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PeerSifter Archive

View 2 posts and 98 comments by PeerSifter on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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3

Yes! Take the little guy to Splash Mountain. No pun intended.
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/24 07:09 AM
7

In Massachusetts here. Man, this state will absolutely kill you I've heard this before. And this is even AFTER their divorce reforms several years ago. I read some article where someone joked that, back in the day, in Massachusetts, you could marry at 25, divorce at 35, and end up paying lifetime alimony to a woman who was healthy, working, and college-educated. But, for a few men, it wasn't a joke.
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/24 07:03 AM
5

I've been there a few times to blow-off steam. Why no working girls? There's much more than street trash. You can get some wholesome country girl from the north. The hotels are mostly cooperative about "guests". The place is seriously Disneyland for your penis. In Bangkok, you can walk down the Sukumvit (spelling?) -- it's the main tourist drag. But it gets old after a while. But it's fun to walk around Nana Plaza, Soi Cowboy, the little alleys with bars, restaurants, clubs. Take a taxi to go se…
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/24 10:28 PM
2

No offense taken; at least, not by me. But you bring up a good point. The word "narcissist" is now a generic insult, not a legitimate mental health disorder. Normally, we sympathize with people suffering from a disorder. But calling someone a narcissist is now a judgement. And I'd go even further and suggest that narcissists actually make great leaders (from the perspective of investors, but probably not from the perspective of the employees). And in fact, the literature out there suggests that …
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/24 04:37 PM
1

I'm in the same boat. Except I haven't seen the kids in a much longer time. I created a blog a couple of years ago and write to them in there once in a while. It's timestamped. I use their real names only because I hope they'll Google their names someday and find it. Here is my last post, on my youngest daughter's 16th birthday: http://black.blue/flat/index.php/2024/11/ no sh*t talking obviously Why obviously?
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/24 09:22 AM
14

Narcissist is clearly the World Heavyweight Champion. Other competitors: - gaslighting (it now simply means 'disagreeable') - pedophile (a man who shows interest in any woman under the age of 25) - incel (despite the "celibate" origin, it's now a generic insult hurled at any man, even a married man with children actively having penis-in-vagina sex literally at this very moment) - abuse (anything she didn't agree with) - financial abuse (you put reasonable and practical limits on household spendi…
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/24 08:42 AM
3

So.... What can I do? Go pro se file a million motion Yes. If you Google 'lawyer dirty tricks', this is one of them. Every time you file a motion, her lawyer must read it and respond. And each time, they'll happily charge your ex 1 or 2 hours. And it adds up. File a motion for every petty thing. So many more tricks to drive up your opponent's legal fees.
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/24 09:13 AM
1

why is it a bad idea just to self file for a trial date and go to trial and end this? Pro se All I can tell you is watch YouTube videos of Family Court hearings. There are lots and lots of them out there. Learn the language and the procedures and the protocols. Google and learn the rules of evidence and what constitutes a legal objection. Of course, this is no substitute for law school. But you can learn plenty by just watching and taking notes. Also, there are lots of family law motions online …
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/24 09:11 AM
1

Hijacking the top comment to tell you my experience, if you care: My unemployed ex hired a very expensive attorney who put in a lot of hours. At one point during the divorce, my ex told me she was going to sue me for HER legal expenses, so the whole thing was free for her. (WOW!) I read somewhere that, in my state, family law attorneys could not work on contingency. That is, unlike a car accident lawyer who waits for a big settlement, divorce lawyers need to get paid on an ongoing basis. They ca…
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/24 09:06 AM
8

He admitted he didn't like to do math. Judges can't math. I'm convinced of it. I actually have a small collection of videos where men have caught math errors by judges. The worst was in an appellate court, with three judges. And they literally LAUGHED at a man who claimed he was ordered to pay 3475 a month. The judges insisted that it was only 3200. But the order specified a WEEKLY payment of 800 and the judges all assumed there were EXACTLY four weeks in every month, not 4.345 weeks. All you ca…
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/24 08:16 AM
8

