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Secret-Pipe-8233 Archive

View 0 posts and 55 comments by Secret-Pipe-8233 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
5

That’s arguably the hardest moment in the entire process. Be available to him, play the long game, be kind because while the next chapter usually gets hard, the mutual love of your son will help you both.
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/24 03:06 AM
7

No
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/24 09:48 AM
9

This is so true. My ex-wife did exactly this. I still speak to her mother, father and brother and I don’t have to say a word as they know her backwards. She also wanted it, started amicably, then she decended into madness, accusations, full legals, just to justify her own world. She’ll never be happy, my teenage kids live with me and are working that out for themselves.
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/24 09:33 PM
2

Soon to be ex
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/24 09:30 PM
3

Write things down, get therapy, do exercise, don’t drink too much. You need to get the fuck out, for you and the toxic environment the kids are in. Happiness will find you but you have to go through the ups and downs of owning it, being determined to be the best person you can (ie not taking her bait) and taking baby steps. Good luck brother.
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/24 09:25 PM
5

At your own risk, if it backfires, it can be bad news. Say if you put $30k into crypto, the transaction of you doing this and not declaring it can cause problems in most countries and states. I did a different approach and bought quite a few small things which only I would like (lounge chairs, speakers) . I bought a few small $500-1000 gift cards. This added up to nothing material, she got more than she deserved (I generated all the wealth) but I just bought the kids great Xmas presents with the…
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/24 10:44 PM
4

Great way to practice living in the moment when you have them. I love having my kids around, when we divorced my 17 was always going to live with me over her mother. My youngest rotates and prefers being with me but I don’t take joy in that, it’s just they know how much I’ve always liked having them around. I was also told I’m more strict and more fun. I’ll take that double. Good luck, be gentle on yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/24 06:35 AM
2

Ha, love it. The ROW call backpacking travel which involves moving from country to country. That’s said they are all wonderful pursuits.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/24 04:40 AM
7

I’ve done a lot o hiking. Not to be confused with long walks in nature (my American friends call this hiking) but overnight, carry tents, food etc, usually with a few friends, usually between 2-3 days. Love it.
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/24 09:42 PM
6

My teens and I are exactly the same. Who would have thought.
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/24 08:38 AM
2

Humbly enjoy and invest the energy with your kids That is where your victories will always come. Congrats brother.
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/24 11:49 AM
2

I think that’s a good call.
/r/Divorce_Men30/10/24 11:05 AM
5

No for a micro second. And it was initially my call. Couldn’t be happier.
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/24 01:04 AM
10

Pay for hookers yes, drugs yes, buy a house no. The house waits until after divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/24 12:05 PM
1

Each to their own, but I’m not sure looking towards a fictional character for answers makes much difference. I do believe in compassion, care and positivity. Wishing you all the best in your next chapter.
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/24 01:11 PM
5

We did 4 months, then rented an apartment to nest/rotate in and out of. The aim was the kids to have stability for my eldest’s last year of school. Started off amicably, then went to shit as ex wife lost her marbles so I had the apartment by myself. Truth is, there is no playbook. It’s hard whatever. Good luck
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/24 09:09 PM
4

So much happier but wouldn’t be if I lost my children. That would be so hard.
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/24 10:21 PM
7

So familiar, I could have written your point 1 . Why do they go so bat shit crazy? Your biggest loss is your youngest kid, that’s hard but keep your integrity and play the long game. I finally settled everything last week after 2 years. The greed and obsession with money over providing stability for our kids cost her. My 18 year old lives with me full time & my 13 year would like to. I have a partner who is 12 years younger, I see once a week (the kids don’t know) and the sex is incredible. Brig…
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/24 07:12 PM
2

I went through this albeit in Australia. I was super nervous it would hold because my ex had been losing the plot at every step. The anxiety is because either party can change their mind but ultimately ours held, was converted in court orders and competed. After two years I got my share of the house when we settled last week. Good luck, take the high road my friend, it’s not worth being dragged down.
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/24 06:34 AM
3

Find yourself before you find a new partner. Learn to create memories for yourself (and of course with your son).
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/24 11:36 AM
22

How hard it is to maintain a normal life of working, being a parent, finding somewhere to live, making it a home while going through a divorce. Any one of those things is challenging, doing them all in a state of mental stress, is superhuman.
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/24 03:53 PM
2

