TheRedArchive

~ archived since 2018 ~

ShadowoftheGrimoire Archive

View 0 posts and 115 comments by ShadowoftheGrimoire on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
Search in:
In subreddits:
More
Filter by year/month:
Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
364

Basically this guy’s train of thought is “Give men what they want or they will hurt other people until you do”. It’s a selfish tantrum at best and threatening terror at worst. Hope he ends up on a list somewhere so the government can keep an eye on that nut job.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/08/21 10:41 PM
7

This is so true! When I think of most of the gripes I had about the NVM I knew, the second or third thing on the list was that he was so passive in establishing a relationship that he supposedly wanted so badly. Really I expected him to chase me, but he sat back acting as though he was the woman in the relationship and I was the man. He expected me to pursue (even though I wasn’t interested in him and was only giving him the chance to win me over), expected me to provide everything (he refused t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/08/21 03:36 PM
9

I support a parody version! Please write it. We need more deconstructions of common romance tropes.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/07/21 05:56 PM
63

There’s a book I read on this subject called “Failure to Launch” by Michael Devine. It’s been a while, but if I remember correctly the main reason this happens is that other people end up bearing the burden of the LVM’s actions so all the LVM sees is benefit for doing nothing because some enabler in his life keeps a roof over his head, food on the table and money in his bank without enforcing the punishments or consequences needed to get him to change. The author does make allowances for mental …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/07/21 01:34 AM
26

Yeah I just might lol. Let’s see if he bothers me again. 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/07/21 05:12 PM
63

Yeah as I commented on another post, a male coworker of mine nearly started arguing with me the other day because I mentioned I was going to start investing in myself (learning new skills, self-care l, travel, etc) as opposed to just working full time. He started saying what boiled down to, “If you do that, you won’t be good marriage material”. Really I didn’t give a damn because I chose my passions over marriage and motherhood anyway, but like, men don’t want us to improve ourselves at all. The…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/07/21 05:07 PM
1

I think it should be a minor point in life, not even rising to the level of a hobby TBH. I used to be an obsessive video gamer when I was young and less mature, but as I grew and matured, I realized that gaming did very little to help me continue to grow as a person. As a matter of fact, gaming became a massive time sink that became less and less appealing the more and more I achieved. Now I see hobbies as things that teach you new skills AND result either in personal growth (such as reading or …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/07/21 11:08 PM
20

I think I might have shut one down at work today. Maybe. He would always talk to me at lunch about the expectations of our culture and how he used to own his own business and saying every day that he never married because of his business etc. I’d been gray rocking the past few days mainly because he’s the type that listens to Jordan Peterson and believes that women constantly want to have a bunch of men chasing after them ( I forget the specific term). Today he annoyed me though. I was talking a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/07/21 10:40 PM
7

I probably would have been ok with this if he’d already had a product he used and then mentioned his not liking the feel of it and asked her if she had a suggestion. But this is her exerting effort for something he can’t be bothered to do on his own. That’s what I feel makes it a pick-me behavior.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/07/21 07:34 PM
22

I don’t know about the 100k per year (since in my field it’s tied to how many hours you work) but I make good money and because I chose per diem contract work and keep my fixed expenses low, I’m able to take multiple vacations per year. I’m on the tail end of wrapping up a contract now and am looking forward to 4-6 months of vacation afterwards (to work on my painting/art and travel a bit). It is entirely possible, though it may require some sacrifices to be feasible. I can only imagine that if …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/07/21 09:33 PM
28

Because they’re probably casting lures looking to hook a gullible fish. That or as another saying goes, they’re recruiting willing victims. Then conveniently once a woman falls for their mask and they’ve got her trapped, the mask conveniently slips. For a less cynical take, it could also be similar to the idea of when you go on vacation somewhere and think that it would be nice to live there year round. In this scenario we’re tending to judge all facets of living by the one we’ve experienced (na…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/06/21 11:13 PM
9

You feel like a good person would do it because he has conditioned you to be a “good person” for HIM. What you need to be right now is a FIRM person in your refusal. Don’t light yourself on fire to keep an abuser warm. There’s nothing good in that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/06/21 07:13 PM
52

