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Palatable_chaos Archive

View 0 posts and 298 comments by Palatable_chaos on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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1

He doesn't have the passcode for this computer. I'll stop feeling guilty when I stop cheating.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/07/25 08:33 PM
–

I don't want to say what I studied because that's identifying information
/r/PurplePillDebate09/07/25 07:26 PM
–

Oh shut up. You don't know a damned thing about me or how I feel. If you told me "My favorite color is green," I can't be like, "No it's not. if your favorite color was green, your profile picture would have green in it." That would be me defining what "favorite color" means in terms of people's behavior, despite the fact that I have zero authority that would make me the sole arbiter on the matter of favorite colors. That's what you're doing with the word "respect."
/r/PurplePillDebate09/07/25 07:24 PM
1

My choices are either to decide to burden him with this information with the assumption that he wants to know, or not burden him with this information with the assumption that he'd prefer not to know. Either way I'm making a fucking assumption about what he wants. I'm picking the one that I think objectively will cause him less pain, which is ignorance.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/07/25 07:24 PM
–

You can't tell me how I feel. You're not me. You have these standards that you expect of someone you're dating but you can't seem to understand that those are YOUR feelings, and YOUR feelings are not everyone else's feelings. That is called "solipsism."
/r/PurplePillDebate09/07/25 07:14 PM
–

Yes, there was a definitive point where I decided to exchange numbers and keep in touch with AP even though I knew I shouldn't have. But by that time I already had developed feelings that I didn't intend whatsoever to develop. After this experience, I think I will be better equipped to recognize when those feelings are developing.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/07/25 07:12 PM
–

He is a genuinely good partner to me, and I would rather be dissatisfied in a lifelong marriage than get divorced. I don't believe everyone sinks to the lowest standard of behavior their partner has for them.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/07/25 07:11 PM
–

I respect him just fine. I have decided that it's more burdensome for him to know and to have to make a decision than for him to simply not know. You continue to ignore the fact that if you don't know something, you don't know you don't know it, and you can't be upset about it. Maybe you would prefer to know if your partner was cheating, but not every one is the same. I will sit with this guilt and this secret rather than unloading it onto him. I think that's the correct choice here, and you're …
/r/PurplePillDebate09/07/25 07:08 PM
–

You can respect someone and still hurt them, and vice versa. People confuse "respect" with "decency."
/r/PurplePillDebate09/07/25 07:04 PM
–

Some college
/r/PurplePillDebate09/07/25 07:04 PM
–

This whole thing has been very hard for me to deal with, and I would prefer not to experience it again.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/07/25 04:48 PM
–

I'm trying to imagine things from his perspective, but it is difficult to know for sure what he is thinking and feeling. It seemed like he bought the story about AP just being a friend, but also that it made me realize what I'm missing in the relationship. I think he suspects that's what's causing a lot of my unhappiness, and he wants to be able to give me what I need. I have made it pretty clear to him in the past that I have no intention of divorcing him unless he should threaten my physical s…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/07/25 04:46 PM
–

It seems that every time something like this is posted, it's by feminists advising women not to go along with men's fetish for choking to be a cool girl, and framed as "men are being poisoned by violent porn and it needs to be stopped." It's never acknowledged that much of the time, it's women who desire the choking and either seek out partners who are into it as much as they are, or encouraging men who are not much into it to choke them... There is also a lack of consideration for the severity …
/r/PurplePillDebate09/07/25 04:41 PM
–

Maybe I will be more aware of my feelings if this should start to occur and be better able to shut it down in the future.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/07/25 04:33 PM
–

Have you experienced love in a non-arranged relationship?
/r/PurplePillDebate09/07/25 04:32 PM
–

There is no health risk, and I am still very much in love with H. Sometimes people are selfish, but that's not mutually exclusive with loving somebody else. Maybe you would not feel loved if your partner was behaving the way I am, but that doesn't necessarily mean your partner doesn't feel love for you.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/07/25 04:31 PM
–

I'm not sure. I really liked AP, in addition to the attention he was giving me, but H was never in any danger of actually losing me... I think maybe H is reacting to me crying and being unhappy and such, and maybe also the fact that I've been less sexually available
/r/PurplePillDebate09/07/25 04:29 PM
–

Sometimes people hurt those they love
/r/PurplePillDebate09/07/25 04:20 PM
–

Are you in an arranged marriage? Just noticed your flair
/r/PurplePillDebate09/07/25 04:14 PM
–

Everything was fine until recently. Maybe it is returning to being fine
/r/PurplePillDebate09/07/25 04:13 PM
–

Because I love my husband very much and wanted to build my life with him.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/07/25 04:12 PM
–

H has been so lovely to me lately. Kind of getting bored with AP. I don't know if those things are independent or connected.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/07/25 03:51 PM
–

So... do you just have aversion to fellatio, or ?
/r/PurplePillDebate09/07/25 03:45 PM
1

You just write paragraphs of nonsense. I can't even get through it
/r/PurplePillDebate09/07/25 03:00 PM
1

You sound like a chat bot
/r/PurplePillDebate09/07/25 02:32 PM
1

You mean "chemistry?"
/r/PurplePillDebate09/07/25 12:53 PM
1

bullshit
/r/PurplePillDebate09/07/25 12:45 PM
1

Do you have a podcast?
/r/PurplePillDebate09/07/25 03:48 AM
1

Why is it that I can lay in bed with my husband, all tangled up together, and feel so close with him, but then feel so far away when we sit in silence over dinner?
/r/PurplePillDebate09/07/25 03:38 AM
1

Does he also lift?
/r/PurplePillDebate09/07/25 03:37 AM
2

Best I can do is negative attention
/r/PurplePillDebate09/07/25 03:34 AM
1

But I know my husband and he is not like that
/r/PurplePillDebate09/07/25 03:30 AM
1

No. He'll be hurt and upset. Whereas he won't be if I don't tell him.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/07/25 11:21 PM
–

He could have chosen to remain suspicious and look for evidence, but he didn't. He decided to accept my explanation and be happy. I'm not gonna tell him, "Hey actually I've been obsessed with this dude and cheating on you with him and lying about it. But you should be happy with my honesty, right? Right ?"
/r/PurplePillDebate08/07/25 07:12 PM
–

He bought the denial
/r/PurplePillDebate08/07/25 07:08 PM
–

There's no point in considering that hypothetical because in reality, you control what your body looks like. There's no point in being butthurt that women might care more about looks than smarts when you're as smart as you'll ever be already, but you can always get jacked
/r/PurplePillDebate08/07/25 06:42 PM
–

It benefits both of us to keep this under wraps.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/07/25 06:15 PM
–

