OutlawShah Archive

Upvotes	Title	Category	Author	Subreddit	Date (UTC)

Upvotes	Comment on	Subreddit	Date (UTC)
3	60 year old male here who just wants to casually date for the rest of my life. Is that even possible? Hi, what is LAT? Thanks in advance Edit: Aww, Living Apart Together	/r/Divorce_Men	30/09/24 02:15 AM
3	Alimony For a working spouse that has her MASTERS Degree. It really is a bunk system. Just make sure that if she agrees to waive spousal, if you leave her 401k alone, that your attorney or the court specifically adds that language into the order so she can’t come crying back to the court later asking for spousal. Good luck man.	/r/Divorce_Men	26/07/24 05:53 PM
5	Alimony For a working spouse that has her MASTERS Degree. If she agrees not to go after her 401k make sure the court adds this language to your dissolution judgement: “parties agree to waive spousal support. Court terminates its jurisdiction to award spousal.” This language is important because it will prevent her from coming back later and asking the court to give her spousal. You should look up the formula for spousal in your state. Since she makes decent money it may be less and might be worth going after her 401k for the hell of it.	/r/Divorce_Men	26/07/24 05:40 PM
5	I’m back after 6 months [update] Go to the California child support guideline calculator at this link. Run some numbers and see what you can expect to pay. Then, make sure you log what days you have custody of your child and for what hours. They will certainly rerun the guideline at your court date especially if you are disputing her income. Make sure the court is aware of her income and what the actual custody is, regardless of what any prior custody order is. Whatever you guys are doing for custody in real time is what the co…	/r/Divorce_Men	15/06/24 12:43 AM
11	Does wife making more than husband contribute to relationship issues? I think it’s a good thing. At the very least the divorce process will be smoother if it happens. The new standard should be that men expect women to make around or more what they make if they want to sign on legal paperwork to get married especially in the US. The law is 50/50, and if it remains that way then don’t marry unless she’s in your financial class or higher. Thanks no fault	/r/Divorce_Men	30/12/23 12:04 AM
2	Does wife making more than husband contribute to relationship issues? I think it’s a good thing. At the very least the divorce process will be smoother if it happens. The new standard should be that men expect women to make around or more what they make if they want to sign on legal paperwork to get married especially in the US. The law is 50/50, and if it remains that way then don’t marry unless she’s in your financial class or higher. Thanks no fault	/r/Divorce_Men	30/12/23 12:04 AM
1	If she re-marries does that affect child support? Not exactly. In California what will happen is that they will take the new spouses income into account but that’s only to get the tax settings right on the calculator. So if they make a combined income that is in a higher tax bracket and are married filing jointly it’s actually weird in that it helps her because the calculator reads it as she has less net income left over after. Beyond that aspect of she has another child that has an impact because the calculator allows for what is called a “har…	/r/Divorce_Men	02/10/23 11:40 PM
5	Alimony length and girth There were a few administrative issues. The rate of divorces increasing was clogging up the courts because at fault divorces required more court resources. Beyond that most at fault states would not grant a divorce even if both parties consented unless one or the other took fault, what this led to was people, the husband and wife, colluding and committing perjury to appear that one or the other was at fault so the divorce would go through, it became an issue that was so prevalent that states eve…	/r/Divorce_Men	26/09/23 07:01 PM
12	Alimony length and girth It wasn’t always this way. Prior to no-fault divorce if adultery was proven the judge would have to take it into account and it would affect how alimony, custody and division of marital assets was awarded. The “injured” party would get it skewed in their favor. After no fault adultery stopped being relevant. The contract that is marriage became neutered after no fault. You’re only safe bet is marrying a woman that makes as much if not more than you, but that’s unlikely because women typically do…	/r/Divorce_Men	26/09/23 02:11 PM
