~ archived since 2018 ~
~ archived since 2018 ~
| Upvotes | Title | Category | Author | Subreddit | Date (UTC) |
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| Upvotes | Comment on | Subreddit | Date (UTC) |
|---|---|---|---|
| 6 | How Important is a Prenup for those going through the process?So important, not just because it omits your losses but because it clearly defines what’s yours, hers and communal. This will save a ton in attorney fees because there’s nothing to fight over. Wouldn’t drive a car without car insurance, wouldn’t get married without marriage insurance (prenup) | /r/Divorce_Men | 15/07/26 02:57 PM |
| 1 | Dissipation of marital assets - will this come back to bite me?That’s why you gotta still maintain all the day to day stuff, house bills food etc, just make sure she can’t do any lavish spending on things that can’t be divided trips, restaurants, clubs etc | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/07/26 10:41 PM |
| 3 | Dissipation of marital assets - will this come back to bite me?If you’re a 1099 just prepay a bunch of taxes. Then file before you get your refund, bamn you get to pocket it. Can’t be too shady with this one bc it’s gotta look legit | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/07/26 06:14 PM |
| 1 | Dissipation of marital assets - will this come back to bite me?Nah, as long as you disclose all the bank accounts and don’t try to argue that some of it is your sole and separate property there’s nothing for her to argue over. Just make sure the bills keep getting paid and that you’re caring for her in the typical manor I.e making sure the typical day to day expenses don’t change. Since your the breadwinner, you should file asap bc that starts the clock on sole and separate property so each month you are married she gets more $$. The other key is that any d… | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/07/26 06:11 PM |
| 6 | Dissipation of marital assets - will this come back to bite me?You’re fine. The cash is technically a marital and so are all your assets assuming you don’t have separate premarital accounts. Whether you put it in an account that only you have access to or both of you do it doesn’t change the fact that’s it’s marital assets unless you have a prenup or sole and separate property. If you know you are headed for divorce, the first thing you should do is have your paycheck deposited into that account. Then continue to pay the bills with that money. The cash will… | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/07/26 05:48 PM |
| 10 | Why do men seem to always try and heal and be on there own and woman just instantly jump into dating or monkey branching?It doesn’t matter what they do or why they do it. Just focus on yourself, don’t wasted time trying to find logic in the illogical | /r/Divorce_Men | 17/06/26 04:18 AM |
| 4 | Child Support RealityIt’s only 50k/year difference so yea that makes sense, generally it’s about 7% of the income difference so $3500/ye which is 290/month. You can be bitter about the divorce but cs is just math and it sounds like you’re getting 50/50’which is a win | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/06/26 06:28 AM |
| 1 | Is there a judge out there that would give one parent 93% of all assets?They can say whatever they want to but they will have to prove the case. If they’re offering you 7% seems like a no brainer to higher a lawyer and go to trial | /r/Divorce_Men | 12/06/26 06:15 AM |
| 2 | How many of you bought your wife out of the house?I did. She’s a SAHM so it was my decision on what to do. We have 2 young kids and I really like the neighborhood. It’s nice to have a level of stability for them knowing that this is where they will be throughout school, no moving away from friends. The mortgage was also fixed @ 2.75% so I didn’t really want to give that up. If you don’t have kids it’s just a financial decision for you, so you want the equity now or later | /r/Divorce_Men | 12/06/26 04:04 AM |
| 7 | Why Re-marry after Divorce?I can only speak of my own experience so other people might have different perspectives. I was in a relationship w/my first wife for 10 years and married only 10 months. Toward the end of our relationship she lost both her parents in a 40 day span which was caused some significant depression. When our marriage fell apart I thought a lot of our issues were due to her depression and emotional trauma. We never had any kids and since we were only married for 10 months, we didn’t have any joint prope… | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/06/26 01:59 AM |
| 12 | Before you swipe right, know the new rule: Women aren't just Googling you anymore. Your ex is your new background check.You’re like Neo in the matrix dodging those bullets. Be happy, she did you a favor. If she’s this crazy on date 3 imagine what happens when the mask comes off | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/06/26 09:21 PM |
| 1 | Weird question, how do you guys find the motivation to care for yourselves?You force yourself. Set up time to go to the gym, study, shower, shave, eat, work. Do whatever you need to do to make sure you do the stuff you need to take care of yourself. You do this day by day one day at time. Eventually you’ll get to the point where the motivation becomes internal. That’s how habits are formed | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/06/26 04:32 AM |
| 3 | It wasn’t entirely your fault. Adultery should never be forgiven.Bc no one wants to deal with the he said she said bs. They just want to split the assets and move on | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/06/26 01:02 AM |
| 3 | Family law attorneysNot necessarily true, just because you lawyer up doesn’t mean you need to go to war. It’s like bringing a gun to drug deal, we all need it to keep the peace and make sure the other side plays fair. Having a good lawyer shows the strength of your position “don’t try to pull any shad stuff bc I know what your entitled to what you’re not” | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/06/26 01:16 AM |
| 4 | Four years out of winning my divorce and I cannot find peace.Hard truth, you didn’t “win” the divorce bc there are no winners. The title of your post sounds like someone trying to cope with his situation by creating a false narrative rather than accepting it for what it is. You got cheated on, that sucks but you don’t have to meet someone to “prove her wrong”. She cheated that’s on her, you likely made some mistakes too, and that’s on you, but your worth is not define by whether someone else wants to date you and until you figure that out you shouldn’t ge… | /r/Divorce_Men | 29/05/26 02:51 AM |
| 4 | How do you guys cope with the idea of losing your hard earned assets during a divorce?Don’t mean to be a dick but it’s 3 months bro…you just don’t have that much in communal assets. There’s no alimony, no kids, no real property. Just pay it and move on, call it a mistake bc you made th stupid mistake of marrying a bipolar woman but this really shouldn’t be the type of thing you need to “cope” with. Talk to some of the dudes who’ve been married 10+ years with multiple kids and property, it’s a completely different ball game. | /r/Divorce_Men | 23/05/26 09:53 PM |
| 6 | Dating After Divorce With Kids… Am I Being Too Cautious?You’re asking the wrong questions. What do you want? You want more kids? Do you want to mend a family? Do you want to get married again? Those are the only questions that matter. If the answer is no then don’t do it. Politely tell her this is where I’m at with my life and let her make a choice. If she wants to be with you she’ll stay, if she wants someone who can give her all that, then you should let her find someone who will make her happy. Don’t try to shove a square peg in a round hole, it w… | /r/Divorce_Men | 12/05/26 07:55 PM |
| 1 | Wife wants more money so she can buy a house "she deserves"The kids deserve to be happy, but happiness does not equate to the size of the house. If you give her more money now make sure you get something back in return of equal value like retirement or a break in alimony. You could take a lien on the house where you give her some amount of $$ in exchange for equity. She has to maintain the house and you agree on a sale/buy out date. Many ways to skin a cat but don’t give away $$ for free | /r/Divorce_Men | 12/05/26 04:51 PM |
| 1 | Don't know what to doThis is the way……well done | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/05/26 03:25 AM |
| 3 | One Year LaterGrieving is a process, some days you feel good others not so much, all normal. Just try to have more good days this month than you had last month | /r/Divorce_Men | 01/05/26 03:56 AM |
| 7 | What would it take for you to rekindle your love with your ex-wife?She would need a lot of therapy and show real changes (get a job, stop drinking, get disciplined, take accountability for her role) then she’d have to show me she actually wants to be in a relationship with me by making time and putting my needs first on occasion. If she could do all that I would consider dating her again | /r/Divorce_Men | 30/04/26 03:09 AM |
| 8 | Anyone willing to admit they actually regret leaving?Something like 70%+ of divorces are initiated by women so most men don’t get the luxury of “regret”. It’s a far different experience when you’re the one pulling the trigger | /r/Divorce_Men | 29/04/26 03:25 AM |
| 6 | Dating post divorce, bad feeling, sanity checkDepends….what do you want out of this woman? Are you looking for a relationship or just a booty call on the side? If you’re ok with a booty call then don’t worry about it, just call her when you want to get laid and let her do her thing. If you want something more then time to move on | /r/Divorce_Men | 24/04/26 02:59 AM |
| 1 | How do you guys dissociate?Gym, work, journal, call friends | /r/Divorce_Men | 20/04/26 02:53 AM |
| 1 | CollegeI would get out ahead of it and tell her, “im willing to pay for this school but not that one”. She deserves the honest conversation and while she may be upset now she’ll respect you way more in the long term. It will hurt her much more if she gets into the school and kill the dream. | /r/Divorce_Men | 19/04/26 12:18 AM |
