TheRedArchive

~ archived since 2018 ~

Poet1869 Archive

View 0 posts and 70 comments by Poet1869 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
Search in:
In subreddits:
More
Filter by year/month:
Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
2

No...mental health is my field as well. So again, Im being completely honest...I would love to see some evidence. But apparently you would rather assume I'm engaging in bad faith. So I will wish you a good night, and hope that we can have a more productive conversation another time.
/r/RedPillWomen10/09/20 05:06 AM
2

Why are you assuming I'm a man? I dont understand the hostility here. Im not unsure of what Im saying. As I said, I distinctly remember reading it. But you are right, I cannot find the source. So if you have information that I don't have, I would love to see it. Im not being snarky, or trying to be rude. If you can teach me something, I am more than willing to be corrected and learn. As I said, I cannot find anything relating specifically to oxytocin. But here is Wikipedia with a generalized ove…
/r/RedPillWomen10/09/20 04:10 AM
2

This isnt a trial. Ive already said I can't find any literature specifically for oxycotin. I've also admitted I could be wrong, and Ibe asked if you have any proof for your claim thst I am. I am literally asking you to educate me here. I dont understand why you would object to sharing knowledge that Ive already said I dont have.
/r/RedPillWomen10/09/20 03:39 AM
0

If either of you think it might be T, (or are just curious about testosterone), this is a pretty friendly primer...and a kind of diary about increasing T levels at home. https://www.artofmanliness.com/articles/an-update-on-my-testosterone-boosting-experiment-7-years-later/
/r/RedPillWomen10/09/20 03:07 AM
2

I would love to see your evidence on this. Im very open to having my mind changed, but Im not just going to take your word. I very distinctly remember reading about the subject. I could be wrong...but I would like some proof, or at least an argument, not just a flat dismissal.
/r/RedPillWomen10/09/20 02:39 AM
1

Are you saying it is false about those particular hormones, or are you saying that we cannot become desensitized to hormones and chemicals in general? Because the former is absolutely not false...we can lose sensitivity to hormones. The latter I could be wrong, I could not find anything specifically on oxytocin.
/r/RedPillWomen10/09/20 02:17 AM
2

So...here's an important question. The way you phrase, "I'm in university", makes me think you aren't in the USA. Britain maybe? I ask, because career fields are going to look different in different countries. I have worked in the mental health field for a decade, and I'm currently getting my Masters. I dont recommend it for your situation. Unless you are licensed the pay is low, and the stress is high. And if you are licensed, you're probably going to start at some organization or agency, not p…
/r/RedPillWomen05/09/20 11:08 PM
1

I apologize if I came off harsh.
/r/RedPillWomen04/09/20 12:04 AM
5

I dont see the issue. He has openly said he wants to be married. He is openly talking with you about his feelings, and is open to how hard marriage can be. You are reading into his statements feelings that may not be there. The red flag right now is you, youre attempting to mind read, (a classic thinking error). If you feel your partner is being ambivalent, talk to him about it.
/r/RedPillWomen03/09/20 06:57 PM
1

Sure. I see a lot of comments saying that "some guy will love you just the way you are". That's not advice, that's a bunch of platitudes and has no place here. OP asked a real, serious question, and deserves a serious answer. There's also a lot of "mind reading" directed towards the guy in question, that just seems inappropriate for this site.
/r/RedPillWomen03/09/20 06:53 PM
1

To be honest this sub has seen a lot of "not redpill" advice lately. In fact, this thread is a prime example.
/r/RedPillWomen02/09/20 09:56 PM
9

This isnt an attack. Its not even really advice on your question. But it is something to think about. C.S. Lewis talks about the Law of Undulation in the Screwtape Letters. We have highs and lows with everything. So...if you leave and find somebody new, and everything is perfect...what are you going to do the next time you go through a low season? Leave again and search for new happiness elsewhere? Stick it out, even if the high never reaches its earlier peak? And if you leave, what happens the …
/r/RedPillWomen02/09/20 06:09 PM
2