I was very naïve about divorce when mine began. I quickly started to realize that it's full of what economists call "perverse incentives". Basically, you're rewarded for doing the wrong thing, and punished for getting it right. Prime example: if you're financially responsible and work hard and save, those factors will be used AGAINST you to reward the unproductive, irresponsible spouse. Recently, on YouTube, there was a Zoom call divorce hearing, and the husband claimed he earned $6000 a month, …
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/24 09:30 AM
1

Technically, a lawyer just needs to be a lawyer in the same state. It's state-by-state. But, in my experience, picking the right lawyer can be a minefield. Very often, in my opinion, the lawyer/judge relationship is an understated problem in divorce. You want a lawyer who is familiar with the judge and has experience in his courtroom. It's not a guarantee that things will go bad for you if the lawyer is an out-of-towner. But my experience is this: I was divorced in a small-ish city where all the…
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/24 09:10 AM
2

Me after divorce ... don’t tell her anything extra at all Upvote for this. I'm 100% the same. As the saying goes, anything you say can be used against you. When my divorce began, I was polite and professional and answered everyone's questions honestly. Now, when I get a question from a lawyer, my first reply is, "What happens if I refuse to answer?". After getting burned a few times, I realized that my truthful answers were getting weaponized against me. I started to be a big believer in the Fif…
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/24 07:21 AM
3

But one would/could see it on a bank statement Typically in a divorce, there is "Discovery" in which you're supposed to share documents including financial documents. If she had a lawyer, I'm sure the lawyer would catch a 6-figure discrepancy/withdraw. Don't you think your wife will catch it? At some point, you'll be asked to declare your assets -- under oath. I guess it all depends on your risk tolerance and the likelihood your wife will discover the missing money.
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/24 07:18 AM
1

Did you buy the crypto through an exchange? Most people do now. In fact, most people seem convinced that it's the ONLY way to buy crypto. And of course, exchanges leave a paper trail and demand ID. I miss the old days when I could easily meet someone in a Starbucks, anonymously, arranged via a throwaway e-mail address, and trade cash for coin right on the spot. No ID. No paper trail. Cold, offline wallet. No way in the world to trace or hack or seize the coins.
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/24 07:13 AM
1

I don’t believe in sex outside of marriage Sorry to be brutal, but that's probably how you got into trouble in the first place. Maybe it's time to look internally and sort some things out. Being in a committed relationship is one thing. But having the government involved is quite another.
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/24 07:10 AM
1

This sounds less likely a structural issue with family courts and more like you were just totally outgunned and outmaneuvered. But I would argue that being vulnerable to outgunning and outmaneuvering IS ITSELF a structural issue. I've seen plenty of cases where dad lost big, and his kids lost contact with their father. And why? Not because he's a bad father. But because he didn't know how to fill out the right paperwork or couldn't afford a tough lawyer or wanted to "play fair" even when his wif…
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/24 11:09 AM
2

women weren’t even able to have bank accounts, credit cards, or own homes in their names until 1972 I know women love to copy/paste this talking point. But it's just not true. Women had their own bank accounts since the 1800s. What's true is that a law passed 50 years ago that made discrimination against women illegal in banking. But for a century, nothing stopped banks from having female customers. Women love this trivia for some reason, but also ignore the fact that most women didn't need a ba…
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/24 11:05 AM
2

I've read alot Alot isn't a word.
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/24 10:58 AM
1

Get a cheek swab from the kids I actually researched this once. A cheek swab is obvious. If you're trying to be sneaky about it, DNA labs can also accept used chewing gum and used dental floss. Apparently, those items have lots of DNA. Of course, you need to be careful about handling it. But my point is there are ways of collecting without raising suspicion.
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/24 10:43 AM
8

You should absolutely try to defer any enrichment until later. Is it possible you could work for the new employer with a reduced salary, but with something like stock options? I'm just trying to think out-of-the-box here. Accept stock options that don't mature until a year or two from now as part of your compensation. That way, you're still "poor" on paper; the options are still immature. Or ask for a lower salary up-front, but a big bonus on the back-end after one year? Something like that? Jus…
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/24 10:18 AM
1

