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SPECTRE_UM Archive

View 0 posts and 25 comments by SPECTRE_UM on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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1

No kids need stability more than they need two parents.
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/19 03:29 AM
1

Don’t get hung up on the cheating when it comes to the actual proceedings (unless you’re not in a no fault state). Divorce is already an adversarial process don’t make it costlier. DO NOT make it a vehicle for retribution or evening the score, mediate and be fair especially if there are kids. Also don’t let her know how you’re doing post separation. Women in divorce often adopt a zero sum attitude: if you’re up she must be down/losing and that will spur her to take you down so she can see hersel…
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/19 08:34 PM
3

I’ve been in the boyfriend’s shoes: ex set me up and made sure it was publicized. If you can’t trust your ex to use a semblance of good judgment in her dating choices what does that say about you... after all, she married you?! It may be that the real person you need to be afraid of is the BF’s ex- a woman who takes the time to destroy the father of her children doesn’t care about anyone but herself. And if revenge is her agenda, as the saying goes, “hell hath no fury”. I’ve had several women wh…
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/19 05:11 PM
5

You need legal representation. They probably aren't reaching out to you because Western common law systems recognize the marital privilege- that a spouse can't be compelled to testify against the other spouse. Thier case needs to be based on evidence and testimony that is ironclad. Since you didn't do anything wrong they can't offer you immunity to compel your testimony. Yes you want her convicted- obviously I hope. But the prosecution can't count on the face that you would invoke that privilege…
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/19 03:15 AM
1

Well you could start the conversation with him by sending her a card saying what ever you believe is appropriate and then telling him about it, see where that leads. And if in the course of that conversation he's completely remorseless about it (regardless of how he has accomplished that) at that point you should tell him you consider that to be a red flag. Someone that cold- or capable of being that cold- is not a healthy person.
/r/Divorce_Men30/10/18 05:44 PM
1

I wish there was a logical conclusion I could reach This is part of the problem. You're looking for logic in the human heart. There may be an explanation but it doesn't have to be (and likely isn't) logical. You need to sit down with him and, in a non-confrontational way, explain to him your concerns in light of your feelings about his choice (instead of being being judgemental). You also need to be aware that some of your level of concern may be rooted in delayed guilt about breaking up their m…
/r/Divorce_Men30/10/18 05:26 PM
1

In your specific case there are a couple of possibilities: guilt and regret would be a likely one but there's also the possibility that it was her helplessness/neediness that helped drive him into your arms and he doesn't want to deal with that or he's a bit of a narcissist (not to a clinical level) or he isn't capable of processing empathy for her without causing himself personal distress (so consequently it's a question of out of sight, out of mind). Personally, if my ex had cancer I'd be terr…
/r/Divorce_Men30/10/18 04:59 PM
1

In some states she has to prove this herself so if you don't have a full set of statements let her subpoena them and rack up the legal fees. Don't do her any favors.
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/18 02:35 AM
2

If it's in your name and was never in a joint or unified account your spouse has to prove contributions were made during the marriage and is entitled to just those contributions and their gains. If she can't or you know for sure that contributions were never made by you during the marriage then it should be exempt from consideration as a marital asset. BUT: depending on the state a judge can take into consideration that you have that nest egg when determining the overall split in marital assets …
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/18 02:33 AM
1

Forget about diagnosis or any of that crap. She is DANGEROUS TO HERSELF AND THEREFORE TO YOU AS WELL. So: Freeze accounts/stop direct deposit/cancel joint credit cards without balances and get a new cell phone number (trust me you do not want to keep your shared account with her- she'll be able to see all numbers you text and call and WILL harass them. GTFO as fast and as possible with as little fanfare: pick a day she's going to be out of the house and take the day off from work/call in sick- e…
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/18 07:26 PM
4

Second guessing and wistful thinking about plans you two made but didn't realize are just manifestations of grief. They will flare up with generally fading intensity as you go thru the process...though there will be exceptions especially triggered by holidays or milestones. In your most I-want-a-divorce mindset sit down and write a short letter or memo to yourself laying out in broad strokes (include details of just the most major events) the rationale for your decision. Make copies and put in y…
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/18 01:32 AM
2

If there's going to be a custody fight or mediation or a GAL involved in the final parenting agreement I would fight it or insist on an emergency order for your approval of the therapist. The lousy family therapist we had ended up calling all the shots once the GAL was appointed. She was awful to begin with (my eldest and I dropped out because she was so bad) and she should have removed herself after my youngest assaulted his mother/STBX during a session before the divorce. Once she had the GAL'…
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/18 02:26 AM
1

don't forget holiday decorations that were handed down to you. I almost lost a treasured set of antique ornaments that had been in my family for three generations- she didn't understand how important they were. If I hadn't sequestered them, I just know there'd be a fight during the settlement negotiations because she went after everything else that had value like that.
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/18 04:35 PM
3

