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Red_Pill_Professor Archive

View 1 post and 344 comments by Red_Pill_Professor on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
9

Red_Pill_Professor/r/RPChristians31/05/25 03:13 AM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
3

BRT58 is the only person on this entire thread giving the right advice. As somebody who is both a Christian and a professional researcher/scientist, I assure you, vaccines are completely safe and it is exclusively the anti-vax movement that is based on anti-scientism, conspiracy, lies, ego, and financial interests. Anybody who "does their own research" and listens to randos on podcasts or the internet is replacing the peer-reviewed research of medical and statistical professionals, who spend dec…
/r/RPChristians15/07/26 03:57 AM
1

Stop even thinking about dating or marriage until you get out of your tailspin first. If you’re serious about wanting a fulfilling life: buy internet filter for all devices (ex: I have Covenant Eyes), get accountability partner and some individual counseling for your addiction, and start building habits that lessen your ego and let in God. Repent of your sins, read Bible and pray daily, and do weekly OYS posts here for at least a year. Don’t expect one post or any of our responses to fix you, bu…
/r/RPChristians13/02/26 12:50 PM
1

Ah. Makes more sense now. Yes once sidebar is read and processed, actions and habits matter more, which is perhaps why there aren’t a plethora of books behind the sidebar. At same time, probably not enough sidebar material is from orthodox Christian perspective, so I see both sides on this one.
/r/RPChristians04/02/26 03:58 AM
3

If this stuff is so obvious why do almost all of my Christian peers say “happy wife happy life” and just try supplicating harder? When I found red pill material about how to hold frame or pass fitness tests I was literally in a state of shock. Maybe it was obvious to prior generations or for people who had stronger male role models growing up compared to what I had, but it certainly isn’t obvious to many people in the church these days.
/r/RPChristians02/02/26 10:35 PM
1

Your work paragraph is exactly what I have been internalizing with myself, how I put off doing the hard things (grant writing) that have no set deadline and require maximal focus compared to other things. The lesson is not only to do the hard-important things first, but to ask yourself, why haven't you already been doing that in the first place? In my case I'm realizing there's an unconscious fear of failure involved, combined with my previous beta self being too drained by plow-horsing to have …
/r/RPChristians26/01/26 05:16 PM
1

Your goals (ex: lose 1/3 of your body weight) are too long-term and ambitious. You need to focus on weekly progression. Post OYS each week for accountability (you've already stopped doing this), gym goal should be consistency in # of gym workouts to start with, etc. There's also too much vagueness here regarding your career progression and situation with fiance.
/r/RPChristians26/01/26 05:13 PM
1

So sorry to hear about the stroke of bad luck (never too soon for humor?). Praying for a full recovery and no recurring events. Have a wonderful Christmas with your family.
/r/RPChristians24/12/25 03:13 PM
1

Marriage: I'm realizing that bad moods are usually not reflective of my frame or leadership. Just the opposite, when I stay congruent to my mission and don't react or fix, the moody stretch always stops eventually with obvious growth on the other side. Most important thing besides not DEERing to bad moods is to not enable any negativity spirals. I'll listen for five minutes of venting and comfort testing each day, affirm and encourage, and then frame shift to something more fun and constructive.…
/r/RPChristians23/12/25 04:15 AM
1

OYS #52 - Massive lifting gains, career resurgence, looking back at a year's worth of OYS. Stats: 40 yo, 6’2", 185 lbs (+4). Married 15y, 5 young kids, wife is SAHM. Read: NMMNG (x3), WISNIFG (x1), Saving a Low Sex Marriage (x2), MAP (x2), MMSLP (x2), Mystery Method (x1), The Rational Male (x1), Book of Pook (x2), PFP (x2), 48LoP (x2), TWOTSM (x1), Frame (x1), Dread (x1). Plan on SGM next. Lifts: 5 rep sets (lbs): 245 SQ / 275 DL / 135 OHP (+10) / 205 BR (+20) / 200 BP (+15). Mission: Reconstruc…
/r/RPChristians23/12/25 03:51 AM
1

It’s great you’re building your social skills and confidence. However, if you’re overweight and don’t have a lot going on career wise yet, make sure you prioritize building in those areas. Until then, your game will only yield a pity date or dates from low quality women.
/r/RPChristians22/12/25 06:43 PM
3

I used to use these passages as a rationale for doing absolutely anything my wife asked of me. This drove our marriage and my health into the ground because an anxious wife’s words and requests don’t actually correspond to what they really want and need. Hold your wife in high esteem and lead well, but don’t apply a simplistic BP version of these exhortations onto your marriage unless you want both of you to be miserable.
/r/RPChristians22/12/25 06:39 PM
1

I wanted to take a break from Reddit to make sure my new habits are now internalized and wouldn't fade when I stopped posting about them. I also wanted a break posting about initiations because I realized it was making me over-think them. I'm having sex 1-3 times per week now. Before I found this place and was a "nice" guy, it was about once every 1-2 months. More importantly than the frequency, we both implicitly know I'm the prize, and the rejections are clearly tied to wife's insomnia and str…
/r/RPChristians26/10/25 03:28 AM
1

Career: Odd mix of highs and lows. I’m much more effective and energetic with my time and taking on several new leadership opportunities. In terms of visibility and networking, things are at all-time high. Teaching and mentoring all going great too. But at same time, I find myself refusing to spend ~1hr/day consistently working on grant writing. I’m pretty sure this is more than just logistical; there’s still an element of doubt or self-sabotage here because I had made a pattern of shortchanging…
/r/RPChristians22/10/25 03:50 AM
1

OYS #51 Stats: 40 yo, 6’2", 181lbs (+3). Married 15y, 5 young kids, wife is SAHM. Read: NMMNG (x2.5), WISNIFG (x1), Saving a Low Sex Marriage (x2), MAP (x2), MMSLP (x2), Mystery Method (x1), The Rational Male (x1), Book of Pook (x2), PFP (x2), 48LoP (x2), TWOTSM (x1), Frame (x1), Dread (x1). Lifts: 5 rep sets (lbs): 245 SQ (+20) / 275 DL / 125 OHP (+5) / 185 BR (+10) / 185 BP. Mission: Reconstruct my faith life by focusing on my own sin and salvation. Be assertive without being needy or controll…
/r/RPChristians22/10/25 03:50 AM
1

Thanks for the update and it's great to hear you're thriving now. I hope the Man Camp was a good time.
/r/RPChristians21/10/25 02:48 AM
1

To not assume that hearing advice on a single post like this will do much of anything. Read the sidebar. Post weekly OYS updates that are honest and probing. When people respond to your OYS posts, take it seriously even if it challenges your ego and blind spots. Learning the right habits and mindset early in a marriage will be an incredible blessing to your family.
/r/RPChristians21/10/25 02:43 AM
1

I'm pretty consistent now on pursuing and escalating until I get a hard no. In the past this was certainly an issue, but I had to learn frame and OI for escalation to be seen as attractive to my wife instead of annoying or creepy. I'm also pretty much, but not perfectly, past sex for validation at this point, so I only initiate when I genuinely desire my wife.
/r/RPChristians20/10/25 05:52 PM
3

My wife also suffers from BPD, and when I was blue-pill, I was on constant eggshells to the point of having multiple mental breakdowns and wishing I was dead. Now things are turning around and I am mentally stronger than I've ever been in my life. You're not wrong that it can be hell, but you're wrong that you're (already) out of options beyond divorce. Here is what you need to do if you seriously want to take leadership in your marriage: Same thing I tell every "please help me!" post on RPChris…
/r/RPChristians27/08/25 02:29 AM
1

I wasn’t being sarcastic it was genuine. Beyond talking less in general and continuing to improve my frame, which I agree are my big weaknesses, what specific action items do you think I’m currently missing out on?
/r/RPChristians26/08/25 12:53 AM
1

What actions should I be doing that I am not already doing.
/r/RPChristians25/08/25 05:57 PM
3

OYS #50 Stats: 40 yo, 6’2", 178lbs (–1). Married 15y, 5 young kids, wife is SAHM. Read: NMMNG (x2.5), WISNIFG (x1), Saving a Low Sex Marriage (x2), MAP (x2), MMSLP (x2), Mystery Method (x1), The Rational Male (x1), Book of Pook (x2), PFP (x2), 48LoP (x2), TWOTSM (x1), Frame (x1), Dread (x1). Lifts: 5 rep sets (lbs): 225 SQ / 275 DL / 120 OHP / 175 BR / 185 BP. Mission: Reconstruct my faith life by focusing on my own sin and salvation. Be assertive without being needy or controlling. Build a stro…
/r/RPChristians25/08/25 12:40 PM
1

You're right, this OYS is too long. Realizing my OYS is acting like a nicotine patch, I'm STFU and avoiding arguments at home but still over-analyzing here. Next step is to wean off the patch.
/r/RPChristians25/08/25 12:16 PM
1

It’s congruent with the broader lesson I’ve learned this year that most people are driven by emotions and what they find to be attractive, not by rational arguments and evidence. I’m not immune, I find the scientific and philosophical evidence for Christianity to be very compelling, but some horrible personal experiences with self-proclaimed Christians has given me lots of doubts and struggles because it made it lose its salt. It’s also not a coincidence that every major apologist debater I know…
/r/RPChristians19/08/25 08:46 PM
1

Do you mean most people DO believe things for emotional and spiritual reasons (and not philosophical ones)? Yes I have come to realize this is true, most rationalized reasons people give are hamstering. I’ll try your advice of witnessing more even if the surface level objection people give is often scientific in nature. I’m trying to get better at reading underlying fears and emotions.
/r/RPChristians19/08/25 04:19 PM
–

There’s no sound bite that will fix this. Read the sidebar, start doing the work, write weekly OYS posts tracking your progress and weaknesses.
/r/RPChristians18/08/25 10:49 PM
1

Career: Making a goal to re-invest in my career, in two ways. First, continued goal of needing to get more grants out, I won a small one this past week but want to complete another one before end of summer. Second, confronting the fact that many important tasks have been tabled for years due to over-focus on caretaking for my wife and kids. For this week, goal is to finally clean and re-organize my office which is looonngg overdue. Family: The two-week vacation was easily our best extended trip …
/r/RPChristians18/08/25 02:14 PM
1

Spiritual: Assurance of Salvation - 9/10. Making a mental note to appreciate Christians who I respect on a personal level. Because most of my doubts have been coming from the behavior of supposed believers, I'm finding this makes the Gospel more plausible again. Quiet Time/Devotional - 8/10. Shaking up family devotion by leading family through Proverbs without any book materials, I like it because my own personality and leadership can come out this way. Personal quiet time is solid, only missed …
/r/RPChristians18/08/25 01:46 PM
1

OYS #49 – 2 weeks since last OYS, finished 2-week family vacation and turned 40. Stats: 40 yo, 6’2", 179lbs (+3). Married 15y, 5 young kids, wife is SAHM. Read: NMMNG (x2.5), WISNIFG (x1), Saving a Low Sex Marriage (x2), MAP (x2), MMSLP (x2), Mystery Method (x1), The Rational Male (x1), Book of Pook (x2), PFP (x2), 48LoP (x2), TWOTSM (x1), Frame (x1), Dread (x1). Lifts: 5 rep sets (lbs): 225 SQ / 275 DL / 120 OHP / 175 BR / 185 BP. Mission: Reconstruct my faith life by focusing on my own sin and…
/r/RPChristians18/08/25 01:46 PM
1

Family/Social: Making multiple memories every single day with my family this week while on vacation. Making the most of every hour, while still finding time for a power nap or reading when I start getting drained. I am really excited at seeing that I can now combine the playfulness and sense of adventure I always had, with a more confident and less performative masculinity to lead my kids. My high from today was seeing my most anxious boy get the confidence to go cliff jumping, I could literally…
/r/RPChristians05/08/25 03:03 AM
1

Faith: Making a new goal, for my OYS and in general, that reconnecting with God is more important to me than reconnecting with my wife. Assurance of Salvation - 9/10. If my own experience of Christ's grace, the overall truth of the New Testament, and apologetics is wholly convincing and satisfactory, why am I letting outside forces (toxic family and toxic culture/politics) make me doubt everything? That's a weak-framed victim mindset that I am praying to God to let go of. I've been thinking a lo…
/r/RPChristians05/08/25 03:03 AM
2

OYS #48 – Reframing my OYS format. Feedback last week was needed wakeup call, all my sections indirectly revolved around wife and marriage issues. I am not a victim and my mission is so much bigger than my marriage. Stats: 39 yo, 6’2", 176lbs. Married 15y, 5 young kids, wife is SAHM. Read: NMMNG (x2.5), WISNIFG (x1), Saving a Low Sex Marriage (x2), MAP (x2), MMSLP (x2), Mystery Method (x1), The Rational Male (x1), Book of Pook (x2), PFP (x2), 48LoP (x2), TWOTSM (x1), Frame (x1), Dread (x1). Lift…
/r/RPChristians05/08/25 03:03 AM
1

"Active shooter" was the apt phrase somebody at MRP used to describe it. This happened over a year ago now, very shortly after I found MRP. It happened the same week I tried imposing the 10-second daily kiss rule, which in hindsight was actually what set her off but the sex was used as a scapegoat. Yes I was livid. I slept in basement by choice for a week straight until she pleaded for me to come back and apologized for not communicating discomfort with the 10-second kisses and sexual encounter …
/r/RPChristians31/07/25 04:19 AM
1

Thanks for accountability and pep talk. Understood that any mental focus on my wife's issues, even when she frequently fails me on tests that I feel like I'm passing, is weak framed. Focus on myself and OYS and being congruent. Regarding your final response, you misunderstood, the "until" didn't mean I'll ever stop being strong. It meant to keep on congruently initiating in the face of rejection until either I have an actual marriage or I have a divorce. The marital limbo I am in now can only pe…
/r/RPChristians31/07/25 01:55 AM
1

By my wife.
/r/RPChristians31/07/25 01:42 AM
1

Yes. That's EXACTLY what negotiated desire is. So basically my ego and sexual frustration tricked me into thinking it would be okay to give a sex pep talk if it was wrapped in instructional language rather than neediness language. Got it. I also see the covert contracts you're pointing out, loud and clear. Once again you externalize the problem and give up the frame. I'm still having trouble with this one. Wife's emotional obsession with environmental control and inability to connect in other wa…
/r/RPChristians30/07/25 01:53 AM
1

It's the same trap I keep falling into: I feel I am successfully executing a positive vision for my life in every sphere of my life not directly impacted by my wife, so I should mostly focus on the huge problem area. I need to accept that this mindset will always result in me slipping back into her frame in unconscious ways, even if I'm acting RP in other ways. It will also distract me from the ways where I'm not executing my vision, for example, the more I think about it I have slipped on grant…
/r/RPChristians30/07/25 01:37 AM
1

I've read that one before but I needed it again, thanks.
/r/RPChristians30/07/25 01:34 AM
1

Thanks for accountability. You're right, I could be putting more bandwidth into rebuilding my faith life and enjoying Christ. I'll own that and have that be my core mission for the next OYSs. Regarding family and career, they truly are going well, so this goes back to my challenge of not just focusing on the thing that isn't going well (my wife and marriage). I need to think back to the tips I got on devoting more space to these positives and less mental energy on the negatives. Question on fram…
/r/RPChristians28/07/25 11:58 PM
1

Thanks for the challenges here. Honest question: is it negotiating desire when you're simply trying to encourage your wife to conceptualize of sex in an emotionally desirous way? She literally thinks that sex is just something women use to manipulate and control men (or when ovulating), and doesn't conceive of it as something emotional or relational. In other words, she doesn't perceive it as being something of value, even when she now fully admits that I am very attractive. Simply modeling my s…
/r/RPChristians28/07/25 11:53 PM
1

I agree with your logic that individuals being morons and predators neither validates nor invalidates any religion or politics they adhere to. Cultural aspects of modern-day American evangelicalism, including many very close to me, are becoming increasingly unattractive and I need to separate these experiences from the source material (i.e., Christ and Paul) who still ring true to me. I know plenty of Atheists who are also jerks to their spouse and believe in conspiracy theories, and reminding m…
/r/RPChristians28/07/25 11:39 PM
1

Career: Still lacking in week-to-week consistency in my grant writing and fundraising efforts. I'm making huge gains in other areas, this needs to be a focal point in months ahead. Family: Last week at home before two-week out-of-state vacation with family. Lots of pool time, board games, sports, wrestling, discipling, music lessons, I am a great father to my kids. An encouraging first: usually I play with kids alone in pool, this time, wife got in the water and we played with kids together whil…
/r/RPChristians28/07/25 11:30 AM
1

OYS #47 – Internalizing how to boldly lead wife without making her the mission. Stats: 39 yo, 6’2", 176lbs. Married 15y, 5 young kids, wife is SAHM. Read: NMMNG (x2.5), WISNIFG (x1), Saving a Low Sex Marriage (x2), MAP (x2), MMSLP (x2), Mystery Method (x1), The Rational Male (x1), Book of Pook (x2), PFP (x2), 48LoP (x2), TWOTSM (x1), Frame (x1), Dread (x1). Lifts: 5 rep sets (lbs): 225 SQ / 275 DL / 120 OHP / 175 BR / 185 BP. Mission: Reconstruct my faith life by focusing on my own sin and salva…
/r/RPChristians28/07/25 11:30 AM
1

I was wondering when you'd graduate OYS, glad you'll still be around.
/r/RPChristians28/07/25 11:01 AM
1

If God and the Bible are all legit, it's 10/10 for my own salvation for sure, but I am still having a partial crisis of faith from all I've been through. There are enough Christians in my life who are so busy practicing homeopathy, being terrible to their own spouse let alone loving their enemies, and believing that humans rode dinosaurs. And then there are atheists and secular people in my life who are acting much more intelligent, much less controlling, and much better to their spouse. All of …
/r/RPChristians28/07/25 10:59 AM
1

