TheRedArchive

~ archived since 2018 ~

Schmetts Archive

View 0 posts and 72 comments by Schmetts on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
Search in:
In subreddits:
More
Filter by year/month:
Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
2

Yep the unfairness hits you hard in waves when you’re not expecting it. Even when you’re doing well. Just try to make sure you’re creating good memories for yourself even when it feels like everything is shit, that’s what I try to do.
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/26 11:03 PM
1

My ex made a lot of assumptions about where I saw my/our life going that simply weren't true and would have been easily debunked by simply talking to me. She may have still wanted the divorce, but I guess we'll never know.
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/26 10:28 PM
2

Every situation is different but I wish my ex had asked me how I saw the next ten years going and then had an honest conversation about it. Somehow this was never a discussion we had.
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/26 07:26 PM
8

I’m at the 6-7 month mark and doing OK by a lot of metrics but the endless thought loop of hating my ex and missing my ex is going to drive me to madness. I’d do anything for it to go away.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/26 05:49 PM
4

I could have written a lot of this myself. Honestly I've made my peace in my mind with anything I regret. Honestly, what helped is thinking of that person (my former self) as a separate person, recognizing what he was lacking in life to make some of the choices he made, and giving him some grace. There was a lot more going on than just me screwing up. I was suffering more than I realized, my ex wasn't perfect herself. We were doing our best in the situation as we knew it at the time.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/26 03:38 AM
1

I know every person is different and every divorce is different but I haven’t lost a single friend. Not even the ones that were more my wife’s friends than mine. But you have to reach out and be the one to affirm those friendships.
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/26 01:38 AM
6

Definitely illegal.
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/26 02:54 AM
5

This is definitely not a gendered thing. Circumstances shift constantly. My ex adamantly said she didn’t want to date right away and that lasted all of a week. I adamantly wanted to date and after a couple dates changed my mind. It’s possible my ex has changed her mind again too.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/26 07:21 PM
2

This is a good post.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/26 06:48 PM
4

Yep, I did the exact same thing and completely screwed myself while she will get to retire in her 50s if she wants (it was supposed to be both of us).
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/26 08:45 PM
3

He needs to see a doctor and listen to this doctor. How you make him do this, I don’t know.
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/26 12:31 AM
3

Not knowing someone’s last name after two good dates or having any way of finding it besides texting and asking is odd, especially for a would be detective like that.
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/26 07:53 PM
0

Pregnancy and birth does a lot to a woman’s body, the weight isn’t even the half of it. It’s very difficult. It sounds like depression, with both of you. I’d recommend seeing doctors together and separately, if you really wish to save the marriage. But the way you talk about her is pretty unkind so maybe splitting is best for both parties.
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/26 06:00 PM
10

Unless you're trolling or engagement baiting here it sounds like you're doing women a big favor by not marrying. Whatever your choice I hope you find some peace.
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/26 04:22 PM
8

I don't think that thread is terribly different than this one, but whoever invented the term "weaponized incompetence" should walk into the ocean. At its core, not learning how to do a chore properly to get out of doing it makes some sense, so long as "properly" is not a weird arbitrary thing that one person decides the terms of. But every small thing that happens that you don't like is not a "weapon" against you. My god, listen to yourself and how that sounds. (My ex would be the first to admit…
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/26 04:03 PM
3

You should give yourself a break for Covid, it hit us all the same way. I was appalled by how I looked in some of the photos from the era. Not just my physical appearance but how dead my eyes looked. A few months ago I had my annual checkup with my doctor of 10 years. She said I was more physically and mentally healthy than she has EVER seen me, since the divorce...and I wasn't even the one who asked for it!
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/26 01:31 PM
9

You can get a reversal to the vasectomy if that's what you want. My dad did it at some point and now I have a sister 16 years younger than me. I would suggest getting therapy if you're not already. I would suggest that looking for a "replacement" (your word) for your ex-wife is not a great way to view the situation and start from there. It's hard though! Good luck.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/26 10:20 PM
2

I legitimately couldn’t believe the stuff my ex’s therapist was telling her. In addition to her friends who apparently suddenly had Ph.Ds in psychology when she talked to them. I’m not going to blame the divorce on it but the advice she got sounded professional on the surface but was completely wrong when I researched it myself or brought it up with medical professionals.
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/26 09:01 PM
2

Yes. When we were married she got gifts, maybe a special outing, and I'd cook one of her favorite meals or we'd go out to eat. Now, it's a text message. But yes.
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/26 03:21 AM
2