Actually I'd tell the BIL. Keep in mind it won't do any good as far as the STBX is concerned. I tried to warn my STBX that her attorney would goad her into a fight and force her to come out with less- and she accused me of 'scare tactics'. Well, the attorney and his daughter (who's been representing her in court), both lived up to their reputation and consistently gave her advice in the first 3 months that led to a GAL and 20K in fees. So now she looks like an idiot: our youngest has been expell…
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/18 07:13 PM
12

Reality check: every family is in some sort of crisis just about every day...some more trivial than others so you need to lose the misconception that even a majority of families are 100% happy at any given time. Second: you had counseling and probably need some more if you can't find out the trigger for your breakdown. Third: You breakdown is grief process- even Kubler-Ross admits now that the process isn't linear- so depression, anger, acceptance will come in waves and some of the most profound…
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/18 09:45 PM
1

worthy.com Also see this link but keep in mind that this Abe's website.
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/18 02:06 PM
1

Yeah that's old enough to understand. And I totally hear you on the taxes thing: my STBX thinks the total in the investing account is up for grabs but about 2/3 of it (now that she's burned thru most of the regular holdings) is a Roth. And what kills me is she was ALWAYS in debt (when we first started dating it was 7K in credit cards on a 23K salary) and I was always helping her out- she consolidated debt TWICE before we were married- how could I have been so fucking stupid?
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/18 02:02 PM
1

How old? I'm asking because kids these days don't understand debt like we did. I found that hard to believe but it's true: as we have become more cashless as a society money and relative value is something that has sailed over their heads. My eldest is private school honors educated and explaining college financing/tuition etc. was like a trip to the dentist. Right now I'm not explaining the current debt situation any further than how much spending she did. When they are older they'll understand…
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/18 01:26 PM
1

Engagement rings are NEVER worth what they appraised for because that's the nature of the diamond business. So don't ask for it and don't accept it at its appraised value as part of the marital settlement- you'll never recoup the value. There are some online sites that specialize in buying engagement and wedding rings and she can sell it there after the settlement or pawn it.
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/18 01:09 PM
3

This is the second go around for us (I filed and we reconciled 10 years ago) and back then I had a therapist tell me that kids will weather the divorce as long as they have one stable parent. He told me to create stability in my world and eventually the children will gravitate to me because children actually crave stability. And that's what the non-residential parent usually gets wrong: They think they have to do something special for the limited time they're allotted. So every weekend is someth…
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/18 11:37 PM
2

I'm in the same boat and roughly the same story minus the recurring debt problem. Youngest admitted early on that he's acting as mom's BFF. Because of her permissive empowerment he's now been kicked out of school and is at an alternative school- probably for the rest of his public school years. I just went thru a grueling 5 month ordeal with a Guardian to wrest control. While sympathetic to the plight of the stable parent, the GAL process is really just a fact finding mission when the children a…
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/18 03:13 PM
1

Divorce in Illinois is a slow process especially dependent on the county you live in. Get an attorney. If she has the kids you should seriously think about filing first and getting temporary parenting orders WITH the petition as well as temp orders on the bill situation. Your situation sounds like this could stretch out. She sounds flakey and without a temp parenting agreement she can pretty much keep the kids if she wants...and that has some pretty obvious downsides. Find out what houses rent f…
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/18 02:14 PM
2

Quite possibly.... IDK NC lending laws but the first thing that pops into my head is, how is she doing a refi on a mortgage that she isn't even on? And your attorney signed off on this increased alimony payment for a mortgage that is in your name? I would think her attorney has copies of everything from discovery- tell her that's where she should go first in order to stall until you can talk to your attorney about this.
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/18 08:34 PM
1

Your attorney will be most useful for creation of the final agreements especially the parenting agreement. Pro Se and "winning 50/50" is all good but it can be a hollow victory if you have to run to court each and every time instances occur that the original agreement is silent on. Of course you're saying to yourself right now: "well I'll just make sure to include every possible instance I can think of". Then you are talking about a document that's so unwieldy it's lost all of it's utility in th…
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/18 07:28 PM
2

Fucking run, now. The divorce will be a million times shittier when it's been 20 years and two kids later and she wakes up and decides she is satisfied with nothing that she has, had or will have. Go to a marriage therapist, insist she go and when she refuses.... serve her. First off, figure out how much of your monthly is not being spent from joint checking. Then get HR/payroll to direct deposit in a new account, also start looking for a good lawyer and apartment.
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/17 11:20 AM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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