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Prudent_Heat23 Archive

View 1 post and 459 comments by Prudent_Heat23 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
27

Question For WomenPrudent_Heat23/r/PurplePillDebate19/04/26 03:18 PM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
–

And people wasting away from cancer or some other disease
/r/PurplePillDebate09/07/26 08:18 PM
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I mean... this is a debate sub. How do you know they don't struggle? Opening up about dating struggles IRL is social suicide. When a guy you know goes a long time single, he has virtually no choice but to play it off like it was on his terms, true or not.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/07/26 02:30 AM
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This stuff impacts attraction. Also I’m not saying it’s the only reason or even the main reason men are rejected. I can acknowledge most rejections occur due to lack of attraction for other reasons. This is just one example of unattractive behavior.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/07/26 07:28 PM
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It’s still untrue. If a girl is decent looking and generally pleasant, most guys won’t care about a tinge of bitterness toward men. Whereas a tinge of bitterness toward women on a guy’s part is extremely icky. That’s just how it is.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/07/26 07:08 PM
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No, because it’s untrue. Men and women are different and demand different things.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/07/26 07:01 PM
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Meh, these one off stories don’t illuminate much about how most people operate.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/07/26 06:23 PM
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With “incels” being a fairly well-known thing by now, I don’t think it would take anything too weird or extreme to put off a girl. One reference to a concept loosely associated with red pill or incel ideology might nuke a budding relationship as the girl starts to wonder if he’s “one of those.”
/r/PurplePillDebate02/07/26 05:51 PM
8

What’s growing?
/r/PurplePillDebate02/07/26 02:54 AM
47

Rises in singledom and childlessness are consistent across highly developed nations, including very socially liberal ones, and have been occurring since long before this administration or the red pill movement. This would strongly suggest the conditions for rising singledom and childlessness are created by prosperous, safe, equal societies rather than some ephemeral political trend.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/07/26 10:34 PM
2

When you say “average women,” I don’t know if you literally mean the dead-on average American woman who’s 30 lbs overweight or if you have a looser definition, but whatever you had in mind, are you sure you’d be happy with it? Would those women be desirable to you? Also, are you sure meeting their on-paper criteria would translate to them being attracted to you? I should’ve initially added another bullet point: As a man, women are, by default, standoffish and suspicious of you in a way you’re no…
/r/PurplePillDebate01/07/26 07:12 PM
3

Ok, it seems like you’re answering the title question, but not the follow-up questions in the body.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/07/26 05:43 PM
1

Whomever you’d want to date
/r/PurplePillDebate01/07/26 05:41 PM
2

And what outcome(s) would you expect as a result?
/r/PurplePillDebate01/07/26 05:39 PM
6

Maybe it wouldn’t be, but you have to account for the different requirements. The following shouldn’t be controversial: Women are way more selective than men, so if you were a comparable man, you’d be seen as attractive by far fewer members of the opposite sex than you currently are. Men are responsible for initiating, leading, planning dates, escalating, etc in the early stages. So dating as a man necessitates a whole new set of social skills you don’t currently have to worry about. Men drastic…
/r/PurplePillDebate01/07/26 05:38 PM
4

So how are a bunch of attributes that don’t attract women relevant to OP’s question?
/r/PurplePillDebate01/07/26 05:26 PM
0

Significantly impacts dating success
/r/PurplePillDebate01/07/26 05:23 PM
6

Why are you confident you’d be able to attract girlfriends to treat well?
/r/PurplePillDebate01/07/26 05:22 PM
2

Do those attributes create attraction?
/r/PurplePillDebate01/07/26 05:20 PM
0

What are those areas you’re better in? Are there meaningful areas you’re worse in than most men?
/r/PurplePillDebate01/07/26 05:05 PM
0

Are you going to address his first point and define what sort of effort you’re referring to? What do men need to do more of?
/r/PurplePillDebate01/07/26 02:28 PM
1

You’re assuming more effort = more results. That’s true for some things but not attraction. There’s diminishing returns to effort which I myself have experienced. I devoted so much effort to being attractive that I lost some ability to relate to others. Attraction doesn’t operate by some simple mathematical formula like weight loss, for example. Ultimately, no matter how much effort you put in, you still have to connect on a deep level with another human being, and that cannot be brute forced.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/07/26 02:20 PM
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Not great? Yes. Far easier to find what you're looking for vs. using dating apps as a man? Also yes.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/06/26 02:07 PM
1

- Women aren't as motivated as men to find a partner. - Women don't get much of a sense of whom they'd like from still photos. Behavior, down to subtle body language ("the way he carries himself") is crucial to women. - Overwhelming noise from low-effort and/or clearly undesirable men - Feeling they'll get strung along for casual sex by men pretending to want a relationship - Safety concerns
/r/PurplePillDebate27/06/26 03:45 PM
1

Why is that so hard to believe?
/r/PurplePillDebate26/06/26 11:55 PM
2

Well, I know I think most healthy weight young women are cute, and I also know loads of other people find women cute that I don’t, because I’ve seen scores of men thirst over online pics of women that are obviously overweight.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/06/26 07:01 PM
4

This is purely a semantic issue. Being corny or nervous is part of “personality,” though admittedly not the first thing you think of when you hear “bad personality.”
/r/PurplePillDebate26/06/26 06:08 PM
1

Because that’s whose pics are on the internet with no expectation of privacy. And some terminally online guys are delusional. In real life, most young, non-overweight women are considered cute.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/06/26 05:22 PM
-2

No, face is important. My point wasn’t that face doesn’t affect attractiveness for women. It’s more that men like young women by default, unless there’s something notably wrong, while women are unattracted to men by default, unless he’s exceptional in some holistic sense.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/06/26 05:08 PM
-2

I’d agree with this, provided you acknowledge the qualifiers for “cute woman” and “attractive man” are vastly different. Cute woman: Young, not overweight, pretty normal otherwise Attractive man: Young, fit, exceptionally good face, good style, not short, outgoing, confident, funny, charming
/r/PurplePillDebate26/06/26 04:04 PM
9

What does “court” mean in that context? Here’s what’s actually far more common, based on my own experience as well as how men describe their experience online: Men’s social life provides little access to available women. Men don’t cold approach because that’s now seen as weirdo behavior. Men turn to dating apps where they drastically outnumber women and get rejected 99.9% of the time even by women well within their league.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/06/26 06:51 PM
8

What percentage of men do you think is spending money on OF girls, or other women out of their league, while complaining about splitting a check on a date as you describe? This sort of argumentation is so common around here. Women build up some easily mockable straw man guy that sure, must exist in some nonzero quantity, because in a world of 8 billion people everything does, but obviously doesn’t reflect the overwhelming majority of men who have difficulty for far more mundane and sympathetic r…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/06/26 05:58 PM
10

Or don’t pick up on it, or don’t trust their assessment of something so ambiguous even if they do notice. Wouldn’t call either of those scenarios rejection.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/06/26 05:35 PM
9

Wait… when you say men don’t “work for” their looksmatch, you mean they don’t buy her enough shit? If you want a man who can support a family, you want one who makes sound financial decisions, not one who pisses money away trying to impress women.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/06/26 04:43 PM
1

All you’ve shown is that men rejecting women exists. You’ve gotten nowhere in proving that it occurs at a similar rate to women rejecting men. Also who says these men are rejecting their looks match? What about in-shape men that reject overweight women?
/r/PurplePillDebate25/06/26 04:37 PM
2

Okay, some men don’t want overweight women and remain single. How does this prove men reject women at a similar rate?
/r/PurplePillDebate25/06/26 04:11 PM
40

Your evidence all men have some interested women is a guy with Hinge matches? Matches only indicate genuine, actionable interest if the person you matched with puts effort into conversing with you, which most don’t. While we’re on the topic of dating apps, keep in mind with men being ~3:1 on those things, that alone guarantees men are being rejected far more than women at least in that space.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/06/26 03:41 PM
7

Why do those statements convey an air of superiority?
/r/PurplePillDebate25/06/26 12:48 AM
1

I see women say this all the time here. But then when asked about their own dating app experience, women invariably say it was super exhausting. Which is it?
/r/PurplePillDebate25/06/26 12:18 AM
5

Who's taking pride? Does claiming to have low standards = taking pride in it?
/r/PurplePillDebate25/06/26 12:15 AM
3

Even if the guy can avoid thinking about it, I doubt most women can. It's a near-universal insecurity among women according to my gf. Though most guys, if she brings it up, probably feed their gf the bullshit line "of course you'll always be the most beautiful woman in the world to me babe" to shut her up and move on.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/26 12:04 AM
0

Like I said, I hope what you’re describing ends up being true for me, and I appreciate the reasoning behind what you’re saying. What I take issue with is the notion that this concern is some silly thing only a socially stunted autist incel would dream up. It’s not. Btw I’m in my late 30’s, so I wonder if it’s normal to barely be attracted to women that are only a bit older than I am at this point.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/06/26 09:07 PM
3

It’s not some incel thing. I have a girlfriend and have had girlfriends before her. When I notice the vast majority of women are not attractive to me by age 40+ and none are attractive to me by age 50+, naturally I’m concerned about what that’ll mean for my future with an aging wife. I hope you’re right about everything else, but your last paragraph and some of your other comments here are way off base. It’s a completely natural and valid concern.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/06/26 08:47 PM
6

It’s a poorly defined term I don’t use, which is why I’m trying to get a definition out of those using it in their arguments.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/06/26 10:06 PM
3

It is a description of various thought patterns you believe patriarchy is responsible for. That still doesn’t answer: what is the definition of patriarchy?
/r/PurplePillDebate22/06/26 09:47 PM
7

Good lord. No point in continuing this I see.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/06/26 09:37 PM
4

Those paragraphs are absolutely not a definition of patriarchy. They’re descriptions of various thought patterns some people have, and you’re (ostensibly) attributing the ubiquity of those thought patterns to “patriarchy.” That doesn’t define what patriarchy is. What is it? Tell me about this force causing people to think a certain way. Who’s part of it? How does it exert influence?
/r/PurplePillDebate22/06/26 09:23 PM
7

Those are just descriptions of ways in which some people think. Who or what is “patriarchy” and how does it relate to these thought patterns OP describes?
/r/PurplePillDebate22/06/26 09:09 PM
11

Define “patriarchy” as you’re using it in this context.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/06/26 08:29 PM
–

I’m guessing OP means feminists believe gender differences in particular are 100% nurture?
/r/PurplePillDebate22/06/26 09:33 AM
0

Easy. The guy who goes around biting and threatening people could still be bold, fun, confident, and good at cutting through the initial awkwardness of dating. These are social skills that attract women before they find out he’s also a maniac weirdo.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/26 05:02 AM
-1

Women are not holistically “doing better” than men. Women graduate college at a higher rate than men. Obtaining a degree is not the sole measure of life success. More men study relatively lucrative STEM subjects. More men go into trades which often leads to better careers than say a psych degree. Men are significantly fitter on average measured by bodyfat %. (Before someone points out women are supposed to have higher bodyfat %, that’s taken into account.) If your hypothesis was correct, men who…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/06/26 05:31 PM
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Men are answering what age women are no longer attractive to them. Let me clarify: your use of the word “exposes” seems to imply something unsavory is being revealed here. Is that the correct interpretation? If so, can you specify what unsavory way of thinking is being shown?
/r/PurplePillDebate12/06/26 07:38 PM
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What exactly is being exposed?
/r/PurplePillDebate12/06/26 06:28 PM
4

My pet peeve (wrt the 2nd bullet point) is “advice” that’s nothing more than telling people to get good at something everyone already wants to be good at. It adds literally nothing to anyone’s understanding. The million dollar question (really the only question) is HOW? And some version of “practice” isn’t sufficient. Everyone needs to practice the skills they’re trying to build, ofc, but someone who lacks a natural intuition for social dynamics will just be practicing doing it wrong without als…
/r/PurplePillDebate11/06/26 09:55 PM
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I get the feeling OP believes she has strong social skills because she's not socially observant and/or experienced enough to understand her limitations. Despite constantly lecturing guys on social skills, her posts demonstrate no understanding of social dynamics beyond the "be nice and considerate" type stuff you learn as a kid. Even though I admit I'm not the best socially, I'm at least at the level where I have experience in spaces with actually socially gifted people to see where I'm a bit ou…
/r/PurplePillDebate10/06/26 12:25 AM
3

Why does it have to be that way though? It’s a bleak view of humanity: Certain values lead to desirable outcomes in real, demonstrable ways, yet you’re claiming that’s insufficient to convince the masses to uphold those values, and the only way to do so is to tie them to made-up supernatural nonsense. Why do you believe that’s the only way?
/r/PurplePillDebate09/06/26 09:16 PM
8

If religious values generate good outcomes, then those values should be promoted on their own merit, without invoking a made-up God.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/06/26 03:13 PM
–

What narrative is incompatible with the fact that some men do bad things?
/r/PurplePillDebate08/06/26 08:44 PM
–

I read the post, how do street crackheads relate to the concept of brotherhood or the red pill?
/r/PurplePillDebate08/06/26 08:32 PM
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I truly don’t understand the thesis here. Menacing street lunatics harassing passersby are generally male, agreed. And? How does that relate in any way whatsoever to the subject material of this sub?
/r/PurplePillDebate08/06/26 08:31 PM
5

In all the years I've been in various relationships, I've remained socially active but (for obvious reasons) put zero effort into attracting other women. How many women did that carefree attitude attract that I had to turn down to remain faithful? Zero. Meanwhile, I got into all those relationships by putting specific effort into finding someone. Expressing yourself authentically is solid advice, but your title is way too broad. Effort is needed to do things that make you interesting, put yourse…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/06/26 03:15 PM
9

