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View 5 posts and 88 comments by SilverknightFL on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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4

If she can prove emotional abuse, then no. If you can't prove that listeners would know it's you, then no (remember the Johnny Depp case) But, if she slandered you, then you should have your attorney (you need one regardless) send a cease and desist (reserving your legal options for past offenses), it should also be part of your divorce filing.
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/23 01:05 AM
1

The only thing she can do is refuse to sign. Then you move from mediation to a contested divorce with a pleading for the same terms she agreed to (including the charges). Upon examination, she will be asked what made her suddenly refuse the agreed to mediation agreement. Question, was it binding mediation? Did she sign the mediation term agreement (not the divorce papers)?
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/23 03:07 PM
1

Five years is not a long time when you have a five year old grandmother that she will never see again. But to answer your question, I wasn't planning on dating anytime soon anyway, but we've agreed that I have my freedom. I'd never live with a gf again.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/23 02:43 PM
10

Have your lawyer go to court and get an order to compel or plead to hold them in contempt. If your lawyer doesn't know this, find a new lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/23 08:13 PM
1

As I said, it's my choice to give her 18 months. I'm cool with it still.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/23 09:04 PM
2

Yup. From an episode of Nova on the brain from years ago.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/23 09:02 PM
3

Memories are in your short term section of your brain. Long term is about 5 years. After a while, a good part of the day will go by and you will realize that it was your anniversary or her birthday. And you'll feel good that the day wasn't front of mind Just takes time.
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/23 11:00 PM
3

The vocational talk is good. Talking with your wife is also good, but no threats. You're just asking for a fair compromise.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/23 01:15 AM
1

Married means half of everything is yours. So she either agrees to that with a joint file, or file separately. You would have to sign her joint return and if she signs for you, it's a federal crime (and very common leading to divorce). If you file separately, you are obligated to disclose any refund to which she is entitled to half. And if she has to pay, you are responsible for half. If you file joint, the net refund should be higher. But even if she keeps it, assuming you sign), it's still mar…
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/23 09:39 PM
14

You were married. How your money was spent doesn't matter. You volunteered the money with no promissory note. Moving forward, make sure court knows that she has had all these careers and is capable of working.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/23 09:16 PM
2

Don't count on a judge doing this on their own. Your lawyer needs to lead this and ask for your funds to be returned or credited.
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/23 02:56 AM
3

Southwest Florida here. Have your lawyer file a order to compel full disclose, saying that she did not comply with the legal procedures. You also want a new financial statement IF you can prove she didn't disclose all financial info. Your lawyer should ask that she be sanctioned or be found in contempt of court. Now, she won't be punished for this, but the judge should make it clear that if she does not fully comply that she will face the consequences. This will piss her attorney off, as unknowi…
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/22 03:09 AM
8

Alimony and child support ends with cohabitation. Not just marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/22 03:06 AM
2

Not in my side, hopefully.
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/22 03:41 AM
2

Thanks. We're in Florida, both houses have hurricane damage, mine less. First to get the other house fixed and up to code.
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/22 12:06 AM
2

It's not so much she left me, we left each other. I just wanted the bigger house, she got a smaller one. Medical costs aren't an issue as she was a hospital RN. Great insurance that I'm using as spouse. When we split, I could have screwed around, that was the deal. I just didn't want or need to.
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/22 12:03 AM
11

Thanks. The wall is slowly getting smaller.
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/22 11:31 PM
7

Seems that she's checked-out. How old are the kids? They are actually stronger than you think, it's just how you tell them. If a 4 year old can handle it (she and her mom live with me and the community has a pool), her grandmother lives one town over and has a pool. At that age, the D word never came up. Granted, this wasn't our child, but lived with all of us her entire life. But my ex and I are still friends, there was no hate around the child (around lawyers was another story). While you need…
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/22 04:49 PM
1

You'll each pay half of the others lawyer. My 1st ex wanted me to pay her fees. I told her that if she wanted a divorce she could pay for her own lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/22 12:19 AM
8

If, like Florida, ask the court for an implied income report. You have to pay for it. But even if she's never worked, the report will tell the court what she is capable of making, even if at McDonald's with no work experience. The court will deduct that amount from any alimony, whether she decides to work or not. Also, you must have the ability to pay without it significantly impacting your style of life. She is NOT supposed to have the same lifestyle as when married and neither are you. You are…
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/22 04:22 PM
1

If you're only consideration is the kids and their consistency with the house than you already have your answer. Give your STBXW the house and let the kids live there.
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/22 02:29 PM
3