I pay for all my youngest child’s school fees, medical costs and clothes because I never had the trust in my ex to maintain the things that matter for her. Of course she buys herself expensive clothes then tells the kids she has no money. Sounds like slightly different circumstances as I have 50:50 custody although my daughter would prefer to stay with me all the time and her big sister who is 100% with me.
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/24 10:07 AM
1

Sounds like a play back of me 18 months ago. It will be hard but you must keep you dignity at all times, don’t bite back even when it’s excruciatingly hard, be the stronger one in the weak times - you will emerge a super human. Good luck brother.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/24 04:33 AM
1

Good list.
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/24 02:47 AM
2

I just feel for you bro (and even her), no-one should have to go through the pain you are going through. I hope you find peace amongst the pain
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/24 12:12 PM
9

It will turn brother. New might mean going for a walk and appreciating the birds, new might mean going on a hike or a weekend trip or new might mean going a gym or doing yoga. There are no limits but be easy on yourself and acknowledge the small steps you make.
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/24 12:06 PM
3

I think developing or improving genuine self awareness is important. It’s not just changing the mind or actions, they ultimately all have to feed in together. I was always in reasonable shape but doubled down when things went south. It’s helped, I’ve just done a solo trip for 16 days in Asia and it’s remarkable that a M51 can get so much attention from fellow travellers & locals. It’s not all about female gratification though, I guess it’s just growth as a human.
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/24 02:05 PM
3

One word brother -Time! Some things just can’t be forced, sometimes it takes a bit of work to do a little rewiring, then let time & patience for to work. Good luck, tomorrow you will look back and understand.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/24 02:15 PM
3

Are you approaching the ‘Soon’ part of STBXW?
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/24 02:06 PM
3

Very nice call re gratitude, I completely agree. At the lowest point even birds in trees can be a focus. 18 months on I’m doing a 16 day solo travel trip in Sri Lanka (after I asked my kids if that was ok) living my absolute best life. The gratitude only grows. 🙏🏻
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/24 06:23 AM
2

This.
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/23 06:55 AM
1

I agree but i don’t understand your context. 🤔
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/23 12:06 PM
3

They are so young. You can do what you like but maybe a couple of years with them as your entire focus might be good for you & them. Good luck brother.
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/23 12:05 PM
1

In Australia it’s based on earning potential one factor of which, of course is current income.
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/23 08:10 PM
1

Have so been there, just realise despite it not making sense, the exhausted phase is very normal (or was for me). That was the bottom of the curve for me. Also music is good company, it’s can shift neurones, which gradually shifts you.
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/23 02:57 AM
4

Tip one - be easy on yourself. Tip two - do new things Tip three - doing nothing at times is fine Tip four - keep on eye on your online time. It’s chews life up & doesn’t assist your mental health. Tip five - this too will pass. Sit out the time. Good luck brother.
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/23 09:54 PM
9

Do find a therapist. Do go to gym. Do double down on the love of your kids. Do have a new adventure. Don’t drink more than 3-4 times a week. Don’t jump straight into OLD but don’t be scared of it either. Don’t ignore your freedom to do whatever you want at times, to play your music as loud as you want or to just read a book in peace. Go well. 🙏🏻
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/23 08:38 AM
3

I also kept myself tidy when I was married as much for mental health as looks. Running, gym & yoga. When separation was inevitable it just gave a bit more of a reason or aim. By the time we physically separated I was in v.good shale (for a 50m). I’ve done alright, it’s been fun.
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/23 04:44 AM
2

It’s a complete rebuild but I approached it ( and always still doing it) with a glass half full mentality. Not what was lost but what could be gained. Even during the dark period of separating when I was trying to rise above all the nonsense of my ex’s crazy claims, I reminded myself to live in the moment, especially with my kids. They grow up so quick, I didn’t want to lose 1 or 2 years of time with them by not being present. I love my time with them. And now I like it even more, they grow and …
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/23 10:30 PM
19

The humiliation is all hers. Head up high my friend. Be a great Dad, enjoy being a great Dad, your rewards and love will come over time.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/23 03:52 AM
6

While it was a bumpy road subsequently, I recall sitting on the balcony on the first night in my new apartment, sun’s out and I poured a glass of wine, then another and almost finished the bottle.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/23 12:23 PM
3

Over time the kids work it out for themselves, especially if you remain constant and present.
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/23 05:54 AM
6

