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RuRu_1999 Archive

View 0 posts and 157 comments by RuRu_1999 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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1

You need a good prenup from a qualified family law attorney. Then you never have to worry.
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/23 07:17 AM
1

You were very patient to put up with her laziness for 15 years! Do you mind if I ask… why were you so tolerant of her laziness? Why didn’t you dump her when she initially refused to work?
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/23 07:16 AM
1

It sounds like you haven’t been happy in the marriage for a long time. The Ozempic is just the straw that broke the camel’s back. You deserve to be happy. Go see an attorney for a consult and see how expensive it would be to divorce. Consider your options.
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/23 07:11 AM
1

I don’t think it’s automatic. Courts may consider the fee request at the end of the case and may order only a portion to be paid by the other spouse.
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/23 02:29 AM
4

Are you saying that your wife hit you and gave you a black eye? Goodness, you definitely need to leave.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/23 01:20 AM
3

A male friend of mine moved out for 6 months. Then he went back to his wife. She was begging him to return and finally promising that she would fix the things he wanted fixed. It probably was hysterical bonding. He was also realizing the extreme financial strain he would be under. And he still kind of loved her. A year later, they were back to arguing. It didn’t work out.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/23 11:16 PM
1

I hope it works out for you 😊
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/23 07:27 PM
2

Well if you already talked to your lawyer today, I would certainly take your lawyer’s advice over that of random strangers on the internet. What advice did he/she give you?
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/23 06:19 PM
1

Well you made a promise and then broke it. Do you think you have an addiction to porn? You did it anyway knowing what trouble it would cause. This suggests an addiction. Have you been to counseling for this? Possibly if you start counseling she will give you another chance (?).
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/23 06:16 PM
1

That sounds like a fair possibility. Whether or not, it will be a bloodbath depends on the attitude taken by you and your spouse. In my divorce, it was relatively amicable. We both agreed on who got what, and the judge approved it. We were able to avoid expensive mediation and trial. As long as your wife has a sensible attitude, you should be able to get out of this without a bloodbath.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/23 04:16 PM
1

What is the current market value of the house today? If it were sold, how much could you get for it? That is the price you use. Then subtract your mortgage. Is there anything left? If it is a positive number then you owe your wife half. Is it a negative number (you owe more than the house is worth)?
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/23 03:31 PM
5

Have you considered a parenting app?
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/23 07:04 PM
7

If your attorney said that they would request sanctions weeks ago, and it’s still not done, that is being incompetent and lacking follow through, rather than being “low conflict”. Yes I agree it is time for a new attorney.
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/23 12:23 PM
1

She may be doing this because the judge is pro-alimony.
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/23 11:37 PM
1

Honestly describe your ex’s weaknesses.
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/23 11:19 PM
1

If that judge has a reputation for being anti-woman, anti-alimony, or your ex just thinks that that judge will not give her a good deal, then she could ask for a change. There is also a slight possibility that she, or her attorney knows the judge personally, and there is a conflict of interest
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/23 11:18 PM
1

You can do an appeal, but it is unlikely to change the outcome. Ask your attorney when you can reapply for 50-50 custody again.
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/23 11:16 PM
1

It varies but current income is usually the basis. In OP’s case, however, the judge will believe that OP has the ability to work and will likely impute some income to him, too.
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/23 01:49 AM
5

Well then either they will calculate the difference between your income and hers (zero), or the court will impute income to her. That means that, even though she isn’t working, she could work, and the numbers should be based on what she could earn if she were trying.
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/23 01:23 AM
-1

OP added some more information, specifically that he physically abused his wife, and has a domestic violence case against him. Not sure if that changes your opinion. In some states, domestic violence precludes spousal support.
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/23 01:06 AM
3

This varies by state. In California for example, spousal support is usually 1/2 of the difference in incomes for 1/2 of the length of the marriage. Other states are different.
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/23 01:04 AM
2

In many states, domestic violence prevents you from receiving alimony. I am not sure about Oklahoma specifically. Another factor is how you would be able to hire an attorney to even try to get alimony. You would have to have a lawyer. She isn’t just going to voluntarily agree to pay you. Do you have money for an attorney? Most attorneys charge a retainer up front of approximately $5000. If you don’t have $5000, then it’s a moot point. If I were you, I would not worry about alimony. I would focus…
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/23 09:04 PM
1