Well the species of the bear IS important. I'm not going to be left alone with a goddamned polar bear. In reality, your body is mostly in your control. Your brains are not. So if you have to pick between the two, pick the one that you don't have control over, and build the other.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/07/25 06:15 PM
–

I wasn't crying over the cold patch with AP. I was crying about the state of my marriage.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/07/25 06:10 PM
–

What if his choice would be ignorance, and my confession would be saddling him with the knowledge without his consent?
/r/PurplePillDebate08/07/25 06:10 PM
–

The information for how to get a good body is out there, for free. Men just have to put in the effort to get it. No amount of lifting is going to make you smarter.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/07/25 06:09 PM
–

At least if you have the brains, you can work out and get the body
/r/PurplePillDebate08/07/25 05:59 PM
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Yes. Sobbed
/r/PurplePillDebate08/07/25 05:58 PM
–

Forgiving people is hard. He doesn't have to.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/07/25 05:58 PM
–

Or I would be a man cheating on his wife...
/r/PurplePillDebate08/07/25 05:09 PM
–

What if I was 5'2 and 400 lbs?
/r/PurplePillDebate08/07/25 05:05 PM
–

It's going to be over soon if AP doesn't start talking concrete details about meeting up
/r/PurplePillDebate08/07/25 05:04 PM
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None
/r/PurplePillDebate08/07/25 05:03 PM
–

How do I even respond to this? If my husband was, idk, abusing our pets when I wasn't home, if I never found out about it, I wouldn't be "mentally tortured" by it. My "entire world" isn't resting on keeping the affair secret. And I think my husband is more attractive than my AP
/r/PurplePillDebate08/07/25 05:03 PM
–

I'm not mentally torturing him
/r/PurplePillDebate08/07/25 04:53 PM
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No thank you. You don't even know what I look like anyway
/r/PurplePillDebate08/07/25 04:52 PM
–

If H doesn't know, he can't feel hurt by it.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/07/25 04:52 PM
–

I cried a lot yesterday. Couldn't keep it together when I got home. H was comforting me and asking if I wanted to tell him what was wrong, and I almost confessed to the affair then. If I was gonna do it, that would have been the time. But honestly I think it would be more selfish to confess than to just stop cheating and keep it to myself at this point. I need to be more present in my life and less in this fantasy world with AP. Trying to step back a bit from talking with him, though I find myse…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/07/25 04:36 PM
1

Divorce is not an option for us. I know I'm being a bad person for cheating and lying. I would like it if people stopped blaming me for all the problems in my relationship and assuming I didn't try to fix them before resorting to this. I can't do it on my own
/r/PurplePillDebate08/07/25 02:25 PM
1

Why are you assuming I didn't come to him with these issues?
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/25 08:54 PM
1

If he's angry with me for wanting to fuck him all the time, then I do not understand men at all.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/25 08:53 PM
1

The problem is, he doesn't want me the way I want to be wanted, and I think the only way he's going to want me that way is if he gets as much sex as the average married man gets, not the amount that he's used to and keeps him satisfied. Other married women are basically having to beat their horndog husbands away with sticks, because those men aren't getting sex as often as they want. It hasn't lost its appeal for them, and they get excited when their wives are finally in the mood... My problem i…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/25 07:43 PM
1

He is desensitized and spoiled
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/25 06:39 PM
1

Threatening to jump out would just be met with laughter because obviously that's not happening... I am trying not to have any kind of sex with him for 1-2 weeks, but so far that is not going well. I am weak and desperate
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/25 06:16 PM
1

Why isn't me asking for what I need good enough to get him to change, if he is capable? Why do we have to pay someone else to advocate for me? As if what I'm saying isn't reasonable enough
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/25 06:07 PM
1

What's a counselor going to tell him? "Hey, maybe you should try actually talking to your wife?" That's what I've been asking for the last 3 weeks except I'm not spending $200 to do it every time.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/25 05:34 PM
1

A happy future would look like my goddamn spouse wanting to talk to me and fuck me and do the things I like to do sometimes. Guess who isn't willing or able to do that???
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/25 05:27 PM
1

Oh yeah? Sharing your income with your spouse isn't dutiful, I guess? Nor spending almost all of your time taking care of the house and your responsibilities so your spouse can come home and relax, so much that you don't have time to make any fucking friends? Alright. Asshole
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/25 05:25 PM
1

We would go to the movies, mini golfing, restaurants, weekend getaways, the zoo, once we went on a dinner cruise... Sometimes we would sneak around to have sex we didn't want to wait til we got home to have. I didn't care so much what we were doing, because we were together and I enjoyed his company and the mutual desire so much. Now our lives are busier and boring. He doesn't seem interested in doing anything else, in talking, or in any sort of hurry to have sex. I tried. We have our own hobbie…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/25 05:23 PM
1

I'm stuck in this marriage with a person I love dearly but who isn't giving me what I need. What part of that is supposed to yield this magical "good life" where I feel no need to cheat and/can be perfectly honest about it with no consequences if I did?
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/25 05:11 PM
1

I mean, the nightmares and worries I'm having are not pleasant. But the alternative is to be lonely, bored, undesired, and miserable. The latter seems worse right now.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/25 05:06 PM
1

Usually we sit on the couch in front of the TV watching videos relating to his interests, and then we'll have sex before bed. Occasionally we go out to eat, and sit in near silence unless I attempt to carry the conversation the whole time. On Sundays we go to church.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/25 05:04 PM
1

"Better" in terms of more morally correct? Sure. "Better" in terms of "less miserable..." I think probably not at this point. With truth comes a long, grueling period where my husband is hurt and distrustful of me and I have to be repentant and do literally anything he want to "make it up to him." That's not freedom or a better life.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/25 04:23 PM
1

No
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/25 04:20 PM
1

We don't spend that much time texting during the day. The back-and-forth sexting happens late at night, after H is asleep.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/25 04:20 PM
0

What is he gonna say? "Stop platonically texting your only friend from your very niche profession that I don't understand and about which I can't converse with you?"
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/25 02:22 PM
1

Honey, I'm doing my best
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/25 02:18 PM
1

How would he prove that I'm spending time with AP unless he physically goes to check up on me? I would be miserable if I was doing this or not. I'll feel less miserable with AP, even if just temporarily.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/25 02:16 PM
0

He has no evidence. Being unhappy isn't evidence of cheating
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/25 02:05 PM
0

So I should just tell him I'm going alone then
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/25 01:57 PM
0

Good thing we'll never end up together, then.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/25 01:57 PM
0

Maybe
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/25 01:56 PM
1

Do you know the saying "What he doesn't know can't hurt him?" Even if AP doesn't GAF about me, at least he makes me feel like he does. We have nonsexual conversations... I use him for attention and when I'm horny as well, which is pretty much all the time.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/25 01:55 PM
1

