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NoloRadio Archive

View 8 posts and 262 comments by NoloRadio on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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1

Write down your standards of behavior, physical attractiveness, and mutual interests that you need for different stages of commitment to a girl. Firm them up in your mind. Next time a girl walks all over you, walk out. Standards work both ways: By sticking to them, you become less of a pushover, and you also waste less time on incompatible women--time that you have better ways to spend. Read NMMNG.
/r/seduction20/09/18 07:38 AM
3

If you're worrying about it, you're not actually a psychopath. Two things that could be going on: You're good at the process of getting women to sleep with you, but you're timid or insecure about really opening up to them, so you avoid that part. Not saying it's necessarily true, but think about it. You're mostly hanging out around women (and if this is so, probably people in general) who don't really interest you. Follow one of your weirder interests and see who you meet, rather than just going…
/r/seduction01/06/18 08:09 PM
2

Yup. Move fast enough that your speed through life intrigues others.
/r/seduction15/05/18 09:44 PM
2

Community theatre is easy mode if you have even rudimentary social skills. Ukelele is good if you have chops. Classical music is where you meet shy, educated, intense women. A lot of them are really attractive. As to the rest of it: Be confident, have some funny jokes about your chosen hobbies to prove you're not totally obsessed with them to the point of not being a normal human, and think about the places your interests can take you which would bring you in contact with interesting women.
/r/seduction15/05/18 04:02 AM
1

their own perception of how the dating should look like (meaning "a magical realm where everything falls into place like it was meant by fate"). A surprisingly large number of people believe this to a surprisingly large degree. Unlearning it feels great, but is threatening to their childhood view of how the world works, with associated happy memories of comfort etc.
/r/seduction11/05/18 12:43 AM
1

Yep. Any social setting that shows you off as a competent, relaxed person is good--as long as it has women and doesn't contain low status markers as a whole.
/r/seduction18/04/18 01:01 AM
1

Yeah, when I say 'programming' I mean a fairly natural approach which doesn't even seem, inside your head, like a capital-A Approach--it's just natural to want to talk to pretty girls. if you get to this point, and have solid fundamentals, your stress level will go way down, since you don't have to consciously review all the moving parts of the interaction. There's a tiny minority of people who like running the software consciously for the sheer geeky pleasure of it, and they tend to be over-rep…
/r/seduction17/04/18 07:45 PM
2

If you correct obvious glaring flaws, do cool stuff in a place where people can see you doing it, and get passably good at social interaction and escalating, programming will usually take care of the rest. This isn't to say you can't improve by being proactive, but you will get laid.
/r/seduction17/04/18 03:17 AM
1

Absolutely, you shouldn't be only looking for people who 100% share your interests, but as a matter of efficiency, you should be looking in places where the things you're good at/high-status at mean something. Your collection of well-thumbed philosophy books doesn't mean much at the trailer-park bar. Your sick Harley doesn't connote class at the grad-student bar. You can meet women who are substantially different from you in both places, but you need to calibrate for something more than pure phy…
/r/seduction17/04/18 02:22 AM
1

Never for a second believe that there aren't plenty of introverted, attractive women out there. Not saying their interests align perfectly with yours, but they exist.
/r/seduction17/04/18 02:19 AM
12

Worked out for a year, and spent $100 at Uniqlo on cheap clothes that fit. Spent some time thinking about what kind of girls I got along best with, and calibrated my approach to find as many of those girls as possible. Basically, I stopped chasing girls who I wouldn't have much in common with but wanted to sleep with to prove a point to myself.
/r/seduction16/04/18 06:23 AM
1

Different women respond differently to these qualities. That said, I don't think they're ultimately in conflict with each other. Think of it this way: The point of vulnerability is to show that you're chill, you have options, you're not needy or overly invested. The point of being 'mysterious' is to stay intriguing enough to keep the girl's attention while getting to know her and building physical attraction. In a way, this is kind of like the idea of conversational threads, but in reverse. You …
/r/seduction05/04/18 08:39 PM
1

Tinder also judges you for not messaging matches. This fucked my score for a long time because I was shy about what to say to some girls, but I just went and messaged all of my old matches at once. A couple of them threw snarky messages about 'Oh, now you message me,' a bunch of them unmatched me, most of them didn't respond, I had awkward conversations with two or three, and I went on dates with two. Regardless of all, that my stats rebounded within a month. I am unwilling to delete and make ne…
/r/seduction05/04/18 08:27 PM
2

Sure, as long as you're tying in why you find it fascinating (I actually collected stamps as a kid. You learn a lot about geography, history, politics. I'd ask my dad who some guy on a stamp was, and he'd hand me the encyclopedia). There's obviously some girls who are more into hearing about nerdy hobbies than others, but there's seriously no lack of the former. What kind of art? If it's physical, visual stuff, see if you can join a studio space. Often really cheap (my friend pays $75/month for …
/r/seduction22/03/18 04:11 AM
1

Hah, definitely not my job. The only way that my job at all helps me with women is that I do have a fairly high amount of flexibility in schedule, so I can do fun stuff with them, but this is somewhat negated anyway by the general principle that it's best to not appear too open because it'll be seen as needy and/or you won't seem to have your own priorities/life going on.
/r/seduction21/03/18 06:16 AM
4

Yup. I used to be in a very similar situation: Lots of friends, lots of social favors owed, relatively 'popular,' but no game. Reason? I was scared of my own sexuality, in sub-optimal physical condition which affected confidence and physical performance, and was too scared of examining female psychology to be effective in conversations with women. Smart, dynamic people are often just that much better at fooling themselves to paper over phobias and anxiety. You still have to take long, hard looks…
/r/seduction20/03/18 09:22 PM
2

Yep, and a sense of humor/flexibility/ability to laugh at their own mistakes.
/r/seduction20/03/18 09:16 PM
5

This is very true, and what the OP needs to hear, but hey, OP? When you're a little more experienced, it's time to talk about standards. A really common pitfall for guys who fix the obvious problems with their presentation and get a little more social is that all of a sudden they have female attention, but because they're not too far away from the old, lonely days, they feel they need to take advantage of every piece of female attention they get. This is called scarcity mindset, and it's bad for…
/r/seduction20/03/18 09:09 PM
1

Absolutely, and I've had many of them say it to me straight out: They like that I have passions, that I take the time to understand something, to give a shit about my creation, to have faith in the future usefulness of what I'm doing. In many cases it really doesn't matter if said interest is something she's that into, it's more that you're expressing passion and focus. It doesn't take a huge amount of extrapolation to think that she might be thinking that those are good skills in sex and romanc…
/r/seduction20/03/18 09:05 PM
1

Self-employed business consultant in a weird subfield--money is OK but social status and overall networking is shit, so I'm looking to add to my skillset and maybe take a corporate job for a couple years to stack cash.
/r/seduction15/03/18 06:56 AM
1

Let's not jump quite to accusing anyone who has success on Tinder of being a shill. Effort (swiping for ages) helps, location matters, and most importantly, lots of guys aren't actually unattractive, they just think they are--given exposure to a dating app, they quickly realize that at least some girls are interested.
/r/seduction15/03/18 03:41 AM
1

I agree with all this...I'm just wondering where a similar community or collection of information with the same 'what works' focus might be found, on a different subject.
/r/seduction15/03/18 02:41 AM
2

First of all, you're starting from a way better place than a lot of guys here. Hell, you have more formal qualifications than I do. Good on you for realizing it. As far as escalating with this girl you've been seeing? Remind yourself that people go on dates because they want something to happen. It generally falls to the guy to make that something happen, so this one's on you, but I find it really helpful to realize that it isn't a leap of faith, it's literally a part you need to play in a dance…
/r/seduction09/03/18 08:19 AM
2

Yes, the actual ratio where you live is shitty, but keep in mind that a huge percentage of those young guys have crazy work schedules, bad social skills, bad physical shape, and interests that may make them a lot of money but aren't intrinsically interesting to women. If you're in great shape, have a decent career (I'm assuming you do, or you would have left the Valley already), and most importantly, have an actual life, interests beyond industry gossip/video gaming/crypto investing, and good st…
/r/seduction09/03/18 08:12 AM
1

A 'time out' from a more active social life is what you make of it. Lift, read big thick books, do some self-reflection. When you're ready to move to a bigger city again, you'll be in better shape to take advantage of it.
/r/seduction08/03/18 07:04 AM
1

The book that teaches you how to have standards for women and/or how to grow the fuck up? I appreciate a good contrarian thought experiment as much as the next Redditor, but if you're actually serious about this you ought to realize that there are plenty of highly attractive women who aren't 'notorious attention whores'. Jesus.
/r/seduction08/03/18 07:01 AM
3

However, it's very important to check your parrot when purchasing--you wouldn't want to end up with an ex-parrot.
/r/seduction08/03/18 01:02 AM
1

Probably time to build a better social circle. Even if you're committed to cold approaching (which, FYI, I am not), it helps to be in a group of people who you're obviously having fun with and respected by, when you detach to go say hi to some random girl in a bar.
/r/seduction07/03/18 10:24 PM
3

Uhh, 'starving artists' get laid. Passion for something is important, and you've got that. Stay in shape, learn all you can about screenwriting (maybe go to writing meetups if they have them in your area?), figure out cheap/free date options. Lots of museums or universities have free showings of classic or foreign films--take a girl to one of those, and then go to a dive bar and have a beer while you talk about what you learned from the movie. A positive attitude and constructive passions are re…
/r/seduction07/03/18 10:21 PM
1

Good post, but one reason why this advice is so necessary for people around OP's age is that the 'guy in coffee shop' narrative breaks down the most in high school, where you've got a bunch of kids, bored out of their minds, forced to sit in close proximity to each other. That's when cruelty to the other inmates of the compulsory coffee shop actually happens, i.e. when other people actually give a shit about the shoes you're wearing or the weird music you listen to: because they have nothing bet…
/r/seduction07/03/18 09:44 PM
2

People do different stuff at different speeds. I'm not so Buddha-like as to say that all of my painful experiences taught me something, but a lot of them did. Yes, you missed a certain period, but that period, for most people, contains a lot of crazy emotions and bad, fumbling sex. Not only do you have nothing to lose, but you have everything to gain. Once you're a little way down this road, you'll realize that interacting with women is fun! Making friends is fun! One thing I want to add (I was …
/r/seduction07/03/18 09:41 PM
11

This resonates with me. Some quick advice: It is very normal to conflate the (often very subtle) ways that we interact with people, and our interests/appearance/inner self. The former fucks you up way more than the latter. Which is good, because it's way more changeable. Your 'personality' (as an innate thing) probably isn't irreparably weird, it's your timid, people-pleasing behaviors. Realize that your interactions with women are only half the problem. The way you relate to other men is also v…
/r/seduction07/03/18 08:11 AM
2

I actually didn't even mean it in terms of being ashamed of being with you in front of their friends. I just meant that when you hear a woman say 'Oh, I could never date a guy who is X,' you shouldn't take it seriously, because not only is it not a real rule, even saying it isn't directed at you--it's directed at other women as a status play--and thus you shouldn't assume that being 'X' is actually a serious impediment to dating.
/r/seduction01/03/18 02:44 AM
3

I sympathize. He probably has beliefs in his head about 'what [content] girls find attractive/want to hear'. A lot of this was probably created by mean girls in high school and/or shit tests that he failed quickly. Also, it kinda sucks, but there really are topics that scream 'boring nerd' to a lot of women, and shouldn't be brought up right away.
/r/seduction27/02/18 10:41 PM
2

