender role reinforcement, especially post-MeToo I find the online discourse has hardened.
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates16/03/26 12:27 AM
2

I get the complaint, but theory is supposed to be a tool. People tend to forget that. The same happens like with religious values: what is meant to be a guideline for good life (tool) becomes dogma (rigid morality). In the end the purpose of theory is to build conceptual tools that help us understand patterns we wouldn’t otherwise see. And the problem is when those tools get detached from the level they were meant for. Structural models describe patterns in systems, not moral verdicts on individ…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates16/03/26 12:23 AM
10

Societies sent men to war because male sacrifice was treated as an obligation. Despite their disposability, men were still valorized since the expectation was sacrifice, not blame. I think there is a difference between symbolic valorization and actual valuing of life. Men were praised as “heroes”, but that praise functioned largely as a mechanism to normalize their sacrifice. If those lives were truly valued, societies would have structured institutions around minimizing the loss of male life ra…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates16/03/26 12:11 AM
6

Exactly. Patriarchal systems often rely on portraying men either as expendable protectors (sent to war) or as dangerous figures women must be “protected” from (physically dangerous, violent, predatory, uncivilised). Both narratives predate feminism and are part of the same gender-role structure. Patriarchal gender-roles function as two-sided coins. There’s a similar two-sided narrative for women: either infantilized (fragile, delicate, naïve, needing male protection) or demonized (seductive, man…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates16/03/26 12:00 AM
0

So the question is...how do we change the communications? By keeping on addressing the issues with it! How do we make it clear that these ideas are rough generalizations that do not apply to individuals? Because I still don't see any guardrails against that, right? It's a sort of "wink wink nod nod" thing. Well I believe you once looked at the post I made on AskFeminists regarding communication right? I guess I do. But I do find myself being a bit of a lone wolf sometimes online. Truth is, I thi…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates15/03/26 11:45 PM
-6

When structural models get internalized as personal moral guilt, they stop being analysis and start becoming self-hatred. Those frameworks were originally meant to describe patterns at the group level, not to tell individual men “your job, your relationships, your life… your lived experience… are illegitimate”. If someone walks away with that conclusion something in how the model was interpreted clearly went wrong. So it’s a communication issue. When hooks talks about love I really don’t think s…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates15/03/26 09:51 PM
3

Well “good” jew… I would say anti-semitism means acknowledging Jewish people’s inherent worth as humans. So anti-misandry means acknowledging men’s inherent worth as humans. The disaster of the holocaust happened because of dehumanisation: the inability to see others as equally human.
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates15/03/26 09:27 PM
-9

I agree with what you say. But I think misandry predates feminism. I think there has been a lot of systemic misandry throughout history when feminism didn’t even exist? Millions of male lives were lost as cannon fodder because male lives were seen as disposable…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates15/03/26 09:24 PM
2

Eh? Just look at some common pink and blue pill responses. Even some red pill women say these things. A lot of women like to brag with the fact that they have options and men don’t.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/03/26 08:43 PM
3

How do women react when men say they prefer women who aren't fat, don't have tattoos or septum piercings, debt, blue hair, or children by other men? They say something like “No problem, I have a whole line of other dudes wanting to date me”
/r/PurplePillDebate15/03/26 08:35 PM
-37

That’s because I guess she’s not the type of feminist that is involved in pragmatical feminism as much (how do we solve current political issues in a concrete way), she’s more of a conceptual thinker. That’s exactly why I like her so much, because I’m also not really fond of politics, but I do like descriptive analysis. Out of all feminists I think I like her analysis the best. I’m not the protest/rally type of feminist. I’m the type of feminist that likes to make observations about society. Isn…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates15/03/26 07:54 PM
-1

Interesting. Sounds like a patriarchy model? Top of the pyramid exploiting the bottom?
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates15/03/26 05:01 PM
2

Huh honey? If you initiate the date then it's your job to do most of that stuff. You sounded very formal here that it’s the role of the initiator.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/03/26 04:41 PM
-1

But that’s not seen as “physically defending”, feminists ask more often to be verbally defended in debates and discourse. Feminist women don’t ask to be physically defended? I would even find it a bit insulting and “macho” if a man would.
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates15/03/26 03:57 PM
2

some of the men I'm talking about are men who can't pump and dump but clearly would if they could You assume knowledge of their internal motives without evidence. You can’t read someone’s mind. It’s attribution bias. When you say they would exploit women if they could you basically pre-assigns immoral motives to an entire group. Would you do that to any other group??? (Black people, Jewish people, lgbtq people, women…). No right? Interpreting behaviour through a negative stereotype rather than c…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/03/26 02:35 PM
1

I was taking issue with you saying they are two completely separate groups (men who would pump and dump and men who are lonely) because it's horseshit. There is overlap. This is so illogical. So the men who go on apps pretending they want a LDR, but ending up pumping and dumping women… are the men who complain they are lonely and can’t get matches or dates? If they were the ones complaining about loneliness, they could just not pump and dump but stay with those women they pumped and dumped consi…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/03/26 01:47 PM
1

Imagine if a man said that about women. I mean… that is what a lot of men here are exhibiting too right? Claiming women can’t be lonely, claiming women have it easy, claiming women are dating with ulterior motives (money)… if dating males makes you lose empathy for them, then shouldn't that make you lose empathy for yourself, since you are still a male? People do often lose empathy for the gender they are dating. Because of experiences of hurt and rejection, and also often because of perceived r…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/03/26 01:21 PM
3

I rarely wear something slutty but I sure am an inner slut. Does that count?
/r/PurplePillDebate15/03/26 01:09 PM
2

If they go for NT women sure… is it fulfilling to though to mask and not be yourself? I’m mostly attracted to ND men since I embraced my own neurodivergence. Ableist NT norms are boring.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/03/26 01:04 PM
2

Sameee. I don’t remember gossip or details of peoples dating lives. I do remember very well stuff like who ordered what when we were in a restaurant lol. I guess I make an exception when it comes to food.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/03/26 01:01 PM
-1

it works in the same way that women's endless seething at men for their preferences and perceived inadequacies Does this seething exist? I don’t think women seethe at men for having preferences, having preferences is allowed. I think it’s more the “norm enforcing behaviour”. Like when men say “I don’t want to date women with a BMI above …”. Let me tell you I have always had a high BMI because even when I was most slim, my big cup size and booty also weighs on the scale ya know. So when men say “…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/03/26 11:33 AM
2

I get you. I understand the need to want acknowledgment for your lived experiences. But I just never directly encounter that. My American boyfriend sometimes talks to me about these notions and that makes me wonder whether feminism looks different around the globe. Because here where I live striving for egalitarianism is still a core principle and I’ve never seen feminists who want to “keep the gender roles as they are”. I am concerned about some feminist views I encounter from the UK, where TER…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates15/03/26 11:23 AM
1

But if the man wouldn’t be inside the home for the plumbing, he would be inside his own home and be equally much at risk. So a woman inviting him or him dating isn’t increasing his risk. Besides the moments that he decides to go for a walk he’s always gonna be inside a building or home. He might even be more at risk on the street vs off the street. If there’s a woman next to him or not: he’s always gonna be inside homes or on the street. So the presence of the woman doesn’t change his risk. Wher…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/03/26 11:15 AM
2

No, it's not. Many men here admit this. #notallmen but certainly many of them. Some of them, not the majority here. There’s very few black and red pill here compared to blue and purple. And not even all red pill think this way because many of them are fixated on marriage. It's prejudicial to not meet up with men who would pump and dump you if they had the chance? THAT is not, but that’s not what you were defending. What you were defending isn’t about vetting. You were defending blaming all men f…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/03/26 11:13 AM
4

I mean, given many of them would pump and dump if they could That’s an assumption. why is it an injustice for those men that they reap what they would sow? Because it’s based on prejudice Not to mention, rhetoric from these men that women are only worth pumping and dumping, These men? Only a fraction about men speaking out about loneliness is displaying this rhetoric.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/03/26 03:20 AM
1

Why should I (we) go over the trouble to mentally inconvenience myself, if I am already satisfied with a smart beautiful lady (which most young women are) Could it be that this is your issue? Women like to feel special and unique. They don’t like to be with someone who is easily satisfied.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/03/26 01:39 AM
0

Women as a diaspora developed internal compliance mechanisms over generations of shared experience and collective identity. At some point those mechanisms stopped being conscious and became cultural defaults. The group's interests and moral truth merged so completely that contradictions stopped registering as contradictions. So I’m an exception who is not under the influence of this diaspora or what? I would go to your married friends who have this dynamic and ask them if their husband should st…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/03/26 01:23 AM
12

Why does there need to be an initiator? Isn’t a date something you mutually decide to do? Isn’t it nice when someone checks in and doesn’t just plan something but asks for your input?
/r/PurplePillDebate15/03/26 01:12 AM
3

Like I said before. If in a couple both partners have a job, both should contribute to domestic chores. If one of them is stay-at-home-partner (doesn’t matter which gender) it’s pretty evident this stay-at-home-partner does the domestic chores when their partner is doing paid labour. In the end it also just comes down to the individual wishes of the couple right? Point is that the baseline should be freedom of choice.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/03/26 01:08 AM
2

It's what happens to any group that holds a collective identity long enough under shared pressure. Is this a women’s exclusive mechanism in your view or do both genders have these collective identities? A man providing financially doesn't excuse him from maintaining the home. A woman maintaining the home doesn't obligate her to provide financially. Who says that? If both work, both contribute to maintaining the home. If one is a stay-at-home partner it makes sense they care for the home when the…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/03/26 12:57 AM
5

People who don’t have inherent self worth will experience loneliness, regardless of gender. In upbringing men are taught to be valued for what they provide and activity (good boys do good deeds), women are taught to be valued for their beauty and passivity (good girls don’t bother anyone). Both are primed to seek external validation. Men are taught they actively need to get on a white horse to bravely save a princess, if that doesn’t happen they fail as a man. Women are taught they passively nee…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/03/26 12:24 AM
1

in part because of our physical differences, not just the other sociopolitical reasons feminism claims to want to break down If you don’t mind maybe you could elaborate on what you mean here? Frankly, the term gender roles is misleading overall because they are based on sex, not gender Yes so true. I guess it’s called “gender role” because in the heteronormative mindset the traits of the role belong with the genders. And if you transition, your traits related to the gender role would suddenly sw…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates15/03/26 12:09 AM
3

But men would be in homes as well if they didn’t date right? So how is this a risk of dating?
/r/PurplePillDebate14/03/26 11:35 PM
5

Exactly it’s not a zero-sum
/r/PurplePillDebate14/03/26 11:31 PM
1

Why does no one phrase it like that? I feel like that would make women agree more. If I hear “women can’t be lonely” and I have had several periods in my life where I felt extremely lonely, I’m not gonna relate?
/r/PurplePillDebate14/03/26 11:22 PM
0

The shit refers to creeps nearly double our size and strength blend in among the public and leer at us with predatory eyes for most of our lives. Women have the problem that men will pretend to love them in order to get sex So if you’re someone looking for a genuine relationship, this isn’t about you. I had dating apps for 3 months in 2020. I deleted them and never installed again. Because all of the men pretended to want relationships, and it turned out they wanted sex. Love bombing you and bei…
/r/PurplePillDebate14/03/26 11:17 PM
0

So they see gender roles as inherently fixed? Like tied to the sex you’re born with? Or tied to the gender you identify with? Like how would that work for you as a trans man. You were brought up as a girl and experienced a female gender role early on I suppose (please correct me if my assumptions are incorrect), but at some point you realised you were a man. Did you then adopt a male gender role? Or is the female gender role you were brought up with in childhood still that part they called “inhe…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates14/03/26 11:07 PM
13

That’s true I agree. But your language in your post doesn’t reflect this mindset? It appears you’re pushing all men in the same category. That probably alienates them from what you’re trying to get across. I feel like if you want someone to understand something, it usually works better when you don’t overgeneralise, so people don’t feel accused. What’s the goal of this post?
/r/PurplePillDebate14/03/26 10:58 PM
1

I’m still confused about what the original commenter meant when they said “This is one reason why it is a mistake to think men and women are inherently equal; a premise that is imposed as evident yet has little basis.“ None of this has been clarified to me yet. Perhaps you can enlighten me as you seem to understand what they meant?
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates14/03/26 10:50 PM
33

men who say they want a relationship but disappear the second things get serious, or were never looking for one to begin with So now men are frustrated that women won’t meet them for a $5 coffee date These are not the same men. The men who pump and dump are not the same men who are complaining about loneliness. It’s not the fault of the latter that the former does what they do, is it? And to top it all off, the man offering a coffee is already sending the signal (purposeful or not) that he isn’t…
/r/PurplePillDebate14/03/26 10:44 PM
-1

Consider the fact that many feminists still expect men to pay for all dates with women, often citing "The Pay Gap" as a reason for enforcing the "Patriarchal role" of being a provider I don’t know a single feminist who does that. Might be an “Anglosphere” sort of thing? It’s not inherently to feminism, where I’m from going 50/50 on dates is key. Or how men are still expected to risk their health, safety and lives to protect women, and any man who refuses to be held to this "Patriarchal role" is …
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates14/03/26 09:51 PM
-2

Women are valued as people and humans in a way men are not. How? I think both genders experience being valued as a human and dehumanisation in different contexts. Feminists love to point out how they're the more important gender because they "create life" Never heard this before? Sounds very Christian or conservative. It takes a sperm cell and an egg cell to create life. the same life they are going to mock for not being successful I’m sorry that’s your experience. I feel it’s mostly conservativ…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates14/03/26 07:47 PM
2

The problem is there is no difference in behavior and person can just retroactively claim about intent to save face. Especially since a person is not willing to commit later on without immediate sex. That’s true. But so what? That’s the risk of dating? Romance always involves risk. Trusts requires vulnerability. You can’t “ever” know someone’s intentions fully. I was once in a relationship with a serial cheater / compulsive liar years ago. I didn’t find out 8 months into dating him, he was extre…
/r/PurplePillDebate14/03/26 01:15 PM
4

men had access through the workforce and we're dependent on their employer and had to build skills. they had (and have) less access to depending on their partner. what's the extra layer? Women were also dependent on the employer, through their husbands. So they’re dependent on the husband & the employer. That’s the extra layer. When a husband gets fired by the employer, it affects both husband and wife. When a husband gets a mental disorder or gets ill and can’t work or he steals and involves hi…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates14/03/26 11:48 AM
1

I was more making a historical point to show more how I think we got to those tables. I’m not denying them am I? I specifically acknowledged that non-assertive men nowadays face social black-lash. I’m sorry you’re going through such a rough time. I’m sure you don’t deserve that. It sounds not fair.
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates14/03/26 11:37 AM
-2

Women are also dependent on these things through their husbands?
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates14/03/26 11:32 AM
-1

So you think the previous commenter was stating men and women are inherently different because most men have a penis and most women have a vagina and things like that? I mean what does that contribute?
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates14/03/26 11:29 AM
3

It can be an opportunity yes. But it also means your financial security depends on the man you marry rather than on your own position. Many people would still prefer a system where their stability doesn’t hinge on another person’s decisions. It also tends to reinforce the traditional provider dynamic where men are valued primarily for what they can provide and women for securing stability through marriage. If someone supports a more egalitarian model (like most lwma do), it would make sense to p…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates14/03/26 01:49 AM
7

I am sorry but unfortunately I completely reject your feminist view. Fair enough agree to disagree Men simply are better at achieving these things than women which is why the nuclear family was created so that women use their gifts to nurture children and men prepare them for the real world. Domestic labout doesn't need to be paid, and women don't need high status. When they are married to a high status man they will get this automatically which is why women should be picky but they also need to…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates14/03/26 01:36 AM
–

How? Saying that alienation can come from not fitting societal norms doesn’t imply those people can’t also be treated worse than average? Both things can exist at the same time?
/r/PurplePillDebate14/03/26 01:28 AM
3

I agree class and luck limit men too. The difference I’m pointing to is that men were mostly constrained by class, while women were often constrained by class plus dependence on a husband/father. That’s an additional layer of dependence.
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates14/03/26 01:25 AM
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I experience it more like a normal distribution. If being unattractive makes you mostly bitter sure… but it can also make empathetic people more empathetic? Like towards unattractive people of the opposite sex? Whereas good looking people might be ignorant of unattractive people’s experiences? I used to be much more conventionally good looking myself and I was much more ignorant back then. I would have totally called out incels or pointed men towards their fragile ego’s. But by looking less like…
/r/PurplePillDebate14/03/26 01:20 AM
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Only in the second phrase. “Flat chested women are always mean.” “ Same with fat women, or really any woman that's generally unattractive.” [end phrase: they are also always mean] “They usually have a chip on their shoulder.” [causal relationship: a lot of them hold a grudge] So to me it sounded like fat women are always mean and they usually hold a grudge. Maybe it’s just miscommunication then. But this conversation is over since you're just going to lie when you realize you made a garbage resp…
/r/PurplePillDebate14/03/26 01:09 AM
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Still anecdotal is it not?
/r/PurplePillDebate14/03/26 01:02 AM
-2

Marriage could sometimes function as a route to upward mobility for women, that’s true. This still paints a woman’s life path as access to resources through a man, rather than through her own work or status? That’s not necessarily a privilege so much as a form of dependence?
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates14/03/26 12:59 AM
-2

I meant social and economic authority attached to roles. Work associated with masculinity tended to come with wages, institutional recognition and decision-making power in organizations (guilds, trade unions, labor organizations, churches…). Domestic and caregiving work was often unpaid and structurally dependent on the income and status of the male role. So even if individual male jobs varied widely in prestige, the sphere of paid public work generally carried more institutional power than the …
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates14/03/26 12:45 AM
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I already said "most women." Yes, there can be women who aren't ugly and bitter. But I never said there wasn't. You replied to someone saying “flat chested women are ALWAYS mean” by saying “SAME with fat women” Where is “most women”? Someone said “always” and you followed along their line of reasoning without clarifying you disagree with their “always”. weak anecdotal statements How is yours not anecdotal?
/r/PurplePillDebate14/03/26 12:28 AM
1

What does inherently mean? To me that word refers to “biological”.
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates14/03/26 12:24 AM
12

I’m not sure the history supports the idea that femininity was always “celebrated”. For most of history traditional femininity was expected rather than praised because it was simply the social role assigned to women. Interestingly public appreciation for traits associated with femininity (care, nurturing, domestic care) became more visible only after women started entering traditionally male roles like the workforce and leadership. Once gender roles became less fixed, people started explicitly d…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates14/03/26 12:21 AM
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It stems from shame and shame is taught to us as little kids. The moment you’re told “you’re bad” for misbehaving. Sometimes boys are told they’re “bad” in different situations as girls, because adults have bias towards genders. Being a “bad boy” and a “bad girl” is thus often happening in different situations, creating different experiences of shame. When parents moralise their children, instead of the behavior they find problematic, children grow shame. So parents should label the behavior, in…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/03/26 11:50 PM
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Seems like you implied fat women are mean. On a public forum. I’m replying to the statement you made on a public forum. Explaining why the experience of being unattractive can make one more empathetic too. Was I not allowed to reply?
/r/PurplePillDebate13/03/26 11:46 PM
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Yup. The consequence of only being able to experience things from your own perspective I suppose? We can exercise empathy as a cognitive skill. Or take bias actively and purposefully into account. But in the end, most people will still rely on their intuition (based on their own experiences). I think it’s part of the human condition.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/03/26 11:44 PM
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I think people who hate mostly hate themselves. Self love would cure a lot.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/03/26 11:41 PM
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I assumed he was saying that on purpose (considering his flair) to catch people who feel triggered by that
/r/PurplePillDebate13/03/26 11:33 PM
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I guess I didn’t mean on ppd but more “here on earth” lol. But still whose purpose is it to hate? Isn’t hate just a side effect of a lack of love? Doesn’t that still make love the purpose?
/r/PurplePillDebate13/03/26 11:31 PM
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I’m overweight and I think I’m pretty kind 😊 not looking like the beauty standards makes me more empathetic towards men who feel unattractive. I think I was more mean when I was slimmer tbh.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/03/26 11:29 PM
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What do you mean?
/r/PurplePillDebate13/03/26 11:25 PM
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Yup or NDs taking out frustration with NTs. People tend to believe a bunch of alienating experiences they had are somehow gendered, whereas it’s mostly people not fitting in societal ideals just being frustrated.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/03/26 10:53 PM
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So men who use satisfiers?
/r/PurplePillDebate13/03/26 10:48 PM
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Yessss ♥️ we are here to love not to hate 🌼
/r/PurplePillDebate13/03/26 10:47 PM
0

Yeah I know about that already, but the point remains, for a man, it’s more difficult to accept a sexless life Why? and unlike women, men’s status is more intimately tied to their ability to attract women. Shouldn’t that change? When sexually lesser desirable women are held in lesser regard it’s considered to be wrong. Not by men, only by women. It’s because women have empathy for less desirable women because we know the pressure of beauty through the gender role. And we fear one day getting old…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/03/26 09:14 AM
0

They’re both human. If an epigenetic change makes it impossible to transcribe a specific gene on the Y chromosome, then XY humans develop embryologically as women, often unaware that they do not have a uterus.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/03/26 08:59 AM
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Vive la Belgique 🇧🇪 I hope he treats you with fries when you visit him🍟
/r/PurplePillDebate12/03/26 11:56 PM
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Omg yessss. Love steak tartare, carpaccio, tataki, sushi, gravlax…
/r/PurplePillDebate12/03/26 11:53 PM
0

Women who command more than they can get are usually fine staying single. Men should too.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/03/26 10:01 PM
1

Is the American way accepted in all countries? Where women claim to be progressive and ask men to pay for dates simultaneously? Outside of the Anglosphere I don’t really see that. In Western Europe we split bills.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/03/26 10:00 PM
1

Well I’m not from the US and our average women are taller. Also we speak Dutch and “going Dutch” or paying 50/50 is the norm. Not every Reddit user is from the US. At least half of this sub is European.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/03/26 08:55 PM
1

So quantity over quality? There’s only so much time and attention
/r/PurplePillDebate12/03/26 08:53 PM
1

It is irrelevant because his point was stop caring about “averages” and “probabilities” and engage with the individual in front of you. RP mindset might chase away a woman who does not care about height / status / looks as much. His point is about compatibility. The fact that even if let’s say you would be a 5/10 overall, to some women you might be a 2/10 but for others you might be an 8/10 or a 9/10. There is no “overall woman” who sees you as a 5/10. There are only women viewing you as a 2 and…
/r/PurplePillDebate12/03/26 09:50 AM
0

Someone can attempt to find healthier relationships, without needing blame. Blame is unnecessary and probably even counter-productive, because blame leads to shame and shame leads to worse mental health and the negative spiral begins…
/r/PurplePillDebate11/03/26 10:47 PM
-2

Oh, you do not so sure if I’ve seen that, lol My uncle and boyfriend have experienced abuse by their ex-wive/ex-girlfriend. I am very sensitive to blaming abuse victims in general.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/03/26 10:18 PM
1

men barely get any or none at all, even if they mess up once. They get mine. Abuse victims are abuse victims, ungendered. Values shouldn’t depend on who expects sympathy or who deals with what more.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/03/26 10:11 PM
2

You have a much more free spirited approach to sex than many women. Which is honestly appreciated, but many vulgar women size men up like peices of meat and if they're not sexually satisfied (or if they are) they will share this information with their friends. In my experience, these are mostly inexperienced women themselves (so similar to young inexperienced men complaining about body counts). More experienced women have seen more men in intimate and vulnerable moments. Dehumanisation mostly ha…
/r/PurplePillDebate11/03/26 10:07 PM
2

Women like men that other women like. I agree. It is noticeable. But I think it has more to do with competition. “If she can get him, can I get him too? Am I as pretty as her?” If a man has been with multiple other women in the past, it just shows that he's attractive. Yes… but it’s more an inter-women dynamic than it has to do with the man himself. I fall for nerds, dorky guys, shy guys… Guys that aren’t always the typically guy that’s wanted. One of my previous childhood friend always used to …
/r/PurplePillDebate11/03/26 09:32 PM
1

And if they REPEATEDLY end up in those kinds of relationships, it speaks to their inability to learn. Hence the disagreement. Part of the brain hasn’t developed well. Someone with a hemiplegia due to cerebral palsy also can’t move their limbs because a part of the brain wasn’t formed, they never will no matter how much physiotherapy. Someone who is deaf because of a congenital CMV infection also will have hearing problems for the rest of their lives. The brain develops in early childhood. If you…
/r/PurplePillDebate11/03/26 09:05 PM
0

It is. But fine. You don’t care about content, more about rhetorics. I’ll rephrase. How does shame come into existence?
/r/PurplePillDebate11/03/26 08:54 PM
1

And still it doesn't mean that the person in question can do fuck all and lie in their own shit stew. They are not children. They are adults. We have the internet, we have doctors/psychs/community groups that are available to help them navigate through their issues and at the very least RECOGNIZE the potential flags. It’s your assumption they wouldn’t be doing this? Someone can do all these things and still end up in an abusive relationship. I’m not denying personal agency. I’m saying you don’t …
/r/PurplePillDebate11/03/26 08:51 PM
1

At least OP’s view on abuse is more correct and humane. And because she chose a frame doesn’t mean she doesn’t acknowledge male victims, which I think she does.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/03/26 08:31 PM
0

And how does shame exist to be?
/r/PurplePillDebate11/03/26 08:24 PM
1

If you fall for it numerous times, and complain about it, it's on you. I disagree It's a "failure" when they keep repeatedly entering relationship with such women. I disagree Is it the failure of a blind person that they cannot see? Is it the failure of a deaf person they cannot hear? You don’t understand brain development. If the areas in your brain needed to form healthy relationships were fucked up in early childhood, no amount of therapy can suddenly completely make one capable of seeing all…
/r/PurplePillDebate11/03/26 08:21 PM
1

Well if he feels the same way about male abuse victims, his views might be consistent, but still horribly victim blaming.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/03/26 08:13 PM
1

A man doesn't want to have sex with a woman who has had a high number of partners previously. Why?
/r/PurplePillDebate11/03/26 08:11 PM
4

I would wanna hear the reason. If he was an abuse victim, I would see the cheating in a different light vs if it’s a serial cheater, if it’s in a drunken mood or if it was a heavily invested emotional affair… I would wanna hear their story about the past before I make my judgement. And sure they can lie, but value inconsistencies you’ll spot anyway at some point if you pay attention.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/03/26 07:28 PM
1

You’re nog engaging with what I said. Because they want something they suspect they can't get while being honest Why would they suspect this? If slutshaming isn’t a factor?
/r/PurplePillDebate11/03/26 07:06 PM
1

I didn’t really read her OP as implying “men can’t be victims”, did you? How?
/r/PurplePillDebate11/03/26 07:00 PM
4

Why would it define my value as a partner? Past doesn’t indicate future. I for instance would never cheat on someone. I’m very transparant and have been cheated on myself, in my 2 first relationships. That was traumatic to me. They were men who did care about body counts and monogamy, and they cheated, so they’re hypocritical. One of my exes shamed me over my sexual past because I was more experienced than him, but I found out he cheated on me with at least 3 women? (I found out at once, I would…
/r/PurplePillDebate11/03/26 03:56 PM
1