All I can picture is Joe Goldberg from "You"
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/25 01:49 PM
0

He can actually hold a conversation with me, is curious about me as a person, and is still excitable when it comes to sex. We have a lot in common as well.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/25 01:46 PM
-1

Yup your plan to let things fade naturally is bearing fruit That's aged badly, hasn't it? Your husband who already knows what's going on is certain to be none the wiser about this Rube Goldberg plan. That's if he's still suspicious.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/25 01:45 PM
1

I am so sick of explaining to you everything I do for my husband. You never remember.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/25 01:43 PM
1

Because I deserve it, and it helps me to reflect, and maybe it is useful to somebody else out there.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/25 01:20 PM
1

Stop pretending like you're sleeping and text me then
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/25 01:20 PM
0

I chatted with Meta AI last night about my affair and it was neither helpful nor supportive of the cheating at all. It just told me what I already knew and suggested I either focus on my marriage or end it. I was like, "That wasn't what I wanted to hear" and it basically replied "Tough shit. The truth isn't always pleasant."
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/25 01:15 PM
0

No
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/25 01:13 PM
0

I would die if he was reading this
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/25 01:13 PM
1

Maybe because I'm too busy supporting the relationship
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/25 01:12 PM
1

I can't argue with that.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/25 01:11 PM
0

Stayed up late again sexting with AP. I think I might have convinced him to come visit me, but I'm still waiting to get suggestions for concrete details before I get my hopes up... Then it will just be a matter of coming up with an excuse to go and meet up with him. Do we meet in a third location for a short trip, and then I can just tell him, "I wanna go hiking/camping here for a weekend, and the friend I met at work is going too?" That way if I'm insistent on a date or a particular detail, I d…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/25 12:50 PM
1

If he doesn't know, and I continue behaving like a dutiful wife, then how can it be anything but a net benefit to him?
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/25 12:40 PM
1

I disagree. I still think I am a net benefit to him, even if I'm doing a bad thing right now.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/25 05:53 PM
0

He does type so strangely! I guess it's because he's a little bit older than me
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/25 05:52 PM
1

I got some new clothes that are flattering to my body shape. Going to get a bit leaner so my waist looks smaller, and stop biting my nails. I plan on starting to microneedle my legs and put moisturizer on my body skin to see if that helps tighten my skin up.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/25 11:22 AM
0

If you text a man “I miss you” and he responds “I miss you too!!!!!!” do the exclamation points make it more sincere, or less?
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/25 11:19 AM
1

I doubt it
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/25 11:18 AM
1

I'm sorry to hear you went/are going through that
/r/PurplePillDebate05/07/25 11:00 PM
1

I don't know if anything I could do would make H that kind of desperately horny for me. I touch him all the time, both just affectionately and with the intention of seducing him. He seemed genuinely surprised to get a boner the other day when I was grinding up against him. We went to the drive-in theater the other day and we did some hand stuff during the movie, but did he hurry away to somewhere more private and fuck my brains out in the back seat as soon as the credits started rolling? No. We …
/r/PurplePillDebate05/07/25 10:32 PM
–

I just want to have the long, interesting, intimate conversations with H that I'm having with AP, where we're curious about one another and desperate to sleep with each other. Like I cannot understand why I have to expend so much effort to get my own husband to talk to me... And I guess when you've been together as long as we have and your wife is sexually available to you literally whenever you want, you lose the inability to keep your hands off her, the excitement or distraction you feel seein…
/r/PurplePillDebate05/07/25 09:58 PM
–

I don't blame anyone for my cheating except myself. He may have enabled me to cheat, but it's not his fault that I decided to give him my number and flirt and play along in this little fantasy world we've crafted and everything else. Divorce is not an option for me. I am trying to revive my marriage. I just have no clue how to do it, and not a lot of hope for it. I think maybe I just need to get this out of my system, let it play out, forget about it, and then make some platonic friends.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/07/25 09:33 PM
–

I suppose I am 'using' him for attention as well... I just felt that he liked me for me while we were together, but I have doubts in my head now. I worry that he sensed I was lonely and an easy target, and he's gotten pictures from me now, which he could use to hurt me if he really wanted, and there's still a possibility that he only wants sex... I know there's no future with him, because I want to stay married and neither of us are able to move states. But it's just the principle of the thing. …
/r/PurplePillDebate05/07/25 09:03 PM
–

I am married, but struggling within my marriage. I do not want a divorce. Met Affair Partner at a work trip and accidentally caught feelings for him. Decided to exchange numbers and continue texting him at home. He says he is single. We have been sexting, and I want to meet him in person again to have sex, but we live halfway across the country from one another. Sometimes I suspect he is only using me for attention/to get pics, but part of me doesn't want to believe that.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/07/25 08:53 PM
1

Do you think it's at all unreasonable for someone who regularly posts about her affair to be alarmed when a stranger literally says he's going to find out her husband's identity?
/r/PurplePillDebate05/07/25 08:05 PM
1

Finding out who my husband is, presumably through something remarkably similar to stalking, feels very threatening.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/07/25 08:00 PM
1

This sounds like a threat.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/07/25 07:54 PM
1

No, I don't. It will end eventually and then I will return to being faithful and he doesn't need to know. I just have to not get caught.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/07/25 07:53 PM
1

What? I am saying that you can't 'find him a hooker' because you don't know his identity.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/07/25 07:43 PM
–

You don't know him
/r/PurplePillDebate05/07/25 07:33 PM
–

I think I'm definitely hypocritical about not wanting H to fuck anyone else, but I am not worried about it either.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/07/25 07:25 PM
–

I don't even know where to begin with this one, only that I hope you keep your dick to yourself.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/07/25 07:15 PM
–

Or you could be the one who uses a condom and doesn't get STDs and unwanted children when she doesn't buy plan B
/r/PurplePillDebate05/07/25 07:07 PM
1

It would be too messy and complicated
/r/PurplePillDebate05/07/25 06:38 PM
–

I have a job, thank you
/r/PurplePillDebate05/07/25 05:48 PM
–

You're on the right track
/r/PurplePillDebate05/07/25 05:48 PM
1

Divorce is not an option
/r/PurplePillDebate05/07/25 05:38 PM
1

Try to make him desire me in the way that I'm looking for.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/07/25 05:37 PM
–

Last night I couldn't sleep because I was worrying for AP's safety. He works a moderately dangerous job, and the holiday and weather was exacerbating the risk. I had him text me when he got home (1:30 am my time, 12:30 his.) We chatted about the hell of a shift he had, and it was nice to be able to be supportive. He excused himself to sleep around 2am. I had to get up and take a melatonin. H snored soundly beside me the whole time.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/07/25 05:36 PM
1

