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RedRibbon3KS Archive

View 0 posts and 107 comments by RedRibbon3KS on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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-1

Chances are that you will have to pay child support for 18 years. The justice system is unfair. No doubt about that. Even my divorce lawyer agreed when I said that. Just find a divorce lawyer that is a bulldog and familiar with international divorce issues
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/26 11:20 PM
12

This is great that the guy she was pinning for doesn't want her. I hope all the guys she wants rejects her.
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/26 05:56 AM
2

Not sure where you are but depending on the laws, all the stuff that happened before you filed will probably be moot. It would be counted as a married couple, even if she went on a spending spree. Think of it as an expensive lesson. Sorry about that. Since it is official, this would be your money. Spend it as you would if you were on your own. Just know that it is yours at this point and you would not necessarily be getting back at her for going on a spending spree
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/26 02:17 PM
3

I'm rooting hard for you. Since it's Mother's day this Sunday, treat yourself to a great meal. You would have spent it on her so might as well spend it on yourself
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/26 07:18 AM
5

Someone once said to me the only power she has is the power you give to her over your life. My ex was being manipulative and I fell into it multiple times. Stop giving your ex any power over your life.
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/26 09:28 PM
2

With no kids I would say no contact. She made her decision. I thought maybe there was a chance for me but as other people told me, when she is done, she is done. Plus, even if she came back, would you really subject yourself to that kind of treatment? The truth is, you can't be friends again. Do with that truth as you want
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/26 03:54 PM
2

Not a friend. Not a family. Delete those charts and make new ones
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/26 04:58 AM
1

I don't think I could do it for money. Having someone that purposely hurt me by my side again would make me have PTSD
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/26 03:28 AM
9

Co-parenting is hard, especially when things didn't end well and are not going well between you and your ex. But in many ways it is expected that it will be hard. I don't know why I would have expected any different because you are dealing with someone you don't want to have any contact with anymore I have 50-50 custody and I try to limit my contact as much as possible with my ex and she still is cold and when there is any contact, she also has gotten upset. Idk why. She is with her AP, fleeced …
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/26 07:28 PM
7

I don't know if I would generalize based on gender. We had a female counselor and while I thought she was impartial, my ex thought that she was biased against her. Granted it was my ex that was stepping out of the marriage to have emotional affairs.
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/26 04:09 PM
1

I keep wondering about this. I know it is futile to do this exercise. I don't know why I put myself through it. I love my kids a lot. But would I knowingly go through this for them?
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/26 05:57 AM
2

Oh. Sorry about that. Really sorry
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/26 05:25 AM
2

You must not have kids with her
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/26 03:58 PM
9

Same boat. The only thing I can say is to be the man that your daughter can look at and be proud. In private and public. That is one of my own motivations to do what is right and good. Like you, I got shafted. Lost family, home, job, reputation, money, and people I thought were friends. I tried to not speak badly of her even though she was spreading her narratives to everyone she could. 8 years later, one of my kids shared with me how frustrated he is with my ex. How demanding, unfair, mean, etc…
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/26 05:32 PM
2

My (M) ex (F) had at least two emotional affairs. The first was literally when we were getting married through a couple years into it. We went to couples therapy for awhile. I was really ready to divorce and we even physically separated. I decided to give it another chance bc I thought I should be a good Christian and forgive and so we came back together. But then she kept up that emotional affair and I was pretty much done. I was simmering on divorcing and then she said she was pregnant. Bc of …
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/26 08:15 AM
8

You are not in the wrong but you did let her get you. She obviously knows you (after all, she was married to you) and was trying to get you upset. Sadly you played right into her hands and you let her know that. Remember, you are divorced for a reason. She is showing her true colors by going after another guy. Let her. It won't last, I can practically guarantee it. Live your life, pursue your hobbies, love your kid(s). And while you will almost always see her, she is not a part of your life and …
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/26 07:57 PM
4

The weird thing about divorce is that the supposed life partner you thought you had is now going to be your enemy. I had a hard time wrapping my mind around that and as a result I got screwed over. She will not have your best interest in mind. Do not move out because it will not look good when the divorce happens. In some cases it will look like you are abandoning them. Please get a lawyer. Not the cheapest one. But one that has a good reputation among the people you ask. The lawyer will be the …
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/26 03:31 AM
4