1	Is moving to another Country that isn't the United States (Spoiler Alert: Ukraine) a feasible way to avoid Child Support and Alimony if you get divorced? Yes. Locate data is the most important thing to have. If the other parent doesn’t know then the case can’t get off the ground. Even for people in the US this is true but the US has constructed a monstrous system to compile data and locate information on people so they usually pop up on the grid somewhere and the case can then proceed. If a US citizen leaves to another country we do need a heads up on what country and then have to rely on that countries own locate measures to be able to find them…	/r/Divorce_Men	15/09/23 12:09 AM
1	Is moving to another Country that isn't the United States (Spoiler Alert: Ukraine) a feasible way to avoid Child Support and Alimony if you get divorced? It would usually take a while but eventually the other country would start enforcement. It was better if an order already existed but if we needed them to establish the order on there end it could take a while. Sometimes that means that child support is lost for the months where no order exists. It also depends on the countries local laws, support amounts could vary a lot and their own enforcement actions may be a lot lighter. Overall if no order exists it could be a while before the country pro…	/r/Divorce_Men	14/09/23 05:59 AM
1	Is moving to another Country that isn't the United States (Spoiler Alert: Ukraine) a feasible way to avoid Child Support and Alimony if you get divorced? Well, generally only countries with reciprocity(I think Obama era treaty that some countries signed where they agree to get child support from parents in their respective countries and send it back) can establish an order and enforce it. However in your case, your ex has already been awarded child support and alimony through a judgement. This means the debt is accruing with interest as time goes on. So if you decide to come back to the US they can go after the debt. If your parents die and you s…	/r/Divorce_Men	10/09/23 03:32 PM
15	What is wrong with her What’s your child support situation look like? Keep a log of when you have your son and then file a motion to modify the amount and cite timeshare change as the reason why. Then show that you actually have the kid majority of the time. If anything it’ll incentivize her to actually have custody when she should be or at the very least compel her to pay support if she’s not actually watching the child when she should be.	/r/Divorce_Men	02/09/23 10:33 PM
4	Equitable or equal? Depends on if the man can pay more I don’t think it was always this way. The problem is since the ending of traditional marriage to make way for no fault divorce, divorce proceedings in court are more administrative versus taking account of who the injured party is. It used to be that if someone cheated, abandoned the family, was abusive, wasn’t supporting their spouse, the court could use that as a reason for one party or the other to get more of the assets and property as well as custody. If your wife cheated on you back then, …	/r/Divorce_Men	02/09/23 07:49 PM
7	Damn it. My ex-wife went back to her baby daddy. Her kid did everything to put a wedge in between us and now her daddy lives together with them again. I am at my witts end. I also have a son with her. How old is your child? It may be worth getting a DNA test. If she went back with her ex-bf it’s possible she was seeing him during your marriage.	/r/Divorce_Men	15/08/23 09:39 PM
3	Light at the end of the tunnel If you don’t want guideline you two can stipulate to a lower amount and deviate from guideline. Just be prepared for the judge to ask why you are deviating, if it seems you are signing away the farm the judge might have questions lol. You can deviate from support now and modify back to guideline later. Child support is one of those things that can always be modified back to guideline, it’s not like spousal where you two can both agree to waive spousal then it’s gone. Since it involves children y…	/r/Divorce_Men	13/04/23 09:53 PM
1	Conflicted I say take it. At best you can negotiate not taking her 401k in exchange for her agreeing to stipulate to waive alimony but if your marriage was short the amount you get from the 401k might be more than what you would pay her in alimony. Also be careful in negotiating custody in exchange for not taking half of 401k. After you agree and the divorce judgment is final she can always file a motion to try and change custody to what she wants. I think it’s best to go ahead and take it. Also if the chi…	/r/Divorce_Men	06/04/23 10:29 PM
3	Advice to men: Don't be fooled by those who advise you not to co-habitat or date, nearly all cases in family court are marriage related. If you don't sign the marriage certificate, there is little chance you will end up in family court Do you have a source for this? I’d love to read it if you got a link. I’ve read that kids born out of wedlock have grown from 4% in the US to about 40% more recently, though I think the data is from 2016. I haven’t seen anything more recent. As this trend continues to grow I’m not sure if marriage will be an accurate predictor of who is more likely to ask for support, since more kids will be born to parents not married than ever before.	/r/Divorce_Men	30/03/23 08:15 PM
