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RedzerBoop Archive

View 12 posts and 135 comments by RedzerBoop on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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6

God are any of them normal?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/10/21 08:35 AM
3

How do you call it out, like what do you say? I encounter this a lot and would love to know how to respond.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/10/21 08:32 AM
16

Why do they all want women half their age? Barely legal? It's so common it's beyond a fetish. I don't get it at all.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/10/21 08:30 AM
1

Oh if I ever date again I will live here. I will probably post the details of every date and conversation for analysis!😑. At one point I found myself scheming about how to convince any new partner to take a polygraph..!🤯
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/08/20 12:29 PM
27

He's proud to say he loves her... She's not a fucking charity case disabled puppy you adopted 🤮😑
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/08/20 12:10 AM
1

Well, he maintained lies for 5 years without blinking. Long enough to get married and live together. Some people are psychopaths. All the vetting in the world won't beat them. The only reason I'm no I. My 60s having lost an entire lifetime to him is one random email. It is utterly terrifying.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/07/20 08:04 PM
1

But what kind of actions could we look out for that reveal a different ideology than one claims to have? Like someone me finding out my stbx doesn't believe in racism - there was no way to know that, when he was saying otherwise. He was perfectly nice to any poc friends and colleagues in our lives, it's not like he was being an asshole , that I could go OMG HE'S RACIST, you know what I mean? Same with fidelity. "Yes sweetie I believe in monogamy, you're the only woman for me", guy was a sex addi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/07/20 07:10 PM
11

Sure sweetie I'll lick whatever you want. But you DAMN SURE better be licking what I want EVERY DAY in that case.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/07/20 04:11 PM
6

Nice. I've also considered getting to dates early and sitting there reading the paper. Convenient "natural" Segway into social issues when they ask what I'm reading.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/07/20 12:07 PM
22

My ex did this. I had no idea. It was only after we broke up I discovered - he doesn't "believe in" systematic racism. Or the pay gap. Or feminism. Or BLM. I almost fucking vomited. And that's despite finding out he was a sex addict paying prostitutes!! He hid who he was entirely for 5 whole years. I am terrified of ever going through this again. I know the best way is to keep quiet and let them reveal themselves, not nail your colours to the mast, but I think most men KNOW most women are empath…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/07/20 11:32 AM
16

Great advice, thank you. Where I live, we are a country long under the boot of Catholic oppression. Our state broadcaster just banned a TV ad about tampons for being "too sexual" (it explains what an applicator is) and there is WAR over it. Meanwhile I keep telling my friends it's the perfect scrote weeding tool. He hates the ad? Thank you universe for this beautiful red flag 😆
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/07/20 11:28 AM
9

This has a happy ending either way for the gf - this couldn't BE a bigger red flag. I have no problem with finding out a guy is a POS. I'm in my 30's, it's not news. It's when you DON'T find out that it's a problem... I married the nicest, sweetest, most amazing guy late last year after 5 years together. 4 weeks later, found out by accident, he was a covert narcissist, paying prostitutes... Yeah... Hey Universe, where were the signs?? If he'd shown any like this one, I'd have saved myself a fort…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/20 02:48 PM
3

Thanks. Seriously if this is a question based on your own life, please check out r/loveafterporn before deciding to date someone like this. For a glimpse into what that world looks like.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/07/20 10:42 PM
3

Right? He cannot understand at all when I'm like this is the equivalent of thinking it's ok for you to dictate her hair colour.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/07/20 10:16 PM
2

Ooh why photographers? I'm with you on the rest except police. Only because my dad is the ultimate hvm and he's a cop, as is my godfather and uncle and best friend. So I'm a little biased 😆😆 but there are plenty of shitty cops out there too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/07/20 10:05 PM
2