I am at the point, and I hope you get to the point, where it is good for you that your ex doesn't show up. She is showing who she is by her actions. And as for getting past all this... Unfortunately your ex will be a part of your life because of the kids. All their school stuff, sports, weddings, grandkids, and so on. Find yourself a couple of close friends that you can be honest with and vent. Not all friends are equal but the good ones are worth more than gold.
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/26 12:45 AM
11

The problem is you are expecting your ex to be honest. While she may be the mother of your child, she is not a person you should expect anything from, including integrity and good character. Love your child but don't expect anything from your ex. These are the lessons I have learned the hard way.
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/26 11:54 PM
3

Appropriate you referred to your ex as "ew" 😆
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/26 08:24 AM
1

Financially I would say to buy her out as it is at a discount. At the very least, it is at a discount. You know what needs repair and the issues with it. I wish I had the money to buy out my ex but I could not swing it.
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/26 06:00 AM
1

The problem is that it's hard to prove something is false. Just the accusations in and of itself will be damning. Stop going to that dance studio and find one with just adults. Or at the very least do not interact with minors. Do not put yourself in that position. Be above board with all your interactions, virtually and in person When my ex (falsely) accused me of inappropriate behavior with my sons, the accusations made people cut me off. I was baffled by their actions and even though CPS inves…
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/26 09:12 AM
2

I agree to a point. My ex screwed me over personally, financially, socially, and vocationally. She was on a vengeful mission to try to destroy me and in many ways she was successful. She called CPS on me twice but they saw right through her actions. I lost my home, family, friends, and job because of her actions. I could understand not wanting to forgive. Trust me...I don't want to but I am working through this process I have learned that if you don't forgive, it will have a negative effect on y…
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/26 07:27 AM
1

Make everything as clear as possible. How long each has custody, where to switch, holiday schedule, school break schedule, birthdays, fathers day mother's day, etc. I was able to make sure we had every other major holiday and the other parent had the day after when they did not have the kids in the major holiday. We split sping break and Thanksgiving break mid week. By having these things clearly agreed up on, it will lessen the fights that will come trying to claim getting the kids every time a…
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/26 06:18 AM
3

Ok I agree OP did the right thing. I tried doing this. But in my case, my ex spoke poorly to the kids of the gifts I gave her from the kids. It was just another opportunity for her to be negative. I just gave up as it put the kids in an awkward and harmful situation. I hope that OPs situation doesn't turn sour
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/26 06:08 AM
4

I can understand. I too was the one who took care of most things in the relationship. Grocery shopping, meals, transportation for kids, bills, car maintenance, finances, etc. I know I did a lot but I thought it was the way I could show that I love her. Ended up it just gave her free time to cheat. When we separated (her request), she kept asking for help. I initially tried to do what I could with the hope of reconciliation and to show I love her. But after she kept trying to hurt me and destroyi…
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/26 05:31 AM
7

Let her deal with the consequences of her actions. If you help her this time, she will continue to use you in the future. A divorce means there is no longer a relationship where you support and care for each other. It sounds cold but it is the truth.
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/26 05:22 AM
1

I've been there so I am sorry you are feeling like this right now. My ex screwed me over in so many ways and spread literal lies about me. I don't know why and I will probably never know why. But one of the reasons why I didn't off myself is I decided I will not give her the pleasure of her trying to destroy me. Do not give your ex that pleasure. Build your life from these ashes.
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/26 02:55 AM
5

Wow. I wouldn't know what to do if I were you. But I think she is at a point of knowing what she missed out on. She is probably feeling the holiday spirit and knows she messed up. Don't let her get to you though. You know who she is and how she acts.
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/25 05:50 AM
2

I would also add to be in agreement over intimacy and sex. That has been an issue for many couples
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/25 02:01 AM
2

Same. Because it was never directed towards me. I thought it must be others. Another red flag that I ignored but see it now is how she so easily lied to her parents (we first started dating in high school). And she used them for her benefit. I brought it up numerous times how it isn't right but nothing changed. Years later, the same lying behavior happened against me for her to spend time with her APs.
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/25 01:57 AM
2

It is so weird how the joys of life have disappeared for me as well. Really, the only thing are when I have my kids every other week. When I don't have them, I feel like life is over. I'm right with you
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/25 11:41 PM
5

