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SomeVeryTiredGuy Archive

View 0 posts and 39 comments by SomeVeryTiredGuy on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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1

Go for it but keep in mind, could be a catfish
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/26 02:25 AM
3

This is a really sweet post. Thanks OP. As far as the kids just 1) be there when they need you 2) let them know that you're there when that happens. You do that by being present and consistent.
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/26 04:31 PM
5

Try not to talk about your ex too much. Or at all if you can help it. Be and stay positive. And listen to your date, like actually listen and react. You'll do fine. Good luck
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/26 12:04 PM
1

Thing about the Gottman exercises is that BOTH people need to buy into it. We went to a Gottman trained therapist and the ex would "yes yes yes" her way through the sessions. But at home, she either never saw my bids for connection or actually shot them down. Plot twist: Several years later, I think my ex has undiagnosed autism.
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/25 02:56 PM
6

Perimenopause seems to be a huge driving factor in the GenX divorces I've been seeing, mine included. A friend of mine told me she got on Hormone Replacement Therapy and it settled her right up and her marriage is great. Sigh.
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/25 02:52 PM
7

You've got to start getting mad. I don't mean bitter. Bitter won't help. I mean, don't romanticize your time together; remember the toxic shit she may have done to you.
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/25 01:45 PM
2

I think it's a better arrangement than I had
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/25 02:23 PM
3

Well, I paid 100% of my mortgage and my ex still took half my equity. Someone told me early in the divorce process, "don't think about fairness; think about what you can live with."
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/25 02:07 PM
6

You're probably right. She's addicted to the highs of the honeymoon phase of love. But marriage is way more than that as you know.
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/25 02:12 PM
2

Stick, also on AppleTV is a good meditation on Male-ness. For a feel good show, with heart, try The Good Place.
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/25 05:41 PM
9

It'll always be the husbands fault
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/25 01:04 PM
3

The silence at first was rough. But after several months, I started to enjoy it. No drama, no arguing, no expectations
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/25 05:17 PM
1

It takes time to get back to a semblance of what was. Give yourself grace...and time. Rent that one bedroom for now and focus on other things, like getting healthy physically and emotionally. Check your finances and maybe make finding a place you like a long term goal
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/25 04:09 PM
3

I've got my kid. I'll get us some burgers. She'll eat and then go back into her room to play on her iPad. That's fine. I spent many Valentines by my lonesome. I mean, I had friends but not paired up. One year, the only valentine I got was from the bartender of my regular place. Part of me thought that was depressing but a larger part of me thought it was hilarious. Fellas, hang in there. Go watch Captain America or something. You'll be all right.
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/25 10:10 PM
8

Practice talking to people, anyone, not just women you'd want to date. Talk to people at the store, bars, etc. go to meetups, volunteer...are there local open game nights? Park cleanups? Once you practice that skill, you can start generalizing to possible dates.
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/24 11:53 PM
5

I owe the STBX about $150 in equity. I did a refi. It was painful because my interest rate went up but I made it a little less painful by rolling in other debt (car loan, credit cards) into it to free up my monthly cash flow. I'll still owe her like $19k but she's open to a payment plan. I'd rather pay her directly than through some bank and she feels the same way. She did NOT want my retirement to cover the difference when she found out she couldn't touch it without a major tax hit. She needed …
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/24 03:34 PM
3

Depends. My 401k did not let me borrow against it
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/24 03:29 PM
2

Divorce financial planning is a whole industry I didn't realize existed 6 months ago but mine is saving my life. Google them in your area. Talk to more than one for a vibe check. The initial consultations are free.
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/24 04:17 PM
1

You need a very specific kind of meditator to walk through finances. Some meditators are trained in conflict avoidance; others specialize in parenting plans. OP needs to Google "divorce financial planners" in their area.
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/24 04:15 PM
1

The GA state child support calculator for one child is $1777/month. It's then split up based on 1) custody 2) how much more one parent makes over another. If the custody is 50/50, then it's calculated proportionally based on the income difference. Do you make more than your STBX or less?
/r/Divorce_Men11/11/24 12:57 PM
1

That's ok. Dudes have sisters, dudes have friends. I suggest getting out there and meeting new people, regardless of the goal of hooking up. It may eventually come, especially when you least expect it. Good luck!
/r/Divorce_Men11/11/24 12:38 PM
2

