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QueasyEducation5 Archive

View 7 posts and 227 comments by QueasyEducation5 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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10

This is a strange mentality. Maybe while in the first months of dating, but by the time you reach the point of exclusivity/engagement and especially marriage I would hope that both you and your partner have the maturity and mental fortitude to understand that mutual love and respect is important. Ie: loving someone isn’t a game or strategy.
/r/askFDS26/08/21 12:57 PM
2

I hope your away from him now!! Sounds like your raising yours right too! Good for you! ❤️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/08/21 01:27 AM
25

As a single mother of two very independent and responsible boys this post is a bit offensive and off base. I get it - my sons father was raised by a coddling single mother and as you probably guessed it did not work out with us. He disappeared and has not been in our lives for a very long time. Because of this I made sure I raised my boys to clean, cook (they are excellent cooks and can make simple dishes as well as anything from shrimp scampi to a full steak dinner), maintain vehicles, do gener…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/08/21 04:45 PM
70

The guy I recently started dating stopped over and as I am still decorating my space there were a few things leaning against the wall because I don’t have the necessary hardware to hang them yet. The next day he texted to let me know he had picked up what I needed and would be over to hang the items next weekend. I asked ‘why are you so sweet?’ His reply ‘You’re a good person and I’m a good person - this is just one good person taking care of another good person.’ The fact that I was used to hav…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/08/21 04:21 PM
9

The man I’m dating walks me to my car, opens all doors for me - including car doors, always pays, stands when I stand….. it’s SO. DAMN. SEXY!!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/08/21 09:33 PM
16

Hahaha were you on a date with my ex??
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/08/21 12:05 AM
13

Cut him loose and move on. Find a complete man if you want a real relationship. Trust me!!
/r/askFDS04/08/21 06:35 PM
37

Wtf….. some people have a lot of time on their hands.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/08/21 12:21 AM
10

This is SO true!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/07/21 12:54 PM
11

Wow. That’s shitty!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/07/21 04:19 PM
4

This is exactly it - great advice!
/r/askFDS15/07/21 07:54 AM
26

I just started seeing a man who so far has shown many HV qualities. Always pays, opens doors, opens car doors, pulls out chairs, stands up if I get up. It’s a whole new ball game for me! We have only been on one ‘big’ date, but he planned it all and it was great! Dinner, live music, and a magic show at an old burlesque bar. It was really fun!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/07/21 06:10 PM
8

Pfffffffft, nope. He gets me and that’s it!! Lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/07/21 05:58 PM
11

Love ❤️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/07/21 02:27 PM
41

This guy is a complete child. She should leave him immediately. My recent ex had a kink he always wanted me to participate in. Any time I’d try to set a boundary he would get mad, talk over me, call me a kink shamer, say ‘you did _____ with _____ so why can’t you do this for me?’ When I was leaving and he was freaking out I told him this was one of the major reasons I was leaving and he acted shocked that I would be mad enough to call off our engagement over it 🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/07/21 06:58 PM
10

So sorry. What a jerk!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/07/21 06:54 PM
6

My ex and his sister and mommy thought I needed to just ‘get over’ him being a dick to me. Why!? Why do I need to just get over someone taking their emotions out on me and ‘punishing’ me? Byeeeee.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/07/21 10:21 PM
8

Lol!! So true.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/07/21 10:15 AM
10

I have 2 boys already (older teens) all his rules and his being over emotional wore on them a bit too. It’s weird cuz he thinks he is super chill….. but he is basically almost boiling over with anxiety or anger all the time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/07/21 06:52 PM
6

Thanks. I hope not…. I have far too soft of a heart and worry about him a lot!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/07/21 05:52 PM
18

Thanks. I know I have my faults too, but he has some serious work to do on himself before being in any relationship. Congrats to you btw :)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/07/21 11:35 AM
127

Incredibly good points! I just left an engagement because he didn’t respect me. It was a second try relationship and he had promised he had changed, humbled, was ready to be a partner. I can’t accept a partner that takes his emotions out on me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/07/21 02:25 AM
4

Ill do my best - thank you I appreciate the advice!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/07/21 12:21 AM
7

Lol - thanks! Enjoy the freedom and take your time figuring out what works for you you :)
/r/askFDS30/06/21 11:56 PM
7

That is exciting!! It’s kind of liberating actually not needing anyone for that! :) I tried casual sex the last time I was single and I panicked so bad - took at home STI tests several times!! In my early 20’s it didn’t phase me, but times have changed and my anxiety does not allow for that sort of thing anymore!
/r/askFDS30/06/21 11:50 PM
12

