PenelopePitstop21 Archive

Upvotes	Title	Category	Author	Subreddit	Date (UTC)
341	No fault divorce is now available in England and Wales	LEVEL UP	PenelopePitstop21	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	11/04/22 01:57 PM

Upvotes	Comment on	Subreddit	Date (UTC)
2	High-value actions that stood out to you We met at college. We were in the same circle of friends, kept in touch afterwards, finally got together around 6 years after graduating.	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	07/07/22 05:43 PM
42	my red flags i've seen a lot of people on here make these really long, oddly specific red flag lists. so i wanted to put up something simpler. I really like your approach. I can understand the long lists of red flags. Any woman who has had a close relationship with a LVM has been made to question her judgement of character, and so oddly specific guidelines from others become a useful tool while the woman levels up her judgement and/or her willingness to trust her instincts and her ability to act on them. I b…	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	26/04/22 10:42 AM
120	women shouldn't make men wait for sex proved with "data and psychology" Men have a really skewed idea of what a high value man is. They either think only in terms of net monetary value, or alternatively whether he can f-ck as many attractive/younger women as possible. Wealth (not merely a comfortable income) is a kinda yellow flag, something all women should consider carefully rather than automatically treat it as a sign of high value in a male. Because wealth breeds entitlement in the minds of men, and all abuse is rooted in a sense of entitlement. And being able t…	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	22/04/22 01:46 PM
153	High-value actions that stood out to you Just off the top of my head... Before we married, my husband drove 200 miles to see me, then spent the weekend helping me build a shed - because it was important to me. He isn't a construction worker and (I learned later) doesn't even like doing DIY. My very elderly bedbound mom moved in over 2 years ago. Hubby works from home. What was his study is now her bedroom - he helped redecorate for her. He shares her care, eats his lunch with her every day to give me a break, takes her to the loo, cook…	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	12/04/22 10:15 AM
57	Self sabotage. But then there’s always that lingering feeling in the back of your mind waiting for the other shoe to drop. I think you have done a great job of starting to de-center men from your life, but you haven't made it all the way there yet. Most women I think go through the experience of wanting this man to be The One, and we start handing out hall passes, ignoring red flags or giving men second (third, fourth...) chances because we really really want him to be The One. You have gotten over this phase,…	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	12/04/22 09:49 AM
90	Block and delete all LVM ...wankbadger (the last is my own category encapsulating stupidity, misogyny and laziness) Just wanted to say I love your term 'wankbadger' and how appropriate it sounds for describing stupid, misogynistic and lazy tradesmen.	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	11/04/22 07:15 PM
72	No fault divorce is now available in England and Wales I am not a lawyer, but I think it meant the spouse who didn't want to divorce could drag it out and force the other spouse to remain married to them until they could leave and spend two years apart. There also had to be fault, so it was a more adversarial system.	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	11/04/22 07:02 PM
47	No fault divorce is now available in England and Wales Yup, just 5 days ago.	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	11/04/22 02:34 PM
19	Access to HVW is a privilege. Cut off contact the second it does not serve you - you do not have to tolerate anything subpar for even a second. The law has changed in the UK. No-fault divorce in England and Wales came into effect on 6th April this year (2022). In Scotland you have to separate for 2 years (only 1 year if both spouses agree to the divorce) but then can have a no-fault divorce. Northern Ireland still only has blame-based divorce.	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	11/04/22 01:12 PM
62	Eye opening vacation I have assembled IKEA furniture with both my husband and the father of my child's best friend (he is the King Of Flat Pack Furniture in our group of friends), both of whom I consider HV. The experience was, if not a joy (who loves flat-pack lol!) then definitely such a contrast after having tried to assemble flat-pack with roommates, former boyfriends etc. in the past. HV men are out there, ladies!	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	08/04/22 07:51 AM
41	How HVM deal with Pickmes/LVW and LVM When he's ended up in conversations with LVM who say LV/sexist/misogynistic things. My experience of point 3: incredulity. He couldn't believe the other guy thought he had made a serious point in the conversation, then absolutely mocked the bejesus out of the guy for saying it (sorry this was a long time ago, I can't remember his comments just the response).	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	19/03/22 08:18 AM
11	Happy Friday beautiful people 💖 buy your own flowers Bottom right (large mop head made up of smaller 4 petal flowers) is an hydrangea. It can grow to quite a large shrub and in the UK they flower early to mid summer, but the blooms last a long time. Big pink flower in the centre is a rose, you can get early, mid or late flowering roses, and repeat flowering types. Orange flower bottom left is a chrysanthemum, I think. Not sure about the smaller pink ones, but I've seen both dahlias and chrysanthemums with similar flowers. Both of these are late su…	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	18/03/22 11:04 AM
20	A question in regards to single motherhood This! You can get an idea from the women in your family, if you have any. Women from my mom's side of the family were having babies in their 40s all the way back to the early decades of the 20th century. All of these were natural conceptions. In contrast, I know a woman who became peri-menopausal in her late 30s. There is no such thing as an 'average woman'.	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	18/03/22 10:30 AM
38	Scrote keeps on contacting me. Now he's an adult. Does he still have your nudes? Because a grown-ass man with photos of a naked 15 year old on his phone is asking for trouble. If blocking him isn't working, threaten him.	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	16/03/22 03:55 PM
146	Scrote keeps on contacting me. This guy was sexually grooming you when you were 15 years old? And he's coming back around? I would threaten to expose him as a pedophile to his employer and his family. Then I'd expose him. You didn't do anything wrong, but he sure did!	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	16/03/22 02:30 PM
18	I understand the sentiment of this post was to tell women it is not our fault when a man has erectile dysfunction. I like many of her sketches. However, I think she forgot a lot of men also have (PIED) Porn Induced Erectile Dysfunction... May I ask FDS sisters, how can we best tell the difference??? I'm old enough to have been dating before the world wide web, never mind before phones. Yes there was - very occasionally - ED among young men. Much, much more common was premature ejaculation rather than he didn't get hard.	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	16/03/22 07:35 AM
58	Left my fiancée today. Here is the letter I left him. I can completely understand what you say about loving this man, but he doesn't love you back. He has settled for you. Please consider the possibility that much of the intensity of your feelings for him is caused by a trauma bond you have developed with this man, rather than you really loving him. Men who love their women love spoiling them. It makes them happy to see you happy. I'm not necessarily talking about extravagant gifts (though that happens too!) but the small, thoughtful things he will…	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	12/03/22 09:18 AM
50	Symptoms of womanhood. • Sumaya Poetry (Happy Woman’s Day sisters, may we keep fighting the patriarchy and celebrating all that we are). Husband also grumpy today, but that lovely man has never made me feel scared. Reading your post brought tears to my eyes, because you - all of us - deserve to have been in non-dangerous relationships all our lives. It is literally an absolute minimum requirement. I'm so sorry to hear that has only recently become the case for you. Please have a virtual ((hug)) from this Internet stranger. Men like ours are out there. Just because the bar is in Hell doesn't mean we should go there, or be expected…	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	08/03/22 07:15 PM
140	When men in professional settings treat you like sh*t when you don't wear makeup. I'm sorry, was this supposed to be a date?! I've always worn makeup to this class before this, and ironically, he's always been very encouraging, listens closely, and uses my points to open new discussions. Don't be fooled. This man was never truly supportive if he stopped being so on the day you 'didn't' wear makeup. He was punishing you because in his head he had made up some story where you think he is special/have been flirting with him, and he took your lack of makeup as a blow to his ego or even felt jealous.	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	08/03/22 07:23 AM
90	I was told by a female colleague that at first sight I’m totally unapproachable This is me. I have spent my entire life intimidating people. It was great! Right from childhood through youth (with a slight wobble in my teens/early 20s as I developed my self-identity) and on into a career in STEM. I got respect at college and work (heavily male environments), I was almost never approached by LVM in random situations, I had good friends and boyfriends, traveled the world with my job - often solo - and had so many fantastic experiences. I can count on the fingers of one hand th…	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	06/03/22 03:07 PM