I definitely am seeing the trend now, wife acts disinterested or even annoyed when I initiate, but when I stay in my frame, she is in noticeably better mood by the next day.
/r/RPChristians28/07/25 10:55 AM
1

Career: I wrote an entire grant in a couple of days, feel more focused at work now. Let's do it again: want to write an entire grant this week too, it's crunch time for me. Everything else at work still going great. Family/Social: Lots of time at pool with my kids. My piano lessons with them are also picking up steam after some off-weeks during summer. Main goal for next week: more consistency with how I deal with conflict between them. Off-week socially, wife and I took turns being sick so I di…
/r/RPChristians21/07/25 05:19 PM
1

OYS #46 – Solid frame build week. Stats: 39 yo, 6’2", 176lbs. Married 15y, 5 young kids, wife is SAHM. Read: NMMNG (x2.5), WISNIFG (x1), Saving a Low Sex Marriage (x2), MAP (x2), MMSLP (x2), Mystery Method (x1), The Rational Male (x1), Book of Pook (x2), PFP (x2), 48LoP (x2), TWOTSM (x1), Frame (x1), Dread (x1). Lifts: 5 rep sets (lbs): 225 SQ / 275 DL / 120 OHP / 175 BR / 185 BP. Mission: Reconstruct my faith life by focusing on my own sin and salvation. Be assertive without being needy or cont…
/r/RPChristians21/07/25 05:19 PM
1

Spiritual: Similar story to last week: good things happening, God's presence is growing, and I'm more focused on my own repentance. Social/Family: All good. Lots of Mayor work for house projects, quality bonding with kids, time out with friends. Career: I need to take these Frame lessons discussed above to refocus while I'm at the office. I have a busy life outside of work, so every hour in the office needs to be dialed in. Right now, this means writing and submitting more grants and shifting al…
/r/RPChristians14/07/25 09:04 PM
1

OYS #45 – Nuclear frame test with mixed results. Stats: 39 yo, 6’2", 176lbs. Married 15y, 5 young kids, wife is SAHM. Read: NMMNG (x2), WISNIFG (x1), Saving a Low Sex Marriage (x2), MAP (x2), MMSLP (x2), Mystery Method (x1), The Rational Male (x1), Book of Pook (x2), PFP (x2), 48LoP (x2), TWOTSM (x1), Frame (x1), Dread (x1). Mission: Reconstruct my faith life by focusing on my own sin and salvation. Be assertive without being needy or controlling. Build a strong and OI frame to live my life to i…
/r/RPChristians14/07/25 09:03 PM
1

OYS #44 – Stopping all DEER, led to acceptance of wife's BPD. Stats: 39 yo, 6’2", 176lbs. Married 15y, 5 young kids, wife is SAHM. Read: NMMNG (x2), WISNIFG (x1), Saving a Low Sex Marriage (x2), MAP (x2), MMSLP (x2), Mystery Method (x1), The Rational Male (x1), Book of Pook (x2), PFP (x2), 48LoP (x2), TWOTSM (x1), Frame (x1), Dread (x1). Mission: Reconstruct my faith life by focusing on my own sin and salvation. Be assertive without being needy or controlling. Build a strong and OI frame to live…
/r/RPChristians08/07/25 05:09 PM
–

1) Awesome username I loved those games when I was a kid. 2) What the other comments said. 3) If you want to be serious about this let’s see weekly OYS posts.
/r/RPChristians01/07/25 05:00 PM
1

OYS #43 – Won the MMR battle, realizing a bigger war is still ongoing. Stats: 39 yo, 6’2", 176lbs. Married 15y, 5 young kids, wife is SAHM. Read: NMMNG (x2), WISNIFG (x1), Saving a Low Sex Marriage (x2), MAP (x2), MMSLP (x2), Mystery Method (x1), The Rational Male (x1), Book of Pook (x2), PFP (x2), 48LoP (x2), TWOTSM (x1), Frame (x1), Dread (x0.75). Mission: Reconstruct my faith life by focusing on my own sin and salvation. Be assertive without being needy or controlling. Build a strong and OI f…
/r/RPChristians30/06/25 02:28 PM
2

The question itself is a false premise because it assumes it's up to us. It's not. Inter-sexual dynamics is a game not because nice-guy Christians want it to be (they really don't), or because women rationally choose it to be, but because that's how women work on an unconscious and biological level. This applies to any part of the game, from hot-and-cold to hypergamy to fitness tests to whatever part of the red pill you wish to talk about. So if the game is afoot regardless of our moral intuitio…
/r/RPChristians30/06/25 02:24 AM
1

There is no magic solution I can type, just continued persistence in reshaping who I truly am. I'm not counting but I probably got about 100 fitness and comfort tests over the past two weeks, and I passed all of them but one while staying attractive and OI. The one time I did DEER when I got worn down, I recognized it and recovered right away. Looking over past couple months of OYS, the rare times I still DEER tend to be when I'm experimenting with my frame and get tested in new and unexpected w…
/r/RPChristians25/06/25 02:37 AM
1

OYS #42 – Travel and more frame building/testing. Stats: 39 yo, 6’2", 176lbs (+1). Married 14y, 5 young kids, wife is SAHM. Read: NMMNG (x2), WISNIFG (x1), Saving a Low Sex Marriage (x2), MAP (x2), MMSLP (x2), Mystery Method (x1), The Rational Male (x1), Book of Pook (x2), PFP (x2), 48LoP (x2), TWOTSM (x1), Frame (x1), Dread (x0.5). As a Christian I disagree with the parts of Dread that encourage explicit flirting and catch-and-release tactics, but 90% of the book is about learning how to not be…
/r/RPChristians23/06/25 07:43 PM
2

This is powerful and timely to where I am at right now in my spiritual rehabilitation. I blamed most of my drop-off in prayer to being occupied by my wife's controlling behaviors and my marital struggles, but why was I so convinced that I had to hold back these struggles from God? For exactly the reasons you list here, which I am now having to repent of and face more honestly.
/r/RPChristians23/06/25 07:07 PM
1

Amen! This was my first time being persistently attractive with frame for an outburst of that level, and even just coming out the other side once, I can’t unsee it. So you’re right, the next time it happens, I should be more equipped and it’ll be less scary.
/r/RPChristians12/06/25 07:21 PM
1

Thanks for encouragement that I'm on the right path. I'm at the point in my journey where I can finally manage to not DEER and stay attractive in face of nuclear events like that, but it takes lots of effort and I'm still mostly surprised when things get sexy just a day later. Hopefully the success of this week will make it feel more real and less surprising the next time this happens, just like routine fitness tests don't scare me or confuse me anymore. I wish somebody had told me even 10% of t…
/r/RPChristians12/06/25 05:15 PM
1

Marriage: Immediately following the vaccine talk going south, wife makes accusation that this isn't really about vaccines at all. That it's about our marriage and about control. This unleashes a flood of criticism toward me and my character that was previously getting repressed or indirectly coming out as pissy fitness tests. Any accusations that are related to my previous weak-framed and reactive leadership, I own and apologize with minimal words and no DEER. Anything tied to homeopathy and vac…
/r/RPChristians09/06/25 06:50 PM
1

OYS #41 – Nuclear frame test. Stats: 39 yo, 6’2", 175lbs. Married 14y, 5 young kids, wife is SAHM. Read: NMMNG (x2), WISNIFG (x1), Saving a Low Sex Marriage (x2), MAP (x2), MMSLP (x2), Mystery Method (x1), The Rational Male (x1), Book of Pook (x2), PFP (x2), 48LoP (x2), TWOTSM (x1), Frame (x1). I just finished Frame, its content was similar to other books in Sidebar but I still benefited from the deep-dive on frame since that's my most important growth area. Mission: Reconstruct my faith life by…
/r/RPChristians09/06/25 06:50 PM
1

Finally beginning to progress beyond wife sabotaging marriage is hardly hot stuff, but I’ve come a long way and am looking forward to journey ahead.
/r/RPChristians03/06/25 09:02 PM
1

Welcome! Regarding whether RP is compatible with Christianity, I think it just depends. Even the Bible talks about men using beauty as main basis for attraction and women going for the alpha dogs (especially in OT). It’s what you do with this knowledge that differentiates mainline RP from RPC. Here we want to use RP truths to strengthen ourselves, our families (without pedestalizing wife), and God’s kingdom, and obviously spinning plates or overt flirting with other women is off the table. A com…
/r/RPChristians03/06/25 07:58 PM
1

Congrats on the pregnancy and best of luck with the job interview.
/r/RPChristians03/06/25 01:33 PM
2

OYS #40 – First week where both of us are in my frame. Stats: 39 yo, 6’2", 175lbs. Married 14y, 5 young kids, wife is SAHM. Read: NMMNG (x2), WISNIFG (x1), Saving a Low Sex Marriage (x2), MAP (x2), MMSLP (x2), Mystery Method (x1), The Rational Male (x1), Book of Pook (x2), PFP (x2), 48LoP (x2), TWOTSM (x1), Frame (x0.5). Mission: Reconstruct my faith life by focusing on my own sin and salvation. Be assertive without being needy or controlling. Build a strong and OI frame to live my life to its f…
/r/RPChristians03/06/25 03:01 AM
5

I got my start with the YouTube series by Blue Pill Professor. I watched the couple of videos focused on fitness tests in particular, like a dozen times each. Then I read his associated book twice. This obsession was partly because nobody had ever told me about fitness tests before and I thought you passed them by what turns out to be failing them (not good!). But also, my life depended on it, because I have the especially fierce kind of wife who will emotionally and sexually torture her husband…
/r/RPChristians03/06/25 02:23 AM
3

If we restrict ourselves to the masculine definition of respect, this is probably true on average. The women I know who take a hyper-rational and hyper-dominant approach to their career are either not attractive/feminine, or have attachment issues where family and relationships don't matter much.
/r/RPChristians03/06/25 02:00 AM
2

Yes to everything you're saying, and I added a new disclaimer (3) to address this important point. That would suck if somebody read my post and assumed I meant you shouldn't admire and care for your wife.
/r/RPChristians31/05/25 02:10 PM
6

You’re stuck because you’re thinking of respect in terms of having esteem or high regard for somebody. In that sense, certainly respect your wife. The summary above by ChatGPT and James is exactly what I mean, just make sure you don’t “respect” your wife in a way that basically elevates logic and expectations of reciprocity over her feelings or your own leadership.
/r/RPChristians31/05/25 01:40 PM
3

I like the connection between incongruity and negative self-talk. I am always the most negative toward myself or others when I am not acting in a congruous way. This is why I was suppressing so much anger when I was BP nice-guy (and nice guys never suppress their anger as well as they think they can). Deep down, I knew I wasn't being congruent when I was suppressing my sexual desire toward my wife because I was afraid of yet more rejections and indifference. I knew I wasn't being congruent with …
/r/RPChristians31/05/25 02:07 AM
1

Wives feel unloved by BP husbands, and this problem is amplified for women who already have anxiety and attachment issues. BP husbands try to fix their wife's emotional storms at face value to solve the problem, but TWOTSM (and real-life experience) reveals that women don't want their feelings handled in this way. Like any good lie, what BP men believe is half true. It's true that deep down women don't actually want to feel negative and non-sexual all the time, but trying to solve it like it's a…
/r/RPChristians31/05/25 01:54 AM
1

Fitness test is an unconscious sonar ping to test man’s frame and leadership. It usually looks like an unwarranted criticism over something silly or playing hard to get. It is failed by taking at face value and DEERing or getting butthurt. It is passed by recognizing it as a silly game that gives you a chance to build attraction, for example with amused mastery or a playful response. Comfort test is when wife expresses insecurity about something and the tone is more anxious and vulnerable. It’s …
/r/RPChristians29/05/25 02:15 PM
1

I’ve read the side bar I’m good with knowing difference.
/r/RPChristians29/05/25 01:20 PM
1

My leadership lost credibility because I was BP and thought leading was putting wife on pedestal, taking her words at face value, and using reasoning or pleading to solve marital issues. I am leading now but through Oak model, and wife’s paranoia and anxiety are 500% better than they were a few years ago. The church is leading over me only in context of direct conversations about the conspiracy theories because I haven’t built up enough cred yet to have her submit to my wisdom on the issue. I am…
/r/RPChristians29/05/25 01:19 PM
2

Because several times in the past I was asked to lead in these ways and tried to do it, but was still BP so I didn't really understand what was needed or how to do it. I could confusingly play-act being OI and not making wife the mission for a few weeks at a time, but then went back to reacting/solving wife's anxiety outbursts or pleading to fix dead bedroom. Now I'm doing it for real, but I disingenuously play-acted so many times in the past that it wasn't seen or believed. For this reason only…
/r/RPChristians28/05/25 04:46 PM
1

Huge improvement from OYS #1, only four 'she' statements and two 'her' statements, compared to a million from last time. I bet it took lots of deliberate practice to have this change in mindset occur within a single week and you can already see it paying off. A warning for you: when I suddenly discovered how to hold frame, wife was so shocked that it gave some tingles right away, which sounds like where you're currently at. But here's what comes next: the wife wants to know if this new feeling i…
/r/RPChristians27/05/25 03:50 PM
1

Ha! There was a level of pissy disinterest that did not inspire that in me by the 4th or 5th comment.
/r/RPChristians27/05/25 03:44 PM
1

My pastor told all our church elders about the situation. They share my concern, are praying for our family, and have all endorsed my authority to get my kids the MMR vaccine. Only because wife is making slow but steady progress now in getting deprogrammed, I am going to let church mentors continue to have conversations with my wife to try to sway her toward giving consent for MMR. Goal is to obtain consent within a few weeks time. I am checking the CDC website once a week, and if cases start ha…
/r/RPChristians27/05/25 03:41 PM
1

I thought there was an exception for this single case, where wife is finally starting to believe it and was hopefully asking if it was real now. Sounds like I overdid it though. Back to just having frame, roger that.
/r/RPChristians27/05/25 03:37 PM
1

Thanks for your thoughts on empathy versus comfort, I do think that's helpful. Main takeaways: I try to teach important lessons instead of just listening empathetically when wife shares about her issues, I need to STFU and hug more and really pick my battles for when to try to deprogram her from conspiracy stuff. Comfort tests, as you describe them, I was almost never getting while BP because I was too unattractive for wife to even desire to check for my wife goggles. I'm starting to get them no…
/r/RPChristians27/05/25 03:35 PM
1

I thought I handled it well overall but then kept getting pissy attitude for two more straight days after. I finally broke with STFU and tried having a conversation about vaccines. Repeated that I want kids to get MMR vaccine at the very least, and that the research and all our counselors and mentors agree that it is safe and necessary. This got the hamster going. I managed excellent active listening and STFU when hearing gaping logic holes that aren’t primary to issue. My ability to listen calm…
/r/RPChristians26/05/25 09:51 PM
1

OYS #39 – Confirmed the month-for-every year rule. Stats: 39 yo, 6’2", 175lbs (-1). Married 14y, 5 young kids, wife is SAHM. Read: NMMNG (x2), WISNIFG (x1), Saving a Low Sex Marriage (x2), MAP (x2), MMSLP (x2), Mystery Method (x1), The Rational Male (x1), Book of Pook (x2), PFP (x2), 48LoP (x2), TWOTSM (x1), Frame (x0.5). Mission: Reconstruct my faith life by focusing on my own sin and salvation. Be assertive without being needy or controlling. Build a strong and OI frame to live my life to its …
/r/RPChristians26/05/25 09:47 PM
2

I had the same thing happen to me for my first several OYS. It feels like you’re just neutrally describing the situation but you haven’t realized yet that your “neutral” is actually defaulting to living in her frame. You need to practice doing what you think is best in any given situation without reacting to her moods or seeking affirmation. Writing the OYS with no she statements is also good mental practice. After months, living in your own frame will start to feel natural but to start it’s ver…
/r/RPChristians22/05/25 01:25 PM
2

Welcome to RPC! Regarding where you ask for feedback for what you could have done differently, read over that whole paragraph again. See how much longer you wrote about responding to wife’s moods and requests relative to anything else you had to say. Count how many “she” statements you included. You are deep in wife’s frame and the distant and confusing feedback you get is because you’re not attractive or strong to your wife when you’re in her frame. For next OYS try writing entire thing without…
/r/RPChristians22/05/25 03:25 AM
1

When wife is coming to me to share feelings and thoughts in a vulnerable way. Usually things expressed are tied to problems or insecurities. I used to think the purpose was for me to help by encouraging, giving advice, or solving the problem, because I didn’t understand how women worked. Now I think main purpose is to simply be heard and comforted without engaging in actual issue.
/r/RPChristians21/05/25 05:46 PM
3

You cannot lead with gravitas if you are responding reactively. You cannot consider the situation and calmly decide how you would like to proceed if you are fuming. Not all problems have to be solved on the spot. Wow. This is a great summary of my failed leadership for most of marriage. I'm still trying to figure out why, but at the moment, I'm no longer making these mistakes for fitness tests but am still making all of these mistakes for comfort tests.
/r/RPChristians19/05/25 02:51 PM
2

Marriage: Three initiations, two 'nos' and one 'maybe' that I playfully tried to push through without success. No butthurt but I did make mistake of trying to be overly cuddly most mornings despite all these rejections. Finally accepting that I can be totally ripped, have an awesome social and professional life, be great with the kids, be the Mayor around the house, pass virtually every fitness tests (even the pissy ones), but still be an unattractive nobody if I cannot pass comfort tests. I'm s…
/r/RPChristians19/05/25 02:43 PM
1

