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Refusetosay12 Archive

View 1 post and 163 comments by Refusetosay12 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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20

DiscussionRefusetosay12/r/PurplePillDebate30/05/24 02:43 PM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
6

Good effort, u/LaborAustralia. Along with putting some TRP claims in a more rewlistic perspective, the points about hypergamy and dark triad traits being attractive applying to both sexes is worth highlighting. Some TRP proponents are saying those two phenomenon don't matter since TRP is about straight men dating women. What that ignores is how often some TRP guys lambaste women for their tendencies as part of a claim to something like men's moral superiority or men expressing a truer type of lo…
/r/PurplePillDebate10/06/24 01:59 PM
2

I think men are scared shitless of women. If we get close to them and they feel something for us, we might let them down. I don't think much frightens a man more than losing grace from a woman he cares about. We desperately want this thing that scares us. As the video suggests and I think the idea is solid, we can give and receive affection from men in a narrow, well defined context. It has rules and standards. With women ist's quite nebulous.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/06/24 10:21 PM
3

Thanks for posting this. The comments about sports remind me of how much high level athletes in team sports thrive on the camraderie they have with teammates. As they set to retire they fear they'll never find that again, and they seldom do. I think cops and firefighters and men in the military often feel the same. Like athletes these men have proven themselves, and I think that removes some of the fear that they'll be questioned as not necessarily gay but as soft if they express emotion or tend…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/06/24 10:14 PM
4

Better to reighn (reign) in hell than serve in heaven. The kids would call Satan based.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/06/24 10:04 PM
1

I think a decent # of women seldom or never use dating apps. You can't do anything about those who do, so don't worry about them. But then you have to be someone women want to be with, someone who makes their life better mostly compared to not dating at all. Despite what some men claim, dating is work for women too. their emotions are on the line. Until they know you there's some risk involved. Women spend more money on their appearance when they're looking to date and dating than when they aren…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/06/24 09:52 PM
1

I think you're basically right, OP. I'm old, and men have my entire life looked for ways to outkick their coverage. TRP seems to be different things to different people, but it seem to have a core of guys who want a way to really do this. And ironically, the more fucked up a guy and his life is, the more he can improve. And developing some style, getting in shape, honing your social skills, and actually trying to meet women have always been the tools, because those things have always mattered to…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/06/24 09:45 PM
1

OK, I don't know if that would be profitable for the app owner, but you're thinking in the right direction. As I understand it, there's a good chance that only the most attractive men even get seen by most women on apps. It's there business model. It's kind of ladies night every night to get women to use apps at all. It's complicated, but apps won't likely change. What can you do for yourself that might improve your chances of meeting women out and about? That's a rhetorical question and you nee…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/06/24 09:02 PM
1

What are you suggesting should be done for "ugly" men ? (ugly being your word)
/r/PurplePillDebate07/06/24 08:48 PM
1

They are called bathing suits.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/06/24 03:45 PM
2

In your view OP, what does "accepting where you are" mean?
/r/PurplePillDebate07/06/24 03:23 PM
1

Wouldn't she be included?
/r/PurplePillDebate07/06/24 01:46 PM
1

I kind of like the Batman analogy and I think I get your point. I'm not sure I agree, but I'm not sure I don't. In what ways do men give up the mask before it becomes who they are? Are you talking about how he treats her? How he treats the realtionship, which overlaps with how he treats here but not entirely? Is it how he interacts with the word or even how he treats himself? Where and how does he stop trying to be the person a woman believed him to be? Are you talking about men who pretend to b…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/06/24 10:35 PM
1

I'm not there regarding feminism but in a general sense we probably do agree. And I do think boys need more attention and early interventions when they're lagging behind socially, and maybe learning environments that are more conducive to some boys' learning styles.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/06/24 05:47 PM
2

How are the people of California not "local people"? And the Missouri rep was arguing for 16 and 17 year olds to be allowed to marry each other, with parental consent, which is the current law. I think kids that young marrying is a bad idea, but I don't think it's abusive or asymmetrical. Not my business if someone else wants to let their kid marry another kid. In New Hampshire a rep did argue, I'm pretty sure during a debate on lowering the age of consent, that letting "ripe and ferftile" girls…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/06/24 04:46 PM
1

If you've put up a facede, is it really better to let it down later than earlier? As you suggest, at a point where ending the relationship is more complicated? I'm not suggesting men get lazy out of some higher motive, but I'd suggest that women who maintain the facade aren't acting on a higher motive either. I'm not sure I even agree that women do this all that well, but if they do it's no bargain for men. In an unintended way being a less effective fake spares the other person.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/06/24 04:20 PM
3

So women do the same thing and men end up disappointed with the real her when that person emerges. Men, to their everlasting discredit, are more likely to accept this because they're getting some. But men who suggest that women are deceptive in an effort to meet their needs seem to have a less receptive audience.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/06/24 03:56 PM
2