It doesn’t matter how we think it should be. The court will order it.
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/23 08:22 PM
12

Text 988 to talk to the suicide hotline
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/23 08:21 PM
2

We need more info. How long were you married? Are you employed? Can you support yourself? If you were only married a short time, and you can support yourself, then I would move on. On the other hand, if you are unemployed, some alimony for a few months might help you get back on your feet. Also, you haven’t mentioned which state you are in. In some states it is hard to get alimony. It varies by state.
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/23 07:54 PM
1

Child support can’t be waived. Go see an attorney. They will bring up things you have never even thought of. Your case is too complicated for do-it-yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/23 07:49 PM
3

I agree 100%. It is illegal. If the un-hired potential employee found out and could prove it, the potential employee could sue the employer and prevail. However, most of these situations come down to the employer just not hiring the employee because they found another employee who was a “better fit”. It is near impossible for the un-hired employee to prove.
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/23 03:02 PM
2

Many employers would be reluctant to hire a 56 year old woman with cancer. Do you really think she is employable at $100k per year? In some fields, employers know who in the community has been sick and would never hire them.
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/23 12:31 AM
10

If you do receive an inheritance, while you are still married, be sure to keep it in a separate account in your name alone. If you commingle it in a joint account, your wife will be able to claim a portion of it.
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/23 12:25 AM
1

If she loses the house, then she will have get lower cost housing elsewhere, likely in a different school district and the kids will be uprooted from their school / friends. The kids will be in a tiny apartment with mom and no friends.
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/23 10:55 PM
1

Assuming that the house payment is currently $1500 a month (not sure if that is accurate), then: If OP’s STBX uses the $1500 a month to pay for the house payment, then what money will the STBX have to provide for the children? Also, if the STBX has to refi, the new payment will likely be larger than $1500 a month.
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/23 10:05 PM
1

With no alimony, how would she be able to make the house payment?
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/23 07:42 PM
1

Is the house paid off in full? If not, will she be able to make the mortgage payment on her low salary? Will she be able to pay for upkeep of the house on that salary? If she needs your spousal support in order to pay for the house, then how long is that spousal support going to continue? Will the spousal support continue until the house payments end? It is not really “letting her keep the house” if she cannot afford to actually make the payments to keep it Plus, if your name is taken off the ti…
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/23 05:39 PM
1

Which state?
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/23 05:37 PM
6

Do you mind if I ask… Are you saying that you spent $250,000 on attorneys and experts? Over what period of time? How could it be that expensive?
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/23 09:17 PM
3

Why would she get to keep the house? Usually the house is sold, and the proceeds are split. Why do you have to support your daughter after college? After college graduation, most kids get a full-time job and support themselves.
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/23 11:02 PM
2

Then start making a plan for divorce. Make an appointment with an attorney for an initial consultation. This should be about $300-400. Some attorneys even offer free consultations. Bring a list of questions to the appointment.
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/23 05:04 PM
1

A person cannot be 100% all the time. Marriage is about accepting that the other person is human, and loving them anyway. Are you happy in this marriage? Do you honestly expect her to change? Will you be happy living with her, as she is, for the rest of your life?
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/23 04:48 PM
5

Well, you are currently in the process of fixing the situation by setting up your own separate account. So she can’t do this again in the future. Are you contemplating divorce? This is a divorce sub.
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/23 04:39 PM
3

Go see an attorney about your options. If you take early retirement, can she still get the same alimony? If you change jobs to a lower paying, less stressful job, how long would you have to do that to reduce the alimony? Can you ask her to work, or impute some income to her?
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/23 03:48 PM
1

Congratulations!
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/23 04:46 PM
1

Bonuses are uncertain. So it’s not just presumed that you will receive it.
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/23 03:20 AM
9

Yes. People are charged all time over events of last week, last year etc
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/23 12:21 AM
3

If she remarries, your obligation to pay spousal support likely would end.
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/23 10:40 PM
2