I think it’s going to be my go-to. Just left a bad Situation and my sex drive was completely non existent for awhile there. Came back outa nowhere last night though. So I’m in the same boat you are… I don’t want anything casual, but I’m also not ready for real commitment yet either. EDIT: just ordered a new charging cord for my vibrator 😁
/r/askFDS30/06/21 11:32 PM
5

Right!? What an immature ass.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/21 09:02 PM
10

You know what - he may be sad right now because I left, but I quietly (sometimes not so quietly) cried many times in the last two years because of him. AND this was his second chance. So yeah bye scrote.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/21 05:50 PM
2

Oh if I could just win the lottery and buy a house - a dream come true!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/21 05:44 PM
9

I wish I wouldn’t have let him talk - that’s what caused the guilty feelings. Otherwise you are correct - I don’t need a shitty communicator who takes his emotions out on me!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/21 05:29 PM
9

I am. Just feeling a bit guilty.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/21 04:15 PM
2

Congrats!! 🎉🍾🎈
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/21 02:30 PM
27

You just described the last month of my life 🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/21 01:22 PM
3

What an idiot. She needs to dump him ASAP.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/06/21 09:35 PM
68

My fuck bucket is empty 🪣 🤷🏻‍♀️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/06/21 04:18 PM
13

Great movie!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/06/21 04:16 PM
7

100%
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/06/21 08:30 PM
22

I know what I’m watching later!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/06/21 05:43 PM
66

This is not a relationship. Please just stop talking to this awful excuse fir a human being!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/06/21 04:27 PM
2

Exactly!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/06/21 03:33 PM
6

Thanks… I really don’t understand that mindset of ‘I go out of my way to spy on you - love me’.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/06/21 03:15 PM
88

Yeah…. That whole post is really cringy!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/06/21 02:31 PM
15

So I just left a LVM and as I was leaving he says that he knows I follow a certain therapy account on IG and he wants me to know that he isn’t a narcissist….. He is stalking her - her whole family needs to block him on socials!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/06/21 02:04 PM
13

Whether or not your ‘over’ Reacting or just reacting you clearly don’t like the situation. Not liking it and/or seeing it as a red flag is completely ok! You can walk away and not even explain why if you don’t want to :)
/r/askFDS24/06/21 01:56 PM
152

Yep!!! Same here. Then if you ‘land a man’, but don’t stay with him because he is trash then you need to ‘stop giving the milk away for free’. My older brother just got divorced and my narcissistic father is grossly over interested in him ‘getting back on that horse’ yet I’ve always been told ‘don’t give the milk away for free’. It’s just really gross!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/06/21 01:22 PM
522

And that her worth has nothing to do with her sexuality
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/06/21 12:05 PM
18

👏🏻 👏🏻 👏🏻 so glad your getting out!! I just left the same guy I think - honestly everything you just listed. Complete ’nice guy’ persona to the outside world, but once he was alone with me….. yowza! Watch out for red flags queens - don’t ignore a single one!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/06/21 12:01 PM
3

I needed this today - thank you!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/06/21 11:58 AM
27

I’m 41….. after a lifetime of LVM. I’m gonna say skip meeting up for ‘drinks’ it’s not gonna get you a quality man. Coffee date?? Eh, maybe. Walking date? Nope - especially not anywhere heavily secluded! Other than that - I am newly single. Any advice on where to meet HVM please share!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/06/21 07:37 PM
18

I have had the same thoughts, but honestly I don’t think it will help anything!! Could just cause drama.
/r/askFDS23/06/21 06:12 PM
7

This is something I keep explaining to my mom. My dad actually said something to the extent of; Abortion should be illegal And when I raised an eyebrow he doubled down and said There shouldn’t be birth control either….. I just turned and left. I was absolutely floored. This man hasn’t been to church in years!! He worships at the alter of Fox News. 🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/06/21 04:15 PM
2

Thank you - that’s actually extremely helpful!! I’m actually going to cut and paste that to my notes so I can go back to it!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/06/21 07:23 PM
2

Yeah…. Just sucks, but there were a lot of issues. Too many to fix I think.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/06/21 06:58 PM
2

We are done, but I still need to pick some stuff up on Friday. He wants to get dinner or go for a hike though and I’m trying to explain how he was shitty to me so it’s really hard to not be angry. I still have a lot to say I guess. 😞
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/06/21 06:37 PM
30

Anyone who can’t express how they feel about you is someone to be wary of!
/r/askFDS20/06/21 09:36 PM
32

Damn - good for her!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/06/21 09:39 PM
14

He sounds incredibly sweet and mature!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/06/21 08:27 PM
2