If UK is a no fault divorce country, no problem. If infidelity is cause for divorce, WAIT.
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/22 07:11 PM
1

All debts and assets are split, so while the loan debt is split (and deducted from any assets), what you buy with the loan is an asset that will have its value split. So it's a lose/lose. And if it depreciates, it's worse. I did a 401k loan as part of the down payment in her house, but she's liable for half. She exhausted her Roth basis, I used half, so it's all stupid numbers.
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/22 12:22 AM
2

DeSantis vetoed the bill last week in June.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/22 12:31 AM
2

It's really not about earnings, it's about standard of living. But it's not about her having the same standard of living, but that each if you have a similar standard of living, which us assumed by the court to be less than a your married one house standard (two can not live as cheaply as one). The other consideration is not what she needs but also what you can afford. But afford with a similar standard of living. So you both lived in a house, now you'll both live in a townhouse. At least that's…
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/22 09:32 PM
2

Ask your lawyer if it's a thing there.
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/22 08:27 PM
2

What state are you in? NY is the same, but we agreed on what's called "constructive abandonment" were we say that I "mentally" left the marriage over a year ago. It put the "blame" on me, but didn't care. No one cares that much to have a sealed divorce order unsealed.
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/22 07:00 PM
2

Friends first for the family.
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/22 02:03 AM
7

Yes, until dating and resentment builds. Did it for almost 6 months
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/22 01:01 AM
4

What lesson about relationships do you want your kids to learn?
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/22 04:59 PM
2

You can marry her then divorce her when you're done.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/22 03:36 AM
2

Fair enough. Then run it by each of your lawyers so they can both fuck it up in different ways. Remember, a lawyers job us to say NO
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/22 10:53 PM
12

It's only a trap if you agree to something (or say something) you shouldn't have. It's actually a smart financial move...if you can agree on almost everything (and the things you can't, try mediation, it's cheaper). My STBXW and I did this on our own. We figured out (almost) all the numbers and who gets what and who is responsible for what. We didn't argue over a thousand here or there (example, her IRA and my IRA are about $1000-$1500 apart, we agreed, who cares). 401k, much different story, ca…
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/22 06:49 PM
6

Sorry, dude. But smart move.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/22 11:49 PM
5

First, plenty of time for kids. Second, I'm going through number 2. It's not any easier and I still think about x1 now and again. Will it get easier with time? Sure, but always longer for the one who is told. But I won't lie, whatever you are feeling will lessen, but probably won't go away.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/22 09:56 PM
11

A trust is the way. Have a trusted relative or friend be the trustee. State exactly what the kid can get and why, and what age gets it all. At any age, all funds required for private school, college. Why college? I started college at 17. Think from the needs of the child. I'm the trustee for my cousin's kid (who has mental health problems and was institutionalized once) for her lifetime.
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/22 04:45 PM
7

And that's why my best friend is me.
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/22 05:35 AM
1

Need to watch for the inflation play.
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/22 03:33 PM
1

Even McDonald's will hire some who has never worked (housewife) at $16/hr. She may not be able to nake sux figures, but she can get a job, even if she thinks it's below her.
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/22 03:31 PM
2

Assuming you are in an equal distribution state... From the day you were married... Half of the equity, period. Half of all bank accounts and retirement accounts. Half equity in cars Half all debt. Anything either of you came in to the marriage with is not divided, like you had $10k in an IRA before you married. You will need statements to prove what you came in with. You can also make things easier, IRAs about the same, each keeps their own. And you are owed nothing, you are entitled to half as…
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/22 05:13 PM
1

I celebrated with friends once it became final, but that was it But I still know our anniversary date, her birthday, stuff like that. Some years I realize it first thing, others not until I look at a calendar. It does get better...or at least easier. I do take solace in finding out that she's divorced again, after a mutual friend said she described her second marriage as a 20 year bad marriage. So what I'm I doing here if that was more than 20 years ago? Divorce #2. Fool me once, shame on you. F…
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/22 03:38 PM
2

In Florida and have signed, emailed and called. DeSantis has the authority to modify the language so there's no fear of it being retroactive. That's what killed two similar bills that Rick Scott vetoed.
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/22 06:52 PM
2

Depending on your state (assuming she's asking for alimony), you can petition the court to assign a vocational counselor. You will need to pay for this. They basically take her resume, even if she never worked, as it shows education, and shop it around in your area to see what she's capable of earning (they don't get her a job). So if they come back with $15/hr as a McDonald's shift worker, that amount is deducted from alimony. Basically, if she's capable of working, she'll have to work if she's…
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/22 10:26 PM
1

