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View 1 post and 651 comments by PeanutButterPigeon85 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
694

DISCUSSIONPeanutButterPigeon85/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/03/22 12:50 PM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
88

Good for you!! Lack of experience is just one, not-all-that-interesting thing about you. It doesn't require any apologies or compromise.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/04/22 05:36 PM
382

Hey OP, if it makes you feel any better, any kind of sex-related talk with a new partner is going to be awkward. Telling them you're a virgin would be awkward. Asking them when they were last tested for STDs, and would they mind getting tested again before you sleep together, is also awkward. Talking about preferred methods of birth control is awkward. Asking them if they currently have any other sexual partners is hella awkward. All of it is awkward, and that's OK. You just have to lean into th…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/04/22 04:39 PM
118

Ugh. If I hadn't personally seen it, I might have thought you were exaggerating with this post. But no, it's true. I've heard multiple men my age (late 30s) or a little older brag about how they'd "never" date a woman older than 27 because they "want to make sure she's fertile." These men were...not exactly prizes themselves. It was unclear why they thought a younger woman would be interested in them, or why they assumed that their own fertility wouldn't be affected by age. But fast forward a fe…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/04/22 07:02 AM
295

I've never dated anyone HV, but I've seen a few nice examples among my friends. For example, I have a friend with chronic back pain. She went to see someone for a targeted massage, to help with the pain. Her husband (boyfriend at the time) came along with her and learned the massage techniques so that he could massage her back whenever she was feeling bad. I have another friend who's a SAHM and whose husband regularly sends her off on weekend holidays so that she can get some alone time while he…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/04/22 07:59 AM
20

Now imagine you going to the cops to report harassment, there’s the risk that they will harass you too or even laugh at you. Very true! I know a woman who was stalked by a man. She got a restraining order, but her stalker repeatedly violated it. When she reported these violations to the police, the police officer smirked at her and made comments like, "He's allowed to flirt with you if he wants." It was only due to her persistence, and the fact that SHE'S LITERALLY A LAWYER AND KNOWS HOW THE LAW…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/04/22 01:44 PM
59

On the one hand, yes, you're right. We should report these incidents, and doing so would hopefully help prevent them from happening to someone else. On the other hand...I. Am. So. Tired. I've been dealing with creeps for almost twenty years, and I can't think of a single incident where they faced real consequences. Never, not once. Reporting and/or making a scene is exhausting, and sometimes it even creates safety risks. These days, if it's a stranger in public, I just exit the situation as soon…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/04/22 06:43 AM
67

They think that parenthood is all about having fun and don't understand the sacrifice that it involves. That could also be a sign that they would be the "fun" parent and foist all the difficult parts onto you. They have the assumption (either spoken or unspoken) that holding a 9-to-5 job will be their role in the family, and raising the kids will be your role. I have a friend in this position. In her husband's mind, his responsibilities are done when he comes home from work. He doesn't provide a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/04/22 08:09 AM
177

Definitely! The men in my family are exactly like this. If you ask, they'll usually do it, but in their minds, they're being so nice and doing you a huge favor, even when it's a super basic task that they ought to be doing anyway, like taking out the trash in their own home. Too many requests, and they'll resent you and start making snide comments. It's easier for the women to just do everything.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/04/22 06:09 PM
6

I forgot about that one! That movie has so many great one-liners -- and so many double entendres that I missed when I was a kid.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/04/22 05:32 PM
66

it's just as easy to love a rich man as it is to love a poor man Hahaha I think that's a quote from Marilyn Monroe in Gentlemen Prefer Blondes: She's just dumb. Always falling with some man just because he's good-looking. I keep telling her, it's just as easy to fall with a rich man as a poor man.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/04/22 06:55 AM
44

So sorry about your mom
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/04/22 05:27 AM
4

THANK YOU
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/04/22 09:23 PM
183

$50 per entree is just a normal dinner in larger cities these days. Yeah, I was going to say...the last time that I treated myself to a nice dinner in a big city with a friend, I think we spent about $65 each on appetizers, entrees, dessert, wine, and tip. It wasn't even a formal restaurant, just a quality brasserie. The experience was a treat and not something that we could do every week. This guy could definitely have done his research and suggested a cheaper place that was just as good or bet…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/04/22 03:44 PM
612

It sounds like this guy played himself. If he genuinely can't afford the steakhouse (not "doesn't want to" but can't), then he could have offered a thoughtful alternative. He could have even been honest and said that he was really looking forward to their date, but that the steakhouse is outside his budget. Instead, he basically said, "I don't want to invest that much into you on the first date." He spared his pride but low-key insulted his date -- no wonder she blocked him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/04/22 01:09 PM
87

Yeah, but how often do men like that actually face consequences? Based on my own life experiences and those of my friends, I'd guess...5% of the time? Maybe less. I'm not sure what the odds would be in a profession that requires licenses, but I'm not optimistic. Seen in this way, it's not that odd that they take this risk. They have every reason to be confident that they'll come out fine.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/04/22 02:30 PM
75

LMAO, a 60-year-old man standing on a subway platform once asked me to dinner and announced -- not asked, announced -- that I was going to pay for it. I was 24 at the time. No dinner happened.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/04/22 12:51 PM
115

Like, they seem to create their own problems Off-topic, but that's exactly how I feel about Bridgerton.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/03/22 07:15 PM
12

Oh cool, thanks! It's been quite a while since I've seen anything produced by this group.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/03/22 07:40 AM
236

I've never seen this clip before, but FYI, these are all actors from College Humor.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/03/22 10:03 PM
38

Yikes. Like someone else said on this sub once, not even waterboarding would get a story like that out of me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/22 10:50 PM
1

When you’re 58, you need to admit that the rich handsome prince is not coming to save you or even put a bookshelf together for you, so get yourself some fucking tools! LMAO what?!?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/22 09:35 AM
3

Women who are narcissistic does HUGE amount of damage to you, as sometimes even more than a narcissistic romantic relationship. Totally agree
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/22 09:24 AM
2

I think of stories of women who allowed their husband to completely protect them and take over financials--even if he's great and doesn't do anything sneaky, what happens if he dies first? All of a sudden you're thrust into a situation you are not prepared for. That man might have been HVM, but at the end of the day, the only constant we have is ourselves. That's what I've been commenting on this sub for a while! Finding a HVM is nice and all, but we have to get rid of the mindset that it's some…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/22 09:19 AM
1

Are there really people these days who use LSD in moderation without negative effects? On the one hand, we have the thinkers that you listed, who you say used them without negative effects. I'm also a fan of the artist Dan Hillier, whose work has been heavily influenced by psychedelics. On the other hand, as I commented elsewhere on this thread, I've only known two people in my life who have used psychedelics, and both of them became addicts and went completely off the rails. I've never been int…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/22 08:49 AM
3

Hey OP -- I've never used or dated someone who used these drugs. However, I've had two good male friends who started using them and within a few years, they both went completely off the rails. Based on this experience, I'd strongly caution women against dating guys who use psychedelics, even occasionally. Here's the full story of my two ex-friends: They were both smart, successful, and nice people whom I'd known for years. These were also separate events: these guys didn't know each other, but t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/22 08:39 AM
31

Things like lack of interest in sex (possibly due to repressed homosexuality -- jury's still out) and impotence
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/03/22 08:58 PM
64

I think this is another reason why waiting for marriage to have sex, and do “wife” things, work in many cases That can also really backfire, though. I know women who have waited until marriage for sex and then discovered on their honeymoon that there were major issues that their new husbands had concealed from them, and that would have been dealbreakers if they'd known about them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/03/22 05:58 PM
27

Hey OP, I've been there! However, what I've come to realize over the years is that such crushes are less about the other person and more about my own emotional "empty buckets," i.e., my hunger to be treated well and made to feel special by others. (Shocker, right?) I've found that the best way to let such feelings pass is to (1) acknowledge that the person in question is a great coworker, and you're lucky to be on the same team, BUT (2) that your feelings say more about you and your emotional un…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/03/22 04:31 PM
2

Very true! Casino's a good example. Carmela Soprano is another one. A lot of Sopranos fanboys detest Carmela for being materialistic and only with Tony for his money...but they idolize Tony, a violent criminal who commits crimes in order to -- wait for it -- get money.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/03/22 04:48 PM
5

I've posted about this before, but honestly, I think anyone who glorifies a villain or an anti-hero is just an idiot. Take most of the classic gangster movies and TV series. I adore The Godfather and enjoy The Sopranos, but I couldn't care less about the mafia aspect. They're masterful character studies, and I like them because they show the corrosive nature of violence. They also show how the characters' misogyny is tied to their sociopathy. Michael Corleone and Tony Soprano are bad people, and…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/03/22 03:16 PM
24

Ah, I see you've dated my ex.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/03/22 08:53 PM
23

Here’s the thing. If I’m attacked and being raped, I have no earthly clue whether he’s going to murder me afterwards to keep me quiet, or to fulfill some sick fetish. I’d absolutely use lethal force against a rapist. FYI, John Locke famously made that same argument in his Second Treatise of Government, though he used the example of a thief rather than of a rapist.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/03/22 10:11 PM
32

LMAO at "astranaut." Bless his little heart...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/03/22 04:35 PM
4

Yikes, good for you for escaping that situation! He sounds very controlling.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/03/22 03:09 PM
9

He told me that since it was my first relationship, I didn’t know what was happening, and with proper training, I’d get used to it. WTF, that's horrifying! So glad you left.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/03/22 11:33 AM
5

I completely agree, but I'd add that not all fake proposals are shut-up rings. In my own case, I had made zero hints that I wanted to get married, and I'd even told my ex that I wanted to take things slowly. I think there are men like my ex who see engagement as dating+, a halfway point between regular dating and marriage where they can hang out as long as they want. It's all the same in the end, though: the man is publicly locking the woman down while keeping his own options open.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/03/22 11:26 AM
6

Ew, gross. Sounds like he thought you might cheat...which I assume is because he knew he would cheat if the tables were turned.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/03/22 11:08 AM
5

What a nasty thing to do!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/03/22 08:56 PM
11

Ugh, sorry that your friend went through that! Sorry that she gave five years to someone who didn't value her or want the same things.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/03/22 08:56 PM
31

He proposed a fake marriage for military benefits, and told me that I was his third choice after the first 2 turned him down. He does not sound like the brightest crayon in the box.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/03/22 06:43 PM
40

I think you ex may have been a covert narcissist or had some narcissistic traits. You're right, he definitely had traits in that direction. Sorry this happened to you, too! And HOW MUCH debt?? You definitely dodged a bullet.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/03/22 06:41 PM
47

....What is that even supposed to mean? He wants you to be committed to him without there being a real commitment?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/03/22 06:22 PM
32

Found out later that even the ring was fake. Like WHAT? Did he say that the ring had a diamond, when it was actually a CZ -- or something like that?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/03/22 06:21 PM
11

Thanks!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/03/22 03:02 PM
32

Honestly, I've wondered whether he was trying to force a pregnancy. He used to make comments about how I was out of his league...which I wish I'd seen as the red flags that they were. Maybe he was trying to "make" me stay with him. I'll probably never know.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/03/22 02:17 PM
411

The most LV reason? There are so many candidates, but I think the winner would have to be the time that my ex assaulted me without a condom, admitted that he knew it was wrong, and then tried to convince me that he was the victim because -- he told me -- I was now going to abort his child...the child that didn't exist because I was not and have never been pregnant. I told him the latter repeatedly, but it was like talking to a brick wall. He was fixated on the idea that I was going to cruelly ab…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/03/22 11:21 PM
12

Hi OP, so sorry you're going through that. I went through the same thing about three years ago. I'm still working through it, so I don't have any great advice, but feel free to DM me if you want to talk.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/03/22 12:03 PM
1

thanks
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/03/22 11:57 AM
7

I don't mind sharing because I've posted about this before, so long story short: he was very manipulative and sexually assaulted me. It was especially disturbing because all our mutual friends thought he was just the nicest guy ever. So...definitely a good call on your part to cut things off with these men as soon as you see the red flags. That road doesn't lead anywhere good.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/03/22 12:17 AM
9

No, I get it! The second guy sounds a lot like someone I dated once: successful, popular, "total mystery" why he was single...but an absolute nightmare once his public mask came off.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/03/22 10:59 PM
17

YES! That's my favorite quote as well. I paraphrased it in my own comment on this thread.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/03/22 08:09 PM
10

I’m introverted but also cautious and didn’t necessarily go with the flow. Good for you! Sounds like your instincts served you well.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/03/22 08:09 PM
73

This is such a great video from The Take! I've watched it at least five times. It perfectly articulates the problem with most of my exes: delusional narcissists who thought that they were the main characters of an epic romance. All they wanted was love and devotion, so nothing they did could be that bad...right? Other people's feelings aren't real and don't need to be respected, unless of course those feelings serve him. Lies, manipulation, cheating, and even assault: he's the main character, an…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/03/22 12:15 PM
6

I don't think you should necessarily break up with him over this. A lot of unhealthy attitudes about sex are quite pervasive. We have to work to root them out of ourselves, and so do the people that we date. Assuming that your boyfriend is not abusive or otherwise toxic, I think the deciding factor should be whether (1) he's willing to have an open and honest discussion (which it sounds like he was); (2) he's willing to reconsider his point of view (unclear from this post); and (3) his behavior …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/03/22 11:51 AM
57

For the younger women reading this, if someone tries this manipulation tactic on you, you can respond like this: "No, I don't have 'walls up.' I just have healthy boundaries. Maybe you should do some self-reflection about your own boundaries." Keep hard eye contact through the whole thing. The last sentence will make manipulators splutter and lash out, meaning you'll have to put them in their place again and/or walk away. If you don't feel able to do that -- or just can't be bothered -- you can …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/03/22 05:54 PM
123

I mean, how pathetic do you have to get to think that men who have been in long term marriages with supportive women are somehow “losing” at life. Nailed it!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/03/22 05:42 PM
45

I like the way he frames being financially dependent on her. Not getting a deposit back would do nothing to place him in 'financial hell' or change their current financial situation at all, that money has already been spent whether the wedding happens or not, even if they borrowed it all they would still be paying it off if the wedding went through, technically they should both be in a better position without the wedding because they have only spent the deposits and won't have to pony up the ful…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/03/22 01:18 PM
70

YIKES! Bullet dodged, OP. What an insane thing for your ex to do. Story time: That reminds me of the time that I was wrapping up a job assignment overseas. It had been a tough assignment, during which one of my coworkers was tragically killed on the job. I told my then-boyfriend that I was going to stop off in X location on the way back to the U.S., to take some time for myself and process everything. I gushed to my ex about how much I was looking forward to this quiet time. I told him that I wa…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/03/22 12:39 PM
3

Yeah, sounds like your friend is high on insecurity and low on self-reflection. These problems are probably deep-rooted. There's nothing that you can do to "fix" her if she doesn't want to be fixed. The only things you can do are to distance yourself or -- if that's not feasible -- to shut her down hard when she starts talking about these gross married cheaters. If she's bragging about being picked because she thinks it makes her look desirable, then telling her how trashy she sounds should give…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/02/22 01:17 PM
15

I had my abortion on Valentine's day Just like in the Jenny Slate movie The Obvious Child :-( It's a great movie, and I highly recommend it, though it might be triggering for anyone who's gone through a difficult situation around abortion.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/02/22 06:02 PM
29

LMAO, that would have backfired with several of my exes.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/02/22 02:07 PM
74

I realized it was a poor use of my very limited free time Just commented the same...it's not worth it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/02/22 07:09 AM
61

Because you can swipe through 300 men without even seeing one that you'd want to date, and frankly, I have better things to do with my time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/02/22 07:08 AM
11

Wow, what bunch of f---wits. I grew up in the South, too. I wish I could say that your story surprises me...but it doesn't. Nothing like good 'ole conservative Christian values! /s
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/22 05:01 PM
10

Oof, how embarrassing for him!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/22 04:56 PM
65

Wow, that's so insulting!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/22 07:17 AM
223

So weird! And you just gave me a flashback to an insecure male boss that I had, years ago. We were having a work meeting with his boss (my boss' boss), and I used the expression, "like coals to Newcastle," i.e., that something would be unnecessary. My boss demanded to know how I knew that expression. No, he demanded, HOW had I learned it? I was baffled and replied, "I must have read it somewhere. It's a common expression." My boss just couldn't handle that I knew this expression. I'm American, m…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/22 06:31 AM
334

Meh, to me, that has the same energy as "I want someone who's entertaining on command now and then," like in this classic XKCD comic strip: https://xkcd.com/122/
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/22 04:57 AM
4

There is only the hard, cold reality of who someone has chosen to be right now.....and that goes for us as well. Well said, and it definitely applies to all of us.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/22 03:03 AM
10

Nope, and they never have. Hell, Jane Austen even talked about this in her 1817 novel Persuasion.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/22 03:01 AM
18

I commented separately, but same. My mom viewed me as competition. So messed up!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/02/22 08:34 AM
13

Yikes, what a woman! What you said rings true for me, though. My mom is probably an undiagnosed NPD, and she's also idolized the men in her life while being horrible to the women. So much projection...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/02/22 08:32 AM
58

Always remember the truly wealthy are quiet about it. Often true, but not always. I've dated a few men whose families were genuinely wealthy (and in one case, famous), and who just "happened" to mention it on the first date. It still made me roll my eyes. Still didn't make me want to be their girlfriend.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/02/22 12:45 AM
93

There's a quote from Robin Williams in the movie World's Greatest Dad that I think sums it up: I used to think the worst thing in life was to end up all alone. It’s not. The worst thing in life is ending up with people who make you feel all alone. I've agreed with this quote for a while, but it was only when I really incorporated it into my mindset that I felt happy being single. Also, OP, don't forget: nothing lasts forever. Even if you married the perfect HVM, you could still lose him to disea…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/02/22 06:53 PM
18

Eeeeeh....have you been to the rural American South? I grew up there, and people would tell me to my face that my only purpose in life should be to serve a man. White, Christian women were supposed to be "good girls" who stayed virgins until marriage...while the boys were raised to be entitled and l-a-z-y. There's a whole, f'd up worldview that white, middle-to-upper-class Christians are inherently superior: white supremacy ice cream with swirls of Evangelical Christianity and xenophobia chips. …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/02/22 06:41 PM
6

Yes, he tried to reach out multiple times. Him: "I know I said I'd give you space, but there's more I need to say..." This was followed by a long, whiny, self-pitying, condescending email saying woe is him, this is so hard, how dare I just make a unilateral decision to break up with him, that's not allowed, he's just waiting for me to come to my senses, etc. And then in a later message, that he realizes that [insert list of selfish and manipulative things that he did] were bad, sowweee, he'll ne…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/02/22 05:24 PM
19

Really sorry for what you're going through, OP! I had a similar situation years ago, though my medical problem wasn't quite as serious. After you've gone through a tough time like that, you really remember who was there for you and who wasn't.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/02/22 02:51 AM
29

I agree with every word you wrote. Well said!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/02/22 02:40 AM
26

Oh, that's not the only one. Pretty much any gross and unnecessary comment on my body will make me walk away.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/02/22 02:05 AM
18

There's NO reason to discuss sex with anyone except your doctor and your established partner. I don't even discuss my sex life with my girlfriends. It's tacky and inappropriate and people who do it have issues. Louder, for the people in the back! I couldn't imagine sharing intimate details even with my closest friends. It's just trashy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/22 05:50 PM
32

I mentioned in a comment above, I was talking about an exam I have tomorrow. I wasn't talking about it in general. Yeah, I get it, but I agree with the other commenters that it's not a good idea to mention any type of anxiety when you're meeting someone. A whiff of vulnerability is like blood in the water to abusive and manipulative people.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/22 05:25 PM
10

Yeah, that story was extremely f'd up. Hruby was allegedly cold and remorseless about the murders...until consequences started showing up for himself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/22 03:03 AM
31