9	Advice to men: Don't be fooled by those who advise you not to co-habitat or date, nearly all cases in family court are marriage related. If you don't sign the marriage certificate, there is little chance you will end up in family court There may be a distinction here between who is asking for child support. Perhaps it’s true statistically that married women ASK for support, meaning they file for it. But I think the entity that ASKS for child support the most isn’t even married women but the state itself. I used to work as a child support officer for the county and most of our cases, 65% were welfare cases, this meant that mom went on welfare with the child. When this occurs the state gets rights to the child support and they i…	/r/Divorce_Men	30/03/23 07:52 PM
3	Anyone withdraw their divorce petition after filing? If she is indeed a nurse she may be changing her tune because nurses make decent money. The way the divorce goes depends on OP’s income but if she makes a substantial amount more than him she could be looking at paying support to him. When I worked at a child support agency I’d see a lot of nurses who had to pay child support, some would make $10k - $15k a month.	/r/Divorce_Men	24/03/23 10:22 PM
4	Amicable Divorce Could get Ugly Over One Major Issue Doesn’t want child support now but if she moves away she can always file a modification for child support later. She can waive spousal in the divorce judgment but child support can always be modified after, so if she changes her mind once the child is now living with her and new guy you can’t claim she didn’t want any before.	/r/Divorce_Men	21/03/23 03:16 AM
1	what expenses is CS supposed to cover? In California child care and child support are two separate amounts the court can order. In most child support orders(at least from the agencies) there will be a child support amount but it will also include language for child care, what I saw most often was parties would split child care 50/50. So later she could bring her child care expenses to the child support agency and they’d file a motion to get half of that cost from the other party. Sometimes child care would just be ordered as a separa…	/r/Divorce_Men	22/02/23 02:50 AM
1	So, I was thinking about 7 hours ago of killing myself Damn. I gotta say, for some reason, I appreciated reading this. Put me in another world for a moment. Keep on truckin’ brother	/r/Divorce_Men	21/02/23 03:40 AM
2	Does marrying a foreigner & living overseas protect me financially? It probably all depends on if she’s able to file a case and get you served so that court would have jurisdiction in creating a judgment. I can’t speak to divorce or even enforcement but when I worked at a child support agency in California I saw international cases. Saw a case where a woman from the Philippines was able to open a case and get child support, same with someone from Brazil. So she could definitely fill out an app online and the agency would pursue an order and send money to her. As…	/r/Divorce_Men	06/02/23 04:38 AM
2	Possible Divorce in California - Basic Questions I was a child support officer in Ca for 5 years. If you’d like DM me and we can work through the calc together	/r/Divorce_Men	03/02/23 05:43 AM
5	Paying for Braces If order says unreimbursed med expenses you should collect receipts of what you paid and then have your lawyer file a motion to have the courts order her to pay 50% of the amount. Then getting it enforced will be your next challenge. When I worked at the child support office parents would ask about this all the time and we’d tell them to go to court and get an order for the specific amount even though the original order indicated the 50/50 split. If they came back with that order then we could e…	/r/Divorce_Men	20/12/22 09:57 PM
2	Divorce in CA, how much am I at risk? I believe you in what you are saying. But there are limits on retroactive, and it rarely happens, otherwise you’d see people getting 18 years of support for kids they never got a dime for, and that doesn’t happen. Here read this link under the section of seeking retro payments: retro That’s from a practicing family law attorney in CA. It’s way smarter to avoid an order if you can, because as time goes on it only works in your favor . I’m this case it won’t matter so much because OP is willing to…	/r/Divorce_Men	06/12/22 08:24 PM
