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Sea-Satisfaction4656 Archive

View 1 post and 75 comments by Sea-Satisfaction4656 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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2

Sea-Satisfaction4656/r/Divorce_Men05/12/23 07:10 PM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
2

Hobbies - golf, weightlifting, reading, writing, journaling, gaming, hiking, cooking, volunteering at the humane society…being able to spend a full day watching football and actually enjoy it. Time with family - live about 4 hours away, making the trip was always a point of contention since her family was local. It’s awesome being able to show up for random things with my brothers, niece, and parents. Time with friends - my schedule is more flexible, so I’m able to meet my friends when their sch…
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/26 03:25 PM
10

I poured all I had into my marriage. I have dated some amazing women since then, but I simply do not have the capacity to do that again (yet). I have also learned to enjoy my peace, solitude, and ability to do what I actually want to in my free time.
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/26 12:38 PM
0

They both win….as long as he gets bought out and paid.
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/25 01:16 AM
10

Most divorces happen within the first 3 years of marriage statistically, but they are much cleaner. You will see more posts about longer term marriages because they are so much more complicated (retirement funds/alimony/children etc) so it’s a bit of confirmation bias.
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/25 03:42 PM
7

Idk who is going through and downvoting some of these replies. My experience echoes yours, and it’s so damn exhausting being the person who has to give endlessly and receives zero support in return. After I got out of the divorce fog I couldn’t believe how much I had been shouldering. On the plus side, found someone who makes me go “wait, we can actually work through issues together? This is possible?!”
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/25 07:15 PM
12

It’s grieving man. You feel the final nail being pounded into that coffin, and as much relief as you feel that the process is finalized it still sucks. It will get better with time.
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/25 01:42 AM
2

Had almost the same exact experience, except we alternated joint and individual sessions. My individual sessions were mainly trying to understand what the newly moved goalposts actually were and how to work on them. Joint session comes around “that’s not good enough, I need xyz”, where the counselor and I would stare at each other trying to figure out where it was coming from. Our counselor helped us mediate things during the divorce, which was extremely helpful. The counselor also apologized fo…
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/25 07:26 PM
1

Is it though? The feds inserted themselves into marriage with the Defense of Marriage Act and Respect for Marriage Act - if there is precedent for marriage, why not precedent for divorce? Not making an argument for or against, just asking the question.
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/25 10:56 PM
2

Landing is another great resource for fully furnished apartments
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/25 05:45 PM
4

Renting gives you flexibility to figure things out. Short term leases are available, as are fully furnished places if you just want to store all of your stuff as you get things sorted out. It will also give you time to see what happens with rates over the next year or so. Just my thoughts.
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/25 04:26 PM
8

Also 35, was married for 3 years. First thing I did: walked into my boss’s office and said “hey man, I was asked for a divorce. That means I’ll likely be a bit off for a little while. It also means I’m going to have more freedom to travel, so if something comes up just say the word and I’ll be there.” Completely shifted my role at work after that convo. Take some time and reflect on passion projects or hobbies you set to the side. Do you want to engage with them? If so, no time like the present.…
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/24 11:01 PM
1

Unless you both truly get along about everything - and you don’t if you’re asking for a break - not fighting often means you aren’t communicating and instead someone is keeping things to themselves in order to “keep the peace”. This is where resentment comes from. Other comments here mention marriage counseling, which could help you get through that.
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/24 06:52 PM
1

Hell yeah man!
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/24 03:45 AM
3

Went on my first truly solo non work trip a few weeks ago, and being a slightly extroverted person it was amazing. Met so many cool people, did exactly what I wanted to do when I wanted to do it, and knocked out a big bucket list goals. Honestly that trip felt like the shift point into the next stage of my life. I poured myself into my hobbies and interests - golf, the outdoors, photography, music, and a generally active lifestyle. Moved to the downtown area of my city and have really enjoyed me…
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/24 06:08 PM
1

Awesome post, I needed to read this. Finally feel like I have stepped fully out of the “deriving happiness from others” aspect and having that reference point is so helpful.
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/24 04:46 AM
8

Hey man, at 6 months myself. Congrats and keep up the discipline! Honestly I needed to read this to keep my own fire stoked up. I killed it during the divorce process and for the following 3 months once things were finalized. Got a nice raise, shifted my role at work, moved to a kickass studio in the best part of my downtown, even got into the vehicle I’ve always wanted. Wound up briefly dating an old acquaintance who I’d always felt was “out of my league” and poured myself into old hobbies I’d …
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/24 04:42 AM
2