Depends on the state. In a community property state yes it is definitely 50-50. In an equitable distribution state, the judge is allowed to split it in some other way, although 50-50 is still common.
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/23 09:24 PM
1

I agree. Mediation can be successful if both parties are open minded and willing to compromise. If your STBX isn’t willing to compromise, then the mediation will be wasted.
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/23 05:05 PM
2

Do not engage in violence towards your ex or yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/23 09:06 PM
–

Ask if you can appear by video conference / Zoom
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/23 08:12 PM
1

Have your attorney file a motion to force them to respond. The judge won’t play their game. If they don’t do it then, the judge will hold them in contempt. Judges want to be obeyed.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/23 02:16 PM
2

You could see if any divorce attorneys in your area will do a free consultation. If you are low income, you may qualify for legal aid.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/23 05:00 AM
2

Which state? Sending an email to your STBX is not a response. You need to file a legal form with the court, and a copy to your wife. If you are going to represent yourself, you had better get used to the legal paperwork. Look on your state’s court website for family law forms. You should find the formulary you need on that list.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/23 04:28 AM
1

Google the topic of divorce in your state, for starters. Then consider a prenup.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/23 04:15 AM
3

So which are you going to do? Re: the mistake in your paperwork: there is no way for anyone here on Reddit to know what that mistake was, without more info.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/23 03:34 AM
2

What specifically did the clerk say was wrong with your paperwork?
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/23 03:06 AM
11

Now you have an indictment. It’s not just a rumor or suspicion anymore. Yes you should try again.
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/23 10:22 PM
2

Sorry I didn’t mean to encourage step-parentage or discourage it. My intent was to echo OP’s love for his boy.
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/23 09:26 PM
3

Hallelujah! Thank you! I thought I was the only one who viewed it like this! 😊
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/23 08:25 PM
-1

It is terrible if his wife cheated, obviously. But OP said that he loved the boy more than anything in the world. I can envision a situation where OP is understandably angry at his ex, but still chooses to have a relationship with the boy because he loves him so much. Each person’s reaction is different. But OP loves this boy.
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/23 07:57 PM
-5

What are you hoping to accomplish with the test? 1). If you want to test just to know in your own mind, then do it. Be prepared for either outcome. 2). If you are doing the test to get out of paying child support, then understand that the test result may not help you. If you are listed as father on the birth certificate, and you have been supporting him since birth, then legally there is a good chance that a court would say that you are the legal father, even if not the biological father. That w…
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/23 06:14 PM
1

If you think that is the new societal norm, then you have been spending time with the wrong people.
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/23 03:01 PM
1

All assets acquired during the marriage are marital assets, unless received via inheritance or gift. So expect her to request half of those assets. Alimony is unlikely in a short term marriage. However, if she wants to go low, she can accuse you of abuse, and get alimony for awhile. It only gets worse with time, so if you are going to leave, it’s best to leave sooner rather than later.
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/23 02:39 PM
1

Do you want to stoke resentment and anger? Or do you just want to get divorced as fast and easy as possible?
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/23 02:30 PM
2

My ex, and I did the forms ourselves from the court website. We both signed then we submitted them at the clerks office and paid the filing fee. Here is a link to the court website: https://www.courts.wa.gov/forms/?fa=forms.contribute&formID=13
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/23 02:27 PM
4

Honestly it would be safer for you to have an attorney draft it. The attorney will know all the little things to include. If you and your STBX have agreed on everything, then the attorney bill shouldn’t be that bad. This is something that you can’t afford to have screwed up.
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/23 01:59 PM
3

Sometimes you can get income imputed to her. But really who would hire her with ADHD, BPD, no particular skills, and many years of no work history? You can see an attorney about ways to reduce spousal support in your state, if you are interested. Talking to her directly may just exacerbate stress. Maybe it is better if you communicate via email or parenting app
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/23 05:24 AM
7

When my dad retired, my mom and dad went through a transition period. She wasn’t used to having him around all the time. They figured it out. Are you interested in figuring it out?
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/23 05:17 AM
1

If they are incompatible, then better for both.
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/23 11:27 PM
1

Do you think she will ask for shared custody? You said she is looking at three-bedroom homes. This suggest that she wants the kids to live with her a good part of the time. And she will avoid paying you child support if the kids are with her a good deal of the time.
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/23 10:51 PM
3

