SeriousGains Archive

Upvotes	Title	Category	Author	Subreddit	Date (UTC)

Upvotes	Comment on	Subreddit	Date (UTC)
1	My wife is blindsided me and I’m still broken. I did a lot of work through the end of the relationship (2 years in therapy, a year of marriage counseling, outpatient mental health workshops, divorce and recovery groups, joined a church community) to today (1.5 years separated, waiting on the trial verdict). And after it all my unfortunate opinion is that romantic love isn’t actually real, everyone is just filling a void (existential vacuum) and sometimes people get comfortable. I guess reading texts of your ex and her friends talking about h…	/r/Divorce_Men	17/07/26 09:06 AM
1	My wife is blindsided me and I’m still broken. Feels dumb typing it all out. Obviously it’s never that cut and dry. Can’t say you’re wrong though.	/r/Divorce_Men	17/07/26 07:18 AM
1	My wife is blindsided me and I’m still broken. Mine was pretty much out since the relationship started. Ups and downs but I’m committed to her, see a future. Secrets throughout the relationship, don’t ask questions you don’t want answers to, cheating for who knows how long. Come to find out it was just her norm. Propose to her on our 2 year anniversary, now’s your chance to back out. Long engagement because Covid. Tried hard to burn me right he before the wedding, but I stick it out because I want this to work, huge blowup on my best man, he…	/r/Divorce_Men	17/07/26 06:31 AM
13	How Important is a Prenup for those going through the process? Essential.	/r/Divorce_Men	15/07/26 04:08 PM
1	Title: Married 6 months ago, now I think my wife is a covert narcissist and no one believes me because she’s “the sweetest person.” How did you cope? You’d want them back at that point?	/r/Divorce_Men	12/07/26 05:18 PM
6	Title: Married 6 months ago, now I think my wife is a covert narcissist and no one believes me because she’s “the sweetest person.” How did you cope? In divorce all your friends are likely to choose her over you. Be prepared for that.	/r/Divorce_Men	12/07/26 03:18 PM
3	If somebody's wife hit on you, would you hook up with them? The part that gets me is that the women all brag about it to their married friends and they get pats on the back. Seems egregious to me, especially when they act like saints around your family.	/r/Divorce_Men	23/06/26 01:01 AM
10	I Hate that She Put me Here: Dating in 2026 is Horrendous 15 months since separation began and she moved out. Trial just concluded, awaiting the decision. Haven’t touched the apps and don’t see myself doing it anytime soon, just focused on caring for my daughter. Probably as content being alone as I’ve ever been. I realize now what a farce most relationships in my life have been, including with family.	/r/Divorce_Men	15/05/26 06:27 AM
4	How Long Until You Stopped Wondering What She Was Doing? As soon as she moved out. I just assumed the worst.	/r/Divorce_Men	28/04/26 08:30 PM
1	Are female couple counselors biased towards wives? This is my experience too, but not all female counselors. Also had a terrible one that was immediately passive aggressive toward me, although maybe I deserved it at the time.	/r/Divorce_Men	24/04/26 03:25 AM
4	The regret is unbearable You’re going to grow a lot from this. You’ll probably be an entirely different person when it’s all said and done. I look back a year to when our separation began and I don’t even recognize myself. It’s sink or swim now. The past is the past, and you need to just keep moving forward. In the beginning it’s tough, not going to lie about that. If you need to disappear for a bit, do it. Focus on healing and preparing your life for a new chapter. Don’t worry about sharing anything with family or frie…	/r/Divorce_Men	26/02/26 04:02 AM
1	Sensation your children live in two different worlds between you and other parent... I kind of train my brain to think she’s in suspended animation I think this is actually part of the problem. Yes, it may be out of your control but to act as if it doesn’t exist is dismissing your daughter’s experience. I’m almost certain that my ex does this very thing and then goes out of her way to harass me with threats and court documents while our daughter is with me, completely disregarding how it distracts and disrupts our time together. “Daddy come play with me.” “Sorry honey, I need to…	/r/Divorce_Men	27/01/26 04:49 PM