I feel like they will just be too disgusted with me to want to be helpful
/r/PurplePillDebate05/07/25 05:28 PM
1

I have to try
/r/PurplePillDebate05/07/25 05:26 PM
1

I planned our Fourth of July. He doesn't really seem interested in my date ideas even if we did have time to do all of them. He wants to do what he likes to do, and that's about it.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/07/25 05:25 PM
1

I do enjoy blowing him. It just doesn't get me off the same way. I am still on my period, so we can't have penetrative sex anyway... He knows that's what I'm craving and he enjoys depriving me sometimes, I think. The power of it
/r/PurplePillDebate05/07/25 05:24 PM
1

I read there often... I think they would cast me out if I tried to ask for advice, having cheated, though.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/07/25 05:22 PM
–

I did and am putting in effort. Not much else has changed. I hope you are wrong.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 11:57 PM
–

NAWALT
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 11:54 PM
–

Thank you
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 11:52 PM
–

I'm not sure about 'plenty...' I'm not worried about it.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 11:51 PM
–

If it's not real with AP, then the only way I'm gonna get it is by forcing out of H.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 11:50 PM
–

AP is less attractive, but still attractive enough for sex. H's coworkers do not pass his threshold.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 11:23 PM
–

Well, we're stuck with each other now
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 11:18 PM
–

I've seen the women he works with and I am not at all worried about that.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 11:16 PM
–

I want him to be full of lust and desperate for it. For me. The way AP is. I want him to stop taking me for granted.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 11:12 PM
–

He still wants sex, just not as often as I do. Since my libido is higher than his, he gets as much sex as he wants... Maybe a week or two without it will have him missing it.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 10:51 PM
–

All I can think about is sex with AP. I told H that I constantly feel horny, and he patted my head and said "I'll let you blow me after I go to the bathroom." Super romantic and hot, right? /s I am thinking of trying to starve him of sex for a while so he stops taking me for granted, even though that would be punishing for me as well. I'm going on a diet tomorrow. Mostly for me and to feel hot again. But also to look good in case AP gets a chance to visit me. Maybe I'll have obsessive thoughts a…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 10:17 PM
–

I should rope
/r/PurplePillDebate03/07/25 04:03 PM
–

I'm tired of explaining that I did communicate, that I'm not justifying my shitty behavior, that he's trying, that I do love and respect him, but that he just can't give me what I'm looking for. It doesn't exist in a stable, long term, real life marriage. Couple's therapy isn't going to make it a possibility
/r/PurplePillDebate03/07/25 03:59 PM
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He does care. He can't give me what I'm seeking
/r/PurplePillDebate03/07/25 03:53 PM
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How do I fix it? Nothing really has happened. Yesterday I asked AP if he thought we would ever see each other again and he said "Absolutely." I didn't push for details. I want to fuck him so bad but... what happens after that? He goes home and real life goes on like before. I want to run away and have no attachments or responsibilities and do whatever the fuck I feel like until something bad happens and I end up in a ditch somewhere, discarded and forgotten.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/07/25 03:50 PM
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Logically I appreciate it. I should be happy. Emotionally, I want to pull a Gone Girl and start my life over
/r/PurplePillDebate03/07/25 03:46 PM
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I just want to be happy. I can't understand why I'm not
/r/PurplePillDebate03/07/25 03:28 PM
1

We are long distance, so body language is not a thing for us right now.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/07/25 11:57 AM
1

I was never this worried about whether a man really likes me or just wanted to get in my pants when i was single. PPD has made me so paranoid
/r/PurplePillDebate03/07/25 12:44 AM
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I mean that I think you’ve done well for yourself to secure a man like that. It’s meant to be a compliment
/r/PurplePillDebate02/07/25 06:29 PM
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Good for you!
/r/PurplePillDebate02/07/25 06:17 PM
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Probably
/r/PurplePillDebate02/07/25 06:13 PM
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What does he do?
/r/PurplePillDebate02/07/25 06:07 PM
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Weak pelvic floor muscles. Skill issue Men are loose
/r/PurplePillDebate02/07/25 06:00 PM
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Why do you have dried up pee crust on your dick? Do you not shake/wipe properly?
/r/PurplePillDebate02/07/25 05:58 PM
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I went ahead and asked him if he was partnered or not. He said he isn’t, because it’s hard to meet women with his work schedule, and there are few single women in his age range and area. It makes sense, I guess. I think I am mad about his response patterns because he is busy, and I should be busier too. I should have friends and more things in my life going on, like he does, and not having that makes me feel like a loser. But that’s not his fault, is it. I need to figure out how to get that as w…
/r/PurplePillDebate02/07/25 05:53 PM
1

You continously present yourself as a neutral, inactionable participant How can that be your interpretation of what I’m saying at all? It doesn’t seem like you’re actually reading, but rather that you have this preconceived notion of what women, and especially cheating women, do, feel, and say, and you’re projecting that onto me. I have never once claimed to be a neutral participant in this situation. I'm obviously very much in the wrong here, and there are actions I could and should take. I did…
/r/PurplePillDebate02/07/25 05:21 PM
1

It’s a logical conclusion that just happens to benefit me as well.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/07/25 03:42 PM
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I am admitting everything. I have been very open and honest about what is going on in my life right now. I am acknowledging my wrongdoing and not putting the blame on anyone else, and introspecting. Curious how that translates to a “lack of accountability and self awareness” to you.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/07/25 03:41 PM
1

Nearing 30
/r/PurplePillDebate02/07/25 03:33 PM
1

I knew that I am somewhat manipulative and a good liar. This is the first time I have been susceptible to temptation to cheat.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/07/25 03:23 PM
1

It may get worse for a short period of time before it returns to normal, but it will go away. As I said, I get over most things quickly.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/07/25 03:06 PM
1

Are you asking if there was ever a time when I felt sexual attraction for only one man at a time?
/r/PurplePillDebate02/07/25 03:05 PM
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There is no point in telling him.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/07/25 03:04 PM
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All his fault was that he decided to act like a grown up in the marriage and take on real life responsibilities while you keep longing for teen fantasies. I also take on real life responsibilities. Again, I am not putting any blame on him for my behavior. I understand that married life isn't going to be like NRE forever. That's not anyone's fault. I have communicated my emotional and sexual needs.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/07/25 03:04 PM
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No.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/07/25 02:24 PM
1

The marriage will persist.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/07/25 02:23 PM
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You are probably right. At least the loss-associated emotions will be temporary.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/07/25 02:19 PM
1

That would create some distance between us for sure, and I would be unhappy.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/07/25 02:16 PM
1