OYS #38 – Comfort test epiphany and continued frame battles against conspiracy theories. Stats: 39 yo, 6’2", 176lbs. Married 14y, 5 young kids, wife is SAHM. Read: NMMNG (x2), WISNIFG (x1), Saving a Low Sex Marriage (x2), MAP (x2), MMSLP (x2), Mystery Method (x1), The Rational Male (x1), Book of Pook (x2), PFP (x2), 48LoP (x2), TWOTSM (x1). Started Frame by Stone. Mission: Reconstruct my faith life by focusing on my own sin and salvation. Be assertive without being needy or controlling. Build a …
/r/RPChristians19/05/25 02:20 PM
2

What I most appreciated from this post is the "women just are, men must become" section. I've also heard this general concept in various MRP books and materials, and it's helping me process that I can't expect reciprocity or appreciation when it comes to the amount of effort I'm putting into the marriage and family. My wife doesn't want to know how the meat is made or help make it, I'm just expected to make it. I also agree that competency and hard work are important especially for men, we can't…
/r/RPChristians19/05/25 02:05 PM
1

I’m still seen as an unsafe enemy most of the time. The only place my wife feels safe to fully show worries is the other moms pulled into the Children’s Health Defense echo chamber which only makes the worries worse because it is a fear cult that exploits worry. I agree improving dynamics to point where I can be seen as safe to vent to is only chance at saving marriage. I’m becoming more aware that the very few times I do get vented to, I tend to want to give advice or correct and this sabotages…
/r/RPChristians18/05/25 10:25 PM
2

Thanks brother. Your friendship and wise advice is an oasis in this desert of insanity I am trying to Oak my family out of.
/r/RPChristians13/05/25 02:04 PM
1

Great reminder for me, I started out in MRP so I’m still learning how to incorporate my faith and vulnerability into all this. I do think you’re right though that deeper vulnerability needs to be for God and trusted friends and not my family especially if wife is root cause of the worry.
/r/RPChristians13/05/25 12:48 AM
1

I know what not to do. Confronting or convincing that the site is a scam will cause the backfire effect universal to deeply held conspiracies. I also can’t endorse or give any positive attention to the content of site because I know it’s both a lie and toxic. Best guess is to simply acknowledge receiving the material, say thanks for openness, and continue to be attractive while steering family and marriage to worthwhile and healthy things. Give praise wherever it’s actually warranted and pass co…
/r/RPChristians12/05/25 11:27 PM
1

Social/Family: My social life was incredible this week. Six out of seven days, there was something big happening. Fantastic mix of doing things with friends, family friends, kids, wife, and my students. A couple of these events involved being out in a crowd and meeting new people, I am now enjoying talking with strangers and am much more extroverted than I used to be. Once or twice a week now, I notice that women I meet during these events are doing kino or even flirting with me, I am not acting…
/r/RPChristians12/05/25 03:05 PM
1

OYS #37 – Improved STFU and living best life possible in present circumstances. Stats: 39 yo, 6’2", 176lbs (-1). Married 14y, 5 young kids, wife is SAHM. Read: NMMNG (x2), WISNIFG (x1), Saving a Low Sex Marriage (x2), MAP (x2), MMSLP (x2), Mystery Method (x1), The Rational Male (x1), Book of Pook (x2), PFP (x2), 48LoP (x2), TWOTSM (x1). Missed goal of starting a new RP book, making it a goal again for this week. Mission: Reconstruct my faith life by focusing on my own sin and salvation. Be asser…
/r/RPChristians12/05/25 03:05 PM
1

This is all incisive and needed. Thank you. Your first paragraph summarizes why I had no frame and my wife couldn’t stand me. Your second is what I’m learning (OI action) which feels as freeing as discovering the Gospel 20 years ago. Your third is what I’m discovering first hand for a very tricky situation that involves my kids safety and my family’s sanity. Reasoning about vaccine safety always makes it worse because it’s really about fears and feelings and not facts. Anybody using homeopathy r…
/r/RPChristians08/05/25 04:14 AM
1

Your connection between feeling unfairly wronged, ego protection, and being in her frame is very interesting, this one really made me have to pause and think to even half understand. Are you saying I shouldn’t feel wronged for not being allowed to vaccinate kids or enjoy intimacy with my wife?
/r/RPChristians06/05/25 03:32 PM
1

Agreed that’s not my next book. I’m thinking Frame by Stone next.
/r/RPChristians06/05/25 01:31 AM
1

You're absolutely right, and this shows there are still layers of my nice-guy syndrome to shed. Why should I have to explain myself for occasionally not wanting to watch TV with a wife who shows pervasive disrespect and sexual disinterest to me? Why should I have to waste time engaging a hamster and being unattractive just because I'm being lashed out against? Thanks this is exactly the medicine I needed to course-correct and build more frame.
/r/RPChristians05/05/25 10:02 PM
1

I do STFU fine now for logistics and routine pissy moods. What keeps getting me talking is combo of prolonged sexual rejection and wife initiating insane accusations. This is clearly a frame issue on my part. To take the TV example I feel like saying nothing would validate accusation that I’m punishing. Would you recommend a shorter reply (“no”) or just smile and say nothing at all? Agree and amplify? Give me a few responses that wouldn’t DEER or make things worse. And I love your idea of tracki…
/r/RPChristians05/05/25 09:06 PM
1

I'm having a hard time progressing beyond 185 x 5 on the bench, any tips for how to get up to 205 or even 225 in the future? I'm trying to dabble in more toys/accessories for intimacy but currently this is always turned down. Do I need a main-event sign of respect and submission before I can expect such things to be on the table? Should I keep trying in the meantime or just let it go until there is more IOI in intimacy in general?
/r/RPChristians05/05/25 07:29 PM
1

Marriage: Two or three initiations all rejected, I’m encouraged I can’t keep count anymore and don’t really care as much. After one rejection I was asked to watch TV instead, I said no (I wasn’t in the mood). Hysterical how me being the one to say "no" a single time caused a huge reaction; I got accused of punishing because sex was turned down. This made me realize how rarely I say no, I stick with my guns and simply say “No I’m not punishing you, I would just rather connect with you than watch …
/r/RPChristians05/05/25 07:24 PM
1

OYS #36 – Continued frame building. Stats: 39 yo, 6’2", 177lbs (-1). Married 14y, 5 young kids, wife is SAHM. Read: NMMNG (x2), WISNIFG (x1), Saving a Low Sex Marriage (x2), MAP (x2), MMSLP (x2), Mystery Method (x1), The Rational Male (x1), Book of Pook (x2), PFP (x2), 48LoP (x2), TWOTSM (x1). Goal of starting a new book this week. Mission: Reconstruct my faith life by focusing on my own sin and salvation. Be assertive without being needy or controlling. Build a strong and OI frame to live my li…
/r/RPChristians05/05/25 07:24 PM
1

I do initiate with confidence now. And as stated in this week's OYS, I have now arrived at a place of genuine internal amusement when turned down because I know the rejection has nothing to do with me and I have worthwhile things to do anyway. But nonetheless, it does feel like I'm the one trying to persuade, because gaming and initiations come from me 99% of the time and are almost always received with indifference or even annoyance. How is it possible for gaming to not feel persuasive or needy…
/r/RPChristians03/05/25 10:23 AM
2

OYS #35 – Solid frame building week. Stats: 39 yo, 6’2", 178lbs. Married 14y, 5 young kids, wife is SAHM. Read: NMMNG (x2), WISNIFG (x1), Saving a Low Sex Marriage (x2), MAP (x2), MMSLP (x2), Mystery Method (x1), The Rational Male (x1), Book of Pook (x2), PFP (x2), 48LoP (x2), TWOTSM (x1). Mission: Reconstruct my faith life by focusing on my own sin and salvation. Be assertive without being needy or controlling. Build a strong and OI frame to live my life to its fullest calling without allowing …
/r/RPChristians29/04/25 03:02 PM
1

Exactly. I had a lot of frame to build to truly internalize that but I’m there now. The kids are getting vaccinated either way after wife has a few weeks to process, I’m not going to back down
/r/RPChristians22/04/25 10:20 AM
1

Pre-RP her anxiety was head of the household because I cared too much about solving her emotions. Post-RP I realized a lot of her negative emotions were tied to the massive stomach injury so my first step was Oaking past the fear of surgery. Now that surgery is done, yes vaccines are next. Didn’t want to go Rambo so I made sure all mentors were on board first. Giving her time to process with mentors in attempt to schedule appointments together but I’m getting them vaccinated no matter what. 50/5…
/r/RPChristians22/04/25 09:55 AM
2

"I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do." -Romans 7:15. Shows how our sin nature can override our spiritual nature for believers during this life. Also, I married a severely damaged person where even basic attachment and stability are very difficult, so it became easier to focus on the much flashier sin of my partner than on my own sin, leading to a continual decline in my repentance and reliance on the Lord. I have been using "That sounds really h…
/r/RPChristians21/04/25 07:33 PM
1

You let me off easy with the week I had. Do you have a particular scripture in mind to help me internalize this truth better? Besides just listening, acknowledging emotions, and pivoting to good Feelz do you have any specific empathy scripts that work well for you? Is your point to just not even weigh pros and cons until I’m ready to make final cal regarding marriage? How to know when to make a decision without worrying about it in the meantime?
/r/RPChristians21/04/25 01:27 PM
1

Spiritual: The seeming impossibility of a natural cause for the Big Bang (violates all conservation laws) makes it easy to trust in a Creator God. The power of his words and the historical impact of his resurrection appearances makes it easy to trust in Jesus. So why am I still in the wilderness? It seems like my doubts are centered on the Holy Spirit: why do so many believers I know suck so much and refuse to repent or care if the power of God is working directly in them? The easy answer is tha…
/r/RPChristians21/04/25 11:52 AM
3

OYS #34 – Building frame = exposing weakness. Crazy highs and lows this week, hence the longer post and introspection. Criticism welcomed. Stats: 39 yo, 6’2", 178lbs (-2). Married 14y, 5 young kids, wife is SAHM. Read: NMMNG (x2), WISNIFG (x1), Saving a Low Sex Marriage (x2), MAP (x2), MMSLP (x2), Mystery Method (x1), The Rational Male (x1), Book of Pook (x2), PFP (x2), 48LoP (x2), TWOTSM (x1). Mission: Reconstruct my faith life. Be assertive without being needy or controlling. Build a strong an…
/r/RPChristians21/04/25 11:52 AM
8

Yes but in today's society this leads to a massive screening challenge. Only 4% of Americans take their faith seriously enough to wait until marriage. And of these, at best 10% have the desirable traits of being physically attractive with high self-esteem and no avoidant attachment disorders. A lot of attractive women who wait until marriage have serious issues with attachment and intimacy. This means that only about 0.4% of women are marriage material for an attractive Christian man who is wait…
/r/RPChristians18/04/25 04:33 PM
7

Yes but being a prude can lead back to porn addiction. Too many Christian men have the Madonna-whore complex where they are afraid to nurture their wife's sexuality and compartmentalize their sexual fantasies in porn-land. And too many Christian women associate sex with shame which makes them disengage from intimacy and become depressed and anxious.
/r/RPChristians18/04/25 04:27 PM
4

OYS #33 - Avoiding Rambo, strengthening frame. Stats: 39 yo, 6’2", 180lbs (-1). Married 14y, 5 young kids, wife is SAHM. Read: NMMNG (x2), WISNIFG (x1), Saving a Low Sex Marriage (x2), MAP (x2), MMSLP (x2), Mystery Method (x1), The Rational Male (x1), Book of Pook (x2), PFP (x2), 48LoP (x2), TWOTSM (x1). Mission: Reconstruct my faith life. Be assertive without being needy or controlling. Build a strong and OI frame to lead my family well, with cutoff of deciding whether my marriage is acceptable…
/r/RPChristians14/04/25 02:14 PM
1

What I learned at MRP saved my life, I don’t post there anymore because they banned me for some fuzzy combo of being too Christian and taking an annoyingly long time to stop dancing for my marriage. I appreciate the heat it’s what is deconstructing my BP worldview and inspiring action on my part. We both agree my frame needs more work still but I’m astounded at the progress from not even a year ago. I’m really stoked at where my life is heading now. I like your idea to frame the last sentence of…
/r/RPChristians12/04/25 08:17 PM
1

I agree frame is my most important focus area and I’m making gains each week. I am more in my frame now than I have ever been and will keep grinding until it is no longer a weakness of mine. I am passing fitness tests with ease these days 99% of the time and was hashing out this one over sex that I fully admit I failed. I don’t beg or prostrate for sex anymore. I’ll know I’m getting to where I need to be when I can be 100% real on my OYS and not get feedback that I’m still in wife’s frame. Back …
/r/RPChristians12/04/25 01:15 PM
1

Thanks!
/r/RPChristians07/04/25 02:38 PM
1

Nothing when I’m spoken to like that. But if I sin in my anger by drawing boundary with sharp and butthurt tone, is that not worth a simple apology if it caused hurt and I don’t take back the boundary itself?
/r/RPChristians07/04/25 02:02 PM
1

Even if the anger came out in my tone when I drew the boundary in front of my kids? Shouldn’t even do a simple apology for the tone when it’s brought up as hurtful later?
/r/RPChristians07/04/25 01:52 PM
1

Thanks this sounds right. I made right call to not apologize for boundary but I still failed because I felt the need to DEER to the request which put me squarely in her frame. I did have some butthurt in my tone when I drew the boundary so perhaps I should have calmly apologized for my tone while implicitly not apologizing for the boundary itself, followed by a return to gaming and initiation.
/r/RPChristians07/04/25 01:44 PM
1

Yes I know. What’s interesting is I’m even being explicitly told that I’m the more attractive and fun one these days, so it might be an excuse for her own attachment and health issues rather than me being unattractive anymore. Or I’m just still paying off the one-month-per-year of prior BP behavior. Either way I’m staying out of her head and living an awesome and attractive life from my end these days.
/r/RPChristians07/04/25 12:35 PM
1

OYS #32 - Start of the vaccine wars. Stats: 39 yo, 6’2", 181lbs. Married 14y, 5 young kids, wife is SAHM. Read: NMMNG (x2), WISNIFG (x1), Saving a Low Sex Marriage (x2), MAP (x2), MMSLP (x2), Mystery Method (x1), The Rational Male (x1), Book of Pook (x2), PFP (x2), 48LoP (x2), TWOTSM (x1). Mission: Reconstruct my faith life. Be assertive without being needy or controlling. Do everything possible to build a healthy and strong frame and lead my family well, with firm cutoff of resolving whether ma…
/r/RPChristians07/04/25 10:47 AM
1

Got a six month ban for no stated reason other than they were tired of me and didn’t like my entries, followed by a lifetime ban when I started posting on RPChristian instead. I still read and learn from MRP and am grateful for all they taught me.
/r/RPChristians03/04/25 05:49 PM
1

What are you doing with your sexual desire? Harnessing it to up my game at the gym and at work. I do relieve myself about 2X/month (no porn!), conflicted about whether or not I should feel bad about that from a Christian or RP perspective? Are her hands and mouth broken? You can't negotiate desire. As her physical/emotional health and my attractiveness are both going up, the desire level is slowly but surely increasing and what do you know, the hands got unbroken last week. I have an extreme cas…
/r/RPChristians31/03/25 02:47 PM
3

OYS #31 - The monkey is dying, time to up the dread. Stats: 39 yo, 6’2", 181lbs (-1). Married 14y, 5 young kids, wife is SAHM. Read: NMMNG (x2), WISNIFG (x1), Saving a Low Sex Marriage (x2), MAP (x2), MMSLP (x2), Mystery Method (x1), The Rational Male (x1), Book of Pook (x2), PFP (x2), 48LoP (x2), TWOTSM (x1). Mission: Reconstruct my faith life. Be assertive without being needy or controlling. Do everything possible to build a healthy and strong frame and lead my family well, with firm cutoff of…
/r/RPChristians31/03/25 02:35 PM
1

That you can have a OYS so productive and positive, so recently after a miscarriage, speaks to how well you are leading your family. Keep it up!
/r/RPChristians26/03/25 03:28 AM
1

OYS #30 Stats: 39 yo, 6’2", 182lbs. Married 14y, 5 young kids, wife is SAHM. Read: NMMNG (x2), WISNIFG (x1), Saving a Low Sex Marriage (x2), MAP (x2), MMSLP (x2), Mystery Method (x1), The Rational Male (x1), Book of Pook (x2), PFP (x2), 48LoP (x2), TWOTSM (x1). Mission: Reconstruct my faith life. Be assertive without being needy or controlling. Do everything possible to build a healthy and strong frame and lead my family well, with firm cutoff of resolving whether marriage is salvageable by OYS …
/r/RPChristians26/03/25 03:26 AM
–

OYS #29 Stats: 39 yo, 6’2", 182lbs. Married 14y, 5 young kids, wife is SAHM. Read: NMMNG (x2), WISNIFG (x1), Saving a Low Sex Marriage (x2), MAP (x2), MMSLP (x2), Mystery Method (x1), The Rational Male (x1), Book of Pook (x2), PFP (x2), 48LoP (x2), TWOTSM (x0.5). Mission: Reconstruct my faith life. Be assertive without being needy or controlling. Do everything possible to build a healthy and strong frame and lead my family well, with firm cutoff of resolving whether marriage is salvageable by OY…
/r/RPChristians18/03/25 01:13 AM
1

It was better in real life, because I did mean it but there were also undertones of humor, confidence, and negging. Give praise where it's due: the vocalized criticism and contempt are down by at least a factor of 10X and maybe even a factor of 100X. If the feminine grows through praise, I'll given comfort when it's asked for and the situation warrants. Sex is still off the table, it's actually helping me further de-program the dancing monkey routine because now there is 0% expectation that my l…
/r/RPChristians18/03/25 12:41 AM
1