I agree. As I’ve gotten older I found I have less and less patience with negativity like his. I mean, yeah, I get that he didn’t have the teen/ young adult experience he wanted. But at some point you have to let go of the negativity or it’s just going to drive people away. I had a lot of angst over me teenage years too. But once I was able to let most of it go (still working on some of it), life really opened up for me in a whole new way. I kind of hope that he realizes this too. But what can I …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/06/21 08:13 PM
16

My NVM friend complained about this to me, saying that he put in so much more effort than me into the friendship. Want to know what kind of “effort” he was talking about? Constant devaluing and negging. Criticizing my hobbies and my job. Complaining that I made him look bad in comparison (because I had a good job, my own house etc and he was unemployed and living with his mother). That I didn’t pay enough attention to him (again, I was working upwards of 50 hours in a week b/c of the way our tim…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/06/21 07:12 PM
4

I think it’s more about how the parents relate to each other than how the father or mother relates to the daughter. I grew up seeing my parents splitting all the work and making decisions as a team, so I naturally came to expect that if I were married that the marriage would look like that. This was a big part of the reason why I decided not to give a former LVM friend a chance to be something more. I consistently saw his lack of effort in his own life and the way he constantly tried to impose h…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/21 03:13 PM
64

I despise giving them that out by asking myself since usually I’m not interested in a relationship in the first place. If he’s not making decisive moves and actively working to convince me that a relationship with him will benefit me then I’m staying single because let’s face it, most relationships with men are poor deals.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/21 01:30 PM
15

I loved living on my own in the UK. I attended a university to get my MSc back in 2014-ish and living on campus in a major city center was such a good way to learn about living in a country without actually moving there permanently. In the end I decided to come back to the US because the job market for my field is just better here IMO, but thanks to the fact that I was able to live in student accommodation I didn’t have a whole bunch of furniture and stuff to send back. I’m sure it’s different n…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/01/21 05:14 PM
72

It’s probably micro transactions. Not actual games.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/01/21 07:48 PM
6

It’s a male-centric line of thinking. “You only have courtesy towards those you’re attracted to or interest in”. The pickmes and their men only have courtesy for those they’re interested in. For a pick me, there is no “benefit” in being courteous or considerate towards another woman because they view you as competition for the man.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/21 12:50 PM
5

Agreed. I’ve learned that I have to be my own best ally. I can’t leave that role to anyone else.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/21 01:24 PM
3

Thank you. It’s been a long road from those days, but I’m gradually getting better.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/21 01:02 PM
2

Have we done a correct starter pack yet? Mine would be a cat, my car, my crochet, my computer, my (soon to be new) career and champagne (well really moscato, but everything else started with “c” so.....)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/21 12:51 PM
13

Sometimes also you can feel confused when they start to escalate their controlling behaviors because it seems to come out of left field. One minute you’re talking about something benign like a tv show, and the next they’re saying that they don’t want you wearing X or talking to Y. This happened to me and I remember being like, “How did we get on this topic”?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/21 12:39 PM
13

Until a few years ago I had a very poor relationship with my anger. As I child I was never allowed to be angry even if someone did something horrible to me. I wasn’t allowed to shout or scream. If I did so much as raise my voice my parents punished me. I started taking out my anger in quieter ways. Breaking my own things, shredding paper, writing in a diary. My parents found all these and punished me when I did them even though these ways of expressing anger were not harming anyone else. Then my…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/21 12:32 PM
25

Oh yeah. Sounds like he has a whole red flag parade going on there. I wonder why he was keeping such a close eye on her dating habits if he supposedly wasn’t interested. (Just kidding of course. We all know exactly why.)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/21 06:59 PM
55

They really will try saying anything, won’t they? The audacity of that man. Thinking that the woman wouldn’t have a life that exists out of his sight.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/21 06:51 PM
93