Feminism is like labor unions. Each were desperately needed to address systemic abuses. Both have had a fair amount of success, and that creates the impression that they're no longer needed. And yet in 2024 we're 2 years post Dodd and there's a good chance women will lose some access to contraception. And some states can't simply outlaw child marriages (the child is always a woman) because 13 year old girls are "ripe", to quote a republican state rep speaking on the record. And 12 year old's are…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/06/24 02:52 PM
12

When a man says a woman just needs to not be fat or to merely exist to be a good relationship prospect, he's saying way more about himself or his brethren that he's saying about women.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/06/24 02:01 PM
1

Kids are going to be cruel sometimes, and it's often easy to just look at a kid and know whether he gets picked on or not. But an adult leading children ought to be a sort of safe haven for those children, expecially the ones other kids abuse. I'm all for guiding a passive kid toward being more assertive. It's a major life skill and we ought to do more to help kids acquire that skill, and I'd agree it's especially important for boys. But I stand by what I said. Thinking of a 7 or 8 year old chil…
/r/PurplePillDebate05/06/24 02:39 PM
1

How is your health now?
/r/PurplePillDebate05/06/24 01:57 PM
5

Makeup done well enhances a woman's appearance. I understand why men who feel like they could use a similar boost in their appearance kind of envy women having a culturally approved way to do that. I think this "advantage" can become an obligation pretty quickly, though.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/06/24 01:38 PM
2

"Do you understand the problem?" Sure. The problem is adults deciding to show contempt for children those adults deem to be weak or cowardly. Contempt never taught anyone a fucking thing. Show the kid how. Put him or her in situations where they can do well. Don't write them off.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/06/24 02:30 AM
1

Feel better?
/r/PurplePillDebate04/06/24 09:51 PM
1

Smart and resourceful
/r/PurplePillDebate04/06/24 09:14 PM
7

As many people have said in your other threads, you play up your attributes that are more consistently found attractive. I'm sympathetic both to your issue and your difficulty dealing with it. However, the worst way to "confront this challenge" is to repeatedly ask how to confront this challenge. You seem to be spiraling about this. Give yourself a break.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/06/24 08:26 PM
1

I agree. It's often not laziness that prevents people from trying, but a firm belief that nothing they do will matter. It's paralyzing.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/06/24 07:04 PM
2

Because it takes more time to park, inconveniencing people behind you. And on balance it doesn't save the person backing in any time. And I'm cranky.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/06/24 06:01 PM
1

If you back into parking spots, please stop. That's all.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/06/24 04:58 PM
1

It's not about reasonable or not. I wonder though about some people who use their standards like an obstacle to block their own happiness. They imagine someone so perfect, or maybe just so rare or so unlikely to be into them that they all but guarantee they'll stay singl. And they are and can be attracted to other people, but you kinda figure out that the staying single part is the point. I've seen men and women do this. Kind of related and also not gender specific are people who use attraction …
/r/PurplePillDebate04/06/24 04:36 PM
1

The answer to this is for men to not wait an inordinate amount of time while a woman determines his motives, patience, or whatever else she's considreing while they both dance around what they both want to do. I get the desire to avoid "just wants sex" men, but on the other hand, so many LTRs start off with sex happening quickly, so what does waiting really do? I can see why it feels like a game of chicken at some point. Assuming she's genuinely attracted to the guy, is she really worried that h…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/06/24 03:22 PM
0

I don't know how often this happens when there isn't another explanation, like she doesn't do X any more because that was 10 years ago, or she doesn't like it, or it's risky and she's been burned, etc. But if there really is grounds for a person to not feel special, can you see how crappy that feels. The proper response is to leave, but you leave feeling a little bruised.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/06/24 03:06 PM
7

Isn't TRP aimed at the men who never had much luck in their teens and early 20s? Doesn't it promote the idea that looking as good as you reasonably can (gym) polishing up your social skills, and making money will result in you being attractive to women who ignored you before? I think you're pretty close to right, but isn't your stance that TRP is full of shit?
/r/PurplePillDebate04/06/24 02:02 PM
1

Well then I'm happy for you.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/06/24 01:53 PM
1

None of the things you're looking for are all that rare or so in demand that everyone wants those things, but in combination you might be looking for a very rare person. But you have to be into the person, so if all those things really matter what can you do?
/r/PurplePillDebate04/06/24 01:39 PM
1

Are all of those traits you need to be attracted to someone, or are some more "nice to have"? Would you hesitate if you found yourself attracted to a guy who had a few tattoos or brown eyes?
/r/PurplePillDebate04/06/24 01:29 PM
5

I'm sure it's been said, but does hypergamy mean much unless men like Musk are willing to buy a young and less wealthy woman? This kind of scenario says as much about Musk as it does Talulah. Maybe more.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/06/24 01:14 PM
1

The disconnection often precedes the lack of dating. It's the cause, not the effect.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/06/24 04:35 AM
5

The political consequences are underestimated.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/06/24 04:32 AM
–

Are you even trying?
/r/PurplePillDebate04/06/24 04:24 AM
1

That must feel awful. Take care of yourself, especially if you're near the fighting.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/06/24 04:23 AM
1

That is a disgrace.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/06/24 04:06 AM
1