They don't give a shit. This is another way of saying that they're bad at knowing the exact location of social boundaries, which means they break them, which means they seem fresh and interesting. Most guys who have trouble with this were raised to be careful with the world, and it seeped into their behavior. There are legit reasons to be careful, but this is one of the downsides.
/r/seduction27/02/18 10:36 PM
13

I'm not short, but one of the biggest discoveries I made when I started learning attraction stuff was that those 'dealbreakers' that women talk a lot about are really flimsy and given to revision when they like a guy for intangible reasons. In fact, I have a theory that a lot of womens' talk about 'dealbreakers' is actually not directed at men at all, but has to do with status jockeying with other women (i.e. 'I'm so hot/high status that I can reject tons of guys and not give a fuck!')
/r/seduction27/02/18 10:29 PM
3

Yeah, if I got this I would basically say 'good luck stalking pro wrestlers and Vikings extras'.
/r/seduction20/02/18 08:13 PM
1

This is very true, but many of us have those things, but without a good interface to showing them off. Thus 'game'.
/r/seduction13/02/18 03:14 AM
1

For a slightly clickbaity article, this isn't bad, but I would quibble with one point: "Not hiding your quirks and rough edges behind a mask" is not always going to endear you to people or make your life easier. It's true after a certain point in terms of self-improvement, but before that, when your 'true self' is going to make people run away screaming from neediness or social ignorance, it's genuinely not a good idea.
/r/seduction10/02/18 12:52 AM
1

This isn't about external status, this is about how you perceive your treatment by the world, and how you judge the effectiveness of the effort you put into things: you should be judging it by a male standard and not a female one, that's all.
/r/seduction08/02/18 11:09 PM
3

This is a legit question, especially since I don't think it's unreasonable to see this as both a sign of interest, but also an implicit filter for egotistical meatheads, based on what you say. I think there's a humorous answer here, but comedy writing is not remotely my strength.
/r/seduction08/02/18 03:10 AM
1

Only you can decide if you're satisfied with your progress in any area. And remember that this satisfaction doesn't have to be the permanent level you hope to achieve--you can decided to let it 'plateau' for a little while and focus on other areas. I fixed my problems with women to the point where I'm working on my career more now. This isn't to say that I'll stop working on attraction, social skills, or working out, but I'm satisfied with my progress on these areas for the moment.
/r/seduction06/02/18 06:01 AM
2

All the sex I can handle (we seem to be pretty well matched in libido, which is to say high), a lot of absent-minded cuddling while both of us are reading or going online separately, fair bit of talking about our hopes for the future and interesting stuff we've read or watched recently. Less joint physical activity (outside the bedroom) than I'd like (she's attractive and in good shape, but not a gung-ho athlete to the degree I am, or at least am trying to be; also she has a stressful corporate …
/r/seduction03/02/18 12:24 AM
3

And I used to manage a nightclub and get invited to all the afterparties, but I was still shit with women, because my communication skills were bad and I had a huge ego. Work on being a better conversationalist.
/r/seduction01/02/18 04:00 AM
1

Yeah, but if you bomb, and she doesn't find you unattractive, you're gonna be all over Tumblr. Which reminds me: I can't imagine that most people need this, but for the very beginners in social interaction out here, you may want to spend some time reading up on the plumage of the common 'woke activist' type who likes to gain cred by complaining that a dude smiled at her too hard*, in order to give them a wide berth. There are plenty of sane, cool women in this world, don't waste your time on the…
/r/seduction25/01/18 05:36 AM
7

A lot of confidence, a lot of hot/cold (i.e., talk to her for a minute, be totally unaffected if she gives you the cold shoulder or an unenthusiastic response, then dip and interact with her again a little later), and a lot of displaying social status. Hipsters are pretty hard to deal with in their own environment if you don't have their own particular kind of status (play in a band, be an artist, etc), but they're way less intimidating if you meet them in mixed social company or online dating, …
/r/seduction24/01/18 07:35 AM
1

I think you may be confusing 'aloof' with artificially limiting the amount of time you spend in an interaction (I recall this being a Mystery tactic from my years-ago reading of The Game). That's not the same thing--it's engaging with the girl, but then making a feint away so that she thinks your time is valuable, i.e. you're 'high-value'. Unless you're really good looking, and you have a bunch of social proof circulating in the environment (i.e. people gossiping about the cool stuff you do), ju…
/r/seduction24/01/18 01:10 AM
2

Don't buy the common line that alcohol is necessary for social interaction, or that it makes it easier. Don't be pressured into drinking. This is coming from someone who spent plenty of time getting fucked up in his teens and twenties, because I had a hell of a nerdy, isolated upbringing to compensate for, and drinking was 'what the cool kids did.' That doesn't mean you don't need to figure out ways to be socially attractive--you do, and that's why parents and teachers who pitch the 'just be you…
/r/seduction24/01/18 12:57 AM
26

People (and especially women) think in terms of narratives. To be perceived as interesting, you have to be able to 'tell a story'--to explain the connection of whatever you're talking about to other things which the audience never thought of as being connected. If you're interested in the stock market, you're probably interested in how businesses succeed and fail, how we optimize information, how that information ripples out among many different people...all kinds of cool stuff like that. Find a…
/r/seduction24/01/18 12:50 AM
2

Hah, I don't find it to be hard. If anything, what I found much harder was learning the exclusions to this rule, i.e. the kinds of weird experiences that wouldn't generally create attraction. But I'm a weirdo. I think a lot of it has to do with pulling the girls down off your mental pedestals, and including them in your life in a kinda relaxed way. When you share an experience that you want to do anyway, with them, they feel included and therefore emotionally intimate. And because you're doing s…
/r/seduction19/01/18 07:42 AM
2

Yeah, now that you mention it, I think a lot of mine were semi-intentional as well. Some were 'I bet she'll think this is cool,' but ironically, the ones that seemed to work the best were destinations I'd always wanted to visit, and I just had the girls tag along. They got to see me being genuinely enthusiastic about a museum or a hiking trail or a weird restaurant, and that seemed to play very well. I usually don't give nicknames, but (and again, I seem to do this without thinking about it much…
/r/seduction19/01/18 07:36 AM
1

I am reluctant to share personal details on this sub, but let's just say that I am not rich, especially considering the area I live in. I didn't go to an Ivy League school or anything like that, either, and I was desperately unpopular in high school and college, although I did have a couple of close friends. My 'education,' as far as books I read which enabled me to say interesting things to women, absolutely helped, and helps, a lot. My career is terminally boring to 90% of women, and I do my b…
/r/seduction19/01/18 07:28 AM
27

First of all, don't believe that stuff about it being harder to meet people after college. It isn't that it's not true, exactly--rather, you don't want to be the kind of person, in a larger sense, for whom it is true. If you're social and have 'extracurricular' interests, meeting people after college may not be quite as 'easy' but it's not hard, and you can be a lot more efficient about meeting the kinds of people you'd want to date. Otherwise? Online dating. Be more aggressive, ask guys out. It…
/r/seduction18/01/18 07:04 AM
32

This is true. Similar concepts include 'building a world for two' where you construct a new reality with in-jokes and shared emotional resonances, but faster than such things usually happen; and the old 'reality destroyer' routine which is also an 'experience' which jolts people out of their preconceived ideas about how their day is going to go. I think I discovered this by total accident when I was much younger. I would take girls on 'field trip' dates to weird bars they would have never visite…
/r/seduction18/01/18 06:59 AM
5

I think there is massive potential in, as you term it, a 'countercultural' outlook. Individuality always invites attention, and while we all harp on the basics of attraction here, I think we sometimes lose sight of the fact that depending on the individuals involved, and the messily defined mental stages that they happen to be in at a given time, people value different qualities in their partners to vastly different degrees. Making this work for you requires that you modify (but not completely d…
/r/seduction18/01/18 06:53 AM
2

Thanks. I had a similar story. I deluded myself for years into thinking I was somehow doing OK in my romantic life. I wasn't, but I had to hit bottom before I could bring myself to investigate this sub or other attraction/PUA stuff. The perception that my liberal, educated social group has of this stuff is beyond awful (basically, they understand that the very worst of TRP and base-level Mystery wannabes exist; they don't understand the self-improvement/Mark Manson stuff exists at all), and by s…
/r/seduction18/01/18 04:00 AM
1

This is mostly a matter of being attuned to signals, probably moreso than if you're in a more chaotic social environment with a bunch of people around. Basically, you have to watch for signs that something you said piqued her interest. Then, go into tunnel mode (but, if you're still around other people, do emerge every so often so that you don't come off as too thirsty) and forge that one-on-one connection. Honestly, if there's any attraction skill that I'm at all good at it, it's this. And it w…
/r/seduction18/01/18 03:28 AM
11

Option 5: Have faith in yourself to forge a strong enough connection with someone that you're actually the love of their life.
/r/seduction18/01/18 02:54 AM
1

Go for a walk afterwards, and then flirt with her and end up sitting next to her somewhere.
/r/seduction18/01/18 02:51 AM
2

Yeah, that's pretty much the definition of taking something on faith: trusting that there's light at the end of the tunnel. But when your actual reality gets bleak enough, the fears inherent in making that choice start to lessen. Or at least they did for me, and I am very glad that they did.
/r/seduction18/01/18 02:50 AM
3

No, we're on the same page. Attraction is important too, and I had to learn that lesson myself. If I don't immediately try to picture her naked, I'm probably not that attracted to her.
/r/seduction18/01/18 02:48 AM
4

Maybe I should clarify: a good mental toolkit. Doesn't mean you're going to do everything perfectly, but it helps a lot. For example: Know what you're into, sexually, as far as appearances and acts go. Understand how to start a sexual conversation when you're making out or getting into bed with a woman. In particular, be a little exploratory, and ask her what she likes to do in bed. You'd be surprised how many guys never do this. Read some how-tos! Learn different positions, how to give oral sex…
/r/seduction18/01/18 02:45 AM
1

I don't want to assume the worst, but the idea that your ex had medical issues which prevented you ever having sex with her...and is now having 'amazing sex' and telling you about it, throws up some red flags. I'm really trying not to jump to conclusions here, but at the very least, you should probably be honest enough to tell her that hearing about her sex life isn't helping. Couple other ideas: Keep in mind that there is no absolute quality which separates you from 'successful people' in terms…
/r/seduction18/01/18 02:32 AM
4

Yeah, and don't just think about looks and lifestyle, either. Consider the personality quirks that make you get along with someone else, or not. Think about the little things that people do that make you instinctively like them. For me, it was realizing that I like to comment a lot on the world around me. Not necessarily in a critical way, more like "I wonder why they put that big building there?" or "I wonder if that restaurant is any good?" or "That thing reminds me of a funny story when X hap…
/r/seduction18/01/18 02:16 AM
2

I didn't say they weren't important. Quite obviously, they are extremely important. But they aren't an amorphous substance that can substitute for other important needs (like being respected by peers, liking your job, having intellectual interests that stimulate your mind).
/r/seduction18/01/18 02:11 AM
1

Yeah, and when guys are in the depths of desperation, I think this is mostly what they're missing. And it really, truly sucks.
/r/seduction17/01/18 08:13 PM
4