Right - the few times I’ve used OLD I match with ppl in the cities anyway. I’m about 30-40 min from two big cities so not a big deal, but I also don’t want to spend all my time there to meet HVM in person. EDIT: please write that post - I’d love to read it! Thanks for the list of possibilities though - plenty of wineries and breweries here!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/06/21 08:16 PM
12

Congrats to you!! I hope to someday find a HVM of my own :)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/06/21 05:53 PM
3

It’s good he realized. My STBX does not. I will never ever again get involved with a mamas boy!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/06/21 04:27 PM
4

Sounds messed up!! My STBX is super enmeshed with his mother and sister. If his mom is depressed HE is depressed. His mom was super mad when he finally moved out and refused to speak to him - now that she is paying him attention again he is her lap dog just like before 🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/06/21 02:53 PM
4

This is amazing - thank you!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/06/21 12:41 PM
9

Yes please do both sides!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/06/21 12:40 PM
6

This sounds absolutely heavenly. Wishing you all the luck and love! ❤️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/06/21 10:52 AM
4

Yup. I don’t mind the city or doing solo stuff, but I’m doubting anyone of quality will show interest anyway.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/06/21 10:33 AM
30

Or there is a divorce and instead of being single, getting therapy, and moving on the parent decides to just make the child their new spouse.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/06/21 11:24 PM
14

This is my stbx’s family. It’s messed up and insidious. DO NOT date mamas boys!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/06/21 11:22 PM
19

I am coming out of a relationship soon. Planning on doing therapy and starting some good routines for myself for the summer, but once I’m ready to date again….. well where do I find HVM? I live in a rural area and I’m not planning to frequent bars or anything (LVM central around here). Do I drive into the cities and explore museums? Go for solo hikes? Get a doggo (my son really wants one) and start going to dog parks and other fun stuff?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/06/21 08:55 PM
2

That’s the truly messed up part - the shaming. Men sexualize us, make us think we need to do special things to satisfy them, and then they shame us for being sexual. It’s absolute BS. I’m in the process of ending an engagement to a man who I believe has major Madonna/Whore complex. I’m hoping to have all my stuff out by this weekend!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/06/21 04:21 PM
2

Thanks! It was actually by a group of high school football players. They came to the middle school and saw me in the hall. They said a bunch of objectifying/sexual things and were calling ‘dibs’- I didn’t even understand it until someone else explained it to me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/06/21 04:10 PM
38

I love this!! 🐱
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/06/21 10:10 AM
2

My thought exactly!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/06/21 01:25 AM
40

Yeah that bothered me too…. Why be cagey when she just answered like a normal person!?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/21 09:45 PM
11

I agree, but I also don’t think it’s real. I think he made up ppl saying these things as a way to guilt her into doing what he wants.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/21 04:59 PM
23

I feel ya!! I’ve watched my father be a lazy slave driver to my mother for a very very long time. I hate it and I hate that it set me up to think I needed to bend over backwards for a man.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/21 03:50 PM
22

Yeah I think it’s a fairly common strategy with manipulative/toxic people. Basically triangulating you against ‘them’.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/21 03:40 PM
2

Especially frat bros.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/21 02:46 PM
106

I’m just wondering why he is telling her all these things ppl are saying….. is it manipulation?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/21 11:35 AM
12

Lol - my STBX is obsessed with porn and shames me because I’ve had one night stands in the past. He claims he needs an emotional connection to have sex. 🙄 I’m leaving him because he doesn’t understand that he doesn’t respect me. Yelling at me, snapping at me, belittling me and then expecting me to just take it all with a smile.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/21 11:07 PM
1

He tells me he is scared of me…. Although he will snap at me, be passive aggressive, set ‘rules’, and etc. he badmouths his exes and then when I block them from social media because he says they will stalk me, but if he finds out I blocked them he tells me I’m crazy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/21 03:09 PM
1

That sounds heavenly!!! Thank you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/21 02:54 PM
1

Thank you! He has stolen so much of my confidence already!! :(
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/21 02:54 PM
1

Interesting point!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/21 02:33 PM
2

I’m in therapy. I will be continuing with that and probably group meetings as well. Living it has been exhausting!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/21 02:32 PM
40

Precisely!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/21 02:25 PM
1

I’m very sorry that happened! How scary!! Yes - I think it’s become an every day thing for me to be told that everything is my fault. I’m pretty laid back and I try my best to not let silly things bother me (like running into an ex). I’ve also uncovered a few lies and caught him gaslighting/manipulating me. So I think he may be really dialing up the victim persona.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/21 02:21 PM
5