| 2 | CollegeI totally get where you’re coming from and I think that if the school you’re going to is the finishing school then yea, it might make sense to spend a little more on the school, like you did with your older daughter. At the end of the day college is a risk:reward proposition and you have to weigh the costs of going with the type of impact it will have on your career I was always planning on going to med school so when it came time for undergrad my parents said “we’re only paying for a state scho… | /r/Divorce_Men | 18/04/26 04:20 PM |
| 3 | CollegeTake out the arts part of it, would you pay 400k for any undergrad degree? Unless it’s a top tier ivy I would seriously balk at that number. She’s 16 which means she’s going to be an adult soon. That means her decisions have consequences. Pick a number for college and tell her “look, this is what I’m comfortable with, the rest is up to you”. Don’t tie it to her major but walk her through the finances of it and her job prospects. Ultimately let it be her call and if she wants to go into debt to l… | /r/Divorce_Men | 18/04/26 01:48 AM |
| 1 | Is being friends with your ex still possible?Being friendly is different than being friends. True friendship requires a give and take, just like a relationship. If she’s trying to divorce you, she likely isn’t willing to give the necessary effort it takes to maintain a friendship. No reason you have to be mean or nasty to each other, be cordial and friendly but don’t expect true friendship | /r/Divorce_Men | 12/04/26 06:47 AM |
| 1 | Is being friends with your ex still possible?This is the answer. You can be cordial with your ex, you can coparent with your ex, but you can’t truly be friends with your ex. If you had a genuine friendship, they probably wouldn’t be you ex | /r/Divorce_Men | 12/04/26 06:44 AM |
| 9 | Is there a pattern with HC divorce?I would think that HC divorces are either 1) mental illness - need to be right, can’t get out of emotions or 2) using the divorce as a way to punish your partner for the failures in your relationship. Best advice I can give to avoid a HC divorce is to have a prenup. It limits any sort of fighting bc you’ve already agreed on everything. It keeps the emotions low and no one gets to say it was unfair | /r/Divorce_Men | 12/04/26 03:52 AM |
| 4 | We had our therapy intake session todayIt’s great that you were prepared and feel like you won but that’s missing the entire point of therapy. It’s not about “winning” or “having the stronger case” or “getting the therapist on your side”. You can’t get your spouse back by proving how right you are you pr how terrible she was. The only thing that matters is that you want to get back with your partner and she wants to get back with you. Without that it’s just paying $200/hr to yell at your partner. If you and her aren’t there, save you… | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/04/26 02:37 AM |
| 7 | Breakup, first relationship after divorceDid you learn nothing from your divorce? Being divorced can be blessing bc you see how fragile a relationship can be and what red flags to watch out for. You’ve been seeing this woman for 6 months, this should be the honeymoon phase, any red flags should be immediate deal breakers and she’s got plenty. You can’t fix her and it’s not your job. You’ve got a kid, you’re not looking for a fixer upper you need move in ready!! Side note: don’t introduce your kids to your gf until you know you’re stabl… | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/04/26 02:58 AM |
| 23 | Dating women with kidsFirst off you’re assuming you’re going to be in a traditional relationship, is that really what you want? It doesn’t sound like that based on your post. You’ve got this whole thing backwards, don’t worry about what she wants bc you can’t control that and it’s not a healthy way of being in a relationship. What do you want your relationship to be? Do you want to meet her kids and be a family or are you just looking for the adult side of the relationship? Define what you want and pursue that type o… | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/04/26 02:03 AM |
| 1 | Dating women with kidsHis kids are out of the house, if he has other things going for him (in shape, good job, good personality) it shouldn’t be an issue for a women who doesn’t want kids | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/04/26 01:55 AM |
| 5 | Paying for DatesDepends on how long you’ve been dating and whose dong the asking. At the beginning if you’re inviting you pay. She should still cover a little bit as a sign of good faith i.e you pay for dinner she offers to cover drinks after. Once you’ve been dating for a while and you’re in a title situation i.e. bf and gf, it should be more fair. Wouldn’t expect 50/50 bc you make more than her but something closer to 60/40ish depending on the pay gap | /r/Divorce_Men | 01/04/26 03:44 AM |
| 1 | House Valuation part 2Smart move | /r/Divorce_Men | 30/03/26 07:45 PM |
| 1 | House Valuation part 2If she has the kids more than you and she can afford the house then yea, you’re not going to be able to force her to sell it or put it on the market. Best you’ll do in that situation is get your own appraiser, it’ll cost a few $$ but if you appraiser comes out higher you should be able to make it back when she pays you out bc the judge will likely rule the prices as somewhere in the middle. If there’s no kids involved and ownership is equal then the judge should agree that it goes on the market | /r/Divorce_Men | 30/03/26 07:29 PM |
| 1 | How sad is this?Gotta set those boundaries and respond in kind. My ex will threaten that stuff all the time, I just say fine no problem cut the check and submit her my bills in response. No emotion, no argument, just business. If she wants to play that game then play with her. You’re not being petty you’re being fair. | /r/Divorce_Men | 30/03/26 05:22 AM |
| 1 | House Valuation part 2Bottom line is that the only way to truly know what your house is worth is to sell it. Not sure why you agreed to give her the house of you could afford it, that’s the real question. If you traded it for some other asset then this is unfortunately part of the game. If you’re not happy with the price then just sell it and chop it. | /r/Divorce_Men | 29/03/26 06:38 AM |
| 1 | Are they all the same?I’m in a pretty solid situation with my ex, we both coparent 50/50 and it’s pretty amicable but it’s the result of setting boundaries. Had a prenup so she was very limited on what she could fight over but she tried her best. I stop my ground firmly and fairly and she eventually realized fighting isn’t worth its. She originally proposed some crazy time split for the kids bc I work and she’s a SAHM. I shot that down real quick and insisted on 50/50. After consulting with her attorney she realized … | /r/Divorce_Men | 24/03/26 06:19 AM |
| 2 | Maybe Divorce Made Me a ChauvinistYou won’t be bc you can’t be. Our experiences mold us to who we are. We can never go back to being who we were only accept who are and move toward who we want to be | /r/Divorce_Men | 19/03/26 04:06 AM |
| 3 | Told not to attend first Important event post DivorceI’m not saying he don’t deserve a second chance but if it was my friend, he’d have it really earn back my friendship. I’m not giving him a pass bc he didn’t have the balls to be honest with me. | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/03/26 03:24 AM |
| 10 | Why rush back into a relationship? What is wrong with living singleNothing is wrong. Most of us got married bc we wanted that companionship. Even after a failed marriage we still want that closeness and family so it’s natural that we try to seek it out again | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/03/26 03:17 AM |
| 6 | Told not to attend first Important event post DivorceDoesn’t really matter whose idea it is, the way the buddy handled it was poor. If it was truly his idea, then it’s a crappy thing to say to a friend and OP shouldn’t want him in his life. If it was his wife’s idea then buddy should come clean and be honest about it. No problem with the disinvite, her day and all that drama but don’t throw yourself in the grenade. Lack of character | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/03/26 02:53 AM |
| 1 | Is it worth paying more for an experienced Arizona divorce lawyer?Depends on your partner and your situation. Your situation sounds simple enough but how is your partner? If she’s reasonable and you 2 are amicable, you might not need a whole lot. If she’s trying to make your life hell and being petty, you’re going to need someone who will go to court | /r/Divorce_Men | 12/03/26 05:55 AM |
| 8 | Recently divorced ex wife hitting on guys at kids basketball game.If she’s getting hit on then nothing you can do. If she’s initiating I think you can have a chat with her about discretion, don’t want to create an awkward environment for the kid | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/03/26 08:06 PM |
| 8 | What did getting divorced teach you?That you can’t trust that someone will be there in 20 years, all you can do is plan for 1 day at time. String enough of those days together and might make it 20 years just don’t expect it to be | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/03/26 03:32 PM |
| 9 | Why divorce if things are amicable?Amicable doesn’t mean happy and the goal of a relationship should be happiness | /r/Divorce_Men | 02/03/26 01:02 AM |
| 6 | It’s easy to make fun of women for their bad choices in men but honestly I need to accept that my choices in women are utterly AWFUL- led to divorceDid both classy and crazy, both cheated for different reasons. Bottom line there is no way to predict this stuff. All you can do is make the best decision with the best available information | /r/Divorce_Men | 24/02/26 03:04 AM |
| 5 | I'm coming to the realization I've been financially abused way too lateThe good news here is that all the money she saved is community property meaning you’re entitled to half of it. Make sure you get bank records and you’ll likely need to a forensic accountant | /r/Divorce_Men | 22/02/26 05:44 AM |
| 3 | Fundamentals: Marriage counseling does not workThis is some grade A bullshit, well done | /r/Divorce_Men | 21/02/26 03:34 AM |
| 2 | How to protect myself (father) w/custody & child supportFirst off, you’re not going to be destroyed by cs, she makes more than you so she’s likely going to be paying you cs. OTOH, she’s also a parent so unless she doesn’t have the desire or time to be a 50/50 parent, that’s what you’re likely looking at. Unfortunately that’s the reality when you divorce, you will see the kid less than when you were together | /r/Divorce_Men | 17/02/26 06:15 AM |
