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PrettyCoolBear Archive

View 1 posts and 48 comments by PrettyCoolBear on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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22

The Money Pit (2019)
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/23 06:34 PM
2

Is she asking you to watch the kids when it's her time to take care of them? Because that's not necessarily your problem. It's not clear from your post if you're just talking about your court-approved parenting time, or if she is asking you to care for them when she is supposed to have them?
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/23 08:13 PM
1

When we first separated (at my request) and eventually divorced it was brutal both financially and emotionally. I was desperately lonely, cried whenever my kids had to go back to their mom's, etc. But i am financially better off now (wife is now limited to the spousal support payments and can't run up $3000 in extra monthly credit card payments anymore; i used to have to cash out stocks in order to pay the bills). And I recently met the best woman I have ever known. Plus my older son is with me …
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/23 08:42 PM
1

As an adult, dating is different than it was as a kid. Different things matter, and the stakes are higher, but I really appreciate the difference in emotional maturity I feel in myself and see in my new girlfriend. She was so understanding that my divorce is fresh and the hurt is still real despite my knowing the marriage is over. She was so calm about it all, and understood that I may not 100% be ready for a serious relationship, but that I also really do care for her and want to be with her ro…
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/23 08:55 PM
6

Bro, you actually get more desirable to women as you get older it is true, dude. thank god it is true.
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/23 05:13 AM
7

My ex was beautiful 30 years ago when we met, and is still beautiful today. (I mean I imagine most of us marry women we're attracted to!) It's one of the things I do still miss, but the benefits of divorce far outweigh the misery of that marriage. So long as you take care of yourself and are not a pig you should be able to pull, and you might be surprised at the takers you find. The most recent time I tried online dating, I was surprised by the kind of women I matched with, considering my age an…
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/23 05:11 AM
1

Depending on the context. If I'm only talking to my kids, I usually say "grandma X" or "grandma Y" when referring to their grandmothers. If there are other people in the room I might say, "my mom" instead. It was my kids who were unclear whom I was talking about if I just said "mom" in a conversation, so I now explicitly say "your mom/my mom" for their benefit.
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/23 05:56 PM
2

Soon after we separated, I was still saying "mom" instead of "your mom" when talking to my kids, but at different times each child asked to clarify, "My mom, or your mom?" So I started saying, "Your mom" when talking about my ex, purely to remove ambiguity. Perhaps the change of context- me being in a place where neither my mother nor my childrens' mother reside- necessitated me being more specific when talking about topics involving their mother. While I understand the distancing implications y…
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/23 05:25 PM
2

i will tell you what works for me: to simply get to somewhat stable sleep i take 1mg of melatonin (i do not advise more than that, at least to start) and one benadryl. the benadryl helps knock me out and the melatonin helps me sleep more soundly and/or fall back asleep if i wake up to pee or whatever. now if your brain is obsessing over intrusive thoughts you're never going to get back to sleep. i use a technique called "box breathing" to break the cycle if i am stuck on a particular thought tha…
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/22 04:28 PM
2

I'm kind of in a similar situation. Met a great-seeming woman after separating from my now-ex. Had a bizarre but exciting 3-year relationship which ended up imploding literally days before we were set to get married. We got together and broke back up 3 different times after that. I'm trying to keep this break-up permanent. We had a very strong attraction, and a frankly amazing sex life. This was a big reason I think we kept getting back together- anything after what we had is just going to be sl…
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/22 10:06 PM
2

It wasn't ok with me! Her lawyers told her to get all the money she could in case I tried to lock her out of the accounts. It definitely caught me off-guard. I ended up having to create a new personal account and moving all bills to that. I was so fucking pissed. I wouldn't have left her high and dry, but she had no problem doing it to me.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/22 01:57 AM
5