So I’m saying its ok for people to blame the woman over time if the same mistakes are made in circles. So you admit you victim blame. Quit acting like men owe women understanding with this. Women don’t care about men’s issues, especially when it comes to dating. I’m certain silly posts like this wouldn’t be made crapping on women for not doing so. Abuse is not a gendered issue. Don’t make it one. Victims are victims.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/03/26 03:43 PM
-2

still no reason for women to keep falling for the same type and then expect men to not question why she keeps picking wrong. Dude I just explained the reason. Maybe she needs to get out of dating, until she can figure it out if she continues to run into bad men. Victim blaming Men definitely have to do it or reevaluate their entire approach if they keep running into failure. What’s failure? If a man gets abused by a woman OPs argument is still valid. Abuse victims are abuse victims (ungendered).…
/r/PurplePillDebate11/03/26 03:28 PM
1

You’re right in principle, people need to be truthful for you in order to be able to trust them. I’m merely describing why many women aren’t, compared to men. Men don’t get shamed the same way when they have higher body counts. I’m not sure if men would be very forthcoming if they had an incel period or an online bashing-on-women period when they felt lonely and if they would feel the need to disclose it. Also I personally talk a lot about my past sexual experiences with my partners, which ones …
/r/PurplePillDebate11/03/26 03:21 PM
4

But we should recognize that women typically care more about a man's future rather tham his past and also that high 'body count' is more of a social proof rather than a turn off. and accept this difference between the genders in regards to dating. These 3 phrases I don’t understand. What do you mean? Edit: wow someone downvotes me because I asked for clarification
/r/PurplePillDebate11/03/26 11:02 AM
0

Personally I don’t. I also don’t lie about it, never have. My partners didn’t ask, they don’t care. I’m more trying to make a cultural point here. If the culture shames something, it’s more likely people will attempt to hide it. So for all the people who do care: shaming is not in your own interest.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/03/26 10:58 AM
0

Especially if she keeps falling for the same type of men that do this. Tell me you don’t understand OPs point without telling me you don’t understand. Alot of abuse victims are also victims of child abuse, so they were already taught that abusive behavior is normal. It’s wired into their nervous system to have blind spots for what you would call “obvious red flags” because their first experiences with caregivers were often not good examples for healthy love with boundaries that are being respect…
/r/PurplePillDebate11/03/26 10:49 AM
-3

Maybe it could be interesting to ask yourself why women lie about body counts? If there is no slut shaming culture there is no reason to lie.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/03/26 10:15 AM
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It's not a mental illness to think that something is wrong with me. Of course it’s not mental illness. Attachment trauma is no mental illness, 40% of the population is unsafe attached. The things I mention aren’t “illness”. But they’re emotional emotional wounds, they don’t come out of thin air. Thinking you are unlovable or that something is wrong with you is not “normal”. That’s not me pathologising you. That’s me pointing out there might be some underlying patterns at play that go unexamined.…
/r/PurplePillDebate10/03/26 09:51 PM
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I have intimate hour long talks with my friends, about how we feel and where we are in our lives. I would be surprised if they were lying to my face when they explain their emotions in detail to me. They just don’t analyse dating dynamics this way. There are men out there like me who’ll never ever be ok with never having a dating and sex life. We are not wrong or weird for having these feelings either. Not accepting is what is hurting. I’m sorry but nobody here can promise you love or sex. Nobod…
/r/PurplePillDebate10/03/26 08:23 PM
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I don't have traumas, I am not depressed, I am just a normal dude with generally good life who is either unattractive or unlucky or both. I am here looking for confirmation … that I am unlovable These two are contradictory. If you believe you are unlovable you do have attachment trauma or other stuff from your upbringing that you’re taking with you. Nobody is unlovable. I’m a doctor working in public health care, specifically with babies and toddlers. I do about 24 consultations a day with the k…
/r/PurplePillDebate10/03/26 08:22 PM
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I mean… I have male friends my age with not much experience and I talk with them about how they feel. They’re sad but not this obsessed. They just continue to socialise, have fun with friends and live their lives.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/03/26 03:49 PM
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I don’t think most NT men talk about these things on Reddit on a daily basis. And I think most lonely single men are also the ND men because women’s standards are mostly NT standards. “Be sociable, don’t be a creep, don’t be awkward, don’t be icky”.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/03/26 03:48 PM
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I f*cking hate them too. Tried for 3 months back in 2020, never again.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/03/26 03:44 PM
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Yes and it’s hard for us to put ourselves in the shoes of these toxic NT people because our minds are wired differently. Both ND men and women crave for deeper connection often, need to understand dynamics and emotional experience on an analytical level, whereas NT people “just live”. They’ll be interested for 5 minutes in the subject and be like “okay that’s a lot of talk about these dating dynamics, let’s talk about some local gossip / let’s do an activity / let’s turn on the music and dance /…
/r/PurplePillDebate10/03/26 03:43 PM
0

I just visited an exhibition of a female artist of the 20th century. Her husband became significantly more famous than her, earned more money, while his art was much more mediocre than hers and he kind of used her ideas. Her art was made private. It’s only famous now, a century after her death. Because she was so talented. But back then she was just expected to do the domestic labour and her art was only seen as a hobby. While his was his profession.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/03/26 03:37 PM
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Online venting is an unhealthy way to cope anyway, if you feel the need to vent you better go to a therapist with a professional background to help you. It’s shown that it’s only counterproductive and linked to poorer mental heath outcomes when compared to other coping strategies such as accepting, making jokes or positively reframing a situation. Venting just creates a cycle of negativity. And I’m not sure debating is healthy either when it’s done to cope with emotions. It only creates polarisa…
/r/PurplePillDebate10/03/26 03:35 PM
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But to have trauma from not dating in itself is weird. Like I have friends, both men and women, who are my age, and never had relationships and are virgins and who aren’t traumatised from it or feel the need to make analysis about the opposite sex. They’re sad that dating is difficult, sure. But it ends there. It doesn’t turn into on online obsession. I don’t think most become obsessed with analysing dating dynamics on a daily basis. It’s a sign of heavily cognitive processing and difficulty men…
/r/PurplePillDebate10/03/26 03:24 PM
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You’re misreading me. I didn’t mean to say they don’t mind at all, I’m say they don’t mind to the extend that you go online and comment and post about it every day. I don’t even know many NT people with Reddit accounts to begin with. Most people who care about something are just sad, and stay in touch with that feeling. They don’t analyse it to this extend, that requires a more cognitive split from your feelings. What’s wrong with admitting that the fact that we’re all posting here daily is weir…
/r/PurplePillDebate10/03/26 12:48 PM
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I think most active users (men and women) on this sub are neurodivergent, whether they’re diagnosed and aware of it or not. And we’re all discussing dating dynamics mostly set by NTs, all drawing from our own experiences with NT men and women. That’s why we’re continually talking past each other. NT people don’t mind these dating dynamics as much as we do, and definitely wouldn’t post on Reddit daily to discuss them. It’s special interest.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/03/26 11:56 AM
1

I buy myself flowers, very often. I never received flowers. If men bought me flowers, they probably picked the ones I don’t particularly like. Same issue with gifts. The most romantic thing a man can do for me is to just be present. Watch a show with me, walk with me, cook with me, shower together, talk hours in bed with a scented candle, help me clean up, let me trim his facial hair lol. They just gotta be there and talk to me. Nothing more.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/03/26 10:59 AM
4

Well I’m not a teen, I’m 28, and my partners are romantic this way to me. I’m happy. I find it romantic when they watch my favourite show with me, or take me to a beautiful spot in nature to do some photography or cook together.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/03/26 10:55 AM
0

Because modern women don’t want these expensive gifts. They don’t want “love through money” or transactional love. This is women’s idea of romance and it doesn’t cost money: These big financial things (diamond ring, expensive 5 star dinner, gifts o’ clock) are mostly valued by the type of woman doesn’t like men for who they are but what they provide; exactly the type of woman red pillers attract wit their advice around looks and status and money. Most women don’t care about these things and care…
/r/PurplePillDebate10/03/26 08:35 AM
0

But investing financially isn’t romantic
/r/PurplePillDebate10/03/26 08:12 AM
11

Women pay one time for a man Oh yes I also paid his rent, medical bills and groceries for 8 months when he lost his job. But hey 🤷🏻‍♀️ and keep mentioning it And no I’m not talking about it often because the first thing men tell me is that I picked the wrong man or should have vetted better or whatever, trying to shame me. I genuinely loved him.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/03/26 08:11 AM
4

Men do the same things ( cutting grass, lifting heavy things, fixing things , playing with the kids ... ) These are things that are only required once in a while. You don’t have to cut grass weekly, or fix things weekly. Laundry, cleaning, lots of the chores women do are there to be done all the time, every day, every week, and they’re boring AF compared to fixing things. Would you rather clean a floor or fix something? taking the financial burden of relationships Where I live it’s more or less …
/r/PurplePillDebate10/03/26 08:09 AM
6

Most great romantic art has been made by men. Most art has been made by men. Women in history were largely excluded from art/science/philosophy/academics…
/r/PurplePillDebate10/03/26 07:58 AM
-1

women going around being useless in relationships Doesn’t sound very romantic to view the person you deeply love as “useless” because you see love as some contest of who pays more or who does more
/r/PurplePillDebate10/03/26 07:56 AM
-1

What is “romantic” about dating when you see it mostly as investments?
/r/PurplePillDebate10/03/26 07:50 AM
21

I’ve never let a man pay for a first date. Not once in my life. With one of my exes I remember I fully paid the first date even, because he was coming from a significantly more poor background than me.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/03/26 07:48 AM
3

You want me to explain why I didn’t like his voice? Like give the voice characteristics that made me not like it? It’s kinda hard for a non English speaker to describe a voice but sure I can try if you really want to know what made his voice a pain to the ears.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/03/26 07:41 AM
2

You can all do it as well. I was single for 6 years in a row, and I’m overweight (boohoo). I just made the decision that being single was better than being with someone out of desperation. I had decided that if I were to stay single forever, that was better than an unfulfilling relationship. I had rejected the idea of having to get married etc in order to be happy. I lived by myself, travelled alone, took myself to dinner alone. So yeah this privilege exists for everyone who stops believing you …
/r/PurplePillDebate10/03/26 07:39 AM
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Come on. At which point are you able to say “Oh hey that’s hopeful, it’s not as bad as I expected”. What was the purpose of this post? At what point are these conversations here on ppd no longer a cat-vs-dogs fight but just honest conversation?
/r/PurplePillDebate09/03/26 11:58 PM
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The vast majority clearly states they disagree, period
/r/PurplePillDebate09/03/26 11:37 PM
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It’s me. I said it would be hard to find women here who agreed with the woman in the video, but I guess I forgot about the existence of pink pillers.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/03/26 11:25 PM
1

I agree with everything you wrote. But again it sounds like you’re just inherently blue pilled (content wise, opposed to red pill), but rejecting the idea of pills as a label. I bet you’re a Ti user.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/03/26 11:23 PM
1

People who are happy with their dating lives generally aren’t spending hours debating dating theory on Reddit. So the conversation pool ends up being heavily skewed toward people who are frustrated with dating or very invested in an ideology. I’m happy with my dating life, I have two amazing partners and I’m very active here. So is one of my partners. We both discuss PPD threads together. What you end up with is three very visible camps. What about the purple pills? There are a lot. Blue pill me…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/03/26 11:12 PM
1

Obviously that’s all true. It would be ridiculous to deny. But I was specifically framing the two options A and B as only options to choose from to counter-claim the OPs claim “women need men to survive” (more than vice versa)
/r/PurplePillDebate09/03/26 10:13 PM
0

You seemed to imply before women play a big role in gang related violence. You talked about male homicide rates but those are caused by other males. Because of drug criminality amongst others I suppose. Why can’t women have an international women day because male gangs kill each other off?
/r/PurplePillDebate09/03/26 09:45 PM
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You say PPD woman so a woman active on PPD. What does that have to do with the original video? Just find me a woman active here on PPD (a PPD woman) who agrees with her.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/03/26 09:14 PM
4

Lmao
/r/PurplePillDebate09/03/26 09:00 PM
–

Find me one woman here who agrees with her takes
/r/PurplePillDebate09/03/26 08:53 PM
1

Fulfill all 3 for me please and enlighten the structure to me so I follow your line of thinking.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/03/26 07:56 PM
1

I gave you the definition of an ideology (it has 3 criteria, please have a look again if it’s not clear). Herd mentality is unstructured, ideology is structured.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/03/26 07:47 PM
1

Sure… I used to say the stuff you said. Like that entire list. But I also repressed my neurodivergence my entire life, forced myself to be sociable, go out, made a bunch of friendships that weren’t deeply fulfilling to the core… My entire life revolved around fitting in. And I was deeply unhappy but didn’t understand why. Until my late diagnosis. For me becoming a healthier person is actually letting go of these rigid ideas that I need to go out, that I need to work out… I need to find my own pa…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/03/26 07:42 PM
2

But you called it a luxury. Then why wouldn’t you want it?
/r/PurplePillDebate09/03/26 07:16 PM
0

Your resentment towards women runs so deep you actually believe gang related violence is a female problem?
/r/PurplePillDebate09/03/26 07:15 PM
0

Activity leader for children at age 16 (sort of holiday childcare for primary school children whose parents are working during school vacations)
/r/PurplePillDebate09/03/26 07:11 PM
3

I would sympathise with you, whatever struggle you faced
/r/PurplePillDebate09/03/26 07:02 PM
-1

It’s not my view, it’s a biological fact. 1 man produces millions of sperm cells whereas 1 woman has limited egg cells and limited capacity for pregnancy. If a woman tried hard, maybe she could get 20 children maximum? If a man tries hard (or just donates sperm) he could potentially be the father of thousands of children. It’s just a biological undeniable fact. Of course it’s not what I want for the world. But biologically you can’t argue with it.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/03/26 07:01 PM
2

Can a reaction to an ideology not be an ideology in its own right? Definition of an ideology: 1. Makes normative claims about how society should be 2. Provides a causal explanation for social problems 3. Prescribes a program or direction for change Red pill scores a YES on all 3 points, whereas blue pill doesn’t offer a coherent normative framework, it mainly reflects mainstream cultural assumptions about relationships. That’s not the same as a structured theory of society. But if you look at pe…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/03/26 06:57 PM
1

Well point 2 and 5 are sometimes hard when you’re neurodivergent. Therefore I don’t judge others on those, like I don’t mind it if a potential partner is a couch potato or not working out. I understand it’s important for others.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/03/26 06:46 PM
1

I’m sorry you’re having these conflicting feelings. That’s really tough. Props to you for being very self aware and realising where your boundaries are. You seem like a very kind person.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/03/26 06:43 PM
0

For me it was the good girl conditioning. I suppressed my neurodivergence and was high functioning for so long, and now that I’m finally coming to terms with who I truly am, my environment is struggling to believe me because my social masking was too successful. I hid my struggle too well. I’ve heard too many times “You? No you achieved too much / are too sociable / too organised / got too high degrees / too …” followed by “well anyone needs a label these days” or just complete disbelief. My bro…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/03/26 06:40 PM
1

Kinda weird she didn’t mention him… makes me think she liked you too. Women usually want to make it clear they are unavailable… unless they don’t want to make it clear for some reason…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/03/26 06:28 PM
1

I’m not religious, you would probably call me a slut, yet I choose A. Every time. I only make love to men who are respectful, sensitive and in touch with their emotions and inner world.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/03/26 06:23 PM
6

Why should women be glad men want to fuck them despite not liking them apparently?
/r/PurplePillDebate09/03/26 06:16 PM
5

I got dozens of male friends. What use are the looks and money of my male platonic friends to me who I am not romantically attracted to? I just like to hang out with them, same as with my female friends. Friends are friends, they’re humans.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/03/26 06:15 PM
1

Agree it works for most, but with the side note it’s a bit of a neurotypical view.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/03/26 06:06 PM
2

Through friends I only like the stronger Belgian beers, especially the ones brewed by monks. I’m not into pilsner, tastes too boring lol.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/03/26 06:02 PM
2

Injustice is institutional. If men weren’t drafted they flee as well, as they did initially. The men had to be drafted, they had no choice. Zero loyalty to their country. Zero loyalty to their sons, brothers, fathers and husbands. You say it yourself: men don’t stay out of loyalty, they stay because they are forced and aren’t allowed to cross the border. We can only test if the men are loyal if they aren’t drafted. When they weren’t drafted, like in the beginning of the war, men and women fled t…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/03/26 05:51 PM
1

Don’t know what this is supposed to say? I’m demisexual and sapiosexual. He was very funny, I liked his humor. We decided to have a Belgian beer tasting as a first date at his house. This is not a weird date in Belgium lol. We’re stingy, Dutch culture.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/03/26 05:47 PM
4

Not true. Most Ukrainian people I meet here are couples (man and woman), they fled when men were still allowed to. And the women that came after alone are taking care of the babies and kids by themselves. I meet these people every week in my job. This narrative that Ukrainian women are having the time of their lives, enjoying dating is disgusting and not reflecting reality. They are worried sick about their husbands/fathers/brothers. The fact that you take your frustrations about gendered dating…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/03/26 05:45 PM
0

Yes so the sons fucked Eve, their mother, and all humans descended from their incest.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/03/26 05:38 PM
1

Americans have voting rights, that doesn’t mean they all wanted a president who’s engaging in an expensive war in Iran. This isn’t the point.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/03/26 05:37 PM
1

Doesn’t change the fact that the good sperm of a rather small amount of men could keep the entire world running.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/03/26 05:36 PM
1

The men are mandated from their government to say, the women aren’t. That’s the governments decision, not the women’s. The asymmetry is structural.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/03/26 05:35 PM
3

You’re not trying. I wasn’t saying depression is the same as fighting. I was saying it wasn’t those women’s choice that men are the ones fighting, that was the decision of male leadership. Are you gonna engage with that or deflect?
/r/PurplePillDebate09/03/26 04:33 PM
-1

I’m not a misandrist, I love men, which is why I’m polyamorous and have 2 boyfriends. I was just challenging the OPs line of thinking that women need men to survive by proposing an alternative line of thinking. I love men, I would never want to live on an island without men. Factually there just is more sperm than eggs.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/03/26 04:30 PM
-2

Yet Christians believe we all descend from Adam and Eve 🤷🏻‍♀️
/r/PurplePillDebate09/03/26 04:28 PM
2

Like that was Ukrainian women’s choice, and not Ukrainian leadership (mostly men in power) who decided men had to fight? I work in youth health care in Europe, I meet Ukrainian women with babies from time to time. Last week I met a mother who has PTSD and who was suffering from extreme postnatal depression because she missed her husband so much and was worrying so much about him, having to raise his baby on her own. Like this is THEIR choice, how they wanted to raise the baby? If you’re upset ab…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/03/26 04:27 PM
6

Scenario A: Put 100 women and 1 man on an island. Scenario B: Put 100 men and 1 woman on an island. Let’s talk about survival and the future of this island. Only 1 sperm donor would be sufficient (given his sperm is good quality) to make island A flourish. Women can do all the labour men traditionally do themselves. Island B? What’s that? Fighting each other over who gets to fuck the pussy tonight? Survival of human race depends on the quantity of eggs present. If 100 women all get 3 kids from t…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/03/26 01:38 PM
0

You’re talking to the wrong woman about this because I’m demisexual and sapiosexual so I’m attracted to someone once I have an intellectual and/or emotional connection with them. Vibes are important. I included the good looking part more to show that the issue weren’t the looks. I’m also not blind for looks. I can still distinguish objectively good looking from less objectively good looking people. I just can be enormously attracted to less objectively good looking men if they have charisma and …
/r/PurplePillDebate09/03/26 01:08 PM
9

What makes someone attractive? That’s what OP is talking about. It could be that a good looking guy is exhibiting traits you all are unaware of. I once rejected a guy after he told me he only likes 5 vegetables. That made him suddenly incredibly unattractive to me, whereas I found him pretty attractive up until that point. Another time on a date I thought a guy was good looking but I just couldn’t stand the tone color of his voice. I was imagining having to listen to that voice day after day and…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/03/26 12:07 PM
4

Do you think they are oblivious about these things or rather not want to believe it and their minds chooses to believe an alternative?
/r/PurplePillDebate09/03/26 12:02 PM
4

Great post 🔥 agree on all levels
/r/PurplePillDebate09/03/26 12:01 PM
3

Asking people has its own flaws. People have limited insight into themselves, people lie, people politely soften things. I’m glad you said people. That mean it applies to men equally. Some men here claim that women exclusively lie about what they want. That’s why OP made this post.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/03/26 12:00 PM
9

asking a lot of women & observing their actions This is key. The fact that you didn’t forget the first part.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/03/26 11:58 AM
7

Apparently men have more introspection than pigeons but women a bit less? So you see women in between pigeons and men? Because men are superior beings who can overcome bias and women are the inferior beings whose mind is clouded by all sorts of biases? The moment you all will start having actually good connections with women is the moment you start seeing them as humans on the same level as men, not some sort of rewards to be obtained in a video game.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/03/26 11:57 AM
–

I think the old rich dudes are having midlife crises (having too much money can make one miserable and bored) and mostly pick the young women because THEY want to feel young themselves, revive their youth when they still had to work for things and didn’t get anything handed on a silver platter. The thing is I’m wondering why the most popular porn stars are women in their 30s and 40s when many men claim women peak in their early 20s. Then why don’t we see more searches for younger porn stars?
/r/PurplePillDebate08/03/26 07:49 PM
–

You’re ignoring what I said. Comment after comment. Answer me this: If men COULD search for a hot fit porn star who is 20y old, then WHY is the MOST searched for porn star a hot fit 41y old? I’m well aware most 41y olds don’t look like Angela White. Still there are thousands of younger porn stars, who are also hot and fit, yet men are mostly searching for her and women similar to her in age. Why?
/r/PurplePillDebate08/03/26 07:44 PM
–

I’m aware. Why do you think women get socially shamed for aging?
/r/PurplePillDebate08/03/26 07:41 PM
–

You say that, but how do we know it’s true? Sometimes it happens people do sleep with people they’re not attracted to. Uhhh? So that means that I have better psychological insight in men and you as a man have worse psychological insight in men?
/r/PurplePillDebate08/03/26 07:40 PM
–

Yes with the bad boys analogy you made, again women don’t actually want bad boys. They’re attracted to confidence, one of the traits I highlighted in my post. It’s the same reason older and mature people can be seen as attractive. The common denominator is confidence. Confidence is both attractive and threatening at the same time to people who feel insecure.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/03/26 07:35 PM
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Men COULD search for women in their early 20s when they want to nut, but porn websites show they don’t do that mostly. They show instead they intentionally (in the search bar) search for MILFs or names of older porn actresses like Angela White. This shows an overall preference for slightly mature women. Yet some men claim “women expire after 25”. If that is true, then why aren’t women younger than 25 more popular on porn websites?
/r/PurplePillDebate08/03/26 07:29 PM
–

Your presentation of evolution is bypassing real human experience of sexuality. What’s the evolutionary purpose of people being gay, trans, non-binary, polyamorous, asexual? Your view on sexuality is way too narrow to describe human experience in reality.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/03/26 07:26 PM
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There are men online saying they’re so desperate they would fuck “fat women” or “ugly women” they’re not attracted to. So they themselves make the distinction between women they would have sex with and women who are attractive to them. I think as a woman I still have better psychological insight in woman’s sexuality than you. I was very repressed myself for many years.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/03/26 07:23 PM
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Yes but that doesn’t really matter. The claim is often that “women expire after 25” or that “only young women are desirable”. To both younger and older men. Who watches is unimportant. This shows that when men want to nut, they mostly search for women in their 30s and 40s while videos with women in their early 20s are available to everyone, however those porn stars are less popular, less searched for. A grandpa who is 70y old could easily watch a porn video of a woman who is 20. However Angela W…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/03/26 07:17 PM
–

I actually do believe that. Everyone has contradicting desires inside them. You only have those in denial and those internally honest and investigative.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/03/26 07:11 PM
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But “young MILF” wasn’t pornhubs second most popular search entry in 2025 after “hentai”, it was “MILF”. And the most searched for porn actresses that are considered MILFs are in their 30s or 40s, Angela White being the most searched for in 2025 and her age is 41.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/03/26 07:09 PM
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I don’t think that. It’s a thing a lot of men themselves claim online by saying “women expire after 25”. I’m questioning it.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/03/26 07:07 PM
–

I didn’t say “doesn’t want to fuck”, I was speaking about attraction. Red pillers and manoshere dudes on a daily basis say on Reddit they’re not attracted anymore to a woman if she’s past 25y old and loses her eggs. This very morning I saw a comment from a man who’s 35y old dating a 21y old and when a woman criticised it, he send her a meme with “jealous, lost your eggs?” and he continued to call her an old cat lady. Strange then why do I like variety? I watch all sorts of porn. More than my boy…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/03/26 07:06 PM
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That’s mostly a post-MeToo phenomenon. The thing is women love to crush on older Hollywood actors until that actor actually gets a younger girlfriend: then he becomes a creep. Women have splits themselves (similar to the slut-vs-wife split).
/r/PurplePillDebate08/03/26 07:02 PM
–

You’re contradicting yourself because now you’re referring to the men in their 30s who have not taken care of themselves, but the ones preferred that are younger and their age are the “attractive” ones? What about the ones their age that haven’t taken care of themselves? What about the ones in their 30s that do take care of themselves? I usually find that men in their 30s are more experienced with grooming themselves because they also have more relationship experience and got taught some things …
/r/PurplePillDebate08/03/26 06:59 PM
–

Repressing sexual desires is also a form of mental illness
/r/PurplePillDebate08/03/26 06:54 PM
–

Which younger MILFs are you referring to? Can you give me some names? Because most are 30+ or even 40+
/r/PurplePillDebate08/03/26 06:53 PM
–

Ah well, you’re husband material
/r/PurplePillDebate08/03/26 06:52 PM
–

Lots of men claim “women expire after 25” and are no longer attractive. So yes many do claim this one. Women like the smorgasbord as well, they’re just socially shamed for it so they’re repressing it more. Hearing every day how virtuous virgins are for centuries and centuries won’t help women open up to the smorgasbord.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/03/26 06:52 PM
–

So searching for MILF pornography is mental illness?
/r/PurplePillDebate08/03/26 06:49 PM
–

I have two male partners. I love men. I think they’re hot.🤷🏻‍♀️ I think a lot of women just don’t feel listened to by men. I was fortunate to find amazing men who challenge me intellectually and who like to be challenged by me.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/03/26 06:47 PM
–

What’s your reasoning for women being starfish? Why are they? Why don’t take the women initiative in their current relationships?
/r/PurplePillDebate08/03/26 06:46 PM
–

What do you mean? Who is the weirdo in this case?
/r/PurplePillDebate08/03/26 06:45 PM
–

I was taking about attraction. You need to feel attracted for porn, you need to feel attracted for a hook up and you need to feel attracted for a relationship. I already addressed the fact that men will make this distinction in my post. And I know the usual counterargument here is: “Sure men fantasize about sluts or MILFs, but that doesn’t mean they want to date them. Those women are for sex, not relationships.” But that distinction kind of proves the paradox rather than resolving it. If the tra…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/03/26 06:44 PM
–

Freud already said a 100 years ago people have mommy and daddy issues. We can ask ourselves WHY step mom/daddy/sibling pornography is so popular. It can point to subconsciously wanting to be with a mature partner or an emotionally safe partner (not necessarily a true blood relative; let’s hope not).
/r/PurplePillDebate08/03/26 06:42 PM
–

Why would you think very few women are attracted to men in their 30s? When I was in high school me and my friends were giggling about Hollywood stars who are born in the 80s and I’m from ‘98.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/03/26 06:38 PM
–