1	Divorce in CA, how much am I at risk? I didn’t say it prevents a court order for that from happening. What I’m saying is if it happens he has the payments documented. People who end up double paying are people that just send money over or pay for specific things in general but don’t document the payment as child support. If he does he’s safe for those payments. More than likely in this situation the court will address support in there judgment so this discussion probably won’t matter. But I’d much rather have no order, and pay direc…	/r/Divorce_Men	06/12/22 07:46 PM
1	Divorce in CA, how much am I at risk? If that does happen he has proof of payment he can show the agency. That’s the key thing here if that happens in the off chance. He just needs proof of payment for child support. This will allow him to work out whatever deal he wants with her	/r/Divorce_Men	06/12/22 07:22 PM
3	Divorce in CA, how much am I at risk? Yeah man, just message me or whatever. Good luck bro	/r/Divorce_Men	06/12/22 07:00 PM
3	Divorce in CA, how much am I at risk? No. The child support agency can’t go after retroactive child support. In my 5 years there we were never allowed to do that. If you have a child support order in your judgment and you pay her directly then you can be screwed down the line because she can claim you never paid her and the agency will make you pay it. If she goes to the agency and says there was never an order but he never paid me anything they can’t come after you, what they will do is file a motion or a new action to get support …	/r/Divorce_Men	06/12/22 06:51 PM
2	Divorce in CA, how much am I at risk? Yes the agency will require you to pay support. If you can just make a deal with her and not have anything in regards to child support in the judgment that would be the best case, you can pay her directly. But if that doesn’t work and she goes to the agency for help then they will modify into your divorce or start a new legal filing against you and require you to pay through the agency	/r/Divorce_Men	06/12/22 06:37 PM
3	Divorce in CA, how much am I at risk? In your divorce judgment make sure to have the language “both parties agree to waive spousal support. Courts waive jurisdiction to award spousal support”. It’s something like that, have your attorney include that language. I used to work in CA as a child support officer and I’d have to read a lot of divorce orders, I’d see that language a lot. If she agrees to sign that and the courts make that an order or judgment then there is no change of heart later. At least in what I’ve seen. Edit. Also, f…	/r/Divorce_Men	06/12/22 06:01 PM
12	My wife bailed, took the kids, informed we’re done How old is your child? If the child is under two I’d suggest getting a genetic test. In CA, once the kid is over two you are on the hook for child support no matter who is the biological father because if the child is born within the marriage you are legally presumed to be the father and once past age two they will say the kid knows you as dad. So if you have any doubt, now is the time to ask the court for a genetic test. If you do a genetic test and it’s not yours make sure the courts give a ju…	/r/Divorce_Men	03/12/22 02:29 PM
2	Such mixed emotions post mediation Yeah, there is a ton. I was there for five years and saw a lot of whacky things. Here’s a few things just off the top of my head: Paternity is big one. If you are married and the child is older than two, and you discover the kid isn’t yours, you are still liable to pay support for that child. The courts reasoning will be you held yourself out as dad and the kid is now forming memories with you. A lot of people find out she cheated when that kid is around 3-5 lol. Another thing is if she says she…	/r/Divorce_Men	18/11/22 06:00 PM
2	Such mixed emotions post mediation Yep. Child support is always on the table because it involves minors, the state guideline will always a require their support. All she has to do is walk into her local child support agency and request them to modify into their divorce order. The agency won’t care at all about any prior agreements if the state guideline says support is owed. Use to be a child support officer so I’ve seen this happen a lot.	/r/Divorce_Men	18/11/22 04:31 PM
3	Martial Home Sold [STBX BS] Thanks for sharing your story with all of the specifics. Not getting divorced myself but I used to work at a Child Support agency in California. I’ve read probably 1000’s of divorce orders working that job, so I guess I’ve developed a strange obsession with these stories. I tell ya, the level of petty never ceases to amaze me. I once saw an order that specifically ordered that mom only can choose the hairstyles for the kid, I mean, what kind of hair was dad putting on this kid for the Superior C…	/r/Divorce_Men	08/11/22 08:15 PM