What exact family court practice do you want changed? I would be in favor of a total reform of family law. For starters, having gone through it, family disputes don’t belong in a court at all. That’s a venue for criminals. The average person doesn’t know court procedures and therefore must spend money on lawyers. And the more you spend, the more justice you can afford. Maybe that’s fine in a criminal case, but we’re talking about families. As a society, we’re okay with hurting a family because s…
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/24 08:21 AM
1

I’m still stuck in my job where my salary is capped Side hustle? Sometimes I browse YouTube and I'm shocked to see people making extraordinary amounts of money, sometimes scumbags from the ghetto, doing some niche, lucrative side hustle. They're not always entirely legal, but hey, you need to keep an open mind. dating isn’t going great There are always professionals. It's not every man's cup of tea, I get that. But it can give you some entertainment and variety and the chance to be with a beauti…
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/24 10:52 AM
2

Hate and love are not opposites. Hate and love are actually close cousins. But when they say they don't care anymore, that's the killer.
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/24 10:48 AM
2

This is probably not what you're expecting. But last night, I was listening to Train Song by Tom Waits. The lyrics resonated with me: "I've come ten thousand miles, and not one thing to show. A train took me away from here. But a train can't bring me home." To me, the train is a metaphor. You can't ever go back to your innocence after some traumatic life experience. On the other end of the spectrum, Lust For Life by Iggy Pop. I crank it all the time. ("No more beating my brains with the liquor a…
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/24 01:02 PM
2

someone not afraid to stand up to her attorney ... if anyone knows of a smart ... attorney ... who will fight I totally get the point of your post. I really do. I just wanted to comment on your expectations a little. I felt the same way when my divorce began. And I think many people feel the same. We want an aggressive bulldog lawyer who will fight, who knows the tricks. I remember telling my lawyer I wanted more "Saul Goodman". She didn't get the reference. She was spent a lot of time telling m…
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/24 11:15 AM
3

Ramifications? Of what? Have you been ordered pay alimony or child support? Have you been ordered to split your 401k? If any of this is true, I assume you're asking about taking everything with you and never paying the ex anything. Walking away from child support is more egregious than walking away from alimony, that's for sure. Some nations do cooperate with each other to enforce child support. But I'd research if the same is true for alimony. I doubt it is true. Furthermore, I know that some n…
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/24 10:49 AM
0

You could take the little guy to Thailand. It's Disneyland for your penis. He'll have a blast (no pun intended).
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/24 10:53 AM
2

OP, I don't know the answer, but I sympathize with your situation. I watch a lot of child support hearings on YouTube. And sometimes there's a situation where the state is garnishing a man's wages. And for whatever reason, they aren't garnishing enough, or didn't start on time, or missed a payment. And once in a while, a man is hauled into court for contempt, for being behind in his payments. And when he claims innocence: "the state set up the garnishment, and they do all the garnishing", he's s…
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/24 10:46 AM
3

Good catch out in the wild, OP. Yes, very disappointing and judgmental comments. All the usual ideas... 1. There MUST be a reason dad lost custody (implying he's abusive or dangerous) 2. He wants custody just to reduce child support 3. It's just some Men's Rights / Red Pill / anti-women hatred 4. Children don't NEED a dad, not literally 5. Dad just bitter that he lost in court As for reason #2 (wants to reduce child support), okay, it's not the purest of intentions. But plenty of women want more…
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/24 10:41 AM
8

Bear with me... Do you remember the online dating site eHarmony? I'm not really into online dating, but I came across eHarmony while learning data science. At the time, it was a completely new idea in matching people who were likely to be happily married. Before eHarmony, most dating sites tried to align interests such as hobbies, activities, political views, religion and so on. But the creators of eHarmony had access to the personality profiles of many thousands of married couples gathered over…
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/24 11:10 AM
3

What to expect? Expect lots of questions. If you come prepared, it will help. Items such as your incomes for the past few years, assets, bank statements... basically high-level look at your financials. And, maybe more importantly, have some idea of how you want things to look on the other side. That is, who has custody, who gets the house, who gets what? And have some idea if your wife will fight you. One example: who gets the power to make big decisions about the kids? Some mothers firmly belie…
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/24 10:32 AM
1