I used to have a secret checking account because the wife spent more than I earned and the separate account was for emergencies when I needed to be able to pay the bills. I had a portion of my paychecks sent there for the emergency fund. The first day she met her lawyer they told her I had an extra account. I don't know how they knew- I think she might have given them my SS number and birth date or whatever and they ran a credit check. Very cool thing: They also told her to immediately EMPTY our…
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/22 09:08 PM
5

It is interesting how you see deeper meaning in various forms of art during and after emotional trauma. For example, I liked the movie Annihilation (2018) when I saw it before I separated from my wife, but when I saw it again a couple years later it was like, "OH, I GET IT NOW." Had the same experience with a number of songs/musical artists after my divorce and a subsequent breakup. I find it therapeutic. I haven't watched the latest Stranger Things season, but will keep an eye out.
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/22 05:11 PM
0

i can understand the feeling of betrayal and the heartbreak. that's got to feel soul crushing. their mom has probably been coaching them to behave this way. it's perfectly fine to feel what you're feeling right now but don't forget that they're 14, and may well come around once they're more capable of independent thinking and decision making. wishing you the best.
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/22 05:36 PM
3

We are doing this. Our oldest is 18 and lives with me full-time. Our youngest is 16 and has 2 more years to go in high school (50/50 parenting time). My ex is living in the house and I'm renting a condo a few miles away, but once our youngest graduates from high school, we either have to sell the house and split the profits or I can buy her out. Given the fact that the house has TRIPLED in value since we bought it, I likely won't be able to buy out in cash, but I will probably get a mortgage. (E…
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/22 06:03 PM
6

over 25 years of marriage my ex and i grew apart, philosophically, politically, religiously. she also never kept her commitments to take care of the house/cooking in exchange for not having a day job, and she spent more on amazon than i earned. even though i will be supporting her financially until retirement age (an unexpected curse of letting spouse be "stay at home mom") we communicate better now (co-parenting our teens) and are in a better place than when we were married.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/22 04:53 PM
5

I will never understand the rivalry between my mom and my ex. It got especially bad once we had kids; my ex fearing my mom questioning every parenting decision we made. It made vacations and holidays so stressful. And honestly, it didn't all end with the divorce since our youngest is still 50/50 with us, so my ex still has to be part of discussions regarding visits and trips and sometimes schooling. I tried to stay out of it as much as possible when we were together, but that can be tough to do.
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/22 08:11 PM
1

I got back into music production pretty hardcore. That is a bottomless pit of gear and techniques to distract yourself with. Also have been catching up with podcasts and films that I'd missed out on during the more stressful years.
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/22 06:06 AM
2

It's not really my scene these days but some churches are more modern than others. And yeah, I would expect to find people looking for something serious there, just like some of the dating sites are more geared toward relationships/marriage rather than hookups.
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/22 10:11 PM
2

Every city has singles groups and events- where I live there are singles groups for hiking, biking, volunteering, and other activities. I'm sure COVID wreaked havoc on a lot of these things, but there's light at the end of that tunnel. A lot of churches have singles groups and meetups, too, if that's your thing. And then there are all the apps and sites where women who are actually looking to meet guys are waiting to hear from you.
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/22 07:41 PM
4

There are people who seek sexual gratification as a form of escape from trauma and stress in exactly the same way that others escape with alcohol, drugs, or gambling. The term "sex addiction" is both controversial and loaded with baggage, but at the end of the day, there are people who resort to sex rather than the other more classic vices to escape pain. Divorce is one of the most painful (and often slow-motion) experiences many people endure, and many of us seek ways to distract ourselves from…
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/22 06:01 PM
14

You don't. Seriously. That's not why they're there. Plenty of other more acceptable places to meet women. You don't wanna be that guy.
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/22 05:49 PM
5

oh man, when i was 48 i was dating a 35 year old- same gap as you! (she was also stunning, but had 3 high maintenance youngsters, and i was done with raising kids). the best way i have heard the problems with age differences described is that it's not so much the gap in years that's the issue- it's the gap in socioeconomic differences. in general a 35 year old guy is gonna be in much better shape than an 18 year old woman in terms of self sufficiency so she might have less of a say in matters du…
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/22 05:31 PM
1

it appears you've met my ex!
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/22 08:05 PM
1