Right. Retroactive jealousy, correct? He says we should never have gone out in this area and sort of made it seem that it was my fault we did. He hates my friends because he thinks I talk shit to all of them about him because he read those messages from when we were broken up.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/21 01:52 PM
9

This week!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/21 01:42 PM
164

Go out and live!! Finding a husband shouldn’t be your first priority!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/21 01:37 PM
15

Thanks :) I am self gaslighting aren’t I!? It’s the insecurity and victim mentality that have completely killed anything I ever felt for him. Not to mention the fact that he is manipulative and can’t communicate like an adult!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/21 01:26 PM
10

Out of sight out of mind - do what makes you feel happy and free!
/r/askFDS14/06/21 12:28 AM
32

This is very thoughtful and mature. I’ve been thinking of contacting my STBX ex’s. All I ever heard were bad things and now I’m positive they were exaggerated.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/06/21 08:43 PM
7

This is f***ing disgusting!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/06/21 08:37 PM
2

What did I just read!? That is not sanitary!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/06/21 03:59 AM
5

7th grade :(
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/06/21 03:12 AM
1

The post says badly raised men….. in his case his mother raised him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/06/21 09:42 AM
18

😂😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/06/21 09:50 PM
25

My boys have been raised to cook, clean, help out whenever needed, change oil, do yard maintenance - you name it they can handle it! The STBX can’t boil an egg, I had to have several arguments with him about splitting chores/how I have to do certain chores, pays someone to mow his tiny lawn, spends hours at the gym each day, I could go on forever. I’m not going to let HIS mothers failure taint my boys’ minds! EDIT: this is a personal experience based on actual life events (he was raised to be ho…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/06/21 09:49 PM
24

Same!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/06/21 09:45 PM
140

I’m at the nail salon and I laughed and scared the tech!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/06/21 09:40 PM
42

Seems like a certain man is insecure.... 😐
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/06/21 08:59 PM
64

Ohhhh My Gaaaaaawd. This is my relationship. Don’t worry I’m leaving. 🤢
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/06/21 07:37 PM
36

As a woman leaving a man with a porn obsession and no respect for me because of it this made me cry 😢
/r/askFDS11/06/21 06:16 PM
36

This guy is garbage 🗑
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/06/21 09:28 PM
47

Dick pics are harassment. Anyone that says shit to women walking down the street or in the store - also harassment. I once had a guy tail me through Walmart to the card isle where I was picking out a Mother’s Day card to tell me how great my ass was - this was an older ‘normal’ looking dude. WTF!?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/06/21 01:17 AM
1

That’s the grossest thing I’ve heard in awhile. I’m so sorry you had to see that!! Block/report all of that!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/06/21 07:50 PM
4

Right - your last paragraph is exactly what I want. He uses bad behaviors during arguments and then I get upset and either cry or yell. Then he sits back and says see your the crazy one - your the one with the problems. You guys sound well matched - congrats on that!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/06/21 02:48 PM
1

Thank you 😊
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/06/21 01:05 PM
3

That’s all I’m asking for. I don’t understand why he doesn’t realize how bad his behavior is. Oh well - I’m done now. Thanks fir entertaining my questions!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/06/21 10:16 AM
2

This sounds so adult!! Lol And would he ever just snap at you or belittle you out of nowhere? If he did accidentally he would apologize?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/06/21 08:46 AM
1

Yes my brother is totally willing to help. I have all my irreplaceable stuff. I just got out of debt though and I don’t want to repurchase furniture and appliances so I want to get all of that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/06/21 08:23 AM
12

Ahhhhh to have a partner that is secure. My dream!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/06/21 01:38 AM
17

Thank you so much for this!! If it’s not too intrusive- what does a typical disagreement look like in your marriage? Does he ever; Belittle you, Degrade you, Use low blows, Yell, Manipulate, Be passive aggressive, Silent treatment or other ‘punishments’ Gaslight
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/06/21 11:53 PM
8

I would be fine with that as long as I can get my furniture and appliances at some point.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/06/21 09:08 PM
3

I’m already feeling so much clearer and calmer! I’m excited to not have to babysit a grown mans emotions!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/06/21 08:47 PM
12

I totally agree - being an adult is key all around and for everyone!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/06/21 08:45 PM
5

Pure HELL. Thanks!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/06/21 08:07 PM
8

Lol - my mind is pretty made up. I’m feeling good, calm, peaceful, a little depressed yes, but that’s ok I’ll get through it. This is just the talk of when I’m getting my stuff and etc.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/06/21 07:33 PM
11