Wow, did Lundy Bancroft guest-star on the FDS podcast?? If so, I've got to start listening to it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/22 01:33 AM
79

One time his dad mentioned to me that one time my ex came home from a trip, dumped his washing on the floor and went up to bed. I was appalled when he told me that. The entitlement was just stunning, as was his parents’ enablement of that sense of entitlement. My brother is the same. He doesn't live at my parents' house, but when he comes to visit them, he'll dump his dirty clothes on our mom's chair and then go out for the day. The washing machine is steps away, but he can't be bothered to load…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/22 01:30 AM
17

Do you mean Alan Hruby of Oklahoma? https://www.cbsnews.com/news/prosecutor-son-killed-oklahoma-family-for-inheritance/
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/22 01:25 AM
2

it is important to tread lightly when introducing these ideas, because many people are inclined to shoot the messenger when confronted with unpleasant information. Yes, you can't underestimate how entrenched misogyny is in many places, even among women. Even in the last 10 years, I've had arguments with friends from the South who were saying that God requires women to obey the men in their household. It's like, "Is this 2020 or 1856?"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/01/22 11:45 AM
5

I've had that experience, too. But then, the same friend who used to roll her eyes at me when I got on my feminist soapbox 10 years ago...now fully agrees with most of the things that I used to tell her. What changed for her was having her own terrible experiences with men, and then seeing her sisters, cousins, and friends go through similar things. I've been very careful never to use the word "feminist" when I talk about these issues, and I think that also helps.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/01/22 05:07 PM
14

Thanks a bunch!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/01/22 10:38 PM
28

Hey, do you have any good links to signs of ADHD in girls?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/01/22 10:30 PM
30

I grew up in a very conservative part of the U.S., where feminism of any kind is a dirty word, so I've had this problem since my teens -- well before FDS existed. What I've found most helpful over the years is to listen to my friends when they describe really poor behavior from men (whether from their fathers, their partners, or their friends'/relatives' partners), and provide affirmation that the behavior is indeed as bad as it seems. Here's one real example, "Oh, your husband comes home from w…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/01/22 08:39 AM
17

JFC...poor guy!! Have you listened to the podcast Dr. Death? It's even worse than your story.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/01/22 01:56 PM
35

Well...Dawn dish soap is fairly gentle. Rescue workers use it to clean spilled petroleum from wildlife. Doesn't make any less weird/insulting that the boyfriend of an artisanal soap maker would walk up and announce to her customers(!) that he preferred dish soap over her product.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/01/22 10:14 AM
3

Ugh...being short is one thing. As adults, we can't control our heights. But lying about it? Wow, that's so pathetic and cringey. Do they really think we won't notice such an obvious lie? Are they just hoping we'll keep our mouths shut and go along with it? There's such a lack of forward thinking there.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/22 06:13 PM
97

I agree with everything except the part about only getting with or getting into relationships with women they find attractive. Same here. I agree with what OP wrote, except for the part about men never dating women they find unattractive. They 100% do that. They'll date women they don't even like, just so they can date someone. There may be women out there who do the same, but if so, I've never met one. All the women I know have at least liked the person they were dating, even if they struggled …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/22 03:32 PM
14

Then my ex starts back tracking and says well “as a short man I suffer too.” LMAO no he didn't. I hope you chewed him out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/22 09:41 AM
12

Don't forget the old post from a woman who was stranded and injured somewhere* and called her partner to pick her up. He agreed to come but then ghosted her, leaving her in a tough spot. Afterwards, when she called him out on his behavior, he claimed he "accidentally took a nap" instead of picking her up as he promised. She then headed straight to the Reddit advice subs... *I think she was in a car wreck? The post was a while ago.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/22 09:39 AM
7

Saaaaaaaaaaaaaaame
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/22 10:30 AM
18

My narcissist ex used to loooove pretending to be on the fence about social engagements, so everyone would beg and plead with him to come while he hemmed and hawed. 100% a narc thing. That was one of the most annoying traits of my narc ex-friend. She'd engineer situations where everyone else in the social group was waiting on her to make a decision about something (participate or not? in or out?), and then she'd hem and haw and drag her feet unnecessarily for days or weeks while everyone orbited…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/22 08:19 AM
4

And an unhealthy person will see and fixate on that list like a drug addict. They want a copy of that list! Must have it! Now that they have it, well this is wrong, that never happened, you took that the wrong way, you obviously have problems, look at how neurotic you are to keep a whole list lol lol lol, and you misspelled this lol lol lol, also how could you attack me like this?? Your abusive to me! I think you're an narcissist to blame me for all your problems.... Oh yeah, totally -- that's w…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/01/22 02:49 PM
15

Thanks for your response! I have indeed watched Dr. Ramani, but it's always nice to hear confirmation from other therapists. Your therapist isn’t that great considering they think narcissists operate on the same level as everyone else. Yeah, that was my last session with that therapist. I thought her advice seemed terrible, but it still managed to throw me for a loop.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/22 12:20 PM
19

Question for you, if you don't mind: do you think there's ever a situation in which it's worth confronting a narcissist about their behavior? Or is it always a lost cause, and it's just better to ghost or block-and-delete? My last therapist tried to push me to have a sit-down with a narcissistic close family member. She told me that I needed to write a detailed list of all the ways that they'd hurt me and share that list with the narcissist. I refused to do it because that seemed like...reasonab…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/22 10:31 AM
22

They think every thought that falls into their head is pure brilliance that must be shared with humanity and if you don't react like it's the most profound thing you've ever heard in your life, they meltdown LMAO, that's not autistic men. I've met many, many neurotypical men like that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/22 10:17 AM
105

I braced for aggressive cat-calling but they were sweet and polite, jostling to get off the path for me. Aww! It's always so encouraging to see sweet kids who were raised well.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/22 10:38 PM
52

No, I totally get it. A few years ago, I briefly dated a man that I thought was my own age...only to discover that he was in his mid-20s. He had prematurely greying hair and didn't take care of his skin, so he looked at least 10 years older than his actual age. Skincare notwithstanding, he was a great guy...but I couldn't get past the age gap. We were in totally different life stages. I'd cook for him at my apartment, and he'd show up for the meal like a college kid coming to Sunday lunch at his…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/22 10:35 PM
1

I've never been married or dated anyone who's been divorced, so take this with a grain of salt...but I think so. I'm from a part of the U.S. where people are pressured to get married young, and many of those young marriages end in divorce. I can definitely imagine a HV divorcé who married too young and grew apart from their spouse, with or without kids.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/22 10:55 AM
95

LMAO, if I'd held this standard with my exes, I'd still be a virgin* at 36. Good for her! *in the traditional sense of the word
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/21 04:08 PM
106

than meet some poorly dressed scrote who expects me to pay for coffee and demands anal on the first 'date.' LMAO, I know you're speaking figuratively, but this literally happened to me once.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/21 07:10 PM
5

Sort of like Napoleon saying "Aprés moi, le deluge," FYI, it was actually attributed to King Louis XV. Great post, though! I learned a lot and really appreciate it. ETA: Your summary of neutralization theory reminds me a lot of how Esther Perel explains cheaters. She notes that almost everyone says they are against cheating, and yet many people cheat -- so how do we reconcile that? She says that we must assume that the cheaters are acting against their own (supposed) values.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/21 10:07 AM
12

Believe me, that's what I'm hoping! But I've been taken by surprise before by men in their 60s+ who asked me out, so...once bitten, twice shy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/12/21 08:48 AM
22

I got a missed call and two texts this Christmas from a 70-year-old man that I worked with earlier this year. I can maybe understand a 'Merry Christmas' text to a colleague. But two? And also a call?!? Eww, eww, eww. I always saw him as a fatherly figure, considering that he's literally twice my age, but now I'm all skeeved out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/12/21 08:31 AM
24

Eww. I feel your pain.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/12/21 11:06 AM
6

Very cool!! I've also done some sailing, though I have no clue what I'm doing and am only useful for grunt work. :-)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/12/21 10:22 AM
104

It's like when they buy you things that they wanted for themselves, regardless of whether you've shown any interest in that thing. And then get mad because you don't seem grateful enough...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/12/21 10:17 AM
41

how yes he did actually cheat on me with that female friend but only during the past weeks when I had been acting distant and only because I made him feel insecure… "OK, I cheated, BUT ONLY BECAUSE YOU MADE ME!" Our exes must have read the same script...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/12/21 12:12 AM
39

I like some adventurous things (I sailed across the North Sea at 16, as an example) WOW, that's so cool! What time of year was it when you sailed across? (I've heard the North Sea can be pretty dicey in the colder half of the year.)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/21 09:48 PM
3

Where did he even get the audacity or starting point to start talking about that? Just entitlement! He was fully convinced that his opinions about anything and everything were a gift to the world...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/21 11:40 AM
11

Sounds like the same hyper aware dudes that are constantly reminding you what's attractive and what's not: "you shouldn't swear, it's not attractive from a girl" " y'all drink like your uncles/tios, that's not attractive in a girl" "I like sundresses on girls 😬". Nobody asked.. Oh god, I just had flashbacks to a group hike that I did through the mountains outside the U.S. years ago. There was a dude in the hiking group who stationed himself next to me, and as we hiked up the mountain, he went on…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/21 11:49 AM
26

Oh, and don't forget A Muppet Christmas Carol: the best of all the Christmas Carol adaptations.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/21 01:07 PM
18

Hahaha my summary was tongue in cheek -- but yes, it's worth a watch! It's a bit of a testosterone fantasy, but then, so are 98% of all action movies.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/21 12:53 PM
9

Just commented the same! :-)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/21 08:03 AM
66

Die Hard! Starring a successful career woman and her estranged, blue-collar husband. By the end of the film, he not only defeats Gruber, he also apologizes to her for not being supportive enough of her career. Win/win.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/21 08:02 AM
18

It's narcissism, and I know this because I've seen it in female narcissists, too (e.g., my mother, several ex-friends). A narcissist is all about appearances and will be super generous in public while stingy in private. Or if they're generous in private, there are always strings attached.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/21 08:14 AM
13

I've missed 13+ days of work so far being the primary caregiver and I'm going to be missing more. I don't earn PTO. Every day missed is money out of my pocket. Meanwhile, my father has 4 weeks of PTO he doesn't want "to waste." Jesus H. Christ. Imagine thinking that taking off work to care for your sick spouse is "wasting" PTO. I'm really sorry! What a tough situation to be in. :-(
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/12/21 09:04 PM
225

It's 2021, and girls are both sold and "rented" by their parents in many countries. It's 2021, and an American friend of mine in a red state felt that she had to get her father's permission to go on birth control to treat her excruciatingly painful periods. She was 25 and self-supporting, but if she hadn't gone to her father for permission first, her family might have assumed she was "whoring around." This $hit is deeply entrenched all over the world. It's not going away anytime soon.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/12/21 07:58 PM
16

Ugh...yeah, those are pretty lame excuses.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/12/21 09:32 AM
3

As the other commenters have said, it could be that you're not quite ready to date again, after being abused. On the other hand, often our intuition picks up red flags before our conscious mind. I've personally had cases where I was dating someone, and my intuition was screaming, "No, stay away from him!" I ignored my intuition because I couldn't pin this feeling to anything concrete...and then I ended up regretting it. The reason for the negative feeling always came to light in the end. Going t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/12/21 09:09 AM
16

Great video! Between this and the greyhound that dresses in costumes, it's almost enough to get me on Tiktok.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/12/21 08:36 AM
14

Bring an arrangement if you're going to bring flowers, or send them ahead of the dinner, or afterward to thank her/him Or just say, "Point me towards the cupboard where you keep your vases. I'll set them up for you."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/12/21 08:32 AM
48

And his wife, goes to the kitchen, gets a plate and a can opener and a can of beans, and brings it to the table. Opens the can of beans and pours it on his plate, sets the can down and leaves. LMAOOOOOOOOOO good for her!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/12/21 08:28 AM
86

If I don't literally hound my dad and my brother, the only gifts she'd get for Christmas would be from me. Sorry, but that's pathetic. My own brother didn't buy me Christmas or birthday gifts for years at a time, even though he's high-income. It was never about the money he was or wasn't spending. It was about how horrible it would feel on Christmas morning, when I'd give him his wrapped gift. He'd take the gift from me and then smirk and say in front of the family that he didn't see the point o…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/12/21 08:23 AM
6

I told him he had to be a trophy first and he never talked to me again. LMAO, say what you will about trophy wives, you can never claim that they don't work. They do work...at being a trophy: fitness classes, hair, nails, networking with other wives, etc. Depending on the husband and his field of work, they may give credibility and social status to their husband and even help advance his career through soft (social) skills. Imagine thinking that you could turn up in wrinkled clothes, dadbod, and…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/21 11:58 AM
94

His little brother (who was 16 at the time) got me a beautiful customized leather journal from England because he knew that I loved to write. He was such a lovely kid, and treated his girlfriend like a queen. That is SO sweet!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/12/21 11:49 PM
105

God, I had a coworker like that once, except that -- believe it or not -- he was worse. I used to work for a company that rented out apartments for the staff when we were on long-term assignments. This dude lived in his own, ground-floor apartment by himself for a little under a year. He. Was. Gross. The dude bathed twice a month, if that. Whenever he walked around the office, he brought a cloud of nasty funk with him. Once, we had to ride in the same company car, and the smell was so intense an…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/12/21 08:10 PM
163

That last line is a paraphrase of this famous quote: You don’t owe prettiness to anyone. Not to your boyfriend/spouse/partner, not to your co-workers, especially not to random men on the street. You don’t owe it to your mother, you don’t owe it to your children, you don’t owe it to civilization in general. Prettiness is not a rent you pay for occupying a space marked ‘female’. ― Erin McKean
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/12/21 07:39 AM
6

OK, got it. In that case, it might be better to let him bring it up with you if and when he wants to.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/21 05:56 PM
28

Why...do your friends know he's a virgin? That seems incredibly personal and something that he should be sharing with potential partners in his own time. Wouldn't he be embarrassed to go out with you and discover that you already knew this about him? Another thing I’m worried about is that if a guy’s not had sex, surely he’d be bad at it. Maybe, but then again, sexual experience is no guarantee that he'd be any good, so personally, I don't think this matters. It's not clear from your post whethe…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/21 04:41 PM
3

It was all "me, me, me, why are you ignoring me, me, me, me, I want to keep in touch, don't be mad, me, me, me, I know I should do better, me, me, me." Excuse me, was there a part where you gave a single fuck about what I want? I missed that part apparently. Oof, yeah, I've had my share of messages like that over the years. The people who send them tend to be both selfish and needy. In my ex-friend's case, I know she was going through a tough time in life. She hated her job, and then she got dum…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/21 04:14 PM
4

IKR? I know Frasier is supposed to be great, and I do enjoy an episode here or there...but man, both Frasier and Niles are insufferable.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/21 02:44 PM
3

I changed holiday plans to include her because I felt sorry that she is going through a breakup. Just count yourself lucky that you don't have to travel with her! Instead, you can do whatever you want for the holiday.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/21 02:38 PM
13

I had a very similar experience. After behavior like what you described, I wrote off the friendship. But then, this ex-friend kept popping up once or twice a year for years afterwards...but only when she wanted something. "OMG, how are you, it's been foreeeeever, I miss you soooooo much...oh by the way, I'm applying for XYZ job, can you put in a good word for me??" I can't imagine how she thought that would work. Anyway, after a few years of telling her "sorry, I can't help," I stopped replying,…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/21 02:36 PM
65

The last time I was set up, I was sexually assaulted so...I'm not a fan. I found out afterwards that the friend who set me up knew that the guy had some serious issues, but in her mind, the only criteria needed for matching two people was single/single. Unfortunately, I believe there are a lot of other would-be matchmakers who think the same way. At the very least, if you do go on the date, treat it the same as you would if you went out with a rando that you met on the subway. Don't assume that …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/12/21 02:57 PM
7

LMAO Urban Dictionary is a godsend, but it didn't help me this time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/12/21 09:46 AM
49

Ewww, what a gross guy. And 28? LMAO, who does he think he's fooling? ETA: Thanks so much for translating it!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/12/21 10:35 PM
63

Thanks! But like, what is, "starting a talking phase knowing damn well I'm not interested"? Did he post that? What does it mean? And people are dragging him for his age, but I don't see his age anywhere. Not a big deal, I've just never used Tiktok and have no idea what's going on.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/12/21 09:06 PM
68

For the older women on this sub...what am I looking at? Tiktok? I don't get it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/12/21 08:53 PM
4

That's messed up :-(
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/21 04:13 PM
7

That's really well put!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/21 08:40 AM
19

Andrea Dworkin None of the conservative Christians I grew up with could have named a single feminist thinker, as far as I know. Heck, I doubt they could have even explained what feminist beliefs were. They only know that "feminist = bad." I still remember people staring at me like I was a Martian when I was in college and had to ask who Gloria Steinem was.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/21 06:32 AM
7

LMAO, how many gals from Arkansas are on here? I'm not from AR, but I sometimes wonder if any of the ladies on this forum are people I know in real life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/21 06:30 AM
14

Yeah I never watched the film and never cared much for it Yeah, you're not missing much. I’m assuming the entire film is heavily in the male gaze. And you're 100% right about this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/21 06:04 AM
22

Is it an immediate red flag for them to like the movie? Or can people still appreciate it without glorifying or WANTING to be just like the characters? I just wrote a longer comment about this on this thread, but I don't think it's a red flag. You just have to recognize the film's larger message, which a lot of people don't.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/21 05:22 AM
83

The Wolf of Wall Street is supposed to be a self-aware look at the decadence and self-destruction of Jordan Belfort and his crew, with all the corrosive effect that money had on their lives. I think that viewers who are obsessed with the movie and admire the main character are just too dim-witted to pick up on the movie's message, which requires a degree of critical thinking. (Also, Scorsese could probably have done a better job at showing the aftermath of the characters' downfall.) I've noticed…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/21 05:18 AM
56

Wow, that's terrifying. I'm glad you got out, OP. To be fair, I don't know what kind of "help" a sociopath can get. Isn't part of their deal the fact that they don't think they need to change anything about themselves? I was thinking of making a post on how to spot dangerous boyfriends and covert narcissism. I'd definitely enjoy a post like that!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/21 05:06 AM
34

If he seems super paranoid and accusses you of cheating despite having zero indication or evidence. It's usually projection. Yes, and also if he accuses you of "wanting" to cheat or something tenuous like that. My ex would interrogate me about the men that I worked with and would split hairs to try to "prove" that I "wanted" to cheat. It didn't bother me at the time -- though it should have -- because I'd never cheated and knew I never would. He, on the other hand, cheated on me with a sex worke…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/21 05:01 AM
59

W. T. F.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/21 04:55 AM
1

It's true! Some people who live alone might only eat when they're hungry. If you share a home with others, you might sit down to eat on a schedule, regardless of whether you're hungry.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/21 07:55 PM
2

According to my ex, it was me. He and I were long-distance, and I had zero control over what he ate or whether he exercised. However, he explained that he thought about me a lot, and thinking about me made him miss me, which made him sad, which made him eat...so really, he gained weight because of me. 🤡🤡🤡🤡
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/21 06:48 PM
18

Very true! And high income doesn't really say anything if they can't manage their own money. Thanks for the extra info.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/21 02:12 PM
57

When I met my late husband, he told me about his success and what he had, I'm genuinely curious: was it not a turn-off for you that he was bragging about his money on the first date? I've been out with men who loved to casually drop that their families were uber-wealthy, and it was always such a turn-off.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/21 09:46 AM
7

This is my favorite one so far! Thanks for doing them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/21 08:10 AM
10

The people I've taken an instant dislike to, ended up deserving it. I call it my superpower. I just need to figure out how to use it now without "injuring" a narc to the point where they get obsessed with revenge. SAME. I also have one parent who's probably a malignant narcissist, and I literally call my narc radar my "superpower." :-) However, I didn't really develop this radar until I was in my late 20s. It would have made life easier if I'd come to it as a young child like you did. ETA: It's …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/21 08:02 AM
105