I think more women need to treat male audacity with equal and opposite audacity of their own. While I can’t speak to the cheating aspect, I’m glad that you didn’t take his bullshit passively. And also, these types of guys always claim that that men and women can’t just be friends when it’s a woman going to hang out with a male friend, but when it’s their female friend hanging out with them, suddenly she’s completely celibate.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/21 06:43 PM
208

Flip this around and suddenly it’s a different story. No man would be comfortable with his girlfriend hanging out with a male friend by themselves, feelings or no feelings. Yet this guy doesn’t think he’s doing anything she should be upset about. 😒
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/21 05:39 PM
10

When he started telling me actively that I’d never succeed at anything I wanted to do. That and he downplayed everything I accomplished, telling me my postgrad degree was something anyone could do and basically that I was incompetent if I was struggling with my job. Mind you, at that time I had my own house and a high paying job while he was unemployed and living with his mother.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/01/21 05:10 PM
21

I wonder what she can do about the fact that he switched the title of the already paid for car into his name. Can she prove that he did it against her will? She needs to take back what he’s taken from her then ditch him ASAP.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/01/21 04:19 PM
4

Yeah no. It’s an instant Block-Delete situation now if some man goes around telling people that I’m dating or engaged to him without having a clear sit-down discussion about it WITH me first. I got into an argument with my mom about this the other day. She said that in the past I had dated this person who was a friend of one of my friends. I told her that since he never asked me to date him that I wasn’t dating him. I don’t get where people think they can get away without having a clear discussi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/20 01:29 PM
4

I read somewhere that anger is a natural reaction to a boundary being crossed. It tells you that you either have been harmed or will be harmed and is a way of encouraging you to protect yourself. I spent most of my twenties and early thirties absolutely enraged. I felt like everywhere I went there were enemies and that the only thing I could do to protect myself was to keep everyone far, far away. Looking back, I think I had convinced myself that no matter what I did I was going to end up misera…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/20 01:16 PM
12

Your birthday is tomorrow (or today depending on when this was posted)? First off, happy birthday! Secondly, other people’s expectations and hypothetical timelines are bull. Ignore them. The most important thing is how you feel about your life (apart from the issue of a relationship). There is an idea in writing stories that when you intend to have a romance in a story the romance should always be secondary to the main plot. The issues external to the character do not exist for the sake of bring…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/10/20 11:36 AM
5

Yeah I didn’t like that bit where he started trying to dictate who could and couldn’t be her friend.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/10/20 11:25 AM
5

And yet these same dudes will demand that you change things about yourself for the and try to control who you talk to as though you’re their girlfriend, but god forbid they actually think they need to ask you whether or not you’re in a relationship or not. And then if you try to turn them down or cut them off without just plain ghosting them, they’ll inevitably say that they were never interested in you anyway. 😠
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/10/20 11:29 PM
8

And on top of that young girls and other women might be inspired by seeing a confident single woman and might want to become like her instead of having to deal with all the garbage in the dating sphere.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/10/20 11:35 AM
2

I don’t have proof of this so it’s only my suspicion, but about a year after I went no contact with this NVM, I was at work when I received a letter from the board that regulates my profession that I had been accused of committing fraud. The letter basically demanded that I address the claims and provide my side of the story. So I investigated the records at my workplace and found the records that the letter was referring to. Without going into too much detail a basic (like utterly first glance …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/10/20 05:22 PM
15

Well if the shoe fits the man.... But in all seriousness, slot of them barely behave like a person to begin with—-no manners, no hygiene, no consideration for the well being of others. Only animals behave like that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/10/20 11:30 AM
12

This reminds me of that bit from The Gift of Fear where DeBecker says (basically) that predators and those seeking to exploit others will use this kind of statement to manipulate their victims into jumping to prove them wrong. I hate this kind of thing—so manipulative.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/10/20 03:09 PM
7

I’m in this post an I don’t like it 😫
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 04:18 PM
6

I’ll never understand the absolutely unreal level of enabling these guys get. I mean, I thought I was enabled by the fact that my parents would cook dinner for me back then. But these guys take it to an unhealthy extreme, it seems.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/20 02:57 PM
26