Oh I won't assume anything is ever automatic. But thought perhaps some professions are a little more inclined to have them then others. For example they say surgeons and stock brokers rank high on the amount of psychopaths they attract. Because you have to be able to turn off empathy to cut humans open, deal with accidentally killing them, handle losing millions of clients money, etc.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/07/20 10:04 PM
66

He's replying to me now, totally ignoring my points. If you want to control her tattoos, then hair colour is next. Then make up, clothes, friends, speech.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/07/20 10:00 PM
3

Nice. Thanks!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/07/20 09:43 PM
1

Someone told me doctors and teachers are the way to go.. sigh.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/07/20 09:40 PM
7

Be ready to walk and make sure they know that - how do you do the second part ?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/07/20 09:29 PM
22

Lvm - Name calling. Stone walling. Silent treatment. Storms out. Denies. Lies. Gaslights. "You're over sensitive", "you're making a big deal out of nothing". Hvm - no idea. Never had one.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/07/20 09:23 PM
2

Curious, what's his profession? Currently hypothesising that we can find hvm by job..
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/07/20 09:20 PM
15

Yes. Mine started with porn and ended with prostitutes. Throughout our relationship and 4 weeks after our wedding day. Never ever ever ever date a PA.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/07/20 09:18 PM
5

Currently interested in an economist and worried about this for exactly the reasons you've outlined..
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/07/20 09:14 PM
8

I prefer this. He advertised it. Better that than hide it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/07/20 12:21 PM
1

Yes I've noticed both these things!! Problem was, it was very early and I complained about it. You know, thinking I was being mature, direct and a grown up.. when really what I was doing was handing him an instruction manual 😔
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/07/20 06:45 PM
5

I thought the same. Changing every year seemed a lot but there's clear progression in the job titles
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/07/20 09:50 PM
3

I'm 34. Too late for me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/07/20 06:16 PM
2

Same. And as my friends keep reminding me, that will drive a good man away. I get that. But considering if I DIDN'T do everything you've just said, I'd have wasted the rest of my life with a man cheating with prostitutes... I don't see how I'm supposed to NOT snoop again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/07/20 01:59 PM
2

Don't know how I'll ever get the courage to try again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/07/20 01:31 PM
5

I'm 34. Found my second bf at 28. Got married a few months ago. Found out a few weeks later he was a sex addict , going to prostitutes... He was 35. So yeah really feeling like there are none out there.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/07/20 12:08 PM
3

Yeah thats what i thought.. my dad, the most hvm man i know, was off the market by 25. Same with my male friends.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/07/20 09:32 AM
63

Other than coffee and flowers, what does he being to YOUR table? You're a self made doctor running a business. In comparison he sounds like a freeloader. I think maybe you have over valued past participation in nofap, in lieu of other traits you want. You're a catch. It doesn't sound like he is.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/07/20 11:34 PM
1

LOL thanks so much to the idiot male lurkers. "Your brother should know what a horrible person you are." "You don't deserve him." 😆
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/07/20 09:42 PM
1

Thanks. I mean i stayed for 3 months before I left but.. I got there in the end I guess.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/07/20 07:25 PM
22

I wonder what happened to her...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/07/20 05:46 PM
70

I like to stare back and really loudly say / shout "stop staring, RUDE!" and continue about my business. It's my favourite thing to do, makes most of those idiots want to DIE of shame, and they never ever expect you to do it. Most of my tactics with creeps run like this now - you wanna come at me with impropriety I will verbalise it for the world to hear. Why should I protect your dignity as you strip me of mine? A guy tried to feel me up on a packed train last year and I ROARED "excuse me sir, …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/07/20 03:23 PM
3

I told him all the time I had two unbreakable rules. Don't lie. Don't cheat. He absolutely agreed to both and he married me knowing he was adhering to neither...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/07/20 09:18 AM
1

Surely in an exclusive serious relationship between two people in their 30s the assumption is you will be having sex at some point. I think it's a bit much to say it's a problem when someone tells you not to feel under pressure and they'll wait whether it's a week, a month, 6 months, whatever.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/07/20 09:17 AM
12