When being called out for not having these qualities they like to respond with “I’ll do them when I have kids”. You can’t even clean up when it’s easy, why do you think you can skip the easy mode and go straight to hard mode? ding ding ding
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/21 06:45 AM
2

LMAO 🤣🤣🤣
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/21 08:27 PM
6

Oh, that's not even the only story I have like that. The one time I really made a stink about it was when the guy was a 20-something Ph.D. student that I knew. When I pushed back on his unwanted comments, he said that he felt he was doing me a favor by "explaining" things to me. It is wild how differently men are socialized than women.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/21 07:54 PM
27

If men operated the same way as women then it would cause less of a problem for women to pursue, but the issue is that as a woman you have a high likelihood of pursuing someone that actually isn't interested in you as much as you are in them. Very true, and there's nothing more depressing than dating someone who clearly doesn't give a crap about you. I feel lucky that I read the book He's Just Not That Into You when I was in college. Say what you will about the book, it has a very clear message:…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/21 06:44 PM
86

Ugh, you just reminded me of something. I once ran into a guy I knew at a pub where they were about to hold trivia night. I'd had a crazy day at work and hadn't eaten since dinner the day before, so was feasting on a burger and fries. He proceeded to seat himself at my booth (not invited) and tell me that it was disgusting to watch a woman eat that much. I couldn't even tell him off because he was a senior professional connection. Seriously, F that guy. ETA: Oh, and then he got drunk and started…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/21 05:09 PM
3

I had an ex who claimed that was his dream. However, after dating him for a few years and seeing how he was incapable of keeping a job longer than three months...I had to wonder if he thought he could opt out of working.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/21 01:31 PM
284

Agreed. In principle, I have no issue asking men out, and I did it a lot when I was younger. However, I learned the hard way that most men will say "yes" even if they have zero actual interest in you, just on the off-chance that they'll get sex. It's a waste of your time and theirs. These days, I'd rather amputate two toes, You-style, than ask a man out on a date.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/21 12:14 PM
6

look at your life. look at your choices. Haha, sassy gay friend?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/21 08:09 AM
2

Like how? And why?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/21 07:12 AM
50

If he had something like a mental health breakdown, then dialing down to a lower-level job that helps him stay healthy would be understandable. However...he could also be omitting something like a past (or current) drug problem. It sounds like you didn't date him long, so as much as you liked him, you didn't really know him that well.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/21 05:09 PM
56

Hey, don't leave us hanging! How did you respond to your cousin when he said he wanted a woman to keep his house clean?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/21 04:41 PM
64

That's so odd! How did he go from being in a Director-level position to working at a warehouse three days a week? Did he get fired and burn all his bridges? Did he have a mental health breakdown and have to leave? Was he addicted to drugs? There must be some story there.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/21 04:37 PM
5

The dude's like 80 years old! How does he find the energy to cheat? Can't he just give it a rest and enjoy his sunset years with one girlfriend?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/12/21 08:36 PM
32

Wow, that's really tough. I'm sorry that you both went through that. I can understand a bit better why he's behaving the way that you describe, though that doesn't make it any easier for you. I hope you're able to get through this tough chapter OK.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/12/21 04:57 PM
69

Sorry OP! My own brother has never done anything that extreme, but he's also very selfish. It's easy to trace his behavior as an adult back to the way our parents raised him (a boy), which was very different from how they raised me (a girl). Did your parents do the same? Did they treat him like the special prince and fawn over him, while treating you like dirt?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/12/21 04:45 PM
4

I have a friend who's over 70 who took this approach with her boyfriend. Sadly, though, she suspects he's started cheating on her, i.e., using her as a placeholder while he looks for another woman who will move in and take care of him full-time, the way he wants.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/12/21 10:59 AM
14

The Idiot With 10,000 Names LMAO nice callout to Joseph Campbell. Was he on The Doofus's Journey?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/12/21 10:07 AM
13

I was born and raised in the Bible Belt of the U.S., so let me get up on my soapbox for a minute: The conservative Christian opposition to abortion is almost entirely about performative morality. Their stance on "respecting life" is internally contradictory, but pointing that out to them is fruitless because they don't care about the quality of their arguments. They care about how being pro-life makes them feel, and the way that it makes them feel is special and better. They're special because t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/12/21 09:35 AM
50

IKR? Reminds me of the post-break-up email I got from one of my exes. It was just paragraphs and paragraphs about himself, his feelings, everything he wanted, and how hard everything was for him. Pity me, woe is me, blah blah blah. There was zero mention of the breathtakingly selfish and manipulative thing that he did which triggered our break-up. He was trying hard to get me back, but his email only made me glad I'd dumped him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/21 09:15 PM
12

“I’m a kid at heart” Back in the day, I used to volunteer at a national organization that served kids and youths. All the volunteers had to do an intense online training about recognizing the signs of child abuse and what to do to prevent it. The training included specific red flag phrases that could signal sexual interest in children. One of them was...you guessed it..."I'm a kid at heart," or "I'm just a big kid." (The latter was one of Jerry Sandusky's favorite sayings.) Other warning signals…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/21 10:15 PM
7

Yup
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/21 03:48 PM
19

For most of them, power imbalances and deception are their only hope of ever getting laid, and they know it. I mean, they could probably get laid if they behaved decently. It's more like power imbalances are the only way that this type of man can create a relationship/situationship that maximizes his own convenience and pleasure, regardless of the effect on his partner. I see that in the American men I know who pursue younger, less educated, and poorer wives from developing countries. The relati…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/21 03:42 PM
26

At least 90% of the approaches I've received over the last 20 years have been men trying to suss out low self-esteem in me (or flat out negging me). It's not quite as high for me, but I also look young for my age and have dealt with similar creepiness. Well into my early twenties, I'd get men in their 40s hitting on me -- which is already bad enough -- only to discover that they thought I was a teenager! "So you thought I was 16 and then decided to hit on me? I'm 22, but WTF..."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/21 03:25 PM
1

You mean Lirael's depression? It's true, it was sad -- but it was great when she made a better life and found her purpose. Hope you like the Bitterbynde trilogy!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/21 11:31 AM
111

It sounds like that first guy, who hit on you in the line, was getting an ego rush from the idea that he was flirting with a woman in her early 20s. As soon as you let him know that you were peers, you burst his bubble, which is why he got weird. Then you let him know that you were a confident and secure 29-year-old, and he peaced out. I know a lot of men seek out an unequal power dynamic in their relationships, whether via age, money, or otherwise. But damn, I rarely see it done so blatantly. O…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/21 10:55 AM
14

Jane Grey Jane Seymour?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/21 06:38 AM
27

A little off-topic, but... In the U.K., this year several female politicians have announced they will not run in the upcoming December general election, citing increasing abuse in the form of death and rape threats. You think that's bad, in 2019 in Kenya, a male MP called a female MP "stupid" and slapped her so hard across the mouth that it drew blood. When she and other female MPs protested the assault, the perpetrator and other male MPs publicly mocked them, saying it was "slapping day" and th…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/21 06:35 AM
22

Great post! Also, as a reminder, most of these red flags can also apply to non-romantic relationships. My parents hit 6 out of 9 of them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/21 02:12 PM
1

Yes, it's a shame! And YES, I do have recommendations! :-) Have you read Garth Nix's Abhorsen trilogy? It's YA fantasy, but I loved it as a teen and still return to it sometimes as an adult. I can also recommend Cecilia Dart-Thornton's Bitterbynde trilogy, which is fantasy/romance. The latter isn't flawless, but it largely stays away from the abuse-disguised-as-romance tropes. ETA: Garth Nix is a man, but his main characters in this trilogy are women, and it's really well done.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/21 01:16 PM
13

For sure, and this is not new. It was a big theme in The Sopranos, which ran from 1999 to 2007. [Spoiler alert] After many seasons, Tony Soprano's therapist finally terminates him as a client because she realizes that therapy is probably only improving his tools of manipulation.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/21 12:11 PM
4

I've started - in this decade of life - putting as much effort into men as they put into basic social interactions with me. It's meant having zero interaction with most of them family wide, which is great, I guess. It's certainly freed a lot of my time for the people who are worth it. Good for you! I tried to do that for Christmas this year and failed miserably. The men in my immediate family are notorious for putting zero time, thought, or effort into their Christmas gifts. (Think: shoes that a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/21 12:08 PM
2

If you like these, you should really try the Garth Nix's Abhorsen series: Sabriel, Lirael, and Abhorsen. They're excellent, and the main characters are all women. [ETA: They also have action, magic, and zombies, so they're pretty badass.]
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/21 12:02 PM
5

Anne Mcaffrey. Unfortunately, I wouldn't recommend Anne Mcaffrey. I used to love her books when I was a teen, but looking back, there were a lot of VERY questionable bits, such as male characters raping female characters and framing it as "so hot and romantic."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/21 11:58 AM
43

"intention matters more than outcome" LMAO imagine saying that to a boss during a performance review.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/21 11:46 AM
27

Her "joke" is that since he's nicer to his subordinates than he is to her then she should have gone to work for him instead of marrying him. WTF.....
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/21 11:10 AM
38

Yup, sounds super-dysfunctional. No one needs mean in-laws and a spineless husband who refuses to handle them. I hope OP's girlfriend makes the break-up official.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/21 09:36 AM
60

The background to this becomes clear if you look at OP's responses to the comments on his AITA post. I've summarized it in my comment on this thread, above. Basically, it turns out that his family are bullies, and instead of dealing with that or keeping reasonable boundaries, he decided to...steal a towel.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/21 09:16 AM
59

I also thought it was weird, so I dug into OP's comments. It turns out that his family is "mean" (his word, not mine) and likes to make fun of people. They made fun of the last girlfriend he introduced them to, and he thought they might make fun of his current (hopefully soon-to-be-ex) girlfriend for using a special towel. The takeaway from this is that his family sounds AWFUL, and it's pretty shitty that he planned to have his girlfriend around them for a homestay visit when he knew that they'd…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/21 09:12 AM
18

Sephora and Anthropologie sell some good ones. You can also find them on Etsy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/21 09:08 AM
13

It’s pure gaslighting. Totally
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/11/21 05:36 PM
41

My NVX would take “no” to doing something in the moment, then try again. I told him I didn’t feel heard. He was so used to getting sex whenever he wanted that “no” was a challenge to him. So sorry, OP. :-( My ex was exactly the same. Here's what happened with me: After several instances of what you describe above, I had a sit-down talk with him about this habit. I told him I felt like he wasn't listening, wasn't respecting my boundaries, and was constantly trying to bulldoze me. He promised he'd…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/11/21 05:20 PM
21

It's all about context. If someone you have been dating for a while and know well compliments your figure, then that's great. But in this case...on the first date? Looking you up and down and making comments about your body when he's literally just met you? It sounds like porn use has fried his brain. No wonder you felt "ick"!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/11/21 06:12 PM
4

My test is whether a man brings me the same joy and peace that my cat provides. LMAO, that test won't work for everyone. This morning, I found cat poop smeared on the wall next to my cat's litter box. Not even sure how he managed it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/11/21 12:23 AM
10

Oh boy, before sunrise would be even worse!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/11/21 07:56 PM
14

Unwashed men, take note...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/11/21 06:49 PM
14

That was nice of them!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/11/21 04:02 PM
14

Dating a NVM not only ruins your life during the time that you’re with them, but the years afterward trying to recover. Years that you can’t get back, and the time you took away from your own professional development trying to help them. That's very true. I've never had an experience like the one you describe, but horrendous relationships have definitely had a negative effect on my mental health -- so I know what you mean.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/11/21 03:24 PM
15

Did you rural family always heat the water, or did they do it specially for their guests, since they knew you weren't used to bathing in cold water?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/11/21 03:23 PM
40

Good god. As I read that, I felt my vagina literally take itself offline. So sorry!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/11/21 02:50 PM
26

During your visits, did you ever have to bathe in an outdoor bathing area during the rainy season? Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr! 0/10, not a fan. I don't know if I've ever been to the country where your family's from, but in one of the places I've lived in, during the rainy season, I'd hear all the little kids screaming bloody murder as their older siblings washed them before school on cold mornings. Hahahahaha
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/11/21 02:47 PM
67

People in 3rd world countries take pride in being clean. Yup. I've worked in quite a few developing countries, and being clean is a big, big thing. Their standards for cleanliness are high, and they'd notice things that even I (a fairly clean American woman) didn't notice. It's a class marker and a way of asserting dignity. It would be a big mark of shame on the family if someone didn't clean themselves properly, and there would probably be rumors that the dirty person was mentally ill. (There's…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/11/21 02:42 PM
6

Gosh, if only! Not to mention resume-writing, soft professional skills, negotiation, and personal finance.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/11/21 08:50 PM
11

Sorry you went through that situation! I hope you're safely away from him now. Also, to add on to what I wrote before: I guess I can envision hiring a PI if I were in a situation with children, and I knew that divorce could have a profound and lifelong effect on them. If I were in that situation and had doubts about whether I should leave, I might hire a PI, just to have that extra reassurance for my kids' sake.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/11/21 08:34 PM
34

Honestly, I'd break up before I'd hire a PI. I couldn't live in a relationship that had that level of distrust, whether there was anything actually going on or not. I'd rather be single and live in peace.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/11/21 08:06 PM
22

I had a guy do something similar once, but here was the kicker: while we were still in our situationship, he'd started "officially" dating someone else! He'd told our mutual friends about his new relationship but had hidden it from me. So he was upset that I moved on to a serious relationship with another man, even though he had already done the same with another woman AND as a bonus, he apparently was hoping to use me as his side piece while still dating the woman who's now his wife. Yes. The e…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/11/21 09:41 AM
587

...then the woman she saved turns around and rats her out to her dad. Not cool.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/11/21 08:48 AM
28

Portugal is *beautiful* -- the weather is perfect, even leading into fall it hovers in the 70s. Lisboa is a lovely historical city and the general crowd seems pretty young (teens-30s/40s) so there are tons to do. I'll be in Lisboa for a few days next year! Your description is making me really excited about it. :-)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/11/21 06:38 PM
7

I personally don't like anything with Leonardo DiCaprio in it because... I guess I just can't stomach the guy. Yeah, he's pretty gross. I watched The Antlers though because Guillermo Del Toro and the pace is a bit too fast, but it is kinda neat, character-wise. Cool, thanks for the tip! I'm a big fan of del Toro. Seems like there isn't any disaster movie that caught my interest this year - but the king's man looks promising. Maybe try The Green Knight? I haven't yet seen it, but the trailer look…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/11/21 08:37 PM
12

Totally! It's one of my favorites. I like anything with Paul Giamatti in it. (ETA: Also, it's just fun watching San Francisco and LA get destroyed in CGI.) 2012 was the worst, though. I could barely get through it. Haven't seen The Day After Tomorrow yet. Have you seen the trailer for Don't Look Up, with Leonardo DiCaprio and Jennifer Lawrence? It looks like a pretty good dark comedy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/11/21 08:07 PM
26

But Ben (the guy partnered with the rock's daughter) - man, what a solid guy. Not only he protect his lil brother through the entire ordeal, his protective instinct towards a woman he just met a few minutes earlier just melts my heart. Ben's the real hero in that story. That's very true! He's a solid character. TBH, I also like The Rock's character in that movie. I just have to roll my eyes at the tired love triangle trope that the writers felt the need to introduce among the main guy, his ex-wi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/11/21 07:53 PM
4

Does she? It's been quite a while since I've seen it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/11/21 07:40 PM
192

Ooh, I have one: The spurned ex-husband whose ex-wife is now dating or married to a rich guy. By the end of the movie, the ex-wife realizes she was wrong to ever leave her ex. The current boyfriend or husband often meets a gruesome end. Sometimes, the ex-wife meets a gruesome end, too. (See: Taken, San Andreas, 2012, etc....) The trope assumes that men feel emasculated when their ex-girlfriends/wives move on, and it "resolves" that emasculation via plot devices that break up the new relationship…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/11/21 06:01 PM
40

In the much rarer story of the nerd girl winning the popular guy, she always has to have a makeover and/or change herself to become more popular and socially acceptable first. Hence the trope of letting her hair down and taking off her glasses. Her lovable quirks are to be eradicated! Can’t have a girl who is clumsy or wears weird overalls, gross! /s Have you seen The DUFF? It's a 2015 movie that sends up that trope. [Spoiler alert] The nerdy girl gets the popular guy without having to change he…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/11/21 05:50 PM
28

Oh wow, what a weird situation! I had something like that happen a few years ago, albeit to a much less extreme degree. I was seeing a guy casually, but over time, it became clear that he didn't care about me or our situationship. (He even hooked up with another woman in front of me at a party we both attended.) I wasn't very invested either, so I broke it off. He barely seemed to notice, let alone care. End of story, right? Except that for about two years, he'd periodically send me weird emails…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/11/21 01:08 PM
6

Something else that has occurred to me is the possibility of men developing long-lasting friendships with women in order to gauge if they are good victims. Honestly, I'd doubt it. I'd guess that it's more commonly the impulse of the moment. I can't speak for the case I described above because the woman (the victim) never spoke about her former friend's motives, and I didn't ask. However, I was also sexually assaulted a few years ago, by my boyfriend at the time. When I asked him later why he'd d…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/11/21 12:14 PM
76

Men are men, your male best friend of 10 years with whom you've shared your deepest darkest secrets could choose to rape you one day because sex matters to him more than you ever did and he doesn't care if you suffer because of it. I know you're using this as an example, but I actually know one woman that this happened to...except that he was one of her childhood best friends of over 20 years.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/11/21 07:23 PM
34

I see you've met three of my exes.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/11/21 10:11 PM
19

Whenever we went out to eat, we had to pretend that we were waiting for him and asked the waiter to put out an extra set of plates and bowls. My dad went along with it. God, that's so heartbreaking. Your poor mom! She must have had a lovely bond with her dad.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/21 08:05 PM
6

Hi plomerst! I'm not OP, but I've been in an almost-identical situation. Years later, she started hitting me up again over email, pouring on the same syrupy things she used to say when we were friends, like "I miss you soooooooooooooo much! When can I see youuuuu?" I didn't trust her, though, so I ignored the emails -- and guess what? I found out soon afterwards that she was hoping I could hook her up with a job. If she hadn't needed a job, I'm certain I would never have heard from her. Some peo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/21 03:47 PM
8

I've been there, OP. You can't fix this "friend," but you also should not tolerate her behavior. If you really want to, you can have a talk with her and call out her behavior. However, if you do, keep your expectations for that conversation low. Either way, you'll probably have to distance yourself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/21 03:41 PM
77

I remember when, years ago, a friend of mine tragically died. She was so young. Her death was unexpected and devastating. My boyfriend at the time was supportive for about...three days. After that, he didn't want to hear about it anymore. And yet, last I heard, he was still butt-hurt about my dumping him a decade after the fact. To him, tragic death of a young person that he never met = "meh, let's move on," while getting dumped by the girlfriend he manipulated and cheated on = "THE WORST TRAGED…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/21 11:33 AM
55

He is the exact sort of boy I would have chased in middle school, and at every age he has been the embodiment of my type. That's so sweet! That would make a great Valentine's Day card next year.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/21 09:36 AM
14

Yes, it was a real moment for me when I read Bancroft's book and realized -- in my 30s! -- that my dad's habit of hitting the furniture right next to me was a form of physical abuse. He does it only when he feels I'm challenging him about something, even when "challenging" him just means expressing an opinion that differs from his. Like I commented elsewhere, it's a way of saying, "I could hit you if I wanted to, so shut up."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/21 11:26 AM
14