Thanks for the tips!
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/22 03:01 AM
1

I did tell her I needed to think about it, and I will not be the one to bring it back up. And good idea about putting the credit amount into savings for the kids.
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/22 02:51 AM
1

I am filing as head of household and claim both kids, she claims none on hers. It was her suggestion that I claim both since I am carrying their health expenses and whatnot. Is there any upside to me if she claims one and I claim the other?
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/22 02:48 AM
1

good point!
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/22 02:45 AM
6

i am gonna have to re-read the divorce settlement (will need a few stiff drinks beforehand), but i don't think that's explicitly mentioned. she has mentioned more than once that she "lets me" claim the kids, so it's only been me doing it. and yeah, while the overall cost to me would only be a few hundred bucks, she's the kind of person who never thinks twice about making unreasonable requests (not just to me, but anyone), and I really need to hold the line sometimes.
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/22 11:35 PM
3

married 25 years, she was a full-time "homemaker" for the final 20. her being out of the workforce so long meant, in our state, that she can get virtually unlimited spousal support. (I am on the hook til she reaches retirement age.) we have shared custody and coparent our 16-year-old. our 18-year-old is with me full time. doesn't matter that she never held up her end of the deal on the homemaking stuff. it's based on her ability to rebuild a career after not having a day job all that time. in an…
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/22 10:10 PM
4

For the kids' medical? Nothing. One of the kids is 18 now and lives with me full time; and I cover all of his life expenses. The 16-year-old is with her every other week. She covers food and some clothes for him while he's there, but sometimes asks me to get him certain items when he's with me.
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/22 08:18 PM
3

So I had a secret bank account when we were married, not because i was trying to do anything sneaky, but because the wife spent everything I earned (and more) so i needed a fast way to get emergency money for paying bills, since selling stocks had at least a week turnaround from sale to proceeds hitting my bank. if she had known about it she would have demanded access so she could spend it all too. But the day I left her, by the end of her first meeting with her attorney they somehow discovered …
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/22 03:59 PM
6

she says if I divorce her she will take our kid and move across the country to be with her family. Oh, and she still refuses to get a job. I want out but losing my kid would break me. My ex said some similar stuff until her first meeting with her own attorney. I actually left a situation very similar to yours (SAHM who slept until the afternoon every day and never did any chores.) The fact that she's been out of work can be a financial burden for you, but you'll still probably find yourself happ…
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/22 05:35 PM
5

I took a huge financial loss (half of my wealth + attorney fees for both of is + spousal support for ex until she reaches retirement age) but am actually financially better off now since she's no longer able to shop Amazon on my dime. Ours was an amicable divorce; we are actively coparenting and even have family get togethers now and then. Honestly our relationship is a lot healthier now than when we were married; we still provide each other emotional support and other things from time to time. …
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/22 06:42 PM
12

I am in Oregon, USA, but my story was quite similar to yours. We were married 25 years and she didn't have a day job for the last 18 years of it because she promised to be a homemaker and a SAHM once we had kids. Unfortunately, her definition of homemaking (and later, being a SAHM) turned out to be "sleeping until between 1pm-4pm every day, playing facebook games & ordering shit off Amazon, and ignoring all cleaning, laundry, or cooking duties." (Really loved walking in the front door at the end…
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/22 10:22 PM
9

Every man in this sub got here through his own unique circumstances, but one thing we all have in common is pain. For some of us it's the worst pain we've ever experienced; a cocktail of emotions most of us haven't ever dealt with all at once. Over time the specific emotions we feel, and our reactions to them, change. But it's not water down the proverbial duck's back. Your reactions to the grief change because YOU change. A year from now you will not be the same man you were when your personal …
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/22 04:02 PM
3

