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1

LESSON LEARNEDReal-Current/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/20 01:46 AM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
2

Thanks. Even just going to some of the relationship subs, just the sheer amount of gaslighting from random strangers, even women, shocks me. This sub really does feel like the only safe space (besides the cute animal subs).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/05/21 03:02 PM
4

As I am recuperating from a minor medical procedure, I have a lot more time on my hands as I rest. I’ve lurked and commented here now for quite some time but never delved too much further into Reddit other than here. Whelp, I made the mistake of venturing over to anther women based sub but which does allow men to comment and suffice to say, my heart sank. One commentator in particular was sickening, saying women wanted to be raped. I looked further at his post history...full of porn, citing PUA …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/05/21 08:01 PM
8

Thank you. In the past I may have struggled with low self worth (read: pick me) but I’ve always had a hyper sensitive sense of self preservation. I still wish I could have told her though.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/05/21 10:20 PM
7

I don’t know, if they’re from the same rural area with a local college nearby, its plausible. I’ve heard more scandalous things happen in my own home town.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/05/21 10:17 PM
84

I agree completely but can we take a moment to point out how the bully even at 30 something odd years old still acted like a high schooler? She had to have known OP’s husband was in her phone and that she was standing right there to witness it all. Yuck. She sounds like a lowly woman to me, who pulls out their phone to boast about their conquests from college?! I hope the OP finds her self confidence and trades in her shitty husband and shitty friends for some better ones that lift her up instea…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/05/21 09:47 PM
2

100% agree. When a man cries foul of his partner, 90% they’re projecting. Case in point; briefly dated a dude who claimed his ex threw a knife at him and smashed a window. Interestingly enough, there was a hole punched in the wall around his height and the front door had clearly been kicked in. Turns out he was sent to prison on assault and battery charges against an ex. I only found this out after i looked him up in his home state which I didn’t know at the time. So yes. 9/10 i dont believe a w…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/05/21 04:32 PM
26

I have a similar story unfortunately. Red Flag 1: Matched with a dude online and we talked on the phone for about a month and a half ( he lived literally 5 miles away snd it took him that long to ask for a date). Red Flag 2: subtly hinted repeatedly that his OLD photos were old and that he hadn’t aged well. Stalked him online and lo behold, he had gained almost 200 lbs. It’s not the weight that bothered me; it was feeling like i got cat fished. Red Flag 3: He wasnt using his first name online, j…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/05/21 02:08 PM
8

I have to say, I read this and remembered an odd realization I come upon the other night. The correlation between both capitalism and patriarchy, both systems that exploit resources (in this instance, women’s bodies) and that thrive on destruction and control of again, finite resources. Meaning that as women, we posses something they don’t; the ability to gestate and create life. No wonder they try to control our bodies and ourselves through not only institutions but directly via violence. Just …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/05/21 11:51 PM
16

This was the post I needed this morning to help me finally delete my OLD account. I’ve dabbled on and off for several years but after having met a self disclosed coke addict, a machismo, a documented batterer and then finally a cheater, I’m finally done. If anything the last year was to swipe through the garbage in order to get a good laugh at their delusions but now its just become too depressing. What a relief not to have the OLD app icon staring back at me on my phone, like a lecherous man 😂 …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/05/21 02:18 PM
18

I’ll share some of my experiences since this post was perfectly timed... -had an ex back in my 20s whom i shared that i wanted to go back to school to get my MA. I had a BA at the time while he only had his HS diploma and i was on the path to quickly out earn him. Needless to say my thoughts were met with stonewalling and silent disapproval. -same ex when i finally bought my house dump me. Apparently it was too hard on his fragile ego. He shacked up with another woman almost immediately afterwar…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/21 04:09 AM
3

I honestly thought he was shoving a whole thing of cheese string into his mouth. Guess it’s time to put the glasses on!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/05/21 01:14 PM
3

This was an amazing read, thank you so much for linking it. To finally have words to express all those invisible undercurrents in my previous relationships...just wow. Thank you so much! ❤️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/04/21 01:02 AM
17

By the second date he told me he had been raised in another state. I googled his name coupled with his original state and found it on an old bail bonds website. Multiple felonies and time in a state prison for that one. Deep relief for dodging that bullet!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/04/21 11:23 AM
58

