~ archived since 2018 ~
~ archived since 2018 ~
| Upvotes | Title | Category | Author | Subreddit | Date (UTC) |
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| Upvotes | Comment on | Subreddit | Date (UTC) |
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| 1 | Stay or GoYeah...sounds rough. Maybe try to calmly lower the stress level first. Super calm voice. No anger--try to replace anger with sincere curiosity. (It is hard to learn to be non-reactive but a good skill to hone in human relationships of all types.) You could just say, "Hey, divorce is one of the most disruptive things people can go through in life, so I want to suggest that we each do therapy, first individual therapy then add on couples therapy if we can--does that sound reasonable? At any rate, … | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/04/26 02:48 PM |
| 1 | Dragging my feetWhat are you doing to work on yourself? That is what might make all of the difference. In the end, whether you divorce or not, what actually matters is what you make of yourself with yourself for yourself and for others. Reading, facing stuff in yourself, asking a skilled therapist to help you to face hard truths about yourself, build social skills, build friendships... | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/04/26 06:05 AM |
| 1 | CPTSD/PMDD divorce?BPD is often very responsive to treatment--the initial treatment is often a therapy form called DBT. Can you look into avaliability in your area? I know there is a book called "Walking on eggshells" about BPD. There is a YouTube channel called "Borderliner Notes" with excellent videos with interviews with top notch professionals if you want to learn some of the more academic aspects about treating personality disorders. I had a friend with BPD and some pathological narcissism traits. He made eve… | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/04/26 05:49 AM |
| 1 | Has anyone had a successful reconciliation? HelpThat kind of hot-cold pattern..."I am leaving--don't abandon me!"--is pretty classic BPD territory. Have you guys not seen therapists? It is way beyond time to get some pretty highly skilled therapists into this picture, sorry. (Starting to date way too early is also...not exactly wise.) | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/04/26 05:26 AM |
| 1 | Update. Waves continue even though I know this is what is neededDon't delete anything yet. Give your mind time to heal. If you can afford it, talk to a trauma therapist--and write. Write emails to yourself if that is easiest. Dictate into a Google doc or something Describe what happened to you little by little...but also always tell yourself it is Okay, you will be Okay. This is traumatic stuff and you will be Okay, but it is also natural to be overwhelmed by it. in waves that pass. Get a trauma therapist--that is what you need. Divorcing someone who does th… | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/04/26 05:02 AM |
| 1 | Can anyone else here relate to this?Totally personality disordered, likely BPD, inability to form healthy attachment. Pathological narcissism (insecure, fragile ego, lacks equality with others = entitled, domineering; inability to love, to grieve, to experience regret or remorse, or truly apologize; has impaired empathy; often has some degree of dissociation; avoidant attachment style) is more common in men, and BPD (strong emotional lability; unstable sense of self; fears abandonment; anxious attachment style--but highly responsi… | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/04/26 04:28 AM |
| 1 | Have you ever been friend zoned while still married?Might be better to approach therapy in an open-minded, generous way...women need safety above all but they get that sense of safety through a combination of connection and respect, and through you being just kind of honestly interested in her world--her mind--all of it, while also sharing stuff about your thoughts and feeling, and also pursuing some of your own interests... that can be how to cure a dead bedroom, but you have to be patient and put in time, several months. Lots of agreed-on non-s… | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/04/26 03:38 AM |
| 0 | Stay or GoIt is also possible that you could benefit from that combination of: Couple's therapy, especially with a therapist who understands both attachment styles and how much better some couples do with "individuation-enhancing" therapy Do individual therapy each one of you--takes time to find a therapist you fit well with For now, do two totally new things together each week for five weeks--but the ground rule is that no one can criticize the other one at all, no sarcasm, you are only allowed to be hel… | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/04/26 02:19 AM |
| 3 | When does staying above ground for your kid stop being enough?What are your interests? What kind of volunteer work would you prefer to do, if you could do something that involves helping others, or helping the environment, or whatever? Could you also take a class that is just for your own interests, like...you know, some kind of art class, or a class on American history, or maybe plant-insect interactions...anything that interests you. Don't focus on dating for a while...build your curiosity-linked joy and try to figure out how to move toward giving back t… | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/04/26 01:52 AM |
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