It's a terrible state of affairs but I have to ask, which war?
/r/PurplePillDebate04/06/24 03:52 AM
4

Ever wonder what the fucking fuck? Like deep in your soul?
/r/PurplePillDebate04/06/24 03:34 AM
1

Sports will make or break some kids, boys especially given gendered expectations. But as the OP pointed out, other group activities can be really useful for learning to fit into a group for kids who can't just do that. It's no panacea, but what is? But back to your choice of terms, kids who don't live up to your standards for courage aren't deserving of your contempt, full stop. Please convince me they are.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/06/24 03:26 AM
2

I don't know that this prescription is the complete answer, but addressing the social needs of boys who are lagging behind can't hurt. The earlier the better. If a boy (or girl) wakes up at 11 or 12 without a clue he's likely in for a rough decade at least. And that rough decade can damn near seal in some maladaptive behavior he'll spend a lifetime battling.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/06/24 02:59 AM
4

First of all, you teach boys and apparently you think it's ok to refer to some boys as pussies. That's interesting. I was and I still am shy. I was a good athlete, and that's a social skill of sorts, for boys and girls. It inoculates boys from being called pussies, for example, and it gives girls a healthier view of their bodies as more than ornamental. But mostly, you know, the pussy thing.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/06/24 02:39 AM
7

That's a generous interpretation, if we're being honest.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/06/24 02:23 AM
–

My comment was in response to the question, "how many women have had sex with you and told you you are useless with that penis size?". It wasn't primarily about this thread or your comment. As to your comment, I hadn't seen it so I looked for it when this thread started, and I thought it was straight to the point but as gentle as you could be for the point to be clearly made.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/06/24 08:34 PM
2

Can we have the swords though? If we get small and timid and avert our eyes I mean? Because a sword, well that's worth a lot of adjusting and appeasing.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/06/24 07:48 PM
–

But if young men and young women are single at about the same rate, that makes the problem not just a men's problem but a young person's problem. I actually agree and don't like every issue men face being filtered through a similar issue women face, but this seems to be the same issue. That make snse?
/r/PurplePillDebate03/06/24 05:49 PM
–

In the text of the OP that appears to be quoting from the link it says that 56% of adults and 54% of men have had a relationship as a teen, so if the #s of men and women are equal, about 58% of women will have had a relationship. That's not very skewed, especially considering that young women tend to date men a few years older than them.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/06/24 05:36 PM
–

I think it's more the case that men hear or read comments from women disparaging men with small penises, and if that descibes his, he feels the sting. If a man is sensitive to those kinds of comments, there's no lack of them floating around.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/06/24 05:21 PM
9

I'm not here to tell anyone they're fat and an identical BMI can look quite different on two different people, but saying a BMI over 21 fat is ridiculous. A woman who is 5'4" and weighs 123 lbs. would be fat by that standard. A man at 5'9" and 143 would be fat, unless this isn't meant to apply to men? A BMI of 25 is a pretty regular person, especially for an adult. That's a woman of 5'4" and 145 and a man of 5'9" and 170.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/06/24 02:55 PM
3

He's responsible for the actions he takes, not the outcomes those actions bring about.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/06/24 08:41 PM
2

People often use the word "fault" when "responsibility" would better fit. But even "responsible" implies "blame" in some people's minds. A man may not be at fault or in anyway to blame for his dating struggles, but he's responsible for the actions he takes to try to overcome those struggles.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/06/24 04:38 PM
1

Stopped by to say that having a preference is totally natural. I can't think of many instances when it's all that beneficial to talk about them, though. Especially preferences that are popularly shared. There's nothing all that interesting about "I prefer thin women" or "I prefer tall men".
/r/PurplePillDebate02/06/24 04:31 PM
4

Do these discussions (autism, late bloomers, this one) benefit anyone? We can pick a dozen ways people are or could be marginalized and start "Don't date freckled people" threads, but people who don't care for freckles already feel the way they do, so it's just a chance to shit on someone.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/06/24 04:22 PM
4

Echoes of the Autistic men threads too.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/06/24 01:49 AM
5

"Opening up" and "vulnerable" are terms that mean different things to different people. How are you defining them in your question? Can you give an example or two?
/r/PurplePillDebate31/05/24 03:30 PM
1

It's not healthy to call unequal dating or relationship results an injustice. I mean I empathize with feeling fucked over because you're not as sought after as other people. I wasn't. But there's no remedy for this. And better life outcomes fall to people who are more naturally intelligent than others, born into better circumstances, etc. We're part of nature, and nature sorts. We still have a choice in how we respond to this, and our response has something to do with our life outcomes.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/05/24 02:31 PM
1

Exactly. Or even when it's one or two, when the crazy idea is dehumanizing you or a demo you belong to or identify with, it will leave a mark. It's not just with reference to Autism, though I don't say that to diminish the way Autism, and people so diagnosed, are shit on. But the wider tendency just underscores the suckiness. Other mental or physical characteristics get attacked on here everyday, as if decent #s of people reading the attack didn't possess those characteristic. And objecting feel…
/r/PurplePillDebate31/05/24 01:59 PM
2