Put everything in a password manager. I use KeePass, but there are others. They not only keep passwords, but there are other fields for account numbers, user ID, even a free textbox for general notes. I have crypto private keys in there, credit card numbers (including the CV2 number), account numbers, phone numbers and so on. You can even attach files. Everything is saved in one database file which is, of course, encrypted. So you need to know one strong password, but it unlocks everything. What…
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/24 10:23 AM
4

I have a great answer. And I wish the mods would pin this issue in the sidebar. It comes up a lot. First, in many states, there is a limit to discovery. In my state, the limit is something like 25 questions. Whatever. But nothing stops the opposing lawyer from TRYING to ask more. They hope you don't know the limit. They hope you'll be intimidated into cooperating. In my case, the opposing lawyer asked 10 questions, but each question had 5 sub-parts. Something like that. I answered the first 25, …
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/24 12:46 PM
1

Wow, compared to most posts which contain a lot of unorganized rambling, your post is very well formatted and composed. I can tell you've given this some thought. One small note: you flip between "husband" and "me", which breaks the flow. Financially, you're in a tough spot. The judge will probably say your wife is too old to start a new career and support herself. She'll be expected to work for minimum wage, but probably not more. You're right, they'll put you on the hook for everything. I hate…
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/24 12:32 PM
3

Because the government is well-equipped to micromanage your personal life with utmost efficiency. EDIT: I actually made it thru that without laughing.
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/24 07:47 AM
1

I don't want to cheat But what if your wife gets an unethical lawyer? Suppose your wife lies and cheats in court. Then what? You'll fall on your sword just to be the "Good Guy"? Famous Last Words.
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/24 03:06 PM
-1

heading to a divorce My first thought is that you're not taking this very seriously. There is a good chance that divorce will be uglier than you think and more costly than you think. Just assume right now that a rainy day will come. If it never does, you're one of the lucky 1%. Figure out how to set the money aside in cash so that it does not show up in a financial statement. Just peel off a little here and there. Or, if you buy crypto, find a seller who will give you coins for cash anonymously.…
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/24 03:03 PM
1

I remember when this issue first came out. Lots of people insisted that "cheaters will cheat", no matter the circumstances. And the faithful will remain faithful, again, no matter the circumstances. I'm not psychologist. But I don't think it's quite that simple. Old Dude here. I grew up without the internet. When I was a young man, it was difficult-to-impossible to quietly and anonymously check on an old girlfriend. Even when the internet got going, if an old girlfriend got married and changed h…
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/24 07:29 AM
6

everyone else who makes a snap judgement Even here on Reddit, if I make a snarky comment on a subreddit that has NOTHING to do with divorce or relationships, someone will look at my post history and comment back: "No wonder you're divorced" or something like that." It's pointless to argue. But, yeah, OP, you're right. No one is interested in the complete story. They just want to judge.
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/24 07:48 AM
3

It really depends on your soon-to-be-ex-wife. Will she fight you on everything? More importantly, will she hire a lawyer who will convince her she's been terribly abused and MUST go to trial? Those are things you cannot control, and they can absolutely cost you more. That was the case for me. My ex's lawyer convinced her NEVER to settle or compromise or negotiate. We were headed to trial no matter how much I tried to avoid it. My lawyer wanted $4k up-front. But she blew thru that quickly. Every …
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/24 07:44 AM
3

Yeah, but on a Friday night, after a long week of work to support the ungrateful leach, a tall glass of skim milk doesn't solve any problems, either.
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/24 07:50 AM
12

divorce when your income is at its highest I try to point this out when I can. Men come here and post they're at the height of their career and want a divorce. I always try to warn that the income you make today is the income you'll be expected to make forever. No accounting for a rainy day. No accounting for the possibility your industry will change, or the economy will change, or your commissions or bonuses or overtime will dry up, or you'll get burned-out, or you need time off to care for a d…
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/24 07:48 AM
1

It's lose, not loose.
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/24 06:54 PM
3

Retarded answer. Try again.
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/24 06:53 PM
6

But I can’t help being an outcast in the church Yeah, well, guess what? The church isn't going to pay your alimony and child support (which will be 40% of your take-home pay). The church won't pay for your lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/24 06:52 PM
13

