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ObliviousAsshole Archive

View 1 post and 49 comments by ObliviousAsshole on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
70

ObliviousAsshole/r/MarriedRedPill05/11/18 03:57 PM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
2

At the advise of my therapist, I voiced my want for us to sleep in the same bed... This whole section is cringy AF. Until you know what your actual boundaries are, STFU. Talking like this is making things worse. Your wife is probably disgusted by behaving like a needy child. Read this on boundaries: https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/2vr5ih/how_to_build_boundaries_during_your_transition/ If you cannot or are not willing to enforce the sleeping together boundary, do not talk about i…
/r/MarriedRedPill24/09/19 03:48 PM
2

It looks to me that you are already being too nice or too kind. I don't think that's your issue. The issue seems that she's just being a bitch to you all the time - probably because you do not demonstrate any demeanor that should be respected by her. I think you need more of calling her out when she's being a bitch than trying to do defuse the situation constantly. There is a time for fogging but you have to at some point graduate to more advanced techniques that position you as the head of the …
/r/MarriedRedPill28/08/19 02:45 PM
2

Poor choice - says who? Do you want to do it? Let me offer you a similar, but slightly different story of how it went with me. I also decided to take dance classes very early on and my reasons for doing it were also confused. I asked my wife if she wanted to take classes together - she declined. So I signed up by myself and went. There was lots of crying and accusations but I kept going. I started going to dance socials by myself too. Lots more crying. She even complained to some friends who wou…
/r/MarriedRedPill11/12/18 03:14 PM
1

I’d signed up for Salsa classes ... I made a poor decision, and I paid the price. What exactly do you consider the bad decision here? There's a lot of stuff that happened. Is it that you signed up for the classes? That you didn't tell her? That you backed down? That you felt it was inappropriate? The only bad things I see is that you were trying to hide it from her and that you backed down when she manipulated you with her indignation.
/r/MarriedRedPill11/12/18 02:17 PM
2

I'm having a lot of trouble recently balancing owning my shit and the wife pulling her fair share. Where is the balance? ... I'm not doing this expecting to be rewarded with GoodBoyPointsTM or the likes This is the crux of the matter where you have to change your mindset. Your current thinking is a mix of several things: some type of expectation of equal division of labor, her ability to see the logic of that division, your ability to control what she does to reach that division, and her appreci…
/r/MarriedRedPill06/12/18 02:33 PM
4

You describe your financial situation vaguely but it seems to be somewhere between serious and a complete disaster. It shouldn't come as a surprise that your wife does not trust you with the bills. If you want specific advice on how to approach this long term, you would have to post more details. However, in general terms, you need to figure out the big picture financial issues first, before fighting over the bills. Do you know if you're living above your means? Do you need to move to a cheaper …
/r/MarriedRedPill30/10/18 03:42 PM
2

What I would do is irrelevant because I don't have the same profile. I would suggest you do some basic research (the links above are good to understand even outside of US) and then apply the knowledge to your situation. Outside of US you might have government contributions to retirement savings so I would first make sure to max out all the possible tax advantaged and/or government sponsored options for this year. Then start taking additional investments as they align with your goals.
/r/MarriedRedPill26/09/18 04:50 PM
3

You own your business and significant real estate so that is already a very high risk (and potentially high yield) profile. Presumably you want to diversify into a lower risk investment option then. Do you already contribute to a 401(k) and or IRA? If not, start by reading https://www.reddit.com/r/personalfinance/wiki/iras https://www.reddit.com/r/personalfinance/wiki/401k You might not have a 401(k) option available if you have your own business but I think you could set one up for your employe…
/r/MarriedRedPill26/09/18 03:16 PM
2

Not ok at all in investment management. Right now all real estate, own business, liquid. Fear of loss in markets has held me back. I feel un-comfortable just chipping into markets because that’s what you do. I don't have time to (and don't believe in) half ass trading, and the idea of just being long comes un-natural ... Suggestions welcome What is your asset split currently and what is your goal with investing in the stock market (I think that's what you are asking)? Are you looking to diversif…
/r/MarriedRedPill26/09/18 01:17 PM
4

