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SmakeTalk Archive

View 0 posts and 324 comments by SmakeTalk on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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1

For me it was always both - I didn’t have enough money to date let alone pay someone to help me date, and it also seemed like a desperation move. Now at 30 if I’m single again I’d probably try it. I’ve discovered that at least for me real love and passion comes from time and care, not necessarily an immediate infatuation, so I’m more open to being set up with someone who an expert believes would be good with me and feeling it out for a month or two.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/08/22 11:11 AM
6

Literally can’t take this post seriously when you spend a third trying to qualify yourself as someone worth having a weird take. Promiscuity is sometimes natural to people, sometimes it’s due to societal pressures, and other times it’s just a phase people try out. Obviously women don’t need it, but some people need to explore their sexuality with multiple partners while others don’t. Has nothing to do with gender or sex or any baseless generalizations.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/08/22 04:40 PM
1

Gotta hard disagree, unsurprisingly. First off, being husband material and hookup material are not mutually exclusive. This also entirely dismisses the possibility that any given woman may just prefer “husband” material and always has. Billions of humans prefer relationships to hookups, and have known as much since they were sexually mature. You’re assuming the nature of men based on men’s assumptions of the nature of women, so it’s bound to be full of holes, but this is an exceptionally bad tak…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/08/22 07:35 AM
1

The problem I see with the male discourse around male looks is that most men who engage in the topic don’t actually know what women are looking for or want besides “he’s tall”. It’s an exhausting conversation and while I think all men and women would agree that a man’s looks plays a factor I think too many toxic men just want to simplify it down to make it easier to understand and digest. The reality is that appearance matter less to everyone, but how much it matters varies from 0-100. Not every…
/r/PurplePillDebate16/08/22 12:17 PM
3

There are plenty of men who can handle the honest truth in a rejection… most of them are not on here.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/08/22 12:13 PM
1

Oh and it makes total sense to be in there. It's absolutely key to feeling love for most people who aren't asexual or just have a lower interest in sex, but I think more than anything it's just 'intimacy' whether sex is involved or not. Again, just for me personally it's not something that triggers that 'love' for me unless it's maybe a friendship that blossoms into a relationship? For me it still comes down largely to comfort though as I could probably fall in love with someone I haven't been i…
/r/PurplePillDebate11/08/22 10:13 PM
5

Accurate. Good post, if a bit clinical at times. Life is risky in general, and the only way to avoid risk is to not live.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/08/22 06:12 PM
1

For me it's mostly respect and comfort. Lust for me has just been a natural part of any relationship, it exists before any pretense of love in most cases. When the woman I'm with respects my autonomy and my space (ex: not moving my stuff around because my way is "inefficient") and shows a genuine comfort with me (ex: puts their head on my shoulder in public) then I start to fall, and it happens pretty fast.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/08/22 06:08 PM
1

One note here is that when women see you with other women their two most likely conclusions are "he's a good guy" or "maybe he's gay/bi/pan/etc.", so if you're meeting women with your female friends it's good to establish a couple things early: You're a good guy - don't suggest that you're friends with these women just because they wouldn't let you sleep with them You're straight or bi and attracted to women - establish your interest in some way, suggest that you're just out with friends and tha…
/r/PurplePillDebate11/08/22 06:05 PM
2

This is a super valuable perspective! Thank you for sharing. Personally I grew up in an affluent family, who are all still together, but I spent about 6 years sort of eschewing that lifestyle since I met a lot more people in college and working the first few years in my industry that I felt were a lot more 'real' and felt less superficial. Those people were still college educated though, they were just coming from smaller towns. Even in my poorest years where I had 3-4 roommates and made minimum…
/r/PurplePillDebate11/08/22 06:01 PM
2

We all get what we want from the world, to some extent. If you don't think women should put in any effort dating or be as entertaining as you are then you're going to find uninteresting and 'beige' women that you're happy to 'pump and dump' because it's all you expect from them. If this is how you want to see the world then it's how the world will see you back, and the only women who date you are just looking for a free meal because that's all you're worth to them. There's literally billions of …
/r/PurplePillDebate11/08/22 05:49 PM
1

Like so many other things there's not a blanket answer here for how women adapt to the dating world after they hit 30. I'd argue there's simple multiple 'common' directions that women will go which range from "settling" to "digging in": Settle for effectively any guy they're attracted to with a pulse and shows genuine interest Decide to focus more on dating while keeping their standards largely the same, more likely to meet someone because of the increased exposure to dating Realize they don't h…
/r/PurplePillDebate11/08/22 04:57 PM
2

I'd argue it's just much more likely that any man who's motivated and driven has better odds to succeed professionally and romantically than those who aren't. Some will still succeed in one, or both, if they're not that motivated but they usually start off in a wealthy family, or have some sort of natural ability with a given field or career path. I also only specify 'man' because it's well known that lots of men are unfairly turned off or flatly intimidated by successful and driven women, and a…
/r/PurplePillDebate10/08/22 06:59 PM
1

Ah ya I remember that one. Even in that case I think it's very likely she was just experimenting and trying stuff before and grew away from it? Like, if she really enjoyed threesomes that would be something she'd still want...
/r/PurplePillDebate09/08/22 09:13 PM
2

Fair point. Might depend more tbh on what a given guy sees as being "hedonistic"? Like, if she just had a few ONS's over the years and he's like "BAH I WAITED WEEKS!" it just sounds to me like she tried something and realized it wasn't for her (and that he's over-reacting). If she was pulling dudes every weekend though and partying constantly I'd agree with ya.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/08/22 09:04 PM
4

I think you're pretty on-point here, but I'd focus more on the "growing out of it" and less on the "crash" if I was talking about general trends. I'm friends with plenty of women who enjoy sex but realized over time that they learned to appreciate the intimacy of it more than the act of it, so they'd rather find someone they can be close and intimate with. Sometimes they decide to wait to have sex with them, but most of them just wait until after the first or second date. The "crash" certainly h…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/08/22 08:55 PM
22

Why do you assume it's "most men" and not just most people commenting on Reddit?
/r/PurplePillDebate09/08/22 08:37 PM
0

The actual dating scene itself is fair, but what's hurt men is everything else around it. Whether it's how we're raised or how men have tried to adapt to the changing landscape too many young men just haven't been given consistent and useful tools to help them navigate romantic life. There's a hundred examples, I'm sure, which range wildly. Ultimately though I believe that young men are just being given the wrong direction, intentionally or not, but once they realize the best ways to approach da…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/08/22 05:44 PM
27

As others have said I think it really depends on what they're advocating for and why. Are they doing it because they've witnessed (or personally experienced) unfair treatment as a man, or are they just listening to podcasts that talk about it? I've seen some men get wrongfully accused of assault, or get body shamed over their height or penis size, but I'm also not listening or supporting men who suggest women posting a bikini photo on Instagram is cheating or suggesting that they belong in the k…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/08/22 05:29 PM
2

I'm not sure if this is applies to everyone, but for me personally sex can be casual but after a certain point with a sexual partner there's an intimacy involved that I don't like sharing with more than one person at a time, and I demand the same from my partner.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/08/22 04:57 PM
6

The only things that could possibly make travel easier than it already is would be open borders and cheaper costs. The open borders thing is just never going to happen. Also, travel is already quite accessible if people really want to prioritize it and plenty of people already move to new countries for school or work with additional hopes of finding someone more suitable for them, or just solely for that reason if they're allowed to stay long term. Additionally, outside of a few people who proba…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/08/22 04:51 PM
2

Lol real concise there bud
/r/PurplePillDebate09/08/22 01:40 AM
13

Yep I agree.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/08/22 12:18 AM
10

Why does it matter what a "collective" reaction would be? How can you be sure there would even be one and not just a messy array of opinions and hot takes on something so bland? Also please just tell me the point of this hypothetical question?
/r/PurplePillDebate08/08/22 10:54 PM
92

When they say the standards are "on the floor" they mean that men often get away with really uncouth or shitty acts because women just expect that from them. It's not about appearance or looks like so many men want to believe, it's about their actions and how they choose to carry themselves. Just one example: my gf's friends literally brag about how their men have tried to cook dinner, even though it was horrible and they never tried again. Whenever they do that I get the "I'm so happy I met you…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/08/22 10:47 PM
1

I (32m) think it's well said and lines up a lot with my my 14+ years dating and trying to meet people in almost every way. The biggest thing I got better at over the years is learning how to talk to people and how to flirt while thinking on my feet. Some women (and men) will prefer for someone flirting with them to be right next to them, others prefer to do it even from a distance at first or while they're in a group with friends. It takes time and practice for most people to get there unless so…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/08/22 09:13 PM
2

This is a great quote and discussion! If you want to make the case for war having changed things I'd shift it a bit to suggest that men in power have killed it, or at least burned the real chivalry out of society. Selfish and greedy choices have turned out society upside down, or at least now showed us the way it may have always been. Personally I think chivalry does still exist but too many men have been taught, and continue to teach each other, that masculinity and being a "good" man means jus…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/08/22 08:59 PM
0

AGAIN, he's welcome to be upset, but assuming the "different standards" go one way is kind of absurd. Those past lovers didn't get to be with her for 10 months or more, they didn't get to be a part of her life and share in love with her. If what he wants is kinky sex then he can leave and get it, and if he wants love then he's clearly already got it since she's holding him to a higher standard to be her lover as we all have a right to do. What's to say that those past lovers weren't upset that s…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/08/22 07:09 PM
0

So just to be clear: if a girl has kinky sex at all in her life she has to always have kinky sex for the rest of it? I’m not gonna say that original poster or you shouldn’t want more adventurous sex, but at the bare minimum it sounds like he was just very sexually unsatisfied with his partner before he even knew her past. He settled for her because he’s scared of being alone, and when he finds out she maybe wanted a more conservative sex life with him over an adventurous one with random men he t…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/08/22 04:01 PM
2

I'm personally only gonna get married if it makes both perfect logical sense and I'm deeply in love and committed to the woman, which is more than a decent number of married couples I know, some of who have divorced already. That doesn't mean those stats are incorrect, I'm actually surprised the rate isn't higher, but it does mean that if I get married I'd peg my own chances of staying married for the rest of my life a decent amount higher. I'm just not the person to go into a marriage or any ma…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/08/22 02:58 AM
1

That's fair too.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/08/22 12:09 AM
4

And once again another post that assumes physical attraction is either the most important aspect in attraction/chemistry or maybe even the only important aspect. It's just not true for everyone, even if it happens to be true for the majority of people. What's important to understand is that everyone has varying degrees of standards for a varying amount of aspects - physical appeal and personality being two large ones. The "most important" aspect to most people is simply the one for which they ha…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/08/22 12:03 AM
1

Personally yes but I wouldn't expect anyone to feel that way if they're asked out or flirted with on a regular basis. It's gotta be annoying eventually.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/08/22 11:50 PM
3

I think it's still bold to assume the particular actions of any foreign country, but I would think it's safe to assume they're at least moderately invested in the social instability of any rival countries.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/08/22 11:41 PM
11

The fact that you associate him with TRP is hilarious while so many "reasonable" TRP people seem to suggest that he, and people who support him, are the toxic "fringe" in your little community. He's not just on the side of men improving themselves, he's on the side of making women subservient (or at least he claims to be). He's a fucking tool and like every other misogynistic asshole influencer before him, once he reaches "mainstream" he'll get put in his fucking place. Also lol "a Chinese platf…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/08/22 09:47 PM
1