....could I have gone after my ex legally over consent?😳
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/07/20 10:36 PM
32

I had words, for sure.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/07/20 10:03 PM
19

I tried to tell her that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/07/20 10:02 PM
1

Thank you x
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/07/20 08:24 PM
1

Well if I ever manage to trust a man again, or even want to try... I'll have done my research 👍 right now I feel like I don't even want to breathe the same air as one again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/07/20 08:16 PM
1

There's a lot in the about section. I'm wondering whether to start with the PDF or go through the links underneath? Is a lot of the latter likely covered in the former ?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/07/20 08:12 PM
1

Others have made this point and I just don't understand it.. I love animals. I would never hurt one. But if I hear of someone I know treating one badly you can be damn sure I'll come home and bitch to a spouse about it. That's like saying a woman who likes animals and treats them well wouldn't feel the need to put down other people who do it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/07/20 08:05 PM
1

Thanks. I agree on names and BDSM. But we will have to disagree on the others. A lot of my girlfriends watch porn, and all my male ones do. I have a big, mixed social circle. I don't have a problem with a partner watching it and I don't believe it immediately signifies lvm (or woman). However, in my stbx case, it was actually an addiction. Every fucking day. Which Dr says likely a gateway to prostitutes . So yeah that's a problem!! I don't agree with saying I could look at his devices whenever i…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/07/20 08:02 PM
1

I doubt I'll stay long term, it seems to be for people who stayed. But it helps for now. Did you meet your new partner long after? How did you know he was good, so to speak? I mean.. I thought the last one was.. and look how wrong I was then. Wondering how to navigate with someone else. How to see signs, whether good or bad, which can guide me so I never end up here again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/07/20 07:52 PM
2

I've been in therapy once a week for a year for this. And for years before it , working on myself. My therapist knows me well and knew him too. We have come up with pretty much zero red flags other than: he liked to name call in fights. He liked porn. That's it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/07/20 07:45 PM
3

He won't. His addiction brain protects him. He couldn't understand why we were separating. He kept saying "but... I haven't done anything TO you..? You only found out by accident, you wouldn't even know otherwise, its not like you were there when it happened or saw it, so the pain you're feeling is all in your own mind" .....
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/07/20 03:05 PM
2

Tbh I could get over no relationship. But I want kids. And I can't afford to have them solo. Childcare here is more expensive than a mortgage - literally. It's 1200 a month per child. I work, but I work at a job I love which doesn't pay well. I'd have no family help. I don't have the resources to do it solo. If I did.. I'd probably just stay single forever.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/07/20 02:39 PM
2

I really appreciate everyone's comments and feedback. A lot of food for thought. However, do you not think it's a bit much to say him saying I could look at his devices whenever is a red flag? Or him complaining about men he knows treating women badly? I have lots of male friends and colleagues who do both these things , it does not seem uncommon. It is a very "woke" society we live in now even compared to 10 years ago. I have male friends actively involved in feminist movements, in advocacy, in…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/07/20 01:55 PM
3

I chose to wait 5 years to marry this one, to make sure I knew him.... No matter what we do, it's never enough to protect or avoid it seems.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/07/20 01:50 PM
1

If actually prefer they WERE rare... Yes it would mean I'm especially unlucky but it would also mean less chance of happening again
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/07/20 01:46 PM
5

He pretended he wanted to recover from addiction for a while, but he would never told me the full truth and eventually I got tired of finding more shit. So I said I was done. And he walked out without a second glance. You think the best comes after? Ive always been afraid I'm getting more and more damaged and that's why they're getting worse and worse. Partners I mean. He's the worst ever by a million miles.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/07/20 01:44 PM
1

Biological clock.. I don't have much time if I want kids.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/07/20 01:40 PM
2

