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SanMiguelDayAllende Archive

View 0 posts and 99 comments by SanMiguelDayAllende on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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2

Ha, because each of us could bill the other for kid related expenses, my ex started paying her bf to watch the kids. So after some time went by, I asked to see the paper trail that showed she was actually transferring babysitting money to him. Never heard another thing about it.
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/26 03:24 AM
2

Sounds promising
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/26 05:25 AM
5

Of course ymmv, but we went to 4 different therapists over a 5 year period. Literally nothing changed. I wanted 50-50 say in raising the kids and she was just waiting for me to go back to the way it was. The divorce gave me, finally, an impartial third person to make decisions (the judge). I should have divorced years ago.
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/26 06:31 AM
2

Was married 18 years and I filed after repeatedly trying different marriage therapists, which changed nothing. I couldn't f'ing be happier. I have my life back. I can do what I want. I have. I retired early and moved to a different country. I travel. I date. I do what I want. It will likely be the best decision you'll ever make for yourself. Couldn't encourage you more.
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/25 01:04 AM
3

I lost a few years waiting myself.
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/25 12:57 AM
0

You could put your numbers into both of those calculators and offer to use the one spitting out lower numbers. You shouldn't be recalculating often. The court will only do it when a significant change has occurred.
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/25 03:13 AM
7

I'm sorry. Of course ymmv, but my 3 kids thanked me later for getting a divorce. Yes there are two separate houses now, but both are happier.
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/25 02:31 AM
8

My daughter (14) thanked us for getting divorced. We were both happier people after. Kids get used to two households. Don't stay together and teach them that disfunctional relationships are normal. I retired early and moved abroad. I can't fucking imagine still being married to that wretch. Couldn't be happier.
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/25 02:44 AM
1

Don't let stuff get in the way of happiness for the rest of your life. Cherry pick the most important things and get the divorce going. I'm in Mexico enjoying my retirement and I wish I divorced my controlling wife years earlier. The first step is the hardest. Do it for you.
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/25 05:02 AM
2

This was exactly my experience. And she wanted the rules at both houses to be the same, for consistency. Of course, her rules. Parallel parenting for the win
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/24 02:32 PM
3

Being the better person ain't fucking easy, that's for sure.
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/24 10:43 PM
1

Sounds familiar, except the plan WAS for her to go back once the kids were in school. Then, yeah, that never quite happened.
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/24 12:13 AM
1

I agree. Mine hadn't worked in years and didn't have to work after the divorce. Of course I still had to.
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/24 12:01 AM
21

I divorced one of those. Literally everything was a hill worth dying on. Can't see anyone's perspective but their own. Often wouldn't take her lawyers advice. Good fucking riddance.
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/24 05:06 AM
3

Here's the other side to that. Ex wanted me to keep her in the loop so she isn't blindsided. Like an idiot I do that. She then knew how much time she had and she filed first. It's not supposed to matter, but there may be some advantages.
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/24 08:33 PM
3

YMMV, but my ex did not work after the kids were born either, though she said she would once they started school. After the divorce, she still doesn't have to work. Judge doesn't seem to care because he decided to count money the kids get from the State as her income. What? They're our kids so our income to split evenly. What I found is that what the law says and what is actually enforced are two different things. Another example: She doesn't pay me within 30 days for shared expenses, guess what…
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/23 09:40 PM
2

There are always more cockroaches than the few you see
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/23 07:10 PM
5

Looking at the long game, her getting remarried at some point saves you from paying any more alimony. My long term marriage could have had my paying alimony into retirement, but she remarried 18 months after divorce. He did me a solid. Literally will save tens of thousands. I love that guy too.
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/23 04:16 PM
4

Congrats! You're in a better position than many.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/23 09:23 PM
3

This was my immediate thought. My ex remarried maybe 2 years after the divorce. Couldn't fucking be happier.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/23 04:15 PM
1

She would get half of any work retirement / 401k accumulated during the marriage
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/23 02:43 AM
1

