TheRedArchive

~ archived since 2018 ~

RayAP19 Archive

View 10 posts and 4,086 comments by RayAP19 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
Search in:
In subreddits:
More
Filter by year/month:
Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
165

DebateRayAP19/r/PurplePillDebate16/05/25 09:18 AM
150

DebateRayAP19/r/PurplePillDebate20/01/26 04:27 AM
73

DebateRayAP19/r/PurplePillDebate13/07/25 11:52 PM
57

Question For WomenRayAP19/r/PurplePillDebate01/05/25 03:18 PM
48

DebateRayAP19/r/PurplePillDebate24/01/25 07:42 PM
20

Question For WomenRayAP19/r/PurplePillDebate08/07/25 03:38 PM
13

Question For WomenRayAP19/r/PurplePillDebate11/11/25 06:34 AM
7

DiscussionRayAP19/r/PurplePillDebate19/09/25 01:35 PM
7

DiscussionRayAP19/r/PurplePillDebate12/05/25 09:06 PM
1

Question For WomenRayAP19/r/PurplePillDebate16/06/25 01:12 PM
Showing the 1,000 most recent of 4,086 comments.
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
2

Why are you so quick to say this but seem to be applying the behavior/qualities of men around you to the gender at large?
/r/PurplePillDebate21/01/26 05:41 AM
1

I won't lie, it sounds like your friends just have horrible taste in men and/or refuse to leave bad marriages/engagements. I don't date men, but there is absolutely no way the average man is anywhere near that bad.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/01/26 05:39 AM
1

It's pretty much impossible How do you meet men?
/r/PurplePillDebate21/01/26 05:26 AM
1

3) men asking women out irl is becoming more and more rare. Just doing this sets you apart as a man. I do this all the time, so... yeah.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/01/26 05:21 AM
1

"Making excuses"? Okay, cool. Have a good one
/r/PurplePillDebate21/01/26 02:35 AM
1

So you think women aren't inundated with attention in real life? I don't follow
/r/PurplePillDebate21/01/26 02:07 AM
1

But I was just saying it to show how real life is similar to dating apps
/r/PurplePillDebate20/01/26 10:26 PM
–

I'm not sure what you mean
/r/PurplePillDebate20/01/26 10:12 PM
1

Well the original point was that women often get lots of attention IRL just like they do on apps
/r/PurplePillDebate20/01/26 10:10 PM
1

You think if every man was polite and took no for an answer, women wouldn't still be annoyed by the attention?
/r/PurplePillDebate20/01/26 10:03 PM
1

I'm not clamoring for women to change; people will do what they want to do, but sometimes holding a mirror to people or even society at large is necessary.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/01/26 09:59 PM
–

But you're saying you've only dated men you met outside of flirty/romantic/let's fuck settings. That's where the outlier might be.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/01/26 09:57 PM
1

I promise they're not. First thing first: White women do not find me attractive. I've never even kissed a white woman, much less dated one. I prefer black women anyway (and they seem to find me attractive), but living in the Temple University area and being undesirable to most of the women there (white) is already working massively against me. And sure, I've gotten numbers from black women in bars and clubs, but then they just disappear when we text after.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/01/26 09:56 PM
1

You didn't answer my question. You're acting like any man who struggles in dating is failing at being attractive.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/01/26 09:43 PM
1

But the fact that, statistically speaking, 80% of ANYTHING can almost never be below average, that hurts your argument. And even if you want to use an example in a vacuum, I'm well-groomed and I dress decently and I'm not ugly, plus I'm extremely tall. So besides women being picky, what reasons would you give for my lack of dating success? I think we've even DM-ed before, so you have a general feel on my personality/communication/conversation (you might not remember though).
/r/PurplePillDebate20/01/26 09:37 PM
2

Sure, results are indeed objective, and saying these women are picky will not change those results. But saying they're picky as an explanation for men's struggles in dating and/or to support the existence of female hypergamy is valid.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/01/26 09:26 PM
2

But attractiveness is not something that's objective. For instance, people have different definitions of "fat." So if, let's say, most men stated that any woman with a BMI over 20 (5'8, 150 is roughly 22.8) is fat, that doesn't make it true.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/01/26 09:13 PM
2

But they've done studies that show that the given group of women think that roughly 80% of men are unattractive. I'm saying that this is strong evidence that women are extremely picky.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/01/26 09:10 PM
1

Are you sure? Women have notoriously low rates of right swiping. Which app(s)?
/r/PurplePillDebate20/01/26 09:05 PM
2

Because dating apps are safer since we only interact with people who have shown mutual interest
/r/PurplePillDebate20/01/26 09:04 PM
1

Okay, sure. You proved that the number of women who approach men isn't literally zero. But it's still almost infinitesimally small
/r/PurplePillDebate20/01/26 09:03 PM
1

To approach well you need to be pretty resilient to rejection and emotion in general. You have to come with some confidence. Do you really think women are better or equally suited for that? I think that wanting something and being prepared to go get it yourself instead of waiting for it to come to you is basic adulting
/r/PurplePillDebate20/01/26 09:02 PM
1

How have you go about meeting ppl in person? Bars, clubs, cold approach, work
/r/PurplePillDebate20/01/26 08:59 PM
1

I can testify that doing all of this can still lead to your self-esteem being ruined by consistent rejection and occasional rudeness
/r/PurplePillDebate20/01/26 08:58 PM
0

So what does your dating life look like? Because you don't sound picky at all (sincerely, not being sarcastic)
/r/PurplePillDebate20/01/26 08:56 PM
1

The struggle is real
/r/PurplePillDebate20/01/26 08:53 PM
2

what they actually are saying that 80% of men are completely unattractive I'm not sure I can explain how statistically unlikely that is. That would be the same as if 80% of men were short (let's say 5'5 and below). Averages/means/standard deviation don't really work that way.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/01/26 08:51 PM
–

Not necessarily, because maybe most women aren't like you. You're giving advice on how to meet women, not how to meet you. You could be an outlier.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/01/26 08:45 PM
–

I tend to agree with a lot of what the OP wrote, however, the one thing he didn't mention was what about him specifically is interesting and/or different. Do me a favor and imagine a hypothetical interesting/unique guy. What qualities/hobbies does he have that makes him interesting or unique?
/r/PurplePillDebate20/01/26 08:42 PM
1

myself who do better on apps cause I dont approach irl and prefer the woman to swipe on me first You must be pretty attractive then
/r/PurplePillDebate20/01/26 08:40 PM
1

I've gone to arcades, museums, had picnics, etc. Let me guess, those aren't adventures.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/01/26 08:31 PM
1

I don't get what you're saying
/r/PurplePillDebate20/01/26 08:29 PM
4

I see far more women complaining about too much attention than not enough, and I've seen women who are roughly average looking get attention. I don't know what to tell you
/r/PurplePillDebate20/01/26 08:29 PM
1

It feels better to be approached than to be matched with on an app. Approached how? Also, have you ever used any dating apps, and if so, what was your experience?
/r/PurplePillDebate20/01/26 08:28 PM
1

Not at all. I've worked in customer service most of my adult life, so socializing comfortably and being a good conversationalist were skills I had to learn.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/01/26 08:26 PM
1

I'm just having regular, engaging conversations and I am not asking for phone numbers or contact info right away. Apparently this is impossible because women would never ghost a guy with my physical qualities who's also a good conversationalist. I don't know what to say. If you want to see my conversations, DM me. Otherwise, there's nowhere else we can go
/r/PurplePillDebate20/01/26 08:26 PM
1

Because I don't have all of the same problems that are common in neurodivergents
/r/PurplePillDebate20/01/26 08:23 PM
1

Okay, so people keep saying this, and at this point, repeating myself is becoming exhausting. If you want to see my dating app conversations to determine my personality for yourself, feel free to send me a chat invite. Otherwise, there's nothing else I can say or do.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/01/26 08:22 PM
1

I meant about me specifically
/r/PurplePillDebate20/01/26 08:19 PM
0

After reading your wall of text, I'm SHOCKED!! Its almost as if your online rhetoric resonates and is as repulsive as it is in real life. You think you know what I'm like in person because of one long Reddit post in which I was, to be totally honest, fairly tactful? Are you kidding? That is deranged. Also, this was not a wall of text. It's a long read. If that's too much for you, just don't engage.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/01/26 08:19 PM
1

Like I said before, I don't know what I'm supposed to say. If you want to look at my conversations and prove me wrong, feel free to send me a chat, but otherwise it's my word against yours and that gets us nowhere
/r/PurplePillDebate20/01/26 08:18 PM
1

I don't know what I'm supposed to say to this. This is unprovable unless you were to literally look at my conversations
/r/PurplePillDebate20/01/26 08:16 PM
1

Women complain about being hit on often IRL too though
/r/PurplePillDebate20/01/26 08:16 PM
3

The outcome will be the same as in she'll get attention
/r/PurplePillDebate20/01/26 08:15 PM
1

https://imgur.com/a/cP8EsOI
/r/PurplePillDebate20/01/26 08:14 PM
1

Yes
/r/PurplePillDebate20/01/26 08:13 PM
1

I feel like in my experience, lots of women can lose interest before either of those come up. And often when I bring it up, women don't ask me about mine or just say "Oh, that's cool" and dry up the conversation
/r/PurplePillDebate20/01/26 06:31 AM
1

I agree, I'm just saying that, in response to this from another user: So ? It’s still easier to bring factors other than looks into play, which is what irl dating does It might be easier, but it's still very possible (and sometimes required) to have more than good pictures going for you on an app.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/01/26 06:24 AM
8

You're not coming off like you're trying to be a dick, no worries. Trust me, I've been trying to figure this out for a long time. I think some women just think they can do better or have "icks" like "He texts back too fast" or "He talks like he's white" (I'm a black man). As for guys less attractive than me having success, I don't know. I got nothin. One of my friends thinks Philadelphia women are just trash, but who knows
/r/PurplePillDebate20/01/26 06:21 AM
1

Fair enough. I think that explains a lot. You're probably well off financially, you're apparently in good shape, and don't underestimate how much being white helps you too.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/01/26 06:18 AM
1

Did you mean to say 18 or maybe 19?
/r/PurplePillDebate20/01/26 06:15 AM
1

Also, "innocuous" is not the same as "boring." Innocuous just means inoffensive, which is not mutually exclusive from interesting.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/01/26 06:08 AM
1

How old are you?
/r/PurplePillDebate20/01/26 06:08 AM
7

If you're getting tons of initial interest, but they all ghost then you are definitely doing something off putting I guarantee I'm not. You have to try to be interesting, flirt and escalate. Risking being a little offensive or weird is always better than being boring. So I have to dance like a monkey while they send messages dryer than an asexual vagina in the Sahara. I already mentioned I'm not boring. If you don't believe me, I can't force you to or present any further evidence unless you're w…
/r/PurplePillDebate20/01/26 06:07 AM
1

But IRL conversation, vibe, presentation, humor, etc. can also be misleading
/r/PurplePillDebate20/01/26 06:04 AM
2

But they still matter and people still consider them when choosing who to engage with. That is a fact
/r/PurplePillDebate20/01/26 05:57 AM
4

IRL you can get in situations where you can chat with a girl 1 on 1 for a few minutes without interruption But what's stopping them from ghosting after that conversation? That often happens to me with women I meet IRL, just like on the apps. "Grass is always greener" applies to both environments IMO.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/01/26 05:56 AM
2

Bro, if you're able to get 1 out of every 4 women to for sure have sex with you on the first date, you might be a Chad
/r/PurplePillDebate20/01/26 05:53 AM
1

That sounds like the average man should have at least a 25% success rate with women, but I promise that's not the case. So if you can build up enough desirability to people you like the looks of But people can also be more or less dateable for other reasons. Some people absolutely refuse to date single parents for instance. If you get rejected by 4+ women of similar desirability, then it’s probably your personality that’s the issue. I feel like we disagree on how many men would go 0/4 in this si…
/r/PurplePillDebate20/01/26 05:40 AM
1

I don't know, it feels like just getting the right swipes would be enough. You can see all these guys who find you attractive and laugh at them while swiping left on all but the most attractive, or just swipe left on literally all of them. But I will admit that what you're saying is possible, but I'm saying it might not be the case. It's hard to say either way IMO.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/01/26 05:35 AM
1

Right, I fully agree that happens to lots of men, including me, but you said that simply getting a right swipe doesn't mean she's attracted to you, but why else would anyone swipe right?
/r/PurplePillDebate20/01/26 05:28 AM
–

Indeed, I hear this often. "Go touch grass and make sure you showered, it's so easy to find a girlfriend." But it's not.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/01/26 05:22 AM
0

A woman who doesn’t respond to you isn’t interested Respond as in to a message on an app? Sometimes yes, sometimes no. If you chat with her, call her beautiful, invite her out for ice cream, take a walk with her, make out in your car or somewhere secluded, and take her home, then she’s attracted to you, and you’ll likely be attractive in the future to people who look similar to her. I disagree, I can't think of any valid or understandable reason why anyone, man or woman, would swipe right on som…
/r/PurplePillDebate20/01/26 05:21 AM
4

But men suck at approaching women. 90% of dudes will chicken out without ever approaching an attractive woman in person. Of the guys that do approach, 90% of them will be skeezy about it and hit on her right out of the gate. By approaching confidently and not being a sleezeball, you're already ahead of the vast majority of guys. Manage to have five or ten minutes fun conversation, and you're competition drops off to a tiny handful of dudes. I disagree. I have none of those problems and my cold a…
/r/PurplePillDebate20/01/26 05:15 AM
0

And why shouldn't women be picky given the rates of sexual harassments and assault we go through? Or how too often are left with domestic labor that the boyfriend/husband is unwilling to do even when both work. Or having to do the bulk of the emotional labor too. I'm not necessarily saying they shouldn't, I'm just saying that they're picky IRL just like on apps. As you pointed out, you're everything the red and black pills claim a woman would throw herself at, basically the chad. You're over 6 f…
/r/PurplePillDebate20/01/26 05:11 AM
1

Do people regard you as a good conversationalist, or an interesting person? I do, I'm able to confidently say I'm a very good conversationalist and I know I'm not boring. I see it in myself and nobody has ever called me a poor conversationalist or boring.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/01/26 05:08 AM
1

But dating apps also have bios. And you can feel a vibe in conversation
/r/PurplePillDebate20/01/26 05:07 AM
3

You’ll learn what someone who is “easy” for you is like over time I don't follow, what exactly do you mean by this? That’s basically the only requirement for a guy: you need to be able to recognize attraction, and have some tactful, consistent, linear way to capitalize on it if you’re interested. Well, that's part of the reason I think apps, on paper, should work way better than they do, because attraction is VERY tangible and obvious. A mutual like or right swipe or whatever = mutual attraction…
/r/PurplePillDebate20/01/26 05:06 AM
1

I'm 36 and I generally date from 28-40 ish
/r/PurplePillDebate20/01/26 05:01 AM
2

I would disagree and say that looks are not the only thing that matter on dating apps. To some women, sure. But some women in real life also only care about looks
/r/PurplePillDebate20/01/26 04:58 AM
7

It's easier to live with one arm than with none, but both are so difficult that labeling one as "easier" is pretty hollow. I also don't necessarily believe it is easier. It just seems more difficult on dating apps because more people are concentrated into one environment, and your results can be clearly and visibly quantified, making them more obvious and seemingly glaring.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/01/26 04:56 AM
1

Well, what I'm saying is that it's somewhat clear that women have tons of options yet many remain involuntarily single, but we can't pinpoint the reason just based on a sample size of the women in your family.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/01/26 04:53 AM
2

To be fair, your family doesn't necessarily represent the broader spectrum of women we're talking about
/r/PurplePillDebate20/01/26 04:49 AM
5

Yeah, that's fair. College is THE place to get laid/find a girlfriend. I can't really think of a better environment that one would be in consistently.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/01/26 04:46 AM
12

Well, if it's true that a majority of women essentially compete for a minority of men, there simply aren't enough of those men to go around. Having tons of options but rejecting 90 or so percent of them means that they're not actually choosing from the pool of all the options. So you'd probably say however many options women have, it's 10% or so of that number, which now gives them far fewer options and leaves many of them single. That's if what I said in the first sentence is true; I'm not sayi…
/r/PurplePillDebate20/01/26 04:35 AM
0

The non bare minimum qualities aren't important so there are no qualities that i'm conciously looking for that aren't bare minimum. But isn't the intrinsic idea of "bare minimum" rooted in the notion that the bare minimum, by itself, is not enough?
/r/PurplePillDebate11/11/25 08:14 AM
0

The bare minimum is what I expect in any relationship Right, but what I infer from what I hear some women say is that for them, the bare minimum is not enough. Is that not the case for you?
/r/PurplePillDebate11/11/25 08:13 AM
1

I have requirements that are in my head and those are picky enough that I can't think of any extras to have But do you consider those requirements "bare minimum"?
/r/PurplePillDebate11/11/25 08:11 AM
1

Honestly? Bare minimum already stands out, makes him attractive etc. in my case anyway. In your experience, do women tend to agree or disagree with you on this?
/r/PurplePillDebate11/11/25 06:52 AM
1

You're right, and I apologize for misspeaking
/r/PurplePillDebate21/09/25 03:01 AM
1

The ratio doesn't matter because I'm comparing situations after a woman has shown interest. I'm testing success keeping women interested, not getting them interested.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/09/25 02:59 AM
1

I don't think the reason is necessary, because women constantly say, with the same lack of context you just mentioned, that pretty much every man will be more successful IRL than he is online
/r/PurplePillDebate21/09/25 02:53 AM
1

Because I see women say and do things that imply that women in general have high standards, so it doesn't make sense IMO to assume that many of them are settling quickly.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/09/25 02:47 AM
1

There's no way for me know, among the women who didn't match with me after I swiped right, whether they swiped left or simply never even saw my like. I also disagree with you. I think that if the theory is true, that I would have more success IRL after mutual interest is established. I don't think very many women are "settling quickly." Could I be wrong? Of course. But I don't see the evidence.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/09/25 02:37 AM
1

In that case, no, the first woman is not pickier. That's a bit of an outlier, since I assume if you're that close with someone that an exclusive relationship is imminent, you're probably not seeing other people. Maybe they are, I don't know. No piece of data is perfect and can account for all possible circumstances. The bottom line is that if women in general only become extremely picky online, I should see far different results IRL. Agreed?
/r/PurplePillDebate21/09/25 02:29 AM
1

What you mentioned where you know at least one of them personally. That way it's not just a complete guess
/r/PurplePillDebate21/09/25 02:23 AM
1

Right. And the first person isn't even giving people a chance to make it that far
/r/PurplePillDebate21/09/25 02:21 AM
1

I just personally wouldn't trust that data if both people are complete strangers to you
/r/PurplePillDebate21/09/25 02:18 AM
1

I think that if a person rejects 95 out if 100 people before a first date, and another person rejects, say, 50 out of 100 before a first date, the second person is much less picky.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/09/25 02:17 AM
1

Ghosting is just a form of rejection. Once two people show mutual interest, very rarely does rejection happen after that without ghosting (IME), but I'd also count up-front rejections
/r/PurplePillDebate21/09/25 02:09 AM
1

But there's no way to have enough information about two people you just see randomly. You don't even know if they're a couple, you don't know if one of them is rich, etc.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/09/25 02:08 AM
1

It's not perfectly thought out yet. That's part of why I made this thread. The theory is this: Women allegedly get much pickier when they date, as opposed to being equally picky no matter how they meet men. So if that's true, let's say I match with 100 women online, and I get ghosted by, on average, 95 of them. If I meet 100 women IRL and we establish mutual interest (probably phone number exchange), if the theory I'm testing is true, I should get ghosted much less than 95% of the time.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/09/25 02:04 AM
1

That's not really evidence
/r/PurplePillDebate21/09/25 01:47 AM
2

And how do you know who's a couple and who's not? Also you don't know anything about either of those people or the logistics of their relationship to determine the woman's choosiness
/r/PurplePillDebate21/09/25 01:43 AM
1

Someone who is picky will theoretically reject or ghost a large number of people
/r/PurplePillDebate21/09/25 01:42 AM
1

Where's the evidence for that?
/r/PurplePillDebate20/09/25 11:59 PM
1

The idea is that women aren't as picky as online statistics indicate, and that women become pickier due to the circumstances that online dating creates
/r/PurplePillDebate20/09/25 11:56 PM
1

Much more with women they meet online as opposed to meeting IRL
/r/PurplePillDebate20/09/25 11:41 PM
3

It doesn't really matter. The experiment is just to confirm or deny that men experience picky women much more when dating online. Then after that, the results can be interpreted
/r/PurplePillDebate20/09/25 11:30 PM
0

I'd most likely go by percentage rate of ghosting instead of raw total figures
/r/PurplePillDebate20/09/25 10:49 PM
0

Well that type of bias can easily be avoided
/r/PurplePillDebate20/09/25 10:31 PM
0

What I'm saying is that I'm not 100% sold that ghosting happens more online
/r/PurplePillDebate20/09/25 10:30 PM
-4

The experiment would only be designed to determine if ghosting happens more often online, as opposed to IRL, after both parties have shown mutual interest. After that, the results can be interpreted subjectively
/r/PurplePillDebate20/09/25 10:20 PM
-1

You don't think any experiment has ever been done with a subjective hypothesis? There's been at least one experiment ON THIS SUB that was subjective. Also see Chadfishing experiments, women posing as men on dating apps, etc
/r/PurplePillDebate20/09/25 10:01 PM
1

Well we just disagree, and that's okay. Sincerely
/r/PurplePillDebate07/09/25 05:23 AM
1

I said "implies." I didn't say there's a 100% correlation
/r/PurplePillDebate07/09/25 05:19 AM
1

It implies that you're willing to have sex with anyone as long as they give you money, and that's not a good thing
/r/PurplePillDebate07/09/25 05:16 AM
1

I meant women in general who feel this way but might not be antinatalists
/r/PurplePillDebate19/07/25 03:54 PM
1

the kid gets his last name even though you're doing pretty much all the work Why don't you just not give the child his last name?
/r/PurplePillDebate19/07/25 02:07 PM
2

I mean, the full opinion is that I'm an antinatalist who doesn't think pretty much any men are worthy of being fathers to begin with Eh
/r/PurplePillDebate18/07/25 09:48 PM
2

Many women choose the father of their children very poorly I respect the fact that you're willing to say that
/r/PurplePillDebate18/07/25 09:40 PM
1

