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OPs_Mom_and_Dad Archive

View 1 post and 64 comments by OPs_Mom_and_Dad on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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1

Unemployed during the marriage (though she’ll say differently, but that’s a longer story). Today, hospice sales.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/26 05:44 AM
1

Good rule of thumb for life: never drink to make things better, only drink to make things even better.
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/26 03:59 AM
2

Boundaries. My ex believes that someone communicating boundaries is actually someone saying “this is something I’m trying to get over.” We’ve talked about so many boundaries, during the marriage and now in our divorced life. Every time I communicate something, she just does it anyways, and when I bring it up she always says “oh, I thought you were getting over that.” Some humans are just absolute pieces of shit when it comes to respecting boundaries.
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/25 12:26 AM
1

I hear you, completely. And everything you’re saying is correct. But she will twist and spin it however it best suits her. It’s rough, very very rough. Prepare yourself, and I don’t just mean mentally. Work with your lawyer, make sure he knows everything, so he can have a strategy for whatever she says. You’ve got this brother.
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/25 04:28 AM
4

He is 100% serious. The fact that the house is in your name is irrelevant, and sadly means you’re still going to have to pay the mortgage while you’re not living there, or else she’ll claim you endangered the children. On the “kids play with them in the backyard,” there’s an extremely good chance she’ll use that as evidence of how dangerous of a Dad you are. I can assure you, life will eventually get better, but for now, I’m so sorry to say you’re officially at war, and life is going to get hard…
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/25 02:14 PM
6

I live in Vegas, and never had a divorce party (but I’m extremely happy about being divorced). Let me know when we’re meeting up!
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/25 02:56 AM
2

I got a dog, and it’s been amazing. This was on the advice of my uncle, who got a dog when he divorced 20+ years ago, and said it helped a lot. Draco (the dog), you’re awesome buddy!
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/24 06:13 PM
3

I actually tried to file this lawsuit, and every attorney I spoke with said they wouldn’t take the case because it’s a domestic issue, and should have been settled in the family courts. It was so frustrating.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/24 06:12 PM
4

This was very similar to my situation. I wholeheartedly say divorce. It’ll be expensive. It might be about the same as you’re losing now, but it’ll at least be a predictable amount you can budget for. Just be prepared, every time she runs out of money, she’s going to come after you for me. Be firm, say no, and at no point should you ever agree to pay for her attorney’s fees (which she’ll absolutely demand you do).
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/24 12:33 AM
1

I’ve taken a few different anti depressants over the years, due to diagnosed depression from things that happened during the marriage and later the divorce. My advice, I wholeheartedly promote them if your doctor thinks they will help. You always start on such a low dose that worrying about their impact on your ability to think clearly is truly negligible, and considering you’re going through something pretty traumatic now, they really do help. My only two pieces of advice: 1) Be careful what yo…
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/24 05:00 AM
2

The attorneys I spoke to said they wouldn’t take the case because it was a domestic issue and should’ve been handled during the divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/24 03:41 AM
3

Honestly, this might’ve been for the best. We tried couples counseling with three different counselors, and she fired all three when they told her she needed to contribute to the marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/24 01:53 AM
15

I had my own company. She never worked during the marriage. We got in a fight one day about money, and I begged her to get a job. She did, but it only lasted 9 months and she got fired. She swore she’d get a new job for two months, and nothing happened. One day, I came into my office, and she’s sitting at my desk with her laptop open, and said she was going to work for me now. Flash forward another two months, she was doing nothing. I didn’t care too much, especially because I never paid her or …
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/24 01:51 AM
7

I had a similar experience earlier this year. Connected with a super nice woman, also divorced with kids, and we got along great. But the more we talked, the more I worried. She didn’t talk about her ex a lot, but when she did, I was convinced she was saying the same things about him that my ex says about me. Separately, she’d sometimes pay for dates (which is new to me, threw me off my game but she insisted), and then later said she didn’t mind paying because she got so much of his money from t…
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/24 02:33 PM
4

It’s a super super painful bandaid that just needs to be ripped off. Yes, I’m much much happier now.
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/24 07:58 PM
12

I had a whole discussion with my then wife about happy wife happy life. We eventually got to whether or not she made me happy, and I told her to picture a scale, from 1 (happy) to 0 to -1 (unhappy). I then said on a great day, she provided be with a 0, but on most days she provided me with a -1, and at no point did she ever operate in the 0 to 1 range. She laughed, repeated “happy wife, happy life” and then reminded me that nowhere in that statement does it say she is supposed to make me happy. …
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/24 08:25 PM
2

This might sound dumb, but it’s helped me cope with child support (I hate paying mine every month for the same reasons OP outlined). Every time you pay it, tell yourself it’s your divorce subscription, and that if you don’t pay it, the state will make you marry her again. Like I said, it might sound dumb, but this mantra has really helped me get through hitting “send” on that payment every few weeks.
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/24 05:25 PM
2