| 1 | To tell or not to tell (the other BS)It’s not societies fault, it’s just that people act in their own self interest and unless you’re romantically involved with that person, their cheating history is irrelevant. All that matters to people is do you like spending time with them and what can they do for you. Been that way since the dawn of time | /r/Divorce_Men | 12/02/26 04:45 AM |
| 2 | Wife emptied main liquidity account and rerouted her payDoesn’t sound like mediation will work bc it requires both parties to be reasonable and she’s not acting that way. Good news is that all this stuff is documented so you’ll be able to get your $$ back. That account is half yours so she’s going to have to pay you back for it. If both of you are living in the house, you’re both responsible for joint expenses. If she’s moved out then you’re on your own. As far as what you should do, keep paying your bills if you can. The last thing you want to deal … | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/02/26 12:50 AM |
| 6 | Staying in an unhappy marriage for my childFirst off, that’s a bs threat, the default is 50/50 so she’s going to have to prove you are unable to parent 50% of the time which is going to be difficult. The real question is what would make you happier? Are you ok being in a frigid marriage and seeing your daughter 100% of the time or would you rather be single and seeing her 50% of the time? Only you can really answer that | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/01/26 04:16 AM |
| 2 | Should I accept the settlementDef don’t take the deal. She made a more so she should be paying you $$ and you might get some alimony. Don’t go for 50/50 custody if you don’t like the kid even if it costs you $$. The kid deserves to be in a house where they are wanted | /r/Divorce_Men | 19/01/26 08:18 PM |
| 2 | Better as friends than married?This is exactly the right attitude to take but make sure to keep yourself and your needs front and center. Make sure this friendship is coming from a place of authenticity and not in the hope of winning her back. Don’t throw yourself into the dating world if you’re not ready but don’t let this friendship stop you from pursuing romantic interests if that’s what you want. Make sure she is reciprocating the same level of respect back that you give her and don’t be afraid to enforce healthy boundari… | /r/Divorce_Men | 19/01/26 05:17 PM |
| 3 | The more you and your spouse can talk and negotiate your own settlement, the more time and money you will save in your divorce.Just bc there’s infidelity doesn’t change OPs point at all. It makes it harder to put the emotions aside and negotiate a fair deal but OPs points still stand. The courts dgaf about why you’re getting a divorce, they just want to enforce the laws that govern splitting the assets and get this thing done. Attorneys are happy to drag it and fight bc they get paid regardless of whether it’s worth it for you. So many times when it comes to infidelity the betrayed partner gets emotional and wants to us… | /r/Divorce_Men | 17/01/26 08:18 PM |
| 3 | The more you and your spouse can talk and negotiate your own settlement, the more time and money you will save in your divorce.Amen!!! This is great advice!! I would def use your own lawyer to understand the framework of divorce (whose entitled to what) and finalize the contract but the more you can work it out between the 2 of you the less you will have pay the attorneys to fight. Took me about 2 hours of attorney time hammer out an agreement bc we didn’t have a lot to fight about | /r/Divorce_Men | 17/01/26 07:58 PM |
| 7 | Found the affair yesterdayThere’s sides of this you need to be concerned 1) emotional - I completely understand wanting to work it out, you’ve got kids and a family you don’t want to break up. I went through a similar issue. While I respect the fact that you’re willing to reconcile, you don’t really know if she feels the same. If she wants to reconcile she’s going to need to make a lot of hard sacrifices. If her job requires a her to travel it’s going to be very difficult for you to feel secure. She’s also still working … | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/01/26 03:30 AM |
| 1 | Home ValuationAfter reading your posts, it sounds like you’re letting emotions get the best of you. I get it, you’re hurting and she’s to blame so screw her. Your kids won’t think mom or dad won based on who gets to keep the house. Those are adult thoughts you’re projecting on your kids. The only thing your kids are going to think is they lost bc the family is breaking apart. I know you don’t like to hear it but if you go to court, they will find an appraiser and base it on their opinion of how much the house… | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/01/26 04:00 AM |
| 5 | Couples Therapy Scheduled - But I'm Already DoneAt the end of the day you gotta do what you gotta do to get the best deal possible so if that means buying time then do it however, I don’t think there’s much to be gained by delaying. Outside of extreme circumstances courts dgaf why you’re divorcing or whose fault it is. They just care about splitting up the assets as per the state laws so you both get on with your life and they can get another couple in. Your attorney should also care about moving things forward as quickly and expeditious as p… | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/01/26 12:26 AM |
| 2 | Teenage kids don’t like taking orders from their mom’s fiance.Good intentions but poor execution. If your kids are being disrespectful to their mom, you should let them know if no uncertain terms that it’s not acceptable behavior. They should also be respectful of reasonable house rules, regardless of whose house it is. Boundaries certainly need to be enforced but doing so by laughing or “rubbing their noses in it” should not be tolerated. Whenever I have to discipline my kids it’s always a “I’m sorry I have to do this but you leave me no choice” attitude.… | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/01/26 04:53 AM |
| 6 | Should you sell the house before or after divorceThis seems very person dependent bc everyone’s financial situation and life situation is different | /r/Divorce_Men | 04/01/26 04:31 AM |
| 2 | When to you know??Depends on a bunch of factors, do you have kids? What type of problems do you 2 have? What’s your financial situation? If you are 50/50 financially then delaying won’t cost you much but if you’re paying the majority of the bills each day will cost you if you end up divorcing. If you have kids then it’s worth trying fix if there aren’t any giant red flags (cheating, abuse etc). Unfortunately need more specifics to give you any real advice | /r/Divorce_Men | 02/01/26 02:33 AM |
| 5 | The struggle between self and savior...It’s rough man, I totally get where you’re coming from. I’m very amicable with kids mom and it’s hard watching her struggle. You want to help someone as one human to another but it’s not the right thing to do. Stay strong homie, even if it breaks your heart. This is a lesson and needs to learn on her own. This is the consequence of the decisions that she has made | /r/Divorce_Men | 01/01/26 05:33 AM |
| 18 | The moment I realized my "Duty" meant nothing to the courtCourts don’t give a crap about anything other than the numbers. It’s not their job to give you justice for any real or perceived relationship sleights. The courts job is to split the assets up equally and make sure the kids are taken care of….thats it. They don’t care who did what or why you’re getting divorced. They just enforce the marital contract you signed to divide assets. | /r/Divorce_Men | 30/12/25 03:30 AM |
| 12 | How do I change after divorce?Don’t try to get your old self back, you’re not that person anymore. Figure out who you are now taking the experiences you’ve had and letting them shape the man you wish to become. The take steps to be that man | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/12/25 06:58 AM |
| 1 | Spousal supportThose cash deposits are also leverage bc if she’s not reporting correctly it could be considered tax fraud. I would have your attorney discuss that with her and mention that tips to the IRS can be made. I don’t think she wants anyone looking too closely at her records so she might end up waiving spousal support | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/12/25 07:55 AM |
| 2 | Dating Again Childless and VasectomyFingers crosssd for you!!! Time is on your side, the older you get the more likely are to meet guys who don’t have kids and don’t want em | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/12/25 02:21 AM |
| 2 | Dating Again Childless and VasectomyI wouldn’t say nice at all, I know plenty of dudes, both divorced and not divorced who don’t want kids. I just suggested divorced guys bc those guys have been burned and would be more likely to not want them | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/12/25 01:40 AM |
| 3 | Dating Again Childless and VasectomyDivorced guys w/out kids, that’s a gold mine | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/12/25 01:28 AM |
| 1 | Dating Again Childless and VasectomyI don’t think that’s the right question to ask. Do you want to have more kids with another woman? You’ve already experienced what it’s like to do the co parenting thing and you understand that just bc you have kids that don’t mean you’ll be together forever. If the answer is yes then don’t get one but otherwise snip snip. I would not base it on how my dating life would be, it’s the definition of pennywise pound foolish. | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/12/25 01:27 AM |
| 5 | Dating Again Childless and VasectomyDude relax….there are plenty of women out there that want to live the childfree lifestyle. Just be patient and you’ll fine one. The other thing you’ve got going for you is time. As women get older and are single they start to accept that they won’t have kids so the longer you wait the more likely it is you’ll find someone who is looking for the same thing. | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/12/25 01:23 AM |
| 1 | Wife asked for a divorce, how much do you think I’ll loose ?Roughly speaking 1 car, half the 401k, half the house and 3.5 years of alimony. Lawyer up | /r/Divorce_Men | 23/12/25 05:38 AM |
| 6 | Question for divorced men. Why do some of you see an fwb instead of a prostitute for sex and vice versa why do some of you see a prostitute instead of a fwb?That’s not a joke, those are words of wisdom my friend | /r/Divorce_Men | 15/12/25 09:30 PM |