14	Women&Children and Whose Life is Valued Sincere apologies: I can see that it was other people commenting on your post, rather than your original post itself. My mistake.	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	03/03/22 01:00 PM
2	Can a man that has done anal be a HVM? You have guessed at why he said anal stimulates: have you asked him why he thinks that? It could be something his former girlfriend said, even if it is more likely that he got the idea from porn.	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	03/03/22 11:21 AM
84	Women&Children and Whose Life is Valued There are some factual errors in your post (not your analysis though!) [From a 2012 article published in New Scientist] Historically, 'women and children first' was never true, certainly when it came to ships sinking. The majority of survivors were male crew members, then male passengers, then women and children where an average of only 15% survived. There were a very few exceptions. The most famous was the Titanic, where the 'women and children first' rule was suggested by the First Officer, th…	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	03/03/22 10:46 AM
4	Anyone else disappointed by John Oliver's Last Week Tonight? As I said, the change in the law in and of itself is not sufficient: there needs to be social programs in place as well for the vast majority of sex workers who don't choose sex work, rather they are groomed/trafficked/coerced/feeding addictions. The problem of evictions/cohabitees being harassed by the police is prevalent the world over, as 'living off immoral earnings' is considered illegal whether it is the sex workers or the johns that get the criminal record. Decriminalisation of prostituti…	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	02/03/22 06:32 AM
17	Anyone else disappointed by John Oliver's Last Week Tonight? Making it illegal isn't going to help those women The point is that in most places it is already illegal and it doesn't help the women, in fact it traps them in sex work because employers don't want to hire anyone with a criminal record of sex work. What is more effective at reducing grooming/ trafficking is legalizing sex work but criminalizing both the purchase of sexual services by johns (so they get the criminal record) and also criminalizing the selling of someone else's body for sexual ser…	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	01/03/22 09:11 AM
6	Anyone else disappointed by John Oliver's Last Week Tonight? Thank you!	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	01/03/22 08:56 AM
8	Anyone else disappointed by John Oliver's Last Week Tonight? Yes please, I would love to read this research paper but didn't find anything like it when I googled just now.	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	01/03/22 07:42 AM
459	Ladies fire away. I actually know this person because we went to school together. This type of man is not to be taken seriously or even be considered to date. He doesn’t deserve children, sex, affection, etc. He deserves nothing. He wants his life to be easy which is why he’s making a PSA. Women SHOULD NOT earn only 70c for every $1 men earn! Women SHOULD NOT be forced to bear their rapist's child Women's labor SHOULD NOT be devalued in the workplace The economy of every nation in the world SHOULD NOT be founded on women's unpaid domestic, emotional and social labor Women SHOULD NOT be groomed from an early age for sexual exploitation by men Women SHOULD NOT have to endure orgasm-free sex with men ...wanna trade? I'd pay a few hundred dollars for that exchange you idiotic male fuc…	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	26/02/22 01:51 PM
13	Co-Worker Randomly Offered to Rent His Room to Me 😅🤣 Disclaimer: in my 20s I was roommates with two colleagues from work, both men, and we got along just fine for years though neither was the landlord - we were simply co-renters. I am not creeped out at the thought of male roommates. But what you said about this colleague at your new place of work was definitely creepy. I liked the way you handled it. A three hour commute is brutal, though!	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	25/02/22 02:17 PM
18	Forever girlfriends turned wives I never was interested in marriage. Lol me too! It took seven years and us deciding we wanted to try for a child before I accepted his proposal. He first proposed less than a year after we started dating, though, and he got me an eternity ring because he said he'd wait for eternity for me to say yes! He is way more romantic than me :)	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	25/02/22 08:38 AM
41	Forever girlfriends turned wives I’m not interested in having a wedding. This resonated with me. I didn't want to have a big wedding. Story time. When I finally agreed to marry (another long story lol) it was because I wanted to be married to him, not because I wanted a big wedding. So we had a very small wedding (that we both planned) at the Town Hall with only immediate family members present, and lunch afterwards at our favourite Chinese restaurant. We are very happy together, 15 years and still going strong, in a marriage w…	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	25/02/22 08:29 AM
37	Confirmation of Female Dating Strategies + On Shy Men Another word for shy is "self-conscious". Think about that, in the context of dating. He isn't considering your wellbeing, safety, comfort when he is excessively conscious of himself. He isn't making sure you have a good time if his focus is on himself. A little nervousness is fine, we are all only human after all, and we are probably feeling a little nervous too about meeting someone for a date. It is the polar opposite of self-consciousness. For me, shy=bye.	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	24/02/22 08:12 AM
414	LVM are out there thinking men don't treat women like shit. Drew's response is on point as always 👑 Women are lovely to men. Wouldn't it be fantastic if the guy cooked, cleaned, gave you orgasms every time you had sex, acted like your therapist when you felt down? Wouldn't it be great to have a social secretary, who did all the emotional heavy lifting in your friendship group? How about living with someone who was good at decorating and making your home a welcoming, tranquil place to be when you got home? Was the full-time parent, taking time off work when the kids need it, up three times a ni…	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	23/02/22 01:55 PM
326	Ideas on where to meet HVM HV men tend to be active in their communities. Look out for fundraisers organized by your local rotary club, Moose lodge or whatever is active in your local area. Remember, older married HV men & women who are active in local charities may have younger unmarried sons/nephews who could also be HV. Edit: to clarify	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	17/02/22 05:40 PM
12	Let’s talk hobbies! What are your current hobbies? What’s a hobby you’re interested in starting? Just saw your comment and wanted to say how impressive this is! I hope your level up journey continues to work out for you!	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	16/02/22 11:06 AM
11	on personal space in general and in dating Yes, this! Especially somewhere quiet like a museum, especially if the gallery is empty - because the guards/curators are never very far away and will come running at the first sign of trouble. Males expect women to passively accept harassment. Entitled douchebags need disabusing of the notion at every opportunity. I am 5'2", even short males tower over me. However in public places (and especially usually-quiet museums) voicing your objection at the top of your voice is super-effective, even if …	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	16/02/22 09:46 AM
11	Never Forget: Men will stop at nothing to chase their DreamGirl. If you know or suspect you're not her, then disengage immediately. It means something different to everyone - hell, it means something different to the same person at different life stages. Do you want to be wife material? Getting married is a life goal that is force-fed to women from birth. However being married to a crappy, lazy, cheating or porn sick male is my definition of hell on earth - nothing like the fantasy/lie we grew up 'knowing'. Level yourself up: career-wise, health-wise, educationally, socially, financially, and live your own best life for you.…	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	16/02/22 08:34 AM
23	I’m not like other girls, and that doesn’t mean what LVM think it does I used to love museum and art gallery dates, but not when the guy wanted to go around the exhibits too fast, because they bored him. Nah, bro, that isn't how it works!	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	15/02/22 08:04 AM
176	Is anyone else slowly getting there with FDS boundaries? I've therefore booked a date for MYSELF to go to a ceilidh. I love a ceilidh and I'm very excited! Brilliant! Booking a date for yourself - love it! What I should have said is that I don't want to meet ANYMORE. Or, just block and delete. Yeah, just block & delete. It isn't being rude, he knows what he did wrong so any more communication is a pointless waste of both your time and his. Please don't feel you have to put any more of your energy into this man. Erase him from your life and move on. Yo…	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	12/02/22 04:13 PM
52	How do you remove a guy from your life when you see him everyday? Are you saying that you are utterly done with this scrote, can't stand the sight of him, but he is around so you need some tools to deal with him when you bump into him? Or are you saying every time you see him you crush on him again, or it reminds you that you still have feelings for this guy? Because the two situations require very different tools. In the first instance, if you can't block and delete then you work a grey rock on him. However, in the second you need to work on yourself to get o…	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	12/02/22 03:50 PM