No, you misunderstood. I was addressing how she responds to counterpoints to things she argued with some variation of "well duh, you should've figured that out a long time ago," effectively doing a 180 from the position she initially argued to claiming that same position is obviously false.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/06/26 02:27 PM
11

That was not remotely a personal attack.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/06/26 12:07 PM
12

Everyone should’ve figured out as a kid that the arguments you make are wrong… interesting position to take.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/06/26 11:39 AM
7

You sound like your worldview is informed by extremist online attention whores rather than actual life experience. If your examples misandry were more along the lines of viewing men with inherent suspicion and assuming bad intentions or negative traits until proven otherwise, then I’d agree with you. But virtually nobody says men need to die in wars or be more lonely. That’s a cartoonish straw man of misandry.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/06/26 07:01 PM
–

Knowing that preselection (appearing wanted by other women) is an important factor in attraction, how different are those two things?
/r/PurplePillDebate04/06/26 05:36 PM
–

People generally recognize that most things are governed by a combination of controllable and uncontrollable factors. That doesn’t mean everything has an equal stigma.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/06/26 04:25 PM
–

They don’t though. Your cancer and bullying examples don’t at all reflect the typical reactions to those things. Whereas men who fail in dating are such an acceptable punching bag that “incel” is now a mainstream generic insult.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/06/26 03:57 PM
–

Swiping right on incompatible women makes sense because the alternative of taking the time to evaluate every single woman’s profile for compatibility even though ~99% will just swipe left on you anyway is a colossally inefficient waste of time. It means cumulatively wasting hours upon hours evaluating women who end up rejecting you at a glance. It sucks, but that’s how it is. Sometimes, people behaving rationally according to their incentives leads to a crappy situation for everyone. Game Theory…
/r/PurplePillDebate03/06/26 11:59 PM
–

I agree too many men using the “swipe right on everyone and sort ‘em out later” strategy ruins the app experience for everyone, but at the same time, it’s totally understandable for guys who match on an extremely low percentage (ie most guys). Taking the time to evaluate each profile knowing each one has a 99.9% probability of going nowhere is so insanely, comically inefficient I wouldn’t even call it a viable strategy. From these guys’ perspective, it makes perfect sense to save serious evaluat…
/r/PurplePillDebate03/06/26 03:38 PM
0

I mean, conventional wisdom is that if you’re not succeeding with people who meet your standards, then you should relax those standards somewhat. While you’re here making negative judgments about men who do just that, other people make negative judgments about men who keep insisting on standards that have proven unrealistic for them. It’s a no win.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/06/26 11:39 PM
2

What, concretely, are men doing to give you all these impressions?
/r/PurplePillDebate02/06/26 09:57 PM
6

Easy: A handful of creepy or overtly sexual guys make for funny stories, but women reject the vast majority of guys due to a mundane lack of attraction and chemistry. Attraction and chemistry are very difficult to generate in the context of online dating, so 99% of guys fall into this category even if there’s nothing notably wrong with many of them. Women who are honest and don’t have a compulsion to frame themselves as a victim describe it as a sea of NPCs they feel nothing towards, not a sea o…
/r/PurplePillDebate02/06/26 09:26 PM
2

Some people actually are pretty consistently witty and funny though. And without a doubt, that helps them win friends and attract women. What you’re pointing to are try-hard clowns who lack the natural talent but force it anyway and mistake people’s polite chuckles for sincere amusement. This is an important distinction.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/05/26 10:24 AM
–

It's true there are novel methods to learn the basics, but that just speaks even more to the original point that games like basketball and chess are far more straightforward to learn than social skills. And I guess a better way of saying it would be, writing and public speaking skills are not very transferrable to flirting or being funny and/or likable. So the point that writing and public speaking can be practiced alone still isn't really relevant.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/05/26 01:21 AM
–

Yeah. Everyone can agree social skills are crucial for adult success, and that many people enter adulthood bad at them. Yet the current school model of sit down, shut up and be forcefed useless information you have no interest in doesn’t budge. I say this as someone who excelled academically… I still feel like at least 90% of school was a waste of energy.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/05/26 12:51 AM
–

You seem to be talking about improving at the advanced/elite level whereas I’m talking about improving from beginner to decent. That is straightforward for games and sports and hardly changes no matter how much the game evolves. Not sure the relevance of being able to practice writing or public speaking on your own… those are totally different beasts than being socially likable.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/05/26 10:54 PM
–

Improving social skills is possible but nowhere near as straightforward as improving at basketball or chess. There are books on social skills, but the advice therein is far more abstract than advice on how to play a game. If you conceive of social skills as a game where the object is to have a good time, be well-liked and be attractive to women, then you can see that’d be an incredibly complex game with countless variables compared to any actual game. Basketball and chess have ways to practice o…
/r/PurplePillDebate21/05/26 09:22 PM
1

I looked through every automod reply and though a few of them are dripping with bitterness as usual, not a single one implies behavior doesn’t matter to female arousal. Which ones were you referring to?
/r/PurplePillDebate20/05/26 01:21 PM
–

“Post wall” is not a bash. It just describes the reality of aging in our species without moral judgment. Men readily admit attraction is paramount and can laugh at themselves for having pursued someone of lousy character because they found her hot. Women are criticized when they behave the same way while claiming moral goodness is paramount for them but just sooo hard to find, shifting the blame away from their choices and onto men as a whole for [supposedly] collectively being shit.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/05/26 09:39 PM
4

Idk, seems in line with silly guy humor to me, but very possible I just gravitate toward guys with especially edgelordy and absurd senses of humor.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/05/26 01:05 AM
6

That's one meaning of "speak to women like humans" but there's also a common refrain that you should just talk to women like you'd talk to anybody, i.e. there's no particular way you need to talk to someone just because she's a woman, which is a dumb oversimplification because if you actually do that, you're seen as a weirdo and a creep (unless you and your male buddies have an unusually milquetoast sense of humor and are exceptionally sensitive overall). This joke is different from typical crud…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/05/26 12:28 AM
7

Dude I'm not going to waste my time if all you're going to do is collapse away every bit of nuance and make ad hominem attacks. Your replies are a manual in how not to argue productively.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/05/26 07:32 PM
1

Yes by far.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/05/26 04:46 PM
2

I think I know what answer you're looking for. In scenario 1, most people would just remain single, and in scenario 2, men would fall all over themselves to be nice and accommodating to get with those women. And obviously it's true. BUT Your scenarios are essentially framed as "what if men couldn't do what was expected of men, and what if women couldn't do what was expected of men?" Of course men suffer more from being unable to meet what's expected of them than women suffer from being unable to…
/r/PurplePillDebate17/05/26 04:43 PM
3

Oh I agree making a joke like that to a woman would do more harm than good in most cases. But it is a reflection of how lots of men naturally joke around with their male buddies. So then why are people telling men to "be themselves" and "talk to women like normal human beings?" Shouldn't we being telling them to curate a character for a female audience that's safe and comfortable but capable of flirting and escalating in a non-weird way? And then detail what it means to flirt and escalate in a n…
/r/PurplePillDebate17/05/26 04:24 PM
9

It's a narrow target to hit between creepy/cringey (like the above) and boring/forgettable. The target is at a different point on the spectrum for each woman, and the guy of course has no way of knowing where it is at first. Some women may find that "easy access" line funny and endearing if delivered in the right context with a properly nonserious tone. Men are constantly told "be yourself" and "talk to women like normal humans," and then often chastised when they do just that. What if "being yo…
/r/PurplePillDebate17/05/26 04:09 PM
1

Name a single action or trait that is done by someone in that position that can't also be done by any other guy, even guys it doesn't come naturally to? Having the body language, facial expressions, and voice tone of someone who's at ease and in his element while acting out being the life of the party. It's all way too much to control in the moment. And women are very good at picking up on it compared to men. Secondarily, consistently thinking of the right things to say in the heat of the moment…
/r/PurplePillDebate16/05/26 12:09 AM
1

Okay agreed, though that mindset can still veer into cringey brute-forcing it territory if you’re overly concerned about talking to everyone regardless of whether you have anything in mind to talk about. This is a wall I hit a lot. I see someone and think “oh I should talk to him or her….. about what though?” And nothing arises. Blank. Some people’s brains deliver them those conversation starters, mine just isn’t oriented that way. In those scenarios, I’ve come to realize inaction is the less ba…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/05/26 04:17 PM
1

Maybe I took you too literally. If “life of the party” doesn’t necessarily refer to an actual party and could include something like having a lively philosophical discussion with a few friends then I agree.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/05/26 03:46 PM
0

Yes, many people are not cut out to be managers or business owners either. I agree you don’t know what you’re capable of from the getgo, and thus would encourage anyone to use their young adulthood to try shit. But don’t expect to be able to be whatever you’d like. Don’t expect to be able to force your way into a “life of the party” persona because those guys get laid a lot, or a C-suite persona because those guys get wealthy. Along the trying shit journey, you discover your limitations. Everyon…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/05/26 03:30 PM
1

Yeah, but there’s difference between improving your social competence and being someone you’re not. People do generally become more sure of themselves, less impulsive, less cliquey, etc. as they outgrow their awkward teenage years. “Life of the party,” on the other hand, is a particular temperament that many people just are not cut out for, and if they try to act it out, it looks cringey. Those people are much better off striving for a friendlier, more confident version of who they actually are.…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/05/26 02:56 PM
1

Quiet, analytical type guys may have a small dating pool, but a guy trying to fake a persona that doesn’t come naturally to him has zero dating pool.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/05/26 12:49 PM
11

So all groups of people are ruined because they all contain a few terrible people?
/r/PurplePillDebate14/05/26 03:47 PM
23

What do a handful of internet lunatics have to do with anything I said?
/r/PurplePillDebate14/05/26 02:04 AM
37

Correction, people neck-deep in internet gender war brainrot moralize men's inability to be selected. Normal people with life experience see unselected men as guys who need some style and self-confidence, not terrible misogynists.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/05/26 12:28 AM
35

Well, it's generally true that chronically single women are single by choice, while chronically single men have tried and failed to attract a partner. Where the narrative gets unfair is chalking that up to men=bad partners, women=good partners. The much more defensible explanation is that men get non-specifically horny in a way women don't.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/05/26 12:19 AM
–

This actually made me reflect. I used to behave this way, like I distinctly remember getting ready for many a date thinking "ugh why did I schedule this, I'm clearly not into it." It was like I had an invisible critic in my ear telling me "Who are you to reject her? There's nothing objectively wrong with her, she's okay looking, not obviously overweight, and willing to give you a shot. If you reject her for some nebulous 'not feeling it' type reason, you're being unreasonably picky." I just refu…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/05/26 12:05 AM
–

Well the issue is, even the fittest men are drowned out pursuing thin women. Only 10-15% of women are at a healthy bodyfat percentage, and those are the women most men want. Supply and demand are way out of whack, so the competition is utterly insane.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/05/26 11:09 PM
–

The problem I’m pointing to is once I did get matches, 95% put no effort into conversing
/r/PurplePillDebate12/05/26 04:33 PM
–

How is the company who designed the app at fault for lack of effort on the part of the user base?
/r/PurplePillDebate12/05/26 04:15 PM
–

Ok but the point is it’s still a hellscape even if you do it right. If you put in effort, then it starts to feel shitty how seldom your effort is reciprocated.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/05/26 03:53 PM
–

When I did OLD I had pics of me out traveling, hiking, etc, and a thought out bio, plus I was very fit and had a good career. Still a hellscape.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/05/26 03:44 PM
–

I have a theory that the guys who experience dating as a mega-competitive hellscape are those exclusively pursuing women of healthy bodyfat %, while the “it’s easy just be normal bro” crowd tolerates women who are a bit overweight.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/05/26 03:39 PM
2

Agreed but it’s not “inhibited dudes” posting this drivel about how any amount of disagreeability makes you an asshole. And more power to you if the stuff you posted isn’t hard for you but it’s extremely hard for some guys. Those inhibitions you allude to run deep and are very difficult to overcome. Your [generally good] message would land better without the dismissiveness.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/05/26 02:35 AM
5

What do you think was the catalyst for society becoming less racist?
/r/PurplePillDebate09/05/26 07:02 PM
11

I halfway agree but you're missing a key nuance: we'll never get everyone to collectively act against their incentives. Surely you'd agree society is infinitesimally as racist as it used to be generations ago? That's a massive culture shift where everyone collectively decided to act differently to solve a problem. Turns out it's not in the individual's best interest to exclude others on the basis of race. Now in this case, I agree you'll never get men to collectively stop chasing women, because …
/r/PurplePillDebate09/05/26 06:49 PM
0

Elon Musk has no power. Everyone can just stop doing business with him or selling anything to him and his money would be useless, he wouldn't be able to do anything about it. Right?
/r/PurplePillDebate09/05/26 04:50 PM
5

A moderately disagreeable person shouldn’t come off unpleasant, offensive or ill-tempered. They should come off as someone who’s willing to speak what they believe to be true (which makes you more interesting and adds value to conversations), someone who’s willing to take social risks and make that joke that might not land, and someone who’s not a spineless pushover.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/05/26 09:23 PM
7

Ok let me be more specific: read all the sentences.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/05/26 08:44 PM
9

Read past the first sentence.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/05/26 08:24 PM
7

Being moderately disagreeable is absolutely not a bad thing. It’s not the more agreeable the better. You need to strike a balance. Overly agreeable people are boring, spineless wimps; overly disagreeable people are assholes.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/05/26 07:51 PM
26