We're supposed to figure out how to stop during our adolescence, but we nice guys get stuck doing what "worked" before. Yes. Nice guys develop the skills, often better than anyone else, but then can't enjoy using them without some kind of external validation (especially from women). The skills were just tools being used to win some outside prize. Now that I'm the prize, my skills are simply my gift to those around me and my disciplines and habits aren't influenced by outside noise. It's freeing!
/r/RPChristians14/03/25 05:18 PM
1

OYS #28 Stats: 39 yo, 6’2", 182lbs (–1). Married 14y, 5 young kids, wife is SAHM. Read: NMMNG (x2), WISNIFG (x1), Saving a Low Sex Marriage (x2), MAP (x2), MMSLP (x2), Mystery Method (x1), The Rational Male (x1), Book of Pook (x2), PFP (x2), 48LoP (x2), TWOTSM (x0.25). Mission: Reconstruct my faith life. Be assertive without being needy or controlling. Do everything possible to build a healthy and strong frame and lead my family well, with firm cutoff of resolving whether marriage is salvageable…
/r/RPChristians10/03/25 01:59 PM
1

Worrying is useless. Yes I know, I was just being honest about my reality. Other MRPers who didn't know if marriage would survive also shared the mental toll this takes over time. My level of worry has gone way down now that I've internalized how the stay-plan is the same as the go-plan, in terms of developing my MAP in the meantime. envision who you want to be, and then determine what you can DO to be that person, now. I feel like I'm truly doing that now, but obviously this can't include enjoy…
/r/RPChristians07/03/25 09:13 PM
1

Very sorry to hear about the miscarriage. I don't know if this is your family's first one or not, but if it is the first, note that the emotional healing time is usually much longer for the wife than for the husband. My wife is an extreme case of course, but had uncontrollable rage for a full year after our only miscarriage. I made mistakes of taking criticisms personally and trying to move on too fast. Point being: make sure you Oak through this next season while also leading wife emotionally a…
/r/RPChristians03/03/25 06:00 PM
2

OYS #27 Stats: 39 yo, 6’2", 183lbs (+2). Married 14y, 5 young kids, wife is SAHM. Read: NMMNG (x2), WISNIFG (x1), Saving a Low Sex Marriage (x2), MAP (x2), MMSLP (x2), Mystery Method (x1), The Rational Male (x1), Book of Pook (x1.5), PFP (x2), 48LoP (x2). Mission: Reconstruct my faith life. Be assertive without being needy or controlling. Do everything possible to build a healthy and strong frame and lead my family well, with firm cutoff of resolving whether marriage is salvageable by OYS #52. L…
/r/RPChristians03/03/25 05:53 PM
1

I wasn't Oaking in a way that was both congruent and consistent until only the past couple of months. You make a good point that now that I'm finally maturing in my Oak model, I need to stretch in other ways. My case is extreme enough that cruise-control Oaking will not be sufficient. See this week's OYS, what I am thinking is next step is to truly regain OI leadership by having kids see a doctor and get vaccinated. Chemo-phobic wife has threatened war if I take this step, but not doing it is co…
/r/RPChristians28/02/25 03:56 AM
7

Women don't act the same in the workplace as they do in a relationship. Many women in academia are capable of developing and utilizing high-level critical thinking and problem solving skills, especially when succeeding in their careers makes them feel good. In this context there's not really any problem with them being in authority over students who don't have as much expertise. It's different in a romantic relationship because what makes them feel good in that context is submitting to the leade…
/r/RPChristians25/02/25 05:28 PM
1

OYS #26 - Finally internalized STFU even in face of madness "Accomplishment is its own reward, pride obscures it." -Major Briggs, Twin Peaks Stats: 39 yo, 6’2", 181lbs (–1). Married 14y, 5 young kids, wife is SAHM. Read: NMMNG (x2), WISNIFG (x1), Saving a Low Sex Marriage (x2), MAP (x2), MMSLP (x2), Mystery Method (x1), The Rational Male (x1), Book of Pook (x1.5), PFP (x2), 48LoP (x2). Mission: Reconstruct my faith life. Be assertive without being needy or controlling. Do everything possible to …
/r/RPChristians25/02/25 12:00 PM
1

It's encouraging to hear that my wife is not the only one that gets emotionally unstable around pregnancy/baby situations. Sounds like you don't let it rattle you anymore. Regarding Adderall, is that prescription for ADHD or something you just decided to start taking by yourself? Do be careful about using medication to be able to focus on your work, sounds like it might be a slippery slope unless there's a legit medical condition going on.
/r/RPChristians18/02/25 02:58 PM
2

OYS #25 Stats: 39 yo, 6’2", 182lbs (+1). Married 14y, 5 young kids, wife is SAHM. Read: NMMNG (x2), WISNIFG (x1), Saving a Low Sex Marriage (x2), MAP (x2), MMSLP (x2), Mystery Method (x1), The Rational Male (x1), Book of Pook (x1.5), PFP (x2), 48LoP (x2). Mission: Rebuild my trust in God. Be assertive without being needy or controlling. Do everything possible to build a healthy and strong frame and lead my family well, with firm cutoff of resolving whether marriage is salvageable by OYS #52. Lif…
/r/RPChristians17/02/25 11:58 AM
2

I do understand the challenges you describe, but vitrael3 is right that you're stuck in a scarcity and victim mindset. When I became a believer at a very secular college, there were literally two girls in entire college who were both believers and attractive on any level. And they were both freshmen not mature enough for seeking marriage in the short-term. Still being BP at the time, I alternated between scaring off the freshmen and wallowing in my loneliness. That was such a victim mindset. I c…
/r/RPChristians17/02/25 04:27 AM
1

It was (two) very major surgeries, everything is off table for at least 2 months and I've accepted that. I wasn't getting any BJs and hardly any sex anyway, doesn't feel that different. Wife has already made several comments about finally being attractive again (after ten years of being badly injured, both physically and aesthetically), but I'm not going to lose frame and try to psycho-analyze what that could mean for our sex life. I'm going to be a strong and attractive leader from my end, init…
/r/RPChristians17/02/25 04:20 AM
1

OYS #24 – Frame breakthrough. Stats: 39 yo, 6’2", 181lbs (-1). Married 14y, 5 young kids, wife is SAHM. Read: NMMNG (x2), WISNIFG (x1), Saving a Low Sex Marriage (x2), MAP (x2), MMSLP (x2), Mystery Method (x1), The Rational Male (x1), Book of Pook (x1.5), PFP (x2), 48LoP (x2). Mission: Rebuild my trust in God. Be assertive without being needy or controlling. Do everything possible to build a healthy and strong frame and lead my family well, with firm cutoff of resolving whether marriage is salva…
/r/RPChristians11/02/25 04:25 AM
1

Sounds good. If wife is still not on board to have an actual marriage by OYS 52, my current vision is to consult a divorce attorney while telling wife I want a trial separation. We'd still live in same house at least at first; we have a guest bed/bath/kitchen in the basement that I would move into. Most important, I need to build up my own health and frame so that I am actually able to execute this go-plan with congruence by OYS 52. This is helpful because it reminds me that the time I'm giving …
/r/RPChristians06/02/25 03:56 AM
1

Hysterically, the phony claim to our mentors was when she was the one who did the (soft) initiation, all I did was confidently escalate from there. It had nothing to do with the event at hand, it was the 14 years of butthurt and covert contracts I was doing pre-RP to try to overcome wife's attachment issues. Looking back, things were so bad in my case I should have gone monk-mode entirely until the nuclear fitness tests over logistics were overcome.
/r/RPChristians05/02/25 02:05 AM
1

Thanks to both of you for accountability, I completely agree with your assessment. I had to write this OYS very quickly because of reduced free time this month and the lack of editing certainly reveals how wife-centric I still am at the unconscious level. I'm mostly doing the right actions now and my conscious thoughts have certainly taken wife off the pedestal, which is a huge start, but clearly I still need to deconstruct the long-con dancing monkey routine. Every week it's getting better, but…
/r/RPChristians05/02/25 01:55 AM
1

OYS #23 – Surgery week, wife repaired hernias and severe diastasis. Stats: 39 yo, 6’2", 182lbs (-1). Married 14y, 5 young kids, wife is SAHM. Read: NMMNG (x2), WISNIFG (x1), Saving a Low Sex Marriage (x2), MAP (x2), MMSLP (x2), Mystery Method (x1), The Rational Male (x1), Book of Pook (x1.5), PFP (x2), 48LoP (x1). Mission: Rebuild my trust in God. Be assertive without being needy or controlling. Do everything possible to build a healthy and strong frame and lead my family well, with firm cutoff …
/r/RPChristians03/02/25 07:42 PM
1

No worries you didn’t know the details. I’m sure there’s more cases where PT could pull things back together. At least wife’s self esteem is now high enough to get surgery, up until recently she was too afraid to even talk about it and making up crazy stories like using homeopathy to cure the hernias instead of surgery. While it can’t be the mission, my Oak model of RP has dramatically lessened wife’s anxiety and shame over getting the surgery and now she’s excited about it being fixed. This als…
/r/RPChristians30/01/25 12:05 AM
2

Agreed that dread could have changed a lot of things in my case and for future readers to take heed. However, I do disagree on your comment of the surgery itself rewarding bad behavior. No amount of healthy behavior from wife would have circumvented the need for surgery, she had most severe possible grade of diastasis and it made her look 6 months pregnant and was causing hernias and all sorts of bad health issues. To make sure this is clear: the whole time she still had the long and super-skinn…
/r/RPChristians28/01/25 01:41 AM
3

OYS #22 – Stats: 39 yo, 6’2", 183lbs (-1). Married 14y, 5 young kids, wife is SAHM. Read: NMMNG (x2), WISNIFG (x1), Saving a Low Sex Marriage (x2), MAP (x2), MMSLP (x2), Mystery Method (x1), The Rational Male (x1), Book of Pook (x1), PFP (x2), 48LoP. Lifts: 5x5 (lbs): 225 SQ / 265 DL / 115 OHP / 175 BR / 175 BP. Health/Fitness: Did six workouts this week, five weight and one pure cardio. Met goal of losing a pound. Same goal again: get down to 182 for OYS #23 while continuing to build strength a…
/r/RPChristians27/01/25 11:32 AM
1

Thanks. You’re right sometimes I’m still afraid to initiate the way I actually want to because the fake sex assault claim to our church mentors really messed with my head. I need to move past that now that my MAP is improved enough that I am able to initiate without getting punished for it anymore.
/r/RPChristians24/01/25 06:40 PM
1

Thanks for feedback. I completely agree that still being in wife's head and my inconsistent frame are my primary weakness and I'm working very hard on improving these week-to-week. Basic breakdown of this past week in my head (which I'm not defending) was as follows: 4 days of peak period, 1 day where I had bad tired headache after kids waking me and marathon pickup basketball match, 2 days of wife having food poisoning. I'll detail in next OYS, but I just had successful initiation that required…
/r/RPChristians23/01/25 04:05 PM
1

I recall you had a bad knee, just be mindful of not overpowering your upper body relative to lower as this could cause imbalance and further injury. Enjoying being healthy and active is high self-esteem, mentioning 3+ times in a single paragraph that you want the longest possible life-span and influence is potentially fear-based or low self-esteem. Important thing is you recognize the anger/esteem issues with the pickleball for example and are continuing to work on this. Don't be like my dad who…
/r/RPChristians23/01/25 03:56 PM
1

How is your bench 50% more than your squat or your body weight? Doing good form or showing off and arching back like crazy? Reacting like that over pickleball and fixating on long lifespan while still in 30s are signs of low self esteem. Focus on actions and spiritual growth that build your self esteem over time. No blow back from wife or pastor regarding the stuff that happened from main event post?
/r/RPChristians22/01/25 09:28 PM
1

Given bedridden state the entire previous day and night from food poisoning, wasn’t at all clear if health was at place for anything beyond spooning. I was game though. Rather than guessing (getting in her head) or asking, I basically tried soft escalation of the spoonage toward something more sexual multiple times and it wasn’t reciprocated. So it was a soft initiation with soft reject. I’m open to hearing that I handled it wrong though.
/r/RPChristians22/01/25 09:19 PM
1

Understood. Out of curiosity, how would you describe what you’re here for?
/r/RPChristians20/01/25 09:20 PM
1

Now that you're back to regular lifting, post stats for OYS 33 for accountability. OYS 32 and still no mission? Or is the mission changing relative to what it used to be? Nothing about career. social, or marriage, is that because all of those things are going fine?
/r/RPChristians20/01/25 08:29 PM
4

Interesting post. My mom gave me plenty of independence growing up but I did a fair bit of simping to her as a young child with an absentee dad. I had to read NMMNG to process how being the mommy's boy of a feminist gave me an unhealthy white knight beta worldview that was so ironclad in the face of reality telling me otherwise. Every single man I know who is an adult simp to their mother has a failed or dead marriage(s). No exception.
/r/RPChristians20/01/25 03:30 PM
1

OYS #21 – Hunting DEER all week. "There's nothing more pathetic than a grown man who's afraid of a woman." -Kramer, Seinfeld Stats: 39 yo, 6’2", 184lbs. Married 14y, 5 young kids, wife is SAHM. Read: NMMNG (x2), WISNIFG (x1), Saving a Low Sex Marriage (x2), MAP (x2), MMSLP (x2), Mystery Method (x1), The Rational Male (x1), Book of Pook (x1), PFP (x2), started 48LoP. Lifts: 5x5 (lbs): 225 SQ / 265 DL / 115 OHP / 175 BR / 175 BP (-5). Health/Fitness: Gym back open, tried the 5x5 lifts and was plea…
/r/RPChristians20/01/25 03:25 PM
1

While on some level it's encouraging to hear I'm not the only man whose default model was to DEER in the face of such incessant negativity over nothing-burgers, at the same time, I've learned enough now that it's time to not fall into this trap even 1% of the time. I knew it was a regression as soon as it happened and I've gone back to avoiding all DEERing since this incident. Keep grinding until that mental model is completely destroyed even when my button is getting pushed intentionally, now I…
/r/RPChristians20/01/25 02:52 PM
1

Which speaks to my much bigger problem. I was already into lifting before finding MRP, but I had 0 frame in my marriage and thought that was a good and loving thing given magnitude of wife’s anxiety and needs. So yeah, I’ll keep making gains in gym but I’m climbing out of a mile deep hole in terms of my frame. Back to work.
/r/RPChristians14/01/25 10:07 PM
1

She was insecure and sabotaged all previous relationships as well, but you’re still right it applies to me and I’ve done my share to make it worse. My body fat is in the teens now, clear six pack with a few pounds of fat at bottom of it that still needs chiseling. I am getting lots of compliments from others so I know this is not a delusion but there is still work to do.
/r/RPChristians14/01/25 09:21 PM
2

(1) Yes exactly. (2) I presented them confidently and playfully so I don’t know if me expecting her response impacted the outcome. Wife is very insecure at least until injury is finally fixed with surgery scheduled in two weeks. To me the win was taking the swing anyway and not getting butthurt when told no. (3) My current stance is to always accept willing starfish if wife initiated and even put on lingerie, but turn starfish down if I initiate and interest is clearly not there. Open to feedbac…
/r/RPChristians13/01/25 09:59 PM
1

Congrats on #4! Who referred you to cognitive therapy and what specific actions led to the referral? Are there any hyper-critical or controlling narcissists in your extended family or friend group that you need to cut off to help move past the self-criticism issues? Glad the CB therapy is proving helpful to you. Nice progress with your daughter and parenting/home-schooling, sounds great.
/r/RPChristians13/01/25 06:51 PM
1

Thanks, its good feedback.
/r/RPChristians13/01/25 05:22 PM
1

OYS #20 – Stopped trying for a “Main Event” Stats: 39 yo, 6’2", 184lbs. Married 14y, 5 young kids, wife is SAHM. Read: NMMNG (x2), WISNIFG (x1), Saving a Low Sex Marriage (x2), MAP (x2), MMSLP (x2), Mystery Method (x1), The Rational Male (x1), Book of Pook (x1), PFP (x2). Took another week off reading, goal is to read a new book (either TWOTSM or 48 LoP) by OYS #21. Health/Fitness: I made a firm goal to lose a pound to get down to 185 this week. Instead, I lost two pounds to get down to 184. It …
/r/RPChristians13/01/25 03:54 PM
1

Yes. I talked to wife way too much on this OYS. Arguably in an effective way the first time to deal with sabotage but everything after that was terrible.
/r/RPChristians13/01/25 03:37 PM
1

Thanks for encouragement. Actually I now see wife as a gift strictly in terms of what she is doing now for kids and housekeeping/cooking stuff, whereas only a couple of years ago all of that would have been easier as a single parent. So I reserve the right to be surprised if she starts giving value to marriage itself too as I keep putting in the work, although I also can’t dance for it. Sorry you had injury tied to lower squat. In general I think 1 rep maxes are overrated maybe just focus on 4-1…
/r/RPChristians08/01/25 12:55 AM
1

Nice post overall. Your squat is much lower than your others, be aware you may not be pushing yourself there but don’t go Rambo and get injured either. Try incrementally putting more weight on for squats. Be shrewd with talk with pastor. Your wife basically told pastor you were being controlling or emotionally abusive if memory serves. If nothing else you should not be defending the more overt dread you did if it comes up and just be aware that anything you say about matter is likely to put you …
/r/RPChristians07/01/25 11:22 PM
1

Why do you need drugs to get abs especially at your weight? Do they have side effects?
/r/RPChristians07/01/25 04:15 PM
1

Sure but the sidebar is there because you have to understand how to act. I was prioritizing actions even when I was blue pilled but they were all assuming that wife’s words could be taken at face value. When this failed I then talked to her for hours on end to try to understand why my actions weren’t fixing marriage. Agreed that now that I have an intermediate understanding of red pill theory, actions are where progress is made. I’m lifting 5x/day, being social and gaming every day, passing the …
/r/RPChristians07/01/25 04:12 PM
1