Moving the goalposts, deflecting responsibility, keeping marriage counseling one sided, not putting in effort on the things they are supposed to be working on, and checking out when things get “tough”…sorry you’re dealing with this man. Marriage is a commitment, and most challenges are an opportunity to grow closer together. I partially blame this on the example children of divorced parents see. I know it’s easy to see the life my parents have together and assume it was all sunshine and roses, b…
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/24 07:06 PM
5

Peace. Happiness. Accountability. And being able to cook whatever the fuck I want.
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/24 01:25 AM
3

If you’re done you need to file ASAP, or at a bare minimum talk to an attorney. There are a lot of things at play with the timing alone: 1) less than a year married can mean you qualify for an annulment, no spousal support, no division of assets, etc. This is a HUGE mitigation of financial loss for you. 2) nothing is preventing you from holding up your end of agreements, you can even tie them into your divorce agreement and limit any financial commitments as a result. This is a powerful negotiat…
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/24 01:51 PM
2

Signing the divorce decree caused me a lot of sadness for a few weeks. Receiving the approved decree from the court also caused me to grieve for a week. Feeling emotions is normal, and recovery has to happen at your own pace. Don’t forget you got married and expected to spend your life with this person, it would be weird if you didn’t grieve the loss of that.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/24 04:34 PM
2

You need to see a doctor. Typically urologists or endocrinologists, often found at a “men’s clinic” but it is becoming common enough that a lot of general practitioners are also prescribing. The other option would be anti aging clinics, but these typically compound the medication in house and charge a hefty amount for it. First step - talk to your general practitioner. They should draw bloodwork and check your hormone levels, they may prescribe you or refer you to a specialist (endocrinologist).…
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/24 04:28 PM
2

BCAAs are a waste of money, but TRT and creatine are effective.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/24 08:42 PM
1

Nothing wrong with that! Had a similar situation after a brutal (non-divorce) breakup 10 years ago, and she wound up setting me up with all sorts of people. The ex wife wound up feeling threatened and didn’t believe we were plutonic so we stopped hanging out…funnily enough same thing seemed to happen with just about any female friend.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/24 08:40 PM
2

I still overcook a good bit, but I also treat leftovers as “meal prep” for lunch the next day. It’s a hard habit to break, but if you’re consistently winding up with 3-4 meals unintentionally I’d try to half your portions. Instead of cooking things by the package size go ahead and pre-portion things before cooking or buy things that are individually packaged. Also invest in some good glasslock type containers if you can - tossing them in a toaster oven and having a hot lunch is a great way to el…
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/24 06:29 PM
2

Good for you man. On your final point - you never know what will happen in that situation. Things could bloom between the two of you, or she could have some friends in mind down the line. Being in a no pressure, enjoyable, and completely honest friendship like that is so damn refreshing.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/24 04:45 PM
11

Several things: I started reaching out and communicating with family and friends regularly. I started challenging myself in the kitchen, putting together badass meals and expanding my palate and learning new skills. Also have a kickass container garden on my apartment patio for fresh ingredients. I re engaged with hobbies I had abandoned - basically forced myself to commit to playing golf by signing up for a league at top golf during the winter. Joined a team of people I didn’t know, made some n…
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/24 03:39 PM
2

Until things are finalized you’re still going to have a large dose of chaos coming around periodically and wreaking havoc. That is normal. You’re doing a lot of great work finding your peace and healing yourself. Once things are finalized you’re going to get hit with another wave of grief and sadness, but you’ll get through it. The work you’re putting in now will really pay off tremendously once things clear up and you have that closure. Right there with you man - mine finalized about a month an…
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/24 06:52 PM
7

It’s worth the read…talk about a wild ride
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/24 10:03 PM
2

Being the standard by which all funcles are measured is a pretty awesome opportunity. Getting to open presents with my niece over Christmas made me feel that Christmas spirit in ways I had been numb to for so long. Even got to spend time with my grandmother (dementia) - might have heard the same stories time and again, but she recalled things I had never heard from her before. Just being patient, listening, and asking questions was all she needed to connect the dots. I wouldn’t have had that kin…
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/24 05:48 AM
2