A lot of people period seek external validation, no matter how much they might deny it.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/07/25 09:05 PM
1

I disagree that not caring will make anyone more successful in dating. Nonchalance isn't an aphrodisiac
/r/PurplePillDebate18/07/25 09:01 PM
2

What I don't understand is how women end up with losers as their child's father. Who's making the decision for the guy to go in unprotected? I don't know if men are pressuring women to have unprotected sex early, but if they are, why don't you just say no and get sex from someone who will wrap it up? Why would you let someone possibly impregnate you if you barely know him? Hell, even if you know him fairly well, you're creating human life. Call me crazy, but I think a person should vet the poten…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/07/25 08:54 PM
1

Going to college doesn't in any way, shape, or form mean you can't also be entitled
/r/PurplePillDebate18/07/25 08:50 PM
3

One upside is they may have better personalities because they've received more love in their life at nearly every juncture No way. If men are anything like women, there's an inverse correlation between attractiveness and personality. Which makes sense, because attractive people don't need personality to succeed in dating, and sometimes in life.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/07/25 08:48 PM
7

Chasing relationships or sex will keep you busy, but you could instead chase true happiness with yourself. So you're not really saying you'll have more success if you care less, you're saying you'll be happier. Which is valid, but not the same as the thread title.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/07/25 08:46 PM
3

I don't think going to college immediately removes a woman from the group I described
/r/PurplePillDebate18/07/25 08:36 PM
1

That isn’t financial dependence. That is just wanting gifts and rides. Wanting to get paid for sex or a relationship is sugar babying. I don't mean rides literally, like car rides. I mean men taking on women's financial responsibility, like paying bills, etc. Is she contributing to the expenses? If so, then it isn’t financial dependence. . You can't live in a house and not contribute to the expenses. Why specifically call out western women then, if it is irrelevant to your comment? Because talki…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/07/25 07:39 PM
2

I don't think it's a minority, and I was bringing it up to explain why it's not ubiquitous and why someone even has to give that advice to women in the first place.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/07/25 07:07 PM
2

my point is that plenty of women are putting in the hard work to build a life for themselves I agree. I think there are lots of women in both groups. Both of our claims can be true simultaneously.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/07/25 06:52 PM
2

What's your point? How is that mutually exclusive from what I said?
/r/PurplePillDebate18/07/25 06:38 PM
1

Women work in the western world I'm aware. The point I'm making is that lots of women act like men owe it to them to give them free rides, buy them things, give them money, etc. I have never seen a man refuse to date a woman because she won't pay for the first date, or won't marry a woman unless she pays all the bills. then don’t use western ness as some kind of descriptor. What? I'm not supposed to exclude a group I'm not knowledgeable about?
/r/PurplePillDebate18/07/25 06:01 PM
1

Where is your source though that western women are allergic to financial independence? It'd all be anecdotal, which I'm guessing you'd refute as insufficient. And why only western women? Women from non western cultures are more likely to want to be homemakers and provided for. Because A) I don't know enough about non-western women to comment, and B) from what I do know, non-western women have vastly different lives and rights than western women
/r/PurplePillDebate18/07/25 03:52 PM
2

I agree that lots of people from both genders are bad at adulting
/r/PurplePillDebate18/07/25 03:10 PM
1

And men who got their shit together will disappoint far less. Define "got their shit together"
/r/PurplePillDebate18/07/25 01:33 PM
1

It’s literally equating good men as people who deserve to get a prize woman at the end. *successful men
/r/PurplePillDebate18/07/25 01:27 PM
3

That just sounds like how women seem to be afraid to ask a man to define their relationship, and will wait months and months for him to commit. I have a platonic female friend who thinks she's being "friendzoned" but won't just ask him about it and I want to throw a plushie at her for it. lol
/r/PurplePillDebate18/07/25 01:26 PM
1

You said they do 🤷‍♀️ When did I say that?
/r/PurplePillDebate18/07/25 01:16 PM
3

And because they get lots of dick, regardless of how often they're immediately discarded afterwards
/r/PurplePillDebate18/07/25 01:12 PM
2

That's exactly when men love saying, "well, you chose him!" Sure, but he was chosen when he lived on his own, kept his house clean, was helpful at my house with dinner, was helpful to my parents, his parents and siblings, was awesome with kids and held down a job. Now he's a lazy prick who keeps getting fired, hates his family (parents and siblings) and refuses to life a finger. Not only am I sure that most men would agree that the man is much more at fault here, but I don't think this is repres…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/07/25 01:10 PM
2

Not "refusing to pay them at all" which I already disproved. Nobody can refuse to pay their own bills unless they literally always live with someone who will treat them like a dependent. Women "brag" about paying their own bills because that's mens favorite way to dunk on women What is? Demand a provider: again that's not most women I said that. I said it's not most women, but it's enough that men have to vet for it. Won't pay on a first date: personally I think whoever asks should pay for a fir…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/07/25 01:05 PM
1

Entirely? No. I agree that some people are vapid and materialistic and that transactional relationships/marriages. I disagree that marriage and monogamy are inherently what you described.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/07/25 12:54 PM
1

I disagree. I think it just appears that way to men. I believe you are maybe talking about "girl boss" and things like that? No, I'm talking about the women who brag about paying their own bills. The ones who demand a "provider." The ones who won't pay a cent of their own money on a first date.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/07/25 12:53 PM
1

Being the man who makes hot girls cry on TikTok while blubbering "Why are men such jerks??" is a flex I didn't know I needed /s ... kinda
/r/PurplePillDebate18/07/25 12:51 PM
1

Are you saying women should be treated like children? I've said this for a while, but some western subcultures definitely treat women like children, and lots of those women love it.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/07/25 12:48 PM
2

Those stats are valid for what you're saying, but they also don't account for attitude. My point was that a lot of women are begrudgingly financially independent. Like they think they deserve a trophy for paying their own bills. This isn't all women or even most women, but it's enough to be significant, especially in certain demographics
/r/PurplePillDebate18/07/25 12:45 PM
2

The former
/r/PurplePillDebate18/07/25 12:38 PM
3

This isn't about whether or not I like my bubble, it's about realizing that women also are highly capable of hypocrisy
/r/PurplePillDebate18/07/25 12:35 PM
2

Marriage and monogamy is just exclusive prostitution with extra steps <image>
/r/PurplePillDebate18/07/25 12:33 PM
4

Like I mentioned in another post: Other subcultures besides your own exist, and there are lots of people outside of your bubble who think differently than the people within it.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/07/25 12:30 PM
8

Every woman you know is not every woman in the country, let alone the world. Other subcultures besides your own exist, and there are lots of people outside of your bubble who think differently than the people within it.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/07/25 12:30 PM
5

Women should build their own fulfilling independent lives That takes work and sacrifice, and a lot of women think they're too good for that
/r/PurplePillDebate18/07/25 12:26 PM
5

Kinda like how women want to be progressive until the restaurant bill comes
/r/PurplePillDebate18/07/25 12:21 PM
8

We're fine paying our own bills Who is we? Lots of western women act like they're allergic to financial independence, or that paying their own bills is some kind of flex (not saying you're doing that, but a lot of women do)
/r/PurplePillDebate18/07/25 12:17 PM
0

Partnered and married women are overwhelmingly performing traditional female roles and increasingly taking on parts of the traditional male role So... just being an independent, self-sufficient adult?
/r/PurplePillDebate18/07/25 11:47 AM
2

The only reason that there seems to be “less women” is that women are less interested in casual sex and happier by and large alone This could easily be related to what you mentioned, but I think the biggest issue is women's standards being very high. Women default to being without a man and will all but self-sabotage so that men don't meet their standards, as if they don't want men to meet their standards. And this isn't for LTR exclusively. I stopped talking to a woman earlier today because I t…
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/25 09:40 PM
1

How did he feel about that?
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/25 09:32 PM
1

I wasn't trying to move the goalposts, I was trying to acknowledge that you did what I asked, and then ask follow-up questions
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/25 09:32 PM
1

What did I do?
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/25 08:44 PM
1

So in your opinion, it's unreasonable to ask to dig deeper, or for further/more specific info, in a conversation.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/25 07:03 PM
1

And that's fair enough, but now we're digging deeper. Most men here, and most men who complain about incels, are probably Millennial or younger. So that feels like a good reason to narrow down the field.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/25 06:16 PM
12

Not every woman has this cushy set up that men here speak about. Most women never want for male attention, validation, and dating prospects
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/25 06:08 PM
2

No, they don't, because not all men are dating under the same circumstances
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/25 05:51 PM
1

Every woman has been called a slut at some point. Told to "close her legs", etc. That doesn't line up with most people saying you shouldn't slut shame. I didn't say most people would say that. I said more people would say that than people who would say a woman should pay her own way on a date
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/25 05:17 PM
1

I mean, you can invalidate literally any societal claim with "People who say X are lying."
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/25 05:01 PM
9

That's not necessarily true. I'm just one person, but I need validation either in the form of being in a LTR, or having lots of women interested in me while I'm single. Either will do
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/25 04:59 PM
13

My bf is 5'5, he's never struggled with dating. His twin brother was an absolute man whore in his twenties. Two people out of millions.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/25 04:56 PM
2

Now compare those improvements to the idea, for example, that women should never pay their own way on a first date. Say we have a room of 100 people, divided evenly among all the different western subcultures and ideologies. What percentage of them do you think would say women shouldn't slut shamed, compared to the percentage who would say a woman shouldn't pay her own way on a date? I bet the former would be much higher.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/25 04:53 PM
1

I hate guys like that 🙄
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/25 04:43 PM
9

No, they don’t want to because it’s unpleasant. Unpleasant how? Single women don’t magically have access to more single men They kinda do, because men will literally walk up to them, in pretty much any setting, and present themselves as a dating option.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/25 04:40 PM
3

Women's place in the professional world (it's not perfect, but it's WAY better than in the prior generation), vilifying the act of slut shaming (again, not perfect, but way better), etc.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/25 04:38 PM
3

There are so many little nuances about gender roles and dating that are drilled into our heads from childhood, both girls and boys I don't buy this. Plenty of gender roles have been completely reversed in, relatively speaking, no time at all, because those are the ones women want to change
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/25 03:57 PM
5

Women aren't supposed to be "forward" otherwise be labeled unladylike And women are changing all the rules, but won't change this one. And plenty, plenty of men express a desire for women to approach them. Hell, men go through the same thing. We take the chance that dating a certain way will see us labeled as not masculine, but we do it anyway. How often do you see women advocating for other women to approach men? It happens, but rarely.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/25 03:47 PM
1

So the stats are skewed
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/25 03:43 PM
4

Protective how?
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/25 03:43 PM
7

I mean, that's a very small percentage of guys But it's also probably exponentially higher than the number of similarly afflicted women
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/25 03:42 PM
1

Exactly. Boomers and Gen X have had way more time to find someone (and grew up in a different time) than Millennials, etc.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/25 03:37 PM
4

*for being hypocrites
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/25 03:33 PM
1

they don’t put in ANY effort. like won’t join clubs, won’t get dating apps, or put seldom effort in a dating app. They don’t take that risk, probably the fear of rejection Someone from the gender who's objectively lazier in the dating/talking stage saying this feels like it can't be real
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/25 03:31 PM
3

had a masculine vibe What does this even mean?
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/25 03:08 PM
5

You don't know why you're not getting dates? Honestly? You really think it's this simple to diagnose the reasons for a person's dating struggles?
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/25 03:06 PM
2

Remind me
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/25 03:02 PM
5

But we're just talking about dating
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/25 03:00 PM
6

It's a death sentence because a not-insignificant number of women refuse to date men who want to go Dutch on a first date
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/25 02:59 PM
10

What do you mean? It's different every time, but women either offer their number or ask if he wants to get coffee or some other version of hitting on a person. I guess I don't get your question. That's what I meant, because for 99% of average men, women do NOT approach at all, much less once a month, and especially not that directly. So I'm very perplexed. I do not understand why upwards of 95% of primarily highly online straight men are that obsessed with one specific man, no. I have gay friend…
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/25 02:57 PM
3

I have no idea why you think that, nor how that absolves you of your gross extrapolation
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/25 02:53 PM
6

I truly love that for both of you, but are you aware of how much of a death sentence that ideology can be for men?
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/25 02:43 PM
7

No, I'm talking about when you said this: People, in general, don't like bigots. That makes them hard to socialize in general. This might not be completely true
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/25 02:38 PM
5

What you experience is not a large enough sample size to confidently declare "Most men this" and "Most men that"
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/25 02:30 PM
5

He’s non-patriarchal and sees treating women as human (not second class citizens or objects) as basic common sense. Finances don’t fall on him. Did you go Dutch on your first date?
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/25 02:28 PM
10

I mean, he's not wrong. Typically, the notion that women like misogynists is countered by the idea that some misogynistic men succeed despite their sexism, not because of it, which I agree with. But now you're saying that misogyny is woman repellent and that misogynists will inherently struggle to socialize, and that's not true. A man's own misogyny can be overcome if he's attractive enough otherwise.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/25 02:26 PM
5

My husband is probably pretty average looking to most people (I am biased, so he's not average to me), and he's very introverted. He gets hit on at random places at least once a month Hit on how? many of them seem to have serious body dismorphia from comparing themselves to specifically Henry Cavill for some reason. "For some reason"? You can't possibly imagine why that might be the case?
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/25 02:22 PM
3

I don't understand. If we were living strictly by antiquated/Biblical rules, it would look more like the way women are treated in the Middle East.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/25 02:16 PM
7

I'd assume he doesn't want to date anyone who has that attitude that he attributed to garbage humans
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/25 02:13 PM
9

Ask yourself why women* don’t go on apps. Because they don't have to.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/25 02:11 PM
1

But it also presumably includes lots of Gen X, Boomers, etc.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/25 02:09 PM
3

My point is that if rich white men made the dating rules, then why wouldn't the rules dictate that, let's say, if a man takes you to an expensive restaurant on the first date, he gets sex that night? That's just one example off the top of my head.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/25 02:08 PM
5

But there's a big stigma against doing it online I think the men who stigmatize it are grossly extrapolating a small number of cold-approach incidents they've read about or seen, and convince themselves that 90% of cold approaches will end with the woman being hostile. I've had the complete opposite experience, and I'm goofy af and get rejected all the time. But I'm also polite, I smile when I talk, and I keep it pushing (after sincerely wishing them a good day) when I'm told no.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/25 02:02 PM
2

Because those are the women they just use and discard
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/25 01:55 PM
2

I wonder what this number looks like if you include only adults among millennials and younger
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/25 01:52 PM
5

That makes no sense, because if it was okay for women to be gold diggers, rich men would get even more women than they do now
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/25 01:48 PM
1

The other 42% also isn't hereditary
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/25 01:47 PM
10

It's quite possible i think he's too put together to be a good fit for me I'm sorry, but this is insane. You think that we as average men, getting rejected left right and center, should consider the idea that the women we pursue think that they aren't "put together" enough for us?
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/25 01:46 PM
0

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC7012279/ For example, a meta-analysis of data from over 29,000 twin pairs (van den Berg et al. 2014) showed that the heritability of neuroticism scores was at 48%, and that the same proportion of variance in neuroticism can be attributed to genetic factors in both in men and women.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/25 01:43 PM
2

So if rich men make the rules, why are "gold diggers" so vilified?
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/25 01:41 PM
9

I'd say that employers approach potential employees more than women approach men
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/25 01:38 PM
4

You didn't answer my question
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/25 01:35 PM
1

Just saying "I'm not willing to have a good-faith discussion" would be much clearer
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/25 01:34 PM
0

Not strictly. It's roughly 50/50 nature vs nurture
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/25 01:30 PM
3

Fair enough, as long as you're not generalizing
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/25 01:29 PM
6

Women are forced to live under the same exact standards That is a lie. Women have much less pressure to adhere to gender roles than men. Even women here are saying this
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/25 01:29 PM
14

I feel absolutely no sympathy for those guys But "those guys" are not all men
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/25 01:25 PM
1

Incel adjacent is still not an incel Yeah, but this black-and-white thinking will get us nowhere. There's an ocean's worth of gray area between incel and Chad, and most mean are far closer to the former than the latter.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/25 01:24 PM
1

To be fair, you made the claim that most men aren't incels, so the burden of proof is on you
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/25 01:23 PM
6

I would argue that being chronically single leads to neuroticism
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/25 01:21 PM
2

But most men aren't incels. They are a small minority More men might be incel adjacent than you realize. Having sex, say, once in a year technically means you're not an incel, but seriously... that dude is probably down bad.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/25 01:16 PM
21

For the average man harder than women but not impossible. Average men date average women. Most people around me are partnered I won't lie, it's getting exhausting having to repeat this, but the fact that something isn't impossible doesn't mean that there are no issues with it and that we should just accept it as is.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/25 01:15 PM
2

That men are driven by lust and it hurts them in the dating world? Probably, yeah
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/25 01:12 PM
11

Citation needed
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/25 01:11 PM
4

That said, I don’t see how this disproves my original point I wasn't necessarily saying it does. More so addressing that specific point
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/25 01:10 PM
19

Apps create the illusion of endless choice, which makes people less willing to commit This applies almost exclusively to women. It's far from equal
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/25 12:59 PM
1

That's interesting. I can't explain that
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/25 12:56 PM
16

I've asked over and over how men are supposed to date their equals when a lot of women won't date theirs, and I never get a solid answer.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/25 12:53 PM
12

I do not see as many men irl complaining about gender roles as I see on Reddit. And the same goes for women. You live in one of the most conservative states in the whole country, so that definitely checks out
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/25 12:52 PM
5

And it's just as wrong in those situations
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/25 12:47 PM
8

You really think that if men made the rules in dating, men would be as disadvantaged as they are?
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/25 12:46 PM
9

Men are in here complaining constantly about no women giving them sex, but also, women who give men sex are 304s Goomba fallacy, men are not a monolith, etc.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/25 12:42 PM
3

you stupid bitch Reel it in, bro. That type of language doesn't help anyone
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/25 12:34 PM
19

"yeah I don't have an option if I want to date" And then women will sit there and tell us "No one's forcing you initiate."
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/25 12:33 PM
1

Women are sometimes insulted for being "too masculine." And if a man is acting nurturing or emotionally available, he could be said to be "acting like a woman." I'll admit that doesn't happen often, but it makes sense on paper IMO
/r/PurplePillDebate16/07/25 01:07 PM
2

That all can change depending on context though
/r/PurplePillDebate15/07/25 02:40 PM
4

Yet if you call a woman something masculine that's not insulting Like what?
/r/PurplePillDebate15/07/25 02:25 PM
2

And relationships are more work for women than they are men You're with the wrong men if that's the case. There’s a reason women have been oppressed through most of history Because, biologically, they're physically weaker than men, and much of human history has been defined by "might makes right."
/r/PurplePillDebate15/07/25 02:20 PM
6

The problem is guys don't like to be called princess because it has a feminine component to it ... yes, it's weird at best, and insulting at worst, to call a man something that, by definition, only a woman can be.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/07/25 02:15 PM
3

At this point, I'd take just enthusiastically making plans with me and giving me compliments
/r/PurplePillDebate15/07/25 02:14 PM
2

that you don't have to do much of anything to get anything If you knew anything about the male life experience, you'd know that it is ingrained to boys and men alike that we do not and will not get a damn thing in life unless we work hard for it and earn it. So even if men want to have it easier in dating, which is understandable because dating for men is nothing short of an emotional crucible, that doesn't change anything about life outside of dating.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/07/25 02:00 PM
13

Seriously, this is one of the most passive aggressive threads I've ever seen, and this is Reddit, so that's a major accomplishment
/r/PurplePillDebate15/07/25 01:57 PM
2

From your post history you ate a handsome guy Thank you who works a job you hate and keeps you below poverty levels without adding value to your life I actually got fired three months ago and have since found a much better job that I like and that pays more. who works a job you hate and keeps you below poverty levels without adding value to your life I was dumped around 2 weeks ago. I'd rather not say why unless it's in a private chat. I guess women don't tolerate anything Chad does, or doesn't …
/r/PurplePillDebate14/07/25 11:16 PM
1

I get lots of matches, so it's not really "maybe one day."
/r/PurplePillDebate14/07/25 10:29 PM
0

It absolutely is, because men have the onus of doing the asking, and if you want to pretend otherwise, this discussion is totally pointless
/r/PurplePillDebate14/07/25 10:26 PM
1

Often times the person that asks the other person out tends to pay for the first date Which is a roundabout way of saying "The man pays for the first date"
/r/PurplePillDebate14/07/25 08:09 PM
2

Do you agree that this should be discussed at length before cohabitation/marriage?
/r/PurplePillDebate14/07/25 05:43 PM
3

No, I don't see people saying that a big part of dating success is luck/chance
/r/PurplePillDebate14/07/25 05:30 PM
3

I agree. I don't really see people saying this too often, though
/r/PurplePillDebate14/07/25 05:15 PM
–

Again, this is more often than not and very generalized. There's no way to give an accurate percentage or anything. I'm not saying that should be the goal, I'm saying that instead of having zero sympathy for an entire group because some of them are bad, maybe just save your sympathy for those who deserve it.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/07/25 04:41 PM
–

I think a small minority genuinely care after seeing the things that men say about women and hearing them whine that they can’t use them for sex That's a bit of an unfair generalization, isn't it? "Some men try and fail to use women for sex, so no man will get my sympathy"?
/r/PurplePillDebate14/07/25 04:33 PM
1

one could say what you said about any event Well, I can go to a bar where I know there will be women I find attractive, and I can go there repeatedly, whenever I want. With social events, you're at the whim of the person(s) organizing it, and at least the first time you go is a dice roll as far as who will be there.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/07/25 04:23 PM
1

Tons of professional and social organizations host gatherings and happy hours. IME, that's a mixed bag at best, because you have no way of knowing if the type of people you like will even be there
/r/PurplePillDebate14/07/25 04:15 PM
2

How so?
/r/PurplePillDebate14/07/25 04:10 PM
1

You don't have to give anyone that right, because the Constitution already does
/r/PurplePillDebate14/07/25 04:10 PM
2

I can tell you don't identify with the male dating experience. When men are just trying not to get ghosted/rejected, "Choose better" isn't relevant, because we don't choose. For the most part, men aren't rejecting women that are good for them.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/07/25 04:09 PM
5

Really? Say that to Chad. That doesn't check out, because Chads are a small percentage of men
/r/PurplePillDebate14/07/25 03:25 PM
2