I’ve said this before, but I would figure out what she gave him that I haven’t been, and attempt to give him those things even if it killed me.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/07/25 02:12 PM
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Why do you think it will get worse if it ends?
/r/PurplePillDebate02/07/25 02:11 PM
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I am fairly sure he would elect to continue the marriage even if he knew I was cheating
/r/PurplePillDebate02/07/25 02:10 PM
1

We have some things in common, but I think they are very basic things that most people share. I think our conversations have lost frequency/quality since we learned just about everything about each other, and are able to accurately predict each other’s answers even if we aren’t sure. It is hard to think of questions to ask.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/07/25 02:09 PM
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Because I love him very much, and divorce would be messy and complicated.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/07/25 02:06 PM
1

My sense of morality most closely aligns with consequentialism, where the action that does the least harm is the morally correct one. Obviously not cheating in the first place would do the least harm, but I think cheating and taking it to the grave is less harmful to one’s partner than cheating, confessing, and your partner being hurt by it.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/07/25 02:05 PM
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For now
/r/PurplePillDebate02/07/25 01:59 PM
1

Nothing I could do would make him have the same interests as me, or make him more conversational. I try to pull him out of his head by asking him what he’s thinking about throughout our time together, but he doesn’t seem to want to volunteer his thoughts unprompted.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/07/25 01:58 PM
1

I am going to be his wife whether I tell him the truth or not. So why not let him believe his wife has still been faithful?
/r/PurplePillDebate02/07/25 01:56 PM
1

He does deserve a good wife
/r/PurplePillDebate02/07/25 01:52 PM
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I think mine understands that I feel sexual attraction for other people, but he does not want me to act on it. After going away for work and coming home the way I have been, I don’t want to sow insecurity by admitting the fact that someone is a colleague makes sex with them more enticing because of the taboo. So we can talk about some fantasies, but not others.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/07/25 01:52 PM
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We had that in the first stages of dating.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/07/25 01:47 PM
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It is becoming increasingly less constant. But he is not aware of it, as far as I know. I have left our tame text exchanges on my phone in the event he decides to read through them. That would probably assuage his fears more than if I was constantly deleting the entire exchanges when I’m clearly texting somebody.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/07/25 01:46 PM
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Conversation, company, engaging in activities relating to mutual interests, having compatible senses of humor, and generally being present with someone and having good times with them.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/07/25 01:44 PM
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Explanations of my thought processes and feelings are not the same thing as justification. I am tiring of explaining this to you. My husband does not suck. He is objectively a very good husband. I have some dissatisfactions with my life and marriage that are not his fault.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/07/25 01:40 PM
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I’m not sure about that. I think many men would freak out if their wives admitted to wanting to fuck anyone else at all
/r/PurplePillDebate02/07/25 01:37 PM
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I don’t think narcissists admit to narcissism, do they?
/r/PurplePillDebate02/07/25 01:33 PM
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I don’t want him freaking out every time I have to go away for work
/r/PurplePillDebate02/07/25 01:33 PM
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Companionship is more than just emotional support. I think he’d definitely not have enough libido to satisfy multiple wives, but I am not the one who suggested Sharia law in the first place.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/07/25 01:32 PM
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We were discussing our sexual fantasies, and I really wanted to tell him that I want to fuck a colleague at work. But I refrained
/r/PurplePillDebate02/07/25 01:30 PM
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Maybe
/r/PurplePillDebate02/07/25 01:27 PM
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H could have multiple wives under Sharia law. Maybe then at least I’d have companionship
/r/PurplePillDebate02/07/25 01:25 PM
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Moving on and forgetting about the whole thing will set me free. Telling the truth will just upset H and prolong everything. I would probably even be a little resentful about having to appear repentant for as long as it would take H to forgive me, since I myself get over things pretty quickly. I know that’s not fair, but that’s how it would go.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/07/25 01:25 PM
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I am less worried today.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/07/25 01:16 PM
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Yesterday I got my period, which is unusual for me, and probably explains why I’ve been so horny and emotional lately. I wonder if post-ovulation clarity is a thing, because AP partner is starting to lose his appeal. He texted me yesterday at 3:30pm, and then not again until 3am, when he said “Thinking about you.” Meaning he woke up with an erection and nowhere to put it. My husband told me yesterday that I “haven’t felt like his wife” since I came home from the work trip. I asked him to elabora…
/r/PurplePillDebate02/07/25 01:13 PM
1

Yes
/r/PurplePillDebate02/07/25 12:42 PM
1

I'm not sure if I want to. I don't care if he isn't single. I just don't like to be lied to
/r/PurplePillDebate01/07/25 10:57 PM
1

I'm not sure if I want to or not. I don't really care if he isn't single. I just don't like to be lied to.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/07/25 10:55 PM
1

He must think I'm stupid. Didn't answer my text til 3:30 pm "because he was sleeping." Yeah right, buddy. Your girlfriend just went home.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/07/25 08:38 PM
1

He lives too far away
/r/PurplePillDebate01/07/25 04:37 PM
1

I'm most worried about sleep talking or calling him the wrong name
/r/PurplePillDebate01/07/25 04:36 PM
1

What if I just shove it way, way, way, way deep down?
/r/PurplePillDebate01/07/25 04:14 PM
1

I couldn't "be with" AP even if I wanted to. Nor do I want to leave my husband for him. AP is a virtual sidepiece and he will remain that way
/r/PurplePillDebate01/07/25 04:14 PM
1

I do want that. I also can't bring myself to stop cheating
/r/PurplePillDebate01/07/25 04:00 PM
1

I am being selfish
/r/PurplePillDebate01/07/25 03:56 PM
1

I am finding that sentiment doesn't hold up in reality, and that love is a very complex thing.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/07/25 03:54 PM
1

I don't like sitting with this alone, and I sometimes think that it might be helpful for other people to hear about. I think it would hurt my husband more to know that this is going on, rather than if I just stopped and never mentioned it, because I think he will stay either way. .. know that's not really my decision to make for him - he would want to know - but I can't bring myself to do it. I have been looking for professional help for a long time. It's complicated.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/07/25 03:49 PM
1

He went through a lot of abuse and trauma as a child, and there are significant stressors in his life. Yes, I'm certain. I love him very, very much.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/07/25 03:44 PM
1

It happened very slowly, and I sort of gaslit myself about it for much of it. He started being particularly helpful at work, checking on me, making sure I had what I needed, making me laugh if I was stressed. I reasoned that we were just trying to get through the shit together and he was being a good teammate and getting things done. There are not so many places to hang out where we were, so we "bumped into each other" pretty much every day either before or after (and towards the end of the work…
/r/PurplePillDebate01/07/25 03:41 PM
1