Love Dr Ramani!! I’ve been listening to a podcast called Love and Abuse. The host used to be emotionally abusive and it is so so validating to hear him talk about his own bad behaviors and how they affect his ex.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/06/21 06:58 PM
30

I plan on blocking him and his family from all socials. Unfortunately he and his sister own the marketing company my employer uses so they come here sometimes. I’m going to talk to HR about letting me know anytime they are going to be here. I’m in therapy and my next step is recovery therapy for narc abuse - I’m planning on taking time to truly heal and spend time with my family :)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/06/21 06:49 PM
6

Oh definitely! Thank you 😊
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/06/21 04:27 PM
6

Oh and no they aren’t all trash!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/06/21 04:19 PM
10

I’m planning on continuing on with my therapy and possibly finding an online support group. I want my own place - I’d like to buy, but I also don’t want to be at my parents too long. I have two years until my youngest graduates HS so I might just concentrate on myself and my kids until then. I’m really very tired of being controlled by men.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/06/21 04:19 PM
3

I thought the same. I think it’s incredibly common fir victims of LVM to feel bad for them. I have lists of crappy things my STBX has said/done and I’m still struggling to stay strong and committed to leaving.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/06/21 03:36 PM
15

Ew!! Wtaf? I’m seriously starting to wonder what the ratio of NVM/LVM to HVM is cuz I’m not sure I’ve ever run across a HVM :(
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/06/21 03:32 PM
16

Wow. That is seriously creepy!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/06/21 03:19 PM
23

This is 100% true! I’m on my way out of a very stressful situation right now. I’ve been staying with my parents and doing extra therapy and I’m feeling so much calmer and peaceful. The scariest part is that whether he realizes he is abusive or not the gaslighting, manipulation, guilt tripping, low blows during arguments - these ppl know how to completely gut you emotionally. Watch for red flags ladies!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/06/21 03:02 PM
12

I might just get one - thanks!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/06/21 02:59 PM
14

Ignore/block
/r/askFDS08/06/21 11:40 AM
1

That’s fantastic! US really needs to get on board, but our politicians are too busy fighting to ever get anything done 🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/06/21 11:27 AM
2

Thank you! I’ve never heard of them before. I’ll try that. EDIT: do you have a link?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/06/21 11:23 AM
3

Thanks! :) My parents are the typical 1950’s raise your daughter to get married types so I’ve always been looking to get married. I think after experiencing emotional abuse and everything else I’ve been through for the last decade plus I’m finally at a point that I just want to be ME. I’m not a bad person because I’ve dated more ppl than most, I’m not a bad person for having kids out of wedlock, I’m not a bad person fir falling for a narcissist. I’m smart, strong, independent, and pretty hot for…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/06/21 01:40 AM
16

👑 shit ;) So happy that your happy - keep thriving!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/06/21 12:35 AM
4

Thank you for that! It is just mind blowing the way LVM think. I don’t think wanting a real partner that does their share around the house (without argument), respects you, can handle a discussion without it devolving into absolute chaos, and basically is John ⬆️ is too much to ask! If I can do it I think my partner should be able to as well. I wish I could get lucky enough that he breaks up with me or leaves for an extended period of time. Unfortunately he is an agoraphobic narcissist so I’m su…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/06/21 11:24 PM
2

Honestly I think this sounds very smart all around :)
/r/askFDS07/06/21 08:47 PM
27

Yes - I want MY Jon!! I have all my important documents. Just need to grab the rest of my clothes and kitchen stuff. My brother gave me a key to his storage unit so that’s where the couch, tv stand, and holiday decor will go. Thanks for your comment - that’s another thing I feel we as women have to over think/do the emotional work on is breaking up. Men are just A LOT of work all around! EDIT: I’m also fine not finding a HVM. I’m totally ok with just being on my own and free to do what makes ME …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/06/21 07:48 PM
91

THIS this is what I tried desperately to explain to my LV fiancé. This is the sort of marriage/relationship I want. Calm, strong, fair, and respectful. He can’t grasp the concept so I’ll be leaving as soon as I can work up the courage to ‘talk’ 🙄 EDIT: we have been on/off for 13 years (yeah 👎🏻) - he wanted me back and put in a good show of giving me what I want, but it was just that A SHOW.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/06/21 07:04 PM
24

This is good info - especially the ego stuff. Narcissistic men are like 6 year olds like that. Any ‘embarrassment’ or bruise to their ego will send them into a tantrum.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/06/21 11:38 AM
30

His ‘sex addiction’ isn’t your problem! You can walk away today. Def get a STI screen and be sure the check for HSV. If you do have anything because of him you can include it in the divorce. Wishing you the best!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/06/21 11:33 PM
63