I’ll admit, I used to be an obsessive gamer when I was in high school. I had a lot of social anxiety growing up, and chose gaming as my means of escape. I did this all through high school, college and grad school. I didn’t really manage to break the habit until a couple years ago, and to be honest, I don’t even remember how I broke it. It was just that one day, video games weren’t as fun or as satisfying to play anymore. That being said, I can’t recall ever being at the point where I let necessa…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/20 02:34 PM
8

Nope. I can’t afford one. 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/10/20 05:47 PM
4

It’s a bit sedentary, but I love crochet! I tend to make mostly large items (such as blankets) rather than amigurumi.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/10/20 03:49 PM
20

Ah, so as we thought that “muh biology” thing is garbage.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/10/20 03:46 PM
35

You’re probably right lol. Maybe alcohol or weed then?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/10/20 03:45 PM
59

And let’s not forget the ultimate LVM/NVM “necessity”—porn.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/10/20 03:22 PM
300

What “necessities” does this guy need to live when he lives with his mother? If he can’t afford a hotel then I doubt he pays rent. And even if it’s not a fancy hotel a regular place could still be affordable as long as you’re working more than five hours a week (especially without his paying rent for his own place). This was never about not being able to afford a hotel room.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/10/20 11:36 AM
6

I’ve just come to the point where I’ve made this same decision. A relationship seems like it won’t provide anything of worth to me and might, in fact, stand more of a chance of getting in the way of my dreams and goals. I’m also Aromantic-Asexual so I don’t feel the urge to date or marry or anything like that. It’s perfectly okay to be selective about dating. It’s also perfectly okay to not want to date. It’s also perfectly okay to want to date. You do what’s right for you. Besides, this isn’t l…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/09/20 09:30 PM
20

I’m at the point where not having a man is better than having any man. My time is my own, and I don’t have to hear any whining from someone who is both unable and unwilling to contribute anything of worth to my life. Personally, I’m glad I’m aro-ace. Now if my mother would just get off my back about getting married and accept that I’m quite satisfied on my own, that would be great.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/09/20 03:32 PM
11

I’m glad the kit-kat was fine! There was something I read on this sub a while ago that talked about how controlling people (especially guys) don’t like cats because cats generally DGAF what the controlling person wants and have strong boundaries. This was one of the reasons I dropped my nex as well because at the time he was troubling me I had two cats who I adored and was always scared he would hurt them or something as he’d previously had his own cat (before I met him) that he always complaine…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/09/20 09:46 AM
38

They don’t want to give you time to see the multitude of red flags they’re waving.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/09/20 09:28 PM
48

Your poor cat! Was the kitty alright?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/09/20 09:23 PM
9

Oh my god. Reading this is eye opening. I guess recently I have gone a bit soft in relation to my nex and was thinking that maybe he was just manipulative and not necessarily narcissist. But damn, if your comment was a painting I swear it would be his face staring back out at me. And that line about how they thrive on being able to reject you, it gave me chills. That aside, major props to you for being able to keep him off balance. You didn’t let him screw with you like he wanted. You’re awesome…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/09/20 04:13 PM
4

They assume we cannot choose to be single because the idea of someone not wanting the only thing most LVM/ NVM have (their presence) just destroys their fragile, melting egos. They assume a woman cannot want them. They assume that all women are like they are—crying “sour grapes”. They become obsessed with the idea that we are secretly desiring them because if they don’t then they’re not the magnificent Casanova’s or “players” that they believe themselves to be. After that comes the fact that onc…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/09/20 03:18 PM
46

My LVM nex had a cat as a child. It died sometime before I met him, but because I had cats he mentioned it in passing sometimes. He always whines and complained that the cat was mean to him and would but or scratch him. Surprise surprise he was the controlling and manipulative type. I should have taken a hint from the cat.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/09/20 06:10 PM
3

It could be something like a practical training in some sort of healthcare or scientific facility. For example, when during pharmacy/nursing/medical school they have you study in a hospital or some other professional site related to your field. You learn from people who are already qualified in the field in which you are studying. Kind of like an internship but more likely specific to medicine/healthcare or science fields.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/09/20 02:13 PM
4