Yeah, all this “terrible personality” talk is so comically lacking in nuance it’s useless. Can OP define what she means by a terrible personality? Does someone with over-inhibition, nervous body language, and male-dominant interests have a terrible personality?
/r/PurplePillDebate08/05/26 05:06 PM
2

I think OP is referring to a particular subset of women who are in the minority, yet make up the majority of men’s dating interactions due to their wildly disproportionate amount of time spent on the market. Most men do eventually settle down with someone, but it’s not uncommon at all to experience feelings of frustration and powerlessness along the way, because single + actively looking women with healthy expectations really do feel like unicorns. Nobody ever argues the job market isn’t insanel…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/05/26 02:23 AM
2

I know this is an awfully short response given all you wrote, but I think it gets to the heart of the matter. In your experience, which men tend to be the ones with serious romantic struggles: aggressive, stoic men, or passive, meek, emotionally reactive men?
/r/PurplePillDebate01/05/26 08:39 PM
7

He’s not saying women are better quality, he’s saying their intentions are more straightforward bc they (generally) have no desire to have sex with you under false pretenses and dump you… and if they did, tbh you’d probably be more than okay with it.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/05/26 07:28 PM
9

I agree. I think the traumas each gender is susceptible to from dating are comparable: Men deal with apathy and suspicion from the opposite sex, feelings of deprivation, unwantedness and hopelessness; women deal with dishonesty and aggression from the opposite sex, feelings of threat/vulnerability, being misled and used. What I don’t think is comparable is likelihood of getting into a relationship when wanted. There are far more men actively looking than women, which alone guarantees men will ul…
/r/PurplePillDebate01/05/26 07:07 PM
10

This is a great way of putting it, but I wonder how much men seeking sex first and then maybe a relationship if things go well is confused for men seeking to pump and dump from the outset. I don’t think the latter is actually very common. I think most men are ultimately seeking a relationship and view sex as part of the “compatibility measuring” stage, whereas women only want to have sex if they’ve already decided they’re into the guy.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/05/26 06:47 PM
2

From a purely animalistic perspective, “tossing semen around” is a viable strategy to pass on one’s genes. The offspring won’t all die, even without a father. It’s not compatible with modern values. You and I would both prefer men to be good husbands and fathers. But on a purely instinctual level, that’s not the only way. You can roll a couple high-probability dice, or many low-probability dice. In what way are men cultivating traits that make them terrible partners and parents? Further, do you …
/r/PurplePillDebate01/05/26 04:54 PM
3

This is interesting, but also has a questionable embedded assumption: that being seen as masculine is the end itself, rather than means to an end of being attractive to women. It’s helpful to keep in mind we’re ultimately big-brained animals with DNA optimized to make it through to future generations. The only way to do that is to be sexually selected. Knowing that, isn’t it more likely that attempts to be a “real man” are (subconsciously) chasing the end goal of being sexually selected, rather …
/r/PurplePillDebate01/05/26 03:43 PM
1

Yep there is a lot I disagree with that isn’t written in the exact style of chat GPT, this isn’t one of them. Relax, I just asked you to justify an assumption, I’m not “triggered.”
/r/PurplePillDebate01/05/26 03:31 PM
5

Hi ChatGPT, why are you assuming men are so motivated by validation? What if men just have a primal need for touch, intimacy, love and sex with a woman?
/r/PurplePillDebate01/05/26 02:37 PM
–

People in their 30s and 40s were all born after 1976 so I still think the ultra-processed zillion ingredient foods aren’t a recent enough development to fully explain the rise in cancer, though I could be wrong there. Regardless, scientists are supposed to question what’s going on rather than assume whatever explanation seems plausible. The latter would not be very scientific. And even if we did know food additives were behind this, that’s still a nowhere near complete explanation until we find …
/r/PurplePillDebate01/05/26 02:57 AM
5

No, once again, what they're suggesting is hot people have their asshole tendencies overlooked.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/05/26 01:13 AM
–

Haven't the older age cohorts also spent their lives eating shitty junk food? That goes back way further.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/05/26 12:57 AM
14

Nobody suggests otherwise. The hot asshole is a trope because hot people are the ones whose red flags are overlooked, not because anyone believes only hot people can be assholes.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/05/26 12:29 AM
3

I disagree with a lot of the red pill, but still favor it because mainstream thinking is so ridiculously chock full of sacred cows that get in the way of honest inquiry into what’s true. You must never acknowledge natural, immutable behavioral differences between men and women. You must never acknowledge that humans are ultimately big-brained animals shaped by evolutionary pressures just like the rest. You must never acknowledge any instance in any facet of life of men being dealt a more difficu…
/r/PurplePillDebate30/04/26 11:34 PM
1

I recommend phenibut for this purpose if you have the self-discipline to use it sparingly so you don’t get addicted. It’s so utterly superior to alcohol. But like I said… use sparingly.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/04/26 09:28 PM
1

Enabled to do what? Abusively socialized out of what? Do you fully reject the notion that social awkwardness is a bigger hindrance for men because they're expected to initiate and because women have more unforgiving standards at least when it comes to that?
/r/PurplePillDebate30/04/26 12:10 AM
8

Yes, only the red pill can account for a single instance of a famous athlete moving from woman to woman. Nobody else would ever have imagined.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/04/26 02:42 AM
–

lol, it’s clear enough now you are not a productive person to discuss this with, and I’m not going to spend any more time.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/04/26 09:35 PM
–

Stop making ad hominem attacks. To be clear, the data doesn’t merely say autistic women are more likely to have had sex at some point. It says they’re more likely (by far) to currently be in a relationship. It is fair to label that better outcomes.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/04/26 09:06 PM
4

Well of course some do, but in the aggregate, autistic women are far more likely to be in a relationship than autistic men. You’re the one who wanted to compare. I didn’t bring up the plight of socially awkward women, you did, and you brought it up specifically to compare it to the plight of socially awkward men. So since you mentioned it, I must point out it’s clear that awkwardness creates worse outcomes for men than for women.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/04/26 08:46 PM
14

Now I know “autistic” isn’t exactly the same thing as “awkward,” but it’s a good proxy, and it’s very well-documented that autistic women have far better romantic outcomes than autistic men. I don’t believe there are any studies on merely awkward people since “awkward” is such a subjective criterion, but the studies on autistic people are very telling with regard to how crucial social intuition is for each gender.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/04/26 08:25 PM
18

Did you show proof of anything you’re saying? I’m sure someone less lazy than me can dig up studies on traits that predict romantic success which would be in line with my claims. But I’m just describing my own social observations, as are you.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/04/26 05:39 PM
8

I am doing no such thing. I described the individual behaviors that commonly lead to lack of social and romantic success.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/04/26 05:26 PM
41

Everyone wants to focus on the extreme/memorable examples and not the common, mundane examples. Very few men fail socially and romantically because of anything you describe. The mass of socially/romantically unsuccessful men is, generally speaking, polite and nice. They fail because they don’t carry themselves with confidence and are conversationally stiff and awkward. Their social discomfort is contagious and they struggle to make things fun and lively, so they add no value to social environmen…
/r/PurplePillDebate28/04/26 05:09 PM
9

lol, why do the mods allow her to make a new post every day just relitigating her recent arguments?
/r/PurplePillDebate28/04/26 01:43 PM
28

Well if a society is to be monogamous, regular men need to be included. If women don’t find value in at least some regular men who share their temperament and values, then that leaves either polygamy or most people simply being alone. I don’t think too many people want to head in either of those directions.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/04/26 01:36 AM
3

That does not even begin to make sense.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/04/26 12:47 AM
4

Fair enough, but a lot of times, “is” and “ought” get confused in these discussions, meaning a guy describes how something is, and people read into it a “and it ought to change” that was never actually said.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/04/26 11:10 PM
8

Who exactly is “y’all”? I know I didn’t say that. It’s not anything anyone needs to work on. It’s just human nature.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/04/26 11:06 PM
51

I think you’re making the same point as those men you believe you’re arguing against, without realizing it. When they say women are wanted for who they are, they mean women provide value to men just by existing as normal women, not doing or being anything exceptional, while the reverse doesn’t hold. Your points about sex and motherhood in essence say the same thing: the body of a normal 25 year old woman is valuable to men, because it is sexually arousing and capable of bearing a child. A man ju…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/04/26 10:06 PM
1

Good lord, you’re doing the EXACT THING I warned about in the comment you replied to. Do you really, truly, honestly believe that’s a fair steel man summary of all four of the comments you linked? What is your goal in debating here? To learn from each other’s perspective, or to prove your predetermined conclusion that the other side is unreasonable?
/r/PurplePillDebate27/04/26 08:30 PM
5

See, these are nuanced arguments (which I don’t fully agree with), but the problem is OP takes nuanced arguments like these and boils them down to some laughably simplistic, black-and-white straw man. She (along with many on Reddit) has no interest in engaging with that nuance and maybe learning something about different perspectives, rather, she’s just looking for an easy excuse to fling mud at those she perceives as enemies. So it’s not that no one here ever pushes back on “learn social skills…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/04/26 06:40 PM
12

Okay, then here’s my “advice” to women: Become more attractive and choose better men. There, I literally just told you what to do, so if you can’t figure it out by now, you must be lazy or low IQ.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/04/26 02:20 PM
7

“Actionable” is not the same as “possible.” Actionable advice doesn’t just tell the person to do the thing they’re wondering how to do to begin with.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/04/26 02:06 PM
28

No one ever said learning better social skills isn’t actionable, just that your particular advice isn’t. Your posts are almost always attacking a straw man.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/04/26 01:54 PM
2

Chimps do have social hierarchy and alpha males. We’re a lot more like chimps than wolves.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/26 05:56 PM
2

If tempted to take this seriously, please read to the last line
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/26 03:46 AM
10

Do you apply this way of thinking to areas where women complain about having the short end of the stick? (for example, men being treated as more competent)
/r/PurplePillDebate24/04/26 01:01 PM
6

Ok now I’m just confused as to what the hell you’re even saying lol
/r/PurplePillDebate24/04/26 04:53 AM
7

No, okay here’s the point: You’ve put a claim up for debate that doesn’t have any coherent opposite. The opposite claim is a logically self-defeating statement. Therefore there is no possible debate to be had about your claim. If you don’t believe me, please state the opposite of your claim and see if it makes sense.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/04/26 03:28 AM
9

No but how is anyone supposed to disagree with this? It's not available to those competent enough to get it? Well then by definition those people aren't competent enough to get it.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/04/26 12:48 AM
18

casual sex occurs all across the attractiveness spectrum. See, that would actually be a thesis worth debating. OP's thesis is just a tautology.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/04/26 12:45 AM
59

"You can have this thing if you just figure out how to get it!" Very insightful.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/04/26 12:34 AM
–

I agree some women have a vetting problem. But would you agree other women have a problem with a low-quality pool of interested men, because they have little to offer to non-desperate, well-intentioned men? And would you agree self-improvement is the way to rectify that problem?
/r/PurplePillDebate24/04/26 12:16 AM
–

“Vetting is the bottleneck” assumes there are good options pursuing you and it’s just a matter of choosing them, which completely undermines the female consensus here that dating is just as hard for them bc all their options are low quality. Another possibility must be considered - that some women only have low-quality, desperate men pursuing them, or are only being pursued only for easy sex… and that would be because those women don’t have much to offer and therefore could turn around their res…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/04/26 09:06 PM
–

Yes, that’s precisely where I’m going with this. Female self-improvement hardly ever comes up, and when it does, women are surprisingly resistant to it. Yet it’s just as crucial for women who struggle to be taken seriously by high-quality men as it is for men who struggle with lack of options.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/04/26 07:44 PM
–

They do when their argument against self-improvement is not needing to because they already can obtain plenty of options
/r/PurplePillDebate23/04/26 07:14 PM
–

The point is a contradiction in the consensus view of two different topics. That definitely was not addressed.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/04/26 07:01 PM
–

It’s one thing to completely not address the point, but then to also then cap it with a “the end” as though your brilliant take is all that could ever need to be said about the topic… lol
/r/PurplePillDebate23/04/26 06:54 PM
–

Women here on the topic of who has it harder in dating: We have it just as hard, sure we get a lot of matches on apps but they’re low quality men just blindly swiping right, it’s just as hard for us to find someone good. Women here on the topic of self-improvement: We don’t need to improve ourselves for men, we have plenty of options, that’s not the issue for us. Which is it?
/r/PurplePillDebate23/04/26 06:44 PM
-1

Your original comment isn’t about the semantics of the word “desperate.” It states men just want any woman. That’s false.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/04/26 06:03 PM
-1

You presented a perspective that almost no man would agree with as men’s perspective.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/04/26 05:55 PM
-2

Please remove this guy’s privilege to speak on behalf of men.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/04/26 05:49 PM
2

We can debate all day about how normal it is for a man’s happiness to be dependent on having a romantic partner, but regardless… what’s the takeaway here? That they should feel differently? No one can just decide to not be sad. If a man has done everything in his power to build a good life and still feels like his mental state generally sucks not having a partner, then his mind is just oriented in a certain way. Not sure what one can do about that.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/04/26 05:55 PM
48

Do you think there aren’t men with friends and hobbies and a life and all that who still feel depressed about not having a girlfriend?
/r/PurplePillDebate21/04/26 11:39 PM
2

That’s a great writeup.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/04/26 09:31 PM
1

How is confidence instilled early on?
/r/PurplePillDebate21/04/26 09:09 PM
3

Well there is a small percentage of men who do give legit insights. Same with women though. The trope of “women can’t give good advice” prob comes from comparing the most insightful men with the typical woman. You’re right to point out that it’s silly.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/04/26 11:40 AM
1

Ok, fair point then. Probably the case that most men struggle to articulate how they succeed just as most women struggle to specify what behaviors attract them.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/04/26 11:25 AM
1