| 4 | How much weight did you lose after the divorceYea man, divorce hits at the core of being a man, especially if you didn’t do anything stupid and she just left. It’s completely devastating. For me, scheduling my life really helped. I wasn’t sleeping well at all so I made sure to be in bed by 10 and stay there until 6am even if I wasn’t sleeping. Just sit there eyes closed doing my best to sleep. Then make sure to schedule meals and eat things even if I wasn’t hungry. Setting up a routine can help until your body gets used to the new normal. A… | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/12/25 06:51 AM |
| 8 | How much weight did you lose after the divorceDropped about 20lbs (185 to 165). Same situation as you, always been in shape and worked out. Took a while to get the appetite back, in the meantime count your macros and force your way through it. I’d drink protein shakes even if I wasn’t hungry just to hit my calories. Work on sleeping and get to a therapist to handle the stress. Eventually you’ll get back to normal | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/12/25 06:44 AM |
| 2 | Why can’t you write off lawyer fees?It caps pretty quickly and phases out completely after a certain income limit | /r/Divorce_Men | 11/12/25 08:06 PM |
| 5 | Why can’t you write off lawyer fees?You can’t really write off day care either | /r/Divorce_Men | 11/12/25 07:51 PM |
| 1 | Getting back into dating after divorce, how do you rebuild confidence for conversations?Confidence can vary depending on your environment. Think about what environments you’re most comfortable in and plan dates around those. If you’re comfortable and in a good mood you’ll naturally be more confident and the rest will take care of itself | /r/Divorce_Men | 29/11/25 06:03 PM |
| 5 | Difficulty finding an end goal with datingPart of being in a serious relationship is taking a risk and it’s ok if you’re not ready. Spoiler alert, the person you meet will change through the years you just gotta hope it’s in positive ways and the negative parts don’t bother you. You wil also lose some parts of yourself as you become an emotionally bonded couple, that’s just part of the game. The key is to make sure to protect your core values and the truly important parts of yourself. That’s just the price of being in a serious relation… | /r/Divorce_Men | 27/11/25 01:36 AM |
| 3 | DiagnosisDon’t minimize it, wife leaving you is legit trauma and you can definitely get PTSD. Going through that myself too, can’t even think about dating or sex bc the act of being emotionally intimate the someone is too much. See a therapist and work through it, don’t ignore it or numb it | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/11/25 02:50 AM |
| 2 | Dating in this time period is wild!If you have a loaded gun, someone gets shot. Easiest way to prevent that is take out the bullets | /r/Divorce_Men | 24/11/25 03:11 AM |
| 7 | How Difficult Is Dating as a Divorced Single Parent?It’s not hard to meet people or find people to hook up with but finding time can be tough. You’ve got your kids and they’re a priority, I was 50/50 and between work and parenting I had like 3 or 4 free nights every 2 weeks where I actually wanted to go out. Developing a deeper connection can also be tricky bc I wasn’t about to let someone with issues into my life. I also wasnt about dating a single mom bc I didn’t want to deal with the drama of mixing families and have less than zero interest jn… | /r/Divorce_Men | 19/11/25 01:47 AM |
| 1 | Divorce over dishesIt’s not enough bc you can fix someone else or make someone else happy. Only they can do it and if they don’t do the work they will continue to be miserable regardless of the circumstances | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/11/25 01:56 AM |
| 4 | Divorce over dishesPsych hacks is great for understanding human relationships. His book is really solid too. Just a warning though, once you see relationships this way you can’t unsee it | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/11/25 01:55 AM |
| 4 | Pull Trigger Soon, Or After Attempting Counseling and Christmas / New Year?If you got 2 kids I would at least try couples therapy. This is a cannon event in your life as well as the kids so I would do anything and everything to avoid going down this road unless absolutely necessary. Waiting a few months likely won’t significantly impact the financials. | /r/Divorce_Men | 11/11/25 05:08 AM |
| 3 | Splitting a mortgage with new wifeThis is a business deal irrespective of the relationship. If both parties are happy with the deal then that’s all that matters. Not all business deals are 50/50 sometimes one person beings non-monetary value to the deal and they get rewarded for that | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/11/25 09:39 PM |
| 15 | Infuriated by family court, no fault divorce, and support paymentsThe issue is that the courts don’t want to deal with he said she said drama, it would take way too much work and time for what these people get paid for. You say she cheated, she says you were a crappy husband, the truth is somewhere in the middle and no one really knows. This is just the reality of the subjective experience. We are the stars of our own movie so unless there is some objectively awful reason (dv sa etc) that you 2 are breaking up the court doesn’t care why, nor should they. The d… | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/11/25 09:12 PM |
| 8 | Wife is trying to make me feel guiltyThis is straight gaslighting, there are many ways to split the assets. If she’s so concerned about having the house for the kids there’s a few ways to do it 1) heloc - super simple pay you the cash she keeps the house 2) horse trade - she gives you some other assets of equal value 401k, stock fund, etc 3) make a deal - she pays the mortgage and stays in the house with the kids, house gets sold when the youngest kid turns 18 or she buys you out @ 50% Bottom line is that if she’s not willing to ba… | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/11/25 02:45 AM |
| 13 | Men of reddit. What did divorce take from you and what gave did it give back?Took: my sense of trust in a partner. The idea that you can expect to spend the rest of your life with someone is something that I can no longer believe in. Not saying it can’t happen but that I can’t look forward 20 yrs and believe it will. One day at a time. Lost half the time with my kids and the dream of a traditional family life. The loss of childhood memories that I will never get back. There’s also the $$ but that doesn’t matter in the end Gained: sense of self reliance, learning to be ha… | /r/Divorce_Men | 02/11/25 09:34 PM |
| 3 | Has anyone ever fallen out of love but found their way back to prevent divorce?You’re asking this in the wrong forum, there’s a large survivorship bias here bc by definition, if you get divorced it didn’t work out. Sounds like you 2 still have something worth saving and doesn’t sound like there’s been any serious issues (cheating, DV etc). Try posting this over at r/marriage, you might get better advice there | /r/Divorce_Men | 27/10/25 02:36 AM |
| 3 | How can I convince my SO she has a better marriage that her friends are jealous of?Because it doesn’t matter. There will always be something wrong bc no relationship is perfect and it will be your fault bc shes’s the narrator and you’re not perfect. The only way to address this would be through couples therapy where she can admit to herself what’s going on with her friends. As long as she remains connected to the narrative that single life is better no progress can be made. She needs to choose to be in the relationship first and want to fight for it before you can address any … | /r/Divorce_Men | 20/10/25 04:55 AM |
| 3 | Perpetuating the stereotype.I could never watch Raymond for that exact reason. It’s teaches society a poor view of what me are/could be and excuses disrespectful female behavior. | /r/Divorce_Men | 17/10/25 08:36 PM |
| 7 | The truth no one tells youThis is spot on happiness comes from within do not seek it without | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/10/25 06:23 AM |
| 2 | How long after divorce…There’s no real answer to this question because everyone circumstances are different. What might feel right for me might not feel right to you. All I can say is that when you’re ready you’ll know. Don’t rush the process and continue to work on yourself. You’ll get to a place where you want to date again or maybe you won’t and that’s ok too. Just make sure you’re happy with yourself and what you need out of life | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/10/25 11:02 PM |
| 2 | Where any of you able to keep your house?I kept the house. It’s really just a math problem. She clearly can’t afford to keep the house so it’s up to you. Can you afford to buy her out? If so you keep the house, if not it gets sold. Not too complicated | /r/Divorce_Men | 04/10/25 03:49 AM |
| 1 | New studies indicate why women hate men and it is very telling.No insult meant, it’s just that this whole “gotta be 6ft thing” is an arbitrary screening tool based on online dating. | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/09/25 12:11 AM |
| 2 | New studies indicate why women hate men and it is very telling.No offense taken, I wouldn’t know about it either if it wasn’t for my kid. Men seem to think they are less powerful than they are bc we get anchored to where we were when we first entered the dating world. The reality of the situation is that women are way more powerful at the beginning of the game, especially if they are pretty. Women’s power comes from their beauty which develops early and peaks an early. Men’s power comes from our competency which takes a while to achieve but also doesn’t fad… | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/09/25 12:08 AM |
| 4 | New studies indicate why women hate men and it is very telling.Just today my kid wanted to be Steve from Minecraft!!! People want all sorts of silly stuff all the time, doesn’t mean they’re gonna get it. Just be the most attractive version of yourself, there’s 4 billion women out there, one of them will want you | /r/Divorce_Men | 27/09/25 11:37 PM |
| 3 | New studies indicate why women hate men and it is very telling.Just cause the women say that doesn’t make it true. Get off the apps and into real life, as long as you’re a bit taller then them they won’t care if you’re less than 6’ | /r/Divorce_Men | 27/09/25 11:32 PM |