Just want to add that if any of the doors don’t properly latch (where it sort of slips past the catch; hopefully i’m explaining this right) he also likely kicked in the door too. I speak from experience. I dated this one dude very briefly and noted that there were a few holes in his walls. Coupled with him telling me a story of his ex throwing a knife in his head and then noticing that his front door wasn’t properly latching led me to believe he was a liar. Sure enough...found a DV charge of his…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/04/21 04:51 AM
1

Holy crapola, is this guy my ex? Seriously. He had the audacity to complain about my breath (I brush, floss and use mitt wash 2x a day) because of an infected tooth I couldn’t afford to remove at the time (thanks crappy private insurance). Meanwhile his breath smelt like a damn dump truck, he had 4 rotten teeth but had state funded dentical and could get that crap paid for...yet refused to brush his teeth because toothpaste made his mouth feel funny (?). At the end I probably only saw him clean …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/03/21 03:18 AM
14

Hmm is your ex husband the man I was just recently dating? The description of performative empathy is eery!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/21 05:23 AM
2

Just want to say I’m experiencing a very similar situation as you. It’s causing me to resent almost all men entirely because it feels like when I give them a chance and entertain them, they’re ‘wasting’ away my time that I so precisely need to start a family. Hugs to you ❤️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/02/21 10:42 PM
35

Yep, exactly. Had an ex break up with me, citing that I wasn’t confident enough (gee, maybe because shitty treatment erodes one’s self esteem?). Found my confidence but was weak and took him back. “It feels different this time, I’m struggling to connect with you...” Um yeah, maybe because I’m not being a doormat to you anymore? They can’t have it both ways. Nor can they see their own part in destroying a woman’s confidence. And this is in large part why I am single.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/21 12:00 PM
5

This post resonated with me so much. For the longest time, I felt alienated for having such a strong sense of intuition in comparison to others and especially in a male dominated world where logic and rationale is touted so highly. For the longest time those inklings I had I couldn’t even name it as intuition, just that it was an experience I struggled to label, convey and be understood by others. Now I know...it’s almost like animal instinct. It’s my subconscious picking up on cues in my enviro…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/21 03:07 PM
4

Yes, I 100% agree with the connection between men who have a ‘phantom ex’ and there being a correlation to having an avoidant or fearful avoidant attachment style. In fact a lot of the observations on this subreddit regarding men’s behavior patterns seem to cross over quite a bit with avoidant tendencies...devaluation, triangulation, phantomizing exes, etc...I sometimes wonder if they all are avoidants. Then I realize nope, they’re just shitty men and attachment issues are just one piece of the …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/21 04:14 AM
20

I corroborate this completely. Had one who ex who frequently brought up a past girl FROM OVER 20 YEARS AGO. He would make little remarks about how she wouldn’t let him do this or that and implied that it made me so special. I was instantly suspicious and yep, my suspicions were confirmed. Even though she was long out of the picture, he still triangulated me to her which not only were small micro aggressions against my self esteem but also helped him justify his emotional unavailability. Beware o…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/21 02:29 PM
20

Same! I went on OLD just to see out of curiousity and matched with a dude where we began talking. A few days later he asked me how my students were...and I had told him prior I’m was a social worker. He proceeded to argue that my profile says I’m a second grade teacher. Pretttyyyyy sure I know what I do for a living but thanks dude. It wasn’t even so much that he confused me with another girl he was talking to, it was the absolute audacity that he argued with me about what my career is. And that…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/21 08:29 PM
7

I am so sorry to hear that. I know certain felonies can be expunged after 9 years I believe? And that if it’s the type of felony that can’t be expunged, it can be reduced down to a misdemeanor and then expunged out of the record.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/21 09:34 PM
3

Look, I’m not questioning the injustice and suffering you’ve been through. I’m sorry to hear what happened. But if Kamala was the CA Attorney General, would she have actually handled your case and sentencing directly? Or was it a county appointed prosecutor and a rigged justice system who did this to you?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/21 08:08 PM
1

Thank you! So frustrating to read people’s reactions about her prosecuting drug offenses. Like duh...she was a prosecutor and there were....drugs.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/21 03:38 PM
1

I have a news outlet even better than those. Here you go. Enjoy reading, especially if you’re a fellow Californian: https://www.google.com/amp/s/calmatters.org/
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/21 02:41 PM
1

Oh, I read Fox News to be sure, even though I don’t agree with the rhetoric and the conservative stance that’s apparent. It’s good to know both sides of the coin, it’s a hallmark of being an informed citizen. Do you read BBC by chance then?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/21 02:36 PM
0