If she comes out and stops being subtle, let her know that if she does anything, you'll sue her for slander. If she files a false police report, you will also sue for libel. But she has to make the threat openly (which is also blackmail). In response to the typical 'you wouldn't dare' or 'you couldn't afford to' the response is that 'it's all up to you'. My first ex and I had a very expensive clause added to our divorce agreement (as in expensive if we violated the clause) as we were both very w…
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/22 07:00 PM
5

Fool me once, shame on you. fool me twice, shame on me. I took the second shame. There will never be a third. But I also thought there would never be a second.
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/22 08:37 PM
1

Ask court to change the alimony.
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/22 11:30 PM
7

Already email the Governor's office. But it's been vetoed twice in similar versions by Rick Scott. Odds are against him signing.
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/22 01:48 AM
3

My first ex, now after her second divorce told me because it's a real pain in the ass to revert it back. Changing it to the married name just needs a copy of the marriage license. Reverting requires it be part of the divorce agreement in some states. Others require a separate court order like any name change.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/22 01:43 AM
3

And talk to your lawyer about her not abiding by court order
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/22 04:02 AM
3

Smart move and child restrict it.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/22 01:40 AM
3

Watch this video. I don't know if you are religious or spiritual, but it doesn't matter. I mention as the speaker is a preacher. Ignore that. As someone still carrying pain from a divorce in 1995 (yup), my first of two, this helped me a lot. So much so that I burned it from YouTube to always have it on my phone. If it helps, great. If not, it won't be a big waste of time. Past Hurts
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/22 06:22 PM
2

You're telling the OP to take control of his emotions. That's impossible.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/22 06:12 PM
7

Initially wanting more than half of my take home pay. Her lawyer was/is an idiot.
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/22 04:26 PM
3

So, perfectly normal.
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/22 03:02 AM
5

I've learned my lesson.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/22 06:37 PM
7

For me, it's dependent on the circumstances. First time, took a long time as it wasn't my choice and she cheated. Lots of hatred. No kids. Second time, she's already in her own place. She left me but it was more mutual. We grew apart and had both been thinking about divorce for years. One adult daughter from her first marriage, but a 4 year old granddaughter. STB2ndXW and I get along, and lives 20 minutes away. Our divorce is complex based on our finances, and it's important that our granddaught…
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/22 06:00 PM
3

My parents, dad divorced, married my mom 10 years his junior (and he was mostly bald due to scarlet fever). Even in the 50s, it was never a problem for them. But they were both smart and mature. Dad 35, mom 25.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/22 02:26 AM
2

Leaving is called abandonment. Just don't until you file.
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/22 01:37 AM
9

This. Let the judge tell her what will happen.
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/22 01:34 AM
1

No. Does it say how long for the paperwork to be ready to be signed?
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/22 01:33 AM
1

What does your contract say about time? Anything? Like this https://www.lawinsider.com/clause/time-is-of-the-essence-in-this-agreement How did you pay? How long were you told? Where I am, every day divorce lawyers are 6-8 weeks behind. Higher end lawyers much less as they have minions do the work.
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/22 12:02 AM
7

Depends. Call and ask for a firm date. You hired the lawyer who works for you. Read your agreement for timely phrases.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/22 11:35 PM
0

If she asks for alimony, she'll need to support that amount. Having to show why she needed $$ for what she bought and hid is something your lawyer will need to bring up so that not only doesn't she get any $$ to continue that, but like others said, the balance offsets whatever asset splits there are.
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/22 06:20 PM
2

Almost every conviction in the US is followed by a news statement that they will appeal. No legal basis, but the hope to find one.
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/22 12:41 PM
1

That's part of it You have to have full confidence in the lawyer you hire. I'm in a lucky situation as an in-house attorney and outside counsel we use pointed me in the right direction. But that lawyer had to know that I wasn't going to be an asshole. After the small talk, she asked her most telling question. What did I want? Everyone loses equally. It's a compromise. EXCEPT IF THERE'S KIDS... THE GOAL IS THEN FOR THEM TO WIN, OR GET AS CLOSE AS POSSIBLE, EVEN IF IT MEANS THE ADULTS LOSE MORE.
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/22 08:45 PM
19

Yup. It's because psychologically humans tend to remember the good times. You actually have to force yourself to remember the bad time. How screwy is this? Literally had a dream that involved my ex two nights ago. Been divorced since 1995. Go figure.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/22 12:58 AM
3

If she has her own shop, she's paying rent with money from somewhere. Make sure your lawyer knows that.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/22 12:34 AM
1

Easier than writing non-disclosure clause.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/22 05:08 PM
3