| 1 | New studies indicate why women hate men and it is very telling.Sounds like you’re listening to the wrong people. Women will say all shorts of conflicting crap. Think about the list you just made, it’s all contradictions bc human being not just women want different things. Ask 100 women you’ll get different responses and ask the same woman at different times and the answer will be different. Here’s the deal, there are many different paths to getting laid, you just have to be authentic to who you are a find a women who is on board for it. Are you a natural wo… | /r/Divorce_Men | 27/09/25 11:31 PM |
| 7 | Separation woke me up: men carry it all, women cash the chequeThat’s because you can’t make someone else happy, no matter what you do. Happiness comes from within, do not seek it without | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/09/25 01:26 AM |
| 6 | Talked to a lawyer today, how screwed am I?Trading pretax for post tax dollars can be tricky. Seems easier to just take out a loan for 30k to equalize it. If she’s amenable to you keeping the house you want, you can likely get a heloc and be done with it | /r/Divorce_Men | 17/09/25 01:57 AM |
| 5 | Financial prep before divorceIf you have some debt from before the marriage pay it off with money you earned/saved during the marriage. Then you’ll be paying it off at a 50% discount | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/09/25 03:02 AM |
| 1 | Feeling foggy after choices I made this weekYou can still be a man of values and do the stuff you’re doing. No matter what your marital status you’re still a dad and a family man!! Don’t ever forget that It’s hard because you want a life you don’t have, as you said being with a 24 y/o felt awful bc you’re not interested in that, it’s your bodies way of saying nope this isn’t right. So now you gotta build the life you want. Don’t listen to the outside pressure to have sex with as many women as you can or date some young smoke show, that mi… | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/09/25 11:34 PM |
| 5 | "Equitable Distribution"Yes you’re kind of screwed. None of this separation stuff matters unless you didn’t deposit anything into those accounts after you were married. Once you use income earned during the marriage to fund those accounts they are considered marital property regardless of who made the money. In this case you’d get half her cash she’d get half your investments | /r/Divorce_Men | 31/08/25 06:28 AM |
| 21 | The mid life, divorced man and women’s perceptionThey’re not wrong but it doesn’t matter. Are we emotionally distant? Yes, we’ve been burned pretty badly when we opened up before. Are we afraid of commitment? Hell yeah!!! It cost us our families, our possessions, and plenty of cash the last time. But here’s the thing is….it’s irrelevant. It’s not our job to be quick to jump into commitment. It’s their job to prove they are worthy of it. It’s not our job to be emotionally available right away, it’s their job to create a safe space where we can … | /r/Divorce_Men | 20/08/25 02:18 AM |
| 3 | Laugh of the dayI think that makes it’s a lot easier to both be involved in all tasks bc everyone feels like they’re being treated fairly. Unfortunately I just don’t think this is feasible in all marriages, especially if you have a working spouse and a SAHS. | /r/Divorce_Men | 17/08/25 06:35 AM |
| 5 | Dating Mid 40sDon’t forget to recheck that every year just to be safe | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/08/25 02:45 AM |
| 4 | She chose to be Default Parent and now that's unfairMy ex was a SAHM and yet she would always tell me how she felt like a single mom even though we had 1 kid in daycare and she had an unlimited credit card she didn’t pay for 😂These women don’t understand the concept being a single mom. Primary parent? Sure, single mom? Hell no | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/08/25 10:15 PM |
| 3 | DatingWhy risk it? If there’s a reason to get married then sure get a prenup but the safest position is not to get married to begin with. You’ve already learned that getting married doesn’t equal commitment or ensure anything about the relationship. It just a legal status for tax/insurance purposes. If you’re a divorced guy the only reason you should get remarried is if you’re planning on having kids with her and even then it’s not a must. | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/08/25 08:54 PM |
| 1 | Indifference - how did you get there?This hit home hard | /r/Divorce_Men | 02/08/25 06:51 AM |
| 6 | Seeking stories of couples who are on indefinite separation for the sole purpose of not getting divorced. How did you pursue this? How does it work? Please read body text.Doing something like this now. Separated since October. I’m a high earner and she doesn’t work. Being able to file married saves a bunch in taxes. We have 2 kids together. We signed a post nup agreement stating all the terms. She’s got paid out what she would have on a divorce and we agreed on a cs number with an attorney. Our post nup states that she has no claim to any future assets, our debts are separate and she’s responsible for any cap gains on her assets. Post nup signed by both mine and … | /r/Divorce_Men | 20/07/25 03:42 AM |
| 4 | When did you get back out there?No one can answer this for you because everyone is different and you need to find your own time. So much depends on what else is going on in your life and how scarred you are from the relationship. When you’re ready to date you’ll know and if you go on a few dates and realize you’re not, just shut it down | /r/Divorce_Men | 17/07/25 05:43 AM |
| 3 | More Difficult - Divorce or Death? Both?I’ve contemplated this question for many years having lost parent and been divorced. They are both difficult but in different ways. Death is simple, it just is. Most of the time there’s nothing you could have done to change it. There’s a finality to it and you’re forced to move forward whether you like it or not because there’s really no other option. There’s a pain you can’t do anything to heal, just let time do its thing and numb it. Divorce is complicated. You carry some of the blame so you c… | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/07/25 04:20 AM |
| 2 | "I don't care about her income"Yea SAHM when done right is an invaluable member of the team. Nothing but respect for those parents who handle the household so that their partner’s can focus on work. | /r/Divorce_Men | 15/07/25 06:19 PM |
| 3 | "I don't care about her income"I get what you’re saying but much of the advice is the same. If you’re making 50k/yr then your partner will likely be making close to the same as you so you’ll both be contributing equally to the household. In that case divorce shouldn’t be too bad bc you’re both 50/50 anyway and alimony shouldn’t be a problem. Regardless of your income, you should definitely not be paying off anyone’s credit cards or previous debts w/out some sort of protection in place, that’s just plain stupid. | /r/Divorce_Men | 15/07/25 05:30 PM |
| 7 | "I don't care about her income"That’s all well and good in theory but the reality for high earning men is the same for high earning women. If you’re looking for someone in your income bracket your pool of people is incredibly small and may lack the qualities you want in a partner. Also, for a high earning man, we don’t necessarily want another high earning partner, we want someone who brings the other stuff to the relationship. If im working 50 hours/weeks and you’re also working 50+ hours/week when are we going to find time … | /r/Divorce_Men | 15/07/25 04:07 PM |
| 3 | Where to focus my attention for improving attractivenessThe data does not bear this out, plenty of single dads are finding love after divorce | /r/Divorce_Men | 15/07/25 02:30 PM |
| 1 | What hope do/did you have of dating and finding someone in your 40’s?In my 40s and dated for a few months before deciding I wasn’t ready. Meeting people is easy, some clicked some didn’t. It’s definitely tough to find a quality person, if they’re 40 and on the market there’s a reason, either they got issues or their ex gave them issues. Have the attitude of being curious and wanting to learn about the other person. If your not in the headspace to do that, you’re probably not ready to date | /r/Divorce_Men | 15/07/25 04:42 AM |
| 13 | Shocking trends with women and divorceI think it’s more of a societal problem. Instant gratification is the norm so people just aren’t used to the struggle. Relationships are hard, being with someone 24/7 for years on end is exhausting. In any relationship, there will be ups and downs but the key is being able to do the hard work it takes to get through the downs. People are just so used to getting that instant gratification of whatever they want that they don’t want to put in the work. Add in the gender pay gap narrowing and women … | /r/Divorce_Men | 15/07/25 04:25 AM |
| 1 | I’m Just Ready to be DoneDon’t settle for 50/50 custody, if she has serous uncontrolled diagnosed mental illness you should fight for primary custody and a much larger share of time. This is for your kid as much as you. Nothing wrong with keeping mom in the kids life but she needs to be healthy while involved otherwise the kid will have a lot of problems too | /r/Divorce_Men | 04/07/25 07:15 PM |
| 2 | Wife doesn't want child support. Any work arounds?Based on your description I’m guessing she’s a doctor in training. So this seems like she’s thinking long term and knowing that she will make more $$ so even if you pay cs now, she’ll pay later. You need to think about what your life will be like as a single dude and what kind of income you will have. If you can afford to take care if the kjds on your own until they are 18 then this might be fine. If not I would make jt clear that you will need to get cs from her later and go from there. Since y… | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/07/25 07:33 PM |
| 1 | I'm out and about, expanding my sphere of influence, and the ladies I've been meeting... tattoos everywhere, filler, botox, injections, face lifts, augmentations, overweight, etc. What's happened to America? Where can you meet unmodified ladies these days?Same, I love my kids but couldn’t imagine having to parent them w/out any of the authority. No thank you, not signing up for that job | /r/Divorce_Men | 02/07/25 06:13 AM |