All my friends are married to guys they met at 20 or 21.. we are now in our mid 30s. They have 15 years under their belts with the one guy, married, 2 or 3 kids. Whereas I've crashed and burned over and over. What's wrong with me? Why am I attracting the duds?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/07/20 01:40 PM
1

His previous relationship ended because she had an affair. She confirmed. I'm in my mid 30s. There is no magic man with NO baggage and no children.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/07/20 01:38 PM
2

Well that's just it.. I feel like he's ruined my life. I'm 34 and I really want children. I look at my friend's all married since we were 20 or 21... They seem so blissfully innocent and have had no heartbreak compared to this
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/07/20 01:37 PM
1

Where I live it is tradition for a bride and her family to pay for the wedding.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/07/20 01:35 PM
11

He was actually.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/07/20 01:34 PM
3

How did you find out? 🤯
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/07/20 12:29 AM
14

I'm honestly here 4 months later going... Hello... Anger.. where the hell are you ffs. This man stole 5 years of my life, why am I not angry yet. shock maybe.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/07/20 12:29 AM
25

Thats the scary thing... 2 months after our wedding we were watching a movie and he went to the bathroom .our TV was his computer. An email with the word escort in the title popped up.. I obviously opened it. It was a website where he REVIEWED each prostitute...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/07/20 12:28 AM
7

He had a British account his tenants in his UK house paid rent into. I assume that's how he paid as I found no trace anywhere else. I never asked to see that or questioned it. Why would I, when I lived with, trusted and married him.. 🙄🤦‍♀️🤮
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/07/20 11:54 PM
33

Every man I know does this. Gay, straight, married, single, every single one. And boy are you right about the hiding... My husband (stbx) said let's have an open device policy babe because I know you have trust issues and I have nothing to hide... Yeah. Nothing but secret email accounts and regular trips to prostitutes who he wrote reviews of online. You never really know anyone. And the idea that you just blindly trust is surreal. You know what though? Of my 15 or so closest friends, 13 are hap…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/07/20 11:19 PM
34

Oh my god I am just having this exact thought, saw a thread on another sub about men who share graphic porn in group What's apps with friends.. if you respect privacy and don't snoop, you could be with someone YEARS, and be married before you ever find out there doing this?!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/07/20 11:02 PM
7

I've found this place enormously helpful..wish I'd found it 10 years ago. Has it been long for you? Sending you hopes for happiness.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/07/20 10:02 PM
25

Oh I left... I may have low self esteem and codependency issues but I had ONE golden rule for him from day 1, ONE. Dont cheat.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/07/20 10:00 PM
5

Thank you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/07/20 09:59 PM
5

The wedding - it is tradition here for the woman's family to pay. I am in therapy yes.. I just don't know how to get past it. People can hurt you. Relationships end. That's all fine. What scares me is looking back at 5 years knowing it was all fake.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/07/20 09:59 PM
21

I've read it, big fan. I know I'm not alone and that really helps. I'm just scared. I had trust issues ready. And my own issues - bipolar and a narcissist mother, codependency. Now I'll have PTSD as well.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/07/20 09:58 PM
7

I'm in S-Anon and will definitely check out brene. Did you manage to piece yourself back together and find happiness again? I don't even care about finding love again really.. except I would like kids. I'm sorry that happened to Both of us. Some men are crazy. I really truly felt so loved ...I guess I never was.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/07/20 09:57 PM
19

I definitely want one. I was just about to have my future unfold into a family of my own, which is all I ever wanted after my own broken upbringing. I want a best friend, partner and a home with some children. I was just about to have all of it when this happened. Don't get me wrong - I'm glad we didn't, it would have been a DISASTER. But.. I'm afraid I'll never have it with anyone now. Because I trusted him 10000%. And if I can't trust him.. how can I trust anyone. It feels like the universe's …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/07/20 08:07 PM
58