Yes I’ve looked at MILF porn and usually it is women ranging from mid 30s to mid 40s. I’m 28 and I hardly look like a MILF, a few months ago someone asked me if I had exams in high school. When I was 25y old and travelling abroad men asked me all the time if I had turned 18 yet. Men always think women are younger than they actually are. If you look up the actual ages of those porn actresses you would be baffled. This is pornhubs data from 2025, the most searched for porn stars: Alex Addams (age …
/r/PurplePillDebate08/03/26 06:36 PM
-3

I don’t usually encounter that. You always have people of any flair who just bullshit under the name of that flair. There’s also blatant misogynists using red pill flair, while it’s more intended to look at dating dynamics differently.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/03/26 11:51 AM
–

I’m polyamorous, I have 2 male straight partners. Currently I am heterosexual but I would never say anyone is a 100% with any of those labels. I’ve never been in love with a woman.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/03/26 10:43 AM
1

If you're not getting any interest it's because you're a bad person or you're lazy or you suffer from wrong think. I think that’s a misread. When BP says personality is a factor, they don’t necessarily means your personality sucks, they mean it’s about compatibility. Think about puzzle pieces 🧩. You’re not just matching with anyone and you need to find someone whose quirks match yours. RP seems to think that you can become attractive to a big amount of people all at once, but it leads to nothing…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/03/26 10:34 AM
–

90% of men to me meet those minimum criteria for looks so they’re a “maybe”, usually the way they act and who they are just doesn’t match.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/03/26 10:26 AM
5

Are you gonna address standards we use to establish causality?
/r/PurplePillDebate07/03/26 02:08 PM
5

I'm at the point where I'm wondering if this is a rhetorical trap or a gotcha. I started of with What actually is being said is "women aren't treating men as human beings", so challenging that IS addressing what is being said. You said it means: Basically that there is a huge difference in how women interract with people they find attractive and not attractive. So the premise is "women not treating men like human beings ..." = "women interacting differently with men they find attractive / unattr…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/03/26 02:03 PM
5

Are you gonna adress standards for evidence?
/r/PurplePillDebate07/03/26 01:40 PM
5

Basically that there is a huge difference in how women interract with people they find attractive and not attractive. You said women, not “both men and women”. Stop expecting me to read your mind.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/03/26 01:39 PM
7

How is that a contradiction? If the meaning is clear, its not hidden and therefore does not need to be searched for. The meaning is not clear if you don't say literally what you mean. If you don't mean "women don't treat men as human beings" literally, then don't say it, but say what you actually mean. It's the same way some feminists say "men are trash" and then say "oh we actually didn't mean all men"... if you don't mean what you say, then don't say it? Or accept people either take it literal…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/03/26 01:37 PM
13

This isn't gendered. People in general treat people they find attractive different in interaction from people they find unattractive generally speaking. It's a human tendency. So actually by claiming women do this uniquely, how is that seeing women as human beings? As a woman who used to be slim and has become overweight, I can testify a lot of men do treat you different as well depending on how you look. Boy I've had to grow thick skin. Another human non-gendered tendency is confirmation bias. …
/r/PurplePillDebate07/03/26 01:23 PM
4

Red Pill (RP): Belief in the “true” dynamics of attraction and relationships. Subjective Over Objective... BP often rejects research or studies as flawed, yet personal anecdotal observations are treated as universal truths... In BP logic, subjective experience outweighs scientific evidence, and personal opinions are never questioned. How do you know what "true" dynamics are? Is it not based on your personal anecdotal observations and subjective experience? Subjective experience = dating is hard …
/r/PurplePillDebate07/03/26 01:13 PM
4

I don't quiet agree. I don't think it's about needing Depp to be completely innocent. I think it's about acknowledging men can be victims of domestic abuse as well. When someone is victim to domestic abuse, they're rarely a 'perfect victim'. When someone terrorizes you continually, you get involved in a cycle of abuse in which you behave out of character and in survival mode. Having followed the case, as a woman, as a feminist, I do think Heard was the one who perpetually initiated the abuse. In…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/03/26 11:09 AM
5

You're confusing two things. In a criminal court indeed you're innocent untill proven guilty. That is fundamental, I don't think many people would want this to change. "Believe victims" (ungendered) is about the fact that it's not because there hasn't been found proof and and someone isn't convicted that it means the victim lied about what happened to them.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/03/26 10:53 AM
18

In her example of "women aren't treating men as human beings" when in fact they would mean they experience not being found sexually attractive (which is their own subjective experience). What would be engaging with the content of the argument here? What is a woman supposed to say? instead of addressing what is actually being said What IS actually being said? What actually is being said is "women aren't treating men as human beings", so challenging that IS addressing what is being said. Unless yo…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/03/26 10:40 AM
0

Why? Only if your goal is a lifelong monogamy. It’s not everyone’s goal. Some people prefer health and maturity of the relationship in real time over the duration. They can recognise when they might not be the best partners for each other and peacefully part. To believe that you’re the best partner for someone in all stages of their life is naive and arrogant even. You might not investigate your partners needs fully if you think your own constant presence in someone’s life is always what’s best …
/r/PurplePillDebate06/03/26 03:16 PM
-1

So you’re operating on hidden assumptions without questioning? Our friends also change throughout our lives and our life stages, we’re not always closest buddies with the same people on the same consistent level, sometimes we’re closer with a friend, then there’s a period of less contact and more contact with someone else… Friendship is the basis of good happy and healthy relationships as well. What if they’re just peacefully parting when their lives aren’t exactly in tune, when they’re longing …
/r/PurplePillDebate06/03/26 02:17 PM
0

No one disagrees that social dynamics can overlap and produce unique issues. I was merely giving the definition of intersectionality, an analytical tool invented by feminists. But what intersectionality is used for is to further legitimize the suffering faced by certain groups and to further erase the suffering faced by other groups. I’m not talking about what it’s used for. It’s the exact distinction I was making. Please read OPs posts which is about the distinction between academic frameworks …
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates06/03/26 01:50 PM
1

That’s totally valid. I get it. What if though you were having a very receding hairline. I have nothing against those btw, I’m just asking out of curiosity if it would change your view on baldness.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/03/26 09:26 PM
4

I’m not sure you’re the observer of all lesbian relationship dynamics… it’s kinda hard to make generalised statements this way about queer dynamics based on some things you’ve witnessed. It requires some caution. I don’t really understand the first point?
/r/PurplePillDebate05/03/26 09:07 PM
1

Maybe others operate on that same thought and they think you would be very hot bald.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/03/26 09:03 PM
11

I feel like you operate on the hidden assumption that a life long monogamy is a better relationship than serial monogamy’s. What if lesbians have several happy monogamous relationships in a row? What makes the long one better besides its duration?
/r/PurplePillDebate05/03/26 08:57 PM
1

Why? What’s wrong with being bald?
/r/PurplePillDebate05/03/26 08:53 PM
-3

Oh I’m sorry, I really didn’t mean to come off as lecturing or anything. I just thought we were discussing the concept. I’ll clarify, personally I’m mostly interested in intersectionality as an analytical framework, not in how it’s sometimes used politically. From that perspective it’s just a way of examining how different social dynamics interact. Universal individual rights can still remain the normative foundation. I’m not a feminist who is very interested in politics or whatever you call “in…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates05/03/26 08:47 PM
2

Conceptually intersectionality was originally proposed as an analytical framework, not primarily as a political program. It’s a term to explain how overlapping structures of disadvantage can produce experiences that are not captured when each category is analyzed separately. Like Black women whose discrimination cases failed because courts looked at race discrimination and gender discrimination separately, rather than their intersection. It’s not inherently about critiquing “white feminism” nor …
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates05/03/26 07:09 PM
-8

Intersectional feminism is still useful. Universal principles tell us what rights should exist, but intersectional analysis helps show where supposedly universal systems produce uneven outcomes in practice. So it doesn’t necessarily replace liberal universalism, it can complement it by identifying blind spots.
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates05/03/26 05:37 PM
-9

If feminism were a movement by women only I don’t think we ever got voting rights and bank accounts… we got where we are because feminist men existed too.
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates05/03/26 04:52 PM
4

I can follow your line of reasoning completely, on all 3 points. I guess I am the one who does think of Marx and Engels when I hear socialism or communism. I personally do judge frameworks by the theory and values, not necessarily by them being badly interpret by actors. Otherwise I would also have big issues with Christianity and Islam I suppose, but also there a lot of things I find problematic rely on misinterpretations of the holy texts. I can see however other people do judge movements by t…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates05/03/26 03:51 PM
2

No one said this. You’re right. Not literally. It’s continually implied. My point was, behavioral wise, there’s not a difference, especially when sex is compared to going to the movies. That’s very casual in view. “Casual” doesn’t refer to behaviour, it refers to someone’s intention. “Casual sex” is sex people have with people they do not INTENT to have a relationship with. Sleeping with someone you’re falling for and you want something serious and long term with them, is not casual. It’s a join…
/r/PurplePillDebate05/03/26 03:24 PM
1

Asexual men have normal testosterone levels. This means libido and arousal involves other explanations… It’s at least multifactorial. Also there’s a distinction between internal motivation (sex drive, as influenced by hormones) and sexual behaviour (what you actually do).
/r/PurplePillDebate05/03/26 03:13 PM
3

Nobody here seems to deny it’s a prevalent notion, neither did people deny women indeed aren’t angelic beings when it comes to communication and that both genders can communicate badly. It seems that for once most ppd commenters are on the same line. Why the need to debate still if we all agree?
/r/PurplePillDebate05/03/26 03:11 PM
0

Aggregate outcomes improving for women doesn’t mean gendered issues disappeared. Many social changes happened precisely because feminist movements pushed for them. The fact that progress occurred isn’t evidence the underlying dynamics never existed.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/03/26 03:08 PM
0

I can understand why it’s sad where you’re at. Sounds incredibly depressing to have that world view. I guess people prefer certainty and predictability, even when certainty is more depressing and uncertainty brings a lot of silver linings. Ambiguity is hard to hold.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/03/26 09:42 AM
3

If you are a jerk you attract women who are jerks or who are having unexamined attachment trauma or codependency mostly. If you only care about how many you attract and not who you attract, go ahead. If you want to be genuinly liked and loved and desired, maybe it’s not the best way to go.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/03/26 09:35 AM
1

Everyone can be misunderstood or misinterpreted now and then.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/03/26 07:08 AM
3

You’re right I don’t think her intention is to be prescriptive either. But I disagree with her narrative of “women being virtuous virgins who don’t like sex” as she always seems to imply it. For example she claimed that to want sex early on means that you’re not serious in your intention. But early and later matters of timing, not intention. Casual and serious are matters of intention. You can want a serious relationship but have early sex to see if you’re sexually compatible. That doesn’t make …
/r/PurplePillDebate05/03/26 07:05 AM
1

Interesting
/r/PurplePillDebate05/03/26 06:50 AM
5

Sure but your post being about communication in a subreddit that discusses gendered experiences should allow for these type of responses? Especially when you flair it “debate”? I’m not sure if a lot of women in the comment section here claimed women are such great communicators at all times. I don’t think they are, a lot of other women don’t seem to think they are. We merely want to point out nobody is.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/03/26 06:49 AM
6

I think you misread her. She’s not talking about men who are “truly” logical. She’s talking about those who frame their emotional rants as logic. For example “rationalisation of emotions” is a coping style. It’s not actually being rational, it’s a way of being emotional while not overtly appearing emotional. And sometimes people aren’t aware when they are doing it. I tend to get very analytical when I’m emotional. It makes me think fast, talk fast, become more direct and upfront. But my partners…
/r/PurplePillDebate05/03/26 01:16 AM
1

Oh I’ve been postponing it since the Sunday so… but intended to do it every day but somehow something more urgent always popped up
/r/PurplePillDebate05/03/26 12:53 AM
1

In this specific case I simply didn’t see the use of the task and found it boring, but I had to do it. I guess that’s where the ball started rolling?
/r/PurplePillDebate05/03/26 12:46 AM
2

Do we procrastinate because the task feels too difficult/uninteresting, or does the task feel difficult/uninteresting because we’ve been procrastinating? 🐓🥚
/r/PurplePillDebate05/03/26 12:31 AM
3

Which criteria are you suggesting to claim they are different?
/r/PurplePillDebate05/03/26 12:27 AM
6

What if my urges are stronger than those of the average guy? How can any of us know that? What criteria are you using? I know I get too late for work very often because I’m horny in the morning and masturbating lol. I have an urge to have a gang bang and have 5 dicks around me every day, but I resist. But hey, maybe this is just half of the urge of the average guy... 🤷🏻‍♀️Must be tough to have an even higher sex drive. I should be grateful mine is so low, thanks for reminding me my urges are so …
/r/PurplePillDebate05/03/26 12:22 AM
1

Wow those sound like incredibly tough choices. Caring about someone enough that you can’t abandon them, while also knowing it complicates your own life and relationships must be emotionally exhausting… While I’m very inclined to say “But you matter too! Don’t neglect your own dreams and connections and life as it passes by” I realise life is more complicated than some good sounding advice isn’t it. Ultimately, you’re the only one who can know what is right for you. What is liveable for you. I pr…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/03/26 10:05 PM
1

I see. Sounds indeed like a difficult situation. How is this for you? I know you say you care like he is family. I can tell you have that “old couples vibe” (I hope you don’t mind me saying as an analogy, I have no clue what your age is lol) going on where you’re bickering and complaining a little about one another, but you can just hear that ultimately you care on a very deep level. In any case I admire your commitment to him, which goes beyond ideas of romance or ideal marriage. Friendship is …
/r/PurplePillDebate04/03/26 09:28 PM
2

This is a pretty unique situation. May I ask what made you choose to care for him? Was there still platonic love between you?
/r/PurplePillDebate04/03/26 09:12 PM
3

Yeah I did ask feedback and it turned out my partner was even happy I shared so I was relieved that I did estimate it right. Intention also matters. We can’t always know perfectly what someone wouldn’t want to be shared if it’s not made explicit. But I really attempt to take people’s sensitivities that I’m aware of into account. Personally I don’t have secrets. Anyone is allowed to share anything about me, unless I explicitly asked them to not share. Otherwise I don’t really mind if my partners …
/r/PurplePillDebate04/03/26 09:08 PM
4

I think it’s also the female version of “I want a dumb blonde with big boobs”. It’s like “locker room talk” but it’s more loud than it is seriously meant.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/03/26 08:56 PM
7

Well were you sure they shouldn’t have shared? I’m polyamorous. It’s all a recent and new thing, for both me and my 2 male partners. I was sharing something about my earliest partner to my most recent partner. At 3 times my most recent partner said “I think you’re oversharing and your other partner might mind that you share these things”. I was pretty confident he wouldn’t mind, but it still caused internal doubt and I felt upset. I talked with my earliest partner and he told me I estimated it e…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/03/26 08:41 PM
14

As a woman (and feminist) I agree with most of the patterns you named. They’re rooted in reality. Only thing I would say is: * I don’t share information with friends I was explicitly asked not to share. * I don’t share information that could put my partners in a negative light. * I don’t share things I simply KNOW they would not want me to share. This doesn’t automatically turn men into great communicators. There are gendered communication patterns and they both have flaws. We need effort from b…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/03/26 08:22 PM
1

Oh I’ve had many urges in my life. It’s good I didn’t act on all of them. And when I did I often did experience regret. Sometimes the urge is better off staying in the realm of longing/fantasy/desire/daydream and the reality is just less good. I have many sexual fantasies I know for sure I do NOT ever want to actually do for real. Not everything needs to be played out in reality.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/03/26 08:10 PM
0

Given the theme of your recent posts I think it’s evident you don’t want to have sex soon. That’s fine Lillth. You attempt to defend it by spreading the narrative most women don’t want this. You even quote statistics when challenged. But the thing is: you’re allowed to not want to have early sex, even when the majority of women would. The truth is statistics don’t matter here. It doesn’t matter whether the majority of women wants early sex or not. The point is you’re perfectly allowed your own p…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/03/26 08:06 PM
–

even though men mainly pay for it In most Western countries tax systems are based on income, not sex. Higher earners pay more tax… Historically men earned more on average so historically male tax contribution was higher. That is not the same as “men funding women”… money disproportionately goes towards women Public spending often follows need or risk distribution, not sex... Prostate cancer funding goes to men. Maternal health funding goes to women. Occupational injury spending often benefits ma…
/r/PurplePillDebate03/03/26 08:03 PM
1

I’m not missing out, I have 2 great partners already, who do feel valued within my worldview, who do feel strongly connected and loved by me. Calling research about dating “scientific” shows me you’re not so knowledgeable about science, since none of that research is very scientific. It’s all questionnaires with sampling bias and low response rates. That’s a very bad scientific method. And what does it matter what statistics would even say? Even if hypothetically you would be correct (which you …
/r/PurplePillDebate03/03/26 07:45 PM
1

I fall for male nerds so I don’t see the issue, they’re my type. I’m also sapiosexual and demisexual so I don’t really look at looks. Sad that you’re missing out on women like me who could be attracted to you only if you dropped that bullshit. And no it’s not a language sensitivity, I don’t care about language. It’s a worldview mismatch. I don’t view dating like it’s a monopoly game, when real humans are involved and when eventually it’s about connection and compatibility and love.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/03/26 03:22 PM
–

I don’t really think about humans in percentages, that’s pretty hard for me to do as a thinking exercise. I think I could potentially be attracted to almost any man as long as we have interesting deep conversations, we ideologically match, we emotionally care for one another… I just need to feel deeper existential alignment and intellectual stimulation. Edit: to answer more specifically I think I could be attracted to far more than 15% of men but I don’t think I’m compatible with as much as 15% …
/r/PurplePillDebate03/03/26 11:20 AM
–

I’m not sure. I think some smart men are choosing ideologies I don’t ethically support, so they cancel themselves out for me. Do you mean purely looks wise or do you mean to their minds?
/r/PurplePillDebate03/03/26 11:12 AM
–

I could potentially be attracted to a lot of men, since I’m demisexual and sapiosexual, so I fall mostly after having formed an intellectual and emotional connection. I don’t care about height or BMI or looks that much. But if an increasing amount of men is voting extreme right, anti-abortion, turning to manosphere spaces, or talking about dating like it’s a transactional market game instead of intimacy building less and less men become attractive to me indeed. The more I see men approaching dat…
/r/PurplePillDebate03/03/26 11:04 AM
4

I get that modern dating feels more competitive to some people. I’m empathetic to the feelings it causes. But your language just makes me want to disengage entirely as a woman. The “market” framing turns intimacy and relationships into cold transactions. It makes me want to have nothing to do with it as a woman, it pushes me away when men talk like this and think like this. It feels dehumanising in a way, like we’re all just products and not humans with internal lives and experiences and emotion…
/r/PurplePillDebate03/03/26 10:16 AM
5

I like the idea of niche maxxing, although I’m not sure if I’m compatible with some other neurodivergent people lmao. My need for full flexibility and spontaneity tends to clash with people needing routine and structure. And someone with the exact same quirks as me would also not work out well logistically considering I can’t plan well… But yes could be a good suggestion to expand a network. Most of my friends are NTs, but they don’t always get me.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/03/26 09:22 PM
2

"Here's why making fun of men is actually fine: they are ugly and they feel bad I call them ugly" That’s not what she said. She was talking about men’s need for external validation. She said: … even when its something people arent caring about. Ironically, making them even less attractive because of their bad attitudes and obsession with themselves. That’s not women finding men ugly. That’s men caring about stuff women don’t care about and men needing women to validate them. Leading to them beco…
/r/PurplePillDebate02/03/26 09:15 PM
2

In that case I agree with you.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/03/26 08:52 PM
10

I mean how do you see “professional help” here in the context of neurodivergence? What is professional help going to do in this scenario? Give you some tricks how to hide your neurodivergence better? I thought the point of dating was getting to know the “real version” of someone and that you want to be in a relationship with someone when they’re being real and not pretending they’re someone they’re not… Should neurodivergent people always adapt completely to neurotypical norms? Or is it maybe ti…
/r/PurplePillDebate02/03/26 08:42 PM
2

You’re just too cool for them
/r/PurplePillDebate02/03/26 08:13 PM
3

You’re moving the goalposts. I’m not saying they don’t face that type of discrimination, I’m queer myself… It’s just not what we were talking about. You’re being intellectually dishonest. We weren’t talking about trauma caused by being queer. You just bring this up out of nowhere. I never wrote it’s not a thing because it clearly is, it just wasn’t the subject of our thread back then and it isn’t now. You’re just dodging the fact that you imply queer people are damaged people who trauma dump and…
/r/PurplePillDebate02/03/26 05:48 PM
1

Good to know the LGBT community never considered discrimination to be traumatic. It’s not what you implied, we were speaking about attachment trauma and trauma influencing relationship formation. You basically called queer people damaged and said they trauma dump and use sex to cope with trauma. You said this: Well...considering the amount of trauma that community has, I can completely see how people will immediately trauma dump and quickly build that emotional connection. Thing is, that's not t…
/r/PurplePillDebate02/03/26 05:11 PM
3

Casual = lack of serious intent (so specifically looking for short term hook ups). He said he’s looking for long term relationships.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/03/26 04:24 PM
2

That brings me back to what I said a long time ago: people choose not to be that close to friends, not that they can’t. Oh I have very close friends, most of them just live on a distance as most of my best friends I made while I was abroad. I also have a lot of childhood friends and local friends who I regularly go out with but they just aren’t always interested in talking about politics, philosophy or stuff that I like to talk about. It’s hard to find people you intellectually connect with. It’…
/r/PurplePillDebate02/03/26 04:22 PM
2

If immediate sex with someone you barely know is a requirement then you require casual sex to proceed to a possible long term arrangement. What is barely know? With my most recent partner our first date was a 4 day trip abroad. That was the first time we met. Prior we had been talking hours every day on the phone for a month. I’m not claiming I knew him fully but I would say before I slept with him I knew him more deeply than I know some of my friends. We talked about our attachement styles, pas…
/r/PurplePillDebate02/03/26 12:30 PM
–

I’m not actively dating though. I just had one LDR relationship, we always said it was open for polyamory because we didn’t want to take opportunities away from each other (with the distance and all), but we loved each other too much to break up and move on. Then I coincidentally met someone else and fell for them. Now I have 2 partners and they are both comfortable with that. I’m not actively dating and I never was. I had kinda given up on it before I had my LDR. Dating apps and dating totally …
/r/PurplePillDebate02/03/26 07:02 AM
1

It does happen quite frequently when you’re a woman. I’ve seen it and I’ve also had the experience when I was on dating apps myself a few years ago that some men indicate they’re looking for a LTR while they’re not or they are being vague or misleading about it on purpose. However, I disagree to conclude therefore most men are like this. I most of all disagree that early sex always indicates the connection isn’t meant to be serious. She said in other posts it’s always causal. But I’m someone onl…
/r/PurplePillDebate02/03/26 06:59 AM
–

Proving my point …
/r/PurplePillDebate01/03/26 10:41 PM
–

I was not trying to present evidence. I was merely agreeing that it’s a common pattern indeed, one I can’t explain well, and I was trying to explain what I think could in some instances be at play by looking inward and seeing what drives me. Women are indeed vocal about what they like, but they aren’t usually believed right? Very often they’re portrayed as liars. That’s what I was talking about. The fact that if you say you care about someone’s personality the most, there’s always gonna be a bun…
/r/PurplePillDebate01/03/26 10:28 PM
6

I wouldn’t say the latter category is morally inferior but they sure are playing games and it’s valid men don’t want to put up with that
/r/PurplePillDebate01/03/26 09:41 PM
–

Why that assumption though? I like talking about dating dynamics and I have 2 partners
/r/PurplePillDebate01/03/26 09:38 PM
–

Yeah it’s a real pattern. I think I even tend to do it. It’s kind of hard to explain why… I guess for me personally I see men being lonely and in pain and complaining about it, but then drawing the wrong conclusions… about women and about attraction and I guess the talk about “my partner is the ONE” is kind of a way to counter what we perceive as unhelpful narratives? Because it’s the only evidence we have against narratives that we only fall for 6 feet, 6 figures or 6 packs… That we do fall for…
/r/PurplePillDebate01/03/26 08:52 PM
–

Is that an Italian recipe? Looks delicious. Could eat pasta any day.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/03/26 08:45 PM
2

Most of us don’t hate men and don’t see men as enemies. We just criticise patriarchal gender roles and analyse the harm they bring.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/03/26 08:40 PM
4

I think it’s more the frustration that sucking dick is default but eating out is not. I’ve only received oral by 1 romantic partner in my life but I’ve sucked every dick I had sex with. It’s also not a requirement to receive oral. If someone isn’t into it, it’s kinda hard to enjoy mentally, which is why I wouldn’t necessarily ask or pressure it. I also don’t think it would make me orgasm but I do think it’s nice. But overall maybe some women feel a bit off being expected to give oral but never r…
/r/PurplePillDebate01/03/26 07:45 PM
2

Yes lmao I wonder if anyone read all of it
/r/PurplePillDebate01/03/26 07:36 PM
42

If early sex is important to you, own it. People do own it all the time. And the past few weeks any time anyone said that sexual compatibility is important for a relationship, you said that means that we only want something CASUAL and aren’t looking for anything serious. You insisted on that several times. So if you say this phrase I’m gonna reply; let us own it, without telling us what our intentions are. Early sex can be important to someone wanting something serious.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/03/26 07:21 PM
2

I would say option 2 but that’s only because this scenario is unlikely for me as a demisexual and a sapiosexual. If I genuinely like someone as a person, and I have that emotional and intellectual connection, I WILL feel the spark, I will feel attraction. For me C leads to B… So I guess it’s a scenario that just wouldn’t happen for me. And otherwise I obviously pick option 3. Without C there’s just no relationship, period.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/03/26 07:14 PM
4

I haven’t seen this as a broad pattern. The reverse is more common in my own experience. Moms freaking out and dads being chill about things. Although my mom was letting me be very independent when it came to backpacking alone as a young woman, which I’m grateful for. When I went to Africa alone for 8 months when I was 25y old my dad had difficulty sleeping at first I was told. I definitely saw my mom being very easily worried when it came to my brother. I find it a common pattern that fathers a…
/r/PurplePillDebate01/03/26 07:09 PM
1

Not sure how much I would trust these sources. Pew research doesn’t always produce the most solid stuff. It relies a lot on self report and I looked into some other of those type of “studies” and what they often do is call people on the phone for a quastionnaire. Most people obviously don’t want to answer or don’t have time so they have extremely low response rates leading to all sorts of bias. As someone reading a lot of scientific literature in my profession I’m not really impressed by that. A…
/r/PurplePillDebate01/03/26 03:28 PM
0

You all marry first or what? When do you have sex? After meeting his grandparents?
/r/PurplePillDebate01/03/26 02:57 PM
2

I guess then food sharing can be nice. You can have a taste of several pies. And if you pick the right ones maybe you encounter those sort of flavour explosions that are sweet and salty at the same time.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/02/26 03:04 PM
1

Are you into the sweet pies? Or more savoury ones?
/r/PurplePillDebate28/02/26 02:55 PM
6

So all the pies lack intelligence as a species or what are you saying?
/r/PurplePillDebate28/02/26 02:14 PM
7