I think female fitness tests and anxiety are almost always linked but I’m not getting sucked into another jargon vortex with you 😄
/r/RPChristians07/01/25 04:04 PM
1

Got psychiatry referral. Prioritizing mental this year. Read books all week trying to understand myself and my messed up family. If you uncover any aggressive narcissists in your family you still interact with regularly, I strongly recommend going no-contact. Wife went no-contact with her dad back in 2021 and every year her mental health is getting better (yes I know she's still a basket case in present day, but a much smaller one). I said cool, started doing something else. She came back and ju…
/r/RPChristians07/01/25 01:31 AM
1

Thanks for feedback, by the way I just got perm-banned from MRP today despite not even posting over there, so we're both outcasts now. We are super earthy-crunchy in our house, very little processed food or junk food. But we had a ton of Christmas cookies and Christmas parties over a span of like a month. The evening snack that gets me is a bowl of cereal, I do need to cut that out. I'm pretty sure with no more desserts and cutting out evening snacks that I can get down to 185 lbs by next OYS, b…
/r/RPChristians07/01/25 01:25 AM
5

I do agree with you that MRP mods do a bit of LARPing and minimize their vulnerability. They have to, they don't have Christ for security, their security is 100% self-derived and they definitely turn sex into an idol as well. So I have no issue with you and MRP being imperfect and I'm still learning too. But we learn by giving each other frank advice and accountability for where we see each other's blind spots. That's all I'm trying to do here as a fellow brother. I don't see myself as above you…
/r/RPChristians06/01/25 06:36 PM
1

Marriage: Most eventful week in months and sorry this is longer than usual as a result. Two big positives and a big negative. I’ll do my best to describe each from a frame of my own actions, but I do give a play-by-play in parts for accountability and advice. First, I had a strong frame when dealing with a mini-sabotage event at very beginning of this week. I was gaming my wife and made a flirty comment, and got a savage response that intimacy is only for me. Without any butthurt, I simply said …
/r/RPChristians06/01/25 05:51 PM
2

OYS #19 – Attractive enough frame to draw wife into it for first time, but I end week poorly. Stats: 39 yo, 6’2", 186lbs. Married 14y, 5 young kids, wife is SAHM. Read: NMMNG (x2), WISNIFG (x1), Saving a Low Sex Marriage (x2), MAP (x2), MMSLP (x2), Mystery Method (x1), The Rational Male (x1), Book of Pook (x1), PFP (x2). Health/Fitness: University gym still closed. Did five ultra-tough dumbbell video workouts in basement this week, feeling very strong and fit. Did not lose the pound as desired; …
/r/RPChristians06/01/25 05:48 PM
1

Thanks for link I hadn't read that one before. I actually think I'm getting pretty good at reading hard and soft nos. I have a pretty extreme case, wife has had extreme insomnia, rage, and intimacy issues for almost entire marriage where the 'nos' were truly of the exhausted and not interested category. It usually wasn't a matter of me not pushing through the soft nos. However, there have definitely been times in the past where the nos were soft and I didn't lead well. So I don't think that diff…
/r/RPChristians06/01/25 05:22 AM
7

It's my understanding that overt dread or overt consequences for bad behavior have been largely disproven by the MRP community. Like 'failatdawn' points out, any resulting improvements from wife would be forced and from a place of fear, which won't be genuine or sustained. Change needs to come from wife being drawn to your attractive leadership. If wife is sabotaging marriage or your own basic well-being, a more appropriate boundary is to covertly remove more and more time and attention and go d…
/r/RPChristians06/01/25 05:13 AM
1

I didn't analyze the relationship at all during courtship, I was able to just enjoy it and act intuitively, so I don't think I'm on autism spectrum. I have no problem making eye contact, acting socially without over-thinking for every relationship besides my marriage, etc. I started hyper-analyzing everything shortly after getting married, to try to understand what was causing the explosive yelling, constant anger, and lack of interest in sex that quickly made my life almost completely unlivable…
/r/RPChristians01/01/25 09:00 PM
1

It's certainly being pissy and not geared toward flirtation, but I now disagree that it's not a test at all. Both things can be true at once. The anxious and pissy attitude when things aren't absolutely perfect is a learned behavior that is certainly not personal to me. She's done it to her elementary students, ex-boyfriends, close family and friends, etc. But my response does matter immensely, and in that respect, it's a test. When I take the pissy words at face value and either try harder to b…
/r/RPChristians01/01/25 04:26 AM
1

I seriously considered divorce when that happened, no doubt that was rock bottom and wife is an anxious-avoidant basket case at best and a narcissistic monster at worst. As we discussed earlier today, now I know it's my fault in first place for feeding the monster for so long. Given we have five kids and I made a covenant, my attitude is that I owe it to both of us to practice MRP mindset and habits for 14 months (1 month for every year of blue-pilled butthurt marriage). This comes out to late s…
/r/RPChristians31/12/24 09:39 PM
1

The Blue Pill Professor called them "crappy fitness tests" (I'm paraphrasing to avoid cursing), I agree they are different from conventional fitness tests but don't really care if the term we attach still has the phrase "fitness test" in it or not. You could also call it sabotage, or being an insecure basket case, whatever. Why I think of them as a sort of fitness test is because the only way to pass them is to hold an OI frame and be The Oak, which is also how to pass the conventional fitness t…
/r/RPChristians31/12/24 07:15 PM
1

I hadn't heard of the NMCNG book before, I'll check it out. If all of that happened in 2024, your head and heart are likely swimming with all of the dramatic shifts you've made in mindsets and habits. This might tie into your current feeling of spiritual dryness. Maybe for 2025 you should focus on the stability of your frame and leadership given all the recent swings you had. Congrats on figuring out how to be the prize for your wife and to lead your family well.
/r/RPChristians31/12/24 05:03 PM
2

I agree with vitrael3 that you have too many goals here all at once. For your OYS #2, identify one or two habits/goals that you want to focus on and make sure they are well defined. Also, and I was same way on my first OYS so I understand, reading this it seems clear that right now your entire post is just a massive chess board for trying to win your wife. Certainly act attractive around her, but for now, focus on building up your own life (lifts, social life outside of wife, engaging with your …
/r/RPChristians31/12/24 04:59 PM
1

In the Venn Diagram of "guys who have sex once a month" and "guys whose wives give comfort tests" there is no overlap. Agreed for context of relational/sexual comfort tests. What I'm getting now are comfort tests tied to her severe anxiety over logistics and parenting. I didn't even get those in the past when I was failing the fitness tests. I'm not wearing a gold star or anything, all this means is that now I have been upgraded from whipping boy to emotional tampon for my wife's workaholism. Sh…
/r/RPChristians31/12/24 04:49 PM
1

When you strip all of the MRP jargon out of this, you are left with: Be assertive Decide whether to get divorced So just say that. Fair enough. Strip my mission of jargon and untestable statements. I'll try that for next week. This is not frame. Your wife is the center of the story, you are an NPC bystander. Re-write the sentence in terms of how you actively created the situation you are in. I was describing my situation pre-MRP, so yes, I didn't have any frame and had no ability to deal with wi…
/r/RPChristians31/12/24 04:49 PM
3

OYS #18 - First week switching over from MRP to RPC. Stats: 39 yo, 6’2", 186lbs. Married 14y, 5 young kids, wife is SAHM. Read: NMMNG (x2), WISNIFG (x1), Saving a Low Sex Marriage (x2), MAP (x2), MMSLP (x2), Mystery Method (x1), The Rational Male (x1), Book of Pook (x1), PFP (x2). Lifts: 5x5 (lbs): 225 SQ / 265 DL / 115 OHP / 175 BR / 180 BP. Health/Fitness: University gym closed all week, continuing to do intense basement dumbbell workouts. Went on 5-mile run with kids biking along. Did not los…
/r/RPChristians30/12/24 08:21 PM
3

Is your 'main event' you had detailed on a previous OYS post? I'd be curious in reading it. Regarding a lifting coach, I tend to agree with MRP consensus that this isn't needed. Just bring your A-game to the gym each time and you can always YouTube or ask a casual question to experienced lifter for any questions with form. I also think 1-rep maxing is over-rated as the injury risk outweighs practical benefits, especially as you get older. Just my personal take though. I also brush teeth after pu…
/r/RPChristians30/12/24 07:18 PM
3

OYS #17 Stats: 39 yo, 6’2", 186lbs. Married 14y, 5 young kids, wife is SAHM. Read: NMMNG (x2), WISNIFG (x1), Saving a Low Sex Marriage (x2), MAP (x2), MMSLP (x2), Mystery Method (x1), The Rational Male (x1), Book of Pook (x1), PFP (x2). Lifts: 5x5 (lbs): 225 SQ / 265 DL / 115 OHP / 175 BR / 180 BP. Health/Fitness: Real intense workouts 5 days this week. As soon as University gym closed for Winter break, started doing dumbbell workouts in basement. Didn't lose (or gain) any weight this week, hard…
/r/MarriedRedPill24/12/24 05:45 PM
1

I made same excuse on my first OYS posts. You didn’t really do it because you have to establish a narrative baseline first. You did it because you still believe she’s the prize and you still believe she wants to be the prize. Neither are true and we need to deconstruct our beliefs accordingly to make real progress here.
/r/MarriedRedPill18/12/24 04:41 PM
1

You don’t need a personal trainer, it all comes down to effort in the end when it comes to lifting and eating right. You can always YouTube for any form questions regarding a particular lift. You mention being an incel, what is your current status regarding porn and/or video game addictions?
/r/MarriedRedPill18/12/24 11:40 AM
6

One can STFU while also lifting and posting stats. Actually try next time.
/r/MarriedRedPill18/12/24 11:37 AM
1

Count how many times you wrote “she” or “her” or “wife” in this post. Who is the prize? Also, you’re not leading your family if you’re getting plastered and scaring your kids with your drunken behavior. Work on your own leadership before you make demands that your wife work on herself. The fact that she supplicated despite you literally being a drunk captain means that you have a very submissive and caring wife, give her something respectable to submit to.
/r/MarriedRedPill18/12/24 11:34 AM
2

Your second paragraph was what I was saying is exactly right as the antidote to the self loathing and low expectations.
/r/MarriedRedPill17/12/24 10:56 PM
1

This is exactly right. Thanks for putting it into words.
/r/MarriedRedPill17/12/24 10:15 PM
2

I deserve the call outs for my entire last paragraph of this OYS. The only good reason for not initiating for a whole week is if I genuinely didn’t desire to, not because I’m ass deep in my wife’s head pre-assuming its unwanted or because I’m thrilled that she’s finally treating me like a basic friend after being an asshole to me for almost a decade straight. Thanks for wake up call. I like the non-marital actions I’m taking on this OYS but I have to continue to divest from my wife’s headspace a…
/r/MarriedRedPill17/12/24 08:09 PM
1

I meant that wife had completely stopped coming to me for comfort, was only going to other family or friends for it. From Mystery Method, my hunch is that the comfort needed to be established for seduction to be actually desired by wife. I reserve right to be wrong about all this but it’s my current read. My situation was way too far gone to just jump into weekly fucking and yes I know that means I was a drunk captain and/or a horrible screener.
/r/MarriedRedPill17/12/24 04:18 PM
1

Correct I have only progressed from intolerable to bare minimum for tolerable. Also correct it’s on me for having accepted (or only pushed back with useless pleading) this bullshit for so long. I have a long way to go still and I still don’t know if the high value marriage will be with my current wife or somebody else.
/r/MarriedRedPill17/12/24 04:15 PM
5

You need to put your basic physical health as top priority with things in right order. Getting 4 hrs/night of sleep is insane, I have a career, 5 small kids, and a needy wife, and I'm getting way more than that. Get at least 7/night and do it on the regular. Now your brain won't be impaired and you can make smarter choices with nutrition and weight loss. With sleep and proper nutrition in place, now gym will actually be productive and not just an ego trip.
/r/MarriedRedPill17/12/24 02:44 PM
1

Out of curiosity, if wife is DTF 2-3x/week and expressing respect and interest toward you, what is the primary motive for divorce prep stuff?
/r/MarriedRedPill17/12/24 02:40 PM
1

OYS #16 Stats: 39 yo, 6’2", 186lbs (–2). Married 14y, 5 young kids, wife is SAHM. Read: NMMNG (x2), WISNIFG (x1), Saving a Low Sex Marriage (x2), MAP (x2), MMSLP (x2), Mystery Method (x1), The Rational Male (x1), Book of Pook (x1), PFP (x1.25). Lifts: 5x5 (lbs): 225 SQ / 265 DL / 115 OHP / 175 BR / 180 BP. Health/Fitness: Went to gym six days this week. Lost two pounds to make up for gaining one last week. Played basketball for first time since ankle injury and felt great, was best player on cou…
/r/MarriedRedPill17/12/24 02:35 PM
1

So arguing with about her delusional beliefs is successful sub communication? To clarify, the "already told her" bit was the pre-MRP me. With what I've learned, now I know to (a) not use rational arguments like this anymore, and (b) even engaging on this topic is stepping into her (batshit) frame. So yes, I've already processed this. I’m not going to do that, and where I am standing seems like a lot better place if you want to come along. The nice thing is that can all be said with a “no” and a …
/r/MarriedRedPill17/12/24 02:45 AM
1

Fair enough, but stoking feelz was literally impossible until I had enough frame where that would even be welcomed at all. Now I do. Challenge, as you point out, is any improvements in my wife need to be a natural byproduct of my frame and attractiveness and not some psychoanalyzed dancing monkey game. Now that I have peace in my house and me and the kids are at least safe emotionally, I can put more focus on building myself up and enjoying life from my end and be thinking much less about my wif…
/r/MarriedRedPill13/12/24 02:23 PM
1

Yes this seems to be the way for very low self esteem and emotional wives. Simply concentrating on being a HVM, subtly entraining wife into positive interactions and social engagements, and completely removing negative attention and butthurt when wife is acting batshit, are collectively raising her self esteem where the batshit is being slowly replaced with value. Just today wife was giggling and wrestling with the kids when just six months ago she would get furious at me for doing the same thin…
/r/MarriedRedPill13/12/24 01:35 AM
1

I was tiptoeing before, and then confronting with male logic and butthurt when that failed. Correct, tiptoeing on eggshells doesn’t work. What I’m doing now I wouldn’t call tiptoeing, I would call it shutting down her bullshit from my end but doing it with sub communication that speaks her language. I’ve already told her there are no molecules of anything in homeopathy and I’ve already told her that WiFi is safe. When I follow that up with “no I’m not doing that” she knows exactly why I’m not do…
/r/MarriedRedPill12/12/24 10:14 PM
1

I appreciate your thoughtful post here. Sounds like both of our wives are unusually attractive with unusually low self esteem, it’s a tricky combo for sure. Everything you say in 2nd paragraph for helping build your wife up is what I wasn’t doing pre-MRP but am doing now. And there has been a huge positive impact on her as a result but I know I can’t make that my direct mission. Yes my deconstruction this year is going all the way to the basement, it is literally as visceral and confusing and ex…
/r/MarriedRedPill12/12/24 07:04 PM
1

I’ve used AM and AA it works okay if it’s sparing and delivered with light humor. Nuking doesn’t work her low self esteem can’t handle it and makes everything worse. I’m learning a good alternative to nuking is to just leave situation entirely. And yes the fear of wifi, fluorine, conventional vaccines, etc. coupled with the homeopathy obsession are all batshit. All of this has been improving dramatically since my MAP started but only from indirect means. Any reasoning or confronting or pleading …
/r/MarriedRedPill12/12/24 06:58 PM
1

My wife was my first girlfriend and I didn't have sex until my wedding night. So yeah, very nerdy and very nice. The irony with my case is that I am most definitely not low masculinity or low fire, I have always had a very high sex drive and high masculine energy. But I was bottling it all up for marriage, only to end up with a low self-esteem wife who I didn't know how to handle. Talk aside, yes I have been deconstructing everything (and I mean everything) I thought I knew over the past half ye…
/r/MarriedRedPill12/12/24 11:34 AM
1

I am truly growing into the abundance mindset you’re describing when it comes to initiations. I was describing my wife’s scarcity mindset, which has improved from accepting only during ovulation to even during PMS week when I am being congruent and masculine. Perhaps your point though is even me tracking my wife’s progression is still a fancy dancing monkey routine I will keep that in mind.
/r/MarriedRedPill12/12/24 01:54 AM
1

Haha you just described the outcome of my “happy wife happy life” approach to marriage perfectly. I was on the floor laughing. Also relieved I found this place as I was entering Stage 3, you fucks are lifesavers.
/r/MarriedRedPill12/12/24 01:45 AM
1

Right now losing 5-10 pounds of remaining dad-bod fat around my core is priority over eating more for improving lifts. I'm not sure what "rir 0-1" means but I am experimenting more now with doing 1-2 reps at a heavier weight for first set to push my body's limits. Yes women are flummoxed that my wife seems entitled to act the way she does, and I knew it was unacceptable, but blue-pill me just tried to talk it out with her for hours on end and get her to agree with my needed changes. Guess how th…
/r/MarriedRedPill11/12/24 04:22 PM
1

Brush teeth and floss right after putting kids to bed to avoid late-night snacking, pack a healthy lunch every day for work, fixed schedule for going to gym 4-5x/week, listen to music instead of intellectual podcasts during workouts to get out of my head and into my body, made concrete goals for lifts to achieve by March (see below), mixing up workout routines to avoid plateau, doing more cardio-based activities now that ankle is healed, weigh myself every morning to gauge progress and be honest…
/r/MarriedRedPill11/12/24 04:15 PM
1