Yep, I am. Quite a lot. Can't complain at all about my sex life. And that's why I'm writing this, guys! I'm happier. Sex is great. It really does have broad effects on confidence in other areas of my life. But it's not the end-all be-all of life, and it shouldn't cloud your thinking so that a normal, healthy life is distorted in pursuit of it--just as, in my opinion, the best of attraction material is designed with the (no joke) noble goal of ensuring that otherwise normal, healthy guys do not h…
/r/seduction17/01/18 08:11 PM
2

I think this question is valid, but really the answer is that it needs to be separated into two different areas. You absolutely need to put the more general self-improvement work in, and part of that, of course, is outcome independence and not expressly trying to get laid in every situation. But (and a lot of guys miss this), you can improve your general lifestyle and physical attractiveness a lot, and still be lonely and desperate for sex. This usually happens because of sexual phobias and a la…
/r/seduction17/01/18 08:08 PM
1

Agreed--which is why mentally untangling this association is an essential part of making concrete steps towards higher status, instead of despairing that it's an intrinsic quality (i.e. 'sexworthiness') that exists outside of rational measures of improvement. I don't encourage anyone (and I don't think any PUA does) to broadcast your sexual inexperience. But that's not the same thing as thinking that perception can be created somewhat independent of reality. I'm going to talk about this more in …
/r/seduction17/01/18 07:58 PM
4

Very much agree. And continued participation in the feedback loop of desperation>sex with shitty people>inevitable effects of such>depression>desperation is what causes a lot of people to be cynical about all members of the opposite sex.
/r/seduction17/01/18 05:48 PM
40

That's fair. But I think this is an important lesson to keep in mind, no matter how desperate you are for sex, because I think a lot of the desperation guys hold in their minds--for respect from others, for self-confidence, for the feeling of social connections--gets tangled up with their desire for sex. That's unfortunate--the desire for sex is strong enough as it is, without all that other stuff getting piled on top! And learning how to disconnect sex from social success means that you see wom…
/r/seduction17/01/18 09:39 AM
14

Endorphins. You feel accomplished, mental doubts subside, you're in a good mood.
/r/seduction17/01/18 09:13 AM
7

"Alcohol never helps. The fact that it's socially acceptable shouldn't dictate your life." Some of the best advice I can give is to carve these words into your brain. Seriously.
/r/seduction17/01/18 06:58 AM
2

See my comment below, but also: Some nine and ten year olds. And a lot of those have the huge advantage of having been raised with good social role models, and with social skills having a high priority in the value systems they were raised with. Some of us weren't raised that way, and it's very healthy to admit it, because it removes any shame about 'not getting it' when we were younger. But it also means that now we have to learn these things objectively.
/r/seduction17/01/18 12:07 AM
3

Also, they haven't been cautioned to tone themselves down by the school system and, especially, the gauntlet of therapy and counselors that afflicts a lot of people in middle and high school.
/r/seduction17/01/18 12:04 AM
3

I had similar problems. I think a lot of it has to do with seeing the point of social interaction, and life in general, as getting along with people and gaining their approval. When we grow up with this mindset, we tend to see conflict and competition as things to be avoided, and so when we get to know someone, we feel a sensation of relief and 'open up' to them, but we do so too much. When you can go through life with self-confidence, and not be always waiting to find people who will 'accept yo…
/r/seduction11/01/18 05:24 PM
1

Ironically, when I say 'PUA' I mostly mean this sub and Models, not 'classical PUA'. I don't cold approach and I'm not big on canned lines, although it was helpful to teach myself some social standards that I'd never really learned. What helped? Well, in my particular case, I had to stop seeing women (and attention from women) as 'social value tokens' and instead as people I could enjoy intimacy with. I don't expect that's everyone's problem, but it was mine, and it was a doozy. Most of what thi…
/r/seduction11/01/18 05:17 PM
5

Ahh gotcha.
/r/seduction11/01/18 05:07 AM
23

Good line, will use it if ever single again, but who the fuck sets their Tinder for 51 miles away?
/r/seduction11/01/18 04:37 AM
1

Sounds like you're sleeping with women who don't meet your standards because you're desperate for sex. Easy remedy: sleep with women who don't repulse you. Surely there are some.
/r/seduction11/01/18 04:35 AM
3

OK, you sound like you're in a decent position as far as physical attractiveness and a social circle go, so you're definitely ahead of some people. Couple things: I know this sounds depressing, and maybe counter-intuitive, but be careful about confusing the fact that you have hot female friends with meeting hot women. Don't get me wrong--it's good that you have female friends, and most of the women you meet will see that as a good thing (basically, it means that you're not a psycho and can be tr…
/r/seduction11/01/18 04:34 AM
1

For one thing, the chances are very good that the first girl who is attracted to you will be the most compatible. Also (and this is your problem, by the way, not the girl's, exactly) your mental muscles regarding standards of behavior and fundamental levels of attraction and compatibility will be weak. Always be respectful and behave with integrity, but definitely play the field for a while to learn what makes you happy and what you're actually looking for in a partner.
/r/seduction11/01/18 04:17 AM
5

Yeah, I think we tend to fool ourselves into thinking that just because the girl expects us to do the initial approaching, that we have to do it all. Once they're comfortable with you, they get invested too.
/r/seduction10/01/18 11:07 AM
2

Yeah, and not only does it come off as needy, it burns up all the energy you could be using to do fun stuff and have interesting conversations.
/r/seduction09/01/18 06:49 AM
2

Not to get all Yoda on you, but letting go of the idea of 'regret' is actually a big one. I have tons of regrets, but I only really see them in a useful light when I consider them as things I had to experience in order to learn from them. That said, here's a couple things I certainly took a long time to learn, and which may not be so obvious: Almost everyone I grew up with, myself included, drank way too much in our twenties. Learning how to have a drink or two, but not black out, is like a soci…
/r/seduction08/01/18 07:57 AM
7

Yeah, this is a tricky one. There's always room for improvement, but I also feel like a lot of guys see failure where in reality, it's plain old incompatibility. You become the dancing monkey by always trying to fight the last war in a specific manner. Fix the glaring issues, work on yourself and your dreams, and you'll find compatible women.
/r/seduction08/01/18 07:16 AM
2

I have a pretty good amount of experience here. A couple of relevant things: Social status matters. Don't kid yourself that it doesn't. If you're an unambitious slob, you generally won't be getting a lot of dates with attractive, professional women. However, don't assume that it tracks too exactly--it's not entirely about money or where you went to college. The key here is not to fit too easily into what they perceive as a low-status box. If you're a restaurant cook making 30k a year and living …
/r/seduction06/01/18 09:51 AM
2

Unless you think there's a good chance you're either clinically depressed (no interest in most 'fun' activities), or have such low self-esteem that you are pretending to yourself that you aren't into any guys because you're afraid of rejection (but it certainly doesn't sound like this is true!), you're probably just not into the guys you know, and there is nothing wrong with that. In fact, it kinda makes sense, given that women mature quicker than men, and you're at the tail end of high school, …
/r/seduction06/01/18 09:38 AM
1

Well, ask yourself: What part of your sexuality are you uncomfortable with? Then work on it, and try to become comfortable with it. A lot of the time, we get nervous not because we don't think we can get the girl, but that she won't like what we have to offer (in bed, in general lifestyle, etc). Once you learn how to 'be yourself' unapologetically, and communicate that to the girls you interact with, this all gets a lot easier.
/r/seduction05/01/18 09:07 AM
1

I hate nightclubs and don't have much desire to attract the kind of 'club girls' that Mystery was apparently all about, but the core principles of things like 'peacocking' are very much true and applicable still. The specific examples that were true 20 years ago in LA nightclubs are obviously not in fashion anymore, but that doesn't negate the concept. I used to go to hipster parties and the peacocking thing totally worked there--guys would find some outrageous piece of clothing at a thrift stor…
/r/seduction05/01/18 09:03 AM
1

I'm 30 and don't drink, don't really cold approach although I'm pretty friendly with vague acquaintances. The last year has been a big learning experience for me. Not claiming to have reinvented the wheel here, but I found that focusing on self-improvement and a good, stable attitude did wonders for my ability to sustain interest from girls I had a good connection with--basically, instead of frantically searching for hacks to meet way more random women, I focused on increasing my retention rate*…
/r/seduction05/01/18 08:50 AM
1

This. Be proud of the stuff you've accomplished and the things you've seen in life. Never apologize (or even worse, lie--but a little teasing and guessing games are fine) about something so immutable as age. You might lose a few girls who operate by strict 'rules' in their head, but you won't miss the interesting ones who really connect with what you actually talk to them about. And a surprising number of girls are into guys 10-15 years older than them--they just don't talk about it much because…
/r/seduction05/01/18 08:36 AM
42

It's not just cooking--doing a collaborative activity is almost always good because it occupies your short-term brain and prevents you from worrying too much about 'how the date is going.' And having to navigate practical tasks with another person breaks down awkwardness and 'pedestals' really fast. Cooking is good, too, because she gets to see your forearms and hands in action (I remain convinced that this is the most underrated attraction hack ever).
/r/seduction05/01/18 08:29 AM
3

Yeah, but acknowledging that you're an adult male and you like to fuck is not the same as being needy. Figure out which side of that line you need to stay on, and keep that in mind when constructing your Tinder profile and interacting with women on there. Tinder is such a mass phenomenon by now that I don't think most women see a guy being on there as a sign of neediness, unless his profile sends that message in particular.
/r/seduction21/12/17 04:14 PM
2

I know what you mean about the emotional drain when you first start going to the gym, but it gets way better. Once you pass a threshold of being used to working out, your mind starts to drift while you work out, and you don't notice it as much. You don't need a '10/10 body,' but you do need to give yourself goals for the future, and working out is a big part of that. Seeing your own ability to make and achieve goals is a really big part of building confidence and self-esteem, and few ways are as…
/r/seduction21/12/17 07:48 AM
3

You're spot on re: the news media, and it's only getting worse, because virality drives adviews in a very quantifiable way. Also, while I am nowhere close to a redpill 'I hate feminism' type...American universities are a terrible place to cold approach. I am actually willing to give even odds between OP being clumsy/creepy, and a girl wanting to feel 'woke' and get cred from her friends by reporting a guy for 'harassing' her.
/r/seduction21/12/17 05:29 AM
2

Your syntax confuses me but if I understand correctly, you're saying that a guy was 'protecting' a female Walmart worker at the vending machine? Honestly, unless he's her boyfriend who happened to stop in, he sounds like the creep, not you. And if he is her boyfriend, he sounds like an over-possessive, controlling POS. Basically, this sounds like a white knight situation. Top factors for your problem: It's all, or mostly, in your head. Observation bias: you see when people who are generally nerv…
/r/seduction21/12/17 05:22 AM
1

Standards are fucking great.
/r/seduction18/12/17 07:57 AM
1

If you're going on dates from apps/websites, or from people you meet via cold approaching, you're not getting 'friendzoned,' you're just getting rejected, but with a little emotional padding to try and reduce the possibility of you (and when I say 'you' I mean any guy these girls reject) going berserk and blowing up their phone or threatening them. Most if not all of these girls don't actually want a platonic friendship, they're just letting you down easy. This is its' own problem, but it isn't …
/r/seduction18/12/17 07:42 AM
3

In my city, it's hip microbreweries with beer gardens, art gallery nights, indie rock shows depending on the band (some skew younger), some dive bars, lots of outdoorsy kinds of events and meetups.
/r/seduction18/12/17 07:33 AM
1