6	How long does phone/video calls lasts with the mother when the kid is with you? 5-10 minutes max. It’s just a check-in—how are you? What did you do today? What did you eat? Also have a 3 year old.	/r/Divorce_Men	26/01/26 11:50 AM
1	How to figure out my identity… I didn’t know who I was either. The affair, betrayal and divorce was the great awakening to realizing I didn’t know myself or really anyone else, going back to my own parents. I went back and tried to get to know them. It was awkward, uncomfortable and mostly unsatisfying, but it made me realize that I’d been living a lie, and most people are too. This acceptance of not knowing people or myself is what lead me to marrying and having kids with someone who would eventually lead me to this outcome.…	/r/Divorce_Men	02/01/26 02:46 AM
2	Divorcing at 35, single dad with 2 little boys. I started learning to play guitar during separation. It’s been something productive that’s reminded me I can rebuild my identity and I’m not an old dog if I can still learn new tricks. I’ve also done therapy, divorce and recovery groups, kept up with the gym routine, and started going to church. Basically surround yourself with positive people who have the mindset you want to grow into and it’ll be contagious. Stay away from people struggling with vices and distractive behaviors, those too are c…	/r/Divorce_Men	28/12/25 02:22 AM
2	How do you get over loosing half your kids life’s? I’m very much in the same boat as you on this but the way I’ve come to terms with it is, eventually as your kids grow up they’ll need you less and less, until the point in which they move on to start their own lives. This is just a jump start on that eventual need to let go and find what’s next for you when the time comes. At the same time enjoy every moment you get with them because it’s even more precious now.	/r/Divorce_Men	20/12/25 11:35 PM
16	This existence is profoundly absurd. Never was there. That’s exactly it. “She” is an illusion of a chemically induced psychosis. Devoid of fault and flaw; a constant. Nothing more than a construct of your mind’s attachment to the comfort of symbiosis and preservation of its fantasy. This process removes the rose-colored glasses, not just on relationships but as you eloquently put it, the “absurdities of existence.” Ignorance is bliss. All we can hope for, is that with raised awareness, we are able to find peace in the absurdity.	/r/Divorce_Men	20/12/25 06:47 AM
6	Anyone ever send your in-laws proof your wife cheated? I did send a couple messages to friends early in the process, got no response. I’ve been thinking about sending a letter to MIL. Mostly because I care about my kid and I think my ex is off her rocker. MIL might be one of the only people she’ll listen to. It’s coming up on a year of being separated now. My only concern is that it could somehow be used against me in court. We’re temporary 50/50 custody atm.	/r/Divorce_Men	19/12/25 05:04 AM
6	Does sexting deserve divorce? This is what I found out about. It wasn’t until she was leaving that she admitted they slept together too. Even if she hasn’t she’s there mentally. It’ll be better for you in the long run to get out of that situation as painful as it might be. If she feels regret and reaches back out to you later on then you can decide if you want to hear it, but you need to clear your head and see things from an outside perspective. I know I did. You can’t do that fully while still in the relationship. And if s…	/r/Divorce_Men	08/12/25 02:07 AM
1	Dissolution of marriage form? See if your local courthouse has a family law facilitator’s office. They can provide free assistance with filling out the forms.	/r/Divorce_Men	10/11/25 07:50 PM
10	“If he wanted to he would”, “bare minimum”, “girl’s girl”, etc. Red flags or simply internet memes? I can attest. Grey’s Anatomy was my cheating STBX’s favorite show.	/r/Divorce_Men	08/11/25 11:12 PM
7	Honest questions regarding all your ex wives I used to joke and we’d laugh together. Then in the last year or so I’d make a joke and all I would get was her being offended. I knew full well that if that same joke was made by someone else, some guy at work, she would have thought it was hilarious and thought to herself I wish my husband was funny like that. I called her out on it a few times and I think she even admitted I was right.	/r/Divorce_Men	24/10/25 04:04 PM