You’re probably right that most men lack insight as well, but I must point out I specifically framed the question to avoid those sorts of generic replies and focus only on actionable specifics.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/04/26 10:56 AM
2

This deserves to be its own post. Wow. It probably won’t get seen as much as it deserves here. Interesting how many women report men coming off desperate and having no standards, just seeing dates as obstacles between them and (interchangeable) pussy. I’ve probably been guilty of that in the past. It’s a very useful takeaway.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/04/26 10:28 AM
5

One example (and I’m sure this could apply to some men too): If you’re trying to get to know someone, when they’re talking about something, don’t only ever ask canned/generic follow-ups (e.g. “do you like it?”). People that are fun to talk to invariably ask specific follow-ups triggered by something that was said… the kind that arise in the moment from engaged listening and curiosity. This is how you actually learn about someone, make them feel heard, and provoke them to explore new thoughts. IM…
/r/PurplePillDebate21/04/26 10:11 AM
2

For every social “rule,” there’s a skillful way to break it. Doesn’t change the fact that it’s a common pitfall for less-than-skillful people who would benefit from just understanding the rule to begin with.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/04/26 05:23 AM
9

This is so uncalled for lol, like you can ask for an example if interested or ignore it if not, what on earth does that comment add to the discussion besides bitterness?
/r/PurplePillDebate21/04/26 02:54 AM
1

Idk if you realize it but you’re well on your way to something insightful and actionable here. How does this people-pleasing attitude manifest as behavior?
/r/PurplePillDebate21/04/26 02:49 AM
1

You don’t need to be. We all observe people behaving in ways we find likable and in ways we find offputting. It’s not hard to come up with a common example or two.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/04/26 01:24 AM
21

Agreed but it was framed as the common social mistakes men make, so whatever you see a lot of is fair game, doesn’t have to apply to me or anyone in particular. I could easily give a few specific things women commonly do wrong that can serve as actionable tips, if ever asked to.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/04/26 11:46 PM
1

This is an excellent/relatable writeup.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/04/26 11:04 PM
8

You didn’t seem to comprehend my previous comment so I’ll say it again: I did not ask for personal advice. Go find the thread. There’s nothing whatsoever pertaining to me or my situation. I upvoted the responses I thought were good, and shared my overall takeaway here from the majority of the responses. I’ve never seen someone here go and reply “thank you” to each response their question receives.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/04/26 10:55 PM
12

This is a debate forum and I asked people to elaborate on something that frequently comes up in debates (that men need to improve their personalities - but never how) because it adds something important to the collective discussion here. Not sure why you jumped to the conclusion that I expected personal advice or help. I have a gf and a social life and never framed the question as pertaining to me at all. It’s totally fair to assess that most of the responses lacked insight. Dude there’s really …
/r/PurplePillDebate20/04/26 10:03 PM
9

I’m not “blaming” anyone. No one has an obligation to give tips to strangers. Just pointing out that such insights are, at least from what I see, rare and usually drowned out by useless noise.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/04/26 09:05 PM
21

It’s true internet advice aimed at a broad audience may not address the needs of the individual reading it. So in that sense you’re correct, the best advice is targeted. That said, it’s possible to give specific, actionable advice that would be useful to at least a high percentage of a broad internet audience. I’ve seen it done and am capable of it myself even though I’m not the best socially. For example- When someone is talking about themself or something that interests them, don’t immediately…
/r/PurplePillDebate20/04/26 08:50 PM
86

I don’t think it’s privilege-guarding so much as lacking insight because they haven’t needed it. I posted a thread here yesterday inviting women to give their best specific, actionable social tips to men. There were a few quality bits but the vast majority of responses were either decidedly non-specific, non-actionable, “do this better” type advice, or focused on the tiny minority of men who make them uncomfortable rather than the masses of forgettable polite men who simply fail to create a spar…
/r/PurplePillDebate20/04/26 08:07 PM
50

Casting a narrow net feels like a non-viable option to most men because the probability of reciprocal interest from any particular woman is so low. That said, they often make it even lower by having a featureless personality that attempts to please everyone. Seeming okay to everyone is useless. Seeming weird to most but potentially exciting the right person is the path that gives you a shot at a good relationship.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/04/26 05:04 PM
3

I think a lot of people are confusing "actionable" with "possible." You can't act upon someone just telling you "get better at X." You can act upon someone describing how to be better at X. Doesn't mean getting better at X is impossible, just means that "get better at it" isn't useful advice you can actually act upon.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/04/26 01:01 AM
9

This is quality.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/04/26 12:56 AM
6

I think guys who struggle to bring up sex in a playful, non-threatening way have a tough time attracting women. Those guys can fall into two categories, those that bring up sex in a ham-fisted way that comes off creepy, and those that just avoid the topic altogether. The latter are way more common; the former are more memorable.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/04/26 12:49 AM
15

This is an example of why I bolded specific and actionable. These are not. A person can't decide to alter his behavior to "not have social anxiety" or "know how to flirt." The how is everything.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/04/26 06:02 PM
22

Does it really matter what people's perfect fantasy is? Most people of either gender are happy settling down with a moderately attractive person they enjoy conversing with who shares their values and loves them back.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/04/26 11:16 PM
12

What incompatibility?
/r/PurplePillDebate18/04/26 10:59 PM
24

I'm usually very reluctant to use "touch grass" as a retort but damn, I just can't land anywhere else on this one. Dude, the women who post/comment frequently on this sub are mostly resentful weirdos. The vast majority of women in the real world never even think about this stuff and don't have a nasty attitude toward men. You really need the perspective shift that comes with just getting out there and sharing nice experiences with your fellow humans.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/04/26 10:53 PM
10

Your impression of “this sub” is whatever dumb comment written by a 15-year-old suits your narrative while selectively forgetting the reasonable takes.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/04/26 07:28 PM
2

Women can get sex easy and men are not picky sexually. There’s a massive gulf between “men are not picky sexually” and “men will take any woman for a relationship.”
/r/PurplePillDebate18/04/26 07:25 PM
13

You really showed that straw man. Men do not regularly claim they'll take any woman, nor do men regularly claim they'll break it off with any woman who doesn't hop into bed right away. I strongly suspect the overlap between these two insignificantly tiny groups is zero.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/04/26 06:16 PM
13

It's better than the fish bullshit, I'll give you that, but your very last bullet point is where it falls apart. Why do you need to appeal to a wide base? In dating you're searching for one compatible person, whereas a business just wants a high volume of customers, doesn't matter who.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/04/26 10:18 PM
7

lol you’re just powering through this discussion while completely ignoring the point. I have no interest in continuing this.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/04/26 03:42 PM
2

You’re still talking in generalities that are not actionable. Say you want to make your HS basketball team. If my advice to you is “get better at basketball,” that’s unactionable and useless. If my advice narrows to “learn to shoot, dribble and defend,” that’s still unactionable and useless. Actionable advice gets to the very bottom of the how.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/04/26 03:28 PM
6

99% of “advice” given by strangers online is useless. It’s either blantantly obvious stuff anyone who gives a shit is already doing (e.g. work on fitness, get outside and meet people), or so nonspecific as to be completely unactionable (e.g. improve your social skills… ok but how?). The 1% of useful advice tends to be those who describe nuanced, non-obvious social pitfalls a lot of guys fall into.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/04/26 03:17 PM
–

Women will have an abundance of sexual options no matter what, but do you think any woman can have the man she actually wants? Can an obese woman with the conversational ability of a rock land her dream husband?
/r/PurplePillDebate17/04/26 01:54 PM
–

I see what you’re trying to do and damn is it a poor analogy. If a woman expects you to pick up the $25 bar tab on a first date then she’s following a cultural script, obviously. If there’s a pattern of women using you as an ATM for lavish meals and gifts while giving little back in terms of romantic affection then yes, you are dating out of your league and need to rethink your approach.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/04/26 10:16 PM
9

This comment deserves to be on top. One addendum I’d make though: Complaining/struggling women don’t just need to adjust their choices and standards. They’d also benefit, just like men, from improving their fitness, style and social skills. It always cracked me up to see the FDS “dating strategy” consist only of vetting strategy and fail to even touch upon attracting the men they’d want. They seemingly thought it wasn’t necessary because they have no shortage of options, failing to realize that …
/r/PurplePillDebate16/04/26 07:17 PM
8

Who’s “you” exactly? Can we all stop with these “someone else said something contradictory to your argument, therefore your argument is contradictory” retorts?
/r/PurplePillDebate16/04/26 01:57 PM
2

Reread the comment, it says the opposite
/r/PurplePillDebate16/04/26 12:30 PM
5

lol nobody said paying for dates helps you avoid that. Best way to avoid those types would be to not have early/easy sex and let them weed themselves out. The ones who still persist are far more likely to be serious (but also not as attractive and charismatic).
/r/PurplePillDebate16/04/26 12:09 PM
4

Maybe read the entire OC before declaring what it doesn’t mention
/r/PurplePillDebate16/04/26 11:55 AM
5

You conveniently ignored “player” and the part about having sex many times without committing to a relationship, which is also a valid instance of what might be called “commitment-phobic.”
/r/PurplePillDebate16/04/26 11:49 AM
8

OC used the terms “commitment-phobic” and “player.” Clearly that refers to men who want sex (maybe repeatedly rather than a one time hookup) but not a devoted relationship.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/04/26 11:38 AM
5

No it doesn’t. The idea is some men are willing date below their league for easy sex with multiple partners.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/04/26 11:21 AM
7

Women don’t complain about men using them for sex and not wanting to commit to serious relationships? What complaints were you referring to in your OP?
/r/PurplePillDebate16/04/26 11:15 AM
3

Yeah, that’s a good point. Lots of people like to share their thoughts but are terrible at articulating them. Or get carried away with anger as they type which your example sounds like. I like your approach of getting them to consider what they actually believe.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/04/26 09:34 AM
3

OP more or less acknowledged as much. But nowadays, social circles are relatively lacking and many people don’t have options outside dating apps. That’s part of his point.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/04/26 11:40 PM
2

If you believe you’re seeing that every day then I strongly suspect you’re misrepresenting what those people are saying. I’m not sure I’ve ever once seen someone actually argue individual women are never held accountable for bad actions. You’re probably strawmanning softer arguments like women are never criticized as a whole, women are held accountable less than men, etc.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/04/26 08:26 PM
6

It’s easy to find the most egregiously hyperbolic statements made by random yokels with an internet connection and go “See? That’s what those people believe!” This tactic is used against every group and by every group to try and discredit its enemies. It proves nothing useful and is simply mental junk food. Much more productive dialog is had by addressing the more sane, thoughtful factions of the group(s) you disagree with.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/04/26 06:19 PM
29

Who in the world claims no woman is ever or has ever been popularly criticized? The actual, non-strawman claim I think you’re gesturing toward is the women-are-wonderful effect, which is strongly backed by psychological research.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/04/26 12:56 PM
14

“What precisely are we blaming women for?” Women who form healthy relationships and don’t develop a manhating streak? Nothing. It’s women who exclusively try to date men out of their league (socially, physically, and/or financially) while raging that they don’t receive monogamous commitment from these men who screw up the market. Also, women who obfuscate and confuse young men by lamenting how it’s sooo difficult to find a nice guy who treats her well (leading these men to believe their competit…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/04/26 03:23 PM
3

I mean, obviously they became confident, charming, and fun... the whole subject matter is how one can become confident, charming, and fun. Yeah, there's a subset of "red pillers" who think personality doesn't matter. Again, that is not a core belief. It's a consequence of the movement gaining traction with grifters and inexperienced teenage boys.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/04/26 08:57 PM
2

You can certainly find no shortage of inexperienced men making overly simplistic declarations, but obviously that's a strawman of the core belief of red pill. The idea is that naturally unattractive men who learned how to be successful as adults know the most, because (as in any endeavor) naturally gifted people have trouble articulating what they're doing. Criticize the execution of that idea all you want.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/04/26 08:24 PM
3

There was a lot of that same bitterness and malevolence back then, the echo chamber effect was just as real, but at least at its core, it was an attempt to understand a new order of social dynamics meaningfully different from what we were taught by older generations. Now, those who expound on social dynamics are mostly arguing against the “red pill” crowd somehow.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/04/26 09:04 PM
25

By this logic, any movement that gains traction must be true, otherwise it wouldn’t gain traction, right? A more accurate claim is: Any movement that gains traction must have at least a kernel of truth, as I agree these things don’t just come out of left field for no reason. However, movements rooted in some truth often devolve into echo chambers where overly simplistic, exaggerated claims thrive. Red pill is no different. It exists for a reason; there is absolutely something to it; but it’s bee…
/r/PurplePillDebate10/04/26 05:42 PM
5

In a sub full of inexperienced people flinging oversimplified online narratives back and forth at each other, thank you for actually observing reality with all its nuance and reporting on it. Seriously, I don’t typically keep track of usernames, but I remember yours consistently adds value.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/04/26 06:30 PM
–

Bingo. Guys on here see the word “personality” and think “niceness.” Attractive male personality = carries himself with confidence and ease, doesn’t seem nervous or unsure of himself, doesn’t try too hard or act like he has something to prove, good at starting and maintaining conversations. Looks are important too, don’t get me wrong. But I can’t see anyone with real life experience doubting the importance of the above as well.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/04/26 02:06 PM
–

Nah it’s both. The M:F ratio is a huge problem, but it’s also true women’s likes are very concentrated on a tiny percentage of the male users.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/04/26 01:43 PM
-1