My dad does it. It's his way of saying, "I could hit you if I wanted to, so shut up."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/21 11:21 AM
1

still struggle with that sometimes, not necessarily because I dislike being single- I love it, I've been single or at least not seriously tied down for a long while now- but I do struggle with a certain kind of existential grief at the notion that men have become so bloody undateable that I might not be able to fulfill my plans on having a family with two parents. I totally get it. A lot of my single friends and I, all in our late 30s, are going through the same thing. We're having to adjust our…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/11/21 02:56 PM
6

I'm not ready to put dating on the backburner entirely yet- I want children, and ideally, I'd like to have thim with a good father who is present for them, even though I'd be willing to go the sperm bank or adoption route eventually. True, and I get it, but many of my female friends have learned the hard way that having kids with a man-child is worse than being a single mom. In several of those cases, it really took them by surprise when their husbands refused to be involved in parenting -- beca…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/11/21 03:41 PM
20

I stopped dating men I work with directly after a while- I'm still open to men I meet through work, but I would be very wary of dating a direct colleague or fellow student from a small class because of how these relationships usually play out. No, your instincts are 100% on point here. You might get criticism or pushback from others over the years, if you refuse dates with colleagues, but you're right. The chance that it might turn into a happy, forever-partnership is slim compared to the chance…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/11/21 10:33 AM
28

Hi OP. Congrats on your accomplishments and getting close to finishing your Ph.D. This problem isn't just your imagination. It's a real thing. I have an advanced degree from an Ivy League and also learned that it's limited my dating pool. I don't know if it makes much of a difference in the end, though. Probably less than 3% of the men you'd meet would be worth dating, even if you didn't have a Ph.D. Even without your background, you'd be wading through a lot of trash to find someone even remote…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/11/21 10:23 AM
27

Sorry, OP! It's really validating to read your post, though. The last time I tried OLD was back in...2017? I was on it for only about two weeks. I must have flipped through hundreds of profiles without finding a single one that really interested me -- and I felt guilty about it! I thought there must be something wrong with me, and I must be too picky. But no, turns out that this is a pretty common experience.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/21 06:33 PM
29

Yes, and at her peak, she was earning $6m/year from Estee Lauder alone. Her financial contribution to the marriage was not insignificant. It's a lesson to all women: maintain a measure of financial independence in marriage, if you possibly can. Fortunately, she was able to get a settlement worth 1/3 of her deceased husband's estate, so she didn't lose everything.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/21 05:58 PM
12

Yep! I can't believe it was so popular when it came out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/21 01:13 PM
53

Yes, but that's not all. She said in a different interview that she put all her earnings as a model into their marriage. So when her husband disinherited her, he was trying to separate her not just from the money that he'd earned, but from the money she'd earned as well.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/21 10:02 AM
48

Kind of off-topic, but did you ever see the rom-com The Proposal, with Sandra Bullock and what's-his-name? It came out in 2009. The main character is a female boss who's "tough" and "stuck up," and the entire film seemed to be a series of not-funny jokes designed to humiliate her and put her in her place. I found it horrifying and not comedic at all.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/21 09:56 AM
18

I think the grossest part of it is that it also happened with men who I thought were safe because... they themselves were in relationships! Nope, those guys fell off the face of the earth too once it became clear that my ex and I were serious. I feel sorry for their girlfriends. Sorry that happened to you! It's happened to me, too, multiple times. It's so shocking to look back and realize that these guys were kinda hoping to cheat on their SOs with you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/21 09:22 AM
22

Delivered food because he doesn't cook
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/11/21 09:28 PM
28

Feel free to use my one moldy, grey towel drying off after using my grimy shower that only has a single bar of questionable, cheap soap. Holy shit, you just described verbatim my last boyfriend. 😂😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/11/21 09:27 PM
11

And sometimes they pass it off as being non=materialistic or into the environment Or they claim they're a "minimalist."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/11/21 09:22 PM
11

No, I totally get it! I was more worried about young women who might read this post and then later get contacted by a creep who claimed to be interested in "courting."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/11/21 02:03 PM
7

Meh, I'd put my money on his being either gay or non-sexually-active. In my experience, people (including my younger self) only brag about sex when they're wildly insecure. That he'd brag to such an obviously-inappropriate audience suggests something's off.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/11/21 08:06 AM
13

Eww, gross! When I was in my 20s, I looked like a teenager. It was horrifying how many men hit on me thinking I was 16, even though I was technically 24.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/11/21 07:35 AM
53

Careful with that! I know what you're saying, but there's also a segment of hyper-conservative, Christian men who use "courting" to mean "recruiting a tradwife." So if you hear a guy say he believes in courting, he probably is referring to the latter.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/11/21 07:30 AM
3

Oh I'm totally fine now, but thanks for asking! The illness was a few years ago, and I've had time to recover. What lovely stories about the women you've run into! It's so nice to hear about people stepping up and showing empathy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/21 05:55 PM
13

I'm really sorry for the loss of your sister, OP. What an awful situation. Your ex-friend and boss both sound like jackasses. What you experienced about women's vs. men's support during crisis rings true for me, too. I've posted about this before, but I went through a health scare a few years ago and spent time in the hospital. 100% of my support came from women. Women that I barely knew, women that worked in the same office all came out of the woodwork to see if I was all right and to bring gif…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/21 03:53 PM
8

My ex insisted that life in the U.K. was better than life in the U.S. He'd never even set foot in the U.K., but he was obsessed with Dr. Who and other British TV shows, so he felt like he "got" it. I told him, "Hey, you know I'm sure there are aspects of life that are better in the U.K., just like there are aspects of life that are better in the U.S. Every country has its issues and its pros and cons." His response? "No, no I don't think so. In the U.K., they're just smarter, and everything is b…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/21 03:28 PM
6

Seems smallish but he was SO self righteous that it was like really? How do you justify this? Meh, every self-righteous person that I've ever met has also been a huge hypocrite.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/21 03:20 PM
9

It's bad enough to be jealous of a fictional elf character, but to admit it out loud? Do they want to be laughed at?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/21 03:18 PM
7

Also anecdotally, but yes
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/21 03:11 PM
13

I also once dated a guy who wanted to be a Franciscan monk Oh geez, I think we dated the same guy! How many of those are out there these days?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/21 03:08 PM
17

He'd roll his eyes and say how shit Legolas was (like, ok - you try to take down an oliphant single handedly) OMG, I'm dying. 😂😂😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/21 03:06 PM
25

Or Seattle!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/21 08:03 AM
39

One guy in my building is 35 and he has already had a stroke from his shitty lifestyle. WOW. We might joke about looks, but a stroke or other lifestyle-induced health problem at our age could literally ruin your life. Why take the risk?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/21 07:50 AM
3

Because that's how he ensures the relationship is 100% focused on him and his wants! Anyway, sorry you went through that! :-(
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/21 07:32 AM
19

They are scarce, but I'm really glad that both you and indigo_flamingo have found some!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/11/21 08:28 PM
59

I recently got back into the dating scene and it seemed pretty hopeless at first. But I stuck to my guns and I'm now with a guy who knows what he's doing in bed and has never, ever tried to do anything I'm not comfortable with. He has lots of other good qualities too, I just mention this because it's relevant to the post. Congrats, that's great! I've taken myself out of the dating pool, though, at least for now. I'm in my late 30s, and every guy I've ever been with was a heavy porn user and had …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/11/21 08:14 PM
2

Color me not-shocked
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/11/21 06:35 PM
103

Me, too! He sure gets around.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/11/21 05:33 PM
242

My boyfriend (who I met after following FDS principles!) waited as long as I wanted to have sex, and then when we did, he told me the first time might not be great because he wanted to go slow and learn what I like and make sure I’m comfortable. Shouldn’t that be everyone’s “first time” experience with a new partner?? Wow, I actually teared up reading that. Your boyfriend sounds great! Though maybe what he did was the bare minimum? My personal experiences have been so far below his level that I …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/11/21 04:48 PM
2

it's possible they'd lose their job due to needing a security clearance U.S. State Department? Yup, seen it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/11/21 03:32 PM
2

True! And on some level, I don't even blame them. In many developing countries, life even for middle class families can be a struggle, and opportunities are few. In these countries, plenty of women marry the man who seems like he could provide the best life for their current or future kids because the worst-case scenario is that they could literally starve. In many of these same countries, lots of young men take huge risks to try to migrate so they can find work. So if they see a chance to bette…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/11/21 03:26 PM
42

Yes, in hindsight, he was quite narcissistic.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/11/21 03:13 PM
166

It was after I finally noticed how selfish he was. Everything was all about him, all the time. He always had some kind of drama going on or conflict with others, but he never took any responsibility for it. He was always a victim. I started to feel like he'd drain me dry. There wasn't any one lightbulb moment, but my attraction to him evaporated as I realized all of this. After it hit a certain level, I could barely stand to be around him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/11/21 03:08 PM
92

Good for you, OP! You're not missing anything, believe me. You can have a better sex life with your imagination than you ever could with 99.9999% of the men on OLD. Bonus points: You're saving a lot of time, an insane amount of money, and enormous mental and emotional energy. You can take all of those resources and invest in your career, your financial stability, and (if you want to) any future children. Also, it sounds like you're in your early 20s. You might get some pushback on staying single…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/11/21 09:42 AM
30

Sorry, I don't share identifying details since I don't want to doxx myself. It's a lot, though. In 2020 alone, I was stationed in three different countries for work. I've never been to Pakistan or India, but I have several friends from those countries who I'm sure would agree with what you've written.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/11/21 02:54 PM
57

Yup. I can think of a few examples of women marrying men from the countries where they worked. A couple of these marriages actually turned out great, and in all of these cases, the men were extremely progressive compared to their peers. The rest of the marriages were disasters. The men expected to be waited on hand and foot, while bringing in little or no income, and almost none of the Western women were OK with that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/11/21 02:49 PM
46

TW: sexual assault I have known women who found Japan to be more liberating then being in Pakistan, you have no Idea of how awful it is to be a woman in these countries unless you've lived it, No, I believe you! It's sickening, and it's even more sickening that most people don't even blink an eye. I think the difference about your example is that its technically an exception, In muslim countries this is a civilization level norm that most people don't see anything wrong with Sure, and it's the s…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/11/21 02:44 PM
91

Very true, OP. I'm from the rural South of the U.S., and it's bad enough there. I can't imagine what it's like for young women in Pakistan and similar countries. I've also worked in places where girls and young women are literally bought, sold, and "rented." I've known teenagers who were sold to some random man as a "wife" for $10 and a bottle of whiskey. No one cares what the girls think about it. It's basically slavery -- though it's worse in some ways, since the people doing it are the girls'…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/11/21 02:23 PM
255

Terrifying to think how much lazier our men would be if they knew they'd have a young, dependent wife shipped to them when they were ready 😬 That's exactly why so many Western men go after women from developing countries. :-( I work in the international field, and I see it all the time. A lot of them don't want to date women their own age, with their own careers and money. They want a hot, young wife with no career or resources of her own, who will be stuck with his low-effort self.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/11/21 02:17 PM
22

Probably the best 'horror' movie I've seen since Get Out. Even better than Midsommar??
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/10/21 04:16 PM
20

Thanks for posting this! I thought the trailer looked interesting but hadn't been planning to see it because I thought it would be yet another movie where a young woman gets assaulted and murdered. I'm just not up for that kind of "entertainment" anymore. It hits too close to home, with all the women I know who have been assaulted, abused, and (in one case) murdered.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/10/21 04:15 PM
18

What spineless losers...a pestilence on the women they like just as much as on the women they pretend to like.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/10/21 11:33 AM
65

YES! I remember that exact Dan Savage column. A man had written in asking for advice. The man was married to a conventionally attractive woman but was constantly cheating on her with bigger women. The man said he was irresistibly attracted to bigger women but also put them down, calling these women "gross" and "disgusting." Savage was appalled and said something along the lines of, "You're such an awful person, I don't even want to give you advice because I don't want to have any part in enablin…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/10/21 10:45 AM
49

100% true, and I'd add to that there are men out there who put on a show of being pro-women, equal rights, #metoo, rah rah rah -- but who are absolutely disgusting, porn-addicted misogynists in their private lives. Never trust what a man says he cares about. Only trust what he clearly demonstrates that he cares about.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/10/21 01:12 PM
16

It's in my Netflix queue!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/10/21 01:09 PM
20

Seconded!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/10/21 10:45 AM
6

I'm also not a huge fan of Michelle's. HOWEVER, she has a really funny bit that I've seen on YouTube about d*ck pics. She announces to all men, on behalf of all women, that we don't want to see their d*cks. Don't wanna see 'em. Then she zooms in on some dudes in the front row and announces to them that no woman wants to see their d*cks. One of them looks genuinely astounded.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/10/21 07:03 PM
17

Wow, a pathetic fool your ex was. Good on you for leaving immediately!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/10/21 10:34 AM
41

LMAO at "keep...deep voice on first dates." I'm picturing our second date, when he busts out his chipmunk squeak.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/10/21 10:19 AM
5

Love this movie! It was such an important part of my childhood. I always saw this particular scene as a metaphor for the character Sarah experimenting with self-harm via drugs or similar.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/21 09:46 PM
52

Eww, he sounds gross and not too bright. If you have a good relationship with your boss, and if think your boss has solid judgment, I'd approach her/him and mention this. You can say something like: "I don't actually want or need you to do anything about this now. I'm telling you just as an FYI. I'm going to continue ignoring his behavior, and I hope he'll abandon it soon and focus on other things. However, I did want to loop you in on what's happening. He's making me uncomfortable. I'd like you…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/21 09:40 PM
25

LOL He’s 38 and his age range is 18-26 🤣 wow. You laugh, but I know men like this. Oh who am I kidding -- we all know men like this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/21 10:38 PM
5

F. Scott Fitzgerald?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/10/21 07:53 AM
276

The hashtag for this is #ThanksForTyping. It was started a few years ago by an academic who wanted to draw attention to all the under-appreciated labor that women have historically put into their male partners' published work: everything from proofreading to co-authoring. More info on the hashtag is available through this NPR article: https://www.npr.org/2017/03/30/521931310/-thanksfortyping-spotlights-unnamed-women-in-literary-acknowledgements
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/21 01:17 PM
31

THANK YOU for writing this! I actually started reading Eckhart Tolle's The Power of Now a few weeks ago because I'd heard good things about it. I couldn't even get past the introduction. The dude comes across as a slimy, self-congratulatory, pseudo-enlightened narcissist. And yes, one of my ex-boyfriends was obsessed with Thoreau, and he liked to say that his dream was to live an isolated life in the woods. And yet, he couldn't cook and wanted a mommy-girlfriend...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/09/21 01:36 PM
23

Me three. God, I wish we could choose our sexuality. I'd jump ship so fast.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/09/21 01:31 PM
47

My brother is like this, and so I've given it a good bit of thought. It was such a mystery to me: he studied for years to learn advanced technical skills and yet can't/won't cook, and I couldn't figure it out. Cooking basic dishes is much easier than what he does for a living, so if he can handle the latter, why won't he do the former? My theory is that men like my brother refuse to learn to cook for four reasons: Entitlement: They don't feel like it's their "job" to cook, even for themselves, a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/09/21 04:40 PM
28

You know what's the best?? Pumpkin muffins with cream cheese frosting!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/09/21 04:23 PM
7

Yeah, we ladies really have to be careful with LinkedIn. I have a manipulative, cheating, narcissistic ex from years ago whom I blocked on Facebook. I fully moved on, developed my career, went to grad school, developed my career a bit more...and then one day I got an email from my ex, out of the blue. His email included a number of personal details about me and my post-break-up life which he could only have gotten by stalking my public LinkedIn profile. It was extremely creepy, and it was clear …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/09/21 07:36 AM
15

LMAO what? He asked you out and then expected you to plan the entire date? I know this must happen because I've seen so many stories about it on this sub, but this just boggles my mind.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/09/21 07:17 AM
2

That Episcopalian church sounds nice! I don't think we had any Episcopalians in my neck of the woods. Yes, Southern Baptist is a red flag to me. So is Church of Christ and a lot of the smaller, more obscure -- but also more conservative -- churches that were prevalent where I grew up. We even had a few where people would speak in tongues during the service. My own father left our more mainstream church to join a small, extremist faction which had the inferiority of women as one of its official t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/09/21 11:29 AM
8

You put it better than I could have -- thanks! There may well be evangelical churches with women leaders, but I've never seen any. In the rural Red state where I grew up, the Protestant churches were very direct and explicit about holding women subservient to men.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/09/21 09:57 AM
56

That's horrible. I'm so sorry. :-(
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/09/21 09:51 AM
19

How awful!! Sorry, IndigoTR. I've been there: both my parents are like that. It's a little crazy to look back and realize just how messed up they are. Hope you've gotten plenty of space from your parents.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/21 02:23 PM
8

No worries! Some people have commented that they think it's excerpted from Lundy Bancroft's Why Does He Do That?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/21 02:13 PM
7

Thanks! I did read it, but that was years ago, which must be why I didn't recognize the passages. It should definitely be required reading for all women.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/21 02:12 PM
12

Hi OP, I'm 36 and exactly the same. Gosh, I wish I'd had this realization earlier in life. It would have saved me valuable time. Anyway, there's nothing wrong with you. The dating options out there are lousy, and it makes total sense that you wouldn't be interested. That you enjoy your own company is fantastic. Don't try to force yourself to date if you don't want to. Remember that even though you'd like to get married, you don't need to be married or have a partner to fulfill your dream of havi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/21 10:12 AM
17

I like to do shorter dates to begin with, since most of the time I don't feel like I click with the guy. Same. That's why I'm on the fence about FDS's dinner date rule. I think the reasoning behind it is good, but...I...just don't want to be stuck on a failed date for a whole hour.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/21 10:07 AM
21

Great post, OP! Do you know the original source, e.g., a book or article?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/21 10:00 AM
8

LMAO, people with narcissistic tendencies love to tell stories about how they've been marked out for something special. Claiming to be a celebrity in their past life, though, is a new one on me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/21 09:57 AM
102

Not OP, but you can find them in Texas, Oklahoma, Kansas, or wherever cows are sold. They come with bonus evangelical Christian values (TM): women can't be leaders, your highest calling is to take care of a man, etc.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/21 09:32 AM
61

European men* have their own issues, but at least they dress decently on average. *From the Continent, can't speak for the UK
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/21 09:23 AM
15

The sociopath also had this gem of a line when I was crying that she was dying: “why are you so upset? Grandmom’s get old and die, that’s just what they do.” WTF...was his name Jim Moriarty?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/21 08:03 AM
22

Wow, you haven't even seen your father for years, and he wastes your get-together with an unhinged rant about a woman he went on three dates with seven years ago? What a complete failure of a father and a man. I'm really sorry, OP.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/09/21 07:51 AM
7

My personal nickname for him is The Idiot With 10,000 Names, because that's his only talent. Hahahaha, is this a Joseph Campbell reference? Nice!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/09/21 07:43 AM
66

Great list, OP, but you forgot one: Pretending that they care about safe sex but then throwing a tantrum when you ask them to use a condom ("But I don't liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiike it") / Pretending to use a condom but then "accidentally" slipping it off
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/09/21 10:51 AM
282

It's like I always text prospective friends: "Hey girl, I could use a friend. I'm not going to steal your TV or stab you in the kidneys. Want to be friends?"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/09/21 01:07 PM
6

Ewwwwww! For the record, my ex's issue was nothing like that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/09/21 03:29 PM
26

I think this might be my favorite Reddit comment of all time. If I had an award handy, I'd give it to you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/09/21 11:18 AM
16

Thanks! It was a long time ago, though, and I'm over it. I posted it (and other stories about this dude) hoping that other women can learn from my mistakes.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/09/21 11:10 AM
90