1,000% accurate
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/06/21 11:29 AM
52

I’d still be wary with a ring!! Unless they are proven HV!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/06/21 02:01 AM
5

This was inspiring and no I’m not crying!! 😭
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/06/21 12:14 AM
50

I just fell off my chair!! THERE IT IS!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/06/21 02:34 PM
43

Don’t get involved with someone who doesn’t share your values on having a family. It will just get messy.
/r/askFDS05/06/21 10:12 AM
5

Oh god!!!! That’s sounds awful :(
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/06/21 06:50 PM
2

Precisely- then the son feels that he can never ‘abandon’ the mother by being in a committed relationship. I’m actually dealing with this now (and probably leaving the relationship) - I’ve had to explain what I mean by me needing to be his priority if we are getting married (as in I need to trust that he will take care of me if I’m sick or as I get old and vice versa) he does not understand the concept. He acts like I’m telling him he can’t see his mom/sister as often (which is VERY often)..... …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/06/21 03:18 PM
15

Go Scotland!! When will the U. S. Put this law into place! I’ve dealt with someone going through my personal devices and telling me I can’t go certain places or see certain ppl. He showed me his list of blocked ppl on FB and said ‘this is how badly I want our relationship to work out - I’ve blocked all of these ppl’ and so I had to block a bunch of ppl in order to ‘fall in line’. He has also told me when I can/can’t have certain ppl over to the house because it’s ‘his’ house.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/06/21 02:39 PM
37

I think the strings cause it to fold up and then it’s basically pulled out. When they are put in it’s the opposite - the strings are pulled taught and it’s place then the strings are let go and it expands. Either way - this guy isn’t a doc, he doesn’t know what he is doing, and most importantly there was no consent to this!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/06/21 02:23 PM
57

Yeah that’s what I was imagining.... with her having pain on one side now. Yikes!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/06/21 01:06 PM
145

Omg. I realize those things are meant to come out again, but he could have seriously caused damage. What a shitty thing to do. :(
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/06/21 12:31 PM
2

Yep! Mamas boys are a big NO!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/06/21 11:33 AM
1

Yep!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/06/21 11:32 AM
3

Exactly!! My fiancé constantly triangulates me with his sister. It’s caused a lot of issues!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/06/21 11:32 AM
5

Came here to say this!! Enmeshment and codependency in bio families can be toxic to a relationship!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/06/21 11:30 AM
4

The fact that you say he is REALLY manipulative is scary. I think moving yourself and the kids away is the best choice here! Don’t think of it as humiliating, think of it as liberating!! :)
/r/askFDS04/06/21 10:10 AM
8

I feel you on this OP. I’m in the process of slowly moving my stuff out of my fiancé’s house and will be living with my parents until I find a place. I’m 41 and have 2 teenage boys. It sucks, but it’s worth it to escape the constant drama he causes.
/r/askFDS04/06/21 10:08 AM
9

I agree with all of this and I’d like to add that if the kids continue to be around him they could pick up ‘fleas’ or end up as narcissists themselves :(
/r/askFDS04/06/21 10:05 AM
11

🙌🏻
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/06/21 12:18 AM
8

That’s great - happy for you!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/06/21 03:31 PM
6

Can I ask how/where you met your HVM?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/06/21 02:47 PM
12

This is great! Would you mind if I message you? I’m leaving a relationship that has left me basically void of sex drive. I think it has a lot to do with sacrificing my boundaries for his pleasure.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/06/21 08:50 PM
47

That was not lost in me either!! Lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/06/21 07:50 PM
3

Good for you!! Keep it up 😁
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/06/21 01:53 PM
4

I have that book - very eye opening!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/06/21 09:46 AM
2

Yep mines controlling too. :(
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/06/21 09:45 AM
24

I’m leaving my fiancé partially because of this kind of behavior!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/06/21 01:09 AM
65

I think she is adorable and smart as hell!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/06/21 10:56 PM
5

Right back atcha!! You deserve better :)
/r/askFDS31/05/21 11:51 PM
21

Omg - I think we might be the same person! It’s called triangulation. Or at least it sounds like it to me. My fiancé (STBX) does this to me too - his mom and sister are beyond reproach and I’m a useless bitch 🤷🏻‍♀️
/r/askFDS31/05/21 11:04 PM
37

He is Trash!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/05/21 11:07 AM
2

Thank you!! I really appreciate all of that! I’ve been spending more time with friends and starting to feel better about being single and not having to ‘answer’ to anyone anymore!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/05/21 12:52 AM
1