My friend Kevin can make friends with practically anyone and manages to just float through life. He works incredibly hard and puts himself into everything he does but because of his charm those opportunities find him instead of having to hunt them down. Thankfully I’ve learned a lot from him as well, but ya definitely the most charming person I’ve ever met.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/08/22 07:57 PM
1

There are men and women on both sides who hold higher standards for their partners than for themselves - some of those standards revolve around physical appearance. In most happy relationships though, even if one is more attractive than the other, they're happy and still together because they are happy with who their partner is and that goes in both directions. The reality is that if you're painfully single (not like, dating around and just can't find the right one) and literally can't find anyo…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/08/22 05:03 PM
2

I think there's two potentially major factors here.. "Ratings" for attraction are largely subjective, but I've noticed a lot of men hold higher expectations of women's bodies and this has gotten particularly bad with the proliferation of pornography and social media models/influencers. Women and men on average seem to weigh personality very differently, so it doesn't matter if you're a 9 and she's a 7 if you're a dickhead.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/08/22 04:26 PM
1

While it's probably not as simple as "all women" or "all men" (duh) I think you're largely right here. In my experience dating as a guy I used to analyze someone's social skills and capabilities after I decide if they're someone I'd be open to being intimate with, and while it could turn me off once I realize they're incredibly awkward it wasn't central or critical to my attraction. That being said, there have been times when I'm not a woman's traditional "type" physically but they've dated me b…
/r/PurplePillDebate03/08/22 04:16 PM
9

Ya sure there's probably no one who's never asked for relationship advice but there's literally billions who don't give a shit about TRP or any of the discussions had on here. I think the point they're making (don't entirely agree) is that everyone who believes in TRP are particularly troubled and flocked out of desperation to a more extreme ideology.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/08/22 04:13 PM
2

So I think I agree with you when it comes to millennials, because a lot of us grew up with a large offline presence still. Anyone over the age of 30 likely had some opportunities to learn and grow offline before they found these sorts of ideologies. I think it gets a bit more complicated though when you're talking about young adults who grew up with Reddit in elementary or high school. Basically, there's a case here for nurture > nature w/ the majority of TRP subs so I can't assume that the only…
/r/PurplePillDebate03/08/22 04:11 PM
23

I don’t get why you’re even seeing other people if she’s bothering to clean up after you? To me it sounds kinda like you’re taking advantage of the situation a bit. You know what you have to do to take things to the next level with her, who you claim to like the most, but you’re not sacking you because…. Why? I literally see no reason other than fear or selfishness to not make her your gf. If you’re worried because it’s “too soon” maybe apply that logic to her not wanting to sleep with a guy who…
/r/PurplePillDebate03/08/22 07:05 AM
1

Gf and I split almost everything down the middle. When we move in together we’ll probably do something closer to an “equitable” split - she has more earning potential professionally but I own a home and could rent it out to cover most or all of my share, so it might look closer to a 70/30 split depending on her income. We both make around 6 figures so besides the first few dates we’ve split all our meals and activities equally, besides gifts, with her sometimes covering a bit more because I cook…
/r/PurplePillDebate03/08/22 07:00 AM
1

This is a vile perspective. Do you need to date people with trauma? Absolutely not, but you also don't need to treat them as sub-human because someone else raped them. Fuck you.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/08/22 03:16 PM
6

No but I actually think he weirdly has a point here - even if there's women in my life I acknowledge as attractive it doesn't mean I'm actively attracted to them. I don't literally get erections when I think of women other than my gf, but if the simple thought of someone got me immediately erect that would be pretty concerning lol
/r/PurplePillDebate01/08/22 08:17 PM
28

Absolutely. Intrusive thoughts don't exclude sexual thoughts or feelings, what matters is intention and what we actually do. There's also a difference between "would" and "want to".
/r/PurplePillDebate01/08/22 08:15 PM
2

It really depends on the guy in these cases. For example: when I'm single there are probably women in my life I would sleep with but I'm not ever pursuing them or thinking about it. I don't want to do it so much as I just wouldn't be against it, if that makes sense? If a guy is either secretly or overtly making advances towards a friend they're attracted to though that's a very different situation, and that would of course de-legitimize that friendship. Whenever I find myself asking these questi…
/r/PurplePillDebate01/08/22 08:13 PM
3

This is either an extreme outlier (in my own experience) or a total fabrication. If it's real though, this sounds like a completely healthy relationship if they're both happy and satisfied. Not everyone who fucks a ton in their 20's wants to live the same life in their 30's and even if she's over-correcting a bit that doesn't mean they won't have a healthy and satisfying sex life when they get married. Stop yucking peoples' yums, if this is even a real couple.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/08/22 05:48 PM
1

Did they say they were doing it to make their friends jealous? I do this around my friends because I want them to know how happy I am, but we're also not jealous people. None of my guy friends get jealous of my relationship because they've got their own shit going on, or their own awesome partners. I have one person in my life who I think gets a bit jealous but I think that's more because they're spending 50% of their time working and the other 50% caring for their ailing mother, so they have ju…
/r/PurplePillDebate01/08/22 05:38 PM
1

k
/r/PurplePillDebate31/07/22 07:22 PM
5

Yes because there's never been an alarming number of bitter lonely bitching single never touched childless lost "gentlemen" out there either.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/07/22 07:08 PM
1

Technically yes but if they're outta the home it's way less impactful on their dating life (duh) than if they're still young kids.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/07/22 06:59 PM
8

Not everyone shares the same values. What you consider "high value" may not be the same as what the women you're like value, or other men. We all just obviously idolize what we aspire to be - if you want to be rich and sleep with tons of women you can go ahead and do that, I don't think anyone's gonna try and stop you. People may question your values and priorities, but that's just because they don't share yours, and that's fine. What's not cool though is suggesting that any large grouping of pe…
/r/PurplePillDebate31/07/22 06:54 PM
1

lol
/r/PurplePillDebate31/07/22 06:46 PM
9

My only concern with any sort of "pill" community is that they seem to encourage, or at least foster, ideas that aim to simplify the nuance and range of life and love. Are some women going to be drawn to guys who live TRP lifestyle, no matter what label is has? For sure. Are all women? Absolutely not. Same applies to RP women as well - I don't want a woman who's gonna be a 'soft landing' for me, I want someone who's gonna be real with me and be themselves. I don't want them to base their identit…
/r/PurplePillDebate31/07/22 06:19 PM
–

Depends on how materialistic (or judgmental of materialism) someone is. I drive a really great but "average" car - a Mazda CX-5. I'm saving up though to buy an electric car, either the Ioniq 5 or 6. My gf couldn't give a shit. She doesn't care at all about cars or what people drives unless it's extremely obnoxious, but that's more about what someone driving a Nyan Cat Lamborghini spends their money on and less about the car itself. In other words... I think car people will judge you for your car…
/r/PurplePillDebate31/07/22 05:20 PM
2

I think we’re far enough into humanity, and finding some equality among the sexes, to finally just say that wanting do date younger people in general is a trait many people have. It’s more related to wanting authority or wanting to feel younger by having a younger partner than anything to do with sex or gender. Lesbians and gay guys also prefer dating younger sometimes, or are we just gonna ignore that? This is about women liking younger men or not, it’s about personality traits and wants/needs …
/r/PurplePillDebate31/07/22 04:43 PM
2

Again, it's probably not fair to expand this out for most women just because it's my gf's friend group's experience, but considering no men I know have had talks like this or went through similar experiences in high school I think it's fair to consider a possibility or at least assume it's a major difference between boys/girls at young ages. Cheers <3
/r/PurplePillDebate31/07/22 03:41 PM
1

Maturity isn't always just about how you act in public, it's also how you carry yourself and the things in life you value, identify, and understand. Many young girls grow up understanding a lot more of the harsher realities of life than boys whether it's due to minor or major traumas placed on them by older people, and even if they don't experience them first-hand they'll see or hear of them happening through friends or family. Because of this I think most girls and women are forced into a more …
/r/PurplePillDebate31/07/22 03:36 PM
5

It seems to me like you’ve likely surrounded yourself (intentional or not) with very shallow and selfish men. I promise you we are not all like this and there is a better way to live your life than assuming the worst of everyone because of bad influences around you, IRL or online. Good luck <3
/r/PurplePillDebate31/07/22 07:07 AM
1

My ideal partner is actually my current partner just a bit more romantic or willing to try new things, but she's phenomenal regardless. For me I'd be a bit slimmer and more muscular and a little more driven and able to focus on work/tasks, which I struggle with. Otherwise I'm very happy with myself.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/07/22 06:31 PM
14

I think this worldview is far more common and rampant on forums like Reddit than it is in real life, but I could be wrong. Most of the men I know in real life are very self-affirmed and know their worth, and if they say "I'm so lucky" it's because they're with someone who also feels lucky to have found them. Although to be fair most of them have done therapy and explored their emotional health multiple times throughout their life, which often seems abnormal when I converse with people on here.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/07/22 06:24 PM
3

No?
/r/PurplePillDebate30/07/22 05:46 PM
20

That’s literally what most healthy and emotionally available men believe. We don’t think we’re the best guy out there but we’re the best WE could be, and if a woman chooses me today why wouldn’t she also choose me tomorrow? I’m me, I’m awesome, and we choose each other out of love and care for each other.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/07/22 03:29 PM
3

Anyone can leave any time, whether it’s for someone better or not. This may be the most defeatist point of view I’ve ever seen? Obviously relationships can end but assuming THEY will leave YOU for someone better is just… Oof. I feel for ya but I feel like it says more about your lack of trust in women than your lack of confidence in yourself?
/r/PurplePillDebate30/07/22 03:28 PM
3

When they knowingly sell simple solutions for nuanced problems, yes obviously.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/07/22 03:10 PM
1

Sorry I should have said “simple” solutions. He tells them to work hard on the wrong things and implies that his solutions should work for everyone and they work with all women. It might be hard work but it’s not always the right work and that vague simplicity helps keep people hooked when it doesn’t work perfectly so they need to keep coming back for more validation and direction.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/07/22 03:09 PM
53

Any guy who sells an easy solution to life, whether it’s about women or work or friendships, is diluting down aspects of life that come with swaths of nuance and it’s only ever for the money. Doesn’t matter if he believes what he’s selling or not, he’s still just selling it and it won’t sell if his answers are nuanced. Edit: I should have said “simple” instead of “easy”
/r/PurplePillDebate30/07/22 01:07 AM
2

Ya personal experience plays a huge factor for both of us here I think. Ultimately I would never assume my experience is the majority though, same with even common trends from any group of people on Reddit. I generally like to assume there’s more range and nuance in such large demographics (like all women) than what an online forum decides.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/07/22 01:05 AM
2

Possibly! I think the number of women who say what they like have their thoughts clouded by shitty men in their past though. I’d bet that a good amount of women who say they don’t like “vulnerable” men are referring largely to emotionally unhealthy and unavailable men, not just men who openly communicate their emotions. My gf would 100% fall into that grouping, and I don’t think she’s alone in that.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/07/22 01:00 AM
2