It took mine 7 years to complete his undergraduate degree, but only because he'd switched colleges and degrees. You see, he'd been unfairly persecuted at his old college, and most of his credits there hadn't transferred. My 22-year-old naive self said, "Oh wow, that's so crazy, sorry that happened to you!" I still managed to be shocked when he couldn't/wouldn't hold down a full-time job after graduation. It wasn't his fault, though! You see, all of his bosses were a-holes, that's why he never st…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/09/21 10:30 AM
5

It usually means they weren't interested enough to ask you out, but they'll use you as a placeholder/for free sex/company/resources etc but they don't really like, fancy or value you that much and will always be on the lookout for a woman they would actually make the effort to ask out. Yup!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/09/21 08:31 AM
36

Same, I also asked boys out when I was younger. I thought it made me bold and modern, but it was a complete waste of time, and I'd never recommend it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/09/21 08:37 PM
18

All. That. Money.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/09/21 12:29 PM
24

IKR? When I think of all the free time I could have had: the trips I could have taken, the hobbies I could have mastered...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/09/21 12:15 PM
133

These are all excellent tips! I have to be honest, though. If I'd followed these consistently throughout my life, I think there's only one guy I've ever gone out with who would have gotten a second date. That's not a complaint about these guidelines, but it is a pretty damning commentary on the men I've met.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/09/21 10:10 AM
5

I'm so sorry that happened to you. I've also been through the wringer. Every single guy I've ever dated, even the "feminist" or "woke" guys, has been an absolute nightmare. Cheating on me, using me as a side piece without my knowledge, gaslighting, sexual assault, won't respect a single boundary. That's not even counting the specific issues with some of them: gambling, poor hygiene, refusing to be a functional adult. These men were all good on paper. They all had good educations, good jobs, and …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/09/21 11:48 AM
61

What the F.... Also, when a close family member dies, there's usually a lot of work to do around financial accounts, disposing of personal possessions, writing thank you notes for flowers, etc. If he's on Tinder, you can guarantee he's foisting all that work off onto other family members.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/09/21 11:19 AM
34

True, and if they're extra-toxic, they may even get a thrill from going after other women's partners or prospective partners. I had a super-toxic ex-friend once who, once she learned I was interested in a guy, would be after him like a guided missile. She also went after men who were in relationships. I don't think she had any genuine attraction to any of these men. It was just fun for her. Years later, I was reminded of her by Elizabeth Gilbert's horrifying confessional column in the NYTimes, "…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/09/21 10:39 AM
62

I agree 1000%, OP! Really sorry you had that poor experience, but it sounds like you learned from it, and that your professional boundaries are now impeccable. I'd also extend what you said a bit further: never, ever turn a coworker into a roommate. Don't do it, even if you're good friends outside the office. Sure, it might turn out fine, but the worst-case scenario is so bad. Take it from me, who learned this the hard way. I roomed with a coworker for a few months, after getting a glowing refer…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/09/21 07:47 PM
45

I don't have a strong opinion about this flair, but if we do get it, I vote for: "Et tu, scrote?"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/09/21 07:39 PM
24

One of the hottest guys I've ever met was short. So what? He was also one of the nicest, kindest, hardest-working people I've ever known. If he hadn't already been taken when we met, I would have gone after him in a heartbeat. He's still one of my gold standards for the men that I meet. A lot of the other short men that I've met/dated, though...yikes. A nasty attitude combined with an inferiority complex made them a nightmare to be around. My shortest ex would "neg" me to try to tear down my sel…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/09/21 09:46 AM
15

No idea. However, I've traveled to all seven continents, and I wouldn't put any country in the world on such a list. Some are worse than others, though, especially if you're obviously a foreigner. I've worked in places where it was open season on foreign women. I've also traveled solo in at least a dozen countries, including Turkey, and had a fabulous time. You just have to be smart and mitigate risks as much as possible. It also helps if you have a good F-off face and rarely drink alcohol or pa…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/09/21 08:46 AM
123

Erm, no offense to the Turkish ladies here, but Turkey is not the place to be if you want to avoid sexual harassment.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/09/21 06:21 PM
24

Oof, yikes! I don't keep up with celebrity gossip and had never heard that. I tend to take all TMZ-style news with a big pinch of salt, since press for and about celebrities is a big game. If true, though, that's pretty bad.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/09/21 08:22 PM
19

JFC...I said "it's possible," meaning "it is possible." I absolutely did not say that it was his wife's fault. I was clearly saying that there's a lot that we don't know about this story. You can have whatever opinion you want about this celebrity divorce, but do not put words in my mouth, and do not misrepresent what I've said.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/09/21 08:11 PM
-2

I think it's pretty clear that I did not say that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/09/21 08:05 PM
47

Yes, who knows. And for the record, Munn looks more than 4 months pregnant, so...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/09/21 06:33 PM
92

I get what people are saying in these comments, but I also want to put this out there for people to consider: Mulaney filed for divorce immediately after getting out of rehab. In an addict's recovery, that's the period when you're supposed to cut ties with anyone who could threaten your sobriety, whether because they're also an addict or for other reasons. We don't know exactly what happened in Mulaney's marriage, but it's possible that his past relationship wasn't a healthy or supportive one. T…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/09/21 05:36 PM
236

LMAO, dude draped the thinnest gossamer veil over his booty call and called it a day
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/09/21 10:42 PM
11

Sorry to hear that!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/08/21 08:58 PM
26

Second husband adored me, always wanted to be around me, talk to me, spend time together, buy me things, take delight in me. It was so good to be seen, loved, appreciated in every way, and nothing else, nothing less will ever do. When you've been truly loved, there is no settling for less That is so sweet! You used the past tense, so I assume your second husband passed away? Sorry for your loss.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/08/21 05:18 PM
70

Anyway it's all okay because in the end when she's dying he confesses his love to her, I don't know if he only just realised it or he did all along or he just said it because she was dying and he finally felt an ounce of guilt for being a complete bastard. But it was like it's okay, he loves her, the years of abuse have not been in vain! Ha, that's like that scene near the end of Steel Magnolias. Dolly Parton's character has been the sole breadwinner in her marriage for at least a decade, while …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/08/21 05:13 PM
87

I'm so sorry for your loss. That's such an awful story, and yet nothing about it surprises me. I hope the courts throw the book at him. I'm a fairly empathetic person, and I've also been in a lot of situations where men that I cross paths with (classmates, friends, coworkers, acquaintances...total strangers in coffee shops) dump their emotional baggage onto me. I've learned the hard way that this is usually a precursor to their pressuring me for sex. They interpret my basic human empathy and wil…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/08/21 01:14 PM
66

The fact that these guys can just ignore it, or “yes” you for like a week and then revert back, just shows they don’t give aaaany fucks at all. You're totally right. It's not just that they don't love you; they don't even like you. It's not even just that they don't like you: someone who does this actively holds you in contempt.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/08/21 12:40 PM
37

Same! Never even heard of it. TBH, a quartz ring sounds like a "decoy" ring that you'd buy to wear on vacation or something, so that you wouldn't have to stress about losing the real ring. Even in that case, $1,400 is way too much.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/08/21 11:12 AM
99

He paid $1,400 for a QUARTZ ring?!? Even a nice quartz ring set in gold probably wouldn't be worth more than $400. For someone who claims he doesn't want to waste money, he just wasted an insane amount of money. The jewelers must have roared with laughter after he left their shop.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/08/21 09:34 AM
36

Oh God, no, never room with coworkers!! I also learned that one the hard way. It's especially sad that there are children in the mix, but there's almost nothing you can do in situations like that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/08/21 11:25 PM
52

Really sorry that happened to you! I was in a similar situation several years ago, and it completely destroyed our friendship as well. It wasn't so much the financial dysfunction, though. The financial issue was just a symptom of underlying emotional problems that she refused to acknowledge or deal with in any way, and it was those issues that made her a lousy roommate and wrecked the friendship.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/08/21 11:05 PM
12

Totally! Do you live in a conservative part of the U.S.? I grew up in the South, and getting married young was normalized. Young women, in particular, are pressured to find their husband during college! I thank God I didn't marry my college boyfriend. What a disaster that would've been!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/08/21 05:38 PM
18

I was shocked how many of my classmates were on their 2nd divorce by their early 30s. I saw that a lot, too! I'd say about half of my former classmates who married in their early-to-mid 20s were divorced before they hit 30.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/08/21 05:26 PM
24

If I'd read this when I was younger, I would have said: "Noooo, not all guys! I have some great guy friends." But reading this in my late 30s, I'm forced to say: "Yes. Literally every single one is like this." Women, and especially young women, should invest their time into building friendships with other women, since these friendships can actually last.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/08/21 05:25 PM
32

I've noticed that most people are either emotionally mature or immature by the time they are 27-30. Yup. Age 27-30 is the exact turning point. People either grow and develop or wallow and become stunted.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/08/21 05:14 PM
11

Wow, f that guy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/08/21 09:58 AM
198

Yes, childbirth can lead to vaginal tearing but in most cases once the tear is stitched and healed, it should look pretty much as before. If the doctor was competent, and the stitching was done properly. I've heard horror stories that did lead to disfigurement.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/08/21 10:54 AM
23

I wish I hadn’t interfered and left him to be fucked over, as he did to me over the course of many years. No need to worry. If he was that stupid and gullible, he definitely has been in other situations since you two broke up. Your story reminds me of the time that one of my exes excitedly announced to me that he'd found a guy who would set him [my ex] on fire for a very reasonable price, just like a stunt man in the movies. Yes. My ex was prepared to hand money to someone in exchange for being …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/08/21 09:51 AM
3

You're welcome!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/21 07:03 PM
4

Erm, not to put down fellow FDS members, but one of the cornerstone features of people with NPD is that they never change. Or do you mean that she had some narcissistic traits, but wasn't that far along the spectrum?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/21 04:43 PM
52

Are there any Peter S. Beagle fans in the house? This poem is from his most famous work, The Last Unicorn: "When I was a young man and very well thought of I couldn't ask aught that the ladies denied I nibbled their hearts like a handful of raisins And I never spoke love but I knew that I lied But I said to myself "Ah, they none of them know The secret I shelter and savor and save I wait for the one who will see through my seeming And I'll know when I love by the way I behave" The years drifted …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/21 04:31 PM
8

Wow, he really did not think this through, did he?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/21 01:19 PM
34

No, speaking as a knitter myself, there are some younger men who knit! They're relatively rare, though, and it would be very easy for a woman to figure out if the man was lying. Just ask for a photo of their latest WIP or something.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/21 12:07 PM
16

Sadly, I know women who would probably swipe right. For example, I have one woman friend who's a really lovely person, with lots of compassion and empathy. Too much empathy, actually: she always assumes that the men she dates are great guys, regardless of what they say or do. Once, a guy she was dating literally went on a multi-hour rant to her about how women are inferior. I was horrified when she told me, and tried telling her, "[name], that is awful. He's saying that he thinks you're inherent…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/08/21 10:48 PM
9

I feel you. Some of the worst, most horrifying OLD profiles I've ever seen have been "totally fine" and "reasonable" to friends of mine...like WHAT.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/08/21 10:39 PM
13

IKR? Most of the crap that is discussed on this sub seems humiliating more for the man than the woman.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/08/21 12:07 PM
42

More Methods, from my own life and the lives of women I know: If you're in a LDR, always making you travel to visit him and never the other way around. He might promise to visit you and even set exact dates, but then always claims he can't afford it (or some other excuse), even though he's been spending money like water on his hobbies. By the time the relationship has ended, you've spent literally thousands of dollars on travel to see him, while he's spent almost nothing. If you're getting an ap…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/08/21 11:19 AM
25

That's because their behavior comes from insecurity, and insecurity can only be cured from within.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/08/21 12:41 AM
39

Meditations by Marcus Aurelius is definitely talked about among redpillers though. There are even articles by other men talking about how the mansophere has revived stoicism, but are getting it wrong or using it to game women. Interesting! I had no idea, thanks. LMAO, it's definitely ironic that the whiniest and most self-pitying corner of the Internet claims to follow stoicism.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/08/21 07:54 PM
62

Was Walt Whitman actually a stoic? What you wrote really worries me, though. I've noticed that my brother, who has a lot of LV traits, has quite a few books on stoicism. I was surprised he'd chosen to buy them, since I've literally never witnessed him reading a book. I decided they must be leftovers from college readings, but now I'll have to keep a closer eye. Every cloud has a sliver lining though, we learn lessons from these things. My porn-addicted, insecure ex sexually assaulted me, so ther…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/08/21 07:38 PM
109

I gave a quiet nerd a chance, beneath the surface and fake allay of women facade, he was probably the most misogynistic, parasitic, spineless man I've encountered. Most pornsick man I've ever met too. Oh hey, we've dated the same guy. :-/
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/08/21 07:14 PM
1

Does he think he's the first narcissistic loser we've met? At this point in my life, I'd sniff him out faster than a mom finds a soiled diaper.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/08/21 01:11 PM
1

Good for you and shame on him!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/08/21 12:54 PM
22

Adding on to say you can find it by googling "why does he do that lundy bancroft pdf"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/08/21 12:21 PM
3

Cool, thanks! Hope I never need to use it, but it's good to know.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/08/21 10:31 AM
18

Ah ok, that makes sense. Thanks!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/08/21 01:47 PM
36

Any recs for specific apps?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/08/21 09:34 AM
26

That is so messed up!! Sorry that's happened to you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/08/21 09:34 AM
45

"Safr" is the root of "to travel" in Arabic. Is this an American company, or is it a transplant from somewhere else?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/08/21 09:28 AM
12

Amen! The next time I date someone who starts going on about "leagues," I'll be out of there so fast, my tires will leave skid marks on the pavement.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/08/21 08:44 PM
25

Gross! Glad I've missed those comments.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/08/21 02:22 PM
169

Wait...do people actually think that?! That's completely the opposite of my experience. My last boyfriend constantly complained that he thought I was out of his league, and I had to constantly reassure him that I was attracted to him. He treated me worse than anyone I've ever dated. Almost all the women I know who are in abusive relationships are in relationships with men who are clearly insecure, and who try to tear down their wives/girlfriends so that she won't leave them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/08/21 01:39 PM
18

My brother is a self-made millionaire. He chose not to get me anything for Christmas or my birthday for years in a row, even though I always got him thoughtful gifts for him on those holidays. There was no fight between us; he just couldn't be bothered. He complained that he "[didn't] see the point" of getting me anything. I finally had enough one Christmas and shamed him in front of both our parents and his new girlfriend. He sputtered and protested that he "[didn't] realize how materialistic" …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/08/21 04:14 PM
22

Nope, I believe it. OP's brother reminds me of my brother.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/08/21 01:23 PM
3

The Lottery and Other Stories, by Shirley Jackson White Teeth, by Zadie Smith "Lullaby" and other short stories and poems by Leslie Marmon Silko The God of Small Things, by Arundhati Roy Americanah, by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie The House of Mirth, by Edith Wharton (*contains glaring anti-Semitism but still worth reading for the depiction of women's issues during the early 1900s) "A Worn Path" and other short stories by Eudora Welty Orlando, by Virginia Woolf And I know this is bending the rules a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/08/21 10:29 PM
15

That's it! It's an advice podcast hosted by a woman and a man, both writers. The podcast had both female and male fans, but the questions they answered seemed to skew more towards women.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/08/21 02:47 PM
28

I'm a big fan of 'Dear Sugar.' While noting that it's not entirely FDS-aligned, it's still a good podcast that focuses on empathy, boundaries, and other topics related to emotional growth. It ended a few years ago, but you can still download the episodes.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/08/21 02:38 PM
38

Hi OP, first congrats! Those are some truly impressive accomplishments! In answer to your question: yes, totally, many times. May I ask how old you are? Because I found this happened the most during my late 20s. During my 20s, most of my friends were people I'd met in college and/or during my first job or two after college. By my late 20s, I noticed that my friend group had split into two broad categories: (1) people (like me) who had worked their tails off during their 20s and were finally seei…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/08/21 03:19 PM
5

Totally agree!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/08/21 11:05 PM
5

Thank you! I'm so sorry to hear that your mother is also mentally ill but glad that you're safely away from her now. Even if he had a different opinion, eventually he'd bring up the topic again, but expressing my opinions to me as his own. Or he'd judge other people for something, yet he did it himself, hiding it of course. Oh boy, what a mess! I can't even imagine what it would look like inside the mind of someone like that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/08/21 07:05 PM
23

Yep! I think pathological lying comes from a deep sense of insecurity or inadequacy. This doesn't necessarily mean that the person is a narcissist, but -- no surprise -- they often go together.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/08/21 06:58 PM
28

No, I know exactly what you mean! It's so bizarre. Sadly, I see this behavior in my own mother, who probably has Narcissistic Personality Disorder and who lies regularly. She sees every human interaction as a zero-sum game, with a winner and a loser. She'll do whatever she feels is needed to "win," including lie, and she'll do this even in the most petty situations that no healthy person would perceive as a conflict. I don't know your ex, of course. However, if I had to guess, I'd say that he wa…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/08/21 06:53 PM
68

Wow, what a bizarre lie! I've seen this behavior a lot in narcissists, though: women as well as men. Those people see reality as something fluid, which can be molded to whatever is most beneficial for themselves in any given moment. (Oh hey, Donald Trump...)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/08/21 06:42 PM
10

Thanks!! This was a long time ago for me, so it's mostly useful as a story for other women. Glad you also left your nutty, self-absorbed ex.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/08/21 05:08 PM
533

Jesus, you are not kidding! She's a lovely girl, but she looks like she's 13. And he teaches young people for a living?? In my early 20s, I used to tutor kids aged 13ish to 18ish. Spending that much time around teenagers only brought home the point that they were still children, regardless of how old they looked. Yikes, yikes, yikes, yikes.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/08/21 04:53 PM
15

So sorry, OP! You're not the only one, though. One of my exes announced to me one day, out of the blue, that he wouldn't care very much if I died. I still dated him another two years.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/08/21 04:19 PM
38

This immediately turns me off and makes them look low value, weak and insecure....it also indicates they don’t get natural interest. They have to resort to desperate tactics to get laid. That isn’t the power move they think. I'd never thought of it like that before, but you're totally right! Well-said. Anyone who uses tactics like this is tacitly admitting that they know the women that they're attracted to wouldn't be attracted to them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/08/21 03:02 PM
72

"I never buy drinks unless I've heavily made out with you." "I never dance unless I get your shirt off for a "back rub" There's no way that the guy who wrote this has EVER successfully used these lines with a woman. There's just no way. This is the kind of shit that gets you to walk out of the date and then immediately message your friends so you can all laugh at what a creep he was.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/08/21 02:54 PM
49

Yeah, Dr. Ramani puts it best on YouTube when she says that at this point in her life, if she meets someone who seems charismatic, she runs in the opposite direction. Personally, I've never met a charismatic person who didn't turn out to be a total shitbag.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/08/21 01:04 PM
16

Echoing the point that your ex-boss sounds like a narcissist. Superficial charm, entitlement, and lack of accountability are their calling cards. Glad you've left!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/08/21 01:02 PM
3

WTF?? What had he been looking at for 5+ years? The gorgeous actress Alice Eve told a story like this once on Conan, so it's not just your ex-husband...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/08/21 11:16 AM
34

I told his family and despite them wanting to help him, they have said he will just have to face the consequences. YES!! God, it's nice to hear about a violent criminal that isn't protected by his/her family. I feel like most of the domestic violence stories I hear include a family of in-laws that cover up for the man, or who say it's the woman's "fault" he got violent. I'm so glad you're out of that situation, and I hope your ex's family leaves him in jail.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/08/21 10:38 AM
15

Remember when Elena Kagan was appointed to the U.S. Supreme Court? There was a flood of comments online from men complaining that she was "gross"-looking and ugly, and that they'd never want to f*** her. Kagan was Dean of Harvard Law School before her Supreme Court appointment. Do these zeros really think she'd look twice at their crusty selves?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/08/21 11:20 AM
2

