Pretend_Estimate5798 Archive

Upvotes	Title	Category	Author	Subreddit	Date (UTC)
61	“Mental Load”		Pretend_Estimate5798	/r/Divorce_Men	09/02/26 05:31 PM

Upvotes	Comment on	Subreddit	Date (UTC)
1	“Mental Load” It feels insidious because it is hard to address. Taking on more responsibility doesn’t count unless it alleviates her stress.	/r/Divorce_Men	12/02/26 03:24 AM
1	“Mental Load” Thanks for the reply. I think she is responding to feeling overwhelmed and this is real. And I do think there are ways I could better support her. I just want to focus on that now rather than whether this treatment is fair. (I don’t think it is).	/r/Divorce_Men	11/02/26 11:32 PM
1	“Mental Load” Together 7 years. Late 30s. Similar.	/r/Divorce_Men	11/02/26 07:53 PM
2	“Mental Load” Well, I don’t know if it has to be as direct as that. I do want to be the best husband and dad I can. I want to manage mental load. The thing I don’t want is to be constantly blamed and berated. And I don’t want to have to censor myself if I feel she is being unfair. I want to talk through problems, but doing so is faced with resistance, guilting, deflection, anger, etc.	/r/Divorce_Men	10/02/26 02:01 AM
7	“Mental Load” This is also why I dislike “Jimmy on relationships.” In every skit, the male character is condemned as defensive for expressing his feelings. The only “mature” response in these skits is to calmly affirm everything that the wife says while striving, always, to make sure she feels “secure.” And how this looks in the skits is very inauthentic. To be honest I would feel like I was being condescending if I talked to anyone the way these skits advise people to.	/r/Divorce_Men	09/02/26 11:46 PM
4	“Mental Load” I think the reason it feels like “we are married to the same person” is that these are scripts taken from social media.	/r/Divorce_Men	09/02/26 11:37 PM
8	“Mental Load” There seems to be an underlying premise here that my feelings are less important or that I deserve whatever treatment I get. So a sense that I am her inferior—I just pick this up sometimes as a subtext. And I just don’t accept it. I strive to treat others with respect and consideration and that is also how I want to be treated. My parents didn’t raise me to be garbage.	/r/Divorce_Men	09/02/26 10:54 PM
4	“Mental Load” Yeah, like I don’t see a change in what she says even on weeks when I devote myself 100% to taking on mental load. Any time I try to explain my point of view it is “defensive” or “making it about myself.” For the latter comment, I admit, I am not very patient. I will just say, “yes at this time I am talking about my feelings. I also have feelings.” I have no idea why this is not taken as reasonable. She usually cuts off the conversation here and says I have to deal with my own feelings and it is…	/r/Divorce_Men	09/02/26 10:51 PM
2	“Mental Load” Thank you. This is what it is. I really want to be appreciated—for her to be happy to see me and to turn to me for help and support when she needs it. But instead for some reason I always feel like she resents me. When I point this out she says I am putting words in her mouth and this is not what she thinks, that she does appreciate me. But why then the endless barrage of criticism and complaints about mental load? Why not accept my efforts to address the concerns she brings up?	/r/Divorce_Men	09/02/26 09:47 PM
2	“Mental Load” It’s hard to imagine that happening. I don’t want to be naive but she never says I am not a nice person. Just like oblivious and careless.	/r/Divorce_Men	09/02/26 06:00 PM
3	Never though I'd be here... Stop groveling. You aren’t her personal slave. You are a person in your own right.	/r/Divorce_Men	31/10/25 04:01 PM
3	Divorce after 20 years. was she ever "emotionally distant"? i'll bet she was. don't take on all the blame onto yourself.	/r/Divorce_Men	14/04/25 05:13 PM
2	I’m scared that I’ll never be able to see or have my kids again… What are you talking about? Get a custody agreement drawn up!	/r/Divorce_Men	29/01/25 12:20 PM