I think this is mostly just a danger if you haven't showed clear sexual interest. Doesn't have to be a huge amount, but just enough to make it clear that the context of the deep conversation is you getting to know each other because you're interested in each other.
/r/seduction18/12/17 07:30 AM
1

Yeah, so many of our fears come from one or two random incidents that happened in our early, formative years and shaped our perception of a given quality or subject. You have to confront those painful memories before you can gain a realistic approach to those fears. One of the best pieces of advice I've come across in this sub is that the goal of learning life skills should not be to have a perfect life, free of challenge or pitfalls. That's not going to happen, and doesn't preserve resilience w…
/r/seduction16/12/17 05:47 AM
1

I work the torso rotation machine at my gym until I want to cry. Planks, side planks, and the ab crunch machine are also helpful. Also, you're very correct about the arms--and a lot of people who are in decent shape don't bother to work their forearms at the gym, but when you read AskReddit threads about what women consider sexy, forearms are always up there. Do those curls.
/r/seduction16/12/17 05:37 AM
1

Totally agree on both the 'get fit' and 'move to the city' advice. Both of those helped me immensely. Get 'mentally hot,' too, though: Read books and develop well-thought-out opinions on things. Practice flirting and having dynamic conversations. Also, whether it's your career or your hobbies, make concrete goals that you can achieve with good frequency--just like improving your body, improving your life trajectory will make you feel super confident and capable in social situations. Finish proje…
/r/seduction15/12/17 03:54 PM
1

Yeah, this. Also, go find dive bars with music, put yourself into the music scene. It may not be a great direct source of dates (a lot of music scenes tend to be man-heavy) but it's a great way to meet people and then meet their friends.
/r/seduction14/12/17 05:25 PM
3

Well, I still think it shows vulnerability (as a positive attribute), in that you're willing to share challenges with them. And you shouldn't be smug about it, like 'Oh, I had a huge problem, but hey, I'm great, I solved it magically before lunchtime, I'm the greatest, aren't I?'. But if you open up in a calm way, it should help build an emotional connection but not look needy or out of control.
/r/seduction13/12/17 07:43 AM
1

Maybe it would be easier for you to try and look at what you feel are deficiencies, and get better at fixing those, rather than hold up a mythical standard you think you have to behave like. If you don't think you're funny, read books on humor. If you think you're too reactive, practice thinking before speaking (also, meditate in order to slow down your reactions; also I find that working out and having physical confidence helps with this a lot). I agree that goals are good, but sometimes it mak…
/r/seduction13/12/17 07:39 AM
12

A lot of it is about delivery, and not throwing a whole monologue at them. If a date (or even a girlfriend) asks how your day is going, it's fine to open up about some frustration you're having. But you should do it in a calm way, and not go on and on about it. Also helps if you end on a positive or at least neutral note instead of being totally despairing and thus threatening to let that mood bleed into all your immediate interactions with her. You demonstrate that you look challenges straight …
/r/seduction13/12/17 07:14 AM
2

Interesting. Conventional wisdom is that shirtless pics are bad, but I wonder if that isn't a case of 'Don't ask women for advice on how to date them' i.e. it's something women believe they find gross but actually, subconsciously don't (on a statistical scale, anyway), and then gets filtered through to general advice on online dating. It could also be a question of 80 vs 20, i.e. 80% of guys who think shirtless pics are a good idea can't pull them off well enough to have a positive impact on the…
/r/seduction12/12/17 11:45 PM
2

Actually, some of us can't relate. Just saying.
/r/seduction12/12/17 10:47 PM
1

Also, along with the negative vs positive voice, it's good to remember that peoples' feelings and supposed 'opinions' change all the time, depending on their overall mood and other factors. I feel like the average guy coming to this sub is probably way above average in terms of time spent self-analyzing, and is therefore probably more obsessed with consistency than most people, who just feel a feeling and then do something based on it. Tl;dr: Even when you're reading others' emotional signals co…
/r/seduction12/12/17 10:46 PM
1

I get flashes of this too, despite a lot of work on myself. A couple thoughts that might help: A lot of books about meditation and self-improvement make the point (and I think it's a good one) that the point of working on yourself is not to avoid having negative thoughts, but to be in a headspace where you can calmly and logically deal with them and minimize their effects. The goal isn't total, effortless bliss--it's being a competent person who can deal with unexpected challenges and opportunit…
/r/seduction08/12/17 03:07 AM
2

Yeah, that guy's story is sad. But there are some (correctable) red flags poking through a little. He doesn't mention any specific interests or hobbies, he mentions 'trying to be very polite' (as opposed to exciting) with regard to a woman, and I don't get any indication that he's tried therapy or done a lot of self-reflection as to why he's not connecting with women. If anything, he's a good example of why money and job don't matter as much as people assume--this guy seems to assume that since …
/r/seduction06/12/17 06:54 AM
2

So first of all, this was maybe more of a general explanation of how I feel about TRP. However, I don't think that you're any better off in the kind of two-kids-wife-house social setting than you are in a more urban/nerd/hipster setting, and given that the former has some really huge drawbacks (i.e. the stuff the TRP guys are talking about), there's no reason not to focus on the latter. Just a question, and I don't intend to insult you, but: Have you tried learning technical skills or hobbies, a…
/r/seduction05/12/17 06:17 PM
1

Sounds like you're not paying attention to the qualities that would actually make a girl attractive to you, and/or thinking proactively about how to meet girls who have those qualities. A lot of us young adults get stuck thinking that the people (or the kinds of people) we were friends with in high school and college are our social group forever, even when we don't actually have that much in common with them.
/r/seduction04/12/17 10:54 PM
2

In general not a fan of TRP, but not out of a knee-jerk insistence that they're wrong (even though they are, in many, many ways), or because I want feminist internet points (I don't care), but because you do not want to put yourself in the kind of situation where their advice makes any kind of sense. Let me explain: In my (admittedly limited) understanding of the major tenets of TRP, I see a lot of bitterness, a lot of broad generalizations of 'what women want,' and a lot of mistaken conflation …
/r/seduction04/12/17 07:04 AM
1

Oh yeah, I think we're in agreement. You should never start off an interaction with a negative statement. Once you're in a conversation, though, a principled and honest disagreement, with a real perspective to back it up, shows that you're interested in the conversation (as opposed to just going through the motions until you can convince her to have sex with you).
/r/seduction01/12/17 11:28 PM
2

Good stuff. Three points I wanted to comment further on: I agree that you shouldn't be negative, but this is different from having a polite disagreement about something with her in a conversation. When you say 'Actually, I disagree, because I see it as ...' you are not only proving that you're not totally invested in her approval, but you're also opening up the conversation to go to a more intimate place, by comparing perspectives and showing her a different way to see something. Some topics, of…
/r/seduction01/12/17 10:14 PM
1

Thank you for doing so.
/r/seduction01/12/17 10:03 PM
10

Please, please format your bullet points.
/r/seduction01/12/17 03:39 AM
2

While I personally don't consider myself to be on the spectrum, I have enough similar behaviors that people have thought I was (this is a really long story, but the very short and simple version is that I was really bad with social cues/subtext because I was raised by parents who didn't give a shit about them). I have really weird interests, a pretty obviously weird social sense, and huge gaps in the knowledge that most people would assume a modern adult to have. I had a pretty classically shitt…
/r/seduction30/11/17 07:36 AM
1

Funny, I was thinking about this today while letting my mind wander at the gym. When guys make the classic nice-guy complaint of 'the world is unfair, women only like assholes,' it's really a pattern-recognition issue. They don't see that 'asshole' behavior is a side-effect of being confident and self-possessed (Venn diagram: not all confident people are asshole, but all assholes are confident). But they also fail to see the counter-examples: While complaining that women only like assholes, they…
/r/seduction29/11/17 08:14 AM
4

This is good advice. OP is right to be at least a little mad at his parents--even if you're in a tough academic program, humans are social and romantic and you have to feed those needs. As a 30 year old guy, I can't agree more with the point that intelligent, accomplished guys do so much better in their mid-20s and later. Not only have women matured and figured out what they're into, but a lot of the 'don't give a fuck' 'alpha' guys have seriously screwed their lives up by then.
/r/seduction29/11/17 08:00 AM
1

Poly people: What I meant was that they're another category of people who are using online dating in a particular way that will probably not line up with you. No harm, no foul--just be aware that it's happening. OKC statistics: First of all, there's an option for 'rather not say' for income, and a lot of people use it. Second of all, sure, those statistics show that rich, attractive guys have it easier. They do in real life, too, but that's not a reason to assume you'll have zero success or to g…
/r/seduction29/11/17 07:53 AM
1

Keep in mind that a lot of women like a 'rougher' male look than you (the OP) does. Men aren't just lazy; we know that muscles and beards and old concert T-shirts and steel-toed boots do it for a lot of women. Depending on what we do for a living, the kinds of women we're into, and where we live, being 'pretty,' even if we had the time and money to do so, and even if we were doing it purely to get laid, would be a losing proposition.
/r/seduction28/11/17 07:20 AM
3

I think you're about half right. I'm just as annoyed as you are about guys who take 'avoid the friendzone' to mean 'don't have platonic female friends.' That shit is dumb. However, there is a major difference between platonic female friends who know you as a confident, sexually successful guy, and ones who met you as a repressed orbiter. The former are great--in many cases, the only reason you haven't fucked them is that you're just honestly not their type (I have a good female friend who is lit…
/r/seduction28/11/17 07:15 AM
1

Yup. Some of my best successes have been in situations where, for whatever reason, I didn't see the girl as a real possibility, despite mentally registering that I thought they were hot.
/r/seduction28/11/17 06:57 AM
2

OKC: Yes, that's not that long. And I totally get what you mean about rejection sensitivity--at various times, and not just when I was new on the site, I had the same feeling. Do keep in mind, however, that not only is this something you need to get used to for dating in general, but that the same rule applies online in real life: It is, extremely often, not about you. She didn't respond to your message (or, not right away, anyhow) because she got home from work late and her cat was vomiting all…
/r/seduction28/11/17 06:51 AM
1

'Sup' is maybe the worst possible thing you could put there. Put in a joke or a funny quote or statement.
/r/seduction27/11/17 11:17 AM
3

He mentions in the book that he knows the 'tricks' can and do work, but that they create bad long-term assumptions and attitudes for men, and that they often attract women who are needy and messed up. I do agree that Models shies away from some of the colder assessments of human nature, but overall I found it extremely helpful in correcting my own behavior and adjusting my attitude.
/r/seduction27/11/17 11:13 AM
4

So, I don't particularly mind socializing in groups, but I am fundamentally an introvert, and certainly most of my success with women happens after I get them alone to talk. I really disagree with the advice that you have to be extremely social, go to nightclubs, etc. I'm sure it helps for people who are into it, but you are correct to reject the false dichotomy of that mindset versus total failure. You don't need to be extremely social or make a lot of money, but you do need to be an interestin…
/r/seduction27/11/17 11:03 AM
2

Wrong. Not just because they're adorable, but because they let a girl know you're capable of taking care of an animal, which makes you less likely to be an unstable psychopath.
/r/seduction26/11/17 02:28 AM
1

Great post. You have to be OK with being alone for a while. Sort through your values and goals for yourself. Give it some time.
/r/seduction26/11/17 02:19 AM
1