Why even entertain her BS list of demands? Even discussing it is entering her frame and negotiating attraction. Your only long term concern is whether she meets your requirements.
/r/MarriedRedPill25/09/18 06:47 PM
1

It's difficult to advise with this limited info so I would suggest going through this: https://www.reddit.com/r/personalfinance/wiki/commontopics to prioritize saving options.
/r/MarriedRedPill12/09/18 03:03 PM
1

Is there a reason why you want to buy a CD specifically? There are typically much better options available. For example, are you maximizing any employer-matched retirement plans? Tax free health savings plans? Paying off high interest loans? Depending on your age and risk tolerance, investing in some index funds (tax advantaged or not) would probably be a better long term strategy than CDs as well.
/r/MarriedRedPill12/09/18 01:15 PM
1

Are your kids working part time? With at least 10 hours a week and some summer jobs, they should be able to pull 5k+ a year.
/r/MarriedRedPill12/09/18 01:05 PM
5

You are not providing enough clear leadership. Your wife simply does not see you as leading and to be honest, I don't either. Leadership should be very clear and not some inane power struggle about a sweater. You need to have all big areas of your life handled such that the people in your life think "I'm really glad ice_walker is taking care of that so I don't have to think about it." as opposed to "What is it that you do here?". What are the big areas you ask? Well, I don't know, that's up to y…
/r/MarriedRedPill28/08/18 02:00 PM
1

Did you research this topic or is it your own conclusion? There are enough nutrition religions to pick from without making up your own.
/r/MarriedRedPill16/08/18 08:44 PM
1

As an investment opportunity it appears that it's not really very interesting. Whoever is spending the money to buy it should be clear that it's not an investment, nor a short term flip opportunity. It is speculation and consumption. If you care about advising your wife about her money, that would be the message to her. But it could still be an opportunity or pitfall for you depending on how you structure it. If the new house ownership would be shared (as in, divorce would award you half of it),…
/r/MarriedRedPill09/08/18 12:48 PM
2

Sounds like you got your financial situation under control - good to know. That means we can talk about the actual real estate puzzle you are facing. But before that, one last comment about the "her money" situation. Your wife and/or your in-laws could have set up quite the scheme that benefits her only. Even though she's rich, her money could be hidden in a trust in such a way that in the event of a divorce, she still takes most of your "shared" money and keeps all "her" money. I have no idea w…
/r/MarriedRedPill08/08/18 07:56 PM
2

TLDR: Do not squander this money. My financial alarms are going off. You didn't provide a lot of detail so I'll estimate but I'm sure you can triangulate from there. Step 1 - The Amount It sounds like this is a significant amount of money that your wife has. I'm guessing at least 500k if we're talking about the current price of house that is going up in value 400k in 5 years and a neighborhood with CEOs. Even then it's dubious if anyone can predict that a house will almost double in value in thi…
/r/MarriedRedPill08/08/18 01:41 PM
3

It's not clear what the situation is exactly but it sounds like the proposal is for you to move to a more expensive house. It's confusing because the proposal is mixing several things that you can think about in isolation. Buying a more expensive house for yourself is consumption. Buying property because you think it will improve in value over time is speculation. Buying property to bring you an income stream is an investment. Repairing a property to increase value more than what you put in is m…
/r/MarriedRedPill07/08/18 06:44 PM
1

Having a large home equity (i.e. paying off the mortgage aggressively) is not the best way to save and invest - assuming you have better investment options. What you listed are not investments. It would only make sense to refinance if you can invest that money with an interest rate/return higher than your current mortgage rate. Cars typically carry a lower interest rate so that is likely not a good trade. Remodel is just a straight-up money drain. The refinance will cost you a good chunk in clos…
/r/MarriedRedPill01/08/18 08:55 PM
1