| 4 | I'm out and about, expanding my sphere of influence, and the ladies I've been meeting... tattoos everywhere, filler, botox, injections, face lifts, augmentations, overweight, etc. What's happened to America? Where can you meet unmodified ladies these days?Why is it wild? You can be as discriminating as you want. No one says you have to pick someone if the alternative of being single is more attractive. I’m a single dad and would not date a single mom whose kids are still in the house. Don’t want to deal with the drama of her kids or the drama of having to comingle. More power to the dudes out that want that but it’s not for me and OP feels the same way | /r/Divorce_Men | 02/07/25 05:31 AM |
| 2 | HopelessnessFirst off don’t take what she says at face value. Could you have communicated better? Probably but that’s a long way from abuse. She’s likely rationalizing her behavior by making you the bad guy. My advice, seek a trusted confidante, could be a friend, pastor, or a therapist and talk to them. Be brutally honest about your role in the relationship and get their feedback. My hunch is that she’s responsible for just as much of the problems as you are. Remember that you are who you are. You can’t ma… | /r/Divorce_Men | 30/06/25 06:00 AM |
| 2 | Being the stable one gets recast as controlling…fastyou said you set up routines and rules and expected her to follow. Did you consult her before making these rules and routines? Did she agree? Clearly your heart is in the right place but without input on her end you can’t really be too surprised when she doesn’t want to participate. If you want to get schedules and routines set up for your son then you need to get her buy in which means you may need to compromise on some areas. | /r/Divorce_Men | 27/06/25 05:03 PM |
| 10 | Guilt, AITA ?We crap on women all the time for this stuff so we’ve gotta hold ourselves to the same standard. Being unhappy isn’t a reason to leave a marriage, especially one with kids. Relationships are just a framework, they can’t make your happy or unhappy, only you can. So even if yoj leave the marriage you’re still stuck with that unhappy person, yourself. Figure out why you’re unhappy, not just the “I want more” vague bullshit that everyone complains about but really figure out the root of your unhappi… | /r/Divorce_Men | 21/06/25 04:22 AM |
| 2 | My attorney is dissuading me from going with a private mediatorThis all depends on your situation and how much you know/can agree. If you’ve been the majority breadwinner then you probably have a pretty good idea of what finances are. You’ll split most of the assets and cs is just calculated based on income, not a whole lot to argue over. If there is spousal support, accounts you don’t have access to, or you can’t agree on things then lawyer up, it will be worth it | /r/Divorce_Men | 19/06/25 03:17 AM |
| 3 | Would you remarry and have more children in your 40's?If you want another kid then go for it, just make sure you’re doing it for the right reasons | /r/Divorce_Men | 18/06/25 02:26 AM |
| 14 | Would you remarry and have more children in your 40's?I’m a 40s dad with 2 young ones but there is no chance in hell I would ever go back for more. After going through a divorce, I’m not sure how you can trust someone to stick by you for the next 18 years. I’m not saying it can’t happen, what I mean is that I’m not making long term plans that require that kind of commitment because we’ve been burned before. Then you gotta deal with the child support aspects of this bc “she wasn’t happy” and finally there’s the emotional toll of not seeing your kids… | /r/Divorce_Men | 18/06/25 02:08 AM |
| 2 | Some Basic Questions About DivorceEvery state law is different and I’m not an attorney so take my advice with a grain of salt. Property accumulated during the marriage is considered communal and 50/50. Since the car was bought during the marriage it would be considered joint. Most of the time, this isn’t a huge issue bc she has a car too so as long as her car is valued similarly to yours you just trade it, she keeps her car you keep yours. The same goes for all community property and so you usually end up trading stuff, one pers… | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/06/25 04:37 PM |
| 1 | Some Basic Questions About DivorceGood news for you is that none of that is relevant, neither is whose paying the mortgage. The house is 50/50 so you get 50% of the equity. The only exception is the down payment, if she used her own sole and separate money to pay for it she may be entitled to that part back but based on your situation I doubt she had sole and separate property or rather separate uncomingled accounts so I’d say your going to get paid out pretty well | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/06/25 04:26 AM |
| 3 | Some Basic Questions About DivorceLawyer up bro!! At least know your rights. With the deal she is offering you, it’s likely that you’ll make back whatever you spend in legal fees. First up, discovery, you are entitled to a complete account of her financial records and vice versa. There’s no way for you to make an informed decision w/out. Lawyer or no, you should flat out refuse any deal without this. Second, I’m going to assume you don’t have a prenup so you are entitled to half of all marital assets accumulated during the marri… | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/06/25 04:07 AM |
| 1 | Dads who have been through a divorce or separation, what's one thing you wish someone had told you before you started dating again?This x 1000 | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/06/25 02:13 AM |
| 1 | Spouse still wanting Half of MortgageSo let me make sure I understand this. She wants you to stay on the mortgage, presumably bc the rate is better than what she would get by refinancing but she’s going to take payments? If this is correct have a contract drawn up stating so. You retain a certain amount of equity, she will agree to make additional payments. She agrees to sell the house or buy you out in 6 years. Should be pretty straight forward | /r/Divorce_Men | 12/06/25 05:27 AM |
| 1 | Still hurts, wth?This….I resonate with this so much. It’s not the wife that I miss, it’s the life I envisioned and I’m having a hard time creating a new vision of life that makes me happy | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/06/25 12:34 AM |
| 2 | Still hurts, wth?Give yourself some grace. You weren’t found to inadequate by the love of your life. You were found to be incompatible with the mother of your children. The love of your life is still out there if you choose to pursue it and to her you will not be inadequate. You will still have your flaws bc no one is perfect but that will be perfectly adequate | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/06/25 12:19 AM |
| 1 | Kids’ understandingThis should be pinned!!! Excellent response, thank you 🙏 | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/06/25 04:46 AM |
| 1 | Why isn’t there a national support hotline for men going through divorce?I’m running into the same issue. Tons of support groups for divorced women but none for men. The closest thing I found was a marital men’s group of guys with alcohol/drug addiction. I asked the guy who runs the group why and he said just not enough interest in a group for divorced men. It really speaks to the issues that men have in society. While women can connect with each other through simple conversation men really need activities yo form that connection. It’s really sad because men need mal… | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/06/25 03:56 AM |
| 1 | Have any of you been divorced by a good woman?Same bro…..so much the same. Had no clue what I was walking into | /r/Divorce_Men | 04/06/25 09:42 PM |
| 11 | Have any of you been divorced by a good woman?Good person is such a nebulous terms and hard to describe. No one is all good or all bad, people are a mix of both depending on the situation and circumstance. Someone can be a good business partner but a terrible romantic partner. My ex is a good person who had a rough childhood. She’s a borderline and avoidant. She’s loves the children and is a pretty good mom. When it comes to being in a relationship though, she has difficulty setting boundaries or creating plans and just kind of goes the way… | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/06/25 05:03 PM |
| 5 | First meeting with divorce lawyer, left me feeling deflated and unsupportedInitial meetings are like job interviews except she’s the one interviewing for the job. This means you should come prepared, have a series of questions prepared and see how the attorney answers them. You may not like what they have to say but that’s not really the point, you want to make sure she understands the situation and can put together a logical argument that you can understand and agree with. If your attorney can’t do that then just move on. You also should get an initial 30 minute inter… | /r/Divorce_Men | 30/05/25 04:25 AM |
| 2 | Spinning plates.First off I think you’re worrying too much. Being known as a player won’t scare women away, in fact it will probably attract them. It’s counterintuitive but women want a man who other women want. Being a scumbag however will scare them away so treat them with a level of respect and make sure they have a good time when they’re with you. Don’t promise things you can’t deliver and make sure they know the score even if they don’t want to believe it. If you’re just looking for a short term thing, don… | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/05/25 01:59 AM |
| 14 | I didn't expect that divorced women would find hook ups so easy ....A key that can open any lock is a master key but a lock that can be opened by any key is just a shitty lock | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/05/25 04:35 PM |
| 1 | Beat downWithout kids I don’t really see a reason to stay together. If you’re not happy, what’s the reason to continue? Is it really worth the effort to repair? Stay strong, continue with the divorce. Don’t cancel court | /r/Divorce_Men | 18/05/25 08:42 PM |
| 2 | How do you get over the unfairness of a 50/50 financial split when you spent your entire marriage supporting her medical career?I say this because in one paragraph you say that you weren’t “hoping for a payoff” and on the next paragraph you say she was playing a “long con”. I’m just responding to your posts and could be totally off base bc I don’t really know you or your situation. Based on your responses so far, you’re angry bc you put all this work both financial and nonfinancial into your marriage and then she left you just before she was about to make an attending’s salary. You seem to think it’s unfair bc during you… | /r/Divorce_Men | 17/05/25 05:15 AM |