Personally down for it, as a guy. My only issue is that I a) don't really want kids, or at least aren't driven to, and b) think I'd be kinda shit at parenting until they're of a certain age. I'm fantastic with children but around babies and toddlers I'm weirdly awkward and question myself a ton. I'm sure it's something I'd just get better at if I did have children, but it's a fear of mine that I could be horrible at it which makes things harder for me and my partner. After like 4 or 5 though, ho…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/07/22 10:55 PM
1

It's almost like there's nuance in dating, romance, and sex. Wow.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/07/22 10:52 PM
2

There's just a very clear distinction between someone liking another as a person and wanting to fuck or date them. Those are all potential indicators of interest or flirting but it doesn't mean every girl who does one or all of those things is gonna spread their legs for you. If you're gonna be a talkative guy then find a way to make it sexy and charming instead of just assuming the buttons you're pressing are broken when you're probably just missing them... Also, of course you should be able to…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/07/22 10:50 PM
6

I can't assume that the amount of women who would never be happy with emotionally healthy and vulnerable men are enough of a majority, or even dominant minority, that generalizing all women isn't largely irresponsible. There's a key misunderstanding here to me, and I think we might agree... there's a difference between "any man who shows vulnerability" and men who are emotionally healthy and available. For example: I can think of many "stoic" men I've met throughout my life that are actually ver…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/07/22 09:43 PM
8

This depends on the person. Many women think they like male vulnerability until they're with someone who's truly vulnerable and doesn't just swell up and go "no of course I'm not crying" every time they get a bit sad. Vulnerable partners just aren't for everyone, but saying no women like male vulnerability is just blatantly obtuse. I don't personally like women who are emotional or vulnerable, but I know I can be as a man so I also do therapy so I can regulate my emotions and how I express them …
/r/PurplePillDebate29/07/22 08:47 PM
7

Most women I've dated appreciate male vulnerability, they just don't (understandably) like when it only comes out as a result of the woman's decisions or choices. And I think men and women share that, to be honest. I've also never liked women who get intensely emotional every time something goes awry or I seem uninterested doing something with them. I don't know many women myself who find it unattractive when a man is empathetic and cries a bit at a wedding (ugly crying is a thing, and it affect…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/07/22 08:43 PM
1

I don't really consider certain hobbies attractive myself, but if I picked a few maybe just general athletics but it's not really a deal-breaker if my partner isn't athletic. More than anything I like a woman who knows what she likes and dislikes, even if she doesn't have many hobbies.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/07/22 08:38 PM
3

This just kind of implies that you think women only exist in those situations if you think it's all women care about lol
/r/PurplePillDebate29/07/22 05:56 PM
1

Even if you're right on a macro level I think this is still putting men and women into buckets, but it's certainly far more right than just saying all women are shallow lol. A step in the right direction.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/07/22 05:56 PM
-1

Lol well at least you own your idiocy. Commendable.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/07/22 05:11 PM
-1

But you silently assume their intentions instead?
/r/PurplePillDebate29/07/22 05:10 PM
0

Have you asked many women in real life wearing revealing clothing about this?
/r/PurplePillDebate29/07/22 04:54 PM
3

That might be an overreaction. Fashion and style is cyclical, and macro trends are very predictable. People just want to wear what hasn't been in fashion for a while.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/07/22 04:54 PM
4

Honestly it sounds like you do care, and that's fine, just don't hide it if you do. It's not confusing: women can wear what they want. This idea that women who are sick of being harassed need to cover up in the middle of the warmest months of the year (instead of hey, maybe just tell men who harass women to shut the fuck up) is really fucking tired dude. Do better.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/07/22 04:52 PM
3

I literally would pay dozens of dollars to see this guy approach women on the beach in July and ask them about this lol
/r/PurplePillDebate29/07/22 04:49 PM
4

Aaaaaaabsolutely. They also get to choose when and how they want to be sexually desired instead of just being told or having their clothes bought for them.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/07/22 04:49 PM
2

First of all revealing clothing has always been in fashion, at least since the 60's. Secondly... There's very obviously a difference between women wearing what they're told and wearing what they choose. Was revealing clothing on women in the past largely male-centric? Yes, but so was everything. The reason women wear revealing clothes now is because they want to wear them, and if it attracts or pleases a guy they like then maybe that's a bonus but this idea that whatever women wear is always mal…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/07/22 04:47 PM
11

Because we have a lot in common and because we're a similar age we're gonna be at similar positions in life. Personally I'm not that picky about age, I have a bare minimum (26) which isn't super far from my own age (32) but there's a bit of a gap there. I just wouldn't date anyone that's not at the same point in life as I am though, regardless of age.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/07/22 11:41 PM
2

Well thankfully social norms are defined by people so... "like it or not" isn't really as much of a point to not care as much as it sounds like a call to just shut up and accept things as they are even though those things are a result of decades of change and progress. So uh, yea if it turns out the woman I love slept around a lot before me I'm just gonna tell everyone else to shut up and mind their own fucking business.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/07/22 10:46 PM
2

Is that a problem with her or with the other men around town who actively slut-shame her? If you had an embarrassing past everyone unfairly judged you on would you want the person you love to tell you "god this is just so embarrassing, you're such a slut and I can't be with you"?
/r/PurplePillDebate27/07/22 10:29 PM
2

I think what they're suggesting is that it starts in elementary school, as in they start to learn about sex and the shame women face for both holding on to their virginity or for "giving it up". Women face a lot of pressure early on, in a different form than men do, when it comes to sex and their approach to it.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/07/22 10:17 PM
3

Is this assuming that all women who've slept around are as embarrassing to marry as one of the more famous porn actresses in history? That would be a wild thing to suggest lol
/r/PurplePillDebate27/07/22 10:15 PM
1

You'd think they should want more women to be "sluts" so it means there's more women available to sleep with. It feels very counter-intuitive to both want more sex with women while shaming women for doing it.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/07/22 10:13 PM
1

Is all of this meant to say that men would have high standards and not be complete sluts if more of them had easy access to sex?... Pretty sure you should be more focused on helping men reach easier access to sex instead of just shaming women and trying to get them to have less. Not sure what their sexual habits have to do with any of it - if anything women having low standards and sleeping with lots of guys should be promising for you if what you wanna do is sleep around.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/07/22 10:12 PM
6

Lol k
/r/PurplePillDebate27/07/22 11:13 AM
8

When you refer to hypergamous women are you speaking specifically about a portion of women who happen to be hypergamous or are you implying all women are?
/r/PurplePillDebate27/07/22 02:27 AM
0

I never said changing your personality or improving yourself mentally and emotionally is easy, in fact I think the difficulty really depends on the person. Some of us can change our bodies or perspectives a lot easier than others. What I was trying (and probably failing) to say is that too many men are convinced that the wrong things matter when ALL of it matters and that’s not too much to ask, especially if they want a phenomenal woman to stay by their side.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/07/22 01:29 AM
3

Ehhhhh I think the “desire while in deficit” is misleading. A non-zero amount of TRP men in particular would love to be with a super attractive woman while also doing the bare minimum, and many of them seem to think that’s a reasonable expectation in life because they sometimes see men like them with attractive women. It’s not just “desire while in deficit”, it’s a desire with a lack of genuine effort or growth. They think getting money and muscles will make the difference but it’s more about th…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/07/22 12:23 AM
1

Can't agree more with your second edit. Personally I don't see the bar ever being very high for men, and when women I know are with incredibly men they usually consider themselves very lucky and weren't even expecting to find someone so incredible. Most of them are very aware that who they end up with won't be perfect but they can still build a loving a fruitful relationship together. Most of the men on this subreddit seem to think that if a woman isn't a 10/10 in every single category, objectiv…
/r/PurplePillDebate26/07/22 08:15 PM
1

While I definitely see more young women being "pickier" I think it's because they're much more willing and able to just turn someone away if they get an 'ick' as it's called these days. Men have a harder time with that because most of us worry for a while that we may never find someone else, but that's the core issue here to me. I don't think anyone should be shamed for being picky, they're just exploring and discovering what they like or don't like. As a guy you should also be willing to turn w…
/r/PurplePillDebate26/07/22 08:06 PM
1

It’s more than just what’s on paper. Certain attributes like status and objective attractiveness can make it easier for women to find you attractive but you still need to be fun to be around and charming. Attributes and “facts” about you get you through the door but you won’t get much further if you have no soft skills.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/07/22 04:52 AM
1

I absolutely call out misandrists and their lopsided view of the world. I take it you do the same for misogynists in TRP?
/r/PurplePillDebate24/07/22 04:43 AM
9

I think they're assuming the worst of a community because the worst within the community are known to be incredibly toxic and misogynistic. To stop this kind of discourse then the TRP community should be the ones policing their own and shutting those bad actors down and de-platforming them. Some TRP people literally don't think women should have social media accounts when they're in relationships but that men can sleep with whoever they want because "we're meant to sow our seed" or whatever the …
/r/PurplePillDebate22/07/22 11:07 PM
6

But even social solutions would probably mean convincing women to not go after men they find most attractive because the less appealing or attractive men also need partner. Whether it's government-mandated or not, the only solution to the problems they see is less agency for women.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/07/22 10:55 PM
1

There's levels to this. A homophobe who explores their biases and still sees bi men as just being gay men is still homophobic. Someone who just says "oh it's just my preference" isn't inherently homophobic though. For example, bi men can be extremely masculine and can be more attracted to women than men (it's different for everyone) and even have higher sex drives towards women than many straight men. My own sex drive as a straight man isn't that high and some bi men I know are extremely sexual …
/r/PurplePillDebate22/07/22 04:02 PM
0

Please inform me, oh wise one.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/07/22 05:06 PM
1

Every person wants any number of things from a partner or lover, and everyone's individual desired levels of need/want in any given category can vary dramatically. Just consider the dramatic cultural differences between certain cities, and the multiple cultures within any given city or community. But ya, please tell me again how simple people are and the only four things every woman wants in a man regardless of age, culture, personality, hobbies, or sexuality.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/07/22 04:56 PM
2

As someone whose attraction to people has changed over the years, with many friends who’ve experienced the same, you’re obviously not entirely right even if you’re right about some vague majority of people. Good luck enjoying the world in such a limited perspective.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/07/22 05:06 AM
2

I never said to misrepresent who you are… There are buttons for people I can’t push, or not very naturally at least, so the people who are gonna be more into me are ones I can attract while staying the most true to myself and following my instincts. Similarly, people who naturally push my buttons are a better fit for me as well. Also nerdy doesn’t equal shy or lacking confidence or comfort in yourself… it’s just a general umbrella for people with certain interests and hobbies really. I know lots…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/07/22 05:03 AM
2

Cool story man. What a fascinating an nuanced view of the world you have based on actual experience and not just what other people tell you to believe online. So cool.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/07/22 05:00 AM
5

Oh I see you’re assuming all women are attracted to the same things and there’s no nuance at all to it, and what they’re attracted to can’t change over time. Do you assume the same thing about men?
/r/PurplePillDebate19/07/22 04:50 AM
5

I’m talking about women and men whose attraction to people evolves with age, time, and experience, not the people who settle for a shit marriage with someone they don’t love.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/07/22 03:55 AM
5

Well no one should commit to someone they’re not attracted to at all… how can you assume women aren’t attracted to men they commit to? I also never said anything about women marrying men they have no attraction to, so I’m not sure why you’re responding to me?
/r/PurplePillDebate19/07/22 03:31 AM
5