We don’t have differing definitions of identity politics, just differing views. It’s people’s choice to make their own decisions, be it political, social, financial, etc. However implying that media articles on identity politics somehow makes said news sources less legitimate and biased is short sighted in my opinion. Read into it what you will by I think a general understanding of what is occurring in the world is important, no matter how you feel about a particular candidate, policy, etc. Stat…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/21 02:22 PM
1

So you take issue with identity politics? That’s an odd thing to become upset over.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/21 02:11 PM
2

Oh stop lol. You first brought up this topic of identity politics, not me. Now your just behaving childish.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/21 01:54 PM
3

A media outlet publishing articles on identity politics and ‘fake woke news’ is somehow cause to believe it’s biased? Last I checked, identity politics is actually a very important topic for people to be familiar on. It shapes culture, economy and ultimately governance. Anyways, stop looking for a fight. Spend your energy elsewhere lol.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/21 01:52 PM
0

We’ll agree to disagree. I cited Fox News as a comparison to BBC to highlight how the two are polar opposites on a spectrum of journalism. Not because she cited a Fox News source.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/21 01:44 PM
4

In comparison to let’s say Fox News? Oh I would definitely say it’s leagues more unbiased than most media outlets.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/21 01:40 PM
3

Uhhhh....what part of America? Because in CA (especially in a Purple Tier or a SIP county) we’re definitely not open. I think it depends on where in America. At least in most of CA, the transmission, ICU and death rates have been astronomical and thus most everything has been closed.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/21 12:56 PM
6

Cute 🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/21 05:56 AM
1

How about some articles that are unbiased and not doused in emotional rhetoric...say the Associated Press or BBC?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/21 05:50 AM
-1

Because my stepfather was Sikh...and his father before him was Hindu. There are high rates of intermarriage between Sikhs and Hindus and as someone who claims to be Sikh.....you should know that. Sooooo how are you going to tell me that I’m wrong? And btw, making the jump from a prosecutorial decision based off of liability/personal risk vs. expression of religion and then calling said decision as discriminatory shows lack of critical thinking. Try harder.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/21 05:43 AM
-5

Really? And do you have a degree in history?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/21 05:39 AM
7

Got some actual data for that statement?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/21 05:02 AM
13

Claiming her as being discriminatory against Sikhs is just laughable. You do know exposure to tear gas and other caustic inhalants is more a liability to the state than a demonstration of Kamala being prejudiced, right? Good freaking grief!! You’re reading way too much into these articles. Edited to Add: Kamala’s mother immigrated from India and considered herself Hindu. If you’re not familiar with world religion, Sikhism and Hinduism are more similar than you might think. Thus I find the claim …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/21 03:31 AM
-2

Ok...what sources? Links? I find that hard to believe.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/21 03:20 AM
30

I’d like to see where you get your information from. What sources? And not just opinion pieces either.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/21 02:59 AM
26

Because that habit is indicative of a larger pattern of concern. One of the tenets of FDS is to look closely at a man’s actions in order to ascertain their character and not their words. What do you think his character might be if he’s collecting a jar of pubes? Do you think these are habits of a HVM? I once knew of a dude who had a prized jar of his loogies. Absolutely disgusting. His character matched that repulsive habit and odd compulsion. And biting off your nails is not a good comparison t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/01/21 01:30 PM
2

We had two teachers known for grooming young high school girls. One of which ended up marrying his student right after she graduated and he was 8 years older than her. Makes me sick to think about. This was between the 1990s-2000s. They were known in our community and I remember my parents warning myself and my sister to never be alone in a classroom with them. To say I was uncomfortable was an understatement. And why weren’t they arrested? Small town politics, good ol boys mentality and the pat…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/01/21 05:46 AM
17

Yep, completely possible! My original attachment style was fearful avoidant (with an anxious lean) but through lots of therapy, journaling and self care along with being with a more secure partner, I also became secure at the time. Few years down the road I found myself with a dismissive avoidant and fell right back into anxiously attached. So yes, it absolutely can happen.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/21 05:39 AM
64

Yes. I’d say there’s a huge overlap between this and attachment theory; specifically insecure attachment styles, childhood trauma and generational patterns. Let’s also not forget how insidious and internalized patriarchy is as well; not just with men and ourselves but also embedded in institutions too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/21 05:13 AM
27

