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SmoochOrSmother Archive

View 3 posts and 49 comments by SmoochOrSmother on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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10

This is all true. I learned this the hard way.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/02/22 06:51 AM
13

I think I found FDS about one and a half year ago. I dated quite a lot, but had been bad at vetting and found mostly LVM. After finding FDS I leveled up. I stopped dating to find someone, and started dating men to practice setting boundaries, saying no, blocking and deleting, and identifying red flags and exploring what I really wanted. I found plenty of men to practice on… At about a year ago I finally got fed up. I had learned to say no, to set boundaries, and to block and delete men who didn’…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/02/22 06:08 PM
19

Every scenario where women have control over themselves is hated by men. The only acceptable scenarios are when the men control women. Edit: spelling
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/12/21 06:18 AM
10

Just wanted to say yes and I agree to all you wrote in that post! She is a teenage girl. The problem isn’t her, it’s all the creepy men sexualizing and grooming literal children who are the problem.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/21 06:11 AM
1

Saying “she gave in” to the pressure and grooming is victim blaming. Saying that she gave in is making it her choice, and it isn’t. No one ever choose the road that lead to abuse. Please don’t victim blame her.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/21 06:04 AM
15

It doesn’t really matter how common it is. Shaming women is in itself a patriarchal activity and is just reinforcing patriarchal control mechanisms. “You shouldn’t be ashamed of that, you should be ashamed of this!” is just putting more strain on women. Not shaming at all should be the way to move forward.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/05/21 11:24 PM
16

What good reason? Maybe she likes it. Maybe she has gotten good at selecting those she has sex with. Maybe she makes informed decisions for herself. Maybe she is good at taking responsibility for her own pleasure. I’m all for examining and re-examining one’s motives for choosing one thing or another, but it’s not ok to judge other people just because they haven’t reached the same decision as yourself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/05/21 11:06 PM
4

Your last sentence is shaming: “If these women were honest with themselves and worked on their self esteem, they wouldn’t have casual sex.”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/05/21 10:51 PM
17

No. Of course if you stay a masturbation sleeve it can’t be free. But it’s still not ok to shame women for having sex.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/05/21 08:00 PM
28

I’m all for breaking free of the burden of how women are supposed to perform sex for men. But to say that only traumatized women have casual sex is not breaking free, it’s just changing one kind of shame for another. Shame isn’t ok. We are different, and different is ok.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/05/21 07:51 PM
10

Actively redirect your thoughts when you think of him. Redirect to cute puppies, your long term and short term goals for yourself (you do have them, don’t you? Otherwise this is a perfect time to start making goals to better yourself and your life), or whatever works for you. Start consciously noticing the things you like about being single. Hang out with friends. Do your hobbies. Work out, that helps your body process the crush.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/05/21 05:32 AM
72

Yes! And this is why it’s so important to have your own finances sorted before you marry. You should always afford to divorce!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/05/21 05:29 AM
3

It still makes no sense. Just a few sex workers will not make a difference. Even the successful ones are short lived, they are quickly replaced with a new(er) one. You can’t compare them to a hair dresser or financial advisor. Both of them can count on having a long career based on their competence. Sex workers? Not so much. The business model isn’t sound. The work is shamed. It’s still not the few women who profit well from sex work who are responsible for changing the industry or the society.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/05/21 05:27 PM
8

I don’t think we should discuss how sex workers could support “civilian” women. If anything, we should discuss how we can support them to level up and find other ways to support themselves. FDS putting the burden of change on sex workers feel very much like we are not recognizing our privilege. Sex workers are not responsible for change. Men are, if any. Sex workers aren’t the enemy here, sex buyers are.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/05/21 12:20 PM
83

Men being ”calm” and ”orderly” is often just them being unimaginative and lacking initiative. I am chaotic. That is a superpower. Harness the chaos and you can move mountains. I will not be shushed, shrunk or belittled. Men who try doing that are scared, nothing else.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/05/21 10:57 AM
4

Same. I’m thinking of making it a cross stitch embroidery: I will pick peace over drama, and distance over disrespect.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/04/21 05:13 AM
56

My narc ex said ‘I will do anything to make you happy!’. What he actually meant was that he would decide what should make me happy and then punish me for not being happy. Any display of negative emotion was met with berating, calling me a negative person, accusing me of hunting for trouble and blowing things out of proportion.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/04/21 03:45 PM
19