I feel you man. The dating scene just isn’t even on my radar right now for the same reason - gotta heal myself before I’m able to really move forward in a healthy way. What I take away from your current situation is that you have some incredible opportunities to look forward to - that light at the end of the tunnel is such a powerful thing. I’m proud of you, it takes a lot to see the potential and positives this sort of change brings about. Honestly your whole post mirrors so much of what I have…
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/24 04:31 AM
3

Signed the papers 3 weeks ago and have been in a bit of a rut since. Very frustrating since I seemed to be making so much progress leading up to that moment in all aspects of life. My vehicle blew its head gasket, so I had to make an unplanned major purchase. Contrast: saw a friend today for the first time in 9 years, had an awesome reunion, and got to see a town I had never been to. I took my new vehicle on a short road trip and remembered what it feels like to enjoy driving. I scored an awesom…
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/24 04:18 AM
2

Your statement really hit home man, thank you for posting. I’ve been trying to figure out exactly what was different about me towards the end, and it was my lack of self confidence and security to initiate those conversations…definitely a standard to get back to.
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/24 03:19 AM
6

Introspection and understanding what my part in the failure of the marriage was. Looking in the mirror and not being happy with the person you are is so draining. You can’t change the past, but you can learn from it, make peace with it, and prepare yourself for a better future. Don’t make excuses, dig in, hold yourself accountable, and gain understanding about why you made the decisions you did. You’ll also learn more about what your needs are, what your values are, and what are things you won’t…
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/24 09:34 PM
1

Honestly, it’s best you talk to a lawyer. A lot of factors are highly dependent on children, the duration of your marriage and your location. Equity in the home and other assets would likely get split down the middle or to an agreement you reach through mediation or an agreement you reach between you and put in writing. In your situation a decent attorney will help you understand what you’re entitled to legally, what is realistic, etc and provide counsel to make sure you receive what you should.…
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/24 03:56 AM
4

NH suddenly seems more appealing 😂
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/24 01:23 AM
1

Same here bro - good friends, good beer, good times!
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/24 08:18 PM
1

Yesterday I had a hot date with my counselor, and after signing papers last Monday I needed it big time. I had planned to do my normal Wednesday evening routine (trivia at a local brewery), but assumed my married friends would have other plans - that’s ok, I enjoy that routine solo as well and usually meet some interesting people. Received a text from one of my friends saying “we’ll be there at the usual time - 6:45”. Had a blast enjoying a few beers with the boys and learned some stuff. Turns o…
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/24 08:18 PM
1

That fog is going to burn off for good! Things I love about early mornings are the peacefulness and being able to witness the world come alive. Proud of you for getting your feet on the floor and making things happen.
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/24 05:52 PM
4

The hard truth this man needs to hear. OP this is a good outline of a plan you need to execute.
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/24 05:17 PM
7

You’re numb and paralyzed because you are traumatized and overwhelmed. This is the “freeze” in the “fight, flight, or freeze” response. How do you get out of that place? You have to make your own opening and step through it. Fight - not physically, but fight for what you want and what is best for you and your kids. What’s best for you IS what’s best for your kids. Flight - remove yourself from the situation. Because you have kids involved this is not the response you need. This leaves Fight as y…
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/24 05:15 PM
2

It happens gradually, one step at a time. Develop YOUR plan, a plan whose actions positively shape YOUR future. Review it. Believe in it. Execute it. Is it hard? Hell yeah it’s hard. But it will give you structure, it will give you a direction to put your time and energy, and lays out a path for you to follow while finding your way through this dark time. It gets easier the more of your plan you complete. Indecision is the enemy, it’s what is keeping you paralyzed. Want to be there for your kids…
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/24 04:48 PM
2

Congrats man, counting down the days myself! Signed the papers on Monday. Had made so much personal progress in the 3 months we were separated, but damn if I didn’t have some emotions to process. Was somber and doing the bare minimum at work on Monday, but had a blast doing a hobby and hanging out that night. Took last night to cook a big ass porterhouse, savor a glass of scotch, and spent some time reflecting and getting my head and heart clear. Slept better than I had in weeks, fired up some m…
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/24 03:55 PM
2

Where I live the engagement ring is absolutely a gift, as it was given before the marriage took place. The wedding band is marital property and can be considered by the court if people get to that point of line items in their agreement. The case you cite in your previous argument is an engagement, not a divorce, and isn’t in any way applicable.
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/24 05:43 AM
3