From a psychological standard, there are a lot of arguments against living together before marriage. Just like sex, living with someone literally creates attachment. Chemicals and hormones are released that create emotional bonds. But our receptivity to those chemicals diminishes over time. So if you are forming numerous strong attachments your ability to form those attachments diminishes. There's also something to be said about going through the motions of a traditional married couple, but not …
/r/RedPillWomen01/09/20 03:32 AM
7

I think she means intimate as in romantic, but it is somewhat vague, because of the context.
/r/RedPillWomen25/08/20 06:10 AM
2

A few thoughts: How long have you been together? You said that this behavior is recent, since April/May of this year. You also said that, before this his behavior was totally different. If you have years of track record without this kind of behavior, that opens up more possibilities than say a year or two. If you have been together for years then It could be that, the stress of your medical conditions, and Covid have caused your husband to have a mental break. That is more likely than true socio…
/r/RedPillWomen25/08/20 03:03 AM
1

If you work in Mental Health, you know you shouldn't try to diagnose anybody 2nd hand. Its dangerous and irresponsible. Its enough to say, this sounds like a bad situation and you need to establish firm boundaries with your dad.
/r/RedPillWomen24/08/20 05:29 AM
2

Billings MT is a nice place...big enough to have things to do, an hour from the mountains. Diverse economy. More blue collar/traditional than Bozeman. Only 8 hours from Denver, 12 to Seattle. I really enjoy Wichita Kansas, but don't know as much about it. An earlier poster mentioned Denver...I would be wary. Like any other place on Earth you can find what you're looking for in Denver, but you will have the same drawbacks as in NYC, just on a smaller scale.
/r/RedPillWomen24/08/20 04:50 AM
1

Offer to cook with him. Bring the ingredients. Both a cool date, and gives you just enough initiative.
/r/RedPillWomen23/08/20 03:29 AM
1

Read Jane Austen. It takes sense and sensibility to make a marriage work, regardless of what the romantics say.
/r/RedPillWomen23/08/20 03:20 AM
1

Fair enough.
/r/RedPillWomen23/08/20 01:30 AM
3

Or...since he's the founder, and its his ideology, perhaps you are misunderstanding the content? Or perhaps ideology changes, and does not always reflect the pure thoughts of its foundation. That certainly happened with Objectivism, Communism, Platonic vs. Aristotelian philosophy. I just find its better to take people at their word instead of trying to find ulterior motives.
/r/RedPillWomen17/08/20 02:57 AM
2

absolutely you do. Part of vetting is seeing how people react to certain situations, and if you can live with that reaction. But be aware, it may be a you issue. Men and women, on average, have different reactions to different social settings. You're being uncomfortable may be a reaction to a general male reaction, not your specific partners reaction.
/r/RedPillWomen14/08/20 07:05 PM
1

You don't have to do anything in the moment. When its over, and he begins to decompress, talk to him, tell him you appreciate him standing up for you, and basically debrief the escalation.
/r/RedPillWomen14/08/20 05:59 PM
2

What the other poster is saying is the Pepper Spray will not distract him enough for you to get away. If it gets to the point where the assailant is violent the pepper spray has no real stopping power. I don't know how much I agree, but it is a point to consider. I went through the tear gas chamber in boot camp, and if I had to I could have after going through the tear gas. Put another way: Pepper spray may scare off a mugger who only wants your purse. But it will not stop someone who actively w…
/r/RedPillWomen13/08/20 03:55 AM
1

There's really no benefit to firing with one hand that I can think of.
/r/RedPillWomen13/08/20 03:49 AM
2

I agree. There's a lot of info to give out in 8 hours, it's going to feel like being sprayed with an information firehose. Break it up would be my advice.
/r/RedPillWomen12/08/20 09:23 PM
8