I think there is help, but we don't do enough with respect to social needs of people with Autism.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/05/24 01:52 PM
1

OP here. I see entitlement as feeling deserving of a privilege or of special treatment. If a man is rejected and he comes off as if the woman should not only have said yes but should have been flattered by his offer, and genuinely believes that, that's entitlement. There's lots of crappy responses to rejection that should be called out, but they're often more about a lack of emotional control. It doesn't justify a tantrum or a screed, but then call the behavior a tantrum or a screed and condemn …
/r/PurplePillDebate31/05/24 04:00 AM
–

She's not just choosing. She's touting her choice in ableist terms, and she's telling men with autism how to feel about it and their situation. But other than that, yeah, totally cool.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/05/24 03:14 AM
5

The threads you've referred to have been shameful. Your responses have been thoughtful and informative. Keep your head up.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/05/24 03:00 AM
1

"If they're willing to follow the process in good faith, and do the work to find and become a good partner? Absolutely." We could probably agree generally on a process, on the meaning of good faith in this context, on what work is needed and on what consitutes a good partner. With those agreements and understanding we would likely agree that a person doing this greatly increases their chances of a relationship and root for that outcome for him or her. But what if no one is interested? A real per…
/r/PurplePillDebate30/05/24 08:40 PM
2

Could it be that the quarter is not a fair coin? If that's true and you discover it's true, the first time feeling slighted makes sense. If you keep playing you do so knowing the quarter isn't a fair coin. Then feeling slighted makes less or no sense.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/05/24 05:20 PM
3

Is there a "truth" regarding dating beyond an obligation to treat people decently? Is there a "truth" regarding the use of language or it's purpose? Invoking "truth" in this context, one where individuals are free to date whom they want and the use of a word that can serve many purposes beyond it's literal meaning seems a reach.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/05/24 04:47 PM
4

Are you calling me a moral skeptic or accusing me of fallacious reasoning. Your term has varied meanings.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/05/24 04:02 PM
3

Good faith use of language is part of why this interests me. Discussions or negotitations are pretty much impossible unless two parties agree on what terms mean. But in my view because a word like entitlement gets applied too broadly or always with negative connotations, that can bu used as cover for people who are acting entitled.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/05/24 03:56 PM
2

Entitlement is reserved for thosee situations when you are actually entitled, though.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/05/24 03:50 PM
10

On this site anyway, there seem to be more men who think their dating struggles are an injustice. Seems more women are willing to accept that what she wants may not be available to her, at least not now. Some aspects of dating suck for some men in ways they suck for far fewer women. I think we're going through a transition (fewer marriages, marrying later, big changes from technology) and some people are feeling left behind, and some actually are and it's mostly not their faults unless they acti…
/r/PurplePillDebate30/05/24 03:48 PM
2

I'm glad you're enjoying the thread, but to be honest I was hoping to shine a light on the overuse of the word, but that's because there are times when it really does apply and overusing a term cheapens it's meaning and lessens it's usefuleness.. You seem to reperesent the sentiment that it almost never applies. Am I misreading you?
/r/PurplePillDebate30/05/24 03:37 PM
1

Deserve is another term that can cloud this issue, though. It has a moral tone to it. I think some people look at relationships too logically, so they believe that being X and Y should lead to being seen as attractive and then to a relationship. I'm not sure that person, as misguided as he may be, feels he deserves a relationship so much as he's confused because he followed the plan and no relationship resulted. It's a huge misread of how this works, but I'm not sure he thinks he deserves anythi…
/r/PurplePillDebate30/05/24 03:30 PM
2

So trying to leverage a moral claim to convince someone they're wrong. I agree.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/05/24 03:23 PM
3

And I naively hope discussing this might shed some light on how and when the word is used incorrectly, as well as when it really fits for those who are entitled but can't see it. But ultimately you're right. I want, but don't expect this to change that.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/05/24 03:22 PM
2

I don't know what motivates passsport bros, but for men generally feeling like being needed is the main thing they have to offer may come from so few men feeling desired. I saw a survey that said that something like 95% of men felt being desired was very important to them, and that of men in relationships, only about 10% felt as desired as the wanted to feel. Maybe those men expect too much. Maybe they miss signs of desire. Maybe they're not desirable. Whatever the explanation those men are deal…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/05/24 06:40 PM
2

Men who talk about being needed often feel like it's the only way they can appear valuable to a woman, and appearing valuable to a woman is important to them. If the could feel wanted........
/r/PurplePillDebate29/05/24 05:44 PM
–

No you're good. Take care.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/05/24 04:52 PM
–

My apologoes. What I meant was that this seems to be allowed, not that it should be. I think it's wrong and this whole thread was ill conceived.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/05/24 04:12 PM
–

Doesn't it seem like autistic men are kind of the exception though.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/05/24 03:33 PM
–

If I recall, she's somewhat equal opportunity with her hot takes. She seems to like to stir the pot, any pot.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/05/24 03:26 PM
–