Have you done therapy?
/r/askFDS31/05/21 12:20 AM
57

Can confirm. Narcissists in particular can seem very HV until the flip on you after the love bombing stage.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/05/21 03:38 PM
2

Oh he is a pro at DARVO. :( I have been going over there and spending a few hours with him on Sundays. I try to get there while he is at the gym so I can pack as much stuff into my car as I can. Basically all that’s left is pots & pans, some of my clothes, and a couch and TV. EDIT: it’s so stupid to think that it will ever work, but it’s always in the back of my head 😔
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/05/21 11:36 PM
1

I understand exactly what your saying. I’ve been with him on and off for 13 years. 9 years, 2 years off, 2 years back on and engaged. All of the drama comes from him. All I’ve done is stick up for myself and even though I have yelled and etc it’s after he has started shit. He shows all the signs of narcissistic PD. My big road block right now is that he has sensitive pics and videos of me. I asked him to delete them last time we broke up and he didn’t. So I’m just trying to figure out how to mak…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/05/21 02:13 PM
17

Congrats!! 🍾🎉
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/05/21 02:03 PM
2

Thank you! I am trying to figure out if I tell him he is textbook abusive or just say sorry we just aren’t compatible. I was actually away from him for two years and although I made some LVW mistakes in that time I was happy, work was good, I had friends again..... now I’m back to constant anxiety and depression. So I know it’s him and I’ve paid very close attention to my behaviors this time as well. I’m not the problem as much as he wants me to believe I am. Thank you for sharing your story and…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/05/21 12:16 PM
8

That’s always been my rule... he manipulated me by telling me it was his turn on. I’m extremely angry and on my way out of the relationship. Thanks!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/05/21 12:10 PM
27

This is spot on!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/05/21 02:49 AM
24

He wants you to tell him stories of your sexual past because it turns him on..... then he gets pissy if he ever runs into your actual Ex.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/05/21 02:30 AM
5

Exactly!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/05/21 02:25 AM
5

Oh that hits close to home!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/05/21 02:24 AM
12

Lol this is pretty spot on!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/05/21 01:27 AM
29

Lol thanks!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/05/21 06:27 PM
8

Absolutely! Be proud - I would be!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/05/21 06:26 PM
148

He is entitled and disrespectful, but she better be able to brush off his shitty remarks and never show a hint of attitude. 😖
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/05/21 05:12 PM
9

Good for you! Congrats on livin your life in whatever way makes YOU happy :)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/05/21 05:10 PM
13

Holy crap!! I need all his secrets!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/05/21 01:52 PM
5

Thanks! It’s so hard for some reason, codependency?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/05/21 10:10 AM
13

My fiancé thinks he isn’t as bad as his BIL because he isn’t an alcoholic - he is still emotionally/verbally abusive though. Don’t worry I’m on my way out!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/05/21 11:23 PM
41

Oh he is very toxic! I’m working on getting out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/05/21 08:32 PM
30

And ruthless.... if need be 👑
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/05/21 08:21 PM
75

This is the exact spot I’m in. Everything is great until he is stressed or perceives some sort of disrespect then he shuts all over me emotionally. I call him out on it and then I’m told it’s my fault. THEN he doubles down and starts telling me everything I’ve ever done that he can possibly shame me for. I am always the bad guy and he is always the victim.... I’m super over it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/05/21 08:09 PM
3

Same thought - total serial killer vibes 🔪
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/05/21 02:00 PM
8

This is so good! 👑
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/05/21 02:14 PM
7

See mine is a shit head to me, but he will tell his friends how great I am and how much he loves me. Meanwhile he belittles my contributions to the household, snaps at me, uses passive aggressive ‘punishments’. I know everyone has bad days, but I don’t think you need to actually take it out on anyone. Process it in your head, write it out, but don’t take it out on me! I’m working on leaving btw
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/05/21 01:54 PM
11

I agree with this!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/05/21 01:51 PM
27

Nope!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/05/21 10:56 AM
17

Oh definitely try therapy! I think you’ll be surprised just how valid and normal your feelings are! Plus you’ll learn more about yourself so you can steer clear of red flags in the future!
/r/askFDS23/05/21 06:11 PM
29

Exactly. This is exactly what I mean and if you throw a man child into the mix who can’t make their own dentist appointments, can’t fry an egg, AND thinks they are top shit...... it’s a recipe for a mental breakdown.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/05/21 04:45 PM
13

I’ve been staying with my parents the last few weeks. Slowly getting back in touch with normalcy and not being in charge of another adults emotions. Also on a list for a very cool apartment. Just getting my ducks in a row :)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/05/21 03:12 PM
57