The engagement ring is typically considered a “gift” as it was given before you were married. The wedding band can be considered “marital property”, and some people choose to include its value in their settlement agreement. Practically it depends on your situation, your relationship, and your sentimentality. In my case the engagement ring has an heirloom stone, and we factored it into our agreement.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/24 07:01 PM
3

Golf (joined a top golf league) trivia with friends, get out in nature, read, write, work on learning a new skill. And of course play some Xbox and watch some shows. I also plan out my evenings a week ahead for the most part to help me stay on task - workout routine, meal plan, what to focus on in the evening.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/24 05:50 AM
4

Thank you, I like to think I am. I feel like I lost who I was while trying to save my marriage, and I used my separation to focus on me and work on that. I’m still working on it, and will be for quite a while - but I feel a hell of a lot more like a better version of the man I used to be than the codependent, depressed, and burned out person I was 3 months ago. Signing day is tomorrow, I’m at peace with it and primed to write the next chapter of my life.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/24 12:08 AM
16

Our wedding night. Laundry being done and clothes being folded. The future that I had envisioned together, the excitement of planning trips/surprises, and the conversations that gave me different perspectives and helped me become a more open minded person. The pride of cooking badass meals that her entire family would rave about for months afterwards and request for special occasions. Having a partner to make incredible memories and experience awesome events with. Going on crazy trips from coast…
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/24 07:26 PM
1

Depends on what you can both come to an agreement on prenup wise. I know that’s going to be a big thing for me if I get to that point again. Wealth accrued during the marriage is a different topic though, very different if your spouse is a stay at home mom vs being a business partner.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/24 01:03 AM
1

Depression is a murderous, soul sucking demon that comes from within. Gotta slay that beast and stop holding yourself back. I’m glad that you interpreted it that way, I reread my first comment and thought “damn, that was harsh”. I hope this has a positive impact and helps you get to that place of peace and confidence.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/24 12:51 AM
3

It’s hard work, but seriously work on yourself and become at peace with yourself. You’ve accomplished a ton, more than the vast majority of people can say they have - but I guarantee you are putting your time and effort into everything you can except you. I’m digging out of this place myself. I can look back at all of my accomplishments and be very proud of myself, but I have not been at peace with myself and honestly lost myself as a result - as in full blown identity crisis. Coming from a pers…
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/24 12:36 AM
2

Either you don’t get married or you have an ironclad prenup.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/24 12:25 AM
3

When is the biography dropping? Sounds like you and David Goggins would be best buddies. The hard truth is you aren’t happy with yourself, likely have a ton of insecurities, and are making poor choices when looking for a partner. That or you have a perpetual “grass is greener” mindset that’s so ingrained you forget to fertilize your own lawn.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/24 12:24 AM
5

There’s a lot of hard truth here.
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/24 05:09 AM
10

Accept accountability? Nah, these are the exit interviews
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/24 05:00 AM
8

Man, I might be the contrarian here - but I’m glad yall were able to have that conversation. My STBX and I have had a few similar ones, and I have found it to be helpful in moving forward. As others have rightfully pointed out, there are some potential negatives (lack of accountability on her end, how this could make you feel guilty, and be an soften you up financially) - but now you have a starting point for moving forward. You know some of the things you need to make peace with and learn from.…
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/24 04:58 AM
5

Damn this truth hits like a 10lb hammer. Literally lost myself trying to make changes and “save our marriage”.
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/24 07:19 PM
1

My stbx and I are very amicable, but we are still having the divorce decree drawn up by a collaborative attorney. This is much cheaper than us both retaining our own counsel and gives the peace of mind that things are done correctly. Don’t want a paperwork snafu and want to make sure the terms are spelled out with all of the required contingencies and clauses.
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/24 03:52 AM
2

Keep it up man, I’d add some mental health stuff to your list such as journaling/meditation if you can. Really cement your mentality with those tools.
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/24 03:39 PM
6

Sex is a foundational component of any healthy, long term, adult relationship. Right there with communication, long term goals, and financial stability. It is a crucial part of compatibility. It is also an expectation in any sort of romantic relationship at your age. Those are facts. I’m currently undergoing my own faith journey, as it is something I lost through my relationship and marriage to my stbxw. Being involved in a church and faith community in general has several benefits, especially d…
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/23 03:38 PM
5

Have you been able to date yourself? This is a situation that I’m worried about popping up, as my stbxw and I are still close. Neither of us are dating someone else, and are still early ish in the process but have the details worked out and are searching for a collaborative attorney to get the agreement looked over. Moving into a new place of my own next weekend, so I’m sure that’s going to change things for me in a big way. Great way to start off the new year.
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/23 10:15 PM
0