The point was to clarify that women can’t easily spot a morally terrible, abusive (but superficially nice) piece of shit; rather, they can easily spot someone with poor social skills. No one said poor social skills make you a bad man or a complete piece of shit. But they are unattractive.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/04/26 11:59 PM
-1

No and no
/r/PurplePillDebate07/04/26 10:42 PM
-6

She didn’t change anything. She clarified that women can’t spot charmers who turn out to be abusive, rather, they can spot poor social skills.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/04/26 10:30 PM
-5

So what? Basically everything said on here is perception rather than proven fact. Her explanation is quite insightful and clarifying. And useful. When people point out the offputting tendencies that are easily spotted, that’s a good opportunity to check if you have any of said tendencies and possibly improve yourself.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/04/26 10:13 PM
1

I find that very hard to believe since other women report that most men on dating apps are polite (boring/bland is the main complaint), but even if it were true, now you’ve shifted from all options are really bad to all but very few. That’s a world of difference when you’re just looking for one person ultimately.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/04/26 09:49 PM
2

Explain how you evaluate the basic human decency of each individual in a pool of 500 men.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/04/26 09:24 PM
1

What is so bad about them? Like what aren’t you able to find in such a huge pool of men?
/r/PurplePillDebate02/04/26 07:50 PM
1

Of what relevance are men's average preferences? Everyone has preferences. High standards don’t mean just having preferences, it means unwillingness to be flexible about one's preferences. If I merely prefer women with a BMI between 18-19, that's not a high standard (or even a standard) unless I refuse to consider dating anyone outside that range. Aside from that, this thread misses the mark because in real life, high standards don't manifest as super restrictive lists of easily quantifiable att…
/r/PurplePillDebate02/04/26 01:09 AM
13

The same could be said about the housing market. There’s only a tiny subset of houses I’d ever consider buying, but it’s still absolutely a market and the broader market conditions absolutely affect my experience in my tiny pool.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/03/26 11:35 PM
26

Women that don’t have crazy standards are on and off the market in a blink, women that do have crazy standards are on the market for a long time and comprise most of men’s dating interactions, giving the illusion that’s what the typical woman is like.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/03/26 10:48 PM
3

A woman once told me that one day when we were having a random conversation in a parking lot, “I just then realized how good-looking you are. I hadn’t really noticed before.” Echos your exact sentiment. Is anyone able to take a crack at explaining what causes this switch to flip?
/r/PurplePillDebate31/03/26 09:03 PM
1

Have you experienced motherhood to know its impact on even your own mental state, let alone other people’s? If not, how can you be so confident there are better ways to achieve an internal state you have no access to?
/r/PurplePillDebate31/03/26 06:23 PM
1

In this case, they’re making a claim about their own internal state. There’s no proving one’s own internal state. You said the negatives outweigh the positives enormously and the positives can be gotten in other ways. Does that not imply motherhood is objectively a bad idea?
/r/PurplePillDebate31/03/26 11:22 AM
1

I think you’re forgetting the initial comment you replied to. People routinely describe parenting as by far the most meaningful, rewarding thing they ever did. I don’t see what could be a substitute for that eliciting the same degree of positive emotion. Of course there are massive tradeoffs, and if you personally don’t think it’s for you then that’s totally okay. But no reason to act like motherhood is objectively a bad idea.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/03/26 04:20 AM
2

The emotional impact is the positive of motherhood. It doesn’t need to go any deeper than that.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/03/26 12:42 AM
6

There's something wrong with everyone. Mass scarcity of romantic/sexual options is unique to straight men because there are far more of them actively looking for someone than straight women. Take the same man with no options on the hetero dating market, have him pose as gay/bi, and suddenly the "product" is 100x more desirable. Bisexuals' testimony on this topic is pretty unambiguous.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/03/26 02:45 AM
6

If you subjectively don't desire kids, that's totally fine, but to claim there are no benefits to something people routinely describe as the most meaningful and rewarding thing they've ever done is absurd.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/03/26 04:21 PM
3

The uncomfortable truth was that the charisma women find attractive has nothing to do with being nice or sweet or dependable or anything else positively correlated to morality that your parents told you to be. I know it's an overly dramatic metaphor, I'm just describing where it comes from.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/03/26 01:35 AM
0

Red pill started in the 2010's with a primary focus on learning the sort of charisma that's attractive to women. How the fuck did it become today's "you stand no chance unless you're 6'3 Chad" with the grand secret truth only revealed when you see through the matrix being that looks matter?
/r/PurplePillDebate29/03/26 12:43 AM
1

Our modern conception of “idiot terrible men” has nothing to do with genetic fitness.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/03/26 09:57 PM
3

This post is so relatable. During my time as a single man, I logged probably up near a hundred first dates from dating apps. Growing up, I was used to TV depictions of women being all giddy for a date… boy is the reality far from that. In most cases, the girl would show up with the most cold, indifferent, emotionally flat vibe, not be at all dressed to impress, have closed off body language from the getgo, and never really ask me thoughtful questions. And that’s when the date actually took place…
/r/PurplePillDebate28/03/26 01:09 PM
0

This is half true. Trying to follow advice on how to socialize just causes paralysis by analysis, pretending to be someone you’re not, and yeah probably coming off weird/forced. What I’ve actually found useful is advice on how NOT to socialize. It’s much easier to catch yourself about to say/do something you’ve been told is offputting and go “wait a minute…” than it is to try and follow a script of what TO do. Basically, just be yourself, except in the ways that you’re offputting… catch yourself…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/03/26 04:58 PM
2

That’s all true, but behavior isn’t pure nurture. It’s also influenced by genes. Certain behavior patterns are associated with men of high social status (NOT synonymous with high wealth, a lot of people confuse the two), and other behavior patterns are associated with men of low social status. Where you end up on this spectrum is, like everything, a combination of nature and nurture. So yeah, female mate selection can never be perfectly eugenic, because a male with strong genes can be kneecapped…
/r/PurplePillDebate26/03/26 01:20 PM
2

Exactly.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/03/26 03:21 AM
4

Just curious, why do you think that’s such a contrarian viewpoint, and the mainstream narrative is all about lack of quality men?
/r/PurplePillDebate25/03/26 03:15 AM
9

Where did you gather that impression from? Are you basing that off your own dating experiences, or just from observing younger people?
/r/PurplePillDebate25/03/26 03:01 AM
3

Can you elaborate on why that is?
/r/PurplePillDebate25/03/26 02:15 AM
6

I think there’s something to this from a purely instinctual perspective. Women are nature’s genetic gatekeepers. They filter which genes are worthy of being passed to future generations. What worse way to do that than teach unfit genes how to masquerade as fit genes?
/r/PurplePillDebate23/03/26 11:34 PM
17

Most people pair off with someone similar to themselves: True Men are far more willing than women to date/marry someone with a significantly less prestigious career than themselves: True also In no way do these conflict.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/03/26 03:06 PM
1

People have their individual preferences that don’t affect fertility, sure. Doesn’t change the fact that men naturally favor more fertile looking women over less fertile looking women.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/03/26 10:55 PM
2

Plenty of men are into the “renaissance sculpture” body type. Some men like slimmer women, who are still perfectly healthy and fertile except in the rare extreme case (which isn’t generally attractive to men).
/r/PurplePillDebate21/03/26 03:44 PM
-8

Holy fuck this sub is getting manhating lol
/r/PurplePillDebate21/03/26 12:33 AM
0

Most men are attracted to wide hip structure and large breasts. What we colloquially call “skinny” is in the healthy bodyfat range. People who are underfat are extremely rare and the vast majority are overfat. So yeah, most men like women with a healthy bodyfat %, wide hip structure, mid-large breasts, and of reproductive age… exactly who is most fit to reproduce.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/03/26 12:29 AM
-5

Animal instinct. Any sexually reproducing animal instinctively wants to mate with someone who looks capable of reproducing. That’s evolution. Also, plenty of men do consciously want children.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/03/26 12:20 AM
–

Anorexia isn’t caused by dating market pressure/scarcity of romantic options.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/03/26 12:17 AM
2

What about those who can't get 5s in one location, but can get 6s and 7s in another? This occurs because the... yep, market conditions are different in different locations.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/03/26 12:32 AM
10

That's fine as long as you recognize men also have the same problem women have, with upfront scarcity piled on top as a compounding issue. This whole "abundance is just as bad as scarcity" argument (not saying you're necessarily doing it, but it's common) only works if you assume women are mostly good partners and men are mostly bad partners... which I think a lot of people do assume without even realizing it.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/03/26 06:07 PM
–

How does one go about that?
/r/PurplePillDebate13/03/26 08:45 PM
5

Is it just me or are the title and body talking about completely different things?
/r/PurplePillDebate13/03/26 04:17 PM
3

Low status during adolescent years can become very deeply ingrained.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/03/26 07:37 PM
2

That’s half of it. The other half is all the things I listed in my other comment.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/03/26 04:52 PM
3

When it’s phrased like a demand like that, it sounds so entitled and offputting compared to, say, “I’m attracted to men who are funny.”
/r/PurplePillDebate12/03/26 04:47 PM
2

They don’t need to be funny themselves, but they need to give you something to work with. Trying to make funny quips off of the most generic, dull replies definitely makes you feel like a dancing monkey.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/03/26 04:39 PM
6

They’re not confident in their ability to be funny. They need someone to riff off of in order to be funny, while many men have experienced women being utterly generic and passive in the early stages, leaving them feeling like stage performers rather than tango partners. Men don’t demand women be funny, so it feels like a double standard.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/03/26 04:34 PM
–

Statistically, it’s glaring that in safer/more developed countries, birth rates, marriage rates, percentage of people who have sex, etc, have plummeted. Dating app ratios and dynamics make it very obvious that isn’t due to men’s lack of interest in these things. There’s clearly a shortage of women in developed countries who are eager to date the opposite sex. Sure you could point to some shut-in men who make no effort to date, but I’d argue that’s from having given up, not from lack of desire fo…
/r/PurplePillDebate26/02/26 05:55 PM
–

I think this sentiment is what irks a lot of men. It’s not comparable. Weeding through a lot of options that appear good on the surface, to find one that’s good on a deeper level, is hard. Sure. But to compare that to the typical man’s struggle of being the “surplus” gender on the dating market, having to work like hell and risk rejection/embarrassment just to procure any options at all (let alone ones that even appear good on the surface)? Totally different level, obviously. I can say “being ri…
/r/PurplePillDebate17/02/26 06:38 PM
13

This is pretty much what I'm getting at. Anonymous online forums are venting grounds for stuff people aren't comfortable saying out loud.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/02/26 07:15 PM
44

People avoid friction face-to-face. Views that might lead to confrontation go unsaid. It's unwise to assume people you know IRL don't hold the contemptuous views you see online, just because you don't hear them say that stuff out loud.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/02/26 07:00 PM
12

4): A significant portion of women are indirectly drawn to abusive men, not because they like being mistreated, but because they're drawn to bold, hyperconfident, exciting, unpredictable men, who are more likely to turn out abusive than cautious, self-conscious men. The truth is some combination of this and your take.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/01/26 04:58 PM
–

lol in my very first sentence I acknowledged there are advantages to being a woman, my point was it cuts both ways.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/01/26 06:29 PM
–

I'd add that the mass of "okay" guys may be much better (or worse) than okay as partners... what they're okay at is performing on a first date. Some people are just high-inhibition, and their nervous system won't let them have fun in a pressure situation like a first date, causing them to behave in a guarded way and come off generic. Others are naturally loose and good at lowering those initial defenses. This has little predictive power over who's a good future partner but is often the differenc…
/r/PurplePillDebate10/01/26 04:30 PM
–

Or it’s reporting bias. Women’s complaints are always going to be about the one guy who was spectacularly clueless, rather than the other 20 guys who seemed completely fine but she just wasn’t feeling for reasons difficult to articulate. Fools with little life experience of their own think the funny stories are the norm, which also contributes to the “bar is in hell” nonsense.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/01/26 03:30 PM
1

The often missed nuance is, “social skills” are totally environment-dependent. Good social skills among STEM nerds are lousy social skills among preppy greek life types and vice versa. We mistake people who are the most cognitively average as having the best social skills, simply because they’re most often around people who match their natural temperament. Some people who have learned everything one can reasonably learn about social skills still struggle to find people they connect with, because…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/01/26 10:22 PM
18

While you're correct in pointing out women's significant advantages, do you really think it's fair to say have it easy in *everything*? Would you rather have periods or not have periods? Would you want to deal with pregnancy and childbirth? How safe would you feel if your romantic interests could easily overpower you? Last thing I'll point out is that according to trans people, their ideas are taken more seriously as a man than as a woman. You've probably noticed feminists (really mainstream cul…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/01/26 10:16 PM
–

So is this anything more than a semantic argument over the precise meaning of 'bigot'?
/r/PurplePillDebate04/01/26 04:49 PM
3

On one hand, yes, but on the other hand, this is a debate sub, not an advice/self-improvement sub.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/01/26 12:49 AM
8

Might help to read what you're replying to
/r/PurplePillDebate03/01/26 09:49 PM
6

This has been noted many times in simpler terms: Women who are ostensibly giving advice to men are usually venting about how they wish the men they've dated had behaved. It's hard for them to understand 95% of men's struggles are in merely reaching that stage.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/01/26 01:27 AM
1

It’s true most people on dating apps present as totally basic and interchangeable, making it impossible to initially appreciate them in any way other than “she’s attractive enough.” So yeah these types that put no effort into their profile shouldn’t complain if they don’t get the special snowflake treatment right off the bat. But once you really get to know someone down to their deepest values and smallest idiosyncrasies, no one is just “average” and compatibility reveals itself. I think OP disl…
/r/PurplePillDebate31/12/25 02:15 PM
10