Now I feel lucky. My cs was not ever cola'd
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/23 03:12 AM
1

Wow, just a nightmare. We had to go to a court appointed mediator prior to court. The mediator then writes up a report to the court of what we agreed to. Guess what? Ex decided she changed her mind between mediation and court, so told the judge the report was not what we agreed on. That just sent us back into mediation again. But thank goodness we got the same mediator, so only then did they start to get the idea of what was going on. I wish you the best. I have one more year and my daughter wil…
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/23 10:50 PM
1

Good for you. My ex was similar with her 'concerns'. I even had to take her to court to get passports for the kids.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/23 07:49 PM
2

None of us are perfect. Learn from previous mistakes and be a better person moving forward. That's all you can do. The whole process is a hard thing to go through. But I found an awesome life that I am 100% in control of on the other side. I couldn't be happier.
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/23 09:23 PM
3

Help them buy a thoughtful gift for their mom. It's never reciprocated, but it's the right thing to do.
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/23 04:29 AM
3

That came out 40 years ago this year. WTF
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/23 11:52 PM
2

You are each entitled to half of the other's retirement, but just the part that was accumulated during the marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/23 12:22 AM
2

My CA ex remarried, so I dodged lifetime alimony and almost feel like I won the lottery. Her new man is really taking one for the team, lol.
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/23 12:10 AM
5

Great advice. Keep in mind though that California is 2 party consent when it comes to recording. OP can use the CA dissomaster online to calculate alimony and run different scenarios. I can also attest to the fact that life after divorce is wonderful. I feel like I have my life back. Though expensive, it was worth it.
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/23 12:07 AM
2

I'm sorry
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/23 08:55 PM
1

I've been thinking about getting rid of mine the next hike I do up a mountain. Seems like a good place to toss it off of.
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/23 08:53 PM
2

No, he cashed the check at the bank it was from, not his own. No paper trail there
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/23 08:50 PM
2

This was huge for me and why, after separating, there was no way in hell I was going back.
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/23 07:15 PM
1

At a minimum, I would separate. You need time apart. I was in a similar situation and moved into my own place with one of the kids. Didn't initially know if we would get back together or not. The more we were apart the more I knew I could never go back. I forgot what it felt like to feel good most days. I had to file and I'm so glad I did. Best decision ever.
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/23 03:06 AM
9

I got lucky that she remarried within 2 years, otherwise alimony could have been forever. I owe that guy a lot. He took one for the team. A little over a year left on cs and I'm done.
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/23 01:26 AM
8

Three kids. They were the reason I wanted to work on the marriage so long before throwing in the towel. My daughter later told me she was glad we got divorced. As far as being divorced, I literally have the rest of my life to live how I want. It's a rough few years to get here, but fuck, I'm so excited about the future.
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/23 12:12 AM
3

Focus on the kids? My ex was very controlling, so once we were in the process of divorce I could do fun things with the kids that the overlord would not have allowed. (Watching Harry Potter and going camping are two examples)
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/23 11:35 PM
10

My ex was a narcissist. We went to 4 different marriage therapists in the last 5 years of marriage. She was in therapy only waiting for me to change. She wasn't there for anything she could work on. The change she was waiting for was me not taking her shit anymore. I wasn't going back to being her door mat. Happily divorced now.
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/23 11:27 PM
2

That's great. I guess I'm referring more to when you are just appearing in front of the judge in the afternoon, say, with many others.
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/22 03:44 AM
3

I wish you the best of luck Monday. My experience with court is that they are so pressed for time that they really can't sift through it all. Our judge would look over everything briefly, get the gist, and make a decision. I didn't think it was always fair, but that's the process. Maybe where you are that isn't the case. My advice if it is is to put your evidence together with your attorney in an organized, bulleted list of the most important stuff. Make it easy for a judge in a hurry to get the…
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/22 03:33 AM
1