True the pies aren’t all innocent
/r/PurplePillDebate28/02/26 01:16 PM
14

I’m not sure if it’s true misandry, I see it more as a hierarchical and competitive scarcity mindset. Someone else having a piece of pie causing anxiety one doesn’t have pie themselves and trying to convince the pies the pie-eaters are bad hoping the pie will come to them instead. If you have an abundance mindset and believe there’s enough pie for everyone, even if some people eat more pie, you won’t talk bad about pie-eaters to pie. You just wait for your own piece of pie. I guess food sharing …
/r/PurplePillDebate28/02/26 12:37 PM
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Why not? I always had a thing for Sam. The orcs are there to make it more taboo.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/02/26 11:24 AM
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I do. I’m polyamorous and it’s new and last night I had a very long and deep conversation with the guy with who I have the relationship that was the longest established. He encouraged me to explore polyamory from the beginning, I was more closed minded to it at first because I feared hurting him. But then recently I met someone else and fell in love again. And now I’m experiencing so much love for these two men. And as I was sitting on my couch last night I was thinking gosh I love men. And I fe…
/r/PurplePillDebate28/02/26 10:54 AM
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Interesting choice. I guess I’ll have an orgy with some orcs and hobbits pretending I look like Arwen.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/02/26 10:51 AM
13

I kinda do feel like a lot of fiction written for women screwed me up when I was younger. I’m not sure Romantasy already existed back then but a lot of the young adult books for women had story lines similar to twilight: young idealistic shy virgin woman gets approached by hot emotionally damaged not so shy man. Fairy tales and Disney and romcoms teach women from a young age on they are “passive participants” in love. They’re waiting for the knight on the white horse and their job is to be prett…
/r/PurplePillDebate28/02/26 09:45 AM
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No 😭💔 okay everyone their own opinion
/r/PurplePillDebate28/02/26 09:23 AM
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Who’s the hottest?
/r/PurplePillDebate28/02/26 09:23 AM
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So what should I have written instead if I wanted to make men feel appreciated? Not “men appreciation comment”? How should I have formulated and chosen my words according to you so it wouldn’t come across as a rage bait or flex attempt?
/r/PurplePillDebate28/02/26 09:18 AM
5

I had a one night stand once with someone who was obese when I was 23 🤷🏻‍♀️ I was on an internship abroad in Ecuador and we were invited for a predrink by some local guys we met at the hospital where we did our internship. All his friends weren’t obese, but I immediately told my girl friends I liked HIM out of all of them because he just had a sense of fashion that stood out and it made me curious about him. He asked me to dance with him and boy he had the moves in his hips. I had no eyes for hi…
/r/PurplePillDebate28/02/26 09:05 AM
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Thanks 😊
/r/PurplePillDebate28/02/26 08:57 AM
1

Lately I’m not listening very often to music 🥲 I feel like I’m constantly busy (but as you can see it’s an illusion). In my car I’m listening to the classical music and jazz they play at the classical music radio station (several genres) because it makes me calmer in the morning before work. Before and after work I’m sensitive to sound.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/02/26 02:09 AM
1

Yeah I’m going to a therapist and a neurodiversity coach
/r/PurplePillDebate28/02/26 02:05 AM
1

Good idea. I guess I could also do it with the men I date (I’m poly and I’m currently having 2 relationships). I think they also have body insecurities. Men don’t get compliments about their looks often and I noticed when you do compliment them it’s hard for them to believe sometimes.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/02/26 01:35 AM
2

Oh thanks ♥️ maybe I will (if I don’t eventually forget like with my alarms, calendar, apps, notes and magnet board 😁)
/r/PurplePillDebate28/02/26 01:32 AM
1

Sam steals my heart every time. Such a cutie, taking care of mr Frodo
/r/PurplePillDebate28/02/26 01:30 AM
2

It’s hard to believe but it seems like it yes
/r/PurplePillDebate28/02/26 01:26 AM
1

Can I adopt you? Sometimes I feel like I’m a child that still needs a teacher telling them which tasks to do next lol. Thanks 😘
/r/PurplePillDebate28/02/26 01:26 AM
2

Yeah lol. Why do people assume only men are into LOTR? I watched the extended edition 20 times or something.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/02/26 01:23 AM
1

Ah yeah I get that. But for me that has to do with body insecurities mostly. I’m confident about my boobs so I like wearing sexy bra’s but I’m not confident about the rest of my body. I don’t think I’m there yet where I’ll immediately wear something I don’t feel comfortable in shape wise. But there’s always a middle road. He could say what style he likes and I could find a specific piece that I feel suits my shape.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/02/26 01:21 AM
0

Someone’s coming over tomorrow to cook for me… I kinda want to tidy up lol. It’s the first time he sees my place. I’m sure he doesn’t give a shit about how neat things are. I just do. It just feels better when it’s all organised. Also I have to make a boring task before he comes for some course I’m taking besides my job.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/02/26 01:18 AM
1

Hmm… I find myself growing into it after a while… I guess I do like to pleasure someone and hear and see their reactions and feel proud that I did that… and after a while I tend to like the same things
/r/PurplePillDebate28/02/26 01:14 AM
2

His kinks become mine too because him being all horny is my kink Edit: didn’t mean your husband lol 😂
/r/PurplePillDebate28/02/26 01:11 AM
1

Awake at night 2am in ADHD freeze mode. I was gonna do some stuff. But I’m too lazy to do it this late. It’s too late. But I don’t want to go to bed before it’s done either. I get stressed thinking about having to do more tomorrow if I don’t do it now. But I really don’t want to do it now, mostly because I don’t know where to start and how to begin… 5 more minutes on Reddit and then I’ll do something… This has been on repeat the past 2,5h hours and I’ve just been sitting on my couch scrolling on…
/r/PurplePillDebate28/02/26 01:09 AM
1

That’s awesome. Don’t change that.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/02/26 12:55 AM
8

I mean… people here downvote for saying this but your internal state matters as well… You can go to the gym every day but if you come off depressed and desperate you’re indeed not gonna attract anybody no matter how much you work on your looks. I used to be depressed. It wasn’t good. Lately I’ve been feeling so much better in my skin. Thing is, I’m at a weight a lot of men would probably say they wouldn’t want on paper. Yet when I go out now, I notice I have much more male attention than before …
/r/PurplePillDebate28/02/26 12:44 AM
3

I feel like this was inspired by my comment lol. My boyfriends are also allowed other relationships. I’m okay with them having multiple women, as long as they treat me right.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/02/26 12:32 AM
2

I guess I do that when gas is expensive that day and it’s an expensive gas station and I’ll fill up completely when I see it’s rather cheap.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/02/26 12:29 AM
1

People don’t cheat to escape their partner. They cheat to escape the person they’ve become themselves. Being involved with someone new gives them the fleeting feeling that they are someone new too… The novelty makes them feel desired, chosen and alive. Until reality kicks in like a hangover. Cheaters are fed up with themselves most of all.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/02/26 12:25 AM
8

Do others look down on you? Or do you look down on yourself? Who says you’re undesirable besides the voice in your head?
/r/PurplePillDebate28/02/26 12:14 AM
3

Thanks 😊
/r/PurplePillDebate28/02/26 12:01 AM
6

Whereas it is obviously and undeniably true that good looking people have a much easier time getting dates that doesn’t always mean 1) those dates are succesful and result in compatibility, and 2) other people are doomed to be alone forever. I don’t think it’s such an unrealistic thing to want; to be loved and desired and to love and desire someone else. It’s tougher than it used to be to find potential dates but tough and hard and waiting longer… doesn’t mean it’s impossible or an unrealistic f…
/r/PurplePillDebate28/02/26 12:00 AM
9

I guess that’s a normal desire
/r/PurplePillDebate27/02/26 11:36 PM
3

My 2 relationships are really good. We’re all very happy and in love and don’t hurt anyone.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/02/26 11:25 PM
3

How is this rage bait? 💔😭
/r/PurplePillDebate27/02/26 11:22 PM
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As long as you’re both honouring your own needs and respecting each others, any door is open I guess? And if those aren’t compatible that sucks a lot! But it sounds like you’re experienced in knowing when something is for you and when it isn’t… so time will tell… Sending you hugs! 🫂🫂🫂
/r/PurplePillDebate27/02/26 11:21 PM
4

I’m new to polyamory and I’m so in love with my 2 boyfriends! 😍 Intellectual men are the sexiest. Men appreciation comment ♥️ you’re a delicious gender and I’m happy you exist
/r/PurplePillDebate27/02/26 11:15 PM
2

I like it when my man tells me I’m a good girl when I’m acting like a hoe for him. That’s the reward.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/02/26 10:56 PM
1

Good day to you as well 😊 and no you didn’t come across hostile at all
/r/PurplePillDebate27/02/26 10:53 PM
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Sorry to hear that! Sounds like you both communicated your needs well and recognised each others needs so you both handled it maturely.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/02/26 10:48 PM
1

Well I respect your perspective. I do still see it as a valuable model, despite the broad misunderstandings and misuse. I’m aware many men are feeling unwelcome and like their worries aren’t being addressed by many feminists, although I tend to also gently place this in the broader context of social media, algorithms, polarisation… Social media doesn’t reward nuanced takes unfortunately and it amplifies black and white views. I don’t think it always represents the population correctly. I think b…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/02/26 10:24 PM
1

I question how well a term that still ultimately links men and masculinity to the bad things I’m not sure you know what patriarchy is? The way you talk about it? It was first used and defined by socialists and anthropologists who noticed a certain pattern in civilisations all across the globe. Then feminists adopted the already existing framework because they aimed to offer a corrective lens for what they saw as injustices. I don't really understand how something like the duluth model can someho…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/02/26 09:13 PM
1

Well if you take patriarchy analysis seriously and you read the serious feminist works, this is what it comes down to. Those works get misinterpreted a lot, also by people identifying themselves as feminists. However both men and women do uphold patriarchy. bell hooks wrote about “patriarchy”: In popular culture the word itself was hardly used during the heyday of contemporary feminism. Antimale activists were no more eager than their sexist male counterparts to emphasize the system of patriarch…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/02/26 08:21 PM
2

Your thinking aligns with how many feminists see this as well. It’s indeed a double sided coin. Men are seen as more competent but also more malicious easily. Women on the other hand experience the women are wonderful effect but they also experience infantilisation. Both effects are perpetuated by both men and women, at least that’s how feminists see it, considering both men and women perpetuate patriarchy.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/02/26 04:22 PM
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Sounds like a minor concussion so I guess I don’t understand what’s icky? He didn’t lose consciousness. He didn’t vomit. He didn’t experience a significant worsening of the headaches. I’m assuming he’s not on anticoagulants. There’s no sign of confusion, amnesia, seizure, slurred speech, unequal pupils, drowsiness, numbness… He seems neurologically intact. So… Sounds like a minor concussion. Symptoms often peak in the first 24–48 hours and gradually improve over days. The treatment is conservati…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/02/26 04:16 PM
3

Maybe it was unrelated to you? I tend to had vivid daydreams and sometimes smile or chuckle and realise too late other people are in front of me…
/r/PurplePillDebate26/02/26 09:25 PM
3

It has an LGBTQ flag, it is considered a queer practice… it challenges heteronormative relationship structures. That’s exactly why you don’t like it lol. I wouldn’t necessarily really fully “desire” someone I casually sleep with. Women casually sleep with men for all sorts of reasons. Sometimes it’s just a self esteem boost, sometimes it’s because of being horny, sometimes its triggers of past trauma or attachment triggers. I only truly desire the men I form relationships with. That’s just logic…
/r/PurplePillDebate26/02/26 08:42 PM
3

I just think the poly lifestyle is disgusting and a degeneration of society. You know a couple decades people used to say this about gay people right? Being gay was also consider gross and abnormal because it wasn’t the default. It takes a while for queer ways of loving to get accepted… In a few decades you might find yourself embarrassed you ever said this. Also; explain why having casual sex is somehow okay but loving more than 1 person makes you morally inferior? What’s wrong with having a lo…
/r/PurplePillDebate26/02/26 08:17 PM
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I’m not sure… I think not. I did have guys offended for not reading “romantic cues” apparently, when I’m the one focusing on 1 subject.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/02/26 10:17 PM
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You do like her a lot. I can just hear it. Well good luck! 😊
/r/PurplePillDebate25/02/26 10:15 PM
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I imagine she must be lol. She must also be able to put up with a lot of rhetorical arguments and hard to defy internal logic 😂 you’re good at presenting a case, she must have a tough job if she wants to change your mind about things 😁 do you ever debate with her about ppd subjects?
/r/PurplePillDebate25/02/26 09:58 PM
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I think I have that “issue” myself when I love a guy… Sometimes I only hear about 80% of what they say and I’m just gazing a bit while they are passionately talking about some smart subject I don’t know much about… gosh I love smart men
/r/PurplePillDebate25/02/26 09:49 PM
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That’s really good to hear! I hope it works out for you. You come off like an empathetic dude. Hope the new person treats you kindly.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/02/26 09:45 PM
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Women are taken seriously by good husbands
/r/PurplePillDebate25/02/26 09:41 PM
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Why? I would say the same principle applies
/r/PurplePillDebate24/02/26 08:17 PM
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Exactly. There’s a difference between having intuition and keeping those as separate “side notes” in your mind and relying on them so they become assumptions. One must avoid assumptions.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/02/26 03:10 PM
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You can’t really measure care or morals in outward expression of emotions. Some people have never learned to self regulate and blurt out everything emotion they feel as they feel it, or lean onto others for validation. That’s not “caring more or having stronger morals”, that’s just little internal anchoring and preferring co-regulation over healthy self-regulation. So “holding frame is overrated” is a little simplistic, although I know what you meant (that a composed reaction could point to indi…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/02/26 11:12 AM
3

Horny men pretend to care about romance so they can justify being selfish. You didn’t say “some horny men” It’s very interesting that guys here really don’t see how manipulative it is when it clearly is. You didn’t say “some guys here really don’t see” even though guys have constantly shown and even said fucking a woman doesnt mean he desires anything more than pussy You didn’t say “some guys have constantly shown” So yeah, I’ve come to realize that most men’s definition of love here is “do what…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/02/26 12:46 PM
3

Your language does imply that, you tend to speak in generalisations. At no point are you making clear you’re only referring to a minority of men.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/02/26 08:31 AM
6

Explain that please? Also why would I want that?
/r/PurplePillDebate23/02/26 08:30 AM
3

But would you agree with OP that all men are like this or that some men are like this?
/r/PurplePillDebate22/02/26 06:07 PM
12

Congratulations. You described how SOME guys are. Now the mistake is that you imply all guys are like this.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/02/26 06:06 PM
3

It’s also not that amazing sex is always amazing because of some technical aspects, it can just be amazing because of who you are doing it with. Some men can be quit skilful technically speaking but lack the mental skill it takes to give a woman please. Whereas it’s definitely possible for less experienced men to be better lovers in the bedroom if they have the right mindset and mental skills. Being attentive and attuned is underrated. I’m quite lucky to have had experiences with men who are att…
/r/PurplePillDebate22/02/26 02:19 PM
3

Exactly. Having been through that phase myself I recognise it in others.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/02/26 02:15 PM
2

Guys here see sex as part of a transaction. All guys or some guys?
/r/PurplePillDebate22/02/26 02:14 PM
2

According to which definition of misandry?
/r/PurplePillDebate21/02/26 02:50 PM
0

I’m not treated this way myself and I do understand it too. But yes I think it’s generally hard to put yourself in other people’s shoes that way.
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates20/02/26 01:56 PM
2

No why? I guess it was also not precisely what I meant but it is similar to rage baiting in the sense that the point is not in the content but in the what the response evokes and how the responder reacts. I’ve not been so precise that I was more drawing the parallel to that mechanism more, than meaning to say the goal is to make men feel rage, because it’s not. But I don’t think that’s rage bait’s goal either; it’s to see who responds to the bait and who doesn’t. It’s an information gathering to…
/r/PurplePillDebate20/02/26 04:41 AM
1

Except that I’m against treating men in a negative manner. A symbolic analogy meant to invoke reflective thinking isn’t “treating men badly”.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/02/26 03:40 AM
1

They never meant to put that much logic into it. You are all digging too deep. It’s just a symbolic statement. Nobody literally believes an average man is more dangerous than an average bear. The fact that you all are missing the symbolic point being made IS the point.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/02/26 01:18 AM
4

Well I agree. Watch my post history if you don’t believe me (on AskFeminists).
/r/PurplePillDebate19/02/26 07:11 PM
1

It’s used as both. Why is rage bait bigotry? It’s the opposite. Bigotry is about a position you internally hold, a prejudice. In this example the internal belief is not that all men are dangerous, but that the few exceptions who are are enough for women to fear men. Internally believing not all men are bad but fearing men anyway isn’t bigotry. Bigotry is believing all men are bad.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/02/26 07:07 PM
2

Sure. There are women existing with poor romantic attachment and STDs 🤷🏻‍♀️ it’s not zero. And men wanting to be cautious aren’t misogynistic. I say this as a sexually experienced feminist woman who did grow up anxiously attached. What is misogynistic is ingrained prejudice.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/02/26 07:01 PM
7

I agree with your line of thinking. Your conclusion at the end is very interesting.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/02/26 06:55 PM
6

Is making a symbolic analogy disingenuous? Not in my opinion. People do that all the time. “I feel like shit” = do you literally feel like stool? How does it feel to be poop? It’s not literal…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/02/26 06:53 PM
3

“Their intentions”? I am a feminist. I understand the analogy through and through. It’s the way I use man vs bear.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/02/26 06:52 PM
4

It’s use of symbolism to signal a sense of unsafety and fear.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/02/26 06:49 PM
1

Category error. The man vs bear example doesn’t imply “all men are violent”. It merely implies violent men exist and they are terrible enough to not risk choosing the man, even if it could be a nice one. The fundamentalist Muslim men you mention compare “all non-virgin” women the way you described, all those sexually experienced women are of the same level in their eyes, with no single exception. So it’s not the same. Come up with a better comparison? Misandry and misogyny are hatred, dislike or…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/02/26 06:46 PM
6

Dehumanisation? Feels like you didn’t actually read what I wrote. It’s symbolic, not literal. It’s not meant as category 1 (moral accusation = men are violent animals), it’s meant as category 2 and 3 (risk perception and emotional signaling). These are the intentions. They don’t point to dehumanisation. You “perceive it as such”. But it’s not the intention of feminists using the analogy. You’re misreading the intention behind the entire symbolism. And what are my assumptions? And how do they com…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/02/26 06:41 PM
3

I don’t think any woman would actually pick the bear… that is the entire point. It’s symbolic, not literally meant.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/02/26 06:37 PM
1

You’re passing the test lol
/r/PurplePillDebate19/02/26 06:26 PM
-1

Your assumption is that it’s about misandry. You haven’t given any evidence of misandry. You mistake symbolism for literal comparison. Women don’t say men are like literal bears. They symbolically signal they feel unsafe because they had bad experiences. That’s not misandry.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/02/26 06:21 PM
2

So when someone signals to you that they think women are awful and belong in the kitchen, should have their rights taken away etc your response is to hold space for them? Not defensiveness? Not moral concern? Category error. That’s a direct moral and political claim about what women should be allowed to do (rights, obligations, explicit political view). That’s not a symbolic comparison used as emotion signaling. You appear to not really notice a difference between: 1) Saying “men are violent ani…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/02/26 06:13 PM
2

I think a defensive response to something like this is the justified response to give, and I'd say the same thing if someone said something similar to women. This sort of defensiveness is never healthy, neither morally justified. Whether from women or men. When someone signals something, you don’t center yourself in response. Period. You hold that space for them. And your strong response to what I said is kinda proving my point… Not being able to sit with these implications is in fact failing th…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/02/26 05:12 PM
1

Man vs bear is a moral intuition test, not an actual moral argument. People are taking man vs bear way too literally… That’s why women don’t respond emotionally to men picking trees over women; not responding emotionally is “passing” the moral intuition test. It’s just a rhetorical strategy. Yesterday you were talking about strategic use of words on subs like these yourself as well. You do it to inspire for rethinking. Man vs bear is that. A test to inspire rethinking. The point isn’t “men are w…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/02/26 04:23 PM
–

I’m going to a neurodivergence therapist for my adhd. Not for dating advice, just for daily struggles. I’m not sure if therapists will act like personalised dating coaches. But they can help you to live your life in a more aligned way. That will make you more confident and attractive I suppose? The point isn’t to hide your neurodivergence. You need to find a partner who’ll like you for who you are in the end. So a lot of it is acceptance too.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/02/26 04:12 PM
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Seeing a psychiatrist is a medical consultation (diagnosis, follow-up, medication). Therapy is more of an active treatment meant to improve mental health and to teach you tools to deal with your own hurdles in life. At least good therapy does that.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/02/26 03:59 PM
1

You’re describing lineage, not ownership. A child isn’t a legacy project. Seeing children primarily as continuation of you is exactly the ego angle I’m talking about. “My ancestors” is history. Parenting is responsibility.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/02/26 09:30 PM
1

Sounds ego-centric and therefore insecure. My bloodline, my relatives, me, me, me, me… you don’t see children as persons of their own. You see them as an extension of yourself. They aren’t you. And if you don’t respect their autonomy, your own children might grow up to despise you.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/02/26 09:12 PM
6

I see which mechanism you are describing although I’m not sure it’s always at play in these cases. I think sometimes it’s also just limited empathy; inability to place yourself in the shoes of someone else who has a different context. And I think empathy tends to get limited when people perceive they are under thread. I do think a lot of feminists genuinely perceive they are under threat; the rise of extreme right, the nostalgia towards traditionalism, the manosphere… When your system perceives …
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates18/02/26 12:13 AM
–

And the other Reddit user who talked about “discussing a topic” and “integrity” has a debate bro attitude according to you? Because it seems to me he was just making the distinction between the very attitude you dislike and having genuinly interesting conversations where you can authentically exchange ideas and don’t need to lie about your opinions in order to sound more socially desirable.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/02/26 10:13 PM
–

I don’t really like men who don’t speak their mind and who only have the “socially desirable answer” to everything. How to you get to know someone’s personality and opinions? What’s the point of dating? Exchanging ideas is hot.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/02/26 10:07 PM
–

Debating is nice though. Arguing is not.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/02/26 10:04 PM
5

Let me just say I don’t think feminism is particularly good at dealing with internal criticism. That’s because it’s often perceived as a threat. Internal criticism might threaten group harmony, might be used by the other side as backlash arguments… so it scares feminists. But there’s value in internal criticism. It keeps dialogue alive. So yeah whichever “group” I’m in, I’m gonna be the one raising discomfortable questions. Just because I find it valuable.
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates17/02/26 07:31 PM
1

I wasn’t making a case against wanting children of your own at all. I was talking about men not wanting to date women who already have other kids while wanting kids, so not wanting a biological child with someone who already has kids.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/02/26 06:31 PM
1

I think there are a lot. Some of my own friends. Feminists will always have different ideas about different subjects. I see that with my own feminist friends as well. The thing is, I really think more nuanced people just aren’t so loud and visible. This doesn’t apply to just feminists but just overall. And online culture, under the influence of algorithms, rewards loud voices that speak with conviction. The more certain, the more simplified, the more black&white… the more likes.
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates17/02/26 04:42 PM
29

I don’t like that type of simplistic language. “Don’t do creepy things and you’ll be fine” is kind of a lie. There is bias against men in the sense that what a man does will be more closely examined and thus called “creepy” much sooner. The same behaviour from women we wouldn’t call creepy because we don’t have the same level of suspicion. Normal behaviour from men can be interpreted as creepy very easily. So I agree these type of messages aren’t really helpful since they are not true.
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates17/02/26 04:17 PM
2

Mixed. But I did have a very high upvote ratio actually. When you read the comments you would think I would have gotten more downvotes. And I got a lot of supportive DMs too. The loudest commenters aren’t always the majority’s opinion.
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates17/02/26 04:05 PM
2

I absolutely agree with your entire post. Resembles a little bit my own post I made on AskFeminists a while ago… but I actually think you did a better job than me articulating how I feel about these things. Thank you! People like you are very much needed! We need nuanced views like this.
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates17/02/26 08:38 AM
0

The thread isn’t about wanting biological kids. It’s about people who don’t want to have a biological kid with a woman who has kids already.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/02/26 10:46 PM
1

No I don’t see them as parasites. The conversation was about foetuses, not babies. And I was only saying why the comparison is made to a parasite in the sense that they can’t survive independently.
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates16/02/26 01:06 PM
0

They just deleted your comments because you insulted me and now you do it again. Those aren’t the rules of the sub. Can’t you make your point without insulting me?
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates16/02/26 12:52 PM
0

Why are you insulting me? You can give your reasoning without needing to insult me. I’m here to talk, open for conversation. I’m not here as some enemy.
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates16/02/26 12:35 PM
0

How would you define non-pseudoscience so science patriarchy?
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates16/02/26 10:47 AM
1

The subject here wasn’t not being allowed to want kids of your own. It’s not having kids with a person who already has kids.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/02/26 08:32 PM
1

You use the word “normal” but what do you mean with normal?
/r/PurplePillDebate15/02/26 08:09 PM
-2

I would see that as a beautiful challenge. You seem to have a weird understanding of the psychology of kids. However their behaviour may be, however difficult, they all crave for loving emotionally attuned caregivers.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/02/26 07:47 PM
1

But I’m not attached to children I don’t know. I would be attached to children I see and care for regularly and that are children to a man I love. What are you not understanding?
/r/PurplePillDebate15/02/26 05:48 PM
3

What is “mine”? I’m willing to die for the children I would be a stepmother of. They would be attached to me and I would be attached to them. I see no difference if they share my genetics or not. They are children that you love and care for.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/02/26 05:24 PM
1

I never said anything biological is “bad” or “good”, I said kin bias is a tendency, not a hard rule. There’s a difference between acknowledging a bias exists and treating it like it determines how people will bond. Yes people notice resemblance. But attachment research consistently shows bonding is driven much more by caregiving and proximity than by facial similarity. If biology were that rigid, adoptive parents and interracial families would struggle to bond across the board and that’s not wha…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/02/26 05:22 PM
3

Kin bias is a probabilistic tendency, not a biological mandate... If resemblance were the core driver of attachment interracial parents and adoptive parents would consistently bond less with their children which isn’t supported by attachment research. Bonding is driven primarily by caregiving and proximity, not shared DNA. Humans are also a cooperative breeding species and have parented in communities for ages, its only a recent trend that parenting is a task solely given to biological parents. …
/r/PurplePillDebate15/02/26 04:55 PM
1

If you love the kid wholeheartedly they will love you back. That’s just basic psychology, that’s how attachement works. And what use is there for “bloodline”? I mean if this were Game of Thrones and inheritance mattered that way I would understand. What’s so different about your own genetics, are they so fantastic and superior to other people’s genetics? One argument I COULD understand is if the partner does not want to have new kids. Because it can be special to be there during the time when a …
/r/PurplePillDebate15/02/26 04:48 PM
-1

Well I guess age matters so yeah of course teens shouldn’t be dating people with kids and even in your 20s I guess a lot of people don’t feel ready. That’s fair. But they weren’t talking about timing before. They were talking about the fact that the kids aren’t biologically theirs. Edit: switched you and they, I mistook you for the other commenter since you both have yellow profiles
/r/PurplePillDebate15/02/26 02:06 PM
0

Why actually? A child is innocent? Do you see your own children then as “property” or something? And another child isn’t fully “yours”? Because a child is never fully ours, whether we’re biological parents or not. They are a person themselves, and as a parent you have the responsibility to care. Parenting is not about “they are MINE”, it’s about care and responsibility. I do understand people who don’t want children at all not wanting to date people who have children. But I struggle to understan…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/02/26 01:37 PM
5

Okay provide me with some feminist literature that’s taken serious broadly (not some ultra specific branch) that claims ALL men are holding onto patriarchy CONSCIOUSLY
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates14/02/26 04:56 PM
1