Unattractive to you or to her?
/r/PurplePillDebate19/07/22 03:28 AM
3

Well I never said she would be shy tbh. The point is that people can be multiple things, and be attracted to multiple things. All you need to do is push the right buttons with the right people.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/07/22 03:24 AM
10

Maybe? More than anything I've just noticed that more people my age have become attracted to different aspects of people and learned to appreciate things they hadn't before. Are they arguably less physically attracted to their partner? Maybe, but they also have a much deeper love and respect for them. Funnily enough it's all the hot people who married each other that I see divorcing each other as well, so I don't believe physical attraction really has much to do with keeping a health relationshi…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/07/22 02:46 AM
3

This seems to imply that women are on a linear sliding scale, as if dating a woman of a set level requires you to meet certain standards. Like men, women are not a monolith, so it depends on the type of woman you're looking for and what that sort of person is attracted to. There could be dozens of shared major factors that women you're after are into. For example - looking for a nerdy girl you can share all your hobbies and interests with? She might not have the same physical standards for you t…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/07/22 02:02 AM
–

I personally have a hard time supporting someone with severe social anxiety, especially if it's coupled with chronic depression. That's not to say they don't deserve love from someone else, I just don't think I'm the best equipped to support someone again like that. I've tried in the past and my own issues and complications tend to make it difficult for me.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/07/22 12:55 AM
2

Depends on the woman.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/07/22 12:24 AM
1

An assertive but respectful person is able to make it clear what they want without overstepping the boundaries someone else clearly establishes. Often they will also make sure that boundaries are being set, even if their partner has not brought it up to make sure their assertiveness isn't overstepping. An assertive person in a relationship will clearly establish what they want and need, and many times come off demanding, but they will not threaten their partner if these things are not met. They …
/r/PurplePillDebate19/07/22 12:21 AM
2

And yet.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/07/22 10:53 PM
31

Lol my gf literally passes all of this, which is kind of hilarious, but also a lot of these are either incredibly specific or too vague/general and have nothing to do with actually behaviour, so this list is BS regardless. It feels like whoever wrote this is picking out a singularly problematic and toxic woman and trying to say that anyone sharing her traits, appearance, or broad behaviours is equally problematic. This guy's really not gonna date a woman who's got piercings or tattoos even if sh…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/07/22 09:00 PM
1

M32. I have quite a few options, I think, at this point in my life. That level of interest from women has come and gone over the years but I think I'm the most "eligible" I've ever been and happily in a year-long (and counting) relationship. One thing that helps is that the women I'm interested in tend to be within my wheel-house (I prefer this to "leagues"), as in we live similar lives and they're as attracted to me as I am to them. My physical standards for women also plateau after the point w…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/07/22 07:07 PM
5

The honest truth, as much as it's tough to hear, is that it has a lot more to do with your personality and your ability to be charming, fun, and interesting. Outside of being in the smallest minority of people in some aspect (weight, height, etc.), which is inherently outside the average, most men have the capacity to become appealing to some women they like if they do the right work on themselves. Are you gonna start pulling every woman you look at? Obviously not. Are you gonna find someone you…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/07/22 06:20 PM
6

That sounds more like an issue with how men judge women in general and less about how they judge you individually?
/r/PurplePillDebate18/07/22 05:05 PM
1

Looks. At least that's something that feels far more superficial or that I could improve if it's not working for anyone. If someone rejects me for my personality it means either my radar is way off and we weren't a good fit or I'm just generally shitty and have to do a lot more difficult work on myself.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/07/22 05:04 PM
1

I think it really depends on who you're trying to attract and for what purpose. Your levels or brand of kindness and confidence, separately, can attract different people for different reasons. If you're trying to attract a kind and loving woman for a relationship then kindness will be part of her bare minimum, but if you're trying to attract a shitty woman for a hookup she likely won't give much of a shit if you're kind as long as you're not coming off abusive or creepy and high confidence will …
/r/PurplePillDebate18/07/22 04:10 AM
1

Really depends on what someone is looking for. Not every woman out there is looking for a rich guy who already owns a home and three cars, many of them are just looking for someone on their level and sometimes above or even below in some cases (if they're determined to the bread-winner in a relationship). My gf for example makes more than me, or at least has much higher earning potential as a qualified lawyer (recently quit), and she has a deep disdain for people who make significantly more than…
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/22 10:07 PM
3

Honestly I'm here to see just how deep the rabbit hole goes. I'm in a really stable and health relationship, and I've largely had healthy ones previously, and I've done a lot of growth on myself and my perspective(s) (and obviously still do, no reason to stop growing) so I'm not here to really debate or sometimes even discuss things. At most I try to just provide a more nuanced outlook towards relationships with women based on my own experiences (good and bad, filled with my own mistakes) but I …
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/22 09:31 PM
1

There’s a difference between being exciting or charismatic and being an asshole. You don’t need to be a piece of shit to attract women and you don’t need to stop being kind to be charming, sensual, sexy, or exciting. If you can’t figure out how to separate being an ass from being charismatic then that’s your problem, not the rest of ours and it’s certainly not the fault of women. Good luck, please don’t hurt anyone in your attempts to be an asshole.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/22 01:45 AM
2

Not inherently, but sex does often help differentiate between infatuation and genuine interest. A non-zero amount of men learn to tell the difference between these feelings without needing to sleep with someone or go out with them a handful of times, but most of us aren't able to sort this out for a while. I'm curious if women go through a similar learning experience, but maybe sooner or even before losing their virginity? From what I understand, women are (rightfully) taught to be pickier when …
/r/PurplePillDebate15/07/22 03:39 PM
1

While not everyone's wants or needs in a relationship or in a partner will change I think most of ours do, even if it's slow and relatively invisible. I think for a lot of great relationships though, or people who are available for one, they're very aware of how this happens and communicate it well. I don't know any lasting relationships where they don't communicate their changing needs or wants from each other. Sometimes these things change a lot which can be chaotic (but still very full of lov…
/r/PurplePillDebate14/07/22 07:38 PM
1

Just because you have a higher sex drive than women you've dated doesn't mean a) you have a higher sex drive than any women, and b) all men have more sex drive, or higher on average, than all women. Even if that's the truth your math is wrong.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/07/22 03:40 PM
1

Preeeeeetty sure women can be very sexually driven. My gf seduces me more than the other way around since she has a slightly higher sex drive than I do.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/07/22 01:50 AM
1

Lol ya I was leaving that one dangling there, hopefully it was obvious enough.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/07/22 12:15 AM
1

It just means to get outside and offline.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/07/22 11:49 PM
1

Dude I'm a guy lol. I know exactly how hard it can be for us in the dating world, that doesn't make it okay to judge women for sleeping with people when they want to, and I know exactly how easy it can be for women to get laid. Did it sometimes bother me to see my female friends getting laid whenever they want? Sure. Does that mean they're bad people or lack self-worth? Absolutely not. They're doing exactly what you or I would do if we had easy access to women so I'm not about to judge them for …
/r/PurplePillDebate13/07/22 08:22 PM
2

She sounds like a really mean and bad person. Do we not think the same thing of men who do that? Do men who sleep with multiple women at once lack any value for themselves or do they get a pass simply because it's harder for them? What about the top 1% of men who apparently get laid any time they want? Are they lacking any sense of value for themselves by whoring themselves out to every woman who wants a piece? Touch grass, kid.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/07/22 07:45 PM
1

So if a woman sleeps with you she's devaluing herself... cool.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/07/22 07:18 PM
1

So just to be clear, if you sleep with a woman it lowers her value for a future partner?
/r/PurplePillDebate13/07/22 06:58 PM
2

Dude I'm a guy.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/07/22 04:29 PM
1

And a lot of above-average women have terrible personalities. Why is this about where they fall on the societal ladder lol.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/07/22 04:24 PM
2

The problem is when men demonize women for sleeping with people, not that they just have a preference. If you find out she's slept with 5 guys and you go "ah okay, I think I want to be with someone else who's been with fewer people" that is a totally acceptable and healthy response. What's not okay, kind, or healthy is when men respond by calling women sluts, damaged goods, or assume all they want is a hookup since they've done it with other guys. It's especially wrong if as a guy you patronize …
/r/PurplePillDebate13/07/22 04:17 PM
1

Women are judged differently for sleeping with people than men are, that's all it's about. Do some lie about their body count and is that wrong? Yes. Do they do it because too many men are taught to believe a woman is 'damaged goods' because they've slept with more than 5 guys? Yes. It's a wrong in response to gross mistreatment and unfair judgment.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/07/22 03:59 PM
3

I very clearly said "unfairly judge". Too many men think, or have been taught to think, that women who've had more than a handful of partners are "damaged goods". We hear it literally everywhere and it's toxic as fuck. You have a right as a person to come to your own conclusions about people, obviously. That's a major part of dating and figuring out if you're a good fit. That does not mean we should unfairly judge people for shitty reasons that say more about our insecurities than about the pers…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/07/22 03:57 PM
3

Ok get back to me after you get divorced for a third time
/r/PurplePillDebate13/07/22 03:56 PM
11

This is just blatantly false. Seduction is far more about anticipation than deception, and it's really telling that you think the only way to seduce someone is to lie. Are you that insecure with your ability to seduce someone honestly that you need to resort to lying to get them interested in you?
/r/PurplePillDebate13/07/22 04:50 AM
14

I bet you really admire Barney Stinson lol
/r/PurplePillDebate13/07/22 04:48 AM
5

That's because men unfairly judge them for having more than like a handful of sexual partners, because a lot of us are very fucking insecure.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/07/22 04:47 AM
43

There's a difference between lying and being coy. Women who are gonna have sex with a guy don't want to be manipulated they want to be charmed and seduced. "Let's have a drink inside" after a date is obviously more appealing than the full truth of "wanna come in and fuck so I can finish and you won't then I get you a Wait and Save Lyft to take you home after?" Like yes, obviously blunt honesty is not sexy but neither is blatantly lying and manipulating people just to fuck them. Weird fucking tak…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/07/22 04:46 AM
11

The stick is obviously not the best way to move forward, especially if birth rates are a factor in the decision making. If countries want families or women in general to give birth to more children they need to a) support women better and b) support children better. A major factor for many female friends of mine, and my gf, to not have children is because adoption no longer feels like an option to them. If they give up the child they're putting them into a horrible cycle that's perpetually under…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/07/22 02:17 AM
18

If you don't find someone you love, or it doesn't work out, it can make sense to just test your own limits and find out what you like. I tried seriously dating up until like 22 when I realized I wasn't really fit for a committed, mature, adult relationship yet. I focused on my career for a few years, then dated around a bunch and realized casual sex is not for me at all, which is what I always suspected. I wouldn't have known that for sure though, especially since my past relationships fell apar…
/r/PurplePillDebate12/07/22 06:42 PM
4

The only reason to do anything is because it makes you happy and satisfied. If someone wants to meet the love of their life and commit to them at 18 I see literally no problem with that, and if they want to have casual sex for however many years they should do that instead. What's important is that we don't force our own wants and desires on others. So no, it's not stupid, as long as it's what they want.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/07/22 06:40 PM
1