I’ve found it much easier to open up to my female therapist. Granted I was working with her before the divorce train got rolling, but the fact I’m talking with a very homely black woman just really puts me at ease. She has been awesome and has helped me through a tremendous amount. Definitely one of the best I investments in myself that I have made. Checkout thriveworks, $100 per session and lots of options (in person, virtual, etc) with a nation wide network. There are a few other solid groups …
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/23 12:41 AM
1

Working on clauses for our agreement just in case she fails to pay or a life changing event happens (such as in your case). Granted ours is related to the equity in the home instead of spousal support, so a claim to the house or something along those lines + court fees would be fairly common sense.
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/23 06:25 PM
1

Do they have verbiage included where you would be responsible for court costs as well?
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/23 05:53 PM
1

Being potentially on the other side of this (in AL), I am curious about how the process works. I’d assume discussing with your ex spouse first and foremost to see what they will agree to is the best step.
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/23 05:52 PM
11

No time like the present to work on re-establishing those lost connections with family. You might be surprised just how much support you have, and worst case scenario you’re right where you are now.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/23 01:25 AM
2

Exactly, and I am pushing for us to use a mediation attorney to get everything written up, reviewed, and make sure it’s air tight. Having things ironed out beforehand keeps the cost minimal, and avoiding a contested divorce keeps more money in both of our pockets. Fact is we grew apart, put in a lot of work to make it work, and we were unable to do so. Time to move on separately. Took me some time to accept that, but I have and am doing much better as a result. I’ll admit it took her a while to …
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/23 10:15 PM
1

Thank you for the insight, very good point
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/23 09:20 PM
2

Thank you for the insight, and I have been thinking about this. Fortunately I don’t THINK it will get to that point, but I need to make sure I am protected in the event it does. I’d definitely prefer a lump payout, but we’re trying to keep things amicable and feasible. Key points - covering my court costs, adding a penalty, or requiring any remaining balance would be due in a lump sum. Possibly adding in a rider for any difference in appreciation in the event of a sale must be paid out (also dic…
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/23 09:18 PM
1

I agree that I would be better off with a lump sum, and she has agreed to pay ~10% more in addition to our initial numbers to help offset the amortization. This saves her interest on a HELOC, and as long as things are delivered without issue I’m good with it - just part of working out what is feasible and acceptable for both of us. I have been thinking about escalation/recourse options in the event of non payment, namely that any remaining balance + court costs + penalty would be due in a lump s…
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/23 09:02 PM
3

Peace of mind, confidence, drive, and discipline. Still working on finding a place to live so there is a lot of chaos and instability, but I know I’m going to be ok and there is a light at the end of the tunnel. The hardest times are the greatest opportunity to grow and realize your full potential. This will be the first time in years that I am able to focus on myself and truly put myself first.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/23 06:49 PM
3

Do you have a 401k? You could look at taking out a 401k loan. Also, do you have an individual bank account that she does not have access to?
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/23 03:44 PM
1

We’ve had some good mediation, so she is buying me out of the house with a heloc.
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/23 11:27 AM
2

Fortunately no kids involved, and that is absolutely what is happening. I'm hoping we can have a rational discussion about it in our counseling session later this week. I spoke with our counselor earlier this week and she has a much better understanding of the ramifications of this decision. They have also committed to helping us navigate this particular topic. Everything else has been very amicable and easy, honestly shocked at how quickly we've been working through it...guess that's all the co…
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/23 08:37 PM
2

I'll admit I'm still coming around to the fact that its really over and there is nothing I can do to "fix it". We went to counseling and tried to work it out, but that little voice in the back of my head is screaming "be amicable and there's a chance you find your way back to each other again". I need some time and space to get my head clear, I know that, and I am going to be taking it. Its been a week and a half since she asked for the divorce and we're already talking about settlement numbers.
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/23 05:12 PM
5

I'm trying to get my wife to understand what it would mean for her if lawyers get involved, and how beneficial it will be for her to go through mediation. She is the one with the most to lose - house is in her name, finances are separate, she has a slightly higher income, similar amounts in 401k, and she was the saver. I don't want us to get attorneys involved for her sake...its like she believes that because she's a woman I'm not entitled to the assets that I helped us acquire. I care about her…
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/23 02:52 PM
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