He's been in therapy for years for his problems
/r/PurplePillDebate01/07/25 03:22 PM
1

If he does have a partner and just hasn't mentioned her at all, surely that's for a reason, though?
/r/PurplePillDebate01/07/25 03:15 PM
1

I just don't want to scare him off or make it awkward
/r/PurplePillDebate01/07/25 03:11 PM
1

He won't stop lifting daily even if that is the problem. He needs to do it for his mental health
/r/PurplePillDebate01/07/25 03:09 PM
1

He correctly guessed about the affair, but I told him I met "a friend" on the work trip, that he never said anything that I would have interpreted as flirty or coming onto me, and that it was nice to have someone who I could talk with for hours and who was curious about me as a person. I told him that I missed him and was dying of horniness for the whole two weeks (which is true), and came home to him being distant and sexually disinterested, and that was the cause of my upset.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/07/25 03:06 PM
1

Am I?
/r/PurplePillDebate01/07/25 03:02 PM
1

It works pretty well actually. We have good sex most nights. I just want... more. I'm being greedy. He guessed about the affair but I lied about it and assume he bought it. It hasn't been "discovered."
/r/PurplePillDebate01/07/25 03:01 PM
1

I haven't broken my husband down "piece by piece"
/r/PurplePillDebate01/07/25 02:53 PM
1

I've thought about asking him, but I don't want him to feel like I'm accusing him of being a cheater or for him to think I care about that sort of thing. It's obviously ridiculous to expect him to remain single for me... I have said things like "I'm sure you charm the pants off women across the country" and "It that what you say to all the women in [our industry]?" and such, to give him the opportunity to mention anyone else, and he hasn't.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/07/25 02:52 PM
1

But he doesn't know that. I am not justifying it. It's wrong and I know it's wrong and nothing would make it right.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/07/25 02:48 PM
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H is very emotionally supportive and has been more affectionate lately. We don't have a lot of time to do romantic things together, though, which is why I often turn to the fantasy world I have with AP. I don't know what's going on with me, but I have been insatiable lately. H has had his testosterone levels tested, and they were on the lower end of normal. He doesn't want to go on any HRT or supplements. He lifts 7 days a week, sometimes even more than once daily if he feels he didn't get a goo…
/r/PurplePillDebate01/07/25 02:47 PM
1

That's on you, not him. You're now tied up with a scumbag that only cares about himself. You allowed him to push whatever boundaries you may have had. Of course. I'm not blaming this on anybody else. By the looks of your posts, you cannot communicate what you want in your marriage, and so you looked elsewhere. I didn't know I was missing anything in my marriage when the affair started, and I didn't go looking for it. I communicated my feelings when I figured out what was missing. It's not for la…
/r/PurplePillDebate01/07/25 02:43 PM
1

H isn't fat, though he isn't skinny either. His BMI is like, 25.5, I think, and he'd be the example people use to discredit BMI as being discriminatory against muscular people. He's built for strength and power. AP is leaner, but has less muscle mass. He's more built for speed and endurance. He needs to lift and eat more... Or maybe he doesn't because we're not going to end up together and he probably shouldn't change his body for me.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/07/25 02:38 PM
1

Maybe he sensed that I was an easy target
/r/PurplePillDebate01/07/25 02:34 PM
1

I definitely need it
/r/PurplePillDebate01/07/25 02:33 PM
1

I'm honestly wondering if he is partnered with somebody. I saw a woman with him in the reflection of his sunglasses in one picture he sent me, though she could have just been a friend. He also texts me in weird burst patterns, which could either be a sign of him not talking to me when he's with someone else, or just that he has a life and isn't attached to his phone 24/7. But he's very, very charming and not bad looking at all, so I'm not sure why he would be single. It would either take over 24…
/r/PurplePillDebate01/07/25 02:31 PM
1

That's unlikely. He lives halfway across the country.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/07/25 02:25 PM
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I guess I'm taking the 'ignorance is bliss' route here. I don't think I'm a bad wife otherwise. I try very hard to keep him happy
/r/PurplePillDebate01/07/25 02:24 PM
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He lives halfway across the country. There is no way I could sneak traveling all the way to where he lives. So unless he spends a lot of time or money coming here, or we happen to meet at another work trip next year or the year after, I don't think we'll see each other in person again.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/07/25 02:23 PM
1

I can't catch STDs from sexting someone
/r/PurplePillDebate01/07/25 02:19 PM
1

Let's just say AP is more of an ectomorph, and my husband is more of a mesomorph
/r/PurplePillDebate01/07/25 02:18 PM
1

I do.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/07/25 02:15 PM
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I suspect AP will meet someone more local to him or get bored of me eventually, and then we'll cease contact. I already feel like I'm not very important to him... I do care about my husband, his wellbeing, and his future. Ideally, the affair will end and it'll just get swept under the rug and everything will be fine.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/07/25 02:15 PM
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He's not a bad looking guy. Most women would rate him pretty highly, I think. I just have a type If I could just merge them together into one person, it would be perfect
/r/PurplePillDebate01/07/25 02:11 PM
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I still love him very, very much, and I want to be with him. A divorce would be extremely messy and complicated for both of us.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/07/25 02:08 PM
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Nearly 30
/r/PurplePillDebate01/07/25 02:03 PM
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I want to offer my affair partner personal training and dietary advice so that he can look more like my husband. Isn't that fucked up? I am way more physically attracted to my husband than AP. It's just that the former doesn't want to fuck me as much as the latter does. I was brushing my teeth, and my husband came up behind me. I started grinding against him, and he seemed genuinely surprised to get an erection. I said, "Yes, honey. That is how most men would react to what is practically a lap d…
/r/PurplePillDebate01/07/25 01:59 PM
1

Maybe that's what I deserve. To be run around by this not-so-good person
/r/PurplePillDebate01/07/25 01:50 PM
1