There are men that get alimony from their exes. Oh, how I wish.
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/22 06:08 PM
5

True, and my ratio is 15:1. But if we stayed married, retirement savings of both would have benefited both, in the same way both incomes benefited both of us.
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/22 05:08 PM
3

Not completely true. My first divorce included a gag order for specific things and was sealed by court order. But it was something mutually agreed on by both of us. At the time, we were both in the entertainment industry.
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/22 05:03 PM
4

Congrats. Can't wait to be in the same place (but down the hall)
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/21 08:29 PM
1

How about the Jeep payment 50/50? That's a hard thing, but possible time wise. You have responsibility for 1/2 the remining months, her the other. But whose name is the loan under? Same with insurance, but again, the liability is on the person whose name is on the note. If it's you, it could screw your credit if she ends up not paying 2nd half, but her Jeep will get repo'ed. If it's her, then possibly a bargaining point would be (if you could afford it) to pay her now for half of the remaining c…
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/21 03:31 PM
1

One I would also add to your list of recommendations for first time young men heading to divorce that came out of the blue: Why Women Leave Men.
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/21 03:10 PM
1

Of course, but the court actually has to issue that order. While still legally married, our finances are tied together. And she's a financial idiot. She put her lawyer's retainer on a joint credit card instead of her own. Debt is debt in a marriage, either way she and I will each pay half.
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/21 03:09 PM
2

Actually, the bankruptcies were easier than the divorces. Comes with owning your own businesses for most of your life. As far as marriage, fool me once, shame on you. fool me twice, shame on me. States I'll NEVER live in: As of 2021, only nine U.S states and the District of Columbia recognize common-law marriages. These include Colorado, Kansas, Iowa, Montana, New Hampshire, South Carolina, Texas, Utah, and Rhode Island.
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/21 03:06 PM
1

Honestly. If she had a job, this would have been done a long time ago as uncontested. I could file the paperwork myself.
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/21 10:29 PM
1

I do, and she'll get half the assets and half the debt, which the assets won't even cover...like most couples. So the "bank" is not as stable as they thought and not too big to fail.
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/21 10:28 PM
2

According to my lawyer, the court won't award a high lifetime amount if any. It's just that she is eligible. It'll be bridge until she gets a job, with a time limit on that. And while I am paying for those insurances now, the second the divorce is final, that ends (or sooner if she gets a job). She's going to have to get a job if she wants to keep her house. I'll let the damn thing foreclose if I have to. Have done two bankruptcies, third times a charm.
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/21 10:27 PM
1

To be fair, she never cared about any money issues as I handled them all, so I think her and her lawyers (before seeing financials) picked a number. They were being greedy for her, but didn't even think that she's responsible for 1/2 of two mortgages. Friends comes with having a 4 year old granddaughter. We don't need our crap going into her life, even if it's just a show.
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/21 10:24 PM
2

Thanks. I've already begun this work with my therapist. And already have some insight.
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/21 05:48 PM
7

Living apart doesn't end benefits, divorce orders do.
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/21 12:18 AM
6

You're not ready to date, so don't even go there yet. First, you just need to get social with people. I joined a couple of Meetups in my area. Doesn't need to be woman, just people. For me it was bowling, astronomy, comedy clubs, etc.
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/21 06:14 PM
1

Who specifically was the money given to? If just her, it's all hers as gifts are not marriage property. By not using it, it's hers. I found that out the hard way.
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/21 12:51 AM
3

While state laws vary, she won't be awarded anything. Assuming she works, you should be getting the alimony, depending on your state. Alimony is based on need, not want. Story follows... My STBXW, wanted alimony that was more than half my salary, as she's voluntarily unemployed (no kids). She can ask for whatever she wants. In Florida, that has basic no-fault guidelines (meaning none), the judge looks at my income and actual expenses, her actual expenses and her potential income (impeded income)…
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/21 03:37 PM
8

Was it binding mediation? If so, the date stays and you can claim fraud or negligence if the numbers are not calculated correctly.
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/21 01:30 PM
6

Not an issue. You're still married and was consensual (as she hasn't filled rape charges against you). Don't know what state you are in, but here in Florida it's no fault divorce. Basically you can cheat all the time and it has no relevance in court UNLESS you were paying for significant gifts or standard of living (sugar daddy), that's taking money out of the marriage and a big no no.
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/21 05:21 PM
3

A lot of the emotions are based on who wants to end it. If it's our choice, we still have to deal with the legal and kids aspects (if you have kids). If it was handed to you like a slap in the face, we feel it more. I've been on both sides, but now on the receiving end.
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/21 05:03 PM
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