There any other kinds of clubs around, even ones that you may not be necessarily interested in? I found a mushroom forager club I think I'll try. Maybe a Habitat for Humanity build? Park cleanup? Trail maintenance volunteer?
/r/Divorce_Men11/11/24 03:55 AM
8

Yeah, I've got to pay half the equity out in my house...for a house I've been paying the mortgage on exclusively.
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/24 09:11 PM
2

How will you be paying out her equity? I'm doing a refi on my house and lumping my CC and car debt into the refi to free up my monthly cash flow. I can't get her all the equity in a lump sum though. I'll be like $15k short so we're setting up a separate payment plan for that which will be designed not to kill me each month. Also, I get annual bonuses so I can supplement that equity shortfall with a portion of my bonuses too.
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/24 02:49 PM
3

I'm in the middle of this decision and chose the house. Here are my reasons: 1) financial: the particular neighborhood I'm in has undergone a major wave of gentrification which raised the value. However, there's a second wave coming that will boost it more. Basically, I live in one of the hottest neighborhoods in Atlanta (an already hot real estate market) so I'm confident the equity will continue to grow. Yes, we can sell the house and split the equity but it would pain me to pay rent to a land…
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/24 02:57 PM
3

There are divorce financial planners out there who can answer your questions. They're not lawyers and usually cheaper too. Just Google some in your area
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/24 06:16 PM
1

We're paying about that for an amicable divorce but that includes a meditator and a divorce financial planner to help us understand the assets we were splitting up and the tax implications behind them. He's also helping us budget for the future. We're also getting time with a specific childcare mediator to hash out the co parenting plan.
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/24 04:19 PM
1

Depending on your state and how long you've been married (eg, more than 10 years) you're entitled to half the retirement. Oof, don't ask me how I know.
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/24 02:12 PM
1

Check these guys out. https://menliving.org
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/24 11:07 AM
5

Sure, why not? You can even include them in helping the furnish the place. Getting a new place is a huge accomplishment; be proud you're moving forward.
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/24 03:44 PM
1

Either talk to a tax lawyer or a certified divorce financial planner. They can give you solid strategies
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/24 10:47 PM
3

This is good advice. One complaint my STBX had of me was that I was in a rut. I thought it was just natural for guys at my age. I didn't see the point in getting out and doing things, especially things that would pull me out of my comfort zone. But since we're heading to divorce and I'm being honest with myself, she was probably right. Humans should keep moving. So now, I've got no choice. I'm gonna fill my time with all sorts of things that force interaction with other people. I joined an onlin…
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/24 02:11 PM
12

Progress isn't a straight line. Sometimes you'll only move an inch. Sometimes you'll take a few steps back. That's all ok. Just keep your eye on the finish line.
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/24 12:29 AM
4

Planks. Planks are good to do and the only equipment you need is a carpeted floor or a yoga mat. Here's the thing about working out too--it gamifies progress and gives you something to measure. Therapy is great but it's hard to measure progress in mental health whereas you can see if your clothes fit better, the scale will show you losing weight
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/24 01:52 AM
5

Oops, it's mushroom forager club but autocorrected to father.
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/24 04:33 PM
3

First, get therapy if you can afford it. You may have to try a few before you land on one you have a rapport with. Second, find some group activities just to get you out of the house. They may not even initially interest you. The point isn't necessarily the activity itself but to get you out of the house and meeting people. Some I'm going to explore when my life settles down will be Habitat for Humanity builds, book readings, hell, there's a local mushroom father club I may check out. Finally, e…
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/24 01:53 PM
2

For now, podcasts and walking. I'm averaging like 12k steps a day which is a lot for me. I joined an online men's group for separated and divorced men. I've only been to one meeting so far, but they seem good.
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/24 12:15 PM
2

I'm trying to figure out how to keep the house we both bought and have lived in for 10 years. If we sell at the price I think we can get, we'd split about $160k (then subtract taxes.) if I bought her out what I owe her, it's take the other half of my retirement, which is...about $150k. I think the house could gain more equity over the next 6 years (when the kid possibly leaves for school), but it's a gamble. Also, assuming the house payments, due to a recent HELOC, would make me house poor for a…
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/24 12:00 PM
2

You'll need to try some different things and maybe make some single guy friends.
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/24 06:21 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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