Absolutely you should. That's an extension of a broader maxim; never issue an ultimatum if you will not enforce it. So we need to look at two things: Let's say you decide that you would not be able to shoot someone. Would just having the gun give you a confidence boost in stressful situations, or bring peace of mind? Or would it be one more thing that causes stress and anxiety? If the gun is going to cause decision paralysis, or if you are worried you will freeze and the gun will then be used ag…
/r/RedPillWomen12/08/20 06:54 PM
58

Take a class. See if that calms or always your fears. If it doesn't do not carry a gun. It would be worse than useless for you. A gun gives some people more confidence to handle stressful situations, even if they do not have to show or use the gun...just knowing it is there boosts their confidence. But for some people a gun adds stress, and diminishes their ability to handle stressful situations. From what you've said, it sounds like you may be one of the latter. There's nothing wrong with that,…
/r/RedPillWomen12/08/20 06:31 PM
1

I'm very interested where the information in your final paragraph comes from. I know of the Australian study in 2015, but I think this distinction from a recent Forbes article is important: Clinical psychopathy is a personality disorder and that is something that is diagnosed by a medical doctor,” Landay says. “That is not what we are talking about when we are looking at psychopathic CEOs. We are just talking about people who have really, really crappy personalities. In other words, most of the …
/r/RedPillWomen10/08/20 07:39 AM
1

I'm not convinced of anything, I just think it is bad practice to draw any type of conclusion about someone's mental state from a single data point. I don't know that he is emotionally unavailable. She says in other comments that he has real friendships. It sounds, to me, that he just wants something different from marriage. I may be biased of course. I admit that, to me, something seems off about the description of the relationship and boyfriend across this posters history, and I am probably mo…
/r/RedPillWomen10/08/20 04:52 AM
1

So after a quick Google search, the basic theory is the same. I still don't think, or at least wouldn't conclude without more evidence, that attachment theory comes into play in this scenario.
/r/RedPillWomen10/08/20 03:33 AM
1

We may be using it in different contexts. RAD and Disinhibited Social Engagement Disorder are both diagnoses in the DSM-V.
/r/RedPillWomen10/08/20 03:15 AM
0

There is a fundamental problem here...we make the word love do an incredible amount of work in its breadth. I love my dog. I love sports. I love my friend. I love my spouse. None of those loves are the same, but we do not have the language to differentiate them. So two people can talk about love and mean completely different things. We compound that problem because our culture no longer has a set standard for the purpose of marriage. Marriage in most Western cultures was ultimately, originally a…
/r/RedPillWomen10/08/20 12:21 AM
1

So I have a genuine question, and I apologize if it comes across that I'm attacking you: Why didn't you lead with the gaslighting, telling you you were insane, etc? Even in your previous post, talking about the invitation, none of that was mentioned? It seems to me that those direct attacks and manipulations, would be the main issue, not a lack of emotional intimacy that was never there to begin with.
/r/RedPillWomen10/08/20 12:07 AM
3

This is what it sounds like to me, and it is wrong and dangerous to read any more into it without more data.
/r/RedPillWomen10/08/20 12:01 AM
1

I don't see that at all. I work with a lot of youth with RAD. Attachment disorders are not localized, (generally). This sounds like a man who has certain ideas about marriage, who married a woman who had other conceptions. It sounds like there was a lack of vetting, six plus years of rationalizations, and now they are both at a point where the rationalizations don't work anymore. I don't see any mental illness, just bad communication.
/r/RedPillWomen10/08/20 12:00 AM
8

I'm going to disagree with most of the comments I see here. I doubt what you're feeling now is about your relationship. As you said, you talked about it and came up with solutions. The issue is that de-escalate slower than your S/O, which is causing a new source of stress. Your brain is still looking for "danger". You described the fight as intense; I'm going to guess that in your history intense fights led to more intense fights, or other issues. So right now you are still in an escalated state…
/r/RedPillWomen05/08/20 09:56 PM
5