Very articulate summary and similar to my situation. The faking it vs moving on is a strange one. There is so much I want to say because I was so balanced while she was going nuts. We are also about to settle, but I figure if I write an email or launch my thoughts on her, it probably says more about me than any impact it would have on her. She’s crazy anyway. Don’t engage I tell myself (and my fellow tortured souls here).
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/23 05:53 AM
1

You are the client, if you are not being serviced appropriately move quickly to someone who will.
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/23 12:38 PM
5

I separated and am almost divorced mySTBXW after 23 years of marriage. The marriage had died on the vine but it was her call. She was never going to do the work on the relationship (or herself) so it was the right call. It turned sour after an amicable start. Some things to consider. Menopausal woman can become very unstable, so many things happening. Raising kids in an unhappy marriage (my STBXW experienced this with her parents) is arguably more damaging to the kids than a separation. I love m…
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/23 03:24 AM
1

My advice rather than secrets is to work on yourself first. Online dating (which I jumped into early & was a lot of fun) was a bit like taking drugs when you are unstable. You need to do the work on yourself first. Might be therapy, gym, reading. yoga, running or possibly all of the above. Then the world is your oyster! If you are authentic & not an idiot women will like you, you will like them, your self esteem will return and onwards you go. For reference I’m a fit 51M, I’ve never had so much …
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/23 10:26 AM
7

Depends of the definition of separated? Living under the same roof but in different rooms is different to having told the kids and moved out. Also depends where you are from. I am now legally separated, docs and lawyers all done & divorce means nothing (it’s a subsequent tick the box). In the US I think it’s different. I’ve been having plenty of sex after 23 years of marriage but I definitely don’t consider it cheating. After all the pain & shit it’s rewarding, fun and part of a different phase …
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/23 05:37 AM
1

Life is short. Life is precious. Give your kids the gift of leading by example to find happiness Good luck my friend.
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/23 11:11 PM
2

Good friends know the characters of both people. I was married for 23 years, 2 kids. Head up high, integrity wins (even when self doubt doesn’t think it will). I said straight up at the start to a few couples, ‘I don’t want to put you in awkward situations, and I do t want to be that guy that slags off his ex, I value our friendships too much’. Some of these people have been so helpful in my journey especially with the kids. Stay strong, stay true to yourself, friends who want gossip are not fri…
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/23 09:28 PM
6

Amazing the truths in this thread. It’s almost eery. Revisiting history to justify the present is an actual condition, it’s real. Head up high gents. If you believe you have genuinely behaved well and taken the high road be proud. If you have kids, they will understand and appreciate this as the years go by.
/r/Divorce_Men01/11/23 10:38 PM
13

Five months is not long. My advice is don’t rush into having kids, it’s not a magic tonic to bring you closer Marriage is one thing as it can be unwound and is technically reversible (at cost) but parenthood is not. Nor is the life long involvement of looking after a child with an ex. Good luck brother.
/r/Divorce_Men01/11/23 05:23 AM
2

A lot of good advice in this thread. Another one here that started amicably after 23 years of marriage that turned into a shit show of reinterpreting history and mud throwing. My ex appointed a lawyer early and asked for 65%, the only benefit of her going early was that I found a lawyer that knew hers & was senior to hers (but cost more $ 🙄). It knocked me around. She claimed I’d had affairs with family friends (I had to apologise to mates in case they believed any of the shit) that I was gay an…
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/23 10:23 PM
5

A lot in here that sounds familiar, especially around lawyers & rewriting history. Definitely get a therapist. A lot of people told me to keep your head up high when the mud flies (and geez I coped some mud), enjoy your kids if you can, they are great therapy and the lasting joy of your marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/23 10:10 PM
1

There are lots of interesting comments here. I think the term dating or relationship needs to be discussed. After about 9 months after separating post 23 years of marriage, I (51M) began to have some fun but I was clear to myself and others that the last thing I wanted was a relationship. I did need to work on myself, rebuild and it takes time but have a few transparent & honest flings was helpful to my self esteem, belief and just great dopamine hits. My kids never knew (last thing they needed)…
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/23 09:03 PM
1

I was asking on another thread about apps and Ourfamilywizard. I guess it’s a case of don’t shoot the messenger/app but if you were messaging do you think the same stuff would have happened? Did the app help at all with logistics?
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/23 11:03 AM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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