I know the risk I am taking. No, no you don't.
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/24 06:51 PM
5

Let me guess: your wife reads Feminist blogs or social media about relationships. I swear they learn this nonsense from each other. Great example: a year ago, the expression "Gives me the ick" didn't exist. But a few cool girls started using it. And now, it's solidly in the Female vocabulary. And, as usual, trendy words are loosely defined. Gaslighting is a great example. It has a very specific meaning (using trickery or deception to fool someone into think they're going crazy). But you see OP's…
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/24 11:32 AM
3

I understand OP's complaint. I have been in the same shoes. But I have always been skeptical of any court order that limits free speech. Is it shitty to talk trash about your ex? Yes. But illegal? Not a lawyer, but I doubt that a county family court judge can restrict your First Amendment rights. Congress can't even do it. Criminalizing free speech is a bridge too far.
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/24 01:42 PM
2

Women suggest this all the time. I'd love to know if police really do this. I seriously doubt it. Police are not just sitting around, waiting to be someone's personal bodyguard -- just in case a non-violent suddenly becomes violent.
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/24 11:56 AM
2

I am in this situation because I was trying to be generous to my ex This sentiment should be pinned in the sidebar. Once in a while, I'll see a statement like this and I try to warn men against it. I tell them to make their court-ordered payments as small as possible because a rainy day will come. But, if they're generous, they can always voluntarily pay more outside of court. I cringe hard when I see men agreeing to large payments because they want to be the "good guy". Dr. Carlos Rivera is the…
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/24 11:15 AM
6

You can't get something from nothing Who told you that evolution assumes we started with NOTHING? Evolve means to develop gradually. You start with something and it becomes something else. No one is arguing we started from nothing. But thank you for the lecture about God.
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/24 11:03 AM
3

Without getting into politics, I'm a "Free Market" guy. Bear with me for a second... Just to be clear, I don't think there should be zero regulations. But I think free markets are best with minimal regulations. Government manipulation of free markets is almost never a good thing. The irreducible essence of a free market is that you have people doing what's truly in their own best interests. Marriage is not a 'market', per se. Maybe dating is a marketplace. But my point is that government interfe…
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/24 07:51 AM
2

feistiest SOB I see this a lot, especially when emotions are running high. "Pitbull/shark lawyer",etc. Random observations: The importance of the relationship between the judge and a lawyer is understated. Research the judge and the lawyers (yours and the opposition). See if they were ever co-workers or neighbors or went to the same law school or have friends in common. If you can, see which lawyers appeared before the judge more often. If elected, browse thru the judge's donors. Some of the bes…
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/24 07:37 AM
1

Hard to say. The judge didn't explain any of his decisions. But I was given unsupervised access to my kids. Which implies he did NOT believe my ex-wife. And if he didn't believe her, why didn't he take any action against her? Or at least say so, on the record?
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/24 07:29 AM
5

If you're late on child support, that alone will ruin your credit. Alimony can, too, depending on some factors. As other comments indicate, bankruptcy won't do anything about debts from Family Court. If your credit score is indeed so excellent now, I'd consider borrowing $100,000 somewhere, renew your passport now (so it's good for 10 more years), leave the country and move somewhere cheap that offers resident visas for "investors" (so you can stay forever). I'm half-kidding. But only half.
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/24 07:51 AM
4

Are you ChatGPT? Your comments looks like copy/paste from a lawyer's website. And you haven't helped OP at all. Also, lawyers and judges like to remind men that temporary orders are just temporary, and men will get a so-called "second bite of the apple" later on. But this really isn't true. What many men discover too late, temporary orders have a funny way of becoming permanent. Maybe not in your case, OP. But certainly for me and many others. I had to beg, borrow and steal to keep up my "tempor…
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/24 07:48 AM
3

Wow, there is a lot to unpack in this question. What are you trying to accomplish? If you think there's evidence she's a bad mom, and you're in a custody fight, then yes, some of these things might be relevant. But you need to start with "relevance". You can't just go on a fishing expedition hoping to catch something you can use to make her look bad (you wrote "every message"). If you're in a no-fault divorce, simply showing that she's a bad wife really won't make much difference. If you're trul…
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/24 07:22 AM
2