8	Thankful I Found FDS! Posting and commenting is how new members get flares. There are often posts from new, unflared members on FDS. I expect their posts go through a vetting process before they become visible, just like comments do.	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	12/02/22 07:52 AM
153	So many problematic songs. Now that I get FDS I see it everywhere. I am old enough to remember this song from my childhood. It made my blood boil then, and it still does. Get the hell away from me you insincere gold-digging gargoyle!	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	11/02/22 07:46 AM
11	on beauty standards and wanting to opt out, way way out Gosh, are you me? Lol! I have nothing to say about your first point. I noticed it, but who cares? As a polite person, I have never in my life called or described anyone ugly or fat. It doesn't mean I don't have eyes, or an understanding of what I find beautiful. On your second point, I agree! Anyone complimenting my looks gets at least a disdainful look from me. It is so generic and low effort. However I've been married a long time, and my husband knows how to compliment me! I'm not sure what yo…	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	10/02/22 05:00 PM
121	No coffee dates no walk dates no drink dates The whole point is to have a good time and start getting to know someone in a safe, public environment where you can bail easily if you want. The man should find out enough about you to come up with something you like that meets the criteria. You tell him that you prefer not to go to dinner, let him know your interests (the arts, sports, museums, fun experiences like mini golf or ice skating, whatever) and see what he comes up with! You are seeking someone who wants to not merely please you, but…	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	09/02/22 02:47 PM
4	Women and Caregiving HV women also don’t make assumptions I didn't. As I said, in my first paragraph, if they persist in being LV and continuing to trample your boundaries, to grey rock if you can't block and delete. We can't change other people's behavior. I then offered some suggestions for how to go about dealing with LV women when setting your boundaries. If the suggestions are things you've already tried then I'm afraid my other advice isn't so relevant for you, but it wasn't clear what you had tried already. D…	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	09/02/22 02:31 PM
9	Women and Caregiving I do feel some sympathy for the women you mention. It is the worst, most limiting existence: a narrow, unrelentingly horrible life. Disclosure: I am the full time carer for my mom (90s), with no middle class privilege so it is just me (husband helps) full time. However LV women regularly trauma dump over everyone who can't get away fast enough. In their younger days it is more likely they want to bond over their terrible relationships with LV men, then as they get older it is about parenting wit…	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	09/02/22 11:06 AM
16	How many of you ladies have found HVM since following FDS? This! Your standards are yours and yours only. Something that is a deal-breaker for other women may be no big deal for you. Maybe you found the HV man in the military, or the HV lawyer, or the HV surgeon. Each of these professions seems to attract LV or entitled/abusive men, but most men in every profession or job are LV. The point of FDS is to identify them and move on.	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	08/02/22 09:27 AM
52	Narc NVM Friend and flying monkeys. Grey rock was invented to help you deal with narcissists whom you can't yet block and delete (for whatever reason) and with whom it is pointless to try a confrontation. There is a very good post in the Handbook about grey rock technique. It boils down to becoming the most boring person in the universe whenever you can't avoid this person. You don't give the silent treatment. You learn some dull non-phrases then use them whenever you have to interact with that person. "I understand what you mean"…	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	05/02/22 06:12 PM
146	On the term 'old wives' tales' in the English language and its cultural relevance Bald mens' babbles? Short kings' stories? Old hobo histories?	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	02/02/22 09:18 PM
2	Love it when a friend reminds me how much OLD sucks. I appreciate that he showed himself so quickly.	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	02/02/22 10:43 AM
13	FDSers who are waiting for marriage to have sex or have sex later in committed relationships, have you found that HVM (even non-religious) are willing to wait? Waiting for sex is surely not your only standard? Vet everything, not just his willingness to wait for sex. Gen Z seems to have forgotten about first, second and third bases when it comes to sex (the stages where women are more likely to *rgasm, how surprising /s). A ball game with only one base is bizarre. A relationship with only PIV sex is also bizarre, and absolutely wasn't the case until very recently. Women don't benefit from this dynamic, so why permit that oppressive sexual narrative int…	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	02/02/22 08:58 AM
279	FDSers who are waiting for marriage to have sex or have sex later in committed relationships, have you found that HVM (even non-religious) are willing to wait? Okay. What we have here is completely opposite definitions of 'high value'. Here on FDS, we mean a man with integrity and emotional intelligence alongside whatever other standards you set for yourself. However many men think 'high value' means a guy who gets women throwing themselves at them, or who is successful at picking up women every time, or a guy who is rich. I've seen it used to describe actors who come across as confident when interviewed by talk show hosts. I think if a man wishes he w…	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	01/02/22 08:29 PM
41	4 months and she realized she was a placeholder when he had to show basic effort. That's why vetting is important. If you feel self-blame in this situation then recognize that you need to work on levelling up your self-esteem. Your value as a person is not dependent on holding onto any man, no matter how indifferent he is to your feelings. You are not responsible for the cr-ppy behavior of other people towards you. You deserve respect. This is why FDS advocates a no sex policy. Women catch feelings because of the oxytocin boost we get from having sex. Ignoring the many, many ways casual sex disadvantages wom…	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	01/02/22 02:15 PM
45	Why are women hated so much by men? Yes! Boys aren't taught what it is to become a man. They are merely taught to look at femininity and be the opposite. Which is ironic as hell. Because girls are taught 'men are the norm, women are different' by a patriarchal culture that is simply projecting its own masculine upbringing back at us.	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	31/01/22 12:45 PM
40	Men who give unsolicited feedback during dating? The thing is, verbally abusive and manipulative tactics vary very little across the world. The reason for this is because, no matter what the language or culture, our brains and our emotional needs work the same. These abusers aren't all reading a manual. For the most part these aren't things they are learning about late in life from a book. This is picked up in homes where these interactions take place, then spread in kindergartens and schoolyards, villages and anywhere where children play toge…	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	31/01/22 08:13 AM
350	The bar is in hell. He expects free first date sex. Ugh.	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	27/01/22 02:03 PM
97	Being single protects men from drama and politics, ladies. Leave them alone. Thanks, you made me laugh out loud with your comment :)	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	26/01/22 06:52 PM
339	Being single protects men from drama and politics, ladies. Leave them alone. Anyone else think the single girl starter pack is a little...um...thin? These scrotes really don't think of women as real people, do they? The only interests they can conceive of for half the damn population is retro gaming and Netflix? Fill the space with weird-ass check marks because women couldn't possibly be doing anything with their lives without men? Light beer out of cans? Really? Tell me you're a 12 year old without telling me lol!	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	26/01/22 06:50 PM
28	Is it really worth trying to help PickMes? All the literature says that the best way to help an abused woman change her life for the better is to provide support (“a shoulder to cry on,” as you say) and try to undermine the programming the abuser has put on them by listening to them instead of telling them what to do, showing you value their judgement, and filling their life as much as you can with other healthy connections and positive experiences. All the advice in the world won't help. If we, as HV women, really want to help our PickM…	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	24/01/22 02:28 PM
19	Proof that the main beneficiary of casual sex & relationships is men!!!! Say it louder: Since when does casual date = have casual sex? I'm all for casual dating, where sex is absolutely not on the cards at all until well after he asks you to be his boyfriend. Date casually in safe, busy, public places, where you can leave if he turns out to be a horrible man or it becomes a horrible date. Because women have a horrible tendency to really want this first guy (who actually did the bare minimum of no red flags within the initial conversation) to be HV. We treat each man …	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	24/01/22 01:47 PM