There are two different things going on here. Your wife yelling because she was startled. You being pissed because mommy did not approve of how you "averted an altercation". Which one are you mad about?
/r/MarriedRedPill26/07/18 01:04 PM
1

Even now you are already falling into the trap of justifying or explaining. You don't have to explain anything. You can withdraw your consent to talking at any point even if you gave consent previously. That is the beauty of the Verbal Intercourse is Optional post. You can change "I can't have this conversation if you're going to talk that way/use that tone/be unreasonable" to "I don't want to have this conversation". Then broken record. Bonus points if you can avoid deering about why you don't …
/r/MarriedRedPill26/06/18 07:51 PM
2

It is rough to think in that moment when the emotions are taking over. You are trying to come across as being composed when everything inside you just screams to say that stupid thing. You probably didn't even notice when you entered the downward spiral but when you finally do, it's too late. Every new attack is harder to flip and requires a much stronger frame than what you barely possessed at the beginning of the exchange. You really need to start from the beginning so that you don't get that …
/r/MarriedRedPill26/06/18 05:06 PM
3

That bedtime conversation was a comprehensive list of What-Not-To-Do. First you start revealing your frustrations that only makes it clear that you have no OI and that you have a big button that she can press for good effect. And just in case it wasn't clear enough to her, you painted it very clearly how specifically your button works. You really only have limited options to starfish - caveman, tell/make her exactly what you want her to do, or stop altogether. So, STFU about your feelings about …
/r/MarriedRedPill26/06/18 01:29 PM
5

Welcome to the Red Pill, where long held beliefs get shattered. I couldn't help but smile through the whole write up (good read btw), as it mirrors so much of my internal transformation. I have changed so many core beliefs over the last couple years that I can't even comprehend the person that I was previously. You already got a lot of great advice so I'll only add this - learn to enjoy the shift in your core values and beliefs. I am now actively looking for more ways in which I was wrong before…
/r/MarriedRedPill19/06/18 02:07 PM
1

Speaking plainly is DL9. Passing shit tests is DL1. Are you passing shit tests? Specifically, after 4 years you should treat every rejection as a shit test. How are you passing them? She dosent feel sexy and feels fat etc. Is this how she rejects you? This is like the mildest of LMR ever. Do YOU find her sexy? Then make it clear. Is she fat and you still want to fuck her? Then make it clear you want to fuck her fat ass. Is she fat and repulsive? Then why are you trying to fuck her in the first p…
/r/MarriedRedPill07/06/18 03:29 PM
1

I don't want to nuke the relationship but ultimately I don't want to cheat either. Why? At 4 years "dry spell" she already nuked it. I'm considering a carefully planned talk with wife before I do anything. Again why? Presumably she's saying something to you when she's rejecting you. How do these conversations go? They are probably ample opportunities to convey your message through passing shit tests without setting up some elaborate talk. These are the moments to assert your frame, not some lame…
/r/MarriedRedPill07/06/18 02:45 PM
1

I don't know if you can spontaneously go sailing or golfing but it sounds like you are stuck with her bitchy behavior 5/7 of the time. Having an option for 100% of the time is great. If she's annoying, you simply go do your own fun stuff. Even if it's painting in the back yard.
/r/MarriedRedPill17/05/18 12:50 PM
1

My mood is not happy, more neutral. I need to get to a happy mood. I don't think chasing it will make it happen. Do you have skill-based hobbies? Happiness will come from getting better at doing stuff that is difficult. It takes time but that's the point. When I started I loaded up on hobbies to the point that I had to ditch some later. Now I have several activities that I love where I'm constantly improving. I can't help but feel great because I'm thinking about them a lot. It also re-orients y…
/r/MarriedRedPill16/05/18 06:56 PM
1