This is absolute truth! I didn’t realize the extent of this before, but this explains some things I simply didn’t understand. The resistance to defining sexual harassment, the “confusion” they display. This means that every man complaining about consent and talks about consent apps and signing stuff before sex - are outing themselves as sexual predators. Of course a lot of men are confused about limits when their baseline for sex is coercion. Coersion is power. We have long said that r*pe isn’t …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/04/21 07:20 AM
390

It was a lightbulb moment for me when I learned that abusive men focus too much on their feelings, and too little on their actions. That way they can remember how offended and angry they felt, but forget that they threw you into a wall and said (screamed) the most atrocious things to you. Therapy for abusive men should not focus on them expressing their feelings, it should focus on them recognizing their actual behavior. Learning that changed a lot for me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/04/21 05:48 AM
8

This is why we vet. This is why we need to keep our own minds when vetting. This is why we need to establish boundaries no matter how other people react to them. This is normal. This is accepted. This is why we vet.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/03/21 03:53 PM
4

Thank you for writing this! I had started digging in their subs to find warning signs, this saved me a whole lot of disgusting work. A really big thank you, I appreciate the effort very much!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/03/21 05:15 PM
4

Oh, I really like that! It suits me well, I’m going to start using that. Thank you!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/03/21 04:47 PM
2

That would be awesome! I’m not in America though, I’m in Europe. I will keep building this concept, and hopefully be able to do something of it someday. I need to start writing a business plan and find the right people to get it started.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/03/21 01:16 PM
2

(Sorry it took me so long to respond, life happened quite intensely for a while.) That sounds absolutely awesome! I agree that it would make life so much easier for a lot of women. I’d love to talk more in PM about this with you. If you respond to this reply, I’ll send you a PM.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/03/21 01:13 PM
1

I would love to have a couple of different house types for 2, 3 or 4 moms. I think there are benefits to all these sizes. And I would like to make a community of several houses. That would be great!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/03/21 01:09 PM
1

(Sorry it took me a long time to respond, life handed me a lot of stuff this past two weeks.( I’ve been thinking of this as well. This is one of the biggest downsides to this idea. I think a part of the solution could be to have very clear rules. Then again, rules will not really help if the two women really disagrees. In that aspect, three women who share a house would be better, because that would eliminate dead ends, because two votes trump one vote. I have friends who live in collectives tha…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/03/21 01:08 PM
3

(Sorry it took me so long to respond, life got in my way for a while.) I have also been thinking about this. I think I like the duplex idea, because it solves the problem o the woman being confined to the house, for example when the kids are asleep. I want there to be at least two adults per unit so one can watch the other’s kids. Having kids asleep is like house arrest, and I want to solve that problem. That said, I would really like to build a bunch of these houses as a community as you sugges…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/03/21 01:01 PM
1

(Sorry it took me so long to respond, life happened quite intensely for a while.) How brave you were, and you worked so hard to get to where you are! I’m proud of you! Thank you for sharing. Forgive yourself for being a Pickmeisha. It’s the only way society tells us we can move up when we are single mothers. It’s hard to make your own way, it takes courage and a lot of hard work. This housing idea is something I will keep putting some thought into. I think it could be very good for a lot of wome…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/03/21 12:53 PM
2

(Sorry it took me so long to respond, life happened a little intense for a while.) I can see why so many single moms are pickmes. They are in a difficult situation, and society tells them that the only way it would get better is if a man wants them and makes their life easier. We don’t have any social narratives that tell other kinds of stories. And I think that sharing a house with a woman who is a pickme is still better than sharing it with a man. Getting pickmes to pair up to help each other …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/03/21 12:49 PM
5

Thank you for this post. It gave me some things I need to keep thinking about. I think it’s interesting that the Vice article writes that FDS isn’t going to smash the patriarchy. I think it‘s the exact opposite. FDS is smashing the patriarchy. We are. Because the patriarchy is totally dependent on the work of women. It is the exploitation of women (and everyone who isn’t a white heterosexual able bodied man) that feeds the patriarchy. If we stop giving everything to men, patriarchy will crumble.…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/03/21 12:38 PM
8

Oh, you did the dishes! Wow, that’s so nice! You get a gold star! On Saturday, if you have enough gold stars, we can go pick up a toy you really want. Do you still like he-man dolls? And then maybe we can get a Happy Meal! Yay! What? You don’t want to be treated like a six year old? Then stop acting like one.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/03/21 11:58 AM
5

It sounds like you have found a good man, I’m so happy for you! I’m curious, what do you do to keep him on his toes? I think this is a weak spot for me, and I would love to hear your thoughts.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/03/21 06:10 AM
54