41	Men wanting to have sex with you is not the compliment you think it is! Men will have sex with a mcchicken sandwich Like I'd definitely test if he can make me cum with some sex play before we ever have intercourse. Absolutely! What do you think sex is? Most women, and every man on the planet, think it means 'man puts p-nis in woman until he c-ms'. The statistics show that women who mastubate c-m pretty much every single time. Women who have PIV sex on average c-m less than half the time, almost always because of additional stimulation of the cl-toris as well as PIV. Only 6% of women regularly c-m from PIV sex…	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	22/01/22 09:41 AM
74	Another reason why we don’t do coffee dates Is it okay to nope out if a dude is ugly, rude, no chemistry? Yes. Yes it is. You are not locked in the restaurant; you are not handcuffed to the table. You are allowed to walk away at any time, for any reason.	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	21/01/22 09:51 PM
3	How to avoid a situationship? I guess your culture must have a 'getting to know each other' phase that doesn't involve dating? So you only go on first dates with someone you already know quite well. In which case, you need to do the 'multiple guy' thing during that earlier phase. You talk to a lot of guys, get to know them in a culturally appropriate way, make sure they know you aren't exclusively talking to them and I guess being asked on a date is the indicator that he wants to be exclusive/become your boyfriend.	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	20/01/22 08:03 PM
46	How to avoid a situationship? You can make it clear that you are still looking, to both yourself and your date, even if he is the only one taking an interest in you right now. And let me tell you, you are not unattractive. Maybe your assemblage of body parts doesn't look like a supermodel. Mine never did either. I had acne for decades that one of my charming brothers described as 'red lumpy porridge all over your face'. I was short 'n' chubby, not tall and elegant. However every woman looks nice when they are well dressed an…	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	20/01/22 08:43 AM
48	How to avoid a situationship? Nah, sis. This advice isn't to pretend anything. You are dating. Guys know this means the women doing it want relationships, not hookups. They are the ones pretending if they say they think otherwise. Even when things seem to be going well with one guy, you keep dating other guys, keep looking for the HV man who is so into you that he brings it up, not you - because if he wants a relationship with you, he will bring it up. Not doing so means you've been f-ckzoned. If he brings up the idea of sex…	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	19/01/22 11:33 PM
151	How to avoid a situationship? How does this work in a world where ‘situationships’ are a thing and that a casual, undefined ‘relationship’ is actually the goal for so many people? How can you reasonably expect a man to know you are marriage minded if for the first few months (as per the Argov advice) you avoid any talk of the future or being serious? How to avoid a situationship? You continue to date and vet multiple men in the first few months, until he asks to be your boyfriend. Don't put all your eggs in one basket. He co…	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	19/01/22 09:29 PM
45	Texting Advice This! This is the biggest mistake I see women make here. After what seems like a lifetime of red flags, we find someone who seems nice. We vet and no red flags, and we so much want for them to be the one. The truth is, even if he is an HV man, he may not be the HV man for you. And the most effective way to not do this to ourselves is to keep looking for the right HV man for you. Keep dating until he asks to be your boyfriend. If he isn't available for Facetime, have a lovely chat with one of you…	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	19/01/22 08:50 AM
5	Share your methods! How do you reach out to ask for help? The best thing I can say about myself in this area is that I am getting better at asking for help. Two things really enabled me to improve. 1) I was elected onto the committee of the parents' association at my daughter's school shortly after she started. Small community charities like this always need help from the community (raffle prizes, sponsorship from local businesses) and parent volunteers. I got in a lot of practice asking for help, even if it wasn't directly for myself. I am now sometim…	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	17/01/22 10:21 AM
9	Would You Cut Off a Pick-me Friend for Being Dumb? I think a slow fade and grey rock in the meantime is appropriate for this person. You said she is a pickme, and what you describe is wilful ignorance. I'm sure it comes from a place of insecurity, not true confidence. No one who is truly confident would exhibit that closed-off, defensive body language or be unwilling to admit when they are wrong.	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	16/01/22 05:24 PM
40	A couple celebrate their 81st anniversary & I wonder any of us will get to experience this 🥲😭 Can we talk how the Queen's card says Mr & Mrs Ronald Bond? Is this okay to refer to married women? Can confirm this is the correct etiquette. It was sexist right from the get-go, but became established once it became normal for women to take their husband's surname and hasn't changed.	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	14/01/22 10:27 AM
7	I'm tired of hearing about women who take scrotes back While you might think this would work, mostly women take them back because they have low self esteem. Asking hard questions won't work on them because secretly they feel they deserve the bad treatment. What is more likely to work isn't advice: it is praise, doing nice things for your friend and generally helping her to understand that she deserves better. I don't mean enabling her behaviour by being the unpaid therapist. I mean just being a good friend. Set the boundary that she knows your opini…	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	13/01/22 11:56 AM
42	Hearing about scrotes everywhere I go ...how can I be encouraging toward any of my friends who want to date men? Addressing just this: women need to build up other women. If women know their own worth, feel respected and they know what good friends do for each other, then they find it easier to identify when a man does not value their worth, or show respect, or does not put in the effort for them. So: you keep telling your friends that they are lovely people. You offer specific praise that describes them, not generic praise that cou…	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	10/01/22 12:30 PM
127	Men Double Texting Something women do is try to understand male behaviour a little too much. If a guy acts weird, just move on to another one, there's no need to do write several paragraphs on male psychology. This! We are assuming men are being honest, and want to make sense of their behavior. Most men are too insecure to be honest even with themselves, let alone with a woman. He is doing manipulative sh-t to try to get what he wants, like a child would. 99% of the time there is nothing else to understand. The sp…	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	10/01/22 10:00 AM
249	How quickly widowers move on from their wives shows that they don't see women as people, just bangmaids My (much older) brother, also a Boomer, lost his wife to cancer nearly 18 months ago. He helped her complete her bucket list, arranging travel all over Europe to fit in with her treatments and other medical appointments - and later also working around Covid restrictions, new Brexit travel rules and lockdowns in various countries. She never missed an appointment, or missed out on anything on her list. When her dietary requirements become stricter and her appetite poorer, he did all the cooking an…	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	08/01/22 08:50 AM
43	Looking for some positivity Not dating related, I hope this isn't too off-topic. I bought and built a new garden shed in 2021, including digging out the burrow that I found under the old shed's foundation, which undermined (literally lol) my old shed and caused it's demise. I love gardening: my shed is my shelter when I'm out there and the rain starts. I love having it organized with my beautiful old wooden handled tools on display. I am enjoying building shelves and adding tool hooks, it is basic carpentry but satisfying …	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	07/01/22 02:51 PM
117	On dying alone: We all thought it was so sweet that her husband would come and see her every day... HE WAS STEALING HER FOOD!!!!! What the absolute f-ck? The entitled depravity of men. (Yeah I said 'men', not 'some men'. You don't like it? Then do better yourself, and call out the majority of men who don't do better rather than covering up for them or bleating 'not all men'. I would f-cking love it if men would change their behavior and make me a liar).	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	07/01/22 01:30 PM
40	“You’re so Weird!”/“You’re quirky” Disengaging/walking away is the best option. However if simply walking away isn't an option (Eg asshole is a coworker): 'I didn't meant it' Why did you say it if you didn't mean it? 'Can't you take a joke?' I don't get it. Why is it funny to say/do something so inappropriate? 'You're overreacting' No, I'm just reacting. Do you really think what you said/did was appropriate? Questions like these point out the abuse to the hard of thinking, and turn around the abusive language/behavior back onto t…	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	07/01/22 01:13 PM