Yeah, I don't think so.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/07/25 01:49 PM
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You can have all the standards you want and still be cheated on
/r/PurplePillDebate30/06/25 03:34 PM
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I'll let you know if anything more exciting happens.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/06/25 03:16 PM
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I don't want that
/r/PurplePillDebate30/06/25 03:12 PM
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He does know I'm married. I think he is preferring to just not think about it. His is lower, yes.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/06/25 03:09 PM
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He lives halfway across the country. There's no way I'd be able to sneak away to see him in person. There is a chance that over the next two years, we will encounter each other on later work trips, but the next one isn't for another year.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/06/25 03:08 PM
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Unfortunately this is my real life
/r/PurplePillDebate30/06/25 03:07 PM
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He does.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/06/25 03:06 PM
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It probably wouldn't even be over if he did find out. Just very damaged for a long time. I am not trying to justify any of this-- there is no valid justification. I am sharing my story and thought processes, however. I hope maybe someone finds them useful.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/06/25 03:05 PM
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Obviously both men and women cheat
/r/PurplePillDebate30/06/25 03:03 PM
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Sorry, Thirst-trap-enabler, that just doesn't do it for me
/r/PurplePillDebate30/06/25 03:03 PM
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Last night I stayed up until 4 am sexting and exchanging pics with my Affair Partner, right after I had sex with my husband and he fell asleep. It’s not that the sex is bad, it’s just that he is one and done, and I am not. Sexting with AP is fun because we imagine different places and scenarios to do it in. He says all the right things. He showed me his dick, but I couldn’t tell if it was a good size for me or not because there was nothing in the image for scale, but it didn’t look small. We are…
/r/PurplePillDebate30/06/25 11:30 AM
1

Thank you
/r/PurplePillDebate28/06/25 04:00 PM
1

Yes, if he clearly said no and she persisted anyway. I don't know why she would be surprised a man would respond like that.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/06/25 05:32 AM
1

I didn't. He's at the beach having fun with his friends. He only texts me when he's horny
/r/PurplePillDebate28/06/25 05:27 AM
0

I miss him
/r/PurplePillDebate27/06/25 09:43 PM
1

Stupid and pointless, as I said
/r/PurplePillDebate27/06/25 04:40 PM
1

If my needs were being met-- if it was my husband who was giving me good, stimulating conversation back home, if he was still trying to think up things he didn't know about me, if he was the one checking up on me at the end of a stressful day-- when that colleague came to check on me, I probably would have said "I'm fine," or when he "bumped into me" outside of our shift hours and plopped himself down next to me, I probably would have made plain and polite conversation until he got the hint that…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/06/25 04:33 PM
1

They seemed fine because I hadn't experienced someone with who I could talk and talk and talk with, who understands my work culture and has similar interests and things in common with me, who was so thoroughly interested in me as a person and who I was equally interested in getting to know, and who reminded me what the beginning of relationships are like, when you're young and carefree and have time for romance. If I had that back home-- good conversation, continual interest in one another, a li…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/06/25 04:15 PM
1

I said that I didn't permit myself to develop "crushes." I stopped interacting with people that I particularly liked before they turned into crushes, because cheating is wrong. I chalked those feeling up to being a normal part of being human, and that those individual were simply likable. I said that I didn't know that I wanted the things I am getting from the affair partner before I met him and the feelings snuck up on me in an environment where I couldn't distance myself. I said that I brought…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/06/25 03:55 PM
1

You seem to keep insinuating that everything was fine and dandy at home and then I went and had this affair and then my husband started being like this. I don't think I would have even given this guy a second glance if all my needs were being met, and certainly not my phone number. You keep ignoring everything I'm telling you about the effort that I've put into my marriage. This is a stupid and useless conversation.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/06/25 03:44 PM
1

I wouldn't need the goddamn affair if my needs were being met!
/r/PurplePillDebate27/06/25 03:02 PM
1

What is even the point if he doesn't want to touch or talk to me
/r/PurplePillDebate27/06/25 03:00 PM
1

We eat dinner together. It's just meals with him being inside his head and me trying to talk to him and then the conversation dying over and over. It'll be me trying to heavyside with him and then him complaining that it's weird and moving away, or me being the one to try to hold his hand across the table. At home, we might get an hour or two together before it's time to go to bed, and he'll sit on the couch (away from me) and put on YouTube and watch videos that interest him, that I'm not usual…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/06/25 02:56 PM
1

You aren't listening. We have had one opportunity for one date since the emotional affair and the conversation about how I'm missing the romance. If he has no room in his schedule for me to take him on a date, how is that me "not making the time?"
/r/PurplePillDebate27/06/25 02:47 PM
1

What do you mean, "He has made the time?" Even if I wanted to ask him on all the romantic dates I've always wanted to go on, he wouldn't have the time.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/06/25 02:35 PM
1

We don't have the opportunity to go out very often. That's neither of our faults. We could, however, have stimulating and interesting conversations whenever we're home together. I give him lots of compliments, physical affection, come home with gifts or things that I know he likes if I encounter them while I'm out, offer emotional support when he needs it, try to take things off his plate when I can...
/r/PurplePillDebate27/06/25 02:10 PM
–

Not until after I came back. He said he thinks his libido might have been low because he wasn't eating right, and that he's been eating better, and that's helping.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/06/25 02:04 PM
1

I don't think that's it. If he was having an emotional affair with another woman, I'd ask him what it is that she's giving him that I'm not, and I'd try to give that to him even if it killed me.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/06/25 02:03 PM
–

I didn't know that I felt lonely before the emotional affair. I didn't realize that common interests, avid interest in each other, and more conversation were things that I wanted. I had told my husband that I wished he would initiate sexually more.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/06/25 02:00 PM
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I assume you mean "Tell me why you want him to keep investing time and effort" As far as I know, he accepted my explanation that the affair partner is just a friend. I am also wondering why he doesn't miss the way we talked with one another at the beginning of our relationship himself...Is he just comfortable and satisfied with the way things have become? Where did the passion go? Why doesn't he want that with me anymore?
/r/PurplePillDebate27/06/25 01:22 PM
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I'm trying to initiate the conversations myself. I don't know if he's just not trying to keep them going, or if he is unable to. It's bleak either way. I do nice things for him often, as he does for me. We have been taking turns initiating sex, which has been nice. I don't think I have been neglectful. I am in no way implicating that the affair is not my fault. I know it's my fault and that I'm a shitty person for it.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/06/25 01:14 PM
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I think that would break me
/r/PurplePillDebate27/06/25 01:08 PM
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Yes. We didn't have as many responsibilities then, and we went on multiple dates a week. We were so curious about each other, and wanted to know everything. Conversation was easy then. I struggle to think of questions to ask him now, because I feel like I already know all of the answers, and I'm sure he feels the same way.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/06/25 01:06 PM
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This is the first. In the past, if I sensed that I liked someone a little too much, I would stop interacting with them. But this guy was a colleague that I had to interact with daily, and it seemed to sneak up on me.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/06/25 01:02 PM
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He correctly guessed about it, but I told him the new guy was just a friend. Then I tried to make him just a friend and failed to keep it platonic...I essentially told my husband I felt a lack of sexual desire from him, which he has improved upon, and that I craved conversation and romance. He did take me out on a nice date, which I appreciated. I am not sure if he's trying to get out of his own head and talk with me more or not. We were laying in bed last night and I was trying to initiate conv…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/06/25 12:56 PM
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Maybe I shouldn't try to make friends eventually, then.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/06/25 12:49 PM
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I believe u/p_fulga meant that I currently have an affair, not that I have been open with my husband about it
/r/PurplePillDebate27/06/25 12:44 PM
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Yes. Isn't that pathetic? Even with the current one, I'm starting to wonder if he actually cares about me, or if he only texts me because it boosts his ego to have someone interested in him.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/06/25 12:39 PM
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My husband and my emotional affair partner are both going to do fun outdoor things with their friends today and I am secretly feeling jealous and possessive of both of them... I'm both looking forward to and dreading the time in my life when I'll have the opportunity to have friends of my own again, because 1) I will have to make them, 2) I will have to not catch feelings for them, and 3) there's a possibility I don't try to even make them and I'll just continue being a self-loathing, lonely POS…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/06/25 12:14 PM
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I can't do it
/r/PurplePillDebate26/06/25 01:42 PM
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No, that's not what I want at all. I'm just struggling with this. I don't want to be alone with it
/r/PurplePillDebate26/06/25 12:33 PM
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Ah fuck, I just texted him. He's out mowing a friend's farm with a stupid cowboy hat on, and he's got a jaw full of stubble and... fuck.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/06/25 08:30 PM
1