Those old people probably have sons or grandsons your age. The couple's have cousins, single friends, etc. So...if you are part of the church community, network with that community. Allow the community to do some of the vetting for you, (as you've already vetted the community!). There's nothing wrong with being set up on a blind date, or being invited over to lunch, "oh and Robert will be there too, you'll love him!". My point is, if you are a member of a community, (any community, not just chur…
/r/RedPillWomen26/07/20 03:26 PM
1

Similar, and I have worked with clinicians who have advised purposefully escalating a youth, just for that reason. It's not something I would ever advise, but in general, the theory is plausible.
/r/RedPillWomen25/07/20 03:41 AM
1

It's true, but in a much larger context than men/sex. CPI, (The Crisis Development Institute), uses a Kite model for nonverbal escalation. The model looks like this: Questioning Refusal Release Intimidation Tension Reduction. That model is based on a few physiological concepts that map over to sexual escalation fairly well. The basic concept is that emotional arousal, (which can include sexual arousal), occurs on a spectrum. As the arousal grows we begin to lose rationality until we have to rele…
/r/RedPillWomen24/07/20 11:26 PM
2

Because people who are part of RPW were talking about marriage rates. Hence having those rates is important to accurately having a discussion.
/r/RedPillWomen24/07/20 11:15 PM
2

You're factually wrong. The marriage rate in the EU declined from 7.8 per 1 000 persons in 1965 to 4.4 in 2017. The divorce rate in the EU increased from 0.8 per 1 000 persons in 1965 to 2 in 2017.Jul 9, 2020
/r/RedPillWomen24/07/20 09:13 PM
14

Those behaviors are not typical of any group, mommy issues or no.
/r/RedPillWomen24/07/20 03:54 PM
2

I think just like that. Don't pop the question out of the blue of course, but when you are talking about serious things, tell him you want to talk about your relationship, and tell him exactly what you just said. "You said you wanted to go slow, and at a speed I'm comfortable with. We both want a relationship, and I would feel more comfortable if you set the tone and pace of where our relationship is headed". Set out your absolute boundaries, but just tell him you want him to be in charge within…
/r/RedPillWomen24/07/20 04:08 AM
3

Then I would take him at his word until he proves otherwise. As for, "take it slow" that is fairly ambiguous, but he modified it by saying he wants you to feel comfortable. So he has put the speed of the relationship in your hands. He has given you his end goal, (a relationship), and has given you the task of determining how fast you get to that end goal. That's not a red flag in and of itself. It is not accepting leadership, but many men are uncomfortable setting the speed of the relationship f…
/r/RedPillWomen24/07/20 12:41 AM
6

Have you asked him what he's looking for? That's meant to be an honest question, not an attack. We cannot gather what he's looking for from the idea of taking it slow...that's a speed, not a destination. Be upfront and ask him what he wants out of a relationship. If he says he's not sure, then "take it slow" has a different connotation than if he says, "marriage". But I would suggest don't fall into the "mind reader" thinking error. If you want information, ask for it straight up, don't beat aro…
/r/RedPillWomen23/07/20 06:34 AM
1

It delves into it starting on page 394!
/r/RedPillWomen23/07/20 04:50 AM
7

"The Last Lion" is the biography I'm reading g right now. It's a beast, and it covers more than just thoer relationship, but it's a great read, and, after they marry, thier relationship bleeds through to every part of his life.
/r/RedPillWomen23/07/20 03:16 AM
8

Winston Churchill and his wife are actually an amazing love story.
/r/RedPillWomen23/07/20 03:13 AM
1

I agree. You can also rephrase the question...if the husband had been injured and was no longer capable of physical intimacy, would it be okay to leave the marriage? I think many people would change thier answers, which means that lack of sex, in and of itself, should not be enough to end a marriage. Perhaps there were other factors that we are not privy to, and perhaps those other factors might be enough to end the marriage...but we only know what the poster told us. Ultimately, it is up for th…
/r/RedPillWomen21/07/20 12:13 AM
5