Thanks for challenging me. No wonder your wife doesn’t want to fuck YOU. I have no doubt this is true. I've accepted this and I've learned what I can do from my end to be more attractive and less unattractive. Your game is likely as labored as your verbiage. You're right. My budding game got crippled weeks into my marriage when my wife gave massive shit tests to intimacy that I didn't understand and my validation-seeking couldn't handle. My game has been labored or in the freezer ever since, asi…
/r/MarriedRedPill11/12/24 03:36 AM
1

What helped me is having something else to do. The mindset being if I have sex right now that's great but if not I've got other important things to do. Agreed completely and I genuinely feel like I am growing into this mindset now. Then I shifted to initiating when I genuinely wanted to connect. Never initiate from a place of needing validation. Yes I am only initiating now when it's genuine from a connection standpoint. You all have taught me that initiating solely because I'm repressed and fee…
/r/MarriedRedPill11/12/24 03:05 AM
1

I’ve been doing clear initiations about 1-2x/week on average for past couple of months, with exceptions for sick or period. Until this week’s accepted PMS initiation, was only accepted during ovulation. Other attempts were met with bemused but not angry rejections. I’ve been receiving rejections with zero butthurt or change in behavior besides getting out of house more in organic ways. This is all new territory, previously was alternating between zero initiations and rare needy attempts with but…
/r/MarriedRedPill10/12/24 10:01 PM
1

Not liking my wife was also a persistent problem for me coming into MRP journey. You may have to try a "fake it till you make it" approach. For example, I planned a thoughtful date night and stayed engaged throughout despite absolutely hating it on the inside because of wife's apathy and shit tests throughout entire evening. But after proactively doing enough things like this without butthurt, wife eventually would engage back and then it genuinely became fun to date her again. Also, if you have…
/r/MarriedRedPill10/12/24 07:34 PM
4

I can affirm this, 1x/month was the norm for me since having kids while being a beta provider. Being this unattractive and the wife still is offering 1-2X/week duty sex while breastfeeding? Sounds like you have a fantastic wife, work on yourself.
/r/MarriedRedPill10/12/24 07:23 PM
6

OYS #15 Stats: 39 yo, 6’2", 188lbs (+1). Married 14y, 5 young kids, wife is SAHM. Read: NMMNG (x2), WISNIFG (x1), Saving a Low Sex Marriage (x2), MAP (x2), MMSLP (x2), Mystery Method (x1), The Rational Male (x1), Book of Pook (x1), PFP (x1). Lifts: 5x5 (lbs): 225 SQ (+20) / 265 DL / 115 OHP / 175 BR (+10) / 180 BP. Health/Fitness: At my personal bests for all lifts, went to gym almost every day this week. I did gain a pound, I think this was due to having a late-night snack a few nights while gr…
/r/MarriedRedPill10/12/24 03:59 PM
1

Can you define the difference between a plan and a mission? And why is Oaking to save five young and incredible children from emotional sabotage a bad plan, if it’s already working and I’m only focusing on doing it by changing my own actions and accepting I cannot directly change my wife’s?
/r/MarriedRedPill07/12/24 12:20 PM
1

Honest answer. If you’ve tried to stop in the past and couldn’t then be honest about that and buy a high quality internet filter for all of your online devices. Is it better for an alcoholic to just try harder with his house stocked full of beer, or to get the alcohol out of the house so it’s not an option?
/r/MarriedRedPill05/12/24 02:39 PM
1

I needed that link, thanks. The central reason I’ve progressed from war zone to cordiality in my house is I completely stopped using communication for conflict resolution, and replaced it with more time for myself and friends. But to fully realize that wife always saw my communication as inherently validation seeking, controlling, and unattractive, it sure is a wake up call.
/r/MarriedRedPill05/12/24 12:18 AM
1

Do you use porn? You don’t mention it so I’m guessing yes. Your validation issues won’t get better until you quit. For your height, you should be at least 30 pounds lighter. Consistent and intentional exercise and nutrition needs to be a focal point.
/r/MarriedRedPill04/12/24 11:50 PM
1

During your Rule 9 ban, read the sidebar if you haven’t already and buy an internet filter to remove porn as an option. This notion of using will power to quit a long standing porn issue is ineffective and unnecessary. Quitting porn and reading about a healthy masculine identity, along with continuing lifting, are your necessary starting point. Post ban, try writing your entire OYS #2 without saying “her” a single time. It will feel unnatural at first but then start feeling really good and empow…
/r/MarriedRedPill04/12/24 11:46 PM
1

For books about building the man, I strongly recommend MAP and The Book of Pook, which is free online and all about inner mindset and embracing a healthy masculine identity.
/r/MarriedRedPill04/12/24 11:41 PM
1

Yes I have fully processed this is what she is doing. What I don’t know yet is whether there is any reversing of this dynamic. All I can do is my MAP and enjoying all other aspects of my life, but even then, this is not sustainable forever.
/r/MarriedRedPill04/12/24 05:42 PM
1

I’m already going out with kids and friends a ton, I’ll keep doing that along with getting my physical energy out at the gym.
/r/MarriedRedPill04/12/24 01:30 PM
1

I have no issue with this context of women being “better” at communicating. But this is entirely undermined when, at the same time, their words literally mean the opposite of what the words mean and they ask for things that they don’t actually want. But I just need to get over this, women aren’t men and there are some women (especially beautiful and anxious ones) who will destroy the entire family if you take their words at face value and bend over backwards to pacify their expressed needs. I ne…
/r/MarriedRedPill04/12/24 02:57 AM
1

Right, which is why the warm kisses and kino only come from her at times where sexual initiation is impossible (if she’s not ovulating). I’ve built enough frame and emotional competence to get from war zone (nuclear or incessant shit tests) to friend zone (comfort tests, basic signs of respect) but there is still essentially zero attraction from her end. And I have no way to know or control whether there ever will be again. Focus on myself and what I can do from my end. One final question: post …
/r/MarriedRedPill04/12/24 02:51 AM
1

OYS #14 Stats: 39 yo, 6’2", 187lbs, 16% body fat (Navy). Married 14y, 5 young kids, wife is SAHM. Read: NMMNG (x2), WISNIFG (x1), Saving a Low Sex Marriage (x2), MAP (x2), MMSLP (x2), Mystery Method (x1), The Rational Male (x1), Book of Pook (x1). Lifts: 5x5 (lbs): 205 SQ / 265 DL / 115 OHP / 165 BR / 180 BP. Health/Fitness: Lost a pound despite two straight weeks of travel and heavier meals. Continuing parallel goals of increasing strength while decreasing weight. I want to lose at least one po…
/r/MarriedRedPill03/12/24 09:55 PM
1

Thank you! I’ll take a look at that.
/r/MarriedRedPill27/11/24 05:51 AM
1

Check and agreed! She has even admitted she didn’t really know how to process her anxiety or attachment stuff, I definitely agree that most of it wasn’t calculated. Get out of her head, get out of the past, and keep up my hard work on making progress.
/r/MarriedRedPill27/11/24 02:59 AM
1

Yes that’s what I’ve come to learn, but the fact that it took her 13 years of hen pecking to even hint that this was the real issue, while continuing to give false flag feedback, really ticks me off. I’ll settle for now in accepting its “different” I don’t need to get all triggered just because a podcast or book here and there says “better”. And just to clarify: I did try to get self respect back. I didn’t just bend over and take the verbal abuse. But I tried in the three worst ways possible: da…
/r/MarriedRedPill27/11/24 12:28 AM
2

Three people saying to wait on WOTSM, I’ll listen. Doing Poon and PFP first then, and yes I fully believe there are more layers of dancing monkey and CCs to peel off as I continue to develop. Thanks.
/r/MarriedRedPill26/11/24 11:59 PM
1

I’m thinking carefully about your insights regarding my mission, thanks. I have accepted sex difference in communication. I’m having great trouble accepting that wives are “better” at communicating. My wife exclusively criticized me for logistical imperfections for over a decade, including screaming at me in front of our children, only for me to find out over the past 1.5 years that she thinks I’m great overall with being helpful around the house. How in the hell is that “better” communication?!
/r/MarriedRedPill26/11/24 11:57 PM
1

Horns mentioned WOTSM as his favorite source for learning how to steer his wife out of her anxiety/depression spirals and that is the most prevalent challenge in my own marriage as well. Do you recommend Poon first?
/r/MarriedRedPill26/11/24 11:53 PM
1

Last weeks aren’t good gauge because I was gone this whole week and wife in period and sick before that. I don’t have enough attraction and dread yet for period sex or sick sex as made clear by gentle signals I can now read fairly well. Prior to that, I got about three rejects and one enthusiast accept. Besides my frame and attraction clearly building, her anxiety is also clearly lessening, so I’ll be looking to game and initiate more when we’re back together. I’ll read PFP after WOTSM, thanks f…
/r/MarriedRedPill26/11/24 02:24 PM
2

I meant he’s not victim puking and seems to recognize the change has to come from his side. That’s a start, gotta lift and quit porn for validation next before he can really accomplish substantive goals.
/r/MarriedRedPill26/11/24 01:43 PM
1

OYS #13 – At international locale for this entire past week to give invited talk at conference. Stats: 39 yo, 6’2", 188lbs, 16% body fat (Navy). Married 14y, 5 young kids, wife is SAHM. Read: NMMNG (x2), WISNIFG (x1), Saving a Low Sex Marriage (x2), MAP (x2), MMSLP (x2), Mystery Method (x1), The Rational Male (x1), starting TWOTSM. Lifts: Only had access to small hotel gym, did high rep workouts. Health/Fitness: Since heavy lifting is impossible this week, focused on cardio and weight loss. Did …
/r/MarriedRedPill26/11/24 11:36 AM
1

If she's initiating complaints about lack of affection, stop talking about it and act. Maximize attraction and displays of affection when they are genuine and truly lack CCs. When she says "why didn't you do this earlier?" and gives distance and shit tests, this is actually a sign to keep going (as long as CCs are absent), not to stop. Push through the shit tests. Think of a couple of different sweet and/or funny responses you can say the next time she says this.
/r/MarriedRedPill26/11/24 11:26 AM
1

I had same pattern of talking and talking to get more kindness and affection, glad you see that this approach always backfires if the feelz aren’t there. But you mention she is initiating fights from her end too, what is the main issue being raised from her end? If you haven’t already read it, read “Avoid arguments: Focus on your MAP” post. It was life saving for me.
/r/MarriedRedPill26/11/24 10:53 AM
4

On plus side you’re fairly focused on yourself for a first OYS. That’s a good sign that you’re here to learn and don’t have a victim mindset. You’re over 6ft tall, weigh 170 pounds, and your max bench press is barely more than the bar?! You need to gain a lot of muscle and likely lose a lot of fat before you should expect your wife to be enthusiastic about sex with you. And even then, if you’re moping all day because you got turned down for sex, you’ll still be unattractive. Especially given she…
/r/MarriedRedPill26/11/24 09:52 AM
1

You are summing up my internal churn very well. I’ve been doing any and all of those over past couple of months. Prior to MRP I was only ever doing what I thought (incorrectly) wife wanted and then getting butthurt when it made things worse, so doing a mix of all of these is huge improvement. Goal is to get to a place where I’m doing what I think is best and that this would at least sometimes also be what wife really wants deep down (although that can’t be the mission). Every week it’s getting b…
/r/MarriedRedPill20/11/24 07:35 PM
1

Ha! My trap is I do game and initiate authentically until meeting strong indifference and then I wilt and get out my autistic spreadsheet. Trying to build frame to point where my initiations are genuine even if brutally rejected, making progress but more work to be done. Thanks.
/r/MarriedRedPill20/11/24 03:21 PM
2

Your timeline for escaping porn will be much faster if you put skin in the game and buy a high quality internet filter that syncs to all of your online devices you have private access to. I’m talking from personal experience.
/r/MarriedRedPill20/11/24 07:19 AM
0

My current mental model is to only do hard/explicit initiations when she is not on PMS/period, not sick or exhausted, and gaming is getting some kind of IOI. I am open to challenging this model but wouldn’t hard initiations when I know they aren’t wanted potentially weaken the attraction I am successfully building? How do I know when not initiating too aggressively is simply reading the room accurately versus being a validation seeking wimp?
/r/MarriedRedPill20/11/24 05:01 AM
1

OYS #12 Stats: 39 yo, 6’2", 188lbs, 16% body fat (Navy). Married 14y, 5 young kids, wife is SAHM. Read: NMMNG (x2), WISNIFG (x1), Saving a Low Sex Marriage (x2), MAP (x2), MMSLP (x2), Mystery Method (x1), The Rational Male (x1). Lifts: 5x5 (lbs): 205 SQ / 265 DL / 115 OHP / 165 BR / 175 BP. Health/Fitness: Achieved goal of getting back to personal bests for lifts after getting injured last month. Went to gym five days this week and feel amazing. Current goals: keep building strength while simult…
/r/MarriedRedPill19/11/24 05:16 PM
1

I didn't get shit on a ton by you guys, I got helped a ton. This was my first OYS where my MAP was going well enough to try pretty explicit sexual gaming, and my frame wasn't strong enough yet for that to be congruent. Processing all this feedback is a huge level-up for my mindset, but now I need to put into practice. Everything I've read is at the top of my OYS, there's some important books I still need to read. I'll re-read the jacktenofhearts posts it's been a while, and what book(s) do you r…
/r/MarriedRedPill14/11/24 04:22 AM
1

Clear answers to my questions, thanks. Regarding the Catch 22, that has occurred to me. My current view of this is, first of all, to remind myself that 52 weeks of OYS is for my own health as the foundational goal. Even if it’s still a dead bedroom, if I have fully internalized OI, frame, and an otherwise fulfilling life, I’ll see it as a win. Second, I will definitely be ramping up the dread level (gradually, not Rambo) the closer I get to #52, and also make sure there’s a clear “fuck me or fuc…
/r/MarriedRedPill14/11/24 12:32 AM
1

Yes. I stopped gaming wife for years purely because of her apparent disinterest. I used to be terrified of even watching an occasional sports game in her presence, it was pathetic. My OI is growing fast but it was such a weak spot that I have a lot of work to do still. Back to it.
/r/MarriedRedPill13/11/24 04:02 PM
1

Thanks. This OYS was too focused on my wife and protecting ego for failed gaming, I need to refocus on me and being more attractive.
/r/MarriedRedPill13/11/24 11:03 AM
1

Thanks this is great advice. I really wanted to enjoy the game I was playing but I’m not sure my gaming will ever feel fully congruent with the level of sexual disinterest wife is consistently demonstrating. Sounds like I need to build more frame and attraction first and practice gaming on smaller levels that feel more natural and fun, and then slowly scale up from there. The hard part is I truly do think I’d enjoy gaming if it was received, for example I enjoy bantering with friends and while t…
/r/MarriedRedPill13/11/24 11:01 AM
1

Is SGM more about gaming leading up to sex, or sexual invitations and technique? I think right now I need to read stuff focused on the former.
/r/MarriedRedPill13/11/24 10:53 AM
1

Point taken. Every other part of my life is going great so it seems natural to just focus on my problem area (marriage, dead bedroom), but you guys keep reminding me that this approach will always backfire because it pulls me back into her frame. I should already know from MAP and common sense that my MAP can positively influence others but it’s never a guarantee and if I focus on that I’m still a dancing monkey.
/r/MarriedRedPill13/11/24 10:52 AM
1

My mission is to have myself with a rock solid frame by OYS #52, regardless of what happens with the marriage. Why I'm also (currently) making OYS #52 my go/no-go decision for the marriage is because that will also coincide with about 14 months of actively practicing MRP, one month per every year of former blue pill. My understanding is that if there isn't even a base level of sexual desire or genuine respect from wife by then, there probably never will be. I waited until marriage to have sex an…
/r/MarriedRedPill13/11/24 01:44 AM
1

Me circa OYS #5 definitely couldn't have processed this week's pile-on of lessons. Encouragingly, me circa OYA #11 is laughing out loud and nodding at being called cringe and cunt. I feel like I've learned a month's worth of lessons in a single day, this is amazing. Now to put it into practice! Your "last thing" is appreciated and well taken, it's very helpful to conceptualize that this "friend zone" I am now in should not be seen as a necessary stage to camp in prior to becoming a man who fucks…
/r/MarriedRedPill13/11/24 01:35 AM
2

Ha! The brutal humor here is legit helpful to shake me out of unattractive habits. I’m slinging the lingo 5000% less than I used to, I probably have another 3000% drop to go coupled with getting much better at game until I’m not cringe. Main takeaways from this week’s feedback is to use my anger to fuel learning and practicing game, do lots of worthwhile shit away from home when taken for granted, confidently initiate when I feel like it without being a try hard, get all the way out of my wife’s…
/r/MarriedRedPill12/11/24 09:34 PM
1

Well said! I've learned a ton from all of this week's feedback and feel like I know how to re-calibrate moving forward.
/r/MarriedRedPill12/11/24 07:10 PM
1

Thanks for all of this! You're right that basically all I've done so far is progress from "active shooter" wife to "friend-zone" wife. This means a lot from my end, because a wife trying to actively destroy you in front of your kids is literal hell, but it's still a long long way from being a man who fucks. SGM is on my to-read list. Agreed that if my wife won't fuck me long-term, I need to accept this and move on.
/r/MarriedRedPill12/11/24 07:09 PM
0

Needed this reminder, thanks. I made this change in my original posts but I still fall for it sometimes in my responses, I have to cut that out.
/r/MarriedRedPill12/11/24 07:05 PM
0

That's good to know, thanks. Almost definitely no affair in past decade and maybe never was one. Taken for granted, 100%. I'm definitely angry, but it used to only come out as butthurt and trying even harder to get appreciated which made things worse. You all are teaching me to channel that anger into anger at myself for enabling and pedestalizing an energy vampire. Now my anger is fuel to spend more time doing valuable things for myself and others and much less time trying to please an anxious …
/r/MarriedRedPill12/11/24 07:03 PM
1