I think if I ever were misandrist in my life, it was usually temporary after experiencing hurt. When I was younger and more immature (like adolescence, teens and maybe early 20s). For example after being cheated on or ghosted or feeling like I was emotionally played with, I guess I told myself “all men are like this” as a way of coping with it and toughening up. As a protective mechanism so I wouldn’t let myself get hurt like that again. What’s also common on this sub is phrases like “she should…
/r/PurplePillDebate14/02/26 02:34 PM
-6

Yeah I agree with all that. I definitely never have read any feminist analysis that claims all men are consciously holding onto patriarchy as it doesn’t benefit them at all. It’s more that both men and women are sometimes stuck in patriarchal scripts because we grew up certain ideas of what is “normal” or “how it’s done”. The way I interpret patriarchy from what I have read about is that it operates more at the level of subconscious conditioning. And the only people who benefit are the few at th…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates14/02/26 01:31 PM
11

I think what you mean with male objectification is more specifically “disposability”. Lower class men have been treated as disposable throughout history, as cheap work forces to canon flesh. But this is also something that has been described in analysis about patriarchy.
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates14/02/26 10:31 AM
1

Yeah, and it means women are expected to be mentally unstable and overly emotional. Which harms women, but also means mental stability is not expected from them to a similar degree. This is in serious contradiction with all my lived experience. Serious. I wish we could swap bodies and you got to experience the shame I have consistently felt throughout my life for exhibiting emotions, for crying, for the fear of being “too much” and for feeling that my own very valid feelings would be in fact cal…
/r/PurplePillDebate11/02/26 08:06 PM
3

Yup lmao. Always funny when people consider all democrat voters “left” or “progressive”. As a European they’re still “right” to me. I’m progressive and egalitarian and I don’t mind any of the things OP mentioned, neither do leftist women that I know IRL.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/02/26 11:11 AM
0

Some women who grew up with inconsistent fathers (like she said) were taught to tiptoe, measure temperature, adapt and be mentally stable and dependable as well. Maybe that’s not specifically a script around courtship like the OP described but women experience these things as well, depending on their attachment styles and bonds with their parents (fathers specifically). So I would be careful to turn this into a zero-sums framing… Yes there is a script where men initiate courtship and are expecte…
/r/PurplePillDebate11/02/26 09:39 AM
5

I don’t see her talking about romantic relationships all that often? She talks about “love” not romantic love. Just the way Christians talk about love. Love refers to Agape love, love you have for family, friendship love, self love, love for the world, love for animals, love for the planet, love for community…
/r/PurplePillDebate10/02/26 09:02 PM
4

There’s still self love. Edit: btw are you seriously referring to the author of heartstopper? Her stuff is full of love. And exactly the sort of full encompassing love hooks talks about. Her aromantic character Isaac is a person full of love for his friends.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/02/26 08:33 PM
5

Where the heck does she talk about the romantic partnerships? She literally isn’t centering that.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/02/26 08:19 PM
4

What do you mean with loveless aro’s? Because aromantic people don’t experience a lack of love in their life. They still have friendships, family…
/r/PurplePillDebate10/02/26 08:18 PM
6

She defines emotional health almost exclusively as the capacity for the type of intimacy required in a romantic partnership. bell hooks does not equate emotional health with romantic couplehood. She consistently uses “love” as an ethical orientation (toward self, others, community…) not as a synonym for romance. Your amatonormativity critique depends on collapsing love into romantic intimacy, but hooks explicitly treats those as distinct. If a man finds fulfillment outside of this structure, hoo…
/r/PurplePillDebate10/02/26 05:39 PM
7

Some of us do condemn sexism towards men. It’s also mostly us on your subreddit lurking.
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates10/02/26 10:42 AM
8

First of all gynocentrism means putting women’s interests over men’s in a zero-sums way. Hooks doesn’t do that, she’s an explicit anti-zero-sums thinker. She treats patriarchy as a system that harms men and women differently but simultaneously. Her core move is to argue that male emotional deprivation is structural and not moral failure. Idk how you turn that into gynocentrism, it’s just structural analysis (and you’re allowed to disagree with the analysis, but that doesn’t turn it into anything…
/r/PurplePillDebate10/02/26 10:22 AM
2

You keep on misusing the term “casual sex”. Casual sex does not mean all sex outside of an official relationship frame, as the sex you had with your spouse before you were official wouldn’t be labeled casual by anyone? Casual sex simply refers to the sex you have with people for the sake of sex. Like you have buddies for gaming, buddies for running, you have a buddy for sex, or it could be a stranger you met… But two people falling for each other, going on the trajectory towards a relationship a…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/02/26 10:22 AM
3

I’m a Gen Z Western European woman who grew up in a pretty egalitarian environment and even I still felt slut shamed. Heck I even got bullied for having bigger boobs in high school. It made me not wear cleavage ever. Recently a guy told me I would look good in a dress with cleavage and I realised I don’t even have those dresses because in my mind I’m easily seen as “trashy” or “cheap” merely because of my natural anatomy. Most Hollywood actresses or influencers or models have much smaller boobs,…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/02/26 10:05 AM
3

It breaks the stereotype that women are only valuable when they are “pure”. It’s perfectly fine to have personal preferences in how you dress yourself and to be attracted to a certain dress code. But to moralise an entire group and assign them value based on their appearances is kinda wrong don’t you think? Freedom for all. That’s what breaking stereotypes is about. Everyone gets to choose what they want for themselves.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/02/26 10:19 PM
3

Sex is indeed not a relationship milestone for many non-religious people. That doesn’t make it less “serious” though as the terms “serious” and “casual” refer to intent. Why would it have to be a relationship milestone if not for religious reasons? Aren’t marriage or buying a house together or deciding to have children more serious relationship milestones?
/r/PurplePillDebate07/02/26 08:18 PM
–

I always have the extreme intense vulnerable conversations at first, otherwise I lose interest in them. Otherwise it’s just boring.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/02/26 12:51 PM
2

Why would alcohol be involved at all? You just have 1 image in your mind of sex happening. It can also happen within a romantic setting where two people consent and explore each others bodies, each others likes and dislikes, talk and cuddle during the aftermath. You say the serious relationship is only secondary… what claim do you have? Because sex can be just 1 means of many to get to know someone better. And your argument about your friends you’ve never seen naked: yeah sure of course you don’…
/r/PurplePillDebate03/02/26 09:04 AM
2

Nobody is claiming they know each other so well. It’s about your claim they don’t intent to have a serious relationship. It’s possible to have sex along the way there. Sex is just one way of being intimate with someone, it’s one way of being close and getting to know someone. And of course people are allowed to reserve this sort of experience for later on, but if two people who are into each other like to include sex as an activity they do while they get to know each other, there’s nothing wrong…
/r/PurplePillDebate02/02/26 11:10 PM
2

Casual sex is if you have sex with someone without intending it to become a relationship. Sex for the sake of sex. Being sex positive means having positive attitudes about sex, sexual identity and sexual behaviours. So two people being open to thinking and talking about sexual interest, pleasure and decision making. Can you give me something more convincing to make the statement that these two people do not intent to have a romantic relationship (even though they do) and instead they have casual…
/r/PurplePillDebate02/02/26 09:32 PM
4

But how about 2 people who didn’t know each other prior, they both want a long term relationship, they’re both sex positive people, they’re genuinely into each other and they both want to sleep with other after the 3rd date. What’s… wrong with that? Or why do you assume their intention is “less serious”?
/r/PurplePillDebate02/02/26 08:30 PM
1

I like your perspective! Hard agree on everything!
/r/PurplePillDebate02/02/26 07:50 PM
3

So wait… are you saying it’s not possible to want a serious relationship with someone and both being okay with having sex after 3 dates…? Why is that not possible???
/r/PurplePillDebate02/02/26 07:39 PM
1

The women asking men not to treat women as objects, usually aren’t the same women you describe treating men like objects. What’s with that line of thinking? Men should be able to treat women like objects the same way women do? Why not “neither women nor men should be treated like objects”?
/r/PurplePillDebate02/02/26 07:28 PM
–

I think this is a reversed causal argument. You’re naming REAL issues that disproportionately affect men (conscription / being treated as the default “meatshield” and questions around genital autonomy), which are absolutely things that need to be adressed (coming from a feminist)… but those aren’t caused by women gaining rights. Women having more reproductive autonomy doesn’t create male conscription and women existing as a rights-bearing group doesn’t cause male circumcision. Those are separate…
/r/PurplePillDebate02/02/26 06:25 PM
2

Sure, but those could be diverse, not the same for each blue piller since blue pill isn’t 1 very defined belief system the way red pill is
/r/PurplePillDebate02/02/26 11:21 AM
1

He won’t say that, those aren’t TRP ideology beliefs
/r/PurplePillDebate02/02/26 11:20 AM
7

You’re doing post-hoc storytelling (red pill exists => therefore blue pill indoctrination must precede it). You’re free to argue that red pill communities interpret mainstream socialization as “blue pill indoctrination” but that’s a red pill narrative about society, not evidence that “blue pill” exists as a coherent belief system with agreed principles, historical lineage or doctrine. Here on this sub in this debate space, it’s just a relational label, not a standalone ideology. That’s what the …
/r/PurplePillDebate01/02/26 08:30 PM
1

I think they’re doing a pretty great job. And no I’ve been around for a while.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/02/26 08:20 PM
1

They’re supposed to be unbiased so what you say is not logical. Also the terminology was invented here on Reddit. But sure, keep believing in alternative facts. Here’s a Wikipedia screenshot too. <image>
/r/PurplePillDebate01/02/26 08:16 PM
–

It’s as if he thinks dick size is written on someone’s forehead or something
/r/PurplePillDebate01/02/26 05:19 PM
12

I literally took a screenshot from the subreddits own Wiki and I referenced it. That way I can’t be incorrect. I’m using the official definitions as they are used in this subs wiki page.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/02/26 04:52 PM
1

That's why "average women" and "average men" is thrown about. The idea is to present them as equal without context. You’re treating this as if men and women have a number written on their forehead and have to date someone with the same number. Lots of us like autonomy of mind and personal agency. The freedom to choose. Otherwise you grow resentful towards your partner. This idea that there’s a “utopia in which men and women picked partners who are exactly as attractive as they are themselves” is…
/r/PurplePillDebate01/02/26 03:42 PM
5

Did you read over this: There's no set philosophy or goal other than disagreeing with RPers so /r/TheRedPill and /r/TheBluePill shouldn't be seen as two contrasting ideologies so much as one strategy and set of beliefs about the world and another group that satirizes and disagrees with it
/r/PurplePillDebate01/02/26 03:18 PM
–

Gaston is not hot. He’s creepy.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/02/26 01:38 PM
51

<image> Congratulations, you found out what blue pill is. Blue pill is defined as “basically disagreeing with TRP”. It has no statements on its own, just that it disagrees with red pill ideology.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/02/26 01:12 PM
2

Still ableism. Ableism = discrimination in favour of non-disabled people. If OP said “I prefer not to date people with a depression” and stated that as a personal preference, that would have been different. But they turn it into a big overgeneralisation, call it a red flag so basically stigmatising… that’s not about partner preference anymore. That’s normalising the exclusion of a group of people.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/02/26 10:49 AM
3

They say depression is a major red flag. They don’t say “I prefer not to date people with depression but that’s a personal preference for ME”. They overgeneralise it. That’s why it’s ableism, and not about partner preference. They just add in “but I don’t think they are bad people” to further normalize what comes next.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/02/26 10:44 AM
1

Exactly
/r/PurplePillDebate01/02/26 10:42 AM
1

The analogy doesn’t hold because your post isn’t about partner preference, it’s normalization of excluding people on the basis of health-related vulnerability.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/01/26 11:26 PM
5

You can’t predict who. Lots of people go through depression at an older age. If your wife goes through depression in a decade and you want to practice the “in sickness and in health” it probably won’t help that there is a stigma around depression.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/01/26 11:20 PM
–

But that’s again saying someone is allowed to leave over something small. I already agreed with that. So did Maffioze? We’re talking about the difference between being allowed to leave vs should leave… I don’t know why THAT is so difficult to grasp. You revert back the entire time to “being allowed to leave” while that isn’t under debate.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/01/26 05:14 PM
–

When you say “people should leave” that implies to a reader you’re already in an established phase of exclusivity. So maybe the misunderstanding happens at that level. Are you saying people should not date people over small things? Then I would still ask you what “small things” are. Because in this stage I care mostly that the big things are aligned. Values, communication style, lifestyle… Small things to me are whether I don’t like someone’s sweater or whether we like different wines… And I wou…
/r/PurplePillDebate31/01/26 04:56 PM
–

What do you understand under “people should leave over small things”? Because to me as I understand it, it means I would leave my boyfriend because my mood is off and I didn’t like the way he made eggs or something. It means to me that our bond is fickle. And I don’t want that. I think I should be allowed to leave him over anything I want to leave him for. But I personally don’t think it implies that I should? Because then I would have lost a great connection over something small? What gain is t…
/r/PurplePillDebate31/01/26 04:27 PM
–

There’s a difference between people are allowed to leave over small things and people should leave over small things. I think that’s what Maffioze is pointing out.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/01/26 03:53 PM
–

You said “wanting red flag men”. You think there are women wanting to be with cheaters, abusers or liars?
/r/PurplePillDebate27/01/26 07:56 PM
–

What are red flag men?
/r/PurplePillDebate27/01/26 07:50 PM
–

You didn’t really answer on what a history of bad decisions is… What do you mean by that?
/r/PurplePillDebate27/01/26 07:37 PM
–

What is a history of bad decisions? Is that something you only see in women or in men as well?
/r/PurplePillDebate27/01/26 07:32 PM
3

Yes that’s fair. Totally. I just think men are often framed “selfish” easily. Where women sometimes could also acknowledge they find it awkward to give instructions or guide. Men aren’t mind readers, it’s unfair to expect them to know how to pleasure a woman just by themselves… female sexuality is complicated and under-researched. Before the 90s they didn’t even know the clitoris was an organ that’s 9-11cm long… ofcourse that’s because of patriarchal standards where men were seen as the anatomic…
/r/PurplePillDebate26/01/26 12:52 PM
–

Appreciate the opening. I’m not sure I fully follow… Where I’m living there’s a lot of emphasis on women being independent and earning their own part… Sure I online encounter sometimes American conservative women with that men-are-the-provider mentality, but I would say IRL that’s a minority and most western women want to have fulfilling careers be self sufficient. They see a relationship as an “add-on” to their life and if it doesn’t seem to “add much” they drop out. However it’s a mentality th…
/r/PurplePillDebate26/01/26 12:49 PM
–

Yeah well… I notice some of my female friends being attracted to a man, but not pursuing anything if they see they don’t have approval from female peers. If the girlfriends find him creepy, awkward… then she’ll drop him. Despite being attracted. I think there’s a lot of ableism in our culture and I think women tend to be more ableist.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/01/26 12:42 PM
–

I’m talking about the difference between correlation and causation. Just because you observe something, that doesn’t give you any more information than just that: the observation. To establish a causal relationship requires much more.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/01/26 12:39 PM
1

I’ve never had “selfish” partners. I had partners who were insecure, uneducated, unsure… It’s also up to women to communicate and guide men and be upfront about what they like. It’s not something you can learn out of a theory book, every woman is different…
/r/PurplePillDebate26/01/26 12:37 PM
–

If both men and women stay with people they’re not strongly attracted to (sex, pressure, convenience…), then it’s not evidence of female “hypergamy” or “using”… It’s just… human behavior…
/r/PurplePillDebate26/01/26 12:35 PM
–

Sure, I can follow that. And is this a phenomenon only occurring in women? Or do some men also stay with women they’re not attracted to?
/r/PurplePillDebate26/01/26 12:16 PM
–

That says nothing about “attraction”. It can be that both genders are equally easily attracted to one another, but that women have collectively decided that relationships as they look like serve them less than men… and that men still benefit more from a relationship as it looks like today… Women have more intimate bonds with their friends so they don’t need a partner for emotional conversation as much, whereas men very often only open up to romantic partners about their deepest feelings.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/01/26 12:13 PM
–

Why am I supposed to “side” with anyone?
/r/PurplePillDebate26/01/26 12:10 PM
–

This halo effect applies to both genders
/r/PurplePillDebate26/01/26 11:48 AM
–

Except that the richest ugly men all have wives? So which is it? Are women attracted to money OR to looks? Lets cherry-pick whatever explanation suits the example, instead of using one consistent standard…
/r/PurplePillDebate26/01/26 11:47 AM
1

As a woman I agree with Objective Ad. I’ve had casual sex and sex within a committed relationship. The latter is always automatically better, regardless of size/technique/orgasming… it’s just pure brain chemistry. When you fuck someone you actually love and are actually deeply attracted to your brain starts producing all sorts of neurotransmitters before, during and after the sex. It’s just better.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/01/26 10:34 AM
2

Do people actually break up over size? I’ve never heard anyone do that IRL
/r/PurplePillDebate26/01/26 10:31 AM
5

We don’t see ourselves the way others see us. I don’t feel desirable either, I despise my own body, but my partner thinks I’m beautiful. He also hates his own body a lot, but I absolutely love his body. He’s insecure about his height, his body hair, his early balding… But I desire him very much.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/01/26 10:08 PM
3

You’re the one saying children do not have agency (as in 0%) and adults do (as in 100%). I’m simply asking if the agency is a binary (0 or 100%) meaning it goes from 0 to 100% the midnight you turn 18y old, or whether it’s a more continuous/gradual shift…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/01/26 09:38 PM
6

Then why are you this whole thread saying “ppd women” and what’s the difference between “women” and “ppd women”?
/r/PurplePillDebate25/01/26 09:36 PM
5

So the day you’re 17y old and 364 days you do not have agency and then past midnight when you turn 18 you have agency? Or how do you see that?
/r/PurplePillDebate25/01/26 09:35 PM
6

Define ppd women. Blue/red/pink/purple/black… who specifically says this?
/r/PurplePillDebate25/01/26 09:33 PM
8

Sounds less like you want to be “the felon” and more like you want the proof that you’re desirable. That’s a validation/status metric, not a morality metric and it’ll always make you feel robbed because it’s comparative by nature. The real question is what you actually want: being wanted as status or a healthy relationship. Those aren’t the same thing…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/01/26 09:23 PM
6

So is this about consistent standards or about retaliation?
/r/PurplePillDebate25/01/26 09:05 PM
8

No you’re not fine with being seen as a bad person. If you were you wouldn’t say “why are we being so kind to women”. That only comes from resentment and resentment comes from pain. “I don’t care” is you coping. You do care.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/01/26 09:00 PM
6

I’m a woman? I’m providing men that level of nuance… it’s possible? I choose to do that. You don’t. That’s the difference between us.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/01/26 08:55 PM
5

“These” is very broad. I don’t know “these” people. But I do know a lot about trauma and early life stress (professionally). I don’t think that someone growing up in middle class or higher in a loving emotionally stable family with a broad support network will date a felon or drug user or known abuser… Neither do I think most felons grew up in such environments…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/01/26 08:53 PM
13

I don’t think baggage is a moral failing to men. Neither do I think being a man is a moral failing. If you look at my flair you’ll see I oppose zero-sum framings which is what you’re trying to do here. Instead of “why are we being so kind to women” you could also ask “why aren’t we more kind to everyone”. Being more kind to men doesn’t require you to take from kindness towards women.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/01/26 08:48 PM
10

Who are ppd women? Because I thought this subreddit was here to divide us in red, blue, purple, pink and black pills… which means women of every pill have different ideas?
/r/PurplePillDebate25/01/26 08:45 PM
15

I wouldn’t say they are bad women. They are women often with a lot of baggage… and “baggage” isn’t a moral failing.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/01/26 08:38 PM
3

I apply it to men and women equally, hence why I said it’s not gendered (view my flair: pro-human)
/r/PurplePillDebate25/01/26 07:32 PM
3

Often (and this isn’t gendered) people who end up in abusive/DV situations are already more vulnerable because of what they grew up with (precarity, instability, trauma, inconsistent caregiving…). That shapes attachment and your “normal meter” so things that look like “obvious red flags” to someone else can feel familiar, manageable or even like love when you’ve been conditioned to tolerate dysfunction. And abuse usually escalates: it doesn’t start with the worst behaviour, it ramps up once ther…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/01/26 07:25 PM
2

So you did make that claim…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/01/26 07:03 PM
2

Well what you’re describing right now is also a critique of behaviours (not identity): you critique how people (or more specifically feminists) deal with neurodivergent men, how they have dismissive attitudes, how their language tends to have a moralising component… I’m pro-critiquing behaviours. I’m anti-critiquing identity. So what you just did is something I find very valuable as someone who does identify as a feminist. This sort of critique is useful.
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates20/01/26 09:37 AM
1

Idk I’m again not referring to individual applications, but queer theory revolves around reducing gender roles and norms, and allowing for everyone to position themselves freely when it comes to sexuality orientation, gender identity, number of partners, asexuality spectrum, gender expression… it’s an all you can eat diner in which you choose what’s on your plate? I’m heterosexual and cis female and also self identifying and self expressing as a woman and I’m in a monogamous relationship, but we…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates19/01/26 10:19 PM
1

But that’s a minority of the circumcisions in the US is what I’m saying. Most of it is cultural I think?
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates19/01/26 09:57 PM
2

Hell no I definitely do not want that bottom graph. I’m just feeling a little confused here on this sub sometimes. I’m not dismissing what you say or disbelieving you, it’s just that the feminists I know aren’t those narrow minded TERFs that indeed tend to think more like the bottom graph… For me feminism and queer thinking were always very aligned, and nearly all feminists I know are either queer or feel deeply aligned with queer thinking. Which is basically very open minded and opposed to rigi…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates19/01/26 09:46 PM
1

I think in the US it’s mostly performed for non-religious reasons right? In Europe it’s mostly Muslims and Jewish babies
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates19/01/26 09:29 PM
1

I don’t know… where I’m from and the feminists that I have in my life never made me believe it’s a zero-sums game. I really am not here to dismiss anyone’s lived experience however, different people experience different things. And since I’m on Reddit I do notice other sort of rhetorics than I’m used to from my own life. Most men in my life identify as feminists as well and also don’t see it as a zero-sums game. I do notice that some of the men in my life seem to have adopted more shame around t…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates19/01/26 06:22 PM
2

I sense we’re very aligned in our thinking!
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates19/01/26 06:19 PM
2

Yeah I definitely don’t believe it’s up to people identifying as women to tell men what positive masculinity is, or how they need to self express. I do believe feminist critique can be useful to map out which behaviours tend to hurt women. But there’s a difference between behaviours and identity. Critiquing behaviours is valid imo, telling someone else who they need to be (identity level instead of behaviour) is not. Edit: 1 word
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates19/01/26 06:08 PM
1

Okay but then you tend to push people away like me, who do self-identify as both feminist and male advocate. If you critique feminism as a whole without specifying which part exactly, a lot of people will feel addressed and not necessarily me, but a lot of people will feel overgeneralised. It’s like men complaining about the “all men” phrasing in certain feminist spaces. You also don’t like that right.
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates19/01/26 04:33 PM
1

Was it a male or a female feminist?
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates19/01/26 04:29 PM
3

That’s a coherent take! I dislike rigid gender roles too. I see it more as eclecticism: everyone picks the role or trait that naturally fits them, regardless of sex.
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates19/01/26 04:28 PM
5

I agree with you! I see it the same way. I tried to comfort my partner by saying he has inherent worth as a human to me. However, he said that’s not something he needed my reassurance on because he “rationally knows all humans have inherent worth and doesn’t question that”. But our little disputes always come down to the fact that he for example reads studies talking about women exhibiting more bisexual behaviour or tendencies, and then he seems to adopt this belief that “women are inherently mo…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates19/01/26 04:26 PM
1

Okay but when you say “why do people try to give men a role that many don’t want”, I read that as a statement complaining about people wanting to change the traditional roles. Because it reads to me as a complaint about the “modern man” or the man who has left behind masculinity in the traditional sense. So I assumed if you felt strongly about that, what is it about the current way things are with the current roles that you like and want to keep?
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates19/01/26 03:03 PM
1

I’m not saying men need a gender role per se. I also don’t really think that way, myself I’m pretty fluid in those senses. My partner sometimes complains that masculinity isn’t inherently valued and then he complains he feels ashamed about being masculine. When I then tell him just like you that those are just roles and nothing inherent about masculinity, he doesn’t like to hear that and he wants me to give a list of things I value about him as a man. Otherwise he feels not validated as a man, e…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates19/01/26 03:01 PM
0

You say “why do we have to redefine masculinity” and a bit later you say “why do people try to give men a role that many don’t even want”. Well I assume you don’t want the male role that is tied to what feminism refers to as “toxic masculinity” either, being entitlement, infantilising or sexualising women, asserting dominance, using violence to exert power and control… I’m a 100% convinced that thats not what you all guys on this subreddit here stand for. That that feels alienating to you… So re…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates19/01/26 02:11 PM
1

I think this is where a lot of the apparent disagreement dissolves for me, because I don’t experience equalism and feminism as mutually exclusive categories in the first place. For me equalism is a value commitment (equality as an end goal). Feminism is one of several analytical traditions that tries to explain why that equality hasn’t been achieved yet, starting from women’s position in the system. In that sense I don’t see choosing feminism as choosing instead of equalism. I see it as operatin…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates18/01/26 06:15 PM
1

I think part of the disconnect is simply that my brain doesn’t automatically map scope onto value (the way you seem to assume that would automatically happen). When I say a benefit is narrower, situational or conditional, I’m not implying that it’s lesser, weaker or less important. Those are different descriptors to me. Like a colour is different than a size or a texture? It might be a function of how I’m trained to think, I’m not sure. In scientific or medical contexts, something can be highly …
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates18/01/26 03:53 PM
1

Aw thanks 😊 I value good faith conversations so I try to act in good faith and I try to assume good faith. I think when both people have that attitude, conversations can have positive contributions, even when you disagree with one another.
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates17/01/26 01:15 PM
2

I do agree with that view, yes! That’s very close to how I tend to see things as well. The repair-team metaphor actually resonates with me. Different groups focusing on different parts of the same system doesn’t have to be a conflict at all as long as the shared goal remains human flourishing rather than point-scoring. That’s how I tend to see things on a subconscious level. I personally wish there were a movement that more explicitly centers itself around what positive masculinity could look li…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates16/01/26 11:50 PM
1

You said you’re not placing me at an earlier stage of the same journey and I believe you. At the same time, when you write things like: Just that your current assessment of the state of gender relations — and, indeed, you do have an assessment — might be likely to shift slightly if exposed to more contrasting info. … it does frame my position as explicitly non-final in a way that mirrors your own trajectory. I don’t read this as condescension and I don’t think you mean “I’m further ahead of you”…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates16/01/26 11:38 PM
1

When I use “patriarchy” in the conscription example, I’m not pointing to some vague force or a male conspiracy and I’m not denying that these norms are reinforced by both men and women... I’m describing a pattern where authority and protection concentrate upward, while obligation and risk are pushed downward and historically, that downward role has been gendered male. This is what sociologists and anthropologists refer to as patriarchy. And if we strip the label away the mechanism you describe i…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates15/01/26 11:39 PM
2

I think this is a fair challenge and you’re right to focus on those boundary conditions. If a framework can accommodate mutually contradictory outcomes without ever specifying what would count against it, it does risk sliding into dogma. I guess where I still differ is that I don’t think this “elasticity” is logically inevitable. “Patriarchy harms men too” can function as a critique-silencer, but it doesn’t have to if the framework is forced to specify scope: which harms, through which mechanism…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates15/01/26 11:31 PM
1