Forget the rating thing. Ask yourself if you have the physical desire to fuck that particular woman. If not, kiss her goodnight and go home. I made the mistake of sleeping with women I wasn't attracted with in my early 20s, and it screwed up my ideas about sex and intimacy. Your subconscious mind knows who it wants to fuck under all those layers of status anxiety and scarcity mindset. Hold out for girls who want to fuck you, and vice versa. As far as last-minute jitters, communication is key. Yo…
/r/seduction26/11/17 02:07 AM
25

Yup. Don't open your mouth unless you're going to own what comes out, whether it's a cringe-worthy dad joke or a deep meditation on the nature of life.
/r/seduction26/11/17 01:58 AM
2

OK, so you've lucked out in having people attracted to you. Now, consider what you want to get out of these interactions. Do you want to have casual sex? Do you want to look for a relationship? Do you just want to get practice talking to attractive women and flirting with them so that you can build your skills? Think about this hard. What are your ideal characteristics (physical, intellectual, emotional, cultural) in a woman? Work on verbal confidence (usual recommendations: Toastmasters, improv…
/r/seduction26/11/17 01:56 AM
1

Oh, I agree 100% that it's nobody's problem but your own--but yes, some people (I was one) take an awfully long time to realize this, and their social anxiety is much helped by simply placing themselves somewhere the conversations actually interest them.
/r/seduction17/11/17 03:28 AM
1

This. All of this. But also, consider whether you're detached from social situations because you're actually just bored by them.
/r/seduction16/11/17 09:38 PM
3

That's a great picture, honestly! Shows you're not afraid to be a bit silly, which is good, because the opposite of silly is 'humorless, i.e. too focused on Finding A Life Partner, i.e. scary'.
/r/seduction16/11/17 04:49 AM
1

I actually should apologize. I live in a big city and sometimes I forget that other people don't. I'm not surprised you're having trouble given how remote of a location you live in. I would highly recommend trying to join any kind of social club centered around any interests you have (volunteering is also good, or maybe take a class in something that interests you?) in order to meet people. Honestly though, this is one case where the 'numbers game' matters. You will have way better luck if you m…
/r/seduction15/11/17 11:25 PM
1

'Regular' men don't, because what that word means in this context is 'boring and timid' not 'within the mean 50% of physical attractiveness'. If you don't have good pictures, there is zero shame in calling a professional photographer. Yuppies in big cities do this all the time for dating profiles. Good call on using visual hints towards activities in your photos; another good idea is a photo of yourself next to something weird or funny which will prompt a girl to initiate a conversation just to …
/r/seduction15/11/17 11:20 PM
1

Yes, and a positive, confident mood builds upon itself. There's nothing to bolster confidence in social interactions like just having succeeded with another girl!
/r/seduction15/11/17 05:34 PM
1

Oh, I totally agree--I'm just saying that for newbies who just got here, they may take that as evidence that the majority of the sub sees it as an accepted part of canon.
/r/seduction15/11/17 05:26 PM
1

Do you know what your specific standards are for a potential partner, whether casual or not? Picky is great, and I'm quite picky, but if you're going off vague feelings in the moment instead of being able to articulate exactly why you feel good or bad about a particular girl, this could be nerves manifesting as being picky. I would also take a hard look at your own sexual confidence and how you think about pleasure versus worries and societal expectations when it comes to sex. I speak from exper…
/r/seduction15/11/17 05:19 PM
5

This is where online dating can be useful. People who are going for a scattershot approach to mostly casual sex, and who aren't in the top 10% of the population in terms of looks tend to disparage it, especially on this sub, but it's become very accepted among people who are more introverted and/or have niche interests. I met my last two girlfriends on Tinder. I do have two rules for online dating, and they're not (really) the cliche ones. You have to clear a certain bar. By which I mean, your p…
/r/seduction15/11/17 04:59 PM
1

To be fair, the 100 sets thing is in the sidebar of this sub.
/r/seduction15/11/17 04:45 PM
1

People are fascinated by others who offer a new perspective. Take some time to think how you would best explain what metal signifies to you. That's the kind of conversation that makes you stand out from a bunch of nervous, average guys who try to stick to boring, 'safe' conversation topics.
/r/seduction13/11/17 09:32 AM
1

Do your best to stay out of 'interview mode' where you ask each others' majors, etc. (although this can be tough because women sometimes try to steer it to this right away). Try going in with observational humor, asking them where the drinks are, asking their opinion, etc. This allows them to get comfortable with you without making it painfully obvious to their brain that they have to decide whether you're 'doing well' as a guy that they should consider sexually or not. In fact, I sometimes don'…
/r/seduction12/11/17 10:20 PM
1

Interests are neutral and don't tell as much about the kind of person you are as your opinions about those interests (or anything else). This is what Mark Manson describes as polarization: Say something that makes people argue or agree with you. Did you think a certain episode of Black Mirror was utter dogshit? Say so! Why, exactly, do you listen to metal; how does it make you feel? Describe. (I'm also a big metal fan. One time on a date, it turned out that the girl absolutely hated metal and ba…
/r/seduction12/11/17 10:07 PM
1

This. Relationship skills take practice.
/r/seduction12/11/17 09:55 PM
4

I wouldn't worry about it. Unless you're actively pursuing women, getting sexual, and then hearing lots of them use that word while turning you down/rejecting you, I don't think it means anything. If anything, you overreacting to it could be worse. That said, if you're worried that people don't take you seriously or see you sexually, there are things you can do. Wear the suit more! Work out, maybe take up a more stereotypically masculine hobby (if you enjoy such things), be more confident and fl…
/r/seduction12/11/17 09:52 PM
1

Like other posters have said, it's a fear of getting involved with someone that could hurt you. This isn't a totally irrational fear, either, so in the end it should prompt some introspection about your desires and your relationship skills. If you have problems when you're in a relationship, this can filter out into your behavior when single. This is deep stuff. Maybe the most common relationship issue that can affect you in this way is the question of how to set and maintain boundaries and pers…
/r/seduction12/11/17 09:47 PM
1

Good advice. I cut my drinking by about 90% when I moved to a different city two years ago and completely rebuilt my social life. I'm still figuring out how to be in bars and concerts without getting wasted, and one thing I noticed is that there's a very specific point, usually after I've had two drinks, where I find myself much less interested in what other people have to say--which usually makes me start drinking really seriously, which of course makes the problem worse. I'm planning on trying…
/r/seduction09/11/17 11:42 PM
3

I, too, still have trouble with this, but the one comment I want to make is that I tend to worry a lot less about it when I'm really connecting well with a girl. It comes surprisingly naturally when I'm having a great time. You may want to focus on conversational skills and making emotional connections instead of always worrying about the physical mechanics of escalating while you're on a date.
/r/seduction09/11/17 11:37 PM
1

I've been there. Realistically, there are life situations which are stressful enough that you're just not going to be in a good mental place for being relaxed/social/attractive. I would go full minimalist, sell anything you don't absolutely need, try and get ahead financially for six months or a year without giving a shit about your social life, and spend any down time you have doing that doing some hard thinking about your goals and interests in life, while hitting the gym and reading.
/r/seduction09/11/17 09:46 PM
1

Yeah, I would never give that answer. I'd say something along the lines of 'Guess I'm just picky!' or "I haven't found someone who loves [X jokey, nerdy thing] enough!', and delivered with a smile on my face.
/r/seduction09/11/17 09:43 PM
1

My usual advice for online dating is to make sure you're not coming off as too serious/humorless, provide lots of hooks in your profile and pics that girls will want to comment on or ask about (i.e., be intriguing), and polarize pretty hard (mention your weird interests up front so that you stand out from the crowd). If you make music, use that as a lever to socialize. Go to workshops, open mics, stuff like that. Put yourself out there in a more general sense. Just out of curiosity, what kind of…
/r/seduction09/11/17 09:35 PM
4

I think you have confused 'don't be overly reactive' with 'be an obvious sociopath'. No shit you're getting rejected.
/r/seduction09/11/17 04:32 PM
4

I have no idea if this is possible in Russia, but maybe pick up a limited part time job (bartender? lifeguard? work in a bookstore?) which will give you pocket money and help you meet women as well?
/r/seduction09/11/17 12:28 AM
2

Also this. You had one boring, awkward conversation? Shit, I had at least five boring, awkward dates in the last month. Know what interests you, look for people who share that, and if they don't just move on--it doesn't say a lot about you that you didn't connect with a single random person. I know a lot of people talk about 'amazing conversation hacks' that let them connect with anyone, and while some of those have some basis (people have emotional triggers), those are a 'walk before you run' k…
/r/seduction09/11/17 12:26 AM
1

You really need to relax, accept that you're a weirdo, think about the things you enjoy doing, and then find other people who share your interests. Trying to be a socially adept, 'mainstream' person in one fell swoop is not going to work, you need to take baby steps towards making friends, having good conversations, and feeling energized by other people, period. If you always feel stiff and nervous, try exercising, meditation, and yoga. Practice reading out loud and talking to yourself in the mi…
/r/seduction09/11/17 12:22 AM
1

Yeah. Also: if you're so convinced that your attraction potential is so low that you have to settle for someone you're not attracted to...staying in a relationship with that person (especially if a monogamous one) is about the best way possible to freeze yourself into that kind of self-doubting mindset (which is to say, the worst possible option).
/r/seduction08/11/17 09:26 PM
35

Yeah, and have the hint of a smile on your face while you do it. As with so many things, a sense of relaxed playfulness lets you do a lot of things that an uptight, humorless person wouldn't get away with.
/r/seduction08/11/17 03:14 PM
1

Sounds like either it's a brushoff, or the girl has some issues with her own sexuality and thinks that 'date' means 'have sex at the end of it' and is trying (probably based on her own past behavior, which she regrets) to spend more time talking to guys who she knows she will be tempted to have sex with at the end of a 'date'. Basically, it sounds like she isn't very confident in her own screening ability and is therefore trying to put extra steps in the process. If you're really interested in p…
/r/seduction08/11/17 03:12 PM
3

Also, it's not fair to the person you're dating, and morality aside, they can usually tell, at least after a while, which then leeches into your whole relationship and makes for not a fun time.
/r/seduction08/11/17 06:52 AM
1

I saw an immediate mental improvement pretty much as soon as I moved. I was away from a the scene of a lot of negative experiences and associations, so that cheered me up and made me have a more positive and expansive mindset, as did the excitement of having a whole new city to explore. As far as building a social life, that took about a year, and it honestly isn't nearly to the point I would ideally like it to be, however a lot of that is due to spending my time working out, reading, etc rather…
/r/seduction08/11/17 06:50 AM
5

Don't. Take this from a 30 year old guy who has been there and done that. Dating someone you're not physically attracted to can really screw up your overall mindset about sex and intimacy. It can be tempting to be able to tell yourself that you have a girlfriend, especially if you haven't had a lot of success with women before, and maybe you doubt that you'll be able to find anyone you're more attracted to. But don't. Even if it takes you a bit longer (and maybe some time working out, working on…
/r/seduction08/11/17 04:25 AM
4

Glad to help. After a certain point, progress gets easier, and faster. Like anything else, you'll see some effects immediately after correcting small behaviors, then a trough where it doesn't seem like anything's working, and then real, permanent change. I was one of those people who worried about not being genuine, not acting like myself if I changed my behavior with the intent of being more attractive. Guess what? I am absolutely a different person today. A way better person, to myself and oth…
/r/seduction08/11/17 04:16 AM
1