I don't personally know many cheaters, that I'm aware of, and most of my friends have (or have had) friends of the opposite sex. The only people I've known who did cheat seem to be capable of having friends of the opposite sex but not ones they're in any way attracted to. I think it's much more about if someone's capable of controlling or inhibiting some sort of attraction to another person and less about having friends of the opposite sex. For example, there are a lot of people in my life I'm a…
/r/PurplePillDebate12/07/22 06:31 PM
3

I think this depends on the type of women you want to be with romantically - I love being with and around women who want a best friend and a lover, so this applies to me especially. If someone wants to be with a more traditionally-minded woman though, so judgment here, and this probably doesn't apply. They want to be friends with just other men, and they want a woman who's only friends with other women. Again, not my type of dynamic/relationship, but for some people that's appealing and that's o…
/r/PurplePillDebate12/07/22 04:53 PM
1

Don't date women who don't want you to have any female friends. That's a huge red flag to me, the same way it should be for women if you as a guy doesn't want her to have any male friends. It shows a ton of insecurity and more importantly, a lack of ability to manage your own emotions and fears.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/07/22 04:51 PM
2

Great insight!! Thanks!
/r/PurplePillDebate12/07/22 05:52 AM
1

See I’d think those conflicts would still potentially end a marriage, but maybe once people are all in they’re just less likely to end it over stuff like that?
/r/PurplePillDebate12/07/22 05:51 AM
4

Ya that's a good point. Maybe too many couples move in and think "good enough" is enough to last through a full lifetime of marriage. Personally I don't stress much over marriage or the idea of a single partner the rest of my life. I just want to be with someone with mutual love and respect, if that ends up being multiple people at different phases that's just as good. If I move in with a partner it's already because I think we could be together for life, or a good chunk of it, and marriage woul…
/r/PurplePillDebate11/07/22 11:44 PM
7

I'm curious about the pre-marriage cohabitation factor. Any insight into why that is? All I can think of is that it may correlate to people looking for or expecting something closer to perfection, hence moving in beforehand to try and 'guarantee' their chemistry living together instead of just accepting that they may end up living with someone difficult and roll with it? I'm curious as well about if those people who marry after cohabitation are happier in or out of the marriage, having been more…
/r/PurplePillDebate11/07/22 10:36 PM
3

Number doesn't really matter to me at all, context is important though. If she's never held down a relationship and she's either a virgin or has slept with enough guys to show she's literally never tried committing to someone for more than a month... I'm out. I don't date casually anymore but I don't have a number for that, at least not one that's realistic or that I've ever heard directly.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/07/22 09:56 PM
1

I agree with your general point here, for sure. Men need to be more actively communicating with their partner about the domestic workload and if whatever existing split of it works for both people. That being said, I disagree with a few aspects. I wouldn't assume men are naturally more selfish, if anything I think complacency is human nature and our patriarchal society just provides more men than women with the agency to define their usefulness in a relationship. For example, women are given les…
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/22 05:02 PM
20

The aim is to shame them and feel superior. They don't want to be 'Bob' but they also refuse to improve themselves to be anything but someone a woman would have to settle for.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/07/22 06:38 PM
9

If you don't want a loving relationship with trust and respect, then ya man. Go ahead. Just don't whine when you're alone at 50 because being a sugar daddy is all you've allowed yourself to be.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/07/22 10:43 PM
1

It's therapy. Therapy is an amazing utility for everyone, not just those who are struggling in life, but it's especially useful for men who have a hard time either balancing their emotions or addressing and accepting them. I see so many stories on here from men about how they can't be emotionally vulnerable with someone, whether it's a lack of comfort or because they overdid it in the past and it ended their relationship. Treat your emotional/mental health like your physical health. Can someone …
/r/PurplePillDebate08/07/22 08:53 PM
1

I guess ultimately to me it comes down to both people doing an appropriate amount of emotional work and putting in the effort. I don't think it matters if one is putting in more effort than the other as long as whatever each is contributing works for them, and their partner. Some of us are just more capable, or have more capacity, to take on particular aspects of a relationship. My gf for example is basically our shared calendar - I'm terrible at keeping track of plans and she's fantastic at it,…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/22 10:14 PM
2

This could all very well be true if you’re in a relationship with a woman and you’re both falling under very classic gender roles and norms. Personally I’ve never been into that either since it potentially forces both partners to adhere to arbitrary rules and suggestions that may not work for them. The wonderful thing about many feminists and women in general that I know personally (including my gf) is that they acknowledge the ways the society we live in also forces norms on men to uphold those…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/22 08:44 PM
1

This is true if all you want is casual sex with a new person. Personally I'll never get more hard or more satisfied than when I'm with someone who 1) knows what I like and already knows how/when to do it, and 2) is comfortable enough with me already to fully enjoy themselves. It's literally like crack for me, whereas casual sex honestly never felt satisfying. If anything, casual sex just felt like "chasing the dragon" where I had one good hookup years before and I was constantly trying to match …
/r/PurplePillDebate05/07/22 08:57 PM
1

Ya a lack of self-confidence, or just comfort and trust in your own decisions, can derail even the best people. I also know lots of very attractive people who hold onto some very deep-seeding insecurities, usually stemming from past trauma (bullying, parental abuse, partner abuse, etc.) who sabotage themselves as well... It really just comes down to that self-confidence, which of course attractiveness can play a large part in for many people.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/07/22 05:32 PM
2

Weirdly I kind of agree with this, although it still feels bad to largely generalize people based on their looks. I think it has much more to do with someone's confidence in themselves as a partner which may often coincide with objective attractiveness (but certainly not always). For example, I wouldn't say I'm a very attractive person but I'm very comfortable knowing that I could probably be with most women I click with. I don't see my appearance as a hindrance because I have a lot else to offe…
/r/PurplePillDebate05/07/22 03:58 PM
1

I've been on both sides of this as a guy so I can share my own experience, obviously it won't be true for everyone but maybe it's helpful for a few guys on here. For those that care, I'm moderately handsome (good long hair, nice beard, decent face) and financially stable, about 5'9" and chubby. When I was having more trouble dating I lacked a lot of skill and confidence socially. I got a lot better over many years by networking in my industry and making more friends with women so I got comfortab…
/r/PurplePillDebate05/07/22 02:45 AM
1

But if she’d do weird kinky shit with him why wouldn’t she do it with someone else? Like it’s great they found each other but is she only gonna do exploratory and interesting sexual acts with another “slut”? If she got with you and you were into that stuff I’m sure she would have wanted to do the same, it sounds like she’s just into that stuff and wanted to experience everything she can, much like you may have wanted?
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/22 10:29 PM
1

This is a hard thing to assume about other men, especially because I think a lot of us say one thing and do another. For me, I really just go for relationships with people I can relate to and connect with the best - in the past that's led to me being in relationships or hooking up with women across the whole spectrum, if we're talking conventional attractiveness. That being said, I've been sexually / romantically active for about 15 years now so I've had a lot of time and opportunities to make m…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/22 08:20 PM
1

Never said they do, I also put a "/s" on the end to denote sarcasm. Realistically though, if a man is truly struggling to relate to women at all because they can only see them as sexual objectives then meeting and befriending lesbians who they a) cannot possibly hook up with and b) can at least talk to about their complications dating women... it's a weird but maybe very effective first step to rehabilitation lol
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/22 07:43 PM
0

Guess I've slept with too many women, my number is something around 25-30. I lose track of a few in my 20's that were one-off dates followed up by forgettable intercourse, probably for both of us. Personally I think it's only "too much" if the number practically means that they haven't been able to hold down much of a relationship. That wouldn't be my bar in my 20's, I didn't have one back then, but as someone in a serious relationship who would be seeking another one if I'm single again... ya I…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/22 03:33 PM
1

That's such a weird way to look at love and relationships, but to each their own I suppose.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/22 03:20 PM
1

Well she probably wasn't offering true love and affection either for those years but tbh it sounds like it's all about sex to you, so maybe you'll find someone who will do anal for the first time with you and you'll be satisfied with that so you feel like you have some subjective superiority over her past partners, as if choosing to have sex with you for the rest of her life isn't enough of a W. Good luck?
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/22 03:17 PM
1

You literally get the woman’s love and affection for years, maybe the rest of your lives. That’s pretty exceptional.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/22 01:38 PM
1

First you envy her but now she’s a questionable partner? What would that make you if you actually got to sleep with women at-will and do kinky shit like her?
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/22 05:42 AM
1

You think it’s fun for women because you’d love to get fucked and dumped but you’re generalizing an experience for all women based on how you perceive the other side, which you clearly do not understand. Men and women face DIFFERENT challenges when dating. That’s the entire truth of it. For some men it will be easier, and for some it’s difficult but bearable and other unbearably difficult. For many women it may be easy to meet men but deciding which ones to trust or believe, especially if they d…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/22 05:38 AM
6

It’s almost like Reddit is actually a very bad medium for debate because legions of anonymous people with invisible agendas and names and faces are really hard to trust and believe. Gee.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/22 05:30 AM
5

No that’s a totally fair point but I had to understand and empathize with women more before I could have a meaningful and loving relationship with one, which consequentially made me feel far better about my worth and value as a man and a partner. It all started for me, even if I wasn’t entirely joyful yet, when I began seeing women as more than a goal or objective and become honest friends with some was my own bridge for that. Again, I can’t of course guarantee that would work for most people, o…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/22 04:26 AM
2

100% 😌
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/22 03:31 AM
1

If fit, attractive, and confident men are having trouble with women then the women are either total shit or the men have a shit personality. Either way their opinions don't really matter to me since I don't want a shit woman or a shit personality.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/22 02:53 AM
5

Calling something a "woman moment" is such a POS moment, to be honest.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/22 02:49 AM
4

In that case it's emotional torture you're doing to yourself. You can just leave that friendship. And hey, nice little life hack for ya: just befriend lesbians if you're gonna constantly be concerned about sex being a factor /s
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/22 02:48 AM
1

I mean, a lot of us do that with half our friends anyways when we find a partner. Lots of people tend to tunnel vision on new relationships and lose track of friendships, family, and other things. This isn't some sort of W against female friends, if anything it's a reason to have no friends ever because they'll leave when they get laid. Pretty grim buddy.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/22 02:46 AM
10

I agree about not wanting to prescribe solutions for strangers on the internet but as someone who was extremely bitter towards women in my early-20's when I finally did befriend them I just became a much more well-rounded person. Again, of course we can't prescribe fixes for everyone, but if men on here have genuinely never tried to befriend women then it honestly cannot be a bad thing to try.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/22 02:43 AM
17

I can honestly and confidently say I've become a significantly better man than I was in my early 20's once I started genuinely and honestly accepting women as friends in my life. It took me entirely way too long to do it but once I did my life changed completely. You literally gain to potential to befriend and enjoy the company of twice as many people on the planet, and if you think there's no value in that then you're just dead wrong. If your only goal in life is to get laid and objectify women…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/22 02:42 AM
1

I think too many guys try to frame this through the lens of "good looking" and "average looking". Most women don't marry men they aren't attracted to, but what they may do is find new things attractive about men they meet as they get older and experience more. It's largely the same for most men - while we're younger we want to experience life differently than we do later in life, which is often influenced by who we've been friends with, dated, and worked with. Also, if you're being ignored becau…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/22 01:50 AM
1

Probably depends on what's entailed in being a stay at home wife. Are they also raising multiple children and doing errands, cooking, and cleaning during the day? If so it's probably fair to expect the husband to contribute at home as well. If they're just sitting at home not working and spending money then it's not fair to expect an even split of chores.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/07/22 07:22 PM
4