Read more about Boundaries . They should be about the consequences that you can control. Do you really want to have a cabinet without a handle? Probably not. How about instead of engaging in extended discourse and then making your life more uncomfortable, you simply broken record that the lunch box does not belong there and next time it happens you throw the lunch box in the trash. If she has to dig it out of the trash or buy a new lunch box, she probably won't do it again.
/r/MarriedRedPill27/04/18 01:27 PM
1

You're making this interaction way too complicated. You withhold attention for repeated hard no's by not being there at all, not by turning her down for sex. The end goal is that you want both sex so denying it when she wants it is confusing, counterproductive, and butt-hurt.
/r/MarriedRedPill20/04/18 01:11 PM
1

I wanted to tell her that, to get what she wants, she needs to be sweet, supportive, and available. She holds sex hostage in a negotiation for a kid. You want to do the reverse. A.k.a. negotiating for sex. It does not work - don't do it.
/r/MarriedRedPill10/04/18 06:36 PM
2

You are over-thinking the nature of the FMOFY talk and approaching it as some type of negotiation. That doesn't work. The frame should be: "The marriage does not work for me, here is the divorce settlement, please sign" and you should be ready to go through with it. The only way that you won't go through with it is if she immediately demonstrates 100% compliance with what you want. No more talking about talking.
/r/MarriedRedPill05/04/18 01:42 PM
1

Info 5'11, 202lb, 20% fat. Age 42, wife 42, married 19 years. 2 teenagers. Lifts AMRAP sets: Squat 4x 240, DL 4x 270, BP 7x 185, OHP 2x 120. Lifts Progressing on 5/3/1 for Beginners but the squat weights are starting to intimidate me. Not sure why. There's something about the weight on my shoulders. But I just keep adding on the weight as the program says and it seems to be working so far. Should be able to get to my goal of 265 by the summer at this rate. Passive Income Lots of progress in this…
/r/MarriedRedPill21/03/18 01:34 PM
1

Consider educating yourself on cholesterol. Most physicians are almost as clueless as the general public and provide outdated advice. This is a very detailed series of about 10 articles and by part 5-6 you will probably know more than they do. The straight dope on cholesterol
/r/MarriedRedPill28/02/18 08:18 PM
3

So If I cut carbs, my lifts are going to suffer? That's the conventional wisdom but you should test it yourself. Given your BF% you might be extremely carb sensitive. Since the goal is to lose fat and you're stuck, this is an obvious area to check. Try going below 50g of carbs.
/r/MarriedRedPill27/02/18 09:47 PM
2

100 carbs to keep energy levels up Is that for lifting or just in general? This is just an N=1 statistic but from my experience of several years on low carb, there is no lack of energy with even extremely low levels. In fact the energy stays consistent throughout the day and there are no crashes. It does affect lift performance though.
/r/MarriedRedPill27/02/18 09:25 PM
1

Info 5'11, 199lb, 20% fat. Age 42, wife 42, married 19 years. 2 teenagers. Lifts AMRAP sets: Squat 5x 235, DL 5x 260, BP 6x 175, OHP 5x 110. Abundance When I look at my progress over the last ~18 months objectively, my life is completely unrecognizable and changed for the better. I have fulfilling hobbies, I'm lifting increasingly heavier weights, my social circle has expanded, and my household is running smoothly. My wife defers to me almost completely and I'm getting laid ~3x a week. I figured…
/r/MarriedRedPill27/02/18 08:35 PM
1

Info 5'11, 197lb, 20% fat. Age 42, wife 42, married 19 years. 2 teenagers. Lifts AMRAP sets: Squat 5x 235, DL 6x 250, BP 6x 175, OHP 5x 110. Household Had a great week getting stuff done around the house and in the back yard. Fixed our dishwasher after researching and ordering parts online - that's the first time I did something like that with an appliance, and it was really easy. Saved a bunch of money and hassle. Played lumberjack in the back yard and cut down and shortened several trees that …
/r/MarriedRedPill20/02/18 04:26 PM
4

