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Prize_River9642 Archive

View 0 posts and 41 comments by Prize_River9642 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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3

Protective mechanism I think? It's a struggle from our side, but is an understandable type of behaviour, I think. The cognitive dissonance and guilt if someone really is at fault for the breakdown of a marriage they still view as amazing would be quite unbearable. Having a grip on the realism of the actual thing is painful as hell but I would still rather have it, on balance. I'm working through this via emdr but it still catches me out most days. Gets easier with time though.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/26 11:15 AM
3

It was largely the same for me as for OP. I had a couple of flings, and it was a good distraction at the time. The sex did help too, to make me feel desirable again (after my wife coerced my significantly younger sister into sex and then threatened her to keep quiet about it for months afterwards). It was the comparisons for me too - building a relationship on the foundation of "I don't want to be alone" or "I need this to regulate my nervous system" rather than "I am truly satisfied being alone…
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/26 04:43 PM
3

All depends on whether you're comfortable with leading someone on for your own benefit. The fact you wrote this post, along with what you've expressed in it, says to me clearly that you're very much not okay with that. that's admirable I think. I recently had to cut off a very close female friend, who was my link to a lot of other friends, because I wasn't comfortable with her confession that she loved me. I didn't and don't view her that way, and it felt extremely mean keeping her in thrall. I …
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/26 01:58 PM
5

Addiction. The inability to face being still with herself for any prolonged period of time, and the consequent pathological need to blow things up in the most spectacular and fucked up way in order to give her mind something to focus on.
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/26 09:12 AM
2

Not well to be honest. In terms of the crash itself I'm lucky to be not more injured. I'm very bruised and my face is cut to fuck from the windshield glass, but no breaks. I had paramedics driving behind me thankfully and they told me as much. Dazzled by headlights, touched the grass, swerved across the road and into a tree. I'm honestly just doing whatever I can do get through the days at this point. Reminds me of how things were back in May. Idk brothers.
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/26 10:28 PM
7

Divorce finalised on Wednesday. Crashed my new car same day, total write off. Relapsed later the same day (wasn't DUI or anything). Bad way.
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/26 09:11 AM
1

Gotta be finding out that not only did my wife cheat on me, but with my significantly younger sister. Then, when I confronted my sister, finding out that the 'cheating' wasn't consensual but coercive. Big couple of things to stack. I'm surprised I'm still alive a lot of the time, to be honest.
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/26 10:31 AM
5

I got back on the apps about two weeks ago. I say got back on, I was never really on them in the first place. Been in a relationship for the last 15 years or so. Married for the last 7. I'm 9 months post-separation, roughly. I'm 34, divorced next week, no kids - so similar age bracket. Some early observations (YMMV): it's fucking WHIPLASH going from the conversational style that works in a marriage to small talk on the apps. Be ready for that. You will need to actually think about how what you'r…
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/26 10:38 PM
1

She SAd my younger sister. Allegedly. So no.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/26 07:33 PM
3

Came here to say exactly this. This is, 9 times out of 10 according to the posts I see on here, a female experience of divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/26 04:23 PM
1

Going through this right now. Wish me luck.
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/26 09:05 AM
6

It's been just under 8 months for me and I'm still healing. Wife also had an 'affair'. Can't really call it that in my case but close enough. I wouldn't say that I have any sense of identity back just yet. I'm plugging away on myself, keeping busy. I'm sure it will come eventually. Don't have anything insightful to add really, just saying that you're right, and you're not alone, it's painfully slow.
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/26 10:46 AM
2

Good shit dude. It's not easy coming back from divorce in general, but the mental wards are another dimension to that. It's stories like yours that really keep me going.
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/26 10:41 AM
3

I was like that at the start too. Flooding myself with as much dopamine as possible via apps. I'll be honest, none of it helped. Not really. It was almost impossible to focus on anything. The single best decision I made was to commit fully to an exercise routine. I cried before, during, and after. But now I'm 8 months in. Still fucked, but at least now I'm fucked and in good shape. I do think it has given me a base that was essential for survival.
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/26 09:20 AM
3

Right there with you. Something that has helped me is helping other people, via my work. But I'm also aware that tying my own happiness to how I serve others is a very temporary stopgap at best, and actively dissolving my internal boundaries at worst. I do think I'm co-dependent now. Feels like I'm haunting myself most days.
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/26 08:59 AM
3

It was with (done to, really) my very vulnerable younger sister when she was extremely drunk, and my wife threatened her into keeping quiet about it for months afterwards. We all lived in the same house.
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/25 07:45 AM
6

I couldn't eat properly for weeks after I found out about my ex-wife's particularly cruel brand of infidelity. Almost 7 months out, I'm now in the best shape of my life. It's not an aesthetics thing, more that I legitimately worry that I'll act on the thoughts of ending my life without something like that to ground me.
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/25 09:30 AM
2

I've stored them on an external drive like many others have said in this thread. I wanted to do something more ceremonial than just shoving them in a drawer somewhere, so I looked into ways of ritualising (ceremonialising, kind of) how, when, and where I stored them. It seems to be working so far, they're nice and tucked away. Eventually, when I'm ready, I'll store them somewhere away from the house.
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/25 09:51 AM
2