My favorite way to do this (which does take some practice) is to think of an anecdote or small piece of observational humor which begins on the same note as the topic currently being discussed, but pivots it somewhere else. If you have the option (i.e., if you're in a social situation with other people around/other conversations going on), at this point it's usually best to just eject and find someone else to talk to instead of looking like an NPC in the first group's conversation. If you want t…
/r/seduction08/11/17 04:02 AM
2

All of the advice in here to listen more, don't go in with preconceived notions of inferiority, etc, is good. Two more points: Consider if you're actually interested in the subject at hand. Sometimes (and I've definitely had this problem) when the topic at hand doesn't interest us, we say boring or low-status things just to relate to the topic. In doing so, we often conform to the tone set by the leaders of the conversation, who often chose that topic because it makes them look good or because t…
/r/seduction07/11/17 08:41 PM
4

Oh yeah, I wouldn't call someone you go to school with and happen to be sitting next to in class or at lunch a 'cold approach' at all--you already have something in common by virtue of going to school together. And I agree you can't filter all of it out, but seriously, stop looking for things that confirm a perspective you know is wrong/detrimental to your happiness, in the absence of any evidence that you actually need to worry about annoying or frightening women. Keep fighting the good fight, …
/r/seduction07/11/17 06:37 PM
5

Ah yeah, tumblr. Look, I'm probably one of the more feminist-leaning people on this sub, but I would highly encourage you to spend less time around people who make this complaint, for four reasons: Women who complain about catcalls and approaches have a legitimate gripe...with guys who are way too agressive, uncalibrated, don't take no for an answer, are frequently intoxicated, etc. Unfortunately, you're getting caught in the same net, when you're not really the intended audience. I am not the f…
/r/seduction07/11/17 01:59 AM
7

Yeah, this. I find it helps to pretend that someone's ordinary personality quirks are sexual kinks, and make lighthearted jokes about them that way. Basically, once you bring up sex in any context in a conversation, the whole subject is opened up and they feel a lot more comfortable with flirting etc.
/r/seduction06/11/17 10:16 PM
2

Oh, and something else: I think a lot of guys with bad social skills and no understanding of attraction tend to see subcultures as a safety net: be a loyal member of the subculture and people are supposed to give you respect, which is a lot easier to figure out than nebulous measures of social proof in a less defined social environment. Some subcultures/organizations make this very explicit with participation points etc (this is also the face-value way that school works). The problem is that thi…
/r/seduction06/11/17 09:53 PM
2

Yeah, and the more you can rationally tell yourself that you're not a loser in general (reaching goals of fitness, career, hobbies, platonic socializing, etc), the more that voice goes away.
/r/seduction06/11/17 09:45 PM
7

I agree, and want to point out something else: If your overall conception of the number of potential compatible women is really small, you might have self-esteem issues and/or an artificially narrow idea of compatibility, which stems from social isolation as a child or young adult. One of the things which saved my ass, in the process of figuring out attraction and dating, was to ease up on the snobby hipster shit. A lot of us have had bad social experiences due to our own ignorance of social nor…
/r/seduction06/11/17 09:36 PM
7

You have a morality problem (I remember the other thread). You are afraid of being a bad person by being too forward and/or sexual with women. I would argue that in a lot of cases, this is less a straightforward morality problem than one of comfort (you're afraid that if you deviate far enough from what you see as the morality you were brought up with, you will not benefit from its' protection, and bad things will happen to you). At the base of this, you need to realize two things: First, societ…
/r/seduction06/11/17 09:23 PM
1

I, too, am pretty over nightlife and drinking. Here's a few tips: Hobbies, meetups, sports teams. Try and join activities at school/work to get to know people better. Consciously build your social circles. When you meet someone whose company you enjoy, try and hang out with them more and meet their friends. If you live in a sufficiently large city, online dating is an option, but you have to put some work into it--get good pictures, write a good profile, and message a lot of women. My own philos…
/r/seduction04/11/17 06:01 AM
2

https://www.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/7a0hr4/confidence_comes_from_competence/dp6ef7j/
/r/seduction01/11/17 05:51 AM
3

Disclosure: I am a white dude who has never been to China, and is actually almost never attracted to Asian women, so no experience on those data points whatsoever. Otherwise? Honestly, you seem to have a pretty good mindset, doubts notwithstanding. One useful bit of meta-advice I would give is to realize that this stuff builds on itself--you ask 'Can I do this' to which I would ask, a little bit as a Socratic question--'what is the 'this' you speak of?' Because it can all be broken down into com…
/r/seduction01/11/17 05:05 AM
3

First, seriously, pat yourself on the back for having standards, because standards are fucking awesome and a lot of people mistakenly think they don't have the luxury of having them, when in fact they're devoting a lot of time to pursuing and dating incompatible women who don't make them particularly happy (and in many cases very unhappy)--time that could be spent on both introspection (to figure out what, and who, they really want) and on improving their lifestyle to be more attractive. Second,…
/r/seduction01/11/17 04:48 AM
15

I hate listicles too, and I mostly agree here, but two points: Being an approach machine without doing enough reading/preparation (not too much, to the point of avoiding real world practice), is how we get these bitter types who complain that 'nothing works for them.' Some amount of introspection about the decisions you have and haven't made in your life is necessary before embarking on change. I still have 'whoa' moments every week, as I have some realization about a facet of human behavior tha…
/r/seduction01/11/17 04:41 AM
5

Seriously, this. The ability to laugh at something you goofed at is a very healthy quality, in part because it signifies an ability to realize that chance just has its' way with your best laid plans sometimes, and that how those plans go is not actually about you. Basically, being vulnerable to yourself.
/r/seduction31/10/17 04:21 AM
1

Good points. I should have been clearer about the geek communities thing: I don't think they provide the initial idea that a guy thinks he's defective, but i do think they can further that feeling, because you're absolutely right about them being a way to avoid the world further...the thing is, if you didn't avoid the world further, you might get over some of those assumptions about your own 'defectiveness' a lot sooner. As to your second point...hm. I always say it as tilted towards the end of …
/r/seduction30/10/17 09:58 PM
2

Are you afraid of rejection (ie that the the girl won't want to have sex with you at the last moment), or are you afraid of not knowing what to do in bed? If the latter, you might want to take a deeper look at what you're into sexually, and read up on how to clearly communicate that to women in the moment. I grew up in a very sexually repressed environment and was petrified of dirty talk or any discussion or kinks or preferences in the bedroom until I was well into my twenties, despite losing my…
/r/seduction29/10/17 07:44 PM
1

I'm sure you have skills that seem natural from someone else's perspective. It's a murky combination of nature and nurture. Their relaxed attitude is definitely part of it, but it's also that they, consciously or not, learned this stuff at a young age. None of that should bother you--in many cases, it's more effective in the long run to build up your skills in a intentional way. I talked about this the other day here: https://www.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/784969/the_best_players_are_asking…
/r/seduction29/10/17 07:37 PM
2

While 'Comedian Mindset' has its' own risks, it might help you to see flirting or more general social skills through the lens of comedy, improv, or free-association wordplay. Instead of aiming for a zero-sum outcome of getting numbers or dates, see if you can make quantifiable gains in making people laugh or open up in conversation.
/r/seduction29/10/17 07:33 PM
4

It's shitty that your friends tell you that and then hook up with each other, but I wouldn't assume they're deliberately lying to you-they might be, but they also might just find themselves in a flirty situation, end up hooking up, and realize they liked each other. Just because the people telling you how nice you are throw in the word 'attractive' doesn't mean they mean anything more than deflection. I also tried online dating years before I figured my shit out, and guess what, I absolutely suc…
/r/seduction29/10/17 07:25 PM
12

OK, the disrespect is shitty, and to some degree can happen to anyone (trust me, I had some awful relationships in my early 20s in which I was shit upon pretty hard and just sat there and took it). The difference is how, and how quickly, you react to it. Not putting up with that kind of behavior, even if you don't have any other sexual prospects (which I know can be hard!) is really important. A self-respecting adult human has standards of behavior for the people he involves himself with. You sa…
/r/seduction29/10/17 03:25 PM
3

Yep, this needs to be said a lot more. As I said in my post below, this stuff is not binary: There's no magic cheat code that makes you 'get it' immediately. Reading Models and NMMNG is a good start, and there are certainly some 'a-ha' realizations that cascade after a year or two of paying attention to your lifestyle, but I've really become saddened by the constant parade of dudes who think that there's a switch somewhere deep in their brains that got twisted from 'Attractive' to 'Not Attractiv…
/r/seduction29/10/17 02:57 PM
17

You're doing some stuff right: therapy, exercise, career plans, even the ability to ask for help on Reddit. What comes through really strongly, though, and it's by no means unique to you, is a sense of entitlement: You think you've done the requisite things in life to deserve success with women. You have obvious problems with passivity and Nice Guy syndrome. You come off like a people-pleaser. Read No More Mr Nice Guy and take some time to think about it. Especially consider what you want out of…
/r/seduction29/10/17 02:28 PM
1

I just don't really enjoy meeting people or making friends anymore either. I've had some difficult, narcissistic relationships with friends and it all feels like a big time sink. Yep, definitely went through a period like this as well. On the plus side, it did make me realize that a lot of the people I was spending time with really didn't live up to my standards. I think it might be helpful to consider what you actually enjoy in terms of shared activities or conversations with other people, and …
/r/seduction29/10/17 01:59 PM
4

I can sympathize: I improved my life a lot (eating healthy, working out, quit smoking/drinking a lot), but my social anxiety increased. I think it's a fairly natural side effect of starting to take any task seriously. Outcome independence is an important principle for dealing with other people's perceptions of you, but it can run at cross purposes to the mental habits you need to establish in order to improve your own life: specifically, you become attuned to smaller details in anything you do. …
/r/seduction29/10/17 07:34 AM
1

I kick myself for being dense in the past, but there's really no point and I am working on doing it less. What matters is now. That said, it's worthwhile to think about the past, and the reasons you didn't understand or follow through with things that now seem important to you. I did this, and learned a lot about my overall reaction to stress and fear, and how it likes to sabotage my goals.
/r/seduction27/10/17 03:57 AM
21

This is a pretty standard realization which comes to guys who have done an intermediate amount of work on themselves and their attraction/pickup skills. While it's annoying and disheartening, you should also think of it as a good sign. Men who are afraid of women, who think that romantic rejection is a commentary on their innate worthiness, don't have this problem; they have a far worse one: Putting any woman who shows any attraction to them on a pedestal, refusing to treat her like a real perso…
/r/seduction27/10/17 02:33 AM
3

This is also definitely the opposite of my problem, at least now, but OP is right to ask about this, because it can be a legit problem. That said, if OP is successfully appealing to women, I'm not sure if this is a real attraction problem, or just being worried about 'how people see you.' The latter is almost always more of an issue in your own head. That said, confounding expectations is always worthwhile, since it makes people sit up and pay attention to you, and it stands to reason that if yo…
/r/seduction25/10/17 05:51 AM
1

I think there's a difference in context here. Think about it this way: one of the worst things you can be, in trying to attract women, is boring or pedestrian. Thus, if you approach a woman wearing her sexiest dress in a nightclub and tell her how hot she is, you're not surprising her or breaking her idea about what she expects to happen. If you're sufficiently attractive, and/or she's sufficiently impatient or desperate, this can work, but if you're trying to stand out, why would you do the sam…
/r/seduction24/10/17 11:15 PM
1