This is a good perspective. I don't personally care much for how many people my partner has been with, but if it's over 150 that's a pretty extreme example! I also, frankly, wouldn't want to date a virgin since that (to me) is the other extreme side. I'm in my 30's so I need to be with someone who's got some experience and knows what they like but if someone's been with 150 people that says more to me about their lack of commitment to a singular partner than anything about their sexual proclivit…
/r/PurplePillDebate03/07/22 07:15 PM
2

Like, I'd much rather have a discussion w/ someone who cares about their partner's sexual experience about why I don't care and if that affected my experiences negatively, positively, or not.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/07/22 07:12 PM
2

Doesn't this argue that 88% care to some degree? Or is that last 10% "doesn't really care" mean they actually do care? Generally I think these sorts of thought experiments are largely pointless since we're all gonna see or assume the world reflects our own echo chamber or bubble. Trying to determine some vague percentages about the larger public is a little juvenile. For instance, I don't think a lot of men really care about how many people their partner has been with, because it doesn't bother …
/r/PurplePillDebate03/07/22 07:12 PM
-1

Dating apps may suck but don't blame them for a misogynist turn in your behaviour... you could at any point just stop using them and realize the apps are the problem, not women. It's about how you get back up, not how you fall down - or however that goes.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/07/22 03:05 AM
2

The part where I think you're, frankly, absolutely delusional is thinking that 45% of marriages are "sugar" ones. I don't wanna dig into that though, I have a feeling neither of us will budge. Cheers!
/r/PurplePillDebate30/06/22 07:28 PM
1

Okay so can I ask then what the actual problem here is? Like, if I chose to settle for an attractive woman I don't really love (evidenced by only picking her for her looks) and we marry and she leaves me for someone more attractive, was I just kind of welcoming that possibility? It was probably going to be either she leaves me for someone more attractive or I leave her for someone more attractive. So regardless of the % of marriages this actually represents isn't this just sort of... whatever? I…
/r/PurplePillDebate30/06/22 07:19 PM
1

So you think something like 45% of all women in a marriage (assuming straight ones here only, for simplicity) will cheat, cuck, or whatever else their husband? Additionally, all those 45% of married women's wives are married to men using them for their looks?
/r/PurplePillDebate30/06/22 07:15 PM
1

Wait sorry, I worded that weird. Are all of the men in these sugar relationships using their wife for their looks?
/r/PurplePillDebate30/06/22 07:14 PM
1

Wait... so you think 90% of divorces occur because the woman cheats on the man, they raise her ex's kid, or she leaves him for someone more attractive?
/r/PurplePillDebate30/06/22 07:13 PM
1

And what percent of marriages do you think are "sugar" marriages, where a woman marries a man she's not physically attracted to and uses just for money or whatever else? As an aside, is the assumption that these men are also not using her for her looks/appearance?
/r/PurplePillDebate30/06/22 07:08 PM
1

Who she married regardless because he provides money, affection, and attention? So, if a woman does marry someone she's attracted to then none of this applies?
/r/PurplePillDebate30/06/22 07:03 PM
1

Or, honestly, you don't identify the men they're with as attractive because you're attracted to women? Why are we all assuming what other people find attractive or unattractive based on our own very narrow concept of attractiveness? Unless someone is bi or pan they're not really in a place to determine what other people are attracted to.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/06/22 07:01 PM
1

And the presumption here is that she's married to a man she's not attracted to at all, or just one that isn't the most attractive man she's capable of being with?
/r/PurplePillDebate30/06/22 06:44 PM
1

So 90% of women who marry a man that's not insanely handsome will either a) cheat on their husband with someone better looking, b) raise someone more attractive's child with their husband, or c) divorce their husband for a more attractive man?
/r/PurplePillDebate30/06/22 06:39 PM
1

What percent of men and women do you think these assumptions apply to? Do they fall under a particular demographic?
/r/PurplePillDebate30/06/22 06:28 PM
1

What the hell are all of these things lol. What is "face cheated"? "Divorce raped"?
/r/PurplePillDebate30/06/22 06:24 PM
1

So this is specifically a scenario where she got impregnated by another man? Regardless, what's to say she settled and didn't just swap her priorities, realizing that she'll be far happier and better off with a man who has more to offer than his looks? Honestly it sounds like that guy's looks are more important to you than this theoretical woman you've concocted.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/06/22 06:20 PM
1

I don't know what that means
/r/PurplePillDebate30/06/22 06:12 PM
1

Men seem to find more women broadly attractive, but also see the women they aren't attracted to as unattractive based solely on their appearance. No level of emotional or mental connection seems able to change that for many of us. Women, in my experience, have often been raised to see past a man's appearance to see his other traits and become attracted to them. While they may see a lower % of men as "classically handsome" it doesn't mean they can't become attracted to other men so they may be op…
/r/PurplePillDebate30/06/22 05:45 PM
1

I think I can settle this actually, "cover up" is the wrong term. What she means is that men can use wealth to lower the importance of their appearance where as a woman's appearance often needs to be enhanced or improved upon with her money.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/06/22 05:40 PM
0

While you're definitely right here I just hate the term "settle" when we're talking about only one aspect of a full person. Is the guy they marry less physically attractive? Maybe, but if she married the more handsome guy she's likely settling in so many other ways. It's the same for men as well, nobody wants a person with a singularly great trait. They're not settling for a less attractive man, they're choosing him because he has more to offer her than just his appearance. Choosing the handsome…
/r/PurplePillDebate30/06/22 05:39 PM
1

Man it's just a fucking word. We can find a new one for how any individual man defines their own status as a man but you're not about to say I'm less of a man because I don't share your definition. Give your fuckin' head a shake or I'll do it for ya. :)
/r/PurplePillDebate29/06/22 10:10 PM
3

They're equally as bad.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/06/22 04:43 PM
36

If you see a huge, muscular, very imposing man break down over cheating then it's probably also about the emotional betrayal for them as well? At least to some degree.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/06/22 11:18 PM
5

Men who've done it support it, but most men I don't think have even tried it. I did it for the first time in my late-30's and it changed my life. I was really insecure about it at first but once I realized I wasn't broken in any way, just needed a little emotional freedom, it really opened my eyes. I was raised to think of therapy as a fix, not as a tool, and I think most men still feel that way.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/06/22 11:16 PM
4

Would take less time if more men supported each other's choice to do so, and helped motivate others to take the leap. I honestly see it like going to the dentist or the doctor, it's just good to keep up with every aspect of your health. The longer you put it off the more work you'll have to do in the future.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/06/22 09:51 PM
2

Ya I think I'd largely agree with that.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/06/22 08:57 PM
4

Wouldn't that be a really good reason to advocate for more men to seek therapeutic help, even if they feel fine or feel like they're coping well enough? Like, either men aren't statistically as depressed or men are statistically not acquiring professional help as often as they should.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/06/22 08:51 PM
3

I'm more of a lurker for "pill" stuff, but as for masculinity I think you're half of the way towards a very healthy view of it. I would argue that healthy masculinity does mean not setting double standards, but then also means that someone's masculinity should be defined by themselves. Saying being a man means x, y, z kind of flies in the face of also not having double standards. Toxic masculinity, as I've had explained to me many times, is rooted in setting very specific boundaries of masculini…
/r/PurplePillDebate28/06/22 05:50 PM
0

The false idea that all women act like this completely undermines your entire logic. Do a good number of attractive, sexually liberal, socially active women behave like this? Ya probably. Is that a reason to judge all women? Obviously not.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/06/22 07:29 PM
1

At or below the average height of the women around you makes things significantly harder (still not impossible though). At or above the average height of women in your area. Above or highly above the average height of women in your area. Anyone freakishly tall is probably only efficiently pulling women who love very tall men.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/06/22 12:57 AM
18

This is just so obviously not true unless you're solely talking about selfish, shallow, money-obsessed women which is so incredibly far from the majority. Touch grass, kiddo.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/22 12:56 AM
7

Yes, men and women in general soften up to each other the more time they spend together... if the other person has a great personality. So here's an additional tip for you all: if you frame your relationships with women like this guy is, as in they're "forced" to be around you instead of choosing to because you're a fun, enjoyable person... you're going to die alone. It doesn't matter how good looking you are, for better or worse, people will only choose to spend quality time with you over and o…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/06/22 09:41 PM
1

I agree as long as those standards are, for lack of a better word, genuine. It's not about being with people you're not attracted to, just being open to challenging your own perceptions of people and what attracts you to them especially if you haven't had many chances to be intimate with people. Even though I've been sexually and romantically active for many years I'm still finding out things about myself - I only recently found out that although I'm straight I'm very much demi-sexual and get mu…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/06/22 06:23 PM
4

Wildly differs between people. Not all women will like one type or brand of intelligence. Try to find women who like your intelligence.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/06/22 05:52 PM
3

You're making a very classic mistake of assuming every other man sees the world the same way you do. I can respect that appearance may be the most important thing for you but it's not for me. Do I need to find them attractive? Obviously. But I also need to have emotional and mental chemistry with them, which is far more rare for me than being physically attracted to someone. It's not a matter of which is more important, it's about which ones you have a higher standard in. My standard for someone…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/06/22 04:20 AM
3

I guess I'm a liar?
/r/PurplePillDebate23/06/22 03:45 AM
4

“Your evidence is anecdotal but hey trust me bro I know a lot of men like me” - classically strong argument
/r/PurplePillDebate23/06/22 02:04 AM
1

That “Chad” sounds like a troll to me and of course you don’t need a high status job to attract women. I worked a living wage job ($40-50k) in Vancouver for most of my 20’s and did well enough with women. Unless you’re trying to date shallow and spoiled women it won’t really matter as long as you’re stable.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/06/22 02:03 AM
0

That's not a very simple statistic though. Many trans people have experienced a different level of abuse, assault, and more from people before and after transitioning that you and I can't really comprehend. The missing context is that as a straight-passing woman they may feel like things come easier to them because their experiences as a gay man were potentially much worse than what many straight women experience. While I'm a huge ally and advocate of the trans and non-binary communities they do…
/r/PurplePillDebate22/06/22 10:29 PM
11

I wish we had the technology to swap someone's mind into another's body so we could make a Body Swap reality show. I very much doubt that many men complaining about their place in the world would prefer to be a woman.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/06/22 09:53 PM
3

A lot of those physical traits you're embarrassed about would probably become less of a problem if everyone's fully visible and exposed. Like if it happened tomorrow of course we would all feel very uncomfortable with a lot of our bodies but if this was just always the way humans lived and interacted I don't think we could fully understand how that would feel or how it would impact everyone's sexuality or self-image.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/06/22 09:50 PM
11

People seek relationships because it adds to your life and your purpose. It can keep life interesting and give you someone, or multiple people, to move through life with. Is it 100% necessary or even recommended for everyone? Absolutely not. Think of it like a condiment on your food - I like just ketchup on my hotdogs, other people refuse to eat them without mustard and relish as well. Some people only have mustard. You don't need to add condiments onto your food, maybe you find it's too messy o…
/r/PurplePillDebate22/06/22 09:29 PM
3