Jesus dude I hate that performative shit for likes. Online or off.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/26 10:54 PM
1

This was somewhat jarring to me at first but then I realized I had to be the one to make the move with my existing friends, give as well as expect to receive in return, and also build a new community, and I've been pretty happy with the results.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/26 03:27 AM
5

I'd say 50%. I may have done a bit more to break it but I also did more to fix it and grow it. Like everyone else here, I'm certain my ex would say I'm 95% of it. Looking inward and owning accountability are not her strong suits. When I see threads like these, which never come up in the women sub, I wonder if it's just something women have been shaped by society to avoid.
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/26 01:46 PM
8

I feel like there are a lot of general societal narratives that are baked into our heads and help inform this. One that I’ve noticed is that for men divorce is seen as weak and staying together is seen as strength, while for women divorce is seen as a sign of strength and staying together is seen as weakness. Many years of experiences have informed this perception and it’s not fair to both men and women. That said if you’re a man and you’re aware of the trends I think you can be proactive in sub…
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/26 08:49 PM
2

I'm sorry dude. If it makes you feel any better I think the person who invented the PIP deserves life in prison. Truly psychotic behavior. I was put on a PIP during Covid while dealing with a hundred stressful things outside of work and I wish nothing but misery upon the people in management who did that.
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/26 02:18 PM
8

To answer your question: no you aren't wrong to be cold to her.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/26 01:53 AM
2

I can't believe she gave him your number. It sounds like those two are a good match anyway.
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/26 04:16 PM
2

Am I missing a link to a column?
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/26 03:00 PM
4

With exceptions of abuse or addiction I think it always takes two people for a divorce to happen. But I do think women have support groups that convince each other that they never do anything wrong and men are programmed from an early age to think that if something goes wrong in their life then it's their fault. Both situations are pretty toxic.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/26 06:31 PM
2

I chose to rent so I could have a little time to figure out what I want. I also used the opportunity to rent in a neighborhood that I would not be able to afford to buy in, as a treat. I'm not going to lie I'm going through it and it sucks to have a landlord emailing me about rent again after 12-15 years of ownership. I feel mostly OK about it all though.
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/26 02:31 AM
11

When I first started frequenting this sub and other divorce/separation subs, I kept seeing the "women never accept accountability" phrase tossed around and thought it was a bit sexist. After experiencing it myself I have concluded that wow, women accept NO accountability. It must be a cultural/social thing in general, women in their social groups convince each other that they never do any wrong and nothing is their fault. Maybe society convinces women that they're helpless victims in a general s…
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/26 12:46 PM
2

Sex is also a big stress reliever and this is a stressful time for you.
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/26 12:13 PM
10

I don't know that this is a gendered thing, but it is definitely something that applies to my ex-wife, in matters well beyond marriage and going back way before the separation. I'm not sure she's ever taken true ownership of a mistake in her life. Once she discovered the term "codependent" it was over. Suddenly I was responsible for things I didn't even know about, because her "codependency" was the reason she was doing it.
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/26 02:02 PM
25

My ex’s favorite word was “codependency” and was drummed into her by her therapist. It convinced her that every impulse she had to do nice things for me or care about my feelings was indication of how unhealthy the relationship was. This did not apply to her relationships to anyone else or to the nice things I did for her. We are so screwed as a society.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/26 01:01 PM
4

I know you're getting this advice repeatedly in this thread but I will say- I allowed myself one drunken night when the divorce came through but otherwise quitting drinking is the best thing I could have done for myself during the whole process. Honestly, not sure I would have made it otherwise.
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/26 04:06 PM
8

Damn I like to go to yoga to do yoga, stop giving us yoga dudes a bad name!
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/26 02:00 AM
11

My ex was the higher earner so I wasn't the "provider" per se, although I did have the jobs with benefits so she could run a small business. I do feel terribly that the life I lived no longer exists. I feel like I sacrificed a lot so we could have a great life together, and then she decided she wanted to keep all of it except for me. Anyone would be angry.
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/26 01:54 AM
5

I have these thoughts all the time, and have a bunch of ways to do it at my fingertips. The thoughts pass though. I guess I also think that if life is completely meaningless than that frees you up to take chances you wouldn't do otherwise.
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/26 05:13 PM
3