Mine always complained that it wasn’t fair I had a degree and she didn’t (I finished long before I met her, and she flunked out in her first semester at the same school). She always asked me to pay for her to get a degree, which I was actually on board with, until she said “oh, and you’re going to have to do all my homework, too, since you’re good at it.” That was a hard no for me, which she resented me for through the entire marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/24 05:18 PM
9

I miss my kids terribly. I miss having money. I miss my career. I miss my house, my colleagues, a lot of friends, and honestly I miss being a husband and having a family. But to not have to wake up next to that evil piece of shit woman every day anymore, yes, it’s 100% worth it.
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/24 04:05 AM
20

The constant mind games. She’d be screaming at me, and the moment I’d yell back, she’d put on a shocked face and say “why are you yelling? No one else is yelling.” The constant lying, the financial ruin she regularly created. The intense control she demanded in all situations. The ongoing abuse and neglect, and simultaneous demand that she be worshipped for contributing nothing. All of it was too much to bear. I was diagnosed with depression from all this, and she just never cared. It all boiled…
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/24 06:31 PM
5

This sub is essentially my support group. It’s very important we stay positive and here for men who need us. Thank you, gentlemen, for everything you’ve done to make this a safe and excellent place.
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/24 06:25 PM
7

I filed in 2017, she made promises to get better, and we reconciled. I filed again in 2022 because nothing got better. My primary regret is not going forward with it in 2017.
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/24 04:20 PM
10

My wife never believed me when I said she snored. One day I took a video of it, and showed it to her the next morning. To this day, she claims I faked the video and added sound effects.
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/24 06:22 PM
15

I have vivid memories of doing the dishes, while being yelled at my wife that I was doing the dishes wrong while she sat on the couch on her phone. I still shudder.
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/24 06:21 PM
4

Without question, yes. But I acknowledge I’m not like most people.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/24 03:18 PM
11

No matter what I do in life and no matter how well I treat my kids, there’s absolutely zero chance either of my former in laws would ever be big enough to make this phone call.
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/24 10:36 PM
1

My ex wife has a strong desire to be exactly like her mother and her grandmother, both of whom are extremely abusive, controlling women. I come from a family in which only my dad worked, and my mom supported him and the family. My ex refused to work, so I naturally assumed we were going to have the same marriage as I was brought up in. Note, this isn't what I wanted, though, I desperately wanted a partner with a career. Despite the fact that she didn't work and refused to help around the house o…
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/24 05:39 PM
5

Go out and do things you enjoy, and take the time to notice afterward that no one is yelling at you for doing things you enjoy. That aspect has been nice. I come home from a good evening out or a day at the golf course, and can actually bask in the glory of having done it, rather than feeling immense guilt. That’s been an amazing experience I’d forgotten about.
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/24 02:58 PM
1

The shitty part about slander and libel is that most lawyers (at least in my state) won’t take a slander case that involves a former spouse.
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/24 11:41 PM
5

“He yelled at me, and all I was doing was yelling at him. That’s why he’s an abuser!”
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/24 11:37 PM
23

My ex wife actually argued in court that I wasn’t fit to be a dad because I was too fun, specifically using the words “he tries to be the fun dad.” Ten minutes earlier, she was also arguing that I was too strict of a dad, because I’d yell at the kids when they didn’t finish their homework or finish cleaning their rooms. So, long story short, nothing I did was correct, aka everything I did was an argument she wanted to make. Just be the best dad you can be for your kids from the scorecard that yo…
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/24 09:17 PM
8

Yes. Couldn’t hold a job, refused to help around the house, etc. She kept saying she was just in a funk and I met her at a weird time. We got married. Nothing changed over the years, it only got worse.
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/24 06:05 PM
31

I lost my home, my kids (temporarily) and my career to an abusive woman who made a campaign that I was the abuser right after I finally was brave enough to leave her and file for a divorce. This country has no qualms with how we treat men, and I’m sick of it. Edit: I just got permabanned from r/offmychest because of this comment. I feel like my point is made.
/r/MensRights24/02/24 03:47 PM
12

Career, definitely. Can she take care of herself, definitely. Also, do you like her mother? Because she’s going to turn into her eventually.
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/24 06:51 AM
2

When it’s warm enough, I golf. It’s a great way to kill 4+ hours. Also a weird but fun one, when I was in high school and college I played in the band (clarinet). I found a band for adults at my local college, we rehearse Wednesday nights for two hours. It’s a phenomenal way to spend two hours a week I’ve found.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/24 05:26 AM
1