I am troubled by his lack of clarity in answering your question on "why"? It seems to me that he is worried/tired about arguing over the subject, and this is an attempt to avoid it, not actually fix the problem. I think you are well within your rights to push for clarification on what purpose this break will serve. If the only purpose is just to avoid fighting, well, that's fine as far as it goes, but as a leader he should be able to articulate his goals successfully.
/r/RedPillWomen19/07/20 11:47 PM
1

Could it be a cultural thing? Either way, I would be wary. It doesn't sound like he thinks it is a big deal, and it clearly is to you. So without assuming malice, at a minimum the two of you have some communication differences at best, and at worst he is indecisive and doesnt know how to set firm boundaries. That is without assuming malicious or devious intent.
/r/RedPillWomen18/07/20 11:13 PM
1

That's fair. I dont think its modern, but I do think that on top of mutual affection, Austen also urged pragmatism! Going back to P&P...the elder sisters hit the "sweet spot" between Charlotte Lucas's pure sensible marriage, (pragmaticm), and Lydia's purely emotional marriage, (sensibility). You're right though! I'm not sure how close they were as contemporaries, but Austen was fairly close to the rise of the Byronic hero, like Heathcliff or Dr. Frankenstein. Haha, anytime I can talk about liter…
/r/RedPillWomen18/07/20 06:04 PM
33

After reading your other post in this topic it appears that you are looking for validation not advice. I could be wrong. But I wonder why you left out important details like breaking off an engagement with no notice, and without giving an explanation when asked for one? It's obvious that the ex issue is very important to you. And that's fine, it's your life. But you did not handle the situation in a productive, or even fair manner. If you had a dialogue with your fiance, told him about your feel…
/r/RedPillWomen18/07/20 05:18 PM
3

I would say dont assume the worst, (it's important to have grace for others), but ask yourself, can you live with his explanation? If what he said was in good faith and he did mean it as just a colloquialism, or as a means of showing affection...are you okay with being in a relationship with someone who shows affection by overstating things in that way?
/r/RedPillWomen18/07/20 04:37 PM
1

I think it was more trying to clarify terms...lol. Based off of my reading of the context, I thought you were using love in the same sense as say, "Romeo and Juliet" were in love. A sense where passionate feeling was the primary factor. My argument was Jane Austen promoted a sense of love based of prudence, vetting of character and mutual respect. So I erroneously took you to mean something different than what you were saying.
/r/RedPillWomen18/07/20 04:28 PM
8

Do you think so? I didnt read it that way. It sounds like he wants a helpmate to me. Or to use an analogy that goes along with RPW terminology...if he is the captain, he is looking for a 1st mate.
/r/RedPillWomen18/07/20 03:30 AM
1

I agree...but I think we are using love in a different context than "deep emotional connection". Haha, yes, Lizzie was joking about the money...but only partway. She tells Jsne she wants to marry for love, (which I am arguing is closer to respect in context). But she also isnt going to marry just for love. Prudence plays a part. I thought about including Jane and Bingley, but as an archetype, they closely mirror Lizzie and Darcy so I thought it would be redundant. But in all of Austen's work, em…
/r/RedPillWomen18/07/20 01:34 AM
1

I have to disagree with your Jane Austen point. At least in the sense that she definitely had a different meaning for love than we do. Look at Pride and Prejudice. There we have 3 main examples of a relationship...Lydia and Wickham, Charlotte and Mr. Collins and finally Lizxie and Mr. Darcy. Lydia and Wickham represent a relationship built around feeling and sensibility, (as the term is used in Jane Austen's Sense and Sensibility). That is the type of love that is most often talked about, refere…
/r/RedPillWomen18/07/20 12:52 AM
5

This is a little late, but I was doing some research and came across some interesting things: A new model of willpower is emerging, where willpower is actually a resource that drains through the day. When you run out of willpower, you basically default to the easiest possible decision. So excercising willpower could be defined as the conscious act of delaying gratification. And every conscious decision you make drains your daily reserve. Decide to get out of bed? Drain. Cook eggs or pour cereal?…
/r/RedPillWomen17/07/20 03:55 AM
6