I live in CA and wish it was a one party state. I can't tell you the number of times she switched things up after agreeing and misrepresented me as a threat to her and the kids. After she filed, my lawyer said never do anything verbal and do everything via text or email or in public where there are cameras. And lo and behold, there are no more false accusations or misrepresentations.
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/25 03:51 PM
3

Screw her (as in let karma deal with her). But based on what you shared it seems like she is living rent free in your head. You are lucky to not have kids with her and that you seem to be financially set. Let the lawyers talk between you two and don't let her even touch a part of your life. It is your grief that is taking over. Yes, it seemed that everything was ok but in reality you were just pushing it deep inside. That is ok as it was probably a survival technique to get through what happened…
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/25 01:37 AM
5

From my experience and from others I personally know, I could understand feeling like you miss her and want to reconcile. However, from what you wrote, I do not think it will happen. Could it? Maybe. But the chances are similar that you could win the $1 billion lottery. Pretty slim odds of her coming back simply because she was throwing a party for the divorce. This is where I am similar to you. I missed her. Her asking for space and leading to divorce blindsided me. One day we were going to the…
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/25 06:15 PM
2

When my 3 kids were young (oldest in 4th grade-now in 12th) we tried to go 2 nights at a time. But it was hard to figure out homework imo bc I was always doing the homework and projects with them and she literally did nothing. This was the case even when we were married. After bringing it up and her failing to step it up, I proposed we switch to a week at a time, switching on Sundays. It was only then that she started to figure out that she needs to do homework and projects. This has lessened th…
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/25 07:27 AM
4

Ah. But still, you helped her. In my case I just let her do it on her own. She was also accusing me of abusing her and telling everyone how she is afraid of me. So I figured I won't be near her in case she accuses me any further. (Btw, I never hit or laid hands on her in the 28 years we were dating and married. I did raise my voice at her twice but both of those were when she emotionally cheated twice). I wish you the very best in this new chapter. Don't waste your time wallowing in despair and …
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/25 07:03 PM
6

You helped her? Wow. You are a forgiving person
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/25 05:18 PM
9

100% agree. However. There is the brokenness that still needs to be dealt with. Broken trust, broken heart, broken dreams. I would never get back with my lying and cheating ex but it hurts still
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/25 03:39 PM
12

I had to go through the lawyers for awhile and it was very expensive. My ex accused me of abusing her and the kids. Child protective services came twice and found nothing. One of the social workers saw what was happening and probably disclosed things she shouldn't have but it was clear what my ex was doing. Then, like yours, my ex would text stuff like what is the contact information for the exterminator. What is the contact info for her optometrist. I was baffled like you. What in the world is …
/r/Divorce_Men30/10/25 04:31 AM
2

I know you asked for the UK but USA here. My lawyer said under no circumstance am I to agree to less than 50-50 for any amount of time. If she asks for an extra weekend, I should only agree if I get an extra weekend. The reasoning is that if she establishes a pattern of her getting more time, she could go back to court to say this is normal. Granted, my experience is and was highly contentious.
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/25 07:51 PM
19

Let her be. She is trying to be secretive and she thinks she is getting away with it. My ex does the same. I tell my kids that they could tell their mom the stuff that happens at my place because I have nothing to hide. Meanwhile she has repeatedly told them not to say what happens at her place. When they let something slip about what happens at her place, I could see the fear in their eyes and I reassure them I won't say anything and repeat that they don't have to fear about sharing stuff that …
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/25 07:13 AM
2

I completely agree with the first paragraph. After almost 8 years since the divorce, it still doesn't make sense. She wanted to be with another person and wanted to destroy me. She told any mutual friend and eleven family lies upon lies. Some friendships are broken and lost now but the way I see it, they were never friends to begin with. It hurt but I will let it be a lesson. At this point, people have seen her lies and know that all her accusations were false. But I am still picking up the piec…
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/25 04:00 PM
11

Learn from me and my mistakes. If you break up via separation or divorce, she is no longer a person you should be concerned about. It's hard having that mentality because you were her protector, provider, and partner. That was your role and default position in life. But if you proceed with a separation and/or divorce, you no longer have that role. If a stranger at the grocery store said they don't have a place to stay and need funds, are you going to house them? I doubt it. Maybe you might give …
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/25 06:39 AM
5