I was thinking to let one of dad's friends borrow it for the weekend. Then take it a mosque, a shooting range, a strip club, and a liquor store at 11:00 PM. Say nothing and let the mom come to him to admit she spies.
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/24 11:50 AM
2

When you point out to women that 60% to 80% of divorces are filed by women, they immediately claim abuse. Every woman who files MUST have been abused, they assume. Nevermind statistics that also point out that the number one reason women file, BY FAR, is plain old unhappiness. And more research shows that the spouse who thinks they can get custody of the kids is usually the one to file. So much for all these 'abusive' husbands.
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/24 07:27 AM
1

Agreed. And with this, any time a man is looking at options to lower his child support, he's immediately shamed and mocked, e.g.: 'you don't want to take care of your child?'; and if he complains his driver's license has been revoked, offer the advice: "Well, just pay your child support, deadbeat!"; a real man takes care of his kids!, etc. People ASSUME the judge and the court set the number correctly, setting child support and alimony to where it's reasonable, affordable and realistic. Even peo…
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/24 07:24 AM
-3

If you're ordered ... to pay ... you pay what they tell you to pay when they tell you to pay it Wow, were you potty-trained at gunpoint as a child?
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/24 01:32 PM
1

Can I suggest one more book? Taken Into Custody. I'm reading Chapter 3 (on child support laws). It's.... amazing. What's amazing is how much the author gets EXACTLY RIGHT; he defends and justifies some of the biggest complaints with Family Court.
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/24 07:41 AM
1

You're not wrong for being concerned. Years ago, over on the main /r/Divorce subreddit, I remember seeing a post from a woman who was married to a dental student. They were both young and the marriage wasn't working out. But she legitimately thought that, once he graduates and opens a practice, and starts earning the BIG BUCKS in the future, she would be entitled to a cut of it.... for YEARS into the future. But, at the time, he was just a poor university student deeply in debt. Yeah, the sense …
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/24 07:37 AM
4

I felt very much the same while I was still married. But here's the open letter from my wife to me: "My lawyer doesn't negotiate. Bring your checkbook."
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/24 06:10 PM
5

Thanks for the post. It's all true. I'll add one thing, but it seems to be unique to me. I haven't really seen many other men complain about it. What kills me is that alimony is computed based on the incomes of the spouses RIGHT NOW. I was married for 11 years. We both worked as contractors in different industries that both saw booms and busts. My income during the marriage ranged from zero to 330k. So did hers, more-or-less. When I look back at our tax returns, we both earned the same. Let me b…
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/24 07:40 AM
7

Be at the bottom of your earning potential when you divorce. The last thing you want is to be at the top of it. Start a business and let it flounder. Take time off because you're burned-out. Do something to show your income is going down. Start going to therapy so you can document being 'depressed' or 'anxious' or suffering from PTSD. Be sure it's something that cannot be disproven.
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/24 11:48 AM
2

What's your question? Don't put your kids in the middle of it. "Emotional abuse" is one of those new codewords women see online and think it really means something. It doesn't mean anything. Don't try to "fix" yourself because you'll never make her happy.
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/24 01:35 PM
1

Replying to my own post.... if she's really hanging around unsavory people... maybe talk to a lawyer about a modifying the custody order so that sex offenders can't be around the kids. Usually, from what I've seen, judges won't care about who's hanging out with your kids while they're with the other parent. Many times, you'll see some angry ex-wife trying to maintain total control over their kids, even when they're with dad and his new girlfriend. Judges just laugh them off. But, if the other pa…
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/24 01:32 PM
4

Wow, it's rare to hear a man with this particular problem. For most men, 50/50 is a major victory. For most women, 50/50 is a huge loss. The title of your post is a little misleading; are you asking about the regret of a decision or the regret of not fighting? Those are two different things. 50/50 is a great starting point if you can get it. Maybe later down the road, if mom is a fuckup, you can file for more.
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/24 01:28 PM
11

Shoulda worn the lingerie yourself, taken a selfie, sent it to her, asking, "How do I look?"
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/24 01:19 PM
1