My body has carried children. It is far from perfect in the eyes of patriarchal society. But the ideal created by this patriarchal society is just a construct made to control women. Men certainly have a type of women they prefer: one with holes. Love your body. It is beautiful. Any man let near it should be grateful. I know it is hard to stop caring what men claim they like. But it is not them you have to convince. It’s you. Keep working on that self love.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/21 06:40 PM
2

Thank you! I feel grateful every day for what I have created for myself and my kids. I agree, it’s a way of living. I have implemented FDS-like strategies in my professional life since about ten years ago. I have had my own company and was quite successful. I have felt professionally confident the last decade, but only managed to get that confidence to carry over into my personal life recently. I needed to heal before I could take charge of my own life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/21 05:18 PM
2

Thank you! Yes, I will keep carrying my crown. I will never let it go again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/21 05:13 PM
3

This is so true. I wasn’t allowed any boundaries when I grew up. My parents groomed me to be an easy prey for LVM. I have spent years in therapy. I have worked my ass off. I have seen so many painful truths about myself, and I finally hold myself accountable. I finally have given myself permission to make the rules in my life, and to enforce my boundaries. I have forgiven myself for the times I couldn’t defend myself. Now I’m firmly in charge of my life. It feels awesome!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/21 05:11 PM
4

Yes, being independent gives you the freedom to rise your standards. I have fought hard for my life as it is now. I’m not going to risk it for anyone. I felt lonely for a long time before I found FDS. I was called a man hater and people told me over and over again that there are good men out there! When I came here I saw that I wasn’t alone. There were other women who see what I saw. I knew I was right, but it still felt very nice to find others like me. I don’t hate men. But men rarely do over …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/21 05:06 PM
101

Of course you are heartbroken. It hurts like hell when you find out someone you love is not the person they claimed to be. He lied to you. He lied to you for years. He decided his porn addiction was more important than respect for a person he claimed to love. Four years is a lot. But five or ten years would be even worse. Mourn and be angry and sad. Mourn that the relationship you thought was there turned out to be a lie. His lie. Mourn the future you saw and hoped for. But be thankful as well. …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/21 04:50 PM
6

Thank you! And thank you for the award, I really appreciate it. I feel proud of myself. It felt good, and I felt a sweet, calm confidence. My hard work on myself together with the support and wisdom here really pays off.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/02/21 09:27 PM
2

Poor woman. I feel for her. I hope she dumps him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/02/21 06:47 PM
27

Thank you! I wasn’t expecting the feeling of freedom, but it was very, very nice to feel it. I seriously feel like I leveled up and got some talent points that I spent on “detecting LVM red flags”.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/02/21 06:02 PM
12

Thank you!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/02/21 06:00 PM
122

No settling. Agreed. I’ve recently realized that I’m in a completely new mindset when dating. I am divorced. I have lovely kids, I have a well paid job, I own my nice house in a nice neighborhood. I’m in a good place in life. At this point I don’t need someone to provide for me or make it possible to buy a house, and I don’t have to look for a co-parent. I can choose a partner solely because he provides me with added value in my life. I have the choice to select carefully, and to not let anyone …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/02/21 06:00 PM
60

Yes, exactly! It can’t be unseen. I expect to continue to level up, and I look forward to it!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/02/21 05:53 PM
9

It’s so incredibly important to have a place where you can be honest and don’t have to sugar coat anything. Undoing the patriarchy that is ingrained in us is relentless hard work and it often needs to be done together again and again, much like peeling an onion.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/02/21 04:45 PM
2

That was fantastic in so many ways!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/02/21 06:20 AM
1

Please listen to this advice. Personal experience here too. Make an escape plan and leave. Alone is way, way better than “together” with him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/02/21 01:21 PM
31

This is so true. But we are not allowed to talk about it. Even among women it’s not okay to describe men as they are. It is truly frightening to see the facts about men, because none of us can live our lives without men reaching us. Yesterday I had dinner with a friend and two of her friends (corona safe). I talked a lot with one of her friends, and she wanted advice about having or not having children. I gave her the best advice I have. I told her that it’s perfectly okay to choose to not have …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/21 08:37 AM
2

I had a wonderful Valentine’s Day. I’m single and I spent the day with my daughter. We made blueberry cupcakes and had a really nice day. It wasn’t until the morning after I realized I didn’t even ONCE think of Valentine’s Day was our wedding day. I divorced that LVM six years ago, and this Valentine’s Day he was not only out of my life, he was out of my head!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/21 07:44 AM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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