I've seen this same question answered so many times, but always in such a different way, on the divorce women sub. Interesting stuff.
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/25 07:03 AM
2

Satire account?
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/25 09:50 PM
19

No, that is absolutely fucking mental. I'm glad you seem to be handling everything well, but the idea that you would want to shake the hand of her affair partner is just absolutely mental.
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/25 03:22 PM
3

This is my plan too. Same for every difficult, heart-rending 'anniversary' day. I barely drink anymore, prefer to be fitter and have that clarity, but it is a really useful plan b to have in my back pocket. Even simply knowing it's an option is helpful in itself. Hope you have a good Christmas when it comes brother.
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/25 11:21 PM
10

Thanks - needed this today. Been having a particularly rough one after weeks of progress. I should know by this point in the process that the days after good ones tend to be worse. It is getting easier though, on the whole.
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/25 05:06 PM
1

If detaching entirely isn't an option you gotta emotionally detach ASAP. Obviously your situation might be different
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/25 08:34 PM
7

Fucking hell brother, fair play, this is grim reading. Hope you're doing okay.
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/25 06:07 PM
2

For posterity: yes, I agree 100% and would not recommend drinking at any stage in the process if you can avoid it.
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/25 03:48 PM
3

Happy birthday OP. Happy to hear you're doing well.
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/25 03:45 PM
3

Tbh? I drink. Heavily. Enables me to forget about myself for a little while.
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/25 03:38 PM
12

I've given up trying to make sense of it to be honest. Everyone involved has their own competing narratives of what happened and if I think too long about it it drives me mad. There is simply no understanding people who would rather bury their heads in the sand or live in fantasy worlds that are tangentially related to actual events - at best. It still eats at me sometimes, sure, but for me it's become about sitting with the discomfort of not knowing rather than actively looking for answers.
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/25 09:19 AM
5

Thanks for this - all really practical advice. Saved.
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/25 06:07 PM
3

Others have mentioned this but I think it's worth repeating: please don't stop going to the gym, even if you don't think it makes you feel better. I recently had a week-long enforced break from exercise due to injury and FUCK ME I felt so much worse. I suspect this is a frog in boiling water situation (but reversed, almost). In any case I feel for you man. Good luck with going back home and the confrontation itself. I hope she doesn't do anything to hurt you and remains civil.
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/25 01:23 PM
15

Facts. And those of you whose friends have helped them - say thank you. Shit can be all-consuming sometimes but expressing gratitude is healing, too.
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/25 07:28 PM
2

No problem at all - we're in this struggle together and I wish you nothing but the best. And good luck! The first few weeks will be the hardest but you'll look back and have something to show for it. We got this.
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/25 07:55 AM
2

I strongly recommend buying a cheap, adjustable workout bench and two sets of dumbbells from Amazon / Facebook marketplace. Make sure to get sets that allow you to take plates on and off. You'll need these eventually. Complete game changer if you don't have the disposable income to join a gym. Yes, gyms are more efficient, but really not necessary to get into better shape than 99% of the population, particularly if you live in America. You also save time and gas money. Get onto a workout plan - …
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/25 08:49 AM
3

Godspeed brother. I would be significantly worse off if I didn't stay consistent with my diet and lifting. I can only imagine it will help with the ladies too.
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/25 03:14 PM
1

Came here to say this. I live in Scotland but my divorce is happening through the English court system, as that's where my STBX filed. Based on my STBX's actions that led to the irretrievable breakdown of the marriage (heinous, really) she initially said she would give me back a large sum of money that my parents gifted us to buy a house. Didn't take long for her to change that tune. I believe this was strongly influenced by those around her, and built into a victim / DARVO narrative that she is…
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/25 07:49 PM
2

Sorry you're going through this brother. It sounds like you're making all the right decisions and are clear-sighted enough to see the truth and prepare for eventualities. It always inspires me to see people dealing with things so well on this and other subs. I would definitely tell your boss. I have told mine and they've been very understanding and given me a fair amount of leeway, even some compassionate leave. Personally I would get things started as soon as possible. She will likely sense som…
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/25 11:43 AM
1

I can't stress enough how positive cutting back on drinking has been for me throughout this whole horrific process. I literally couldn't even process what happened properly before I stopped. I was just walking around numb. Since cutting back I can actually feel my emotions again. It has let me begin to grieve properly and understand how to move forward.
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/25 09:28 AM
1

Stay strong brother. Remember there are better days (not 'good' yet, necessarily, but there will be) and worse days. Sometimes the pain can be unbearable, I do understand this as I'm in early, early separation myself. But sometimes moments of relative calm are all we need to build a more solid foundation for the future. Feel free to reach out.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/25 08:59 AM
1

This one really hurt to read. Thank you for sharing it. You will find an identity outside of your wife. The initial days are the hardest. Stay strong and endure.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/25 07:57 AM
2

I've found that music, particularly music my STBX and I enjoyed together, is the one thing that without fail triggers my emotions to come flooding in. Other things do it, but music does it every time. There's something about the artform that just gets directly to the heart of what it means to be human, I think, in a way that other artforms do in a more abstract way. It sounds like you might also be experiencing general depression, lack of passion about something you used to care about would 100%…
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/25 07:27 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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