Yup, this was me. Though, my wife would often tell me what to do (regardless of the fact that I was doing it already and/or would have done it without her insistence) and then tell the world she accomplished the chores through delegation.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/24 08:57 PM
7

I really wish I’d paid more attention to this. My MIL treats my FIL, and everyone really, like they’re worthless and she’s a queen. My wife ended up turning into the exact same monster, even explaining to me that wives are allowed to yell at husbands but husbands aren’t allowed to yell at wives. Their whole family is completely terrible, and I still fear for my daughters growing up around those influences.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/24 06:28 PM
2

I’ve watched a lot of Bob Ross since starting the whole process. It helps with sleep a ton.
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/24 06:16 PM
1

Yes. What you're referring to is common among narcissists; one of their defining traits is lying. Belief in a lie does not make it a truth, it just demonstrates the person's derangement.
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/24 06:14 PM
18

Gaslighting. I’d never experienced it before, but looking back the signs were all there. The one that should have given it away was when we were dating, and I couldn’t sleep because she snored. She said she didn’t snore. I took a video of her snoring and showed it to her the next day, and she began to scream at me for making a fake video.
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/24 12:17 AM
1

Solid answer. This is mine too.
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/23 02:28 PM
1

I initiated, but otherwise it’s the exact same story. Something in the water.
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/23 02:01 AM
5

Exactly.
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/23 05:59 PM
1

I often wonder what a woman would say if they were offered 90/10 physical time, but only child support for 50/50 time, if they would take the deal.
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/23 06:49 PM
18

Was married eight years, and I'm about seven months into my divorce. I filed. The STBXW and I had a court date the other day where we both got to speak. After court, a few folks who were there came up to me and said "Listening to her talk, I'm pretty sure this was her plan from the moment you proposed." Breaks my heart, but the more I think about the last eight years, the more I realize they're probably right.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/23 08:25 PM
1

I literally gagged thinking about sex with my ex. Just...no.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/23 08:20 PM
4

While I'm literally in the middle of the other chores, no less!
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/23 08:12 PM
1

Good book!
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/23 05:14 PM
1

Steak. I absolutely love going to the grocery store, getting exactly one steak, and coming home to cook it! Also I love my crockpot. I work from home, and smelling something cooking for dinner all day makes the day excellent.
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/23 05:55 PM
25

Gaslighting.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/23 12:23 AM
6

Lots and lots of Offspring.
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/23 12:17 AM
2

Funny enough, the night before the marriage fell apart my wife was wearing my wedding band while I gave her a massage, and she never gave it back. So, it’s hers now, I haven’t seen it since, and honestly I’m cool with that.
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/23 12:29 AM
2

I did not know such a woman exists….
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/23 11:32 PM
2

Hey man, enjoy the house. After separation began, I rented a new house - wanted something where my kids knew they had a place, and I work from home so I needed to get my business reestablished. But holy shit do I hate this place when the kids aren’t here (they’re here on weekends). Feels like I’m renting a prison, not my new home.
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/23 03:37 PM
1

It’ll be more if/when I ever get my PS5 back.
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/23 03:35 PM
2

Same. Needed to read this.
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/23 03:34 PM
3

Priority 1 is the kids, and priority 2 is you, all with the caveat that there's a reason airplanes make you put your own mask on before you put one on your kids. Take those truths together and become the best dad/person possible!
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/23 11:23 PM
2

What if you’re less than average attractive?
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/23 09:46 PM
2

I'm on this sub so I'm obviously jaded, but if it's not 1 then it's 2. It's hard to believe someone can actually be intentionally malicious, but if someone does something that upsets you, knows it upsets you, refuses to change and also refuses to leave, then you have the definition of intentionally malicious. Good luck brother!
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/23 11:55 PM
5

I've had a partner who refused to contribute anything - financially, sweat equity, nothing - for the entire length of our relationship. We discussed it several times, and how it was hurting our relationship. About 90% of the conversations ended with her explaining to me that I was just looking at it wrong, and the remaining 10% she'd admit she was being lazy....only for her to refuse to acknowledge those 10% conversations again in the future. To be honest, I'd probably have been ok with it if my…
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/23 11:21 PM
2

12 years together, 8 years married, same boat. I feel like I tried every single day to make the same loving, safe marriage you're describing work. I have no clue how I'm going to feel when this is all over, but I am excited to know there's at least a light at the end of the tunnel. Congrats on this major step, and I'm sorry the plans you had won't become reality. Great luck on the next step man.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/22 08:09 PM
3

I’ve been reading a lot of NPD books, but haven’t read this one. Picking it up tomorrow. Thanks!
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/22 12:32 AM
2

When I started this process last month, I read a lot of books on gaslighting and NPD. They’ve helped a lot.
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/22 02:50 AM
3

This post seriously gives me hope. Congrats brother!
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/22 02:48 AM
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