Well said!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/08/21 11:16 AM
9

God, I hope so!! Otherwise, that means there's more than one of them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/08/21 05:34 PM
24

like a switch suddenly flipped on and now they talk like you just destroyed their entire extended family. YES, that's exactly what it's like! I'm convinced that it's because they don't see people as people. Every person that they encounter is either a doormat to step on, a tool to use, entirely invisible to them, or -- in my case -- a threat. I wonder what they feel when doing the smear - are they happy? Or are they just not thinking at all? Because the words they use are wayyy over the line, mo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/08/21 03:49 PM
22

Yeah, I've gotten to see her like once or twice a year in the last 6 years or so. We lived fairly far from each other, so I didn't put much thought into it although there were some very obvious signs now that I think about it. My situation was totally the same! When you happen to move close to someone, you learn how much they actually do (or don't) value your friendship. Whatever her issues are, though, they may not have anything to do with you. In my own case, I learned through the grapevine la…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/08/21 03:39 PM
54

Yeah, your dad's right! With my own ex-friend, she'd always say she was "too busy" and had "no time at all" to hang out, but then she'd drop everything to go hang out with other friends, or she'd travel hours for dates with Tinder randos. She'd only pop up in my life when she wanted a favor. When you're in this situation, it feels much better to just cut it off cleanly now.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/08/21 03:31 PM
72

aren't narcs only love themselves? How can they be pickme if they are a narc? The worst narc I ever met was a HUGE pickme. It's like the other commenter said: it's all about validation. My ex-friend had to be the center of attention for all men at all times, regardless of whether they were already in a relationship, and regardless of whether she had any actual romantic interest in them. If she wasn't the focus of all men's attention, she'd have a meltdown. The day that a man we'd both met asked …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/08/21 03:19 PM
70

I moved recently and I live literally 3 minutes away from her and she just brushes me off telling me she doesn't have time to meet. I had a friend like that once. You're better off just ending the friendship now. If a "friend" doesn't have time to see you when you live three minutes away, it has nothing to do with whether she's dating or not.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/08/21 03:12 PM
14

I read some quote about this a while back. It went something like this: if you've been swimming in extraordinary privilege your entire life, then equality feels like oppression.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/08/21 09:59 PM
15

Yuck, sorry you're dealing with that! Toxic work situations are awful because you usually can't just walk away. The book's great, though. Hope it helps you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/08/21 03:31 PM
75

I've also heard good things! I can also strongly recommend the book In Sheep's Clothing: Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People, by George Simon. This was the book that really turned things around for me. I read it when I was dealing with a toxic group of female friends, and it helped me dump them for good.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/08/21 03:16 PM
56

I've noticed that, too!!! A few years ago, I got dinner with a friend of mine who'd recently gotten married. It was my first time meeting her husband. My friend was taking a few minutes to decide what she wanted from the menu, and her brand-new husband started trash-talking her and putting her down to the waitress! I was stunned. I mean, who does that? Who tries to humiliate their own partner in public?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/08/21 02:42 PM
88

Don't forget this one: -- Man and woman move in together and/or get married. Both are employed, but soon after they start living together, the man quits his job without discussing it with the woman. Suddenly, she's the sole breadwinner while he stays home all day "looking for a new job" (or not looking...). I have a friend in that situation. Her husband also expects her to cook and clean for him, while he spends his days getting drunk. She's working from home at the moment due to COVID, and he'l…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/08/21 01:42 PM
2

Haha well it's a great story!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/08/21 10:48 AM
5

YIKES, what a loser! Good on you for dumping him. I once dated someone who was so similar that if it weren't for the religion thing, it could legit be the same guy. My ex has also been chronically unemployed and under-employed for 10+ years, for which he blames everyone except himself. My ex was also obsessed with specific TV shows; I think he used them to escape the disappointments of his real life. After years of horrible behavior, including lying and cheating, my ex was shocked -- totally bli…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/08/21 10:42 AM
48

Hell, I've had men at bars that I've never met before walk up and start listing the things they thought was wrong with my personality...you know, based on the zero interaction we'd had. And then they were genuinely shocked that I didn't appreciate the "gift" of their uninformed opinion. 🤡🤡🤡
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/08/21 12:01 AM
15

Gosh, reminds me of a friend who tried to set me up with a man she knew. Her reasoning was that this guy was really weird and socially inept, but he had a good heart, and she thought if he got a girlfriend, it would straight him out. Like WHAT?? I'm not offering free social services for men I don't know.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/07/21 08:57 PM
118

I really want to know what this bank is that gives Half million dollar loans to unemployed men. I got some ladies who need startup business loans. Lol. LMAO I had that conversation with a guy from my high school. It was a friendly Facebook chat, nothing romantic about it. This guy was struggling to finish college, and when I asked him about his future plans, he said he wanted to go into real estate investment. I asked him, "Doesn't investing in real estate require starting capital?" He didn't li…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/07/21 03:42 PM
20

Really sorry that happened to you! It happened to me, too. I helped a friend through a horrific divorce, even though I myself was going through a rough time. Once she was safely on the other side of the divorce, she ghosted. Some people just suck.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/21 10:46 PM
3

We call that the "Ted Mosby."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/21 03:06 PM
5

Eww, gross! Hope you kicked him to the curb!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/21 12:23 PM
30

Thanks!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/07/21 07:40 PM
101

Oh yes. I once broke up with a man I'd dated for two years. The day after our break-up, he sent me a long-winded email complaining that it wasn't fair that I broke up with him, that he deserved the chance to "make his case," that our break-up couldn't just be a one-sided decision, etc., etc. This was from the man who'd cheated on me with a stripper and then told me that it was my fault he'd done it. This is from the same man who blamed me when he over-ate and gained weight. It's from the same ma…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/07/21 07:30 PM
23

When I was 24, I recall a male coworker telling me that I had to have kids soon because fertility decreases after 25. These are the same men who think women pee out of their vaginas. God grant me the confidence of a zero like that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/07/21 05:03 PM
45

Ooooh, I will TOTALLY listen to that podcast!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/07/21 09:49 PM
8

LMAO pretty sad!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/07/21 12:12 PM
45

I've noticed that the men I've dated have been noticeably unenthusiastic whenever I had any academic or professional success. For example, when I told my college ex that I'd been awarded high marks on my thesis, he didn't even say "congratulations." Instead, he instantly started one-upping me, sneering that every piece of work he'd ever submitted had been awarded high marks.* As another example, when I told my last ex that I'd landed my dream job, he replied with a one-word text: "congrats." And…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/07/21 11:17 AM
20

Now in my late 20s, none of these friendships with men persisted. It all fell apart. Most never really grew up, never faced insecurities and problems they had (just projected them onto others) and live like perpetual children, hanging out with them is not fun anymore at all. Others abandoned friendships like nothing. Some turned out to be pure narcissists. TBH, I had to dump quite a few female friendships when I was in my late 20s, due to behavior like this. I think by the late 20s is when it be…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/07/21 10:56 AM
37

This has happened to me, too -- multiple times! It's so shocking, not just to have to fend off hook-up attempts from a so-called "friend," but then to find out later that my flirty guy "friend" already had a girlfriend. And in two of these cases, I found out afterwards that all of our mutual friends already knew about the girlfriend, meaning that the girlfriend had been concealed only from me. So gross.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/07/21 10:54 AM
58

If you meet a man who appeals to you, don’t let his lack of social skills dissuade you from showing you’re interested in him… You may even end up having to do the asking , but it might be worthwhile: These “diamonds in the rough” are often strong candidates for marriage… Ha. I'VE DONE THIS. For years in my 20s, I did this. It was NOT a good use of my time. These men were not nice people, and they had an inferiority complex a mile long.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/07/21 10:41 AM
261

They truthfully don't care. They may listen/protest half heartedly to see if you'll take them back, but mentally they've been out the door a long time. I totally agree. I remember breaking up with my last boyfriend. Along with many other less-than-endearing habits, my ex was a chronic manipulator, never respected any boundaries, and even sexually assaulted me. During the break-up talk, I called him out on his behavior...and he straight-up denied it! "No, that never happened. No, I never did that…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/07/21 12:45 AM
47

Don't forget Chuck Palahniuk.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/07/21 09:05 PM
62

Should have thought of this when I was reading Philip Roth's Operation Shylock.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/07/21 03:13 PM
4

Wish I knew! Maybe it's because they actually were interested but never gave any signs. Maybe it's because they just used those female friendships for emotional fulfillment and dumped them after securing another source of female emotional support. Maybe it's because they have an immature view of relationships and think they're required to give up their friendships, at least with the opposite sex. Maybe they just didn't value the friendship all that much anyway. I don't think we'll ever hear the …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/07/21 03:10 PM
6

Oh I know. Believe me, I KNOW. 🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/07/21 01:21 PM
26

Yep. Thinks humping your leg like a dog on a fire hydrant is great foreplay: bad in bed.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/07/21 10:05 AM
5

She's definitely jealous, Inspector Gadget. I've had multiple female friends like that, and it was such a relief to cut them all off. There are some people who just can't feel happy unless they think they're "superior." So anyway, why slow-fade this b? Just be permanently "too busy to talk" from now on!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/07/21 10:31 PM
17

Hi OP, I feel you. I've posted about this a few times, so I won't go into detail, but all of the things that you describe have happened to me, and it feels terrible. I've had multiple male "friends" try to cheat on their girlfriends with me. I've stayed friends with an ex-boyfriend, only to discover that he lied to his now-wife about our dating history. The weirdest ones are the friendships that seem 100% platonic but then end abruptly as soon as they get a girlfriend. I'd love to have platonic …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/07/21 10:24 PM
26

I know what you're getting at, OP, but I don't think you can ever know for sure. And even if you could know for sure that you were with a man of perfect integrity, you could still lose him. Your perfect man could be driving home from work one day and get wiped out by a drunk driver, and you'd still end up all alone. I think you just have to be OK and complete within yourself. That way, if you partner with someone who seems great but turns out to be a cheater, you can walk away and be fine in the…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/07/21 03:49 PM
41

It is! And we also shouldn't forget First Wives' Club, a hilarious movie that I've been enjoying since I was a little kid. How do I never see First Wives' Club mentioned on this sub? It's such a classic, and way ahead of its time!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/07/21 02:09 PM
74

TW: sexual assault I get it, but please still be careful with this guy. I've posted about this in the past, but I know a woman who was in a longtime friendship group like this. One of the men in the group ended up raping her, and she lost all of those childhood friends anyway. She said one of the hardest parts during the rape was knowing that her "friend" was destroying everything: not just all the future years of friendship they could have had, but also all the happy memories from childhood.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/07/21 11:14 AM
2

Well, for my part, I think the rule of never speaking ill of the dead is a load of b.s. If someone was an abusive p.o.s. while they were alive, we have no obligation to protect their reputation after they're dead. Tap-dance away!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/07/21 07:05 PM
1

Your story reminds me of Lundy Bancroft's Why Does He Do That? I don't know if you've read that book, but Bancroft explains that abusive men abuse women because the abuse works for them. Abuse gets them things that they want, and so as long as they don't suffer any real consequences, they'll keep doing it. In your case, your sadistic stepfather got the "pleasure" (/s) of abusing children, with -- I'm willing to bet -- zero consequences. He didn't lose his wife, his friends, his livelihood, even …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/07/21 06:42 PM
9

Very true! It would be much harder to get away with that these days.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/07/21 12:56 PM
4

LMAO, six years?!? Unless he was working full-time or raising kids while going to college, that's pretty sad.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/07/21 12:15 PM
29

Ah, this brings me back to the days when I'd go on dates with men who "forgot [their] wallet but would definitely pay [me] back." Looking at you in particular, Jeff. And it was especially slimy because I was young and just starting out. I was living in a major city, doing an unpaid internship, and barely making it from month to month. Jeff, on the other hand, was older, several years into his career, and had plenty of money. And he still found a way to stick me with the bill for the date that he…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/07/21 12:14 PM
25

Wow, how selfish can you be? Glad he's your ex! An MBA doesn't mean shit, though. The people I know who have that degree went to business school for connections, not knowledge or skills.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/07/21 12:09 PM
1

Thanks!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/07/21 09:17 PM
29

I remember that interview! I tried to take with a grain of salt since they had a contentious divorce, BUT...if even a quarter of the things in the interview were true, he's an awful person.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/07/21 08:50 PM
2

Wow, what a sick, sadistic s.o.b.!! I'm so sorry that happened to you, and that your mom tolerated it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/07/21 08:40 PM
15

For extra context, I eat a healthy amount for someone who is above average height and lives an active lifestyle, weight/HIIT training 5+ days a week. I'm well aware of my nutritional requirements. Believe me, it's not because of your height or physique. I'm average height, slim, and flabby, and I've had a man shame me for eating an entire sandwich because he thought "women shouldn't eat that much." God, that guy was gross. He eventually went to East Asia and got a tiny wife who fit his ideas of …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/07/21 02:00 PM
49

My brother's very direct about it. He says, "Why should I learn when it's so much easier to have other people do it?"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/07/21 01:39 PM
10

Yep. A moment of silence for our past selves and the sad, floppy jellyfish we used to date.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/07/21 09:59 AM
2

So on the one day that he takes me out for dinner and Pays almost $150 for dinner, I was pleasantly surprised! When he was dropping me off at home, I also remembered that his mum had given him $200 TO PAY ME BACK (I worked in retail and got her some deals). He said “oh, well that covered most of dinner, and I also needed money for lunch too…” WOW. I'm speechless. I think that might actually be the worst thing I've read on this sub. Something about it is just so low. Stealing from you and then ac…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/07/21 12:33 AM
4

LMAO, our exes probably identified with Ted Mosby, aka the "nice guy."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/07/21 12:29 AM
5

It staggers me when a worthless man thinks he's in any position to judge a woman who is almost certainly better than him anyway. I can say with certainty that his wife is better than him in almost every way. She's beautiful, kinder, friendlier, and a joy to be around. He, on the other hand, is arrogant and routinely makes a bad impression on people. Why she wants to be with him, I'll never understand. A guy once complained to me that "none of the women in his rotation were marriage material." Th…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/07/21 12:28 AM
2

he then told me about his tons of debt and was talking about how we can pay it together when we get married. Good for you for dumping him!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/07/21 12:22 AM
3

YES! I have a friend who did this. Her lazy, live-in boyfriend left all the household tasks to her, even down to booking flights for holidays. So one Christmas, she told him directly that she was not going to book his flight for him. He was an adult, they were not married, and he could book his own flight. She booked her flight, told him about it, and that was it. Her boyfriend procrastinated so long on the booking that the price went up too high for him to afford. What did she do? She took the …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/07/21 12:20 AM
13

I KNOW!! I enjoyed some of his work on SNL, but he seriously looks like a meth addict.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/07/21 12:15 AM
10

LMAO, of course! The men in the stories above do whatever is most convenient for themselves at any given moment. It's so painfully clear to these women's friends that their husbands always put themselves first, but the wives don't see it -- at least for now. Bonus postscript on the third story: I even heard that man bragging that he'd snagged a younger woman on purpose because "any woman who's past 30 and single is damaged goods." He was 37 at the time and had been single for over 5 years before…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/07/21 12:10 AM
13

Totally agree! I know I've posted before on this sub about the YouTube channel The Take, but try their video "Why Ted Is the Villain of How I Met Your Mother." I remember watching that show years ago and thinking it was all right, but not great. I never made it past season 4-ish. My ex was super into it, though, and in retrospect, that makes sense. He also had a fantasy that I was The One, and that I was going to change his life, etc., etc.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/07/21 04:14 PM
125

Oof, I understand the subtext of this conversation because I've been there so many times. As soon as he texted you that weird, self-pitying, "sorry if I offended you" spiel, he was expecting you to come in and soothe him. He expected you to pat his head and assure him that he was THE BEST EVER for checking to see if you had food allergies. When you didn't gush with reassurance and praise, but rather responded with the simple, "I understand," you didn't give him what he craved. And so he tried ag…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/07/21 03:47 PM
30

I'm American, and I see this all the time. I can't even count the number of women I've known who have given up their jobs and/or chances at higher education to follow a man somewhere. I only know of one case when a man has done the same. What I've seen in these cases is that while the husband climbs skyward in executive management, moving the family for each new position, the woman loses traction in her career. First, she has to stay home and take care of the children when they're babies. Later,…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/07/21 01:24 PM
54

I had a classmate of mine (7-8 years old) sexually harass me by making inappropriate noises, movements, and asking me if I know how people usually have sex. Sadly, sexually inappropriate behavior from very young children (boys and girls) is often a sign of childhood sexual abuse.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/07/21 11:50 PM
35

God, you're right. I didn't even get that from my first reading. He probably sees gifts not as expressions of affection, but as tools to gain the upper hand. Under that logic, of course he doesn't like that his wife is "winning" by giving him a gift. What a loser.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/07/21 10:31 PM
17

Oh god, this is giving me flashbacks to my last LDR boyfriend. When my birthday rolled around, he sent me a text -- and that was it. There was no planning, no gift, and not even a call. Afterwards, he said it was my fault that he hadn't done anything to celebrate my birthday because reasons. Then when his birthday rolled around a few weeks later, I felt like I was in a tough spot. Normally, I'd want to go all out and really celebrate, but I felt like anything I did would only further highlight t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/07/21 10:24 PM
2

So much for "the sanctity of marriage"!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/07/21 10:13 AM
20

Oh gee, a Southern conservative Christian man who uses religion to justify controlling women, all while cheating, lying, and using drugs on the side? PERISH THE THOUGHT!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/07/21 10:21 PM
68

I know someone who was raped and reported it to the school, but the school pressured her into doing "mediation" because they didn't want report it per Title IX.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/07/21 09:29 AM
7

You put that brilliantly, thank you. Thanks! I am fully prepared to be generous and to share the 'limelight' but I haven't met a single guy who was willing to do that long-term. In the end, their self-absorption becomes impossible to endure. Same. I've dated plenty of men who thought of themselves as nice guys and good people, but every single one of them was "nice" only as far as he got everything that he wanted. Not one of them was willing to sacrifice a single thing that he wanted, no matter …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/07/21 11:42 AM
35

So why can't they be this way? Why can't they look (we all look) and think meh, not my type, and just go on about their day? Why is it always so DrAmAtIc and aggressive? raises hand I got this. It's because these men feel entitled to any women and girls who cross their paths. We don't just exist, we exist for them. We look the way we look for them. That's why they take it personally when you don't look the way they want. They don't see you as a separate, independent being moving through the worl…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/07/21 01:05 AM
17

What an a-hole!!! Sorry you went through that. :-( I remember piling scratchy wool blankets on the bed but still being so cold that I had to pull myself entirely under the blankets. I'd make a tiny O-shaped opening at the top to press my mouth against, so that I could get enough air. I remember full-body shaking from the cold until my pocket under the blankets had warmed up enough to allow me to sleep. ETA: Oh, and we owned electric blankets, but my parents wouldn't allow me to use them because …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/07/21 12:05 PM
34

My dad did the same thing when I was growing up. During the winter, he'd turn the heat way down during the day, while he was at work. My sibling and I would be shivering. As soon as he got home in the evening, he'd turn it up to a comfortable temperature. As soon as it was time for bed, he'd turn the heat entirely off. We weren't poor. He was just stingy and didn't care how cold his children were. On the plus side, I'm extremely tolerant of cold as an adult. It's almost a super power.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/07/21 10:51 AM
22

YES! I've been seriously considering writing a new post for this sub, targeted at girls aged 18-22, telling them that if they're straight, they shouldn't bother losing their virginity.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/07/21 09:20 PM
95

his entire Instagram is pictures of weed, weed accessories and meat dishes that he orders in Yikes! He must be the most constipated man in the world!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/07/21 09:15 PM
23