If you weren’t getting along well now, it will only get worse if kids are brought into the situation. If you’re going to divorce, or you should do so sooner rather than later. It sounds like she’s interested in children. She’s 31 years old, so if she’s going to have kids, she needs to hurry up and start. It is most fair to her to divorce or quickly so that she can move on and get a new husband with whom she can have children.
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/23 10:49 PM
5

Are you saying that you made a clerical error / scrivener error in the papers? That the interest rate and dates were agreed to verbally but then written down wrong / omitted? Then see a family law attorney ASAP about correcting the papers, before the papers are final.
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/23 10:47 PM
-4

It sounds like you don’t even like women much.
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/23 04:24 PM
1

I think the septic system needs to be fixed. Can you ask her to split the cost with you? Remind her of her higher salary, and The other concessions you have made. Also, who will be getting the house after divorce? Will your wife be keeping it? If so, then a fallback position, if she rejects your half payment, is to say that you won’t pay on it at all and she can pay 100% after the divorce. Then your offer of half will look great by comparison.
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/23 02:37 PM
3

Attorneys who are “certified specialists” in family law have extra experience. Also you can look at the bar number. The higher the number, the newer they are. Your legal community usually knows who the top family law lawyers are in that community. You can ask friends or other lawyers for recommendations. I would tend to avoid attorneys who dabble in multiple practice areas.
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/23 05:49 PM
1

Oh I am so sorry it got to that point.
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/23 04:11 AM
2

I think I was asking which legal actions Op perceived as war-like. Filing a motion? Arguing for a change in spousal support? Arguing to keep their child in the same state? Are these items what he means by “war”?
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/23 02:41 AM
2

Could you give us some idea of what this war looks like? What kinds of things?
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/23 11:44 PM
2

It would be too embarrassing. I would prefer to start fresh in a new home
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/23 11:42 PM
3

Be upfront and 100% honest. Say that you are separated, living apart, and divorce has been filed.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/23 05:34 PM
9

Am I entitled to a portion of the equity in the house? Will I get spousal support? If so, how much and for how long? How much are your attorney fees? Can I get her to pay for my attorneys fees? What is the process for filing for divorce? How long will it take? Can I stay in the family home until I find a new place? Optional: How do I get custody of our family dog?
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/23 02:47 AM
1

Have you spoken with an attorney / solicitor about your options?
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/23 07:12 PM
1

You are in a difficult situation. But I think you are on the right track by seeing an attorney. One of the toughest adjustments is coming to accept that you are probably getting divorced. Of the 3 options you mentioned, I think that option (i) would be impossible for most parents. The other 2 options are more viable.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/23 04:45 PM
2

Look through some furniture websites and see what appeals to you. Walk through some furniture showrooms. Many furniture stores offer free decorating services.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/23 04:27 PM
2

First, you need to get the attorney situation figured out. Are you saying that all 4 attorneys refused to meet with you? She couldn’t have retained all four. Call around and get a lawyer appointment ASAP. Go to one in a different town if needed. One issue is the state where the divorce will be filed. Each state has different laws, and one state may favor you more than the other. Generally, the spouse who files first selects the state. So it is to your advantage to file first. Counseling is ok if…
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/23 04:24 PM
3

Your attorney certainly can draft divorce papers consistent with her note. Then she will have to sign the papers. There is always a chance that she will change her mind. Or want to have her own attorney check it. If you are thinking that you can use the note in place of her signature on actual divorce papers, then no.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/23 03:19 AM
1

If you are interviewed by the police, tell the truth. Don’t be tempted to lie for your friend. Just give him emotional support. If he is arrested, advise him to seek a criminal attorney.
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/23 11:36 PM
6

Reminds me of my ex. My ex said they wanted divorce, but still kept hugging me sexually throughout the day. I said WTF? I insisted that my ex stop doing it.
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/23 07:06 PM
4

Sometimes when people realize the financial aspect of the divorce will be rough, they have second thoughts.
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/23 05:08 PM
1

Maybe she thought that what she offered was reasonable, and so she assumed that you would agree?
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/23 03:08 PM
4