Your ex is trying to paint you as the bad guy and trying to turn your kid against you. As extremely infuriating and wrong as this is (I actually am feeling really upset for you), try to keep your cool. Anything that is said or written will be recorded by your ex and she will try to use it against you in the future (mine did). Either through your lawyer or through text, make it clear to your ex what the custody plan is. And maybe reiterate that it was not fair to your daughter to try and change i…
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/25 02:11 AM
5

The custody plan stays in place. It is not clear from your post if the frantic call is from your kid or from your ex. I am assuming it is from your kid as my ex did the very same thing to me. Trying to make me out as the bad guy when she broke the agreement. Your ex is using your kid as a pawn. tell your ex that the custody stays in place as (I am assuming) next year it switches. And for what it is worth, sorry you are going through this.
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/25 01:20 AM
8

This is still hard for me to fathom. How and why did she become "my enemy"? Almost hitting 8 years since she asked for space and yet she still is so angry towards me. She still accuses me of all sorts of things and tries to poison my sons' minds but I don't respond to her attacks. How is this the same woman I loved and made a life with? I struggle a lot with this. Since the divorce, some family and friends expressed that they always thought she was cold and calculating. They wondered why I was w…
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/25 09:26 PM
2

Great advice in this post. Especially the part of establishing 50-50 from the get go. If you don't, the lawyers and courts will say you don't get to change it to 50-50 because the precedence is less for you. My ex agreed on stuff prior and I naively thought she would honor it but it turned out to backfire on me. Learn from my stupidity
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/25 03:15 PM
4

Expect that she will find ways to jab and hurt you. Don't expect anything from her. To her, you are an enemy. That being said, your kids see what is going on. If not now, they will later. While my ex took every opportunity to speak crap about me and say stuff like you are like your father to them, I try not to stoop to her level. Oh, I am no saint bc I tell just a couple of my friends what I am thinking but I don't tell the kids. I will try to be the best I can. As a result, my oldest sees what …
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/25 10:07 PM
6

Mine cheated as well. I forgave her. And years later she cheated again. But so how the blame was on me because she claimed I was emotionally and sexually abusive (but I never hit her or did anything abusive). What should have been a red flag was she often lied to her parents to go out and have fun (we grew up as childhood friends). Most of the time it was to hang out with friends which included me. But looking back, I would not have married someone that would regularly lie to her parents. It end…
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/25 04:57 PM
3

I tried co-parenting but when I pointed out an inconsistency (for our first son we didn't give a phone until 6th grade but for our second she gave him a phone at 5th grade), she blew up at me and said you do your way at your place and you can't tell me what to do. I knew then that I can't co-parent with her. No contact is the best way forward OP. Do not check her social media, in fact delete her as a contact. If she ever contacts you, you could literally say who is this?
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/25 02:16 AM
6

This is part of the divorce process that sucks. While I agree with you that it is probably the wives in the friend groups that are reaching out to your ex, it hurts that none of the guys have reached out. Like you, I thought I had a lot more people that I considered friends. My ex and I grew up together so our friends were mutual friends. People I spent a lot of time with, hosting them, vacationing with them, doing life together, helping each other out, etc. But once the divorce happened, those …
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/25 06:00 AM
22

When I last met with my ex, I pleaded and went on my knees. I felt totally blindsided and really didn't know where it came from. One day we were having parties, going to the movies with the kids, planning for Christmas, and within 3 days she says she wants space. Divorce, let alone separation, was nowhere on my radar. I sometimes regret pleading with her. But then I can also look back and say that at least I tried. I went to a counselor with the open invitation for her to join but she rejected i…
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/25 01:18 AM
5

You need to get a lawyer asap. All the questions you have can be answered by the lawyer. I was stupid to wait until I got served 6 months later because I held out the hope that my ex would come back to her senses when she said, "I just want some space." Meanwhile everyone that has this experience (including Reddit) said that she was done and she had already lawyered up, which turned out to be true. All the specific advice you get from here will be different because (assuming you live in the USA)…
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/25 03:47 PM
2

No question about it. It sucks. It is in the lull that it seems to sting the most. But don't give into the vices (as best as you can). Keep finding ways to grow. You are allowed to feel (even the pain) but find ways to use that pain to become Mickyfrickles 2.0.
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/25 03:37 AM
3