20	This is one of those things that sounds "Cool" and "Empowering" when we are young with no responsibilities, but once you get saddled with a parasitic man that takes everything and gives you nothing, you will realize just how NOT cool or empowering this is. I am sorry everyone so far had such terrible experiences when they had this attitude. I also had this attitude throughout my youth, but it related only to me, not to men. To me, this statement says I have an interesting, well-paying job, I have a life plan, I can assemble flat pack furniture and drill a hole in the wall, take out the trash, make a lovely garden. I can cook and clean. I provide for me: you better damn well provide for yourself, and bring something extra special into any relations…	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	07/01/22 09:50 AM
144	"I'm feeling blamed" Louder for those at the back: Yes, that's because you are to blame. If he acts so crappily that his words or actions or lack of action leaves you crying and he doesn't immediately apologize, resolve to do better next time and move heaven and earth to make you feel better, you need to leave. This man is not enhancing your life. He is eroding your self esteem. The bare minimum in a relationship is your man wanting you to be happy.	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	04/01/22 12:01 PM
19	Nah men, women are visual creatures too. There was the comedy Ugly Betty, but they had to put glasses, braces and horrible clothes on America Ferrera to even get close to making her even slightly unattractive.	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	04/01/22 11:12 AM
131	How to piss off men (this had me rolling) "...this one works so well it makes you send DM threats to my mom. Short backstory, she stitched her own face back together after a motorcycle accident in France because she didn't trust the student nurse... I'm pretty sure she could handle a 5'5" Reddit Moderator." Had me snorting! Hilarious!	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	04/01/22 10:10 AM
77	This sh*t right here!! It's really the T&A Zone. As in, he doesn't think of you as human; you aren't a real person with whom he can experience friendship. To him you are nothing but a pair of t-ts and an a-s he hasn't gotten to f-ck yet.	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	29/12/21 06:40 PM
94	Scrotes have no idea what they're doing when they shame us as "female incels" The thing that really seems to make them lose their chickens is that we are actually volcels - voluntarily celibate. Especially when the alternative is them: short, bald, unwashed, pot-bellied porn addicts who hate and objectify women. Yes, we would rather be celibate than have sex with you. Even if you were the last man on the planet.	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	27/12/21 10:47 AM
234	Why I have trust issues and why we should be guarded. How can anyone equate snooping on someone's phone with sending sexually explicit images of you to strangers? They are not even remotely on the same level!	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	27/12/21 08:10 AM
93	You Have to Vet Harder Despite Health Complications Hang in there! I also have an incurable condition with a >50% chance I'll end up in a wheelchair. Married 5 years after getting my diagnosis, 15 years ago, he's not turned LV yet. It can and does happen. Don't settle.	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	24/12/21 08:52 PM
46	Paying on dates, are we discouraged to go 50/50 on just the first date or first few dates? Imagine he is an HV man who really liked you on the first date, and wants to impress you on a second date. Would that man want you to offer to pay? No. Maybe once you are in a relationship you can discuss how you want to spend money on things you both enjoy, and whether him always paying leaves you feeling (... whatever, you clearly asked this question because something about him paying makes you uncomfortable) and that you'd like to pay sometimes. Not when you're dating though.	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	24/12/21 01:04 PM
7	How to deal with passive men? I get where you're coming from, I had passive friends at college and it drove me up the wall! As others have said, don't mistake passivity for him being nice - and definitely don't consider him romantically! Can you imagine life with someone so passive? However if you want to continue to be friendly with this person, a good way to handle his passivity is to limit interactions with him to ones where you would both be spectators rather than participants. Eg instead of asking him over to cook, ask …	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	24/12/21 11:35 AM
13	Can we hear your LVM break up stories? Ha ha this just made me snort in my coffee! The audacity of delusional scrotes truly knows no bounds. Thanks for sharing. Hope you get over the break-up 🤣🤣	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	24/12/21 09:07 AM
75	Seriously, what a Queen Yes. If abortion is legal and available in your country, marital status doesn't come into it. Wives can have abortions just the same as unmarried women.	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	23/12/21 07:54 PM
12	I just walked out of my dad's house Ha. He's too lazy to drive to me, always tries to finagle me going to him I expected you to say something like this! That's why I suggested it :) Don't let him manipulate you!	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	23/12/21 04:41 PM
45	I just walked out of my dad's house Don't apologize. You did nothing wrong. He behaved shittily, hurt your feelings, and now you think you need to apologize? Why? I'm not saying cut him out of your life, I'm just saying there is no need for you to continue to allow this man to expect no consequences when he behaves shittily. Next time he invites you over, if it is as shitty as before, leave at the first red flag (no drinks), not the last. Make sure you have a backup plan to have a great evening on your own, even if it is just a tr…	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	23/12/21 11:35 AM
15	Men are incapable of being honest even for the purposes of peeing I am laughing so hard - they all chose 'large'! Even when it clearly didn't fit Hilarious!	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	23/12/21 11:04 AM
96	Let’s bring back shame! Society does not shame men enough! This! There was one porn sick wank addict in my extended circle of friends (he was in a shared house with the people I knew) back in the 90s and all the guys in that circle would openly comment negatively about it. He was very much the exception. I shared a student house with young men from my college course, and they either didn't keep porn or kept it very well hidden. It was certainly never a topic of general conversation around me and I was taking classes that were all 90% or more male. My co…	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	22/12/21 07:56 AM
51	POS Scrotes will LITERALLY find the most random obscure dark holes to hit on you! Worked in tech support for an extremely tech company (the software didn't have end-users like apps do, it was network/infrastructure stuff). A Brit, I lived in Silicon Valley for a while setting up our office there. Any tech support calls were very technical. Why do I bother to say this? Because every few days I would take a call and explain how to resolve a deeply complicated issue, only for the guy on the other end to come back with "oh say that again, I love your accent, you have a lovely voi…	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	21/12/21 09:53 AM
10	A "compliment" that men need to stop using Block and delete, or walk away irl. Don't try to educate them and don't let them waste any more of your valuable time.	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	21/12/21 07:48 AM
115	Would you date someone who doesn’t understand misogyny? This! Willful ignorance is malign, not well-intentioned.	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	19/12/21 08:41 AM
14	When posting here have you gotten Reddit Cares messages from scrotes because they’re big mad? Yup, me too	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	19/12/21 08:33 AM
19	It’s the weekend!! Let’s have some fun. Thought I’d share some of the recent DM’s (I never respond) I’ve received. DMs and care reports are blocked, I live my serene life, comment here and - thanks to the excellent work of the moderators - irrelevant, intrusive men don't get to inflict their opinions on me in this wonderful oasis.	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	18/12/21 08:31 PM
112	I did it! Negging = a lack of love. This! Negging means he knows he isn't good enough for you and he's working to drag you down to his level.	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	17/12/21 07:37 PM
14	Love seeing men educating other men :) It's weaponized when they do it so they never have to do it again. I disagree. It is weaponized when they know there is more work involved in the task which they never do. Why do you think men believe that they do more housework than they actually do? They divide up the work in their heads, assess which is the 'easy' half, privately call it 'their half' and consider they have done 'half the work' whenever they do it. If anything would make 'their half' harder to do - such as pre-treatment for la…	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	17/12/21 07:30 AM
52	Love seeing men educating other men :) Maybe I am being too picky here, but I don't like the phrasing "weaponized ignorance." Nah, sis. If he does it once it could possibly, if you are feeling generous, be considered simple ignorance. Maybe his mom never got given flowers, or by some mad coincidence he was never in his whole life around when his mom was given flowers, so he is genuinely unaware of the work needed afterwards. However, in his video, the guy is talking about a husband buying flowers for his wife. He isn't saying 'buy fl…	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	17/12/21 07:17 AM
21	The holiday audacity... Waking ridiculously early, to find presents at the foot of the bed, then playing with them with my siblings while eating the chocolate mouse and tangerine from the stocking...	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	16/12/21 08:41 PM