It is unfortunately pretty normal for emotions to be all over the place during a divorce. I think she wants for you to pay half of her attorney fees. If you won’t give her that then she is mad, and will use whatever weapons she can think of. It will ultimately get resolved.
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/23 03:01 PM
3

Only you know if you should get a divorce. Has she tried getting treatment for her OCD? It requires professional therapy with a psychiatrist experienced in OCD, and probably also psychotropic medications.
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/23 09:32 AM
1

I like how you explain that meditation, in your case, would have been pointless since you were already offering a good deal. Also you were very smart to treat it like a business transaction.
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/23 11:00 PM
3

It depends a lot on whether you have a high-conflict or low-conflict divorce. Collaborative divorce requires compromise and agreement. If your STBX is angry, and won’t compromise, then collaborative divorce won’t work. On the other hand, if the STBX is reasonable, and willing to compromise, then, collaborative divorce is certainly cheaper than going to court. Mediation is also an alternative if you have an agreeable spouse
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/23 08:07 PM
3

It is common that when your spouse first hears that you want a divorce, she is upset. At first, she will say angry comments and make unrealistic demands. After she has a couple weeks to adjust to the fact that she is getting a divorce, then she should be more realistic. Her initial reaction may not be how she feels a month later.
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/23 06:20 PM
1

There should be a way for you and your spouse to reach an agreement to sell the house and split the proceeds, and get your 50/50 custody. If you can’t reach agreement, the judge will decide. Wishing you good luck 😊
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/23 11:47 PM
1

Which state?
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/23 11:43 PM
1

Have you asked your attorney how you can move out of the house, without sacrificing your home equity and custody issues?
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/23 11:28 PM
1

You can move out and still get those things. You don’t have to be in the house to get that. Have you hired a lawyer yet?
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/23 11:03 PM
1

How do you see this playing out? Do you really want to live under the same roof?
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/23 10:45 PM
1

Yes, this is the first date of many that you will have in your new single life! How exciting!
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/23 01:47 PM
6

I recommend turning your phone off.
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/23 01:16 PM
2

I have seen some instances where a divorce started out contentious. Then when the spouses realize how much a high conflict will cost, they become more agreeable. They just don’t have they money to fight each other at $300+ per hour. My ex initially wanted all sorts of extra things. Then when they realized it would cost $5000 for a retainer to start, and they didn’t have $5000, then they decided to agree to what I offered.
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/23 01:13 PM
3

Are you saying that you want a divorce? If so, the first step is to see a divorce attorney. The initial consult should cost about $300-400 for one hour. Some attorneys do free initial consults. The military may have additional resources for you.
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/23 05:57 AM
1

Definitely don’t smoke right before court - high or smelling of it. It will influence the judge.
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/23 09:05 PM
1

Stay at home mom. There is something like temporary spousal support, while she gets time to get a job & train. A standard in California is half of the difference in wages, for half the length of the marriage. The judge has discretion to depart from this if the judge thinks it is warranted. EDIT: plus when she goes back to work, you can pay half of the daycare bill.
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/23 09:02 PM
2

Why do you think she can’t get spousal support? He is the only one working. She is a SAHM. Marijuana is legal in California. Does he smoke it constantly? In front of the kids, indoors, so the kids have to breathe it? Does it impair his judgment?
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/23 08:40 PM
2

I think OP was asking which state the lawyer should be in.
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/23 08:17 PM
2

The divorce has been filed in North Carolina. So North Carolina law will apply. Only a North Carolina attorney will know North Carolina law.
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/23 05:42 PM
6

Try posting on r/relationship_advice
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/23 04:10 PM
3

Do not have your friend write false letters of denial! This is really stupid. When your ex, and the court, see the letter, they can call the number on the letterhead and verify the letter. Your friend will be exposed for falsifying the letter, which could land your friend in trouble, including jail. You also would risk fines and jail for contempt. Please do not go this route. Instead, do what the court told you to do. Smarten up.
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/23 02:35 PM
2

Contempt of court is serious! You need to get your act together. Do whatever it is that you were supposed to do. The penalties for contempt vary by state, but can include fines and jail time. Start fixing the situation now. When you get to court, beg forgiveness so they don’t jail you or fine you.
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/23 02:31 PM
3