I'm not advocating for this choice, just explaining it. I really do think it starts with trying to fool himself and then that becomes his story. And really, no one else deserves to know why he did or didn't date, but it's unhealthy to try to fool himself.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/05/24 02:08 PM
–

I see it happening after the fact when someone is trying to explain their sparse dating history, often to themselves. Most people find time to date if that's their goal, unless dating is a real challenge for them. I wouldn't say it's lame so much as face saving to say "I had other priorities" rather than "I couldn't figure this thing out that other people seem to ease into with some success".
/r/PurplePillDebate29/05/24 01:55 PM
3

It's at least hypothetically possible that you're not the last word on this, though. Sarcasm intended.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/05/24 01:24 PM
5

I agree, there's no should to it. Individuals make choices that work best for them.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/05/24 10:47 PM
6

But those issues disproportionaely impact men. Not all men or even most men to the extent that their lives are greatly impacted. The "look around test" demonstrates that, but lots of issues go unseen by that measure. I guess I'd ammend your comment upthread to read "society is run by a few select men for men whose existence benefits those few slect men".
/r/PurplePillDebate28/05/24 10:01 PM
4

I don't know that I disagree, but if a society is at least in part menat to serve those who comprise it, why are men's outcomes so bad these days. Health, education, crime, homelessness, substance abuse. Some overlap but that means some men are really fucked. Those on on the margins men are really lagging behind. Do you agree, and if so whay do you think this is?
/r/PurplePillDebate28/05/24 09:40 PM
8

I think they wish that the quality was seen similarly across sex, and it seldom is. On your ownership question, I think it's frustration (that a single quality is viewed differently across sexes) speaking.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/05/24 09:19 PM
2

You're only a hypocrite if you disparage people of the opposite sex who have the same issue you do, like a fat man ripping on fat women or vice vdrsa, or in some cases the opposite issue when social judgments differ by sex. So short men would hopefully not disparage very tall women, and loud bositerous women, who aren't as accepted as similar men, would hopefully not disparage quiet men, who aren't as accepted as quiet women.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/05/24 09:04 PM
9

I think on average being shy is more of a hindrance for men than for women, so shy men who are struggling (not all struggle) may wish or may expect that shy women get together with them. TBF I've seen tall women lament short women dating very tall men, saying things like "leave the tall guys for me". In my experience those women are more gentle in their expression though.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/05/24 08:59 PM
7

Is that your go to response when you have nothing to counter an argument with?
/r/PurplePillDebate27/05/24 04:41 PM
1

"Women fundamentally know the world treats them better when they look better." The world treats them better, and they feel better about themselves and the world as a result. If you agree with that, how can you really argue against women choosing better treatment and better feelings? Please answer.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/05/24 04:38 PM
2

With no irony or no dissing women intended, men need to learn, as many women have, that being alone is an option. Sometimes the best by far. Not forever but that's a risk. But damned sure for now when he's in a bad relationship.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/05/24 03:38 PM
0

Your explanation is a good one. Rationally I understand it, but emotionally it's tougher to not be confused. I say this as a man who was never the hobo nor hot rapist in the fantasy. Can you see where men might wonder what this means for them trying to relate to a woman with that fantasy?
/r/PurplePillDebate25/05/24 06:06 PM
–

Metaphorically, if you look at enough really successful poets, you'll see patterns in their looks and behavior that strongly correlate with success. That data means something. I shouldn't pick at your point; it's actually nicely said and essentially true. But it's also true that some men and women will spend long lonely years writing poetry no one will read, in some cases ever.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/05/24 04:24 PM
1

I talk to a lot of men my age who lived a life they were expected to live, not least of which by the women in their lives, and now regret those choices. We're all free to choose, but some choices are more constrained than others. Come with a heavier price. Your father paid a price for his choice, and I paid a price for my emotional openess. We choose our poison.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/05/24 06:37 PM
1

Ideally there's good communication in any scenario, including before there are problems. That's ideal, but a lack of communication will harm a relationship and will often kill it, whether the issue is sex or money or health issues.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/05/24 06:29 PM
3

I'm a boomer by the way. Do you think men like your father really prefer living the stilted emotional lives they do? Would they have chosen that if they really felt free to have chosen to be more open? As to the man you mentioned previously, do you think him being fit, strong, and beautiful perhaps gives him more space to display emotions without fearing losing face? I'm not saying it's conscious on his part, but those the world welcomes often feel, well, welcomed.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/05/24 06:09 PM
2

But the tree has no chance of adding to my problem by dismissing my concerns. The tree's silenece is just good listening. As for protecting a woman from a bear, good luck with that.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/05/24 05:55 PM
1

You have a point, but it's mitigated but your inability to see the world through a man's eyes. It's a shit show, and women contribute a not insignificant amount to the production. And do you think sexual and physical violence only happen to women? If you do, pull up a chair.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/05/24 05:51 PM
1

I just expect the tree to listen.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/05/24 05:44 PM
–

Batman's mom is dead.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/05/24 04:57 PM
3