Same here. And then he turned around and called me selfish and uncaring.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/09/20 04:34 PM
31

I think you’ve hit on something here. The ones who moan and groan about “not all men” most likely aren’t good ones.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/09/20 07:46 PM
9

Rather than gaslighting it sounds like a variation of “I’m sorry you feel that way”. Rather than acknowledging the fact that what he said hurt you he implied that it’s your fault for getting hurt in the first place since you chose to talk to him. I believe it’s closer to DARVO than gaslighting. That being said, it sounds like he’s trying to neg (?) you and make you feel insecure or feel like you need to please him. You don’t need to do that. If your sleeping patterns don’t work for him that’s hi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/09/20 12:08 PM
2

I guess that sometimes the cost of our peace is that other people will continue to willfully misunderstand us. I’m sure the “friends” that he turned against me had their doubts about him, but the fact remains that they chose to believe him rather than to believe in me. You’re right. There’s absolutely nothing good to gain from keeping those people around.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/08/20 03:48 PM
2

Same here. I felt really guilty about cutting him off until recently because by nature I am the type of person to try to work things out. I kept looking at the way I ended things as though it was proof that I was the horrible person he kept saying I was. But I made a couple steps forward recently by accepting that I did what I had to do in order to protect myself. All the people who said otherwise weren’t people who cared at all about me, so I dropped them too. It was like I wanted to purge just…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/08/20 03:37 PM
9

Ugh. I know that story. I ended up going damn near no contact with just about everyone when I “broke up” with mine. I really felt like no one understood or cared what I was going through—like my feelings meant nothing to them and only his feelings mattered. It’s horrible. I’m sorry you had to go through that. It’s really such a lonely feeling.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/08/20 03:02 PM
68

It would be even worse if he was wealthy and successful and still suggested Applebee’s. It would mean that he’s cheap and wouldn’t spend a cent on appreciating you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/08/20 12:53 PM
1

“No” is a complete sentence no matter who the other person is. You don’t owe him an explanation when you say it. In fact, it’s probably better if you don’t explain why because then he might start trying to poke holes in your reason. If he can’t accept the plain “no” or starts whining about it, then he’s not a person you want to keep around anyway. At that point you’ve given him a chance to bow out gracefully. If he doesn’t take it then ghost, block and delete.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/08/20 10:31 AM
4

His reaction upon finding out was to retaliate, not to attempt to communicate or understand. If that’s not the hallmark of an abuser with a a fragile ego, I don’t know what is.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/08/20 11:56 AM
2

EDIT: TL;DR—- “You did nothing wrong. No matter what he or your brain tells you.” The hardest part of dealing with the fallout from a covert narc ex was forgiving myself for being the “bad guy” in the “relationship” and ending things. He always accused me of not putting in enough effort and whatnot so when I cut contact with him, I felt like the bad guy for “giving up” on a relationship I didn’t want. I kept ruminating on all the things I did “wrong”, wondering if he had been right about me. Som…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/08/20 11:09 AM
5

For toxic people they don’t see others as humans with their own thoughts and feelings. In her mind she probably thinks she did nothing wrong and, even more to the point, doesn’t think or car that you have any feelings to be hurt. It’s a common thing with toxic people that they do hurtful things and then are surprised that people don’t want to be around them anymore.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/08/20 10:28 AM
3

I’m reading that too! I love that she takes up swordplay and starts thrashing her own enemies instead of relying on the male leads to rescue her. I also like Cursed Princess Club on WEBTOON as it emphasizes the female friendship aspect and actually has one of the male leads working on his own issues instead of expecting the female lead to do the work for him. Edit: Also Your Throne on WEBTOON is good. Lady Medea is awesome!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/08/20 10:17 AM
11

It sounds a bit like she was breadcrumbing you. This is something a toxic person or narcissist does to draw you back into their drama after either you’ve pulled away for a while or they discarded you/ ignored you for a while. When you didn’t initially respond and blocked her she sent her flying monkeys (the other people she asked about you) to try to prompt you into responding. Maybe there was some gaslighting in the way she spoke about the picture she posted, but for sure there was breadcrumbin…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/08/20 10:08 AM
4