39	This holiday season I urge you to take trip down the girls toy aisle. Me too! Daughter preferred cuddly animals to dolls, and in group settings played with vehicles and balls rather than anything traditionally girlie. Her favorite color, right from as soon as she could express a preference, was green. Easily found in the boys aisles in stores, that is when I discovered boys clothing was made of tougher fabric than girls'. It wasn't more expensive though!	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	16/12/21 05:27 PM
11	Marriage and prenups which truly benefit women We don't have any formal agreement, however neither do either of us have substantial assets apart from the house, where we are both on the deeds. I do indeed have my own pension plan, as does he. I think this works for us because neither had substantial assets at the start of the marriage. Our approach to his earnings means that our family wealth is now evenly distributed between us. Heaven forfend, should we ever divorce I have a substantial cushion to fall back on, as does he. The income dispa…	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	16/12/21 03:40 PM
78	Where to look to find HVM? Had therapy already. But this doesn't mean you no longer need more therapy. Simply living alone shouldn't send you into a dark place. I'm pleased that you aren't in such a bad place any more, but you need to address this issue rather than needing a man to 'fix' you.	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	16/12/21 02:44 PM
62	Marriage and prenups which truly benefit women I'm a SAHM and I get half my husband's net income each month (after he pays all the bills, including paying me back for all the spending I do for the household each month). This sometimes means I get 80-90% of his net income in a month, because there's been a lot of spending that month It goes into my bank account, which he doesn't have access to, and he never questions what I do with it or criticizes any of my spending. Of course he was delighted to make these arrangements when I stopped paid e…	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	16/12/21 02:00 PM
3	What’s something a man did that gave you “the ick”? Saw the (good looking, well-groomed) guy through a window, he was picking his nose and out came a long strand of mucous connecting nose to finger. It even became a joke for a while in our circle - a good looking guy with a big character flaw would be described as a 'stringy bogey guy' lol.	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	16/12/21 09:02 AM
5	Don’t convince anyone of your worth. If they can’t see it, it’s their loss. I love your energy, and absolutely agree that respect is your due. I am glad that you are now going where respect is given. However I never even considered that demanding respect could be thought of by some women as doing things to show they deserve respect, or arguing with scrotes about respect or their lack of it. To me that sounds more like pleading for respect, or arguing for it, not demanding it. What you describe as 'going where respect is given' is what I think of as demanding respect: a …	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	15/12/21 08:12 AM
5	Men on saying they “want children someday” who wants kids with "Mr Wrong"? Ha ha, of course! It's just a fairly standard way to say that you have thought about the subject and have more complex views than 'definitely want' or 'definitely don't'. You can also say 'maybe'. Any HV woman would take into consideration her career, age, health etc. as well as the disposition of her partner.	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	14/12/21 09:14 AM
62	A simple thought for your leveling up journey: you are, first and foremost, doing this for yourself looking a certain way so we can have some modicum of "respect". I'm glad you put "respect" in quotes here At work men don't respect women who put work into their appearance if they don't respect women anyway. Men feel entitled to be surrounded by prettiness when surrounded by women. If you are the lone woman in a male environment they expect prettiness from you to make up for the fact that they can't be surrounded by prettiness when surrounded by men. I found I often got more real respect at wor…	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	14/12/21 08:30 AM
18	Men on saying they “want children someday” Why not tell them "I'd only ever want kids with Mr Right"	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	13/12/21 07:42 PM
49	hot take: pickme women are worse than lvm I don't agree about low value women being worse than LV men. These women are being exploited. If they are complicit in their own exploitation it is because they have been indoctrinated since birth to become a mommy bangmaid. The pickme you described hasn't escaped from being an unpaid whore, but has at least escaped also being an unpaid maid, unpaid therapist etc. The price has been her self-esteem (at least) and the effect of her behavior has a knock-on effect on all women, but she is still a c…	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	13/12/21 07:16 PM
303	Need your opinions: is this guy I met LV? I think 24 isn't necessarily old for a virgin of either sex. However if it gives you the ick, it is a red flag for you and that's fine. It could be an indicator of a guy who is unsure about his sexuality, it might be the hangover from a religious upbringing, it could be a sign he suffered an illness or disability in his childhood or maybe he was a child carer for a disabled parent. Being a virgin doesn't make a man bad at sex, just like being community dick isn't any reassurance that a man will …	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	13/12/21 03:01 PM
3	How Pick-me Women Create nOt LiKe OtHeR giRLs This! I have never been a 'feminine' woman, and found girls/women especially would try to bully me because of it. I say 'try' because pretty much from early adolescence I developed the attitude that I don't care what other people think. I don't mean bravado, but rather vetting very carefully whose opinions I allow to matter to me - and whose opinions don't. I guess I first read Jane Austen around that age: I certainly remember identifying with Elizabeth Bennett. My favourite quotes from Pride an…	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	13/12/21 12:13 PM
15	My mom is playing PickMe games and has plans to move in with her BF very soon and I am not coping well at all. Really struggling with boundaries and how to handle this. Wel done for planning how to cope with Christmas this year. Other commenters can help more than I can with boundary setting. However, on a practical note for this year: arrange something for yourself for Christmas. For example, if you have the cash, you'll find spa hotels and other hospitality venues in your town do spa Christmas breaks which are a fantastic way to pamper yourself. If this would prove too expensive, simply arrange something cheaper eg go see a movie or a show on Christmas Day. I…	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	12/12/21 10:56 AM
17	Friend completely ignored me at her wedding. Should I block her? Fair enough. That makes it sound more like her calls are about drama rather than escape. If she called you a lot but didn't leave any messages, that screams narcissist behavior to me. Was she a good friend before? Were you kids before? What I mean is, could she simply have grown up to become a low value adult?	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	06/12/21 02:15 PM
50	Friend completely ignored me at her wedding. Should I block her? I thought this. I think her family who arranged this marriage or the man - or both - have been isolating her from her friends and making her cancel on them rather than her choosing to be like that. Similarly she may have been pressured to get engaged rather than freely choosing. I would see what she has to say. If it is simply drama, let her know you aren't her therapist - but if she needs practical help to escape a terrible situation then OP needs to decide if they want to help her.	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	06/12/21 11:33 AM
12	The Adorned Woman is Adored I get it! I would never try plumbing, but I'm pretty good with woodworking (took an evening class and loved it).	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	04/12/21 01:12 PM
37	Once a scrote, always a scrote Bravissima, sis! And massages are truly awesome 😍	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	04/12/21 09:20 AM
53	The Adorned Woman is Adored I had a consultation with a personal stylist in my 20s that I can honestly say changed my life for the better (I think it was Color Me Beautiful but that isn't me recommending the brand, see if you can get a personal recommendation for someone in your local area). I didn't know what styles flattered, or which colors suited my skin tone/hair/eyes. The advice I got was timeless rather than about the fashions of the season (Eg go for crew necklines or v necks, skirts most flattering above/on/below …	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	04/12/21 09:17 AM
478	Don't let the man downgrade you! Classic Redpill tactics: Faking intimacy by sending lots of texts pretending to be interested in you. A small gift before you even talked on the phone? Negging on the first phone call (bags under your eyes? He's really picky? Nah, sis.) Emotional distancing to make you do the chasing You were being sincere, he was working to a script. I guess now you've experienced it, you'll find it easier to spot the fake intimacy and negging for what it is in future, and block a little earlier. Edit: your int…	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	03/12/21 08:38 PM
12	Yes please, more of that eagerness and love. Ha ha, me too!	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	03/12/21 04:37 PM
15	help me heal the last of my pickme tendencies This this this! LVM are scared away by confident women, no matter how they look/dress/talk, and stick like gum hair to the vulnerable, young or old. Be yourself, be chatty and be prepared to cut someone off dead if you get any 🚩🚩.	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	03/12/21 10:46 AM