Honolulu, Hawaii Up until about five years ago, I would have agreed with you. But Hawaii isn't the same anymore. One of my favorite travel bloggers recently made an eye-opening video about Honolulu.... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IBX5Boey-9s
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/24 01:10 PM
6

Thailand. It's Disneyland for your penis.
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/24 01:07 PM
1

I have two children I make .. $400k wife does not work Married over 20 years My dude, when you type this info into the child support and alimony calculator, it will spin like a Las Vegas slot machine and stop on "JACKPOT". Sorry, but that's my first thought. My second thought: I would be very concerned about my income if I were you. You didn't tell us your job, but here's my own experience. I was making about 330k when my wife filed for divorce. But it was a temp job (sorta), as a contractor in …
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/24 12:52 PM
7

If you have shared legal custody (which it sounds like you do), or if your state allows both parents to have access to medical records, then one possibility is to go ahead and get your kid set-up with a counselor that you select. But after one or two sessions, meet with the counselor alone to discuss, and get copies of their notes. Now, you're the Good Guy, the concerned, cooperative co-parent. If there truly is a big problem, the counselor will know. Then, you can get a handle on the issue and …
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/24 12:34 PM
3

I can relate in some ways. Long story, but I contributed far more than my ex during the last few years of marriage. I worked long hours in difficult places to earn the money to pay off her debts. (Yes, technically, they were OUR debts by virtue of being married, but it was her irresponsibility). I did it because I still believed the marriage would work. Then, when she was debt-free, she filed for divorce. I assumed the circumstances would work in my favor. But, ultimately, no one cares, not the …
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/24 12:22 PM
4

you need to be extremely patient People used to tell me that. But meanwhile, I'm missing important life events. And I'm not getting younger. I'm soon to be an old man. So, when will my time arrive? When I'm 60? 70? About to die? The sad reality is that sometimes it's best to let go. The pain can be too much to bear. Sorry, not trying to be confrontational. It's been a tough road.
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/24 07:52 AM
13

No, I lost them both. They both hate me for reasons they cannot articulate. They just 'know' I'm the bad guy in the situation. When people say that teens will grow up and come around, I think it's a bullshit tactic they tell dads so they agree to shitty visitation schemes during the divorce. By the time a dad realizes he was screwed, it's too late.
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/24 07:50 AM
1

I’m sorry you feel that way A non-apology is used to deflect, pretend to apologize, and ultimately win the disagreement by placing blame back on the individual.
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/24 10:53 AM
5

There's some great quote out there. I'm too lazy to Google it. Basically, "When a man marries his mistress, he creates a vacancy." Great quote, but clearly not limited to men.
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/24 10:50 AM
4

In my case, she "shopped around" for a therapist that would agree with her. If a therapist told her something she didn't like, she never went back. Combine this with someone who took one or two years of psychology classes in college, and they can really manipulate the system to get what they want out of it. Then, of course, in the end, she can boast with confidence that she was right all along.
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/24 10:47 AM
5

A quote from my marriage, from me, to her: "If I can't trust you with little things, how am I supposed to trust you with big things?"
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/24 10:45 AM
11

relationships are new and fun and exciting Or, as I like to say, I was temporarily insane while trying to get her panties off. Warning signs? - Bad credit. - Old fuckbuddies or FWB still lurking on Facebook/her phone. - Cheats at little things in life, which seems harmless at first. - All talk, no action (e.g.: she talks about finishing her degree or quitting a bad habit or getting in shape, but is never seen actually making progress). - Has slept with married men in the past; has no regrets. - …
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/24 10:26 AM
12

I wouldn't tolerate that from anybody and he shouldn't either This is easy to say. But when your entire life is balls-deep in a marriage, you have to pick your battles. We all know what would happen when a woman LIKE THAT becomes enraged and decides to use the courts to get revenge.
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/24 09:23 AM
6

He was just staring into the abyss This line alone says it all. They don't call it the Thousand-yard stare for nothing.
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/24 09:19 AM
19

After a week with the women, the bear chooses the man. Bear: "They were so mean." Man: "I know, buddy."
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/24 09:18 AM
3