I mean, people have free speech and freedom of thought, so they're allowed to think your standards are unrealistic and tell you so. What they're not allowed to do is threaten your autonomy by saying you have to have certain standards, or that you're not allowed to have certain standards
/r/PurplePillDebate14/07/25 03:24 PM
1

Right, it is. Because women who complain should choose better. Men who complain should improve.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/07/25 03:23 PM
5

... I just said this: It's not that men aren't responsible for doing what they can to improve their situation How do you get "Men who complain about women can do nothing" out of that? For men who complain about lack of dating success, their best bet is probably to become more attractive.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/07/25 03:16 PM
5

Nobody's saying anything like that, but if your standards effectively eliminate 90+ percent of the population, or are things that aren't representative of a person's character/attractiveness at all, they might be unrealistic
/r/PurplePillDebate14/07/25 03:07 PM
9

It's more so just acknowledging the reality of the situation. It's not that men aren't responsible for doing what they can to improve their situation, it's that doing so for men is different than it is for women
/r/PurplePillDebate14/07/25 03:05 PM
3

I like that definition
/r/PurplePillDebate14/07/25 02:56 PM
9

It's convincing someone who's neutral towards you to like you. On both sides
/r/PurplePillDebate14/07/25 02:42 PM
6

It’s not hard. Women aren’t nearly as difficult to interact with as most men think. Just treat them like humans. Work on yourself, be in decent shape, have some style, good hygiene. Then talk to women with the same respect and attitude you would with anyone else. Practicing your social skills will help you pick up on the ques they’ll leave that they’re interested, then ask a woman you like out. It's not that easy. I socialize moderately often, although admittedly most of my dating endeavors come…
/r/PurplePillDebate14/07/25 02:40 PM
2

If you look at the OP, he mentioned that he's lazy, but he's willing and able to push past his laziness to make an effort in dating
/r/PurplePillDebate14/07/25 02:38 PM
6

It's honestly not. There's a major imbalance in dating that even a lot of women won't deny exists
/r/PurplePillDebate14/07/25 02:37 PM
7

This excuse is a cop-out for people having objectively inflated standards
/r/PurplePillDebate14/07/25 02:36 PM
11

If we’re being serious (for those who didn’t recognise i answered just as some men answer to women’s issues) Like I've mentioned many times before, this isn't the gotcha that you think it is, because saying "Choose better" to the gender that are not the choosers is almost completely unfeasible advice.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/07/25 02:35 PM
3

Lazy women are also disadvantaged Not to nearly the same extent as lazy men
/r/PurplePillDebate14/07/25 02:33 PM
1

Oh, I didn't know he's married. Eh, can't speak on that personally. Just saying, people with kids (even, maybe especially, young kids) go to clubs/bars
/r/PurplePillDebate14/07/25 02:27 PM
1

I'm confused, is this not a thing? I've met lots of single moms at the club, lol
/r/PurplePillDebate14/07/25 02:24 PM
1

So, you begin dating these women, in an exclusive relationship, I imagine, and you find they don’t defer to you or follow your lead? No, I don't believe in gender roles, so that's not a dynamic I pursue. I can just tell from their general personalities that they're not submissive. Oh, as for the latter — That is one I understand. I mean, no one can control the current expectations on women to have a job. Not in this economy, unless the man is very well off. But it is nice to be able to have some…
/r/PurplePillDebate14/07/25 01:45 PM
4

That one thread was right, some women really do have a tendency to avoid the crux of a discussion based on "I'm not/women aren't X" semantics. I rarely see men do this and it feels a little weird.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/07/25 01:27 PM
22

I can't speak for everyone, but I know that my dream woman, and my dream scenario with that woman, are very realistic. It's not "Instagram baddie who sucks my dick and cooks with no clothes on while calling me daddy as I play video games."
/r/PurplePillDebate14/07/25 01:23 PM
-2

I don't think it's nosy to ask for clarification in a discussion. Submissiveness means deferring to your partner, following their lead, etc. These women also want gender equality in every aspect of life except dating, because they know that's the one area in western society where women are undeniably privileged.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/07/25 01:17 PM
1

I mean imagine that you're someone who doesn't agree with these ideals, but these are mostly the people available to you
/r/PurplePillDebate14/07/25 01:12 PM
1

Now imagine if that type of person made up a good portion of your whole dating pool. Sounds miserable, right?
/r/PurplePillDebate14/07/25 01:10 PM
10

As a man, navigating the talking stage (and even a relationship) with almost any woman is like defusing a bomb. One wrong move, one minor slip-up, and you're done for
/r/PurplePillDebate14/07/25 12:51 PM
-1

Oh, the typical — care for the household and children. Things of that nature, for women. What were you thinking of? Submissiveness is where these women most often fall short IMO. I also find it hypocritical that they tend to want egalitarianism outside of dating
/r/PurplePillDebate14/07/25 12:46 PM
1

What female gender roles are they not fulfilling? They tend not to be demure or submissive, and they also want egalitarianism outside of dating, which I find hypocritical. What male gender roles are they expecting? Leadership, provision, assertiveness, etc.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/07/25 12:44 PM
1

Just to be clear, what roles are you thinking of?
/r/PurplePillDebate14/07/25 05:27 AM
2

What encompasses women being traditional?
/r/PurplePillDebate14/07/25 04:50 AM
2

Are you or aren't you saying there's an imbalance of non-traditional men telling women what to do compared to non-traditional women telling men what to do?
/r/PurplePillDebate14/07/25 04:35 AM
2

I've met numerous women who like to pay every other date. So clearly they have no equality issues there. But they still don't want to be the ones to approach men first. There's nothing inherently wrong with choosing equality when it comes to paying for dates and preferring to be approached for dating without also doing the same, as long as you're not doing things that way while stating you want equality across the board I'd bet good money that those women aren't paying for first dates, which sti…
/r/PurplePillDebate14/07/25 03:47 AM
0

I can show you a woman I was texting who said to me earlier today that men are supposed to lead, and I'm sure plenty of other similar text conversations like that exist in my phone
/r/PurplePillDebate14/07/25 03:28 AM
1

No, you are completely wrong. Other subcultures besides your own exist. These women exist in real life outside of extremely conservative circles
/r/PurplePillDebate14/07/25 03:25 AM
1

At this point, I am almost full bore ready to just give up on dating entirely. I wonder what I'll name my cats
/r/PurplePillDebate14/07/25 02:54 AM
1

Check your chat
/r/PurplePillDebate14/07/25 02:32 AM
2

Yeah, I'll just date long-distance, because historically, that's known to work super well
/r/PurplePillDebate14/07/25 02:18 AM
0

End of statement
/r/PurplePillDebate14/07/25 02:12 AM
1

No
/r/PurplePillDebate14/07/25 02:12 AM
-1

So I guess I’m asking: do you think dating expectations are unfair? I do, especially if your dating pool has a lot of religious/conservative women, because they expect male gender roles but won't fulfill their female gender roles. Men being expected to initiate is exhausting because all we get is rejection, and women get validation. That type of imbalance is egregious.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/07/25 02:11 AM
3

Bro, you might be me
/r/PurplePillDebate14/07/25 02:08 AM
2

A lot of women want to see if a man is even capable of planning a simple dinner for a first date And a lot of men would like to see that a woman isn't going to act like a child in a relationship and expect the man to do everything. Jesus. It's really not that hard.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/07/25 02:07 AM
1

I literally said certain demographics, pay attention
/r/PurplePillDebate14/07/25 02:00 AM
2

most women will absolutely make plans and put in effort when it comes to dating… if she’s interested But you just said women will defer to men early as part of the vetting process
/r/PurplePillDebate14/07/25 01:57 AM
2

It is incredibly difficult to “vet” men. They are very good liars when they want to be. They are not. Men are not psychological masterminds like Ted Bundy. A lot of them can barely read. People show their true colors in time. Lots of women just don't vet long enough, which is how you get demographics where half the women 18-25 are single mothers
/r/PurplePillDebate14/07/25 01:56 AM
2

it’s because they want to know that a man can do so as well And this doesn't apply the other way around because... there are a lot of men out there who are happy to just coast by in life and will allow a woman to do everything for him Again, sounds like what women do as well. There are virtually no men who will refuse to pay their own way on a date. That is strictly a woman thing. Is it that hard to pick a freaking restaurant to eat dinner at? If it's that easy, why can't women do it along with …
/r/PurplePillDebate14/07/25 01:51 AM
3

A man will absolutely fuck that woman, but he will never treat her with respect. She’s not “wifey“ material to them So what's stopping her from just not having sex with a man she approached until she's vetted him properly?
/r/PurplePillDebate14/07/25 01:46 AM
-3

You will ask them what they want to do this weekend and they will just shrug and say “I don’t know”. Where do you wanna eat? “I don’t know“. They put in zero effort Sounds a lot like the modus operandi of the women who demand that men lead I guess most women do want a man who knows how to show a woman a good time. I don’t see that as being very problematic It is when they refuse to return the favor or work together. You're tying yourself in knots to justify this "Men should be performative and t…
/r/PurplePillDebate14/07/25 01:37 AM
4

Not only that, but they have literally been told their entire lives that if they randomly approach men, they will be considered sluts and will be treated like trash with no respect. And then when they do, they are often treated that way… So of course they stop approaching or never even start We get told lots of things our whole lives. That doesn't make them true. This feels like a cop-out to justify people's lack of independent thought.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/07/25 01:29 AM
4

You really think men are the only ones who want to not play their gender roles but have the other gender play theirs?
/r/PurplePillDebate14/07/25 01:18 AM
-3

To them, men are supposed to make any and all decisions that are even somewhat difficult. They're supposed to make plans, pay for things, make sure the woman is okay and comfortable, etc. That's how a parent treats a child. These women don't want to be adults.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/07/25 01:15 AM
7

But I think it’s perfectly reasonable when certain women are treated poorly enough times by men… They eventually assume all men will treat them that way, so they no longer feel safe initiating with them I've personally been in situations where I had long since passed the vibe check, and I have been objectively, undeniably treating the woman well, only to get dropped because of something that she struggles with due to how other men treated her. That's not okay.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/07/25 01:12 AM
4

Men: You should suck my dick more! Women: Can you actually help with cleaning and watch your kids for once? Like I said: if division of labor is (understandably) such a concern for women, this should be a discussion that happens before living together, and living together should happen before marriage. Also, I don't really see how what you said is relevant.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/07/25 01:03 AM
-2

What are the real women in your life asking for that you think is too much? Specifically? They're asking, as grown adults of sound body and mind, that a man "lead" them in a relationship, and also doing no work in the talking stage beyond mediocre conversation and showing up for dates.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/07/25 01:01 AM
10

blame broken women instead of their fellow men who broke them. Both. Both should be blamed
/r/PurplePillDebate14/07/25 12:58 AM
4

men are always venerating, idealizing and threatening a return to such times I never thought I'd say this with no sarcasm, but this is a chronically online opinion if you truly think anything but an incredibly small minority of men do this.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/07/25 12:51 AM
10

For women, you have more leverage over your opponents who also have no solidarity between each other To be fair, this is something men need to fix and that can't be blamed on anyone other than men
/r/PurplePillDebate14/07/25 12:30 AM
2

You seem really out of touch I'm not out of touch, I probably just don't belong to the same demographic/subculture that you do. The problem arises when a man expects a woman to work full-time just like he does… But when she comes home from work, she’s also supposed to cook, clean and take care of the children while he sits around playing video games or watching football I've never seen anyone who wants or expects this. And if division of labor is (understandably) such a concern for women, this s…
/r/PurplePillDebate14/07/25 12:16 AM
1

That's partially because most people aren't capable of independent thought and won't take offense to something unless someone tells them they should
/r/PurplePillDebate14/07/25 12:06 AM
1

I'm saying you didn't shock anyone by saying you find proposing sexy
/r/PurplePillDebate14/07/25 12:06 AM
4

I agree, but whatever ideology you subscribe to, you shouldn't be a hypocrite about it
/r/PurplePillDebate14/07/25 12:05 AM
5

Fair enough
/r/PurplePillDebate14/07/25 12:02 AM
7

Basically what you are doing now. So more people should do what I'm doing? I'm asking sincerely.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/07/25 12:00 AM
2

No, he didn't lie, he just never said "I'm 5'10 1/2." My point is that no one has things where you can make an arbitrary, quantifiable cutoff and it's impossible to be attracted to that person. A lot of these same women with the six-foot requirement would melt if Zac Efron so much as looked in their general direction.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/07/25 11:56 PM
2

You can't force it, but a woman who has a six-foot height requirement wouldn't throw up if she learned the man she's been seeing is actually 5'10 1/2
/r/PurplePillDebate13/07/25 11:45 PM
2

Sure, but refusing to consider someone who's in the 80th percentile of attractiveness, on the grounds that they're not good-looking enough, feels unreasonable IMO
/r/PurplePillDebate13/07/25 11:21 PM
0

I don't know what to say to that
/r/PurplePillDebate13/07/25 10:31 PM
2

I don't consider that settling, which is why I put it in quotes. A person is more than how they look, so the person I end up with will probably be, combining their physical and non-physical qualities, one of the most attractive people I've ever dated
/r/PurplePillDebate13/07/25 10:30 PM
1

"Punishment" isn't technically the right word. "Repercussions" would be more accurate. That man will be laughed at, rejected, and/or not taken seriously
/r/PurplePillDebate13/07/25 05:40 PM
1

Not proposing in the wrong position, but maybe not wanting to propose would be more realistic
/r/PurplePillDebate13/07/25 04:39 PM
0

I think men are very much punished if they don't follow their expected gender roles
/r/PurplePillDebate13/07/25 04:30 PM
2

If she can't find an 8 who she's happy with, maybe she should "settle"
/r/PurplePillDebate13/07/25 04:30 PM
0

But most women don't agree that men are inherent leaders, so they cite other, sometimes hypocritical, reasons men should do everything, like what I mentioned in the "tie themselves in knots" post
/r/PurplePillDebate13/07/25 03:51 PM
2

I mean, that depends on your definition of "causing harm." Anything that someone disagrees with could be said to cause harm. Schoolgirls were expected to curtsy for teachers and adults at one point, and they aren't any longer. That's not really "harmful," though.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/07/25 03:49 PM
1

If you're steadfast in your beliefs, that shouldn't matter Not all of us are built that way, and I'd even argue that it's antithetical to human nature for it to not matter
/r/PurplePillDebate13/07/25 03:21 PM
1

It's not about judgment, it's about damaging one's chances to succeed in a given area.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/07/25 03:13 PM
1

Societal pressure exists and it's not healthy to pretend it doesn't
/r/PurplePillDebate13/07/25 03:09 PM
1

People can feel multiple things. I don’t understand why this is so difficult for you to comprehend tbh. You can either want to or not want to. You can't want both at the same time. It's literally impossible. What? You don't have to change your name to receive devotion.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/07/25 03:03 PM
1

Is it directly harming somebody else They don't have to be harmful, but people can disagree with them. Like people advocating for four-day work weeks. Working five days isn't necessarily harmful, but some people think four days is just better.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/07/25 03:02 PM
1

So it sounds like she doesn't really want to in that case. Changing your name and receiving devotion aren't mutually inclusive
/r/PurplePillDebate13/07/25 02:55 PM
-2

a system that punishes women for getting pregnant How so? Sincere question EDIT: ffs, why do I even come here just to get downvoted
/r/PurplePillDebate13/07/25 02:45 PM
1

Can you explain why you think it's a sacrifice if it's something she absolutely wants to do? That'd be like saying men sacrifice their dicks for sex.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/07/25 02:39 PM
2

Every time I've seen men and women rate themselves, the women always rate themselves higher than the men
/r/PurplePillDebate13/07/25 02:29 PM
1

I don't think it's fair to frame it as a sacrifice if it's something a person fully wants to do. Also, if a woman doesn't want to, she shouldn't. "For tradition or his ego" shouldn't be a thing.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/07/25 02:28 PM
1

So everyone sucks. Humans are terrible and accountability is rare in all demographics. I've been saying this for a while, lol
/r/PurplePillDebate13/07/25 02:27 PM
0

But to be fair, you framed it that the woman is "sacrificing" her last name, which is a bit of a misnomer, because lots of a women are eager to do so
/r/PurplePillDebate13/07/25 02:18 PM
0

Right, but just as you mentioned, it's almost universally frowned upon for men, whereas with women, it's generally accepted for them to want to be led.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/07/25 02:11 PM
1

Like the mascots for the Washington Redskins and Cleveland Indians?
/r/PurplePillDebate13/07/25 02:11 PM
2

I would say this is more of a problem with women than men. I don't think men overrate themselves like that
/r/PurplePillDebate13/07/25 02:02 PM
-1

I don't want to assume I know what you're saying
/r/PurplePillDebate13/07/25 01:59 PM
1

Women sacrifice her last name to take his This is also a nonsensical tradition IMO. I'm not OP, but I get where he's coming from
/r/PurplePillDebate13/07/25 01:55 PM
1

It doesn't really make sense to continue traditions that don't make sense for the sake of tradition. ffs, some sources state than as many as half of Native Americans polled took no offense to "Indians" and "Redskins" as sports team names, but that didn't get the "But it's tradition" treatment.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/07/25 01:55 PM
-2

Adults don't need to be led. There are PLENTY of women who demand to be with "a leader," "a man who leads," however they choose to phrase it. If you're saying that those women aren't being true adults in this context, I'd be inclined to agree.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/07/25 01:53 PM
1

it’s just a tradition that you’re reading way too far into Mindsets like this are the enemy of progress
/r/PurplePillDebate13/07/25 01:51 PM
0

I mean... he's probably expected to propose, so why wouldn't he care...?
/r/PurplePillDebate13/07/25 01:51 PM
0

Nope, women don't write that now stop lying. No, they absolutely do. I have no idea what makes you think you can accurately make such an absolute claim.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/07/25 01:50 PM
0

A woman thinks it's sexy to be proposed to. Not exactly breaking news
/r/PurplePillDebate13/07/25 01:45 PM
-4

This is already happening in the black community. The only result is that black women are complaining about it and not actually changing. "Why aren't black women getting married?" is what they ask, and the answer they almost always go with is "It's black men's fault." It's exhausting. EDIT: Instead of downvoting, I'd implore people to actually speak up on what they don't like about what I said
/r/PurplePillDebate13/07/25 01:45 PM
1

Because in the past it would have been considered indecent for women to initiate such things to show their attraction towards a man unless he has spent enough time courting them One more time: in the past
/r/PurplePillDebate13/07/25 01:43 PM
8

I never thought I'd see an actual example of men not being allowed to have standards
/r/PurplePillDebate13/07/25 01:41 PM
-1

People really tie themselves in knots trying to justify male gender roles. In one breath, men should approach women, but not vice versa, because men want pussy more than women want dick. In the next breath, that somehow doesn't apply to the fact that women want marriage more than men.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/07/25 01:39 PM
0

it's just tradition This is often, objectively, a terrible reason to do or not do things.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/07/25 01:38 PM
1

What's your biggest complaint about dating apps?
/r/PurplePillDebate13/07/25 12:41 PM
0

How many men did you swipe right on?
/r/PurplePillDebate13/07/25 12:15 PM
1

No, I mean people's attractiveness being black-and-white and not shades of gray
/r/PurplePillDebate13/07/25 03:00 AM
5

Because some women complain that most men who approach them are the things I mentioned. They don't say "I get approached by good men who I'm just not compatible with"
/r/PurplePillDebate13/07/25 02:32 AM
1

That's true but most operate on black and white which is either you are attractive or you are ugly and there is no in between of being average. I don't think is something most men can identify with
/r/PurplePillDebate13/07/25 02:22 AM
2

"Less attractive" =/= ugly
/r/PurplePillDebate13/07/25 02:14 AM
-1

Ugly men didn’t treat me any better or even differently than average or hot men. The hot men might be less likely to commit. It's not about how they treat you, it's about what they want.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/07/25 02:13 AM
-4

This line of thinking is so braindead, you would never tell a man who got treated poorly by his partner that he should've gone for an uglier woman. "Can't find anyone who wants to commit" isn't the same as being mistreated.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/07/25 02:12 AM
1

All the men on dating sites are pretty unattractive. That's why they're on there instead of already spoken for. That's a crazy take. Simply based on probability, that's extremely hard to believe.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/07/25 02:09 AM
3

Yeah, but I'm saying, you don't get exclusively approached by men who are physically unattractive, rude, extremely awkward, etc.?
/r/PurplePillDebate13/07/25 01:58 AM
8

Would you want to go out with someone you weren’t attracted to? I don't think OP was saying this. "Less attractive" doesn't mean "unattractive." An 8.5 is less attractive than a 10.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/07/25 01:57 AM
1

If someone doesn't like online dating why would talking to an uglier guy be any better? Because just about everyone agrees that having standards that are too high is dating suicide for pretty much everybody. You're loading the question by saying "uglier," which can make the reader imagine an ugly guy. If you're looking for a 10/10 only and lower your standards to 8/10, that person can still be very attractive.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/07/25 01:56 AM
6

Men who don't immediately strike you as not being what you're looking for
/r/PurplePillDebate13/07/25 01:54 AM
8

If you wait a year for someone, man or woman, to commit to you, you're not dating right if you actually want commitment
/r/PurplePillDebate13/07/25 01:53 AM
0

Reason why I disliked online dating is because of all the creeps immediately chatting about sex What does that conversation look like? What do they say?
/r/PurplePillDebate13/07/25 01:52 AM
1

I think the issue is that men and women have different definitions of "average man" or "realistic male partner"
/r/PurplePillDebate13/07/25 01:50 AM
8

I assume you get approached by decent men somewhat often, though?
/r/PurplePillDebate13/07/25 01:49 AM
1

You mean women in general or just women who have that rule?
/r/PurplePillDebate13/07/25 01:46 AM
5

Then those less attractive men try to escalatethe first time I meet them, then accuse me of having sex with Chad on the first date. Even at my most socially awkward, I wouldn't accuse a woman of being a whore for Chads if she turned down my advances. Jesus Christ, men.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/07/25 01:46 AM
1

Do you use dating apps? Or have you ever?
/r/PurplePillDebate13/07/25 01:44 AM
19

I tried existing in public and my SO walked up to me to talk about books It's wild that women just get partners handed to them on a silver platter, lol
/r/PurplePillDebate13/07/25 01:44 AM
2

I see that I missed your sarcasm, that's my bad. I honestly do apologize for that
/r/PurplePillDebate12/07/25 07:06 PM
1