This is how I've always seen it, and I'm male. I think it sorts people but less rigidly than assigning them a number.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/05/24 02:10 PM
1

A lack of sex is a valid reason to split. Your real point, that women get a pass if they cheat because of a lack of sex in a relationship is overstated, but there is some merit to it. It seems that when a woman cheats because of a lack of sex some people will just think she's a whore and not inquire beyond that, but some will express understanding for her plight. I'm in the latter group. If a man cheats due to a lack of sex, he's often assumed to be too demanding, not understanding of her reason…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/05/24 01:39 PM
1

OK, I'm genuinely curious. What advice are you looking for? I don't know your posting history but I'm guessing you'ren not very attractive or you believe you're not. I think most people accept that your looks will create sort of a "set point" as to how many women may be interested in you and how attractive those women might be. Do you agree? If you do, have you done what you reasonably can to be as attractive as you can be? Are you fit, well groomed, and reasonably well dressed? If not, those ar…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/05/24 01:58 PM
8

You really don't seem very open to any kind of advice. The person you're referencing took time to offer you some, and you responded like a kid who didn't get the right birthday present.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/05/24 01:24 PM
13

Some of those points are made here everyday. Discussions about sex based differences may be closely watched precisely because they can find a slippery slope and devolve pretty quickly. What's the alternative to caution?
/r/PurplePillDebate23/05/24 12:58 PM
–

The woman said tha6t's why she accused him.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/05/24 01:36 PM
2

Do you think this was an effective way to illustrate the danger men present to women? I think it was, but do you wonder if it did more harm than good? I think maybe. Men who get it continue to get it. I'm not changing my thinking or behavior, but it was clumsy and frankly asinine at times. Men who don't get it now have more fodder to motivate them to not get it.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/05/24 10:44 AM
2

Do you believe the only thing that makes a man attractive is how fuckable he is?
/r/PurplePillDebate21/05/24 09:39 PM
2

But since the celebrity has fans, and those who wouldn't describe themselves as "fans" may admire the person's accomplishments, and fandom and admiration are aspects of status.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/05/24 09:32 PM
1

Thank you.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/05/24 03:18 PM
20

There are levels of attractiveness. Some men operate on an "attractive enough" plan when sex is seems available right now.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/05/24 02:42 PM
1

TBF, there's plenty for men and women to dislike about each other. There's plenty to dislike about people in general, but when you can identify a tribe you belong to that they don't, it can intensify the dislike. We wake up everyday with a choice. We can either look for more benign reasons for individual or apparent group behavior we don't like or understand, or we can focus on common ground. Any type of "ist" is choosing to focus on differences and on malignant explanations for those difference…
/r/PurplePillDebate21/05/24 02:24 PM
42

I think it's rare. The "men will fuck anything" is mostly based on some men's willingness to sleep with women they don't find physically attractive enough to date. They respond physically to these women, but have an idea in their mind that want someone more attractive for long term.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/05/24 02:16 PM
1

I was addressing the men here, who really don't seem to represent "men". They skew emotionally toward really struggling with uncertainty and the possibility that something awful lurks in there somewhere. Men IRL who can't handle this stuff are definitely good candidates for therapy. Feelings of inadequacy and shame often underlie behavior that is abusive, controlling, and malignant. And I don't think I painted that abusive behavior from men in a relationship with a woman as something she has to …
/r/PurplePillDebate21/05/24 02:07 PM
2

I'm a man on PPD and you're not speaking of me. I can happily form a relationship with an imperfect woman. If she's been with men who are far mor attractive to her than I am, that would hurt. Even if our sex life was good, I'd rather not know where I rank. About hurting, you do know it pains men to feel less than in the eyes of a woman they care for, even in a hypothetical. Men who go on about this shit and talk about the wall and n counts and single moms are typically hurting and without a clea…
/r/PurplePillDebate21/05/24 04:55 AM
2

If you account for men being more interested in sex, whether that's bio or cultural, then women are in the same boat. Almost none of us would be anyone's first choice. But men want to feel secure that their committed partner really desires them. I think the need to be seen as the best is really about men wanting to be confident that she really wants him. If he's the best she's had of course she wants him. If he's second best he gets steak knives. If he's third, he's doomed to be abandoned. I'm n…
/r/PurplePillDebate21/05/24 04:43 AM
2

I think women who go into hookups with their eyes open often do benefit from fucking men who wouldn't want them for a relationship, but so do some men who go to prostitutes. And some women who hookup feel like it's too transactional, just like some men who go to prostitutes. So there are parallels.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/05/24 04:32 AM
1

Two things can both be true. Women have reason to be more afraid of men in an immediate, "some shit could go wrong that I'm not equipped to handle" kind of way, than vice versa. By a long shot. In contexts like this sub, some women stretch the relevance of #1 to try and make points in discussions. 2 is in no way equivalent to 1, but in an environment like this it can be pretty annoying. Bears, basically.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/05/24 02:49 AM
2

Are we speaking to each other or are we representing women and men, and a curated subset of each at that?
/r/PurplePillDebate20/05/24 08:18 PM
2