Well said.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/06/22 05:57 PM
2

Would you want to get set up with a woman who's a 4/10 and talks like this? No? Give your head a shake. And if you're making friends with women just to get set up with their friends maybe that's the problem? If you want to make friends with women it's so you have friends and also because being around women will make you more comfortable talking to women. This idea that women are only useful to ease your struggle as a man is tired and nothing new.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/06/22 04:56 PM
2

Everyone does this, what’s important is that people don’t settle for someone they aren’t in love with or attracted to. Are they an immediate “wow they’re beautiful” person all the time? No. But they don’t need to be. The worst heartbreak and best sex I’ve had never came from people who were the most conventionally attractive, they came from the women I connected with the most.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/06/22 04:31 PM
18

The same men who complain about women’s standards only do it because they struggle to attract women, but then they bemoan the idea that they should also challenge their own standards. The irony is deep seeded and full of entitlement.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/22 02:59 PM
7

I don't see how anything she did has anything to do with you at all?
/r/PurplePillDebate20/06/22 09:32 PM
1

I definitely got lucky, even if we ended up not being right for each other. Although she also made some mistakes I certainly owe her a lot for how she helped correct the path I was going down (I’ve since made clear how much I appreciate what she did for me). Really though I shouldn’t have needed that from a woman to put myself on the right path, I was often misled by other men in my life to believe like I deserved her help or deserved other women’s respect when I did very little to actually earn…
/r/PurplePillDebate20/06/22 08:22 PM
1

Yep! Honestly I think BCP suppliers and manufacturers need to be held far more accountable for improving the science for women, but I'd of course be open to taking contraceptive medicine for myself if it means avoiding accidental pregnancies. Ideally there would be safe and available options for everyone so we can all have some level of agency. In the meantime I'mma wrap it up each time.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/06/22 06:19 PM
5

Nope, actually did the opposite. My opinions of women changed for the better after since I realized a lot (but not all, of course) of the reasons for me having a poor track record were with how I treated myself and others. Timeline: single and bitter from about 20-26, successful since then (now 32) After effectively getting rehabilitated by an ex who showed me how to take care of myself, and doing my own work on how I treat other people, I became a far less bitter and entitled version of myself.…
/r/PurplePillDebate20/06/22 05:13 PM
1

Happy to assist ✌🏻
/r/PurplePillDebate20/06/22 03:07 PM
0

Is “don’t be fat” really better lol
/r/PurplePillDebate20/06/22 03:03 PM
1

Depends on the person. I have a few exes I'd never want to be with again, for a number of good reasons. Just given the fact that we dated and they want me back I would probably consider it, but I can't say I'm likely to say yes.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/06/22 03:29 AM
1

I think you nailed it, although I think bringing up "standards" is tricky, especially on Reddit. Too many men see "lowering their standards" as this horribly negative approach to dating where they need to date someone they aren't attracted to at all. What more men really need to do is try exploring the horizons of their sexuality and what attracts them to women. If someone doesn't have much experience in dating this is especially crucial, since their expectations and standards have been set most…
/r/PurplePillDebate20/06/22 03:22 AM
2

This is hard to answer in general because everyone's a bit different, but realistically there are just so many men out there that never feel heard or seen that whatever you can do to make him feel understood and welcome will go a really long way. I hope that makes some sense <3
/r/PurplePillDebate20/06/22 02:55 AM
3

It takes practice and intuition. The ability to read body language and guide a conversation is hard to learn but it is possible to learn, and you certainly won't learn it from simply reading about it. You gotta get out there and learn through trial and error - just fail respectfully and be nice when women reject you.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/06/22 02:51 AM
2

Absolutely. It exists for a lot of people but like so many things in life you only find what you're looking for. If you're gonna look for and expect people who treat relationships like transactions that's likely all you're gonna see or find, but a lot of people are looking for that sort of love and manage to find it. I personally found something in between the two, and I absolutely adore it. We both know that we're together because we can improve each other's lives but we've also found a serious…
/r/PurplePillDebate20/06/22 02:49 AM
4

Provided that's a respectful and reasonable option (either through adoption or being a step-father) then yes of course.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/06/22 02:25 AM
-1

The way you speak here about women and their "nature" reads like someone who sees women more as animals who can't fight some base instinct and not full people with their own goals, desires, and intentions. I'd suggest trying to see them as more than that before you preach some ideology online.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/06/22 02:17 AM
59

"Women clearly have an easier time" - I'm curious about this since lots of women try to make it clear that dating can be a risky, if not physically very dangerous proposition for many of them. All that seems clear to me is that men and women both struggle in different ways and trying to claim a larger struggle just causes more division.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/06/22 02:06 AM
2

Tbf there’s more than looks that goes into the decision making of women in OLD, and even when it comes to looks they tend to have different priorities than men.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/06/22 11:57 PM
1

I’m assuming the latter but of course I could be wrong. OP comes off judgmental and presumptive at best, sexist and abusive at worst. Reads like what someone who got their first date in a year would say to their date then wonder for another 12 months why they didn’t go out again.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/06/22 11:52 PM
3

Not sure how this has any bearing on what she said about other guys rejecting her. Are you trying to one-up her?
/r/PurplePillDebate19/06/22 11:46 PM
13

Also not all men are attracted to all women either, as evidenced by the absurd amount of men out there insulting women for not having some pornstar-shaped body. It’s so weird seeing other guys shame women for having preferences when they’ll probably say “no fatties” on their dating profile.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/06/22 11:46 PM
1

Is it an unfair question? Nothing in my 15 years of dating and relationships has taught me that women are uniquely "hypergamous" in ways that men are not, or would not be.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/06/22 03:46 PM
0

I've been dating (casually and otherwise) for almost 15 years. Nothing in my experiences has showed me that women are uniquely "hypergamous" so I'm curious where OP is getting this from. Is that an unfair question?
/r/PurplePillDebate17/06/22 03:45 PM
0

I've been dating (casually and otherwise) for almost 15 years. Nothing in my experiences has showed me that women are uniquely "hypergamous" so I'm curious where OP is getting this from. Is that an unfair question?
/r/PurplePillDebate17/06/22 03:45 PM
1

Where did you come to the conclusion that women are hypergamous?
/r/PurplePillDebate17/06/22 12:04 AM
1

I kind of don't know how to answer this other than yes but also not for every man or every woman? There are very predictable trends for people (men and women alike) who want to have kids deciding to settle down and find someone to commit to some time between their late-20's and mid-30's. This doesn't apply to every woman though (many just don't want children) and not every man. If anything I think we can just assume that most people come to some realization around 30 about how they want their ro…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/06/22 09:07 PM
3

Woman I dated like ten years ago, it was in the back of a car but it was just a very passionate and intense time. No. Eh, not really. It's happened before but there's no pattern to it, and it happens rarely.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/06/22 04:58 AM
3

Sounds to me like you're projecting a bit. Did you have a wandering eye in a past relationship via social media? Social media is absolutely capable of being a toxic environment/medium, but you're assuming a lot here about women who use it. Not sure why you're doing that but I'm curious so I'd love to hear a bit about your dating history. Also there are lots of amazing women in the world who don't use social media at all, or very sparingly. Maybe focus on finding someone like that :)
/r/PurplePillDebate10/06/22 10:43 PM
1

I think a huge part of it as well is that they keep their own standards incredibly high. They're looking for the Instagram models, even if they're not doing it knowingly, and assume because they're the women they like looking at the most that they're the only women they can be attracted to. I'll just always find it wild when someone says they have no experience with women then begin preaching "facts" about women, or white-knuckling their standards for women as if they're founded on experience an…
/r/PurplePillDebate10/06/22 07:52 PM
1

Absolutely true. Buying into Red Pill stuff seems to make men just that much less desirable to the women they actually want to be with. They assume they're the good men no matter what they do or say, so when women reject them it just feeds into the delusion they've been sold. Honestly I feel bad for them, but I feel way worse for the women they treat like crap.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/06/22 06:50 PM
1

100%
/r/PurplePillDebate10/06/22 06:05 PM
3

I was being hyperbolic. I'm not strawmanning. My point was that her expectations aren't unreasonable and although "literally anyone" was the wrong choice of words I stand by her having a very open mind to dating most men as long as they're respectful and fun to be around.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/06/22 05:35 PM
3

Okay yes you got me she may not date men under 5' tall who can pay rent and dress well. Oh no she must be terrible and keeping unbelievably high standards. What a horrible woman.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/06/22 05:21 PM
4

Read that back to yourself.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/06/22 05:16 PM
3

Maybe, but that's less than 1% of the population. That's an extreme hypothetical for anyone to answer, especially on behalf of someone else. Would you date a woman who's 6'6" and more muscular than you?
/r/PurplePillDebate10/06/22 05:13 PM
18

If you don't want to be with someone like that then you don't have to be. If other men choose to it's either because they like it or they don't give a shit. Either way, that's up to them. I don't understand the point in passing judgment on people you don't know or care about, and clearly have no interest in.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/06/22 05:07 PM
3

If your reaction to knowing how brutal the world is for women because of men is to embrace brutality.. well I hope no one ever gives you a real chance or becomes vulnerable with you because all you're gonna do is hurt them and blame them for it. You sound like a real piece of shit.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/06/22 04:52 PM
4

I genuinely do believe "the bar is on the floor" for women, men are just measuring and working on the wrong things. Does being attractive and having a profitable career help? Absolutely. But being charming, fun, and a respectful man are the most important pieces. Men who invest too much time in what other men (who often don't know what they're talking about) tell them to I think fail to see what's really important to the women they're trying to date so they get upset when "the bar is on the floo…
/r/PurplePillDebate10/06/22 04:36 PM
2

I think this comes down to the language used and if you also acknowledge that women face their own issues, some of which are just flat out more dangerous. While men do face a lot of serious problems in the world of dating many of them are worded like "men have it hard because women expect too much", or they suggest that dating sucks for men because we have less access to sex but ignore that women face more physical and emotional danger if they pick the wrong man to sleep with (which they won't k…
/r/PurplePillDebate10/06/22 04:10 PM
1

Since you brought it up... I never held very strong opinions on sex/gender issues until Gamergate happened. Before I might be kind of salty towards women who didn't like me back or held some unrealistic expectations, but I'd like to think I rarely made it others' problem. I knew I could do better but I didn't think my behaviour was that damaging, or part of the problem. After seeing Gamergate happen though and being part of the gaming industry my outlook shifted dramatically to supporting and be…
/r/PurplePillDebate10/06/22 04:03 PM
2

The idea that anyone would just shrug at their partner/parent leaving and never coming back is pretty asinine in itself, but like many things the concept of a man "going out for a gallon of milk" is distilled down to the simple fact that he left and did not come back. Obviously there's always more to the story, but if a guy leaves a wife (and maybe children) at home it's usually because they want nothing to do with them. Sometimes that's a result of domestic abuse on the part of their wife but r…
/r/PurplePillDebate10/06/22 01:08 AM
1

Are you arguing or trying to have a discourse? It's pointless to start an argument with anyone. You clearly feel very strongly about the dating woes of men, which is valid, but if your objective going into a discussion about the dating world with a woman is to make sure you're heard then you're making it hard for them to be heard. Don't start an argument, start a discourse. A helpful gauge is tracking how many times you ask each other about your experiences, and also how many times each of you m…
/r/PurplePillDebate10/06/22 01:04 AM
1