I absolutely agree that there’s a real gap between academic feminist theory and how many people who identify as feminists talk online. I don’t see that as unique to feminism though, but as something that happens to almost every large theoretical framework once it leaves academia and becomes part of popular and political discourse. Ideas diffuse unevenly, get simplified and are shaped by platform incentives long before they’re shaped by careful study. Because feminism isn’t a centralized movement…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates15/01/26 11:28 PM
1

Thanks for sharing your views! Whereas I think we do share a lot of core values and see the same type of egalitarian society as the ideal society, we do seem to have different ideas on how to achieve that. Your view is surely an interesting one.
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates15/01/26 11:16 PM
2

I actually value this part of your critique a lot: when a framework can absorb any outcome and when counter-evidence is always reinterpreted rather than allowed to count against it, it does indeed risk becoming ideological rather than explanatory. That concern is absolutely valid in principle, I can follow that route of argumentation. Where I’m not convinced is the move from describing a tendency in how feminism is often applied to treating that tendency as a logical necessity of feminism itself…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates15/01/26 11:07 PM
3

I think you’re still misunderstanding me and I want to clarify where that’s happening, because I don’t actually disagree with your right to critique feminism as a movement. I fully accept the distinction you’re making between a movement and the individuals within it. I also agree that individual counterexamples don’t cancel out movement-level problems. That’s not the point I’m pushing back on. But where I do push back is on how “intersectional feminism as a movement” is being treated as a single…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates15/01/26 10:42 PM
3

I want to pause on one very specific point, because I think it illustrates exactly the kind of misunderstanding I’ve been trying to name throughout this conversation when I mention the two planes, being structural language vs affective language. I’m pausing here not to push back, but because I think this distinction really matters for mutual understanding. This was the sentence I originally wrote: The question is whether those benefits function as defaults that travel across most areas of life o…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates15/01/26 10:10 PM
2

I really appreciate the openness and generosity in how you wrote this. It’s clear to me that you’re not coming from a place of dismissal or hostility, but from lived frustration and a long process of trying to make sense of what you’ve seen and experienced. I respect that and I trust the sincerity behind it. I also want to say explicitly that I understand why many people respond the way you describe. When you feel under sustained attack, you stop parsing layers and start reacting to what’s doing…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates15/01/26 10:09 PM
1

That’s strange because it’s radical feminism who adopted the oppressor-opressed framework, mostly in the 1970s strand with Dworkin and MacKinnon. I find it odd that you prefer radical feminism which has tendencies to binary thinking (men/women) over intersectional feminism which takes all the factors you described above into account (race/class/queerness/…), essentially meaning it’s mostly intersectional feminism acknowledging that most men don’t have much institutional power and are experiencin…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates15/01/26 09:28 PM
2

I don’t see feminism and equalism as mutually exclusive. I’m both. Feminism for me and for many others is equalism plus an acknowledgment that there are still structural asymmetries that disproportionately harm women. Naming and centering women’s harm is the corrective focus, not a claim that men don’t also suffer from gendered expectations or systemic pressures. Centering women’s experiences isn’t the same thing as denying men’s pain. It’s a matter of analytical focus, not moral exclusion. Just…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates15/01/26 03:25 PM
5

I think all humans are inherently worthy. Men have inherent worth. If I judge men through a moral lens, it’s judging specific individuals for their specific behaviour. I understand that analytical messages about “patriarchy / men / women” can be interpret as moral messages and I also understand some feminists do intentionally use them as moral messages. But that’s not everyone. And “feminism” as a set of principles shouldn’t be confused with the rhetoric certain waves of the movement use. For ex…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates15/01/26 11:46 AM
0

I think you confuse US-centric social media feminism with actual serious feminists (as in authors) or the broader movement (worldwide). I’m living in a Dutch speaking area, we split bills and feminists like me here would be offended if you assumed I can’t be independent and pay my own share…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates15/01/26 10:48 AM
2

Well it’s not what I think as an intersectional feminist
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates15/01/26 10:43 AM
4

So you judge feminists who don’t act it out like that in real life and who care about men’s issues deeply and want to achieve full egalitarianism just the same as the loud online pop-feminists? Does it occur to you that some of the feminists pointing it out aren’t the same as the one misapplying intersectionality? For example I heavily criticise the opressor-opressed framework applied to gender because it’s way too binary, I hold onto the original definition of patriarchy as it’s described by We…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates15/01/26 10:42 AM
-7

By your definition I wouldn’t count as a feminist, yet I still identify as one. That seems like a tension worth examining…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates15/01/26 12:11 AM
1

If vulnerability were power then wouldn’t chronically ill people, disabled people, abused people… be the most powerful groups in society?
/r/MensRights14/01/26 11:49 PM
1

If intersectionality was developed to analyze overlapping and sometimes conflicting axes of power, in what sense is it ‘black and white’ rather than multi-dimensional?
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates14/01/26 11:45 PM
5

Do you think that’s in line with intersectional feminism specifically?
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates14/01/26 09:12 PM
1

I think I see why it looks that way to you, but I don’t think that description quite matches what I’m actually doing. I’m not treating patriarchy as normatively justified. I’m treating it as historically produced. Those aren’t the same thing. Saying “this structure emerged under these material conditions and left durable traces” isn’t a moral endorsement any more than saying feudalism shaped property law is an endorsement of feudalism. I don’t think patriarchy is good, desirable or something to …
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates14/01/26 09:10 PM
2

Part 2/2: In practice … that is indeed what feminism stands for. Related to that is what I’d call “temporal essentialism” which is the idea that what is loud, dominant or most visible now defines what a movement is in essence. I understand why people do this. Most people encounter feminism through online discourse and in Anglosphere contexts especially that discourse is highly moralized, polarized and algorithmically amplified. But I don’t think it’s analytically sound to treat a contemporary, o…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates14/01/26 08:45 PM
1

Part 1/1: I liked your comment, and I love that you seem fairly open-minded and willing to engage in seeming good faith. Thank you for that. I genuinely appreciate it, and I’m engaging here for the same reason. I don’t see this as a debate to “win” but as an attempt to understand where things keep going wrong in these conversations and whether there’s any way to stop people talking past each other. I also appreciate the tone of your response and the effort you put into engaging seriously with wh…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates14/01/26 08:44 PM
5

To be honest I haven’t read a paper specifically about mortality in the US, I would have to research it. But even if you wouldn’t have those big numbers. The principle would still be to not expose children to unnecessary surgery. They didn’t consent and it’s not for medical necessity. It’s unnecessary risk.
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates14/01/26 03:58 PM
1

I actually agree with you that soft power, informal influence and negotiated decision-making have always existed. That’s not in dispute and I don’t think history was a simple story of tyrannical husbands and powerless wives. But that softer power is itself largely a consequence of denied freedom. When formal authority, legal standing, education and public voice are closed off people adapt by developing indirect forms of influence. I’m not saying that that means it’s an insignificant form of powe…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates14/01/26 03:45 PM
1

I actually agree with a lot of what you’re saying. But in the examples you give, doesn’t it become clear that patriarchy is a model explaining how everyone experiences harm, men included? Take conscription: that seems like a clear example of men suffering because of patriarchy, not outside of it. Men are treated as disposable, obligated to risk their bodies for the state. That’s not “privilege”, it’s a gendered harm built into the system. If your point is that feminism doesn’t center men’s issue…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates14/01/26 11:59 AM
4

Because analytical people tend to not be the ones who are loud protesters? When I made a post on AskFeminists pleading for more structural language and less moral loaded messaging, the thread replies were mixed. But my DMs were flooded with messages from feminists who were grateful for me posting and who said they agreed with me and I expressed what they thought inside. My upvote rate was very high, barely downvotes compared to the upvotes. Yet if you read the comments, it seems like at least th…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates14/01/26 11:52 AM
2

I don’t agree with most of what the 1970s branch with Dworkin produced. I think TERFs are as radical as magats. The difference is it tends to make me more emotional and angry when it’s someone who’s “supposed to be in your corner”. So no I often have a bad visceral reaction to some more radical feminists (although radical feminism is still pretty broad). I’m an intersectional feminist.
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates14/01/26 11:49 AM
1

Feminism is wanting to achieve egalitarianism, it’s just acknowledging the reality that’s it’s not achieved yet so it’s trying to actively move towards a society with more egalitarianism. Egalitarianism isn’t a movement, it’s a principle or value. Feminism is a set of theories centering that value, explaining why it’s not achieved yet and how it could potentially be achieved.
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates14/01/26 11:41 AM
4

That’s mutual! I really value people who are willing to examine the organizations and movements they’re part of rather than only critiquing an external “other”. I care much more about refining the left and feminism from within than about attacking the opposite side. I also think medical training shapes how you approach these conversations in a very particular way. Everyone has biases of course, but you’re explicitly taught to become aware of them, to name them, to actively look for where they mi…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates14/01/26 12:35 AM
20

As a European female doctor working in public health care with infants every day, the things you describe genuinely infuriate me. Not in an abstract or ideological way, but because I see children’s bodies and vulnerability up close in my job. The lack of respect for children’s bodily autonomy and physical integrity is staggering. Treating healthy tissue as disposable or as some kind of useless excess attached to a male body, would be unthinkable if we were talking about any other part of a child…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates14/01/26 12:00 AM
8

It absolutely is. This type of bodily harm to an infant that can’t consent without medical necessity (basically aesthetic surgery) is a form of genital mutilation. In my country it’s illegal to perform on infants under the age of 12 months (unless ofcourse there is a medical necessity such as a urological problem). It’s bizarre it’s common practice in the US. Exposing infants to the risks of surgery (even if minor on a large scale) should be avoided. Removing healthy tissue is bad medicine.
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates13/01/26 11:47 PM
3

I’d call that morally irresponsible because of his actions, not because he’s male. Responsibility follows from agency and causation, not from fixed moral roles tied to sex.
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates13/01/26 11:35 PM
-18

I don’t agree with the title, but I do agree with your underlying argument about class being the dominant driver of suffering. Your critique mostly applies to a strawman version of feminism and many feminists would agree with your core point. Serious feminist theory doesn’t claim that gender maps onto class or that men and women function as masters and slaves. Class explains how much people suffer, whereas gender helps explain how power, legitimacy and disposability are distributed within class …
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates13/01/26 11:21 PM
1

Part 2/2: This configuration didn’t just disadvantage women. It routed women toward dependency-linked labor and exclusion from formal authority, while routing men toward obligation, sacrifice and conditional worth. Both patterns persist today even as the material conditions that produced them have partially shifted. So patriarchy isn’t meant to describe any form of unequal gender roles or stratification. It names a historically durable structure in which authority, legitimacy and public power be…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates13/01/26 10:50 PM
1

Part 1/2: I think my point is not just conceptual, but historically grounded. Nevertheless it’s important because this historical framing explains things that a more abstract definition can’t. In pre-agricultural hunter-gatherer contexts carrying excess material wealth was costly. High mobility meant that accumulating tools or goods slowed people down and increased vulnerability to predators or rival groups. In that sense hoarding wasn’t just socially discouraged, it was materially dangerous. Sh…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates13/01/26 10:49 PM
1

When I use patriarchy, I’m using it in the classic sociological sense of stratification, not as a moral accusation or a simple “men oppress women” claim. This goes back to Max Weber, who described stratification as the uneven distribution of power, status and life chances across social groups, operating through institutions rather than individual intent. Gender is one such axis of stratification, alongside class and status. In feminist theory Simone de Beauvoir framed patriarchy not as male vill…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates13/01/26 08:21 PM
1

I’ve shown the difference in mechanism, you’re just rejecting it. Misogyny historically works by excluding women from authority and decision-making. Misandry tends to work by assigning men risk, obligation and disposability. Both are rooted in gender roles and both become institutional, but they operate asymmetrically: one blocks upward access, the other enforces downward duty. The distinction matters because different mechanisms require different solutions. If you treat exclusion from power and…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates13/01/26 08:10 PM
1

To answer both the theoretical points and your question about my background: Part of why I’m wary of binary framings in these debates is indeed shaped by how I was trained and where I work. I entered medical school at 18 through a national entrance exam, graduated at 24 and now work in youth public health while completing an additional postgraduate degree alongside my job. This isn’t pediatrics in the curative sense and it doesn’t really exist as a specialty in the US or many other countries. Th…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates13/01/26 08:03 PM
1

Because egalitarianism is a core value of feminism. I live in a Dutch-speaking part of Belgium. The phrase “going Dutch” literally refers to our region because egalitarian norms are deeply embedded here. Feminism was one of the historical roads toward that egalitarianism, including in my own family. Most feminists I know would describe themselves as egalitarian. Feminism is distinct only in one sense: it starts from the claim that women are still not treated equally on all levels of society. Tha…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates13/01/26 11:34 AM
2

Pointing to individual women in power doesn’t address the claim being made. Structural exclusion isn’t disproven by exceptions, just like conscription isn’t disproven by men who avoid it…? Just because some elite men avoided the frontlines doesn’t mean conscription wasn’t an institutionalized burden imposed on men as a group. The existence of exceptions doesn’t negate the structure. The question is how burdens and authority are systematically distributed, not whether counterexamples exist. If nu…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates13/01/26 10:50 AM
1

Acknowledging biological differences isn’t the same as treating the social meanings built on top of them as inevitable. Physical dimorphism and reproduction create constraints, not fixed moral roles or power arrangements. History shows those constraints have been organized very differently across societies and time. So yes some asymmetries exist, but turning them into “baked-in binaries” turns description into fatalism and that’s what blocks us from asking how those differences get translated in…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates13/01/26 10:30 AM
2

Sure but misuse doesn’t invalidate the underlying body of knowledge. Red pill spaces flatten evolutionary psychology into nonsense, but that doesn’t mean we throw out everything we know about human evolution or hunter-gatherer societies. The problem is the misuse, not the domain itself.
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates13/01/26 10:28 AM
3

Patriarchy theory has never been monolithic or purely binary. Feminist theorists like Simone de Beauvoir, Sylvia Walby, Bell Hooks, Raewyn Connell, Iris Marion Young… all explicitly described patriarchy as a stratified system with uneven power among men and gendered costs imposed downward. Not “men-as-a-class uniformly oppressing women-as-a-class.” The flat oppressor/oppressed binary comes mainly from specific strands of 1970s radical feminism (Dworkin/MacKinnon), which have always been conteste…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates13/01/26 10:26 AM
0

Which feminist authors are you referring to? To my knowledge only 1970s feminists such as Dworkin and MacKinnon use this framework. Only TERF feminism (which is a strand heavily criticised within feminism itself, just look up how Emma Watson criticises JK Rowling) and some other specific branches that came from the same radical feminist branch that had its origin in the 70s apply this framework. Original feminism and sociology treats patriarchy as a stratified organisation where most men are at …
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates13/01/26 10:24 AM
1

How is explaining a mechanism the same as making a moral judgment? I’m describing how an injustice is produced, not whether it’s acceptable… I saw you emphasized “institutional level”. That’s exactly why I’m talking about mechanisms. Saying something operates through role-based obligation is still a claim about institutions, just a different pathway than exclusion from power. I didn’t say it wasn’t institutional. I said it doesn’t mirror misogyny at the institutional level.
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates13/01/26 12:10 AM
1

When you say “feminists in the UK” do you mean those UK TERF circles, or a broader feminist tradition? Which specific strand? Because if you’re referring to those UK TERFs you have no idea how they infuriate the rest of us with their hatefulness. UK TERF circles do disproportionately show up in debates about criminal justice, sex-based rights, and “women’s safety” and some of the arguments about female hypo-culpability or male dangerousness do come from that ecosystem… They just make me want to …
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates13/01/26 12:07 AM
4

Oh wow thanks ☺️
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates12/01/26 11:47 PM
1

I’m not denying that pop feminism dominates online. I’m saying I don’t think it should get to define the framework just because it’s ubiquitous. Popularity isn’t the same thing as coherence. The loudest people in a group usually don’t represent the majority’s views. When I posted in AskFeminists a while back asking for more careful language, the public replies were mixed. Some people clearly misunderstood me and framed it as internalised misogyny or “coddling men”. That part wasn’t great. What s…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates12/01/26 11:47 PM
2

I think I may not have been clear enough earlier, my bad, so let me restate this more cleanly. When I said misandry often operates at an affective or perceptual level, I wasn’t denying that it becomes institutional. I was describing the pathway. Assumptions about male danger, disposability and moral suspicion tend to come first and those assumptions then get embedded into institutions like the justice system. So when I describe conscription as role-based exploitation, that’s not a minimisation o…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates12/01/26 11:33 PM
1

Who says feminists don’t want equal culpability? Why assume that rejecting paternalism or hypo-agency is incompatible with feminism rather than something many feminists explicitly argue for within it? And why treat the most extreme or policy-level examples as representative of what feminists as people or as an analytic tradition actually believe?
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates12/01/26 11:08 PM
1

I think this is where I partly diverge from how a lot of people talk about feminism today. I’m not aligned with the turn toward slogans, blame or retributive framing either. I understand that a lot of that rhetoric comes from stress, anger and lived pain and I genuinely have empathy for feminists responding from such places. Just as much as I do for men who respond to stress and alienation in reactive ways. To me these are two sides of the same coin. But empathy doesn’t mean I think that mode of…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates12/01/26 10:31 PM
3

I think I get your point and I don’t disagree that in practice a lot of feminist language gets moralized in predictable ways. Where I’m not fully convinced is that this uniquely indicts the framework itself, rather than how humans tend to operationalize any explanatory lens once it enters public discourse. We see the same pattern with biology, evolutionary psychology, even economics: once a framework leaves academia, people default to moral shortcuts and identity-based conclusions. That doesn’t …
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates12/01/26 10:16 PM
4

Thank you 🫶 the feeling is mutual
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates12/01/26 09:56 PM
6

I want to start by saying I really appreciate how you’re engaging here. You’re being genuinely pluralistic: you repeatedly emphasize deconstructing gender roles and you reject zero-sum framing and I don’t take that lightly. That already puts us much closer than most conversations on this topic. I appreciate the way you reply to me and engage so carefully a lot. I also want to explicitly acknowledge that your objections are experience-anchored. You’re speaking from lived male experience and I don…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates12/01/26 09:55 PM
1

So are you saying that being judged as angelic (and the limits that come with that) is just the trade-off of being a woman? And that the same logic should apply to men being judged as dangerous or disposable?
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates12/01/26 09:37 PM
0

This still reads to me like the same oppressor/oppressed logic, just inverted. That binary is what I’m trying to move away from in the first place…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates12/01/26 09:34 PM
1

I think this is where some historical context gets lost… Patriarchy didn’t originally mean “male supremacy” or “men as a unified ruling class” the way you seem to think.. In sociology and early feminist theory it described a form of hierarchical social organization, not a claim that all men benefit equally. Max Weber used patriarchy to describe traditional authority structures centered on households, where power was concentrated at the top and most men were subjects, not rulers. Simone de Beauvo…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates12/01/26 09:32 PM
1

I think there’s a misunderstanding here… I’m agreeing with you this entire time (since my first comment here) about the importance of language and real-world impact. I’m not defending how these terms are used now. I’m just trying to explain why I’m cautious about losing analytical distinctions while changing them. I’m not arguing in favour of keeping those labels as they are, just the analytical categories. As far as I’m concerned “toxic” and “fragile” shouldn’t be used at all.
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates12/01/26 09:28 PM
3

Yes I do think the term has done real harm in practice, even if it remains analytically useful. “Toxic” isn’t a very academic word to begin with… it translates into pop culture far too easily and almost inevitably becomes moralized. In that sense I largely agree with you that the rhetoric has alienated men and shut down reflection rather than encouraging it. Where I’m careful is in not throwing away the analysis along with the label. That’s what I was trying to say. I’m very open to changing lan…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates12/01/26 09:25 PM
1

I get judging a framework by how it functions in practice. But if we discard theories based on how they’re misused once they leave academia, wouldn’t we also have to discard things like evolutionary psychology because of how red pill spaces misuse it?
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates12/01/26 09:21 PM
2

How did you read my text as if I said conscription is okay…? I’m the whole time naming it as a serious gendered injustice that is unique to men only…?
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates12/01/26 09:16 PM
1

I don’t think the concepts are the same. They operate on different layers like I said before. Misogyny refers to historically and structurally embedded disadvantages for women that still shape outcomes today (for example leadership and promotion gaps, being taken less seriously in professional settings or being funneled into lower-status roles). Misandry by contrast mainly operates on an affective or perceptual level (for example assumptions of male danger, moral suspicion or narratives of male …
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates12/01/26 06:47 PM
2

Well I do agree with you! That’s why I commented I agreed with you earlier! And I do think feminists should consider language! If you look at my post history, I made a post concerning language use in a feminist sub not that long ago. Maybe it wasn’t specifically about these labels, but it can attest that I do care about precise language. And I got 178 upvotes so not too bad or controversial it seems…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates12/01/26 06:40 PM
1

It seems to me that what you’re mainly criticizing is the oppressor–oppressed framework, rather than feminism as a whole… On that point we’re actually aligned. I criticise that framework too! It’s a Marxist model that some feminist strands adopted, but it was never the only way gender has been analysed. A lot of earlier feminist theory (especially sociological and European traditions) treated systems like marriage, family and the state as stratified arrangements that constrained men and women in…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates12/01/26 06:36 PM
2

I don’t disagree that oligarchy is an important part of the picture. Following money and elite interests explains a lot. Oligarchy explains indeed who concentrates power at the top. But patriarchy (as I’m using it) explains how that power has historically been organized through gendered roles (including why risk, violence and disposability were disproportionately assigned downward, often to men!). These aren’t two competing explanations, they’re simply operating at different levels and they’re c…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates12/01/26 06:21 PM
2

I see where you’re coming from. I do. Especially if you are from the US. But I think part of the disagreement here is contextual. I’m from Western Europe and I’m a female doctor. In my country entry into medicine isn’t based on quotas or DEI-type policies at all, it’s purely a theoretical pass/fail exam (science, maths, reading skills…) Anyone (man/woman/non-binary)who studies hard and meets the standard gets in. In that sense access at the entry level really is broadly equal. More women apply i…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates12/01/26 06:11 PM
2

I think that’s a very fair point but I’d still see conscription as operating within patriarchy rather than contradicting it. Historically these decisions aren’t best understood as “women versus men” or even as men acting as a unified group… They’re made within a stratified system where power is unevenly distributed. Once again you’re pointing out exactly why I am against binary thinking. In practice it’s overwhelmingly elite political and military decision-maker (who have historically been men, …
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates12/01/26 05:50 PM
0

What are the core assumptions of feminism in your mind? Because I’m genuinely confused.
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates12/01/26 05:39 PM
3

No I’m not suggesting that men’s advantages come without costs. I’m saying that the costs and benefits attached to gendered positions are structurally different, historically shaped and not symmetrical. A structural analysis doesn’t deny costs on either side, it examines how costs and advantages are distributed, where they are located and how they operate across contexts. Some masculine-coded advantages still function as defaults in certain institutional settings (for example assumptions of comp…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates12/01/26 05:04 PM
2

Yes and no; and I think the distinction matters. On an affective and rhetorical level, I totally agree with you. In general discourse toxic masculinity is very often used as a moral label rather than as an analytical concept. In that context the term does land as blame on individual men, whether that’s the intention or not. From that perspective it makes sense to ask whether different language would be more effective, less accusatory and better at keeping the focus on social norms rather than on…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates12/01/26 04:56 PM
3

Well I wish there were more of us thinking like that! To me that’s being truly progressive; morally precise instead of morally absolutist. Accurate instead of loud and flashy.
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates12/01/26 04:43 PM
-4

I think part of the disagreement here comes from assuming that structural analysis automatically means framing men as “the group with power” as you said it. But that’s explicitly not the position I’m taking… When I talk about “structural analysis”, I’m not talking about a simple oppressor–oppressed binary. I’m talking about stratification: overlapping systems of roles, expectations, incentives and constraints that affect people differently depending on context. Patriarchy in that sense isn’t “me…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates12/01/26 04:42 PM
20

I’m a feminist who more or less agrees with you, or who follows your reasoning, I just have some side-notes and I hope you will read them as genuine side-notes and not dismissal of what you said. I think part of the problem is that people are often talking on two different planes when discussing this topic, without acknowledging the difference. In feminist literature concepts like toxic masculinity are usually meant as sociological tools. They are explanatory lenses used to describe structural p…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates12/01/26 10:37 AM
–

That genuinely sounds hard I’m sorry 🫂 Any trick that claims to be a golden trick giving you quick results is probably a scam. I would say try to not fall into 2 extremes: Being too desparate, approaching out of neediness Being cold and uninterested and distant The right spot I think is in the middle. Not getting too close too soon, showing interest in an appropriate and dosaged way, being genuinely curious. If you tend to be too desperate, think about the sand analogy; if you put sand on your h…
/r/PurplePillDebate12/01/26 03:34 AM
–

Actually I’m also disagreeing with the “women act more like a cat the less physically attracted she is…” That’s not true? It’s more of a sequence order. Women act like a cat first and always… and only after they are fully committed in their minds and aren’t insecure anymore they’ll act like a dog… The cat becoming curious and be rubbing the leg are very typically female coded (socially speaking) behaviours of approach: going to the bar to order when you see him there wearing the outfit he once c…
/r/PurplePillDebate12/01/26 03:26 AM
–

Lmao he was not contradicting, you were? Women have more options on dating apps because men are more desperate and swipe more This desperation repulses women so women are pretty uninterested in the men pursuing them Women seemingly want the men who won’t commit as quickly (not the men acting desperate); this includes both fuck boys as men who are wanting LTR but who are just being picky. Women mostly want the latter but they are rare. Fuckboys often pretend to be picky LTR men. If men massively …
/r/PurplePillDebate12/01/26 03:06 AM
–

Yeah I think framing it as playing hard to get won’t land well. Some people are attracted to that dynamic (anxious and avoidant attached people so 40% of the population), but the other half will just see that as a waste of time and rightfully so. I interpreted your cats and dogs approach more as; with cats you don’t chase them but you’re also not cold or avoidant? You just stay present, talk to them, show curiosity, without chasing them or signalling neediness/desperation/domination/violation of…
/r/PurplePillDebate12/01/26 02:51 AM
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Maybe I’m just different then. I wouldn’t act like a dog merely because someone looks good. If they still are dominating or arrogant, they repulse me. I’ve met plenty of objectively good looking men that make me gag. I studied medicine and there were plenty of rich good looking men surrounding me, and man a lot of them really really suck personality wise. Terrible doctors too. I’ve met good looking men that were attractive, because they also had an interesting mysterious vibe to them. I met my c…
/r/PurplePillDebate12/01/26 02:39 AM
–

What do you perceive to be hot and cold about not being pushy and demanding? He’s just saying that men who are a bit more reserved and who approach with curiosity rather than commanding love are usually more successful. In my experience they are. Neediness, desperation and domination aren’t attractive usually… it’s the calmness that comes from self confident approach with minimal distance alongside with genuine curiosity. That works on my cat lol. It works on me too.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/01/26 02:32 AM
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Lots of women pursue men all the time lol. Just in their own gendered ways. I’ve seen several of my female friends lingering around guys that weren’t interested. “Accidentally” ordering drinks at the same time at the bar. “Accidentally” being around. That’s women style pursuing (notice me notice me). The cat rubbing the leg. Where do you think the stereotypical movie scene of the school girl dropping her books on purpose when her crush walks by comes from? Or the lady dropping her handkerchief? …
/r/PurplePillDebate12/01/26 02:28 AM
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OP it’s a good attempt but this is way too confrontational for a lot of people here so don’t expect them to thank you for your insights. It’s easier to wallow in their deterministic self beliefs because that allows them to maintain self-pity. They think on a subconscious level that allowing your frame means they have to adapt their behaviour to be more succesful and that that means giving up empathy for their struggles. While that’s not necessarily true; they could try it and still receive empat…
/r/PurplePillDebate12/01/26 02:24 AM
–