2	I like the idea of dating but I don’t want to have sex. I feel uncomfortable talking about way. I'm really sorry that you have been betrayed and abused so horribly by your ex. The new guy really wants to be intimate but I don’t. I don’t know if he is a good long term partner and I don’t feel like reliving the details with him. He hasn’t done anything wrong If the new guy really wants to be intimate when you don't, he isn't HV. He may not have done anything wrong, but he isn't doing everything right either. He is better than your ex, I am sure - but that isn't hard, your criminally abuse ex…	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	01/12/21 08:07 PM
12	What are the most ridiculous pick-me opinions you had before reaching the age of reason? Hell yes to sexist intrusive thoughts! I was always a feminist and now I am middle aged I can look back and appreciate that my personality has been that of an old battleaxe-in-training for most of my life lol. However my particular weakness is 'not all men'. Intimidating women get a lot less disrespect from men (or at least I did) so I have never been treated as badly as many here. I think that is why my intrusive sexist thoughts are of the 'not all men' kind. And OK, FDS agrees in so far as we …	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	01/12/21 07:58 AM
570	Right as we are about to get a place, I found out my boyfriend lied about his income. The more he lies and try’s to minimize it the more insulted and heart broken I feel about it. I looked at him and said “stop lying! At least be honest please, there is no excuse for that error margin in what you make.” But he continued to try to make it seem like a mistake. He is gaslighting you. You caught him in a lie, he said that you didn't. He is doing everything he can now to manipulate you into staying with him. Things will never get better with this man, he doesn't care about you, he car…	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	28/11/21 10:14 PM
20	Self Defense Items / Tools! And that is your decision, which is one I would respect and support. I think these kinds of limitations to self defense legal arguments have the effect of enormously disadvantaging women, especially in (much more common) domestic violence situations as opposed to encounters with threatening strangers. However it simply isn't sufficient to say 'ignore the law in your area' or 'get a better lawyer' or 'take it to the press' in some parts of the world. If women are going to participate in illegal a…	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	27/11/21 12:26 AM
20	Self Defense Items / Tools! I get the feeling that you live in a country where self defense is considered an acceptable defense in law. In my country, self defense as a legal argument pretty much doesn't exist. A better lawyer can't help if using a weapon to defend yourself is always illegal. Going to the media doesn't help. The law says that the absolute minimum amount of force is acceptable, but no weapons of any kind, period. Improvised weapons (car keys etc) can and have been legally problematic.	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	26/11/21 11:54 PM
36	Self Defense Items / Tools! Don't worry about knowing wha the local laws are. When a man is attacking you - he doesn't give a fuck about the local laws - and nor should you. Sadly, whilst the second part is true, the first part isn't. In my country, carrying ANY of these weapons would be considered an aggravating factor against my favor by the law, because clearly the intent is to use them if attacked. Yes some countries' laws in regards to self defense make no sense. It doesn't stop women who fight back from being success…	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	26/11/21 11:34 PM
97	Older women of FDS, your wisdom is requested Ha ha, I'm solidly into middle age and don't feel like an adult sometimes. I remember talking to my father shortly before he died, and he - a man in his late 70s with multiple age-related health issues - said that in many ways inside he still felt the same way as when he was a teenager. I have 2 points Fake it till you make it. If you have a job, a home, friends, interests; if you pay your bills on time, are debt-free or working through a debt repayment schedule; if you have a little money saved…	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	26/11/21 11:59 AM
112	Older women of FDS, your wisdom is requested I remember, in the late '80s, meeting a friend's family au pair. I had been a feminist since childhood, this woman was a few years older than me and from France. She was astonished that any woman would want to identify as feminist and proudly proclaimed she didn't support feminism. She explained, she simply wasn't a man hater. She went on to say women didn't get less pay for the same work any more, abortion was now legal, so she thought feminism was therefore pointless. This was a real wake up c…	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	26/11/21 08:14 AM
41	Reminder of why it's prudent to never go off app Oh I like this. Not only using a Google number, but telling them that you are only prepared to give them your Google number. Let the trash take itself out.	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	25/11/21 06:58 PM
18	Do you think most of us were very naive when we were younger? I’m just obsessively overanalysing and vetting every guy I come into contact with Have you set your own boundaries/standards, or are you trying to adhere to FDS standards when you're still at the stage of working out your own standards and boundaries? FDS is harder to follow if your own standards don't align, or if you are suffering a bout of low self esteem. Your friends who say FDS is the problem - how do they think it is harmful? Are they people whose marriages/relationships are similar to th…	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	25/11/21 03:11 PM
3	NEED ADVICE - Can't Tell If New Partner Is HV After Having Been With Too Many LVM/NVM I understand where you're coming from. I can see he was coming from a different place, and I agree that if he is a generally complimentary and also helpful person with older people, other men, kids etc. - and when you mentioned how it made you feel he stopped - then this in and of itself could possibly be merely a difference of opinion about his behaviour rather than an outright red flag. This is especially true if he grew up in a culture where that kind of behaviour is normal (Eg small town, so…	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	25/11/21 09:15 AM
18	Any advice for my first date in 2 weeks? Dates are meant to be enjoyable. Go into the date expecting to enjoy yourself. This is the bare minimum, so if you are not enjoying yourself, leave. Which leads us to a safety point: arrange with a friend to call you mid-date, in case it isn't going well and you don't feel you can just up and leave (you can claim the call is an emergency and you need to leave. Keep it vague).	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	24/11/21 04:43 PM
32	How big of an age gap in relationships is acceptable? I would say this depends very much on you. Looking back, all my exes were within 1-2 years of my age, from teen dating until I married in my 30s. I was born on the cusp 'between' generations too, so perhaps we have that in common. Fwiw, my husband is just a few days older than me lol.	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	24/11/21 02:00 PM
2	When a Man Negs You, Find a Way to Turn It Back on Him This is how I've been since childhood. It does get results, being a bit intimidating is a great way to keep LVM at bay. The rudest was years ago when, in my early 20s and in the first day of my new job, I was introduced to a chap who actually said, "what's a girlie doing in (that department)?" I just looked at my boss, who had introduced me to him, and commented "it must have been just as sad when the dinosaurs were dying out." When he spluttered 'that's actually pretty good' I finally looked hi…	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	21/11/21 05:47 PM
34	Communicating after a first date: am I being a pickme? I think you should do you. I expect you text everone to say thanks for dinner when they took you out, even if it was a sales representative who was trying to pitch something to you. It is fine to say the same after a date, you are being polite as a HV woman. If you enjoyed it, certainly add words to that effect to your text. In life you are assertive and outgoing, adding these words is simply expressing your HV personality. However I would draw the line at saying you'd love to do it again. If he…	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	21/11/21 04:47 PM
13	Model Christy Giles Found Dead at 24 - three men dropped her dead body outside of a hospital after drugging her and her friends during a night out. THIS IS WHY YOU DON'T TRUST MEN AT ALL. I am really sorry this has been your experience. It is the most awful thing to be judged by your appearance. I hope you are in a better place in your life now.	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	19/11/21 11:07 AM
7	FDS when you're down on your looks I need to focus on making the most of what I CAN do (very basic makeup, skincare routines, cooking, practising yoga, dressing well) and not what I can't You got it! And don't forget to work on your self-esteem too. Being at ease in your own skin is absolutely the sexiest attribute on the planet.	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	18/11/21 02:34 PM
29	Realizing the “cool girls” you used to be friends with were just total pickme’s I don't like the way you are labelling woman as cool girl pick me's because they are not interested in feminine stuff. Me neither. I like beer (and single malt scotch) and genuinely dislike handbags and makeup, yet somehow I managed never to throw other women under the bus. I agree with your analysis, it is women who are doing these things for male validation that are PickMes. But that is any woman who does anything for the purpose of male validation.	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	17/11/21 01:44 PM