Thats the scary thing... 2 months after our wedding we were watching a movie and he went to the bathroom .our TV was his computer. An email with the word escort in the title popped up.. I obviously opened it. It was a website where he REVIEWED each prostitute...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/07/20 08:04 PM
32

I think that's probably it tbh...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/07/20 08:02 PM
82

Thank you. I'll get over him as an individual. But I dunno how to ever trust again. I thought he was my soul mate. I read posts here on HVm and he was all of them.. he had all the good traits and no bad ones !!! Wtf.. I don't get it
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/07/20 07:23 PM
13

Therapy. Same problem here. My narcissistic mother ruined my fucking life. All I attract now is narcissists because I learned that'd what love is.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/07/20 07:55 PM
21

"no thanks", or else no response is a response.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/07/20 11:58 AM
2

I think he must be. I just can't get my head around the fact I had no idea. I lived a lie for half a decade.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/07/20 08:25 PM
3

Until they've proven they can be trusted - but... You'd think 5 years living together, step parenting his child, adopting two cats, getting engaged and married would do that. He was constantly "proving" himself, we had an open device policy because he wanted to help me with trust issues from the past and "had nothing to hide from me. " He avoided having a bachelor party pre wedding in case any lvm would cause trouble.. and this is what was happening all along? I'd have given him a kidney, I trus…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/07/20 08:24 PM
2

Fuck. I'm so sorry.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/07/20 08:17 PM
2

"you will easily find partnerships that are reciprocal, truthful, and honest" - I don't know anymore. I really believed I had it this time. I was so picky. All my friends married to childhood sweethearts, I held out a decade longer than any of them, for the "right" one, and this is how it turns out. My friends and family are stunned too. We all thought he was perfect.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/07/20 08:17 PM
3

Thanks so much, I needed to hear that. It's definitely the most jarring part, that I had no idea. It's like.. I clearly can't be trusted to identify hvm, ever 😭 some of them are just too good at pretending. I'll focus on myself for now
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/07/20 08:14 PM
17

Thank you. Even though I loved him and we really had a lovely relationship (yknow, apart from the lies and cheating I knew nothing about) I wish I'd never met him. 5 prime fertility years gone. And even worse because I truly thought he was hvm. That's why I married him 😭😭 any tips on ever trusting again? Did you decide to stay solo or open up again?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/07/20 10:36 PM
23

Thank you. Have the chump book and a weekly therapist. I have lost faith in humanity, and worse, in myself. How didn't I see... Something. The scariest thing is, I wouldn't have a clue!!! I could have lost decades to this except that I happened to see one random email on his phone... He'd been reviewing them. "Tight, pert, pretty, would fuck again." .... How do I ever come back from this?!?😳🤮 I'd probably have been clueless until I got an STD.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/07/20 10:21 PM
19

What are some more,??😳
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/07/20 10:07 PM
11

So what do we do? Join a convent? 😭
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/07/20 10:04 PM
46

Even if I could find a hvm, I'd never trust him now. This guy ruined my life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/07/20 10:03 PM
28

I had the opposite of this. He was perfect. Did all the housekeeping. All the grocery shopping. Cooking. Everything. Turns out he had a secret sex addiction and was paying prostitutes behind my back. Even when you have a good one, YOU STILL DON'T HAVE A GOOD ONE.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/07/20 09:49 PM
2

" He’s vulnerable and open with me. I know he’d never cheat. You have to date/marry someone who knows you are the best fucking thing that’s ever happened to them and is afraid to ever lose you." I had this exactly. 5 years. Treated me like a queen. Married in September. This march, I found out he'd been fucking prostitutes the whole time. I doubt I'll ever recover.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/07/20 09:40 PM
2

What if your trauma is the REASON you can't have sex at the start? Dunno how I'm gonna navigate that. Have no interest in vomiting out my sob story really early, but ... It's gonna have to come up at some point.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/07/20 09:28 PM
123