These formerly significant dates are hard. If you are the type that remembered dates and prepared accordingly when you were married, it will be hard for awhile. Sorry for the bad memories these dates bring. People have told me to create new significance to the dates but it was hard. It has been many years and while it doesn't feel as overwhelmingly sad anymore, there is still that lingering sadness. Sorry
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/25 03:27 AM
7

And make sure to be as calm as possible. If you do anything that would trigger her, it will be blown out of proportion. She will try to push your buttons. Like you, I never hit or even shoved my ex. I did yell at her twice. Both times were because she she cheated. But her story is that she feels unsafe around me because I yelled at her. Be prepared for her twisting the story
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/25 06:22 PM
4

I agree with this. I would also ask how your relationship is with her. When I voiced a concern with the car my ex was driving during the beginning stage of separation, she yelled at me and blew things out of proportion saying I am trying to control her. She then said I am to have nothing to do with her and not to have contact with her and her mom. So just be aware that you may have good intentions but there is a possibility that it may blow up on you as well
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/25 06:18 PM
2

Like you, my ex was the one that cheated and yet blamed me for the divorce. She went nuclear and blew up everything, resulting in me losing my job, having to sell the house, and trying to turn all our friends against me with accusations of abuse. I never physically hit her but in the 27 years we were together I yelled at her twice. Both times because she was cheating. And so she had the narrative that I was abusive and controlling. Just a couple friends remained by my side to listen and check in…
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/25 06:17 PM
3

Sorry for laughing OP. But this reference threw me off. Yes, 100% she is baiting
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/25 04:29 PM
1

The way people celebrated her and casted me as the villain confuses me. Granted she was accusing during the end of the metoo height, but the lack of even questioning her accusations is mind boggling to me. I lost my job and house because of her accusations. All the pleas to my "bosses" to look at the evidence and situation fell on deaf ears. One even said why would we do that? I stayed quiet in public because most people don't want to get involved. Honestly I am still wounded from it all. I have…
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/25 10:56 PM
3

Um. This is exactly my story. Exactly. But one difference is that I brought up to her that her relationship with this friend is making me feel uncomfortable (extravagant gifts, multiple trips. etc). My ex denied there was anything but people thought it was weird with the picture she was posting with that woman. When I confronted my ex, she went nuclear and was telling people I emotionally and sexually abused her. She never once mentioned her relationship with that woman was what triggered the fi…
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/25 04:38 PM
1

I'm sorry. You got a bad deal. I am hoping that your kids will eventually see the truth. It doesn't help in terms of the lost years. But I am hoping that it will come sooner than later and see the father and man that you are. Until then, be patient, let your character shine, and continue to love your kids (these are the things I tell myself). I'm rooting for you
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/25 04:15 AM
1

I said the exact thing to others. It didn't make sense why at the time and how come I am the villain. I said if I cheated or hit her then I would accept the blame and understand. One friend said yes, it would have made more sense BUT I would not be able to look at myself in the mirror and know that I still kept my integrity. 7+ years later and she still blames me. I just try to ignore it
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/25 09:05 PM
11

I wonder about this for myself. I did not cheat, did most of the shopping, cooking, taking care of the kids, while working (very flexible hours) full time. She became very involved with another person, constant texting, and going on trips. But somehow the story she gives others is that I was at fault. Most people believed her and cut me off. I wonder if I am blind to my own shortcomings
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/25 05:25 AM
2

The question you ask is if marriage counseling works but I think the answer depends on a lot of variables such as: How committed are the two of you to try to make the marriage work? Are you both willing to listen to each other? Have you already made your minds up about the marriage? Can the both of you forgive each other? Do you want a life together? Also, while marriage counseling is not a magic pill to fix your marriage, the counselor also matters. Some are good, some need to quit. Be willing …
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/25 07:15 PM
5

As hard as it is, do not respond in an angry way. We say we would die for our kids and unfortunately at the moment, it is to have your ego be broken. If you respond angrily, it will give validation to the accusations. In time (no idea when but it will come), truth will come out and they will see and know. Play the long game. Kids are not stupid and while they are told one thing, they will see the truth eventually. For now, I am sorry you are going through this.
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/25 10:03 PM
1