Unfortunately the latter :(
/r/PurplePillDebate25/06/25 07:59 PM
1

No, it's not.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/06/25 07:22 PM
1

I went away for work a couple weeks ago and had an emotional affair with a new man. We had been texting since I was home and it was causing problems in my marriage
/r/PurplePillDebate25/06/25 07:18 PM
1

I didn't talk to him the day before last, but I did message him briefly yesterday. I wish I hadn't, as it brought some of the desire and fantasies back. I haven't messaged him today. I do miss interacting with him in person... My husband and I have been on better terms. Today I had the urge to go on a dating app and re create that feeling again, but I shut the thought down quickly. Still, I am sad about it. Real life means there is not time for constant romantic dates and continual getting to kn…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/06/25 07:15 PM
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How to Train A Man 101
/r/PurplePillDebate23/06/25 03:50 PM
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That's what I'm trying to figure out
/r/PurplePillDebate23/06/25 03:50 PM
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plz stop. I'm a real person, I swear!
/r/PurplePillDebate23/06/25 03:49 PM
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People keep accusing me of being AI or a man 😭
/r/PurplePillDebate23/06/25 02:36 PM
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Time to hide my body from him and only do it in the dark
/r/PurplePillDebate23/06/25 02:24 PM
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The other guy did give me more attention. It doesn't justify the emotional cheating, but I do desperately want that in my marriage
/r/PurplePillDebate23/06/25 02:23 PM
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It's been 8 years. In the beginning of our relationship, I felt that he had more desire for me... Maybe he is just getting older and slowing down? I don't think I've ever experienced someone giving me a twirl and complimenting me or romantic thing like that. Like, I hear songs like "Fresh Eyes" by Andy Grammar, or "All Over the Road" by Easton Corbin, or "Speechless" by Dan + Shay, and I wonder why I don't have *that.*
/r/PurplePillDebate23/06/25 01:16 PM
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This is even sadder the other way around 😭😭😭
/r/PurplePillDebate23/06/25 12:55 PM
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Is it normal for your husband to not even get excited when you're walking around naked? I get up in the morning and I feel so good about my body. I feel sexy. I'll go around without clothing for a few minutes, or take my time putting it on, and it seems like he just doesn't care. Maybe he's too used to seeing it... but I don't know, I woke up because I heard him moving hangers around in the closet, an the lighting in there is *chef's kiss*, and he'll have his back towards me, and I can't help bu…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/06/25 12:31 PM
1

I don't mean "It's not my fault," because clearly at some point I should have made an effort to interact with him less in order to keep it strictly professional, and I failed to do that. What I mean is that the way things unfolded, I was not really aware of the fact that I was developing more-than-platonic feelings for him until I already had them. And at that point I was too weak to distance myself. It was just like, he was this ray of positivity while we were working, where if I got stressed o…
/r/PurplePillDebate22/06/25 11:46 PM
1

If I'm not flirting, and the feelings have gone away, is it still cheating? Isn't it kind of just like having a friend? I do intend to stop talking to him soon anyway.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/06/25 08:38 PM
1

I think coming clean would only hurt him, and if we're going to stay together anyway, I think it's best to just keep it to myself.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/06/25 08:31 PM
1

I am fully aware that it's not okay
/r/PurplePillDebate22/06/25 08:01 PM
1

It was emotional cheating when I did catch feelings for him, and exchanged numbers, and continued to flirt with him over text. I didn't tell my husband about that.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/06/25 07:55 PM
1

You're right, of course.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/06/25 07:45 PM
1

I love him and I don't want to divorce. I know I should exercise some self control, and that there's no excuse for not doing so. I'm just being a coward and waiting for this to gradually resolve itself.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/06/25 07:37 PM
1

I'm trying. It's hard to stop talking to someone who's a good conversationalist and with whom you have a lot in common when you're starved for that sort of thing... I know I need platonic friendships but I just don't have space for that in my life right now. It's easy enough to just text someone and never have to figure out when you can hang out when you live halfway across the country from one another.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/06/25 07:25 PM
1

Every once in a while I still find myself imagining what life would have been like if I had been single when I went away and if he and I didn't live so far apart. But I think I like the fantasy moreso than having actual feelings for him, at this point. Though, he is a genuinely likable person. I told my husband that he is just a friend. I'm sure he has seen me texting with him.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/06/25 07:21 PM
1

I would be devastated if he developed feelings for someone else, and preferred talking with her. I would wonder what I'm not giving him that he's looking for in someone else. I am fine with female friends as long as they're not taking precedence over me.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/06/25 07:13 PM
1

I have been on work trips for years and never had this happen, if that anecdote's of any use to you. I feel like this really snuck up on me.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/06/25 07:09 PM
1

Yes, unfortunately this one.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/06/25 07:08 PM
1

Because I like talking to him, and my husband doesn't seem inclined towards more conversation with me. Also it would be awkward to try to "break up" with someone I'm not even dating... We will talk platonically and less and less, and then eventually not at all. u/EulenWatcher
/r/PurplePillDebate22/06/25 07:07 PM
3

Emotional affair update: My husband had been distant lately. We went out on a date last night, and on the long drive there, we talked it out. He told me he "made up this story in his head" about how I had met someone while I was away at work and the relationship was shiny and new and that was the reason I he was being distant and I was being grumpy and finding fault with our marriage... Which was pretty much spot on. I am a terrible person for doing this, but I told him that I missed him terribl…
/r/PurplePillDebate22/06/25 05:19 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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