Most of time, they'll ignore you even when you put in thoughtful effort. It's a question of, do you want to generate interest once in a blue moon, or never?
/r/PurplePillDebate30/12/25 07:16 PM
15

I can assure you behaving like you're particularly interested in a specific woman, rather than like you're indiscriminately looking for whoever you can get, does drastically increase your chances. Women deeply crave feeling special and chosen by their man. That's NOT to say it's sufficient. They of course still want the man who chooses them to be attractive, high-status and all that. I'd argue they're equally necessary.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/12/25 06:23 PM
73

I’ve heard women IRL express this sentiment. It’s sensible. Problem is, when every other guy is carpet bombing the dating pool, an individual guy has such an infinitesimally low hit rate that he kinda has no choice but to cast a super wide net. Prisoners dilemma and all that.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/12/25 02:19 PM
1

Refer back to my original comment.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/12/25 05:36 PM
1

This thread is specifically about the threat of violence, so this is off topic, but ghosting can lead to hostile texts as well. The difference is, if you ghost someone, you deserve to have your shitty disrespectful behavior called out, whereas if you politely decline someone and receive hostile texts in return, you at least come away knowing you’re in the right.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/12/25 04:17 PM
1

Yeah if you barely interact with men I’m not surprised that cuts out your unpleasant interactions. This thread is about ghosting someone you have at least some brief history with.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/12/25 04:58 AM
1

I mean that excuse never made a lick of sense to begin with. They're afraid of some unhinged guy coming to find them and harm them, and their plan to defuse that potential anger is to be extra rude and disrespectful, because a polite and thoughtful rejection is too risky? Yeah okay.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/12/25 06:25 PM
7

Agreed when it comes to people I've known IRL. But online spaces are teeming with women venting about how the bar is set soooo low for men.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/12/25 07:48 PM
4

Most of the women on this sub just want to project everything that has irked them about men they've been involved with onto men who complain about dating struggles. Maybe it's their way of venting. Immature manchildren have an easy time dating if they're socially uninhibited and hot. Mature, otherwise successful men find dating extraordinarily difficult if they're socially anxious and not hot. That should not be controversial. This attempt to superimpose moral values onto women's dating behavior…
/r/PurplePillDebate21/12/25 07:33 PM
6

Years of trying and failing, eventually getting lucky once or twice, possibly settling and/or putting up with abuse to avoid having to go back out there. Even when the job market is at its most fucked, the majority of people have jobs.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/12/25 03:03 AM
6

I mean even if you have zero issue with social cues and nonverbal communication, you still have to take initiative and make the thing happen. That’s always way beyond “not a creep.”
/r/PurplePillDebate18/12/25 10:13 PM
6

How is that saying it’s normal to be antisocial? I’m saying normal guys with typical social behavior still struggle with this.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/12/25 09:28 PM
4

I think you misunderstood something. I never implied it’s normal to be antisocial.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/12/25 09:24 PM
11

The idea that normal guys don’t struggle with this is an illusion created by the enormous social penalty for complaining about such struggles. Most guys who struggle with this never talk about it and play off their long bouts of singledom as totally okay and on their own terms. It’s an act to preserve one’s reputation. There’s a reason anonymous online spaces are teeming with guys who complain about how hard it is, and it’s not “internet people are weirdo antisocial losers” which is a silly 90’s…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/12/25 09:19 PM
11

I’m not pursuing anything, my point is you’re pretending the hard part doesn’t exist. Being above average looking and non-creepy/non-embarrassing are piss easy. Getting laid requires risky initiative, smoothness, connection, flirting skill, right-place-right-time logistics… getting all that right is the hard part.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/12/25 09:00 PM
12

If you think once a guy clears the looks threshold, the only obstacle left is “not acting like a creep,” I don’t know what world you’re living in. Does being a half-decent looking, respectful guy teleport you into bed with a woman? Are there not steps in between?
/r/PurplePillDebate18/12/25 08:46 PM
44

If a woman says "wow I have to ignore so many solid guys on those apps because I'm just so overwhelmed with matches," there's nothing to blame her for. That shows a degree of compassion and awareness. When a woman complains about how every guy on there sucks as she's snap rejecting 99% of them, that's when it becomes appropriate to blame her for being delusional. Every guy does not suck and with the massively skewed ratio, any woman is getting plenty of interest from guys at least on her level. …
/r/PurplePillDebate08/06/25 04:36 PM
2

Call me crazy but I’m convinced it’s in human DNA to utilize shame to try and prevent genetically weak men from reproducing. It makes perfect sense why we’d evolve this way. The most eugenic way for a tribe to perpetuate itself would be for only the most genetically fit males to impregnate all the females. This is all evolution cares about, not our modern morals or feelings. And how else could you explain the disgust inspired by men who aren’t naturally desired by women trying to work their way …
/r/PurplePillDebate03/06/25 04:35 PM
3

What’s the conspiracy theory?
/r/PurplePillDebate02/06/25 11:41 PM
3

Do you think men don’t also experience fruitless dates a large percentage of the time?
/r/PurplePillDebate01/06/25 01:51 AM
10

The person who could get a lot of interviews had it easier. In your example, that person is either much pickier or much worse at interviewing. Say you're unemployed- would you rather be in an economy where you could post your resume and instantly have dozens of recruiters wanting to interview and wine and dine you, or one where that same resume gets crickets and you have to find creative ways to grind out even a single opportunity at an interview? How is this even a question?
/r/PurplePillDebate31/05/25 11:03 PM
–

This sub in a nutshell- "So few men do X, that's why you all struggle with women!" A bunch of replies: "I do X and struggle with women" [Ignore and repeat] Idk why people haven't collectively learned that attraction comes down to more than meeting a few obvious/basic criteria.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/05/25 05:44 PM
2

Replying to auto mod cause I’m not flared and disagree with a lot of the red pill stuff. But the movement does stem from a very real issue. When social norms were such that everyone essentially had to find a partner while they were young, for all its drawbacks, that at least created a balance of power dating-wise. A solid guy could easily land a solid woman and vice versa. Now that there’s little societal pressure to pair off, it turns out that women are generally fine without a male partner whi…
/r/PurplePillDebate20/05/25 07:46 PM
3

"Patriarchy hurts men too!" (provided you assume patriarchy must be responsible for any social problem that exists because, you know, we live in a patriarchy) It's so vacuous.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/05/25 02:44 AM
9

Tried it. It's perfectly fine. Doesn't even slightly resemble the horror stories.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/05/25 07:52 PM
7

Exactly, people who make this argument fail to consider that if it were true, men who meet those criteria would have a lot of value on the dating scene. It just kills me how utterly false that is. I know from firsthand experience.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/05/25 07:45 PM
2

It’s a way to make the rejection softer and less confrontational.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/04/25 06:42 PM
–

Clearly it’s a mix of both though? Persistence (as OP argues) and being the sort of guy women want are both associated with success.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/04/25 06:39 PM
1

I seriously doubt you'll get a direct answer to these by OP or someone who thinks similarly. But from what I gather, their argument boils down to thinking women are just generally much better people than men. So to answer your questions: yes, no, yes, no. Could be wrong though.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/04/25 11:39 PM
1

That is indeed obvious. How to cultivate the sort of personality and look women value is not.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/04/25 11:20 PM
3

Books or any kind of advice don't help either. It's all about being in the right mood. Nothing has made it permanently better, but some things help a lot temporarily: Getting socially "warmed up." Like I need some time to shift my brain out of "logical mode" or "productive mode" or "competitive mode" and into "social mode." Being in a setting where I'm well regarded, with people who tend to listen intently and react positively when I speak. Just being happy and not having a lot weighing on my mi…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/04/25 09:35 PM
4

Some people can't learn to love socializing just by doing it. I've forced myself into tons of social situations and conversations I wasn't really feeling... still don't love it by any means and still a naturally reserved person.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/04/25 09:20 PM
2

I appreciate the attempt to steer men in the right direction instead of yet another complaining post. However, socializing can't be done by brute force. You can't just push through social discomfort and expect a good outcome like you can with say studying or physical exercise. If you're uncomfortable, it's palpable and contagious; it makes the interaction shitty for both you and your counterpart. If you're forcing conversations when you're not feeling it, the conversations inevitably feel contri…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/04/25 09:15 PM
8

What insane rhetoric are you referring to?
/r/PurplePillDebate12/04/25 07:37 PM
28

There's no hack to meeting women. It's pick your poison. Some methods introduce you to very few options and have a low likelihood of finding even one person who's single and compatible. Methods that introduce you to more options are ridiculously competitive and oversaturated with dudes (dating apps being the king of this). There's no good way, and if there was, guys would find out about it and oversaturate it like they have with apps. Which method is least bad depends on personal characteristics…
/r/PurplePillDebate12/04/25 04:47 PM
–

So in simpler terms, no relationship beats a shitty one? Valid point. The real societal shift has been that women don’t feel the need to be in a relationship like they used to, not that men are suddenly worse as OP suggests.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/04/25 11:04 PM
–

Of course no one expects attractive, successful women to get with loser men. But do you not think there are women who are basically the equivalent to the fat and poorly socialized caricature you present? Further, do you think there aren’t struggling men who are nothing like this caricature?
/r/PurplePillDebate11/04/25 10:05 PM
2

Ofc I can’t provide these nonexistent statistics, but the women who say online dating is really hard for them too are probably struggling to get what they want out of it.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/04/25 09:22 PM
–

But this is Reddit, where all inequality is problematic and humans are 100% malleable blank slates who can be made equal if only the right people were in charge of setting cultural norms.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/04/25 06:00 PM
3

But plenty of women don’t attain what they want despite the overwhelming ratio advantage. What would it take for you to say those women have developed an overinflated sense of who they should be able to attain?
/r/PurplePillDebate11/04/25 04:53 PM
3

Right, as a guy you shouldn’t expect to automatically land any girl on your level, since she may simply see you as incompatible. However, when most guys bat like 0 for 1000 on dating apps while exceptionally hot guys do well, is it fair to say compatibility isn’t the issue, and in fact the apps have given lots of women an inflated sense of what they should be able to attain?
/r/PurplePillDebate11/04/25 04:05 PM
–

Interesting given how many of your comments claim men try to marry out of their league and women don’t.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/04/25 02:11 PM
–

Is generational wealth one of your dating requirements?
/r/PurplePillDebate10/04/25 01:43 PM
3

Casual sex is limited by women’s choices. If women thought like men, casual sex would be orders of magnitude more common. See: gay culture It’s extremely rare for women to “go without.” They don’t have this issue like men do. You’re presenting a solution to a nonexistent problem for them.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/04/25 12:01 AM
4

Not literally any woman but pretty liberally you’d have to admit. Enough that women who fail to vet for interest level are at high risk of being used for an easy lay by men who don’t take them seriously as a relationship prospect.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/04/25 11:45 PM
4

Women understandably want signs that a guy is seriously interested in her, because most men will happily take layup sex from pretty much any random woman who throws herself at him. And women really don’t want to be some guy’s casual layup sex. Yes a guy could be spam approaching one woman after the next, but that’s also unattractive. Women really want to see a guy show interest in her and only her. A guy taking the initiative is part of that proof of interest.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/04/25 10:59 PM
–

I’m very well off and I’ve always preferred women who don’t have flashy things like designer handbags. Might even say that’s a major reason why I’m well off. Am I in the wrong socioeconomic class?
/r/PurplePillDebate09/04/25 09:51 PM
23

Seems like every argument made by women here takes for granted the assumption that men who report dating struggles are fat unkempt losers trying to bat out of their league. And then replies indicating otherwise always go unaddressed.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/04/25 08:20 PM
1

Does a woman wanting a man who’s young, slim and handsome have high standards? Seems like “high standards” has a wildly different definition around here for men and women.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/04/25 02:58 PM
3

My original comment made an argument as to how it causes problems.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/04/25 10:06 PM
7

I'm not advocating for government regulation of sex or relationships. In general, I agree that personal freedom should take precedence over the collective good. Just pointing out the major source of the problems we observe. Maybe if more people understood this, they'd be voluntarily less interested in casual sex.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/04/25 09:58 PM
0

Experience
/r/PurplePillDebate06/04/25 09:43 PM
7

Statistically it has to be the case, regardless of individual choice, simply because most men earn more than most women. And no it's not inherently a problem if one partner outearns the other.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/04/25 07:56 PM
1

If you want to speak in general terms, to be even-handed, you should also mention the imbalances in who earns most of the money and who spends most of it. More importantly, at the individual level, people can create whatever arrangement they choose.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/04/25 07:48 PM
-2

Creating that initial spark requires far more concentrated effort than maintaining a good relationship.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/04/25 07:42 PM
4

That's fine as long as it's a roughly equal number of men and women who want a relationship.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/04/25 07:38 PM
9

A lack of casual/uncommitted sex would solve a lot. Imagine a world where everyone is just looking to pair off without the possibility of uncommitted sex. Women wouldn't keep getting hurt by players. Men wouldn't chase so indiscriminately. As a result, women would receive orders of magnitude less attention (particularly from guys out of their league). As a result of that, men wouldn't have such a painfully low success rate. A decent success rate would necessitate less indiscriminate chasing... a…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/04/25 07:29 PM
2

Yeah, I know the goalposts constantly shift, and a guy bringing up his experience as evidence of broader dating market conditions is often met with scorn as though he was seeking advice, to avoid contending with his actual point. I'm not saying these people usually make good counterarguments. They don't. Just saying it can be valid, in certain cases where a guy is clearly trying to operate in a world that doesn't exist, to remind him that your value is what you can get and you need to make the b…
/r/PurplePillDebate05/04/25 04:34 PM
4