I think you and the other poster are saying the same thing in different ways. My point is, it's always best to be as specific as possible. You're right, it would be ridiculous to list these strangers to us by name. But it would be better to have used more specific pronouns, (my coworkers, a boss, this grocery clerk), than more ambiguous pronouns, (they, them), or tribal pronouns, (men).
/r/RedPillWomen16/07/20 10:42 PM
40

If I can add something: I see this happen frequently in the political realm...we begin to use pronouns in our thought process, and soon we begin to "other" entire groups for the actions of a few. You have serious problems with the cashier across from work, and a number of co-workers and managers. Mentally name them. It's not "men", it's John, Harry, and James. This will help keep the issue from being so overwhelming. If the amorphous "men" are a danger or irritant, or what have you, that's menta…
/r/RedPillWomen16/07/20 08:40 PM
4

There are a lot of analogies to the work of Jordan Peterson, except it is applied primarily to the sexual realm.
/r/RedPillWomen16/07/20 03:31 AM
3

I would say misogyny as a concept is bad. Misogyny, insofar as it is really just a list of characteristics, could be good or bad depending on context. Put another way...I believe that the overarching mysogenistic tendencies seen at RP subreddit is bad. But some of the individual mysogenistic characteristics, (or Alpha characteristics because they often go hand in hand), can be an attractive quality in a long term partner...depending on context and level. It goes back to the old adage...medicine …
/r/RedPillWomen13/07/20 11:09 PM
2

That's a huge battle for a lot of people...we become overwhelmed. Break things down into what you feel like you can do...and do that. If you accomplish one thing enough, eventually you will feel confident enough to accomplish two things. Then eventually three things, and so on. Meet yourself where you are. Don't be content to do 50%, but if that's where you are, that's where you are. Doing one load of laundry is literally an infinite times better than doing 0. Dont be content...understand logica…
/r/RedPillWomen13/07/20 08:22 PM
2

Routines and checklists are fantastic tools. I am not a licensed therapist, but I work in the mental health field and am attending grad school for Mental Health Rehabilitation. So take my advice with a grain of salt. I work with a number of kids with a depression diagnosis. Checklists, automatic routines, (especially morning and evening routines), and goal boards are all excellent tools. One thing I always do with my kiddos is a weekly calendar with one productive goal a day. That goal can be an…
/r/RedPillWomen13/07/20 08:06 PM
3

You probably arent getting anything out of your therapy. It seems from your post history that you are doing traditional "talk" therapy. You go and tell a therapist about what's bothering you, perhaps the therapist asks some questions, validates your feelings, or asks you to question your assumptions. Maybe they just sit and let you vent. That's important but, based on your post history and what you've talked about here, it's sufficient. You need trauma based therapy. When we undergo trauma it ac…
/r/RedPillWomen13/07/20 12:30 AM
3

Thank you for the clarification and expansion.
/r/RedPillWomen12/07/20 05:13 PM
3

Not trying to argue, but I would like to clarify: Are you saying that any porn is a sign of porn addiction? Again, that's not meant to be a loaded or leading question, I'm genuinely curious on your thoughts.
/r/RedPillWomen12/07/20 04:54 PM
13

What kind of therapy? If you are suffering from trauma there are certain therapeutic techniques geared specifically for trauma. Dialectical therapy or Cognitive Based Therapy for instance. This is not an attack, but many people talk about therapy as if it were a catch-all, and it is not. Behavioral therapy for instance probably wouldn't help you much. I would recommend trying to find a therapist who specializes in cognitive based therapy. If you already knew this, or are already using CBT, I apo…
/r/RedPillWomen11/07/20 04:14 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

© TheRedArchive 2026. All rights reserved.
created by /u/dream-hunter