Yes! It can be done. If your spouse agrees to the new deal, then a judge doesn’t need to decide it. Which state has jurisdiction? Have you used the software to calculate the new support numbers?
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/23 03:01 AM
0

Well, one female friend of mine was with a guy who pulled a gun on her. There are date rapists, etc. Women do have to pay attention to safety issues. At the same time, I see how it would feel intrusive.
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/23 02:11 AM
2

The contract that you signed with your attorney probably says that they can stop work on the case if you don’t pay them. Paying for your spouse’s attorney happens occasionally. The judge has to decide whether to order it. It isn’t automatic. Divorce attorneys are super expensive. If you can arrange to settle via mediation or collaborative divorce, these options are cheaper.
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/23 01:11 AM
4

Why should she come back around? You lied her so many times, about something super important. She would be stupid to trust you again. She isn’t stupid. You must figure out why you behaved like this, or you likely will repeat the pattern with your next GF / wife.
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/23 10:24 PM
3

What does your attorney think? Is there a realistic chance of a substantially improved settlement?
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/23 11:19 AM
2

Tell her the truth, up front. Explain that you are separated and living apart from your wife. This makes you “free” to date. Please do not lie to her. When she discovers the lie, she won’t trust you anymore.
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/23 11:09 AM
5

Do you really want to cancel the divorce decree? You are so close to getting the case wrapped up.
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/23 10:54 AM
2

It may be different in the UK, but generally there are 2 options: working it out by agreement, or requesting a hearing. If you won’t consider a hearing, then that leaves you at her mercy and she can delay indefinitely. Sometimes the threat of a hearing, or an imminent hearing date, can motivate a person to be more reasonable. As to your solicitor’s deadlines that are ignored, what is he threatening will happen if she doesn’t meet the deadline? Ask your solicitor what other options you have to mo…
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/23 09:57 AM
2

Is there a way to file in court, for the court to force her to reply? In the US, if negotiations break down, we can ask the judge for a hearing.
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/23 09:39 AM
6

Wow, this must be frustrating! From the word “solicitor” I am guessing that you are in the UK (?). When you ask your solicitor how to speed up the process, what does he / she recommend?
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/23 09:28 AM
2

Well, I think you are on the right track
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/23 11:21 PM
1

This sounds very hurtful. I am sorry you’re going through this.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/23 11:21 PM
1

It sounds like you have substantial doubts about the paperwork, and about your own attorneys recommendations. It is perfectly OK to get a second opinion. You can pay for a one time consult with another attorney. It would probably cost in the range of $300 and $400 for one hour.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/23 11:20 PM
8

First of all, you should not hack her phone, or commit acts of violence. You would get arrested, embarrassed, possibly fired from your job, and possibly jailed. You don’t need additional problems right now. If your wife has already filed for divorce then I would say the relationship is over. It would seem beyond saving. I think it would benefit enormously from counseling, to assist you in your feelings of anger.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/23 11:17 PM
2

I have a friend who didn’t start spending time with his son until he was 4 years old. They got introduced to each other gradually. The relationship blossomed. Eventually he became accepted as a full father with full 50% custody. My personal opinion is that it likely would be good for your son to have a father. You missed the first 7 years. Don’t miss the rest! The only reason you didn’t see him for 7 years is that she took him away, and didn’t tell you that she had returned. Largely her fault. Y…
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/23 01:37 PM
3

So true! Glad you posted this 😊
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/23 01:25 PM
4

Yes, I insisted on the dog, too. Mandatory! 😊
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/23 11:35 PM
2

You could try to get your divorce papers to specify that you get your kids on your birthday and she gets them on hers.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/23 07:48 PM
23

The night my ex moved out, I slept in peace for the first time in years. It was this an amazing sense of relief. 😊
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/23 07:48 PM
3

Is weed legal in your state?
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/23 05:36 PM
1

Which option does your stbx want? That is a partial factor if you are trying to have a less hostile divorce. If you are going to cancel it all so it is not in your name, that seems fair. You could give her the name of a service to help her. You should explain the garage door opener to her. If you move out and she can’t even open the garage door by herself, that would really suck.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/23 04:03 PM
1