I’ll only act like a dog for men treating me as if I am a cat… That doesn’t mean men being cold and distant or making no moves? It just means not being pushy… My partner was very kind and respectful and curious. He didn’t give me the impression he expected anything from me. That’s what OP is referring to. And that made me come after him like a dog lol.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/01/26 02:11 AM
9

Acne isn’t so easy to fix. Also the meds aren’t light meds. Retinol has a lot of negative side effects. It’s not often prescribed to women that age considering its teratogenic effects. If you would accidentally end up being pregnant, the baby potentially has several birth defects.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/01/26 03:32 AM
1

I don’t love the tone of the post title; calling people cowards or framing this as a moral failing feels like virtue signalling to me. That said as a woman who has taken initiative a few times (and found it genuinely scary), I do agree with the underlying point. Some of the arguments I see like “we don’t need to” feel more defensive than descriptive. They’re understandable, but not always fully honest about what’s actually going on. These are sometimes the same women who also do feel lonely and …
/r/PurplePillDebate10/01/26 02:26 PM
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Yeah that’s what I mean. You just go on a basic search engine and search for a study that supports part of your own theories. That was the methodology I was criticising. Don’t want to explain all over again. Scientists also include studies in their analyses that contradict their own theories and then integrate all of the evidence altogether.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/01/26 06:15 AM
–

I was simply responding to your use of the word “science” where I didn’t see you talking about actual science a single time.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/01/26 06:03 AM
–

I’m going to do a retrospective cohort-study soon with zero funding. It’s the research ME and my co-author both want to do. Edit: But yes it’s important to see who’s funding what research. However a lot of research is also just funded by academia itself; by universities. That’s different from let’s say studies funded by the pharmaceutical industry or the food industry.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/01/26 05:29 AM
–

Would be unethical if I didn’t
/r/PurplePillDebate09/01/26 05:26 AM
–

I was talking to you. Red pill is the one usually cherry picking science neglecting limitations and methodology.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/01/26 05:25 AM
–

Scientists don’t just cherry pick studies using search engines like Google to only read the conclusions and remember some lines they resonated with and tie their own conclusions and theories to that. Scientists gather data in evidence based approaches respecting a certain hierarchy of scientific research (case reports, literature reviews or non-double blind studies don’t have the same level of evidence as RCTs, systematic reviews or meta-analyses) and they decide their search strategy UPFRONT so…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/01/26 04:57 AM
1

Idk I wouldn’t personally want to have an orgasm in a casual hook up. But now I’m speaking for myself. I’m not making broad statements on behalf of women. An orgasm is very intimate to me, the way to get there is intimate too. The men I had ONS with, I’m not wanting to be that vulnerable with. I’m not sharing that part of myself with them. They get their own shit, idc, and I enjoyed it for the thrill in my own way. But only a romantic partner gets to be intimate with me in that way. Only they ge…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/01/26 10:53 PM
1

Objectively I can’t answer, I don’t think there are studies measuring ones selfishness. Subjectively I was going to say yes first, as in yes I think men sometimes tend to be more selfish. But I’m gonna refrain from doing that. What if men at large still are very uneducated about female sexual pleasure? What if a lot of men have very little sexual experience with it? What if they draw their little knowledge from porn which does centers male pleasure? I’ve seen porn, the way they stick their finge…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/01/26 10:16 AM
1

As a doctor I want to point out that there’s a major anatomical and historical factor missing here. Female sexual anatomy was seriously understudied for centuries. The full clitoral structure (a large internal erectile organ) was only properly mapped in the late 1990s–2000s… Until very recently, even medical textbooks barely depicted it. In other words male sexual pleasure has been medically understood for centuries, while accurate knowledge of female sexual pleasure is only a few decades old. B…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/01/26 05:31 PM
14

I would one 100% criticise women sending unsolicited nudes to men. Like you say unsolicited is unsolicited.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/01/26 10:40 PM
2

Do you see this as one factor or THE factor fuelling red pill? As in do you think red pill exists as a reaction to these women? Or do you think red pill existed already regardless of these women but these women fuel it as you put it?
/r/PurplePillDebate03/01/26 08:50 PM
1

I never hate when people observe and discuss behaviour. I only hate it when it gets framed as “certainty”.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/01/26 04:36 PM
2

I met my boyfriend on Reddit and when we fell in love we didn’t see each others pictures for the first two months. We had no idea what the other person looked like. Then we video called and met up. So yeah I do think he looks good, and he likes how I look. But we didn’t fall for each others looks primarily.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/01/26 11:53 AM
0

Pretty sure 9 out 10 does mean it and the 1 out of 10 extreme part on the internet you find doesn’t…
/r/PurplePillDebate03/01/26 11:16 AM
2

Hahaha sorry 😅 is that cake line in the constitution? Maybe Trump wants to switch the first amendment for that one
/r/PurplePillDebate03/01/26 11:15 AM
0

If you believe that that’s even more sad. It says a lot about how grim your worldview is. I don’t ever coddle anyone. Ever. But I’m thinking what the effect of my words will be. If the effect of my words will reduce someone’s confidence, I swallow them and say nothing at all.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/01/26 11:12 AM
–

I guess we make a bigger fraction of the Reddit population than the population out there lol.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/01/26 09:50 PM
2

I agree religious conservatism played a big role historically, especially around rigid gender roles. And probably still does. But I don’t think it fully explains the 50/50 disconnect today. That feels more like a mix of lingering norms, unclear expectations and people defaulting to what benefits them regardless of gender. Culture changes when incentives and norms actually line up with the values people say they hold… both genders…
/r/PurplePillDebate02/01/26 08:10 PM
1

I don’t agree with that view. But let’s for the sake of experiment say you’re completely right about this. Then isn’t it a consequence of how “men are” that we have male loneliness, male depression, male suicide… if men don’t care for favouring relationships over conflict… then why are they constantly so lonely and sad?
/r/PurplePillDebate02/01/26 07:43 PM
1

Well in that last phrase you’re still speaking over women, claiming authority on women’s attraction and presenting a male interpretation as the truth. Maybe not technically mansplaining but definitely still epistemic arrogance and gendered overreach. It’s a form of gender essentialism. And I’m very anti-essentialist so that easily bothers me.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/01/26 07:29 PM
3

That’s exactly why I’m not interested in sides or winners. Truth isn’t something I treat as malleable. Btw: If the red pill is meant to “reveal reality”, arguing that truth is endlessly malleable contradicts the whole premise in the matrix analogy.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/01/26 07:24 PM
6

I’m more interested in being correct than in being loyal to a side. I don’t see the value in committing to a position I already think is wrong. If both sides are wrong as wholes, choosing one doesn’t get you closer to the truth.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/01/26 07:20 PM
2

I thought you guys defined blue pill as mainstream…? I’m definitely not conflict avoidant here lol. I’m skeptical of both red and blue pill frameworks and prefer evidence and nuance. If blue pill means mainstream and red pill means ideological, I’m comfortable sitting in neither.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/01/26 07:13 PM
1

Yeah you’ll find those extreme views on the internet I’m sure. We all know what a dad bod is: the body of a middle aged daddy.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/01/26 07:07 PM
2

Lmao if the trade-off is being fat but reasonable, I’ll take it 🥲
/r/PurplePillDebate02/01/26 07:03 PM
-1

Those pics are way too muscular for a dad bod. I would say what women mean with dad bod is closer to this: https://share.google/images/ZRpW41cFE3SJOmQr1 Nobody likes to cuddle a rock.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/01/26 06:56 PM
4

What about the purple pillers?
/r/PurplePillDebate02/01/26 06:45 PM
3

Don’t often agree with red pillers but yeah, you hit the nail on the head.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/01/26 06:44 PM
1

I don’t womansplain men and tell men what they find attractive in women and what attracts them or pushes them away? I leave that up to men.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/01/26 06:41 PM
0

When someone who is saying they are not very attractive is expressing hope and they found a way to deal with their dating life in a way that makes them happier and build confidence, I don’t see what the value is of breaking it down and taking that confidence away? To have what effect? Get him back home alone disillusioned? This doesn’t feel like positive masculinity to me.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/01/26 06:39 PM
2

Idk. The same people who make comments like yours are also the people to fight against slutshaming with passion (and rightfully so). But I feel like there is some sort of disconnection. If women are “liberated” from the rigid gender role of “pure virginity as the moral good” and don’t accept to be called sluts when sleeping around, why pretending women don’t enjoy or want sex?
/r/PurplePillDebate02/01/26 06:18 PM
–

I’m neurodivergent and introverted and often feel misunderstood. So I have very few people who I share everything with, even my deepest thoughts. And the rest of them probably thinks they know me but I feel like they don’t know me all that well. The friends is see most often aren’t always the deepest friendships. I have several long distance friendships with people all over the world who I deeply connect with.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/01/26 06:15 PM
3

Sounds like mansplaining unless you’re a woman
/r/PurplePillDebate02/01/26 06:11 PM
3

What do you think needs to be changed for the culture to change about that sentiment?
/r/PurplePillDebate02/01/26 06:10 PM
1

Yeah but I don’t really care about that? I never saw them as out of my league, it made me see me out of their league. I would never want them.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/01/26 06:10 PM
1

So? I think even women online that don’t know each other have more solidarity than this. I find it incredibly mean. I wish to see men more brotherly.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/01/26 06:08 PM
-1

You guys are mean toward each other. Unbelievable.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/01/26 06:07 PM
3

In my personal experience as a woman very conventionally good looking guys aren’t always as thoughtful. They indeed have a lot going for them and although I don’t want to overgeneralise, a lot of them often did appear arrogant or cocky to me. So I don’t think it’s such bad advice to be thoughtful and kind. The “nice guy” stereotype that gives women the ick is more of a type of guy that sees his kindness as transactional and expects something in return. OP does not appear to be a “nice guy”, he s…
/r/PurplePillDebate02/01/26 01:13 AM
1

I didn’t skip your question. I refused to accept a premise that hasn’t been established. You asked me now “if women lie more than men, why is that?” But you still haven’t shown that women do lie more than men in the first place. In science you don’t get to jump straight to explanations for a difference until the difference is demonstrated. Otherwise you’re not doing biology: you’re doing storytelling. Storytelling has value too. But it’s false to frame it as science or biology. Science is rooted…
/r/PurplePillDebate01/01/26 11:52 PM
5

Wow what a compliment, thanks! 😊 I agree with the sentiment you describe. I appreciate it as well when men have meaningful relationships with women in their lives (friends, co-workers, relatives).
/r/PurplePillDebate01/01/26 11:16 PM
3

I didn’t say this started with apps, OP brought those up. I was responding to that context. I see apps as intensifiers within a broader culture, not the source of the behaviour. And being approached primarily for looks or sex is still a real experience, regardless of where it happens.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/01/26 06:55 PM
6

I actually think I approach this in a very similar way to you, just from the other side. There are plenty of things women complain about that I don’t think are fair or helpful: blanket statements and overgeneralisations about men being emotionally stunted, dangerous by default, incapable of care, only interested in sex… I don’t agree with turning personal frustration into claims about men as a group. At the same time there are women’s grievances that I do think are grounded in real experiences: …
/r/PurplePillDebate01/01/26 06:36 PM
8

Omg first of all: I genuinely love that you crochet! And beyond that it’s very clear from your comment that you know who you are, you have an anchored sense of self. In a world that’s constantly trying to tell us what we should be, that’s honestly priceless. What you describe actually fits really well with how I think shame-based, patriarchal cultures work. And one important thing I wanted to add to what you shared is this: women in those cultures are shaped by the same system too, even when the…
/r/PurplePillDebate01/01/26 06:26 PM
7

I think we might be closer in sentiment than you seem to believe. I don’t like the things you’re describing either. I also dislike sexual repulsion toward vulnerability, performative confidence and a vibe these apps seem to encourage where people present a polished snapshot of themselves, but there isn’t much openness or curiosity toward the person on the other side. I don’t find that attractive or healthy. Where I still differ from you is what I do with that observation. I don’t translate it in…
/r/PurplePillDebate01/01/26 06:16 PM
5

I’m not making that claim… you are. You’re the one saying men don’t care if women divide their attention, but women care a lot if men divide theirs (gaming, friends, going out). That means the rule you’re describing isn’t about time or schedules. It’s about who is allowed to divide attention. Either dividing attention is acceptable for both partners, or it isn’t. Your position only applies it one way.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/01/26 06:05 PM
12

That’s not what I meant at all. I mean I’m against rigidity. Complete role reversal as a general rule is a form of rigidity. I’m for complete freedom. If a man wants to completely express as traditional feminine that’s okay, likewise for a woman who wants to completely express as traditional masculine. It’s also okay to adopt expression from both roles. It’s however any individual likes it. Dating is finding someone who you feel compatible with.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/01/26 06:02 PM
7

Okay. I had to let the part between brackets sink in at first because it didn’t click, but I think I see the logic you’re using. I believe you’re saying: women get much more interest on apps -> that creates an imbalance -> that imbalance causes a lot of men’s frustration and hurt. If that’s your chain then I agree with the first part, and I agree apps are often brutal for men. Where I personally get stuck is the step where women become the cause rather than the environment. Getting a lot of atte…
/r/PurplePillDebate01/01/26 05:28 PM
8

What you say is true but only because the patriarchy model (by which I mean our culture as it is shaped by our past) prefers the male roles over the female ones. In a culture that would see them as equally valuable, men would equally benefit from traditional female roles.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/01/26 05:04 PM
10

I’m not denying men’s struggles and I don’t think they’re imaginary. I just don’t see women as the primary cause in my context. Is it possible in your view for a woman to genuinely empathize with men’s struggles while also believing that culture and gender norms explain a lot of what men experience?
/r/PurplePillDebate01/01/26 05:02 PM
16

I don’t really understand the “most women aren’t open to it view”. Don’t get me wrong. I do not want to deny your or OPs lived experience. But it’s just not mine? I wonder where that disconnect comes from… My experience in reality is that most men are typically more uncomfortable with female-attribute d expression than women. For example I think it’s cool when men wear black nail polish or pink t-shirts or experiment with fashion, but most of my male friends don’t feel comfortable with that. I a…
/r/PurplePillDebate01/01/26 04:42 PM
–

Sure, okay. I’m here in good faith. I’m a doctor btw (I work in public childcare health and children’s development from fertilisation until adulthood is kind of my medical specialty). So here’s what I know to be objectively factual about biological differences between men and women as sexes (not gender). I’ll refer to male sex as males and female sex as females to separate them from gender (men and women). Biologically most people are born with XX or XY chromosomes (with the SRY gene on the Y ch…
/r/PurplePillDebate01/01/26 04:23 PM
5

But any time feminists talk about male violence, the immediate response is that most men aren’t violent. Which I believe to be correct. Most men don’t exert physical strength over women at all. So why would most women need to lie? If the fact that men are physically stronger doesn’t really matter since most men aren’t violent?
/r/PurplePillDebate01/01/26 04:03 PM
4

You say women spend hours on friends (long calls, brunch, emotional support…) AND that they expect their partner’s full attention (no gaming, no time with buddies, no going out, always emotionally available…). …. When exactly is that supposed to happen? Do women split themselves in two? Pause time? Be in two places at once? Either that time is already spent on friends or it’s demanded from the partner. It cannot be both. Can’t men spend time with their friends or gaming while women spend time wi…
/r/PurplePillDebate01/01/26 04:01 PM
4

That’s physical strength you mean? So because men are physically stronger women lie more…?
/r/PurplePillDebate01/01/26 03:52 PM
6

Why? Can you explain why?
/r/PurplePillDebate01/01/26 03:50 PM
–

Please don’t answer a question with a question. My question wasn’t if there are biological differences between men and women OVERALL. My question was, if women lie more than men, why is that? What explains that difference? Is that biological? Is that societal…? Why?
/r/PurplePillDebate01/01/26 03:49 PM
1

I’m not going to deny your lived experience. I’m a European intersectional feminist. I’m also a doctor working in public childcare and part of my job involves working with parents in very difficult contexts, including child abuse and family violence. I’ve also seen some things up close in my own life: I’ve had an abusive aunt who was emotionally abusive toward my uncle and my best childhood friend was abused by her biological mother. So let me be absolutely clear: Women can be abusive and men ca…
/r/PurplePillDebate01/01/26 03:46 PM
–

Tell me. Women are designed differently than men… how does that work… is that biological to you? Or how would you explain the differences you name between men and women?
/r/PurplePillDebate01/01/26 03:31 PM
7

Tell me. Why would women lie more than men? Is that biological or societal? Why do you believe such thing?
/r/PurplePillDebate01/01/26 03:30 PM
18

If your male buddy doesn’t tell you he hooked up with someone. Would you break up the friendship over this?
/r/PurplePillDebate01/01/26 03:29 PM
15

I don’t even inform my female friends about all the details in my private life. Why would I have to inform my male friends more than my female friends? Do you have to inform your relatives as well when you hooked up with someone? Your grandparents? What’s private is private.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/01/26 03:26 PM
30

I don’t agree with the premise. I absolutely do think widening male gender roles will lead to wider female preferences. I’m absolutely a pro-widening male gender roles. I feel like mostly people who are against it are conservative or red pilled men. They just say “no female biology doesn’t want that” and end the conversation there without being curious to what women actually want. And whenever women say what they actually want, they are either portrayed as liars, manipulators or just stupidly un…
/r/PurplePillDebate01/01/26 03:06 PM
2

That’s pretty rigid thinking. I don’t present myself well to be “picked” by strangers, I do it for myself. I need to feel that I fit the picture for me. I value personality, intellect and empathy deeply. In fact I fell for my current boyfriend without knowing what he looked like for two months… We met anonymously online and connected through conversation first. I had developed feelings for him not knowing what he looked like. That didn’t make aesthetics irrelevant afterward though. I still care …
/r/PurplePillDebate01/01/26 02:09 PM
7

I do pick guys based on personality and I want to be picked for personality myself. I have expectations for others that I apply myself.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/12/25 10:45 PM
7

Dude she thinks nobody should be shamed. Not promiscuous women, neither men. What don’t you get? You’re fighting a straw man.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/12/25 02:45 PM
2

I don’t like any overgeneralisations. Not about men, not about women. So I while I acknowledge the echo-chamber rhetoric I disagree that is how most women feel.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/12/25 01:34 PM
1

That’s true in theory, but it also assumes a level of semantic precision most people don’t have when they’re hurting. OP isn’t writing a philosophy paper comparing POVs. She’s expressing pain in everyday language. Expecting her to pre-emptively account for how another group might parse the word “special” at an objective/subjective level is a pretty high bar… So I don’t think the post is “redundant”. I think it’s doing what people usually do when they’re upset: speaking from their own lens. That …
/r/PurplePillDebate31/12/25 12:39 PM
2

When women say special, they don’t mean objectively rare or irreplaceable on paper. They mean subjectively meaningful. Yes in theory it “could’ve been someone else”. But once you build attachment, memories, intimacy, that person isn’t interchangeable to you. That’s not childish or beer goggles, that’s how human bonding works. So the disagreement isn’t about standards. It’s about confusing objective replaceability with subjective significance. Men and women often mean the same thing by “special” …
/r/PurplePillDebate31/12/25 12:26 PM
2

I do empathise with men. If you look at my comment history I made several comments bout men wanting to be desired for who they are, not what they provide, and that that is a valid human desire. And the latter part; romantically I only want to be with men I emotionally and intellectually connect with. That’s not rejection of men as people, it’s about fit. I’d rather be single than force attraction or commitment where that connection isn’t there. Wanting a match instead of a placeholder doesn’t me…
/r/PurplePillDebate31/12/25 12:15 PM
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I disagree. It depends on the type of game. There are lots of sorts of gaming. Some games increase creativity and ingenuity. Gaming can also be a social activity. You can do it with others, both physically, or on a long distance. There are games that are “better for the brain” than others. But I disagree with jumping to conclude games are addictive. To be honest; I’m much more worried about doom scrolling, social media algorithms (constant social media exposure to certain beauty standards or rag…
/r/PurplePillDebate30/12/25 09:46 PM
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I genuinely used to feel like OP for a long time. I had several bad experiences where I was cheated on and lied to and that left me angry and deeply disillusioned. After that period I consciously chose to be single. Many years later I more or less accidentally met my current partner. He’s very hurt by overgeneralising content like OP’s, where all men are lumped into the same category. I understand that now. But when I was consumed by sadness and anger, that simply didn’t register for me. That’s …
/r/PurplePillDebate30/12/25 09:37 PM
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Yeah lol it’s not gendered indeed. Complaining is unattractive period. I have empathy for the underlying sadness, in both genders. But I draw the line at expressing resentment. I don’t judge people for what they feel inside. But overgeneralising comments should be avoided.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/12/25 09:09 PM
3

Don’t mistake attachment chasing for gendered problems… 40% of people aren’t safely attached. What you described sounds like an anxious attached woman ignoring that an avoidant attached man doesn’t match with her because she’s already attached to him and later figuring that out and trying to change him.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/12/25 08:57 PM
1

I think it’s important to make the distinction between “feminism” which you said in the title and “media feminism” which you said in your post. Most people online calling themselves feminists aren’t very educated on feminist theory or literature. I’m an intersectional feminist myself. And the experience you describe is real, I don’t want to invalidate that. But the “online feminists” who are overgeneralising and devaluing men aren’t “feminists”. Bell Hooks said “patriarchy has no gender”. What d…
/r/PurplePillDebate30/12/25 08:53 PM
2

Both me and my partner care a lot about gender equality. I care more about splitting bills even than him, in the beginning he wasn’t used to that mentality. And equity over equality. Not everyone is given the same tools, the same means. I expect from us both to be invested in our relationship when it comes to emotional support as well. We’re both very egalitarian. We quarrel a bit over feminism, because I’m a feminist, which he doesn’t mind but we have different ideas about what feminism is and …
/r/PurplePillDebate30/12/25 08:37 PM
2

I think people could learn a lot from people in poly-amorous relationships. My best friend is poly-amorous and she introduced me to the concept of relationship anarchy and I think using the smorgasbord is a good tool for anyone. People don’t always communicate their expectations enough. Sometimes it’s good to talk it through on all levels, the way poly-amorous people are often more inclined to do anyway because there are less conventional rules.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/12/25 08:28 PM
3

Yeah exactly. I once was asked for my number by a good looking dude on the bus. It completely threw me off, my mind was stuck on work, I didn’t feel like I looked well. I actually remember being a bit pissed at him for approaching me in this moment. I’m introverted and awkward, I hate dealing with these type of situations when I’m not mentally prepared. So I just felt annoyed at him, although I knew he didn’t do anything wrong. It felt like he put me in a position I didn’t want to be in, in that…
/r/PurplePillDebate30/12/25 08:19 PM
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If we talk on an individual level: It’s totally valid for someone to not want to date a gamer. It’s a personal preference, to have them is okay. On a group level: It’s totally NOT okay to demonise gamers as a group. If it doesn’t interest you, just let them be and move on. It doesn’t mean because you don’t want to date a gamer, that someone else doesn’t. Personal preferences shouldn’t be projected onto others. Also: Gaming doesn’t mean “gaming addiction”. Addiction means that it negatively impac…
/r/PurplePillDebate30/12/25 08:07 PM
1

Yeah. Both me and my boyfriend felt that way. When we met, we both had the idea (you could even call it “plan”) to remain single. We weren’t on apps, we weren’t looking for any sort of romantic connection at all. So big coincidence. But then again… maybe we did match because we had the same mindset there… We both didn’t want to put effort into a relationship in our life if it were based on shallow criteria. Btw which anthropologist if you remember? I’m curious
/r/PurplePillDebate30/12/25 07:55 PM
1

I don’t understand how that addresses anything I said about beauty standards largely being influenced by culture? It seems like you went a bit off topic, but maybe I’m just struggling to connect the dots… And I care about science deeply too, and I hate it when people apply statistics badly. I’m a doctor so those things are very important to me as well.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/12/25 07:51 PM
5

But my position being filled by someone else doesn’t make me any less special? The fact is he’s with me because he sees me as special now. It doesn’t matter if there are “theoretical better matches” out there. That’s fine. That’s doesn’t make me feel any less special. I feel special because he tells me every day how special I am to him. How he never met another woman in his life that felt both like his best friend and who he was attracted to as well. Because he tells me my intellect and way of s…
/r/PurplePillDebate30/12/25 07:45 PM
2

I read your edit. I do feel that 100% equality with my partner. The thing is… I just prefer being single (even if forever) over being in a relationship where there is asymmetry.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/12/25 07:33 PM
3

Actually I made that point about monogamy but I didn’t mean it that specific way. I think I mostly meant “if you intent to only have desire for people within a closed relationship”. You can also be in a closed poly-amourous relationship where you also don’t date with people besides your partners. And even in open relationships… I think I would always prefer to be seen as unique. So yeah forget that I said that. Even in a poly-amourous relationship I would still want to be seen as a distinct uniq…
/r/PurplePillDebate30/12/25 07:31 PM
12

Yes I prefer being single over being in a relationship I experience as not fulfilling emotionally or intellectually. Even if that means for life.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/12/25 07:25 PM
1

I was merely saying that what you described is just beauty trends. I’m not saying beauty doesn’t matter, I’m saying that what is considered beautiful differs from culture to culture. You just have to look at anthropological research. Look at female genital mutilation in some African cultures. In some countries they cut women’s labia because the beauty trend is to have short to non-existing labia. A woman that isn’t cut or has longer labia is considered not beautiful. While in other cultures they…
/r/PurplePillDebate30/12/25 05:47 PM
6

I feel like I’m special to my partner the way it is described and to me he is the highest value man so we’re good.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/12/25 05:43 PM
9

I don’t need to be irreplaceable in the sense that I need to be the only match for him ever. I’m fine with the idea of us ever breaking up and going our own ways, even though I prefer to stay together obviously because I love him. I genuinely want him to be happy, so if that’s without me and with someone else, then I want that for him. I don’t want to be irreplaceable in the sense that my position can’t be filled by someone else. Others can be his girlfriend sure. But I want to be loved for who …
/r/PurplePillDebate30/12/25 04:42 PM
5

Thanks 😊
/r/PurplePillDebate30/12/25 04:36 PM
6

I am seen as special by my boyfriend. I never felt the need “to date down”. He’s exactly who I want. Nobody ever understood me so well. He’s my best friend, my intimate lover. We intellectually and emotionally connect in a way I don’t experience with anyone else. So for me he’s the most upgrade I could ever get. I don’t see any man “higher” than him. He sees me for who I am. I see him for who he is. He’s the best and I don’t want anyone else. And btw we met on Reddit so the first months of falli…
/r/PurplePillDebate30/12/25 04:30 PM
14

Or I don’t date. I’m fine being single. Btw I was single for over 6 years untill I met my current boyfriend, who I do have that emotional and intellectual connection that OP describes with. He loves me for why I am and that is mutual. So I don’t have problems with my own way of dealing. If we would ever break up, I’ll just be single again and that’s no problem.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/12/25 04:15 PM
3

Weird how in some cultures men specifically are attracted to curvier women. In the 16th century the beauty standard for women was being overweight. All painters would paint godessess, their wives and noble women as “fat”. Pre-historical art also consists of fertility statues where the women are portrayed obese. I’m not saying that anyone has to be attracted to that. But beauty standards are shaped by culture, time and circumstances. For a long time only the wealthy could afford to be fat, so tha…
/r/PurplePillDebate30/12/25 03:48 PM
13