Thats a good idea about the local restaurant thing. The LVM probably won’t want to put in much effort driving places they might not be familiar with, plus it would be sort of unsettling if they wanted you to go to an unfamiliar area right off the bat.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/08/20 02:35 PM
12

I had never thought of it this way before. When I was actively dating I felt “safer” having more “control” over the situation if I paid for my own things, drove myself etc so I didn’t have to rely on a guy who might feel entitled. I had probably convinced myself that if I never asked them for anything then they wouldn’t have anything to hold over my head the way my covert narc ex used to. But maybe it wasn’t the narc’s behavior alone that made me think that way. Until now I hadn’t thought about …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/08/20 10:59 AM
3

I’d also add, “You’d be smart/sound smart if [you did or said x thing that he suggested].” Boy, I am smart—smart enough not to give you the time of day. And let’s not talk achievements, I will BURY you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/08/20 10:52 AM
34

Neither is him texting to complain that you don’t pay enough attention to him when he never pays attention to you in the first place.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/08/20 10:42 AM
7

For the longest time I couldn’t stand men who smiled too much. It turned into a sort of running joke with my mother. I couldn’t even understand why I thought that a guy who smiled too much was creepy. I just knew it weirded me out. Thanks to your comment, it makes a lot of sense now.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/08/20 06:40 PM
9

Until very recently I had felt guilty for ghosting a NVM several years ago. That was until I realized that I had spent literal YEARS putting up with his garbage and trying to tiptoe around his fragile ego. I gave him a chance to let go, to fade out gracefully, but he CHOSE to continue his harassment of me. When he finally got the hint that I wouldn’t start a relationship with him simply because he tried to obligate me to look after him, he took the next predictable step of trying to destroy my s…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/08/20 09:17 PM
1

You know he’s a LVM momma’s boy when his mother asks you if you want to marry him and he hasn’t even bothered to ask you if you want to date him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/20 11:57 PM
4

I feel like the life that suits me best is to be someone with no one tying me down to any one place or situation. When I get tired of living in an area I want to be able to move away without having to negotiate logistics with a partner. I want to determine for myself how my home is decorated , how my space is used, what I wear, what I eat and where I go for myself. I spent my entire life up until my late 20’s/ early 30’s living the life my parents wanted me to live. Now it’s my turn to live my l…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/07/20 01:46 PM
2

Yeah exactly. It was an absolutely draining situation dealing with him. I think it also had to do with that whole “damned if you do, damned if you don’t” thing that some abusive people set up. No matter what I did I was always wrong and he used that to try to force me into a so called “one down” position. Like you said, he wanted to feel superior.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/07/20 05:08 PM
3

My ex NVM “friend” once told me that he was glad I was an independent type who didn’t constantly unload my problems onto him until he realized that I was too busy living my own life to constantly obsess about him. All of a sudden I was “selfish” and “didn’t care enough about him” because I didn’t want to go hang out with him and his mother after working two 14 hour shifts in a row or because I wasn’t on the phone with him every spare second I had. When I moved overseas to pursue my third degree …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/07/20 11:55 AM
16

Or when it’s that just because I have my life together and they don’t they expect me to put their life together for them without putting in even a smidgeon of the work I put into mine.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/07/20 10:04 AM
16

When I was in fifth grade we were watching some video for class (I think it was some movie that the teacher just put on to shut us all up for an hour) and there was this part where one of the characters ends up all alone and crying. This male classmate pointed to the character on the screen and then announced to the entire class that I would end up like that character. All alone and unwanted. Took me years to realize that was a blessing and not a curse, but it still hurts some times.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/07/20 02:45 PM
2

I’m both happy and sad at the same time. While I don’t want to see this sub go it will be nice to have a space to ourselves.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/20 10:31 AM
9