How is it 2022.. and we STILL have this sort of bullshit going on in divorce? Because there are a lot of people who make a lot of money with the way things are, and they donate to political action committees whose job it is to make sure things stay that way. The laws exist to keep money and power in the hands of those who already have it. Both my ex's attorney and my own told us our divorce was one of the easiest and least acrimonious they ever handled- but it still took 11 months and $50K in le…
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/22 11:49 PM
6

I'm another member of the 25 years club. There are many specific events that led to the break-up, but at the end of the day, neither of us was the same person we were when we got married, and over the course of the marriage we had grown in different directions (politics, religion, personal tastes). Divorce was finalized in late 2019. I'll be paying her for a long time, but I am doing fine on my own and we are on good terms. The initial loneliness sucks. (Highly recommend a dog; they are infinite…
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/21 12:03 AM
1

that first year is brutal, especially when you look at the lawyers' line items in their billing statements. 25 bucks to send an email. i'm in the wrong line of work! but really, you find a way to make it work. in some of our cases we even end up in BETTER shape because it forces the exes to control their own spending. it is astonishing how much more she cost me before our finances were split!
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/21 06:32 AM
2

oh yeah man i run every night now. would go crazy without it.
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/21 03:57 AM
2

the first two years after separation were the worst in my life. we also had a lot of issues with my younger son that only got worse when covid hit. i met a good woman shortly after the separation and we were together three years but we separated recently due to her own mental health issues. i am not pursuing another relationship now. my 18 yo son lives with me full time and we recently got a puppy so i am never alone anymore. and my other son is here every other week. that's all i need right now…
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/21 07:02 AM
3

it's weird how that works out, right? my ex gets literally half of my take-home but i am living better now than before. it is just mind boggling how much of what i earned during those 25 years of marriage she flushed down the drain. i used to have to cash out stocks to pay the bills but now i live purely off salary.
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/21 06:56 AM
8

We're on the 50/50 thing, but one of my boys recently turned 18 and moved in with me full time. It has made my "off weeks" much better. We have an arrangement where the parent who doesn't have the kids that week gets to have the kids over for dinner on Wednesday nights, so we don't ever go a full week without seeing each other. That helped a lot too. But I will warn you: Those first few months (hell, the entire first year) of separation- even when we were on 50% parenting- were the most painful …
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/21 10:18 PM
1

oregon; took 10 months to get through the courts and 15 months from separation to figure out the finances/asset split. this was pre-covid, and both our attorneys said it was one of the easiest divorces they'd had in a while.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/21 10:22 PM
7

What you are planning can be considered custodial interference/parental kidnapping. It's complicated, and the laws vary by state. Seriously, talk to a family law attorney now.
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/21 01:11 AM
1

Oregon, but I think it's similar to CA. Spouses generally get half of all assets, and can command support payments indefinitely. In our agreement the payments end once she reaches retirement age. It's 50% of my take-home pay. I feel lucky to have a very good-paying job at the moment, but in this economy you never know what's coming down the road.
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/21 11:28 PM
1

I was married 25 years, we had 2 kids together- both mid-to-late teens now. The divorce took nearly an entire year (and SO much money) to finalize. Today I'm with a partner I love very much, and I have 50% parenting time (basically every other week). I am happier in some respects, but in others I still experience almost unbearable grief and sorrow, mainly around my kids. The current breakdown: Financially, if you knew how much I'm on the hook for spousal support (and for how long) you'd probably…
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/21 09:59 PM
7

I was very scared to enter the dating scene after my 25-year marriage. Not only was I late-40s with two teenage kids (every other week), but I am also short (and I don't lie about my height), which means I wouldn't even show up in the search results of most women using dating apps. I never even bothered with match, okcupid, or any hook-up apps. I signed up with eHarmony. I met 4 women for in-person dates. (2 good, 2 meh.) And I was having good text conversations with at least 3 other women by th…
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/21 09:38 PM
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