I've never had an issue cutting a woman off as long as I wasn't using their friendship to get closer for a romantic opportunity. If you meet someone and make your intentions clear they shouldn't have an issue with you not wanting to be friends with them after a rejection. If you meet someone and don't make your romantic intentions clear then spend a year or whatever around them only to jump out of their life because they never felt the same... that's on you and that's understandably pretty hurtf…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/06/22 09:19 PM
2

100%. I have a very good amount of female friends I'm close with, some are role models/mentors, most are just friends I've met through others or work, some are people I've mentored and helped along the way. One of my exes had actually become a good friend for a while before they moved away. None of it to me has to do with if they're attractive or not, or if I'm specifically attracted to them. Through the years I've also learned there's a difference between attraction and just knowing/acknowledgi…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/06/22 07:17 PM
5

So what you're suggesting isn't insane, obviously. We're all welcome to have preferences and if you're attracted to a certain body type it makes sense to go for women who have that body. What I noticed throughout your post though is how much of what you're looking for is centered on yourself. Even when speaking about personality it's so they enjoy your company. I'm a little concerned that you might not be looking for a mutual partner as much as you're looking for someone to just fulfill your lif…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/06/22 06:34 PM
1

I think you're right here to a degree, everyone has a "bare minimum" for things like money and looks, but those fluctuate based on the person. For example I never really cared how much my partner made before but now that I'm making better money myself I'd like to be with someone near my level, or above it, so we can both afford to pay for nice dinners, trips, gifts, etc.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/06/22 12:22 AM
9

Ya I had enough dumb thoughts at the time about how unfair things felt for me (spoiler: they weren't), I didn't need more strangers espousing "facts" about women that just reinforced those shitty feelings. It's unhealthy and sick, especially if they know the impact it has on other men.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/05/22 05:12 PM
1

Sorry, bad question and too rambling of a post. This is a waste of time to respond to. Not all feminists are the same.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/05/22 04:53 PM
4

Do you talk to many women about this? Any strong female friends in your life that have backed this up and have said "women need to stop being so anxious around men"?
/r/PurplePillDebate31/05/22 04:46 PM
9

If you really believe women deal with a higher level of natural anxiety and your reaction is "fuck that" instead of trying to lead with empathy then it's no wonder you feel alone, scared, and isolated. Good luck.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/05/22 04:35 PM
37

It's always the lonely and jaded men who want to bring the rest of us down and it's so upsetting. I'm so lucky I never found guys like this online when I was at my lowest point, I would have probably turned into a POS just like him. I feel so much pity for other guys who get dragged down by terrible men like this.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/05/22 04:32 PM
1

Generally speaking, yes, but not everyone shows interest the same way. Saying all women behave this way is not accurate.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/05/22 03:38 AM
1

You don't sound like a regular guy, you sound like a judgmental asshole. What podcast did you get these talking points from? Just get over yourself, dude. You're not that special, you're not even "regular".
/r/PurplePillDebate29/05/22 03:55 AM
1

That depends on what the women are looking for. If they're just looking for casual sex then I could imagine it has some sway, but if they're looking for a relationship it would fully depend on if they intend to have children with said partner. I don't know many men who would get a vasectomy if they want kids later knowing full-well how troublesome and potentially dangerous the procedures are.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/05/22 11:15 PM
-2

I'm sure no guy has ever done that. Must be a problem with women only. /s
/r/PurplePillDebate24/05/22 06:13 PM
2

Have you heard of the madonna/whore complex?
/r/PurplePillDebate21/05/22 03:44 AM
1

Personally I just matured later than my female peers. By the time I was 25 they already felt like they had a lot of stuff figured out and I was just playing catch-up, so it was understandably a bit of a struggle for them to commit to me. Once I got closer to 30 though I had figured a lot more stuff out and I became more established professionally, personally, and became more emotionally available/intelligent. Can't speak for others, that's just been my experience. I think it's true for most othe…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/05/22 10:13 PM
3

Oh ya I know I'm just trying to be gentle with them, they seem a little on-edge lol.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/05/22 06:26 PM
2

I'm in a relationship now but after I turned like 28 dating became especially fun for me. I did the hard work for like years and found a partner, after the relationship ended I realized I was waaaay more desirable thanks to my own hard work and honestly some of hers to help me improve as well. That, plus some more disposable income for dates I didn't have before, made my late-20's and my early-30's way more enjoyable as a single guy. I wasn't sleeping around, that's not my thing, but I would go …
/r/PurplePillDebate19/05/22 05:19 PM
2

In my experience as a guy most women just really don't want men controlling whether or not they can make the choice for themselves. It's find to be anti-abortion, as in you think it's the wrong choice, but saying it can't be a choice at all is a non-started for the women in my life and especially if you're a guy. Some women I know are very firm that they would never, ever get an abortion but they also know that other women should be able to make that choice for themselves. It's obviously not per…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/05/22 08:16 PM
1

The fact that you consider an average and healthy body "not decent" is fucking telling, my dude.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/05/22 05:08 PM
-1

What I mean is that to me that’s not really a huge or terrible lie if you were still very clearly able to build and maintain a healthy relationship with this person. If they were like “oh ya I’ve been fucking dudes behind your back for years” that would be so incredibly different because that does affect our relationship, but if they never did anything behind my back while we’re together I don’t see the issue at all. I had a pretty big hoe phase, a couple actually, in my 20’s and my number is in…
/r/PurplePillDebate12/05/22 10:37 PM
1

So what you're saying is that it's more about confidence and social skills than about looks?
/r/PurplePillDebate12/05/22 08:07 PM
5

But... but you'd already have a relationship in this case. If it's been good all along why would that suddenly become an issue? If anything that would be proof to me that a requirement like that was never really that important...
/r/PurplePillDebate12/05/22 08:05 PM
4

I've personally always valued my connection to my partner over whatever our potential future really holds - kids, marriage, living somewhere else, etc. If I fall in love with someone over 35 I'd be 100% on board with whatever that carries, so the benefit is being in a loving and stable relationship with someone who's likely already sorted out what they want in life.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/05/22 03:59 PM
3

I can't tell if this is sarcasm or not but I'll respond as if it's earnest: ..............yes so clearly the rest of him is the problem. He's a dick.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/05/22 03:47 PM
23

And also maybe overestimating how much their attractiveness matters.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/05/22 10:28 PM
15

Definitely sounds like his looks are not the problem ha
/r/PurplePillDebate11/05/22 10:27 PM
28

If they're inferior to you then why get upset at the rejection? Why even approach them if they're inferior? Feels like men who do this approach women "below" them because they think it should be easy, and they get upset because their insecurities are laid bare when someone "inferior" doesn't want them back.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/05/22 10:24 PM
7

Women who separate hot and nice often mean the nice guy is boring or uninteresting; consider that "hot" can also largely factor in personality and how they behave around women, not just their physical appearance. If you feel like you're getting the "nice guy" treatment the best thing you can do is just find ways to make yourself more interesting or compelling, but there's also no need to stop being nice or respectful towards the women you date. Really you just don't want "nice" to be your defini…
/r/PurplePillDebate11/05/22 09:53 PM
1

Yea I’m not watching that but you’re welcome to respond in your own words.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/05/22 02:31 PM
2

Cool. Don’t get married then.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/05/22 02:05 PM
4

You shouldn't be afraid of marriage because of that. I'd even say that if it scares you away instead of motivating you to be a better partner then you're bound to be one of the men that gets divorced with instead of one that has a lifetime marriage, or ends it themselves. And to answer the question: the reason is because you love someone and want to spend the rest of your life with them.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/05/22 06:35 AM
2

"That happens as well, but my scenario is the "common" one."
/r/PurplePillDebate10/05/22 09:41 PM
2

I'll never get sick of the irony of proud misogynists hiding their beliefs to trick someone into dating them.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/05/22 09:21 PM
2

Just assuming your experience is the common experience for most people is a dangerous way of thinking for any discussion. Uhhh close friends? 4 including my brother, of probably 10 very close friends I've had in the last decade. 2 more are currently trying, or are preparing to.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/05/22 09:15 PM
1

Obviously can't speak to any particular grouping or percentage of men but for me even just in dating I'm usually not the one to end a relationship because I'm pretty amicable. I'm happy being mostly happy and I don't expect a lot more for myself, which is terrible. I wouldn't be surprised if that experience is common for a lot of men who are largely told to find a good woman, not necessarily find their perfect woman.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/05/22 09:05 PM
3

Great response! Thanks for expanding on that, I wasn't sure how to read your initial thoughts on that part especially. That kind of stuff can go either way around here. Thanks!!
/r/PurplePillDebate10/05/22 09:02 PM
1

As someone who rarely works out (I box maybe once a week but haven't in months) and actively avoided it for years I've never had an issue finding women interested in me. If you're particularly interested in only the fittest and most objectively attractive women by society's standards you'll probably need to be in better shape, but for the average guy looking for the average girl this isn't the case. Men who tell you it is probably need to because their personality is shit.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/05/22 05:53 PM
3

I'm a bit confused about this actually because you seem to imply this is both a complex men hold mentally about women but also a disorder than women do in fact either play into or instinctively inhabit. This is a male issue and once men start accepting that it exists for them it becomes a lot easier to dismantle if they want to. I can't say if it's a natural or socially-conditioned complex or behaviour but I've battled it myself for years. All I know is that porn was a major contributing factor …
/r/PurplePillDebate10/05/22 05:42 PM
2

This seems like a very bold assumption
/r/PurplePillDebate10/05/22 05:38 PM
1

Hah ya 100%. Getting properly fitting and flattering clothing was a huge part of it for me, and once you see yourself actually looking good it unlocks a lot for you mentally. You start feeling confident and also wanting to continue improving.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/05/22 03:50 PM
15

Taking their time and accepting that some of us (myself included) need to put a lot of work into ourselves to become more broadly appealing to women. That means appearance, hygiene, career, and personality.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/05/22 05:22 AM
1

I feel like modern society has just given more people the voice to speak up re:tribalism, I'm not sure it's actually making those ideals worse.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/05/22 01:33 AM
1

I think it says more about extremists on any side of an issue than it does about modern society or women as a whole. I don't know who this person is so maybe he did do a lot of damage to the lives of women, maybe it's a "oh well, he was an asshole anyways" situation. Maybe he was unfairly polarizing so some more extreme people opposing his ideas/content are unjustified in their disdain for him. Either way this issue exists in the extremes of any division, and it always has.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/05/22 01:32 AM
1

There are lots of men who like larger women as well, especially if they have redeeming qualities. What do you consider a healthy weight for women?
/r/PurplePillDebate06/05/22 07:50 PM
1

Why should the normalization of obesity change whether women are attracted to fat men?
/r/PurplePillDebate06/05/22 05:55 PM
7

They think they're worthy of thin women who like larger guys without realizing that they're also looking for larger guys who aren't shallow, vain, and selfish. They literally disqualify themselves from the start by feeling as entitled and self-righteous as they do.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/05/22 05:54 PM
1

Do you think she deliberately focuses on men who only want sex, or is that a risk she runs in dating more physically-appealing men? There are a lot of great men out there who want relationships and they're just.. already in a relationship. It's interesting if you're assuming she only goes after men who just want sex instead of that she could have been taken advantage of one (or 5) too many times. That would make her understandably pretty jaded.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/05/22 09:51 PM
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