On the gf who was there for someone who passed away, it can be a bit hard to leave if there is grieving involved. Imagine people crying and reminiscing and then say you have to leave. That can be tough emotionally, not to mention draining. I think at the very least you should talk with your gf and express your disappointment and see where it goes from there As for your wife, that's a hard no imo. It will set you up for pain later. Even with counseling, it will require a lot of hard work.i would …
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/25 05:41 PM
18

It may not seem like it but you are really lucky. Time to go buy a lottery ticket!
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/25 09:30 PM
1

Even if she came back to you, would you really be able to have a life with her? Affair. Lies. Broken trust. AP's name on her. It would be extremely difficult to have a life together with her again with all that has happened. I would advise going no contact since it seems to trigger you. Don't let her have any space in your mind either. It is not helpful. Yes, you messed up as well but see this now as lessons learned on how to be in all your current and future relationships. Good luck brother.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/25 05:56 PM
3

You mentioned that you and your ex agreed to the dates for the vacation. If so, was it in writing (texts or email)? If not, I would have it in writing. I would recommend all your communication be in writing. And when you write, make sure to be as simple and cordial as possible. Especially when she gets upset or triggers you, if you respond in a reasonable manner, it will look better for you if it ever gets referred to by the lawyers or judge. It happened to me. As for the possibility that she wi…
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/25 05:35 AM
8

Unfortunately I have been there. Never once did it ever put my hands on her but I did yell at her twice in our marriage. Both times were when she was emotionally cheating. Once at the beginning and once at the end of our 15 year marriage. But that was her excuse to say she is fearful of me. Friends just cut me off because of her narrative that I was dangerous, never asking for clarification of why I yelled. She even called child protective services on me twice during the divorce, saying I was ab…
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/25 02:39 AM
2

Hatred can make you do irrational things. That's why it is a tactic in sports. Make them mad so they will be so caught up in getting revenge that they will make a mistake. Hatred in a marriage/divorce makes people act irrational as well. Maybe OP did something, maybe OP didn't. It is definitely perplexing though. I personally don't think OP necessarily has to give his ex anything. That is on her and her lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/25 03:56 PM
3

I'm in the same boat. I am so happy with my three sons but the way she texts me, always accusing and attacking, I wish I never even met her. But I look at my sons and can't imagine life without them. I don't know what to say except to keep your head up and do the best you can with yourself and the kids
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/25 04:23 AM
-4

Hahahah! Yeah. Go figure.
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/25 11:39 PM
4

First, happy birthday! It may not be what you hoped for but this fellow divorced dad wishes you a great day to start another revolution around the sun I am sorry you are going through this. It just goes to show how selfish your ex is. I am sure it was like that while you were married and it sucks to be treated like that. From this point forward, treat her as a stranger. I am not saying to attack her. But see her as someone you went to school with but never interacted with. Love your life. Build …
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/25 09:58 PM
-12

I hope her fiance is already trying to get his deposits back for the wedding and getting tested for stis. He's crazy for staying in the relationship. If he does get married, it will 100% end in divorce
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/25 03:20 PM
9

In the beginning I used to have the kids make and buy things for mother's day, Bday, Christmas, etc. But then I saw in my video calls every other week that most of the items were in their room. She didn't want anything reminding her of me I guess. I don't bother anymore.
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/25 01:23 AM
7

I agree. Just had an exchange yesterday where she was being vindictive and petty. I don't get it. One person I shared it with ( because I needed his help) said to do the same to her when the time comes but I said I don't want to stoop to her level. She is the one who left, she got practically everything, I didn't talk bad about her to others or the kids and yet she is the one who is mad.
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/25 03:12 PM
3

I'm glad you had that experience. When a tragedy like that happens, you would hope that someone you were close to is able to respond like that. Unfortunately in my case, almost two years after my ex left me, my brother died. Because of the holidays that were coming up, we had to rush the funeral date. When I asked if I could have my kids for a couple nights to attend the funeral, she said only if she gets the days during the Christmas holiday that I had. Otherwise she said I can't have them. She…
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/25 08:35 PM
1

Only agree to the minimum amount that is needed. You can always say no to whatever she proposes. She is being controlling and she really has no authority with what happens at your place (unless it is a safety issue). Just say no to this
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/25 03:49 AM
3