| 2 | How do you get over the unfairness of a 50/50 financial split when you spent your entire marriage supporting her medical career?I get that you’re angry and bitter about the whole situation, I truly feel for you. You could go to court and fight for the dollars she could have made during that time and if you’ve got precedent on your side, it shouldn’t matter what the genders are. Don’t forget you’re going to have to pay an attorney to fight for it so take that into account when figuring out how much you think you’ll get. From your post it sounds like you’ve got a lot of anger and resentment built up and it’s completely und… | /r/Divorce_Men | 17/05/25 04:39 AM |
| 1 | How do you get over the unfairness of a 50/50 financial split when you spent your entire marriage supporting her medical career?Unfortunately you gotta look at what you 2 actually earned during your marriage instead of what she could potentially earn in the future. The reality of the situation is that during the time of your marriage when you were accruing marital assets, she was making nothing bc she was in school or making 50-60k/yr as a resident while you were making more. Sure it’s not fair that you were contributing the majority of $$ to the 401k/retirement but the court considers you guys 50/50 team while married. … | /r/Divorce_Men | 17/05/25 01:34 AM |
| 2 | Amicable no-fault divorce in California. Costs? Pitfalls?Divorces can be smooth or ugly depending on how much you fight. I’m going to assume no prenup since you’re asking about this. Spousal support, she’s entitled to this for life, there’s a calculator on that so not much you can do there. Kids are over 18 so no child support. House, if she used her assets for a down payment, she’s entitled to that money back, there’s rest of the equity is 50:50. Your retirement, 50% hers. Rental property also 50:50. Here’s where it’s gets a bit tricky, she’s going t… | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/04/25 04:31 AM |
| 2 | When to bring up that I’m divorced as a 25MDo you have kids? Does she get any support from you? If not it’s totally your discretion. You could just say it was previous relations and leave out the whole marriage thing bc if she’s out of the picture there really is no difference | /r/Divorce_Men | 31/10/24 05:52 AM |
| 2 | Prenup ExperienceA few people I know have it but don’t know anyone else who got divorced. The key is making sure everyone knows what they are signing and the terms are enforceable. You can’t get out of child support so don’t try. Also things like infidelity are ridiculously difficult to enforce because you have to define and prove the cheating. Stick to simple financial agreements. What’s mine, yours and ours. Define specific accounts for each purpose and don’t co mingle the money. You can’t also agree to no spo… | /r/Divorce_Men | 22/10/24 12:29 AM |
| 3 | Anyone divorce shortly after kids?This is common because the skills involved in parenting are different than the skills involved in being in a relationship. When you’re dating or married w/out kids, it’s easy to be your best self because your not too stressed, you’ve got time on your hands and you don’t have focus on anyone else. Once you have kids the game changes completely. Now your roles are different, you have to work together in ways you never imagined, and you have to deal with compromising on differing viewpoints on issu… | /r/Divorce_Men | 21/10/24 12:57 AM |
| 2 | Prenup ExperienceNot if you do it right. Make sure she has her own separate attorney. Prenups are very much enforceable, trust me, done this twice | /r/Divorce_Men | 19/10/24 03:20 PM |
| 2 | Prenup ExperienceNot true at all. A prenup is whatever you want it to be, it’s just an agreement between 2 parties that supersedes the states laws when it comes to divorce. Certain things can’t be put in there like “no child support” or other nonenforcible clauses but you can still protect yourself. You can agree to waive spousal support, you can agree that certain accounts are separate. You can agree that being married doesn’t entitle either of you to the others assets or earnings. You can basically set up it t… | /r/Divorce_Men | 19/10/24 02:55 PM |
| 2 | "I'm not going to help you destroy our life."I hear you and if you don’t have kids there’s really no reason to keep in contact with her in future. The quicker you get this divorce finalized the sooner you can start to heal. Your not doing this stuff for her, your doing it for yourself | /r/Divorce_Men | 17/10/24 05:17 PM |
| 1 | "I'm not going to help you destroy our life."Of course she does and she will but you don’t need to be the one to enforce this. You don’t need to chit chat about work, walk the dogs with her, or offer her drinks, those are boyfriend things. Treat her the way you would a coworker. If it’s business (legal) stuff try to help out if it’s not too much trouble on your end. It will make things better between you 2 but that’s where it should end. She broke your heart and doesn’t deserve your support or kindness | /r/Divorce_Men | 17/10/24 04:49 PM |
| 1 | "I'm not going to help you destroy our life."I get that it’s tough, not saying it’s easy but healing starts with small gestures like this. If you can start do things like this for your ex, you will hate her less and the less you hate her the faster you will feel better. No sense in getting angry over small indignant things, the lion isn’t considered with matters of mice | /r/Divorce_Men | 17/10/24 03:57 PM |
| 3 | Prenup ExperienceHave done it 2x, both times it worked great and made the process much easier. Nothing to fight about no arguing and saved a ton in legal fees bc no need to go to court. Just make sure you cross your Ts when it gets signed so she can’t get it thrown out | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/10/24 10:26 PM |
| -4 | "I'm not going to help you destroy our life."Try to be civil if possible about stuff like that. Don’t think about it as “destroying your life” think about it as helping to find closure. If she needs some documents for the court case, she’s going to get them anyway so just help if you can and it’s not too much trouble. At the end of the day having an amicable relationship can help you get through this as quickly as possible so you can heal | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/10/24 10:24 PM |
| 2 | House vs 401KSorry you had to go through that, it really sucks. Sounds like you put some real thought into it | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/10/24 02:37 AM |
| 1 | House vs 401KYou’d have to run the numbers to find the break even but even something like a 4 or 5% ROI on the house could break even with the S&P. If he rolls it into a Roth he’s paying somewhere between 20 and 50% taxes depending on his income level and state. I’m going to assume it’s on the higher end given the equity levels we’re talking about. If we use a 35% tax rate then he’s only getting 260k which is significantly lower than 400k. The house equity only gets taxes @ 20% capital gains rate so the fair… | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/10/24 12:10 AM |
| 1 | House vs 401KYou cant compare the IRR of real estate to the S&P and call it even bc of the leverage. Even if the price of the real estate doesn’t appreciate at the same rate you can still make more on your equity bc of the leverage. You’re also forgetting that you can’t touch that retirement money for 20 years and it’s also pretax dollars so there will be a significant tax differences between the stock vs house. Also good areas have appreciated significantly more than 2%/yr. My area has been about 6%/yr over… | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/10/24 11:54 PM |
| 1 | House vs 401KI get that but single family homes in good neighborhoods are extremely stable. If he can swing the mortgage and the rate is fixed he should do very well on an ROI standpoint because he can wait out any dips in the market. Don’t forget about the tax savings from interest and SALT deductions too. There is also the housing cost savings vs renting which is likely to increase over time | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/10/24 11:44 PM |
| 3 | How long did it take you to get over a divorce?Men will tolerate in unhappy relationships longer than women. We talk about a sense of loyalty but I think we’re just better at compartmentalizing and grinding through. Does that make us better? Probably not, just different | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/10/24 05:17 AM |
| 3 | House vs 401KYou guys are missing 1 big part of the discussion….leverage. There’s a big difference between 400k equity in a 1M house vs 400k in equity in a 2M house. Lets say that that your house appreciates 10%, you’re 1m house is worth 1.1m and you’ve made 100k on your 400k equity or 25%. If your house is worth 2m you’ve made 200k in your 400k or 50% ROI. This can change the equation significantly bc there is no leverage on your 401k. Sure, the S&P returns more in an annual basis but once you account for l… | /r/Divorce_Men | 12/10/24 08:04 PM |
| 2 | Steps i need to take for divorce to protect assetNot much you can really do. Like it or not unless you have a prenup, anything made during the marriage is 50/50. House is almost definitely 50% hers. Best thing you can do is file asap bc that starts the separation of property, from then on your income becomes separate. | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/10/24 05:15 AM |
| 2 | Modern women aren’t worth itTrue but you’ll play J2o when you get a free look from the big blind right? Point is it’s all about the risk:reward ratio. Would I ever sign a contact agreement to give her half my stuff? Hell no but the idea of a monogamous happy relationship is till appealing. Even if it only lasts for a few years it can still be worth it, as long as your protect your downside | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/10/24 02:02 AM |
| 4 | Married men should never buy a house; always rent from your parentsThey work more often than not, very hard to contest if you do it right | /r/Divorce_Men | 19/09/24 02:11 AM |