15	Ex-wife got married but told the kids not to tell me? Convincing the kids to hide information from you sounds like parental alienation to me. Kids need to be free to share whatever they want to with both parents, for them to feel pressure not to is detrimental to their wellbeing and relationship with both parents. If she indeed did do this, it likely wasn’t the first time and won’t be the last. That would be my biggest concern.	/r/Divorce_Men	23/10/25 03:52 PM
3	Custody and Work Schedule Martial counseling. If you don’t want that then accept the cost of child support. Can’t have your cake and eat it too.	/r/Divorce_Men	20/10/25 04:20 AM
3	Don’t Mistake Sex for Love This is a very good retrospective. Sex is definitely a substitute for intimacy. At a certain stage in our lives it’s a very difficult thing to discern. This reinforces the necessity to grow together, otherwise the relationship will fade.	/r/Divorce_Men	18/10/25 10:19 AM
3	I’m trying my hardest to save my marriage If there’s no infidelity keep working at it. Suggest marriage counseling.	/r/Divorce_Men	11/10/25 09:16 AM
10	Would you expect an ex to share that she has a new partner with you? Just assume the worst and don’t waste your time trying to understand motives. I know easier said than done. Do your best to accept what you can’t control, care as little as possible and focus on moving on.	/r/Divorce_Men	03/10/25 07:15 AM
12	Unhealthy anger towards seemingly happy married couples now I feel this too. I hear about a wedding and it makes me sick. It also pisses me off that I instinctively look at everyone’s left hand now to see if there’s a ring or not, men and women. I’m always a little bummed seeing the ring, I guess it just makes me feel more singled out. Never did this when I was wearing one myself. It’s also made me more aware of how lackadaisical some people are in their relationship, them clearly not realizing how quick things can turn on them. Also makes me wonder if t…	/r/Divorce_Men	09/09/25 05:14 AM
2	Venting about your ex - has it helped? I asked my therapist how I’ll know if I’m finally over it, he said when you no longer feel the need to talk about it. I think it’s more than that, but it’s a start.	/r/Divorce_Men	17/08/25 11:11 PM
1	How do you navigate casual dating and sex after catching feelings post-long-term relationship? Wow. This is such a great explanation.	/r/Divorce_Men	26/07/25 01:31 AM
2	Be careful of religion poaching Pretty sure this sub is for divorced men, religious and non-religious, so if you have a problem with that you should probably seek out a sub more specific to your views.	/r/Divorce_Men	13/07/25 05:09 PM
2	Having more kids? This is my biggest concern. I really wanted more than one but I couldn’t imagine doing that to her.	/r/Divorce_Men	27/06/25 06:40 PM
23	Very happily married and wife suddenly in big rush to leave Rush to leave always means there’s someone else.	/r/Divorce_Men	03/05/25 12:07 AM
1	What do you do with in between time? Thank you for sharing. It helps to see that we’re not alone in this. Creating new routines. Breaking out of the old one that feels like it’s missing pieces. Started going to church and yoga classes. Reading books has helped as well.	/r/Divorce_Men	14/04/25 07:07 AM
4	How do you get past the fact that your ex technically “has it easy” now… with her disregarding all of your effort, and shaping the entire situation as if she was a victim of the marriage. Yep. No fucking way.	/r/Divorce_Men	07/04/25 01:25 AM
1	Input: Lost of Libido/Self-Confidence Stress will kill your sex drive. Once that’s in check you’ll be back. I went through the same panic myself.	/r/Divorce_Men	06/04/25 06:15 AM
2	Does/Did your wife ever deny being; angry, upset, annoyed EVERY argument? I think a better approach might be to ask how she’s feeling, even if you think you know. If she doesn’t want to admit how she’s feeling then you know any discussion is probably not going to be productive. Some people just don’t want to discuss or even recognize their own feelings. It’s going to make it nearly impossible to have a close relationship with anyone like that.	/r/Divorce_Men	24/03/25 02:06 AM