Ugh. I get you. My ex still does the same and more. Her AP made at least 2-3x more than me and they take trips (domestic and international), buy my kids anything they want, go out to eat at expensive places, etc. At some point, I know I can't compete, let alone keep up. So I changed my mindset to not care what my kids do at her place and just focus on giving my kids the best of me that I can. Sometimes it means splurging. Sometimes it means even denying them all their wants. I want them to grow …
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/25 11:18 PM
2

But a bit poorer with all the heat and green fees. 😆 But yes, I agree. Find something to do. Maybe even a shared sport or hobby with your kids.
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/25 06:53 PM
1

I get you. I am sorry for you. I was so tired of her games. But people that were close to me kept having to remind me of what is really important, which are my children. People have said that my kids will one day see her for what she is and the games she plays because she will eventually do it to my kids (which I think sucks as well). Just know that I (and many others) are rooting for you as you deal with her and her games.
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/25 02:40 AM
6

This is a great perspective. As dads we feel like we would do anything for our loved ones, even die for them. Think of it as sacrificing your ego and feelings for your kid. Stand your ground with your ex but also v willing to sacrifice it all for your kid. (Words I am trying to live by as well)
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/25 05:54 PM
1

As the previous posters have stated, it sounds like it is a wasted effort. But in saying that, if you feel like you still want to try, you have to do what you can do that at least you know you did all you could so that you won't have any regrets. In saying all this, there does seem to be some issues I think you need to work out. This is my two cents from what I am reading. It may not help for this marriage but it might help you for future ones. I am guessing you are attractive and women might ap…
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/25 10:56 PM
12

I don't get it either. This is something that I've struggled with as well. How does it go from lifelong partners, till death do you part to I want you to suffer and die? I have not attacked her, have not spoken bad of her to family and friends but she has been going on a rampage for years. I've lost many people that I thought were friends and people have turned their backs against me because of what she accuses me of. But those who have stuck around have seen the truth without me saying much. I …
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/25 02:14 AM
4

You are being your own worst problem. If you know she is baiting you, then do not respond. She wants you to respond because it helps her case AND she probably takes pleasure in seeing you get worked up. If you stop responding, it takes all of that away. If you have to vent, talk to a friend or therapist. Or write it out and delete it. Whatever you do though, stop responding to her. Now
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/25 10:58 PM
7

I feel you. It is disheartening. It doesn't ever feel like an end is in sight. But what I had to do was to remember my kids. I do it for them. People I thought were my friends kept attacking me. People I thought I could count on abandoned me. But I kept going for my kids.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/25 03:03 AM
2

Seriously, reading your post again confirms you have a good sense of what is going on and how to deal with it. Gonna say it sucks for you and the kid but I would say prepare for more craziness and keep steady. I repeatedly got sucked into it and it cost me money, time, and sanity. Find some people that will be a good sounding board at the very least. Good luck and I am wishing the very best for you
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/25 03:59 AM
8

You said it yourself. "She thrives when I am off balance." You already have the insight and perspective to move forward. Reading all that you revealed, she doesn't want to create a family, be a partner in life, or care for others, including her own child. You shouldn't be too surprised that she is acting like this. Do we wish she would be better? Yes. But she has shown that she hasn't and won't. Sorry man. It just sucks.
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/25 10:19 PM
8

This. She wants to rope you into her craziness. Just let it flow off of you and move on. Vent with a friend but never let her see anything
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/25 11:12 PM
13

This is laughable. What do you expect after a divorce? For life to be the same? For life to be better? She is delusional. Like others have said, play the nice game until it is finalized or else she might blow up and it gets expensive. Then after just cut off all contact.
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/25 12:33 AM
6

No. I would even say don't even consider being friends with her anymore. Seems harsh but take some time to reflect on what happened. First she screwed you over in wanting out of the marriage. Vows were made but she broke them. Her word, before witnesses, meant nothing. Maybe it fulfilled some Hallmark movie or Disney princess itch. But she broke it. Second, when you pleaded, she dismissed it. She probably had some power trip in seeing you grovel. I did the same and while I do feel like I was stu…
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/25 10:50 PM
5

This. Too is the answer. I blame the ex. But the ap was a "friend" that knew we were married, hung out, and then dominated the relationship. When I confronted my ex, she said ap was just a friend. So yes, both are to blame
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/25 05:27 AM
3

