Potential_Bowler_532 Archive

Upvotes	Title	Category	Author	Subreddit	Date (UTC)

Upvotes	Comment on	Subreddit	Date (UTC)
3	I not coping Fair point	/r/Divorce_Men	05/02/26 02:32 PM
23	I not coping Let me give you a different perspective on this. Your daughter was excited yesterday but now she's not. I don't think you can conclude that your ex is manipulating the situation or your daughter is dictating dad time. She's a kid whose brain has spent the last 24 hours processing the reality that tonight she'll sleep somewhere that isn't home for the first time since her entire world changed. Her anxiety spiked, which is completely normal child psychology, not a power play that requires you to t…	/r/Divorce_Men	05/02/26 09:06 AM
1	Guides on emotional healing? DM me and I'll send you a copy of my book, ManTriage. Therapy is your friend though, as is the constructive support you'll find from people here	/r/Divorce_Men	31/01/26 01:32 PM
2	Looking for advice and some reading material ManTriage. Full transparency: I am the author so of course I'm biased. Not here to promote it which hopefully you can see if you check out my comments on other posts/subs unless people are actively asking for suggestions. Give me a shout and I will make the kindle edition free for a short period if it would help	/r/Divorce_Men	28/01/26 07:57 AM
5	Potential family plan. This arrangement isn’t a family plan. It’s you building her the perfect setup to have everything she wants while you get to watch. She’s already sleeping with someone else. She’s told you she doesn’t want a romantic relationship with you. And she’s already demonstrating she has no intention of giving up the affair. Your solution is to legally and financially bind yourself to her more deeply? You’re treating this like a logistics problem. It's not. The problem is she doesn’t want you as a partner…	/r/Divorce_Men	25/01/26 10:29 PM
2	Antagonistic This!	/r/Divorce_Men	25/01/26 09:44 AM
8	Heading towards divorce You’re pursuing therapy. You’re reaching out here. You’re getting outside with the dog. That’s exactly what someone at this stage can do. The capacity to think about next steps will come in time, but right now your system is correctly prioritising just getting through today. You have people here who will listen/read and offer support. Thanks for sharing	/r/Divorce_Men	20/01/26 07:37 AM
2	Is your self worth in the toilet? Her (or anyone's) timeline tells you absolutely nothing about yours. They might genuinely be fine. They might be spectacularly not fine but performing recovery. She might have checked out emotionally eighteen months before she actually left. You'll never know, and it doesn't matter. Try not to treat "moving on" like it's a race with a finish line. Your judgment is working because your nervous system correctly identified this as a massive threat that requires proper processing. Take some comfort …	/r/Divorce_Men	19/01/26 01:10 PM
13	Here we are again... drunk You’re not asking the right question. You’re not looking for ways to fill evenings. You’re looking for ways to not feel evenings. The booze is working exactly as designed. It’s turning the volume down on 18 months of shit you haven’t processed. The problem is it stops working and starts costing. You’re six hours from a ten-hour shift and you’re drunk because sober you is unbearable company right now. That’s the actual problem. The evenings are just when you’re forced to sit with yourself. Next t…	/r/Divorce_Men	18/01/26 10:43 PM
3	How do you handle the "quiet" in the house? It sounds trite but it will get easier, I promise. You're building a new life and this takes time.	/r/Divorce_Men	18/01/26 09:52 AM
11	How do you handle the "quiet" in the house? The quiet isn’t empty, that’s why the TV or podcast trick stops working. It’s full of what’s supposed to be there but isn’t. Kid noise, adult conversation, and life happening. You’re living in a space that’s meant for those sounds, and their absence is deafening. What worked for me was making deliberate noise. Cooking something loud. Proper chopping, pan sizzling, music. Not background filler. It has to be active noise that proves you can generate life in the space, not just occupy it. I had to …	/r/Divorce_Men	18/01/26 08:33 AM
3	Is your self worth in the toilet? Glad it resonated. Your decision making will improve even if right now your brain sometimes feels like a spongy useless brick. This is normal and entirely transitory. Keep going.	/r/Divorce_Men	17/01/26 10:42 PM
8	Is your self worth in the toilet? Given what you've been through, if your self-worth wasn’t in the shitter, I’d be checking you for a pulse. All those good recovery activities you’re doing are brilliant for your life but self-worth runs on a completely separate circuit that doesn’t give a shit about how many yoga classes you attend or how many new hobbies you’ve picked up. That circuit got its wiring ripped out. It takes its own sweet time to reconnect, and it does it in ways that have absolutely nothing to do with how “well” yo…	/r/Divorce_Men	17/01/26 09:52 AM
1	Grey rock = Head space That's great! For the occasions where you need to say a little more then try the BIFF principles developed by Bill Eddy to de-escalate hostile exchanges. Using BIFF is like putting on a legal biohazard suit. It protects you from getting her particular brand of crazy on you, and it prevents your own unhinged rants from leaking out and being used as evidence against you in court.	/r/Divorce_Men	16/01/26 12:25 PM
1	Divorcing because of infidelity. But why do I forget that? Your nervous system hates the uncertainty of the future more than it hates the betrayal of the past. So, it's actively editing the tapes. It's deleting the footage of the affair to try and sell you the fantasy that "safe and cheated on" is better than "alone and unknown." This is a survival reflex, not a sign you should necessarily reconcile. Your brain is trying to trick you back into the burning building because at least you know the layout. Write down exactly what happened on a piece of paper…	/r/Divorce_Men	16/01/26 11:53 AM
6	Give yourself time to heal . Dont rush A new relationship this early on doesn't fix you. It doesn't heal your trauma and it doesn't solve your problems. A new relationship illuminates your problems. It puts a massive, high-wattage, unforgiving spotlight on every single one of your unhealed wounds and your dysfunctional patterns. All the shit you haven't dealt with is now being dragged along with an innocent bystander, into a brand new arena. You are, in essence, outsourcing your recovery. I did this too and I can tell you first hand …	/r/Divorce_Men	15/01/26 03:05 PM
1	I need a sense check - second guessing myself and spiralling Stop and read your own third paragraph again. You explicitly said you were miserable, unable to connect, and dreamed of being free. Right now, you’re in shock. Your brain is terrified of the unknown future, so it’s trying to rewrite history to tell you that aspects of the the marriage were great just to make the fear stop. All marriages, good and bad, have something that was once worth it and held things together. "Great" doesn't sound like it's the whole truth here; it sounds like panic. That i…	/r/Divorce_Men	15/01/26 01:45 PM
4	Divorce and young kids Your brain is doing what every brain does when a marriage is potentially collapsing. It's scanning the future for the worst possible outcome, finding it, and then presenting it to you as inevitable fact. The "not seeing them every day will destroy them" thing feels true right now, but that's fear talking, not evidence. I totally get it. I had the same fears and anxieties. I lived in the same house with my wife for a full six months after we couldn't find a way forward together. That question wou…	/r/Divorce_Men	13/01/26 01:54 PM