I think one problem that a lot of people with less-than-great social radar encounter is to mistake pro forma, polite inquiries about someone's well-being, for a genuine invitation to spill their problems. A lot of times, this either comes from having a really close relationship with family members who genuinely did want to hear about your problems--or the opposite, a family background where nobody gave a shit, and so you're so surprised by anyone who seems to care that you spill everything out, …
/r/seduction23/10/17 06:55 AM
22

He's a lot less neurotic than I am, therefore better at small-talk. He doesn't have any compunction about exchanging basically meaningless pleasantries or conversational hole-fillers. Much of the time, this is a good trait to have (and one that in no way comes naturally to me!). However, the fact that he does this with everybody, without bothering to calibrate for the person he's talking to, means that when he encounters really brash, direct girls (think New Yorkers or educated Russian girls as …
/r/seduction23/10/17 06:13 AM
2

Even if you were kinda awkward this time, seems like you passed the worst barrier already: She seems into you and acknowledges the potential social implications, so you're on the same page there. As for future advice? Honestly, while it's always good to be calm and not give a shit, this is one area where not only are you always going to have some anxiety, but that anxiety is a bit justified: 'Don't shit where you eat' is a well-known phrase for good reasons. Basically, you need to have a higher …
/r/seduction23/10/17 05:57 AM
1

Not 'lazy and boring'. But closer than you might think: The archetypal Nice Guy thinks that his 'niceness' aka emotional availability, loyalty, and the fact that he isn't a 'bad boy' means that he deserves sex and romance. Leaving aside the icky and easily decipherable vibe of dependence he gives off, the problem with this is that those qualities, even if real (and not just an act to get sex, which they almost always are to some degree), simply aren't exciting in a positive sense. And, most of a…
/r/seduction23/10/17 05:47 AM
70

Very true, although I would expand this by saying that the difference between the two groups is that the angry and impatient types tend to be those who think there's a single concept they can instantly understand, a single switch they can flick, to solve all their problems, rather than constant improvement and accepting failure as a learning experience. When you reach a certain point and can look back at the landscape you've left, all of a sudden the cumulative effect of those daily, small effor…
/r/seduction23/10/17 05:38 AM
10

People who are actual, platonic friends (the same way you'd be friends with a guy, for example) are not jealous of you trying to have a romantic life--on the contrary, absent actual causes for concern (you're dating someone with obvious, glaring flaws), they should be happy for you. Red flag.
/r/seduction23/10/17 05:15 AM
2

I think one of the reason that cold approaching and more extreme PUA tactics are emphasized by 'coaches' and guys who write ebooks is that the core target market of hard cases needs that stuff to break through their hangups, and often don't really know many women in real life. For a lot of guys, however, access to lots of cool women isn't the problem--success in school/work/hobbies/social groups has already provided them with that, but we have hangups about our own sexuality and what women want,…
/r/seduction18/10/17 08:45 PM
1

Sure, as long as you polarize super hard. If your pics and profile are 'normal,' why would you attract girls who would rather talk to a guy with the same 'normal' profile but better looks? Keep it positive, but specific: If you're kinky, say so. If you're super into flying drones or classical music or going to anime conventions, put it right up front. You might miss out on the 'normal' girls, but you'll be a bright flashing light to the ones who share your interests.
/r/seduction18/10/17 08:39 PM
2

OK, I think I understand a little more now: You aren't boring, and you probably don't bore intelligent people. But (like me a couple years ago) you're scared to death of your own sexuality and of using your positive qualities to attract women. This is tough to relearn, but it's better than not having those intelligent, positive qualities in the first place! You had to excuse yourself out of a conversation because someone was fascinated by you? If that person was an attractive woman (or someone w…
/r/seduction18/10/17 08:34 PM
1

Why mustn't it happen?
/r/seduction18/10/17 06:22 AM
2

Hoo boy. Curious about what you mean by 'normal men,' but as to the rest of this: Yeah, this is a serious problem, and IMO lies at the root of your problems. I'm guessing that there's a strong religious and/or 70s era feminist streak in your upbringing. Yes, women want sex. They want a lot of it, and they (depending on the individual woman, of course) want it with a million different kinds of guys, in a million different ways! The only real common thread here is that they want it with guys they …
/r/seduction18/10/17 06:21 AM
1

You are not responsible for everything in the world. You are responsible for your own behavior, no more, no less.
/r/seduction18/10/17 06:07 AM
1

Not investing as much in her is to avoid being needy/creepy. This isn't at all a slur on women, it's a very real awareness that women have a finely tuned sense of danger from guys, and that obsessed (read: overly invested) guys have a high potential to be emotionally or physically dangerous (not to mention not being attractive).
/r/seduction18/10/17 06:05 AM
2

Archaeology is totally of interest to other people, but like a lot of scientific or niche interests, it can benefit from being made a little more user-friendly (read: less intimidating for people who don't know much about it). Think about what your studies in archaeology have taught you about the difference between life in ancient versus modern times. When someone asks basic interview questions, like 'what do you study,' don't just answer 'archaeology,' but continue on just a little bit and expl…
/r/seduction18/10/17 05:57 AM
1

"Say whatever your version of truth is, and see if it sticks. If it doesn't, work on improving your truth, do not try to find better lies." Yup. This. Upvoted.
/r/seduction17/10/17 04:28 AM
1

Not OP, but seems like the problem here is your fear of being intimate. I can relate, but I can also tell you that when you get over it, it's basically just gone. In my case, I had severe performance anxiety as well as being sexually repressed and bad at dirty talk. I read up on stuff, worked out, changed my diet, and now I really enjoy sex for itself, and not as a mark of social worth/accomplishment. This is really important: You have to want sex because sex is fun! Women's bodies are soft and …
/r/seduction17/10/17 04:26 AM
1

I think what you mean by point 1 is that women are far better at picking up on social Ps and Qs and social status, and I agree. Be careful, though, asking your female friends about this stuff when you really are a newbie loser, though. My platonic female friends got super weird when I started fixing my shit, and I quickly learned to be careful about asking them for dating advice. I think part of it was just seeing a drastic change in my lifestyle, but I think it also disturbed them to hear me an…
/r/seduction17/10/17 04:20 AM
3

The only hack on Tinder is to be unique and specific. You're kinky? Post it there. You have a weird hobby or a weird political position or you believe the earth is flat? Put that in your profile.
/r/seduction17/10/17 03:00 AM
1

Your hobbies may be solitary, but are they interesting to other people? You don't have to be doing them at the moment you're talking about them to other people. I'm curious about what you do for fun, mostly because I was hung up on this for a while myself: I saw myself as utterly boring, pedantic, geeky and had a couple months where I was pretty pessimistic about dating. I think some of this can be traced to following advice about trying to date/sleep with as many girls as possible (see my comme…
/r/seduction17/10/17 02:54 AM
3

I know the mainstream media tends to shit all over PUA stuff and cherry pick the worst examples (which definitely exist!), but I think of it this way: Nobody is born knowing everything. There are very solid reasons, having nothing to do with our personal attractiveness or intrinsic worthiness, why some people learn social and romantic skills earlier and better than others. There's no shame whatsoever in, as an independent and intelligent adult, seeking out the necessary knowledge to fill the gap…
/r/seduction17/10/17 02:43 AM
1

Excessive worrying about 'bothering' women is often a sign that you've got pedestal issues, friend.
/r/seduction17/10/17 02:25 AM
1

What are you worried about being fraudulent or boastful about?
/r/seduction17/10/17 02:24 AM
2

Sounds like you're wrestling hard with morality. I can relate--I still find cold approaching distasteful sometimes. A couple thoughts: First of all, a respectful approach by a guy who takes no for an answer, isn't wasted or grabby, and has a positive and cheerful demeanor, is not what most women are worried about, and it's not what they mean by harassment. You should definitely learn what constitutes interest versus a brush-off so that you feel confident in your ability to read the situation. Se…
/r/seduction17/10/17 02:23 AM
2

Not sure if you're concerned that you'll tell the same story twice to a girl, or if you're concerned about overall intellectual stagnation. If the first--honestly, that happens to me with my friends with some frequency, and I just laugh it off. If the latter--dude, read books, seek out interesting people, be curious about everything. As far as kicking yourself for not starting earlier: Yeah, me too, but it's pointless. Someone always started earlier than you, but someone always started later, to…
/r/seduction16/10/17 09:15 AM
2

Yup. But you can rationally examine why you're feeling a particular emotion, and then tell it to go away if it doesn't make sense. The actual initial emotions account for a surprisingly small amount of our overall behavior--it's the cascade of feelings that result from letting them go unchecked that create our overall behavior.
/r/seduction16/10/17 09:10 AM
8

This is good advice, especially the last part. Two things: I'm sure it feels crappy to be a 27 year old virgin, but consider that while a lot of us were having sex much earlier than that...we were having bad sex, often with people we weren't that attracted to, and without the confidence to get what we wanted out of a relationship. The level of enjoyment I get out of dating, sex, and female company period (even with platonic female friends) after dealing with my hangups and anxieties is like nigh…
/r/seduction16/10/17 08:58 AM
4

First of all, get it out of your head that you have to cold approach in order to ever get laid. Yes, it ups your odds, and if done with the correct mindset, it's a useful corrective for confidence problems, but the pressure to cold approach can also reinforce perfectionist thinking habits which are probably over-represented in the average reader of PUA material--i.e., you don't think you're sex-worthy until you check off a bunch of complicated tasks. Realize that a lot of this advice is 'best pr…
/r/seduction16/10/17 08:45 AM
1

Tech guys suffer from an image problem and often a ratio problem (especially in the Valley) as well.
/r/seduction14/10/17 04:59 PM
7

If your job defines you, then you're not being interesting or unique enough in conversation. In any case, aspirations (even if somewhat BS) are in many ways just as important as current status. Yes, there are women who are status-obsessed, but: (a) If you're looking for anything but a one night stand, they will probably find out about your job and income anyway, (b) Many (not all) such women are probably not the most reasonable and stable people on earth, and (c) Even if they think they have 'ru…
/r/seduction14/10/17 06:58 AM
2

Seriously. I go for family histories pretty early on dates. It helps that I have an entertaining one, but overall it's a pretty good connection topic since everyone has a family, and it helps fill in the 'who the hell are you' question in their mind pretty quickly. One of the best dates I've ever been on involved us walking around in a park in the wintertime for a couple hours talking about our families, and then going and drinking beer in front of a fireplace with a bunch of my best friends. It…
/r/seduction13/10/17 06:51 AM
2

I concur, especially with point #4. Something else to consider, that I learned after the worst and most bizarre date I've ever had in my life: The more insecure and freaked out about dating the girl is, the more likely she is to rely on bullshit 'rules' ripped out of Cosmo, found on the internet, or passed down to her by friends. One of these rules, apparently, is that if a guy so much as mentions he's ever dated anyone else on the first or second date, he's 'not over them' and it should be take…
/r/seduction13/10/17 06:47 AM
2

In addition to the good advice in previous comments, you'll find that there's a not-insignificant minority of desirable, cool women who don't drink and are excited about meeting a nondrinker guy with his shit together. A lot of them had alcoholic parents or grandparents and are worried about the genetic component. The only bar you need to clear is to appear as neither too much of a nerd (ie you have no good reason for never having been a drinker other than social awkwardness), or too much of a r…
/r/seduction13/10/17 06:35 AM
1