I’m not sure exactly how to explain it myself, but it involves meditation and “examining” the energy of your chakras to find where there is a drain. (I can’t believe I just typed that sentence—it sounds so New Age...) I googled “Removing relationship cords” and found an article from Keen Psychic which explained that sometimes after a breakup or toxic relationship the toxic person’s energy “lodges” like a bullet in your chakra energy centers. In my case since my ex-LVM focuses on tearing down my …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/06/20 02:29 PM
4

This might be a little out there, but I helped me deal with the burdens that a LVM left me carrying. Try looking into removing relationship cords. Using that process gave me something to visualize and helped me do the inner work to heal from the way he injured me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/06/20 01:56 PM
20

Men who claim they are serially single because “women never gave them a chance”.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/05/20 01:34 PM
3

I really feel like we women (especially those of us from a background that frowns upon moving out before marriage) really need to pull together and create some sort of organization or program that groups us together for stuff like being roommates and splitting living costs, etc. It would be so good to have a third option in cases like these.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/05/20 06:23 PM
3

Okay that works. I can be on for a bit. Thank you!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/04/20 08:41 PM
4

Thanks so much!! I will!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/04/20 08:22 PM
31

Well it’s not a relationship exactly, but thanks to FDS I became comfortable with the fact that marriage and kids isn’t something I’m actively searching for in life. If it happens, it happens but thanks to you wonderful ladies I can be happy where I am without guilt or shame. So I’d call that a success!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/04/20 06:23 PM
13

Ooh can I join you too?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/04/20 01:35 PM
27

I feel like what the pickme’s don’t understand is that when we say we’re expecting a guy to make an effort such as getting a better ring we’re not weighing his love for us against our love for him but instead we’re weighing his love for us against our love for ourselves. At least I my case I have a full life on my own, and bringing anyone else in means that they better contribute more to my life than they take from it. Once I joined a webinar series that told us it was mandatory to buy a kit bec…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/04/20 11:18 AM
4

But god forbid you do meet a guy’s parent’s by chance and are polite to them because you’re a decent human being. Somehow you’re leading him on and he gets angry if you don’t marry him despite how poorly he treats you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/04/20 03:37 PM
2

I still get cringe attacks from time to time over how I let my abuser erode my boundaries but by bit. Only my knee-jerk reaction to one event kept me from going into the uneven relationship he wanted. It’s been over 5 years since I even last spoke with him, but it still feels like she’s got his claws in me. There are days when I still feel ugly and dumb because a part of me that speaks in his abusive voice convinced me that he abused me because of the way I treated him (—which I know is a lie—he…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/04/20 05:35 PM
4

Some bad relationships do damage to you, and that damage can put you in a place where you’re not in the position to consider getting into another relationship before you heal yourself from it. In my case he damaged my confidence and self-esteem with his bullshit. That could be one take on it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/04/20 03:36 PM
21

Congratulations on your wedding! And don’t worry about your cousin’s opinion. People like that can’t wholeheartedly be happy for another human being since they’re only interested in how they can look down on you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/03/20 04:01 PM
18

Yes. That’s one of the major reasons I love FDS!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/03/20 02:03 PM
54

He should be the one making the effort to improve his life and attempting to make friends. Not expecting other people to do this for him. I’ll never understand the LVM mentality that they don’t have to put in effort to improve their lives. The only way he’d continue on that same path until he dies is if he never puts in the work to change his life himself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/03/20 01:56 PM
37

I let other people convince me that I was somehow obligated to give a guy a chance simply because he expressed interest (later turned out he was a LVM who never put any effort into building a relationship). Never again. I don’t owe anyone shit.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/03/20 03:13 PM
6

Hmm from an ace woman’s perspective I’d have to say that if I don’t make someone feel desired then it’s because I don’t desire them. While it may be difficult for some aces (especially sex repulsed types) to make someone feel sexually desired (in terms of body language, suggestive language etc) it’s not a be-all and end-all scenario. I for one can’t gauge someone’s sexual interest to save my life in the beginning, but once I know that person’s signals, I’m willing to engage if I’m interested (bu…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/03/20 10:52 AM
4