In my experience my anger is usually in response to someone else’s disrespect. So at that point if I’m angry they deserve it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/05/21 02:48 PM
9

He isn’t a clinical germaphobe- or at least he has never taken the time to get diagnosed. He just has a tendency to be finicky about cleanliness.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/05/21 02:07 PM
12

To be honest - my fiancé is a germaphobe and all of his ‘rules’ are really annoying and overwhelming. I’ve become incredibly anxious because of it. He gets nasty with me about how cleaning should be done. We were watching a sad movie once and I didn’t have a tissue so I wiped my tear and swiped my nose quickly with my sleeve (like literally nothing there just a reflex) and he was all ‘ew do you need a tissue?’ It’s not like I blew my nose in my shirt it was just a reflexive little swipe 😐 So yea…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/05/21 01:53 PM
193

I think something should also be said of mental/emotional load too. Women tend to be the ones making appointments and keeping household food and supplies stocked. Not to mention trying to navigate not only their own emotions, but the actual children’s emotions, and of course the emotions of the man child that lives there. For me that’s the most difficult because I’ve raised my boys to be self sufficient and pretty emotionally intelligent so for the three of us to have to tip toe around a grown m…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/05/21 10:48 AM
17

Cheers queens!! 🥂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/05/21 02:00 PM
24

That’s what struck me too - man: stands there. Baby: required to do all the work.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/05/21 09:49 AM
10

That was my exact thought!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/05/21 09:30 AM
23

Yep. Mine went through my iPad because of his anxiety. There were texting rules, door locking rules, chore rules.... all due to his anxiety. Truth: it was actually control - he needed to be in control.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/05/21 09:11 PM
18

I don’t think it’s too much. Don’t go overboard or anything though! Something simple and cute, a single rose, or a few tulips, or maybe a few small Lily’s. I hope it works out well for you both!
/r/askFDS20/05/21 06:32 PM
1

Yes!! This is the perfect answer!
/r/askFDS19/05/21 04:06 PM
1

Very true!
/r/askFDS19/05/21 04:05 PM
3

I think they use it to put themselves immediately into the ‘victim’ role. This way you are obligated to cater to their emotions because they are ‘victims’. They get to be skeptical of you so they can push through your boundaries as you try to prove yourself. I’ve been cheated on. I’m not permanently scarred from it. I learned, I moved on. That sort of thing isn’t a big deal unless someone makes it a big deal. Does any one want to be with someone who lives their life around something in their pas…
/r/askFDS19/05/21 04:04 PM
104

This. Whether or not they realize that what they are doing is abusive anyone who has to bring other people ‘down to size’ (especially their SO) is not a good person to be around.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/05/21 03:03 PM
4

Do the island with pets!!!
/r/askFDS18/05/21 09:33 PM
38

This is completely accurate. I’m coming to the realization that I’ve been manipulated with his ‘anxiety’ for two years. All while my mental health took a complete nosedive!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/05/21 01:23 PM
2

I am not - I’ll check it out!
/r/askFDS17/05/21 11:07 PM
3

The other part of this issue is that he claims to be turned on by the thought of me with other guys. Yet he can’t help but bring up guys I’ve dated before in every argument. I’ve honestly lost my sex drive completely at this point. The thought of it just gives me instant anxiety!
/r/askFDS17/05/21 10:29 AM
1

Thank you!
/r/askFDS17/05/21 08:23 AM
3

Thank you. I have read some of those already and he actually found my Lundy Bancroft book - that caused a fight :( It’s just sad. As long as everything is going along perfectly he is nice, sweet even, attentive. The second there is any sort of stress though it’s like he goes from Jekyll to Hyde instantly. Since there has never been physical violence I don’t think he understands that what he does is abusive. Or maybe he totally understands and that’s why he was mad about the book. Either way yes …
/r/askFDS17/05/21 08:22 AM
2

Thanks for that - that sort of makes sense.
/r/askFDS17/05/21 08:13 AM
2

Yes. Word salad. Thank you!
/r/askFDS17/05/21 03:01 AM
8

Thank you!
/r/askFDS16/05/21 10:16 PM
31

Yesss!! This is where my head is at right now! I just want an apartment of my own and a cat!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/05/21 07:05 PM
3

Right!? He is absolutely projecting his own problem onto her... what an insecure brat!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/05/21 09:17 PM
3

Insecurity in men will wreak havoc in a relationship!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/05/21 09:15 PM
19

Your gma was smart!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/05/21 01:04 AM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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