Thanks! You’re right and I know I have a lot more calibration and reframing ahead of me.
/r/MarriedRedPill12/11/24 05:24 PM
0

No I doubt any affair since kids and even before kids I just don’t know. You’re all correct in that I’m putting too much energy toward wife, I need to recalibrate to game and sexually escalate without making her the prize or being a try-hard. Back to work.
/r/MarriedRedPill12/11/24 05:23 PM
1

Thanks!
/r/MarriedRedPill12/11/24 05:21 PM
1

I’m leaving after OYS 52 if there are still pervasive vibes of wife not wanting me.
/r/MarriedRedPill12/11/24 05:20 PM
0

I needed to hear this, thanks. You’re completely right. I could have just texted back “yes I’m here” after waiting a couple of minutes and then let her initiate wanting me back in bedroom instead of volunteering a lame beta tuck-in kiss. I’m taking this to heart, now that I’ve escaped the day-to-day shit tests, I need to really focus on making myself the prize especially in my own mind.
/r/MarriedRedPill12/11/24 05:07 PM
1

To clarify, I am open to the solution to the dead bedroom being a divorce. But I do see your point, I wrote my mission in a very wife-centric way and that's telling. I have more work to do.
/r/MarriedRedPill12/11/24 03:35 PM
1

This question is on-point, thanks. I feel my breakthrough over past couple months is truly believing and acting like I'm the prize in the context of providing the most value to my family (by far) and being the mayor. The result of this shift is the shit tests turning to comfort tests and my wife getting far more submissive and respectful toward me. BUT on the sexual front, you're 100% correct that things are still framed like she's the prize and I'm the beggar. How to flip this when she currentl…
/r/MarriedRedPill12/11/24 03:32 PM
1

Agreed the texts suggested some dread, which I never used to get, so things progressing on that front. How do I avoid rushing to offer beta? If I refuse to come back up, she assumes I'm punishing her for getting rejected which is a huge issue to her. The previous few rejections, I left house to workout or play piano, should I have done that again?
/r/MarriedRedPill12/11/24 03:24 PM
1

Thanks for thoughtful play-by-play analysis. Agreed that I passed the initial shit tests and took the L with poise, but in hindsight, wish I had started describing the sex scene without waiting for her permission to workshop it with me. So I probably failed the shit-tests during the role play. I'm still unclear on whether I messed up with coming back up when she sent me the texts post-rejection.
/r/MarriedRedPill12/11/24 03:22 PM
1

Are you referring to pre-initiation, during the role playing, or afterward? Pre-initiation, I wasn't giving wife any romantic affection this week because she was clearly sick and tired, I was just leading family and being attractive in general. During the role-playing, I thought I was pushing through shit tests but I'm open to being wrong on that. Post-initiation, what do you suggest? If I refuse to come back up to say goodnight she assumes I am punishing her as a form of butt-hurt, so it feels …
/r/MarriedRedPill12/11/24 03:19 PM
3

To give you a perspective check, I'm quite envious that you found MRP while still in your 20s, pre-kids, in first year of marriage. You have an incredible opportunity to kill your fragile ego and covert contracts with win-win outcomes: either you save your marriage, or you get to have a healthy relationship with somebody else with no kids suffering from the resulting divorce. I think you would benefit from reading MMSLP and MAP next in particular, read those and learn how to be attractive and no…
/r/MarriedRedPill12/11/24 12:02 PM
1

OYS #11 Stats: 39 yo, 6’2", 188lbs, 16% body fat (Navy). Married 14y, 5 young kids, wife is stay-at-home mom. Read: NMMNG (x2), WISNIFG (x1), Saving a Low Sex Marriage (x2), MAP (x2), MMSLP (x2), Mystery Method (x1), The Rational Male (x1). Lifts: 5x5 (lbs): 105 OHP (-10) / 165 BR / 175 BP (-10) / 2x50 curls. Back to heavy lifting; numbers slightly down from injury and travel over past weeks. Adding deadlifts and squats back to roster for this current week and trying to get back to form. Mission…
/r/MarriedRedPill12/11/24 11:55 AM
1

Being tolerable to be around and passionate sex once a month is a hell of a lot better than never having sex and being screamed at in front of my children for stepping on a crumb. Life is relative, I've learned. Agreed that this is still WAY lower standard than I personally have for the marriage relationship, but what exactly do you suggest? Pleading or reasoning for more? Doesn't work. Wife is a cat, only way to get her on my lap is to be attractive and OI enough for the cat to jump up on her o…
/r/MarriedRedPill07/11/24 07:58 PM
1

I've made progress on that front. I agree there's still more work to be done there. I went too many years trying to negotiate boundaries instead of executing them.
/r/MarriedRedPill07/11/24 07:50 PM
1

My old version of a "dream wife" would be no shit tests and more mutual gratification on emotional and romantic levels. I've grown up this year, I now firmly believe the Rational Male mantra that a woman cannot love a man in the same way that a man loves a woman. So I'm letting this "dream wife" thing go, AWALT and there's no point hoping that my wife will be kind to me even when things are imperfect or that she will be sexually available even in the absence of proper frame and game. Now I think…
/r/MarriedRedPill07/11/24 01:47 PM
1

The job thing is not a huge priority to me because I make enough to support everyone. Our kids are in private school for this year only as wife recovers from self-inflicted burnout, but we are planning to switch back to home-school in some capacity for next year now that her anxiety is de-escalating and that's something she is very passionate about for her vocation. Wife letting go of control of kids' schooling for a year was great because it eroded some of her ultra-perfectionism that was drivi…
/r/MarriedRedPill06/11/24 07:49 PM
1

This past week two initiations and two rejections, one playful rejection right before trip because she was tired from packing and a soft rejection during the trip. Zooming out, was having zero sex during active shooter phase of marriage and for past three months this has been upgraded to once a month ovulation sex. Still in terrible place anything less than weekly is absolutely miserable considering I have a high sex drive.
/r/MarriedRedPill05/11/24 09:24 PM
2

I'm still learning but here's what I've got so far: 1) Focus on building attraction and comfort prior to most initiations, and be looking for signs of kino and submissiveness from wife that stoke genuine desire to fuck. Then initiate. 2) Never plead or straight-up ask for sex. Think of creative ways to initiate that involve banter and shake up her emotional snow globe in a fun way. 3) When she offers light resistance, base your response on subtle cues not her words. If she seems amused or playfu…
/r/MarriedRedPill05/11/24 02:14 PM
1

OYS #10 Stats: 39 yo, 6’2", 189lbs, 16% body fat (Navy). Married 14y, 5 young kids, wife is stay-at-home mom. Read: NMMNG (x2), WISNIFG (x1), Saving a Low Sex Marriage (x2), MAP (x2), MMSLP (x2), Mystery Method (x1), The Rational Male (x0.75). Past week was family travel and funeral, nothing much to report aside from there being WAY less shit tests (virtually zero) from my wife during the travel compared to previous trips. For my OYS #10, trying to zoom out a bit to see how far I’ve come as fuel…
/r/MarriedRedPill05/11/24 02:05 PM
1

I'm confused. Was my playful 30-second backwards walk for wife to reconsider my sexual initiation a successful example of being the fun "clown" (hence the laughter and passionate sex the next day), or an example of me almost literally being a dancing monkey? I could interpret your comment either way and now I'm kind of lost. The positive body language and next-day IOIs from wife both seem to indicate the former, but I want to make sure you're not saying I'm still stuck in the latter.
/r/MarriedRedPill31/10/24 07:09 PM
1

Fascinating read, thanks. Since having kids my wife has been a mom-aholic who ACTS annoyed when I am silly and playful with her or even with the kids. My huge mistake was believing what she says instead of pushing through resistance with even more playful energy. I feel like I’m finally internalizing this lesson to game in the face of apparent resistance, is this why you posted the link?
/r/MarriedRedPill30/10/24 03:12 PM
1

OYS #9 Stats: 39 yo, 6’2", 188lbs, 16% body fat (Navy). Married 14y, 5 young kids, wife is stay-at-home mom. Read: NMMNG (x2), WISNIFG (x1), Saving a Low Sex Marriage (x2), MAP (x2), MMSLP (x2), Mystery Method (x1), The Rational Male (x0.5). Lifts/Fitness: Sprained ankle badly two weeks ago; became able to walk without boot for past week so got back to gym multiple times. Not squatting or deadlifting yet, otherwise I’m back. Will start posting lifting stats again for next OYS. Thanks for push to…
/r/MarriedRedPill29/10/24 10:47 AM
1

Thanks! You’re right her reactions should only ever be a secondary barometer for my frame given her unstable history. Focus on evaluating myself based off how I act, if she’s pissy when I’m hurt then just be the oak and if that gets unbearable then draw a boundary and do fun and useful stuff without her for a bit.
/r/MarriedRedPill23/10/24 09:47 PM
1

So basically a wife won’t mind caring for a sick/hurt husband when she already finds comfort in his strength, but if she already doubts his frame, she’ll be prone to disgust when he’s sick/hurt because now his external weakness reminds her of his internal weakness. Makes sense. Interesting how that means me getting sick/hurt can be a useful frame barometer. Back when I had 100% oneitus and 0% OI, when I got sick I had to explicitly ask for assistance for something as small as wife doing breakfas…
/r/MarriedRedPill23/10/24 06:36 PM
3

Thanks for the push. I think we're both making fair points here but I need to learn from your point. Even if I'm right that I was doing almost everything I usually do, I need to have more drive and courage to lead beyond what the doctor and my wife are telling me I should do and stop making so many injury excuses on my OYS. After reading your posts again, I decided to not wear my boot for a fancy date night we had last night. It felt great to be able to fully use my knee and ankle again and I wa…
/r/MarriedRedPill23/10/24 09:44 AM
2

You're at least in both of their frames for sexual validation, true that you're not in terms of marriage/commitment. Actionable steps: You're 37 and you still have no idea if you want marriage and kids or not? That's way too old to not even know what your mission is in terms of family. You probably have unresolved mommy and/or daddy issues that you should root out and overcome. Living unmarried and with no mission for so long, you probably also have addiction issues to identify and overcome. Mig…
/r/MarriedRedPill22/10/24 07:08 PM
1

I'm still fairly new here, but even I can tell that you are currently 100% in your LTR's frame. This post might even be a Rule 9 ban. Given you describe the LTR as high quality, you should assess what's going on with yourself that led to branch swing in the first place and why the branch swing also failed. The common denominator is you, and that you don't really know who you are or what you want out of life. Which girl you end up with is basically irrelevant right now, build your own identity an…
/r/MarriedRedPill22/10/24 06:24 PM
1

I was squatting 225 in a boot 3 weeks after rupturing my Achilles. Stop being such a giant whiney pussy about a sprained fucking ankle. I'll get back to gym this week, thanks for the push. No. But if you bitched and moaned around the house as much as you did in this post, I wouldn't be at all surprised that you did get that treatment. I didn't complain about injury a single time at home and continued to do most morning/evening stuff for kids. Wife said pissy mood toward me was combo of jealousy …
/r/MarriedRedPill22/10/24 02:38 PM
2

This is a great perspective for not having unreasonable expectations and using both the positive and negative cycles to reinforce my frame/goals in different way. Thank you!
/r/MarriedRedPill22/10/24 02:27 PM
1

Point taken, I need to be careful to not use this as excuse to stop grinding in the gym. Week one I truly couldn't put much weight on that foot and wanted to let the torn ligament and bruising heal up, but now that it's week two, I should practice walking without the boot more often and get back to gym and find stuff I can do.
/r/MarriedRedPill22/10/24 02:26 PM
1

OYS #8 Stats: 39 yo, 6’2", 189lbs, 16% body fat (Navy). Married 14y, 5 young kids, wife is stay-at-home mom. Read: NMMNG (x2), WISNIFG (x1), Saving a Low Sex Marriage (x2), MAP (x2), MMSLP (x2), Mystery Method (x1). Lifts: N/A (injured). Fitness: Played pickup basketball with some friends for first time in two years, was having a blast but badly sprained my ankle on the last play of the night. Landed on somebody’s foot and rolled ankle terribly. Have to wear an orthopedic boot for two weeks, hal…
/r/MarriedRedPill22/10/24 11:02 AM
1

In my case, I really do think I was putting a great amount of effort and personal responsibility into the marriage and being attractive, but I had the exact wrong mental model. Just kept trying harder and harder to solve her expressed problems, excessive choreplay, giving doe eyes and pleading for sex, etc. But to get back to your point, I waited far too long to put onus on myself for doing deeper research as to what the hell was going on and why my "solutions" were making everything worse. It w…
/r/MarriedRedPill16/10/24 07:55 PM
1

Yes it was somewhat effortful to write, your perception is correct. The pathetic part is that I put an equivalent amount of effort into the previous posts too, even the ones that got me banned or were called BANANAS. Your last sentence is very encouraging, I agree that the more actions and posts I do with the right mindset, it gets a little easier each time. I have a long way to go, but I'm here to learn and I'm here to act.
/r/MarriedRedPill16/10/24 04:00 PM
2

OYS #7 Stats: 39 yo, 6’2", 190lbs, 16% body fat (Navy). Married 14y, 5 young kids, wife is stay-at-home mom. Read: NMMNG (x2), WISNIFG (x1), Saving a Low Sex Marriage (x2), MAP (x2), MMSLP (x2), Mystery Method (x1) Lifts: 5x5 (lbs): 205 SQ (+20 since last month) / 265 DL (+20) / 115 OHP (+15) / 165 BR / 185 BP (+20) / 2x50 curls. Mental: On my OYS #6 I got Rule-9 banned for my second time and rightly ridiculed for my aimless psychoanalysis and pathetic game. Another wake-up call came from Horns'…
/r/MarriedRedPill16/10/24 03:40 AM
2

For next week's OYS, I should remove all psycho-analysis and focus entirely on my actions and their outcomes. On a related note, multiple weeks of these comments are finally drilling through my thick skull that nothing I'm doing here will really matter until I can confidently game my wife and initiate within my own frame. Until I can do those things, regardless of whether they save the marriage or put the final nail in the coffin, I am still nothing but a slave to my validation needs and my wife…
/r/MarriedRedPill17/09/24 07:52 PM
1

Thanks. For my next books I’ll choose ones that focus on game.
/r/MarriedRedPill17/09/24 06:00 PM
3

Your comment is spot on, I needed to hear this. I can psychoanalyze everyone in my life to excuse my lack of frame or I can simply face the fact that I’m a wimpy validation whore and it’s up to me alone to fix that. Huge blind spot that is continually getting exposed by you guys and I really appreciate the honesty.
/r/MarriedRedPill17/09/24 05:58 PM
3

Your lifts (except for OHP) are very weak, are you new at this and making gains? Why did you get fired? Why doesn't your wife find you attractive? What changes does your life need for your own self-assessment to not be: "I suck"? Questions worth considering.
/r/MarriedRedPill17/09/24 04:08 PM
2

Crap you’re right, way too many she statements in my marriage section. How do I avoid doing this when part of update is things being said by her that I’m realizing are relevant for my own actions moving forward? And how do I get over fear of initiating without straight up asking when she freaked out over that last time?
/r/MarriedRedPill17/09/24 03:50 PM
1

OYS #6 Stats: 39 yo, 6’2", 188lbs, 16% body fat (Navy). Married 14y, 5 young kids, wife is stay-at-home mom. Read: NMMNG (x2), WISNIFG (x1), Saving a Low Sex Marriage (x2), MAP (x1), MMSLP (x1). Lifts: 5x5 (lbs): 185 SQ / 245 DL / 100 OHP / 165 BR / 165 BP / 2x50 curls. Fitness: After huge lifting gains last week, focused on improving form and variety this week. Did the core 5x5 lifts twice per week and random lift routines twice per week. Did a late-night workout on Saturday after doing labor-i…
/r/MarriedRedPill17/09/24 02:22 PM
1

I don’t agree with the slapping comment, but I like your point that my goal should be to grow in OI to the point where her making ridiculous accusations to me and our peers no longer makes me react or get afraid. You’re also right that I need to continue to grow with how to calibrate my boundaries and commitment so she doesn’t keep thinking she can pull crap like that without consequences. Thanks for challenge.
/r/MarriedRedPill11/09/24 07:44 PM
1

I don't read anything "unsafe" in there. Just standard bitchy behaviour like thousands of guys coming through here. On one level, this is reassuring and shows that I was overly romanticizing marriage. I never would have guessed a wife would be so bitchy and yelly when the guy is bending over backwards to please her. On other hand, it was frequency and intensity of yelling, and the nano-managing of my time and actions, that made it feel like much more than standard bitchy behavior. When it happen…
/r/MarriedRedPill11/09/24 04:45 PM
1

If me initiating passionate kisses or sex makes her "feel" like I'm assaulting her, but she conveys these feelings to our peers in objective-sounding words, it definitely becomes my problem whether I want it to or not. Otherwise I agree with you. My current approach is therefore to not dwell on her mood/feelings aside from single caveat of not unilaterally initiating things that I know she feels are unwanted and non-consensual.
/r/MarriedRedPill11/09/24 04:39 PM
1

“If only my wife felt obligated to give me sex, I wouldn’t have to put in any of the work!” To be fair, I was putting in the work to be attractive during courtship. I was in killer shape, doing well in my career development, and lots of game and being fun and flirty with her. I was even passing shit tests back then because they weren't nuclear or incessant. Then as soon as we got married and things got secure and sexual, her fearful avoidant disorder flared up and she essentially deactivated com…
/r/MarriedRedPill11/09/24 04:36 PM
1