"Are they sexy enough to get that?" Are you saying that a man who isn't that sexy is destined for a less passionate relationship?
/r/PurplePillDebate20/05/24 08:01 PM
3

If I understand correctly, the powers that be at Reddit don't want blackpill/incel content anywhere. The mods here seem to be following that edict. I would prefer that looks be allowed in some discussions, but that would take so much moderation and frequent (constant) excising of BP/Incel stuff that it would be untenable. So here we are. But I also think you may be off base in your assertion regarding strategies. For men, who we're really talking about, the exceptionally attractive among us who …
/r/PurplePillDebate17/05/24 02:39 PM
1

I'm pretty sure old Stonewall would have defended the lady's honor.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/05/24 01:35 PM
2

I typically assume that people deserve to be treated decently. I may occasionally react without thinking and fail to do this, but those instances are rare exceptions.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/05/24 01:29 PM
2

I mean I can relate to the quick sense of "well shit, that sucks" when a woman a man likes who seems to like him has her head turned by a man in the friend group or the class or office who everyone knows is a jerkoff. It's her business and her choice, but no fun to experience. It happens to women too.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/05/24 09:46 PM
18

Assessing your own attractiveness and asking out women you think are attractive and which you think you match well with isn't entitlement. Not getting dates and being frustrated is just that, frustration, and asking the sky or anyone listening why you can't date someone you feel well suited for is also not eveidence of entitlement. If you get insistant about who or the type of woman you should be able to attract, that is eveidence of a sense of entitlement, which seems to be what you're doing.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/05/24 09:32 PM
2

It's not women's job to reward decency in men. Some women understand this too well, but that's a different topic.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/05/24 04:38 PM
–

You note down thread that some men (black pilled) also reify their emotions, but you determine that they're a negligible minority and so not relevant to your claim that there's a sex based difference in this tendency. Do you have any #s to back that up? Any #s to support your claim that women do this more than men? You cite common manosphere talking points related to singele motherhood or fat acceptance as evidence, but you don't offer any data or anything that could be called evidence. In fact …
/r/PurplePillDebate14/05/24 02:11 PM
1

I think one of the things people who lack relationship experience miss out are those lessons. Not along that specific dimension, but young men are trying to figure out where they fit too, and while it's tough to be part of the other person's learning experience, it often goes with the territory of young people (men and women) in relationships.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/05/24 08:30 PM
4

I agree with everything you said regarding men being a threat to women. I have two daughters, and I told both of them that they will never go wrong listening to the voice in their head telling them a man's behavior or demeanor is a concern. Or to be blunt, his existence in some scenarios, like being alone with a man they have no reason to trust. That trust has to be earned, and a stranger in a parking garage hasn't earned it. But, if this is common knowledge, then what in your opinion is the poi…
/r/PurplePillDebate11/05/24 04:51 PM
17

Accountability for what? To whom?
/r/PurplePillDebate11/05/24 03:25 PM
5

You realize you quoted bon vivant and all around good guy Nietzsche, right?
/r/PurplePillDebate10/05/24 05:27 PM
9

Basic incompatibility, like disagreeing on kids, money, the importance of at least fairly healthy lifestyle, and so on. Things that might not interfere with dating but might alter the course of my life over time.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/05/24 05:17 PM
2

I can't agree with this affirmative statement. I understand why you make it in response to the thread you referenced, which was way off base. But women, and men, sometimes cheat in relationships they admit are healthy. I counter with, "The reason some men and women cheat can be entirely about the cheating person and unrelated to the quality of the relationship".
/r/PurplePillDebate10/05/24 01:30 PM
6

Why don't you expect the woman you're with to grow? If I'm busting my ass, and I do, and she's coasting I'm not going to be happy and she'll know that. Kindly but clearly.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/05/24 08:25 PM
2

Both members of a couple, whatever combination denotes a couple, are wise to try and br their best selves for their own hapiness but also for their partner.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/05/24 08:23 PM
2

But do we like Taylor Swift? Cuz Fox hates her, and while I don't hate her, I'm not sure I can really, um, ......so anyway back to hat's and cocktails. Those are probably enough.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/05/24 05:04 PM
5

Looks like a plan. We'll need cool hats though. Hats are key.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/05/24 04:57 PM
6

Careful, that's how movements start :)
/r/PurplePillDebate09/05/24 03:59 PM
4

If women think that men are dangerous, a man telling them we're not dangerous will only heighten their concerns. Like are you asking women to be less cautious? That's not a concern. Nope.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/05/24 03:14 PM
6

I agree, and I think prior to social media we had talk radio as it emerged right after the fairness doctrine dissolved and opened the door for media outlets to let the market determinw what voices got heard, without regard to balance. Fairness Doctrine died in 1987, and not coincidentally Rush Limbaugh launched his national media career in 1988. Fox news in the 90s. Public discourse has coarsened since then and by the time social media was born entered an a;ready crueler world, which it fed off …
/r/PurplePillDebate09/05/24 02:38 PM
4