| 8 | Married men should never buy a house; always rent from your parentsJust get a prenup way cleaner and easier | /r/Divorce_Men | 19/09/24 02:10 AM |
| 1 | What motivated you guys to continue the divorce processIf you’re going to try for the kids, make sure you get a rock solid post nup. This woman can no longer be trusted from no until the end. Currently going through that right now. When she asked for reconciliation I made sure that she signed a contract that said no further assets or claim to income indefinitely, basically a financial divorce. If we do end up divorced the only thing to talk about will be child support | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/09/24 11:28 PM |
| 3 | Is a marriage with chronic issue salvageable?The simple truth is that you can only control your side of things. You can work on letting go of the bitterness or resentfulness on your end but it doesn’t guarantee she can or will do the same. Change only happens when things are difficult and she has to see divorce as a far worse option to change. If she does not then she won’t change and things will not get better | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/09/24 11:17 PM |
| 6 | Moved out. Filed. She doesn’t want kids sleeping at my placeYour fine dude, just get an attorney and file for 50/50 court will abide as long as your place is safe and kid friendly. 50/50 is the standard so courts need a reason not to enforce, doesn’t matter if you move or she moves but make sure to get this done asap. You don’t want them staying at her place for 6 months then trying to establish custody again | /r/Divorce_Men | 24/08/24 11:48 PM |
| 2 | Time to acknowledge who she really wasLet me offer a slightly different perspective. Your stbxw is in a really awkward situation. Just as you are trying to disconnect from her she is trying to do the same. Being around your parents is probably as uncomfortable for her as it is for you. Thats could be why she doesn’t want to come in the house. You’re making assumptions about her mental state that may or may not be true. You say she brought the kids over only bc of “how it would look for her future” but maybe she did it with good inte… | /r/Divorce_Men | 15/08/24 01:54 AM |
| 2 | Still being a good guyThere’s nothing wrong with being the good guy, just don’t be the nice guy. Good guy = fair, not petty, has boundaries. Nice guy = doormat, always at her becan call. Know the difference, be the good guy | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/08/24 06:39 AM |
| 1 | I really need some help... I am rock bottom...***Get a better lawyer | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/08/24 06:31 AM |
| 1 | I really need some help... I am rock bottom...***She’s an ER doc, that a 250k+ salaried position, likely more. No way he should be paying both sides of this unless he’s making significantly more which doesn’t sound like the case based on the above description. If he is then he should hire a better lawyer to wrap this thing up | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/08/24 06:28 AM |
| 2 | What rights do we have?Ok let’s start with why. What is the reason you care about the answer to your question? If you and your stbxw are amicable I would do everything in my power to keep it that way because it will make this whole process much easier. If she is just picking up stuff and hanging around the house watching tv or other stuff I would just let it go. Do your best to bite your tounge and think of all the $$ you’re going to save by making the divorce go that much smoother. If otoh she is being disruptive, sn… | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/08/24 06:14 AM |
| 1 | Question (Home Equity)If the payment is doable I guess keep the house | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/08/24 07:00 PM |
| 7 | What am I not thinking of?If you have any personal debt start prior to marriage such as student loans, start paying it off now!! Any upcoming taxes such as quarterly estimates, do the same thing. Get rid of any cash reserves if you can by paying off debt so you don’t lose half of it | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/08/24 05:57 PM |
| 3 | Question (Home Equity)This is a math problem and you haven’t given us the relevant numbers. Can you buy her out with assets? Do you need to refinance vs taking a 2nd mortgage? What rate can you get? Can you swing the payments? What’s your cash flow going to look like post divorce? Before you can even consider the emotional aspects of the house you need address the financial parts | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/08/24 05:51 PM |
| 3 | A Pathetic story of my life....Trust me, I know its pathetic.Do you really love her or are you just very confused? I’m guessing you have difficulty processing and controlling your emotions. I’m guessing this something you didn’t learn as a child and not something new. You are fortunate in that you make a good living and can afford the help you need. Money may not be able to make you happy but it is a tool for solving problems. Therapy can help you better understand and control your emotions. Start there, once you fix yourself you’ll be able to see things … | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/08/24 05:14 PM |
| 3 | When can I get my own place?Consult a lawyer, don’t make any financial decisions before speaking with one. Do you even know how much alimony would be? It may not even be that much especially if you’ve got a ton of equity in it bc you only have 4 yrs left on a mortgage. Alimony for chores?!? lol, that’s crazy and not how the law works. Get a lawyer who can help you through this asap You can get your own anytime you want but the real question is do you want to? You might be keeping the house, especially if she can’t afford t… | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/08/24 01:17 AM |
| 3 | To the newcomers here, listen to this closely.Sucks but the law is pretty cut and dry about the financial stuff. Doesn’t matter if she “needs” the money or could make more. It doesn’t matter how much she contributed to the marital assets. It’s just a numbers game, how much do you make vs how much does she make. How much did you 2 accumulate during the marriage. As soon as you can understand that and take the emotion out of it things will be a lot easier. Expect to pay her every dollar she is entitled to but don’t pay a penny more. | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/08/24 12:52 AM |
| 1 | To the newcomers here, listen to this closely.I wouldn’t necessarily sell it unless you don’t want the stuff. You 2 can always split them, she takes some stuff you take other stuff. | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/08/24 12:41 AM |
| 5 | To the newcomers here, listen to this closely.Would recommend consulting an actual attorney but unless you’ve got a prenup likely going to be joint since they were purchased with martial aka joint funds. | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/08/24 12:37 AM |
| 1 | How do you live with the STBX?Keep it professional and keep the emotion out of it. This is not the time to litigate your marital problems. Only talk about things you need to talk about and be respectful. Treat her as you would any important business relationship bc that’s all she is now. There is no more romantic relationship just business | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/07/24 01:45 AM |
| 8 | Found the love of my lifeNothing wrong with getting married again but make sure you get prenup so you know what you’re responsible for in case you get divorced again. Won’t be able to do anything about child support but you won’t lose your 401k, assets or pay alimony. Just think about it like car insurance, no one wants to get into an accident but when you get into one you absolutely need to have it | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/07/24 01:24 AM |
| 2 | Just a thought… It’s shocking how Promiscuous women become during/after the divorce proceedings… in almost all cases though, I’ve seen it end badly for them. Anyone else notice this pattern?Sure that would end promiscuity but that’s also not realistic. The genie (Contraception and abortion) is out of the bottle and we ain’t going back. That’s a good thing for society in general as it allows people to have more control over their bodies and lives | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/07/24 01:15 AM |
| 3 | Just a thought… It’s shocking how Promiscuous women become during/after the divorce proceedings… in almost all cases though, I’ve seen it end badly for them. Anyone else notice this pattern?Why is it shocking? It’s a coping mechanism, rather than work on themselves, people turn to dopamine hits to make them feel better in the short term. Since it’s easier for women to get sex and attention than men they go for that in order to get away from the pain/loneliness. Men work on themselves because they have to, if they could get a bunch of causal sex immediately after their divorce they would do it too. Don’t hate the player hate the game | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/07/24 12:53 AM |
| 1 | How old were you when you get divorced?33 and 43. I guess this is an every 10 year thing for me | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/07/24 05:55 AM |
| 1 | what have others done with their house?Mine will likely cost me about the same as yours. Prenup so no spousal support. She gets some retirement and joint investments too. Still pay Child support but kids will be 50/50. We’re early in the process and very amicable. I’m hoping to keep it that way bc we have kids so we’re going to be in each other’s lives forever. This is going to be expensive for me but the prenup really helps keep things civil bc there’s nothing to fight about and nothing to get emotional about. | /r/Divorce_Men | 29/06/24 06:35 AM |
| 1 | what have others done with their house?2M house with 1M in equity so 500k buyout to stbxw. Thought about selling the house and splitting the profit but wanted to keep stability for the kids and I’m locked into a mortgage @ 2.75% (my name only!!!) which I don’t want to give up. Decided to just sell some assets to pay her off and keep the house. I figure the house will appreciate and I can sell it when the kids leave or keep it to cash flow and leave it to them. Given the leverage I should see a similar IRR to the market on the 500k an… | /r/Divorce_Men | 29/06/24 06:17 AM |
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