Some random books that helped me understand what was going on in the world more: 1776 by David McCullough (very basic, pop history take on the American Revolution), A Peoples' History of America by Howard Zinn (the classic leftist take on American history), Hamilton by Ron Chernow (bio of Alexander Hamilton), Fear and Loathing on the Campaign Trail '72 by Hunter S Thompson (one of the funniest and most depressing books you can read about politics, still very applicable today), The Black Swan by …
/r/seduction10/10/17 12:57 AM
7

Very much agreed. I'm starting to think that the most under-rated attraction hack I know of is to be very good at something complicated that uses your hands and forearms, for three reasons: Every time an Askreddit thread comes up asking women what they find attractive in a man, 'forearms' or 'hands' comes up near the top. Use them, build the muscles and the dexterity of your hands. If you're good at wood-carving or painting or African drumming, the activity will draw their attention to your hand…
/r/seduction09/10/17 04:10 AM
2

OK, a couple things: If you think your friends are ahead of you in knowledge, then you've already solved half the problem: learn from them. Be glad you don't have the opposite problem of being surrounded by people with nothing to say. The above applies to girls, and anyone else you meet and don't already know, as well. If they say something interesting, ask them to explain it. Seriously, it can be a little bit of an ego shock, but just say 'You know, I'm realizing I don't know that much about [s…
/r/seduction09/10/17 03:59 AM
1

I agree--listen to some story podcasts or a good audiobook and pay close attention to how the voice actors use tonality and cadence to keep people interested in the story they're telling. That said, pick the right audience. If you're hanging around fast-paced groups with short attention spans (especially if the social leaders of the group are good at witty humor and free-association) this may not get you anywhere because it doesn't suit the overall mood of the group or the strengths of the leade…
/r/seduction05/10/17 10:35 PM
1

Honestly, while we all have moments of brain freeze, if this happens to you a lot, you're probably bored with the people and ideas around you--go find some people and ideas that don't bore you, and you'll pay better attention and stay in tune with the conversations.
/r/seduction05/10/17 10:32 PM
5

I get where you're coming from, and agree with the general spirit of the piece, but there's a key flaw in your analogy: you're not trying to date other kindergartners (well, at least I fucking hope you're not!). Adult social dynamics are complicated and weird (and thus require some amount of forethought and planning) precisely because of all the experiences we have growing up.
/r/seduction05/10/17 10:28 PM
1

This. Here's how I see it: Seddit and thinking about self-critiquing (within limits) how you deal with women and relationships can be very helpful, but they're not a replacement for having a life. However, the obverse is also true: you can be a social, interesting, passionate person, but if you're laboring under old assumptions about dating and women, you can still become pretty cynical and sad, because there's no two ways about it: sex and relationships are important, and they do serve as an in…
/r/seduction29/09/17 11:52 PM
1

Hm. I halfway agree with this, but there's a lot of value in learning some 'pickup' techniques even if you have a good social circle. I'm a massive dork, but I honestly never had too much of a problem meeting lots of attractive women--we had similar interests (music, visual art, partying) that made it pretty easy to meet a lot of people. The problem was that I was great at being a social butterfly, but I was shitty at being a man. I had a pretty bad case of female-socialized Nice Guy syndrome, d…
/r/seduction25/09/17 01:05 AM
2

Everybody's life experiences teach them different things. I share some of your annoyance at myself for not being 'high energy,' but you have to take a good, long, look at whether the old lessons of caution that your experiences have taught you actually apply to this scenario. Also worth thinking about: Your cousin's attitude to life may help him pick up girls in nightclubs, and so far his wealth/luck has helped him slide out of consequences for his behavior--but is that all that matters, in the …
/r/seduction23/09/17 10:16 PM
10

I remember reading a study that went something like this: 10% of women are only attracted to men with full, long beards, 30% aren't attracted to men with any beard whatsoever, the rest are on a spectrum. Makes sense to me. I used to have a big beard and I definitely slept with a couple women who were extremely into it, but I also noticed that I got a lot more 'false positives' aka attention from women at parties who thought the beard was cool...but not because they were attracted to it, per se, …
/r/seduction21/09/17 01:56 AM
1

Huh. Maybe I'm assuming too much. Maybe Star Wars was a bad example. I guess I'm just struggling with the fact that most of the observations my brain makes about what it finds funny or interesting are met with a blank stare and a 'huh' by anyone besides my close friends on the rare occasion they make it to my mouth.
/r/seduction16/09/17 07:34 AM
1

Also, I think there can be a very fine line (and maybe not very well explained in this sub sometimes) between needy supplication talk and 'getting to know you' talk.
/r/seduction16/09/17 07:22 AM
10

I think this is good advice and what I'm about to say shouldn't be taken as a whiny criticism, but I think that a lot of guys have a disconnect that you're not considering in 'talking like a normal person.' When you grow up with such a shitty social life that you retreat into tiny male nerd spaces, it can be pretty hard to learn the rules of the outside world, and that includes small talk and 'normal conversations.' Canned stuff is bad, I agree--but one of the major Dunning-Kruger realizations I…
/r/seduction16/09/17 07:21 AM
1

I completely understand the utter levels of frustration here. Same shit has happened to me plenty of times. There's just something about my brain that doesn't answer sudden questions in anything but the most logical way possible. I've made big improvements on pretty much everything else in my life, but this one is like hitting my head against a brick wall. I just don't have the reaction time.
/r/seduction12/09/17 10:41 PM
1

You're not wrong, but either I'm stressing too much about my rejection rate, or my brand of humor needs a lead in (i.e., I use the same kind of humor that gets laughs from my friends, and...nothing).
/r/seduction12/09/17 08:58 PM
2

Yeah, I think this is frequently true. I'm just a pretty damn literal and naive guy, so I assumed that their definition of the word had anything to do with my own...
/r/seduction18/08/17 10:42 PM
2

I think you're on to something about the racing heart, especially because I think a lot of people write dating profiles when they're bored, so the desire for something that tugs at the heartstrings is strongest then. So maybe 'adventure' should be seen as shorthand for 'make me feel something' or 'don't be boring'. And I think you're correct in seeing it as a differentiating tactic as well. One thing I'm just starting to realize is the female fear of being seen as boring.
/r/seduction18/08/17 10:40 PM
1

Legit. This is why guys who act 'mysterious' are able to compensate just enough for other, glaring flaws, to get one night stands or very short relationships. It's also why, after you accept that you need to work on yourself, and drop the 'mysterious' shtick, you usually perceive yourself as getting worse at talking to women and socializing in general, because you haven't built the mental muscles of self-respect and confident behavior yet, but you also don't have your old crutch anymore. I think…
/r/seduction18/08/17 07:14 AM
1

Honestly this was a good post, and you have a good writing style. I'm about the least red pill-y person you could imagine, and a lot of this made sense to me. Your thoughts on 'awkwardness' especially clarified something I've been thinking for a long time: There is no authority that defines what is awkward or not. I also really like the 'probably' line. The key here, I think, is to reassure women that you are not using them (and by 'them' I mean the individual woman you happen to be talking to a…
/r/seduction21/03/17 08:49 PM
2

Hey, you're doing more than I'm doing. Hell, I got opened by a girl while waiting in line at the store the other day, and it took me a couple minutes to even be comfortable talking to her. It's not easy.
/r/seduction21/03/17 08:00 PM
1

ITT: Don't be a potato.
/r/seduction08/03/17 06:41 AM
1

This is one of the clearest posts I have ever read on Seddit, and I agree 100%. I've actually heard my female friends say that exact phrase "I won't not fuck him" many times.
/r/seduction08/03/17 06:39 AM
1

Amen to that. I spent years chasing hipsters, and fuck that. I'm too constructive and positive to fit in with them.
/r/seduction04/03/17 01:34 AM
1

This was something I struggled with for a long time. I thought 'well, I'm smart, read a lot, know a lot about music, why doesn't this count with women'. The answer, I think, is that I was using these things as badges, not as entry points to good conversations with women. Our culture makes a big deal of cultural compatibility--the idea that if you like the same books and food, you're more likely to work as romantic partners. It's pretty bad advice (it's mostly a way of mentioning the American tab…
/r/seduction10/02/17 02:59 PM
1

With you on this. I'm good at complicated intellectual tasks, I'm absolutely horrible at thinking of anything to say.
/r/seduction17/01/17 05:30 AM
1

"I am a chronic over-apologizer, I'm not super confident in my own abilities, I'm often way too honest, and I'm incapable of flirting." Seriously, are you me? Two things: 1. The fact that women see you at work, doing things with concentration and (presumably) skill is a huge turn-on. I also used to have a job where my skills were on display, and it definitely attracted women. Also, mastering a job is a boost to confidence, and while you're actually performing that job you're likely to both be in…
/r/seduction13/01/17 06:33 AM
2

I have similar problems. They're not 100% fixed by any means, but I have noticed a few things. Your comments about growing up in social circles where you were mocked for having different interests. I had similar experiences. When you're young, in school, people in the dominant cliques establish a range of 'acceptable' interests and conversation topics, and use peoples' interest level/skill at responding to those as social indicators. Anyone who isn't into the dominant interests gets beat on the …
/r/seduction08/01/16 03:37 AM
1

Oh boy. I can't absolutely speak to my success as perceived by other people, but: Yeah, I absolutely give off that vibe, because I worked really hard at it. This is not in any way a good thing. One of my biggest problems is that for a very long time, I approached dating and sex from almost completely a social status/ego position instead of actually valuing intimacy and sexual experiences. Being publicly perceived to have a lot of sex was just one more value marker, one more box to check on the l…
/r/seduction09/12/15 06:57 AM
1

Yeah, it's not a good line for projecting confidence...but if you're starting from a really low point of confidence, sometimes you need some crutches. Sometimes it's a mental challenge to even believe you can have a 2-minute conversation with a random girl...so if the crutch gets you there this time, use it. Next time you'll have one more empirical data point of confidence, and you won't have to mention any dares.
/r/seduction07/10/15 06:43 AM
2

This is good advice. The most attractive girl I ever slept with was a neighbor of mine in an apartment building. I got to know her because our building had a communal patio and lots of people would hang out and drink there in the summertime. Because we were neighbors, I was able to jump right over the anxiety of introducing myself to a hot girl--in my mind, she was 'my neighbor, who happens to be beautiful,' rather than belonging to some amorphous class of scarily attractive women who I don't kn…
/r/seduction30/09/15 05:31 AM
1

Previously, most of the content on my profile was super sarcastic. I referred to myself as an asshole (because girls like assholes, right? /s). Keep in mind that this profile was about 5 years old. And I referred to myself being a cultural snob, hating most other people, and listed a bunch of books and movies that nobody has ever heard of. It was an attempt to be brutally honest and attract snobby hipster girls, since that was the circle I ran in back then (and did OK attracting snobby hipster g…
/r/seduction29/09/15 01:49 PM
1

Yeah, no shit. I amaze myself with how deep I dig myself into holes, sometimes.
/r/seduction29/09/15 02:59 AM
1

Seriously, this. I would generalize it as: Music that is super experimental or heavy, or music whose appreciation is based on understanding music theory or gear, is gonna be heavily slanted toward a male audience. I'm super involved in the music scene in my town...but it's mostly guys.
/r/seduction28/09/15 08:48 AM
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