I’ve had bad experiences with people from those very ethnic backgrounds, so I feel in my individual case it’s appropriate to pause and consider ethnic background before moving into a committed relationship with someone from that background. And this says nothing about their individual worth as a person. You don’t have to date someone in order to accept that they deserve to be treated like a human being at a fundamental level. Like I don’t have to date a male in order to say that they should be f…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/19 09:26 PM
9

Thanks. I really hope it can help OP.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/19 07:17 PM
41

Once I asked someone a question because I was looking at something similar. I wasn’t married to or dating the guy, but it was someone my parents were pushing me to consider for marriage. I asked someone what they though about this guy I was looking at not being able to find a job. Their response was very clear: “If he wanted to find a job, he would have a job.” If I remember correctly, you said it yourself— he thinks fast food jobs and entry level jobs are beneath him. He doesn’t want to work, o…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/19 05:59 PM
8

I refuse to date men who: =Don’t have a full time job for longer than 6 months =Leave their jobs at the drop of a hat =Have never lived on their own/ Have always lived with their parents =Are Asian/Indian—- this might be controversial as it gets into the race category, but I find those two groups tend to have expectations that they don’t have to contribute anything of worth to the relationship yet expect the woman to worship them. Not really an instant no, I guess, but I’m much more likely to re…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/19 05:19 PM
9

The times I gave someone a chance eventually proved exactly why they didn’t deserve that chance in the first place. Ugh.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/19 06:37 PM
11

Some of the sadistic jerks enjoy hurting and traumatizing an otherwise confident woman into one who believes she’s no good and is “submissive” as a result. Yet another reason to recognize red flags and get out ASAP.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/12/19 12:48 AM
2

I’d seen a version of this a while ago. Strangely enough in the version I saw it was a man shouting this. Check out another version here.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/12/19 11:17 AM
9

I feel like men use women not just for emotional labor but because they want to pass their emotional traumas off into us like a cold. It’s like they can’t accept that something is wrong with them so they try to cause something to be wrong with us instead so that they can feel better about themselves.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/12/19 11:11 AM
5

I’ll never understand where all of that arrogance comes from. So many of them don’t have any merit or accomplishments to their names yet have the nerve to look down on women who do.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/19 09:38 PM
2

Thank you. It means a lot to me to be able to talk about this. I never told the people around me this many details because there’s a part of me that feels ashamed at what I put up with for so long.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/19 09:36 PM
8

At least he didn’t get his mom to ask you for him...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/19 07:17 PM
7

I know, right? I wish I could properly describe the feeling of outrage I had at that moment. It was so utterly condescending. I’ve been getting that same feeling of outrage from some of the self improvement books I’ve been reading lately when they suggest that I had some sort of “responsibility” to explain to him why I was cutting him off. In a committed relationship where both parties have asked the other “Hey are we dating?” And both parties say yes, I can see how a heads up might be polite be…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/19 05:44 PM
16

“You’re lucky you’re going out with me. No one else will ever go out with you.” I think he was trying to say that he liked me more than anyone else did but was awkward about it (this was in high school) but I felt insulted and stopped taking his calls (was long distance as we had been close before and his family moved out of state) The next one tried: “Why do I have to care about your feelings?” I stopped talking to him for two years, was told by other people I was an overly-sensitive bitch and …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/19 11:55 AM
55

Sulking whenever you talk about something good happening to you Trying to guilt you into attributing your accomplishments in some way to him (or more sulking) Telling you you’ll never be able to accomplish anything and should just give up whatever you want to do Blaming everyone except himself for his own problems Blaming you for not putting in effort (e.g not calling him enough) when he never makes an effort in that area himself Doesn’t have his own job yet feels qualified to tell you that you’…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/19 11:37 AM
29

There was this thing posted on another subreddit that said essentially that a man doesn’t marry the most beautiful woman; he marries the woman who makes HIS world the most beautiful. It made me sick seeing that. As though the only value women have in society’s eyes is the pleasure and convenience they can bring a man. I might have felt a little better if instead it had said something along the lines of “she becomes the most beautiful woman to him” but even that feels wrong. A woman shouldn’t nee…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/10/19 12:10 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

© TheRedArchive 2026. All rights reserved.
created by /u/dream-hunter