This post encapsulates what I’ve struggled so much to understand about my last shit show of a relationship. Dude barely worked at an entry level job the last 20 years, lived rent free and couldn’t even afford to feed himself. Neglected his health so severely he avoided the dentist while having teeth rot away in his mouth. He had a myriad of other problems from abusing his body with wild antics since his 20s...yet I was the one who needed to work on myself, love myself more, etc. Ironic how I own…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/01/21 06:59 PM
10

This has to be a joke, right? In what delusional corner of this man’s mind does he think this rational, let alone ethical? Holy Christ.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/01/21 06:34 PM
15

Completely unrelated to the topic of the post but can I just say your username cracks me up? Seriously, I got a good 6am chuckle lol.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/01/21 01:55 PM
47

Don’t even get me started on mansplaining and the pandemic. Like, yes, your three hours of googling and HS Diploma surely must mean you’re more of an expert than an epidemiologist with a PhD and 20 years of experience! 🙄 In my field? The most common one is complaining about Welfare and single motherhood (I work for CDSS). Especially lovely when it comes from the mouths of privileged white men who had their education handed to them on a silver platter. I see red.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/21 02:51 PM
31

Carlo Rossi anyone? 🤣🤣🤣
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/01/21 06:13 PM
2

Here ya go :) https://gap.hks.harvard.edu/getting-job-there-motherhood-penalty
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/21 03:57 PM
6

I’ll point something out. Perhaps it’s only applicable in the US, which is certainly not known for its policies towards mothers, childcare and young families. In the US (specifically CA) there are actually ways in which families receive compensation if they meet certain income requirements (low to moderate). One of these is the CalEITC program-where if you have a child under 6 you receive $1000 USD as a tax credit every year. Again, this applies only if you are low to moderate income. Of course …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/21 02:08 PM
1

Ah, yes. As a total side note, I love Spain dearly. Lived there abroad in Cordoba. Beautiful place and beautiful people.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/21 06:01 AM
6

Out of curiousity, what country is this? I’m in the US and we’re lucky if we even get 12 weeks, not including the fact that we have to use our own personal accruals to supplement and the shit pay from SDI.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/21 01:01 AM
104

I could have written your story word for word back in 2018 when I bought my first house...ex broke up with me a day later and got with a new, likely more subservient chic. I can’t stand men with such fragile egos. Weak. My house ended up being such a far better investment than any man, ever. Congrats on your new home-onwards and upwards!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/20 03:14 PM
111

Yes, 1000%. And one of the most harmful strategies they use (whether consciously or subconsciously) is intermittent reinforcement. So many studies on this and how this behavior is a far more powerful strategy in creating unhealthy attachment than negative or positive reinforcement. It’s a classic move by narcissists, other personality disorders and emotionally unavailable men.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/20 03:11 PM
1

Beautiful ring! What a great way to start off 2021 with!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/20 03:40 AM
3

It’s too bad they’re over the age limit for reporting to CPS. This is disgusting and so violating, I’m speechless. Please let this be fake.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/20 02:59 PM
6

As someone with a degree in Anthropology, I second this message.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/20 05:53 AM
49

Yes! I had an ex once tell me I wasn’t ‘fun’ and ‘adventurous’ enough after he saw the look on my face when he told me his proud little story of racing a Jeep down a country road I drive all the time. He was expressing this kind of comraderie with this Jeep dude, who btw tailgates me almost every morning on my way to work. When I criticized his ‘newfound racing buddy’ for being a selfish stupid a-hole, suddenly I was ‘boring’ and it was a deal breaker. Go find someone equally as stupid then and …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/20 05:45 AM
1

This clip is amazing! And the girl is so creative, love it!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/20 05:29 AM
109

I’ve been invited to go to Hawaii with a dude I met on OLD after only about 2 convos. Did I go? Absolutely not. Don’t wanna end up on Dateline or some murder mystery show. Yikes!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/20 03:15 AM
40

Wonderful post OP, thank you for the reminder. I’d like to add that for the folks who want to take a deep dive in understanding this tendency I recommend exploring Attachment Theory. You can do this either online (I don’t recommend Reddit’s AT sub though) or with their own therapist. Attachment Theory is one of the most heavily studied bodies of research within psychology and really helped give me context, understanding and most importantly, empathy towards myself for why I made poor choices in …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/20 10:43 PM
15

Just have to say I love your posts. Although I appreciate the roasting and LVM posts, it’s the actual strategy posts that I look for. So thank you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/20 10:22 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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