Paxil, Wellbutrin, etc. Even if you’ve never taken them before. No shame in taking them to keep the energy and mood up. That plus quitting drinking has helped a lot. The books When Things Fall Apart and Broken Open were both useful to me as well.
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/25 02:49 AM
4

It’s 10:20 and I just had some Oreos with my coffee. If I were still drinking I may have topped that coffee off with a little something and felt no shame about it too.
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/25 03:25 PM
1

It was shared on Instagram by someone I'm friends with whose husband I KNOW is a great guy who goes way above and beyond to make holidays special for his family. It's like....why are you spreading stuff like this? What's the endgame here?
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/25 10:14 PM
7

I was always the one who did all of the decorating, kept up all of the traditions, made sure we got the tree up, the advent calendars, the Elf DVD, and so on. This year, I said "screw it" and left it to my STBXW and she didn't lift a finger. I ended up putting up the tree by myself while the family was out of town. The next day I saw a meme on Instagram that said "95% of what you call 'holiday joy' is actually the unseen labor of women" and it's a miracle I didn't throw my phone through the wall…
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/25 09:37 PM
2

Very close to my situation in many ways. Covid kicked our relationship around for sure but I wonder how many “Covid divorces” especially now five years after the fact, were perimenopause related as well.
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/25 04:23 PM
8

I have said these exact words to my therapist many times. Without knowing much about the people in this thread I believe this is partly a perimenopause thing. I've seen it linked many times. Women start looking at their partners and think "they had a hard two months in 2017, do I really want to spend the rest of my life with them?"
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/25 11:10 AM
12

I wrote down a list of my stbxw's flaws at my therapist's request. The first thing I put down is that she always thinks she's right. The second thing I wrote down is that when she's wrong she refuses to take any accountability for it. That said I'm not certain it's gender-specific behavior. Her dad is the same way and I think that's where she got it from.
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/25 12:57 AM
4

Same here. There is no set of goalposts too heavy for a wife who wants out to move.
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/25 08:29 PM
4

I lost about 25 pounds. I’m below 200 for the first time in I don’t know how long. (For context I’m 6’4”). Not all depression- I quit drinking too.
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/25 12:41 PM
1

Yep, it sucks. My stbx and the kids are at her family's right now, the first year in two decades I haven't been invited. I'm home alone and put up the tree and decorations by myself. It's occurred to me that I was the only one really into doing this stuff over the years and was never appreciated for it. Oh well. Yeah, the last Christmas here. My wife wants to do some fake family bullshit in the coming years and I don't know how I feel about it. I'll end up swallowing my pride and putting the kid…
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/25 04:19 PM
17

I’m glad someone is saying it messes kids up. There is WAY too much “kids are resilient” nonsense out there and it’s poisoned my stbxw’s mind to the point where she’s completely oblivious that the kids are hurting.
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/25 07:18 PM
1

Is there a specific sub you're talking about?
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/25 04:51 PM
1

What is the cheaters handbook lol? I’d love to know the signs that don’t seem like signs because I’m 90% my stbx hasn’t been having an affair but my situation doesn’t make sense either. I’d actually prefer to discover an affair just to have closure.
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/25 04:43 PM
5

I go through these thoughts enough that I am following this post. I don't really contemplate suicide but the idea pops in my head fairly often, like a bad pop song. Do you read books with a Buddhist slant, and practice meditation? That works for me, to some extent. When unproductive thoughts pop into my mind, I think "unproductive thoughts" and push them away, and then try to focus on what I'm doing in the moment, and not think about the past or future. With practice, this works.
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/25 01:10 PM
5

Yep. When you first use a condom again after years without using one, it takes getting used to.
/r/Divorce_Men25/11/25 01:07 AM
6

Today, terribly. Two days ago I was borderline euphoric. I am exhausted by the roller coaster.
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/25 01:08 AM
10

“Rules for thee and not for me” is the official slogan for people who initiate the divorce. (Discounting situations where there’s abuse)
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/25 01:00 AM
1

Yes. I have wondered more than once if my wife's friends give a crap about our kids at all. It's the first thing all of my friends asked about. While her friends "supported her through this decision-making process." (Edit- to be clear, there was no abuse, active addiction, or infidelity that I know of in our situation, which would change things.)
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/25 04:35 AM
3

Having to pretend it was a mutual decision as you break their heart, when it was 100% the wife’s choice, is absolutely brutal. I’m living it right now too. Although it is probably pretty obvious this is all my stbx’s call, kids aren’t dumb.
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/25 03:29 AM
8