Agreed on a large scale. But in your own relationship, especially if you’re monogamous and expect each other to only act on desire towards each other, it’s natural you want to be special. There’s no use in being in a relationship where you’re replaceable. In that case, I choose myself to be replaced and he can look for someone else. In that case I choose to be single. Nobody’s waiting for me right if I’m just replaceable. Nobody’s bothered if I leave.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/12/25 03:42 PM
0

Mate selection comes down to brain chemistry. I happen to have studied neurology and psychiatry and I think those are pretty damn important if you want to understand the chemicals in your brain that make you attracted to someone.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/12/25 10:52 PM
0

Lmao I’m a doctor, I’ve studied biology and psychiatry at an academical level. I’m not impressed by internet rando’s speaking about “mate selection” as if they’re sir David Attenborough.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/12/25 10:28 PM
2

Seems very natural to me. I want those things as well as a woman. Men who say that aren’t naïve, they’re often the most authentic and least misogynistic ones. The idea that everyone is playing the same shallow game just isn’t true. Some people want status and sex, others want depth. Lumping them together is where gender wars are created.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/12/25 11:11 AM
2

Why do women need to be held responsible? I don’t think men or women need to be held responsible as a group? If you read some actual feminist literature, Bell Hooks said that patriarchy has no gender. It’s not a men-vs-women and who suffers more zero-sums game. Everyone is affected in their own ways within this structure. How do you intent to hold people responsible for who they want to be with?
/r/PurplePillDebate29/12/25 10:44 AM
0

Possibly but that threshold is way lower than red pill makes it out to be. Most women don’t really long for a lot of gym muscle.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/12/25 10:33 AM
2

I know many men who do care a lot about being liked for who they are. I’m sad that other women don’t.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/12/25 06:24 PM
1

Some people who say “I want to be desired for who I am” mean that more holistically. You can’t say every single man who used that phrase only means looks-wise.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/12/25 06:17 PM
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I would say it can be dangerous in the sense that it's a worldview that teaches indifference to other men and suspicion toward women. That doesn't mean red pillers themselves are dangerous. I don't think there's anything wrong with them trying to look at society differently and question things, or analyse why they sense men are treated within hierarchies (although I don't agree with their conclusions about it). But when their 'hard truths' are turned into zero-sum stories that often leads to res…
/r/PurplePillDebate28/12/25 04:33 PM
-3

The fish analogy only works if all women are fish that need to be lured. Some women actually like men for who they are and are actively choosing and for those women, ignoring what we say is a great way to make sure we’re not interested. So if you want to “catch” women who need looks, money or status to be lured in and don’t really care about you as a person, then sure those tactics probably work fine.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/12/25 04:17 PM
4

That’s a nonsensical question. You can’t realistically expect someone to confidently give you a number here. At most you can describe trends. Like Coastkiz said it’s more prevalent for women to look for men as providers than the other way around. That’s a cultural trend rooted in patriarchy and historical power imbalances. A few hundred years ago, women often had no real alternative. Economic dependence wasn’t a preference but a necessity. We’re still seeing the remnants of that today. But that …
/r/PurplePillDebate28/12/25 03:21 PM
3

Yeah sex isn’t that important to everyone, I know men who are asexual of graysexual. What is “basic” in a relationship is gonna be different for everyone. The smorgasbord used in relationship anarchy is a way to figure out what you both want and need or don’t want in a relationship. For some people relationships involve sex, for others it doesn’t. For some it involves going to social events together, other couples keep their social lives separated. For some it can mean sharing finances, for othe…
/r/PurplePillDebate28/12/25 03:14 PM
3

And I asked where did you do that because I don’t find it in your post. And you didn’t reply where, you asked me a counter-question.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/12/25 01:21 PM
2

Have you read the title and the post? This isn’t just about attractiveness only. It’s about men saying they want to be desired for who they are, not what they provide. It’s about men wanting to be wanted for who they are or what they look like, not their money.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/12/25 01:20 PM
5

What I said in my first comment. I mean I could copy paste it. You collapse two categories into one. There are men who say they want to be loved or desired for who they truly are, because they experience being valued for what they provide, not for their intrinsic value.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/12/25 09:33 PM
–

Well that depends more on the culture. I live in Western Europe, we split bills, plenty of my friends have approached men. We have less rigid gender roles here than in the US. It’s even cool if you as a woman do the approaching here, it shows you’re a woman who knows what she wants, who isn’t insecure and who has direction. It shows you’re a solid person. So here it’s much more 50-50.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/12/25 08:01 PM
8

So you design your titles to be rage bait? Also I didn’t really read anywhere in your paragraphs that some men want to be loved for their intrinsic value, can you cite to me where you said that?
/r/PurplePillDebate27/12/25 07:56 PM
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I disagree. I’m a woman and I approached my own boyfriend because I thought he was kind and I admired his intellect and rhetorical skills and because he’s genuinely pleasant to be around. Ofcourse that is anecdotal and you will refuse it. Anyway I disagree. I know a lot about neurology and psychiatry and the whole nature-vs-nurture debate (I’m a doctor) and I know what it means to be a woman, I can only say those lead me to disagree and I know you won’t be satisfied with that but what else can I…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/12/25 06:02 PM
11

So to be clear that I understand you correctly: when a man says he desires to be loved for who he truly is, that automatically means he wants to be worshipped? Because that’s the title you picked.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/12/25 05:59 PM
39

I disagree with the title because it conflates two different things. There are men who want one-sided validation and sex as proof of worth, that dynamic certainly exists (and is even fairly common). But there are also men reacting to being valued only for what they provide and wanting to be desired for their intrinsic worth. Both exist and they can overlap, but they’re not the same thing. Lumping it all together is reductive and strips humanity out of men’s experiences.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/12/25 03:24 PM
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When feminists talk about patriarchy we don’t mean “men controlling women in obvious ways in 2025”. Feminist theory (read bell hooks) defines patriarchy as a system, not a men-vs-women identity war. It’s a hierarchy that ties worth to achievement, dominance, sexual success and competition. That’s exactly why so many men feel like failures when they don’t “make it”. So no patriarchy isn’t irrelevant to dating. It’s the reason dating failure feels like personal worth failure for men in the first p…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/12/25 11:30 AM
–

I’m actually very opposed to the conservative proposals you mentioned. I don’t think they help dismantle patriarchy at all, in fact most of them reinforce it. Restricting immigration, rolling back equality policies or pushing people toward religion and traditional family structures tends to strengthen hierarchy and rigid gender roles, not reduce them. They offer a sense of order, but they do it by doubling down on the same dynamics feminism is trying to undo. Reducing inequality and insecurity i…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/12/25 12:27 AM
1

From the same places feminists already direct their demands: political and economic systems. Governments, employers, institutions and the way work, care and value are organised. Dismantling patriarchy isn’t just about changing attitudes, it’s about changing structures that enforce competition, precarity and rigid roles. Improving material conditions for everyone like stable work, social safety nets, mental health care, real community etc. is part of undoing that system, not a separate project do…
/r/PurplePillDebate26/12/25 11:42 PM
0

Nice Guys aren’t kind and thoughtful, they’re called out for being entitled because they think acting kind and thoughtful should be rewarded by female romantic attention. That’s very distinct from actual kindness and actual thoughtfulness, with no hidden agenda. It’s the latter category that is attractive.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/12/25 04:02 PM
3

There’s a big gap between feminism as an actual critique of patriarchy (like in literature) and how “feminism” often shows up online. In serious feminist theory saying “men benefit under patriarchy” was never meant to mean “men are doing great” or “men don’t suffer”. It’s about how power is structured, not about blaming individual men. A lot of online spaces lose that nuance and turn it into men vs women, which I also think is a dead end. I try to push back on that too. If the goal is better out…
/r/PurplePillDebate26/12/25 03:59 PM
0

You keep framing this as realism, but what you’re really defending is indifference. I care about what happens to men who don’t “make it”. You don’t seem to think they matter much. That’s the difference. I wouldn’t date a red piller. I’ll take a thoughtful, kind man who cares about others over someone obsessed with optimizing himself inside a system that treats people as disposable. And zooming out: the idea that “women choose dominance” is mostly based on a very narrow, Western dating context. M…
/r/PurplePillDebate26/12/25 11:40 AM
0

True self-improvement helps. But optimizing mainly for looks, dominance and status mostly attracts people who care about those things. And resentment toward women is a reliable way to repel kind, emotionally healthy partners.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/12/25 11:23 AM
1

What frustrates me about a lot of MRA spaces is how often the critique still goes sideways instead of upward. Men’s problems are real but when the anger is aimed mainly at women instead of at institutions, laws, labor markets or gender norms, the analysis breaks down again. Patriarchy hurts men too but blaming women for that just keeps the system intact again. Fighting sideways is easier than challenging power, but it doesn’t actually improve men’s lives.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/12/25 11:21 AM
1

I think this is where your argument actually collapses into something uglier than you intend. You’ve said hierarchies are inevitable, that they necessarily create losers and that the goal for men is to “get out of the bottom”. But if that’s true, then someone else has to replace them at the bottom…. That’s not a bug, it’s the design. The patriarchy is a pyramid with a big bottom and a small top. If all men at the bottom try to escape it and go a step upwards, it means they are either being repla…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/12/25 10:34 PM
2

I’m not saying hierarchies don’t exist or that they’ll magically disappear. I’m saying red pill doesn’t improve outcomes for most men, it just teaches individual adaptation inside a system that requires most people to lose. And if masculinity, worth and sexual success are all tied to rank, then no amount of self-optimization fixes the fact that most men will always fall short by design. That’s just simple math, not personal failure. The alternative isn’t pretending effort doesn’t matter. It’s qu…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/12/25 10:22 PM
0

Yes, women choose, men choose too. They’re all choosing inside the same system. Patriarchy rewards power, status and dominance, so some women end up choosing men with power even if attraction is thin, or men with looks and social clout even if there’s no depth. Men respond by trying to climb the same treadmill. No villains here on either side, just incentives. Playing the game might get attention, but it mostly attracts people who care about the game as well. The problem is that playing along do…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/12/25 02:24 PM
-2

This is exactly the point though: red pill isn’t challenging patriarchy, it’s upholding it. Notice how the explanation always keeps shifting depending on what’s convenient. When winning seems possible it’s about power, strategy and “playing the game”. When losing happens suddenly it’s “genetics, height, jawlines, biology…” things that can’t be changed. That lets red pill men have it both ways: they get to enjoy hierarchy and dominance when it works for them, but also frame themselves as victims …
/r/PurplePillDebate25/12/25 01:28 PM
-1

The Red Pill is basically a flip-flop of knowledge. It correctly notices that men live inside hierarchies. Some men have power, status, money, respect and options. And most men don’t. Men are ranked and treated very differently based on that. This part is real. They correctly identify that part. Where it goes wrong is why that hierarchy exists. Instead of pointing to patriarchy and other power systems that rank men against each other, Red pill thinking blames women’s choices and “the sexual mark…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/12/25 12:33 PM
4

OP’s point was that abusers are defended by their friends and victims get blamed. You respond with “romantic partners vet more and know them better”. But that directly clashes with OP’s premise: if friends (who’ve often known someone longer and across more life contexts) still defend abusers, then dating doesn’t grant some uniquely superior insight. You can’t dismiss OP’s claim by switching standards to “friends couldn’t know” when excusing men, but “partners should’ve known” when blaming women.…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/12/25 12:41 AM
9

You can’t say “abusers are impossible to spot and men aren’t mind readers” and “women should’ve vetted better if they dated abusers”. Either abusers are hidden or they’re obvious, pick one. Also claiming women are “socially validated” for abuse while saying abusers get ostracized on accusation is straight-up contradictory. And “every man who opened up” is just anecdote turned into a universal. That’s not logic, that’s you venting.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/12/25 03:07 PM
1

I didn’t mention withdrawing “retro-actively” or I didn’t mean to, I meant during the act. But I see that is indeed confusing now so I’ll edit my post.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/12/25 01:15 PM
1

Correct
/r/PurplePillDebate21/12/25 12:59 PM
0

I consider myself an intersectional feminist and I actually think you’re pointing at something real here. There is an asymmetry in dating discourse where men are more often expected to engage with negative generalisations about their group (“not all men, but…”), while women are more often encouraged to reject similar generalisations outright. I don’t think that’s imaginary or automatically bad faith to notice. Where I’d add some context is that this asymmetry didn’t arise randomly. Generalisatio…
/r/PurplePillDebate21/12/25 11:55 AM
1

I agree it can be malicious sometimes. I’ve never denied that. My point is just that those cases are a much smaller subset than the 10% people usually cite, which mostly refers to unsubstantiated or unfounded cases, not proven fabrication. That’s all I’m saying. Proven fabrication is very rare. It exists, but it’s rare.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/12/25 10:33 AM
1

When people online cite “around 10% false allegations” they are usually referring to cases classified as unsubstantiated or unfounded, not to allegations that were proven to be fabricated (like the ones you refer to). Studies that apply strict definitions of “false” after thorough investigation consistently find much lower rates. And none of these statistics can establish malicious intent.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/12/25 10:12 AM
1

Yes, I called malicious fabrication rare, explicitly and consistently. “Rare” here refers to demonstrated cases, because intent can only be established when there is evidence of it. I have never claimed to know the total number of false allegations in the abstract. You’re circle-trekking.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/12/25 01:02 AM
1

What does “thought to be malicious” actually mean here? How is that verified or proven? What criteria distinguish malicious fabrication from unproven, mistaken or legally insufficient cases? That’s exactly my point: intent isn’t directly measurable and many figures conflate “unfounded” or “didn’t meet legal standards” with “malicious” without evidence of fabrication.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/12/25 12:48 AM
2

That’s your interpretation. I’m explicitly arguing about the limits of what statistics can tell us, not claiming knowledge they don’t provide.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/12/25 12:45 AM
3

That’s exactly the problem, people rush to moral certainty instead of holding uncertainty. You can take reports seriously and avoid destroying someone’s life before facts are established.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/12/25 12:43 AM
1

The 10% figure usually refers to reports classified as unfounded or unsubstantiated, not allegations proven to be deliberately false.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/12/25 12:34 AM
1

I’m not claiming that all false allegations are rare. I’m saying that maliciously fabricated allegations are rare, precisely because malicious intent isn’t something statistics can reliably measure. Most statistics people cite as “false allegations” don’t measure fabrication or intent at all, they measure legal outcomes like unfounded, unsubstantiated, no charges or no conviction. Those categories can’t support claims about women deliberately lying to ruin men’s lives.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/12/25 12:32 AM
1

My original post is about the misuse of statistics, not about estimating some hidden total of false allegations. I’ve consistently said that malicious fabrication is a specific category that can only be identified when intent is demonstrated. Unproven cases don’t tell us whether an allegation was true, false, or malicious, they’re simply unknown. Treating those unknowns as evidence of widespread lying is exactly the error I’m criticizing. There’s no contradiction in refusing to speculate beyond …
/r/PurplePillDebate21/12/25 12:27 AM
1

If you’re claiming convictions can occur on accusation alone as a general rule, please cite a case without a plea deal, without eyewitness misidentification and without supporting evidence being relied on by the court. Otherwise we’re just repeating assertions.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/12/25 12:24 AM
1

Regret alone does not make sex rape. If someone freely consented at the time, had capacity and that consent wasn’t withdrawn, then later regret does not retroactively turn it into rape. Rape is about the absence of consent at the time of the act, not about how someone feels about it later.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/12/25 12:20 AM
1

I’m a feminist and I don’t think that’s true as a rule. Questioning an allegation in good faith isn’t misogyny (especially when it comes to the legal context). What gets pushback is assuming by default that women are lying or acting maliciously without evidence. There’s a real difference between skepticism and bad-faith generalization, and people often blur that line.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/12/25 12:17 AM
1

I’m not inferring the total number of false allegations from proven cases. I’m saying we can only know about falsity and malicious intent in cases where it’s demonstrated. Everything else is unknown. So no I’m not claiming “all false allegations are rare”. I’m saying demonstrated malicious false allegations are rare and unproven cases don’t let us infer either direction. Treating unknowns as evidence is exactly the error I’m pointing out.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/12/25 12:12 AM
0

They represent most of the time unfounded / unsubstantiated / no charges / no conviction.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/12/25 12:10 AM
1

That’s not actually true in practice. The stats people usually throw around in these debates are not “proven false allegations”. They’re often things like unfounded / unsubstantiated / no charges / no conviction, which are not the same category as “proven fabricated”. If you’re claiming the numbers being cited are specifically proven false reports, then please link the exact study/stat and show where it defines them as “proven false”. Otherwise you’re just assuming the category you want.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/12/25 12:08 AM
1

A plea deal is legally a conviction, but that doesn’t mean an accusation alone was “enough”, it only means the accused accepted a plea under pressure. Wrongful conviction lists show the system can fail, but they don’t show that accusations are accepted without evidence.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/12/25 11:52 PM
1

I’m using “false” to mean actually false, not “unproven”. Only proven cases let us know that. Calling unproven cases “false” is the exact category error I’m pointing out.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/12/25 11:42 PM
2

In my country it is legally possible, but cases involving adult women raping adult men are rare and hard to find publicly. Cases are hard to find in general because names are not published in the media, even after conviction. So in my country, the argument about someone’s name being “smeared” works differently. Rapists remain anonymous in the media. Female perpetrators are more visible in cases of child sexual abuse, which I also see in my work in child healthcare. I’ve personally encountered in…
/r/PurplePillDebate20/12/25 11:39 PM
2

They’re not contradictory, you’re mixing up categories: Unproven allegations tell us nothing about intent. Proven false allegations with malicious intent are rare because they require evidence. Saying “we don’t know what happened in unproven cases” does not contradict saying “cases where falsity and malicious intent are actually demonstrated are rare”.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/12/25 11:26 PM
2

Logic should be a main course in schools
/r/PurplePillDebate20/12/25 11:23 PM
1

I do believe a lot of rapes go unpunished, because rape is often hard to prove, especially when there are no witnesses or physical evidence. That belief isn’t based on assuming guilt from a lack of charges, but on how proof works in practice. That doesn’t contradict my point about false allegations. Proving rape is difficult, but proving malicious intent behind an allegation is even harder. Both can be true at the same time and neither justifies turning uncertainty into certainty.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/12/25 11:18 PM
1

I thought it was pretty clear from my post that I’m not speaking from a US-only perspective. That’s actually part of my point. On this subreddit, the discussion is often very US-centric, while the statistics people cite come from many different countries with very different legal definitions and standards. That mismatch matters. You can’t apply US assumptions about policing, courts or consent and then read international data as if it all means the same thing. Edit: btw it seems to be a plea deal…
/r/PurplePillDebate20/12/25 11:12 PM
1

I’m not moving the goalposts. When I say malicious false allegations are rare, I’m referring to cases where an allegation is proven to be false and malicious. That’s a very specific category and it’s rare precisely because proving malicious intent requires evidence (e.g. admissions, messages, witnesses). I’m being precise about what can actually be demonstrated with evidence.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/12/25 11:05 PM
2

I focused on rape specifically because that’s where statistics are most often cited and most often misused to imply malicious intent. I never hear people talk about those other allegations, and I simply made my post because people talk so frequently here about the false rape allegations. Nothing I’m saying depends on rape being “special” in that sense. The same distinction still matters across the board: unproven doesn’t automatically mean fabricated and statistics about outcomes don’t tell us i…
/r/PurplePillDebate20/12/25 11:03 PM
4

I think this really shows how much context matters. I’m from Europe and I don’t fully recognize this picture, especially the idea that sexual history determines credibility. And claims about motives like regret or revenge are exactly the kind of thing that usually can’t be proven, which is why I’m cautious about treating them as explanations.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/12/25 11:00 PM
1

Some laws are written in penetration-based terms, but that alone doesn’t determine criminal liability. In practice courts still look at capacity, awareness, and context. When both parties are equally impaired, many cases don’t lead to charges or convictions rather than automatically criminalizing one person.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/12/25 10:56 PM
1

I agree, that’s an important distinction. Honest but mistaken accusations are real, and cases like that show exactly why the system has to be careful with testimony and evidence. That’s also why intent matters, because an honest mistake isn’t the same thing as a malicious false allegation. And it reinforces my point that “unproven” or even “wrong” doesn’t automatically mean someone was lying in bad faith. Different problems get lumped together under “false allegations” when they’re actually very…
/r/PurplePillDebate20/12/25 10:46 PM
1

I’m not claiming unproven cases are true. I’m saying they shouldn’t be treated as deliberate lies. Believing victims means taking reports seriously, not declaring legal certainty where none exists. Proven false cases are rare because they require evidence of fabrication.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/12/25 10:44 PM
2

There’s no contradiction. I’m saying two different things: We can’t know the intent behind unproven allegations. “Unproven” doesn’t tell us whether a report was honest, mistaken or malicious. Proven false allegations are rare by definition, because they require evidence that the report was fabricated. That’s a much narrower category than “unproven.” Those two statements don’t conflict. One point is about what you can’t assume just because something wasn’t proven, while the other is about what’s …
/r/PurplePillDebate20/12/25 10:41 PM
2

That happens but it’s rare. Why would I say you raped me when you didn’t? You’re assuming bad faith on my behalf. Why have this bias against me?
/r/PurplePillDebate20/12/25 06:07 PM
2

Power is in choice. He chooses to be with a younger partner and thus chooses accountability for consequences. Nobody forces him to. So yes.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/12/25 05:21 PM
4

Maybe if she’s a starfish start with wondering if she wants to have sex at all with you. Start from there. Maybe ask her. If she says yes, you have her consent.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/12/25 05:17 PM
6

I edited my post to include what innocent until proven guilty means if you want to check it out
/r/PurplePillDebate20/12/25 05:15 PM
10

If someone was too drunk to consent and it couldn’t be proven, the “grace” isn’t being given to the person who reported it, it’s being given to the person who walks away without consequences. That’s just how proof works. Innocent untill proven guilty. Difficulty proving something doesn’t mean the system is favoring the accuser. Most of the time it means nothing happens at all. And yes reputational harm can be real but sometimes the allegation is true, sometimes it isn’t. If the allegation is tru…
/r/PurplePillDebate20/12/25 05:00 PM
6

No one is claiming women are incapable of lying or acting maliciously. Of course both men and women can do harm. The difference is evidentiary. You can prove rape through evidence of actions and circumstances. You cannot reliably prove malicious intent behind an allegation unless there is direct evidence of fabrication. Most statistics don’t measure intent at all, they measure legal outcomes. Treating every unproven case as a deliberate lie is an assumption, not a fact. In my view assuming malic…
/r/PurplePillDebate20/12/25 04:52 PM
4

That’s ultimately up to the police and courts. There was a case in my country where street cameras showed a man and a woman walking to his home after a night out. The woman fell on the street 6 times and he had to physically support her to keep her upright. He admitted she did not give consent and was found guilty. He didn’t receive jail time due to the specific circumstances and the woman herself mainly wanted acknowledgment that she had been raped rather than imprisonment. There’s another case…
/r/PurplePillDebate20/12/25 04:47 PM
3

Also true…
/r/PurplePillDebate20/12/25 04:39 PM
9

Yeah, it’s not always clear-cut. That’s why these cases depend on context and degree. Being drunk isn’t the same as being clearly unable to understand or participate. The whole point I was making is that in some countries legal systems look at the context and degree and in others they don’t.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/12/25 04:37 PM
10

Allright you don’t take me seriously as a feminist but I’ll try to take your argument seriously, that’s the point of a debate right. I agree with you on due process. Legal guilt requires proof and nothing I’ve said argues otherwise. “Not proven” should never be treated as “legally guilty” and I’m not advocating for punishment without evidence. Where we disagree is in what conclusions can be drawn from lack of proof. My point is not that unproven cases should be treated as true, but that they als…
/r/PurplePillDebate20/12/25 04:35 PM
10

Another commenter said the same so I’m gonna copy past my reply to them: It depends on whether either person was too drunk to understand what was happening or to make a real choice and whether there was any imbalance (asymmetry) between them. Being drunk doesn’t automatically mean someone can’t consent, but being so drunk that you can’t really think, understand or respond does. If both people were equally out of it, the situation usually isn’t treated as “they raped each other.” The law often ca…
/r/PurplePillDebate20/12/25 04:30 PM
6

It depends on whether either person was too drunk to understand what was happening or to make a real choice and whether there was any imbalance (asymmetry) between them. Being drunk doesn’t automatically mean someone can’t consent, but being so drunk that you can’t really think, understand or respond does. If both people were equally out of it, the situation usually isn’t treated as “they raped each other.” The law often can’t assign clear responsibility in those cases, the situation simply does…
/r/PurplePillDebate20/12/25 04:29 PM
9

I agree that crimes are defined by law, not by feelings. I’m not arguing that someone “feeling raped” automatically makes an act legally rape under every legal system. The reason I mentioned lived experience is because statistics about legal outcomes are often used to claim that women who report rape are acting with malicious intent. Even when an experience doesn’t meet the legal definition of rape in a given country, that doesn’t mean the person reporting it was trying to destroy someone’s life…
/r/PurplePillDebate20/12/25 04:08 PM
9

That’s fair, but my frustration is really with the outcomes of badly applied statistics. Regardless of intent the result is that numbers get used to support conclusions they don’t actually justify.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/12/25 04:04 PM
15

I explicitly stated in my conclusion that both men and women can experience and report rape. Men can say no, withdraw consent and be victims of sexual violence. In my examples I referred more often to women because the misuse of “false allegation” statistics is most commonly aimed at framing women as acting with malicious intent. That was the specific narrative I was addressing. The consent principles I mentioned apply equally regardless of gender. This was never an argument about men being unab…
/r/PurplePillDebate20/12/25 04:00 PM
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More likely doesn’t mean each individual case. Statistics aren’t meant to apply on individual cases.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/12/25 02:56 PM
13

The older person used to be younger too. Youth isn’t something unevenly distributed, it’s a life stage everyone passes through at the same rate, assuming they live long enough. The younger partner didn’t “get more time” being young, they just haven’t aged yet. They will age still. So there’s no inherent imbalance there. If an older person feels confronted with aging, attractiveness or vitality differences, that isn’t power exercised by the younger partner, it’s the consequence of choosing a youn…
/r/PurplePillDebate20/12/25 02:53 PM
3

Love your comment!
/r/PurplePillDebate15/12/25 07:35 PM
2

Vote who you want to vote for, that’s your right in a democracy. Nobody’s entitled to a job, a government should just provide enough jobs to its people and ensure that everyone has access to them equally. That includes men, women and minorities. Everyone. And if it seems like one group is falling behind there should be made an effort to reach that group.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/12/25 11:23 PM
2

Well I’m a feminist and I care about men’s rights, in the society. What I do not care about is that last mentality you wrote about just wanting an attractive wife. “Getting abother person” isn’t a human right, that other person has agency too. It works the same way for women in reverse. Nobody is entitled to someone.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/12/25 10:54 PM
2

But for women it used to be very hard before feminism. You see…? Feminism was and is necessary. But it should be a feminism that values and actively cares about men’s rights and wellbeing. Feminism shouldn’t be about mimicking the dynamics that were there before but flipflop and take men out of power and put women in power. And I have yet to meet feminists in real life who actually want that (yes online you’ll find anyone). It has always been about creating more of that symmetry.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/12/25 10:14 PM
3

Yes we are animals, so? Is all you have to offer catchy phrases or do you actually engage with content too.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/12/25 09:25 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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