Edit: why is this being downvoted? Is this not a common experience for skinny men who gain weight towards a more neutral body type? I didn't downvote you, but as someone who went from sickly-looking to lean and in shape, this isn't my experience at all. I've never been touched by a woman I don't know.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/07/25 06:13 PM
3

I don't really see a lot of men saying they won't date someone heavier than X or who didn't attain X level of higher education
/r/PurplePillDebate12/07/25 06:10 PM
1

Sure, if you want
/r/PurplePillDebate12/07/25 06:06 PM
1

It doesn't inherently mean that they picked the same 20, but it is possible
/r/PurplePillDebate12/07/25 06:06 PM
1

I believe that those women are cherrypicking where they want society to be traditional vs progressive based on whether or not it benefits them/their gender
/r/PurplePillDebate12/07/25 06:03 PM
2

Me personally? No, I've never had any preference or requirement like that.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/07/25 06:02 PM
1

And you don't see how that could be viewed as hypocritical?
/r/PurplePillDebate12/07/25 06:00 PM
0

Why did you compare that to going to a female version of Hooters?
/r/PurplePillDebate12/07/25 05:53 PM
0

Women are free to touch the staff intimately at their equivalent of Hooters?
/r/PurplePillDebate12/07/25 05:52 PM
1

You'd only be a hypocrite if you also go to strip clubs even while in a LTR
/r/PurplePillDebate12/07/25 05:47 PM
-1

ESTABLISH DOMINANCE
/r/PurplePillDebate12/07/25 05:46 PM
1

I'd argue these are worse than going to a Hooters and men are already expected to just put up with it. Why's it worse?
/r/PurplePillDebate12/07/25 05:45 PM
1

So when I speak about feminists who want men to be traditional, what branch of feminism is that?
/r/PurplePillDebate12/07/25 05:43 PM
1

There are men who just want sex just like there are women who just want sex. Having that preference is not inherently good or bad
/r/PurplePillDebate12/07/25 05:43 PM
1

I think women have access to more attractive, good men than you're implying, but they overlook them
/r/PurplePillDebate12/07/25 05:25 PM
1

Not consider their current partner the most attractive person they've dated and also date men they find somewhat attractive. EDIT: That's basically what you said, my mistake. Yes.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/07/25 05:23 PM
-1

Good guy: Approaches maybe 2-3 women per YEAR (doesn't want to be 'that guy') Player: Approaches 2-3 women per DAY (doesn't give a fuck) Why can't a good man approach lots of women? What is a good man supposed to do to make a woman realize he's a good man before her romantic attention is inevitably diverted?
/r/PurplePillDebate12/07/25 05:20 PM
5

It sounds like women should start approaching if that's the case then
/r/PurplePillDebate12/07/25 05:18 PM
1

No, I'm saying IF they do. I don't doubt that some women are accused of lying when they're not, but there are also the ones who blatantly, unabashedly lie about this as well
/r/PurplePillDebate12/07/25 05:17 PM
-1

I can't speak on any given situation, but I'm sure it does happen. Hell, men do it too. I've done it.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/07/25 05:13 PM
-2

And good men are mutually exclusive from men who show interest first?
/r/PurplePillDebate12/07/25 05:12 PM
1

What does that have to do with me?
/r/PurplePillDebate12/07/25 05:12 PM
1

No, I use that tone with women who are what I consider selective feminists. Feminism as a movement is great if you actually accept the pros and cons of equality
/r/PurplePillDebate12/07/25 05:11 PM
2

Goomba fallacy This person is not saying that women should somehow try to do both
/r/PurplePillDebate12/07/25 05:10 PM
1

Looks, social status, wealth, sex are the big four.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/07/25 05:08 PM
1

Focusing less on the "superficial things" is resentful settling and beta bucking It's also a direct path to unhealthy relationships, but if you want to take that chance, no one can stop you.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/07/25 05:07 PM
4

insisting you need a boyfriend that can be a male model to have a happy relationship is one example. Also not having arbitrary numerical cutoffs (must be X height, must make Y amount of money, etc.)
/r/PurplePillDebate12/07/25 05:06 PM
-1

If their actions contradict it, yes, people will accuse them of lying.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/07/25 05:06 PM
-1

So your dating pool consists entirely of: Players who ignored that programming Narcissists who don't care about boundaries The occasional awkward guy desperate enough to try anyway This is a wild take. You're saying that no good men exist in a woman's dating pool?
/r/PurplePillDebate12/07/25 05:05 PM
1

You clearly believe you are being ripped off if you pay for a date but don’t get laid. No, I mentioned the ROI because he mentioned that paying for a first date makes it more likely that you'll get laid. So if that's important to a given man, it's much wiser to get an escort.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/07/25 05:02 PM
1

I'm willing to admit that maybe I don't understand different feminist movements, and I'm willing to learn. But that doesn't equate to hating feminism or feminists.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/07/25 05:01 PM
2

I think you could definitely argue that it's a combination of nature and nurture. Part of it is biological, part of it is social
/r/PurplePillDebate12/07/25 05:00 PM
1

And how exactly did you get "He hates feminists" out of that?
/r/PurplePillDebate12/07/25 03:50 PM
2

Who is saying that? That is the entire premise of your comment. I never said anything like "Women owe me sex if I pay for the first date."
/r/PurplePillDebate12/07/25 03:44 PM
2

Because of the level of imbalance. Women have it harder in lots of areas of life, and they even have their own dating struggles, but dating is the one area where women are almost objectively privileged compared to men
/r/PurplePillDebate12/07/25 03:43 PM
1

I might talk derisively about women who are selectively feminist. But yes, by all means, show me where you're seeing this
/r/PurplePillDebate12/07/25 03:42 PM
1

Why do you think I hate feminism?
/r/PurplePillDebate12/07/25 03:34 PM
2

“I don’t hate women! I just think paying for dates entitles me to sex! I refuse to pay for her wings at Chili’s unless she sleeps with me!!!! I don’t hate women!!!!!” Who's saying that? The men I date are 30-50 years old and if paying for dates brings them to poverty then they aren’t marriage material. Nobody is saying they can't afford it. Principles matter I could say the same thing about a woman who refuses to pay her own way
/r/PurplePillDebate12/07/25 03:32 PM
1

I think that's somewhat understandable, especially when men see that women inherently have it easier
/r/PurplePillDebate12/07/25 03:31 PM
2

I appreciate that. But you still haven't told me why paying for the date is the morally/ethically right thing to do
/r/PurplePillDebate12/07/25 03:14 PM
2

For the most part, yeah. I'll admit I have some recency bias since I've had a few women block me for offering coffee, lol
/r/PurplePillDebate12/07/25 03:09 PM
1

That's a bit of a cynical, somewhat pessimistic point of view
/r/PurplePillDebate12/07/25 03:08 PM
2

You mentioned not asking to split because some women will bail, but they'll also bail if you offer coffee on a first date.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/07/25 02:57 PM
1

Why not?
/r/PurplePillDebate12/07/25 02:55 PM
1

I can agree with that. But there has to be a realistic alternative for asocial introverts.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/07/25 02:52 PM
2

So your argument is if women seem like they’re not going to sleep with you on the first date then the emotional capital you gained from being on the date will not be high enough to justify the extra money by paying for her. No, my argument is that just like women are worried about men using them for sex/feeling entitled to it, men should be worried about that from women in terms of having money spent on them. If that’s your belief I think that’s an incredibly shallow way to date but it’s your li…
/r/PurplePillDebate12/07/25 02:43 PM
3

You're on a debate sub and you're not willing to debate?
/r/PurplePillDebate12/07/25 02:29 PM
3

Why is it the right thing to do?
/r/PurplePillDebate12/07/25 02:24 PM
0

RP is mostly about (or at least started as) seeing things in the way they actually are instead of how you wish things were. That's why it's called that. But eventually it just became synonymous with manosphere stuff, which is far more toxic. Two of its main tenets are that being attractive (combined with not being unattractive, thus Rules 1 and 2) is the biggest factor in dating success, and that we should listen to what women do instead of what they say. Even as a non-RP man, I can admit those …
/r/PurplePillDebate12/07/25 02:08 PM
1

Some people just aren't social, why is that so wrong?
/r/PurplePillDebate12/07/25 02:05 PM
1

This seems like one of those things where you can't succeed without it, but having it is far from a guarantee of success
/r/PurplePillDebate12/07/25 02:01 PM
1

Why wouldn't you stop swiping when it became overwhelming?
/r/PurplePillDebate12/07/25 02:00 PM
3

Doing all that for any woman you talk to is simp adjacent. Women mostly don't sleep with men on the first date because by default they don't trust us to not use them for sex, so why should we be opening our wallets "without a second thought"?
/r/PurplePillDebate12/07/25 01:50 PM
5

To be fair, licking pussy for a long time also gets uncomfortable/painful
/r/PurplePillDebate11/07/25 09:12 PM
3

But I was more so bringing it up insofar as it's a sexual act done more for the recipient's pleasure than the giver. Here's a question I didn't think I'd ask today-- does sucking dick hurt?
/r/PurplePillDebate11/07/25 08:59 PM
1

How so?
/r/PurplePillDebate11/07/25 08:48 PM
5

Better equivalent would be would they consistently let someone penetrate them as a “duty.” Well then we'd have to ask how often women experience pain or discomfort during sex with LTR partners. I don't know the answer to that, which is why I'm asking. I say all that because my first instinct was that I wouldn't be with someone if sex with them was consistently uncomfortable or painful.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/07/25 08:39 PM
2

What about giving oral sex? I do so all the time
/r/PurplePillDebate11/07/25 08:35 PM
1

That's called being entitled. When you expect to get something with no effort, it creates a mindset where you convince yourself that you deserve it and that you're also too good to work for it. There are women who go on social media literally crying that they can't find a good man, but also won't ever initiate or approach a man.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/07/25 07:40 PM
2

I have so much respect for this level of self-awareness and accountability. lol
/r/PurplePillDebate11/07/25 06:04 PM
1

I'm just willing to give people some modicum of the benefit of the doubt, that's all
/r/PurplePillDebate11/07/25 05:00 PM
0

women don’t get bitter about it or blame men for it. Remember the original incel Group was started by a woman I don't understand, aren't these two statements contradictory? If the original incels were women, then clearly some women do become bitter and blame men
/r/PurplePillDebate11/07/25 04:56 PM
2

You're right, but we've all gone to high school, we all have jobs, some of us went to college. All places to learn about what makes people tick.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/07/25 04:52 PM
1

I think it’s fair that men experience more rejection bc they pursue women more because they are the ones that want women more. Like maybe it’s not biologically fair that this disparity exists but there’s nothing we can do about that. I can agree with that to an extent. What I resent a bit is when women want men, but do nothing about it and just wait for him to be handed to her on a silver platter.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/07/25 04:51 PM
0

I mean, lots of women not only go through their whole dating life getting rejected very rarely (sometimes never), but they also justify not approaching men because rejection is scary. If you'd say this: What do you get in life without rejection and failure? To those women, then we're on the same page. Men getting rejected isn't unfair in and of itself. It's unfair because men are expected to bear the brunt and risk of rejection almost exclusively.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/07/25 04:43 PM
3

But you can have previous life experience and also just be observant. We all have to socialize in real life sometimes, so no one is out here literally never being around real people
/r/PurplePillDebate11/07/25 04:32 PM
-1

Also, Elon Musk goes for 1. wealthy women, and 2. women on which he can prey and pressure To be fair, a large amount of women might belong to one of these two categories. idk, what would you do if Elon Musk was clearly flirting with you?
/r/PurplePillDebate11/07/25 04:30 PM
0

All the rejection, all the work they have to do just to have the situation not work out, etc.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/07/25 04:27 PM
2

Right, there are tons of reasons, some men's fault, some women's fault. I just want to make sure we're not looking at this myopically
/r/PurplePillDebate11/07/25 04:26 PM
–

Bro, there's no need to be that aggressive, jeez.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/07/25 04:24 PM
1

Also, i don't see how this would scratch the same itch. I don't either, but women swear this is how they operate, and it can't possibly be something only women are capable of.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/07/25 04:10 PM
3

You can have a small circle of friends and be highly introverted and still make sound reasonings regarding society
/r/PurplePillDebate11/07/25 04:08 PM
1

Women should approach because they should feel confident that a man wouldn't say yes just for the faint possibility of sex. That's not reality yet, maybe some day I won't lie, that sort of feels like a cop-out to place the blame on men. That can't be the (only) reason for every woman who doesn't initiate
/r/PurplePillDebate11/07/25 04:06 PM
3

You were saying that even though women don't initiate with average men, those men still find relationships and even marriages. I presumed you were saying that average men don't have it that bad even if they have to do all the work in the beginning. I do sincerely apologize if that wasn't what you were saying
/r/PurplePillDebate11/07/25 03:28 PM
2

I don't understand, how did you reach that conclusion based on what I said?
/r/PurplePillDebate11/07/25 03:22 PM
4

But that doesn't inherently make them socially stunted. Correlation, sure, but there can be and probably are exceptions.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/07/25 03:16 PM
6

What exactly makes you so sure of this?
/r/PurplePillDebate11/07/25 03:14 PM
1

I will say that most average men get into relationships and marriages though But you don't know what they had to go through to get there
/r/PurplePillDebate11/07/25 03:11 PM
1

What would you rate yourself out of 10? Physically and non-physically, combined
/r/PurplePillDebate11/07/25 03:05 PM
1

But I don't understand why that wouldn't apply to both
/r/PurplePillDebate11/07/25 03:04 PM
0

2/3 of men message the same 1/3 of women That's not quite 80/20, which is what I was getting at. More attractive people will always be favored, but I think women's favoritism is stronger than men's.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/07/25 03:03 PM
1

Right, so if that's the case, 80/20 doesn't work both ways. It'd be more like 65/35 for women
/r/PurplePillDebate11/07/25 01:59 PM
1

So how do you determine if he is or isn't lying about certain things? Not saying you do this, but a person could somewhat convincingly persuade themselves into thinking a person is lying about anything, especially if you add reasoning like "He's really good at hiding it."
/r/PurplePillDebate11/07/25 01:56 PM
1

Yeah, I don't doubt that. But I'd assume average women get far more engagement (relatively speaking) than average men
/r/PurplePillDebate11/07/25 01:54 PM
1

That's fair, I suppose. Although honestly it feels more like this type of systems filters out bad liars more than liars in general.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/07/25 01:53 PM
1

I mean, a person could also lie to you while you're getting to know them organically. What's the difference?
/r/PurplePillDebate11/07/25 01:49 PM
1

On Tinder, sending out likes to people you will not match with anyway doesn't "matter" that much. Why not?
/r/PurplePillDebate11/07/25 01:47 PM
2

Likewise, what makes a woman average or not is based on what other guys think, if you don't think she's above average but she still gets a lot of attention from men you think are attractive... then clearly she is So there is a somewhat objective means of measuring this, right? It just seems interesting to me for someone who's, say, in the 50th percentile to not even entertain anyone outside of the 80th or even 70th.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/07/25 01:43 PM
0

I'm saying that when you have an active social life, that can be fulfilling enough that sex is no longer extremely important. It's how women say they feel IME.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/07/25 01:35 PM
1

Bios and profiles exist. Not everyone has one, of course, but plenty of people do.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/07/25 01:32 PM
0

But it also raises the issue of how average women are apparently refusing to date average men
/r/PurplePillDebate11/07/25 01:32 PM
1

While that's fair, it also raises more questions than it answers IMO. But its neither here nor there, I suppose
/r/PurplePillDebate11/07/25 01:28 PM
1

80/20 is about like distribution on dating apps and it is THE SAME FOR MEN. The top 20% of women also get 80% of the likes from men. I'd honestly be very surprised if this was the case. Men's standards are empirically lower than women's
/r/PurplePillDebate11/07/25 01:27 PM
5

We need more information. How old are you, what's your ethnicity, how often do you actually hook up with attractive women, etc.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/07/25 01:24 PM
-4

I have yet to see a ripped and muscular incel with a good job, own apartment, lots of friends and active social life People whose personalities are conducive to active social lives probably don't care very much about not getting laid, or at least not enough to announce it.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/07/25 01:22 PM
1

So is 80/20 real or not? All I ever hear women say is that it's not
/r/PurplePillDebate11/07/25 01:19 PM
1

Ma'am, please leave this area immediately and take your sound logic with you -fiftypoundpuppy, probably
/r/PurplePillDebate11/07/25 12:51 PM
1

Can't argue with that
/r/PurplePillDebate11/07/25 12:49 PM
1

That's interesting, because I don't think any woman has ever apologized to me for losing their cool
/r/PurplePillDebate11/07/25 12:47 PM
1

But getting angry/yelling in situations where you're pushed to the brink isn't mutually exclusive to being kind, that's all I'm saying.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/07/25 12:42 PM
2

Me personally? I usually apologize immediately if I so much as increase the volume of my voice, while still making it clear that the other person's behavior is unacceptable
/r/PurplePillDebate11/07/25 12:37 PM
1

Why would you ever marry someone before you cohabitate with them? And why wouldn't you talk about division of labor ahead of time if you're so worried about it?
/r/PurplePillDebate11/07/25 12:35 PM
2

Expecting someone to keep their cool literally 100% of the time is not reasonable
/r/PurplePillDebate11/07/25 12:32 PM
1

I do OLD and cold approaches
/r/PurplePillDebate11/07/25 12:35 AM
2

Never mind
/r/PurplePillDebate11/07/25 12:07 AM
3

But the onus of making plans is almost always placed on men
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/25 11:59 PM
3

It feels like a double standard
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/25 11:55 PM
3

Being kind has nothing to do with making plans. If it did, most women would be considered unkind/a pushover. lol
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/25 11:48 PM
3

I don't think the bar is quite that low
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/25 10:07 PM
3

Genuine kindness, however, is an accelerant for many women, provided he's already passed the looks and personality bar. That's not true, because lots of women don't even give a man enough time to establish genuine kindness before they ghost him for the next big thing
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/25 10:06 PM
1

It would, but it wouldn't be a perfect fix
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/25 08:51 PM
1

Basically. "Where's the kindness there?" as if every single thing I ever say has to be Bob Ross x10 on the wholesomeness scale. The delusion is crazy.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/25 08:47 PM
32

Laid? Occasionally, with tons of effort on my part. Approached? Literally never.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/25 08:02 PM
1

People's standards, how people treat one another, how often people socialize, etc.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/25 07:23 PM
1

My bf started touching me early, like on our first date I was wearing some off the shoulder top, and while we were hanging out he was like, lightly rubbing little circles into my shoulder This is a dangerous game, to a certain extent
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/25 07:03 PM
2

You escalate bit by bit and see how she responds...? Give me an example.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/25 06:52 PM
1

If men want to be the guy that bangs within the first few dates, then he needs to be the kind of guy that escalates and gets her horny enough to do that This advice isn't great, because different things make different women horny. How are we supposed to know who will respond to what, or if they're even the type to bang on a first/second date?
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/25 06:48 PM
1

That makes sense in theory, but there are also other variables that create different outcomes in this context
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/25 05:56 PM
2

I'm 36. I don't have many friends, so I'm basing it on probability more than anything
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/25 05:55 PM
1

No, I've been in plenty of social environments where I didn't initiate, and women don't approach me.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/25 05:53 PM
2

So if people said being tall gives me an easy road to getting matches/phone numbers and talking to people, I'd agree with that
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/25 05:45 PM
1

Well if you want to look at conversations I'm having before getting ghosted, feel free to DM me
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/25 05:41 PM
1

That's definitely possible
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/25 05:40 PM
2

Yes, it's possible to be kind and have a dark sense of humor. You want so badly to portray me as unkind, so go ahead. Say whatever you want. I'm done here.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/25 05:17 PM
1

Ali G is a comedy character who's portrayed as a complete moron. I was making a joke. Jeez The fact that you had to cherrypick that to try to "prove" that I'm unkind says a lot about you and me.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/25 05:13 PM
1

It could be. I'm not sure how many women are sharing, so it's hard to say
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/25 05:07 PM
1

Some people won't share no matter what, but I think a lot of people will share if it's good enough
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/25 05:01 PM
2

Where's your evidence?
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/25 04:42 PM
2

I know that men who are attractive and kind can and do also struggle, so it doesn't add up
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/25 04:42 PM
0

You are living life on ultra easy mode. I'm not, because I'm not white, and also being tall is not as big a deal as people say
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/25 04:40 PM
2

Most people are nice when you first meet them. You said truly kind people are rare. I was speaking in that context. Once a woman realizes an otherwise attractive man is actually kind, he should, based on what you said, be at the top of her list.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/25 04:33 PM
2

They are, but working in customer service, I've encountered more male Karens than female
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/25 04:03 PM
0

Well then people should stop acting like women overflow their panties just by being in the same room as a very tall man, lol
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/25 04:02 PM
1

That's not how I act in real life
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/25 03:58 PM
4

If you're implying that you think I'm not kind, I think I'll just walk away now. Your mind is made up
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/25 03:58 PM
3

So you include yourself? Yes
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/25 03:54 PM
1

The problem must not be your appearance but rather something in your personality and you still need to work more on it. No problem on that, a fruit must be ripe to get picked after all. I didn't mean I don't get picked, I meant women don't drool over my height, even though people are saying height is "fetishized." In hindsight, I feel like I wasn't clear. That's my mistake, I apologize
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/25 03:54 PM
2

I think lots of kind men exist who don't have the problems you mentioned, and they're not the types of men who have tons of success with women.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/25 03:52 PM
2

I think men are more likely to stand up for themselves, especially in an aggressive manner
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/25 03:51 PM
1

I don't know, it just doesn't add up. I'm objectively kind, a good conversationalist, consistent, attractive, and I don't feel in-demand by any means. And I know I'm not the only one
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/25 03:50 PM
0

I promise you none of that is an issue, but I guess I'll just get downvoted for that too. My hygiene is fine, I'm in shape, and I go to therapy. But yeah, just keep acting like you know me.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/25 03:41 PM
2

It is, but people do things they don't like for things they really want
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/25 03:10 PM
2

If you say so
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/25 03:07 PM
3

And you just let them dictate your whole life or what? You look for permission from other people on how to live your life? Absolutely not. And no, you're not wrong. I agree with everything you said about being nice when people are nice to you, and standing up for yourself when you're not. But where we disagree is that men can be vilified for standing up for themselves, even when they're not in the wrong.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/25 03:06 PM
1