I swear half the time I feel like this and half the time I feel borderline euphoric. I would love to just feel normal again.
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/25 04:20 PM
11

I tell my therapist (a woman) about this total lack of support and she can’t believe it. I think she thinks that I’m exaggerating for effect lol. My ex wife has gone out with friend groups twice in the last three days. I don’t get a return text from lifelong friends. I looked up divorce support groups online and there are four women only groups in my city and nothing for men. We are so screwed as a society.
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/25 11:47 AM
3

Funny timing, earlier today I was in therapy and the session was really all about forgiving my younger self for ignoring my wife's emotional needs when I was experiencing a significant amount of hurt myself.
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/25 07:08 PM
1

You're in Canada? The Facebook dating app constantly gives me recommendations for Canadian women (Montreal and east of there) and there are soooo many amazing single women in their 40s in Canada. Hope is not lost- I'm jealous!
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/25 03:02 PM
5

The "why" is currently driving me nuts too. Particularly because she waffles between "it's your fault thanks to *insert easily fixable problem*" and "it's not your fault." She probably doesn't totally know. Maybe she wants to live alone. Maybe it's a midlife crisis. Maybe perimenopause. Maybe the influence of her friends. Maybe it is in fact me. The thing is I'm 100% sure I'm going to be happier in a year and for her I bet it's more like 50/50, and yet still I wrestle with it internally. I don't…
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/25 11:47 PM
16

I tend to think men and women are more similar than everyone thinks, but man, I couldn't imagine telling a male friend he should divorce his wife unless there was abuse or infidelity going on, and women do it to each other constantly. It's madness.
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/25 02:59 AM
1

I did it and it was fine- very quick and smooth, actually. I'm even getting a bunch of my retainer back. My STBXW and I get along OK and don't have a ton of assets outside of the house, though. I think I left a bit of money on the table, but she probably thinks the same, which is generally the sign of successful negotiations.
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/25 08:13 PM
5

People talking about enforcing boundaries in this thread...what kind of specific boundaries are you talking about? No shade but I'm starting to feel like boundaries is becoming an all-purpose buzzword that doesn't really mean anything, kind of like gaslighting a few years ago.
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/25 12:46 AM
2

Have you reached out to the men in those friend groups, or even the women? You didn’t say. I have found that people are waiting for you to make the first move. And sometimes if they’re receptive the second move too. People just don’t know what to do with divorced friends. They don’t know what to say, if they should say anything. Based on the information provided they could be the ones who think you’ve discarded them.
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/25 09:43 AM
1

Nope! Not ready yet.
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/25 02:49 AM
5

While I do think in a general sense women hold men to higher standards within a relationship than men hold women to, for a variety of reasons, it kind of looks like sloppy writing from the Guardian. I don't think the average woman has an internal checklist that extensive, although I haven't dated in a long while.
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/25 10:58 PM
3

Extra details: was with ex-wife for 17 yrs I am 33 years old. One of the women I messed with is the daughter of an old friend. She’s 24 now. <—- this one is probably the one I’m the most guilty of. Having a daughter my self, this one stings. Dude.
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/25 07:24 PM
4

I'd be completely lost without my therapist, and I'm really grateful that I started seeing her a year or so before the divorce so there was already a connection there. The fact is my wife was the person that I shared everything with, so with her gone, I needed someone else to be that person, even if I have to pay them. I also needed someone who can empathize with my side, someone I can share feelings of anger with, someone who can measure my progress, help me be kind to myself.
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/25 09:07 PM
4

I am in roughly the same part of the process. Going from a secure future to an insecure future is absolutely brutal, far and away the hardest part of this for me. I can't stop my brain from moving a mile a minute. Humans are wired to want to problem-solve everything but some problems don't have any solutions except time, and that does not compute with how we see the world.
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/25 08:45 PM
10

I don’t think my stbx is on social media much but this attitude and pervasive narrative pushed towards women in their 40s is everywhere. I sometimes wonder about my wife’s newish friend group from the last two years. I put my career on hold to be SAHD so she could build her own business, have given her tons of space to get away from the kids and have her own social life and solo trips, have championed her and helped her with a variety of fulfilling creative projects and side hustles, done mounta…
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/25 12:19 PM
14

To be frank, if there is no hope of being friends after the divorce then it doesn't sound like she was your best friend. So don't bother mourning.
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/25 10:33 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

© TheRedArchive 2026. All rights reserved.
created by /u/dream-hunter