I continue my "don't think about what your wife is thinking" mantra and That evening, watching TV, I brought it up and asked her if she felt like talking about things. are in direct conflict. Do not lie to yourself. /u/Reach180 did a great breakdown of what followed but you have to start with owning that you are lying to yourself.
/r/MarriedRedPill20/02/18 03:35 PM
1

My diet is cleaner than a whistle. I am vegan Cleaner than a whistle, you say?
/r/MarriedRedPill14/02/18 06:21 PM
1

Info 5'11, 197lb, 20% fat. Age 42, wife 42, married 19 years. 2 teenagers. Lifts AMRAP sets: Squat 6x 225, DL 6x 250, BP 6x 175, OHP 5x 110. Mission Job Over the past year I have come to the conclusion that my current job is not part of my mission. I work in a technical office job and I do well in it. However, I didn't see many growth opportunities without switching to management which is not appealing to me at all. Reading the Gervais Principle series really opened my eyes to the office interac…
/r/MarriedRedPill13/02/18 05:57 PM
1

I don’t feel like I broke frame, but I did start talking So you initiated a conversation about sex (don't do that) and then you were surprised when her master-level verbal-fu completely destroyed you?
/r/MarriedRedPill13/02/18 04:42 PM
5

I subscribed to a meal-delivery service, three dinners a week (paleo emphasis). This will take some pressure off her since she's working so much now and has been half-assing dinners anyway. This is OK but a huge opportunity missed in actually OYS. For an investment of a few hours on a weekend you can completely take care of household nutrition and provide clear leadership. My wife was likewise half-assing dinners but the problem was actually deeper than just the cooking. She was lacking a vision…
/r/MarriedRedPill13/02/18 04:14 PM
1

Your failures happened prior to this exchange so it's too late to make that a stellar exchange at that point. Nevertheless, you made it worse by arguing and DEERing. Next time, make a mental note of your prior failures, fog, and STFU. A couple example failure points prior to this exchange: Lack of leadership in setting up your daughter's schedule to your satisfaction and lack of gaming/kino during the day.
/r/MarriedRedPill09/02/18 07:48 PM
1

Don't tell her about the consult. What possible benefit would that give you?
/r/MarriedRedPill06/02/18 05:41 PM
3

Info 5'11, 197lb, 20% fat. Age 42, wife 42, married 19 years. 2 teenagers. Lifts AMRAP sets: Squat 6x 225, DL 6x 250, BP 6x 175, OHP 5x 110. Passions One of the biggest things that took me forever to figure out was to know what I'm passionate about. Before MRP, I was addicted to playing video games and didn't really do anything else beside that. I stopped playing pretty abruptly and all of a sudden I had all this free time but nothing to fill my life with. So I loaded up on a bunch of new hobbie…
/r/MarriedRedPill06/02/18 03:26 PM
37

You have an unhealthy, stalker-level obsession with your wife and what is in her head. I think you know this based on what you write here and in your OYS but I'm not 100% sure if you are actually logically aware of this. You might even be confusing this obsession with love. You keep asking what you can actually do instead of just thinking and analyzing. Here's what you can do right now. Think of someone in your life who you like and who you have a healthy relationship with - a friend, neighbor, …
/r/MarriedRedPill05/02/18 07:52 PM
1

Info 5'11, 197lb, 20% fat. Age 42, wife 42, married 19 years. 2 teenagers. Wife was SAHM for majority of our marriage but is now working part time. Lifts AMRAP sets: Squat 6x 225, DL 6x 250, BP 6x 175, OHP 5x 110. Program: 5/3/1 for Beginners. Background Found MRP in the fall of 2016 after a few months of searching for answers. Wife gave me the "I don't really need sex" variation of the speech somewhat unexpectedly. I didn't really notice a problem in our relationship even though the sex frequen…
/r/MarriedRedPill02/02/18 06:36 PM
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