SAY IT! My history is VERY similar to yours, except that I've never dated all that much. Sometimes I think about my first serious boyfriend, who really wanted to marry me. I cringe at the thought of what my life would be like if I'd stayed with him. It would have crippled my career, I would never have been able to travel as much as I have, I wouldn't have as many friends, I'd be way less confident, I'd have a lot less money...I could go on and on. Oh yeah, and I'd 100% be divorced by now, since …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/07/21 09:07 PM
17

You could not PAY me to date a guy that young, no matter how nice he is.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/07/21 12:45 AM
15

Just put this comment above, but definitely check out the video on 500 Days of Summer on YouTube, by The Take! No one I've come across has broken it down better than those ladies did.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/07/21 09:47 PM
15

Yeah, the YouTube channel 'The Take' did an excellent video explaining that film, and why the flaws in its execution were part of the reason why it's been so misunderstood.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/07/21 09:45 PM
60

there's a reason why women in their 40s are almost never obsessed with teen guys within that age range. They're at different life stages and a teen of that age is essentially a "kid" to someone in their 40s. Right?!? When I was fresh out of college, I did some professional tutoring. I taught some kids in their upper teens, and they could not have been less attractive to me. Physically, they looked like they were barely past puberty -- not attractive. Mentally and emotionally...yeah, they were ki…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/07/21 09:15 PM
39

"I know I lied, but I did it because I wanted to, so you can't be mad."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/07/21 09:02 PM
5

The awful maraschino cherry on top is before we even met, he had the nerve to begin sexting me so I blocked him. LMAO ewwwwwwww!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/07/21 09:39 PM
11

Yikes!!!! Yes, it feels like a compliment when a female friend wants to set you up with a guy that she knows! However, it doesn't mean that the guy is any good, or that she's put a lot of thought into the match. I have female friends who have bragged about setting up their single female friends with men -- except that I knew those men, and they were misogynistic trash.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/07/21 03:17 PM
34

I have had women try to offload their ex, their creepy co-worker or their brother's basement-dwelling incel buddy on me. I've had this happen, too. I remember once, a friend wanted to set me up with a male member of her family. She really talked this guy up, saying he was SO great and just my type. However, the set-up never ended up happening, and she eventually dropped it. Then like two years later, she starts venting to me about this same relative -- and I learned the truth! In reality, the gu…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/07/21 02:39 PM
6

Some might see this post and think it's fake, but I know that it's not. My best friend matched with a guy like this. He sent her a 500+ word essay about what he will require from her (e.g., immediate responses to any messages he sends) and how she needs to understand that he's superior to all women and most men. He explained in the essay that he expects a woman to serve him and put him first in everything. Because he's an Upright Christian Man (TM). And this was all before they'd even exchanged …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/07/21 09:05 AM
17

Noooooooooooooooooooooooooo
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/07/21 08:41 AM
30

She had to hire a nanny. To take care of their child while she supported the family. He was home the entire time and couldn't take care of his own child. Holy hell, that's pathetic. I'm so sorry for your friend!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/07/21 08:37 AM
20

LMAO, gotta love those men who lose money because they can't stop themselves from being sleazy! The same thing happened to me a few weeks ago. I was traveling for work, and I'd hired a private driver to take me around for two days. The entire two days, he wouldn't stop yapping, and he was split between two priorities: (1) turn this first-time client [i.e., me] into a recurring client, to get more business and (2) constantly hit on and make sleazy comments towards this client. Basically, "Have yo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/07/21 08:31 AM
36

Oof, this reminds me of the wedding website of some people I knew, who got married years ago. Part of the website had "how we met" statements from both the bride and groom, placed side-by-side so that wedding guests could read the story from both perspectives. Cute, right? NOPE. The bride's how-we-met story was affectionate, touching, and gushed about how much the groom meant to her. The groom's how-we-met story was basically, "Yeah, so we met. Whatevs, I guess we're getting married now." That's…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/07/21 06:29 PM
17

Gross! I know a guy just like Pete. Let's call the guy I know "Gary." Gary is almost 40. He comes from a somewhat wealthy family, and Gary's made a lot of his own money. And Gary's a "romantic"! His dream is to find a young woman to marry. This young woman must be 27 or younger because Gary wants to have kids, and he thinks that women in their 30s aren't fertile enough. She also needs to be beautiful -- even though Gary himself is somewhat below average looking. She has to have a great personali…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/07/21 03:42 PM
31

If OP's list is the bare minimum, then I've never dated a man who met the bare minimum. If your additional items are also part of the bare minimum, then in my entire life, I think I've met...three?...men who achieved the bare minimum.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/07/21 10:55 AM
100

Yep. My great-grandfather was a lousy husband to my great-grandmother. Well into her 80s, she spoke about how much she'd lost by getting married. If she'd been able to leave, I think she would have -- but she couldn't. She had only an eighth-grade education and no way to earn a decent living. Her daughter, my grandmother, had a turbulent and mostly unhappy marriage to my grandfather. It probably would have been better for the kids if they had divorced. However, my grandmother had dropped out of …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/07/21 10:46 AM
24

God, that's so embarrassing for him. How can he hear those words coming out of his mouth and not be embarrassed??
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/07/21 06:00 PM
28

Girl, same. Making that change definitely lost me a lot of friends, but it was worth it!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/07/21 05:35 PM
17

I know, to people who possess empathy and integrity, this behavior sounds like it would feel both degrading and exhausting. I'm sure people like my ex experience a lot of emotional turbulence. Since they lack the self-insight to parse those feelings, this also explains why they work so hard to blame their victims, whom they see as the source of these difficult feelings.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/07/21 08:56 AM
17

I see where you're coming from, but I have to disagree. Being a good person would mean resisting some of his impulses, and saying "no" to himself sometimes when what he wants could harm another person. It's easier for him to just be spineless, do whatever he wants to do in the moment that he wants it, and then whine and rationalize it later.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/07/21 08:44 AM
18

Yes, he works hard to make people think he's the nicest guy ever.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/07/21 08:36 AM
18

I'm so sorry for what you went through! I just posted a similar story on this thread. I hope karma flattens all three of our exes like pancakes...figuratively speaking.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/07/21 08:21 AM
39

I'm so sorry that happened to you! It happened to me, too. One of my exes sexually assaulted me, and then he came up with this pseudo-apology about how he felt so bad, and it was so hard for himself to know what he'd done -- no concern at all for me, his victim, and the word "sorry" never crossed his lips. He was clearly fishing for sympathy from the person he'd assaulted. And then he followed it up with a complaint that I hadn't been giving him enough sex since the assault. I dumped him, and he…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/07/21 08:18 AM
7

Oh OK, I didn't get that before. But that's an excellent point, and I think you're probably right. Men who call themselves feminist or involve themselves in feminist activites are usually predators. And you're definitely right about this. Two of the creepiest, most predatory guys I've ever encountered were also the only two guys I've ever met who self-identified as feminists, and I don't think it was a coincidence.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/07/21 09:25 PM
2

Scary stuff!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/07/21 06:47 PM
12

Anyone else experience this sudden switch? I've never experienced it, personally, but I've heard of it. Honestly, it sounds like the best kind of break-up. Glad you are free of that guy, but yikes, what does a man have to do to have his mother warn you like that? It makes me think he was torturing animals in his backyard or something especially scary.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/07/21 06:05 PM
30

I mean...I guess Guy #1 could have debilitating social anxiety. That's not as bad as ditching you for another date/hook-up. However, if that's the case, he is not in a position to be dating anyone, and it's not cool to drag you out to meet him and then immediately leave.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/07/21 06:02 PM
20

budget Batman OMG, I'm going to have to start using this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/07/21 05:47 PM
24

Even his mom called me on the phone telling me to watch out about him because he wasn't who he said he was. 😳 Holy hell, that's a bad sign! Hope you got out of that relationship OK.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/07/21 05:46 PM
24

TW: sexual assault I dunno...I think most men who assault women move on and don't think about it further. I remember reading a CNN article years ago about a rapist who ended up working for a women's rights program. When he was a teenager, he and a friend had gang-raped a girl from their class. Their "motivation" for the rape was that the girl was doing better in school than they were, and they wanted to teach her a lesson. According to the CNN article, he admitted that he'd moved on, never refle…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/07/21 05:42 PM
19

Wow, that's such a scary story! Glad you ditched your ex-"friend."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/07/21 05:16 PM
39

Sorry, OP! Something like that happened to me once at a picnic hosted by a married couple that I know. A male friend and I were the first to arrive at the picnic site. After a few minutes, a third guest, some dude who was friends with the hosts, showed up. The dude introduced himself to my male friend but wouldn't introduce himself to me, say "hello," or even look in my direction. He pretended he didn't see me and carried on a long conversation with the hosts and my male friend. It was a few yea…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/07/21 12:30 PM
18

GROSS
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/07/21 10:00 AM
19

1000%. I noticed this as far back as middle school. They also want a woman who's tall, but not taller than they are. They want her to have money, but not more money than they have. And on, and on, and on, and on...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/21 09:33 PM
9

Um...doesn't "onii-chan" mean older brother??
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/21 12:36 PM
25

Or "I don't think he's a rapist. After all, I've never seen him rape anyone, and he's never tried to rape me. I just feel like he's a nice guy, and I don't want to hear anything that contradicts that." /s
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/21 12:33 PM
16

Yeah, some undergrad programs are 5 years.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/21 11:47 AM
8

Not to mention that there are women out there who prefer shorter men, or don't care about height either way - and "all woman are wh0res, Chad is heightmogging me" is the certified #1 way to chase those women off and make them never become interested in you. raises hand I'm 5'5" and don't care about height...but if a guy started whining about "height discrimination" to me, or saying that I "couldn't" wear heels around him, I'd be out of there so fast, it would make his head spin.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/21 10:18 AM
18

Yes, that's the real issue with short men. I don't give a flying flip about a guy's height, but experience has taught me that they're often insecure, and they dump that insecurity on the women they're dating.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/21 10:12 AM
4

I'm from the South. TONS of people still don't believe evolution is real.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/21 09:48 AM
9

No idea! But LMAO how would you roleplay as a corkboard? "Stand over there by the wall and hold still while I pin things on you."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/21 10:03 PM
15

Sorry to hear that, but glad he's in your rearview mirror! Yep, boys in the South are raised to think they're hot s#it, princes of the castle, should be given gold medals for the least possible effort, and -- most importantly -- that they're far superior to any woman. Never dated one of them, never will.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/21 06:43 PM
6

Geez, sounds like drugs!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/21 05:53 PM
12

A moment of silence, please, for his mother and any woman unfortunate enough to have dated him after you
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/21 05:32 PM
16

Hahahahahahaha! But about your original guy...maybe he just showered after every poop? Still gross, but we can only pray that he did.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/21 05:29 PM
13

Eww, that thin toilet paper is the worst! It's like sandpaper for your butthole.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/21 05:27 PM
13

IKR? How would you act out a corkboard fetish? How would you even acquire a corkboard fetish??
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/21 05:25 PM
36

Hahahahaha I know the feeling! I once noped away from a guy who said he had a corkboard fetish. I feel good about that decision, but I was left with so many questions.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/21 05:15 PM
29

No southerners from the United States. I'm from the South. Can confirm: 90% of the men are misogynistic and entitled.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/21 05:13 PM
90

Animal abuse through neglect is still abuse! Those poor babies!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/21 05:07 PM
88

"I'm sorry, but you say you need a man who wipes his own butt? SMH, women these days with their impossible standards!" /s
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/21 05:05 PM
34

No leg humpers. Ugh, thanks for the traumatic flashbacks. I should have put that one on my list. Seriously, what is it with men who think they can initiate sex by walking up to me and humping my leg like a dog on a fire hydrant? Do they actually think that will work?!? ETA: I was so focused on the leg humping thing that I just now read your list item. Like, WHAT?? "Ran away from home" as an adult? Yikes!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/21 05:02 PM
110

Oh god, I'm so sorry, but #1 and #2 on your list are KILLING me. Hahahahahahaha!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/21 04:57 PM
105

There are a lot of men like this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/21 04:51 PM
244

-- Must own and use soap. -- Must own and use household cleaning supplies. -- Must have food in his fridge. (ETA: This is from an ex of mine, who had a high income but an entirely empty fridge. He ended up being a spineless man-child who wouldn't take care of himself, and I wish I'd seen the empty fridge as one of his many red flags.)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/21 02:28 PM
2

Ugh! I had a friend in college who had a similar experience. Her lazy AF, loser boyfriend found out her schedule and signed up for all the same classes. Then, he copied all her homework all semester. A lot of the time, he didn't even bother to show up for lectures. And finally, when he failed the final exam of a key class (because he hadn't done anything all semester!) he said it was her fault and broke up with her!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/06/21 11:50 AM
2

(Random, but I love your username.) Ha, thanks! :-) Unfortunately I've met a few individuals like this and, like you, can now spot them from a mile away. Yeah, the tough part is that if you try to warn other people, you can start to feel like Cassandra from the Greek myth. Most other people will ignore your warning until they themselves get burned.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/06/21 06:46 PM
2

They're like the angler fish of humanity. LMAO true! But the crazy part is that some of them can be very convincing! Your story reminds me of a female ex-friend of mine who was either a narcissist or a sociopath. She wasn't your garden-variety jerk. This woman had some kind of major disorder, whatever it was. We were friends for a few years before we moved in together as roommates. As soon as I started living with her, it was like the veil was lifted, and I was horrified to see her steal, lie, a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/06/21 06:08 PM
2

Yikes, what a psycho!! Glad you saw through him immediately. Years ago, I met a guy at a business event who, within an hour of meeting, was telling me how his dad abandoned the family and he (the guy) became the man of the house at age 8. Also, note the not-so-subtle misogyny: "man of the house" implies that his mother was somehow under his authority and/or that he was doing the work of keeping the family going -- when the reality was that he was 8. His mother was almost certainly doing everythi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/06/21 05:53 PM
1

Same. :-( When people heard I was dating my ex, they raved about how he was "one of the nicest guys [they]'d ever met." I learned how "nice" that guy was when he sexually assaulted me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/06/21 01:22 PM
2

Yes, can confirm. I work in a "helping people" profession that attracts tons of people with high empathy who want to make the world better. It also attracts a bunch of stone cold narcissists who use the "cred" that they get from this job to help them lie, cheat, steal, and manipulate. The moral of the story? Judge people by what they do, not by who they claim to be. Watch them over a long period of time, and make sure they earn your trust.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/06/21 01:13 PM
106

Ancient Egyptian?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/06/21 07:41 PM
40

Cats are just little domesticated animals. Some people like them, and some don't. But anyone who musters up HATRED for a tiny domesticated animal is projecting their own crap.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/06/21 07:41 PM
5

Of course! A lot of people don't understand the idea of going no-contact with a parent, but sometimes you don't have a choice.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/06/21 06:11 PM
52

Well, there's at least a few posts per month on the relationship subs from women asking how they can convince their husbands to stop leaving skid marks on the bedsheets. So...clearly someone is having sex with these men, as gross as it seems.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/06/21 02:33 PM
19

There are inexpensive but effective bidet toilet extensions that can be installed in the U.S.!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/06/21 02:31 PM
8

Sorry to hear that! It sounds like you were right to go no-contact. You can't help someone who won't help themselves.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/06/21 01:40 PM
6

Wow, that sounds horrific! Hope she's doing better now.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/06/21 01:03 PM
6

Sorry to hear that! I know it's not uncommon.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/06/21 01:03 PM
11

By 40, the teeth were moving in her mouth I'm almost afraid to ask, but...what does "moving in her mouth" mean?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/06/21 09:40 AM
121

bidet Getting a bidet changed my life. Now the thought of not using one is horrifying.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/06/21 09:37 AM
5

I’ve seen it in toxic pick me moms too. Although I've met my share of awful, toxic women, I've never seen this weird eye thing in a woman. I'm sure they're out there, though.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/06/21 11:32 AM
7

And the book was even worse!! They actually toned down the guy's behavior in the book for the purpose of the film. I think the screenwriters realized that seeing that nightmare relationship on-screen would be off-putting even to fans. Unrelated to this thread, but The Glass Castle had the same problem. In the (autobiographical) book, the writer tries hard to show both the good and the bad sides of her parents. But in the film version, even a watered-down depiction of their abuse is too much, and…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/06/21 10:28 AM
10

I'd love to watch a film calling out a manipulative POS in the coat of a HVM like how he lures her in with money and privileges then starts with his power moves and controlling tactics It already exists! Fifty Shades of Grey is basically a controlling abuser's handbook.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/06/21 10:10 AM
9

watery angry dead eyes YES! I just put a comment above about this exact thing. I don't know what it is, but all the possible sociopathic men I've met have this fake-gentle look and liquidy eyes.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/06/21 10:06 AM
6

Right?!? Once you notice it, you can never not see it when these guys pop up. To me, it looks like a soft smile with just the hint of a nasty smirk. The eyes are dark and look "liquid" (do you know what I mean?). They hold eye contact longer than normal people would, and when they speak, they tend to over-share right off the bat.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/06/21 10:05 AM
13

I have never met someone with a sob story who wasn't a problem. BINGO! All of us have told sob stories to our friends, but telling them to someone you've only just met is a huge red flag. All the narcissistic people I've ever met were constantly using victim/hero speak. They were always either the victim ("Poor me!") or the hero ("I'm better than everyone!") in their stories.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/06/21 09:59 AM
9

THANKS! I'm stoked to watch this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/06/21 09:57 AM
20

Honestly...so many abusive men are also abusive to pets, that being rehomed might be better for those poor kitties than living with this man. I still can't imagine giving up pets for a man, though.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/06/21 09:55 AM
41

Pre-check is literally $85 for a five-year membership, which comes out to $17/year. How is this even an issue??
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/06/21 08:33 AM
16

God, that's sad. :-(
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/06/21 08:29 AM
45

To read more about that dynamic, try 'Primates of Park Avenue.' It's a little pulpy, but it talks about how many of the wealthy, NYC Upper East Side wives had successful careers in business before giving it up to be a SAHM and ornament to their financier husbands. It's pretty messed up.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/06/21 08:23 AM
37

There was a great, snarky movement among female academics a few years ago called, "Thanks for typing." It was calling out all the great male "thinkers" and writers of the typewriter age who credited their wives for typing their drafts...when in many cases, the reality was that their wives also proofread, edited, and even re-wrote sections of the work.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/06/21 08:20 AM
16

I'm so sorry that happened to you! :-( TW: sexual assault I know someone who was in a similar situation with a man she'd known and been close friends with since elementary school. But in her case, he waited one night until she was sleeping and then raped her. She lost not only that friendship, but her entire group of childhood friends.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/06/21 11:01 AM
18

I know serial rapists with big social media followings who position themselves as feminist allies and mental health advocates. Yeah. I don't know about "serial," but my ex who assaulted me is big into posting on social media about how he's a feminist, he's so into yoga, peace and love, blah blah blah. When I confronted him about his assault, he got stony faced and said that he did it because he wanted to. These days, the more performative someone is about being an "ally," the more I distrust the…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/06/21 06:36 AM
35

Good for you! You never know, you might meet someone -- but it's far better to assume that you won't and plan your life accordingly. Also, can confirm: it's better to just stay away from sex with boys/men, especially while you're young.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/06/21 06:07 AM
19

Good for you! I got serious about buying myself jewelry a few years ago. I now have a really nice collection, all selected by myself and (of course) exactly to my taste. For anyone reading this who's considering doing the same, I highly recommend consignment websites like The RealReal! You can get used jewelry in excellent condition for a fraction of the retail price there, especially if you're willing to wait for it to go on sale.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/06/21 05:53 AM
3

LMAO, nope!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/06/21 01:26 PM
34

He texted me to complain that Indians don't know how to do yoga correctly. Also, he apparently felt that they didn't understand Hinduism. A white guy from Long Island knows more about being a Hindu than an Indian. The scrotacity Hahaha I'm dying. The Indians at his ashram must have hated him soooooooo much.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/06/21 05:33 AM
16