15	Realizing the “cool girls” you used to be friends with were just total pickme’s You are so right! Thanks for your lovely message! I am totally fine with myself these days, but did struggle as a kid/young woman, as I had so little in common with other girls (even though I went to a girl's school). The advantages of having male friends when I was a kid meant I never felt intimidated in very male environments such as my college course, I never put a boy/man on a pedestal, and I could spot the difference between genuine interest and get-into-your-pants scrotery a mile away! Is …	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	17/11/21 12:16 PM
7	Realizing the “cool girls” you used to be friends with were just total pickme’s I don't understand what you are trying to say.	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	17/11/21 10:47 AM
40	Realizing the “cool girls” you used to be friends with were just total pickme’s Sigh. This is the second post this morning where I feel under attack. I had girly girls try to criticize/ridicule me all through school, then try to intimidate me through most of my adult life, because I wasn't like them. Now I'm getting it here? Seriously? I am not like other girls. I am a natural tomboy (wow, not heard that word since my youth and I'm in my late middle age now). In many ways I acted like a 'cool girl' (haha, trust me, it wasn't considered cool when I was that kid, tomboys were…	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	17/11/21 09:35 AM
21	Religion is by men, for men Every institution on the planet is part of the patriarchy. Especially if it started in historical times. Politics, monarchies, business and capitalism, socialism and communism and neo-conservatism and every other -ism, nation states, the tax and benefits system, the legal system... The religion isn't the problem per se. As the lady from Holland confirmed, religious institutions in liberal societies are themselves more liberal. Religious oppression of women is simply another symptom of an all-per…	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	17/11/21 07:54 AM
55	Please don’t enable men I think the 'sins of a dead woman' is Mom in law being disrespectful about Fiancée's relationship with her own, now-deceased, mom. The writer thought her son's 'nice' fiancee should become her new doormat/junior housemaid, and would be a pushover for letting her mother in law continue to be the boss of the new household. Because that's what she did for her dying mom, right? She should be used to being bossed about by an older woman, and accept it is her role in life. The writer comes across as a…	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	16/11/21 07:01 PM
9	How do you show personality and let someone get to know you while still being private at the same time? Your personality isn't the same as your personal history. People with passionate interests - hobbies, places, music or art, even sport (and I am no sport lover) - are brilliant to listen to on the subject of their passion. Of course you want to share and be shared with later in a relationship, but at the dating stage you share and seek out opinions and attitudes, not intimate details. If you habitually overshare, there is no harm in rehearsing some topics of conversation with yourself in the mir…	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	16/11/21 11:27 AM
1	Tips for improving appearance as HVW? I had a 'House of Color' style consultation about 20 years ago. When shopping I still refer to the little color fabric swatches and the style notes I took on that day. The lady I saw advised on both make up and clothing colors and styles; fashion changes but the kinds of things that suit you (Eg v neck rather than crew neck, skirt length just below rather than on the knee etc) are available every season, as are items in colors that both suit you and go together well. There are a lot of YouTube r…	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	16/11/21 09:37 AM
4	How do you establish financial independence? 20 or so years ago I used The Motley Fool web site discussion boards and books. I have no idea if TMF still even exists: they closed down the discussion boards in my country and I left the website. Investing for Dummies covered much the same ground. The Intelligent Investor by Benjamin Graham is a classic and still relevant in spite of its age, also the old Berkshire Hathaway annual letters by Warren Buffet are full of wisdom. My big take-away was that successful investors are, for the most part…	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	15/11/21 07:06 AM
11	How do you establish financial independence? Passive income. Invest in a low-cost index tracking fund. Index trackers beat most managed funds and also beat almost everyone investing directly in companies. You have no way to predict beforehand which company or managed fund will do better than the index. However indexes grow faster than cash savings. If you don't need the income, re-invest it in buying more shares in your fund rather than spending it. Choose the fund with the lowest investment cost, because money you pay to run the fund is m…	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	14/11/21 12:44 PM
6	Start calling it what it is when you can. Ha! Yes, I started doing it back to them in elementary school. Little boys quickly learnt not to try picking on me!	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	14/11/21 10:46 AM
57	Love is never enough! Leaving is never, ever easy. However, time is on your side when it comes to vetting. Date men but don't sleep with them. This will weed out the guys who just want sex, because they won't get it from you! Block, delete, move on, keep vetting. Your comment seems to suggest that you find it hard to identify when the guy is mirroring (repeating yourself back to you). Mirroring itself is a red flag. Try contradicting yourself: if he changes his mind too, then it's time to block and delete. Look out f…	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	10/11/21 09:58 AM
4	How do I [27F] forgive myself for my past dating mistakes? It can be hard to be kind to yourself. Sometimes we are our own harshest judges. So it can be useful to think about our younger selves as though she were a good friend. If your friend just left a toxic relationship, you would be kind to her, wouldn't you? You'd help her to get over it, you'd want to make sure she knew how to avoid her former mistakes, you'd want to build up her self-esteem and self-confidence so she wasn't vulnerable to crappy LVM any more. Once you change the way you think abou…	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	08/11/21 01:56 PM
13	Bikini waxing? This statement is ridiculous. LVW personal choices absolutely affect all other women, Eg normalizing BDSM, choking and other sexual abuse in the bedroom. Women undergoing expensive and painful cosmetic procedures because those procedures have been normalized in their society perpetuates the proliferation of the procedures; can be weaponized against women who don't conform; or used as a stepping stone to normalize escalation to even more painful, invasive unnecessary procedures - even surgery tha…	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	02/11/21 02:35 PM
9	What do you wish someone had told you about men when you were 14? Boyfriends are supposed to do things that make you feel happy. Don't stay with a boyfriend who makes you feel confused or upset or as though you aren't good enough, even if it only happens sometimes.	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	31/10/21 10:06 PM
2	Help! My climbing partner accused me of “inappropriately touching her boyfriend” and I’m worried she is not a pick-me, but a victim of emotional abuse. What do I do? I think the others who have replied have given you a good strategy. It is important to tell her you think her boyfriend is abusing her, and you are not being 'handsy' with her abuser. I would suggest the material to give her would be 'Why Does He Do That?' by Lundy Bancroft.	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	30/10/21 03:56 PM
11	PSA: Halloween is almost here for many of us. Rather than going out to bars or clubs on your own this year, dress up, decorate your home, buy a big tub of sweets and welcome the local kids when they come trick-or-treating. Then work on making local HV friends so you have buddies next year :)	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	30/10/21 07:14 AM
13	How frustrating can Pickmes be .... You need to stop spending so much of your precious time around these LV women. Why not use the time to live your best (single) life instead? I have found that, on the few occasions that grey rock ignoring them is not appropriate, surprised or even incredulous laughter is a good way to respond to undeserved pity.	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	27/10/21 06:04 PM
11	The Guide to Being Approved (ie, Getting a Flair) Thank you for making it clear. I created a new user ID quite recently, so I guess I have some time to go before I'll be considered for a flair. I was wondering how long it would take, but didn't want to bug a moderator to find out!	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	25/10/21 01:55 PM
1	Ground Rules - Take it Or Leave It Thank you:)	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	13/10/21 11:20 PM
20	Ground Rules - Take it Or Leave It Claiming there is no misogyny on the left is dishonest at best and dangerously ignorant to women on the extreme end. Say it louder! Claiming there is no misogyny on the left is dishonest at best and dangerously ignorant to women on the extreme end. I'm with Dworkin... "To right wing men, we are private property. To left wing men, we are public property." Sadly it seems that wanting to not be property is most likely to result in being accused of prudery, kink-shaming or of disempowering women.	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	13/10/21 10:16 PM
1	FDS is BACK! Thank you for all the hard work you put in, mods! So glad FDS is back :)	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	13/10/21 09:41 PM