You're better informed, but I think the person you're speaking with had a point whether he knows why or not. Friedan used an existing term or idea about the mysterious, unknowable nature of women, which was put forth as a kind of benevolent sexism, and pinned it, ironically, to the expectation that housework and children are women's true and desired destiny. Would have been a pretty artful bit of rhetoric had he known.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/05/24 02:28 PM
1

I wouldn't say I'm against it, but I find it weird as a life/relationship strategy. A big leap away from an organic process toward building a charater in a video game.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/05/24 06:39 PM
2

I've seen it most often used by women in refuting men's claims that all women are like that.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/05/24 05:11 PM
3

There isn't enough substance in the original comment to debate. As others have pointed out, women have a greater in group bias than men, which might refute the popint if there was one. If we're talking about things like MeTo, then there is a point, but I'm not sure. As an aside, I think men sometimes use the term hivemind in an effort to coopt the term which is frequently used by women.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/05/24 04:49 PM
–

I'm sorry that's been your experience. I know plenty of women who recognize that beyond the considerable problem of unwanted attention, most women still get wanted attention and that can be a benefit to them, as opposed to most men who get little or none. This happens in civil conversations where women aren't being accused of being selfish or worse, so they're not on the defensive. Try that some time. And know that this situation pisses me off, too, as a man in the little or none category of att…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/05/24 01:52 PM
–

It's a shame that some men can't see beyond their solipsism and recognize that unattractive people have a hard way to go, men and women. And the idea that some men will fuck sheep so therefore there's a man out there for the OP may be less of a balm than it's intended to be. Wouldn't you hope that any self respecting woman would pass on the sheep fucker and remain alone? I hope no sheep are on this site, but if there are, I'm sorry to throw ewe under the bus. I'm sorry you're in the predicament …
/r/PurplePillDebate08/05/24 01:33 PM
7

There are men here who currently or in the recent past have frequented incel or incel adjacent sites, yes. It's pretty clear from their language and tone. But not everyone complaining or agreeing with complaints is an incel, and for those who are, there's usually some kernel of reality bound up in their convoluted thinking. Dating problems in the west are always a personal issue, but one that takes place within a system or a structure that seems to be leaving some men behind in dating and other …
/r/PurplePillDebate07/05/24 01:54 PM
2

That's it. His dance card is full so he doesn't get out and about much.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/05/24 07:14 PM
–

It would be nice, actually. Are you ridiculing people who struggle to believe they're attractive? Good on you.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/05/24 06:10 PM
–

I'm not in favor of mandatory paternity testing and I think the topic is designed to highlight something about "women", ahen it really only applies to a small minority of individuals. But your comment really does define what a piece of shit a woman is who does engage in this sort of deception. I'm male and I get the anxiety men may feel, not just about being the father or not but about the consequences of a choice a woman can make that a man has to accept on faith, or risk blowing up a marriage …
/r/PurplePillDebate02/05/24 06:07 PM
1

Sexual needs are not a mutual obligation. Talking about your sex life openly and honestly is.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/05/24 03:13 PM
1

But he's not your "thing"?
/r/PurplePillDebate02/05/24 03:08 PM
1

Are you attracted to the white man you're dating?
/r/PurplePillDebate02/05/24 02:04 PM
–

The talk of institutionalizing paternity tests is an insult to the 98% (using OP #s) women who are not deceiving their partner about paternity. An overreach and an intrusion the state has no real right to pursue. But the laws around this are pretty fucked up. Many states in the US still operate on old common law notions that a man is presumed to be the father of his wife's child. And that has some legal power even after he's been shown not to be the father. On a personal level, I could see mysel…
/r/PurplePillDebate02/05/24 01:51 PM
1

Sure women complain if a man they want to date or the man they are dating is interacting with underwear models. I'm older than you and before people really focused on the treatment of sex workers, the argument against porn was that it gave men unrealistic expectations about how women should look and act. Many women felt their seelf esteem took a hit or doubted their partner's attraction to them. The concern about possible trafficking or other forms of abuse is the better argument, but I know wom…
/r/PurplePillDebate01/05/24 09:01 PM
3

I assume you're a straight woman. Do you want a man you're in a relationship with to desire you, and to make that clear? I think that's what men who reference chad are hoping for. They're just convinced it can't happen for them. And then women say something like "men expect chad treatment without being chad", and it kinda reinforces the men's doubts or beliefs.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/05/24 07:36 PM
2

Every time? Thant's a lot of times.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/05/24 05:06 PM
1

Wait, why is the polar bear in the woods? Probably because that's where women go to escape men. Think about it.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/05/24 05:03 PM
1

Isn't it logical, when no one meeting your standards is interested in you, to then accept that and remain single? That's not a happy outcome for sure, but it is what you'd logically expect.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/04/24 01:31 PM
1

Basing anything on this blog post is probably a mistake. I think there may have been a feature where rating a person as attractive was communicated to them, which would give women a real disincentive to rate men highly just to be nice. But then why rate them at all? Still, I'm not sure how I'd feel being graced with a response from someone who rates me as unattractive. Small consolation.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/04/24 01:55 PM
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