My stbx told me he hated porn. Met him in 2015. Married him 6 months ago. Guess what. He had a raging porn and sex addiction and was paying PROSTITUTES behind my back. My whole life has fallen apart in 2020. I'm 34, just moved in with my parents, in a deep deep depression. I loved him so much and did not see any signs. It's . Fucking. Terrifying. I'd rather be alone forever than with a man like this again. If anyone has any tips to avoid PLEASE let me know. Asking them outright do they watch / l…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/07/20 09:21 PM
66

How sad is it when I read a post like this and think I wish I ONLY had this issue with my husband (STBX) - 6 months married, accidentally found out he was fucking prostitutes throughout our whole relationship and ten years with his ex wife too. Fun.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/07/20 09:14 PM
1

Nice to know it happens x
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/07/20 02:54 PM
6

Where'd you find him? Not online I bet !
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/07/20 12:46 PM
12

It feels like there ARE NO HVM
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/07/20 11:18 AM
11

Exactly. It feels impossible.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/07/20 11:18 AM
28

So there are no hvm at all? Then why are we even trying
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/07/20 10:26 AM
1

Yeah tbh I have more problem with the Jordan Peterson reference than the amber Heard one.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/07/20 06:38 PM
46

I hope she prosecutes.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/07/20 10:03 PM
64

Why would anyone ever do CNC? 🤯
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/07/20 09:58 PM
1

Oh even before I found this sub I would never stop dating others or have sex without exclusivity
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/07/20 07:42 PM
1

Committment as in exclusivity , or..?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/07/20 06:32 PM
2

They always are! For months. Or years! So how can you ever know?!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/07/20 09:49 AM
77

This is starting to feel hopeless. They're all the same.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/07/20 11:01 PM
25

How can I root this out early in future? In this case I've known him forever so it was easy to bring up feminism quite naturally. But it's not always so easy to go WHAT DO YOU THINK OF #METOO?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/07/20 10:49 PM
23

My faulty radar strikes again so ..he seemed so lovely.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/07/20 10:45 PM
4

But they hide it so well!!!🤯
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/07/20 08:03 PM
3

Especially when they're not even sorry
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/07/20 07:52 PM
4

I feel like maybe I can get through it this one time.. but never ever again. Which makes me feel like I'll never date again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/07/20 07:13 PM
26

Right?? My whole life is broken. Why would he do this .. I'll never know. Well meaning friend's say he never loved me. But I know he did. He was devastated when it ended. My doctor says he is a sex addict. I just don't know how I'll ever trust again. There were honestly no signs. He liked porn a lot.. big deal, so do plenty of my girl friends. Everyone is in shock. I don't know how I'll ever get over it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/07/20 11:47 AM
53

I had the opposite experience. Perfect partner. Did all the house work. Great dad. Attentive. Supportive. Loving. Fucking prostitutes behind my back.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/07/20 10:51 AM
23

Check out Dr Ramani on YouTube , her videos on narcissists. Your dad is a narcissist. Get yourself into therapy as soon as possible, nothing will fuck you up quite like a narcissist parent. I'm 34, just out of a car crash wedding with a narcissist monster, which psychology tells me I am drawn to like a magnet, because of....? You guessed it. A narcissistic parent.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/06/20 05:50 PM
1

So walk away then? This shit is hard, there are no problem free people out there. How do we know which problems are ok and which are not 🤦‍♀️😔 Tbh the living at home one worries me most. I worked my ass off to buy somewhere at 28, I'm kinda like .. you're 32 , what have you been doing ?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/06/20 08:14 PM
2

Apparently he's buying as soon as lockdown is over - he was due to right before, but then the world fell apart!! I'd be more of a 'contact every day' person as well, but I haven't seen him in years and we never text back when we worked together so hard to know, maybe he's less texty than me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/06/20 07:13 PM
20