Oh gosh. So sorry 😞
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/23 04:00 PM
2

They met in the US. The girl from China was here visiting a relative, who introduced her to my friend. The Vietnamese girl was born in Vietnam and had already been here awhile. She was working as a manicurist at a salon. The friend’s sister was a customer. Are you looking for a career girl? Or more domestic? There are pros and cons to each. The career girls have their own income, so you might not owe alimony. But they generally are less interested in pleasing you. The traditional ones are sweet,…
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/23 06:48 AM
1

I have friends who dated girls from China and Vietnam. The girls were pleasers, much more so than American career types. There is also a big difference between those girls from cities vs rural areas. The rural ones were raised more traditionally and were more agreeable.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/23 05:51 AM
13

It’s crazy. So hard to imagine that I used to love this person & we got along so well. It feels like another lifetime.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/23 01:40 AM
1

Just curious…. Would you mind sharing how much the retainer is? TIA
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/23 10:23 PM
1

You two are at cross purposes. She needs things to happen pretty quickly. You need more time. Personally I don’t view her lack of long term relationships as a big negative. She figured out that those guys wouldn’t be a good match and moved on.
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/23 09:38 PM
1

A qualified immigration attorney could answer this best.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/23 09:37 PM
1

Is your daughters place in the same state? If she is living at your daughters place, and it is in a different state, she could file in that state. Meaning that that state laws will govern the case as opposed to your current state laws
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/23 09:35 PM
8

This depends on a lot of factors. Is your spouse being reasonable? If she is reasonable, and you agree quickly, you will have a lower bill from the mediator. If you suspect your spouse will be unreasonable, then you should have a strategy in place. Oftentimes in mediation, participants have a strategy of starting at one extreme position, and then coming off that position gradually over the session
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/23 09:32 PM
2

8% sounds high.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/23 09:30 PM
1

Generally the only advantage to filing first is that you get to select which state is filed in. In your case that does not apply. So I don’t see any advantage in filing first.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/23 06:00 PM
1

Which state?
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/23 05:12 PM
1

It sounds like you have weighed the pros and cons and have decided to stay.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/23 05:02 PM
1

Ugh! High deductible plans are annoying! Sorry 😞
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/23 04:49 PM
1

Yes I saw that. If you truly believe that she could self harm, and you have proof, then you could end up with more custody. She would look unfit.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/23 04:44 PM
1

If you have medical insurance, it usually covers psychological counseling, for the cost of your copay.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/23 04:43 PM
2

Is there a lot of arguing in front of the kids? What are the kids seeing? You and your wife are setting the example for your kids. If they grow up seeing mom & dad fighting, they will think that is normal. Then they themselves will get into high conflict marriages because that seems normal and ok to them.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/23 04:29 PM
1

There are ones that look like a watch
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/23 02:43 PM
2

You did not mention what is driving you to think about divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/23 02:19 PM
1

Be careful. In many states this is not legal.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/23 05:39 AM
1

How did you select this lawyer? Is this a lawyer who specializes in divorce cases? How long has this lawyer been in practice? A good lawyer can anticipate what is going to happen at the hearing, and what documents will be needed.
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/23 11:08 PM
1

If the judge wants you to do mediation, she will order you to. There’s nothing to worry about in advance.
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/23 11:02 PM
1

I wouldn’t recommend this. Divorce law is tricky. You could end up paying a lot more.
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/23 11:00 PM
1

It depends how agreeable you and your spouse are going to be about the divorce. In divorces that are more friendly, mediation certainly is much cheaper. Mediation generally is in the range of $2000 approximately. On the other hand, if you anticipate a very unfriendly divorce, then you probably will need an attorney. An attorney will charge an initial retainer of $5000 to $10,000, depending on the attorneys experience level. Newer attorneys charge less. After the initial retainer is spent, then t…
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/23 10:29 PM
-1

Comparing women to dogs is a bad comparison. The statements makes it sound like you don’t like women at all.
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/23 10:14 PM
1

I am not your lawyer but ….. generally in California, income earned after the date of separation is separate property
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/23 10:13 PM
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