And some women
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/25 02:45 PM
5

I feel like you must have never experienced this, and it does make sense that this is something men go through more. People can and do act like you're a monster when you understandably reach your breaking point.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/25 02:40 PM
3

I mean if he’s standing up for himself, then that requires someone else was not being nice to him. That would be seen as normal. You don't understand how these things are all extremely subjective?
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/25 02:16 PM
13

I'm tall and handsome and fit (albeit very lean), 36 years old. My count thus far of being approached is zero.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/25 02:14 PM
7

But then what happens is when a guy stops being nice in the name of standing up for himself, he can easily be labeled as not actually nice, he was just faking it, etc.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/25 02:08 PM
4

No, I'm not saying that out of a sense of cosmic justice. Being kind is ubiquitously attractive, and if it's also rare, people who are genuinely kind should be a hot commodity in the dating market, based on simple supply and demand.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/25 02:06 PM
5

Well then actual genuinely kind people should be winning. But we're not
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/25 02:01 PM
5

I don't see anything being twisted here, but I'm also not prepared to elaborate on that. Seems self-explanatory
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/25 02:00 PM
1

Either way, there's apparently this whole thing about how insanely attractive it is to be tall, but as a height one-percenter who's also fit and handsome, that is not my experience.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/25 01:58 PM
1

Treat em rough and you get the muff -Ali G
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/25 01:57 PM
13

Using those semantics, lots of women act like very few men exist who are legitimately kind and that any man acting kind is either what you described, or faking it in the interest of manipulation.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/25 01:55 PM
1

So what criteria are you using to determine who you do and don't ghost?
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/25 01:46 PM
10

Being nice to impress a girl is a certified low, and if you’re constantly nice then you might need to grow a pair So if you're only nice sometimes, that's bad. And if you're nice all the time, that's bad.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/25 01:43 PM
-2

I assure you I do
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/25 01:40 PM
1

Well, body count is much less verifiable. That's why I only mentioned youth and looks.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/25 01:39 PM
1

So why doesn't that apply to celebrities? Do they not have an image and status to maintain?
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/25 01:32 PM
3

the massive and self-reinforcing fetishization of tall men via social media As someone who's 6'4, how do I loop myself into this phenomenon? lol. Because I rarely get so much as an "I like how tall you are."
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/25 01:28 PM
1

Why are you only replying to/messaging half the women with whom you match?
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/25 01:25 PM
1

That's not what I was saying, but thanks for that smart remark.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/25 01:16 PM
1

If that wealthy heir is less romantically successful than the first guy (assuming all else is equal), he's not advertising himself properly.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/25 01:06 PM
1

I can't speak in a historical context, but you asked why women are okay with sharing men now. The answer is because it's easy. Sharing men before meant having to work hard or get lucky to end up with a "shareable" man. Now, those men are much more accessible.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/25 01:02 PM
8

That means ghosting the vast majority of them. I feel like this really applies to men only. I'm sure women get ghosted too, but not at nearly the same rate as men.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/25 01:00 PM
1

People will tell themselves whatever they need to tell themselves when they pay a steep price to get something they really want. They'll justify a man having other women however they can, or they'll lie to themselves and pretend he doesn't. Men do the same thing. Hell, I've done it.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/25 12:56 PM
1

If by Becky, you mean average women, then those men don't compete for her, she competes for them. Those men compete for the most attractive women (let's call them Stacy).
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/25 12:52 PM
1

How do you know that those men are very attractive to women? By how women treat them, basically. If lots of attractive women go out of their way to get/keep a man's attention, he's very attractive, by definition.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/25 12:43 PM
1

But celebrities are good examples because their lives are more public than non-celebrities, so it's much more verifiable
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/25 12:35 PM
0

The example doesn't have to be that extreme. Women still have access to very attractive men who they tend to compete over, sometimes locking out average men
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/25 12:34 PM
13

I'll cosign this. Even as someone who's decently attractive and gets lots of matches, I get ghosted by my matches for no good reason (unless "Good, engaging, polite conversation" or "Didn't plan a date within 48 hours" are good reasons) all the time. Lots of women clearly do not take average men seriously
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/25 12:32 PM
1

Don't celebrities routinely marry young, hot women?
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/25 12:27 PM
6

Thanks. Apparently very few other people feel that way
/r/PurplePillDebate08/07/25 08:01 PM
1

If they haven't contacted me, regardless of who's initiating what. I'm used to initiating most conversation anyway.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/07/25 07:20 PM
3

I usually consider myself ghosted after 48 hours of zero contact (call, in-person, text, messaging on an app).
/r/PurplePillDebate08/07/25 07:15 PM
4

I'm saying that most women are not giving third and fourth chances for "accidentally offensive joke."
/r/PurplePillDebate08/07/25 06:45 PM
0

That's different from what women are saying here. They're basically saying that a guy can (and maybe should be expected to) get ghosted after the first time.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/07/25 06:37 PM
7

That depends who you ask apparently
/r/PurplePillDebate08/07/25 06:20 PM
3

I'm not prepared to be that vulnerable for a whole subreddit. I'd be willing to do so in a DM, though
/r/PurplePillDebate08/07/25 05:52 PM
1

He's tall and handsome and pretty lean but can bench his body weight
/r/PurplePillDebate08/07/25 04:54 PM
2

This. Women very rarely act rude towards me when I cold approach, successful or not.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/07/25 04:44 PM
0

Why most men don’t because we are not chads and cold approaches are seen as creeps, weirdos and perverts. That's not true at all IME. I'm no Chad, but I also don't get treated like any of those things when I cold approach, even when I get rejected.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/07/25 04:43 PM
6

"Be confident" also doesn't mean "Approach a woman with a patronizing comment about her appearance." Is this something that has happened to you?
/r/PurplePillDebate08/07/25 04:42 PM
3

That depends who you ask. Lots of women tie themselves in knots to justify not paying their own way on dates. I know you're not these women, but I was just curious
/r/PurplePillDebate08/07/25 03:10 PM
2

I wasn't saying it's the dating equivalent of rape. I was saying that the same logic can be applied-- if she wouldn't go on a date with you if she had to pay her own way, she doesn't want to go on a date with you, she just wants free food/drinks/experience.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/07/25 01:21 PM
2

If someone only wants to have sex with you if you pay them, then it means they don't want to have sex with you; they just want to get paid Not to derail the conversation too much, but does this apply to women who only go on dates with men if the man pays for their food/drinks/experience?
/r/PurplePillDebate08/07/25 10:53 AM
1

And so they did, now 50 years later countries are complaining about a birth shortage and people are complaining about being lonely. Is there a birth shortage issue in America? I haven't heard about it, but it could be wrong. And I don't think the issue of loneliness is connected to single parenthood. I'm not saying people shouldn't have sex. Just take proper contraceptive measures.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/25 08:35 PM
1

I appreciate you saying that, thanks
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/25 08:34 PM
1

What do you mean?
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/25 08:33 PM
0

Yeah sure, I wouldn't dispute that. But who's to say that doesn't happen? I would bet it does happen. I don't know, I feel like more women would talk about how they have "That one guy" who actually knows how to cater to their needs in the bedroom instead of all the "Straight men are terrible, selfish lovers" rhetoric. Or guys would talk about how they've successfully pulled off the move of keeping a woman hooked just by caring about her needs.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/25 07:27 PM
1

Children deserve to be able to finish high school and get a good career going without an unplanned pregnancy ruining their lives They do. So they should just not get pregnant. It's so easy not to conceive. even if single parent households as a percentage are slightly higher I wouldn't call 14%, in a sample of hundreds of millions, "slightly higher."
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/25 07:26 PM
3

Sorry, I didn't realize it came off that way. But I can see it in hindsight
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/25 07:20 PM
1

Don't sleep with women unprotected if you don't want to risk children. Agreed. So why doesn't that apply to the woman as well? Why shouldn't she be held accountable for creating a life with someone she might not have vetted properly? I'd argue it's better overall now than it was in 1974. What, just because teen pregnancy and fertility are down? Children deserve to grow up in two-parent homes. That's the biggest issue IMO.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/25 07:14 PM
3

I'm not telling you that you can or can't say anything. I was just pointing something out that I thought was interesting and you might not have realized.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/25 07:12 PM
1

Adoption or abortion was always an option at least until recently. A woman has the option to get an abortion, but the man can't force her. What's he supposed to do? The number of teen parents is down 85% and overall fertility rates are down by 40% so there's still fewer single parents. I acknowledged that, and I said that in certain demographics it's up. So it's still clearly an issue that's getting better when you look in one direction, but worse when you look in another. So it's still very muc…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/25 07:07 PM
1

most women didn't deliberately choose this so I have 0 interest in defending the deadbeats over the parent that stayed More like blaming both. Also, it's hard not to stay when the child is literally inside you. Plus, lots of women get abortions. In addition, I don't see any demographic where those trends are on the rise Compare 1974 to 2023, and the number of black children who live in two-parent homes is down 14%
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/25 07:02 PM
5

Nobody is sharing anyone because we are not objects and we don't belong to anyone. I always thought the word "share" is weird You're doing that thing from the thread the other day where you're missing the point by focusing on a literal interpretation of the claim
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/25 06:57 PM
2

Overall it might, but for some demographics it's actually going up, and that's why I tend not to have much sympathy for them.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/25 06:50 PM
2

I'm saying once she does have sex with him and realizes that, he should theoretically be heavily favored in her sex life. This should be basically a cheat code to keep any woman as a sex partner
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/25 06:49 PM
3

Presumably you’re also invested in your partner feeling good and sober (not necessarily true for ONS) But if you imagine a situation where a guy is in a (mutually understood) ONS, and he caters to the woman's needs like almost no man apparently does, that should be an easy ticket into her good books.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/25 06:45 PM
0

younger, college-aged women who definitely view high school and college as a time frame to spread your wings By "wings," you mean...? No. No, I'm better than this. ... no, I'm not.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/25 02:08 PM
19

That doesn’t mean women aren’t into sex, it just means what’s on offer often isn’t great. So then why don't the men who care about women's pleasure, presuming they're not horribly ugly or complete psychopaths, get lots of casual sex from women (relative to the average man)?
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/25 02:04 PM
2

Women are the ones complaining about men lying and using them for sex
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/25 12:40 AM
2

If you're getting results you don't want, yes, adjustments need to be made. Stop trying to make this a sexism thing. I'd give the same advice to men in a similar context. "If what you're doing isn't working, try something else."
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/25 11:46 PM
1

Results-oriented thinking often isn't logical, but again, what do I know
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/25 11:43 PM
1

Those men are not the ones you should listen to
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/25 11:37 PM
1

I don't know. There's no magic number. But I do know the answer isn't "As long as they're waiting now."
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/25 11:29 PM
1

Most women do wait a few dates before having sex, I dont' get the question I said they should wait longer than they're waiting now. Some just want sex so they have sex Well if they want sex, then men lying to get sex is less of an issue. Or do you mean women should force themselves to date men they aren't interested in? No, they should use the waiting game to avoid being used for sex by men they are interested in
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/25 11:17 PM
1

I wouldn't date someone who dates multiple people at the same time just to not "limit your options". Expecting exclusivity as soon as you meet someone is absolutely working against you, but hey. You're winning, I'm not, so what do I know
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/25 11:13 PM
2

I meant my attractiveness, not how good a person I am. I should have phrased it differently, I can see that in hindsight
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/25 11:07 PM
1

You found someone despite that, not because of it. I didn't say it made finding someone impossible. But there is no logical argument that limiting your options is a good idea if what you want to find is so rare
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/25 11:00 PM
2

So why don't women do this? It seems super straightforward. Instead, my experience is that most women are more interested in ghosting than anything
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/25 10:59 PM
1

And no, I wasn’t talking to multiple men at a time Well, that was working against you for sure
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/25 10:57 PM
1

I mean, I'm a really solid guy otherwise. That's not my only redeeming quality
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/25 10:56 PM
1

If a given woman believes that's the case based on her experience, then that's her reality, and this is the solution I'd suggest.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/25 10:52 PM
1

Speaking of which, if that's the case, wouldn't it make sense to hold on to men who do care? Like, I care a lot. But nobody seems to care that I care
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/25 10:51 PM
1

Not everyone has to follow that number. If there's still an epidemic, however long women are making men wait, they should make them wait longer
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/25 10:50 PM
1

My point is that there's no reason for women to not make men wait. It's not like women will suffer for it.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/25 10:47 PM
1

Also, you didn't answer my question. What do women have to lose by making men wait?
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/25 10:37 PM
1

Straight women don't abohor sex with men, they just abohor sex with men they don't feel attracted to. Straight women complain about the orgasm gap alone all the time and act like, if it was up to them, they'd just use their toys exclusively
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/25 10:33 PM
2

A man who uses prostitutes is a psycho I disagree
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/25 10:18 PM
4

Right, and I was talking about ditching him because he's abusive. That's totally different
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/25 10:03 PM
1

All I'm saying is that the longer you wait, the longer you have to vet someone. People will show their true colors eventually. And this should be especially easy for straight women, considering how much they seem to (at worst) abhor and (at best) be fine without sex from men
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/25 10:02 PM
8

They're not necessarily asexual, it can just be a bit tricky trying to figure out if a woman wants any type of physical intimacy after a first date, and guessing wrong can be a death sentence
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/25 09:57 PM
6

No they say it even beforehand. What do you mean? And why do you bring up prostitutes?
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/25 09:56 PM
1

Do you thinks it's realistic to date and marry someone who is attractive and makes you feel good 99% of the time? I think that's a privilege that very few people experience, yes.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/25 09:51 PM
2

Plenty of men will date someone they don't like at all for weeks in order to get access to sex But I think this would eliminate a lot of men who don't know how to wait. Those men exist in droves. I think some women jump into bed with men way too fast without vetting for long enough. Waiting won't solve the issue, but it will eliminate lots of men with impure intentions super quick.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/25 09:50 PM
6

I would aim for a kiss at the end and get an awkward hug. Then they were bummed that I didn't feel there was any point in more dates. What is the point in dating if there is ZERO sexual chemistry? Did you explain to them that you wanted a kiss? Maybe after the fact, via text? I don't think it's your responsibility to beat a guy over the head with it, but there are reasons a guy might not have noticed or responded how you wanted.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/25 09:47 PM
2

You're not wrong. But is waiting not an option? One of my exes made me wait three dates before she even came to my apartment. I was frustrated, but I waited because she was worth it. Not to pat myself on the back, but that's the type of green flag women seem not to look for sometimes, or they don't even put themselves in a position for guys to display that green flag.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/25 09:42 PM
10

Oh, okay. You're misunderstanding. What they're saying is that instead of accepting a man like that, she should have ended things when she realized he's a psycho. This is usually a rebuttal to the idea that women will stay in relationships with abusive men because they're afraid of being alone, but women can always end a situation before it gets to this point and replace the guy pretty easily. So before they became a couple, before they moved in together, etc., she should have walked away, hoppe…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/25 09:38 PM
17

Honestly, real world, I've never seen anyone really pretend that attractiveness isn't more important than the factors that follow it. My ex literally said to me that women can love a man they're not attracted to. She's a dumbass, but apparently people do think this.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/25 09:35 PM
10

So the nice guy we want also needs to come with a personality that makes us desire a sexual relationship it just doesn't even register to most women This feels like the phenomenon wherein you take the best, most exciting, butterfly-inducing situation you've ever been in, and now that becomes your new standard, and anyone who doesn't match or exceed that is tossed aside. That's not realistic IMO.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/25 09:34 PM
4

Accusing people of lying won't get us anywhere, because that could be applied to anything. Anybody could be lying about anything improbable. I'm 6'4, for example, and the odds of that being the case are extremely small, so your logic would dictate that no one believes me when I say that.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/25 09:30 PM
15

I'm not sure I've seen this. My first advice would be the police, a woman's shelter, etc.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/25 09:28 PM
0

So what happened with him? Also, were you talking to multiple men at a time?
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/25 09:28 PM
1

If you really don't want to get pregnant, a condom isn't enough. Combine proper condom use with spermicide, birth control, and pulling out just to be safe, and you're golden
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/25 09:26 PM
13

Absolutely not. There are way better things she could do than ask randos for room and board in exchange for her kitty, and there's no way I'm putting myself in a position to have to deal with her psycho bf
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/25 09:25 PM
0

So where are men coming up short on the list of prerequisites you mentioned?
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/25 09:20 PM
2

Presumably they were speaking generally, not specifically.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/25 09:20 PM
7

She literally said "made literally any amount of money"
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/25 09:12 PM
2

People are notoriously bad at picking good partners for themselves, that's not a gendered thing Yeah, but one gender is much more equipped with the ability to choose
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/25 09:11 PM
-1

How tall are you?
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/25 09:07 PM
1

What was your experience like? How many matches/likes did you get?
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/25 05:39 PM
3

That is absolutely not true as a hard-and-fast rule. There are plenty of women who don't look 20 years old who are treated just fine.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/25 05:37 PM
1

How are you countering that point? By saying that it's not an inherent advantage, it's something men choose, just like you say women don't have an inherent advantage with makeup, they just choose to use it. One, it’s not as effortless as you’re making it out to be. Why isn't it? Have you ever used a dating app? Sincere question.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/25 05:36 PM
2

All I'm seeing from the line graph you posted is that men respond more frequently than women, which implies that men's standards are lower, which is what I've been saying this whole time.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/25 05:35 PM
1

But you haven’t explained how that’s relevant to whether men or women have it easier in dating. You said men have it easier because they're wealthier, so I was more so countering that point than anything. How allegedly effortlessly women can find someone decent to talk doesn’t change that men have the advantage in dating for reasons I’ve already explained. It does, because effortlessly finding decent people to talk to is a significant advantage
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/25 05:26 PM
3

Yes, men prefer younger women. I said men don't require a woman to look like she's barely old enough to legally drink.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/25 05:24 PM
3

But we're not talking about that. We're just talking about men's perception of female attractiveness. That's it.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/25 05:21 PM
1

Is this supposed to be relevant to whether men or women have it easier in dating? You mentioned women only have the advantage of makeup because of how much men value looks, so I was showing that the logic works the other way around. Bad or creepy men approach women much more than vice versa and are a bigger risk to women than vice versa. I don't doubt it. But this is very much a double-edged sword when you consider how effortlessly women can find someone decent to talk to.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/25 05:18 PM
3

Huh? Men take advantage of how much women value wealth by working harder in the professional world and taking higher-paying jobs. That’s ignoring the bad sides of having men approach you, having to deal with men who approach you Can you elaborate?
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/25 05:10 PM
5

Most women don’t look young! You guys just so easily prove me right. And most men don't require the woman they date to look like she's 21. Most men don’t find most women attractive! But we have empirical measures that imply the opposite. Men rated women's attractiveness on OKCupid on basically a perfect bell curve <image>
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/25 05:06 PM
1

Men don't really care how young a woman actually is as much as how young she looks, so being younger doesn't mean you're more attractive simply based on your age. "Skinny" sounds like she doesn't have a great body (probably average). Conventionally attractive is more subjective. I'd have to see an example.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/25 05:00 PM
1

With warm approaching you can at least have some idea of how the man in question perceives the world and people in it. Why can't you vet a man and figure all that out after you approach him? The worst cost of an unsuccessful approaching for a woman is being beaten, r*ped, killed, and then the video of it uploaded on some corn website. Nobody is beating the shit out of a woman for asking him on a date. Come on. I've never heard one woman say anything like that. It's always "I asked a guy out once…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/25 04:54 PM
3

Or by choice, but none of that means it easier for women to be successful in dating, specifically a great romantic relationship. You could argue that men are wealthier partially by choice, as they're generally more driven in the professional world. Men have it easier, so they generally weigh physical attractiveness as more important, so women can take advantage of that with makeup. Everything you just said can be flipped in terms of how women weigh wealth as more important. That’s not relevant f…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/25 04:53 PM
2

If a woman approach a stranger man who expose some toxic ideas, he may see the approaching woman as "easy", "low value", and therefore "deserving" of physical and/or sexualised violence That feels like a stretch. Like, you can still vet a man even if you approach him.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/25 04:28 PM
6

Okay, I appreciate that. So then I could say: Women are generally more sociable (whether by nature or nurture), meaning that they form and cultivate platonic relationships easier and don't have to rely on romantic connections. Women have the benefit of using makeup, which I'm convinced is why women think there are more attractive women than men. Women get to pick and choose when to be progressive or traditional. For example, a woman can decide she'll never pay for a first date ever and be just f…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/25 04:13 PM
1

the rest watch those things absolutely happen to their "It couldn't happen to me" friends and tighten up I always felt like those people would outweigh the "It couldn't happen to me" people
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/25 04:13 PM
1

I see where you're coming from, I won't lie. But I don't think it's a coincidence that most buzzwords are used for people to feel better about themselves or their circumstances
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/25 04:03 PM
5

Will you please explain why you think men have it easier?
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/25 03:59 PM
1

No, only insofar as people suddenly come out the woodwork using them when they become popular.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/25 03:58 PM
3

“Average” to men is a model with no makeup on Where on Earth are you getting this? If anything, women objectively, empirically have an inflated image of the average man.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/25 03:57 PM
1

So what’s your solution to this - that language simply doesn’t evolve? There is no solution other than people not using buzzwords just to use them
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/25 03:57 PM
8

You still haven't explained how men have it easier
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/25 03:56 PM
1

Because people see the words being used and shoehorn it into their personality/vocabulary. People don't gaslight as much as people claim they do, they just use it as a synonym for "lie" because it's a buzzword.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/25 03:55 PM
9

Women cite the fact that lots of average people are in relationships/married all the time, so presumably that would apply here as well. Average women seem to be doing just fine, and at worst, doing better than average men.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/25 03:53 PM
7

So, rather obviously, given the prospective costs for each party of doing the deed, women have to be more selective This logic always makes me feel like there should be far fewer single moms if that's the case, especially the ones who complain that a complete loser/asshole got them pregnant. It's so easy to not get pregnant and still have sex. As long as you're responsible, it is extremely straightforward. It seems like women will be much less selective with behavior than they will be with looks…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/25 03:51 PM
5

The reason women get more attention from strangers is because men have it easier, so it’s easier for them to approach strangers I don't understand this logic. Men approach because if they don't, almost no one would ever date. Among other reasons.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/25 03:50 PM
2

No, the concept always existed. I never used the words themselves in the part I put in quotes.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/25 03:48 PM
2