Who wants to dig through trash daily in the hopes of finding treasure? I mean, I love antique hunting. Still won't sign up for online dating.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/06/21 05:25 AM
10

Good for you! It's unspeakably embarrassing and trashy when someone in the wedding party is visibly drunk before the vows are even spoken.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/21 02:31 AM
26

LMAO, very true. If love were about what the other person did for you, then I'd be in love with my housekeeper! (She is the best.) But it doesn't feel natural to approach love in such a self-centered way. I've actually had to make a conscious effort over the years to think about what the other person brings to the table, not just what I can do for them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/21 02:24 AM
11

True story. I've never cheated on any boyfriend, but my most serious boyfriend to date was convinced that either I had cheated or I wanted to cheat with my male coworkers. When I told him that of course I hadn't cheated, I would never cheat, and -- what's more -- none of my coworkers were even remotely attractive to me, he responded, "Oh, so if you DID find them attractive, you WOULD cheat!" (ETA: This is from the same guy who used to complain that he felt he'd gotten fat. I told him that he loo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/06/21 12:39 AM
1

No, I implied I would only meet him at my city. I can see why that can look spoiled. Girl, no. One of the last men I dated lived in another city, far away from me. He had a lot going on in his life, so I actually flew over to spend time with him. Then I flew to meet him again. Then he finally got time off work, and he...lied to me that he was going to visit his sick grandmother for two weeks. I found out through a mutual friend that he only spent a few days with his sick grandmother and then fle…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/06/21 04:36 AM
4

Yeah, I graduated from an Ivy League. I did actually meet some great men there, and I still keep in touch with a few of them (as friendly acquaintances). But WOOF, there were some bad ones: mansplainers, tiny masters of the universe, Tinder-obsessed players, etc. There were some pretty awful women, too. Overall, I think Ivies tend to attract a combination of the best and the worst: dedicated students with high standards, mixed in with pretentious a-holes with no substance.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/06/21 04:24 AM
67

Yup, I learned several years ago that my brother (then in his late 20s) never used soap in the shower, only shampoo, because he figured that the shampoo would trickle down. Gross.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/06/21 12:33 AM
23

Totally! It's so much easier to keep up the facade when you're communicating online.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/06/21 06:48 AM
21

Amen!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/06/21 04:21 AM
55

LMAO what kind of a loser gets that worked up over a board game?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/06/21 03:45 AM
4

Actually yes! Just today, a man in my social circle was gushing about his favorite female musician. He praised her talent, her energy, and her attitude -- with not a word about her appearance or anything else that's totally irrelevant to musical talent. It is pretty rare, though. I know lots of men who refuse to watch any movie that has a female main character...unless the female main character is written in a sexual way, has nude scenes, etc. Any movie that just shows a female main character li…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/06/21 06:23 AM
2

WOOF. What a sad sack your ex was! Glad you dumped him and moved on.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/06/21 05:02 PM
11

To paraphrase a joke I heard once, being divorced twice by the time you're 24 is like being divorced once by the time you're 12. YIKES.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/05/21 10:59 PM
80

Hahaha my grandmother was only married once, but she said the exact same thing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/05/21 07:45 PM
3

Feminist guys sneak past all that by pretending they're on your team. Then the abuse just hits so much worse cause you're not expecting it. Yes, they're so much slimier. I've only known two men in all my life who have self-identified as feminists. One of them tried to pressure me into a hook-up. It was an extremely uncomfortable situation because I kept saying "no," but he wouldn't take "no" for an answer and kept trying to wear me down. I found out later that he had a girlfriend at the time, wh…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/05/21 01:15 AM
12

And yes, he lists “not hitting me” as one of his good qualities. 🤡 WTF...that's like bragging that he doesn't shit his pants.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/05/21 04:53 PM
7

Oh hi, sounds like we've dated the same guy. :-/ Sorry!! Somehow, abuse from a self-anointed "feminist" is worse than from someone who's a straightforward a-hole.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/05/21 04:51 PM
10

Yep, it's true. If something is important enough, you make time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/05/21 03:42 PM
7

I had an experience like that...in 4th grade...with a little girl in my class, LMAO. I can't imagine an adult doing it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/05/21 03:24 PM
13

LMAO, I've had multiple boyfriends do this, so there must be some manual circulating: "How to be bad in bed"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/05/21 03:14 PM
4

AMEN
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/05/21 03:02 PM
26

YEP! I'm happy to hear friends vent. We all need to do it from time to time. We might even need to do it a lot, if we're going through a very rough period. But constantly whining and never taking action? Bleck. I'll never go near that again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/05/21 05:03 AM
141

Based on my personal experience: Trying to one-up all my accomplishments, to the point that I couldn't even tell him about a small success I'd had that day without his bragging that he'd done even better Negging me to try to tear down my confidence so that I'd be too insecure to leave him Saying shockingly offensive things and then instead of apologizing, slouching away until I didn't look mad anymore Careening from one emotional crisis to another as a way to ensure that our entire relationship …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/05/21 04:49 AM
27

THANK YOU for the rant on '500 Days of Summer.' It's painful to read most of the comments online about that movie, as the entire point (i.e., to critique the toxic manic pixie dream girl trope) went over most viewers' heads.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/05/21 02:10 AM
19

And for a couple weeks my team members couldn't stop flexing over it, pretending to go along with it. Felt like I was watching people read off the answers to the word search on the back of a cereal box. Oh Lord. That reminds me of the movie I just watched, Guy Ritchie's testosterone fantasy 'The Gentlemen.' It tries so hard to be intelligent, but it really, really isn't. And it's a shame, since the cast is so talented --but even they can't salvage the screenplay's cringey, pseudo-intellectual di…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/05/21 08:53 PM
3

Sounds nice! I should give it another go.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/05/21 08:19 PM
6

Cool, thanks!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/05/21 08:16 PM
8

Thanks!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/05/21 08:14 PM
7

Good idea, thanks! I've always thought press-ons looked intimidating, but I should check them out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/05/21 04:17 PM
18

Thanks for the tips! Light blush/mauve is my fave as well.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/05/21 03:44 PM
13

Oh it's definitely not all the time, just once every month or two.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/05/21 03:25 PM
88

When you're the size of a 12 year girl, men prey on you a lot. I feel you. :-( Being a physically small woman attracts so much bad behavior from men.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/05/21 03:23 PM
42

Your nails sound beautiful, but for real, HOW do you keep them in good shape?? I'm always cooking, washing dishes, cleaning, working out, etc., and I swear I can't keep a manicure pretty for more than 2 days.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/05/21 03:21 PM
19

Oooh, good tip! I usually just bleach them, but vinegar sounds gentler.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/05/21 02:32 PM
135

Yep. I got a skin infection when I stayed overnight at my last boyfriend's apartment because he only owned one towel and LITERALLY NEVER WASHED IT. I had to go on antibiotics and everything. Never again. ETA: Oh, and in case anyone reading this thinks he was an unshaved basement dweller, think again. He had two Ivy League degrees, was a rising executive at a company with a household name, and lived in one of the nicest apartment complexes in the city. He was gross by choice.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/05/21 02:31 PM
20

Oh God, I've known multiple men like that. It's so, so, so unnecessary and gross.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/05/21 02:29 PM
14

LMAO 15 years? This is literally me right now.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/05/21 05:59 AM
10

Really sorry, OP! That sounds tough. And you're totally right that this dynamic is very toxic in families of origin. I remember that it took me until adulthood to realize that my mom was jealous of the rare attention or affection that my dad showed me. I hadn't realized it before because...it was just too bizarre to contemplate. Worth noting, though, that my mom has mental issues that go far beyond internalized misogyny.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/05/21 12:53 PM
13

Right?? But your experience sounds just awful, sorry.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/05/21 12:13 PM
37

LMAO can't even say I've seen that since it would require the men I've been with to keep an erection for more than 30 seconds. If it were due to a medical issue, I'd feel more sympathy...but they literally did it to themselves.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/05/21 11:40 AM
94

This is all true. I used to not care about porn, or porn use, but now I absolutely hate it. Why? Because despite never watching it, it has RUINED my sex life. Every man I've been with in the last 10 years is so god-awful in bed. They all clearly practice death grip masturbation. They all struggle to get an erection, and if they finally manage it, they can't keep it more than a few seconds. All their sex moves have clearly come from porn. Oh, and none of them respect any boundaries or care about …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/05/21 10:17 AM
49

Saaaaame. Except once. I googled one guy I used to seriously date and found some cah-ray-zay stuff. Sadly, I can't put it on this thread because it would be too identifying. But yes: bullet dodged.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/05/21 07:39 PM
70

Yep. I know someone who's an ob/gyn who's worked in a lot of different places. She told me once about running a clinic for women in a part of the world "that values fertility" and is majority Catholic. They offered several different kinds of birth control at this clinic but found that all the married women wanted the implants in their arms that would last for 5 years. All the married women wanted whatever would keep them from getting pregnant the longest and require the least number of visits to…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/05/21 12:17 PM
3

LMAO true
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/05/21 11:19 PM
6

Well at least he didn't escalate his behavior. That reminds me of a story from my own life that I'd forgotten until just now. Back when I was in college, I got a message on social media from someone I had a passing acquaintance with in high school. I knew his name, but that was about it. He claimed he'd been in love with me for a long time, and the message was strange and rambling. I didn't respond to him, but I learned later through a mutual friend that this guy had developed schizophrenia. In …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/05/21 10:41 PM
2

For sure! And thanks
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/05/21 06:25 PM
9

Oh hi. My brother isn't like that, but my parents hit 80% of the abuse tactics in Bancroft's book. When I first read it, I was trying to process a bad relationship that had ended...but it ended up being more useful in explaining my childhood than my present. Sorry about your brother! That sounds horrifying. :-(
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/05/21 02:31 PM
133

In my entire life, I've never dated a man who met all of these criteria. Good thing I'm single.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/05/21 05:51 PM
11

All of us have a bad story about a disrespectful Indian guy. Our friend group has a running joke now about Indian boyfriends who ghost to marry someone else, because we've heard this story several times now from different women. I've also heard awful stories about that. :-(
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/05/21 12:35 PM
66

Hi, another white woman here. Yep. A few years ago, I had a male Indian friend who kept pressuring me (in a plausible deniability way) for a hookup. I turned him down, but it was depressing because I'd genuinely thought he was a friend and had tried to provide him with emotional support while keeping things platonic. A few months later, he moved in with an Indian woman whom he'd apparently been dating at the time that he was trying to hook up with me. Oh, and apparently our mutual friends knew a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/05/21 08:20 PM
90

No, a lot of Indian men are gross with white women as well. When I was a young university student in the U.S., I lived in an apartment complex that housed a lot of Indian international students who were attending the university's business school. A lot of those guys were super gross towards me. For example, one of them told me he'd seen me in the grocery store the other day and had been checking out my a$$. It was clear that they just wanted to f--- a white girl. One of them even told me he was …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/05/21 08:11 PM
2

Luckily, I'm with a man who goes above and beyond cleaning, caring for his mom and sisters, and giving more to me than I always give back. That's great!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/05/21 06:40 PM
2

Good luck! Glad that you found someone great.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/05/21 05:58 PM
9

Hey! It's great that you have a nice boyfriend, and sorry that these posts seem like downers. They're sadly true for many women, though. I wrote a longer response on this post above, which you might want to check out on my profile. It doesn't mean that you shouldn't get married, but it does mean that you should protect yourself. You should make sure that your happiness and your future never depend on your being in a relationship with another person. After all, even if your boyfriend is the most …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/05/21 10:50 AM
15

Are you very young? In case you are (or there are other young readers), here's a long and detailed answer: I'm in my late 30s and am not married, but most of my friends are, and from what I've seen and heard, yes. Only the very best marriages aren't like that. I have multiple female friends with kids whose husbands refuse to provide any care for their own children, or do any work of any kind outside their 9-to-5 jobs. I've visited their houses, and after a sullen "hi," the husband has spent the …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/05/21 10:39 AM
26

Step 2: cheat on and neglect her to soothe your insecurity about having a gf who is better than you Ah, I see you've met my insecure ex-boyfriend.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/05/21 09:42 AM
60

My first serious boyfriend once announced to me, apropos of nothing, that it wouldn't be a big deal to him if I died. And I dated him for another two years.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/05/21 11:23 AM
1

Really sorry to hear that! Be careful, though. I know a woman who was in a similar situation (tight group of childhood friends, adults now, one of the guys into her), and tragically the story ended in rape.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/05/21 06:19 PM
2

Jesus, that's awful! Really sorry you went through that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/05/21 06:15 PM
2

Thanks!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/05/21 10:43 AM
21

I cried one night after a dude I thought was a close friend told me he was getting married (I didn't even know he was seriously dating, that's how low he thought of me) and his fiancée said he had to stop talking to me. I considered him a best friend and he was just waiting for his opportunity. Sucked. Wow, that sucks. At least he told you, though? Literally none of my male "friends" have ever told me. Instead, they just ghosted and waited for me to figure it out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/05/21 10:35 AM
9

One guy literally wrote a whole essay to me about how I was subconsciously in love with him, that he was soooo generous and patient with me and my "problems",and that he didn't want to be lead on anymore. He cited all these things that I apparently did, it was amazing to see how he twisted every interaction we ever had into this delusional fantasy. Well that sounds TERRIFYING. Sorry that happened to you! Did he back down when you told him you weren't interested in him?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/05/21 10:23 AM
37

Thanks!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/05/21 02:24 PM
230

Yep. I'm someone who really values and invests a lot into my friendships, and I've learned the hard way that I can't have straight male friends. Every single one of them either tried to make a move, or -- even weirder -- never made a move but then ghosted me as soon as he got a girlfriend. Also, completely apart from that, I learned during a health scare several years ago that none of my male friends would be there for me the way my female friends were. I was in the hospital for about a week, ex…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/05/21 01:30 PM
67

And Italy! It's similar there. Nasty gender inequality, machismo, and poor career outcomes for women who get married and have kids has led many women to say, "NOPE."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/05/21 08:55 AM
17

Definitely! I remember about 10 years ago, I had one guy initiate a chat on OKCupid's in-site messenger system. I'd never spoken to this guy before but was open to it. Within 5 minutes (no joke) he started sending me abusive texts DEMANDING that I answer his questions faster. No pauses allowed, he needed me to respond immediately. Like...what? Believe or not, idiot, my life doesn't revolve around you, person-I-don't-know. Blocked that clown.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/21 05:24 PM
6

Hi OP, I'm so sorry this happened to you! Something similar happened to me, too. I totally agree that men who make a show of being "feminists" or caring soooooo much about supporting women are the worst of all.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/05/21 01:21 AM
5

Aww, that's great! I hope I'm like D when I'm that age.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/05/21 12:18 AM
45

Tip for poor students: you can also find the book for free online if you search for the PDF.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/05/21 10:12 AM
75

Yep, but also don't forget how much easier divorce is this days. There was a study done several years ago in which researchers looked at the rise of no-fault (i.e., easier) divorce in the U.S. No-fault divorce was adopted at different times by different states. The researchers were able to prove that there was a significant drop in SUICIDE RATES among women after no-fault divorce became available.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/05/21 08:25 PM
16

Don't be embarrassed! My own parents taught me nothing, and I figured it out. Luckily, it's not hard. You just have to be motivated to learn...which makes it all the more embarrassing that so many people choose not to, but that's another story. There are lots of good cleaning how-to YouTube channels, which you can find by searching "how to clean house" or similar.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/05/21 08:19 PM
7

Yikes, that sounds awful. TBH, my brother was raised the same, though he lives on his own. He's in his 30s, and when he visits our parents, he just dumps his dirty clothes on my mother's chair and waits for her to wash them for him...and the washing machine is only a few steps away! It's really disappointing to see our mother indulge him. Raising boys with this level of entitlement and laziness cripples them, IMO.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/05/21 10:30 PM
4

Oof, for a woman to divorce after less than a year of marriage, in a culture that has huge stigma around a divorce -- just how bad would that marriage have to be? They must have been horribly abusive from Day 1.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/05/21 10:17 PM
12

impotent Not just for older women. I've been dating those guys since my mid-20s. Thanks, porn! /s
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/05/21 08:23 PM
5

Oh hey, I've dated literally every single one of these, but we're missing one category: The Jellyfish (sad, floppy cousin to the emotionally distant manipulator): The Jellyfish may look like a functional adult from the outside, but really he's a spineless blob. He's so afraid of conflict that he refuses to communicate about even the most basic issues. Instead, he broods and creates secret tests and manipulations to see what you'll do. He agrees to respect your clearly-stated boundaries but then …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/05/21 08:19 PM
17

Good for you, OP!! I'm not Muslim, but I'm from a conservative Christian part of the U.S. where it's also normal for women to marry young. Most of the girls from my high school were married by age 23 at the latest. And you know what? At least half of those marriages ended in divorce in less than 5 years! It's just too young to get married. I'm sure people will make comments, but just ignore them. You know what's best for yourself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/05/21 08:08 PM
3

Hell, I once got snapped at just for saying, "I'm good, how are you?" in response to a male friend who'd just asked me how I was. His excuse? His tummy felt bad, and so he didn't like people asking him how he was. Then...maybe don't ask other people how they are? Because they will answer that question.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/05/21 07:55 PM
10

This guy had also minored in women's studies in college! We had been really great friends in high school so I took it as a sign that he was a sensitive male. Yeah, my experience has been that the ones who blatantly don't care about women's issues are awful, but the ones who pretend to be "woke" are the worst of all. :-(
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/04/21 12:23 PM
5

Oh, I remember that episode! Didn't the battered woman's own father give her location to the abusive husband, saying, "A man has a right to know where his wife is?"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/04/21 11:51 AM
14

No need to buy it! You can find a PDF online if you google.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/04/21 11:12 PM
43

Yup. My parents used to live next to a couple their age. The wife sadly died of cancer, and her husband remarried WITHIN THREE MONTHS. Yes, after 20+ years of marriage and his wife's tragic death, he'd remarried within three months. This second marriage didn't work out, though. The man expected to get his way in everything, and the woman was a successful professional who wasn't about to be subservient. She ditched him after a few miserable years. ETA: Oh my lord, I forgot the best part. After wi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/04/21 06:52 PM
21

Oh sure, but it's not a surprise, and it applies to a lot more than social situations. A lot of men are raised to believe that it's the females' (any females: mothers, sisters, wives, girlfriends, female roommates, female coworkers) job to take care of them and make sure they have everything they need and want. I think that most of the time, it's not that they decide to ignore the female's needs and wants. Rather, it wouldn't even occur to them to think about them. They don't see it as their job…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/04/21 06:34 PM
13

Ugh, THANK YOU! I tried using Bumble a few years ago. I was in a major urban area and swiped through countless profiles, not even finding one that I was genuinely interested in. I thought there must be something wrong with me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/04/21 08:27 PM
13

i was starting to feel like i’d missed out No way. I'm in my late 30s and totally agree with everything OP said. It's really a waste of time and energy to be dating men at your age. Everyone's just too young and trying to figure out who they are. On the other hand, if you invest heavily in yourself and your education/career, then by the time you're in your mid-20s, you'll be leaps and bounds ahead of your average peer.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/04/21 11:38 AM
7

I just replied above, but me too! And the ring is exactly what I wanted. :-)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/04/21 05:01 PM
4

So pretty!! And that's a funny coincidence because I just did the same thing. I chose the stone and had a jeweler build it to my own design. Can't wait to receive it!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/04/21 05:00 PM
107

Nah, it's narcissistic behavior. I know because my dreadful mother has done this my entire life. She gets a feel-good rush from promising things but has never once followed through...and also gets really angry and plays victim if you remind her of her promise. It's narcissistic behavior because -- in this case -- it's all about the boyfriend's own pleasure. Who knows, maybe he also gets a rush from the mild degradation every time he fails to follow through and she doesn't leave.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/03/21 09:11 PM
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