When she was still orbiting her dad, unsafe looked like explosive yelling at me anytime something was done imperfectly, even in front of friends and family. Followed by sexual deactivation. Any attempt to solve this issue met with more anger and more withdrawal. And yes, present-day-me would not have wasted a decade trying to "solve" this problem with over-serving and desperate pleading. Post-orbit, the unsafety is primarily with regards to attachment. She is so traumatized by what her dad did t…
/r/MarriedRedPill11/09/24 01:19 PM
1

How many times did you want to fuck? If it's different from "2.5" why is that? Back when I had wife goggles, I would have said at least once every day. But her pattern of indifference toward the marriage and my needs, combined with her stomach injury (which downgrades her looks from a 10 to a 5), has lessened the frequency of my desire toward her. So I'd actually say I initiated about as often as I genuinely wanted to fuck. Wife goggles are off, or at least in the process of coming off. Do you k…
/r/MarriedRedPill11/09/24 09:45 AM
1

Well put. My plan for getting out of purgatory is outlined above in my response to wmp_v2. That's what I've got right now and I'll keep learning and devoting my energy to becoming more attractive and OI.
/r/MarriedRedPill11/09/24 09:31 AM
1

From the Christian perspective, you only have 2 options - both of which are dubious. Either you 1) accept and enslave your sex life to your wife's golden pussy, or 2) force her to do her role as a wife as laid out by the bible. Option 2 isn't endorsed by the modern church but it is very much part of the bible and the role of the wife. Very well put. These are my only two options right now, and I think you're spot on that option 2 not being allowable by my church or my wife is a modern cultural i…
/r/MarriedRedPill11/09/24 09:28 AM
1

Thanks for encouraging words. I still have lots to learn and do, but my battle plan is solidifying at least. I really do think that devoting a solid year to building my frame and MAP is needed before accessing whether marriage is salvageable. Even though my sex life is in the tank at the moment, learning all this stuff and building up my own life has been an exciting adventure and that will be enough to occupy me for the year. After that, no matter what I decide, at least I'll have much more OI …
/r/MarriedRedPill11/09/24 09:18 AM
1

So true. My dad was never emotionally or logistically there for my mom, so I thought being hyper-available, hyper-serving, and chore-play would turn on my wife. Nope, catastrophic over-correction. I'm trying to get faster at noticing these over-corrections and driving in the middle of the road for once.
/r/MarriedRedPill11/09/24 09:14 AM
1

Thanks. Fair.
/r/MarriedRedPill11/09/24 01:24 AM
1

How many times did you fuck this week? Zero. She gave enthusiastic initiation 2 weeks ago when I saved our beach vacation by changing houses. Nothing since then and my 2.5 attempts to initiate were all turned down. I have never claimed here that my sex life is even 5% of where it needs to be long-term. It's a real issue for sure. Doesn't matter what's in your head. Actions do. So. What's yours? Continue to lessen my validation needs and ego, grow my MAP, with all the discipline and urgency I can…
/r/MarriedRedPill11/09/24 01:21 AM
1

My snippy little comment about homeopathy and religion was a joke aimed at WMP. Take what you want from your interactions here, but in general people care a lot less about you than you want to think. Same goes for your wife and everyone else you know. Everyone is solipsistic and spends the vast majority of their brain power thinking about themselves. Love it! Needed to hear this, spot on. You were told not to “ask” for sex and what you took away from that was that you should initiate more timidl…
/r/MarriedRedPill11/09/24 01:17 AM
1

I phrased the body fat thing poorly, I deserve the ridicule about that. I'm not asking any of you how to do it, I'm just saying it's something I need to do. Completely agree a simple search of MRP material or Google will give me all I need, it's something I want to start adding so my fitness progress is more transparent. I'll have it for OYS #6.
/r/MarriedRedPill11/09/24 01:08 AM
1

Crap I jumped to the other extreme didn't I? DEERing in my responses is bad, but you're saying that not responding at all is preventing me from pro-actively working on this flaw. Well in that case I'll try very brief and non-defensive responses and see how this goes...
/r/MarriedRedPill11/09/24 01:05 AM
1

OYS #5 Stats: 39 yo, 6’2", 189lbs. Married 14y, 5 young kids, wife is stay-at-home mom. Read: NMMNG (x2), WISNIFG (x1), Saving a Low Sex Marriage (x2), MAP (x1), MMSLP (x0.85). Lifts: 5x5 (lbs): 185 SQ / 245 DL / 100 OHP / 165 BR / 165 BP / 2x50 curls. Chin-ups 5,4,4. Fitness: Substantive gains in my lifts (+20 DL, +10 BP, +20 BR, +10 curls) compared to only a couple of weeks ago. Really bringing my A game to the iron temple right now. Now that my family beach vacation is over, back to healthy e…
/r/MarriedRedPill10/09/24 02:00 PM
1

Fair enough, I’ve posted more than enough for this week and shouldn’t have taken the bait on the God mockery comments. I’m still coming back next week for my OYS, if you’ll have me.
/r/MarriedRedPill04/09/24 04:16 PM
1

Pregnancy and childbirth rewires their mind. They get addicted to the oxytocin released when they do something for their kids. Only real antidote to this addiction is emotions. Yes! This! But for me it's a double challenge because she really was a workaholic back when she was a grade-school teacher before having kids as well. I need to play this game in "God Mode" to have any chance of steering her emotions toward an antidote. Until then, her mind is on one thing only: optimizing her kids and fe…
/r/MarriedRedPill04/09/24 03:18 PM
1

A lot of words. Yet none of them answered the question. Might wanna try again. Which question are you referring to? I've been asked a half dozen in this thread. I'm happy to answer any question more clearly. Have you heard of boundaries? Yes, but my huge mistake was thinking I had to convince my wife to agree with my needed boundaries. To be perfectly honest, until recently I was too afraid of divorce or even displeasing my wife to have the balls to unilaterally enforce my needed boundaries from…
/r/MarriedRedPill04/09/24 03:13 PM
1

Considering that 50% of Nobel prize winning scientists believe in some form of Theism or Deism, while 0% of professional scientists believe in homeopathy, I would say there's a meaningful intellectual distinction. I don't blame you for the mockery though, many religious people lack critical thinking especially those believing in young-earth Creationism. Have you ever tried reading the works of Dostoevsky, CS Lewis, GK Chesterton, or other Christian intellectuals? I've read several books by high-…
/r/MarriedRedPill04/09/24 03:05 PM
1

God will never make your woman's pussy wet, so if guys are thinking this its just more retardation. Absolutely. Tragically, the common mistake of associating strong faith with strong marital intimacy cuts in two directions: 1) The husband having one-itus and nice-guy syndrome in the spirit of sacrificial Christ-like service to his wife, which is actually a huge turn-off. 2) The guy panicking when getting bitchy shit tests, because Christians are supposed to be kind and compassionate with how the…
/r/MarriedRedPill04/09/24 02:59 PM
-1

Great way of putting it, thanks! This is basically what I'm trying to convey with my facial expressions these days when she gives me frivolous shit tests over stupid stuff. She's starting to respond, but my CC days are over, I'm just going to keep working on myself and see what happens from there.
/r/MarriedRedPill03/09/24 08:20 PM
1

Thanks for great questions. I used to think this, but I now believe that almost all of MRP is compatible with Christianity. Both believe that it is good for the wife to submit to husband, for example. Assuming MRP is right that a wife actually desires deep down for a man to lead with a strong OI frame and have mastery over her emotional frame, then I see no contradiction with this and the Christian command to love your wife. It's loving to be attractive. It's loving to give your wife what she is…
/r/MarriedRedPill03/09/24 08:14 PM
2

Great catch! It's not helpful for me to think in terms of "we", I need to think in terms of this being my journey and mine alone. And it's a journey I need to be on right now, not waiting until things are better.
/r/MarriedRedPill03/09/24 08:04 PM
1

I agree that her not having any interest in sex is non sustainable. I'm interesting in fixing the man and then seeing if that happens to fix the marriage, I'm done with being a beta bux while only getting scorn in return. Regarding 10/10 SMV, see my reply above, it was referring to when I married her before her bad stomach injury from pregnancy. Once she gets that fixed, purely in terms of looks, yes she's a 10/10 and I'm a very picky guy in terms of my rating scale.
/r/MarriedRedPill03/09/24 08:03 PM
1

She's smart in terms of having a pretty high IQ and a quick wit. She was salutatorian of her high school and got two full scholarships to a prestigious university. However, she also never liked science or did any research, so there's just a complete lack of critical thinking skills. Heck, I have an Aunt who graduated with honors from Brown University who believes in homeopathic allergy medicine. Women are contradictory creatures! Regarding 10/10 SMV, I was answering a question about why I marrie…
/r/MarriedRedPill03/09/24 07:59 PM
1

Yes I was quoting the other person there. I appreciate all you're doing to help me out and preach hard truths. I know you aren't betting on me yet but I'm going to keep at this with everything I've got. Do you have a take for how/when I should initiate sex again after what she said last time? Also, do you think it's possible a lot of her sexual deactivation since kids is due to her feeling unattractive due to the massive stomach injury? I'm really curious to see what happens post-op when that ge…
/r/MarriedRedPill03/09/24 04:03 PM
1

It's a fair question. I have a very high sex drive so to have a great life while single, I'd have to drop my orthodox Christian faith and the no-sex-before-marriage principle that goes along with it. If I manage to retain my Christian faith through this shit-storm I've been through, then my answer would be pretty confident that my plan would be for a second marriage, as I'm definitely not cut out for lifelong chastity.
/r/MarriedRedPill03/09/24 03:56 PM
1

I agree that is eventual goal, but we have not progressed enough yet to get to that point most of the time.
/r/MarriedRedPill03/09/24 03:07 PM
1

Her thanking you for initiating wasn’t a compliment. I understand why you'd guess that, but I actually think it was a compliment even if there is also manipulation mixed in. Her tone was very genuine (which doesn't happen hardly ever), she even sounded strangely moved. And when she initiated last week it was very enthusiastic. You have to understand that over past 5 years in particular, pattern was me initiating passively or with needy desperation after dancing monkey routine, getting rejected (…
/r/MarriedRedPill03/09/24 03:01 PM
0

OYS #4 Stats: 39 yo, 6’2", 190lbs. Married 14y, 5 young kids, wife is stay-at-home mom. Read: NMMNG (x2), WISNIFG (x1), Saving a Low Sex Marriage (x2), MAP (x1), MMSLP (x0.5). Lifts: 5x5 (lbs): 185 SQ / 225 DL / 100 OHP / 185 BR / 155BP / 2x45 curls. Chin-ups 5,4,4. Fitness: Beach vacation this past week so mostly morning runs and swimming. Solid lifting session on Monday, big gains in back row and form is getting much better on dead lifts. Gained 3 pounds during beach vacation; primary goal is …
/r/MarriedRedPill03/09/24 11:03 AM
1

OYS #3 Stats: 39 yo, 6’2", 187lbs. Married 14y, 5 young kids, wife is stay-at-home mom. Read: NMMNG (x2), WISNIFG (x1), Saving a Low Sex Marriage (x2), read MAP this past week, starting MMSLP next. Lifts: 5x5 (lbs): 185 SQ / 225 DL / 100 OHP / 145 BR / 155BP / 2x45 curls. Chin-ups 5,4,4. Fitness: Campus gym closed this week, did combo of guest passes at different gym, running, outdoor plyometrics, and tennis. Consistency feels great, sometimes even worked out 2x/day. Mental: Took a few days for …
/r/MarriedRedPill27/08/24 11:34 AM
6

If you've had a porn addiction for a long time, just trying harder is unlikely to work. Subscribe to an internet filter (ex: Covenant Eyes) that can be installed on all of your internet-enabled devices and have it managed by a close friend so you can't deactivate it. Block porn-adjacent dopamine wormholes like Instagram too. On a deeper level, recognize that your need for porn is a need for validation, keep reading MRP books and also readings from Bible (since you mention wanting to build your s…
/r/MarriedRedPill27/08/24 11:25 AM
0

You may be at fault for being an unattractive loser but what she did was beyond disproportionate. I completely agree with both of these statements. 100%. My agreement to your latter statement should be evidenced by me saying that a separation will soon be necessary if her actions don't improve. What am I saying that indicates otherwise? I must have a blind spot here that I'm not seeing, help me learn. fuck you man, stop making excuses for her, she knows she was full of shit You're right that she…
/r/MarriedRedPill20/08/24 07:12 PM
1

As somebody early in MRP process, I was very anxious and stressed (internally) when I first started acting like an oak in response to shit tests. But this is because I'm still building frame and recovering from one-itis. Every shit test I pass, my internal state gets more chill and confident to match the exterior when I oak. To the point of previous comment: if you're still feeling very anxious around wife and/or kids when crap happens, probably still some ego and one-itus that needs examination…
/r/MarriedRedPill20/08/24 06:42 PM
0

OYS #2 Stats: 39 yo, 6’2", 187lbs. Married 14y, 5 young kids, wife is stay-at-home mom. Read: NMMNG (x2), WISNIFG (x1), Saving a Low Sex Marriage (x2), starting MMSLP and MAP next. Lifts: 5x5 (lbs): 185 SQ / 225 DL / 100 OHP / 135 BR / 155BP / 2x45 curls. Chin-ups 5,4,4. Fitness: Campus gym closed this week; wife invited me to her Boot Camp class to work out together. Got a free week pass and went back myself several times. Also playing tennis with friends and going on runs, doing some kind of i…
/r/MarriedRedPill20/08/24 03:31 PM
1

Thanks for DEER callout. Needed that. I am going to accept MRP truth that her feelz surrounding making out and sex have often been negative due to my failure to pass fitness tests and my prior habit of CCs. The boundary I expressed to her is she needs to clearly reject my advances in future if she doesn’t want it, instead of going along with it and then telling on me. I have communicated this to her and she knows. She has also said sorry for not communicating her ‘no’ explicitly. She initiated a…
/r/MarriedRedPill15/08/24 12:14 AM
1

You guys are raising really good challenges and questions for me, seriously thank you for taking your time to help me out. Seems like 3 key issues keep getting raised by you all, here's my final response to this dialog and then I should STFU and think hard about what I'm being told here until OYS #2. 1) With regards to assault charge thing, I agree it's potentially a marriage ender but I do think context matters to understand why I'm not quitting just yet. She never used words "rape" or "assault…
/r/MarriedRedPill14/08/24 07:46 PM
-1

I agree I'm in a war zone and my wife is an active shooter, I am not under any delusions about how bad this is. I was already pre-planning for a separation way back in 2020 because her depression and yelling at me in front of kids over ridiculous things (ex: stepping on a piece of food while sweeping floor) were getting much worse. However, major changes have been happening so I feel like I need to let things develop a bit longer given size of family and my Christian faith. Breakthrough on her e…
/r/MarriedRedPill14/08/24 10:54 AM
1

OYS #1 (2nd try) I posted my original OYS #1 two weeks ago and rightfully got mocked for telling my whole Batman origin story and banned for Rule #9. Even my first issue is not special and keep focus on me, thanks guys! Stats: 38 yo, 6’2", 190lbs. Married 14y, together 15y, 5 young kids, wife is stay-at-home mom. Read: NMMNG (x2), WISNIFG (x1), Saving a Low Sex Marriage (x1), hundreds of threads on MRP since May. Lifts: 5x5 (lbs): 185 SQ / 225 DL / 100 OHP / 135 BR / 155BP / 2x45 curls. Chin-ups…
/r/MarriedRedPill14/08/24 02:29 AM
1

I'm too new to offer any opinion on this, but I do find your warning about BPP intriguing given how many other posters here consider him one of MRP's key contributors. I'm still learning nuances between red pill versus tradcon. Regarding using food as a cope, what you're describing is exactly what I meant by the term "stress eating." So yes you're spot on and you're also spot on that I've used porn in similar ways in the past (got internet filter two years ago which really helped). I've managed …
/r/MarriedRedPill14/08/24 01:55 AM
1

Exactly what I needed to hear. I have always weighed myself by my words and logic and now I'm finally seeing the frailty and validation needs behind that. Acta non verba needs to be my new battle cry if I'm going to make MRP work.
/r/MarriedRedPill14/08/24 01:52 AM
1

OYS #1 (3/3) Marriage: In hindsight I was usually passing fitness and comfort tests during our courtship when her anger and anxiety were 95% masked, but ever since getting married, have been utterly failing her fully unleashed fitness and comfort tests. I could take a gentle tease or one-off snappy tone (courtship) but couldn’t take getting yelled at or sexually denied (marriage). Mainlined MRP material starting in April and started passing fitness tests for the first time by May. One example: I…
/r/MarriedRedPill30/07/24 03:28 PM
1

OYS #1 (2/3) Fitness: This has never been an issue for me, I put on about 50 pounds of muscle when I was 18 years old and have mostly maintained ever since. At the peak of my beta butlering I stopped lifting entirely, but MRP has cured me enough that I am back to working out regularly. I am now lifting about 3-4 days per week and playing sports (ultimate frisbee, basketball, tennis, running, hiking) about 3 days per week. Main issue right now is that my extreme family situation has caused interm…
/r/MarriedRedPill30/07/24 03:28 PM
2

OYS #1 (1/3) Stats: 38 yo, 6’2", 190lbs. Married 14y, together 15y, 5 young kids (ranging in age from 3-9), wife is stay-at-home mom. Reading: NMMNG (x2), WISNIFG (x1), Saving a Low Sex Marriage by BPP (x1), hundreds if not thousands of threads on MRP over past three months, BPPs YouTube series on MRP. Lifts: 5x5 (lbs): 185 SQ / 225 DL / 100 OHP / 135 BR / 155BP / 2x45 curls. Chin-ups 5,4,3. Mission: Be the oak that routinely passes fitness tests and leads my entire family through emotional stor…
/r/MarriedRedPill30/07/24 03:20 PM
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