If it wasn't a buzzword, lots of people would have already been saying "I need a strong emotional bond" or "I'm attracted to intelligence." I personally didn't see that before the buzzwords became popular.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/25 03:44 PM
3

It starts to seem like nothing more than a buzzword when a lot of people suddenly start saying it when it becomes popular
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/25 03:38 PM
4

I also don’t see how it’s virtue signaling… like what virtue is being signaled here? "I'm not like other girls/guys (or 'women are not like men/men are not like women'). I/we love deeply and require true connection because I am/we are more emotionally mature." Basically, "I'm not/we aren't basic."
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/25 03:32 PM
11

"Demisexual" is just like "sapiosexual." A buzzword that people attach to themselves or their gender as a form of virtue signaling
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/25 03:07 PM
5

You're judging people and/or not giving them a chance for wearing white sneakers and having hair that looks really good?
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/25 01:48 AM
6

looks unintelligent/like I would be easily bored by them jock/player types takes too much space socially/dominant personality no tendency to observe clearly religious/right-wing/libertarian stereotypical "feminist" vegan/leftie/gay as their core personality I don't know how you could ascertain any of these at first glance.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/07/25 11:57 PM
9

For that matter, what do half those things look like?
/r/PurplePillDebate05/07/25 11:43 PM
-8

Well, men don't claim to have it worse than women, and there really isn't any discourse about who has it worse, because almost everyone knows men have professional privilege. As a side note, I myself have acknowledged that on this sub alone multiple times.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/07/25 02:03 AM
-3

"Virgin slop." Okay.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/07/25 01:14 AM
12

To be fair, a lot of women themselves acknowledge that they are privileged in dating
/r/PurplePillDebate05/07/25 01:06 AM
–

Probably people need to take these basic sentiments and get a bit more specific in order to convey more. Without alienating anyone. It’s a tall order. I don't think that's asking much. But beyond that, they can always spice up their profiles with some original jokes, or focusing more on what makes them unique.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 11:30 PM
–

I may be off base but I think at least some adventurous, passionate, and interested-in-life women would still be called boring some of the time, by men whose metric for ‘boring’ has more to do with common interests. It's less about common interests and more about women having the same interests as the majority of other women. We all have things that are unique about us, but most women can't muster anything more than "I'm a foodie, I love to travel, I love shopping, my kids are my world, etc."
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 11:04 PM
3

I'd say, with rare exception, most people (men and women) have experienced what you have described at various degrees. Extremely varying degrees between the two genders. The "woman who doesn't know how to handle rejection" or "grown woman brat who hates being told 'No'" tropes exist in real life, I promise you. Men experience exponentially more rejection than women. Women also get the validation, attention, and compliments that men can go their whole lives without. I've seen and even experienced…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 10:08 PM
0

No, that's a false equivalency. Those men are successful despite their abuse, not because of it.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 10:03 PM
7

If you’re not bitter, you can take advantage of the asymmetry of dating. How would heterosexual men do this?
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 10:01 PM
3

And just like everyone else who says this, you don't know how much of a dating crucible they had to experience in order to get to the point of finding someone. Rejection after rejection, bad dates, being used, being made fun of, being ignored, being made to feel inferior and inadequate and pretty much never being complimented or validated.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 09:51 PM
–

Spending "a few hours a month" on a hobby is still way more interesting than someone who works, sleeps, mindlessly goes to the gym but isn't versed in fitness, and stares at screens Honestly, that sounds like a lot of women I've talked to. They go to the gym but don't know shit about fitness (usually have a trainer). "What are your gym goals?" "I want to tone up and lose weight." I swear every single woman says this, almost word for word. They travel but don't know anything about other cultures.…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 08:37 PM
1

Also, to be honest, I can just sleep with a woman for free I don't know how hard you personally would have to work for that, but you'd have to work. Spending money takes away all the effort.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 07:47 PM
2

6'4-6'6 feels like a good height where you're pretty much the tallest person in the room at all times (thus attractive to women), but you're not too tall that it gets difficult to work with.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 07:46 PM
3

I'm 6'4, and unless you think wearing shoes with a one-inch lift would turn my life into an Axe commercial, I can assure you that being a height one-percenter is not enough to make women approach you. Maybe if you're white. idk
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 07:44 PM
1

Well to be fair, hiring an escort is legally dubious at best, so spending on some rando who will take her clothes off for a bag is much safer. Second, I think you could get away with spending less than 5K in one visit with all but the most high-maintenance gold diggers. Maybe closer to $500.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 07:40 PM
1

Maybe the 5K person offers something the 1K person doesn't.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 07:25 PM
2

$5K to a millionaire probably isn't the same as $5K to you or me
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 07:10 PM
4

For women who want to be spoiled, getting free meals is nothing. These women want designer bags, fancy clothes, expensive trips, stuff like that
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 07:01 PM
5

I've seen lots of women on dating sites who unabashedly say that they won't give the time of day to any man who doesn't spoil them. And that's just the women who are ballsy enough to announce it, to say nothing of the women who dig for gold in a more passive manner.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 06:34 PM
7

same, sexism. Women are taught to be delicate flowers and are taught that fighting is masculine. Why can't it be that men are just more inclined towards things like fighting because testosterone makes you more aggressive?
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 06:33 PM
7

Are you a woman? Because, no disrespect to you, this seems like the type of advice women offer. It's easy to say "Just be happy not being in a relationship, not getting validation/coddling, and not having sex" when you (as an assumed woman, apologies if I'm wrong) can get any of those things almost at will.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 06:31 PM
1

I can agree with that, if you'd agree that men's standards for relationships are still lower than women's.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 06:22 PM
72

They seem to think if they only made $300k, then they would magically be hooking up with tons of women I don't necessary have any concrete evidence, but I feel like if you could just throw money at women without a second thought, you could absolutely bed a bunch of shallow, vapid women who just want to be spoiled. Obviously that's not all or even most women, but it's enough that being rich would presumably lead to you getting laid way more than the average guy, if you know where to look.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 06:18 PM
4

pretty much. If we are equals on paper but society ends up favoring one gender that's sexism. That's not true. Is it sexist that more women than men are teachers? Or that more men than women are professional fighters? No, it's because of the biological and/or social differences between the genders.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 06:15 PM
–

I mean, you could blame pretty much any gender disparity on sexism if you wanted. Is it not possible that men just pursue professions like this much more than women by choice, not because they're being held back?
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 05:12 PM
–

We are all intellectually the same, so there's something about society that favors men over women. I think it would make sense that women don't pursue careers like being a professional comic as much as men do. Women are socially driven away from such professions, or at least not pushed towards them.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 05:04 PM
–

Sure but most men find women funny, that's why we have so many mainstream female comediants Using professional comedians as an analogy to average women doesn't really make sense. Like, yes, it's definitely possible for women to be funny, but the average woman might not have a great sense of humor. Plus I think far more men than women are professional comedians, which works against your point.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 04:50 PM
–

More like if you think women are boring, usually because you are boring person I could explain to you my entire dating process and I'm almost positive you would not consider me boring, but I come across a LOT of boring women.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 04:46 PM
–

I fully agree
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 04:39 PM
1

All I'm saying is that the things people say online are not always direct correlations to how they act IRL, and there are tons of reasons a person might struggle in dating beyond what you can infer from their Reddit posts
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 04:38 PM
1

The main difference is that there's a relatively small portion of men who swipe right on everyone, which doesn't seem to be the case for women. That's definitely possible, but couldn't it also be that men just mostly have more variance across the board, instead of a select few men having such extreme variance that it flattens the curve?
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 04:37 PM
5

But you don't know how they got there. All the men who you see in relationships could have been one bad date from killing themselves for all you know
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 04:32 PM
1

This is true. But a calorie deficit, especially a modest one, is far from impossible if you're not carrying much muscle
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 04:31 PM
11

the majority of people are in relationships and don't struggle to find them, yes even the men you deem unattractive are still finding partners with relative ease What are you basing this on?
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 04:24 PM
6

Yes, but you mentioned swinging for the fences exclusively. Most men cast a wider net and have much more variance in who they pursue than most women.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 04:17 PM
1

How can you know that, without confirming that people act the way IRL people assume they do based on their Reddit posts?
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 01:03 PM
1

Right, but those same people saying that also think they know exactly what XYZ is, and that's just not realistic
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 12:56 PM
–

I disagree. Boring people won't stop being boring because you're no longer being performative
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 12:55 PM
-1

I always see people trying to get the attention on people who are very much unequally yoked, yet blame their failures on society wide issues. Said another way, they're swinging for the fence exclusively. You see this from men?
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 12:51 PM
6

It is not “just world fallacy” to observe someone who consistently fails to inspire desire in others and conclude over time that it’s likely XYZ immutable physical or behavioral traits or XYZ mutable choices and actions they make that are causing their chronic unwanted singledom. The problem is that people try to make this determination based on seeing a person on a forum or social media platform like Reddit, and that is in no way an accurate way of ascertaining someone's actual personality, muc…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 12:38 PM
–

If that's something you have to work hard not to do, you really should talk to a therapist about it. Not even trying to be mean or sarcastic; that's a real, legitimate issue you have.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 12:30 PM
–

Simple, it's not the women with "many passions, hobbies, interests, goals, lust for life and adventures etc" that are called boring. To be fair, when all those passions/hobbies/interests are the same as the majority of other people, that can get super boring.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 12:29 PM
–

That's basically my point. Some people do everything in their power to create a situation that isn't boring, and people still find a way to be uninteresting. Other people have the inverse experience.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 12:16 PM
–

If you don’t meet women who are just as interesting, fun and reliable as any of your bros, it’s a you issue. Probably related to your attitude. That's not a hard-and-fast rule at all. I do everything I can to make all my interactions with women as not-boring as possible, and I'm still surrounded by uninteresting women.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 12:12 PM
–

On a mere superficial first-impression level, I am uncomfortable talking to a person whose eyebrows are barely reaching to the height of my nipples Are... are you judging women for being shorter than you...?
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 12:04 PM
–

I think a lot of it might be luck as well, plus some people just don't have the emotional bandwidth to do what you just mentioned.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 12:00 PM
–

Well I love that for them, but that might not be the norm for western society as a whole
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 11:55 AM
–

Yes, I definitely do believe that. Why are you asking how I feel about that?
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 11:54 AM
–

Most women don’t actually call themselves feminists, only about 35% (in the US) do. If a feminist is someone who believes women are equal to men as human beings and that women deserve the same rights and opportunities as men, I don't think it's a stretch to say that most women are feminists. It’s a reaction to the rules men set for decades. Whose reaction?
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 11:47 AM
1

Aren’t y’all tired and exhausted of hearing these assumptions about women everyday on this sub? What assumptions? OP is saying that there are feminist women who want to have their cake and eat it too, and that's absolutely true
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 11:45 AM
–

Good friends and partners are hard to come by and that's what makes them even more valuable and priceless when you do find them. So why aren't women flocking to the men who are really good conversationalists and holding on to them?
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 11:34 AM
–

I mostly agree, but you seemed not to believe that dating prerequisites for women would change based on women having more rights
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 11:33 AM
–

That's fair. This isn't something I do, for the record. I'm unabashedly myself, but I can understand why a man might be so desperate that he pretends to be something he's not.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 11:22 AM
–

And that's what I meant. There are men whose actions will show that he's not boring, that he appreciates women who aren't boring, and that he likes women with strong personalities. Being that man does not make dating easier.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 11:20 AM
–

So that sounds like no matter what a man says or does, he can't convince you he's not a bad person
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 11:17 AM
–

How is that connected to having the same rights? The idea of a woman wanting or needing a man who can provide for her came from a time when it was almost impossible for a woman to make enough money to support herself, if she could make money at all. That's no longer the case.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 11:16 AM
–

Most women would probably identify as feminists, and women, being the choosers, generally make the dating rules. You think the dating landscape would look the way it does if men made the dating rules?
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 11:15 AM
–

The men on here are always trying to morph into something that women will want, but not something that they actually are. That's because we're constantly bombarded with the idea that we're never good enough
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 11:14 AM
–

My issue is that if so many of these men exist, then men who do the opposite, who embrace and encourage women with strong personalities, those men should be winning. But they're not. I know because I'm those men.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 11:11 AM
–

Okay, neither are a personality, but what else do you expect people to put there if not base-level interests? Something original. Something funny. I've seen women who have bios that make them stand out, so it's definitely possible. But 90% of them are the same generic cookie-cutter things over and over and over again, if they can even deign to have a bio in the first place. And I'm sure it's the same with men. Humans are boring and basic and shallow. But women are more unabashed about it because…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 11:10 AM
–

A lot of women are just bad at having interesting and engaging conversation. They're incapable of banter, they never say clever or witty things, and they do the bare minimum in conversation while expecting the man to do all the heavy lifting.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 11:08 AM
1

Can you show me where that was shown?
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 11:04 AM
1

Because "thick" is not the same as "fat."
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 11:03 AM
1

Why is that?
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 03:09 AM
1

The best way to counter an eating disorder in someone you know, IMO, would be to offer ways to accomplish their body goals, but in a healthier way. Usually, though, that means they have to take a slower, more patient approach, and eating disorders can make you need to reach your goals as quickly as possible. There might not be a viable way to fight back without major psychological intervention (like consistent, dedicated therapy).
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 03:06 AM
1

That's your preference, but I'd bet most men like their Jell-O to jiggle
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 03:03 AM
0

I was more so saying that men don't think the average woman is an "IG baddie." I've never seen a man cite a hot woman as average. If anything, I've seen men say that a woman who's unremarkable is hot.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 03:02 AM
1

I just don't understand why I would worry or care about your opinions. Or the opinions of any men in this sub. Or the opinions of anyone online. What good does your or anyone's opinions online do for me and my life? Human emotion often gives not a single fuck about sound logic, and I know you know this.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 02:59 AM
1

Right, but the fact that some men are violent psychopaths doesn't negate the protection from those men that good men provide. Don't come down on those good men because they provide protection from their own gender.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 02:58 AM
1

Fair enough
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 02:56 AM
1

Taking care of your health, exercising, not eating junk food, choosing nice clothes is perfectly fine and that helps with women. What doesn't help is counting calories, getting obsessed with %fat, taking steroids, taking looksmaxxxing to a pathological level. If you've experienced an eating disorder as well, you'd know that they, along with body dysmorphia, don't go away when confronted with logic. Also, FWIW, I understand that carbs don't make you fat.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 02:56 AM
1

Of course being thin is at the top. That's not true. TONS of men love thick women, and lots of women who think they need to be thinner for men to be attracted to them are completely wrong.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 02:52 AM
1

Yes, yes. We know. You're emotionally bulletproof. You are woman, and we hear you roar.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 02:50 AM
2

I mean, what do you expect when men get rejected as often as they do? This hits close to home, because I bordered on an eating disorder at one point, and I know it's because I thought my body was too physically unattractive for any woman to take me seriously, so I developed not only the eating disorder, but also body dysmorphia that I still carry.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 02:49 AM
-1

Weather, animals, accidents... all things men can and do protect women from that aren't "other men."
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 02:46 AM
0

Stop eating like shit and exercise everyday. *eat at a calorie deficit until you reach your ideal weight
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 02:45 AM
0

Wait, wait, wait. All we ever hear from women is that women don't wear those things for men. Also, leggings are super comfortable. That's always women's first excuse for wearing them all the time. But either way, what does any of that have to do with women not needing the gym to max out their body's attractiveness?
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 02:41 AM
1

Now there's guys believing that "the average woman" is a ig baddie, because they don't have any real life reference of what a normal body looks like. I don't see how that's true. Everyone is forced to be around average people somewhat consistently. Grocery shopping (Instacart is hella expensive, don't give me that), going to school, going to work, having friends/family, etc. Nobody is out here having zero or nearly zero interaction with average-looking people.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 02:37 AM
1

Or people confident in themselves and not worrying about what others think. Especially online. No, like literally, all humans care what others think. I really don't want to have to cite peer-reviewed studies for such a basic concept.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 02:36 AM
1

Most men, not all. Also, plenty of women have plump fat asses who don't go to the gym.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 02:31 AM
1

But I was just talking about women's bodies. Everything you mentioned is about women's faces. There's no makeup machine at the gym. The gym will do almost nothing to make you more attractive from the neck up, and a lot of men don't want (or at least don't need or don't prefer) these toned, hard-bodied women that Hollywood pushes into leading female roles 99% of the time. For women to do everything they need to do to looksmaxx their bodies, most wouldn't need the gym at all.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 02:29 AM
2

I don't think we ever lived such obsession with body image, mainly because we didn't have media back then I know you meant social media, but we've been bombarded by highly attractive models, athletes, and actors for a long time. There are tons of infomercials from the 90s that targeted people who were insecure about their looks.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 02:26 AM
2

It is, because humans care what other humans think. It doesn't matter if they're online or in person. The only people who literally don't care what people think have severe emotional disorders.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 02:21 AM
3

Why be irked by online comments? Pretending to not understand basic human sociology won't make it go away
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 02:15 AM
5

Men are going through what women have gone through during the 90s 2000s, which is an obsession with diets and gym If women knew what men actually like, they'd know they don't need the gym and that a calorie deficit to lose weight, if necessary, is enough.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 02:13 AM
0

Wonderful rebuttal
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 02:01 AM
8

The literal average woman is 40 yo and overweight You keep saying that and you don't seem to understand that citing the average woman's age as 40 years old isn't really relevant, as most people will date within their age range.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 02:00 AM
11

User name checks out...?
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 01:59 AM
5

You, me, and everyone reading this all know that not every man has the right look to sport a completely shaved head. Otherwise, balding would be a total non-issue.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 01:58 AM
0

You're really going to use dating apps as your evidence here? The same platform where men rated women on a nearly perfect bell curve, and women cited 80% of men as unattractive?
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 01:57 AM
4

men view the "average woman" is a 10/10 19 yo Citation needed
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 01:54 AM
0

But it doesn't have to apply to all women. It has to apply to enough women that a man's SMV is significantly reduced by not having this trait, which is the case for "being a provider." Every generation of adults has women who require men provide for them.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 01:50 AM
1

That doesn't change long-established social norms that many people still follow. The world doesn't just do a complete 180 on male gender roles the minute women have the ability to provide for themselves. Do you know how many women on this sub alone refuse to pay a single dime on a first date with a man?
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 01:45 AM
3

Also "l00ksmaxxing" makes me roll my eyes because maximizing your genetic beauty is basically what women have been doing since forever, but at least they're actually doing something productive instead of moaning online all day about women's preferences. I mean, obviously, since women's social currency is their looks. Men's social currency is their ability to provide, thus men tend to be more driven in the professional world.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 01:35 AM
0

I've never been accused of overthinking anything, especially about women. Wait, no... the opposite. I do that all the time and I'm probably doing it now. In all seriousness, do you make it clear at a certain point after the vibe check has been established? I'd hate for good dudes to miss out on sex because they didn't want to be rude.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/07/25 09:52 PM
-1

But at the same time, a man is playing a dangerous game by trying to guess if a woman is DTF on the first date, is he not? I don't know if there are any clear signs outside of the woman making a move (like a kiss on the lips or a sensual touch, and even then I could picture women doing that but not being willing to have sex that night). And if he guesses she is DTF, and he's wrong, he's cooked.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/07/25 09:45 PM
4

But if you think about it, liking the opposite sex as people isn't mutually inclusive with being attracted to them. If it was, every misogynist and misandrist would also be asexual.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/07/25 09:41 PM
5

Well my point was that you sounded surprised that it was even possible to have that juxtaposition.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/07/25 09:33 PM
0

I ask because men would really love to know that a woman only wants casual sex. It makes things easier for us because we know she's not gonna knee us in the balls for asking her to come home with us after the first date, and takes a lot of pressure off our shoulders. However, I do understand that it's a double-edged sword, and that announcing that you're casually DTF would cause men to be unfavorably aggressive, so I don't necessarily hold it against you.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/07/25 09:27 PM
1

I'm curious: which app(s), and how clear were you (either via your profile or conversation with matches) that you just wanted casual sex?
/r/PurplePillDebate03/07/25 09:04 PM
2

This. And don't match with more people than you think you can talk to at once. If it's too many at any point, stop swiping and start talking to your matches.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/07/25 09:02 PM
4

I don’t get how you’re always so violently horny for women, yet can’t seem to stand women at the same time. I don't have a dog in this fight, but that's easily possible. You're comparing a person's sexual thoughts with their personal thoughts towards the same person or group of people, and those things are independent. I hate my ex, as a person, with every fiber of my being, but I'd jump in bed with her at the drop of a hat.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/07/25 08:55 PM
2

I keep seeing the idea thrown around that men only like "thin" women, and unless "thin" just means "not fat," I don't really think that's true for most men.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/07/25 08:54 PM
2

That's fair
/r/PurplePillDebate03/07/25 08:33 PM
1

That's a fair point. But there's also gotta be a line. A line where a woman stops complaining about the caliber of man who approaches her and takes matters into her own hands.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/07/25 07:15 PM
7

But their choices are limited to whoever approaches them. When you approach, literally everyone is a potential choice.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/07/25 07:01 PM
1

If someone wants to be in a relationship but does nothing themselves to initiate that process with anyone, they are definitely just waiting for it to fall into their lap.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/07/25 06:58 PM
3

But men don't consider these things unattractive traits for women. Why does that disconnect exist?
/r/PurplePillDebate03/07/25 06:56 PM
1

Because that is litteraly what every dude NOT approaching the girl they think is cute needs to read and hear and understand. I'm not saying this doesn't apply to men too. I'm saying women are far more averse to approaching and might need to hear this more than men. Also, very few men are refusing to approach women because they think Miss Right will just fall into their lap.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/07/25 06:53 PM
4

Fairweather feminism is real, my brother
/r/PurplePillDebate03/07/25 06:35 PM
2

A solution being possible and realistic are not the same
/r/PurplePillDebate03/07/25 06:33 PM
7

Why not? That's the entire point of approaching is that you get to choose, instead of just taking whatever falls into your lap.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/07/25 06:29 PM
1

She's shooting herself in the foot, because lots of other people want to go to Penn State too, and she is absolutely replaceable as a potential Penn State attendee. So it would benefit her to put herself out there for as many ivy league schools as she can, if an ivy league school is what she truly wants. And if they're not calling her, she needs to call them. That's what grown-ups do. They go after what they want. They don't wait for it to magically come to them and then whine when it doesn't.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/07/25 06:28 PM
7