Great post, I'm wondering the same. Realised after the nuclear implosion of a relationship I have no idea how to distinguish between a "leave now" red flag and a "people are flawed" mistake. That's part of what got me here 😭 I allow things I shouldn't and freak out about things that are probably ok.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/05/20 08:56 PM
2

Yeah it's a double standard contradiction. We shouldn't and wouldn't accept them still cruising for an alternative to us, but we won't be exclusive until there's a ring? 🧐 Rings don't guarantee anything anyway, mine cheated on me twice before it and three times between ring and wedding.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/05/20 08:21 AM
9

I'm curious about people's thoughts here on the exclusivity thing.. yes it's important that it's talked about and you're not strung along, but equally.. narcs tend to love bomb and lock you down early. My last asked me to be his gf 5 dates in and I remember all my friends being like tooooo early. How the flip are you supposed to balance.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/05/20 09:50 PM
12

This is not about how long it takes to pay off 2k... I dunno what it's really about. But it's not that. It sounds like you've been growing a lot. Sometimes we outgrow people, especially if they don't grow with us / alongside us.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/05/20 08:01 PM
5

I'm so glad! There is hope! I'm starting to realize (due to recent discovery of partner's SA.. ex partner I should say) that I'm terrible with red flags and have NO IDEA what a healthy relationship should look like...! I'm like is he texting too much, too little, should I be texting more, was that a weird comment, should I be giving the benefit of the doubt or was that shady... 😔 I'm exhausted even thinking about doing it again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/05/20 08:51 PM
16

Aah. Still young enough to be moldable 🤩 doubt I'll find that in mid 30s
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/05/20 08:29 PM
21

What age is this man? He sounds like a unicorn 😍
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/05/20 06:55 PM
2

I see what you mean. But surely EVERYONE must have a maladaptive coping mechanism of some kind then? P.s. I identify with all those things.. I definitely have low self esteem 😔
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/05/20 06:39 PM
3

Oh. Yaaaay. What do I do about it ?😭
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/05/20 06:19 PM
3

I think the Disney movies are redder !
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/05/20 05:11 PM
5

I hear you. I'm here because last time I didn't see the tiger !
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/05/20 05:10 PM
2

What does it say about my brokenness that even that set off my red flag alarm? I don't even know what a red flag IS anymore..!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/05/20 04:56 PM
1

Sure! Provided it isn't pervasive across his whole personality. For example: do those interests indicate a 16 year old mindset, for example do they spread across things like division of chores, or general adultness like having savings, plans, and good diet? You know what I mean? I'm not saying someone who's interests are more centred on the debate of neo-realism are more mature, more trustworthy, or a sign of a better partner 😆😆 or that the two are in any way related. Just that.. I'd be wary of …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/05/20 04:55 PM
8

I actually reached out to him first, but I take your point, thank you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/05/20 04:06 PM
1

I understand, I thought the same. It's hard to tell, the context is I told him he seemed like an empath and he was apparently delighted I even knew this word because he'd "never heard of it until last year". I explored a little more and he said he'd learned about it, narcissism and trauma bonding in therapy. I said can I ask what you were there for and he said he'd found himself completely upside down after a relationship with someone who wasn't what she seemed and was so upset after it, he didn…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/05/20 02:58 PM
6

Gotcha. It's an old connection , a friend I knew for a while back in 2014 but have fallen out of touch with. A goofy, adorable puppy type. Hard to tell. Have had so very many bad experiences in the last few years that EVERYTHING IN THE WORLD is a red flag right now ,🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/05/20 02:51 PM
34

Nope, he proposed, he was all for it, he was budgeting and planning our savings so we could buy a house. It was all him. Makes it all the more terrifying. There were no signs.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/05/20 09:56 AM
6

I'm always worried I miss the red flags 😔 I feel like there aren't always any. Considering I just found out my husband cheated one month after our recent wedding.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/05/20 10:16 PM
140

Just found out the same about my husband.. a month after our wedding day.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/05/20 09:43 PM
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