Many of the complaining men zoom too far in to their own individual predicament. At the level of individual advice, it's perfectly valid to say that your value is what you can get, and the best thing you can do for yourself is stop whining and make the best of it. It's more productive to frame the problem not as an individual one, but a societal one. However, it's clear many people haven't stepped back and "zoomed out" to figure out the societal conditions that explain their own experience. My b…
/r/PurplePillDebate05/04/25 04:14 PM
3

Same. Most women are not prostitutes. They’re looking for a guy who makes them feel a certain way. For successful women, this requires a successful man, but only because he’s the sort of person who’s successful, not because of the shit he can buy. I’ve never encountered a woman who seemed to be angling for my money. It’s not normal.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/04/25 02:37 AM
3

Because many guys find no women who already like them as they are (at least in a romantic/sexual capacity).
/r/PurplePillDebate04/04/25 10:02 PM
–

Yes, men value appearance more than women do. It’s also true that men are far less picky than women about pretty much everything, including appearance. Those statements don’t conflict.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/04/25 08:36 PM
–

I see. That is theoretically possible, but it’s untrue. Everything we can observe about dating app behavior indicates men are a lot more forgiving than women even when it comes to looks.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/04/25 08:13 PM
–

Overly picky about looks and pathetically indiscriminate about compatibility?
/r/PurplePillDebate04/04/25 08:00 PM
–

This sub can’t make up its mind whether men are overly picky or pathetically indiscriminate.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/04/25 07:46 PM
1

Only a small percentage of women can end up pairing off with a tall, fit, attractive guy, since only a small percentage of guys fit that description. However, for casual sex, no such limit exists. Any woman can get meaningless sex with a relatively attractive guy. So it’s not that fat single moms holding out for a hot guy are dating “on their level.” They’re just dooming themselves to be used for easy sex.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/04/25 03:03 PM
3

Uh, no, that’s not even close to what I said.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/03/25 11:19 PM
7

It matters because in the earlier stages, breakups do often come out of nowhere. Your thesis is only partially true.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/03/25 08:58 PM
9

Your thesis needs to distinguish between married or cohabiting couples vs. earlier stages of the relationship.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/03/25 07:48 PM
18

One anecdote and you’re declaring this to be broadly true? I was dumped once by a girl who never complained to me about anything. That’s just as valuable as your anecdote.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/03/25 06:42 PM
1

Huh?
/r/PurplePillDebate30/03/25 10:34 PM
9

Because if done property, it can get you the outcome you're looking for. You didn't answer my question.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/03/25 10:32 PM
1

I always felt like in all male groups, there was some possibility of genuine convo, while in mixed groups, the guys inevitably just compete to outdo each other with funny/witty zingers.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/03/25 10:30 PM
11

That sounds great until it starts unfolding in a way that makes you miserable. What then?
/r/PurplePillDebate30/03/25 10:14 PM
2

You think there aren’t guys who struggle despite already doing those things?
/r/PurplePillDebate30/03/25 09:18 PM
-1

I thought you were talking about red pill advice, not the OP, given that your previous comment says Reinforcing victimhood and white supremacy isn’t concrete advice However, the OP does none of the things you claim it does except maybe reinforce victimhood in one particular way which is hard to deny (that progressivism doesn't address young men's loneliness).
/r/PurplePillDebate30/03/25 08:45 PM
4

Goalpost shifting. You said it's not an actual problem. It is. No one's arguing for political solutions. This whole discussion is simply about providing resources to help young men learn how to get better at social and romantic interactions.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/03/25 08:39 PM
3

Can you specifically cite excerpts that reinforce victimhood, reinforce white supremacy, and/or encourage violence?
/r/PurplePillDebate30/03/25 08:24 PM
11

Reading a manual and trying to implement it isn't making an effort? What is then?
/r/PurplePillDebate30/03/25 07:28 PM
5

Can't afford to start a family = problem Can't find someone to start a family with = not a problem?
/r/PurplePillDebate30/03/25 07:25 PM
5

I think you misread the question.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/03/25 03:53 PM
–

If there are unpaired men, there must be a similar number of unpaired women. It's worth considering things from their side of the equation. Are you hypothesizing that ugly women mostly choose to remain single (maybe with some occasional hookups out of their league) rather than date their ugly male equivalents?
/r/PurplePillDebate27/03/25 12:16 AM
3

No one has. Evolution does not produce significant changes on the timescale of human history.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/03/25 12:43 PM
4

Lifting weights is not useful advice for someone who already does it, or someone who has considered it and decided against it. I would think that captures pretty much everyone since weightlifting is so well known. Useful advice is advice that gets someone to think about their predicament in a way they haven’t already.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/03/25 11:17 PM
1

“Get therapy” “Cut off contact”
/r/PurplePillDebate25/03/25 10:01 PM
1

What I said extends to advice about how to conduct your life. Of course you can learn calculus from someone who doesn’t know you… that’s not advice.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/03/25 09:55 PM
6

I emphasize weightlifting a lot, knowing women care more about a man’s personality than his body. Why? Because a fit body is something I can actually manage. If there was a gym for confidence and charisma, I’d be going. But there’s not. “Just go out and socialize” only gets you so far. You can’t brute force social connection the way you can brute force physical exercise.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/03/25 07:41 PM
84

Advice given by people who know nothing about you or your situation is worthless as a rule. Good advice is nuanced. There’s almost certainly something reasonably actionable you could change to improve your situation, but no internet stranger has the data to determine what that is in your case.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/03/25 05:26 PM
10

Guys who right swipe on thousands of women and can’t land a date are unwilling to date women similar to them? Like all 10,000 of those women are out of the guy’s league? lol
/r/PurplePillDebate25/03/25 02:37 PM
1

If it doesn't come naturally just from socializing, you have to learn it somehow.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/03/25 09:20 PM
1

The good attributes that are well understood and usually listed out here are insufficient to make anyone feel anything. Still need to lead the mating dance in a smooth, non-awkward way. Plenty of people don't understand how to do that.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/03/25 08:46 PM
1

You need to feel something to want just sex too. It's a different feeling than love, but still a feeling. Let's say a man ticks all the usual boxes, socializes a bunch, and still consistently fails to create a sexual/romantic spark with the women he pursues. Then would you agree some research or advice is needed?
/r/PurplePillDebate23/03/25 08:42 PM
1

Do you date a man solely because you rationally conclude that he has good attributes? Or do you also need to feel something for him?
/r/PurplePillDebate23/03/25 07:43 PM
1

Hard disagree. Everyone knows the parts that are straightforward and easy to articulate. But there’s a whole other crucial element of pushing the right emotional buttons that lots of people genuinely struggle to understand. Checking off all the boxes only gets your foot in the door. Doesn’t guarantee anyone will “feel the spark” and if they don’t, you’re not gonna know why.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/03/25 07:00 PM
-2

Attraction is your genes trying to use someone else to survive another generation. People are only useful in this regard when they’re fertile, and women lose fertility much younger than men do. Ergo they lose attractiveness long before men do. Any attempt to impose equality on this process is basically religious thinking, trying to moralize natural impulse.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/03/25 10:58 PM
1

Yes. In fact I think it’s mostly about things other than economic status. When you think about sought-after men, you don’t think nerdy tech bros making $300k.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/03/25 08:46 PM
40

Men find that they need to have some understanding of the opposite sex in order to attract them. Women don’t.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/03/25 08:31 PM
2

I know at this point we're down to debating the subjective and unfalsifiable, but... you honestly are not coming off like a fair and unbiased assessor of attractiveness.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/03/25 10:49 PM
2

None of the men who wanted relationships were here looksmatch and the rest just wanted sex "Just wanted sex" is a pretty uncharitable interpretation of "still figuring it out." And I disagree that really any of them are significantly beneath her. But even if I agreed... This is day 1. This experiment did not even go on for a whole day. Because she didn't (according to your subjective opinion) find a relationship with a man "worthy of her" (lol) on day 1, the whole thing's a waste of time?
/r/PurplePillDebate15/03/25 09:43 PM
2

I strongly disagree with your assessment that the girl is out of their league, but I don't want to nitpick about who's more attractive than who. Do you not think, at the very least, that such an experiment disproves the whole "dating is a swamp for women" trope? This fictional woman was able to land 7 dates in under a day with guys who were well put together, in decent shape, respectful, and put effort into the conversation. In the real world where no one has time for anywhere near that many dat…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/03/25 09:16 PM
1

Yeah, it makes no sense how women complain that most guys are covertly just after casual sex. Like how could you possibly know that? It's seriously refreshing to see you admit what you don't/can't know rather than project the worst onto every man you meet.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/03/25 08:39 PM
15

Refreshing honesty. People here focus way too much on easily articulable/measurable traits. In reality, people behave according to feelings they can hardly even explain. Men feel attraction all the god damn time. Women need some ineffable alignment of the stars in order to feel attraction. That’s what it boils down to.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/03/25 07:59 PM
–

These have to be fake. I know it’s bad but not this bad.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/03/25 05:42 AM
–

Congrats! Good to hear some positivity in here 😆
/r/PurplePillDebate14/03/25 09:31 PM
–

I have firsthand knowledge that this is false.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/03/25 08:19 PM
–

This is interesting. Have you had long term relationships with conventionally good-looking men?
/r/PurplePillDebate14/03/25 08:03 PM
–

You just said “men don’t like thin women,” and that’s what I was replying to, so yeah, we’re talking about thin women lol
/r/PurplePillDebate14/03/25 07:59 PM
–

This is the most reasonable comment I’ve seen in a long time.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/03/25 06:45 PM
–

Almost all young women at a healthy BMI have enough curves to attract men. Women are not being shut out of the dating market en masse for lack of curves.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/03/25 05:57 PM
–

“Maybe fit men have crappy personalities” just lol You’re straying way away from the original point I made, I don’t feel like continuing this thread.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/03/25 05:48 PM
–

I mean I was using them interchangeably. Value on the dating market = people being attracted to you.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/03/25 05:42 PM
–

But the point is, even fit men have a really hard time with dating, whereas as far as I can tell, thin women usually don’t.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/03/25 05:38 PM
–

Women’s attraction to men is triggered by a much more holistic set of characteristics. In other words, while a thin young woman who’s basically average in every other way has a fuckton of value, a thin young man who’s basically average in every other way has virtually none. I’d think the men complaining about their struggles on here all have some unattractive quality, but it could be any of a handful of things. Thin vs. fat just isn’t that important for male value.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/03/25 05:31 PM
–

This is kind of confirming a suspicion I’ve had that nearly all of the women who report the opposite of what you’re saying (“dating is a swamp for women,” “the bar is in hell for men,” “it’s super hard to find a quality man,” yada yada) are fat. I know someone will point out that lots of men like thicker women, but it’s an issue of supply and demand. Most men prefer thinner women. Most women (most people really) are fat. Demand for thin women is astonishingly greater than supply. It would stand …
/r/PurplePillDebate14/03/25 04:49 PM
14

There’s nothing inherently wrong with people who lack social intuition trying to break it down in a logical, robotic way. If that’s the way they learn, then that’s what they should be doing. The problem arises when people with no life experience feel the need to chime in and keep repeating the same ham-fisted mantras that drown out the nuanced discussion from those that actually have some data to work with.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/03/25 05:25 PM
6

No one is complaining about women trying to vet for safe, trustworthy men. The whole “standards” thing boils down to: There is a subset of women (not the majority of women, but perhaps the majority of those on the dating market at any given time) who exhibit a pattern of failing to secure healthy relationships. The likely culprit of this failure is having unreasonably high standards for surface-level attraction that get in the way of having high standards for the things that ultimately matter mo…
/r/PurplePillDebate10/03/25 09:27 PM
11

"Finding happiness by unconventional means is pathetic, real men keep doing whatever is socially approved even if it's making them miserable."
/r/PurplePillDebate08/03/25 10:24 PM
–

The straw man of a masculine bad boy that you depict is indeed unattractive. We all know that. The masculine bad boy that’s actually attractive is a doesn’t-give-a-fuck type asshole, not a try-hard asshole.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/03/25 08:16 PM
45

Basic decency and acting like a functional human don't build attraction. Women here constantly tell men, "Learn to flirt." Flirting is not merely acting like a decent, functional human. It's an art that, by definition, goes right up to the edge of what might be considered creepy. It shouldn't be surprising then that men who aren't very natural at it can sometimes come off creepy. That isn't men overcomplicating the situation, because by advising men to "learn to flirt," women are outright tellin…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/03/25 01:52 AM
2

Glad to see someone keep up the age-old human tradition of bigoted views toward romantic preferences. The people who said similarly hateful things about gays in decades past would be proud.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/03/25 07:28 PM
5

I mostly disagree with this. If you ask "who has the best shot at ultimately landing a good and attractive woman," then I'd say a good and attractive man. But if you ask "who has the easiest time getting into a relationship," then different qualities would be a much better predictor: extraversion, sociability, lax standards, living in a major city, and a personality that just naturally connects with that of the average woman. I'd say to either gender, if you want to find someone who has flown un…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/03/25 01:25 AM
-1

No, it really isn’t.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/03/25 10:49 PM
-1

Female sexuality is not instantaneous like male sexuality. For women, attraction develops over time with a mental connection. “But Chad!” Yes it can be instantaneous for an exceptionally hot guy, but that’s not the only way or even the most common way women become sexually attracted to a man.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/03/25 10:42 PM
0

The behavior you witness on dating apps is a response to the particular conditions of dating apps. It is not some universal female nature. Your second point, that most wives just tolerate their husband to enjoy his paycheck, seems unsubstantiated. What do you base that belief on?
/r/PurplePillDebate05/03/25 09:58 PM
4