He could think women don't want to be approached (which lots of women do say). He could be sick of getting rejected a lot (which feels like a dubious reason to find someone less attraction). He could simply be tired that day and not have the emotional bandwidth to put himself out there.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/07/25 06:25 PM
2

I think it's really easy to say that when you personally are in a position to have your cake and eat it too
/r/PurplePillDebate03/07/25 06:21 PM
6

A good number of women are very dissatisfied by the caliber of men who approach them, so this would definitely be to their benefit.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/07/25 06:20 PM
3

If I thought all the schools who approached me were hot garbage, then yeah, probably. Average women aren't getting approached by men of that caliber (what Duke, UCLA, etc. are in terms of higher education) for marriage or even commitment
/r/PurplePillDebate03/07/25 06:19 PM
2

I think I have a high sex drive and a strong desire to not be alone. I don't blame that on being a man, though.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/07/25 06:17 PM
4

I do believe that, very much so. I also believe that people are not prisoners of social norms.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/07/25 06:15 PM
1

I haven't seen it
/r/PurplePillDebate03/07/25 06:14 PM
2

I refer you to my previous statement
/r/PurplePillDebate03/07/25 06:14 PM
1

It could be that they worry it makes them look bad/overly forward. There are tons of anecdotes and general takes, which you can easily find, showing that tons of men love when women approach.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/07/25 06:12 PM
7

There are way more reasons than that for a man not to cold approach a woman, or even to approach her within a group/social circle.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/07/25 06:11 PM
6

I’ve shared this story a few times here, but a very attractive sorority girl once explained to me that “I tried to approach a guy once, but after the trying to walk over to him three different guys approached me, till I finally agreed to have drink with one of them!” I'm sorry, I'm not really sure what her anecdote is intended to convey. What's the message? "I don't approach because I'm too busy being approached"?
/r/PurplePillDebate03/07/25 06:10 PM
6

We are all products of our society. Most people don’t venture much out of the roles we’ve been conditioned to follow. That's a cop-out to absolve people for their lack of independent thought IMO. Why would most women approach if everything they’ve seen from real life to moves shows the man chasing the woman? Because as adults, it's not normal to want something but wait for someone else to give it to you. That doesn't apply anywhere in life (at least in the west) as a grown-up.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/07/25 06:09 PM
3

The problem is a lot of women go their whole lives without being really interested in anyone who doesn't approach first
/r/PurplePillDebate03/07/25 06:07 PM
6

If you hate making the first move that much, you should be fine sitting back and waiting for a woman to approach you. There's a reason it's almost always women giving this particular piece of passive aggressive advice. You most likely have no idea what it's like to NOT be able to do that
/r/PurplePillDebate03/07/25 06:06 PM
1

But why can't you be cynical and also truly just want a committed relationship with someone special? I'm struggling to imagine it because I am that person.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/07/25 06:04 PM
2

Maybe I'm okay with having casual sex if I'm single at the time
/r/PurplePillDebate03/07/25 05:50 PM
1

I'm not talking about an attitude changing, I'm talking about someone having that attitude, that goal, while also cold approaching as often as he possibly can.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/07/25 05:47 PM
2

So this just happened to me. I went to the supermarket, looking extremely unremarkable (moisturized and brushed my beard and hair before going out, wearing gray cloth sweatpants and a clean white figure-hugging gym shirt). I talked to 7 women and got 3 numbers and an Instagram handle. I didn't do anything special. My opening line every single time is to ask if I can ask them something (maybe preceded by a compliment about their hair, smile, eyes, whatever) in a gentle, easygoing tone. I tell the…
/r/PurplePillDebate03/07/25 05:41 PM
1

So it's impossible for that person to just want to find someone to be with and genuinely love
/r/PurplePillDebate03/07/25 05:39 PM
6

Maybe if you didn't end your last post telling a woman "wash your dick" because you assumed it was a male incel with bad hygiene since they seem not to agree with you, people would be more inclined to have good-faith conversation with you
/r/PurplePillDebate03/07/25 05:32 PM
1

You're correlating cold approaching to thinking of women as objects?
/r/PurplePillDebate03/07/25 05:27 PM
15

If that was the case, any guy who cold approaches respectfully and doesn't smell bad would theoretically have at least a 50% success rate
/r/PurplePillDebate03/07/25 04:39 PM
3

That's a 50/50 shot at best. Combine that with most men not having high success rates in general, and the odds aren't exactly in our favor.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/07/25 04:38 PM
2

Why are so many women so averse to talking via text if that's the case?
/r/PurplePillDebate03/07/25 03:50 PM
2

Conversations transition from one subject to another, that's how they work. I don't know what to tell you
/r/PurplePillDebate03/07/25 03:26 PM
1

In my experience I can make people more comfortable with joking by both joking around a lot IMO, that juice is not worth the squeeze. If someone is that closed off, it's not my job to open them up.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/07/25 03:11 PM
2

But you care how men behave?
/r/PurplePillDebate03/07/25 03:08 PM
2

Right, but you said when you believe you're charismatic. Believing it and feeling the need to announce it at little or no prompt are completely different.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/07/25 03:03 PM
6

engaging in banter is a really good way of flirting Banter is a two-way street, and a lot of women serve as nothing more than conversational roadblocks in this context.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/07/25 03:01 PM
3

That's not true. Maybe announcing it will negate the effects it would have otherwise had, but you're dreaming if you think Hollywood actors don't believe they're charismatic.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/07/25 02:56 PM
3

Most men are somewhere between those two extremes though. And why did you say average-looking guy for the former, but complete lack of personality for the latter? A better analogy would be "Average looks w/lots of charisma vs great looks w/average charisma" or "Unattractive w/lots of charisma vs great looks w/no charisma."
/r/PurplePillDebate03/07/25 02:51 PM
3

Far as I can tell, it's similar to charisma, and charisma is the ability to seem interesting and make people want to engage with you or what you're selling (whether literally or not).
/r/PurplePillDebate03/07/25 02:49 PM
10

Men in dating are constantly under this pressure to be performative in order to win over a woman, and women are not. Part of this is that men entertain boring-af women far too often, but a lot of times, a man just being himself and being compatible with a given woman isn't enough. He has to also know the "right" things to say and keep a woman entertained and amused. You can tell by how many women have "Must make me laugh" as a requirement, despite lots of them having the personality of a dry kit…
/r/PurplePillDebate03/07/25 02:46 PM
2

If that's the best rebuttal you can manage, why even say anything unless you're just being passive aggressive?
/r/PurplePillDebate03/07/25 02:39 PM
2

Not everything is a gotcha, I just noticed how incredibly similar what you said is to how women act in OLD. Plus, women tend to be oblivious to it, whether it's what they do or what their friends do. I've never seen a woman say everything you just said, except with a female friend of theirs.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/07/25 02:33 PM
2

Yes I agree men struggling could benefit from learning about social interactions. For example, one of my dearest friends just simply won't ask questions. He always tells us that all his OLD convos fade out, yeah well that's what happens when you don't ask questions. He's veryanxious too and that's something he can work on. Another friend has his OLD profile blank. I told him women read profiles. It takes like 10 minutes to do it. I'm begging you to also give this advice to any women you know to …
/r/PurplePillDebate03/07/25 02:30 PM
8

Just like another user said, 5% is a GREAT success rate for cold approaches, all things considered, especially if he's not even doing so respectfully.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/07/25 02:29 PM
14

With how little game is formally talked about, being a guy who actually knows how to say the right things and escalate with a woman the right way will make you stick out. Man, the dancing monkey phenomenon is so real
/r/PurplePillDebate03/07/25 02:14 PM
1

I think that might be a myth. But in this context, I'm very much convinced that women use the "omg I'm so offended" defense when they don't have an actual counterargument, and an easy way to do that is to claim you're taking an analogy literally.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/07/25 01:51 PM
1

I know this is just an example, but your girlfriend is either a moron or blatantly manipulating you. Women do this all the time. I've seen lots of women on here respond to analogies (be they accurate or not) with "omfg women are not [noun]s, that's disgusting!"
/r/PurplePillDebate03/07/25 01:45 PM
1

Are guys more figurative and women more literal or could it just be an individual thing? IME, women tend to be more literal than men. I don't know why this would be the case, but it does seem to be so.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/07/25 01:44 PM
3

I agree with him. I have heard very few men address an analogy with "Bro, I'm not a chicken" or whatever the equivalent would be. Just like how I assume men aren't asking women "Would you love me if I was a worm?"
/r/PurplePillDebate03/07/25 01:09 PM
1

Nope, I'm not the one you were talking to before
/r/PurplePillDebate27/06/25 06:01 PM
1

I skimmed it. I'm at work. But fair enough.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/06/25 02:37 PM
1

I get that looks isn't the only criterion, but I'm assuming that a requirement for you (as it is for me and most people, I think) is that the person be attractive. That's why I placed so much importance on it. You're selecting for looks first by cold approaching, then narrowing down from there.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/06/25 01:43 PM
1

But I don't see how "don't listen to what women say" can be construed as respectful. If what they do is different than what they say, you have to pick one to not listen to.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/06/25 01:28 PM
5

I mean, based on the idea (correct me if you disagree) that most men are unattractive, cold approaching an attractive man would make sense, because they're so rare that if you see one in the wild, you'd want to not let him get away, because who knows when the next time you see an attractive man will be?
/r/PurplePillDebate27/06/25 01:27 PM
14

Are y'all really this terrified to strike up a conversation with a stranger? As someone who has no problem cold approaching women (and am told I do so respectfully), this take coming from women always seems pretty rich. How often do you cold approach men? Maybe you're an exception and you're not like most, but I see a lot of women holding this view while also not approaching men they're interested in because they're scared of rejection.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/06/25 01:20 PM
0

No, no, I get it. I was just confirming. That's the definition of a deal-breaker, and we all have them, and we all have the right to have them.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/06/25 01:08 PM
1

So if he was your ideal man in literally other way, you'd still have no interest?
/r/PurplePillDebate27/06/25 01:01 PM
1

He'd get over it why? Because she's special? How's he supposed to know that?
/r/PurplePillDebate27/06/25 12:42 PM
1

Confident men are generally viewed as dangerous. If confident men are viewed as dangerous and unconfident men are viewed as unattractive, that is the ultimate "Damned if you, damned if you don't" scenario
/r/PurplePillDebate27/06/25 12:39 PM
1

I've seen many women use "faggot" and "gay ass" as an insult towards men
/r/PurplePillDebate26/06/25 06:51 PM
1

You said that gay men have STDs at a higher rate (which is true) so it seemed like you were justifying the idea of women not wanting to be with bisexual men.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/06/25 06:42 PM
1

It's purely anecdotal, but literally every adult currently living has seen it at some point. Men are made fun of for being gay, not women. Men having sex with men is a joke (prison rape, etc.) or simply disgusting; women having sex with women is hot. And so on.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/06/25 06:41 PM
1

You really think there's no evidence that society considers homosexuality antithetical to masculinity.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/06/25 06:34 PM
1

Well in this case, very few women IME are outright saying it, but we know humans well enough to know that A) people will think things and not say them, and do mental gymnastics to avoid admitting it, and B) society looks down on gay men for many reasons, one of which being the aforementioned issue of homosexuality being perceived as antithetical to masculinity
/r/PurplePillDebate26/06/25 06:31 PM
2

I offered the same advice to another woman in this thread: Don't date people who you're worried will cheat.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/06/25 06:22 PM
2

Women don't appear to view it that way (bi men being less masculine) Women here don't view it that way. Or they're just lying to us/themselves.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/06/25 06:21 PM
1

So what if a man was openly bi but never had any type of sex with another man? That should, in theory, be totally fine, right? Because then the STD issue is out the window. A man could kiss 100 men who are all HIV positive and I'm almost sure he'd have 0 chance of catching it.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/06/25 06:18 PM
5

Citation needed
/r/PurplePillDebate26/06/25 06:12 PM
3

Exactly, so it sounds to me like his bisexuality was not the issue whatsoever
/r/PurplePillDebate26/06/25 03:43 PM
5

So on a subconscious level I can see a woman having the idea of their man being fucked by another guy as a turn off. But the problem with that logic is that not all gay men get penetrated.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/06/25 03:41 PM
4

If the logic is that gay bottoms are less masculine for being submissive, why aren't gay tops considered more masculine? Being capable of dominating another man sexually is technically a major masculinity flex, is it not?
/r/PurplePillDebate26/06/25 03:23 PM
4

I like guys who are more dominant in bed so it was very hard for me to picture him being a bottom, which is what he specifically liked. So in that case he's either a switch, or he's also a sub with women. So it wasn't his bisexuality that turned you off, it was that he admitted to being a bottom with men. He'd still lack the dominance that you like if he was straight. Either that, or it's possible that he can do both, so if he's just strictly dominant with you, that would seem to appease all par…
/r/PurplePillDebate26/06/25 03:18 PM
2

Maybe. People of both genders definitely do that. But for anyone discussing in good faith, that's basically what accountability means, and there is a significant lack of accountability on both sides in dating and life in general.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/06/25 03:03 PM
–

Right, but if there are consequences, taking accountability means not blaming others for those consequences
/r/PurplePillDebate26/06/25 02:51 PM
–

In that case, it probably means admitting that they have made a choice to be promiscuous, they weren't forced into it, and that this choice that they made means that they accept all the consequences that come with it. Assuming that he wasn't on some "All women are sluts" BS
/r/PurplePillDebate26/06/25 02:48 PM
–

If you can give me an example, I think I'd be able to answer it in that context
/r/PurplePillDebate26/06/25 02:09 PM
–

Admitting that they made mistakes or that their views and/or opinions may be biased or skewed in some way. Basically not making excuses for everything they do or believe, as if nothing is ever their fault and their logic is always perfectly sound. That's not that difficult of a question to answer (not directed towards you; there are multiple women below saying men can never answer this).
/r/PurplePillDebate26/06/25 02:04 PM
5

I'll bite. What's the asterisk for?
/r/PurplePillDebate26/06/25 01:43 PM
5

it’s always interesting to see even the most progressive women have these regressive viewpoints Yeah, fairweather progressivism is definitely a thing
/r/PurplePillDebate26/06/25 01:43 PM
0

Well that's me told
/r/PurplePillDebate26/06/25 12:57 PM
1

You can say both freely. You sure about that?
/r/PurplePillDebate26/06/25 12:52 PM
9

Maybe just... be with someone who doesn't cheat?
/r/PurplePillDebate26/06/25 12:23 PM
2

I mean, she could easily ask about past relationships, and then he starts talking about men he used to date
/r/PurplePillDebate26/06/25 12:21 PM
1

Does he disclose to women that he's bisexual? Because that's pretty easy to keep secret.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/06/25 12:19 PM
2

If being feminine in society is weak/bad, in a sexual context, then why are men attracted to feminine women? Being feminine is "bad" if you're a man.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/06/25 12:17 PM
1

I think maybe it'd be more accurate to say women are afraid to say negative things about women
/r/PurplePillDebate26/06/25 12:15 PM
5

I grew up around of alot of dykes in my area We can say "dyke" but not "female"? Am I the only one who finds this weird? lol
/r/PurplePillDebate26/06/25 12:07 PM
0

The moment the men would find out she's MTF, they are no longer attracted to her. Like maybe it's some underlying and subconcious homophobia/transphobia or something else, idk. FWIW, for me, it's because I worry about a trans woman's ability to "retain" her feminine qualities. I don't know what other word to use, but I worry that if she slips up even slightly on her routine, she'll start to grow very noticeable hair on her face/legs/arms, or something like that.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/06/25 12:06 PM
1

It's not, but a person doesn't necessarily deserve to be talked down to for being sensitive, which is what I kind of thought you were doing here: Or they're very online and can't handle the internet being mean.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/06/25 11:58 AM
2

Do you agree that a lot of women have a hard time admitting this?
/r/PurplePillDebate26/06/25 11:55 AM
1

People comply to traditional beauty standards and get praised for it But women tend to make the claim that they comply to these standards for themselves and other women, and they absolutely do not care at all that men like it.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/06/25 11:54 AM
9

So you've no issue with the ones that just... say no thanks? Of course. I have that happen to me all the time and it's a perfectly valid response.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/06/25 11:52 AM
5

Yes but then they need to take no as a complete sentence. I think PUA are to blame as well. Being a "PUA" doesn't have to mean you don't take no for an answer. I'm not saying you're making false accusations; just more of a general statement. I don't know how the average man reacts to being rejected after a cold approach. I just know that I always graciously and politely accept "No" when I cold approach, and I implore all men to do the same.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/06/25 11:51 AM
2

So it's a coincidence that modern beauty standards align pretty much perfectly with biological, genetic superiority?
/r/PurplePillDebate25/06/25 09:56 PM
9

I agree, but being nice to someone who has done nothing to you is always preferable IMO
/r/PurplePillDebate25/06/25 09:43 PM
-5

Well you seemed to be framing it as negative, and I don't think that's fair
/r/PurplePillDebate25/06/25 09:43 PM
–

Would you be interested in a 40yo obese woman If you're talking about BMI, "obese" by its definition is not the same as what most people think of when they hear "obese." Also, obviously people who are okay with average partners will most likely date average partners in their own age range.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/06/25 09:40 PM
1

Or they're very online and can't handle the internet being mean Some people are emotionally sensitive and there's nothing wrong with that.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/06/25 09:38 PM
1

Ordinary folks don't need to be baddies But some of them obviously want to be.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/06/25 09:35 PM
1

It's less "I don't give a single eff what a man thinks" for me and more "that look is revolting, if that's what men like, have fun, y'all". No, it's always the same IME. Anything women do to enhance their beauty or show off their best physical features is always for themselves and other women, never for men in any way.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/06/25 09:32 PM
69

If you're talking about online discourse, some women (just like some men) can be needlessly aggressive with their wording. Calling names, cursing strongly, etc. This can feel hateful.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/06/25 09:30 PM
1

For what it's worth, I totally agree with you. But women in general, almost without fail, will absolutely die on this hill of not giving a single eff what men think.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/06/25 09:21 PM
1

You said that women don't say "I feel better about myself when men find me more attractive" because it's more acceptable and more demure to say "I do this for myself/other women." But I'm saying that the same women who say the latter are also the ones who say they don't care about being demure or what have you.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/06/25 09:03 PM
1

You have a girl growing up in the age of abundant facial fillers and filtered photos. She sees her male peers lusting over these features and her female peers coveting them. She internalises the beauty standard and becomes insecure about her small lips/big nose/short eyelashes. She indulges in treatments that "correct" her appearance. She looks in the mirror and feels better. Men and women compliment her and she becomes the object of the lust and coveting. That increases her self esteem. People …
/r/PurplePillDebate25/06/25 08:58 PM
1

But how many women are going to say "I feel better about myself when I look more fuckable"? It's not as demure and acceptable as saying "I did it for myself". But then women also they don't care about appearing feminine.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/06/25 08:57 PM
2

The size of someone’s butt/boobs, absence of an odd mole on their face, or presence of “wings” on their eyes is not correlated with reproductive success. Yet, many men find these things attractive. That's not true. Large butt means wide hips, more conducive to successful childbirth. Large boobs means healthy mammary glands to nurse your young. Clear skin implies a good, healthy diet and balanced hormones. Long eyelashes mean greater protection from dirt/debris and sunlight if needed. The role of…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/06/25 08:54 PM
1

Before today, I've never heard a woman say that any woman does this for men in any capacity, and I've seen many many women say that they and women in general do it for themselves and other women. So the consensus seems to be that women are at least pretty much unanimously making this claim.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/06/25 08:47 PM
2

To be transparent, it feels like your mind is made up. That's why I didn't say more
/r/PurplePillDebate25/06/25 08:29 PM
1

Yes, adults routinely use hints and resort to indirect communication. 🤦🏼‍♀️ I disagree.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/06/25 08:27 PM
4

Hearing this from a woman feels insane. No disrespect to you, that's not an indictment on your post or your opinion. I feel like the simulation is glitching, though. lol
/r/PurplePillDebate25/06/25 08:15 PM
1

They are then enforced by women. What do you mean by "enforced" in this context? Enforced how?
/r/PurplePillDebate25/06/25 08:07 PM
10

Bro, you're either trolling or oblivious to how cartoonishly extreme your opinions in this thread are. Come on, man.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/06/25 08:06 PM
1

Okay, whatever you say. Adults routinely want things that they're unwilling to ask for or get themselves and I don't want to get married because I'm deathly afraid of... something. Sure. You win.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/06/25 03:28 PM
1

Why is this uncomfortable? Why die on this hill of no marriage if all it is just dumb jewelry? Why shouldn't I? It’s just jewelry, bro, let your chick have it. Does not have to be an expensive piece. "Let her have it"? Where else in life can an adult want something as bad as some women want marriage, but it's okay for them to wait for someone else to give it to them? That's absolutely not a thing in adulthood outside of the way women date. When was the last time you were principally opposed to t…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/06/25 02:29 PM
1

I'm hesitant because I don't need government acknowledgement and a superfluous piece of jewelry to prove I'm committed to a woman, nor do I need that to believe someone is committed to me
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/25 09:19 PM
1

Marriage or a lack of it indicates man’s level of investment in a particular woman Based on what? What evidence is there that this is the case?
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/25 08:22 PM
1

Right, but I'm saying in general. Desire to be married is pretty ubiquitous among women, so why is it that they all want it so badly? For some, it's not the financial safety net.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/25 07:41 PM
1

You didn't mention finances in your initial answer. I wasn't really assuming that all or even most women want marriage for the sake of a financial safety net.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/25 04:10 PM
1

So you're saying that a woman wants the security of a union that's statistically 40% likely to fail.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/25 03:18 PM
1

Why do you and I always run into this problem of unfalsifiable claims?
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/25 02:43 PM
1

So why is that so rare with women pertaining to things that society does pressure women about?
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/25 02:36 PM
1

And again, if they're mostly women, you're proving my point: That it's much easier for women than men. Disproving my point would be if you know a bunch of women who never wear makeup, don't care how they look, and refuse to acquiesce to societal female beauty standards, and we know the cosmetics industry makes bank because women do care about that.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/25 02:22 PM
1

Extremely small sample size
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/25 02:21 PM
1

I'm surprised you even know that many people that closely tbh. But that's a few dozen out of billions.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/25 02:19 PM
1

How many?
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/25 02:16 PM
1

No, I'm making it sound like this stuff that people always say about "Stop caring what other people think" is completely antithetical to human nature. It is quite literally in our DNA to care what people think.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/25 02:15 PM
-1