California. She gets a small amount of State aid related to the kids that the judge used as her income, but it amounts to minimal part time work. Talking about this reminds me that she doesn't get most of that anymore because two kids have aged out. Maybe I could go back for a recalculation.
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/22 05:24 PM
1

I ask for and was denied imputed minimum wage. I have no words. I go to work every day to a job I don't like and she's retired.
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/22 04:38 PM
1

I hope you have more luck, but my non working ex did not have to get a job after the divorce. Only I work. I guess to maintain the status quo?
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/22 04:30 PM
1

The California CS calculator is online so you can plug numbers in and get some idea what it would be. Also run different scenarios.
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/22 06:50 AM
4

Mine wanted me to "keep her updated" on my progress getting the divorce going, so she wouldn't be blind sided. Then as I was near filing, and told her, she had been talking to her own attorney and filed first. The divorce process sucks, but the other side is glorious. I have my life back. Worth every penny I spent.
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/22 12:07 AM
2

You were smart. I comingled my cash inheritance and she got half of it. I guess it depends on the State, but sounds like OP has a good case for half.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/22 11:11 PM
3

Yes, the judge refused. She was not working during much of the marriage so I guess the idea was to maintain the status quo.
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/22 12:52 AM
13

I found this to be true. My ex remarried and his income is not considered when it comes to CS. And she doesn't work. And the court doesn't care. Don't get me started...
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/22 10:18 PM
1

I found out inheritance is exempt only if you keep it separate. I comingle mine and it then becomes community property.
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/22 07:47 PM
8

Of course everones different, but omg I feel like I have the rest of my life back. Divorce was worth every penny. Happiness didn't happen in 6 months though. It's a process.
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/22 03:41 AM
7

My ex started 'paying' her bf to watch the kids so she could go to training related to employment. This was obviously BS, but my attorney said there wasn't much I could do. She married not too long after, so that luckily ended. I'm waiting for her to start paying her husband to watch the kids...
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/22 01:56 AM
2

If having the conversation is what is stopping you from starting the journey to a new life, then skip it. Interview attorneys and start filing. I say this because my ex knew this is where I was, so she told me to keep her updated so she wouldn't be blindsided. So like an idiot I did. She then filed before I was able to, making her 'petitioner' which can have some advantage. I'm sorry your marriage is over, but dude, look out for number one. She's a big girl and can take care of herself. Not your…
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/22 05:23 PM
1

California
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/22 10:01 PM
4

That black or white type of thinking was detrimental to my marriage. So happy to be free now, but it's a rough road to get there.
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/22 04:39 PM
2

They didn't just look at overnights in my State. How many actual hours was used to calculate the percentage in my case. Guess it just depends.
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/22 07:44 PM
1

I think it's because that was the status quo when we were married, so the judge doesn't mind it continuing in divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/22 08:13 PM
7

Very happy for you. In my State, cohabitation is almost impossible to prove. You'd have to hire a PI and sink money and time into the endeavor. Or you get the ex to admit it. Who knew that would work? My ex remarried within 2 years so I feel lucky as well.
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/22 06:01 PM
10

I'm sorry. Nothing is surprising. My ex remarried, so I won the lottery in regard to alimony. Just a few more years of child support and I'm done.
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/22 01:34 AM
3

I couldn't say, but a few years would be safer
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/22 01:27 AM
23

Courts in CA will not accept early retirement as a way to reduce your financial obligations. Seems that you would have to retire now and make that the norm for a while before a divorce. My ex never went back to work after the kids came, despite me wanting her to and her telling me she would. Now the court could care less she doesn't work, but you better believe I still have to. The courts will fuck you in the ass. Nothing will be fair about it.
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/22 08:20 PM
3

I found family court quite flexible in allowing rule bending. Ymmv This worked in my favor once because ex was trying to get me in trouble due to me not following the court ordered supervision when I had my son because covid had shut schools and after school programs down, but I still had a job I had to go to. Judge never said a thing about it. I think he understood.
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/22 05:01 AM
2