If it were reversed, you would be the prick that everyone hates. Cheating on her, leaving her, and still having sex. You would be crucified. You are worth more than that. I'm sorry you are in this situation but you have to get out of it for your own sake
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/25 03:22 PM
6

Nope nope nope. Unless you enjoy trauma and drama. Keep it up with her and you are greatly at risk for some STDs as well. I wouldn't even recommend a FWB relationship with her. She obviously does not love nor respect you with her affairs. I would recommend to go no contact with her. It might be hard to break it off but it will be for your benefit
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/25 04:20 AM
5

What hobbies and interests were you into before her? Or what things get your attention? In terms of active: Basketball, baseball, softball, bowling, golf, swimming, cycling, kayaking, fishing, frisbee golf, darts, working out, etc. however, at 40+, you should be active but not too active imo. We aren't as young as we used to be (At least it is for me). Doing something to improve on keeps the mind busy as well Other hobbies could be cooking, learning a musical instrument, woodworking (maybe makin…
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/25 08:55 PM
7

You loved her enough to marry her. And she may have loved you in the past. But with her repeated betrayal, she is telling you she doesn't love you. No one who truly loves another would repeatedly hurt their loved one. At this point you are in love with the idea of the woman you loved. You love the life you had with her, the dreams you had, even the past as well with all the ups and downs. But that woman you love is no longer. You need to love yourself. Love yourself to find ways to heal.
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/24 09:15 AM
12

Tell her you can't have your cake and eat it too. It is incompatible. The sad thing is that she has greatly damaged the relationship and even if you get back together, it will linger in the back of your mind. Either proceed with the divorce or get into counseling (and know that it will take a lot of work). I am sorry you are in this position.
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/24 08:28 AM
2

Do you have a friend that you can meet up with for Christmas breakfast? A good friend "forced" me to be with him when I just wanted to stay in bed and feel like crap. He knew what I was going through as he went through a divorce
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/24 09:52 AM
6

Do NOT offer alimony. Ask your lawyer and I am sure he/she will say the same. The fact you are having 50/50 custody and still paying $2k a month is basically alimony and child support. The courts will figure out the money you are going to have to pay based on several factors and usually being considerate does not come into play. Use the money to buy property or toys like a boat
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/24 11:51 PM
3

The main thing is that YOU showed up. You cannot control what your ex does or did. Yes, it sucks for your son what she did and is doing but what your son will know and remember is that you were there. One piece of advice is not to talk badly about your ex to your son. I understand that it was not explicitly spoken and you want to help your kid process his feelings but at this point it is better to avoid it. Maybe get a therapist for your son to process it. But by asking those things, it is an in…
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/24 07:36 PM
12

Oof. Sorry, but there are red flags all over the place with your situation. First, the friends are overstepping boundaries into your marriage. If they are truly friends, they would find ways to support and nurture the both of you with your marriage. Unless they are truly idiots, they should know that this would divide the two of you. Second, this is an expensive gift for most people. Even if it is a drop in the bucket for the wealthy husband friend, it is inconsiderate to give such a big gift as…
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/24 06:55 AM
2

Based on your post and comments, I feel like you are in a no win situation with her attacking and criticizing you no matter what you do. Personally, I think you should continue to figure out your rules for when your daughter is with you. You seemed to have a good handle of it so far since you told her 15 minutes for good behavior. The truth is, our kids will be exposed to electronics so it is best if we can show them how to handle it by setting rules. The reason why I was so set against it with …
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/24 05:08 AM
9

Co-parenting is only possible if the mom and dad are on the same page and want to work together. I thought it would be the case for me bc it was like that when we were married. With the divorce, she started to do things that we had agreed upon and even gave one of my sons a phone when he was in elementary school, which we had agreed with my older one not to until middle school. When I pointed out that we said not until middle school, she said you can't dictate what I do. I can do whatever I want…
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/24 07:51 PM
9

I'm sorry. I am in the same boat. I've never heard anyone else describe what I feel like and think like what you wrote. I dread the hours before the kids switch and then the deep sadness after the switch for a solid two days after. My experience has been that the pain does lessen a little bit after some time but it still hurts like crazy. And it has been one month shy of 7 years for me. Screw the hobbies and other interests. It just plain sucks and I want to just scream each time.
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/24 11:07 PM
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