The women who are convinced they can't be happy with a man under six feet, or who makes less than 100K, or who doesn't pay their bills/pay for all the dates, etc.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/25 01:52 PM
1

Same deal. It's easier to have self-control when you know that people will automatically consider it a good thing that you're abstaining from whatever it is.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/25 01:52 PM
-3

Either that or we need to undo whatever is causing these women to have high standards (media influence/pop culture, dating dynamics, idk) in the first place
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/25 01:45 PM
1

Women have the opposite experience, like I mentioned. It's easy to not have sex when you know society won't shame you for it (and will probably praise you). Men get shamed for not having sex and praised for having it. There's a reason "virgin" is an insult exclusively targeted at men.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/25 01:40 PM
3

if they say "I thought you were too 'ugly'" I'm not sure what use that is other than, damn, what a shitty thing to say. Well, that's why I specified if they ask. When you ask questions like that, you have to be prepared for answers like "You're ugly" or "You're short." If you get mad after asking that question and expecting honesty, that's on you and not the person being honest.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/25 01:37 PM
1

But again, it's much easier said than done, especially as a man in this context. Pretty much everything life throws at men tells us to have as much sex as we possibly can, while women have the opposite experience. That's why it doesn't surprise me that women don't quite get how difficult it is to "Just control yourself," but I really think women should think more about how difficult it might be for men.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/25 01:36 PM
3

Actually, I consider it a sound rebuttal that sex/romance is not a need, but it's also not something that a person can just tell themselves to want less. I think lots of women give the advice of "Just stop dating/chasing women" because they never want for sex or validation or attention, so it's easy to stop dating when you can get those things at will.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/25 12:48 PM
3

And again, why would I tell a man that he is too short or ugly for me to date him, right in that moment? He is not entitled to the reason why I will not date him. It is also bad manners. It also opens me up for assault or otherwise aggression from that man. Why on Earth is that a good idea? While I mostly agree with what you said, there are ways to mitigate this, as opposed to just throwing your arms up and saying "Oh, well!" When I go on a date with a woman, I tell her to drive safe and text me…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/25 12:45 PM
3

Because a bad option is better than no option. Rotten food is better than starving.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/25 12:37 PM
2

You know, you and I disagree a lot, but this was a very well-written, insightful post, and you deserve credit for that.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/25 12:32 PM
2

Bro, your flair doesn't match what you just said. lol
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/25 12:09 PM
1

You want something, you gonna make it happen, not wait until someone offers it. That's not what women do in dating. She wants to go out with this guy? Wait for him to make a move. She wants to have sex? Wait for him to initiate. She wants to get married? Wait for him to propose.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/25 11:08 AM
1

No commitment, then leave. How is not being married the same as "no commitment"?
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/25 11:05 AM
1

Why is being married so important to some women, to the point of throwing away a good LTR because it doesn't come with marriage? If you're in a (presumably happy, healthy) relationship for decades, like OP claimed, but aren't married, that's still way better than what some people will ever achieve. This feels like one of those things that some people want mostly (or solely) because it comes with bragging rights and a tangible representation of it (wedding ring).
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/25 11:04 AM
1

Both seems right Agreed
/r/PurplePillDebate23/06/25 08:43 PM
1

Somebody has to take the blame when an objectively bad decision is made involving two parties. Either one or both parties have to take culpability.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/06/25 08:30 PM
1

But in situations like this, a lot of people don't place any blame on the woman
/r/PurplePillDebate23/06/25 08:27 PM
2

In what way?
/r/PurplePillDebate23/06/25 08:24 PM
1

It was that possibly she should have vetted his character longer/more strongly before procreating with him
/r/PurplePillDebate23/06/25 08:24 PM
2

Well then that's my mistake. I'm sorry. Now we can move on even though my original point was totally lost. lol
/r/PurplePillDebate23/06/25 08:20 PM
1

What, just by quoting that she said "My cousin did everything bitter PPD men say to do"?
/r/PurplePillDebate23/06/25 08:16 PM
-1

You, yes. I've seen enough of your posts that I would absolutely trust you to stand up to vetting. You are probably one of the higher-value men here. I appreciate the compliment, thank you
/r/PurplePillDebate23/06/25 08:16 PM
5

But it really doesn't matter, because my point is that the advice of "settle down young no matter what" is dumb. I never said I agree that "bitter men" on this sub always give good advice, or that women are absolved of blame for following their blueprint, whether intentionally or not.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/06/25 08:12 PM
5

Exactly. Same end result.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/06/25 08:09 PM
1

Vetting a man before giving him many PPD men's definition of a chance? Unthinkable. Why, we might turn him down. I have confidence that my character is so strong that women properly vetting is to my advantage
/r/PurplePillDebate23/06/25 08:08 PM
2

And I specifically asked about vetting character, so nothing else is relevant insofar as responding to that specific question.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/06/25 08:03 PM
7

Why are you quoting other men when you're talking to me? Countering my argument with the opinions of other men is ridiculous.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/06/25 07:59 PM
4

It's not universal, but it's still very common, and it objectively makes no sense
/r/PurplePillDebate23/06/25 07:53 PM
4

Men are not a monolith
/r/PurplePillDebate23/06/25 07:51 PM
5

You're joking, right? You really think someone as desperate and afraid of being alone as OP's cousin couldn't possibly ignore red flags?
/r/PurplePillDebate23/06/25 07:51 PM
3

Don't put words in my mouth please
/r/PurplePillDebate23/06/25 07:50 PM
5

I'm asking a question. OP didn't state one way or the other whether or not his poor character was obvious or how strongly/how long she vetted.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/06/25 07:48 PM
16

She did everything exactly as the bitter men on this sub say women should Does that include properly vetting his character before having his child?
/r/PurplePillDebate23/06/25 07:42 PM
2

Eh, you're not wrong
/r/PurplePillDebate23/06/25 07:39 PM
2

I'd argue that almost all humans value those things on at least a subconscious level
/r/PurplePillDebate23/06/25 07:27 PM
2

I'd argue that it's easier to be fine being single when you can snap your fingers and get validation, compliments, attention, and have sex with someone who's at least decent looking
/r/PurplePillDebate23/06/25 07:21 PM
2

Men want to be pickier but not commit dating suicide by doing so
/r/PurplePillDebate23/06/25 07:15 PM
2

You're saying men should raise their standards, and what I'm saying is that A) You probably have a lower sex drive than the average guy, and B) I'm almost positive you have greater access to sex in general (and probably sex with attractive people) than the average guy (if you were single) So I feel like "Just raise your standards, who cares that you'll get laid even less than the minimal amount you do now" might be a bit rich on your part.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/06/25 07:12 PM
1

But your assertion that men should raise their standards and require women to not be poor isn't really relevant, because very few men ever complain about how broke their girlfriends or wives are. And that's doubly so if we're just talking about sex. Men's only standards for someone they just want sex from is "Be attractive" and "Consent," and the first one is largely optional.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/06/25 06:47 PM
5

Why did you include poor women if the consensus is men don't care about women's money? Poor women aren't unattractive. And yes, if someone wants sex bad enough, they will accept it from someone who isn't attractive.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/06/25 06:40 PM
5

My light-skinned ex lost it when she asked if I prefer light-skinned women and I said yes. Shit's wild out here.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/06/25 06:34 PM
1

You could argue that men's gender roles are forced on them much more than women's.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/06/25 06:33 PM
2

Do you really think it's that easy, despite being very simple?
/r/PurplePillDebate23/06/25 06:30 PM
3

Men should have been treated as their mothers' property and then as their wives' property with no bodily autonomy or the right to manage their own property. And yet people still romanticize that the default within western marriage is for the woman to take her husband's last name.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/06/25 06:27 PM
4

With limited success
/r/PurplePillDebate23/06/25 06:25 PM
1

Then I would still be contending with the abysmal match rate. As a man, for sure. For some reason I was thinking about how this would work for women
/r/PurplePillDebate23/06/25 03:30 PM
1

Well then you can skip those. Takes literally less than a second.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/06/25 02:36 PM
3

I want the long story long
/r/PurplePillDebate23/06/25 02:31 PM
3

Men so often tell me that they are desperate, have no options and blah blah, wired to sleep with every woman, and that's just basically not true. Their behavior proves it wrong What behavior?
/r/PurplePillDebate23/06/25 02:29 PM
2

But there are people who will say these standards are not unreasonable
/r/PurplePillDebate23/06/25 02:25 PM
1

There are good men/women on apps, but you have to filter through all the bad ones which burns people out because dating was never intended to be this way. But you also have the advantage of knowing more at first glance, based on bios, than you do IRL.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/06/25 02:21 PM
1

lol, I have no idea what you're talking about. I'm not aggressive at all. But please, go off.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/06/25 01:49 PM
–

Imagine being this aggressive and mean-spirited because someone is saying "We should be nicer to each other." Go to therapy.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/06/25 01:25 PM
–

I totally agree that this take is pretty insane, but trying to justify insulting people unprovoked just because they think differently than you is not it.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/06/25 09:25 PM
–

That's a hard ad hominem, Jesus Christ. Can we stop insulting people instead of just disagreeing with them?
/r/PurplePillDebate22/06/25 07:14 PM
1

Ie, I want a million dollars and a huge property in the mountains. That’d be my dream set up. I accept that I’m unlikely to get it, but I am harming no one by wanting it. If that was the only life you were willing to accept (let's say you turned down any job that didn't pay seven figures), that would be unreasonable.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/06/25 02:15 PM
–

It's insane to me that the consensus here seems to be that men are dumb for thinking these women love them and don't just want their money. But the inverse, when a woman falls for a man but he just wants sex, she's a victim and it's not her fault.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/06/25 02:13 PM
–

Where's your evidence that all men who have wealth and status are using it to attract women? You think no man exists who wants a woman who would like him even if he didn't have those things? Or do you think every rich man goes around shoving his money in women's faces, screaming "I'M RICH, AREN'T YOU TURNED ON???"
/r/PurplePillDebate22/06/25 02:12 PM
–

If a woman is dating a guy who constantly asks her for sex and barely treats her like a human being otherwise, wouldn't you think she is stupid?
/r/PurplePillDebate22/06/25 02:09 PM
1

Bro, I won't lie, I feel like you are doing absolute 10/10 gymnastics routines to avoid the point. So I'll say this: in life, wanting certain things in ANY context becomes unreasonable at a certain point That's it. That's all I'm going to say.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/06/25 02:01 PM
1

But you didn't answer my question. The point I'm making is that in life, wanting certain things in ANY context becomes unreasonable at a certain point, even if you're willing to go without that thing. If your child demanded the absolute best, most expensive toys in existence, convinced they couldn't have fun with anything else, there's absolutely no way you can tell me you'd accept that on the grounds of "Well, that's what they like." There's no way any parent except the most spineless would con…
/r/PurplePillDebate22/06/25 01:52 PM
–

So how are men supposed to do it if it's, by your own admission, not easy, it's something they've probably never done, and it's not something you can really look up how to do? If you had maybe said men should go to therapy, I'd probably be inclined to agree.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/06/25 01:47 PM
2

You don't think a business would find it unreasonable if a consumer wanted their product for free?
/r/PurplePillDebate22/06/25 01:42 PM
–

It's obviously not as easy as you think it is, because you think men should do it but they're not doing it. And it's not because they didn't think of it.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/06/25 01:41 PM
–

If it was that easy to do, why wouldn't men just do it instead of being miserable?
/r/PurplePillDebate22/06/25 01:38 PM
2

Yeah, that's what it feels like. You're basically saying even if a woman only wants to date millionaires who are 6'5 or taller, that's just who she finds attractive, and there's never a line where you can say "Your standards are unreasonable." We just disagree.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/06/25 01:37 PM
–

By the same people? Because if not, that's just different people having different opinions.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/06/25 01:35 PM
–

Girls won t want a antisocial/anxious boy Exactly. "Guy next door" isn't a thing.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/06/25 01:34 PM
0

If you're convinced that "I want to date who I find attractive" is an ironclad cop-out no matter what, even if you refuse to date someone who's not, say, literally a one-percenter, there's no discussion to be had.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/06/25 01:33 PM
–

What's the downside? Most of us are repulsive to them anyways. Most of us apparently have no chance with them anyways. So why not just decenter them altogether? I think you're underestimating how strong the human desire for romance and mating is (especially, considering social factors, for men).
/r/PurplePillDebate22/06/25 01:28 PM
2

Some people just know what they want, and sometimes it’s very specific. And you're not convinced that some people are just lying to themselves and sorely lack self-awareness. Because that's something lots of humans are guilty of. No one is harmed by having standards. Seeing all people around you as interchangeable I feel like you keep using semantics as sort of a cop-out. Lowering your standards doesn't mean you consider everyone interchangeable. You missed an ocean's worth of middle ground ther…
/r/PurplePillDebate22/06/25 01:26 PM
3

Women’s standards are “do I find him attractive, if yes, I’d be interested in dating him.” Well if you phrase it like that, no one can have standards that are hypergamous or too high or unreasonable. Her definition of "attractive" could be "has green eyes" (probably not, but go with it for the sake of the example). 2% of the world's population has naturally green eyes. The only time a man complains that a woman’s standards are “high” is when she doesn’t find him attractive or want to date him. O…
/r/PurplePillDebate22/06/25 01:18 PM
3

Obviously that's an extreme example, but I generally get the feel that the consensus among those who believe in hypergamy is that it's women's standards being high, not wanting someone who's attractive. Refusing to settle for someone outside of the 90th percentile of attractiveness isn't the same as "wanting someone who's attractive."
/r/PurplePillDebate22/06/25 12:53 PM
–

I think men just need to accept that women don't want them and learn to be happy single. It's what a lot of women are doing. Does the phrase "Easier said than done" mean anything to you? lol
/r/PurplePillDebate22/06/25 12:48 PM
1

Hypergamy these days seems to just mean “women want a man who is attractive”. I don't know where you're seeing this
/r/PurplePillDebate22/06/25 12:44 PM
5

I respect the honesty and lack of bias
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/25 05:57 PM
6

But all of those problems are far better than "No one thinks I'm good enough and I haven't had sex in 2 years despite doing tons of work trying to get it."
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/25 05:51 PM
1

And you're telling me that men using "female" as a noun is such a big issue that it also can't possibly be overlooked in favor of bigger things?
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/25 04:25 PM
1

I'm just struggling to understand how anyone, much less a woman, can have such blatantly sexist reasoning against women.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/25 04:12 PM
1

But you just said "Husbands are the head of the household (i.e., CEO)." So IYO, the most logical, most correct school of thought is that women would never be CEOs.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/25 04:09 PM
1

Can you explain it to me in a nutshell?
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/25 04:05 PM
1

Those positions are not equal. You're proving my point.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/25 04:05 PM
3

And others of us believe men and women are equal
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/25 04:02 PM
27

How often are you experiencing some kind of flirtatious interaction? Absolutely zero that I don't initiate. How often are you at social events Fairly often, maybe every other weekend. what are your friend groups composed of I have a small circle of friends, mostly women
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/25 03:17 PM
12

Since I'm a minority, it depends HEAVILY on my location. This is absolutely what people on here don't get, for reasons I'd probably be censored for saying.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/25 03:16 PM
1

That's a question, not a claim
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/25 01:30 PM
1

“There are men who also cant detect bad men” is an off putting generalization No. These are off-putting generalizations: men are selfish and only care their image most men are rape apologists and women should prefer choosing the bear
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/25 01:20 PM
1

That's fair
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/25 01:16 PM
1

Okay, well in that case, that's not you ignoring red flags, because you had no way of knowing
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/25 01:14 PM
1

Agree to disagree I suppose No hard feelings
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/25 01:11 PM
1

These rampant, generalized accusations you keep making are off-putting to say the least
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/25 01:11 PM
1

But you said it was mostly the attention he gave you. That's just one thing that apparently had a major impact on your attachment to him
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/25 01:09 PM
1

Looks, money, social status, sex, in this case attention
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/25 01:07 PM
1

You ignored red flags because he provided something surface-level that you really wanted
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/25 01:06 PM
1

It's not just looks, it's anything superficial
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/25 01:05 PM
1

You think Cosby never spent one on one time with men? Or are radfems right and most men are rape apologists and women should prefer choosing the beat? You think someone would risk their own reputation by accusing a beloved 80s comedian (and a black man at that) of being a sexual deviant or even just a bad person without any hard evidence? You really think that men close to him knew that Bill Cosby was a rapist and ignored it because they think rape is okay.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/25 01:03 PM
1

I think that's kind of an example of what we're talking about here, just on a smaller scale.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/25 12:59 PM
1

Why were you so infatuated with him, though?
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/25 12:57 PM
1

Why'd you ignore them?
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/25 12:54 PM
1

I don't get it, are you being sarcastic?
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/25 12:53 PM
1

Same thing with most women when they get to know a POS. But you just said "get to know." So someone who spends one-on-one time with a person has an exponentially better chance at noticing red flags than someone who sees them exclusively through a screen. But guys here expect women to not even have a bad first date. How do you mean? This subreddit regularly hype these guys up as not being the problem when they do fail with women. Usually it goes back to women's standards being high, which is a th…
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/25 12:52 PM
1

Well you might not be one of these women. But they do exist
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/25 12:50 PM
8

I think maybe you're taking the word "absolute" too literally. Like I mentioned: What you should have said that would have been far more accurate is that you could throw yourself at almost any man you want and he probably won't say no (depending on how you do it and how attractive you are). This is still an insane amount of power to hold.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/25 12:50 PM
1

I think maybe you're taking the word "absolute" too literally
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/25 12:49 PM
1

If they're happy (unless they're just oblivious to obvious abuse), more power to them. But then what happens is we as guys see women all the time say "Where are all the good men?" and "I just want a man who's nice and kind and treats me right." Then we're like "Hey, we're right here" and the women are like "lol no, you don't give me tingles."
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/25 12:47 PM
1

Why do I care if women I want to date would rather date walking red flags? Come on.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/25 12:44 PM
6

So do I get to throw myself on literally any man I want and he isn't allowed to say no? How did you make the leap from "Women hold power" to "Men have no consent rights"? What you should have said that would have been far more accurate is that you could throw yourself at almost any man you want and he probably won't say no (depending on how you do it and how attractive you are).
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/25 12:42 PM
3

You used Bill Cosby and Andrew Tate as examples, and I doubt very many people here are friends with either of them.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/25 12:37 PM
1

Guys here think making sex the only concern in a relationship isnt a bad thing. Obviously in a LTR that's bad. Guys here think ignoring a woman’s complaints within the relationship is just ‘nagging’ and isnt another sign of being a bad boyfriend. Also bad, unless she's nagging about ridiculous things or expecting him to do/not do something unreasonable. Men can also trick other men into thinking he’s a decent guy. Hell, there are men who are capable of tricking THE POLICE into believing he’s not…
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/25 12:33 PM
3

I honestly just don't feel like watching a video on this. It's 8:30 AM on a Saturday and I'm barely awake
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/25 12:30 PM
1

Well I'm not one of those men, so I can't really speak on that. N count doesn't matter to me
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/25 12:29 PM
8

They also expect women to be Professor Xavier and read minds because they only listen to women who always think with their feelings (“but women’s intuition!”) I've never heard a woman say "Women's intuition isn't real," so I bet men generally assume that most women believe in it. And no one is asking you to be a telepath, but the guy who's emotionally unavailable and can't even text you back regularly unless you're offering sex probably isn't husband material, no matter how hot or rich he is. Ye…
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/25 12:28 PM
4

I don't think the claim is ever that most women do this, but a lot do, and a lot is too many.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/25 12:21 PM
4

If you don't accept anything other than hard, empirical, scientifically-based evidence for a claim, you're on the wrong sub
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/25 12:20 PM
4

You asked me for proof, I don't know what to tell you. There probably aren't going to be lots of peer-reviewed scientific studies on this
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/25 12:18 PM
4

Men can't spot those red flags in women or men?
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/25 12:14 PM
8

Proof that even happens? Chadfishing social experiments are a thing. I can probably find some if you'd be interested in reading about it
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/25 12:14 PM
7

It’s literally determined by who is picking you This sounds like people who say a pro athlete's skill level is determined by the number of championships (or maybe MVP awards) they win. Like yeah, there will probably be a correlation, but there are also lots of reasons an objectively attractive person might struggle in dating, and that doesn't mean they're not objectively attractive (just like a pro athlete can be an all-time great but not have a lot of championships/MVPs). Especially for men, co…
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/25 12:11 PM
6

To be fair, if that's the case, it does exist, but it's more like a speed bump than a wall.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/25 12:04 PM
8

Realistically what the hell does "choose better" even mean? Basically don't ignore red flags because a person is superficially attractive. The reason the advice applies to women much more than men, as stated in this thread, is that women are blessed with tons of choice, while men take what they can get. And then the crazy part is that some women will get pumped and dumped or abused, and then raise her superficial standards instead of her non-superficial ones, thinking that if she's going to risk…
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/25 12:03 PM
0

Bro, I don't know what to tell you. A sexist tradition being perpetuated is ignored because "there are bigger fish to fry," but that doesn't apply to men calling women females. That makes no sense.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/25 11:55 AM
-2

The women losing their minds over the word "female" seem to disagree
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/25 02:02 AM
-1

The default of a woman taking her husband's last name. It's a sexist tradition. Feminist culture doesn't seem to have a problem with it and completely ignores it for some reason.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/25 12:58 AM
2

As corny as it may sound I genuinely feel that taking his name as mine is one of the greatest honors I will ever receive in this life. I love him. So why is it only women who are expected to show their love and devotion in this way?
/r/PurplePillDebate20/06/25 11:48 PM
3

I've always thought this should be the case
/r/PurplePillDebate20/06/25 11:47 PM
1

Hmm. Sucks for both of us
/r/PurplePillDebate20/06/25 11:45 PM
1

Cool story, bro. Why don't you just block me now and get it over with?
/r/PurplePillDebate20/06/25 11:42 PM
1

... the fuck? Please block me. That'd be the best thing that could ever happen to me if this is how you react when there might have been a misunderstanding 🤣🤣
/r/PurplePillDebate20/06/25 11:36 PM
1

Yes. I simply don't understand why people make the choice to uphold a clearly sexist tradition. But they have the right to do it. "I disagree with what you say but will defend to the death your right to say it."
/r/PurplePillDebate20/06/25 11:33 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

© TheRedArchive 2026. All rights reserved.
created by /u/dream-hunter