Our divorce was partly pre covid but the courts were still slammed and just leave no time to read through the material, ask a few questions and make a reasonable decision. At least pretend you considered that both parents are to support the children, as per State guidelines, before saying you won't impute income. Not even minimum wage. Zero. Did get lucky that she remarried, so alimony stopped. I felt like I won the lottery the day I found out. Just keep moving forward is all you can do.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/22 07:11 AM
2

Wow. There is no way many judges approach these decisions without heavy bias, even when the facts say otherwise. I think a roll of the dice would be more fair. At least you have a 50% chance. Sorry that's what you're working with. I never had a problem with a holiday schedule, but we couldn't agree on what to do for Thanksgiving, so left that to the judge. Not so fast, he threw it back and said we need to work it out ourselves. If we could work shit like this out we'd still be married. I had to …
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/22 05:18 AM
9

My ex doesn't work at all, and the judge doesn't care. I don't get it. So I got nothing for you.
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/22 06:14 AM
7

The hump for me was seeing 4 marriage therapists in 5 years and still being at square one. The last therapist said "you can't do the same thing over and over again and expect a different result" so I decided to move out. I didn't know how that was going to go but a few weeks of freedom and I wasn't going back to that marriage. Does not seeing the kids daily suck ass, yes it does. Especially when the new bf does see them daily. All you can do is make the best of the current situation.
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/22 06:14 AM
9

Even things that seem clear, like splitting assets 50/50, become less clear if someone claims an asset was inherited, for example, and shouldn't be split. Or you ex won't sign the forms so I can get passports for the kids so we can travel. Or doesn't produce forms during Discovery which just delays to the next hearing, adding more cost. And on and on.
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/22 02:49 AM
2

My ex bought my daughter a cell phone watch that tracks. That was a hard no for me. She has to power down the watch during visits, but can turn it on at any time to make a call. That did create some drama, but I'm not going to be tracked.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/22 08:40 PM
1

I gave up after going through 4 marriage therapists in 5 years.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/22 01:49 AM
8

She will only get half of the retirement accumulated during the 4 years. I gave my ex house equity to keep my retirement untouched. Couldn't be happier with that decision, mostly because she undervalued her half. You need to start protecting yourself. Visual documentation of what's in the house is not overkill. Copies of any important paperwork, bank statements, etc. Accumulate some cash for emergencies. Start interviewing attorneys and find someone you like. Even if your divorce is low conflict…
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/22 03:45 AM
2

My ex pulled this exact shit. We went to court and the judge was fine with her going out of our insurance. I have to pay half. More bullshit to add to the pile.
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/22 12:36 AM
1

Good luck. Find the few hills worth dying on and just do your best with everything else.
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/22 11:15 PM
1

My experience is that family court is so lenient, they were not even following their own rules sometimes. It's frustrating when you have your shit together and the other party is playing games, and nothing happens.
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/22 11:00 PM
8

Another CA divorce. My ex remarried after a few years, so in that case spousal support goes to zero. I feel very lucky. My ex does not work, got a Gavron warning during the divorce, but the court doesn't care she isn't working. They won't impute income, even just minimum wage. Such bullshit. I work full time and have to give her extra child support so she can stay home. At least there is a time limit on that.
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/22 05:14 PM
3

A classic reference!
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/22 05:19 AM
3

The kids need to be living with you. Contact your attorney and let him know what's going on. File whatever you have to. Stop giving your ex money you don't have to. Use that money for the kids. Sorry your ex doesn't have her shit together, but not your problem. Allow her to fail and get those kids into a stable situation.
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/22 05:07 AM
2

For sure, he's taking one for the team. Doing the Lord's work he is.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/22 11:47 PM
8

I got lucky. My CA ex remarried. Literally the best gift she could have given me.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/22 08:38 PM
3

Another expensive lesson was that even though my condo and her house were owned before the marriage, because she sold the house and rolled that into a house we bought together, she could take that off the top during the divorce, before splitting the remaining equity 50/50. Since my condo proceeds went into the marital general fund, it was gone. I always heard that assets brought into a marriage you kept, but that ain't the case if you don't keep it separate.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/22 06:18 AM
4