Call the court clerk and tell them you need a "continuance" (use that exact word). Tell them your lawyer can't make it. Emphasize that you are VERY UNCOMFORTABLE appearing without legal representation. Get it on the record. Most judges, if they're sane, will grant the continuance because, otherwise, there could be headaches for them down the road if you later complain you were forced to litigate without your lawyer. And most judges won't force you to represent yourself in court, mostly because i…
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/24 09:10 AM
0

be a little bit selfish and do yourself some favors A week in Thailand! It's Disneyland for your penis. It's chicken soup for the schlong. this message brought to you by the Thailand Tourism Authority
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/24 09:05 AM
4

Don't let her be a SAHM This is great advice. But I'll add that it's easy to get tricked. My WORKING, CAREER-ORIENTED ex took time off during her last pregnancy. Fine. Then, she wanted to spend the first year of the kid's life at home. At the time, I could afford it, and I was happy to let it happen. But after 18-24 months, I started nagging her to get back to work. I couldn't carry the load by myself much longer. But she dragged her heels getting back to work, coming up with one excuse after an…
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/24 09:29 AM
21

Women reveal themselves when they think they're alone. I sometimes browse the 2X subreddit and whenever a woman complains she's in an unhappy or dysfunctional marriage, the comments come pouring in: Take him to the cleaners, hire a pitbull lawyer, soak him for alimony and child support, you're entitled to his money, take half of everything, etc. The most revealing comments of all are about child custody. An OP will write: "My husband is a jerk!" and the comments all conclude she SHOULD and WILL …
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/24 09:25 AM
8

I could have retired with close to a million I can sympathize, brother. I was 'high-income' in the last few years of my marriage due to circumstances and a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for contractors with my skillset. Long story, but I have nothing to show for it now. Bad choices and bad circumstances. But, had I been single, yeah, I'd be sitting on some warm distant beach on my 50th birthday, drinking a beer at 10:30 in the morning, then go fishing for the rest of the day. But, alas.....
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/24 07:34 AM
1

I'm all for it. I love a good road trip. It can really clear your head. I love the open roads of the desert southwest. Unfortunately, it's a little warm this time of year. Plan a good soundtrack. For me, a wonderful memory was listening to Thunderbird by Hans Zimmer at sunrise in the desert, heading west on Interstate 10 between Quartzsite and Blythe, top down, free/white&21; the world was my oyster. One tip I love to give: Avoid fast food along the freeway. Google the keywords "tripadvisor rest…
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/24 11:26 AM
1

Apologies for being pedantic. But I see women talk about 'red flags' all the time. It only convinces me they know nothing about racing. A red flag means the race is over. Red flags don't accumulate to some threshold. It's puzzling why women think that. I think they're thinking of yellow flags.
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/24 11:16 AM
5

Coincidentally, while my marriage was ending and the long divorce just starting, I was watching the TV show Breaking Bad. Maybe it's just confirmation bias, but I began to identify with Walter White. In the beginning, my wife didn't respect me; I had mostly Beta qualities; I preferred to be agreeable even if it meant sacrificing some self-respect. As you probably know, Walter White becomes more ruthless and confident, aggressively pursuing his greed, never compromising, never surrendering, takin…
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/24 11:13 AM
8

But first backed-up on an external drive and hidden away. You never know when some bit of evidence will come in handy.
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/24 11:02 AM
1

I'm going to lose access to my kids Ben Franklin said it best: An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. You haven't lost them yet. Much easier to fight NOW instead of later. Stay on top of it. They slip away fast. Also, I prefer Patton's paraphrase: "An ounce of sweat saves a gallon of blood."
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/24 12:34 PM
2

I walked away from my career as a network engineer, went to nursing school, and became an RN It's an amazing story and apologies for being cheeky. But I can hear your ex-wife's lawyer now: "So, you voluntarily decreased your income?" Our situations are totally different. But there's still that element of 'no good deed goes unpunished'. I jumped thru some very big hoops for my family. And it's amazing how good intentions can get twisted and used against you.
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/24 12:31 PM
17

Look at her credit report.
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/24 12:10 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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