Totally agree with those points. Just saying be careful with your assumptions, as the way you phrased your title implies something that isn’t true in a lot of cases.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/03/25 09:52 PM
5

Why are you assuming those who lash out don’t do constructive things to help themselves? Putting in very little effort and failing to get results is not a frustrating situation. Putting in a ton of work and still failing to get results is a frustrating, potentially anger-provoking situation. It would make much more sense to assume that the most bitter people are those that got the least benefit from their sacrifices, than to assume they’re the people who never bothered to make sacrifices. Discla…
/r/PurplePillDebate05/03/25 06:52 PM
8

I don’t want to be mean but good lord, this erases all doubt that you aren’t perceiving reality accurately
/r/PurplePillDebate04/03/25 09:23 PM
2

How do you know 80% of guys secretly just want entrance into your vagina?
/r/PurplePillDebate02/03/25 09:45 PM
7

Look around. The vast majority of people are in lousy shape physically, meaning they’re flawed to the point where they can’t or won’t even take decent care of their body. And that’s just the one thing that’s immediately apparent right on the surface. Imagine the flaws you’d uncover digging deeper into everyone. Most people live paycheck to paycheck. Lots of people have diagnosable mental illnesses. Lots of people struggle socially, though you probably don’t meet too many of these, because, well,…
/r/PurplePillDebate02/03/25 12:59 AM
35

Almost everyone is deeply flawed, but not all flaws are created equal when it comes to dating. Guys who are naturally quiet/asocial have the double whammy of that being an unattractive quality, and drastically reducing the number of women they know, leading to a tiny or nonexistent dating pool without resorting to sausage fest apps. I strongly suspect these are the guys who complain about their dating difficulties online, not "lazy, broke pieces of shit" who still do just fine with women if they…
/r/PurplePillDebate01/03/25 08:29 PM
58

Orders of magnitude worse. As a woman dating a woman, at least she’s in the same predicament as you. As a man dating a woman, she is not. If she’s not feeling it right away, she can cut you loose and effortlessly move onto the next option in a way that lesbian women can’t.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/02/25 10:35 PM
1

Not saying I’ve actually verified anything about anyone’s personal life. Just that different things are true in different environments, yet people here forget that and overgeneralize their experience.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/02/25 12:35 AM
0

High school is another particular environment that doesn’t translate all that well into the world of fully formed adults. I’m not saying dating success relies on morals. Just that observations true for one person’s environment won’t be true for others.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/02/25 12:26 AM
8

One of the big problems with discussing this stuff online is that, even if a person is accurately recounting their observations and experiences (big if), some readers are operating in a completely different environment. Since the reader doesn’t have any way of knowing this, they project commentary from these different environments onto their own and get misled. So one result is, someone basically living in a ghetto or trailer park talks about the toxic drug dealers and rapper wannabes who get la…
/r/PurplePillDebate26/02/25 11:03 PM
–

Am top 10% earner. My net worth is not written on my forehead. ”So then buy a lambo” Here’s a little known fact: Most rich people don’t act rich. That’s why they got rich.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/02/25 06:00 PM
9

Holy straw man
/r/PurplePillDebate25/02/25 05:10 PM
–

Women are more attractive to men than vice versa because men demand less. Have you ever read those threads where bisexuals compare their experiences dating each sex? Bisexual men and women both overwhelmingly report that it’s piss easy to get sexual interest from men and much more difficult with women. It’s not an effort issue and only appears that way if you cherry pick a few areas like hair, makeup, and skincare. You would come to the exact opposite conclusion if you focused on who puts more e…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/02/25 04:42 PM
2

Ruining a woman’s life trying to get laid? You spend years assessing someone’s character before agreeing to marry him. You can’t tell by then if he shares your values and interests?
/r/PurplePillDebate25/02/25 05:07 AM
0

And was it difficult to find any decent-seeming guys to go on dates with? Like even if the vast majority suck and/or aren’t taking it seriously, were there not enough solid candidates to keep you busy?
/r/PurplePillDebate24/02/25 10:03 PM
-1

Re #2, what are you directly observing that makes you say this?
/r/PurplePillDebate24/02/25 08:38 PM
–

Even taking classes such as cooking classes aren’t advisable because many women are just trying to learn and enjoy the activity, they don’t want to be hit on by some desperate man. The same can't be said for hobby groups? dating apps Everyone knows by this point the dating app userbase is like 3:1 and therefore it's a mathematical certainty that most men will fail. The real solution: Men, grow up and learn to gracefully take no for an answer, women, grow up and stop acting like someone chatting …
/r/PurplePillDebate24/02/25 02:35 AM
5

Thanks for sharing, this is interesting. I have a mildly ripped but not very big physique (BMI=22) which is pretty much identical to what most women say they want. But I could swear when I was dating, if I showed up in clothes my muscles didn't pop out of, almost invariably, my date would seem uninterested right from the initial moment, like she was trying to send every discouraging signal possible with her body language and tone of voice. Whereas in the warmer months when I was wearing a t-shir…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/02/25 02:09 AM
10

In my own real-life experience, no woman has ever expressed anything remotely close to this sentiment. If the topic comes up, they invariably say that they're super picky and/or the vast majority of guys simply aren't attractive to them. However, this anecdata is drawn from healthy weight, childless, middle class and up women in their 20's. Definitely not insta baddies, but still, a demographic that's sought after even if not exceptional in any other way. All this stuff you read online about how…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/02/25 06:27 PM
2

One way to reconcile this is women require more connections to avoid feeling lonely, meaning they may report feeling lonely at roughly equal rates to men while having objectively more active social lives.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/02/25 07:35 PM
–

They don’t.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/02/25 01:37 AM
–

Probably more like past 40 or 50 years. The main issue is yes, guys desire women just as much as always, but the inverse isn’t true. Women just don’t naturally like or want men that much and now that having a husband isn’t a de facto requirement, enough women don’t really bother with men (or set impossible standards no one will meet) that it creates a noticeable shortage. The more recent issue OP may be referring to is dating apps make it wayyy too efficient for top guys to spin a bunch of plate…
/r/PurplePillDebate21/02/25 01:25 AM
–

Can everyone stop with the “felons get laid” thing? What does that prove exactly, that trashy women you want nothing to do with pick trashy men? So what? If you shift your focus to the sorts of women you actually want, you’ll see they don’t actually pick lowlifes.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/02/25 08:58 PM
3

I used photos that all got 9+ attractiveness on Photofeeler, and I have a high-paying job… online dating was still like pulling teeth and demoralizing as all hell.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/02/25 06:19 AM
1

I haven’t seen the stuff on the texts sub you’re referring to, but I have to admit- I can kind of see it here, in the guys here who go on about how of course she gives it up to Chad with no resistance, so you’d better demand the same treatment lest you become the dreaded beta provider. That’s a toxic mindset that does exist, I have to give you that.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/02/25 10:09 PM
2

Similar to before, nothing you’re saying is wrong, but it doesn’t at all address/refute the comment it’s replying to.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/02/25 08:51 PM
3

I agree with most of this. But I don’t think it refutes the point I made earlier, that the bitterness comes from other people’s false assumptions more so than the lack of romantic success by itself. Your comment exemplifies the sorts of assumptions that drive these men berserk where you talk about putting in the work to improve yourself, implying they haven’t already. I mean some really haven’t, and yeah they’re pathetic, but some truly have, and they’re the ones who can’t stand reading stuff li…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/02/25 08:07 PM
11

Group 2 as you describe it is pretty much mythical. There are plenty of bitter dudes ranting online, but their bitterness revolves not around rejection itself, but around their experiences constantly being invalidated. Wherever they turn, they receive the message that men who can’t get women are abject losers who refuse to put in any work or even just be decent human beings. This message comes in many different packages, such as: “Take a shower and touch some grass,” “The bar is in hell for men,…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/02/25 06:40 PM
24

It’s certainly been my experience that continuing to pursue a woman who doesn’t make it unmistakably obvious that she’s interested back is a waste of time. And I have a large sample of wasted time to base this on. This does not imply you shouldn’t make the first move or make your own interest clear as well.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/02/25 04:49 PM
-3

Confidence and experience are a huge help for sure, but they aren't everything. Be better than the competition in other ways. Eventually, you might find a girl who appreciates what you do offer.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/02/25 05:19 AM
3

True, but inexperienced women are still less put off by your awkwardness and inexperience.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/02/25 05:02 AM
12

Plenty of women didn't date as teens either. The floodgates to overwhelming male attention don't really open up until adulthood. Until then, the high school environment is so insular that it's actually a pretty level playing field dating-wise. If you're a late bloomer, your best bet is with women who also don't seem like the popular-in-high-school type.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/02/25 04:41 AM
7

I'm so glad someone brought this up. I've been thinking about it a lot lately. Is it even possible to learn oneself into charm and charisma? To say something funny/witty/charming, you have to think it first, and you have no conscious control over what thoughts occur to you. In an instant, your brain just delivers you a thought. Maybe it's good. Maybe it sucks. Maybe you don't actually receive any thought at all. You don't get to decide. So an awkward boy reads a few books and comes away with an …
/r/PurplePillDebate17/02/25 03:57 AM
1

I meant it as a synonym for awkward, just a guy who’s a bit quiet/uncomfortable socially, regardless of quirks or interests. Yeah it’s not impossible for someone like this to get a gf, but it’s the difference between always having options vs. having to grind away to eventually find the rare person who accepts you.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/02/25 02:00 AM
3

But it is true that “just a little weird” is pretty devastating to a man’s prospects, regardless of OP’s particular situation.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/02/25 01:41 AM
13

Social awkwardness =/= autism or social disorder. Plenty of people are a bit awkward without any diagnosable condition, and it’s highly contextual- you can feel awkward in one setting and confident in another. In that same vain, it’s probably temporary, in that a guy who’s awkward shooting his shot with a girl would become more comfortable/confident when settled into a relationship. IMO some mild awkwardness is a short-sighted reason to reject someone.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/02/25 01:33 AM
1

Is this a brazen set of preferences for man who is slim, 18-25, childless and unmarried?
/r/PurplePillDebate16/02/25 11:50 PM
1

Serious question: What even is "status?" Is the awkward tech nerd millionaire who dresses in cheap hoodies high-status? Is the flashy douche with fancy clothes and a sports car but no savings high-status?
/r/PurplePillDebate16/02/25 08:33 PM
–

Does no one else think this is just rage bait?
/r/PurplePillDebate16/02/25 04:24 PM
9

This is pretty much it. When people say “work on your personality / social skills,” I’m not sure if they assume they’re talking to an overgrown child who just needs to learn basic manners or what. It’s not that straightforward to transform oneself into a witty extrovert, but that’s mostly what it comes down to.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/02/25 12:41 AM
14

This. People need to stop thinking of ability to get women as an appraisal of how well you’re doing in life overall. It’s just another skill. Some deadbeat losers have it; some hardworking people don’t.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/02/25 07:30 PM
5

That I can’t argue with. But I will ask you this: Why does it upset you? I struggle with this too… reading stuff from people who clearly can’t relate to my experience and getting that feeling of “oh my god if only you knew.” But that feeling is not something to indulge, because it’s not helpful. It’s offputting. Men are valued for a resilient, can-do attitude that doesn’t beg for external validation. The fact that you (and I to some extent) care what these people think is indicative of a persona…
/r/PurplePillDebate14/02/25 06:07 PM
4

If you have, that’s a meaningless outlier. Every reasonable person acknowledges that other attributes can hold you back.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/02/25 05:06 PM
4

How does one improve his confidence (other than hoping it comes as a byproduct of improvement in other areas)?
/r/PurplePillDebate14/02/25 02:26 PM
5

but only after you've established that she likes you for who you are. Here's my point: your financial status is a part of who you are every bit as much as your appearance and demeanor. How is your logic different from a woman putting no effort into her appearance on the first few dates to make sure the guy "likes her for who she is?" Yet, many men readily spend on a stranger because she looks kinda cute with no guarantee they’ll even like each other. You have a point here, in that it's a lousy f…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/02/25 06:08 AM
14

The older and more mature I get, the less sympathetic I am to that way of thinking. Every social relationship is ultimately transactional: both parties give and receive value in various ways. If one side feels like they're not receiving enough value, they won't be interested in continuing the relationship. One way in which I'm able to provide value is financial stability. If I want to attract a partner who can bring me a lot of value in return, I'm not going to shy away from bringing her value h…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/02/25 05:35 AM
9

Curious what women think about this: Does a date that costs a bit of money help to create attraction (provided the guy isn't a dud of course)? Not talking about some try-hard bullshit where they put gold flakes in your dessert or whatever, just a decent spot with a nice, cozy vibe.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/02/25 05:10 AM
17

"Average" in this context is used to simply mean those who aren't exceptions to the rule. It's a wide range encompassing most people. It's perfectly reasonable for an "average" guy who's fit and put together to be uninterested in overweight single moms, even if you call them "average" too.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/02/25 01:24 AM
2

In generations past, women nearly all married young while having no means to search far and wide for their perfect match. Makes one wonder if they mostly just paired off with men they were unattracted to back in those days?
/r/PurplePillDebate10/02/25 07:57 PM
2

With all that in mind, can you explain what you mean by "equal"?
/r/PurplePillDebate09/02/25 08:21 PM
2

This isn't discussed nearly enough. With all the "work on your personality" type comments that tend to get thrown around, no one bothers to ask: How? You can only say something witty/funny/interesting if you think it first, and we humans do not control what thoughts occur to us. To acquire the gift of charm, you need to somehow train your brain to consistently deliver you the sorts of witty remarks that people find endearing. Does anyone actually know how to train one's brain in this way? Withou…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/02/25 07:02 PM
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