Haha, this about sums it up.
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/22 07:27 PM
5

I made the mistake of comingling funds and had to split my condo proceeds. She also tried to get half of an antique car I inherited, but her name was never on it, so couldn't.
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/22 07:26 PM
1

As a few have suggested, I would see a doctor /therapist about stress, depression, whatever. Lay some groundwork so that switching jobs to less stress less pay is seen as for your health and not as you being vindictive.
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/22 05:04 AM
9

No more alimony, if you were paying it. When my ex remarried, best day of my life. The new guy is really taking one for the team. My bank account appreciates it.
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/22 11:50 PM
1

Exactly my ex, in that if she ever owed me money she wouldn't just give it to me, it would be credited and could take months to eventually get. And we are under a court order to split unreimbursed expenses. The courts don't care about shit like this. If you're the good guy paying on time and she pays late, nobody cares. So I would take the advice of others here and take more control of the actual spending.
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/22 06:31 AM
3

Yep, and he will eventually figure out that all that glitters...
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/22 08:55 PM
3

It does in my State.
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/22 08:54 PM
26

I pay $0 now that she remarried. She's a real prize, so he's taking one for the team. I couldn't be more thrilled.
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/22 04:08 AM
7

Your kids grow up with their parents as models of what a loving relationship looks like. If you can't model that for the next umpteen years, then imo, it's better to split and find someone you can do that with. My daughter thanked me for getting a divorce. Kids get quite perceptive as they get older.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/22 09:28 PM
4

Crazy since electronic transfers obviously leave a record as well. If the order doesn't specify how the check is to get to her, then she can come pick it up. If the order doesn't specify that it be only one check a month, then she can pick up weekly checks. Two can play that game.
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/22 07:14 AM
3

If you have to pay a sitter to pick your kid up from school daily, for example because you are at work, that cost would be shared. A date night sitter, no.
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/22 06:47 AM
5

We linked bank accounts and I setup auto payments, so payments just happen with zero aggravation. That's saved for setting up visit weekends...
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/22 05:42 AM
3

Exactly mine as well, 50/50 for unreimbursed medical expenses. Also 50/50 for childcare related to employment.
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/22 05:30 AM
1

I don't know what you mean when you say 'count toward'. Temporary orders basically maintain the status quo. Whoever has been paying for this or that on a monthly basis continues to. Then when the final orders are made, the amounts may change some but become final. Separate from monthly expenses is the splitting up of assets/retirement /your stuff
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/22 05:56 AM
7

Four couples therapists in 5 years. Only the last one helped me see I needed to end it. So it did eventually help but not how I thought.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/22 05:19 AM
2

Mine decided she didn't like what we agreed to in mediation, so told the judge that the mediator didn't write our agreement up properly. So he has no choice but to send us back to mediation. I'm so thankful we got the same mediator. It was a bit awkward for her, lol.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/22 12:26 AM
1

My focus has been raising my son and no real interest in dating. In the future I might be open to it, but probably won't be looking for it.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/22 09:43 AM
1

Legal residency in Mexico is harder than it used to be and requires significant assets. Otherwise you'll get a tourist visa and only be able stay temporarily. Gone are the days where you can do a border run and easily renew it. I'm retiring there in a few years, so feel free to contact me with questions.
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/22 09:00 PM
4

I'm in your State and my ex was doing the same bullshit. Before you even start your divorce you can go to court to get a custody hearing. I went from seeing my daughter a few hours every other week to twice a week. Also, unless her behavior is egregious, the court probably won't care. You'll get that feeling a lot as you go through the divorce process. Get used to it. Pick your battles and let everything else go. Nobody wins.
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/22 04:57 AM
1

If you owned the house prior to the marriage and have not been making payments on it from a joint account, then she has no claim to it. Only comingled assets and assets accumulated during the marriage are split 50-50.
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/22 06:59 AM
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